Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - #TMLX2: Toronto Mike'd #376

Episode Date: September 15, 2018

This episode is David Shoalts and Gare Joyce's stand up sets and Toronto Mike's speech from #TMLX2 at Great Lakes Brewery on September 12, 2018.

Welcome to episode 376 of Toronto Mic'd, a weekly podcast about anything and everything. Proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery, a fiercely independent craft brewery located here in Etobicoke. Did you know that 99.9% of all Great Lakes beer remains here in Ontario? GLB. Rude for you, Ontario. And propertyinthesix.com. Toronto real estate done right. And Paytm, an app designed to manage all of your bills in one spot.

Download the app today from paytm.ca. And our newest sponsor, Census Design and Build, providing architectural design, interior design, and turnkey construction services across the GTA. I'm Mike from torontomike.com. And this episode is something completely different. This episode is something completely different. This is what you missed if you weren't one of the 80 plus Toronto Mike listeners who collected at Great Lakes Brewery last Wednesday night for TMLX2, or if you want to be less pretentious, Toronto Mike Listener Experience 2.0. So we all got together, Great Lakes Brewery. Great time.

The Royal Pains were fantastic. We had some stand-up from David Schultz of the Globe and Mail and Gare Joyce from Sportsnet. And I made a speech. So if you were unable to make it on Wednesday or if you were there Wednesday but missed a bit of it or you want to relive the excitement, this episode is, in its entirety, David Schultz's set,

Geir Joyce's set, and my 10-minute speech, which lasts about 21 minutes. The first two recordings of the stand-up were done by Kevin McGrann of the Toronto Star. He was right in front. He was using Gare Joyce's camera. So there's actually HD footage of this on YouTube and I posted it at torontomic.com. So this is the audio extract. My speech was recorded kindly and unbeknownst to me. Unbeknownst? I did not know about it. How's that? Moose Grumpy. Moose Grumpy. It was great to meet you, Moose Grumpy. As Lieve Fumke said, you're not grumpy at all.

But Moose Grumpy recorded my speech and she put it on YouTube. So I extracted the audio from there. So here we are again. We start with the first voice you'll hear is David Schultz of the Globe and Mail. Then it's Gare Joyce from Sportsnet. Then it's yours truly. Please enjoy responsibly. Well, I don't know about funny. I'm the funniest guy at the Globe and Mail. That's kind of like being the classiest guy who ever took a paternity test on the Maury Bobas show. Always good to start with a fine sound system. Yeah, I got a book coming out on September 29th, Hockey Fight in Canada, how the CBC lost Hockey Night in Canada,

and how Rogers got it and beat TSN for it, or Bell Canada, and all the shenanigans that went on with that. You can get it on Amazon.ca or Indigo.ca in about a week or so I think ten days not sure about that but I want to thank Toronto Mike here for having me you might know him as the guy with the unhealthy obsession with Ann Romer right Roemer, right? Stay in here. I don't know, Mike. Is it the news reading or the aerobics? I don't know. But either way, he's going to talk. He'll have

the story of her next six retirements. He'll be all over that. Now, I see we have a young fella here. I looked a minute ago. He had a set of headphones on. I kind of recommend putting them back on there. Because if you think I'm bad, wait until Gary Joyce gets up here with his stuff. But, oh, Toronto Mike, I just remembered, you went viral a couple weeks ago, right?

When you ran the picture of the Byway shopping bag? Yeah, yeah, that was quite a thing. Mike's always had a soft spot for Byway. That's where he got started on his wardrobe. You know, and I think he really misses Byway, but I see he's replaced it with Value Village. Now, you can take a tip for me and my wardrobe. You know, for the really formal occasions,

there's still giant tiger. We're all right there. But the reason I get on Mike so much is I'm jealous. He's so much younger than me. I mean, I'm a generation older than Mike, so old I can actually put my phone away for ten minutes at a time. And that leads to other problems, too. Somebody was telling me the other day, he said, you know, your sets are getting as creaky as you are.

I said, well, what do you mean? He said, there's not enough sex in them. I said, well, there's a reason for that. When you look at me, how many hours is it before hot sex comes to mind, eh? I mean, not that I could be a great expert on hot sex. I've been married 32 years. No, no, no, no.

No applause, please. In this country, if I'd killed somebody, I'd have been paroled seven years ago. But 32 years, you know, I don't know. The only thing that stiffens up on me regularly is my back. And after 32 years, when you get to the height of passion, or as I know it, the last three seconds before I finally get to fall asleep, your wife's just as likely to say something like, do you remember that dentist appointment for me today?

That's as close to serious drilling as I ever get. That's probably why she asked me the other night if I still masturbate. Now the bed was shaking at the time, and it woke her up. But I thought she deserved an honest answer. You know? I mean, I thought, okay, I'll bet even you young guys

would have said the same thing. Because, you know, I think sex is a lot like driving. Now, sometimes it's just better by yourself. You know, I think sex is a lot like driving. Sometimes it's just better by yourself. There's nobody next to you, talking all the time, telling you you're doing it wrong. Slow down! Not there.

Geez, if you don't know where you're going, why don't you stop and ask for directions? Sometimes I do make the effort. Not long ago my wife told me she was going home to England for a couple weeks to visit her sister. So I thought, okay, this would be a good time to surprise her. I'll paint the bathroom before she gets back. Now, pro tip for all you young guys here. Forget wine, roses, you know, any number of fancy dinners. When you've been married as long as I have, nothing gets you laid faster than painting the bathroom. And I went the whole nine yards too I went and bought a new light fixture

yeah because I'm thinking the ever elusive BJ might be part of this deal but as it turned out considering what I spent on the paint and the light fixture I'd have been better off going to the rub and tug at least there I would have got a massage. But, oh well. It's stuff like that that had me thinking the other day, you know, I really should clean up my act. And this occurred to me when I was on a trip for my day job. So I thought, well there's no time like the present. So when I was checking into the hotel, I said to the desk clerk, you know, I really hope the porn channel in my room

is disabled. And she said, no, sir, you sick bastard. It's regular porn. Now, something else that happens when you get old is a lot of things bug you. You know, like I was saying, I'm jealous of Mike. Something else that bugs me a lot are hipsters. This might be risky saying this at a craft brewery get-together, I know. So if somebody rushes the stage, I guess I'll know, right? And normally, hipsters are a group that I just wouldn't give a shit about, but daughter's boyfriend is one.

And he was telling me not long ago, he's turning the spare room at their house into a man cave. Yeah, hipster man cave. God, give me strength. So I went over there and I found out how much man caves have changed since my day. Like back when I was building man caves, if you had a trophy that you got from the sports team along the way, like the one I got when I was nine years old and my softball team won some championship, that got pried a place in your man cave.

So I go over there, and this guy's got the walls lined with trophies. Just every wall. And I'm finally impressed. I thought, oh, maybe he's not a hipster doofus. Redundant, I know. And then I took a closer look. redundant I know and then I took a closer look yeah every participation trophy the little snowflake ever got now something else a man cave requires are snacks right so yeah that's when I found out how much snacks have changed since

my day because we used to have all the food groups covered. Potato chips, peanuts, pepperoni sticks. So I read, okay, I took over a man cave warming gift and I took over some dip. Not just any dip either, the good stuff. Craft, right? Then I found out about hipster snacks. You ever tried to drag a kale chip through the craft? Whoa. Lasts about as long as a hipster in a biker bar. And of course, every man cave's got to have a beer fridge. And sure enough, he's got one.

Only because he's a hipster, it's full of Pabst Blue Ribbon. And I said, look, I know with you hipsters it's all about irony, but you're still asking me to drink goat piss. And he goes, no, no, no, no, no. He says, I got the good stuff. And he bends down, he opens the drawer. Yeah, you guessed it, pumpkin spice ale. I said, dude, Donald Trump wouldn't drink this stuff if it came straight out of a Russian hooker. As I go through life, there are certain things my wife just refuses to recognize. Aside from painting the bathroom. And one of them is the last drop rule

now I can see that doesn't ring a bell here but I'll bet a thousand dollars every one of you guys in here oh my goodness this is going straight to the hipster man cave. So, where was I? Oh, yes, the last drop rule. But every one of you guys in here, if you live with somebody, you live by that rule.

Because that's the rule that says, when you get down to the bottom of the milk or the juice container, no matter how infinitesimally small that last drop is, as long as you can still see it, you've got the right to put that thing back in the fridge. Now, something I've always tried to avoid in my comedy, yeah, I know, aside from being funny, is politics, because you just can't win. But seeing as how we went and gave up the moral high ground on Donald Trump

by electing Doug Ford and his merry band of hillbillies, and I know I'm standing in the middle of Doug Ford country, but we'll risk it. What the hell? There's a better chance of hipsters being here. But, you know, some of the shenanigans they've been up to, I just can't resist anymore. Like, it was about a month or so ago, the community safety minister, a fellow named Michael Tibolo,

he very proudly said he wore a bulletproof vest when he went on a ride around with the cops at Jane and Finch. And, of course, there was the predictable uproar. Well, I think we're being a little tough on Mr. Tibolo. I mean, he is the MPP for Vaughn Woodbridge. And if you've been reading the news in the last four or five years, you know in certain cafes and restaurants, a bulletproof vest is pretty much compulsory attire. Or as they call it up there,

the Woodbridge dinner jacket. But I suppose by now you've all had time to absorb Doug Ford's biggest move, and no, I'm not talking about the current crisis with Toronto City Council. I'm talking about the sex education, turning the curriculum, what, back to 1998? Well, I've got to admit, I'm pretty torn on this one. I'm sure it's terrible for the kids. I've no doubt about that. But for me personally, I wouldn't mind turning the old sexual clock back to 1998. My last

good year. I'd even take a snitch line. But I painted a lot of bathrooms that year, let me tell you. Thank you very much, everybody. I'm David Schultz. Ladies and gentlemen, Gare Joyce. Give it up for Mr. Electricity. You've worked him up into a frenzy. Now, give it up for Mr. Electricity. You've worked him up into a frenzy. Now, give it up for Toronto Mike, host of Toronto's best podcast, host of the best listener experience, right? Shamelessly suck up to the host.

Check. It's great to the host. Check. It's great to be here. Great to be here. So many familiar faces that I was never really that close to. Mike Willner, Mike Willner. Good to see you, bud. I guess the deal with the diet clinic fell through.

How about David Schultz? How about it? You know what? I mean, it really takes nerve to get up here with that material. Rip the opening act. Check. Establish the checklist premise. Check.

I tell you, I do love Toronto Mike. I love Kick Out the Jams. I do. I do love that. Did you guys catch Dave Hodge when he was on? Did you? And he did a hundred songs. You're going to have him back, right?

He's going to do his 900 honorable mentions. Yes. No. You know, I can understand how Dave got it confused. Right? Mike said, you know, come by with your favorite pieces. He brought by a dozen toupees. But you think it's real?

Seriously? He doesn't shampoo his hair. He gets it dry cleaned. He doesn't make an appointment with a stylist. He sends it out. Uber cuts. Have you watched it in HD? They actually wire his earpiece under his hair. Yeah. He has a deal with flex glue. Dangle him from the boom mic. Number five. Product placement.

Oh shit, I forgot number four. See if Mike invited Dave Hodge. I don't know, did you catch it when Greg Brady was on did you see that nine of his ten songs were English that was the week it was kick out the marmalade I was certifiably the most obscure guest that Mike had ever had on. I went by the studio, and he wouldn't unchain the door until I showed him my ID. Yeah. Finally, he let me in, and he said he was on a call booking another guest.

Just coincidence, it was Joel Matlin. 1-800-267-2001. Alarm for us. Number six. Explain joke if necessary. Yeah, I don't know that I made a big impression on Mike. Truly. Right?

When we were rapping, he said, you know, well, it's been great to have you on. Gar. Gar. Gar. Gar. Gar. As Mike noted, just blowing up my act with the introduction, I did write a couple of novels that were turned into a series starring Jason Priestley, Private Eyes. Thank you. I'll stay here all night until that comes. Anyways, it got sold into the US and Germany a few months back and now it appears in 120 international markets. international markets.

It's crazy. When the U.S. sale was made, Jason said to me that he was so proud it made him feel 5 feet 7 inches tall. Because he's short. In the series, Jason plays a former hockey player, former NHLer. And in fact, Jason did play a lot of hockey growing up. But he spent a lot of time on the bench, sitting on his phone book.

I'm on the bench sitting on his phone book. You know what, though? I've been a sports writer for a long time and an amateur novelist, but just a few months back, I had what was like a career ambition that I'd sort of given up on. ambition that I'd sort of given up on. I got my first story, a first essay, on the New York Times op-ed page. Yeah, my friends were very supportive, more supportive than you guys, but they were very supportive. And then my one friend, my one friend said, you know, dude, that's amazing. I even have friends that talk like that. Dude, that was amazing.

Like, you got your story on the cover of Time magazine. And I was like, dude, it was the New York Times op-ed page. He goes, no, man, I goes no man I saw it I saw it Time Magazine cover so I went to the one Toronto newsstand that sells Time Magazine Now, understand, you're not laughing with me. Yes, Steve Bannon, White House white supremacist. You know, I look at him and I just think, like, how can someone so racist be so ruggedly good looking? We won the genetic lottery, buddy.

No, seriously, like Steve Bannon, sort of like a sebaceous cyst wearing cargo pants. Now, it's all point of view. It's all point of view. I mean, some people look at him and they say, you florid-faced son of Satan, a catalyst for the apocalypse, a race baiter who's going to send this world up in flames. I, on the other hand, look at him and say, endless opportunities in sketch comedy. A stream of retirement revenue

doing celebrity lookalike appearances at Klan picnics. You gotta know that my Bannon stuff kills at Oktoberfest. Steve Bannon you know it's not fun being told you look like Steve Bannon

his secret service name is cirrhosis Ivanka convinced him to get his colors done it came back jaundiced he gives urinals a burning sensation Ivanka convinced him to get his colors done. It came back jaundiced. He gives urinals a burning sensation. No, a hooker gave him a dose of crabs.

He didn't need to get them treated. They died of natural causes. They're going to run out of beer in there before I run out of banning jokes. But now I have to go to my checklist. My lawyer advised me that I have to ask you permission to tell the next four jokes because all these jokes have been in pretty dubious taste. Can Junior put his headphones on? I don't think you've seen the YouTube video.

You'd know. So, everybody okay? Are we down with it? I don't need your permission. The lawyer just told me to ask. Okay, number one. Have you guys seen Rosie O'Donnell dressed up as Steve Bannon? She does an impression of Steve Bannon.

You've seen it. I mean, come on. I mean, Steve Bannon's not that butch. Not so bad. It's going to escalate. Yeah, when Trump came into office, first thing he did, he tore down the EPA, the Environmental Protection Agency, just so Bannon could go to the beach. He made a shark gag. Okay, it's going to step up a little.

So I don't know if you remember Assad. Assad was using sarin gas on innocent Syrian children. And they went to Trump, the foreign policy advisors, and they said, this is intolerable. Sarin gas. And Trump said, what's sarin gas? And Mike Pompeo said, do you remember when Bannon farted? It's like that without the eggs.

Okay. Now it's dialed up. So like a lot of people in the White House, Bannon has been investigated for sexual misconduct. And he was being investigated for using a date rape drug on an intern. It's not me. I look like him, but it's him. So when this poor woman came to, she was powerless to move but fully conscious. And Steve Bannon was on top of her, finishing his business. Now see, she was somewhat relieved when she thought that she saw him sliding off a condom.

And then she realized he was just shedding skin. It's a little risky. Now the funny thing, funnier than that, the funny thing is he's coming up here to debate David Frum. David Frum is married to a girl that I used to date. Yes. I mostly dated her in the back of my 69 Buick Skylark. It was the last good year for Skylarks. But now, just as bad as it is for me to look like Steve Bannon, imagine poor David Frum looking at my proxy cuck.

but you know from his wife Danielle I mean she knew how to get to me she used to speak French to me and that was like a trigger thing for me because I lost my virginity to my

French teacher when I was 15 that's an applause line to my French teacher when I was 15. That's an applause line. Hashtag moi aussi. I mean, she was fine with it, but it messed me up. It messed me up. It messed me up. I mean, after that, I completely lost interest in school without sex.

I was an honor student. I was on her, she was on me. The first time she asked me how it was, I said, She really showed me the ropes. She said, I said, I'm sorry. I already did. I'm sorry, I already did. I was a different kid.

I was a different kid. I mean, the other guys were chasing cheerleaders, but I was always turned on by a girl with, you know, a good pension. She told me my written work was excellent. So she stressed the oral. I lapped it up. I got accused of being a brown noser. But I'm not that bilingual.

It couldn't last. Not like the set. It couldn't last. She was married. She was married to a French guy. And he walked in on us. Well, and you know, you know what happened. You know how the French guys are.

I mean, he completely corrected my pronunciation. I'm going to leave you with this. I know you're glad for that. But my parents found out about it. They were not happy. They were on fire. They said, we're going to send you to a Catholic school. I said, yeah, that'll turn me around.

Anyways, give it up for Mike. Turn what up. Do I need to be louder? I need an audio guru. Do we need to be louder? I don't want a syllable to be missed. I spent minutes on this speech. How am I now?

Am I loud? Hello? All right, thank you. It really does take a village. I'm coining that phrase. Okay, first I want to thank some unsung heroes. This is the second event, and I was blessed with not one but two different designers who produced amazing posters

for this event. So I want to give a big thank you to Stu from the Royal Pane. Stu! He's the Alexis on Fire guy. Disco Stu.

Amazing work. Thank you so much. Seriously. I mean, I paid nothing. It was worth a lot, so I'm really honored. I also want to thank, and I saw him earlier, but he had to go to some... A lot of people had, like, parent-teacher things. I'm sure I have one. i'm just missing it i don't know but they had i gotta go meet the teacher and i thought that was a good excuse like if i'm gonna make up an excuse why i have to leave early like to meet the teachers is a good excuse so steve hage he's from igniter igniter.ca he designed the poster for the first TMLX and another alternative poster for this one.

So thank you, Stu and Steve. Is Tyler Campbell here? Okay, this gentleman, I want everyone to see him. Put up your hand again. Because. And it's amazing. I was looking around the room. So many people who kicked out the jams are here, Gere mentioned he loves to kick out the jams, but like, Wilner kicked out the jams,

Hebsey kicked out the jams, who else kicked out the jams, Gere Joyce kicked out the jams, Elvis kicked out the jams, Andrew Stokely kicked out the jams Troy Burch from Great Lakes Brewery kicked out the jams David Schultz kicked out the jams lots of jam kickers here every time somebody kicks out the jams Tyler Campbell waits seven days

he checks off the days like a guy in prison he marks it on the wall and on the seventh day he updates the kick out the jams google spreadsheet and it's amazing like i want to take credit for this like hey look at all extra resource i'm creating but i'm not doing it i feel i don't even want to admit this but tyler's doing all of it get him a beer tyler have yourself another beer on me, my friend. Seriously, that's some serious effort.

And I love it. Like, I'll go see, okay, who else kicked out a Duran Duran? And, of course, it's Wilner and Brady. Who else is kicking out the Duran Duran? But thank you, Tyler, for doing that because that's above and beyond, brother. That's great. Thanks so much. I honestly can't think of a better venue for this thing. The weather was perfect. So thank you, Mother Nature.

Give it up for Mother Nature. She does good work. She sucked a few days ago, but then she rocked tonight and it was fantastic. This is a great venue. Again, thank you to Peter and Troy and Alistair, whose last day is Friday. I don't know if he's still here, but Alistair, you'll be missed. You come by this patio. Your beer's on me when you come by the patio, okay, buddy? But seriously, yeah, no one's recording this part, though, right? I can't think of a better venue so thanks to all of you all my friends at great lakes brewery amazing sponsors for years now they bought all

of you your first beer like if any of you didn't get that beer that was purchased by troy and the gang at great lakes make sure you grab it i think they have to shut this down and kick us out at 9 o'clock or the police come. It's very serious. So make sure you get that going. Thank you. Make sure you guys always buy fresh, buy local, always buy GLB. Brewed for

you, Ontario. And even you, Keegan, in Nova Scotia. 1% goes to Nova Scotia. It's true. 99% stays here. The talent, oh boy. These guys were awesome in July, but I think they're even better tonight.

But maybe because I drank more tonight, I don't know. The Royal Pains were awesome again. Honestly. So good. If anyone in this facility right now is in some position to influence

the hiring of talent for like a holiday pageant. Do they have pageants? I don't know. A Christmas show. A Hanukkah party. Whatever.

Hire the Royal Pains. Like, what amazing value. I honestly wish I had a budget for these things. I would give them money. All I can give them is beer, but they're worth money because they're amazing. So hire the Royal Pains. Thank you again, the Royal Pains. again, the Royal Pains. I order you to hire the Royal Pains. I'm an influencer. You are ordered to do so. Gare Joyce. I almost broke down with Gare. David Schultz and Gare Joyce. Two of this country's finest sports writers and they're also pretty damn funny honestly way funnier than they should be right like that was so good and gare i mean david was great he roasted me i wanted a little more roast but he gave it to me pretty good he was accurate i have

the champion's choice from byway so he nailed some things but uh gare had that perfect like edgy comedy where you're not sure if you should laugh at it like like i'm looking around people are looking at me like i don't know if i should laugh at this joke it's funny but i don't want to be the guy who laughed at that joke in this day and age you got to be careful what you laugh at gare knows how to kind of do the edgy thing and walk that line so gare that was amazing i'm so glad you're filthy rich now that jason priestly is uh starring in a big hit show so good for you man good things happen to good people i'm sorry you look like steve bannon but that's not my doing

again schultz has a book coming out and uh as the great stephen brunt once told me the only books that sell in this country are hockey books that are out for Christmas. That's it. Nothing else sells. Schultz has a hockey book out for Christmas. Very smart. That's how you sell books.

Thank you, guys. That was amazing. Next time, bring Priestley along if you can do that. I'd like to meet him. Just the other day, okay, so we talked about Great Lakes. I want to thank, I had a visit from Nakia from PayTM, who also has a child that she puts to bed. So this was tough for her to get to.

So I don't think she was able to make it. Nakia, are you here? Only in spirit, I think, but they love this podcast, and they want to continue supporting it. So thank you, Paytm, for all your support, and for continuing to sponsor

the show, like, without guys like Great Lakes and Paytm and others. Who's this? Peter driving this truck? There's no kids in the way? Good. Peter drives the truck at the Lakeshore Santa Claus Parade. And he doesn't care if there's kids in the way. I'll be honest.

I watched it. It's scary. So thank you, Paytm. If everybody uses that promo code Toronto Mike, they're tracking that. So when they see it used, they know, hey, it's working. So even just install the app and pay one bill with the Toronto Mike promo code toronto mike they got it like they're tracking that so when they see it used they know hey it's working so even just install the app and pay one bill with the toronto mike promo code you get 10 bucks which is like real deal good money free and it helps the show so influencer mike says to do that too so hire keep track of this hire the royal pains use the promo code toronto mike Census Design and Build.

I had the best call with Ken just yesterday. They want to renew for another three months. So thank you very much. Census Design and Build. His name's Ken Yu. And I always think it's like, oh, Ken Yu. Can you do this? Can you do that?

I try not to make fun of his name, but it's funny to me. Brian Gerstein. Speaking of great jingles and ill vibes work, Brian Gerstein has a serious case of FOMO right now. Do you guys know what FOMO is? Fear of missing out. Doug knows exactly what FOMO is. He has a slow pitch final today.

The championship for his slow pitch team is tonight. He's in Thornhill playing ball right now. I know that he wants to be here. He's feeling the FOMO. So we miss Brian. I hope he wins tonight. And if Brian's listening... Breaking news.

Since I already covered the the gear joist the gear joist and the David Schultz segment of my great speech every spring a parade down Bay Street at the Social Capital Theater

October 2nd. And Black Swan is, that's the bar. So I believe we are, I'm also going to order everybody to go to the Black Swan on October 2nd for every spring, a parade down Bay Street. I think maybe this next spring there will be a parade down Bay Street. Right, everybody? We're very close to the Master Card Center of Excellence. It's a new Toronto institution. So thank you. Thank you. Who was I thanking there?

Brian, thank you so much. Tim Raines, Rules, always liked that guy. Thanks so much. Thanks, Great Lakes. Elvis is in the building. Elvis is here. Elvis, put up your hands so people see the beard is still here too. Remind me to get a picture of all the great beards. Keegan's got a great beard.

Al from the Royal Pains has a pretty good beard. Elvis has a great beard. I want all the beards together before you guys leave, okay? I can't believe Elvis is here. When Rosie's salary demands became exorbitant many moons ago, you were the natural successor and it's always been

a blast shooting the is Hunter here shooting the S with you? You guys know what S means? Oh my god, you're fucking out. Oh! Hunter is my daughter's friend from the daycare. You got to be careful.

He's here somewhere. So Elvis, thanks so much. It's fun to do that. And I know you don't actually listen to Toronto Mic'd. Seriously, none of that. He just listens to Molly Johnson so he can tell me what a diva I was. Elvis and Jeremy Taggart are the two people who told me it's on me. Thanks so much for that.

Keeping me real. I appreciate it. Keep me grounded. Did Molly ever arrive? She's not here? No. Okay. I recommend Elvis. I recommend you listen to episode 320. It's fantastic. My guest is a guy named Perry from LinkedIn and he sounds so much like you. It's fantastic. My guest is a guy named Perry from LinkedIn and he sounds so much like you. It's eerie. He's just a little smarter than you and a little less funny,

but you need to listen. 320. Is audio guru Andrew Stokely here? Oh my gosh. He's here too. You know, we picked this day because I went to stokely and i said like what days could you come to south toronto and he gave me two dates and then uh mark weisblot from 1236 who's not here he said oh that's a big jewish holiday because i had two dates this one and uh

september 19th i think it was and he's like you can't do it that day. It's a big Jewish holiday. And I'm like, well, I don't want to upset the whole religion. I just want to have a party. So we're doing this on September 12th. So thank you so much for being here. I don't know what to say, except at the beginning, like when I started this years ago, I didn't know like a microphone connects to a mix.

Now I see all this stuff and I kind of know what's going on, but I didn't know what was, a microphone connects to a mix. Like, now I see all this stuff, and I kind of know what's going on. But I didn't know what was going on six and a half years ago. And I was friendly with Andrew because he was friendly with Rosie. And then he came on in the early days. And then Andrew was so patient. Like, he was so, like, patient in terms of, okay, this is the mic you buy. Here's how it all comes. He came over.

You came over. Stitched it together. We did some. You came over, stitched it together. We did some sound tests. Like, that's amazing. So everyone, a round of applause for audio guru Andrew Stokely. I hear he's a friend of TMT's podcast too. He's Canada's podcast savior, I think. He's a great guy, too. So thanks so much for being here. I can't believe Elvis and Andrew are here at the same time. I was sure they might be the same guy. They're not.

They're both here. Amazing. Okay, this is a tiny list. It's almost an ad. It's kind of an ad. Not really. But I just want to say thank you to some TMDS clients I see in this room. Mac, I see you made it out here.

Amazing. Hebsey's here. TMDS is my, like, I'm all going full throttle on TMDS. It's Toronto Mike Digital Services. So TMDS clients who made the trek out here, like, you know who you are. I appreciate it so much. Hebsey's, like, the most famous, but there are others here. And Hebsey, you're still here?

You haven't ducked out? Hebsey on sports, everybody. Hebseyonsports.com. And you know, what is this, Wednesday? I'm going to see Hebsey at my door bright and early Friday. It's like the rooster crowing. I know. Hebsey's at the door.

He often comes with a couple of coffees, and it's like the nicest thing crowing. I know. Oh, Hebsey's at the door. He often comes with a couple of coffees and it's like the nicest thing. I start my Mondays like that. I start my Fridays. I really love it. Hebsey, you came to the right place. We're going to make you famous. And Johnny V, his sponsor is here. Johnny V, thanks for coming, buddy. Fantastic. Thanks for coming, buddy. Fantastic. Fantastic. So TMDS, launching it has been quite an experience, quite a learning experience,

and it will succeed because failure is not an option. So this is going to kick ass. And anyone here, this is the cringy part, if anyone here ever needs a podcast, wants a podcast, or needs some digital servicing, servicing, please drop me a line. Because I want to work with you, so do that. Before I get to this last line, and the reason I moved up the speech is because Monica's got to put Morgan and Jervis to bed. I saw some faces.

I can't believe how many power grads were here. So Joe, my best friend in junior kindergarten, we went to high school together. He's out there somewhere. Joe, junior kindergarten best friend. That's crazy. Shem, Shem, who I bumped into him on the street I live on. I bumped into him picking cherries off a tree,

and I said he looked familiar. We're going to get to you, Andrew. But Shem, this guy looks familiar. I'm like, I went to high school with this guy. Shem's here. And Shem's wife, Alice, who went to power with us. Andrew is on the same street, though. Andrew lives across the street from Shem.

So thank you, Andrew and Nicole. Andrew, you're a good guy. You used to play ball hockey with Jeff Merrick. Did you play with Mike Lackey? Yeah, okay. So Lackey, who's the brewmaster here, used to play ball hockey with this guy. So it all connects. They won the championships. Good for you, buddy. Keep that trophy. So thanks. And I look a lot of faces. Thanks, everyone. We're going to get to that. I'm going to do you guys last. But the family. So basically, Monica, look a lot of faces. Thanks everyone. We're gonna get to that. I'm gonna do you guys last but the family so basically Monica where are you?

Monica's here. I'm wearing a shirt Monica made from scratch. I just want to show This shirt was like just a thing rolled up at Fabricland Fabric land fabric land and it was just like just material. And she does a sizing thing and then she goes off one night. I'm watching, I don't know, I'm watching a baseball Blue Jay game or something. Listening to Mike Wilner on the radio. Anyway, Monica made it from scratch.

She's amazing. She just made a bed. Like, she's amazing. But I couldn't do TMDS without the support of Monica, because we're gonna be very poor for a little while, so I had to clear it with her, and she's been amazing, like, I feel like I won a lottery or something, and I'm a very lucky guy, so, babe, thank you so much, in this corner, in this corner, there were, like, my mom was here. My mom doesn't come to these things.

She was here. She left. She got bored and left. She said, I'm out of here. My brother Ryan was here. He doesn't even listen to Troy. He listens as much as Elvis does. Steve was here, who listens to every episode.

I can't believe he left, because he will break down that Molly Johnson episode. Like, there's a Pruder film. He just breaks it down. It's amazing. But he's gone. He had to put his kid to bed. So, my family, I want to thank them. They're an amazing support system, and I love them, and I'm very lucky.

And I'm going to wrap this up quick to get back to the music. I'm so sorry. them and I'm very lucky and I'm going to wrap this up quick to get back to the music I'm so sorry but uh all of you like everyone here I can't believe you all came out to hear I mean great music and great comedy of course you're here you want to meet Keegan Matheson like everybody else but uh thank you so much to everyone who came some of you I met at the first one in July I can't believe you came back some of you I met for the first time in July. I can't believe he came back. Some of you I met for the first time. One woman, am I allowed to say her name? Maybe Andy? Can I say that? One woman came to the first one but was too shy to say hi. And then afterwards told me she was there the whole time but didn't

say hi. And I couldn't believe somebody would come to the event and be too shy. Like, am I intimidating? I know I can be intimidating. But she said hi today, which was amazing. She's over here somewhere. Are you there? Yes, sorry. She said hi. She dragged her husband here, who's also a mic. I can be intimidating.

I can be an ask, you know, ask Molly Johnson. I can be intimidating. Your brother was in the wire. Read the liner notes. Read the liner notes. Read the liner notes. It's in there somewhere. I do drop that line a lot. Like if somebody asks an obvious thing or something Google-able,

I'll be like, so Kyle, just go, read the liner notes. It's in there somewhere. Read the liner notes. So thank you to everyone who came out tonight amazing especially the patrons because these people like even if it's a dollar a month there are people in this room

who are either with patreon.com slash toronto mike pledging money or like leave a femca she always corrects my pronunciation because one doesn't like how I say Bogota. No. No, it's not right.

Bogota. Bogota, not Bogota. It should be Bogota. We should change that. But, so thank you to people who found other ways to keep this going. I appreciate every one of you. Thank you for listening.

Thank you for your emails, your tweets, your comments, your support for being here tonight. True story. A couple of weeks ago, I'm hiking the Bruce Trail. This is two weekends ago. I'm hiking the Bruce Trail. It's super hot. There's not a lot of traffic on the trail because it's like 40 degrees. And we cross paths with this group. This is in Hamilton, okay? The Hammer. And I hear this voice. Like, we're walking. I'm holding, making sure Jarvis doesn't die. And I hear this voice. And it's like, it goes, Toronto Mike.

This guy had just heard the Jeff Woods Kick Out the Jams episode, which means he's super up to date. And he wanted me to know how much he loved the show. And I couldn't believe, believe like that this guy just recognized my face and my voice hiking the bruce trail and it's that kind of crap that fuels me like it's amazing so thanks to those thanks to all of you for coming out especially you i'm meeting for the first time tonight i'm telling you why for the rest of the night we got like an hour to go maybe a little less now because i act too much but for the rest of the night selfies with me are only 20 okay that's the deal for the rest of the night the royal pains the royal pains they're very busy are you ready to kick out the jams

thanks guys for coming amazing