Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - The Christmas Raccoons

Episode Date: December 25, 2022

In this prelude to the television series, "The Raccoons," Bert, Melissa and Ralph Raccoon have their home stolen when Tommy and Julie cut down their home for a Christmas tree. Eventually, they discover that Cyril Sneer is the mastermind behind the deforestation of of the Evergreen Forest and they confront him and his son, Cedric who eventually relents. In a dream sequence, the Raccoons appear toTommy and Julie, and they begin to realize that they've done wrong in cutting down their home. They rectify the situation and proceed to enjoy the Christmas holiday with their dad, Dan the Forest Ranger. Toronto Mike'd is proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery, Palma Pasta, Yes, We Are Open, The Advantaged Investor, Canna Cabana, StickerYou, Ridley Funeral Home and Electronic Products Recycling Association.

🎵 Somewhere on this earth, most likely a ways northward and a short distance past the horizon, lies the evergreen forest. There are trees so big that the forest animals make their homes in them. There's also the people who look after the forest, like the chief ranger and his two kids, Julie and Tom. Oh, and Schaefer, of course. Yeah, life here is pretty good. That is, it was.

Until one day. The day before the day before Christmas. When a strange mystery began to unfold. Hello? Yes? What? You're sure? That's awful.

I'll be right there. Bye. What's wrong, Dad? Seems the forest is disappearing. Over half the trees are gone. Chopped down. What are you going to do, Dad? Right now, I'm off to start looking for clues. And you two are off to bed.

And you, Schaefer. You can save the Evergreen Forest, can't you, Daddy? I sure hope so, honey. Now, don't you or Tommy worry about it, okay? Good night. Good okay? Good night. Good night. Good night. You turn off the lights and you kiss them goodnight. A million things left unsaid it seems. As you step back from the bed. To look quietly out of the room.

You can think of the times that your nursery rhymes. Got left in your past so soon. Lost angels, guardian angels. It's a funny thing about dreams. soon. Lost angels, guardian angels, this is someone that never dreams. It's a funny thing about dreams. Sometimes when you're smack dab in the middle of one, everything seems so

real that you'd never guess you were dreaming. Of course, Julie and Tommy weren't the only ones enjoying themselves. A short distance away, some of the forest creatures were also having fun as they prepared for Christmas. How's this?

Oh, perfect. Mistletoe always gets me in the proper Christmas spirit. Morning, Ralph. Melissa. Oh, morning, Bert. Hi, Bert. How'd you sleep? Terrific! What a mattress!

What a guest bedroom! Very for a chic! What a raccoon dominium! Who wants to help me hang the Christmas stockings? Ralph? Bert? After I gather my strength. It's an outrage!

What? Thousands of the forest trees have disappeared! Well, maybe they've gone on a Christmas vacation. I can't believe it! They've been cut down! Well, at least we live in a safe neighborhood. I wonder. Look! Well, at least we live in a safe neighborhood. I wonder. Look! Oh, no!

Ralph Raccoon was indeed right. No tree in the Evergreen Forest was safe anymore. At that very moment, the forest menace, Cyril Sneer, accompanied by his college graduate son, Cedric Sneer, was actually eyeing the raccoon's tree with greedy glee. Ah, Cedric, my boy! Look at this fine specimen, ripe and waiting for me to cut it down! But, Pop, don't you think we've got enough trees? Enough? Enough? There's never enough!

But, Pop, you're already the biggest lumber baron around. Why not ease off? Not wilders. Power in my chainsaw. I'm Cyril Sneer, a lumber profiteer. Whenever I'm near, trees disappear. Got that, Cedric? Sure, Pop, but I've been calculating. You're over your lumber quota by 17.3 times.

You're breaking the forest rules. Cedric, you take all that accounting stuff you learned at that highfalutin' eastern college and use it to juggle the books. Wouldn't it be easier to be honest? Honest? Who makes big bucks being honest? Now get back to work. Time is money. Time is running out.

I will not be run out of money! I thought this was the quiet part of the forest. It is. It was. Sounds like a horde of broken air conditioners. More trees! All for me! What's happening? Look out! Oh! What a perfect tree

I wish it was ours Nobody seems to want it Why don't we take it home and surprise Daddy? Oh, yes What do you say, Schaefer? Then it's unanimous We've got our Christmas tree. The man in the perfect tree, oh.

Oh, she's... He's coming to live at our house. We're gonna put him up at our house. The man in the perfect tree, oh. he's coming to stay at our house. We're going to put him up at our house. Stand him up in a corner, give him a place of his own, and he won't cry anymore. The raccoons were stunned. They couldn't believe their eyes. Their home being dragged away by two little humans and a big dog.

Ralph reckoned the kids and the dog were the ones who'd been destroying the forest. Bert agreed. And Melissa was bound and determined to follow her broken home and rescue their Christmas stockings. That's the last of them, Pop. There's one missing! One tree. Big deal. One tree equals 100 feet of pure money. And Sonny Boy, that's a Big deal. One tree equals 100 feet of pure money.

And Sonny Boy, that's a big deal. Didn't they teach you in college that money doesn't grow on trees? It is trees. But, Pop, your lumber license expires at midnight. Why don't we just stick with the trees we've already got? Not on your bottom dollar, Cedric. I've got the rest of the day. Enough time for me to get every tree in the Evergreen Forest.

They're all to be mine. Mine, do you hear me, boy? Every tree for me. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Man, that better? Come on, Tommy. Let's go get Daddy's present. Schaefer, want to come to town with us? Now you guard the house, Schaefer.

Schaefer didn't know it, but the raccoons had been biding their time, waiting for the best moment to retrieve their stockings. And now they were sure that moment had come. How do we know there's not a fire down there? No smoke. It could be a small fire. Come on, Bert. It's all downhill from here. Wow!

Look at the bright lights! And the tinsel! Hey! Your home's gone Hollywood! Personally, I've always preferred the natural out-of-doors look.

Too late for that now. Honey, you go get the Christmas stockings. He doesn't scare me If you want to keep it that way Then don't wake him up Melissa, the stockings Oh, I wonder what he's got under here Bert, let the sleeping dog lie. Yeah, he can't lay a paw on me.

Yike! You! You! Oh, no, the stockings. Come on, Melissa, forget the stockings! Yikes! Whoa! Hey, these went on my tail! Hehehehehehe!

Hey! This one I like too! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioio I think my mama wants me. No! Oh, no. It's my ears. I think they're broken. I can't stop them from ringing. Oh, mine too. The beast talks. The Beast Talks I can't believe it! Speed it up! This isn't a garden party! I want to see some sweat! Pop, I've been calculating the time it takes to turn one tree into two by fours.

Our workers are working at peak capacity. Run! You've got to drive them till they drop! Fast! Fast! Or you'll be a disaster! Cut me more trees! That's my decree! Then it wasn't you! Wasn't me? What? Destroying the forest! Now why would I do a stupid thing like that?

And why did you break into my house? To get to our house. That tree you have used to be our home. I had no idea. I never would have chased you if I'd known. Can you forgive me? Ralph, Melissa, Bird, and Schaefer became friends on the spot and decided that together they would stop the evil Cyril Sneer. Now all they needed was a plan.

If Cyril Sneer had known that three raccoons and a dog were plotting against him, he'd probably just keel over laughing. Never had anyone been able to stop him from doing what he wanted. Good idea. Never. How many trees in the Evergreen Forest are still standing? Uh, 2,064. I want them all now!

Good talk! You've already chopped down 37,591. That's over 1,218,453 2x4s. Why not leave a few trees so folks can remember what they look like? Remember what they look like? The only thing you need to remember is that trees equal money. Oh, Pop, it's Christmas Eve. How about a break first? Could we dip into the petty

cash? Buy a little eggnog? Petty cash? There's only cash and there's never enough of it. And there's nothing petty about that. We're getting those trees now! I'm not getting petty about that! We're getting those trees now! Take that!

You crazy dame! Save me, Bob! Save me! Save yourself! I'm calling you over, Sir Shagrack! What have we done to you? Done? Why, you two are ecological disasters! Yeah! Oh, forest destroyers!

Yeah! Home wreckers! Yeah! You're finished! Yeah. You're finished. Yeah, you're finished. Pop, we should have stopped after we made our quota. I told you so. You ungrateful ingrate.

Why do you think I slave to make money all these years? Greed? Greed? Never. I did it all for you. For you and your precious college education. Are you kidding? I ask you, is it a crime for a father to want to give his son a good life?

It's so sad. And after all, what are a few trees? A few trees? A forest is more than a few trees! A few trees? A forest is more than a few trees. Who's counting? Actually, Pop, the exact number you chomped on was... Shut up, you fool! It's no good, Mr. Sneer. Your forest-wrecking days are over.

Hey, why pick on me? There's a lot of other lumberers around. There's a lot of other lumberers around. There's a lot of responsible lumberers around. That means they only cut down a few trees, and those they replace with new baby trees. Hey, that's not such a bad way of doing business, Pop. There's money in reforesting. I learned that in Ecology and Economics 101. Money? Money? How much money?

Plenty, Pop. You can expect an annual growth of 17.4%. Hmm. You know, I could consider doing some replanting. Ah, but those seedlings are going to cost me money. I'll do it. I'll do it. Cedric, stop loitering and get on the phone to the seedling suppliers right now. Hey, Buster, if you know what's good for you, you'll get us a new home, Toronto. We did it. We saved the forest.

They were pushovers. Uh-oh. Those are my kids. Guess it's time to head home. The animals were happy they'd saved the evergreen forest. And yet they were sad, too. Because Melissa, Ralph, and Bert had no home for Christmas. We home yet? If you can call this home.

Yeah, it'll just be a little drafty, though. It's a rotten shame. I wish there was something I could do to help. I can't think of anything. Oh, me neither. But maybe some inspiration will come to me. You're a good friend, Schaefer. Merry Christmas. Yes, Merry friend, Schaefer. Merry Christmas.

Yes. Merry Christmas, Schaefer. Yeah. Merry Christmas. To you, too. Don't give up hope. Don't know why I feel like crying Full moon's rising through the trees Mountains of the night horizon Just in case the lake might freeze

Oh, just in case the lake might freeze I don't know why I feel like sighing. Now I lay me down to sleep. Shaker, what happened? You were supposed to be guarding our tree. I've never decorated the same Christmas tree twice before. Hey, where did this come from? It's not an ornament.

Do you know what it is, Schaefer? Oh, I'll see. Wait a minute. You know what it is, Shaper? Oh, look. There's three raccoons. They seem kind of sad. Oh, maybe our Christmas tree was their home. As soon as Julie and Tommy realized that the raccoons were homeless, they decided something must be done. And since their dad was the chief forest ranger, they figured he'd be able to help. Daddy's going to find them a new home. Merry Christmas!

Are you silly, darling? Hey, it's Christmas! Good morning, sleepyheads. Good morning, sleepyheads. Hey, where's our Christmas tree? We haven't gotten one yet. You'll find one today. Then it's not Christmas?

I must have been dreaming. Me too. About raccoons and the tree. What are you two whispering about? Oh, nothing, Daddy. Just a dream. Did you ever figure out the tree mystery, Dad? No, not really.

The funny thing is, the tree stopped disappearing. Just like that. It says here that overnight, thousands of seedlings were planted, but they don't know who did it. Moof! Wake up and shake the sun, and shine kind of day You know you've got that glow Chase your shadows away Step out and shake the sun

Part the clouds with a punch Hey Pete, it's Evanita to eat a sundae for lunch. You're feeling like you should. A ding-dong a day. Who would have thought we could be our cares all day? The mystery of those new trees never was solved by the rangers. But the young trees grew strong and tall. Each year a few became Christmas trees, but many more remained standing. And the evergreen forest was never again in danger. Because from that Christmas on, it was protected by three raccoons and a dog. Let's disappear East and west, they're both the best

But aren't you glad you're here? You're feeling like you should Sunshine and rain It makes you feel so good Toujours soleil Lock up your hiding place We gotta slide in space A side by side, it's rainbows away