Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - John Cleese: Toronto Mike'd Podcast Episode 1961

Episode Date: August 28, 2026

In this 1961st episode of Toronto Mike'd, Mike chats with Monty Python co-founder John Cleese about his upcoming visit to Toronto for Not Dead Yet! - John Cleese and the Holy Grail at 50, his thoughts on Trump and the escalating trade war between the United States and Canada, his ever advancing age and more.A version of this podcast without programmatic ads is available to all Toronto Mike'd Patrons at patreon.com/torontomike.Toronto Mike'd, an award-winning podcast, is proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery, Palma Pasta, Toronto Maple Leafs Baseball, Ridley Funeral Home, Nick Ainis, and RecycleMyElectronics.ca.If you would like to support the show, we do have partner opportunities available. Please email Toronto Mike at [e-mail]. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Now stand aside, worthy adversary. Tis but a scratch. A scratch? Your arms off. No, it isn't. Well, what's that then? I've heard worse. You liar.

Come on, you, pansy. Welcome to episode 1,961 of Toronto Miked, an award-winning podcast, proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery. Order online at great lakes beer.com for free, local, Home delivery in the GTA. Palma Pasta. Enjoy the taste of fresh, homemade Italian pasta and entrees from Palma Pasta in Mississauga and Oakville.

Visit palma Pasta.com for more. Toronto Maple Leafs Baseball. Catch a game at Christy Pits this summer. And hurry, not much time left. No ticket required. Fusion Corpso, Nick Aini's. He's the host of Bill. Building Toronto Skyline and Mike and Nick, two podcasts that you ought to listen to.

Recyclemyelectronics.c.c.a.cometing to our planet's future means properly recycling our electronics of the past. And Ridley Funeral Home, Pillars of the community since 1921. That's pillars, not killers. Today, making his Toronto mic to debut, it's John Clems. Hello, Mike. John Cleese, how are you, sir? Very old. How old are you?

Do you know, at the end of October, I have my birthday, I'll be 87. Congrats, but I happen to know you've got some pretty good genes. Well, yes, my mom, you mean? Yes. Yeah, extraordinary thing about that, Mike. She's born in 1890, died in the year, two. 2000. So her life spanned the entire 20th century. You know, incredible that she was around for some of the 1800s, some of the 1900s, some of the 2000s. That's incredible, but you're feeling okay? How you hold it up?

Lots of small things going wrong, which take a little longer to fix, but the doctors do not yet know what I'm going to die of. Do you see what I mean? So I got this. My options are open. You know, you might have another couple of decades to go, Mr. Cleese. Well, I'm aiming for 150, but I think it's a bit optimistic. My wife's 31 years younger than I am. But I've already written something to say when she dies, but I don't think I'm going to date after that.

Where do we find you today? Whereabouts are you? I'm in my little office on Kings Road, Chelsea, right near Sloan Square. So if you sort of walk 10 minutes north, you'd be at Harrods and Hyde Park. It's a lovely little street. It was very fashionable in the 60s. And I had an office there, and then the people living below decided not to extend their lease. So I got that too, so I got a little patio outside.

It's like a tiny little flap. But the main house is about 200 yards away. But there's no room for me there because we have four main coons. And, you know, I'm afraid I'm number five on the list of my wife's favorites. But there was much hubbabaloo. Is that a word hullabaloo made when you left the UK, right, for Los Angeles? Well, I tell you, yes. Well, there were two things.

I mean, my daughter, as is public knowledge, got into trouble with the usual drinks and drugs. So I went there in 1999, and she came and lived with me for a number of years until I knew she was fine. And that was one reason. And then when I finally came back to England, and I said, well, tell me where I am financially, I said, because I've got to make a million a year and give it to my ex-wife, right? And they said, no. I said, well, I don't. And he said, no, no, you've got to make two million a year. And pay 50% tax, give that to the government. And then I said, you're telling me that I have to earn two million dollars before I can keep a penny. They said, I'm afraid so. So I looked around for alternatives, places I could go

just for a couple of years to save tax, but it didn't work out well. Are you in the UK? I'm naturally curious talking to you from Toronto. I know you're going to be here soon. We're going to talk about that in a moment. But are you following this escalating trade war between Canada and the United States and this 51st state rhetoric from Donald Trump? I am, and it is so absurd, so utterly absurd,

that it's hard for me to take it seriously or to think that anyone other than the crazed of Trump would be taking it seriously. Do you actually take it seriously? Well, the problem is this man, this lunatic to the south, with the signature on a piece of paper, can impose these 50% tariffs on this, 50% tariffs on that. So you can't completely ignore him

because he is trying to devastate my homeland, my country. He's trying to devastate us financially. So in his mind, we come begging him to become the 51st state. Do you think it's because he is a Russian agent? Because I know that's an outrageous thing to say, but it's the best explanation for all his behavior, isn't it? It does explain a lot, but it could be as petty. He's such a small, small man.

it could be as petty as his wife really enjoyed Prime Minister Justin Trudeau's company. That would do it. That would do it. He's a small, small man, John. Well, I met him once very, very briefly, and he bristled with ego, probably because I was taller than he was. And I just thought, I'd no idea he was going to turn into this monster with so much power. But it is astounding. We have him. We have Putin, you know? Yeah. We have Netanyahu, and we have the regime in Iran and Xi and China.

I mean, it's astounding that we are now. What was that was a famous French political scientists who said, men is born free and everywhere is in chains. You know, that's how I feel at the moment. How on earth does this happen? And my big fear, Mike, is that it is just because of stupidity. Well, a famous person I know once said, Stupid people have no idea how stupid they are.

Absolutely right. Yes, absolutely. Dunning Kruger. You know, I mean, he was wonderful because he gave a lot of people tests, and he wasn't interested in how well they did. He was interested in how well they thought they'd do. done. And the people in the bottom 10% put themselves on the 65th percentile. And what was very funny is that the people on the 90% put themselves on the 80% percent percent because they couldn't

believe how stupid the other people were. And this is the problem that you have to be a little bit intelligent to realize you're not very intelligent. Right. And, and, with the overall dumbing down of society, do you feel sometimes like, hey, maybe you held on too long? No, because you can always sort of go away, you know? I mean, I don't know if the world is going to collapse in the next few months,

but I think you easily could. What's so interesting is what happens if somebody comes and takes Trump away in a padded van? Because then the Americans will swing behind Ukraine against Putin. And that'll crush Putin. And when Putin is crushed, it might be easier to take little attention, pay little attention to Iran. So I think things might suddenly fall apart in quite a good way. But then I'm an optimist. Well, I was going to say, don't tempt me of a good time. That sounds good. Hey, so, you know, normally when I do this,

these things. I'm like, I need an hour. I need 90 minutes. They told me I get 20 minutes of John Cleese, so we are going to cook with gas here. But just to close the Trump file here, which I would love to do forever more, but yesterday, that man signed an executive order to

rename Lake Ontario, which I can practically see it from here. I'm in South Toronto. I can see the lake from here. Rename Lake Ontario, Lake America, and me and my buds, we just kind of laugh at this goof.

Well, I mean, what is it, what do they call the old Gulf of Mexico now? Does anybody call it? Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. No.

You know, he reminded me of years ago before he was a little terrier who runs around peeing everywhere to mark his territory. You know, he couldn't wait to get his name on buildings. He's got a tiny little brain. and an immense ego.

And the ego has no chance of being controlled by the brain. You know, the brain is too small to contain ego. Well, John, think about it. That man you just described, the Americans had four years with him as president. Then they decided four years later, they said, hey, let's try that again.

I think you have to realize that although a lot of people in a lot of countries are stupid, the Americans are way ahead of the rest of us on that. You can't compete. Okay, so I mentioned Lake Ontario, which I can see from here, and at the end of September, you'll be making a trip to my neck of the woods because September 30 and October 2nd, there's a second show. I'm going to get the title right.

Not dead yet. John Cleese and the Holy Grail at 50, an unmissable night of absurdity, laughter, and legendary comedy. So we get to screen the film. So tell you what it is. Tell me. I come in.

I tell them the story of Holy Grail, which is a very good story because the fact that six guys decided to make a film when they didn't have any idea what they were doing, and they made a film that 50 years later

is called the 13th funniest film ever made, by international film critics. It's a miracle. So I tell that for 10, 15 minutes and make a few rude remarks about the pilots. And then I show the film, and I go around the corner because I've seen it over 17,000 times,

and I have something to eat, and then I come back in the hope that the Q&A is going to be a little rude and insulting because the more insulting the questions are, the more fun we'll have. And that goes for an hour, hour and a quarter and then people go home and my my people wheeled me off and put me to bed.

So I have to make, I feel like I'm obligated to tell people, it's happening at the wonderful Winter Garden Theater. So I mentioned the two shows in Toronto and tickets are on sale at ha ha ha.com. Okay. But I think, Mike, I think they put a third show. In Toronto. Okay. So I have Toronto, September 30th and October 2nd.

and then I have you going to Kitchener and then Hamilton. Hamilton's close enough. Then I go up the road to Montreal. Yes. And I talk to the frogs for two days and see if I go down a bit better than I did when I went to Paris recently. Oh, geez. It's a very strange thing, but BBC comedy does very well if it goes north. But if it goes down to the Spain, Italy, France,

Catholic countries. Nobody knows who we are. And very few people think, the remote is a bit funny, but we walk down the street in Holland or Belgium or Vienna or Munich. Everybody knows us. It's extraordinary. And it's a sort of divide between the Catholics and the Protestants. Interesting. I can tell you, though, Montreal is very Anglo and not nearly as religious as it used to be. My daughter lives there, so I feel like it's my second home. I have a couple of relatives there, and I spent a bit of time there because I did, what was that great show called that they used to do every year? Jasper Laughs? Yes, I did that twice.

I hosted that twice. It was a very good experience. And that's what I am doing, and then I go up to Ottawa. Right. Do a couple of shows there. But the main thing is, it's a very funny film. It's not as good as life of Brian, but I better not say that because it's not. But it's still much loved because a lot of people saw silly comedy for the first time.

And if they weren't aware of the March brothers, then American comedy, which is very largely Canadian comedies, you know, because so many Canadians are down there among the very best performers. it's more grounded than British comedy. British comedy can get very silly. I'm going to ask you about a couple, because of this 20-minute time limit, which is looming over me here.

Listen, when I come to Toronto, why don't I come on the show? Oh, beautiful. So maybe before this lovely woman kicks me off and says, you know, Toronto, Mike, your time with John Cleese has done. There are two legendary comedy troops out of Toronto that I just want to ask you about

one, the first one being Second City Television and SCTV, clearly inspired by Monty Python's flying circus. What are your thoughts on the SCTV people? Well, I was very pleased because

you see, the strange thing was that when Monty Python became popular, and it took some time, it bewildered a lot of people to begin with, and then all of a sudden they kind of got it. At that time, what was strange about it was that most people loved it very much indeed and and that was great

but there was always a very strange thing which was that nobody tried to copy it and I once talking to Stephen Fry and Hugh Lorry and they said when they were writing stuff they'd suddenly say oh no no that's getting pythonic and they'd back off and not write it anymore, whereas these guys were clearly influenced by it. Well, I was like comedians, because comedians are much more honest. Comedians steal. Artists are influenced by it. But I'm delighted that there are one or two groups who are influenced by us.

Well, it's SCTV a big deal in this neck of the woods. And there's a, well, Martin Scorsese filmed this reunion special, and it was going to be a big documentary thing like eight years ago. Two of the people at that reunion have passed on, Joe Flaherty and Catherine O'Hara. But the big news this month is that someone else is directing this

and it's going to actually stream at the end of October. So you'll be able to watch the SCTV documentary, but they really ticked me off of the title because they titled this thing, the funniest series you've never heard of or something like that, which is clearly like

oh, this is for Americans. Yes, that's right. Because no one in this country is unaware of them. You have to treat them like children, you know what I mean? It's like the Pablam or whatever. It's like... Yeah, it's just sort of... They always remind me of those little boys in the swimming pool who are about five years of age.

And they make a lot of noise. And when everyone's looking at it, they jump in the water and then surface again, looking around for applause. Having done nothing other than fall under the force. and gravity. I'm being very rude about America. Some of my best friends are American. I've lived in America. I've married three of them.

Oh, Christ. Which is why I'm still working. Well, okay, we're going to get to that. But there's one more Toronto troop I want to ask you about. And they're called Kids in the Hall. And I'm curious about your awareness of Kids in the Hall because it was a major influence on me. I have never seen them,

but I keep being told that I should. And the truth is, like, at my great age, I don't spend a lot of time watching comedy, partly because I've been doing it for so long that not much of it surprises me. It's all okay, but it's nothing special. It's very unusual to discuss and suddenly discover an Eddie or Susie Isard, for example, or a Bill Hicks.

That hasn't happened to me for a long time. If somebody likes to set some shows up and show them to me, I'll be delighted to see them, but I can't be bothered to look for them. Yeah, their heyday was actually early 90s, so you weren't such an old man back then, but I got to broker this deal between kids in the hall and you, so I'll work on this. All right.

Well, when I come on your show to do a long interview and a good gossip because we like each other, we'll talk about it. I did have a listener who begged me to ask you about Huntsville, Ontario, and maybe there's a story here, maybe not, but Hadley says,

you were looking at the last minute, you needed new digs, and there was some issue, this is not too far from Toronto, just north of Toronto, but is there some Airbnb booking that went south and you needed to find a place? Well, it was a movie that didn't take place, unfortunately. Yeah, it was a movie,

and I'd written, worked on, the script with Stephen Wallace, who was the director. And I came up, I think it was shortly after the peak of COVID. And I came up and stayed up there for some time. And then the most extraordinary storms started. And the office that was producing the movie got flooded. And it never happened. So all the changes and changes of address were to do with the fact that film that never was. Oh, sorry to hear that, but one topic... What would it call? Oh, dear me. It was a term to do with sailing.

Not a cold disaster. I'm just naming things now. I can't remember what it was called. Okay, well, it never happened here. One, on a more controversial tip, though, I keep getting... people who say, please ask him to clarify his feelings about trans women because there's been, I'm going to read Dawn, she says, Mike, you don't usually shy away from controversy within reason. If it comes up, I'm bringing it up here. I would love to hear clarification

of his feelings regarding the English turf movement. I've had the impression he has moved toward being a sympathizer in recent years, which is personally disappointing to me. Yes, well I can't understand it because I discussed it with a professor of neurology and also with a doctor of mine. And they said it's perfectly clear that if you are male, you have a white chromosome and a male has white chromosomes and you can't get rid of them. So I'm not sure why some people are saying that men can be women when science. seems to say not possible, sorry. Now, okay, but if

there was somebody born, let's just say born with a penis who identifies as a woman, do you have any concerns with that? What does he mean identifies? What would you do about someone who identified as Napoleon Bonaparte?

I mean, that's fine by me. If somebody wants to be Napoleon Bonaparte, that's fine until he starts trying to raise an army. That's the moment when you say, no, sorry, there's a line here between you being Napoleon Bonaparte and you try to raise an army. There's a line there. And if you're saying, should men with penises be allowed into women's loos, I have to say, I don't think so. I understand it could be embarrassing if they look very strange and go into men's loos and men look at them oddly.

but then I think it's better, that is a least bad evil than having men going into women. But being a bit old-fashioned and a bit gallant, I think women should be entitled. They're absolutely safe spaces because the worst thing that I learned as I got older is how many women live with some kind of fear? I just got the wrap-up signal. So on the way out here, a lighter note, is I'm in my early 50s, and I'm trying to get into better shape, and I've seen a fish called Wanda,

and you look absolutely ripped. So how did you get so ripped for the nude scene in a fish called Wanda? I worked out for about six months, because I said to Jamie, where she prepared to take her clothes off, because I had a scene in mind, and she said, no, I really don't want to do that.

And then she said to me, but why don't you take your clothes off? That might be more original. And I said, my God, she's right. So I hired a trainer. How long did that figure stick? Like, did it disappear a month later when you got into the fish and chips or what? About 45 minutes. Well, John, this was an absolute pleasure.

We will do a deeper dive at some point. Don't forget me here in Toronto. But thank you for your time today. Maybe you can talk to some people who think that people with beers and what What is it that Ricky Javas, people with beards and cocks and wander around in women's loos? I mean, that's the way it seems to me, putting it crudely. Well, I will moderate that discussion in a heartbeat. I'd be happy to.

But thank you for your time, John. I'll see you in Toronto. I appreciate this. Good. See you in Toronto. Bye, Mike. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Let the record show, John Cleese, from Monty Python, is now and, F-O-T-M. That's Friend of Toronto-Miked. I could have easily done 90 minutes of John Cleese, but I agreed to 20, and rules are rules. I'm just grateful. I had time with the man. And I appreciate his candor.

And that brings us to the end of our 1,9601 show. Go to Toronto Mike.com for all your Toronto Mike needs. Consider becoming a patron at patreon.com slash Toronto Mike. You'll get a special feed for this podcast that will not include any programmatic ads. And it'll make you feel good. Much love to all who made this possible. That is Great Lakes Brewery. They're hosting us at the GLB Brew Pub on September 28.

It's TMLX-23. Palma pasta, delicious Italian food, hook it to my veins. Toronto Maple Leafs Baseball. Tis the end of the season, but I'll be back at Christy Pitts next summer to drink in more TML Baseball. Nick Aienis, we recorded a fresh Mike and Nick episode just this morning. Recycle My Electronics.C.A. If you have old cables, old devices, old electronics, don't throw them in the garbage.

Those chemicals will end up in our landfill. Go to recyclemyelectronics.ca and find out where you can drop them off to be properly recycled. And of course, Ridley Funeral Home, their excellent podcast is called Life's Undertaking. The most recent episode is a wonderful conversation. conversation about understanding medical assistance in dying in Canada. We talk to George Takash, author of The Book of Made. See you all next week. When my special guest on Monday is Colin DeMello.