Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - Luke Sellars: Toronto Mike'd #1598

Episode Date: December 12, 2024

In this 1598th episode of Toronto Mike'd, Mike chats with former NHL player Luke Sellars about his life of substance abuse, depression, assualt, the near loss of a leg, failed NHL dreams, and a suicide attempt before redemption. Gare Joyce joins in from Kingston. Toronto Mike'd is proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery, Palma Pasta, Ridley Funeral Home, The Yes We Are Open podcast from Moneris and RecycleMyElectronics.ca. If you would like to support the show, we do have partner opportunities available. Please email Toronto Mike at [e-mail]

Use the Force 2 Use the Force 2 Use the Force 2 And go And go I'm from Toronto where you wanna get the city love I'm from Toronto where you wanna get the city love I'm a Toronto man who wanna get the city love My city love me back for my city love Welcome to episode 1598 of Toronto Miked!

Proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery A fiercely independent craft brewery who believes in supporting communities, good times and brewing amazing beer. Order online for free local home delivery in the GTA. Palma Pasta. Enjoy the taste of fresh, homemade Italian pasta and entrees from Palma Pasta in Mississauga and Oakville.

Season 7 of Yes We Are Open, an award-winning podcast from Monaris, hosted by FOTM Al Gregor, RecycleMyElectronics.ca, committing to our planet's future means properly recycling our electronics of the past, and Ridley Funeral Home, pillars of the community since 1921. Joining me today making his Toronto Mike's debut is Luke Sellers. Welcome Luke. Thanks for having me.

Well thanks for being here Luke. Listen I was letting the people know Luke Sellers is making his Toronto Mike debut and FOTM Hall of Famer, Lee Vefumpka said it will be Sellers and the seller and I thought it was a pretty good joke. So There's another person joining us remotely, but before I let this FOTM say hello Luke. I'm just going to let you know I Read the hockey news and at the the foot of the cover it said to Helen back Luke Sellers story of survival and then I read further. Here's the teaser off the top. Okay substance abuse rape

Depression the near loss of a leg failed NHL dreams and a suicide attempt, but Luke Sellers' tragic fall after touching hockey's highest summit doesn't end there. It's his redemption story that defines him now. This article in the hockey news written by Gare Joyce. Gare, are you joining us remotely from Kingston? How are you buddy? I am here and I breathlessly await Luke Sellers in the basement. Luke, how tall are you? Well, he used to be about six one, probably about five. You're shrinking. Like all of us. Okay. Soon you'll be the same height as me.

I just got to wait a few more years here. Okay. My friend, we'll hear from Gare. Gare will chime in as appropriate, but I'm wondering if we can go back to when you were 16 years old. Maybe we go back. You were a prospect. You were a great hockey player. Tell me a little bit maybe about growing up, your love of hockey, and then maybe the OHL draft, if you don't mind. Well first and foremost great intro to your show. That was amazing. Minor hockey for me was interesting. I left Pickering at a young age so that I could play in the Metro Junior Hockey League which probably back then was one of the best minor hockey leagues in the world and it was a lot of fun. Play Wexford and we, we won a lot.

We barely lost. And it's interesting when at that age, when you have so much success. Yeah. I wouldn't know Luke so well, you have to explain it to me. And you, and you're, and you're naive at that point because you think it's going to last your entire life. I go, I get, um, while my draft was an interesting thing because I was supposed to be drafted as an underage in the OHL back then. You could have two underage players on each team. In underage by the way, under the age of 16.

Yeah, you, I guess you would be... Like you could be a 15 year old playing in the OHL. That might be a, so my draft year I would have been seven, 16 I guess, like my regular, yeah so I guess we got a year, yeah I think it'd be fifteen. You see some of these guys that play like you know the Crosby's of the world and that. Yeah like the John Tavares. They're like thirteen years old, lacing them up with twenty-year-olds and just waxing everybody. But my, so my parents were really big on school, my dad being a bean counter and an academic, so they were really really interested in making sure I went to a team that

had a good school program, made sure that we actually went to school and the Sudbury wolves was a team that we had made an agreement with that I was, they were going to pick me, I think in the third or the fourth round as an underage layer. So I was at Maple Leaf gardens, you know, the suit on and all that in my hometown. And the end of the fourth round comes and nobody had taken it. This is the 97 OHL draft. That had been the year before I was drafted to the OHL.

So you're there in a suit. I remember Dawn Cherry would go off on this on Hockey Night in Canada, right? Like my heart breaks for a 15 year old who's in a suit expecting to be drafted at Maple Leaf Gardens and then your name isn't called. Like what's that like? Well obviously because you had to be drafted in the first four rounds and the narrative that we had put out there through Newport sports, my agents is that I was going to school, I was going to go to the NCAA, right?

So behind closed doors, there was an agreement with Sudbury that, that, you know, we were acting like we didn't want to play in the league. Um, you know, and it's an interesting thing, right? Hockey, it's like a joint venture between your parents and what they think when you get to that level, agents and stuff. So but beautifully,

I didn't get drafted that year and ended up going 19th overall to Ottawa the following season. And I mean, my first year in junior hockey, we won the Memorial Cup. I mean, what? Oh, well, look, spoiler alert, Luke. Listen, we're going to get there.

But you were you were drafted by the 67s at Ottawa correct and Gare Joyce were you at this? 1998 OHL draft I Wasn't at the junior draft. Okay. No, no, okay. You're at that was before that was before I Started at the Ottawa citizen. It was in October of that year Okay, so I'm gonna bring you in later for the NHL draft because you were at that right? Yeah uh, started at the Ottawa citizen. It was in October of that year. Okay. So I'm going to bring you in later for the NHL draft, uh, because you were at that, right?

Yep. Okay. Beautiful. So Luke, you're drafted by the Ottawa 67th and they got a legendary coach there. Who was your coach in Ottawa? Brian Kilroy, killer. Killer.

Okay. Brian Kilroy. I've heard so many stories about Brian Kilroy. So his quote at the time was that You're a perfect fit and the best part about it. He'd never seen me play. Oh So they had this scout back then his name was Joe Rowley I don't even know if Joe's still alive today, but there's their scouting staff there with him heading it up It's like they were just like, our team,

Ottawa was always so stacked back then when Killer was the GM and that, but he hadn't even seen me play when he came to me, when he came to meet with me and my parents at our home. He's like, oh, I'm looking down. I don't know, I don't know. Well, Joe says he's good, then he's good. Right.

So for those who don't know and haven't followed your illustrious NHL career, we'll get to that. You're a blue line prospect, so you're a defenseman. Correct. Okay. Maybe give me a little bit so I want to get to the you teased us that you're going to win a Memorial Cup but what was it like playing for killer? Like what kind of coach was he? Give me the vibe in Ottawa at that time.

Killer? Killer? It was old school hockey. I said it before. If you won, you played, uh, sorry, if you could walk, you played and if you won, you drank and you know, listen, it was, it was a, it was, as I said, before the wild west and Ottawa, that didn't mean that we weren't, you know, being supported and that it's just, it was old time hockey. Um, we, we basically, and because we were so good, I think I don't even think we lost 10 games that first year. Maybe we did. And anything you put 17, 18 year olds together, they're winning, they're

feeling good. And at that point we were, we were drawing, I think more, more attendance than the Ottawa senators at the time. It's, it's hard to get, it's hard to get caught up in it. That being said him in the way that he was, he always had a knack or knowing what the players needed. He always knew when we needed to be lifted up, when we needed to be yelled and screamed at and that. I think for me, being there, I wasn't so clear on a lot of the shortcomings that I was dealing with just internally inside of myself and that

and not really being able to handle a lot of the, I don't know the right word to say it, the rousing on a regular basis. It never ends. It's like every single day you're just getting ripped on. But all that being said, I really love playing for him. I learned a lot from him. We just in my last couple of years started to butt heads a little bit. Well, we're going to get, look, hold my hand here, Luke. We're going on a journey. Okay. We're going on a journey. We? We're going on a journey.

We have over an hour left here. So killer, I'm now calling him killer. My killer is Doug Gilmore, but Brian had that nickname first. Dougie's a great guy, too. Well, if you went to the washroom, Dougie's on the wall. Not the real Dougie, a photo of Dougie. I want to be clear about that before the gobs come. OK.

But like, unconventional, right? Tell me about the time Kilray comes out, you know, wearing nothing but a hat and gloves and skates. Like, I read that in the article. Yeah, he, uh, and one quick one before it that just came up, it's I, I, we, we butt heads in Kitchener and I'm like, ah, fuck this, I'm done. I'm going home. I'd been asking for a trade.

I ended up going home for a week and sit at home. My parents put me back on the train down to Ottawa from Scarborough because they're not gonna trade me. I haven't been with the team for like a week to 10 days. Killer walks in before practice. His nickname for me was Hollywood. He looks over, he's like, Hollywood, nice of you to join us.

And nothing else said, another word said about it. But what you're referring to is yeah, we had, when we had lost out in Belleville and we, that wasn't supposed to happen. And Killer comes into the room and looks around. He says, I don't want to see any of you for a week. And all the boys are looking at each other like, is this guy for real right now?

Any other organization or team, you're gonna be getting bag skated like twice a day. You got the biggest junior hockey tournament coming up outside of the World Juniors. Right. The Memorial Cup. Yeah. So so in in in Ottawa fashion, the way we were, we went on a four or five day bender. Come back, come back after the come back after the break. And we're out there in the ice.

And and we used to call him the thriller to the thriller. So the thriller killer isn't he's not on the ice and I'm there stretching and you can see at the old Ottawa Civic Center, there's a ramp that walks up and here you see this, you know, man, I think he was in his 60s at the time. He's got his old Coho hockey stick, right, that I don't think he's re-taped in like 20 years

because in practice he just sits, stands at center ice. So he stands at center ice and all the pucks around him and he won't leave that position the entire practice. So you see him walking up and he's got his stick, his gloves, his Ottawa 67 hat that he would wear. Like, you remember like the B-boys back in the day? Of course. Exactly.

Skates on, socks and nothing else. He's buck naked. Buck naked. Oh my God. Buck naked. And, and, and, and, but like this is where killer's magic was. He knew what the boys needed. We were all, you know, going into a tournament that, that, and he came and broke the ice and that,

that practice was probably one of the hardest working, most fun practices we ever had as a team there in Ottawa. And we'd go on to win the thing. Well, you win the Memorial Cup and like you said you got you know your junior tournament but the Memorial Cup is the that's the big that's the big deal there. You guys win like tell me a little bit about you know this storybook season you had with Ottawa that you win the Memorial Cup. Well I think in I think in hockey it could be argued that it's the hardest trophy to win because you've got what like 68 70 teams through right

who Q and the oh we hosted it that's what that's what allowed us to get into it because we got knocked out in the second round I think when you're at that age even in your 20s and that when I played I think there's a lack of really recognizing and realizing the essence of what's passing by you and the experience that you're having. Right. But it was beautiful. I remember it being so hot in the rink there. But the way that we wanted in that fashion, it was nice too. They scored a goal in the Memcub, you get on the score sheet, but with Mats Oltec scoring in overtime, it was electric.

You had like 15,000 people in that stadium and only fit like 10. It was just back-to-back and it was huge for the city. It was really huge for the city. It was really cool. You beat the Calgary Hitmen. Yeah, exactly. In overtime. Yeah, in OT.

Wow. So next up for you, and this is where you come back into the story, right Gary? You're at the 1999 NHL draft in Boston, right Gary? I am. And Luke was among the the Ottawa 67 who were up in that draft Nick Boynton and Zoltak Matt Zoltak who scored the winning goal had re-entered the draft. Correct. Right now what happens to you Luke at the 1999 NHL draft? So I thought, or my family, myself, agents thought for sure I was going to

be getting taken at 21 by the Blackhawks unless somebody had taken me in the middle of the first round. And if they hadn't taken me that I'd probably drop to the end of the first or go in the early second. So, um, the, and there was one of the head scouts with the Blackhawks was good friends with the Ottawa 67. So that's kind of what and there was one of the head scouts with the Blackhawks was good friends with the Ottawa 67. So that's kind of what we figured was going to happen. And so the end of the first round come ends, right?

And I'm sitting there drinking water the whole time. You're nervous. You don't know, you don't know what's going to happen. It's exciting. You know, you've been going through all these meetings with all these teams or ramping everything up like this is the biggest moment of your life. So I'm sitting there drinking water all through the first round the first round comes to an end and I look to my agent and I said can I go to the washroom

quickly so I go up the stairs and I'm there and you know like midstream like you know I just say alright and all I hear for the loudspeaker Luke Sellers chosen 30th overall but I didn't I didn't hear who they said drafted me oh right so now I'm coming out of the washroom and I'm trying to put my you know what I mean? Tuck my shirt in I'm like, you know what? Right, I'm and I'm walking down the stairs wearing this show. Yeah, I'm walking. Yeah My mom doesn't like hear me. So you're self-censoring. I want the listeners. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm thinking what the fuck, right? So I'm walking down this I'm walking on the stairs

But but they haven't put it up yet to see who chose me so I had no idea. I ended up getting down on the floor and realizing who it was and I think the reason why they ended up picking me was a scout that used to work for the Maple Leafs, Danny Marr. But I hadn't spoken to him, I spoke to him like the first week of the season. So for Atlanta to take me, I'd never spoken to any other, you know what I mean? Okay, so just so we all understand listening as we follow along with this story. So the Atlanta Thrasher's, shout out to Ridley Funeral Home. Okay, the Atlanta Thrasher's pick you second, the second pick of the second round. So that's the 30th overall. Correct.

And you know, I keep hearing about, so this is early in the second round, what kind of a signing bonus do you get with this contract? My bonus was 500K. I think the max I could have got was like 1.2. I ended up getting mono. Um, um, sorry. I ended up, I would play the second half of the season with torn abdominal muscle and thought that we were on an agreement with Atlanta that I probably wasn't going

to be performing the way they thought I was. So it was, so when they came to me with that offer, it was, it felt low, but it's, but I mean, come on, you're 20 years old and they're like, here's a half million bucks. Like, yeah, who can't be happy. Well, I would have been happy with a 500 bucks. Okay. I'd be like, wow, I'm in the NHL. Me too. At that point, we've been paying like, we've been, we've been being paid like what? 48 bucks a week in junior. Wow. So 500,000 and these are US dollars.

US dollars, yeah. That's real money. That was paid out in increments is the way they typically will set it up. Okay, so tell me a little bit here. So there's a lot of real talk in this episode and a lot of it begins right here, but that summer, tell me about what you try

for the first time and the circumstances around that and then when we maybe a little bit about how this drug affects you. Talk to us. Yeah I got mixed up. I got mixed up in cocaine and through a lot of therapy and looking back into just the history of my life working with different people and therapists and that. I came to realize that there was an issue throughout my adolescence where most men are getting naturally turned on masturbating, that type of stuff. That wasn't the way that it was for me. How could I know that that it was that there was something not going on or

something wrong there? Because it's not like you're having conversations. Well, can I dumb this down a bit? Because we've got to talk with you. So you weren't having bon having conversations. Well, can I dumb this down a bit? Because we've got to talk real fast. So you weren't having boners basically. Yeah, exactly. I'd have to really, really, really, really think about it. Like, like, I don't know.

Okay, no. Yeah, because you're right. Because you're a teenager, right? So a typical again, nothing's normal here, but a typical teenager, you know, the wind blows in a certain direction and you're, you're ready to go. Exactly. But you didn't experience this, but you, you aren't sure what is typical because you only have, you're living the one life you got and you don't know. But when you're doing this Coke, and again, just so we understand, if you're not doing Coke with teammates on the 67s, right? No. These are like. No.

Buds from the neighborhood. No, cocaine was never anything that was part of our hockey team there. It saddens my heart to hear about the amount of cocaine use in junior hockey clubs today, but for us it wasn't there. I didn't even smoke weed in junior, just drank beers. You had a few guys that would smoke. Beer was your drug of choice. Yeah, but coke was not around. It got introduced to me by friends back home. But what was the correlation between, you know, trying this Coke for the first time after you get that $500,000 signing bonus

and your, uh, well, we'll call it your, uh, your ability to become aroused. Yeah. So the first time I did a line of Coke, um, was with two buddies. I, I violently puked after I did it. And, but then after that, we went out to a bar to have some beers and that. And I found that I was really aroused and attracted to women, which that would never happen for me. You know, I don't know.

It's hard for me to explain it. And even from a medical perspective, the type of surgery I had at 11 or 12. Well, let's talk about, so there is a medical reason maybe why you were, you had your sexual function inhibited. Yeah. Well, let's talk about, so there is a medical reason maybe why you were, uh, you had your sexual function inhibited. Yeah. Well, and that's just it. The our modern medical system doesn't really acknowledge that them cutting you open can sever nerves and electricity and circulation. That what allowed me to come to realize this and really have clarity with it is

working with, uh, uh with Chinese medical or in Chinese medicine and Japanese medicine. It's basically if you think you're meridians that run down the body, they'll typically cut you this way so that they can reattach. If they cut you this way, you can you can risk the potentiality that the electrical system or that part of it isn't reconnecting. And from my experience, that's basically what it was. The moment you put blow in front of me,

my mind now went in one direction and it was wanting to have sex. I would never, I never even thought about wanting any of that kind of stuff. But being around your buddies and things and women throwing themselves at you because of your status within hockey and that. Right, and then it's, and then,

I mean, you start to question, is it, well, am I gay? Am I not into women? And I arrived at the fact that it wasn't that. Well, I mean you start to question is it well am I am I gay am I not into women and you know wrote I arrived at the fact that it wasn't that And you discovered through happenstance here you discover that when you take cocaine your sexual function is a okay It's no longer an issue. I would say goes way beyond I would say insatiable I would just like basically have mountains of coke everywhere I mean, I mean, I'm just trying to like, you know, I've, I've never seen cocaine.

Beautiful. Good. Good. Good. I'm happy to hear that. Do a little sales pitch. So you're not, and we'll get to this later, but you're not on Coke. You don't do Coke anymore. No, no. Okay. Okay. There's no, by talking about how amazing Coke is, you're not going to have a relapse or something. Not at all. Not at all. Even just talk. So tell me then I'm going to live precariously through you for a moment. Like, because I've produced shows for Peter Gross

and John Gallagher and there's a lot. Steve Anthony's been over a lot of these guys from the 80s, a lot, a lot older than you. They did a lot of coke in the 80s. OK, and I got to know what is it like, man? Can you describe it? Other than the fact all of a sudden, like your sexual desire peaks and you're able to perform, it's doing something there but like what

is it what else you getting out of Coke or maybe that's enough? For me that's what it was all that's all it was that's all it was right and I mean obviously look at the quality of the stuff you go back to the 80s I mean you hear the stories of the Edmonton Oilers I mean the whole team was high, the whole fear yeah, high the whole decade but for me me, you and I could be hanging out having beers and this is where Coke could affect a lot of people. Hanging out having some beers, shooting the shit. All right you want to do some blow? All right let's all do a, I do a line of blow. Next thing you know I'm on the phone calling whoever will sleep with me now

and typically there'd be 20 of them in my phone or I'm going looking for it. It was like literally one track to mine. Nothing else mattered. Right. Nothing else. And the craziest thing about it is it wasn't about ejaculating. It was literally just about being in the act of sex with some sexual type of act, which typically would involve more than one women, more, more than one. Well, again, you have an NHL contract. Yeah. Yeah. Puck bunnies want to be with you. Exactly. But when I look back at it and it's, I mean, I, and this probably sounds crazy to a lot of people, I genuinely yearn to just be close to somebody and to, and to be, and

to be made to feel like I was powerful and special. And that's exactly what I get. It's almost like you're craving the intimacy. Yes, exactly. Exactly. And I, and I think that's exactly what I guess it's almost like you're craving the intimacy. Yes, exactly, exactly. And I think that's something that exists for a lot of men where we don't have true intimacy in our lives and what does that really even look like, right? Luke, I know this wasn't your intention, but I got to score some coke this weekend. I want to know what it feels like. You just did, there's a PSA for Coke, you know, I, I'm telling you, you as a spokesperson for Coke, I mean, I'm like, give me some of this. I need to feel that. But then the problem is for guys like me, there's no off switch.

And then it's, you went up for two, three days. You're so paranoid. I mean, you're hiding in the closet of your own home because you think, I don't know, the police are kicking the door in or something. Then you finally come out of that and think it's a good idea a few days later to do some more blow and go on another bender with another chick or couple chicks to arrive in the same place again.

It's horrible. Well, that shit will kill you. It's horrible. You know, we hear about like George Michael and we hear these stories and it's like, Oh, they did coke. And it's like, Oh, that's what happened. Look at it. How many, look at it.

How many guys, hockey players that have OD'd passed away in the last couple of years, just because of, well, they say that they can't diagnose CD until post-mortem, but that's exactly what was going on. Wow. Okay. Let me ask you, if you don't mind, since we're delivering the real talk and I did see it

published in the hockey news, so I feel comfortable going there, but can we talk about that summer, like you're out partying at a after hours club? Yeah. Like if you don't mind opening up about that summer, like you're out partying at a after hours club. Yeah. Like if you don't mind opening up about that. Hearing here in Toronto back then you had, if you were into like electronic music, you know, doing things like, um, ecstasy and that type of stuff, right?

Cause you got like the hip hop clubs, right? So, you know, it's primarily black and that, and smoking a lot of weed, drinking. And then you go to these electronic clubs here you had the government which was which was famous so the way a weekend would start is you go to the government on Friday night and around 4 a.m. it closes and you'd go to the go to comfort zone which is a world renowned after-hours club and that place back in the 90s would open Friday night at like midnight and not close till Monday at 6 p.m. Wow so you'd go from you just go back and forth from this place,

back to the government, just doing, just the amount of chemicals you'd be putting in yourself. So by the end of that three day bender, I found myself, I would typically not be doing coke, partying in that way. I'd be doing more like ecstasy and GHB and ketamine and these things. But then would always typically want to do blow once that, you know, once I was done partying with those people. So I was at comfort zone and invited two guys back to my apartment

to my hotel room that had some blow on them and ended up getting roofied and raped by both of them. Okay I'm sorry this happened to you man you got drugged and then you were basically passed out. I'm so grateful that it happened to me because it's one of the it's one of the biggest pivotal moments of my life that got me real real with who I was. Okay, maybe elaborate a bit more on that because you mean you are these two people, these two guys, they drug you and then they rape you. And you're saying that you're glad this happened because of how it affected your life. Yeah, I think I think these opportunities in life happened to bring us to a space of forgiveness and centeredness for, for ourselves and the people around us. So I know it's,

I know it sounds morbid and crazy, but as the years went on and working in alternative practices of regaining the part of myself that put myself in that position and was seeking and yearning, because here's the thing, I was also addicted to pain. So the whole experience that went on, now I was blacked out more or less as it was happening. Yeah, I'm not sure how to explain it. It's just you arrive at this place in life, I think if you're willing to commit to really know life and for me that's to have a relationship with great spirit,

to have a relationship with God. Who am I to perceive what the good and the bad experiences are? If I can sit in the middle of it and just see that it's life, it's being experienced, it's coming in and it's what are you gonna do with it? So it was horrible because I didn't, I kept it bottled up for a very long period of time. Wow it's almost like it was a catalyst of sorts. I like to imagine a scenario where you can achieve this wellness, this height that you're experiencing now,

and we'll get into that shortly, without being drugged and raped. Well, even just the amount of gay men that, and I'm not actively in business and out there trying to attract gay men that have been raped and have these types of issues. It's just incredible to me the amount that I have met along my journey that I've had similar things happen and for them to hear the story

of a heterosexual going through it, you can just see in their eyes in that. So I got a couple of really close friends now that I love dearly and love and support me dearly that wouldn't be in my life if that trauma had not happened. Okay, okay. Very interesting. This whole conversation is very interesting, but we got to get you back to Ottawa here. And yeah, like I said, hold my hand here. This whole conversation is very interesting, but we got to get you back to Ottawa here. And yeah, like I said, hold my hand here. We're going on a little journey here now.

Brian Kilray, legendary coach of the Ottawa 67s. He needs a whipping boy, right? Like this is he needs to have a whipping boy every season. Am I right? That's the way it was experienced for me.

I mean, my first year soon, seeing who it was, my second year being myself and my third year. So this return to Ottawa, now that you've been drafted by the Atlanta Thrasherz, he just decided you're going to be, because you're a top player now on this team, he's going to make your life miserable, am I right? Yeah, to a degree that's what kind of happened. I think to be clear on this though, killer's approach to getting the most out of a player, again, comes from a different era, right?

And an era where, if I was born 10 years earlier, probably suited me a lot better, like in pro hockey and that, because things had changed. I used to be, like I'd said, if you can walk, you play, and if you win, you have some beers. Guys in the NHL and that weren't working out 20 years ago or that, they're just playing hockey. So he was doing what he thought he needed to do

to get the most out of me. I just, in no better terms, was too soft to be able to respond to it. Well, so it says you. I mean, today, you're right. Today, he wouldn't be able to do that this the times have changed. We know that's that's essentially bullying Yeah, he's bullying. Yeah, it's picking on you because you have a skill level that got you drafted 30th overall Yeah, only only he can know exactly why he was doing it

All right, but he made you he made life difficult for you because in your second and third seasons with the Ottawa 67 you're the whipping boy. Yes, more or less. Okay, geez. Okay. But this story, I'm hoping you give me the details because I have been promoting this episode as Luke Sellers, former NHL player. Okay. Now, Gary, you're there. Like, how many minutes long is Luke's NHL career? I know that it's three minutes and something. I want to say it's 323. That's my best guess. Wow. I have no idea, but that sounds pretty close. You know what? To to me it's like,

I don't care if you had a career like Chris Cellios, or if you got three minutes in one game, you're a former NHL-er buddy. Yeah. Most of us, we just, right? Gary, you've never made the NHL, you never played in the NHL, did you bud? I did not.

Hey, just make it sure. I played at Maple Leaf Gardens, but I did not. Okay, well it doesn't count when you're playing with the tuna cans in the Loblaws. Yeah. I know Gary's going to tell me, leave the stand up to me. That's what he's going to tell me.

Can you give me a, when I'm reading about your NHL debut, cause you do have the one game. If I go to hockey DB, if I go to any, any source of NHL records, I can see that you played an NHL game. Could you share the circumstances? It's kind of wild how you come to make your NHL debut. So Atlanta and I think Johnny Anderson, the head coach in Chicago, were just so frustrated

with me my first year because I wasn't living up to what I was supposed to be. They attempted or they did send a message and sent me down to the East Coast league, which as a guy on a two way contract to the NHL and AHL, you know, that's a guy that was touted to do a lot or at least be able to play at the level. And now you're down there. It's, it was tough. But when I got down to Greenville, it was like the culture in the locker room there was so amazing.

I mean, I forgot where I even was. And later in life, I came to realize that that's what hockey really was for me about the friendships that were developed, not so much about what was going on in the ice. So what is it like Slapshot played in the, you know, we've all seen Slapshot, I mean, a thousand times. Is it kind of like that? No, no, no, the hockey, the hockey and the coast was good. And especially because we had like five guys on two contracts that were down in the coast. And one of my good buddies from who was up top of Chicago with me, he's a dead Nick Black, Blatt, and he a Czech guy. We love going for beers together all the time. So we're down in the coast,

right? Which is more similar to what junior hockey was like, which we dominated in the year before. Right. It's like you're still playing with men, but you get it, right? It's like you can get away with more. And are you still with Atlanta? I'm under contract with Atlanta. I'm under a three year contract with Atlanta,

two way contract between Atlanta and Chicago and the American Hockey League. I can't remember the word they use. Gary, what's an introductory contract? What do they call it? Entry level. Entry level, there you go. Okay, so obviously, how do you come in and you make your NHL debut with the Atlanta Thrasher's? Yeah, so Blatt comes to me after practice and he's like in his broken English, go for some beers. I'm like perfect. Because we go for lunch at noon, you know, you could drink 12.

A lot of beer and hockey. Be home and be asleep by six and not be too rusty the next morning for practice. Right. Well, I think we ended up getting home, each of us at like seven, eight o'clock, pretty, you know, we were feeling pretty good and come to practice the next morning with the usual, I'm gonna put my gear on, sweat this out the best I'm going to feel this morning. It's needs until that hot shower after we're done this practice and be a poor we even go, I get called into John Marx's office.

Now, if anybody that's played with or played for Marxy Marx, he's Marxy. There's no way that you can even describe this man. He's like six foot nine, not really. He's like six three six four He's got this dominating presence in that this like like like like white fox hair and all that So he's big in the room and it's like a small little room like this Yeah, it's like and he's got a chew in all the time. He's like, okay I don't know how he says and it ain't big league chew either. No, no, no, right? I think he said something along the lines like like, Luke, you're going up.

And the first thing I thought was fuck, because I didn't really like it in Chicago because I didn't really, because it was an older team. And it's the Wolves. Yeah, the Wolves. They had been an IHL team up until that. There was their first year in the A. Their owners got quadrillions of dollars.

So they've got a lot of guys that played a lot of NHL games that are there, right? Right. Playing there and are older here I'm like 20 years old and like, you know running around like a kid with my dick hanging out and all this kind of stuff Right. And so so so that's always my first time like fuck. No, I'm having way too much fun here in Greenville He's like no, no, no, no, no, you're not going to Chicago. You're going to Atlanta Wow Okay, so you think you're getting called up to the AHL?

But in fact, they're sending you to play for the NHL Atlanta Thrasher's. Exactly. So, what do you even think? Like, how do I just skip a league? No, I'm gonna- No, I'm trying to understand. Like, I was so bewildered, even my whole flight there.

I was just like, this can't really be happening. And the flight was delayed, so I get there like, I don't know, 10 minutes before warm up. And I'm not a guy that does that very well. Like I typically be at the rink like three, four hours before a game and just, you know, right, talking to security guards and doing all kinds of whatever, right? Just just the whole thing being around the boys and stuff like that. So right. So it was

okay, and we as Gare is disclosed you don't quite get to four minutes here but you get on the score sheet right yeah yeah can I jump in one yeah please yeah I so it was in fact you were called up but to Ottawa the the thrashers were in Ottawa yes yes right yes. Right, right, because you get. Oh yeah, that's right. Where I just finished playing my three year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's yeah, yeah.

So OK, so just so I understand these circumstances, though, like they there was no one else higher on the depth chart. They needed a defenseman to play against the senators in Ottawa. And you, even though you're playing in Chicago for the Wolves, not the Blackhawks, you're the guy they tap on the shoulder? The Chicago Wolves were in Utah and there was no flights going from, so Garnet Exilby who ended up playing a lot of NHL games. I know Garnet, yeah.

Yeah, real tough guy. One of the hardest working guys I ever saw, just a really good dude, but he was on the depth, was top on the depth chart right they couldn't get him a flight okay so this this perfect storm or whatever go ahead gare yeah i was going to say so that i mean you never hear of someone getting called up from the east coast league no the nhl just doesn't happen unless they're a fighter or something like a really like back in the day you needed a goon because there's going gonna be a tough game and you brought up this goon from the I don't

know just to come get 45 minutes of major penalties or something it's something like that but you could get from from almost anywhere to almost anyway but there was no getting from Salt Lake City to Ottawa. That's a so that's a wild story, Luke. There you are. And the thing is, too, right, is you're going from you're going from the East Coast League and the pace of play to the NHL with no real prep. Like I didn't get I didn't get a morning skate with the boys. It's like when I got out for warm up, I was just like I remember, you know,

what my tip my hat to Kurt Fraser, he was the coach at the time. And he, I heard him, he said, Luke, yourselves, get over here. And he's standing on the bench while warmups going on. He puts both his hands on my shoulders like this and he looks me right in the eyes. He says, you belong here, you can play here,

don't think anything else. Yeah, and it was like, and that made me just kind of go like, oh, fuck, thank God. Cause I was at that point, I was just like, I am an imposter right now. I'm gonna ask you about point, I was just like, I am an imposter right now. I'm gonna ask you about imposter syndrome. Oh yeah, I'm an imposter right now. Like I don't belong here.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, everything. And it's like, the thing that you've done for so long, warm up, it's like I could barely even pass a puck. I was so nervous. And it's like, what are you so nervous about? You're called up by the last place team in the league who's only won like two games. There's not much expectations and we want an overtime.

And you got on the score sheet. Let's not bury the lead here. Tell us how you got on this. Trying to break down Daniel Daniel Elfordsons wrist. See, that'll make a hero in Toronto. Right. Break Daniel Elfordsons. They'll make a statue for you outside the Scotiabank Arena. Man. OK.

I mean, I used to have arguments with Sens fans over who is better, Alfredson or Sundin. I'm like, get out of here of that garbage. OK, Sundin, seven out of seven times, maybe twice on Sundays here. OK, so you're now you have I want to call it like in the IMDB world, you got a credit now. You're you had a game

in the NHL. You played a few minutes, you slash Daniel Alfredson that got you on this score sheet. And now I'm kind of preparing the listenership because something happens for you in Chicago, right? Like you got a staph infection. Yeah, that would have been my third year. So we're just referencing my first year playing. Okay.

Well, I mean, on our way there, if you want to tell us a little bit about this cocaine habit you developed and your love of alcohol, not a great combination for an aspiring athlete. No, no. And you look back when you're young and you're in good shape and that it's amazing what the body can handle.

It was just insatiable for me because I wasn't interested in, in sex or intercourse and the minute I did a bump, a blow, it's like lights out, you know, and then, and then it was, and I became addicted to that whole experience cocaine and for lack of better expression, women vagina, like, yeah, because it sounds like you have this craving for the intimacy and a woman's warm embrace is part of that deal. Over the years of therapy and that I arrived at that place and there would have been a lot better place, a lot better way of me going about it.

That being said, I was partaking in this type of party with women that were also looking for similar type stuff, right? But looking back on it, that's exactly what I was seeking. I didn't feel centered. I had no real relationship to my emotions and my thoughts and they were just running. Do you know why? I'm wondering, was there a lack of, I don't know, hugging growing up with your family or something? Have you been able to pinpoint this this crave Craving for this intimacy from strange woman who are with you because of your NHL contract Yeah, you're handsome guy to don't get me wrong, but you too brother better hair. You want an embrace right now after

The only the only thing we've been in well The interesting thing here is that everybody's got their ideas and opinions. Any doctor you talk to, any neurologist, everybody's got, you know, I've been diagnosed bipolar, depression, autistic, like all these different things, but the bottom line is this. I started experiencing significant head traumas at a very young age, right? Even in my young years. And you know, I grew up. I still have a family and two parents that are I couldn't ask

for anything else, but they the concussion started happening at a real young age and then proceeded into adolescence and then throughout my career. But then a lot of a lot of heavy head trauma off the ice Street fighting and things like that. And and I think that that just damaged my brain in a way, and then you add in the rape at the age of 20, it's like, well, I've already been violated.

I've already been, you know what I mean? Treated like why, why, why not keep violate, why not keep violating myself? And what was always there was a warm body as long as, you know, Coke and alcohol were involved. It's not like women were waiting to, after you are waiting at a bar after the game, you just played in Houston because they want to go sit on a rock and talk about their feelings. Right? Like we're in our twenties.

It's just, it's a freak show. Right. So this, obviously this, this awareness comes from you seeking out psychiatric help, but just before we get to that kind of a moment here, you and I'm hope I pronounced this right. Okay. So you in Chicago, you had a case of patellar tendonitis. How did I do? Okay. I added an extra syllable just for shits and giggles there. Okay. Sometimes I got to keep, uh, keep you on your toes. Okay. And then they, there's a radical treatment for this, but it went rather wrong. Yeah, there was, um, you know, an interesting thing when you're under contract with a, with a professional organization or at the pro level like that,

they have their own doctors and specialists and if they don't refer you out, they don't like you going outside of their... But the thing was is that my knee wasn't healing. It just wasn't. I'd taken a month off, we're getting ready for the playoffs. I'd finally proven myself at the American League level, I think also to Atlanta and Chicago and I was... I'm like, I got to play in the playoffs.

I'm like, it's the last year of my contract. So I spoke with my agents and that, and they, there was a doctor for the buff or Chicago bulls, the basketball team who'd been doing this new type of surgery where they go in and they bleed, um, the tendon to a prone healing. I ended up getting a staph fection after surgery where I picked it up, who knows. But it went misdiagnosed, right? So the swelling in my knee and that from the staff

or training staff felt it was because I was trying to push too hard to get back in play. One thing leads to another and I find myself in the emergency room and they're slicing my knee open and I'm passing out and I'm waking up in a hospital room and there's an infectious disease doctor there standing in front of me and it went something like this. Yeah. He's kind of, you know, he's skirting around and I just like, doc, just tell

what's up, right? Well, if the antibiotics we've given you don't begin to take soon, then we're going to have to amputate your leg. And I was, I was on so much morphine and just sitting there and there's that little TV up in the wall there And I'm just sitting like okay Wow like that Obviously the the antibiotics started to take But that's close. That's too close for comfort. Okay, you do they might have had to ampute

There was a real chance that they would have to have had amputated your leg if those antibiotics don't kick in quickly. And you dodged a bullet there. Well, you know what's interesting too? One of the Japanese doctors that's a friend of mine, they have a perspective that the actual bacteria of staph craves cocaine. I don't know, I can't remember how he explained it to me, but it's just a side note for people if they've had staph infection. Well, you didn't need any more help craving cocaine. No, I didn't know, I can't remember how you explained it to me, but it's just a side note for people if they've had staph infection.

Well, you didn't need any more help craving cocaine. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. You were okay before the staph infection. No. Okay. I don't mean to laugh at it, but here you are. No, but it is.

You look great and you look so- But we got to see the humor in all of life. Otherwise, fuck me, man. Then we'd be walking around miserable, like most of the world. And look, look at it this way. We're having this conversation right now live in my basement. It's not like this is an episode of the Ridley Funeral Home Memorial episode of Toronto Mike. Okay, you're on the right side of the dirt, right?

It's okay. But that levity is just before this part I want to ask you about. I recently had a visit from a guy in Winnipeg. His name is Rob Nash. And Rob Nash literally visits schools across the country to talk to kids about when he was young, he was an aspiring athlete, great athlete, and he got in a bad car accident. And then he had a suicidal ideation. Hope I have that right. But he had thoughts of killing himself and he shares this with kids. And what happens is the children who

have written their suicide notes, give them their suicide notes because they don't need it anymore. Like you really do need to listen to this Rob Nash episode of Trauma. You'll get chills. I will for sure, that's beautiful. It's beautiful and he actually tattoos on his arms the names of the kids who give them their suicide notes.

That's amazing. And he's got just ink. That's incredible. That's beautiful work, what a beautiful man. Yeah, he's a special person, that guy for sure. But you're a special person as well. We're you know, Gare Joyce already said I got a special person, Luke Sellers, you got to talk to him.

But now that I've introduced the Rob Nash touring the country, it's from what I read, this great writer, Gare Joyce wrote about it. I don't know if you know him. He's really good. But maybe you could share and open up a little bit about, I'm going to mute him so he can't respond to that. Open up a little bit about your death wish at this time. So we've got you, they almost have to amputate your leg. It's close call. You're still addicted to alcohol. You're addicted to cocaine. You've talked about what's going on. Tell us your story at this point. Yeah, I think just sidebar to

this, you know, this whole issue that we're seeing in football and hockey and that they're referring to as CTE or work. Yeah, CTE. It's a real disease. It is, right? Or, well, as they can't diagnose it until post-mortem, call it traumatic brain injuries, whatever it may be. When you had this many hits to the head, you don't process life the same way. The level of irritability, the lack of sleep, like for me, the way it presents itself. And I'm in a much better place than most guys that are dealing with this that I know, by the grace of God and just the teachers and the systems that I've been working in.

But when you start to feel like you don't want to be here anymore, and it's for me, it was heavily related to the outside world wasn't the way that I wanted it to be. And I was conditioned like a lot of us are to look to the outside world for the answers when they don't fucking exist there in any faction. And we could break that down to the micro level as much as we do. They don't exist outside. It's the relationship that we have with ourselves inside and then looking from the inside out. And I think in living in that way, now we're not attached to the outcomes or what's happening. But for me, I was living outside in and my hockey career had gone to shit.

All the people that had held me up on a pedestal from where I come from were now looking at me as a failure. You could hear the whispers or you go walk into a restaurant or a bar and then I was just no high school education. You start to fantasize about it. How am I gonna do it? It's the only thing I was thinking about. You were thinking about killing yourself? On a daily basis and I wanted to kill myself in the most fucked up way possible that would hurt the most. However, the one thing that has kept me alive and I say this time and time again, I'd either be in prison for the rest of my life right now or dead if it wasn't

for my mother and my father and the love that they have for me and them not just continuously showing up and never quitting on their son. Oh man, so how close did it come? How close did we come to losing you? So I'd been partying for, I used to stay at the Grand Hotel in Toronto which is now interesting enough doesn't exist because they did a documentary on me that's about half an hour long that I can send to you if you want to watch it but of course it yeah yeah so I'd been partying Friday Saturday Sunday night hadn't slept and I'd stashed about a quarter ounce of cocaine at the hotel room with a 40 pounder of vodka

and about, I think I had about 20 Oxy 80s. I wasn't a guy that really did Oxy's and painkillers, I was more into uppers, but I got back from that weekend of more or less sleeping with women, partying, whatever it looked like, and I was ready to go. So I poured the bag of Coke out on the table and probably snorted two or three, four or five grams of it.

And of course, about five or 10 minutes, shotgun, like I can't remember now, most of the vodka and took a handful of the pills and just laid back and I was ready to go. And the world, the room around me started spinning and it was interesting how I wasn't scared. It was just, I was just, finally, the last bender I'd been on,

I don't have to fucking wake up from it ever again because I'm so, I'm just done. And then, I don't know how much time it last lapsed, but I woke up. It was just like, what? Were you alone when you woke up? Yeah, I was alone. You're alone, okay.

Yeah. So you, thankfully, you just shared with us a little earlier that you did at some point seek out psychiatric help. And then you were diagnosed with, I mean, depression, ADHD, anxiety. You know, you're probably on the spectrum. Yeah, later in life, after starting to work with people that really knew what they're talking about, yeah, it's the foundation of it on the spectrum. Yeah, later in life after starting to work with, you know, people that really knew what they were talking about, yeah, it's the foundation of it on the spectrum.

I process and I simulate things in a much different way than most. And that's the irony. A lot of all the head traumas and stuff like that, it did something to my brain where it's like, I can retain information very quickly now and regurgitate it. It makes no sense, because I wasn't really like that when I was younger.

I think that spirit, however God, whatever you want to speak to it as, has a plan. And if we can just stay vigilant and resilient in being a kind, compassionate, and empathetic person, that we don't miss the essence of why these things happen in our lives. Well, I definitely want to talk to you about Terry Bell and some of the practices and stuff here.

But I feel like we still got more bottom to find here. OK, so and I'm glad you're here, man. I'm just so glad you're here. And I'm glad you wrote about this because I put it on my radar. Yeah, thanks for having me. And it's nice that you're here, too. And I do have some gifts for you, but thank you. Doesn't feel appropriate to give you a gift right now because I'm about to

ask you like we go fast forward to so you seek the psychiatric help and it helps to explain a lot and I can kind of relate to this where suddenly like lights go on and you understand things because of diagnosis that you you finally saw it here right and then in 2016 this life you live this hard living I mean I mean I'm hearing about the boozing and the coke and you likely have CTE and now I'm thinking of Junior Seau and all these horrible stories of people suffering from CTE. What happens in 2016? Well the thing for me too is that with all of that stuff, I just wanna make sure the viewers or the listeners are clear here is that I also became a bag of shit

I got I got heavily mixed up an organized crime I was doing a lot of bad things like a lot of bad things to bad people right? So like CEOs of insurance companies no talking like street shit like like like Breaking people's legs and shit. You know what I mean? So, but here I'm 20, I'm 26, 27 years old. My hockey career's over, I'm heavily medicated, so I can't feel anything, right? You're like numb. Right, and then, yeah, so 2016 came around,

and this was way before, I'm 43 now, I was mixed up in that type of shit back in my late 20s. Okay, but now we're in 2016, you're mid-30s. 2016, about a year before that. Um, you know, and I've been in the lineage that I'm part of, of Cree yoga and the monks that I study with heavy, heavy meditation is what brought me, you know, hours and hours and hours a day looking inside. I felt that I wasn't going to be here if that something was going to happen.

And I told my wife, I said, I think, I think I'm leaving the planet. And she's like, okay. I was like, well, what should we do? I said, I don't know when it's gonna come, but I'm pretty sure something's gonna happen pretty soon. And that's when we were sitting there. And on that day, I think, I can't remember what day of the week it was the sun was shining in and my heart just started to go.

And it was beating so fast. Like we're talking literally. Literally. Sometimes that could be like, literally. Literally, and not because I was using coke or drugs at that time. Obviously there'd been a massive effect of the drug use on my heart but think of your heart going from resting at 60 it might reach way be a buck 70 or a buck 80 if you sprint real

hard for a period of time. Mine was up at like 300. Oh my god. Like it was to the point where it was like you had a shower head inside of me and water was spraying off of me. But you seemed to like it was to the point where it was like you had a shower head inside of me and water was Spraying off of me, but you seem to know it was coming right you sort of yeah Like you just felt like something was off for you had a premonition when you when you when you commit your life to Living to living inside and these different you know and living with nature and all that you start to sense things before they happen When we're living in this linear way like most people, you know chasing desires trying to run away from fears We're so in the cerebral

Existence of life that we can't actually feel what's going on around us Well before we say goodbye, you're gonna tell me about you know Your wellness routine and and and how you got to be this, you know This is this guy in front of me right now But in 2016 when you're 35 years old, very young man, I can't even remember being 35. Okay. You have this, this, this, you talked about your heart. You had a heart attack. Yes.

And a stroke. By the, by the clinical definition of your heart stopping, I didn't go see a doctor, right? Because I was so done with modern medicine. So when I had the heart attack and a stroke two days later, I got, I got put on an airplane and with one of my mentors flown out to our, um, our clinic in, in Selkirk, Manitoba. But the interesting thing about this is that that whole heart attack, probably one month before then I'm sitting there at a show, T training, Terry passed away for three, four years ago. We're sitting there eating. There's like 40 of us at a, at a big picnic table.

He's at the very end. I couldn't hear anything he's saying. And I'm talking to somebody and I hear his voice cut in and it says, if you ever around somebody that's having a heart attack, tie off their left arm right here, as strong as you can, because the heart has to pump a little bit harder to get the blood up down the left arm that it does across the body and you'll see this with tie boxers where they tie off the elbows the knees. Wow. If you let a fox chase a rabbit the rabbit what kills the rabbit is its heart explodes. If you tie off the rabbits

elbows and knees it can run further before their heart explodes. Long story short I start to go into the heart attack I look at my wife she's like what am I supposed to do? And we had already talked about it. Don't call 911. It's like, I live by the way of spirit now. It's fucking, am I meant to go? I'm going.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So at 35 years old, and now here you are cleaning up your life and learning this wellness routine. You essentially are like, don't call 911. Yeah. But. I know, it makes no sense. But even if you, okay,

I'm not gonna argue with you man, but like the science and the doctors that would save your life, you could you could say that is be part of the whole beauty of this universe we live in. It is. It's the thing about it is is that I've been working with psychiatrists and things like that in modern medicine for so long I was just turned off by it and it's like I know it doesn't make much logical sense My life doesn't make logical sense that being said I tied off my arm Yeah, right around the door with a with a with an electrical cord like my whole arm was like blue My wife sat there. She was kind of just watching me and you know, I'm tearing up and I didn't call 9-1-1 No, you told her not to know exactly

My wife thought what we call she's ride or die and she's a writer watching me and you know, tearing up. And she didn't call 911? No. Because you told her not to. No, exactly. My wife, what we call it, she's ride or die. And she's a rider. She's, we've been, she comes, we come from the same neighborhood. It's like, she's a, she's a- Okay, but what if you died? Yeah.

And they're like, why didn't you call 911? She would have figured out a way to explain it. Okay, all right, okay. Here I am, I'm a backseat driver. It's okay, it's okay. It's okay. No, man, no, no, it's okay though, because, because it's, you know, it's, it's, I'm a backseat driver. You're heart attacks from 2016. No, no, it's okay though, because it doesn't make much sense.

And that's where- But you lived. Well, that's what's crazy. So I took a ton of magnesium and cayenne pepper. Cayenne helps to drive the circulation of the blood, magnesium relaxes everything. And I pulled myself out of it by some grace of God. So when Terry had, when he had said about using this technique, Terry Bell,

yeah, Terry, but if a person's ready to leave the plan, there's nothing you know, to do for them. Thing about it is two days later, I wake up to go to the washroom and that had a mini stroke and when I asked over tea kettle down a flight of stairs like this, right. And then, and landed on my head. And, uh, that's when I had the first near-death experience and I went up the tunnel and had that whole experience up there.

This is like Seinfeld when she yadda yadda yadda is the best part. You went up to heaven? So I go up a staircase that when you hear these things are like you go to the light It's kind of like that, but for me it was a little bit different So I'm in this environment and there's this massive being there that would be like the size of like I don't know a 10-story apartment building here, but the most loving and it wasn't like a defined image It was kind of like like, you know what I mean? Like kind of- But if I saw this, I would want to go towards that light.

Yes, right. So you want to go there. Yeah, so there I am on my knees begging them to let me stay and exactly, it was like a collective message. They're like, you can stay if you want to, or you're gonna have to go back down there and do it again and sort it out in the next life. Wow.

So I was just like, fuck, okay. So then the image that I, it's me literally like a little boy scolded walking back down the stairs. And that's when I heard my wife Lauren's voice and I came kind of back into the body and I don't know how she's a hundred pounds. I don't know how she put me on her shoulder, carried me up to bed.

And then from there, yeah, it's crazy. But the thing is, is that to work in the paradigm of what I do now for a living which is an extension of who I be as a human being. What do you do now for a living? So as a herbalist, I work with people in aiding and assisting everything from four stage cancer to not being able to take a good poop. I, I've got a school of meditation. Um, herbalist meditation instructor. Yeah, but yeah, so I would call me vibe herbs, herbs, meditation and mindfulness.

And then lit, which is the leaders in training, which is a behavior based program for any team environment, families, um, business or pro sports. So we've been, or sports. So we've been running that with some kids here in Toronto and that, but COVID had a huge hit on things, right? It was, before COVID I had my, everything was banging and that, you know, flying around, working at retreat centers, teaching meditation, doing keynote, all that stuff. So still all that in the mix now, just we've pivoted and looking, so we're about to launch our herb formulas into the US marketplace, because if you're familiar with our government here, passed a bill

recently on natural health products that they're not implementing yet, but most likely will soon. Okay, I'm just processing all that. But is there like a, is there a website we can go to to learn more about? Not that can be accessed in Canada. Not that can be accessed in Canada. I've got to get that proxy server to find out what's going on with Luke. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna bring in for a moment here, Gere Joyce, who's joining us from not Kingston, Jamaica, okay, apparently it's Kingston, Ontario, but Gere, are you still there, bud? I am. I'm still spinning here. You know, I don't like to edit these things, but I might be hitting the ground,

what is it, ass over teakettle? I might be hitting the ground in a moment here. When, like. When did you learn this story, the Luke Seller story? I guess I picked up pieces along the way. Certainly I was around in Luke's time in Ottawa with the 67s. And I knew that he was in the Atlanta organization and plateauing there at the AHL level and had injury struggles. And I'd been in touch with a few of Luke's former teammates, in touch with a few of Luke's former teammates,

Seamus Kotick, who's a good friend, a scout for and coach with Buffalo Sabres and Lance Galbraitha, I had communication with for a couple different things. Lance died a few years back and Lance and Luke were very close. So I kept tabs somewhat on alumni from that 67th team, which won this Memorial Cup in 99 also made the Memorial Cup in a crazy run in two years later, Luke's last year of junior. I just kept tabs on people and then I happened on a short online documentary. It was independently produced and I don't know that it really got out there,

but it was Luke talking about his life experiences and attempted suicide and addictions and all those issues. And I thought this is such a rich story, you know, with the context that I knew as well. And your story that you wrote that appeared in the hockey news, is this just you contacting Luke and saying, can I share your story? Well, yeah, I do. I do a sub stack and I contacted Luke originally just to do a sub stack item. And we talked over zoom for an hour, I guess. And I thought, you know what, the story is, is it deserves more profile than that. And so I had been doing some

stuff for the Hawksy News here and there. And I pitched them on Luke's story. And you know, I think the first note I got back was really like, you know, if you were writing it as fiction, like you know if you were writing it as fiction no one would buy it and so it took a little while to piece it together right but I do I'm I'm not just proud of Luke but I'm proud with how the story came out and you know it's it's an all as well well Luke what did you think of the story as it was published in the hockey news by Gare Joyce? Just feel really honored that he took the time. He took the time to speak with my parents,

to speak with some friends of mine on that. And yeah, you know, like, Garey's a guy who, as a, I'm not sure if, and I'll speak directly to you, Gary, I know I have, I'm not sure you may understand, or maybe you do, that the impact that guys like yourself have on young men when you're around the rink here, and just, you know, guys that write from a wholesome place and aren't looking to just, you know, get clicks and that, like what we had talked about earlier. So it's been a real honour having a friendship with you for such for such a period of time. How does that make you feel Gere? A little teary. A little teary. No I mean it's meaningful to me you know I'm

just I'm just glad that Luke's where he is now and And I do think that it's kind of an untold story, what happens with junior players, whose lives don't turn out the way that they hope. And I see for a lot like Luke, I see them so excited to be playing hockey and with so much promise and in so many struggle emotionally and in in always when when things don't unfold, you know, it's, it's hard to be on a lifetime undefeated street. Well said. you know, and without tasting adversity before you hit the street at 2021. And Luke, I think the great thing isn't that Luke's a survivor, you know, at all a victim or a survivor, or at all a victim or a survivor, Luke's come out of it as a thriver.

And that's like the best type of story to write. I don't know if I was writing, you know, a memorial piece for the late Luke Sellers. I, you know, it's a cautionary tale, but it's, I don't know that it has the effect of inspiring. You can shock people or you can inspire people. And I think that Luke's story is an inspiration. Now that we've heard from Luke, I'm just going to reread what I read off the top, which is

sort of like the blurb at the top of this article in the hockey news that you wrote, Gare. But this is what so now that we've heard the story, substance abuse, rape, depression, the near loss of a leg, failed NHL dreams and a suicide attempt. But Luke Sellerers tragic fall after touching hockey's highest summit doesn't end there. It's his redemption story that defines him now. So here, before we say goodbye, I feel like I really want to get a little more on how Luke Sellers is doing as we round out 2024 because I just met you for the first time. You look fit as a fiddle. You look great. So I'm going to get that. But I do want to give you just a few quick gifts here because you've made the trek here.

Do you like Italian food? Of course. OK, I've got a large lasagna for you in my freezer. You can take that home with you. Where is home these days? DVP in Lawrence. OK, OK. Just up the street.

Up the street. OK, so you're going to bring that lasagna home with you. Thank you, Palma Pasta, for sending that over. Ridley Funeral Home, who don't want to see you anytime soon. Okay. And it sounds like you've got things straightened out. That's a measuring tape. You know, measure what you wish. Okay. I don't ask any questions about that.

Maneris has sent over a wireless speaker. That's a Bluetooth wireless speaker. And with that speaker, Luke, you can listen to season seven of Yes We Are Open. You mentioned Winnipeg a moment ago and Al Grego, he went to Winnipeg to talk to small business owners about their, you know, their triumphs and tribulations and what it takes to make it as a small business owner in 2024 and he puts these stories in Yes We Are Open. So season seven just wrapped and it's a great listen and Al does a great job and you can

listen to that with your amazing and a quick shout out to Great Lakes Brewery. We got a, a great season ending episode that we're going to drop on Tuesday. It's called between two fermenters. Subscribe to that podcast and there's no more year clean. Now I'm just curious about your use of you. You don't drink anymore. I'll have a few beers here and there's no more you're clean now I'm just curious about your use of you don't drink anymore oh a few beers here and there okay so if I

give you if I give you some fresh craft beer I won't hear about you Garry won't write me to say oh Luke's in a ditch somewhere not at all and not at all well they brew great you know everything in moderation right yeah okay so Great Lakes is gonna take care of you and last but not least before we find out how you are on your way out and then I got a rush to my daughter's holiday pageant. I promise I'd be there. But, you know, I can't disappoint Morgan. She'll never forgive me. Okay. But I do want to let you know that RecycleMyElectronics.ca is where you go if you have some old electronics, old devices, old cables. You don't throw it in the garbage because the chemicals end up in

our landfill. You go to RecycleMyElectronics.ca. So Luke, before we say goodbye here, and it's been an absolute pleasure hearing your story, how is life today? I want to know about your wellness level, like how are you doing? When I realized that my true mission here on this planet was to research what it truly is to be human. It, um, it allowed me to have, um, an awareness to a lot of these traumatic experiences that occurred in my life. That being said, I've also experienced the polarity of them because we live in a polarity field.

So, you know, I hate you. I love you. Right. Left. Up. Down. Love. Fear.

Which is the way that most people are experiencing their lives. Um, for me, life has come to a point where happiness is really what I'm seeking or even peacefulness would be a better way of looking at it. Happiness, I think is a bit of a fleeting emotion. Uh, peace, peacefulness and peacefulness comes from deep, meaningful relationships.

I mean, Harvard's done a study for the last hundred years that what equates to happiness is deep, meaningful relationships, not money, not assets, not these different things. And I think that if we commit to developing that deep meaningful relationship with ourself, and that's in the time when nobody's looking or nobody's watching, it allows us to show up out there in the world in a sense of being empty so we can be filled up with life's experiences. So my daily practice, I live in what I call four quadrant living. It's the way that a lot of Tibetans live in the villages

and that where we sleep from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. From 3 a.m. to 9 a.m. we do our own inner work meditation, time with nature, reading from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. in this context when you would work and that. And that's why you're here in that quadrant. Yeah. And then from 3 PM to 9 PM, it's just time with family, time and silence, meditation and that, and then lights out again at 9 and rinse and repeat. So it puts us in alignment with the circadian rhythm of the earth, moon and the stars. And you adhere to this?

Huh? You got what? You got alarms? I teach. Oh, I've been doing it long enough. I teach it to people now. I know I just know I just I feel like I need more than that. It naturally happens. Well, like when you look at the CTE stuff, the way that they're treating it in the neurologist and the Western medicine, there's so much that they're missing. There's so much that they're missing. Even just like the sun sets or comes up in the east, rises in the east. There's what's called colonial mass ejections, what come off of the sun, solar flares, there's radiation that comes off.

There's what makes the earth spin. If you're sleeping, um, north to south, your meridians, those are running right through you. So now, so something just as simple as putting your crown to the east when you sleep can go so far and how you feel when you wake up in the morning, the next day. So there's so much that we've forgotten this part of the world because we're not we're not a culture here who commits to the the daily practices and really with

the intention to know God or to know where you come from. What do you say to people who say oh this alternative medicine is a crock and you need to you know you should have called 911 when you were having a heart attack. It's okay. Perfect. To each his own. To each his own. Exactly. But I don't, I don't live in a, like, I accept every human being and how they choose to live their lives. Right. Who the fuck am I to know what you should do or not do? I haven't walked a day in your shoes. I tend to have a lot of people that are around me and come to me in my life now, because I've acquired a lot of tools and techniques to be able to help them arrive at the same place. I'm not real big on like, do this, do that and then intellect stuff. It's like, here's a meditation to do. Let me know how it works for you. Come back in

a month. And it's clearly worked for you. Yes. You're not, you know, you're, you, but no, just, I'm just curious. So cause you had the heart attack and the stroke and you fully recovered. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, cause you hesitate there. Well, I mean, yeah Well, the reason I hesitated there is it fully recovered from from the state of how I'm living my life What if what if they did another scan of my brain or whatever? I'm not sure what they would say, but dude you supplement so like obviously this is working for you This circadian rhythms as you said and the Tibetan monks. It's sounds like it's working wonderfully for you

But do you also see a cardiologist? No, no, no. I find this interesting. I also work with the herb formulas that my mentor developed. I mean, what we think to be real impossible in this part of the world, even on this planet, is so far from the truth. And that's hard for people to wrap their heads around because we're so science-based. But science means distortion.

Just look at it out there. It's ridiculous. So in my life and in my daily practice, I've come to live and experience life in such a beautiful way because when you see someone with four stage cancer that was told they're only going to have six months to live, and that was two years ago on a couple herbs that were developed by your teacher that helped save your life too, it's like we start to get into this relationship with one another. Go to the hospital and tell me how loving it feels going in there.

Let me ask you about these herbs for a moment though, because when I hear I'm thinking of Canada, Kev now like, yeah, I take herbs. No, it's called cannabis. Yeah, not cannabis, just food in a capsule. Herb formulas that he developed over 40 years that we use as practitioners to help aid and correct. And is Terry Bell the he or am I? He is a man.

Yeah, but that's the person you're referring to. Yeah, Terry Bell, who's no longer with us. Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that. It's okay. It's okay. Yeah. He developed a system called Shote about 40 years ago. And then this is in Manitoba, right? Yeah. And dedicated his life to learning everything he could about health. Yeah. And that's, he saved my life. So I'm just sharing it with the world.

Well, he's no longer with us, but if he were here, I'd say thank you for saving Luke Seller's life. Cause we're all better off with you in this world here. And big thanks to Gare here on the line from Kingston for shining a light on this story and bringing it to my attention. Thank you Gare. Thanks for having us.

Thank you, take care Gare. And. Thank you. Take care, Gar. And Luke, you realize now, uh, you're now an FOTM, okay? And with, uh, this great privilege comes great responsibility. I want to see you at one of my events. I'm telling you next summer, I'm going to have a TMLX event, probably at Great Lakes Brewery. For sure. I'd love to come. And bring some of those herbs with you. Yeah, for sure. And I'll let you know how my cocaine experience goes, okay?

Because I want to see what it does to me. But honestly, your story is wild. And it's, like Gareth said, like if he scripted this, Jason Priestley would be like, I'm not doing this. This is ridiculous. Thanks for taking the time, Mike. I really appreciate it. And that brings us to the end of our 1,598th show. I can't send you to Luke's website because you're in Canada. When can Canadians see this? Check me out on Facebook.

Luke Sellers has an AR at the end, not an ER, despite what I might've put on Blue Sky. By the way, go to torontomike.com for all your Toronto Mike needs. Blue Sky. By the way, go to torontomike.com for all your Toronto Mike needs. And Blue Sky, I'm at torontomike.com. And much love to all who made this possible. That's Great Lakes Brewery. You got your beer. Palma Pasta, your lasagna's in my freezer. RecycleMyElectronics.ca. Minaris, Luke, you've got the speaker. And Ridley Funeral Home. Tomorrow, it's funny that I had a Gary on this program. Gary is a Gary. Tomorrow, I'm going to share the audio. I moderated a panel at the Masonic Temple and two of my panel members are named Gary, Gary Top and Gary Cormier. And I think this is a podcasting record for the most Gary's on a podcast in a 48

hour span. I don't think you can beat that record. I was gonna say I was on the Gary's ship list when I was at Ryerson. If I had known that I would have... I wrote some negative stuff that they didn't like. Okay you should all over their uh one of their concerts they promoted at uh The Edge? all over their uh one of their concerts they promoted at uh the edge? Yeah something like that they weren't happy with me I remember that. See you all tomorrow with that episode 1599. Thanks Mike. Thanks very much.