Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - Simon Rakoff: Toronto Mike'd #1096

Episode Date: August 10, 2022

In this 1096th episode of Toronto Mike'd, Mike chats with comic Simon Rakoff about the perils of Canadian showbiz, the Winnipeg Comedy Festival and Just for Laughs, why he won't work Yuk-Yuk's, and great standup comics we've lost. Toronto Mike'd is proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery, Palma Pasta, Canna Cabana, StickerYou, Ridley Funeral Home and Electronic Products Recycling Association.

Welcome to episode 1096 of Toronto Mic'd. Proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery. A fiercely independent craft brewery who believes in supporting communities, good times and brewing amazing beer. Order online for free local home delivery in the GTA. StickerU.com. Create custom stickers, labels, tattoos, and decals for your home and your business. Palma Pasta. Enjoy the taste of fresh, homemade Italian pasta and entrees

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Over 100 stores across the country Learn more at cannacabana.com. Today, making his Toronto mic debut is comedian Simon Rakoff. Welcome, Simon. Thank you. Pleasure to be here. And where is here exactly? I noticed you're not in my basement, but whereabouts do we find you today? I am at my condo here in Midtown Toronto.

Okay, and remind me, why couldn't we do this in person? I mean, I know I hate to have these on-air meetings while we're recording, but we just decided Zoom would be easier. Is that what we decided? Yes, I don't remember being actually invited to your basement. But that's okay. I mean, I might have been able to come. I don't remember being actually invited to your basement. So, but that's okay. I mean, I might've been able to come. I don't even know where you are.

Well, I'm in Southwest Toronto. So. Okay. I could have made it. Oh my goodness. I have a Breasto card. You're missing out on, I was going to give you some fresh craft beer from Great Lakes Brewery and a lasagna from Palma Pasta. Oh my gosh.

Toronto Mike sticker from Sticker U from sticker you know what give me eight minutes i'll be right there and and by the way the reason we're talking at all you have good sponsors they cover you they cover you for from the beginning to the end i mean seriously your your your beer your weed your pasta your funeral i mean there's nothing they won't do for you and even if you want to put like stickers your casket, we got sticker you for that. Yeah, who wouldn't? And if you have any, like on your way out, you might have an iPhone on you or something,

then you can safely recycle that iPhone thanks to the latest sponsor, Electronic Products Recycling Association. I'm very into that, actually. Well, I'm a big fixer of things. Oh. So, yeah. But can you fix an iphone i feel like

the the and i want to hear your comments on this but i'll just say that uh the direction we're going with these laptops and these phones is like use and chuck or recycle epra uh shadow to epra but like we it's in the back of the day i had a tower it was a it ran windows and if i needed more memory or i needed to replace a motherboard i I did that myself. And I don't feel like this option exists anymore with the modern tech. Right. But even then, you were still getting rid of the old motherboard and putting in a new

one. It's not like you can micro surgery the actual pieces on it, right? Right. I mean, it's components in the end. Anyway. How handy are you like i need to know like if i have any i'm having you i'm 110 as a regular person i'm probably about a 56 all right well listen you know i fixed my own dishwasher okay i took it apart and you know so you're cut you're

handy enough i'm having an issue uh let me just run it by you real quick. So when I bought the house, it came with a refrigerator and the bottom part is a freezer. That's where I keep the Palma Pasta lasagna. And the sealant around the door has stopped functioning properly. Like it doesn't close and like stick close like it used to. Now I did all the basic stuff like cleaned it made sure nothing was blocking uh d i did a d thought it all kind of reset it all and it's just this um sealant that's around the door has stopped functioning basically like a rubber weather

script right right so is this just a matter of replaced so you just you buy a new weather yeah i don't want to obviously i don't replace the freezer because my sealant went or whatever. But you can just buy this part and I should be able to, if you're a 56, I might be like a 36. I should be able to put this on myself. It's just sticky. I mean, it's just glue and sticky. And if I run into issues, you can, you're not too far from me. You drop by and help me out.

I would drop by, you know, and help you eat all the lasagna before it goes bad when you're not too far from me, you drop by and help me out. I would drop by, you know, and help you eat all the lasagna before it goes bad when you're not working freezer. Well, you might have to share some of that lasagna with Blair Packham because I want to thank FOTM Blair Packham for brokering this deal. You've been on my radar for a long time,

but for whatever reason, it never came together. Not that you said no, just I don't think the invitation got to you or whatever, but Blair stepped in. Blair is awesome. Made it. So no, just I don't think the invitation got to you or whatever, but Blair stepped in. Blair is awesome. So yeah, take a moment to praise the man

because he's listening right now and he really does thrive on praise. Yeah, well, we all do. I mean, there's a reason we're in entertainment, you know? There's a hole that cannot be filled except by laughter, applause, and kudos. But he is wonderful. except by laughter, applause, and kudos. Here's something. But he is wonderful.

He's actually one of the acts I go see again and again and again. And I enjoy it every single time. What a great segue, Simon, because he's going to perform not one, not two, but three jams for all attendees of TMLXX. That's the 10th Toronto Mike listener experience that's happening September 1st from 6 to 9 p.m. at Great Lakes Brewery in Southern Etobicoke. Simon, if you're around September 1st,

you got to come out to this. I would love to come out to that. And I'll feed you there. It combines beer and Blair. I mean, all the bees I love. And Palma Pasta is going to feed all attendees. There's no charge here.

Just now that you're an FOTM, you're invited. So yeah, I will see you September 1st then. Is it a date? Oh, yeah, baby. I'm actually going to my calendar

because I'm on a computer obviously right now. Yeah, September 1st. I'm clicking September 1st. 6 to 9 p.m. There it is. 6 to 9. 30 Queen Elizabeth Boulevard.

30 Queen Elizabeth Boulevard. In Etobicoke, Ontario. Yeah, right. And not too far from like Royal York and Queensway. 30, say it again, 30? 30, 3-0, Queen Elizabeth Boulevard. Got it. Okay.

All right. See you there. That's awesome. And all FOTMs invited, by the way. And speaking of FOTMs, actually, I don't know if Gary can make it because he lives in Kingston now, but Gary Joyce,

he's a great friend of the program, and Gary Joyce says a few things about you. He says you're an excellent stand-up. That's mostly what I do. He says he opened for you one night. This is his words. And he thinks he thought you'd be far younger. I'm reading this for the first time now, obviously.

He thought you'd have observations about working younger crowds as a middle-aged comic. Oh, yeah. Maybe he's asking if you have any, what do you think? I don't think he meant like the show he opened for me. Okay. In general, like why don't we address?

Well, obviously I, I mean, it's funny because I started, I've been doing this over 44 years. I started at 17. So when I started, the crowds were in their twenties and the comics were in their twenties. Right. And I started, the crowds were in their 20s and the comics were in their 20s. And I kept and I used to think, wow, these people are old.

You know, they can go out on school nights. I mean, that's how young I was. And now I go out and, you know, I'm over 60 and I see these same young kids in the audience and I feel like a birthday clown. You know, I hope the children enjoy me. But it's great. You know, it's it's very much like singer songwriter in a way that the stand up comedy thing, you know, you're not writing the same songs. Paul Simon isn't writing the same songs at 70 as he wrote at 20. Right.

But that doesn't mean you still don't draw the audience and it still doesn't relate. You know, personal experience is personal, which makes it universal. But Simon, so you're Simon and of course Paul Simon's a Simon, but Paul Simon is, he's, you know, he's still singing like, I don't know, Scarborough Fair or whatever. Like he's dolling out the uh the hits from when he was in his 20s uh he's not you know so it's a little different you're not you

know doing the same routine if we go see you now that's not the routine you did when you were you know indeed yeah i i had very few ex-wife jokes when i was in grade 11 so let's go yeah sorry go no no let's go back there like okay so why don't we start with and i have more praise from other fotms but i'll get to them in a little bit here i know like you said we all need to be praised but uh when you were 17 like what possessed you to start telling jokes in front of a live audience like what makes you so funny um Well, I mean, I grew up in a funny house. You know, my brother, David Rakoff, was a famous, famous humorist. My sister's very funny.

My mother's very funny. My dad laughs at everything. You know, we were a very, our dinner table was a very fast-paced, funny place to go. a very, our dinner table was a very fast paced, funny place to go. But I also think it's, I mean, I actually have a t-shirt that says, comedy is not a job, it's a personality disorder. You know, I think there's something in me that sees everything as funny. And somehow the worse it is, the funnier it is, too. Now, you mentioned your brother, David. I'm sorry, because I think yesterday might have been the anniversary. Am I right? It was, 10 years.

So I'm so sorry. Did you want to maybe now take a moment, just tell us a little bit about David, if you don't mind, humorist. Well, I know a lot of smart people. And he was by far the smartest person I ever met. He was brilliant, but more importantly, he was just this kind, kind person and not a naive kindness, you know, where they don't understand how the world is. He knew very well how cruel and complicated the world was, and yet he maintained this sort of

generosity of spirit towards everybody. He was just remarkable. You know, in a movie, it would be over the top that somebody so wonderful and talented and brilliant dies so young. You would go, of course. They're tugging at our heartstrings with this. You know, nobody's that nice, that good, that smart, that talented. But he really was.

Ten years gone. Yeah, again, so sorry, but. Yeah, well, I don't blame you. No, thanks. Phew. And I showed great restraint that I didn't shout out Ridley Funeral Home because this is too real a moment. I didn't want to.

Yeah, well, that's okay. He's been taken care of already. By the way, gear Joyce, before we leave the gear Joyce, a segment of this conversation, he wanted me to tell you to, to loosen up your top button and tie.

That's right. When I, when I work, I wear a suit and tie, you know, like a show business professional. I'm just teasing the young people. I mean, you know,

in the mustard-stained hoodie going out for their show. I look at them, I'm like, seriously, man? Like, I wouldn't wear that to bed. Well, at some point, George Carlin, you know, ditched the suit and tie.

Like, he's like a noose. He said, this is gone. Yeah, but he still wore a clean T-shirt. That is true. That is true. And before we get back to you, I want to get back to you at 17 of course you grew up in a funny household so it was just natural but uh richard krauss loved stand-up i mean i mean i had been listening to comedy and watching comedy since forever i mean oddly enough monsters you know bill cosby woody allen those were the stand-ups i really enjoyed yeah not everything ages well i suppose but uh well the material's fine it's just you know

the tailor is not somebody you want to know also i think they're even the material i know that um bill cosby has that spanish fly routine he does oh yeah well that was always terrible so that was always terrible we just sort of uh put up with it because of all the other good stuff he was pumping out so uh we we tolerated it uh do you know richard krauss of course i love richard krauss richard says you're i'm gonna quote him fantastic well that's really nice i love richard he's great he's i i did his radio stuff a million times he was uh it was always fun and he'd have an interesting panel of people and i would be there just to add my little quips if they came up you were there to

punch it up and uh put in the funny this is on 10 1010, right? That was, yeah. Did you ever get a radio offer to have your own show? Oddly enough, no. But that's okay. I am happy to be a hired gun. I do it all over the place. I'm on CBC radio

quite a lot. They have The Debaters and other shows. I was on As It Happens every week for a while. They have The Debaters and other shows. I was on As It Happens every week for a while. Whatever, you know. Well, speaking of, there's a name I'm going to drop on you who we've also heard on CBC quite a bit, but John Wing.

Oh, yeah. I love John Wing. I've known John Wing forever. Decades. We still talk all the time. He's also on FOTM, which is also gear joyce and richard krauss so you know and blair packham so we're only going to talk about fotm soon i'm going to mention uh fotm fred patterson but we'll hold on to that one for a minute here but john wing says that uh you simon rakoff emceed his first amateur night and he has the date, June 30th, 1980. He says, one night a heckler called out,

don't quit your day job, to which he instantly replied, hope you can find one. I think that was me who said that. Yeah, that's you. This is, yeah, his words talking about you. Oh, I see. He was, right, exactly. Yeah.

So when did you, so 1980. So I started two years before that. I started in April of 1978, but I don't remember the exact date because it never occurred to me at the time that it would be my whole life. So when you start, whereabouts, like I'm trying to remember now,

I had Mark Breslin on to kind of give me the... Yeah, well, that was the club on Bay Street. That was the first comedy club. And so 1978, you get on stage and can you, like if you don't mind... There was no amateur night then. They did it

after the regular show on Tuesday and Wednesday. They'd sort of say, well, that's the show, but if you want to stick around, there's a couple of people who want to try it. I mean, now there's 70 open mic nights a week with hundreds of young wannabes, but back then there was nobody. Can you remember the comics that would, you know,

appear on the stage back in the late 70s and 1980 there? Can you name check some of the comics that you would? Of course. Steve Pulver, Lawrence Morgenstern, We just lost Lawrence. Brian Nazimok, Jim Carrey, Maurice LaMarche,

a troupe called Nip and Tuck, Sheila Gostick, Marla Lukofsky, Lauren Froman would drop by occasionally, Glenn Griffith. That's who's just off the top of my head, I remember. Lou Dinos.

Yeah. Okay, now I'm going to ask you to revisit Lawrence Morgan. So Morgan Stern, what was his last name? Yeah. Okay. Lawrence Morgan Stern, who just died a little while ago. So if you wouldn't mind uh let's spend just a little time since we we recently lost uh lawrence lawrence was amazing lawrence was the quickest there were it was i mean just in terms of you know we were all gun

fighters back then that a huge part of the training um people are a little more sensitive now but back then it was all about taking the piss all the time. You know, you were never safe from anything. I remember one night we were watching the Sunshine Boys on television, the old George Burns, Walter Matthau movie. And we're watching it. And I said, wow, so funny. I love Neil Simon. And Lawrence, without a beat, goes, the playwright or the command? I mean, that fast. It was unbelievable. I mean, he was just so fast and so funny. And yeah, I lived with Lawrence and a couple of other comics back in the 80s, Ron Vaudrey and Howard Nemitz. We shared a house and it was insane. We had no money. We were

just, I mean, to look at me now, you can see I'm very well fed, but back then, not so much. I would faint pretty regularly from lack of nutrition. We had nothing. We would mix flour and water and we had a stop sign. We would put it on all four burners of the stove and we had nothing. We would mix flour and water and we had a stop sign. We would put it on all four burners of the stove and cook a pancake and then eat it with razor blades, you know, just cutting off pieces with razor blades. We were like animals, but, you know, we were building something, we thought. And I'm guessing you could afford to be that poor in Toronto back then. Oh, yeah. No, believe me, I'm not complaining about the circumstances that allowed me to live the way I live.

Right. Right. Because today, this is not an option, really. There's nowhere to live for, I don't know, $100 each a month or something. No. No, there is not. This was a house in College Augusta area, Manning Avenue. And I lived in three or four different places in that neighborhood over my decades.

Above stores, that was always good. You know, I lived over a fortune teller for a while. I lived over an Italian video store for a while. And you get these huge places. I mean, they were terrible conditions, but they were cheap and big and downtown. It was great. Yeah. You know, I even remember in the early 90s, it was you could yeah, you could, you know, rent a room in one of those big those I know those big houses you're talking about there. And it's like you could afford to do that. And you know you know hone your craft if you will and be a starving artist yeah i know it's very hard i mean they've driven the they've driven the the poor out of the

city essentially i mean it sounds a bit like manhattan where everybody lives in, you know, New Jersey or Connecticut or Pennsylvania and drives in for work. Now, sadly, we like you meant like we mentioned, we've lost Lawrence very recently, but here's a name. He's still with us, but I'm dying to know what you thought of Jim Carrey when you first saw him on stage. Oh, Jim was, you know, out of control dynamic. I mean, I mean, he was just, I'm a very basic comedian. I'm not really an entertainer. I'm more like a writer, philosopher type. You know, I just write the jokes. And then because there's no show business in Canada, I have to do them as well. But, but Jim was an entertainer. I mean, he did singing impressions and physical stuff and falls and rubber-faced things that were just unbelievable. I mean, he was one of those

acts that when Jim was on the show, nobody even remembered there was a show other than him. But I worked with him many, many times. A wonderful guy. Very nice. Breslin tells me he was completely underwhelmed by Jim Carrey back then. Uh-huh. We don't have to talk about him at all if you don't want.

I'm just saying, if you have nothing nice to say. Oh, Mark, do you still perform at Yuck Yucks? I haven't performed at Yuck Yucks in 34 years. Like this is the, I know Blair might've briefed you. You're in the home of real talk right now. You know, is there any,

like was there an issue with Mark Breslin in the Yuck Yucks or anything that you're willing to talk about? Oh, it's terrible. I mean, they have the whole, basically they want to control your career. So they make themselves your agent. But, you know, they're not really your agent because they're booking you.

You know, it's a tremendous conflict of interest. You know, that's all I could get you from me. I really went to the wall for you, but I would refuse to pay any more than this. It's very hard to have the person represent you and book you. I mean, it's ridiculous. And eventually I just said, you know what, I'm going to go make my own career on my own terms. And I'm still around working all the time. Is it difficult though? I mean, I wonder, is it annoying that there's a string of clubs that I don't work at. And there's a bunch of comics that I only get to work with occasionally at independent gigs. But it's not, you know, I've done fine and I'm my own man,

which is all I want. Well, that conflict of interest that you're describing there, it reminds me of like sort of when you hear that, okay, this real estate agent is going to represent the buyer and the seller. It's like is going to represent the buyer and the seller. It's like when you're representing the buyer and the seller, you're sort of representing neither. Well, you're representing yourself, which is essentially what's going on there. Well, that's a shame. You can quote me on that. I think it's a damn shame. It's ridiculous, but it's the way they decided to do things.

And it has uh benefited and cost them in equal measure would be my guess so i i'm going to delete the uh remaining uh breslin yuck yucks questions for my uh my notes here so uh but there is a gentleman who you might have met at a yuck yucks in the middle who i I'm very good friends with. He's an FOTM. He's a client. Ralph Ben-Murgy. Oh, yeah. I did Ralph's podcast not long ago.

What is it? Another kind of rabbi? Not that kind of rabbi. Not that kind of rabbi. Sorry. I'm bad at remembering those kinds of details. I apologize to Ralph. Because he's a rabbi.

Yeah, I've known Ralph for a million years, too. He's one of the comics from the early days yeah so did he host those nights i'm trying to remember the uh the ralph ben murigis stand-up story but yeah tell me a little bit about ralph and then i'll let you know the questions he had for you oh ralph was well ralph came from the world of acting so he did a lot of character stuff um his act was more like a little scene he'd do as somebody. It wasn't so much Ralph talking as Ralph to the audience. But he was very talented, obviously, and, you know, moved on to a million other things. I mean, you know, people have various gifts sometimes. I don't. I basically am a good joke writer and think of things that are funny.

I'm not really an actor. I'm not really, as I said, an entertainer in the traditional sense. So I rely on the quality of my jokes and so far they've carried me. And Ralph had multiple talents and then the CBC came calling and I guess that was it for his standup career. Essentially. Yeah. I mean, you know,

why would you go back to the clubs once you're getting paid properly in the media? Did you watch his Friday night talk show in the early nineties? I did. What did you think of it? I thought it was not as good as it should have been. How could it have been better? I don't mean to put you on the spot here.

I know we're talking about something that's like 35 years old or whatever, but how could it have been better? I don't know, man. I mean, it's easy to criticize. It's easy to say that didn't work. How you would fix it, I'm not sure. I mean, I think part of the problem has always been that, you know, nobody knows who the Canadian entertainers are.

And I thought actually Mike Bullard handled it very well because he just made fun. You know, he was just joking around and making fun of everybody. Ralph took a more serious American style approach, which felt somehow when I watched the show, it felt a little weird to watch the assumption that anybody's heard of the people who he has on when people don't know who they are, you know? That's a good point. I frankly think a variety show makes the most sense for canada which is what they should be doing um you know just uh like an ed sullivan type once a week live here's canada's best talent here's a comic here's a singer here's a band here's a

juggler here's a whatever you know show off the talent as opposed to try to make celebrities yeah like a showcase of sorts for we have so many great musicians and comics. It's not like we don't have the talent, we just don't have the name recognition. But how do you get the name recognition? Well, you show off the talent. Right. Yeah, no, I think you're onto something there.

But they won't listen to me because they're jealous. Ralph wants to know, how has your stand-up changed over the years, Simon? Well, I think I sort of dealt with that earlier, but in the sense that as I've changed, you know, if it's a personal point of view, you hope you develop some different perspectives as time goes on. I'm a much happier person now than I was younger. You know, some people peak young and then they're kind of unhappy that the rest of their life works out worse. I'm one of those people who was pretty unhappy young and has developed a lot more patience and gratitude as I've aged. But I also, you know, I look at the world in a different way. I mean,

a lot of my act now is about getting older and making fun of young people and making fun. And what's funny is the young people like it. They don't need me trying to pretend like I'm cool or hip, which I never was incidentally. And certainly not now. You know, they appreciate that I've got an old man's perspective on things. And you played that smart because, I mean, Al Bundy, for example, peaked in high school when he was the star of his high school football team. And it was all downhill from there. Even though, though, looking back, the man, you know, he owned his own house.

He had a hot wife, right? A couple of hot wife owned his own home and did all that on a shoe salesman salary salary like he did all right yeah but you know that's television fantasy you know the friends live in apartments that nobody can afford in new york and i mean this is you know this is the the life on television it's it's not real oh and nobody banged on gilligan's island you know what i mean like come on ginger's still with us right i always try to remember who's alive and who's dead from that show louise i'm pretty sure i think she's still with us and i think she might be in her like late 90s or something but i'm pretty sure she's not young she's walking amongst us

hopefully she's walking i don't know about that that. But Ralph has a great question here about cancel culture. So what effect, this is a big one, so take your time with it, but what effect has cancel culture had on your stand-up or stand-up in general? Well, stand-up in general has, it's almost like there's a schism now, which I'm not part of because I'm old and grandfathered in, I suppose. But there's what I call the edgelords and the old and grandfathered in, I suppose. But there's the,

what I call the edgelords and the woke mob, or I don't call, I think that's just what they're known as. So you have one side that, you know, it's all, there's a lot of claptor on the woke side. In other words, they don't say anything very funny sometimes, but everybody applauds when they say, and that's when I decided I like people of my own gender and everybody claps. Yay, you're so brave telling us you're gay. And then on the other side, you've got these edgelords, as they call themselves, or people call them, who, you know, they come up with the most offensive thing they can think of and then forget to write a good punchline to make it worth the attention.

You know, I'm about the material being excellent. And in my opinion, I'm not interested in your personal journey unless you make me laugh with a good joke. And I'm not interested in your worst, darkest thoughts unless you make me laugh with a good joke. You know, there's my objection to most comedy is, um, they forget that it's comedy and the audience is night out and whatever you feel like expressing, you better make sure that you couch it in a way that builds a bridge and makes them laugh and standing up there and going, well, they just don't get me is not an excuse because they're the ones you're working for. So that's my take on it. I suppose if you're going to be an edgelord, like you got to like I'm thinking now I recently was

visited by Kenny Robinson and Darren Frost. They came over. Perfect examples. Brilliant guys. Brilliant. They come up with the funniest stuff about the nastiest, darkest, dirtiest stuff. I've always been a fairly middle of the road, clean comic anyway. Like it doesn't really affect me. I'm left-leaning liberal in my sensibility. And, you know, I've never particularly worked dark or dirty. It's just not the way my mind goes, but I love that kind of comedy. There's a guy called Boyd Banks who it's never too soon for Boyd to make a joke. I mean, literally the day after the space shuttle disaster, he's out there with his bit about it. And he's so brilliant that he makes it funny. But the ability to pull that off takes a really

special talent. And way too many people have the instincts and not the talent. No, I hear you. And sometimes when you have the talent though, it's because you're walking that line, the line that feeds your family and pays your mortgage and all that, to remain corporate friendly or even CBC friendly or Just for Laughs friendly, I don't know, you'll tell me, but you sort of have to be careful because I'm thinking now like you know gilbert godfrey lost that lucrative uh gig because he made a tsunami joke i think too soon you know and and he's a guy who you know he did the 9-11 joke before he was like the first famous comic to do a 9-11 joke and and he's kind of was, was no one for that, but you get to walk that line. Not easy. Well, yes and no.

But on the other hand, see, I'm of the opinion that there's no reason to hurt people on purpose, but if people are going to be hurt regardless, then maybe they need to toughen up a little bit and understand what a joke is. Right. I mean, a joke is a joke. And, you know, if you can't take it, you can't take it. On the other hand, if you're not funny, you're not funny. But the whole idea of canceling art, right? You know, you don't have to watch. This isn't Big Brother where the TV comes on against your will, and suddenly there's a speech you have to listen to. Right.

The toothpicks in the eyes. Right. Clockwork orange, right. Yeah. I mean, you know, people take it a little too seriously that this person shouldn't be allowed to speak to anybody. And I'm all in favor of, you know, deplatforming. I mean, you know, there's no reason that the guy

standing on the corner at Young and Dundas screaming about heaven and hell deserves a TV show or even a podcast. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't be allowed to say what he wants. So my attitude is you can say what you want, but you pay a price for your speech. And that price might be that some corporation doesn't want you as their spokesperson. You know, I get that. I'm lucky. I have nothing to lose. I scrape by. I don't have my own TV or radio shows. I'm out there doing my act. And, you know, the audience is lucky that I care so much that they enjoy it. But I don't have a commercial or mercenary side to me, particularly. There's some true freedom in having nothing left to lose, as a song once told me.

I was going to say, that's a good lyric. But it's absolutely true. I mean, it's easy for me to be brave, because what are they going to take away? Right. Yeah, like shout out to take away? Right. Yeah. Like shout out to Chris Christopherson. Um, yeah.

So I'm going to ask you about Dave Chappelle real on this note. So, uh, Dave Chappelle, who I will just declare, I find him to be very funny. Like I really enjoy watching the Dave Chappelle specials, but recently he seems to have picked a hill to die on,

which is, uh, I'll call, I think it's transphobic. Like I've listened back and I've decided there's a transphobic sentiment. And I wonder what are your thoughts because there's people at Netflix, for example, protesting that he hasn't been deplatformed from that particular big platform, even though he continues to

double down on his transphobia. Well, here's the thing. I mean, I think Dave Chappelle's in general. And what I think has happened is I don't think it's even about the transphobia thing. I think it's about being told what you can and can't say. And Dave Chappelle is like a pugnacious kid who's like, oh, don't push the button. I'm pushing the button. But don't push the button. Every time you push the button, somebody gets shocked. Yeah. It's not about them. It's about me. And you don't tell me what to do or not to do. So I'm pushing the button. And it's almost like all they all they'd have to do is is stop telling him to stop. and he'd stop. He's in a sort of a feedback loop of,

this is my opinion of it. I mean, I don't know Dave Chappelle, and I may be completely wrong in terms of his psychology, but I get the feeling that he is somebody who is like, and my friend Boyd is a bit like that, where if you say to him, don't mention blah blah blah you're basically saying be sure to talk about blah blah blah some people have that attitude of oh i'll show you you almost have you have to use child psychology on those people it's like uh well i don't know i think more like any bully if you feel like you're being bullied, sometimes the best way to deal with it is just go, yeah, I don't hear you, man. As opposed to, that hurt my feelings.

At which point they go, well, you got it wrong, and they keep going. Like, toughen up. You know? I am at a point with Dave Chappelle, though, because I do think he's a comedic genius and I think he's hilarious I just wish he would stop

I wish this I think I understand what he's doing I just I've been witness to a fascinating conference I produce a show for two women called the Feminine Warriors and they had Colin Mochrie and Debra McGrath on of those two too

talk to them about Chappelle and his transphobic humor, and you'll realize, oh, that shit's not funny at all. It's sort of like when you realize other people's perspective. Of course, they have a child, so of course it's very personal to them.

Right, right. And again, part of the problem is that he keeps going, right? So it makes it feel more personal. And I get totally where they're coming from. But I would just say, turn it off. You know, turn it off. I mean, it's the way I feel about, frankly, anti-Semitism

when I hear somebody doing anti-Semitic garbage. And I basically feel like, you know what? antisemitism when I hear somebody doing antisemitic garbage. And I basically feel like, you know what? I am simply going to ignore them and assume that anybody who's listening to this with any level of seriousness is already decided. No, well, you know what? I actually was gifted a ticket recently to see Roger Waters in concert. And I'm not a Pink Floyd guy I'm a little young I'm just not a Pink Floyd guy

I went in blind but I'm like I got a free ticket to see the guy from Pink Floyd I'm going to go check this out and then the very next day I learned about comments he had made in the press recently which I read and I deemed as anti-Semitic and I actually regretted I didn't pay a penny for the

ticket, but I regretted even attending the show after I read more about Roger Waters and his things. That's my point. I wouldn't attend a show. I'm not going to watch a Mel Gibson movie, but that doesn't mean I say nobody should watch a Mel Gibson movie.

I mean, you know, I'm not going to give him any money. I'm with you 100%. But he needs it. You know, if you don't like it, don't listen, don't support, don't buy the ticket. Just ignore.

Vote with your dollars. Vote with your dollars. Okay, speaking of dollars here, I want to ask you about some of these, you know, these Canadian TV shows and festivals that you've been appearing on

through the years. Sure. Winnipeg Comedy Festival, Just for Laughs. Like, what can you, like, how do these work exactly? They tap you on the shoulder and they say, we'd like to have you on the Just for Laughs program. Like, just give me a little. Well, that's how that happened.

I had given up on Just for Laughs. I'd showcased for them a million times and they never wanted me until I did the first Winnipeg Fest. And they saw me there and went, oh, he can do well at a festival and had me the next year. So, you know, sometimes it's just luck that they happen to see you at the right place and time. But Winnipeg's been great. I've done that a bunch of times and that's fun because they do theme shows. So you end up writing a whole new bit on, on a theme, uh, which is kind of, uh, interesting exercise like the debaters on CBC radio, where you've got to write a specific topic old thing.

So it's a use of my skill without burning my act. Yeah. I, I produced the humble and Fred show. So I know Howard's done debaters a handful of times or whatever. So it's always interesting to kind of get the, the behind the scenes. I've been on humble and Fred too.

Love those guys. You, you want to, I can book you if you want to come back, zoom in one morning at 8 15 AM. I'd be happy to put you in the guest calendar. Yeah, I'm sometimes still awake then. All right.

So after this chat, we'll get that in the calendar. Since you put TMLXX in the calendar, I know that would be great for that. Now, okay, so since... And then I'm going to come back to Just for Laughs, but I do, since I mentioned... And don't forget to allow me to promote a couple of things before we finish. Oh god are you kidding me yeah well i'm not we're not

even nearly done we're going at least an hour here and i have no i have no sense of time if you're doing great you're doing great but because i said humble and fred and i brought that up because howard had done debaters a handful of times uh but fred just this morning i mentioned uh humble and fred that i was going to be chatting with you today and Fred Patterson has a memory and I want you to give me some detail because Sports Zone Yeah, so what and I kind of remember it because Fred Patterson had a

sports show on CBC but what do you remember about that and what was your role in Sports Zone? Well, I know nothing about sports I don't follow sports I don't care about sports It's actually one of my whole routines is about sports and how I don't follow sports. I don't care about sports. It's actually one of my whole routines is about sports and how I don't care. I say I've never seen the Leafs play. I went once to catch a game at the Air Canada Center.

Got out front going, who needs Leaf tickets? I thought, you know what? He's right. But my role was actually, I was the field reporter. So it was essentially a phone-in sports show on television where they would talk about the teams and sports, things I know nothing about, but I was the field reporter. I would go out and talk to people in sports,

but all sports, darts, ice fishing, mountain biking, dog sled racing, and I would go and, you know, hang out with these people, a couple of Olympic volleyball players on the beach. You know, I would do all these things and make jokes. I mean, it was a humor segment. I was hired to make fun. How long did this show last? I don't remember.

I told you I'm bad with time. It feels like a couple of years, but I couldn't tell you. Okay, very interesting. I got to go backstage at the gardens and, you know, see what happens during the hockey, you know, in the back. And I did a million things. I did bowling and everything. It was very interesting.

Was Fred Patterson good to you? They were great to me, although I never really saw them. Okay. Because I was doing these pre-taped street things, you know, on location, and they were in the studio. I'm going to,

before we talk about, you know, surrounded by idiots and uh everything you're up to and promote the hell out of everything coming up for simon rakoff uh i'm gonna ask you about some people in the comedy world that we've lost recently but even before that blair packham gave me like a a heads up that you had stories about serious xmM and Just for Laughs. And I'm wondering if you would be willing to share this with the FOTMs listening. You know what? I am currently trying to get this to be a thing.

And can we not? Is this live? Yeah, but it's live. Yeah, but it's okay. I'm screwed anyway, right? Oh, man. Well, yeah. No, it's okay. Yeah, but it's okay. I'm screwed anyway, right? Oh, man. No, it's okay. You haven't said anything.

Only Blair said something. Can I read between, like, is this something you're not willing to speak about this right now? Whatever it is. And I don't even know what it is. That's all I know. Well, essentially, most comedians make most of their money by being played on the satellite,

uh, formerly Canada laughs channel. That's now been taken over by just for laughs and is suddenly playing less and less of us. And there's a lot of reasons behind that. And, uh, yeah,

this is not something I was hoping to be outed as somebody. Anyway, it is what it is. Okay, well, then I can't speak for you, of course, and you don't have to say anything further. But I have heard from other comics. So I think is Howie Mandel involved in this, right? He's the Just for Laughs. He and a consortium own Just for Laughs.

Right. Okay, of course. When they took over the station, they promised us after a big PR backlash and meeting of all the comedians and dealing with the Canadian Association of Stand-Up Comedians, they promised that our residuals would stay the same and they would continue to play independent Canadian recordings.

But since then, they've started their own record label and are now playing their own stuff on their own station, even though they likely would claim they're separate entities. But all I know is I'm making way less than I did. Well, see, I know you're hesitant to speak about this, and I respect that because, of course, you don't have to talk about what you don't want to talk about, except that I wish somebody would speak up about this bullshit

because I don't know how we... Yeah, I mean, I was hoping that, frankly, that the media would take it up as a cause, and that's what I was sort of behind the scenes trying to do. Now you've outed me. So well, yeah, I've been pretty much screwed. But I know how it goes. It's not the first time I've been the boy on the burning deck. Well, it's not quite that extreme, because what happens is when when the the underground independent podcaster has this story, you know, I've seen this very recently, actually,

that can only, you know, the mainstream media will run with it like it's theirs anyways like so this this can only help you it can't can't hurt the story but i hope that there is noise made about this and that it's rectified because it sounds uh pretty shitty to me oh no it's awful it's an awful situation and you know we make so little money this this business with the radio residuals was really the way most of us survive and suddenly it's it's you know it feels a little bit like they saw oh there's money in comedy in canada that we're not getting and decided how do we get that too even though they're already taking the lion's share well it sounds awfully to my ears it sounds a lot like the conflict of interest we discussed earlier with

the yuck yucks it's like you're you're yeah you're looking out for your yourself but again it's not like it worked out for simon rakoff that he spoke up about that i other people may have gotten something out of it but but at some point one The one who actually mentions it doesn't tend to get the benefit from it. So I'm now concerned that I'm going to be really blackballed. But it won't be the first time. Okay. On a lighter note,

this is my own awkward segue, wondering if you would have a moment to talk about some stand-up comics that we lost too soon. Okay. The first guy I want to talk to you about, because whenever I have somebody like yourself or John Wing on or Ben Merge,

whoever comes on, Larry Fedorek, whatever, I want to, tell me about Mike McDonald, because Mike McDonald, whenever I talk to a comic, particularly a Canadian comic who worked with him, I'm told this guy, the funniest, he's like a comics comic, the funniest guy. I want to hear, what are your thoughts

on the late Mike McDonald? Mike McDonald was the best comedian I ever saw live, ever. And I've seen Carlin and Leno and Seinfeld and everybody you've ever heard of, pretty much. Mike McDonald was the funniest,

the best, the most complete, brilliant comedian I ever saw. I mean, I never met a craftsman of the level of Mike. Every gesture, every facial expression, every word, every pause was like ballet when Mike did it. It was so carefully crafted and curated. He was brilliant, brilliant. The best physical comic. He always had a brilliant take on everything. He was amazing. I mean, he wasn't like a quipper. Mike wasn't like in the moment. Mike was a prepared, perfect comic piece every time. He was amazing.

We were very close. Mike used to stay with me when he'd come to town for gigs. And in fact, I have his suitcase. When I travel on tour, I have Mike's old Samsonite, and it still has the gold stickers on it saying Mike. My suitcase has a name. You know, what you said there about Mike, and sorry for your loss,

it sounds like you were very close to Mike. Of course. I've heard, that's like an echo. I've heard that, I could script what you said there. I've heard that from so many standup comics that I've spoken to. It's, I guess my next question. Mike wrote it out for us. He said, say it just like this.

But my follow-up, and you can probably read my mind, but my followup is what happened that Mike McDonald, and I'm not saying Mike McDonald didn't make it or was a failure, but there's this level we think of when we talk about such gifted comics where, why didn't it all work out for Mike the way it should have? Because life is a crapshoot and completely unfair. I mean, there's no specific reason, I'm sure. I mean, Mike had a bit of a threatening presence. So live, it's awesome and inspiring and just makes your heart race to watch him.

But I can see why maybe on television, you know, it's the way Bob Newhart is a huge TV success and Don Rickles could never really break through, right? Because, you know, television is a cool medium. They don't want people who threaten them in their living room somehow. Certainly not in comedy, you know, as yourself, allegedly. You know, you can get away with it in character. I'm surprised Mike

never got a real job in a big show as a menace. You know, he would have been a terrific, you know, Dean Wormer in Animal House. Mike would have been a terrific hitman and in fact made a movie where he played a hitman, I remember, a comedy. I'm just saying Mike had a presence that was slightly menacing at the same time as being hilariously funny. So maybe that's why.

But to be honest with you, I don't know why. Like sliding doors or whatever, maybe a different break at a different time and somebody catches this, who knows? And then it just- The fact is you can't take away how fantastic he was at what he did. The fact that the breaks didn't go his way.

I mean, look, that could be said for a lot of us. I mean, I've never had major success in any way. Now I'm not ambitious. So I don't go crazy over that. I'm pretty happy. I don't think I'd be a good famous person. You know, I'm not social in that way, I think. But at the same time, you know, would have been nice to make a little more money. Well, is there any part of you that's even at all bitter for the fact that uh you know as well as you've done and i mean your name i've been i've been hearing your name for for for you know decades uh and you're i've been

told you know i read some nice comments from fotms off the top people think you're you're hilarious because you are but is there any part of you that's like why didn't my bank account benefit and i'm not saying it has to be like Mike Myers' bank account or whatever, but there's a lot of- But I know why. It's because Canada is a ridiculous industry. I mean, and it makes sense. There's this enormous geography with very few people.

So right away, you're next door to the largest entertainment juggernaut in the world. There's a lot of things about it. Unlike other art forms, we cannot apply for arts grants. Comedians don't get that kind of support that most artists that stay in Canada can get. I mean, that's the only way many people stay alive in the arts in Canada, is government money, which we don't get. And the fact is that the border is porous on that side and not on our side. American acts can come

up here and work with no paperwork to speak of, whereas if we want to work on that side of the border, there's an enormous visa process, and it costs tens of thousands of dollars and an enormous commitment. You have to go and live there for a long time. You know, it's just it just isn't equal in terms of us being able to work there compared to them being able to work here. So and frankly, the media ignores us. I mean, I released my album and i couldn't get anybody to pay attention except glenn sumi who's very supportive from now magazine right gave me a nice review and mentioned it but none of the major media outlets would bother you know with a canadian album and even now is you know hanging by a thread right now no pun, yeah. So there's that one Avenue you have the alternative,

you know, weekly, uh, weeklies is, is, I mean, Mark Weisblatt comes on the show. He can't find the printed paper anymore. Like it's, it's literally hanging by a thread. Yeah. Well, and this is, I mean, look, this is journalism in general is having a hard time in the internet age and everybody's, everybody's adjusting to the new way of things. I mean, I'm very old school. I don't have any videos on YouTube, you know, because my attitude basically is I'd like people to come and pay, see me. But I'm thinking maybe I've got to do that. I don't stream my album. My album is available on Amazon Music to download for 10 bucks. I figured, give me $10 for my album instead of nothing to hear it for free.

But I understand that's not the model now. And here you are, you're 40 years deep. Is that math right? Yeah, 44 years deep, though. There must have been a moment. I'm thinking now, I've had multiple visits by Ron James, and he talks about when he went to California and he was,

you know, to, to make it in the States. And then when he came back home and, and decided he'd stay here, like we've had open and honest discussions about this, but you must've had that moment. I love Ron James.

Yeah. And Ron's an example of a guy. He's just decided to work Canada. Like he's working Canada, but he did have that dream to go to California and be like, well, I remember when he went there, Ron is fantastic.

Ron is another awesome talent. But the other thing is Ron is very much of the Canadian zeitgeist, you know, certainly, certainly then. And even today, you know, he's,

he's a, he's a guy who comes from the east and he's got that sort of Canadian manner about him. And, you know, whereas I'm more like, you know, big city Jew in the small towns and I do well, but I'm not fooling anybody that I'm like them. I'm not fooling anybody that I'm like them. I'm, you know, I'm a different character than somebody who's going to, you know, capture the Canadian zeitgeist in that way. Why did you, Simon, like, why did you stay is my curiosity. It sounds like we eat our young here and that the game is rigged.

Well, I actually went to California, but more to try and write. And frankly, what happened to me there was my couple of legitimate opportunities I got stolen from is more what happened than anything else. I had a movie and a TV episode stolen. My partner at the time, my writing partner stayed and actually did fairly well. He writes a lot of that Disney Channel, you know, tween stuff. Oh, I know it well, and it's terrible, but you're serving a certain audience.

It's a living. No, no judgment from me. No judgment from me. But yeah. And part of my problem has always been, frankly, that I have an artist's temperament, but not the discipline. So I've turned down a lot of money because I just don't want to do that. It's like a punk rock mentality almost.

I suppose. I mean, I want to do what I want to do. If I wanted to guarantee myself a living, I would have done something that guaranteed a living. I always say I'm smart enough to be a lawyer and I'm smart enough not to be a lawyer. And you were about to say something before I interrupted you, though. You were going to give me a specific thing. I'm saying my time is the only non-renewable resource. So that's what I care about is what is my time being used for and how much am I enjoying

what I'm doing? And frankly, you know, I would love to do a bigger show. But I worked on a bunch of shows. And frankly, I was largely disappointed by the experience because it wasn't my show. And, you know, I'm happy to give my input. And I know it's not my job to decide. It's somebody else above me. But it's not as satisfying for me. I would rather work in a club of 150 people doing exactly what I want to do on a small scale where I am writer, performer, director, producer,

uh, than, you know, a big show where I'm compromising my vision and don't think it's funny. You're not going to sell out just because, uh uh there's a big check there waiting for you you have some well and in canada it's never a big enough check i mean who knows if they offered me to make the uh emoji movie and i thought it was a terrible idea but you know they offered me millions i'd probably say you know what i'll take it I'm not going to sell my soul for a stick of gum. That's for sure. No, I hear you, buddy. I'm going to ask you about a different McDonald. Did you ever cross paths with

Norm McDonald? Oh, a million times. We worked together a million times. Yeah, of course. I knew him fairly well, as well as you could know Norm McDonald. Well, if you don't mind, I can't have time. You're having trouble have time you're having your trouble of time i'm having trouble of norm i feel like it was less than a year ago but we lost norm

recently can you do you mind spending a few moments talking about norm mcdonald not at all go ahead oh what what oh i thought you'd share just share any uh any any memories any thoughts uh anecdotes about norm i mean he was norm was mean, he was, Norm was a savant, you know? He was one of those people who, kind of like Mitch Hedberg, you know, they have sort of a comedy unique gene. I mean, I'm a mechanic. I like know all the tricks. I'm like a judo professional.

I know all the beats and flips and tricks to make jokes, and my brain can put it together in a thousand ways. Norm had his own unique, perfect style. And bear in mind, he was also show business handsome, which helps. But he was a brilliant, brilliant comedian. I mean, just the first time I saw him, there's four people. The first time I saw them, I said, oh yeah, this is one who's got it. And Norm was one of those people. Do you remember the other three? Of course. Most people improve over time, but some immediately, you know. Deborah DiGiovanni, first time I saw her, I said, oh yeah, she's got it. Alex Nussbaum, and there's a guy on the scene right now named Thomas Kalman, who's just fantastic in my opinion. All right.

Now, we've talked about the two McDonald's Canadians, but I'm going gonna ask you if you have any uh any thoughts or maybe you cross paths with the i mentioned him earlier gilbert godfrey we lost him earlier this year i met gilbert very very very long ago long before he broke big um and uh in fact it was after the death of, I think, John Paul I. So quite a long time ago. And in fact, he brought a coffin. I mean, obviously, you know, cardboard coffin, but full-sized coffin.

And he would lift the lid and lower it like a ventriloquist's dummy's mouth, as though he was talking to the Pope. Isn't that right, Your Holiness? That's right. I mean, he was nuts and hilarious. We loved seeing him. But as a person, he was at that point, painfully shy. I mean, I barely exchanged three words with him backstage. So I didn't really know him. And backstage, I'm sure you got Gilbert's natural speaking voice, not the persona voice that we all hear when he's on air.

Very quiet, very quiet and very almost whispery. But as I said, so painfully shy at that stage. He may have changed over time and certainly with great success might have opened up a little more because he seems much more effusive in other interviews I've seen and stuff. Okay, one more name I'm going to ask you about before we get to Surrounded by Idiots. Bob Saget. Oh, Bob Saget was great. Again, I knew Saget before he went to television. Actually,

it made me laugh because after television, when he went back to the clubs, there were all these stories. America's dad is a shock comic. And it's like, no, no, that's how he started. He was a shock comic. What made his act so unique was he was a shock comic with that apple pie face and delivery. So it was, you know, most of the shock comics are more like, you know, Dave Attell and why is his name gone for me? You know who I mean, the guy who yelled at the crowd in Philadelphia.

Oh, I'm thinking Sam Kinison. Bill Burr. Oh, Bill, yeah, right, right. I'm saying they have that sort of look and attitude to them, where they're kind of pugnacious in their manner. Bob Saget was like, hi, everybody, I'm Howdy Doody. And then the jokes were just the filthiest, dirtiest, grossest things you've ever heard.

And we howled at Sagan. And he was the nicest guy, too. My buddy Stu Stone had a rap song with Jamie Kennedy called Rolling with Saget. And Bob not only appeared in the video, which had some MTV success about 15 years ago, but whenever he did his stand-up gigs, he would open the set by having Rolling with Saget blaring over the loudspeakers. That's cool. Shout out to my buddy- You have your own theme song.

Stu Stone, right. Shout out to Stu Stone. All right, my friend. So let's talk about Surrounded by Idiots, because this is actually about eight years old now, right? Yeah, yeah. It's my album. Well, you know, I took a long time to put out an album. And in fact, I recorded four or five shows in Ottawa to put together to make an album. And when I listened to them, I didn't like them enough to release them. So I then booked a place in Toronto, the old Dominion on Queen, which is now gone, and booked and invited people and just recorded one straight through hour show.

And it went great. And that's the album. And okay, so you talked earlier about the Who Needs Leafs tickets gag outside ACC. That's in there, right? And you also alluded, you talked about this earlier, how there's a bit you have there

about putting people in witness protection programs and Canadian showbiz because they'll never be heard of again. Yeah, exactly. And you know what's really weird is my bits, I still do a lot of the stuff that's on the album, but it's so much different now, you know, because your act

is, I liken it to the cells in my body. You know, it, it's like, it's slough a bit off and add a bit and eight years later, you're a totally new person, but you don't see the, the change happening. So like a lot of those bits are now lengthy bits that were one or two jokes back when I did the album. So, you know, I like that because you can hear my album and still see me live and see how different it is now. My album available on Amazon music.

Yeah. So if you were going to direct, somebody's listening right now and they're like, I like this guy, Simon Rakoff. I want to support him. Thank you. This fictional character who's listening right now and they're like i like this guy uh simon rakoff i want to support him thank you let's this fictional character who's listening right now where are we sending them exactly so you have to go to amazon music and search for your name simon rakoff or my title surrounded

by idiots or go to my site simonrakoff.com r-a-k-o-f- Let's send them there. SimonRakoff.com. And that's like where you get like self-serve all your Simon Rakoff needs. Yeah, my calendar is there. If you want to check out a live show, you can see where I'm performing. And there's a link to my album. And there's even some videos. Some of my TV appearances are there.

You can see, you know, some of the stuff I've done on television. I was watching. So, you know so preparing for this, I was watching one of your appearances at the Winnipeg Comedy Festival, and you're fucking funny. Oh, well, thank you, man.

Well, thank God, because really I offer very little to the world outside of that. It's really good I'm funny, because otherwise I'm just taking. Well, do one thing really well. It's like, don't be like, I do a bunch you know, because otherwise I'm just taking. Well, do one thing really well. Like it's like, don't be like, you know, I do a bunch of things like whatever. Okay. And then you're doing this one thing really, really well. And I think that's a smarter approach to be quite honest. Well, the other side of it, in my opinion, is you're never perfect. It's, it's, I liken it to

golf. It doesn't matter how good you are at golf. Every course is different. So every show is different. Every audience is different, right? It doesn't matter how much you perfect your swing, how much you practice your pots. You always, always, always have a challenge every single game. And that's why I still love it and find it interesting and challenging after 44 years. You can never just call it in. No, great point. In fact, on that note, the challenging part, this is how I wanted to close here.

You probably don't even know this is coming, but I'm curious. I've never been diagnosed, but I've had people who love me who tell me, Mike, you might have ADHD. I've been hearing this my whole adult life okay i i've like i said undiagnosed untreated etc and uh we won't comment on what the heck my thing is but have you you've been diagnosed with adhd yes can you share a little bit about what it's like living with adhd i liken it to a car with massive engine power and no steering. That's how I think of it. My brain is just constantly galloping, but making it focus, which is the trick of most employment, is very hard. The good thing is, in comedy, the way jokes work is it's association. So it's like opening a

bottle of perfume and it fills the room. My brain goes to every possible connection to anything I think about. And that's how you come up with comedy is, uh, in fact, I have a theory of what a laugh is. I think it's a new synapse connection. I think it's two things that you already knew being linked in a way you never saw them linked before. Do you see mind maps? I'm sorry. I'm sorry for interrupting. Keep going.

I want you to finish that thought before I end. Okay. But in order to make it a joke, you have to beat the audience to the link, but give them enough information that when you get there, they're right with you. So you have to keep it secret until the moment of the punchline. I liken it to the way they built Canada's railroad, right? They built it from the east and the west, and then that golden spike linked it in the middle. So that's how a joke in my mind works. A laugh works. It's here's two things.

And what two things? What is going? And then clang. And that's the punchline. And everybody goes, oh. So in real time, your synapses are firing off. And there's like a mind map sort of there in real time where you're sort of like, it's all slowing down for you and you're connecting these things sort of like

you're playing 3d chess, I suppose. Precisely. Well, I mean that leaf stroke, right. That we talked, that we'd said earlier, right. It takes the, I don't care about sports. Right. But I went to see hockey. Everybody who's ever gone to see hockey has seen that guy out front saying, who needs leaf tickets? Everybody's heard the expression, ah, who needs it? As a, I don't need it expression. But they've never put them together. I put them together. And it's not information I'm giving you. It's information I'm linking in a new way. Right. Okay. So I have a question, but first, before I get to the question, follow up there, are you being treated for this ADHD? Like, do you take a medication? You know what? I don't because I was too old by the time it became a thing. And I've already learned the billion coping mechanisms. I mean, I'm very good at,

I mean, as soon as you invited me to your event, I put it in my calendar. Right. Right. Right. If I didn't, I wouldn't remember to put it in my calendar. You know, I, I, I have a tray where my glasses and keys go. So that's where they are all the time. So you've developed these coping mechanisms. So no, no medicine, medication required. Oh no, I take Prozac because that's depression. But that's not for the ADHD. Right.

That's a separate, a separate, a different, right. Mental challenge there. Okay. Now, okay.

Very interesting. The calendar thing, because I, my, my, my, I live and die by my calendar. Like,

like my wife, if I have to pick up and I do today at camp, I have to pick up my two youngest kids. And my wife sends me the, you don't want to forget that. No. So my wife sends me the meeting. You don't want to forget that. No. So my wife sends me the meeting invite because literally everything, unless if I,

if I miss something on my calendar, it means like I am in the hospital or dead. So we have bigger fish to fry, but once it's in the calendar, it just happens. And everything goes in the calendar as either a calendar entry, which means it's like a time sensitive, this to this or whatever,

like this chat right now, or I use Google tasks, which it'll go off, for example, and say, okay, at some point today, you need to complete this task. So I've got... I just put those in the calendar and mark it all day. See, I use a thing called Calendly, where my clients book my time, where it syncs up with my calendar. And then it says, okay, Mike is available this time and then they block it. So I can't put tasks as calendar

because then no one can book my time and then I can't put my kids through university and all that important stuff. So, but it's just interesting hearing you speak. So when you're speaking about this ADHD, I'm hearing a lot of what I would deem benefits. Like, would you mind? But only in my particular line. It makes me essentially

unemployable. Is that because you can't do a nine to five? What is it about the ADHD? Because if I'm sitting in a meeting, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't sit there just silently listening and taking. And it makes me feel, I mean, look, I watch television while playing poker online, while, you know, writing something down or dictating jokes into my phone. And that's not how people work. I mean, I can do it because it's all me. I'm a one-man operation. But I can't, in fact, there was a government probe into an issue involving comedy decades ago. And they had meetings where we'd have to sit there

and talk to these government people. And I couldn't control myself. I made nonstop jokes. And then that government agency hired me for their Christmas party. So I got a gig out of it because I was so funny. All right, thanks for sharing this. I'm naturally curious about the ADHD for a bunch of personal reasons, but you, you mentioned the corporate gig. Are there any live appearances by Simon Rakoff that you can

shout out now? So FOTMs can go see you. Yes, please. I have actually decided to produce a show for the first time ever. I've always been a hired gun, but I am putting on a show on September 19th at Joker's comedy club, theater and comedy club in Richmond Hill. It's a new place and it's called stars of David. So it's a Jewish comedy night. I thought that name was pretty cute.

And it's myself, Ian Sirota, brilliant headliner, and Steve Brinder, who's one of the only guys in Canada who's been doing it longer than I have. And it's going to be a fantastic night. We have David Goodman opening for a few minutes, a very funny guy. And basically, I'll make a living if people buy tickets. So I hope they will. It's a 7.30 show on a Monday night. So it'll end about nine, easy to get to bed in time for work, but it's going to be amazing. I really encourage people to go to jokers.ca and look up Stars of David and buy some tickets because I think it'll sell out. It's only about 180 seats there. On September 1st, when you come to Great Lakes for the TMLXX, did you want five to seven minutes

on the mic before Blair Packham performs? If you want me to, I would love to do five to seven minutes of comedy. But I can only pay you with a Palma Pasta and Great Lakes beer. Is that sufficient? You know what?

If I had any money, I would buy Palma Pasta and Great Lakes beer. So it kind of skips the middleman. It actually saves me a trip. Now, other than the fact that this Toronto Mike debut

might have cost you some money and I sense I touched a third rail. That's not where I thought it would go. But anyway. But otherwise, it's okay. Like, not where I thought it would go, but anyway. But otherwise, it's okay. I mean, when we end recording, you can tell me the real deal here,

but yet a good time. Well, it's out there now. As I said, is it live? And it was, so there's nothing I can do. You can't unring the bell, as they say. Well, I did enjoy the convo, and I'm excited to tell you you're now in FOTM and I hope we not only on September 1st but I'm hoping

this is not the last time Simon Rakoff appears on Toronto Mike anytime that was a lot of fun thank you so much for having me and that brings us to the end of our 1096th show

you can follow me on Twitter. I'm at Toronto Mike Simon. Is it at Simon Rakoff on Twitter? It's SimonRakoff.com regardless. So go there for all your Simon Rakoff needs. Our friends at Great Lakes Brewery are at Great Lakes Beer. Palma Pasta is at Palma Pasta.

Sticker U is at Sticker U. Electronic Products Recycling Association are at EPRA underscore Canada. Ridley Funeral Home are at Ridley FH. And Canna Cabana are at Canna Cabana underscore. They won't be sold on cannabis or cannabis accessories. See you all tomorrow when my special guest is Jim Cuddy from Blue Rodeo.