Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - Ron James: Toronto Mike'd #296

Episode Date: December 27, 2017

Mike chats with stand up comedian Ron James about moving to LA, returning home to hone his craft and finding his voice.

Welcome to episode 296 of Toronto Mic'd, a weekly podcast about anything and everything, proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery, a fiercely independent brewery celebrating 30 years in the craft beer business. Visit GLB at 30 Queen Elizabeth Boulevard for $5 beers. And propertyinthesix.com, Toronto real estate done right. And Paytm, an app designed to manage all of your bills in one spot. Download the app today from paytm.ca.

I'm Mike from torontomike.com and joining me this week is comedian Ron James. Welcome, Ron. Nice to be here, man. My son's name is James. Perfect. We got something. We got some synchronicity here.

I tweeted you were coming on and somebody who was, I think, in a festive mood and was drinking read it as LeBron James was coming on. Well, you know, my uncle was going deaf in his later years, and he called my father up when dad was still alive and said, Bernie, I heard that Ronnie broke his ankle. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was the other. Yeah, you know. That was the other Ron. He's in a different tax bracket.

He is. Much different. Just barely. A different height bracket. The whole different bracket altogether. That guy's amazing, different tax bracket. He is. Much different. Just barely. A different height bracket. A whole different bracket altogether. That guy's amazing, by the way. I watched that Christmas Day game against the Warriors. He got fouled three times in the last couple of minutes and didn't get the call.

But that guy's the... I think he's the best player of all time. He's a force of nature. I think he's better than Jordan. I agree. I agree. Ford would murder his grandmother to win the game, which he had that going. But LeBron is all around just a freak of nature. He think he's better than Jordan. I agree. Ford would murder his grandmother to win the game, which he had that going, but LeBron is all around just

a freak of nature. He's a whirlwind, too. Nothing can stop him. We're so lucky that he's been to seven finals in a row. Probably will go to an eighth final. It's just ridiculous. I've got to get down to a couple Raptors games this winter. That's what I'm promising

myself. I'm back on the road, though, so I'll have to juggle the schedule. I love seeing one of those games. They move so fast. If we had recorded yesterday, we could have talked about how the Raptors are in first place in the East. Isn't that beautiful? It only lasted one day, though. Still, though? Yeah, still.

A lot of teams don't even get that. And it's amazing that we could be ahead of the Cavs and the Celtics. I think that's a fun team, too. Those iconic teams. That's right. I'm playing this. I'm going to use a maritime term for you right here. It's right cold outside.

Am I doing it right? It's right cold, buddy. What's that about? That's cold. Like, I know cold. And then you could double down. It's right some cold. Is that right?

And then you could slide a profanity in there. It's right some frigging cold. It depends on how deep you want to go. I love the marriage. I've only had the pleasure. I drove to Prince Edward Island once, so I drove through Cape Redden in Nova Scotia, and i did this uh tour with the whole family like a road trip loved it loved it and then uh i know when you're coming on i thought i'd uh run a few of those

expressions by so the right like you can go like it's right foggy today you just throw right in there like just throw right in there or write some jeezly foggy. Jeezly? I'm going to write these down. I'm going to start doing it. There's another one, scoff, right? Yeah, that's sort of a Newfoundland term. And Newfoundlanders aren't Maritimers.

They're Atlantic Canadians, and they'll turn on you hard. They will. They'll turn hard on you. They'll go knife in the boot on Water Street Saturday night on you if you call them Maritimers. They're an entity under themselves. That's a good tip. I don't want to piss anybody off. Just remember it. Is there like, if you don't include Labrador in the mix, are you offending them now?

Oh, Labrador is an entity even within Newfoundland. You know, it stands alone as some mythic kingdom of ice and moose pasture. Yeah, you scoff. You mentioned you've got daughters. Would you be like, I've got to scoff down the rest of this meatloaf? Am I using that one right? And meatloaf, which I love. I love the fact that you added meatloaf in there.

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. No, I, you know, I raised my girls in Toronto. They're Toronto girls, which is why I was late today for this interview. Oh, we should let the people know. Oh, that's all right. Yeah. You know, being stood up by Ron James would be something I'd be proud of.

Like, I would share that anecdote that story. What a dick, eh? I bet you would. I bet you would. I bet you would. This is episode 296. Yeah.

Never been stood up. Like, once I had a communication error with a lady from Sportsnet named Carly Agro and she didn't show

and then I phoned her and she's like, I have it down for tomorrow. So, we had that once in 2019. But then, you're supposed to be

here at 9 a.m. I'm all set. It's my holidays, Ron. I'm here like, Ron James coming over. I'm finally at like 9. I'm like, what time is 2? I had this whole thought process. It was like 9.05.

I'm like, should I phone him and see? And I'm like, it's too early to call. Well, I will tell you, at 9 a.m., I was still asleep biking through snow. No, you weren't. In my dreams. I was was still asleep biking through snow in my dreams. I was. I was biking through snow, and I remember thinking, I've got to get bigger tires for this. I've got to get bigger tires for this bike. And then I woke up, and I looked. I went, oh, sweet Jesus, I'm late.

I never miss an interview because it's so hard to get them, especially in Toronto where everyone is focused on south of the border and that level of fame, which is saying... Not me, man. Not me. Yeah, I can tell. I like Canadian chatter. In fact, before I forget, I want to ask about the snowing, the biking in snow, actually, in one second.

But fussy, like, I'm not fussy about, like, that's like a negative. Like, if you didn't like somebody's... Yeah, I'm not fussy about that. They don't say that here. No. I'm not fussy about that, bye. Now, Newfoundlanders would say it like that. I somebody's fussy about that they don't say that here no i was not fussy about that by now newfoundlanders would say like that i's not fussy about that by but uh cape retiners with their high rolling celtic lilt from the highlands that go i'm not very fussy about that at all and then the south shore in nova scotia goes my god i'm not too fussy

about that yeah yeah and then you slip into that Dutch-German brogue from the South Shore that's like, oh my God, my nanny would say the strangest things when you come to visit her at the home. I took the kids in to see her after church one day in Liverpool, and she was 93. You never knew what was going to come out of her mouth. She looked at us and said, I screwed Hank Snow.

Could you do the whole interview in that? Honestly, I would love it. It's catchy, isn't it? It took me many years to get that down, but I got a piece of property down that way now, and I'd like to go to the wharf and buy mackerel from the fishermen. Mackerel. That's the expression. I had no idea.

I used this expression. Holy mackerel. Right. I used that. I've always used it, holy mackerel. I didn't know it was a maritime thing. I don't know. I should have known there's fish in there I used this expression. Holy mackerel. Right. I used that. I've always used it, holy mackerel. I didn't know it was a maritime thing. I don't know. I should have known there's fish in there or whatever.

Well, I'm not quite. I think that's a maritime thing, holy mackerel. Well, maybe so, but you also get the satisfaction of the regressive Ks like you do in a good profanity. So you can, holy mackerel. Here's a good one you probably don't have down there. Quit being such a sook, boy. No, I don't have that. A sook. A sook. boy. No, I don't have that.

A sook. Sook. That's when you're whining. And sook, I think, is the maritime version of, oh, what a sook. Yeah. Hey, sookie baby. Sookie baby. Geez, he cries at anything, boy. Sookie baby.

I'm using that one. Last one. I don't have one more I wrote down because this is an expression I'll use and I had no idea. I think it's Maritimes. Fill your boots. Yeah, fill your boots. Yeah, like I use that. I've heard that. But that comes from Down East. I think so. Well, my father could, God

bless him, could take alliteration and his own sayings into an entirely different level, okay? And he was the quintessential Mar, a Newfoundlander, raised in Halifax, by moms at Cape Breton. Yes. But he would say things like,

honest to God, Ronnie, that wall hasn't been painted since the Year of the White Mice. Year of the White Mice. And my buddies and I in high school, when we'd have a spliff in, I'd say, go, hey, man, let's discuss when the Year of the white mice actually was. And you could, you know, you could get an hour on that topic in those days. That's what this podcast is all about. I mean, an hour on the origin of the place to flunk math, right? All the time. Yeah, it would drive him crazy. He was good at math. I was good at English and history, the other side of the brain. Right.

Anyway, my teacher used to phone my house if I made lower than 65 out of 100 on a math test and dad's classic line was is it okay if I just drop a simple little profanity in, not a serious one actually you can go nuts by the lumped up German Jesus you better start passing math, you sod off little christer there's gonna be a stranger in hell for breakfast

by the Lord's snapping arseholes I kept flunking just to hear the alliteration I don't even think that's a profanity. Is it? Arsehole? Is that the... By the lumped up German Jesus. That's what...

Now, that's a Newfoundlander term, too. By the lumped... Gentle German Jesus. Wow. Yeah. That's amazing. That's amazing. I know Myers tried to get that

in one of his Austin Powers pictures. He tried to get... What's the guy's name? His marriage is Susan Sarandon. Tim Robbins, is that right? Playing the president? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He tried to get him to say, gentle German Jesus.

He didn't do it? No, I can't. Well, he didn't understand what it meant. He's like, what the hell is that? Of course he wouldn't understand what it meant. Okay, we suffered a loss. I'm a big time, you're a hockey fan, right? Yes.

You're a Leaf fan? I've loved the Leafs since I was, well, I will tell you, since I was 11 years old. I used to like the Montreal Canadiens until the Montreal Canadiens fired Al McNeil, the only Stanley Cup winning coach ever fired by the Montreal Canadiens because he wasn't bilingual. And Pocket Rocket said, send him back home to the Maritimes where he belongs. I had a poster of Jean Beliveau in my bedroom, and Dad said, it's time to take that down. Wow. Yeah, so I've been hoping for the Leafs since then.

And as I like to say, believing in the Leafs is like believing in the virgin birth. You know it's a stretch, but it's impolite to the faithful to say otherwise. That's great. But I do want to see the Leafs win the Stanley Cup in color. So I've stayed true blue. I'm going to play it. This is still the holiday season. We're, what, 27th of December?

So here's a classic Christmas jam here. Honky, honky the Christmas goose got so fat that he was no use till he learned how to blow his nose.

Hump the way a goose nose blows. So Johnny Bauer passed away yesterday. Did you ever have the pleasure of meeting Johnny Bauer? Several times. Tell me about what it was like. I'll tell you one time. If you don't mind, you've got to eat this microphone. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'll tell you one time. We were... Oh, and if you don't mind, you've got to eat this microphone.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'll tell you one time. You can move it back if you want. I'd met him a couple of times when I'd been the entertainment at a golf event. You know, I remember once I was at some high-end golf club

north of the 401. What was it called? Anyway, there were high-rolling Bay Street Illuminati and assorted severely tanned dentists and surgeons up there, drunk, which are an obnoxious crowd at the best of times. And all these old NHL stars were there, everyone from Steve Schutt to Johnny Bauer. And I remember Johnny and Wendell were sitting at a table. And, you know, they go to these events and they sign sweaters and, you know, they make a few extra bucks. And it was the toughest gig because rich people are rude when they're loaded.

And the last thing they want to have is, you know, a comedian on stage knocking the stuffing out of their, you know, $5,000 putters. And Johnny came up to me afterwards and he said, he said, that was a tough room, kid. You did good. I loved it. And he had the gentle disposition of a wise and sage. And I met him at another time. I worked with the famous people players years ago, whose place is down here. And Johnny was there getting an award along with me. And he and his wife were just so sweet. Just so sweet. And the host was just like really close to his face that night.

With the microphone. I think he that night with the microphone. And he's like, I think he was 88 at the time or 89. And he just sat there smiling. And another time, I'll never forget it. A buddy of mine, we were in the lineup to get on a flight. And the line was going by, and there was this little old man sitting by himself waiting to be taken on, just sitting there. And Johnny Bauer had a smile and a gentility and a kind disposition

that was reminiscent of men from another day who'd seen hard times and who were not part of this, hard times and who were not part of this and it's just the change of the world nhl celebrity culture that exists today they existed as part of our own tapestry of canadiana when the game was played on frozen ponds and in in farmers fields or lakes here in eastern ontario and he was just sitting there and uh everybody was walking by and nobody noticed him and I just looked I went wow it's Johnny Bauer and uh my buddy who was with me said yes it is and he just looked up and said how you doing boys and he was just sitting there quietly just no and uh when dad was 80 I took him to see, you know, I finally got some free tickets out of CBC after being on their network

for almost 15 years to see a Leaf game. So I took my Newfoundland dad down, and he got a buzz on, as expected. And I'd gone out to get a couple of, I said, now sit right here. I'm going to go get us a couple of pints. And I came back, he was 80 years old and dead. By the time I got back, he was double fisted and a couple of Miller tall boys. And I said, dad, I went out to get us some beers. And he said, he said, a young fella came by and he said, oh, Mr. Bauer, it's a pleasure to meet you. That's fantastic. Oh, my God. So he took the compliment.

He said, thank you very much, son. Oh, that's great. Yeah. So your father, is your father passed away? Yeah, I lost him this summer. Oh, man. Yeah, he was 85 years old and a rabid Leaf fan. I mean, and this is in a neighborhood where we were surrounded by Habs fans because I was raised in Halifax

and I was there when the Nova Scotia Voyageurs were the farm team for the Canadians in the heady days of seven Stanley Cups in the 70s, right, when they were that incredible dynasty. The Ken Dynast? Yeah. And everybody's rookie year was right up the street at the Halifax Forum.

And so, you know, he was I don't know who the Leafs farm team was at that time. I don't know. But we used to see Sam Pollock, our neighbor, was the manager of the Montreal Forum and involved with the Halifax Forum and involved with the junior Canadians, the Voyageurs and the Montreal Canadians. And we used to see Sam Pollock visiting their house. And Dad used to say to me,

Hi, my car keys, Ronnie, or I'm going to run over them. So he was... Anyway, yeah, we did. We lost him this summer. But I'm sure he's up there some... I'm sure he's up there cheering on the Leafs with his neighbor. Oh, man, I'm sorry to hear that. Well, it's life.

You know, it's baby boomers. It's the pocket we're in now. Yeah, might as well start buying your sympathy cards in bulk. But I will say this, you know, without it being a, you know, the story ending on a model of note. He was a man who really could enjoy a laugh. And he was a quintessential Newfoundlander. There's no price tags on the doors in Newfoundland, they used to say, right? And he had a welcome mat with he and mom rolled out for every fellow traveler that crossed his threshold.

Oh, wow. As long as you weren't a bullshitter, Ronnie. Everybody's welcome at this table. I just can't bear a bullshitter. I like him already. I got to say,

I've never met a Newfoundlander I didn't like. It's pretty remarkable, isn't it? And even like, it's funny, with Leaf fans, but I'm still pissed off

that when I watch my Leaf game on a Saturday night, I don't get to hear Bob Cole. I want to hear Bob Cole call my Leaf games. So long as he's willing to honor us by calling a game, it should be a Maple Leaf Saturday night game. I don't know who makes the decisions over there.

I grew up with Danny Gallivan, so you want to talk about inventing the language. Oh, cannonating. That's his, right? A cannonating drive. A cannonating drive. He was Cape Breton. Okay. By the way, gorgeous. I'm going to say, because this. That's his, right? A cannonating drive. A cannonating drive. He was Cape Breton. Okay. By the way, gorgeous. I'm going to say, because this was just last August, so August 2016, where I'm driving.

We did the Cabot Trail. Cabot Trail. Yeah. Gorgeous. Yeah, it's remarkable. Gorgeous. In fact, I was there. I was in Inganish the night.

Hey, that's where I spent my summers, man. I was there for the last hip concert. So I watched the final hip show from Kingston. Yeah. Yeah, they played in Kingston. Yes. And I watched it on TV in Inganish. Yeah, with my kids.

We watched Gord's final show. My God. Like, I always think, like, I've been to... What time of year were you there? August. Yeah. That was late August 2016. Yeah, it's the best time to go.

Amazing. I mean, summer's so short, 2016. Yeah, it's the best time to go. Amazing. The summer's so short, but it's remarkable. And I say the summer before last I was in Newfoundland. Okay. I went hiking with my daughters. Nice. But I went to Majumder, Sean Majumder. You've got to get Sean on.

Have you had Sean on? No, I'd have Sean on. Yeah, Sean and Critch. Anyway, he has a great party each year called The Gathering in Newfoundland at the Peninsula in Burlington. And he has these great Newfoundland bands and these great chefs show up and it's for the local community.

And it's a dry event, but it's remarkable. I know I went hiking in Gros Morne National Park, Green Gardens, which is, we had a seven, a seven hour, 15 15-minute hike, which was the most demanding hike I've had since hiking in the Purcells and the Rockies a few years back. Yeah, but I always try to get into nature.

That's one of the great things about touring the country. You said, yeah, and it's a great country, right, because you've got your Banff stuff happening, and you've got such a wide variety of natural wonders across this country. Oh, it's incredible, and it's one of the hidden boons of String of My Trap Line from coast to coast, which I've been doing for the last 20 years. Because you can write it

off, right? This is a business expense or whatever. Thank you very much. Genius. I wasn't thinking about it when I was trying to make a living. I was just trying to fatten the coffers, man, and step outside the club venues, you know? Right, right. You mentioned something earlier I wanted to get back to before we actually kickstart this thing.

You mentioned you had a dream you're biking in the winter. So I bike in the winter. And some people, I think their tongue's in their cheeks, some not. But they like to tell me I'm crazy for biking in the winter. It's the best time to bike. It's great. If you're dressed right. That's everything.

Yeah. Yeah. I like to take the bike out to the Leslie Street Spit. I'm an East Ender. Yeah. And mind you, you know, you got to have the gear. So I have Icebreaker Long Johns. Those are the best ones.

But I think they changed their product. They used to be made in New Zealand when I first bought them. They're made in China now. And that is good. I don't think so in New Zealand when I first bought them. They're made in China now. That is good. I don't think so, but I'm a big winter fan. A great day for me is, an ideal day for me, is some shinny or a walk in the woods with the snowshoes. I'm shamelessly Canadian in that respect. No, I love it.

I love going south too, but about day three, I'm bored shitless. Music to my ears, but can I ask you about when you bike in the winter, I'm not talking like a nice minus five here. I'm talking when you get a day like, let's say today. Oh, yeah. What's on your feet? Tell me, because my experience, and I've been doing this winter biking for about five or six winters now, I can be warm, like literally warm everywhere except my feet.

Okay, here's what I do. You've got to have a sock liner besides the thermal sock, and I like to put a heating pad in my toes. And so, you know, those little instant heating pads. Like hot? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that you buy at Mountain Equipment Co-op. So, I mean, you can't go out for anywhere from two to four hours is enough. But a nice hard sprint on the bike for two hours, that'll keep your cardio up. And it'll keep your toes nice and toasty.

That's the answer. So I bike in running shoes and two pairs of socks. No. So I did it yesterday. And I so I bike in the like running shoes and two pairs of socks. No, no. And so I did it yesterday and I did 26 K I think total. And that's only because, uh, I,

at some point, like when I'm at like strong and waterfront, cause I realized, uh, I can no longer feel my feet and I had to get home because I don't feel like losing toes. Like I like my toes, I go 10 of them.

So I'm like, I gotta get back. And then, yeah, but when I got home, honestly, like it took a long time for me to feel those toes again. And, and I'm,. So I'm like, I got to get it back. And then, yeah, but when I got home, honestly, it took a long time for me to feel those toes again. And I said, I felt like George Costanza in the,

no, George's dad in the Festivus episode. There has to be a better way. So I've been doing a lot of research. Gore-Tex socks. I'm reading all about these different things. There's this Gore-Tex sock. Gore-Tex, yeah. That you wear over your sneakers?

No, I think they go in the sneaker. And then they guarantee to keep your feet warm and dry. But they're like $70 for a pair of these Gore-Tex socks at MEC. But I haven't made a final decision. Maybe those hot shot things that you... I don't think that you can go wrong

spending serious coin on your feet. I'm with you. It's the first thing that goes. You know what I bought years ago at the Sportsman Show was a snow dome kit. I don't even know if they make them anymore, but it's like a mold for making an igloo. And I made it, what is this, we're going into 2018? 18 years ago, New Year's Eve, it was a remarkable, just stunning amount of snow.

And my friends had a cottage up on, a cottage rented up along the snow belt outside of Collingwood in Singhampton. And everybody started making it with me and then they bailed. And I stayed and finished it, but I damn near got frostbite. Wow. Yeah, I did get frostbite on my ear once, and it bugged me for like 10 years. I got big ear lobes, man.

It's a weird shallow gene pool thing. It's like the Habsburg chin. I think the Prince Charles has that, doesn't he? That's something different. He's got big ears. Yeah, that's something. Well, that's the shallow gene pool, man. That's the cousin inbreeding thing with the royal family.

They're basically hillbillies with better accents. They are. You're right. You're right. So much to cover here. We're going to dive in. But you had a good Christmas? Yeah, it was great.

I have my daughters on the 26th. They go with their mom on the 25th. And, yeah, it was good. great. I have my daughters on the 26th. They go with their mom on the 25th. And I... Yeah, it was good. What kind of age are we talking for your daughters? 29 and 20. My youngest is going to be 24 in

April. And they were just the best girls in the world to raise. And they became... And are great women. My eldest got her master's in film and television in glasgow after four years at guelph and my youngest just graduated from guelph last year and uh she's uh she may be going to ryerson next year but uh i turned 60 the end of january so uh the three of us may be going uh it all depends on when Kaylee lands a gig or not because she's a freelancer and stuff.

And she wants to place herself with documentaries for education. Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She worked on a film called The Messenger. And she worked on another one called Selvie about the first female cab driver in Mumbai. And they're both socially conscious, enlightened young women. And so, you know, despite a marriage failing, it's nice to know that you never dropped the ball with raising your children.

And I know one thing that made me a better man. It's like you wrote, I'm going to write that down too and use that same speech. Exactly. You know, marriages, maybe they don't go long, they don't go all the way, you do your best, but you're a father forever.

Yes. And it's like, that's where you got to step up. Yeah. I just felt the paradigm shift in my life when they came along, and particularly the second one, because then that becomes an exponential responsibility. Yeah. And that's why I stepped outside the arena of acting and waiting for the phone to ring for an audition, so I could just be another journeyman actor waiting for someone

else to throw him a, you know, waiting to get his crust of bread and work for a paltry wage, quite frankly, in the Canadian, you know, journeyman actor world. So I shifted into stand-up and I never looked back. We're going to cover this career.

I mean, when people see the picture, after every episode, I take a photo with the guest. Oh, yeah. No matter how cold it is, we do that outside. Oh, good. Great. And I'm going to cover this career. I mean, when people see the picture, after every episode, I take a photo with the guest. Oh, yeah. No matter how cold it is, we do that outside. Oh, good. Great. And I'm going to wear a T-shirt just to show everyone what a great Canadian I am. What a stupid Canadian I am.

Right, right. But when people see your face, I mean, they all know the name Ron James anyways. Not LeBron, by the way. Not LeBron. And not Ron Jeremy. I've heard that one, too. Many, many, many times. Not my strength., by the way. Not LeBron. And not Ron Jeremy. I've heard that one too many, many, many times. Not my strength.

I slipped the other day. My wife's cousin was here from Gatineau on Christmas Day, actually, they dropped by. And I was down here because he had never

seen the studio. He wanted to see this beautiful studio. He's like, where are these people recording? Where does Strombo sit? And then I accidentally actually said,

oh, Ron Jeremy's coming on this. And he got excited, though. And then I had to disappoint him., Ron Jeremy's coming on this. He got excited, though. And then I had to disappoint him. Yeah, well, there you go. Well, you know. Hey, you can't apologize for not being Ron Jeremy or LeBron James. You are Ron James, and that's what matters.

Hey, let's get going here. So let me first tell you that there is a six-pack of Great Lakes beer in front of you. Sweet. Take that home. Thank you. I follow those guys on Instagram and on Twitter. They'll love hearing that. It's a fantastic beer.

And I was telling you before the show, the owner there, his name is Peter Bullitt, and they're celebrating 30 years. What? They just hit 30 years. How about that? Peter's dad owned it. Now, here's the thing. They just hit 30 years.

How about that? Peter's dad owned it. Now, here's the thing. Look, an iconic brand, okay, an iconic company, and I just found out they're celebrating 30 years. You know, that is a Canadian success story, and it's all about flying under the radar of the references that make, you know, I mean, that's a success story, but we fly under the radar, right? And you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope to get the sun on your face and the wind at your back and you make a great living and you

build a great company, but you're not the first. The knowledge of your success is not on the lips of everybody. Exactly. Much like this podcast. But you're doing what you love, man. You're following your bliss, to quote Joseph Campbell. Yes, right. I always say it's a six-year overnight

success story. All of a sudden, people are like, wow, you're just a guy in your basement, and you have all these subscribers, and they listen, and these people like Ron James and whatever come over. Someone's just Googled me right now to find out who the hell I am.

Yeah, someone, a lot have just Googled me. I think the awareness of Ron James is very high, very high. We'll get to that. So the Great Lakes Brewery, let's take a topic here, is that you got your six pack going home with you.

You're going to need a pint glass to pour the beer into. Oh, sweet. There's a pint glass there that's going home with you as well. But that is courtesy of Brian Gerstein. Brian Gerstein is with propertyinthesix.com. He's a real estate agent with PSR Brokerage, also one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. But he has a message for you.

And at the end of this message, so you need to listen because he's going to ask you a question. He's got a personalized message for Ron James. Okay. Let's listen to Brian. Propertyinthesix.com Hi, Ron. Brian Gerstein here, sales representative with PSR Brokerage,

wishing you a happy new year. 416-873-0292 is my direct number to chat or text me about the upcoming spring market. And Brian at psrbrokerage.com also works. My listings always include a pre-sale home inspection, professional floor plan, photo and video shoot, and tons of marketing, both print and online. Ron, as a stand-up comedian, who were your role models? Well, how about that? That's a great question, too.

Yes. Yeah, who were your role models as a stand-up comic? Well, it inspired me. The quintessential album, I think, for aspiring stand-up comedians back in the 70s had to be George Carlin's Seven Words You Can't Say on television. That was it. And, you know, I'm asked this question a lot. I don't I don't spend a lot of time watching comedians now. And once I got into stand up, I never did. And, you know, I watched the classics.

Richard Pryor live on the Sunset Strip. I came of age during the Renaissance and comedy in comedy with George Carlin of course started it and then you know I like Robert Klein stuff I loved actually the young Billy Crystal when he did the tribute to Howard Cosell and Muhammad Ali which was classic

you know I was in university when Robin Williams caught lightning in a bottle. Reality, what a concept. When I was cleaning out my dad's garage, I found that album and saved it. Steve Martin, of course. And, you know, all of them. But I would have to say that Carlin initially was it. But as I got older, now that that had simmered and I thought, okay, that's pretty cool. I mean, you know, there's the quintessential American iconoclast. But when I was down in Los Angeles from 90 to 93, HBO came into being, okay? And Carlin was the guy who said to richard prior's manager where would we have been

had hbo not not come along right it saved uh uh it saved the voice it saved the authentic voice of comedy and uh but i saw a guy by the name of Billy Connolly do a 90-minute special. And this Glaswegian wizard moved across the stage in this fluid tartan brogue. And he was singing the song of my tribe. And I had just begun a very long stretch of unemployment. I went down to do a series. It was canceled. And I remember my eldest was asleep on the couch and I laughed so loud I woke her up with a startle. And I said, I have to learn how to do that. I have to follow my bliss and embrace my muse. And it was percolating then, you know. bliss and embrace my my muse. And it was percolating then, you know. And so I saw him and I saw an early manifestation of who eventually became a voice of the of the right, which was

unfortunate. But I've heard that he became a voice of the right because he became a liberal with a broken heart. Dennis Miller's first special, Black and White. I loved what he did with the language. And I loved what Carlin did with his point of view, how he tipped the sacred icons. And he was a working class guy from the inner boroughs of New York. I could relate to that. And I loved Billy Connolly because of his absolute embrace of his muse and how happy he seemed to be alive given his Dickensian childhood. Well, let's hear a bit of Billy Connolly while we're talking about him here.

This is just a taste of him. I was in Baffin Island, to my deep disappointment. I was in Baffin Island, which is just to the left of Greenland there. It's the top of Canada. And I was with the Inuit Eskimo people. I was making one of those travel films, and they'd offered to take me out on a 12-dog sled. Now, if you ever get the offer to go out on one of those sleds

pulled by 12 huskies, say, no thank you. Listen to how many people he's speaking to. I'll tell you why. Those dogs fart. Like farting was invented the day before yesterday. And they all do it at the same time. Fabulous, Billy.

Fabulous. Fletchers. Holy Jesus, mother of fuck. I love it. Lumps of dog shit. So there's a taste of Billy Klein.

Let me tell you something. Yeah, talk to me. If I did that joke on CBC, they'd cut it. Is that right? Yes, they would'd cut it. Is that right? Yes, they would. Because it's lowbrow?

Or is it too potty humor? Yeah, I'm always being... Or I'd have difficulty selling it. And, you know, with all due respect to the network that's put me on New Year's Eve for the last time... And putting you on this New Year's Eve, so you're on again, CBC. I'm on again. I was on the 7th of 30th last time. And putting you on this New Year's Eve, so you're on again, CBC. I'm on again.

I was on the 730th last time. We'll talk about that later, but yeah. And there is always a taste factor that you have to deal with, you know? You have to deal with taste, and you have to deal with the sometimes prudish indifference to anything that relates to a bodily function. I always try to get a good fart joke in.

I always try to get a good one in. I had a good one in a couple years ago about farting in yoga class. But Billy, listen to his delivery. Listen to the audience. And it's, you know, comedy now, it's a minefield,field man and you really don't know where to go i mean you you know you take a wrong step on something that you think is a virtuous point of view and i'm just not talking about farting and right let me clarify put a disclaimer in you know you know fart jokes dick jokes uh breast jokes i, they all have their place in stand-up.

But when the network is paying big bucks for the production and you're on once a year, you have to tow the corporate line. And that is understandable. That's the bargain that you make, okay? I get a national audience each year of 1.5 million people, which is wonderful. I get a national audience each year of 1.5 million people, which is wonderful. But they may say, look, we're not going to go with that. For instance, I had a joke about Billy Connolly, about Donald Trump a couple years ago. I said, I wish I had the time to cover every malignant statement that danced from the gilded cake hole of that Carney-Barkin narcissist.

But I'm only doing an hour not a mini series the phrase that really got on my nerves is when he said that women who get abortion should be punished beg to differ the only woman who should be punished is donald's mother for not having one which destroys live yeah but on television it has an entirely different connotation right now i can love I can love Billy Connolly anytime, anywhere. I took my eldest to see him on stage in Hamilton. He did two hours and 21 minutes when he was 64 years old. And that was, well, she was in first year university, so that would have been, oh my gosh, four or five, 11 years ago, 12. And we laughed from the beginning to the end. And what did he say?

She was beside me, and he just threw a line out in the first five minutes. He said, ah, politicians, they should all be fucked and burned. And she leans into me and said, boy, this show is going to be good. And she was 19. And, I mean, that's his comment. Not that I endorse it, but, I mean, that's how he tipped the apple cart. I mean, and freedom, freedom. Cornel West, the great black philosopher in America, used to call Richard Pryor the freest black man in the United States, and he paid for that.

But freedom, and to say what you want, also comes with a responsibility. to say what you want also comes with a responsibility. And I think that responsibility, when you've got a network show, you know, you have to play by the rules. And I got to play by the rules too. So we have one more sponsor to thank for sponsoring this passion project and keeping this going

so I can have the Ron James of this country over. Not the LeBron James. I'm working my way up to the LeBron James. He won't be able to get down the basement, man. You know what? I hit my head in the ceiling. That's a good point. He's not fitting down here. PayTM. PayTM is a free online payment service that manages all of your bills in one place You can pay utility bills, mobile, phone, internet, gas, property taxes, education, credit cards, insurance, rent

Your credit card bank account can be used to pay all of the above Heck, you can even send money to your friends and family for free and Paytm will send you bill reminders so you can avoid paying late fees. Here's what I ask. I ask if you go to Paytm to download the free app that you use the promo code Toronto Mike when you make your first bill payment. Toronto Mike, all one word, and they'll give you, Paytm will give you $10 off your first bill payment. That's free money. So visit paytm.ca, download the app, use promo code Toronto Mike, and you can thank me later. So Ron, you're born and raised in the Maritimes.

So tell me how you end up in the big smoke here, Toronto. Well, I was born in Cape Breton. I spent eight years there as a kid, nine years there as a kid. Then I moved to Halifax. And then when I was 18, I went to university at Acadia. And I graduated from Acadia in 79. And it was at Acadia that I really began to hone my comedic chops. You know, I did a couple of plays. But mostly we did hot knives on Friday night.

Someone got a chunk of hash and they'd give me a hot knife and, uh, I talk for three hours and they'd, I just still remember the phrase, give James some. And then there'd be about 15 of them around and, uh, eventually the word spread and, uh, there was 30 and I was just riffing. Uh, but I was insane, uh, and young and young and bulletproof, supposedly. But I so and then I saw a show in 77 on TV or 76 or 77 called Saturday Night Live. And like any aspiring comedian who who had decent chops, I wanted to get on that show. But I didn't realize how how long the journey would be. And but I found out that they came from Second City.

So in 1980, uh, I, uh, I was on my way out to, uh, to work in the rigs, uh, to make some money in Calgary with all my buddies. And, uh, I ended up getting my wisdom teeth out instead. And so I had some soul searching time and I thought, no, no, I'm going to follow my bliss, you know? And I didn't want to go back to university, and I remember nurturing the notion of being a history teacher, but it, you know, I just, I would have went apeshit doing that. And a traditional corporate job was not for me. So I knew that I had a passion for this and a gift for this. It just had to be honed. So I up to toronto i got into second city after taking the classes for a year and i was bartending and taking some other acting classes and stuff and i got into second city and i started in the touring company and i knew this is where you had to come toronto so i did and uh you know i had a basement

bachelor apartment in the far west end and uh you know with a fold-up cot i And, you know, I had a basement bachelor apartment in the far west end. And, you know, with a fold up cot, I was like, you know, Ivan Denisovich in the Gulag Archipelago slept better than me. And, you know, I remember people would, you know, maritimers were always moving west. Right. So they'd drop by and crash on the floor and say, by the way, your place has bugs. So how far west in Toronto? I'm just curious. No, I was just at Eglinton West, up at Marley and stuff. And I used to get ads in the mail for psychics and Afrosheen. So it was wild.

Anyway, I bartended at the Delta, made some money, always had money in my pocket. And, of course, Toronto in those days, 38 years ago, was a Puritan backwater, right? I mean, you know, you still needed to have a letter from your doctor to get a drink in front of you on Sunday, practically. But you had to have food. You know, you had to have food in front of you, right? Toronto the good. Toronto the good.

It was ridiculous. And then you go to speakeasies and stuff. But I got into Second City, and it turned things around. I found my tribe of enthusiastic young improvisers, and it was an ideal time to be in Second City at 110 Lombard Street, right? And that iconic building where everybody who was anybody in comedy came from,

you know, Dan Aykroyd, Gilda Radner, John Candy, Eugene, all the giants. Yeah. You know, Dave Thomas, Catherine O'Hara, Andrea, Joe, and they were still on TV. I mean, they were shooting in Edmonton the year I joined the touring company, but they were there. The standards you wish to aspire to were seen on TV once a week. But we were in the touring company driving up and down the 400. I mean, we were paid a paltry wage in the legions of Second City.

We were paid in a bag of russets and a Dixie cup of our own piss. But it was a great time to be alive and young and improvising. And we used to play the Deerhurst Inn before it became the huge resort it is now. It was a mom-and-pop operation. resort it is now. It was a mom and pop operation. And we lived at this, we spent the summers up there and we lived in this funky old, funky old place on Penn Lake or Ferry Lake called, we used to call it Wanking Manor, but it was called, it was called the Portage Station. And geez, it was perfect, man. It was just perfect. And then we got promoted to main stage down at Lombard Street. I stayed with those guys on main stage for four shows. And then we got promoted to main stage down at Lombard Street. I stayed with those guys on main stage for four shows and then, you know, did what everybody does.

You know, in those days you got commercials when they were still shooting, a lot of them for Canadians. And, you know, you pick up a guest spot, you pick up a corporate gig, you pick up a voiceover. We were journeyman actors, you know, I mean, you're just we were hunter gatherers. You just follow the herds and some days you get a caribou and some days you got to settle for a ptarmigan if you'll pardon the metaphor and then i went to la in 1990 uh okay but um before we get to la so there's a few interesting things i gotta ask you about so uh strange brew you're in strange brew yeah i had a line in strength yeah dave thomas and uh rick moranis I had a line in Strange Brew. Is that right? Yeah, Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis gave me a line in that, yeah.

Dave was nice. I ended up doing, and he still is, I ended up doing a pilot with him called Rocket Boy years ago. And if you're looking at stuff on IMDB, and that's what we're going to talk about. No, no, no. Cherry picked a couple, because Strange Brew, I had to ask, because I don't

remember you in Strange Brew. And of course, Ernest Rides Again is going to be there, right? Ernest for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm trying to keep it chronological. Oh, all right. But Strange Brew is like, okay, let's get you. There's been a lot of brain cells burned since Strange Brew, brother, you know. But if I'm flipping stations in Strange Brew.

That's two children and 11 stints in rehab you're talking now, right? 11 stints. Soon to be 12 if I keep asking you about this. At least I'll skip my Danger Bay question. Oh, yeah, Danger Bay. We don't say yay on Danger Bay. Yeah, that was the days I was an actor. Another, by the way, another fantastic.

Okay, and I do have a quick question about you did a voiceover for the Ewoks cartoon. I did. Yeah, I did. All I want to know is, there's fanatical Star Wars fans, right? And they go to conventions and they're all nuts. Can you now go to a convention and make money at a convention

because you did a voiceover for the Ewoks? Brother, you're giving me far more status than I deserve. I believe I may have done that in... That Ewok voice, I may have done that in... Even before I moved to Los Angeles, I may have done that in 87. 86, I believe. done that in uh even before i moved to los angeles i may have done that in 87 86 i believe how do you how do you how do you take that shit off or is that there is that like etched in stone forever no no you walk things forever man if you so wait so you might as well ask me the question so you

had antennas growing from your head once right you had antennas how long ago did you had antennas growing from your head once, right? You had antennas? How long ago did you have antennas? Okay, but Star Wars fans are a little intense. Like, they're deep divers. So once you do anything in the Star Wars universe, you actually are part of their, whatever, their Star Wars wiki fandom. You know what it is? I drink for free on Endor. Okay.

I drink for free on Endor. Well, that's something. It's more than most. Endor and Toronto Mike. There's where the free beer is. All right, let's get you to California. Okay, so you do a lot of great stuff. We won't even discuss the great appearance on Check It Out.

There's a lot of great stuff you're doing, and then you end up in California. Check it out. Discuss it, man. Don Adams, right? Yeah, Don Adams. He had a line. Don Adams is crazy, right?

Yeah. A couple people I know worked with him forever and uh every thursday he wore black and he had uh and it's almost like after he did that film the nude bomb with don reckles it's almost like he says okay we're gonna cryogenically freeze you and you're not gonna know anything and i remember i was working with a very talented actor sheila mccarthy and we were playing terrorists and i remember he said his line was and you're not going to know anything. And I remember I was working with a very talented actor, Sheila McCarthy, and we were playing terrorists, and I remember he said his line was this. Don't worry, Leon. We'll always be together, even if it's only as acid rain over Pittsburgh.

Cut! Cut! What is this acid rain? So when we were doing my show, and it was a dull day, the lads in the writing room used to say, Ron, can we have a Don Adams line? What is this acid rain? Yeah.

Guy owned 51% of the Get Smarts. Yeah, he took points instead of salary. Ironically, that is very smart of him to do that. I don't know. My memory is of Check It, Check It Out, because I did watch it. I don't know. My memory is of Check It Out because I did watch it. I don't know why. Was Rachel? What's her name?

Kathy Lasky. No. She's a very talented actress. Who's the lady? Okay, she's talented. What's her name? Jennifer Aniston. Have anything to do with Check It Out? Or is this like young Mike, foggy memory,

like combining two shows into one? This is from my memory back in the mid-80s. Okay, you're talking foggy memory, like combining two shows into one. This is from my memory back in the mid-80s. Okay, you're talking foggy memory, Mike? Yeah, yeah. I'm 60 at the end of January. I did that show in 1985. You want to talk foggy memories? You know?

All right. Let's go to California. I can shoot the shit about being in Bridge of Remigon with Ben Gazzara. Ask me that. What was it like working with George Pappard in the Blue Max? Oh, I thought it was 18. Okay. Tell me about your move to California. And this is what, like late 80s, early 90s? 90, 1990. Okay.

Well, we had our daughter in 88, and then two very talented actresses created this show called My Talk Show, Deb McGrath, who's married to Colin O'Macri, by the way, and Linda Cash, and I got hired to play their next-door neighbor, Bucky. And the show was, you know, our options were picked up. And it was a huge transition. But there was 0% – we were renters at the time. And there was 0% availability in Toronto for any rental unit. And don't forget, we're all journeyman actors living from check to check, man. So this was a nice ticket, right? Right, my talk show.

Andrew Alexander was the producer. And he had an office in L.A. And we was with Imagine TV, Ronnie Howard's company. So it was our ticket into the States. You could get a green card, you could get in there, you could get hired.

Anyway, to make a long story short, it was a crucible from the get-go. We moved down in April. My option was picked up in April, in May, in June and we finally started shooting in July. But to get a call the day before we shoot, instead of $3,000 a week with 65 shows guaranteed,

I've been knocked down to 15 shows guaranteed at $475 a show. So anyway, I stayed my course and eventually ended up doing about, you know, 50 episodes, I guess. We were in Newsweek on Monday. We were canceled on Thursday. Our picture was in Newsweek as the show to watch for the season. We were canceled on Thursday. And Monday I was pulling a tree at a Robert Urich's front yard with my buddy's pool digging company. Robert Urich walks out the front door,

points to me and standing in the hole. Robert Urich walks out the front door. My buddy, who owned the pool digging company, points down in the hole and says, Hey, Rob, there's my buddy Ron in the hole. He's an actor too. And Urich wouldn't make eye contact because, of course, I was, you know...

Urich, sorry. Robert Urich, yeah. He died, of course, of some rare cancer. His wife passed away from cancer. I just heard that a couple days ago. Yeah, a couple days ago. Anyway, that's where I was. So I was out of work for about a year, and then I went up to, just to stay sane.

And I was going out to auditions and everything, what everybody does in Los Angeles. Right. And, you know, sometimes I'd get a... Anyway, I didn't land a commercial for quite some time. And I started... I went up to Ventura Boulevard Coffeehouse to just read some stuff I'd been writing. I threw my name in the hat with the Dreamers in America

on amateur nights, which is where you start. And there were 35 people there. And I shared the stage with the illegitimate spawn of the Charles Manson clan who wandered down from the Topanga Canyon Warrens with their poetry and prose looking for the love that Charlie never gave. And that, anyway, that was the genesis of my first one-man show that I wrote when I came back home called Up and Down in Shaky Town. But it was during those dark days of Los Angeles, chasing the dream and getting close, but never grabbing the grail. Which, let me clarify, okay, if you don't mind.

A lot of people always ask me about playing the States and about the American dream, and especially Canadians are always equated with success. And it is true, you know, and I know some people who breathe some very, very rarefied air and who have landed, justifiably so, where they belong on a sitcom or in the movies or created their own, you know, their own series and gone on or been successful writers. And I tip my hat to them. But at the end of the day, it wasn't the place for me, you know. And when the paradigm shifted and America got very protectionist during the recession and the Screen Actors Guild wanted proof of employment, I thought, nah, you know, there's no proof of employment with this very precarious career. So we moved home.

But the lessons, the hard and fast lessons I learned chasing the American dream sired my Canadian one. And I got to tip my hat to my wife at the time. We said, look, you know, when we go home, Ron, you're going to have to do it differently. You can't sit at home and wait for the phone to ring like you used to because no one's going to provide you with anything, much like you created here for yourself. So I came back home and I wrote a one-man show called Up and Down in Shaky Town, one man's journey through the California dream that literally changed my life. And I think that what you've done here is you took lemons and you made lemonade. Yeah,

absolutely. Yeah. But, you know, I was very diligent when I was down there. You know, I kept, you know, I kept journals and I looked at it as, you know, a sabbatical where I would work. And I read a great deal. And I read one tome called Hero of a Thousand Faces, which I'll go back to from time to time when you seem a little lost in the forest and you're wondering where the path is going to lead, right? But the phrase that stayed with me was, follow your bliss. And a recognition of death is a celebration of life. And if you realize that you only have so much time to achieve what you want to achieve on this planet, if indeed you have that level of ambition and goal-oriented life, then by all means do it. I just didn't want to atrophy. I just didn't want to waste my time. And I had a child and we wanted to have another one. And so I came

home and, you know, I got a little breather. I came home $42,000 in U.S. debt and owed a lot of money. And we'd lived in a nice townhouse development down there. But it was a mirage, you know. Anyway, came home, got a rental down in Toronto's beaches and started over. And I got a I got earnest rides again, this film. And, you know, with these Nashville Republicans who were just absolutely unrepentant, and I'm sure they'd be marching in stride with Trump today. But I was able to make them laugh with my stories about America and about a wide-eyed Canadian chasing the American dream. And I thought, you know, this matters. This matters. You know, it's like it's having the endorsement of an inadvertent mentor. And sometimes your teachers come in different forms, you know, sometimes you have to take your

lessons where you find them. And, you know, it's like those summer jobs you had when you were a kid. There were some, you know, crusty old lif crusty old lifer in the boiler room or in the grocery store or on the trucks who set you straight and showed a way through the forest. And so I took those lessons to heart. I came home and I wrote Up and Down a Shaky Town. I put it up here and I got three good reviews. But I knew that I'd go broke putting a show up at theaters. So I took the best material from that and I started over again and I did amateur nights at the laugh resort for six months and the laugh resort on Lombard

street, right down the road from second city, where I started 10 years before, was a beautiful little club. It had a television demographic with people from 18 to 80. And for five years I was there, and I loved it. I worked hard, and this is what stand-ups have to do. I don't know if you have a stand-up demographic here listening, but the young ones, you know, a lot want to catch lightning in a bottle and go to the States, and fine, go ahead, go, go, go, go, go to New York, go to LA, go. But you're not going to catch lightning in a bottle with a five-minute act on YouTube, because if anybody's going to book you, you're still going to have to do 45 to an hour on stage. And you work just as hard

before and after your set as you do when you're in front of the microphone. But when I found my groove in stand-up, brother, I finally found my calling. And I had dipped my into that pool several times in 87 after Second City and a few other times. But I just wasn't ready for it. And it wasn't until I survived the crucible called Los Angeles and realized just exactly what I had to do in order to make my life my own and to be in charge of my own decisions and to set my own standards for um for my stand-up and my comedy uh did i really begin to the road open for me that's when i really began to make my strides. And may I say, you know, people, fuck all this bullshit about fame and riches.

It's like Billy Connolly used to say, chase fame, see what that does to your soul. And I've met some hardcore career carnivores. And, you know, they'd throw their grandmother under a bus just to put a foot in the red carpet. Well, enjoy your run, man. For me, what matters is standing on stage in front of 2,000 people like I just did at the Winspear Center in Ed red carpet. Well, enjoy your run, man. For me, what matters is standing on stage in front of 2,000 people like I just did at the Winspear Center in Edmonton and watch them take

their glasses off to wipe tears away. That is the collateral and that is the currency every comedian has to invest in fundamentally, elementally, is hearing the laughter. As you discovered as a young man in Nova Scotia, you discovered you have the gift of gab, we'll call it. In fact, hearing, because the way you turn a phrase, actually, it's funny that you mentioned Dennis Miller as one of the stand-up comics that you might have. He had that same ability to turn a phrase

where you just enjoyed listening to how he spoke. Yeah, and then he joined the dark side. No, then he became a then he joined the dark side. No, then he became a spokesman for the Republican cause. And it's a comedian's job to speak truth to power, not invest in it, you know? Right. And I have the good fortune. But here's the thing with America and Canada.

You can pick a side and have seven times the population of this country following you, right? Like I used to use this analogy all the time. Dennis Miller can pick the right. And some of the stuff he says is funny. You know, it's unsettling. There's no doubt about it. But then Bill Maher can pick his side. And I saw him at Massey Hall about 10 years ago, and I found him really arrogant, you know, and I don't, I mean, everybody's got their style. Right. And everybody has their point of view and everybody finds a persona that allows them to relate to a room full of a thousand people or more from all different walks of life. That's why Billy Connolly's joke about Baffin Island and farting sled dogs is just perfect

because it's one of the things that unites us. But Billy always said, it's the intention of the joke. What's your intention? And you know what? You don't look down and make fun of the guy in the gutter. You look up and make fun of the guy who's taken a dump on a golden throne like Donald Trump. Right. That's the comedian's job, is to speak truth to power. So up and down in shaky town, one man's journey through the California dream. So you write this,

and then it's this experience that causes you to hone your craft, just putting in your reps, so to speak, and honing your craft, and improving and getting better just by doing it. Dare I say, this is 296. Please don't go back and listen

to one of the first 50 episodes of this podcast when I was umming and ahhing my way through it. Exactly. It's something you have to put in a certain number of hours to become a model. Malcolm Gladwell. Of course, yeah. The Gladwellian 10,000 hours.

Right. And you know what? Here is the unfortunate thing, and here's what makes folks bitter. I know some people who've been in the stand-up game for 30 years, and you know what? They do deserve more than they have. They do. They do. And I don't know how I was able to negotiate the gatekeepers.

I will say one thing, though. What helped me get my first special, there was a guy who used to run CBC. His name was Slaco Klimku. And he had a real, he had a great vision. And he liked me, and he liked what I did. And when I was at Just for Laughs, you know, that was the grail.

How do you get on Just for Laughs? And look, I believed in the dream even when I came back here. Oh, if I have a great eight-minute set on Just for Laughs? And look, I believed in the dream even when I came back here. Oh, if I have a great eight-minute set at Just for Laughs, some agent with an orange tan will bring me down to Los Angeles, and I'll be able to start again. Look, I still nurtured the dream for a long time when I came back. I thought, oh, yeah, I can hone my craft here and then get back there again, right? Right. And it was – I suppose that it was a legitimate dream, but it was

a bogus one. I mean, it was trying to ingratiate yourself to people who'd never get you in the first place, right? You know, I wanted to be able to say, you know, I wanted to be able to invest in the virtue of touring Lake Superior in the dead of winter. You know, smack dab in the heart of the Canadian Shield, scoured granite hard by retreating glaciers you'd swear they'd just left yesterday. As your blue skies curtained a tablet of forever white while all around the wind was howling like a whore at the clinic. That matters to me. And you know, I realized that I was shortchanging myself by trying to make somebody else who didn't get the context. Like you're trying to make yourself accessible to people

that wouldn't, like what you said there, would not fly in the States, I would say. Let me do a comparison here. My favorite band of all time is the Tragically Hit. Yes, you'd mentioned that, yes. And yeah, we were talking about Gord and Newfoundland and Stephen Brunt before we started recording. And Tragically Hip are sort of,

they're massive in Canada, famous to all English-speaking Canada, but we're never able to, despite Dan Aykroyd getting them on Saturday Night Live and having a chance, it just never could crack the U.S. market. But we love them regardless. But a lot of people will tell you they were too Canadian.

They spoke about Canadiana. At the end of the day, was Gord able to feed his family? Yes. Was Gord able to have a satisfactory career that he was content with? Yes. Not satisfactory, an iconic career. Here is the thing, okay? Why do Canadians say that?

It's got to stop. 2,000 people laughing in a theater in Canada sounds exactly the same as 2,000 people laughing in Los Angeles when it's warm, okay? It's how you find your satisfaction and how you make peace with that great god of fame. And the longer you stay in the game, you realize that fame is this fraudulent and very mercurial mistress who can turn as fast as a March wind. All you have to do is watch an old film from the... I was watching L.A. Story again about a week and a half ago. I love those early Steve Martin pictures, right? That's a great one. It's's a real good one but you watch people on that you go oh i don't see them anymore oh i don't see them anymore oh look at that kevin pollack is playing uh brandon you know

a great comedian uh and look i share this country with seinfeld every two years as well. I mean, he was two weeks on the other side of me in PEI and in Sydney, Nova Scotia. Okay. Um, and, uh, he's up here making a living. We're all stringing our trap line, man. Canadians of my ilk, there's no way that you can fight that level of fame, right? Where you are part of the, uh, zeitgeist, just part of the vernacular. That's what, right, where you are part of the zeitgeist, just part of the vernacular. That's what American fame does, okay? But there's a price to pay for that, too. Nothing comes for free. I love the fact that I can go into Charlottetown and take the ferry across and meet the people in the cafeteria and meet the people on the ferry cross and meet the people in the cafeteria and meet the people on the ferry and uh get maybe 10 minutes because uh i i went to a barber shop for a haircut that day and step on stage and have 10

minutes of customized material specifically for the islanders and that is a b that's one of the most beautiful rooms in the country and uh seinfeld takes his jet he comes in he does 90 minutes okay and yeah i mean he's a very very rich man and a very great comedian and a very influential voice in the comedic uh uh pantheon of people that whose standard you should aspire to reach yet when i hit the road yeah and i'm traveling up the 401 in the dead of winter doing 23 dates I feel like I put a good working day in my dad was a phone company man my people were coal miners from Cape Breton I'm not you know I'm not a mile below the ocean floor swinging an axe in the pit a pickaxe in the pit while rats hissed impatient beyond the lamplights gleaming, itchy for a few bits from my bologna sandwich. And if you have a deference for history and for where your people

are from and for where you're from, it puts it all in perspective. And I made peace with my career. And when people say, oh, do you play the States? I'll tell you what. I got myself a midlife crisis convertible a few years ago, right? I no longer have it. I showed up here on my 99 4Runner, which is my trusty vehicle. I drive a 99 car as well. Great. There you go. So I took a Porsche out for a drive.

I took an Audi out for a drive. And I took a BMW out for a drive. And the Audi guy was a nonstop talking, oily little car salesman. And all he kept saying was, how come you don't play the States? Hey, did you ever go down to the States? You like the States? How come you don't play? I mean, everybody who's good plays the States.

So you know what? It got on my nerves so much, I bought the Beamer. It's that standard of success that you have to reevaluate because it's not the road to happiness. The road to happiness is following your bliss and doing what you do and doing what you love to do. And I've had the good fortune, because I stayed in Canada, to find myself in the company of people who've raised my game. And, you know, I had my first series, Blackfly, which was a very tough crucible to get through, and a bittersweet victory. And then those seven hard years on the road after Blackfly,

and I hooked up with an excellent production company called Enter the Picture, and Lynn Harvey has produced all my specials and my series for the last 12 years, and her standards are great. She has an excellent pedigree in this business, and she raised the standard of my look on television far higher than I would have myself. And during those times, I also had the good fortune to find myself in the company of writers who also raised the bar for me. Two in particular I have to mention, Mr. Paul Pogue and Mr. Scott Montgomery, who've written the last four one-hour specials with me.

I wrote the first five myself. And anyway, I'm talking too much. I've had one coffee and nothing in my stomach. No, listen. I'm glad you brought up this whole notion of, because you're preaching to the converted here, but there are many who think if you don't make it in America, like you're not, like somehow you're not.

You're not valid. Yeah, right. Too many Canadians look down to see, oh, I'm going to stick names like, you know, the Mike Myers or Jim Carys or Dan Aykroyd, Martin Short, Norm MacDonald, Howie Mandel. Like, these are all people who crack the U.S. market and are deemed by many Canadians as,

oh, they must be funnier than like a Brent Butt, for example, or a Ron James, who I would say are Canada famous, much like my favorite band of all time. Like, to me, it's a terrible insecurity on the part of Canadians. Well, we've always lived in the shadow of Lady Liberty, right? I mean, look at Sunday night television. When I was growing up, the beachcombers coming on just meant Walt Disney was over.

And nobody can tell us, look, Americans tell great stories. Americans make great sitcoms. I'm still jealous of them. When I see a show like Veep or when I see Curb Your Enthusiasm and I laugh nonstop or this brilliant renaissance that's occurring with Netflix, of course, the onslaught of Netflix and Amazon and Google coming into the Canadian market is going to change the face of Canadian entertainment. Melanie Jolie gave them $500 million tax-free dollars after a year and a half studying how you're going to revitalize the Canadian television market. I still don't know the, or sustain it rather, I still don't know the semantics of that, but I do know. I was going to ask you. I do know that Netflix has already spent $100 million of that $500 million tax-free dollars on a show in Vancouver, which is $10 million an episode.

$10 million an episode. $10 million an episode. These figures, these numbers, you can't compete. It's money talks. Money drives the industry. Numbers drive the industry. 375 million people south of the border versus 37 million people here. Man, don't they have to? But Netflix, don't they have to invest in, I know you mentioned the one project, but

if Netflix has to invest in Canadian talent, shouldn't we see more opportunities for people It doesn't mean it's going to be Canadian content. See, this is the devil's in the details you're telling me. Absolutely, brother. You know, and you're not going to see a movie called Bob Cajun with all deference to Gord, you know, I mean, you're not going to see, uh, um, the saving grace, uh, of Canadian, uh, of the Canadian soul, uh, is going to be our authors, you know, our books. And look, I'm not negating people's success south of the border by any stretch. More power to them.

I know that Mike has worked diligently and has the work ethic of Job, Mike Myers. And I'm sure the same thing with Jim, Although Jim didn't write his films and produce them. And the success of my former castmate from the days of Second City is to be celebrated. And everyone's success is to be celebrated. Provided, of course, they didn't throw their grandmother under a bus to put a foot in the red carpet. And provided you're not a thief, of course. carpet and provided you're not a thief of course and uh but uh hard work there's no there is absolutely no uh no excuse for not working hard you don't get it without working hard and if perchance someone of influence has seen you and taken a chance and you've capitalized on that

with success and sustained it over time. To sustain it over time. That's why you got to tip your hat to Mercer, man. That's why you got to tip your hat to This Hour is 22 Minutes, and Air Force for that matter. To sustain it over time with longevity. Longevity demands that you have a standard, and it demands that you continue to provide for the audience, but you have to strike a balance between artistic needs and audience expectation. I just don't want to stay on TV because I'm on TV.

I want to maintain my standards. Do you mind if I rewind a little bit and just, I know I'm not going to go through your IMDb list or whatnot, but there are two items on there I got to ask about. You're okay with that? Okay, so you mentioned Ernest, okay? Yeah, man.

I love the... These Ernest movies are sort of like guilty pleasures. Oh, it was just that... Yeah, continue saying what you're saying. Well, tell me what it was like working with Jim Varney on... So, Ernest Rides Again is your Ernest movie. Tell me about that.

He was an odd chain-smoking Republican man from Nashville who on the way to set every morning used to quote Rush Limbaugh. I did not know this. No, no, no, no, no. And then the guy that directed them, his name was, okay, hold on to your chair, Buster Cherry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was his name.

But, you know, they had their way of working and, uh, but I got to work with a good friend of mine, Linda Cash. And here's the thing. It came at a time when I really needed it. It came at a time when I, after three years of very difficult struggle in Los Angeles, getting sitcom roles and things, you know, I did Chris Elliott's show, Get a Life. I did an episode of Sisters. I was spokesman for Texas Tourism, traveling all over Texas for CNN. And I had the, you know, the dubious pleasure

knowing that Saddam Hussein watched me in the bunker during the first Persian Gulf War because he was glued to CNN, right? Right. And anyway, but, you know, it's what you get from the experience above and beyond the product that's all i had to go by with this you know and i made enough money uh to get happy enough to uh get a little bit of wind in my sails and gain the confidence to write Shaky Town. And, you know, start, you know, we had another child

and I was in a good space, you know, I was in a good place and a good space. And I had a bunch of commercials on in those days for home hardware. So I was getting some wind in my sails and getting my breath back and planting my feet again in Canada and starting over, which was tough because you know what? Everybody looks at you when you come back like you were a failure. And I wanted to make sure that I paid every single penny back I had borrowed. And I had never borrowed money from anybody in 12 years. So it took me two years to pay it back. And some commercials I did in Los Angeles that had been canceled were aired again in countries around the world.

And so it was good to get back and start over. There's another movie. So that's what Ernest Rides Again did. So Ernest Rides Again was like 93. And I got to drive a go-kart for a week. That went, honest to God, a Teamster made this go-kart. And it went like 50 miles an hour in third gear. I never even got it up

the fourth it was the most powerful little bastard i'd ever been behind the wheel of there it is right yeah it was brutal and there was a chase scene in it that was uh like watching paint dry there was actually a chase scene with me riding a cannon on a flat stretch of highway yeah yeah yeah but you know he was a pro he came from uh he came from uh uh you know that successful run but uh they were well he they were dark uh they were dark gothic okay they were dark gothic uh southern republicans who could have easily stepped out of a william faulkner novel he uh well he's passed away too from cancer actually uh oh geez man you know i mean the guy smoked two decks of marlboros a day and he uh he got a he got a role so he got a role in the

the toy story franchise i think which uh so my kids still hear jim varney's voice like on a regular basis uh what was his catchphrase oh you know what i mean burn you know what i mean because yeah he those ads apparently wrote ran in different markets for different products. Made millions. Yeah. Made millions. They made big, big money. But you were in another show.

Now, at this time, I was actually at U of T at this time. And I remember when they were filming this thing. But you know where I'm going with this. The undergrads? Well, I got to talk about Tommy Boy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it's funny because gotta talk about tommy boy oh yeah okay yeah and it's funny

because we talk about mike myers you know toronto boy uh worked hard makes it makes it so uh south of the border but one of his roles is shrek which is another movie i hear far too often in this house my kids love shrek yeah but he got that shrek role because the original guy who was going to be shrek passed away chris farley do you know this chris farley was the original voice who was going to be Shrek passed away, Chris Farley. Do you know this? Chris Farley was the original voice of Shrek. And they even have, like, you can find on YouTube. But Farley doesn't do a Scottish accent, does he? No, it wasn't going to be a Scottish accent.

In fact, Mike Myers, the first time Mike Myers took over the role, he originally did it without a Scottish accent and then redid it with a Scottish accent. I didn't know that. Yeah, this is the fun Shrek facts. I'm full of this. But Mike Myers, Chris Farley, in my opinion, the finest movie the man ever did,

and I can still watch this movie and enjoy it, is Tommy Boy. Yeah. You're in Tommy Boy. I am. Yeah. I play a guard. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Mano a mano. Yeah. We had to, yeah, that was, we shot that for a week.

That's back when I used to act. I don't even have an agent anymore. I just couldn't be bothered with them. You know, I was getting with them, you know? I was getting tired of, you know, getting roles as elves, security guards or the mentally challenged. So it's true.

It's true. You were typecast. I was, man. It was... And I don't miss them, you know? And I don't know if there's parts like that out there for people anymore, but Tommy Boy, Chris Farley was he gave 110 percent. And a tragic

character, you know, two stints in Hazleton, the rehab in Wisconsin, I think. Was it Hazleton? What's it called over there? Anyway, he tried hard. And unlike Belushi, who was beset by darker demons, I'm told, Farley was a happy-go-lucky dude. And he just, oh boy, I just thought he was wonderful. And Tommy Boy was an excellent picture, an excellent comedy, and he deserved to live longer than he did. I just wish that he was still around. Yeah, I'm always saddened by that, you know,

and Phil Hartman's tragic end. Oh, yeah. That was just very tragic. And, you know, look, let me get back. You know, when you talk about Farley and you talk about talent and you talk about, you know, your demons and things, these are, you know, it's very difficult

for performers to get insurance, right? I'm insured now until I'm 70, and after that it just goes through the roof. Yeah, it's very difficult. But why is that? You're a stand-up comedian. No, we're high risk. High risk, man. Because of all the lines of coke?

Yeah, exactly. The lines of coke, Jesus. And I... Right. It's more more like you're eating chicken wings again at midnight. That's what it's like about me on the road. That's right, that's right. And so, you know, you have to take care of yourself, man. You gotta, you know, you can't, it's not a party 24-7.

And when you're younger, I can see that, Because when we were at Second City in the old days, I mean, we'd be up till 3 o'clock in the morning or 4 o'clock with speakeasies in Toronto. And thinking that we were bulletproof and that we had all the answers. And it's bullshit. It's, you know, I like seeing the morning now, right? And I like, yeah, yeah, I just, I like being aware. I don't like missing stuff. And I'd much rather go hiking and enjoy nature and be thankful for what I have than fall into the valley of self-destruction. And it's easy to, you know, because it's a hard gig, man. You're alone on the road, or you're super famous and you're alone.

You know? I mean, you're alone when you're super famous. My buddy tells me that he's on the road a lot for his job, a lot. And he says the saddest, loneliest place on the planet is a motel room or hotel room. He says that's just the worst. You're alone in a hotel room.

So I can only imagine that's a tough life. Well, you know, you got to look at it as just a stop along the road, as a cocoon on the road. It's just a place to hang your hat and drop your bags. And, you know, the hotels are better. I mean, I used to stay in Motel Highway, Shag and Shack's. Norman Bates wouldn't run that first tour. I put around the tip of Superior, right?

But, you know, now they're nice hotels, and, you know, they have an exercise room where they have relatively good food. But it does get old. It does get long. But at the end of the day, like I said earlier, you know, there's people, you know, shackled to futile servitude at their Dilbert cubicle, punching the clock. I just saw a guy, you know, waiting for the bus this morning, you know, at a lonesome stretch of lakeshore and the wind blowing i thought look everybody everybody pays their dues everybody's got to punch the clock in their own way and that's just the way i punch it you know it you know mind you you know you're doing a gig in fort mcmurray and and you know all the long

distance truckers have already pilfered the vending machine and there's only uh you know it's 12 midnight and there's only uh one Red Bull and a box of licorice left. So it's your dinner. But, you know, if you prep and you make sure you have some snacks with you, it's not so bad. Back in 2004, I was a big Conan O'Brien fan. Yeah. And I watched it like crazy.

And my brother entered a lottery. There's some lottery to get tickets to see. Because Conan was coming to Toronto to do a week of shows at the Elgin Theatre. He won? Yeah, he won. And he took me. Oh, boy. But here's our night.

So the night I went, we got Adam Sandler and Stomp and Tom Connors. All right. Which was great. And that was the night of the big triumph, the comic insult dog. Yeah. Who took a poop on French Canadians and caused a big uproar, as I recall. By the way, I'm a big Ed the Sock fan. Yeah, he was great.

Ed the Sock should be paid royalties by Triumph the Comic insult dog. And I told him as much when he was on the show. Good. Come on, you ripped this off completely. But okay, so where am I going with this? I missed the episode with Mike Myers and Ron James. Ah.

But I watched it on TV. So I'm going to play a bit. Can I play a little bit? Oh. If you don't mind. I'm so much better now. Oh, yeah. That's a caveat we'll add to this.

But let's just hear Conan introduce you anyways and get a taste of it. The Max Weinberg 7. We're back. Our next guest is one of Canada's funniest comedians who did a television special from this very stage. Please welcome Ron James. We'll get a taste.

I won't make you listen to too much of yourself. Please. I know it's tough, right? Well, well, thanks for dropping by, Conan. Boy, oh boy, huh? You can't do it? Okay, okay, it's fine. I know that's tough. It's so difficult to listen to something you did

2004. 2004. So how many years ago is that now? I don't know. Almost 14. Almost 14. Almost 14. And this is the thing with growth, and this is the thing with the evolution

of your talent and hard work. If you played that, I would ask you to play the most recent clip of my Trump rant, if you have it. Do you have that? Did we send you some clips? I have some clips. And by the way, I do intend to play, just so you know, five clips from the New Year's Eve special. Oh, all right then.

Fair enough. But I won't go back and play that. Don't worry. I totally get what you're saying. It would be like if I started playing a clip from episode six of Toronto Mike. I'd cringe a little bit because I've improved so much. I began to jettison the crutches and the crutch and the net, so to speak. And I still had this maritime persona in those days.

Right. And I grew out of that. It was sort of a maritime Uber Canadiana persona. Like a Bob and Doug almost. Almost. Yeah, it was almost. Like a persona almost. Yeah, I would say.

A hoser of sorts. Yeah, very. Yes. Yeah, I still had the plaid shirt on that I'd buy at a secondhand store, those rayon shirts from the 50s. Right. And that's where the evolution from a novelty act, if you will, began to... And talking about Ed the Sock and pilfering things, I think those Molson ads might have been pilfered from my persona at the time.

Joe Canadian. Of course. When he was in the plaid shirt. Yes. Because advertisers are notorious thieves. It's like Dave Steinberg said when he used to direct commercials. He said, I direct them because my wife says, I want French doors there. But he said, advertisers feed, feed their parasites. They feed off

popular culture. And in the days when I did voiceovers or when I would do commercials, they would always say, I'm on a George Costanza type. Or I want such and such a type. Right. Nothing original. No, never. And if you look at it...

And that was a very successful commercial. And now that you mention it, inspired at least. I wonder. I wonder sometimes. The funny thing is the actor who played Joe Canadian or whatever, he actually is now a CBC. Yeah, he's a good guy. I did a benefit at my...

The Current. Is he on The Current? Which one is he on? Which one with Carol Off? As It Happens. As It Happens. And he's a good guy uh anyway i'm just talking about advertisers and and and feeding off uh off popular culture right but um as time goes on uh and i will say um as an artist because i really want to give my craft its due. And because those who stay the course over the long haul, excuse me, evolve and we get better. And I would think that, yeah, like I remember I did my last Just for Laughs performance in 2009.

And it was an all-star show, and they showed previous performances, and they showed one of mine from 2001, and it was absolutely unwatchable. I was like Stephen Leacock on Benzedrine. It's like I was shot out of a slingshot. And I have far more control now and far more nuance to the work. And I'm just not eager to get to the punchline. I'll play the pauses. I'll play the nuance. And that's what happens over time with the craft. And it's why you're so reluctant to let go of it,

because it takes so long to be comfortable in your own skin up there. I remember when Rich Hall, just a great comedian, was playing the Laugh Resort when I was there in my second year. And I'd already, you know, and you think, my second or third year, I guess. And, I mean, we had everybody come in through there. Ray Romano played all the time. And I remember Rich Hall saying, I've been in this profession for 11 years and I'm finally finding my groove. And I remember thinking, oh, come on, what do you mean 11 years, you're finally finding your groove? And you know what? It's absolutely true. I could see that. You know, it takes a long time to be proficient. Back to that 10,000 hours.

Yes, and the muscle atrophies so fast. You know, I take the summers off because people don't want to sit in the theater in the summertime in Nova Scotia. I'll do a few gigs here and there. And if there's anything I miss or I would like to, why I'd like to play America, excuse me, it's the numbers of theaters. You can work all the time. Right. But, you know, there's always that period of time

where I'm writing the new special and I'm getting ready to... I wish I was on the road to hone the material. Yeah, anyway. You mentioned Ray Romano. I just got to say,

last night I watched The Big Sick, which is a movie that I highly recommend to you because there's a whole stand-up component to it. I think you would really, last night I watched The Big Sick, which is a movie that I highly recommend to you because there's a whole stand-up component to it. I think you would really enjoy this. Because it was really charming and funny. Ray Romano's in it.

He's the father of one of the characters. But I only say this because in the movie, the stand-up comic who's working hard in Chicago, his big thing is he wants to get discovered. They call it the Montreal Festival, but it's clearly just for laughs they just don't name it but that's with all the stand-ups in Chicago

are hoping to get chosen to do the Montreal Festival and that grail stayed here as well and it's I don't imagine it exists as much anymore for people but it was it was a mirage made manifest

by the presence of American talent and American agents. But there's a story of one guy, I forget what his name is, he got some $100,000 development deal and he only had about eight minutes of content. But there's a story of one guy. I forget what his name is. He got some $100,000 development deal, and he only had about eight minutes of content. And, you know, a great Canadian comedian, Jeremy Hotz,

who I'm a huge fan of. I'm a huge fan, too. Yeah, he's a great guy. And talk about longevity, you know. There's a guy who's done the L.A. thing, and I saw him in Ottawa last year, and it was he and I and Brent Butt that Just for Laughs put together for their first road tour in 1999, and now they're not even running any Canadian comedians on the road, okay, and they're sponsored by Quebec government, by the feds,

they have big beer sponsors, sponsored by the National Post, and last year when they had their big show in Toronto, yes, they covered Canadians, but they never got pictures in the double color pullout in the Globe and Mail and Now Magazine and in the Star. Why aren't Canadians photos up there? Why doesn't Just for Laughs promote these guys? And it's because the priority is America and American talent. And if they work just as hard selling Canadians in the States, I would not have a bee in my bonnet. But they're touring Canada, they put the specials on here,

and Canadians are paid lip service. It's bullshit. And look, I strung my trap line myself. Jeremy Hotz is out there stringing his trap line himself. Yeah, they'll feature him at Massey Hall. But look, if you want to make a living in this country, you've got to play Port Hope just as well as playing Kitchener. Kitchener's got a 2,500-seat theater.

Port Hope is 350. But you get two shows out of that. My tickets are 50 bucks apiece. I make peace with that. And I get so pissed. I get so pissed when Torontonians or Vancouverites think that people laughing in Kamloops is any less important than somebody laughing at Massey Hall. It's bogus. And you know what? They're not rubes. They're not all neocons. They're people who have points of view. They're people who put one foot in front of the other and try to make a living in the run of a day. And I just happen to love the road. Yes, it gets old.

And yes, you know, I used to finish my shows with two beers and a couple of scotch, and now it's two Tylenol and a couple of bottles of Gatorade. Yeah, I jumpstart the Pistons before a show with a couple of Red Bull. But that's what matters to me is bringing the funny to the far points of Frontier. I just happen to love it. And I do a two-hour show, right?

Yeah. And I don't change my content. I'm not suddenly talking about tractors and pig farming when I'm playing a farming community. I'll try to make a few slaughterhouse jokes. But look, for instance, Brandon, Manitoba, beautiful room to play. 990 people. I always sell it out. And I do all my Trump material. I do all my political material. I do all the material about midlife dating or everything and anything that I would do here on stage. I do there and it gets the same response. Back in 2004, because I brought up the Conan to ask you the question, how did you get that?

I think that would be a desired spot. There was only how many shows in Toronto that Conan was doing? And I don't know, four maybe? how many shows in Toronto that Conan was doing, and I don't know, four maybe? Well, I will tell you, Peter Somalius was the original producer of Canada's Walk of Fame. And in 2003, Mike asked me to deliver his star. Okay.

So at Canada's Walk of Fame, that was a great night too. Robbie Robertson was there to give it to a buddy that wrote, oh Jesus, here I go, Mr. Canada Robertson was there to give it to a buddy that wrote... Oh, Jesus. Here I go. Mr. Canada. I can't remember the guy that wrote... He was in Steppenwolf.

What's his name? Oh, yeah. Get out on the highway. Yeah, I can see his face, but it sucks. You want me to hear you? Born to be wild. Yeah, I know. Okay.

Robbie Robertson was there. Dave Steinberg got his star on the Walk of Fame. Shania Twain was there that night. And Mike got his. And I wrote a really nice speech for my buddy, and I was the anchor for the night. And a lot of folks came up to me afterwards and said, wow, that was great. And so, oh, yeah, and Lorne Michaels was there that night, too. John Kay? Yeah, John Kay. And so, anyway, and Lorne Michaels was there that night, too. John Kay? Yeah, John Kay.

So, anyway, here it is. Then Conan came, and Mike told Sumalius that, you know, I'm a great Canadian act. I should be on the show. So Mike gave me a reference that night, and I was very grateful for that. So Mike gave me a reference that night, and I was very grateful for that. And, of course, I was a long-form act in those days, and I was playing in the theaters, and I was used to doing two hours, and they wanted seven minutes, so that was a real challenge.

Right. And the mistake I made in the early days with my stand-up was I always tried to fit too much in in too short a time. I was never an eight-minute act. Yeah, you learned to let it breathe, I suppose. Yes. Instead of just a frenetic rapid-fire. Yeah, so that's how I got that. No, very cool.

I mean, I was kind of like a, felt, I don't know, I was a big Conan fan anyways, just watching. Yeah, Mike spoke on my behalf in those days. And, yeah, it was a great experience. But Canadians lost their minds when Conan came to Toronto. You want to talk about the American machine coming here. They, honest to God, they went apeshit. I mean, some people had never been that far south of the 401,

and they were all in Toronto Maple Leaf shirts. And Conan, I remember when I came out, he had to calm them down. It was weird how, it's more that insecurity we talked about earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, look, the Americans are noticing us. I was getting phone calls from people I hadn't heard from since 1987. And I said, can you get me a ticket? I said, Jesus, I can get you a kidney quicker.

It's funny because at the same time, there was already a talk show in Canada, the Bullard Show. Bullard had a show, open mic, Mike Bullard. And he was always here. And I think that week when Conan was in town, I remember Mike Bullard would have like Darcy Tucker would be his big guest or whatever. Everybody was so excited that the American was up here to air the American show. Well, yeah, Conan had his number one show at the time. And Conan was a far more affable

personality to talk to than Mike in his day. I've never met Mike Bullard. I know he's had some tough times lately. Yeah, he has had some tough times, and I don't wish him ill. However, the show itself and the audience, I remember I was on there once, and I was doing my Canadian content, and it wasn't working at all, man. And I turned to Bullard, and I said, what the hell's going on? And he goes, I don't know. I just ignore him.

And it was the audience. And I found out later that 95% of the audience were pulled from English for a second language class. Oh, my gosh. That'll explain it. Which would explain why my smelt material didn't fly. And this was at 888 Young, right? This is the... Yeah, it's a great venue, actually. And Mike had a great run.

And I don't know why the show went off the air, but when you have something good, don't take it for granted. And I never take the road for granted either, you know. And I don't take my specials, nor did I my series for granted. It's a lot of hard work. Let's talk about The High Road. The High Road is... You missed Blackfly and the Ron James Show, man. I wasn't sure if I could...

I'm afraid I can play some clips from the Ron James Show. Some clips from the Ron James Show. No, no, play The High Road. Let's talk about The High Road. So this is now December 27th. Yeah, it's my ninth special. Wednesday. So when is... This is a. That's my ninth special. Wednesday. So when is...

This is a New Year's Eve special. Yeah. What time New Year's Eve? And it's on CBC. Nine o'clock, CBC. Nine o'clock, CBC. Yeah, we got bumped to the 30th last year for a hockey game, which is a great honor.

It's very Canadian of them to do that. Well, that's fine. But yeah, this is the ninth special that is produced by Lynn Harvey, Enter the Picture, and co-written by Paul Pogue and Scott Montgomery, who, by the way, and as well as Pete Zedlacher did some pinch hitting there. And so to have brothers in arms like those three lads watching my back when I was dealing with a dying dad is much appreciated. So I want to give those guys a shout out. Here's a clip I'm going to play. Your dad loved the Leafs. I love the Leafs.

You love the Leafs. We all have something in common here. So let me play a clip from this upcoming New Year's Eve special, The High Road. No surprise, North Korea's in the spotlight, what with two whiny man babies on the international scene. Now the fate of the world is held hostage by a pair of Marvel comic supervillains Stan Lee couldn't conjure. Busy playing show-me-yours

with thermonuclear stockpiles that could vaporize the entire planet. Just my luck, the world's going to end when the Leafs are finally getting good again. Leafs are getting good again. A lot going on in that joke. Yeah, I know. That's one thing I say.

It's almost like I need to listen twice because I will miss things. Excellent. Which is by design, right? I got a bunch here, but let me just play another clip. This is about the economy here. We're all gawking at screens 24-7.

It's called the attention economy, a battle for your eyeballs, because when we watch, corporations make money. Now TV news is one big tease to keep you glued to the tube. Coming up after the break, we'll tell you which beloved 80s child star was found dead in the ball pit of a Chuck E. Cheese.

You know, you want to turn it off and get on with your day, but then you think, geez, I hope it's not that kid from Punky Brewster. Play that The Long Trump rant. You must have that, don't you? I have one called Trumpian Man. That's the Trumpian Man shake. I have the Trumpian Man shake. I don't have the one you're referring to. I have one called Woman No Longer Need.

I can get it. If you'd give me a heads up, I would have made sure I scored it. It's all right. I'm surprised they didn't send it to you. No, I mean, I got so many, I had to quickly cherry pick a few. Oh, did you? Okay.

Yeah, the long Trump run, those are the ones that I like to get into the meat and potatoes of, you know? And it starts off with Trump's approval ratings at 33%, syphilis polls higher, but the rot goes far deeper than this bejeweled, vacuous charlatan they elected, who, when he's not browbeating the needy from his bogus potus bully pulpit, is making promises he can never keep to his legions of defiantly blind disciples, who, when they're not, etc., etc.

So you try to get an awful lot in there and and these pieces uh take a long time to uh develop and to gestate and some come together fast and some take a long time now where did you record this like this one i did at the river run Center in Guelph. Last year I recorded True North in Kingston. Beautiful audience. The year before that I did

Fast Forward at Peterborough. And the year before that I recorded at the Fallsview Casino, which was the big picture. And that's a remarkable room to play. But yeah. But when, yeah, yeah. But when you're doing what I,

almost like verbal gymnastics, it sounds like Eminem up there. You know, Eminem does this with his raps. He does the verbal gymnastics. And so when you're doing this, let's say you're going, I'm assuming that you're not inhuman and you're going to stumble at some point or other.

You just redo it for the broadcast? Yeah, that's why we shoot two back-to-back. But when I'm on the road, once a piece is locked in, it's locked in. Okay. You're just born of this? No, no, I wasn't born of it. It's a muscle, and it's a muscle that atrophies fast, and it's something that you have to keep going.

For instance, Donald Trump was sired by Lady Liberty and the dog-faced boy in the floor of that moldy old circus tent called the American Dream, littered with peanut shells, broken hope, Jack Ruby's handgun, and Elvis Presley's soiled jumpsuit he dropped after Shag and Ann-Margaret. So if you can keep it locked in, it's locked in. Gotcha. But these pieces only work well within the context of a one-hour or a two-hour show. So I work best with a big canvas. And the sets are always beautiful. Pete Ferrigar does a wonderful job of these sets. And the standard was set, of course, with the first five specials that we did, which were all regionally themed. Now, I will say there's a bit of a cheat with

the last few. The first five specials I did were anywhere between, when I wrote them, they were anywhere between 70 and 90 pages that I memorized. And then once I got the television show, because I was shooting a stand-up piece weekly and sketches and everything, I didn't have time to memorize it. So I started using monitors on my television show. And it was tough at first, but I really got the knack. So for my specials, because time is money,

I use monitors. And I think if you watch them, my specials because time is money. I use monitors. And I think if you watch them, you'll see that, I mean, maybe I look askance once, but I know I'm in good company because they use monitors on Saturday Night Live.

And as I just saw on The Crown, a show on Netflix I was watching, that when the queen does her Christmas address, there's the teleprompter. That's right there. Right there. And then we black them out for the special. Let me, let's hear this Trumpian man shake only because it made me laugh.

So let's listen to this. Our PM made headlines across the planet when he held his ground door in one of those Trumpian man shakes. Donald pulled, but Justin wouldn't budge. That's the kind of core strength you only get from a strict regimen of tantric yoga and 600 selfies a day.

Is that some kind of creepy power move by Donald Trump? Sure it is. Good on the PM, though. That's going to earn him some votes, right? There's going to be people who remember this is the guy who didn't get sucked in by that ridiculous hand.

I suppose so. Nobody peddles soft power like the liberals, though. But, you know, it's a shot at Justin in there, too, right? Yeah. All the selfies. Yeah, from strict regiment of tantric yoga and 600 selfies a day. I mean, the last prime minister we had couldn't smile. Now the new one can't stop.

It's true. And, you know, I mean, you have to watch it carefully. I mean, you know, the liberals have spoken out against Guatemala moving its embassy to notorious and genocidal relationship with their Mayan native peoples and has had many right-wing dictatorships with a Christian base. But look, I mean, they'll say that, and then at the same time, they're still selling weapons to Saudi Arabia, right? And they're still shaking hands with China, the worst abuser of human rights in the world. And it's the same thing. I wrote a joke 25 years ago that's still pertinent. You know? I said, yeah, Jean Chrétien says that doing business with China helps human rights.

I'll believe that when I see the Dalai Lama and Deng Xiaoping doing wheelies on a skidoo in Tiananmen Square. And Tiananmen is forgotten. So any politician, regardless of stripe, would sell coal to the devil if it meant fattening the tax base. And that's where a comedian in Canada has difficulty, right? I just played the Canadian West. and I teed off on that, you know, be dimpled little gonad Andrew Scheer. Geez, if he gets in Canada, and if, God forbid, Mike Pence gets a hold of the presidency in the States,

we might as well declare The Handmaid's Tale a reality show. But Andrew Scheer, I mean, that dude's so white he makes Harper looks like snoop dog so i've got uh you know but you know if you speak truth to power in the west they call it conservative bashing and if you tee off in the liberals they call it telling the truth and if you tee off in the liberals here it's liberal bashing it's it's a tough road to hoe

these days so i think I'm going to start keeping my political points of view to a minimum. I was going to say stick to farts. Billy Connolly gets it right. Stick to farts. All right, one more clip from the high road. Nine o'clock, New Year's Eve. And you mentioned I've got a bit on shitting my pants, too, by the way. And CBC was okay with that? No, no, no. I got food poisoning last year. I couldn't put it on TV.

I had to put it in the DVD. Yeah, I had food poisoning last year and I shat my pants. You weren't wearing white pants. With conviction. With conviction. Get the DVD for that one. Right.

What was I going to say? Oh, yeah. You mentioned earlier like 1.5 million. Two years in a row. That's big. That's like, that's more people than I think tuned in for the MLS Cup that T earlier like 1.5 million. Two years in a row. That's big. That's more people than I think tuned in for the MLS Cup that TFC just won. Thank you.

Thank you very much. And that's the truth. Yeah, because I can Google this and verify probably maybe. But that's impressive. Thank you so much. And they keep going back to you. I mean, it's not like they did, oh, let's not do that Ron Jeremy's New Year's Eve thing again. That was a disaster. No, they're coming to you every year. Like, it's not like they did, oh, let's not do that Ron Jeremy's New Year's Eve thing again. That was a disaster.

No, they're coming to you every year. Like, we need more content, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah. And I think the standards are there, too, you know. And once again, I have to tip my hat to the production quality that Lynn Harvey always raises the bar each year with a great looking show. But she doesn't ask you to dye your hair for the show?

The CBC did that in my series. And she did. The Ron James show? That's when it was mahogany. That's when it was a whole different outfit. At some point I saw Mike Myers went all white. He was playing a villain in a movie. I just saw him at the Rangers game

when the Leafs were in New York and he was in the crowd and he was back to his... No, that was him and Spike and Foley, right? Dave Foley and his son Spike? Kids in the Hall was one of my favorite shows of all time. Oh, so great. It's fantastic.

And they're all great cats too. They're all good, hardworking, very, very talented dudes. I like those guys a lot. But yeah, no, they did. I mean, I did stuff when I had the series. Look, you got to please the people that like you, right? And if you keep saying no, it's just going to make it difficult.

I mean, I worked my whole life for the first year in that. They had me doing my sketches live because they put me in the air first slot. And I wasn't air first. They had me doing my sketches live. live because they put me in the air first slot and i wasn't air first they had me doing my sketches live and they had me i would run from a sketch on stage to uh to doing stand-up and uh you know they had me dyeing my fucking hair and you know it was like this weird mahogany color and uh you know because no one apparently watches people with white hair on television so yeah tell that to steve martin who decided to white-haired at like 25 years old or something like that.

How old were you when you started? I'm asking as a guy. This is all natural. I guess it's going slowly. But, you know, about, I would say about 15 years ago, it started to go on me. Okay, so like mid-40s? Yeah.

Okay. Because I'm actually thinking I'll probably, I'm almost that age, but I'm probably close to just going all white. I think I'm okay with that. Like the glad garbage bag man. Let's go. Good reference. Thank you.

Him and Steve Martin are my go-to references for white hair. Good. I'm going to play another clip from The High Road, and then I get a question from the audience. Our entire world has been transformed by technology overnight. It's made isolation far more acceptable. For the first time in history, there are more single-person households in Canada than any other kind.

And according to the census, the main reason women live alone is that women no longer need men. The main reason men live alone is that women no longer need men. There you go. They'll laugh at that on the West Coast, East Coast. Yeah, they will. And, you know, that's, I don't know if Scott wrote that. I think Paul Pogue wrote that joke. And what I have to say is that's what's great about working with a team

is each person brings their own perspective to the room. And that was the big learning curve for me with my series, The Ron James Show. How many years did The Ron James Show? Five. I got five years out of it. Yeah, they bounced me around the dial an awful lot, so you didn't know where I'd be. But still, I said I was like an albino foster child that showed up on their doorstep.

Well, bring him in, but I don't want anybody to see him. So they bounced me around a lot, but I learned so much. And, for instance, the head writer was a guy by the name of Gary Campbell, who wrote for years on Kids in the Hall, was one of the producers of MADtv for years, and now has his own series coming on the Sony channel, I think, which sounds wonderful. Wonderful. I had another guy writing with us, Mark DeAngelis, Emmy Award winning writer now. Had, of course, Pete Zedlacker wrote, Paul and Scott wrote as well. And Rebecca Kohler, she writes on Working Women now.

Teresa Pavlinek wrote with us. She wrote on Schitt's Creek. And all kinds of people came through, and the writing packages that they present to different places are thoroughly respected. So I had a good writing room, but I learned that you have to let the room evolve on its own terms without being too dictatorial. And sometimes I got it right, and sometimes I didn't. And also, Jen Robertson also wrote for the show. She's a regular now on Chet's Creek as well. She plays Chris Elliott's wife. And you have to let it evolve. You have to let it have its own... What's the word I'm looking for? You have to let the organism function as a whole and you have to trust them. But sometimes the sketches were great

and sometimes they were really off the mark. Oh, another person that wrote for the show who has one of the best shows in the history of the CBC now, Jen Whalen. Have you seen The Baroness Von Sketch Crowd? Not only have I seen the show, I have biked by them filming the show. Well, you have to get her on, because that's a groundbreaking piece of comedy, and I'm serious.

It's really great. And what's great about it is they've been given room to roam. They've been given room to push the envelope and to tip the apple cart in their own terms. And I don't know how many notes they get from the network, but ours tended to be top-heavy the first couple years and then a little looser. But they were always very, you know,

they saw me as a family show, and I never wanted to be that. And they saw me as that on my first series, too, Blackfly, with Global Television. And they were very invasive with notes. the road so hard after that first series, Blackfly, which was a great premise and an interesting idea had they allowed me to go as dark as I wanted to go, but instead it just became broad buffoonery. But once again, I had excellent castmates on that. I hired Colin Mochrie to be my sidekick as a British soldier.

The great Richard Donnett was the colonel in the fort. A wonderfully talented actress played, was in it, and it was just fun, but broad. Broader than I'd want it.

The question from the crowd audience, so this is an interesting question, although it kind of would have been better if I'd asked this when we were talking about all your inspirations from, you know, Dennis Miller to, well, Billy Connolly,

of course. And you talked about Carlin and some of the comedians that inspired you as a standup. Arthur wants to know that when you're watching other comedians, like when you go to Massey Hall and watch a comic, can you just watch it? Like we watch a comic and laugh. Yeah.

Or is it always with a critical eye? Nope, nope. I laugh. No, I'm not that kind of comic. I know a lot who sit and never laugh, and I laugh my whole life if it's funny, period. Good, because it would suck if every time you went to see a comic on your own time, it was like work, right?

That's like you're taking notes. I don't laugh if they're not funny. No, notes. I don't laugh if they're not funny. No, right. I don't laugh if they're not funny. But you find, though, seeing a comic live, it's just like you'll laugh at stuff live. You would never laugh at a TV. Yes. It's in its purest form and its most authentic form live.

I end my shows by saying thanks for coming to see where comedy sings the loudest live. And television is great. It reaches a wider audience. I mean, 1.5 million people. I don't play to that many people in the run of a year. And it's a great reach and it's a great validation for my craft and, uh, it's, uh, it's a great way to hang my shingle out. Uh, but I, uh, there's something that, that you can get when it's live that, that, I mean, it's a trade-off, right? You don't get the numbers. You really may not get the money, but it's. But on that note, like, cause you mean you, you own, you own property. And as I say, Brian likes to say property in mean you you own you own property and as i say brian likes to say property in the six do you own property in the six that means do you own any property in toronto you have a condo okay but you own a condo i don't own it yet i will own it

in a little while that's right the bank owns it yeah but but my point here is that uh you you feed your family you have a comfortable comfortable living. I do, yeah. And I'm guessing you have it down to a formula now when you talk about these seats. Because stand-up comics often will say, oh, that's a 625 seat. So let's say the soft seat arena is like, do you know how many dollars you'll get per seat?

And there's a formula how to make money. Let me say, I've been talking about my television team, but I have to endorse wholeheartedly my Shantaro Productions. That's my live producer who I've been with for 15 years, except for I was encouraged to leave this gentleman, that he was taking too much money. And, uh, I went to another agency, a big shot Toronto agency, and, uh, it was an absolute fiasco and I did it twice. And they were, uh, they were just smoke blowers extraordinaire and both of them were. And, uh,

Terry McRae of Shantaro Productions, we started with half a dozen dates in eastern Ontario in 1999, and we sold out the Centerpoint Theater twice. And I was only on comics. I had an episode of comics, and Shaky Town was on the Comedy Network. That was a 900-seat theater. And I couldn't believe it. And I'd come from a club to that. And then we started stringing our trap line one theater at a time. I remember we played this big, beautiful room, big, beautiful old vaudeville house in

Brantford, Ontario, just outside of Hamilton there, a thousand-seat theater, a beautiful theater. And we had 137 people in a thousand seat theater. And I walked off that stage after an hour and a half show, totally dejected. And my producer said, Ronnie, they sounded like 300. And you know what? We've sold that house out every time we've come to visit, and we're stringing our trap line up and down the 401 this winter. And I'm going there again, and I can't wait. I love these made-in-Canada success stories. So on that note, as we close, decades, career, you've done so much, but what is it in your career that you're most proud of,

Ron James is most proud of? Wow, that's a big question. I would have to say writing Up and Down in Shaky Town, bringing it back to Halifax, and selling out the Neptune Theatre three weeks in a row. Because that was the first time I had ever brought anything I'd written,

okay, back home to where I'm from, which was a song from the heart about people and place. And it was a song about the Canadian showbiz dream, which is the American dream to be discovered there. It was about not getting it. It was about the resonation of time and place from Halifax and how the hope of getting American recognition and the lure of the American dream was sired, and the discovery of my Canadian one, which was the discovery that I can sit down and write something and have people laugh and react, because Second City never lived up to my expectations. I learned my craft there, but I had a very political backstage at the time, and I'm no good in politics, and it compromised my confidence. So to write Up and Down in Shaky Town was a rebirth and a rediscovery of the skills

that I knew I had innately that I wished to hone. And that opened the door for me to take one step at a time and find myself here with you today, many, many, many more kilometers down the road fulfilled. We're listening to a song by a great Canadian band, Lowest of the Low. This is Ron Hawkins

singing. Another Ron. Ron's been here, he's been here a couple of times. He's a good man. I close every episode of this song.

I love this song from Shakespeare, My Butt. I'm mentioning that because I'm hoping I can convince you at a later date to return here

to kick out the jams with me. Happily, brother. Happily. Now that's music to my ears right there. Thanks for doing this. Thank you. Good luck. 1.5 million are going to tune in on New Year's Eve.

Those are, other than the Great Cup, these are monster numbers. Thank you so much. Thank you. Well, you don't do it alone. You do it with a great team, and I've got the best. Well, you don't do it alone. You do it with a great team, and I've got the best.

And that brings us to the end of our 296th show. You can follow me on Twitter. I'm at TorontoMikeRon. Are you on Twitter? I'm on Twitter. I'm on Facebook. I'm on Instagram. And by the way, shameless plug, my last three specials are for sale on DVD if you still use one.

We're, so ronjames.com is a good place to send people if they're looking to. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And do you remember your. Ron James, Ron James Live. On Twitter. Oh, no, the Ron James Show. The Ron, okay.

The Ron James Show is Facebook. Ron James Live, I believe, is Twitter. But just do a search. I'm all over the place. Our friends at Great Lakes Brewery are at Great Lakes Beer. Propertyinthe6.com is at Brian Gerstein. And Paytm is at Paytm Canada. See you all next week. You've been under my skin for more than eight years. It's been eight years of laughter and eight years of tears.

And I don't know what the future can hold or do for me.