Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - Six Kids Under: Toronto Mike'd #996

Episode Date: February 10, 2022

In this episode of Toronto Mike'd, Mike chats with Ridley Funeral Home's Funeral Director Brad Jones about his career choice, raising six kids in a home attached to a funeral home and how close they came to appearing on the cover of People magazine. Toronto Mike'd is proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery, Palma Pasta, Canna Cabana, StickerYou, Ridley Funeral Home and Patrons like you.

Welcome to episode 996 of Toronto Mic'd. Proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery, a fiercely independent craft brewery who believes in supporting communities, good times, and brewing amazing beer. Order online for free local home delivery and the GTA. StickerU.com. Create custom stickers, labels, tattoos, and decals for your home and your business.

Palma Pasta. Enjoy the taste of fresh homemade Italian pasta and entrees from Palma Pasta in Mississauga and Oakville. Ridley Funeral Home. Pillars of the community since 1921. And Canna Cabana. The lowest prices on cannabis. Guaranteed.

Over 100 stores across the country. Learn more at cannacabana.com. Joining me this week on Toronto Mic'd, from Ridley Funeral Home, Brad Jones. Jones! Now, before we get started, a little bit of context for you. Brad Jones visited me for a one-on-one conversation. And the original intent was that this was for the pilot episode of Brad's new podcast, Life's Undertaking.

You can subscribe to Life's Undertaking right now in the podcatcher of your choice. I'm titling this episode Six Kids Under, and it'll all make sense in about a half an hour. But let's listen. I think you'll be surprised at how fascinating this insight into Ridley Funeral Home really is. Hello, I'm Toronto Mike, and it's my pleasure to speak with the aforementioned Brad Jones. How are you doing, Brad?

I'm doing pretty good, Mike. How are you doing? I'm good. I am naturally curious about your profession. And my very first question here, as I kind of get to know you better, is how did you end up working at a funeral home? I've got to know the origin story. That goes back a long, long way. I did a co-op in high school at a local funeral home in my hometown of Hamilton. And I had an interest in death from an early age.

When my grandfather died over in Florida back in 1979, I was eight years old. My parents were out for the night, and my grandmother called, and she was in such shock when I told her my mom wasn't there, my dad wasn't there. And I said, you know, do you want me to take a message? And she says, yeah, tell them your grandpa died. And she hung the phone up. Wow.

So that was my first, you know, four way into death notification, I suppose. And it shaped me because I wasn't able to go to the funeral. It was down in Florida and they brought my grandfather's ashes back. And I remember going to St. James Cemetery here in Toronto for the burial of ashes in disbelief that the big, tall, strong grandfather I remembered was brought right back down into that tiny little box that we placed in the ground. So that was my first, I guess, peek at funeral service. And I had an interest ever since then. And so when I was in high school, did a co-op at a local funeral home, really enjoyed it, which is surprising because as

a co-op student, you did a lot of washing, floors, baseboards, vacuuming, cleaning. But it was a great experience and I learned from some really unique people. And went to Humber College after that, got my license, and have been at Ridley since June of 1991. Wow. Did you consider working in Hamilton? I probably would have worked anywhere. Met my wife when we were in college, and she was in the nursing program. I was in funeral service. Met my wife when we were in college and she was in the nursing program.

I was in funeral service. And when it came to looking for jobs, I was able to find a job here in Toronto and she couldn't find a job anywhere in Ontario because it was right in the peak of no nurses for hire. Wow. And so Ridley, of course, on Lakeshore and 14th Street. How did it come to be that that was where you were going to put down your markers and build your business? It was a fluke. I did my apprenticeship at a funeral home in Mississauga,

and we had gone to a cemetery and forgot to bring a sander, one of the things that the clergy use. So Ridley's left one there at the cemetery for us to use. And it sat on a shelf at our funeral home for over a week. And it was a quiet day. So I said, you know, I should bring this back to that funeral home. And I went down and brought it in. And the gentleman I was talking to in the lobby that day said, you know, we're hiring. Are you looking? This begs the question, of course um i happen to know uh ridley funeral home was named after an arthur ridley and uh established in 1921 but uh what do we know about arthur like what do we know

about the namesake for ridley funeral home yeah so actually the the original funeral home opened up as baycroft and sons in 1921 and art ridley came from the town of Brighton in the 40s and moved to Toronto and bought the funeral home in 47. And he worked there from 47 till 57 when he sold it to the Nill family. And they didn't change the name from Baycroft and Sons to Ridley's until 1946. So when they changed it to Ridley's for a year, and then when Frank Nill bought it, everyone kept asking him, like, why don't you change the name? And he says, well, Ridley sounds nice and Nill means nothing. So we're going to leave it as Ridley's. And everyone just assumed Frank was a Ridley from that day on. And it's amazing how many people think my last

name is Ridley. I was about to say, I wonder how many people think you're Brad Ridley. And it's a very common thing when I talk to anyone, it's Brad from Ridley's. That's not Brad Jones from Ridley Funeral Home. It's just Brad from Ridley's. Have you considered changing it? Maybe make our lives simpler. No, no, there's too much history with Ridley's name and it has a nice ring to it. So we're not changing it.

Like in your origin story, as you share it, like nice ring to it so we're not changing it like in your origin story as you share it like it almost sounds like when you're eight years old and you get that phone call that there's a light that goes off like there must be a better way like this is a very serious thing that's happened that I need to like deal with and it's been told to you in like a matter of fact a matter of factly way that you almost had this like innate yearning to sort of be better at the exit, like to be there for friends and family of those who have passed on and to make that process, you know, more comforting for everybody. Yeah, I think one of the hazards of what we do in funeral service is we absorb so much of the family's energy. You know,

I'm not going to say their grief, I'm not going to say their emotions, but we absorb their energy. And I think as if you're a good funeral director, you find a way to be able to absorb that for the family, help them along that time. But then you have to have a way to release it. For me, it's humor, it's coaching basketball, it's going for walks. And yeah, we named our dog Arthur, so we take our dog Arthur for walks. He's our therapy dog in training right now. Oh, very good. Very good.

Now, I'm wondering on that note, how you manage to leave work at work, if you will. And I won't even get into the fact that you kind of live where you work. That's another avenue I'll take later. But right now, I'm just wondering, when you're there to absorb the energy of the family that's in mourning, how do you not take that to the basketball game or on the walk with you? Well, sometimes it's a lot of, well, sometimes it's a lot of sadness to be quite frank. Like how do you, how does that not affect

you as a human being? Yeah, I think it does affect you. You know, it becomes a bit of who you are. You, um, you know, you're, you're, you're carrying this, uh, energy for families. You're carrying this energy for families. You're carrying this energy and you, you just have to be able to almost compartmentalize yourself. And that's probably the easiest way that I can explain it is, you know, it's doesn't matter what's going on at home. My wife and kids are really good at being, you know,

let down because the phones rang and there, there was times where we had the car packed, we were on our way to go up skiing and the phone rang and, you know, it was like, well, guess what, we can't go now. So we pushed it off a day. So, you know, they're really good at, you know, understanding that, that, you know, we don't know when the call's coming and, you know, sometimes we just have to go. But for me, it was always figuring out a way to, you know, put it somewhere inside myself and hold it there and have to move on to the other things. You know, because sometimes, yeah, I'm going to either coach one of my daughter's basketball games or a couple of weeks ago, I was going and doing scorekeeping and there was a whole lot going on at work, but, you know, you need to get that space. You need

to get that time to, uh, to, you know, to regenerize yourself. And I can only imagine that like when you're, you know, mourning the loss of a, let's say a, uh, a 99 year old person who had this wonderful fulfilling life and kind of like left, know in their sleep let's say at 99 and there's that and then i can only imagine that there are deaths that just are simply not as how do i how do i put this elegantly but are more traumatic and uh difficult to process like uh do you do is there anyone you talk to like does your faith come into play here? I can only imagine you're privy to some very sad happenings. Yeah, we see everything from the very young to the very old. And every death is tragic. Every death is difficult. But you're right, there's some that

are more tragic than others and a lot more difficult to process for the friends, the family, the community. And, you know, living and working in one place for over 30 years now, you know, this becomes your community. You know so many people. You know there's so many different connections you have to people. So, you know, those do hit hard and they do hit home as well. Um, there's a lot of names in my head that I'll never forget. There's a lot of faces and, and families. And truthfully, I think that makes me a better funeral director when I, uh, when I can, you know, go back to that well and, and know that I'm there for people.

Well, you'll sometimes hear stories about like an obstetrician who's like, I delivered your mother. You know what I mean? Now I'm delivering you. And it's been 30 years in the same community. Like quite literally, you'll start to be, you know, burying children of people that you buried in the past. You're going to, that's a long time in one neighborhood. And I would think it would absolutely make you a better funeral director. Yeah. And I think the other thing that, you know, I think helps, it's a hard thing to say, but losing someone in your own family. You know, I was, my mother died back in 1998, New Year's Eve 98. My dad died in 2018, 19, I think it was. Um, so yeah, it's, once you get that perspective of sitting on the other side of the table, um, the other side of

the desk, it's, uh, it opens your eyes a little bit wider and you, you realize the power of what you're actually doing for people. And in that instance where you've had to say goodbye to a loved one, like, are you able to take off your funeral director hat and just be a member of the grieving family? Or like, is it difficult for you to kind of leave your role that you've been playing for the last 30 years as funeral director? It's a little bit of both. Honestly, it's every time that we've had a family member's death and you want to be able to do as much as you can do. And, you know, I was able to do a lot for both my parents after they had died. So that was, you know, for me, it was really therapeutic.

But it was also good to have good people around that I know were there to help me. And it was the funeral directors that we were dealing with. And, you know, they took good care of us. So when you have good funeral directors working with you or working for you or helping you, it's easy to step back and let them do what they do well and, you know, do what you need to do. do what they do well and, you know, do what you need to do. Okay, let me revisit something I was about to explore earlier, which is the, I almost want to say the separation of church and state. But so Ridley Funeral Home, of course, at Lakeshore and 14th and New Toronto,

there's your residence is on that same property. So like explain, like how do you divide it? So there's the funeral home and then there's where you, uh, you're raising your family. It's, uh, like, how do you, how do you separate the two when they're literally the same structure? You know what you, there's a door, uh, which is never locked between the office and the, uh, the apartment upstairs. So, yeah, the staff always know when you're there. And, you know, if the car's in the driveway and, you know, they know you're inside, if they need you, they come. And it's a great thing most days.

But there is times where you would love to be able to be, you know, two houses down from the funeral home because you'd have that little bit of separation, you know, separation of church and state, like you say, right? Right. But, you know, I think it's one of those things that for me, it gives the funeral home life. When George and his mom, and well, I never met his daddy. Dad died in 92, or 82.

But when George and his mom lived above the funeral home, for me, it always felt like there was life in the building. And George would go to Austria to ski for a few months in the winter, and his mom would go to Florida for the two months. And, you know, it always felt like the life was gone until he came back home. It was such a weird feeling for me. But I completely understand that after Jody and I and the kids moved in upstairs,

it feels like the funeral home has life again. It's such a strange thing to think of a building with life, especially one that houses so many dead. You know, it's not haunted, but there's been a lot of deceased come through our doors. Right. And the, you know, the dead, It's not haunted, but there's been a lot of deceased come through our doors. Right. And the dead, I've seen you reference, I think on the website,

RidleyFuneralHome.com, that funerals in this process, it's not for the dead, it's for the living, right? You're not there, I mean, obviously, great respect for the deceased, but you're there for the families and the friends. You're there for the living. Yeah, absolutely. You know, we take care of the dead for sure. That's a big thing of what we do, but you're right. We take care of the living, the family, the friends,

the community that are there and need the support. And we're there for whatever the family wants. It can be very simple. It can be very elaborate. Whatever the family is looking for is what we're there for. Now, Jody, your wife, you mentioned she was a nurse? She was. She's still a practicing nurse?

No, with six kids after a while, it was time to hang up the nursing uniform and just take on the you know full-time caregiver i was gonna ask before there were uh six kids which is a whole separate conversation we can have later but before there were six kids uh did jody ever consider joining you in this profession because i actually think there's a lot of parallels between nursing and what you do as a funeral director. It's sort of a similar sentiment of nurturing. There's a lot of similarities for sure. But no, she never really wanted to work at the funeral home. And now that we live there, she does a lot of the office admin. So you'll catch her sometime answering the phones or getting the doors and upstairs doing a lot of the office admin. So you catch her sometime answering the phones or getting the doors

and upstairs doing a lot of the office admin. So she told me the other day that she wanted to quit and I told her she wasn't allowed. So. Well, you know, like I said, when home and work are the same infrastructure, there's no escape there. Okay. Six kids though. I, you know, I have four kids and I often think that's kind of nuts and very few people I encounter have four or more kids but here you are six kids which is unbelievable to me I don't know how you manage but obviously you have so good for you but my big question is do any of the six show any signs that they would follow in your footsteps? Have they inherited somehow this nurturing,

caregiving sentiment that you showed at the age of eight? Are we going 0 for 6 here? Tell me. Surely not. No, I think we have one, possibly two that are interested. Our 17-year-old daughter, she's planning to do a co-op with us starting in, I guess, two weeks when the second semester starts. But she, this is what she thinks she would like to do at this point.

So she's definitely got a keen interest in it. And how do you feel about that? I think it'd be great. I think it'll be horrible for her because, you know, I think whenever you're working with your dad, the expectations on you are far greater than anyone else that's working with you. I would think though that that's like, yes, like at least, like I think it's exciting that at least one child is interested in your important, you know, field of work here, especially since it's so convenient because they already live there.

It's very convenient. Well, let's hope at that point they don't want to live there anymore. They want to live somewhere else. Have you seen real estate prices, Brad? They're not going anywhere for a long time. It's true. We've had the developers knocking on the door for a few years now and they always wonder why we say no, but there's a need for a funeral home in our community, I think, and I don't want to see it ripped down and built as condos.

Oh, no, you have my vote there. Please, no more, no condos at the corner 14th and Lakeshore, please. Okay, now I'm curious about the pivot. That's the word. We only used it in basketball. I know you coach basketball. There's a lot of pivoting in basketball. But of course, with COVID-19, a lot of businesses have had to pivot. I'm very curious. You right now are wearing a three-piece suit, and you mentioned you might be the only person in the country, the only occupation in the country that has been wearing a three-piece suit throughout the pandemic, because, you know, not even the prime minister does that. So how has it been during the COVID-19 pandemic, Brad? Pause for effect. I would say it's been trying and difficult, maddening.

In the very beginning, it was frightening. But I think so many in the funeral industry, especially in the beginning of the pandemic, and we even find it now where their doors are still locked, appointment only and things like that. But we never locked our doors. We never not let families come in and meet with us and arrange because this is such an important human part of life. And so we've worked through it from day one. Now, I've probably never seen so much, uh, trauma to a society as I've seen in the last

little while. And, um, it's definitely been difficult on, on our staff, on, you know, probably our own families, just the, uh, the stories we come home with and, you know, um, it's taking a toll on a lot of people. We lost a, a good funeral director back in, uh, in the fall because he needed to get away from the industry for a bit. Like a mental health escape of sorts? Yeah, yeah. And it's happening everywhere in our industry. But we've also been fortunate because we've never been completely closed down.

I think it would be difficult to close down funeral homes across the province regardless, but we've been able to help families and do what we needed to do and had to deal with the restrictions that we were given. But we're very fortunate compared to a lot of other businesses that have really suffered. Yeah, I'm glad to hear that. It's been difficult for everybody, but you might be one of the only, as you said, the only industries that could keep the doors open. I'm trying to think of who else was able to keep the doors open, but you simply have to keep abreast of the current legislation.

I suppose that's a job unto itself, keeping track of what exactly is allowed today versus yesterday. Yeah, the constant changing rules, for sure. And not to timestamp this, but it's ever-evolving because just, I think, yesterday things changed again. Did they change for your industry? Nope, nothing changed. We're still sitting at 50% capacity and, you know, everyone apparently has to wear, or obviously still has to wear masks. The only thing that we've been fortunate is they tried to, at

one point, say that everyone had to be vaccinated to come into a funeral home. And the funeral industry actually fought the government or talked to the government, I guess, and said that it wasn't a very good idea. It's one thing when someone shows up and doesn't have a mask on for us to hand them a mask and say, you need to wear a mask to come in. It'd be another thing for our staff to have to stand there and say to a 225 pound man that you can't come in and see your dad because you're not vaccinated.

So we've been fortunate that we don't have to do that. All right. This has been very, very informative, but I'm hoping to close with this because when I, you know, imagine your profession and, you know, my only experience is watching Six Feet Under.

I know you haven't seen Six Feet Under yet, but put it on your list. I need a review from you. Like, what does Brad Jones think of Six Feet Under? But when I think about your profession, I think it's got a massive spiritual side to it. Like, I'm guessing you have people, family and friends of those who have passed and those who have passed who belong to multiple faiths and have different degrees of spirituality. And how, like, how important is

that aspect of what you do? Yeah, I think you have to have a really good understanding of lots of different religions, ethnic groups, you know, people's cultures. So yeah, it's a, it plays a big part in what we do and, you know, the type of services we provide. it plays a big part in what we do and, you know, the type of services that we provide. You know, going back to your six feet under it, it actually gives me the opportunity to tell you a little bit of a story. Oh, sure.

Though I've never seen the show, someone from TLC came to the funeral home once and they wanted to, you know, do a tour. They were trying to do, I guess, an episode or some sort of a pilot, I guess, for a TLC. So I met with them a few times and showed them a few different things and talked to them a little bit. And I didn't hear from her for probably about a good six months. And then I got a phone call one day that she wanted to come in and meet with me again. So I figured she had more questions. She came in and she presented an idea that they wanted to do a TV show on us and they wanted to call it Six Kids Under because we're fairly unique in Toronto.

We're the only family that actually still lives above the funeral home. Is that right? Yeah. So I remember going home and telling my wife and kids about it and, you know, the kids were really, oh, this is ridiculous. We wouldn't want to do that.

And then they found out that they might get paid. They're all, they all want to do it. But it was not something that we, we ever pursued. It was a quick no. But it's, it's interesting because every time I hear about,

you know, the, the TV show, it always brings me back to that offer. What could have been, you could have been on the cover of People magazine. Look at how close you got. Yeah.

But be careful what you wish for there. Brad, as a member of this community, just thank you for your service and for being pillars of this community. Well, you're Ridley Funeral Home since 1921. And it sounds like for the last 30 years, we've had the great Brad Jones here helping to serve the community.

So thank you. This has been an enlightening conversation. I've always been curious and I have more. We might have to do a sequel at some point. But thank you so much for serving this community. No, this has been great. I really appreciate this opportunity and I'm looking forward to continuing

with life's undertakings. And that brings us to the end of our 996th show. Only three more to go before the big 1000. Don't you dare miss it. Again, that conversation with Brad can also be heard on episode one of Life's Undertaking. Subscribe to Life's Undertaking with Brad Jones from Ridley Funeral Home, wherever you get your podcasts. You can follow me on Twitter. I'm at Toronto Mike.

me on Twitter. I'm at Toronto Mike. Ridley Funeral Home is at Ridley FH. Our friends at Great Lakes Brewery are at Great Lakes Beer. Palma Pasta is at Palma Pasta. Sticker U is at Sticker U. And Canna Cabana, they're at Canna Cabana underscore. See you all next week. And your smile is fine and it's just like mine and it won't go away Cause everything is rosy and green Well you've been under my skin for more than eight years It's been eight years of laughter and eight years of tears Thank you. Rosie and Gray Yeah, the wind is cold But the smell of snow Wants me today And your smile is fine And it's just like mine

And it won't go away Cause everything is Rosie and Gray Well, I've been told That there's a sucker born Every day But I wonder who Well, I've been told that there's a sucker born every day But I wonder who Yeah, I wonder who

Maybe the one who doesn't realize There's a thousand shades of grey Cause I know that's true, yes I do I know it's true, yeah I know it's true, yes I do I know it's true, yeah I know it's true How about you? I've been picking up trash and then putting down ropes And they're brokerage stocks, the class struggle explodes

And I'll play this guitar just the best that I can Maybe I'm not and maybe I am But who gives a damn Because everything is coming up Rosy and gray Yeah, the wind is cold But the smell of snow warms me today And your smile is fine And it's just like mine Yeah, the wind is cold, but the smell of snow warms me today.

And your smile is fine, it's just like mine, it won't go away. Cause everything is rosy and gray. Well, I've kissed you in France and I've kissed you in Spain. And I've kissed you in places I better not name And I've seen the sun go down on Shakhtar Khor But I like it much better going down on you Yeah, you know that's true Because everything is coming up rosy and gray. Yeah, the wind is cold, but the smell of snow warms us today.

And your smile is fine, and it's just like mine, and it won't go away. Because everything is rosy now. Everything is rosy, yeah. Everything is rosy now Everything is rosy and Everything is rosy and gray Thank you.