Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - Toronto Mike's Entire 90-Minute Set At The El Mocambo: Toronto Mike'd Podcast Episode 1906

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

In this 1906th episode of Toronto Mike'd, Mike shares his entire 90-minute performance from his May 21, 2026 headlining gig at The El Mocambo. Zero edits were made to this audio. Toronto Mike'd is proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery, Palma Pasta, Toronto Maple Leafs Baseball,Ridley Funeral Home, Nick Ainis, and RecycleMyElectronics.ca. If you would like to support the show, we do have partner opportunities available. Please email Toronto Mike at [e-mail].

On May 21st, 2026, I headlined at the Elma Combo. So many of you bought tickets and came out, and I thank you for making it a night I'll never forget. FOTM Doug McClement recorded the show, and I'm going to share it here in its entirety. Well, that's not exactly true. The show opened with an amazing 45-minute set from Blair Packham, And you will find that performance on the Toronto-Miked YouTube channel.

Yes, there's a Toronto-Miked YouTube channel. And I often share many a nugget there. Here's the tail end of Blair, then me for 90 minutes, then the surprise special guests, taking us home on a lovely Thursday night in Kensington Market. all around you. All the proof you'll ever need is all around you.

Thank you very, very much. I really enjoyed playing for you. I'm Blair Packham. Everybody, give it up for Blair Packam. So a quick story about Blair Packam is that I asked him to do this about 26 hours ago. 26 hours ago, he had no idea he was going to be old. opening for me at the Elma combo. And here he is. That's the kind of sweetheart Blair Packham is, honestly. Give it up again. And Blair, I heard Jane say, is that his song when you were doing Last of the Red Hot Fools? And I proudly said he wrote that song. That's a Blair Packum original. Wow. Okay, thank you everybody for being here. I'm looking at the crowd. I've been joking with

Rob Pruss for months now that we'd be doing this in front of like nine people, like the police at the Horseshoe Tavern. Nine people were going to be here. And this is like, thank you for being here. Wow. So I do recognize a bunch of you from the TMLX events. And some of you I'm related to. This guy, he came from my balls.

Hello to James. But I just want to know who I have in the audience before I get rock. here. So I'm going to break you into demographics really quickly here. So if you're a fellow Gen Xer, say, hey. Okay, okay. If you identify as a baby boomer, say hey. Well, that's pretty good, pretty good. Okay. If you are a millennial, say hey. Okay, you know, it's pretty even, I would say. Okay, so now I know who I'm talking to. I want to come to the defense off the top. I want to come to the defense of millennials

because I hear baby boomers giving millennials a very hard time. Okay, when it comes to participation trophies in sports, okay? So I just want to definitively put on the record here that I'm a Gen Xer and I absolutely received a participation trophy for playing House League hockey. at Swansea Hockey Association in the very early 80s. So Gen X are here. We were getting the participation trophy.

Okay? So it's not a millennial thing. We were doing it. And we weren't stupid. I always hear these jokes about how, oh, this is the problem with millennials. They get a participation trophy. We didn't think a participation trophy

was the championship trophy. We didn't think it was the MVP trophy. Like, we knew everybody got one. We weren't stupid. And do you want to know who gave us those participation trophies? The boomers gave it to us. So leave the millennials alone. So in January, I had to get a crown, like literally a chunk of my back molar, my tooth.

Like, a chunk of it just fell out. Like, it disintegrated, okay? So I am now like a chunk of my tooth disintegrated years old when I talk to people. So I had to get a crown. So I go to the dentist, the Cloverdale dentist, which is no longer in Cloverdale. That's a fun fact. So I go to the dentist and they do a thing and then they say come back in 90 minutes and we're going to put in the crown. So I had 90 minutes to kill.

So I'm like, what do I do? So I wander over to the Sherway Gardens Walmart, okay? I think I could do 90 minutes on this Walmart near Sherway Gardens here, okay? But I'm wandering around the Walmart in January, and then I see it. Like, it's like a beacon. It's calling me. It's like a lumberjack shirt. Like, you know that pattern, that red and black checkered pattern that lumberjacks wear, right?

Like, it's not just. just a shirt, like it's a shacket. Like, I would refer to this as a lumber shacket. And I see it, and it's like regular price is like 40 bucks. And it says 40% off. And I'm like, it looks so cozy. Like, it was the worst winter. It was so damn cold.

It was the big snowfall and the deep freeze, and I couldn't get out for my regular bike rides. And I was working and working hard. tough and I was feeling it. And then I saw this lumber shacket and I said, I'm going to grab one. I'm going to buy one. And it was medium because I wear medium. But this medium wore like a large, like I found myself swimming in this thing. And then I found I was like disappearing into my lumber shacket. James, you know what I'm talking about that big lumber jacket. I'm disappearing into it. And I'm finding it like a warm hug. It's so comfortable.

in the cold of January. And then I'm wondering, why do I want to gain 50 pounds? Like, why do I want to grow this giant beard and be a lumberjack? And I wondered if I was depressed. I was thinking this in January. And then I sought the only treatment

a Gen X man from Canada trusts. And I started playing the Depression Suite from the treasurer. tragically hip on a continuous loop. Give it up for the Depression Suite, which is the longest title in the Tragically Hip Catalog. Are you going through something? Are you going through something?

I know I promised I wouldn't sing, but there's a little bit. But that's the thing, right? You're going through something. you're going through something, you're going through something, you're definitely going through something. Everybody is going through something. Now, Monica supported this chapter, this phase, this disappearance into the oversized lumber shacket. She bought me a blue and black pattern shacket from Costco, which I liked very much. And then we found ourselves in Value Village.

Jarvis wanted a rad pair of jeans. And I saw that lumber jacket pattern on this van's shirt. And I found it a medium and it fit like a medium and I bought it. And then my youngest son Jarvis said to me, Dad, it looks like you lost 50 pounds because it fit. I wasn't swimming in this thing. And I thought, Dawn has broken. Don't you want to see how it ends.

Don't you want to see how it ends. Around this time, I'm in the car with Monica, my wife, and our youngest Morgan, and there are these geese, these Canada geese, are passing us. And Monica says, oh, there's ducks. And I said, well, those are clearly Canada geese. not ducks. And then Monica said, she calls all aquatic birds ducks. And I thought, that's interesting because they're not all ducks. She's like, these are clearly geese. And then I said, oh, my goodness,

there's a goose, and there's another goose, and now we have geese. And then I said, this is a true story. Earlier this year, I said, oh, my goodness, you have a moose? And there's another moose, but it's not me's. Like it's still moose. And then Monica got this twinkle in her eye, and she said, don't use that at the Elmo. And then I knew, without a doubt, I was going to use that during my Elma combo debut. This is happening, everybody. This is happening. We're at the Elma combo, for goodness sake. Wow. Okay. I have, this is going to be a big brag, I think, as I consider it in my head, but I have a very low resting heart rate. Like it's low 40s. Sometimes it's in the upper 30s, okay? And I had no idea what a heart rate, like a resting heart rate is supposed to be. But

Monica bought a new, it's all about Monica for 90 minutes. But, Monica bought a new Garmin watch. And then she gave me her old watch, I'm worried it now. And I threw it on like a year ago. I don't even like watches. I threw it on. But then it's like everything's gamified. Like, I don't know how I slept for 50 years before I got the Garmin watch because it's like,

I didn't even know my sleep score. Like all that time, I was sleeping blind. And now I wake up and I get, I go, oh, this is that last night? I go, 80. I got 87. I'm like, babe, what's your sleep? sleep score last night. Like, we're keeping tabs on these sleeps. And I don't know how I ever lived my life without knowing how many intensity minutes I've done. Like, oh, I set a target, 200 intensity

minutes. Oh, I got to get out there and get in 30 more. Like, everything's gamified, but it also measures your resting heart rate. So I don't know. I didn't know what you're supposed to have as a resting heart rate. But I produce the Humble and Fred show. Any Humble. Humble and Fred fans out there. Humble and Fred couldn't be here today. But Steve and Lori came from South New York State. They told me it was like, I don't know, five hours to get here. By the end of the night, it'll be six.

It'll be like in Pioneer Times or whatever. It took us how many days to get there. But Humble and Fred like to know things from their listeners. like regularity of bowel movements. Like this is a, seriously, I'm not joking. Like, so if you write them an email, they want to know how regular are your bowel movements? What is your resting heart rate? And then somebody wrote in and said their resting heart rate was 62.

And I'm listening and I'm thinking, Humble and Fred are really impressed by this. Like they go, oh, that's really good. 62. 62 is a great resting heart rate. I'm like, I'm late 30s. early 40 is like, am I okay? So like I'm at my doctor's office for like a regular physical and I just mentioned it in passing. I go, oh, my watch tells me I have a resting heart rate of 39 or 40 and she looks at me. Now I should tell you, I have already Googled it. Like is this, am I dying? Like is my heart

sun setting or whatever? Like am I tapping out here? And if you Google it and it'll say if you're an elite athlete, you're going to have a lower heart rate like that. Like, it's very normal if you're an elite athlete. So I tell my doctor, okay, I'm an elite athlete. This is normal. But she looks at me like she doesn't believe me. Like, she doesn't believe this elite athlete status. I mean, look at me, right? This is an elite athlete. Am I right? So my doctor sends me to wear like a halter monitor, and I'm strapped up like I'm ET, and I have to wear this thing for three days, and then a cardiologist is going to review the data.

So here's the big three takeaway items, okay? One, the watch works. It's accurate, okay? Two, my resting heart rate is very low, and that, yes, it's very low to have, it's a very low resting heart rate when you're in the upper 30s, lower 40s, but three, and I got,

this paper framed hanging above our bed, but it says, because of my cycling, the results are benign, and the cardiologist has no concerns. That is a verification of my elite athletic prowess. Evidence, I am an elite athlete. Follow me on Strava, okay? I routinely bike 1,000 kilometers a month. I once biked over 1,500 kilometers elite athlete right here. We don't all look like Ian Service over there. That's coming. That's coming here. It's coming.

So I mentioned I'm Gen X, and I feel like we had a lot of traumatic television growing up. Like, there's TV we were exposed to. I feel that really messes with your head. Like, I remember as a kid watching an episode. episode of Little House on the Prairie. And these wild dogs ravaged the farm. Like they just, it was really scary. These wild dogs were tearing apart the livestock.

It was really traumatizing for me. And I believe television like that is what led to my recurring bear dream. So bear, pun intended, bear with me, I'm going to work some stuff out here before we get to the lighter fair. But I would wake up, my mom is in the audience, she's nodding here now. This is a true story. But as a young boy, I would wake up crying, shaking, sweating, basically, because I believed wild bears were roaming the streets of Toronto, and specifically the street we lived on. And I have vivid memories of these dreams, for example, a bear would leap through the window of our home and mall my mother and I, like, These bear dreams were very traumatic and recurring. That was the thing about the bear dreams as they were recurring.

Any fans here of family ties? Okay, good. This is a big family tie head crowd here. So I loved family ties. Does anyone remember? I'm going to say a statement. Tell me if it resonates with you. Hello.

My name is Alice. Alex? Does this mean anything to anybody? Steve knows. My brother Steve knows. Anyone else? Okay. So there was a two-part episode, and the second part was filmed like a stage play. And Alex P. Keaton, by the way, who introduced me to Richard Nixon.

Any Nixon fans here? I had no idea what a Richard Nixon was, but I knew Michael J. Fox was a big fan. So Michael J. Fox had his like best friend and neighbor died in a car accident and Alex P. Keaton had Survivors' guilt. It was an intense episode. I think about it to this very day. Steve's nodding his head. I'm not alone. Okay. Hello, my name is Alex. This episode, which has stuck with me for what, 40 years, it also introduced me to Steppenwolf because Alex was in the room with his dear friend and neighbor and they were listening to Born to Be Wild by Steppenwolf. And Mallory was kind of making fun of him. Like, I heard you listening to Steppenwolf last night. There were some doors in there.

So two thoughts. One, what a traumatic, what an epic, intense episode. But if this was Alex P. Keegan's best friend and neighbor, and we were late in the series because that the new kid showed up, you know how like you have the cute little kid? And then they grow up. And then they grow up and like, teeny others, right? Like Jennifer, I think, was her name, but she was like an adult almost. So they introduced a new kid. Like the new kid was in this episode. So it's later family ties. Why did we never see this guy before? Like, I had spent years with family ties. And this guy pops in for one episode is Alex's dearest friend, this closest friend, this survivor's guilt, because he was supposed to be in that car. What? Like, you can't do

Like, where did, he's not skippy. He's not skippy or whatever. But the second thing is, and this is wild to me, and soon we'll get to how the hell this happened. But Stu Stone, are you here, Stu? Stu's here somewhere. Yesterday, Stu came over, and he gave me a couple of pieces of advice, and I followed them both. But one was to take a leak before you do your 90 minutes. And I could hear Stu's head, sorry, I could hear Stu's voice in my head.

when Blair was kind of wrapping up last of the Red Hot Fools. And I'm like, Stu wants me to go pee. And I just kind of went down the washroom downstairs. But if you come up from the bathrooms, I hope all of you drink a lot of Great Lakes beer and have to go take a leak. I'm on the stair. Did anybody see this?

Okay. Like, I'm the stair underneath Steppenwolf. Steppenwolf played here. So there's Steppenwolf. and then Toronto Mike. That's a mind blow right there. By the way, you guys can argue, when I'm done, you can argue amongst yourselves

if Steppenwolf is a Canadian band. Like, I can play both sides of that fence, but, you know, argue that amongst yourselves. By the way, we're going to get back to the trauma for a moment because I watched with my two little ones in Monica, I watched Artemis II take off. It went around the moon. It landed in the ocean on time.

Everybody was okay. But when I'm watching Artemis 2 take off, I'm only thinking of one thing, okay? The Challenger disaster, like that's all I could think about is the fucking Challenger blowing up. You know, and it's funny, my ex-wife is here. Tea Dog is here. Okay.

And she, I don't think she's attended any Toronto mic to anything. This is kind of an amazing moment in time in the history of John Mike. I'm on a stair. How you like them apples? Right below Steppenwolf. But she said, are you going to cry? And I actually laughed it off. Like, I'm not going to cry. But as I go into this little bit here, I actually think I might cry because forget the bear dream. That was like the starter pack. Okay. After that Challenger disaster, I had this recurring nightmare. I was joking, I'm going to have to turn my back to, what is it, Miles Davis used to do this. Well, if Miles Davis is cool enough to do it, I can do it too.

But this dream, this nightmare, I'm piloting the space shuttle. And there's a bunch of people on board. I'm the guy who's piloting the thing, little Mike. And I can see, I don't know, from the screen I can see, oh, we're going to crash. and everybody's going to die. Like, I can see it. Oh, my God. And then I realize, in the dream, I realize there's absolutely nothing

I can do to stop this. And this sensation, like, I can feel it now. I could cry. But I had this recurring dream over and over again that this space shuttle is going to crash. I'm the one responsible, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. And even telling you right now, I may have

wet my pants, everybody. Stu's advice came appropriately enough. But, yeah, the Artemis 2, thankfully, didn't have any complications, and I don't have to pay for my little ones to have therapy for the next 20 years, so I'm grateful for that. By the way, I'm aging horribly. I'm aging, I'm coming out to tell you I'm aging horribly because where I record my podcast, Toronto Mic'd, did you guys know I have a podcast called Toronto Mic'd? Thank you.

There's a studio table, and on the table, there's a picture of me and my firstborn, and he's a baby. And it's right there. I see it every day when I'm working, when I'm recording. And I know, because that little boy is in the room, I know that photo is 24 years old. But I look at it every day, and I see dark brown hair. Okay, dark brown hair. I see a little beard coming in, but it's black or dark brown. It's not white like it is now.

I can see this youthful look in my eyes. Like, I look at this thing. And then I catch a glimpse of maybe one of those Toronto tree pictures I take after every episode. And I think, what happened? And I did myself no favors because when I first started taking a photo with every Toronto-Miked guest by Toronto Tree. I had this LG phone and by default, like out of the box, I promise you, out of the box, it came with this vanity filter for selfies, okay? I didn't turn it on. I'm an unfiltered kind of guy, but by default it was there, but I didn't really know it was there

for a long time. But these photos of me, like 12, 13 years ago, I honestly look, where's Andy? I have to throw over a wink. There you are. Okay. I honestly look like a member of new kids on the block in 1989. So it's like when I had this phone, it's unbelievable with that vanity filter. And then suddenly I got a new phone with no such vanity filter. And it was like, boom, tired eyes, you know, white, like old man, I think I'm aging horribly, except for one thing, the hair. I'm glad Ralph Ben Murgy is here.

I was in Hamilton recently to see this musical called It's a Good Life If You Don't Weaken. Actually, the Depression Suite is part of this musical. It's music from the Tragically Hip. It was very good. I took my youngest. Ralph was there. That's why I'm thinking of. But Tom Wilson, the unofficial mayor of Hamilton, the member of Junkhouse, love that guy.

He promised me before the show, he said, I can't do it, Tom Wilson. Mike, I'm going to introduce you to my friend Bruce McCullough. Have you met Bruce? I'm like, no, actually. And I love the kids in the hall. I want to talk to Bruce. So he was going to introduce me to Bruce. But I see during the intermission, we're at a party.

All you can eat cookies, by the way. Morgan was in heaven. Like, all you can eat chocolate chip cookies. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. But I see Bruce, and I think there he is. Like maybe I'll go say hi to Bruce McCullough from kids in the hall. but Bruce sees me and comes straight to me

and I have this moment of like Bruce McCullough from kids in the hall knows who I am like he's this happening he's coming up to see me and he comes up to me Bruce one of the few people I can look down on so I really I really like it good guy funny guy but I'm taller than him that's all I'm saying

Bruce superfan over here does not like that joke. Bruce comes up to me and he says, you have the greatest hair. I'm honored. There you go. Bruce and I met because he loved my hair. So I am aging horribly except for my hair. And while I'm doing the aging horribly bit, I'm going to just wrap it up to say, I was pretty good with seeing and reading. Like I didn't need readers or glasses. And then one day it seemed like it was overnight in my late 40s. Like, I couldn't tell the difference between a five and a six on my laptop, okay? Is that a five? I would do a George Costanza squint like this. Oh, that's a five. Like, I really did have pretty good vision when I did the squint. But I talked to Monica about it, and I said, I think I'm going

blind. And she said, oh, you should see an eye doctor if you're going blind. So I made an appointment. We do tests. I honestly thought I was going blind. I'm not going blind. But then I thought, oh my goodness, These glasses I have to get are going to cost. I don't have a health plan for glasses. I run my own shop. I can't afford thousands of dollars of glasses. No joke. Monica came home with a pair of glasses.

1.5, as I recall, that she bought a dollarama for $2.30. It fixed everything. I can see perfectly with this pair of $2.30 reading glasses. Dollarama. Dollarama, everybody. It's good, well, they fall apart after two warings, but they work. All right, quick test here. All I wanted was a Pepsi.

Does that mean anything to anybody in this room? All I wanted was a Pepsi. Okay, holler loud so I can hear you. Okay, some of you. What about this one? No, no, no, no, no, train. Does that mean anything? to anybody, Jude knows, Vanessa knows. Okay. And then this one, that even Monica got this one.

It's fit for the pit. Yeah? Yeah. Okay, I just want to know who I'm dealing with before I get started on this thing. So, Johno is right. Okay. So I want to let you know this thing I'm doing now. I'll explain it all in the moment, but this was in the works long before I saw the Bradley Cooper, joint starring fellow Canuck Will Arnett called Is This Thing On? Like this was happening before that. I felt like maybe he was stealing a bit of the thunder. But I bring up Will Arnett because I wondered if other people have this thing where there's blind spot names.

Like there are people who I know their face. I know most of their IMDB page. They're very famous people that I watch all the time. but I literally can't remember their name. Like, I know I'm saying Will Arnett now. Like, I'm pulling it off the lid. But I think that's just because I put him in this show. Like, forever, I can't remember this guy's name, Will Arnett.

Like, I end up calling him Job. I don't know his name, but I think... I think I have some blind spot names, and I wondered if it was only me. Is it only me? Blind spot names. There was one earlier, but I can't... Peter Gross.

Who are we... Gene Wilder. We spent far too long, me and other intelligent curious cats, trying to remember who was buried to Guild of Radner, right? Like, we knew his IMDB page. We couldn't come up with the name Gene Wilder. There's blind spot names out there. Okay, so how the hell did we get here?

This is the moment. How the hell did we get here? Is Melissa Stein in the room? Where are you? wave your hand or something, these lights. I just want to see you. Okay, she's in the back. She's in the VIP section.

Lucky lady. All right, I'm going to tell a little Melissa Stein story here quick, and then I'll explain how this all happened because it's kind of wild to me. So, I've known Melissa for a few years now, and we go to their backyard, Monica and I and the two little kids, and Melissa has a kid, and I know her husband, and we got to know each other. And I don't know if you guys know this, but I use humor as a coping mechanism.

Okay? More on that later, but I'd like to sprinkle a little funny here and there, and I think we were talking about inappropriate bosses, I think, and I made a crack that my boss touches me inappropriately. Like, I just declared it all serious. My boss touches me inappropriately. It's kind of low-hanging fruit, I admit, because I'm my own boss, so I'm touching myself inappropriately, okay? I like her, okay? Thank you. But Melissa loved this joke. Like, this was the funniest joke, I think, to Melissa.

She really liked it. She brought it up a few times. My boss touches me inappropriately. So fast forward to episode 1800 of Toronto Mike. 1800. Jeremy Hopkins is waving. So episode... Yeah, it was a good one.

Episode 1800 was recorded live at Casilloma, and it was remote. I'm also glad who's sitting to your right. Did you look behind you there? Okay. So I actually biked my studio to Casoloma. I don't remember the name of the room. Do you? There was a moose on the wall?

Billiard room. Thank you. This guy knows. Yeah, so we're at Casaloma, and when I record with Jeremy Hopkins, say hello to Jayho, everybody. Would you mind putting on the hat? That's Jayho. Okay. So he is the official Toronto historian of the Toronto podcast, and he was going to tell us the history of Casaloma.

But I know when I record every quarter, so I record four times a year, that's what a quarter is. I record of Jeremy Hopkins. I know he's bringing the veggies, right? Like, you're bringing the facts. He's like the straight man. So I know if I'm recording with Jeremy, I got to bring the cupcakes, right? I got to bring like the dessert.

Okay, I know I have to be a little zany because he's going to be delivering hard knowledge, right? So I did crack some jokes in that episode. For example, there were numerous jokes about the legend that is Midtown Gord. Midtown Gord is here. Yeah, right? I was very funny, wasn't I, Jeremy?

Yes. Well, more on that in a moment. But also, I love Gords. Everybody knows I love Gordes. I made a lot of Gord and Tom jokes. Is Gord and Tom here? Oh, they're sitting on the comfy couch. Nothing's too good for Gordon Tom.

I made a bunch of jokes about Gordon Tom at this Castle Lome episodes. So then I'm on a bike ride. That's a shocker right there. And I remember exactly where I was. And these are the kind of details I'm told nobody cares about. But for some reason, I really care about stupid details like this. So I can tell you, I was on the waterfront trail just west of the Humber Bay Bridge. And I get a phone call and I answer it hands free.

It's Melissa Stein. And she says, I just listened to episode 1800. You're hilarious. I just booked the Alma combo for you to make your headlining debut. This is what she said to me. So there's a lot going on here because I hear these words come out of her mouth, and I think that's never going to happen. Like, I have no interest in that. That's not what I do.

That's not where I'm going in my career. I'm not a stand-up. I have no interest in going on stage at the Elma Combo for a ticketed event. Like zero interest. I hate this idea. I really, really hated this idea. and in real time, like, I mean, I hated it where I was going to bike into the Lake Ontario. I almost, I was going to bike right into the lake.

But in real time, it was kind of wild how it transpired, because I was like, I'm never going to do this, Melissa Stein. You can't make me do this. And then in the next breath, I was like, oh, like, I have to do this. Like, I hate this so much. It's so not what I want to do. It's not my dream. I didn't wake up dreaming of. headlining at the Elma combo. So I realized right then and there, if Melissa Stein was going to

book the Elma combo for me to make my headlining debut, I was going to do it. So Melissa Stein, she's the one who believed in me and made this happen. And Melissa, I got to say, we're doing it. We're doing it. So two things about Melissa, though. I've got to know her quite well over the last six months. A couple of quick things. One is, so she thinks I'm hilarious. That's pretty good. She also believes the earth is flat. That's not a joke. There's no jokes in this 90 minutes. Melissa Stein believes the earth is flat. And I was, she's hiding out there. I was, someone else, someone else believes it. Okay. So there's a couple of them here today. But I was thinking that week when Artemis II was going around the moon sending

in all those photos, like that was a bad week. from Melissa, I'm thinking. Like, you've got to reach out to the flat earther in your life when shit like that's going on. But I was thinking, okay, she thinks the earth is flat and she thinks I'm hilarious. If you bat 500, you go straight into Cooperstown. Like, direct, do not pass go. You're in the Hall of Fame, baby.

Melissa's batting 500 there. It's not bad. Oh, so. Another quick Melissa thing, and then a little doc I saw, but I hadn't seen Melissa in a long time, but we had been corresponding through email and text about this night right here. But I saw her last week because I did a site visit, and they put my name on the marquee.

And this was a mind blow right there. Like my name was on the marquee at the Elma Combo. And then they gave me an Elma Combo t-shirt to wear for this photo, okay? And they said, what size are you? Well, you know what I say to that question. I'm medium. Everything's medium. I'm medium.

I'm a medium. I'm a medium. I'm a medium guy, medium. But this medium wore like a small, okay, so it was really tight on me. And I felt like I had a little, like a tiny spare tire. And I said to Melissa and Mike, who works here, I said, oh, yeah, I've been carboloading all winter. I got to work on that. And Melissa says, peptides.

She says, I've got these peptides from the United States of America. It'll fall right. You know about the peptides. I never even heard this freaking weird. I thought she wanted a Pepsi. Peptides. But then I was thinking, she's going to give me these peptides. And I was thinking, what if I, like, what if I ate four slices of pizza instead of eight?

Like, that's where my, like, I could try to maybe eat, yeah, four slices instead of my usual 10 slices of pizza. But she's got peptides for me. And we're going to lose this bad boy right here. So don't get too attached to it. please. But I'm watching this documentary. This is after the tickets went on sale for this event. Tickets that you guys bought, by the way. You bought tickets. My first ever

ticketed event where the tickets weren't free at least. This has never happened before. But I'm watching the documentary called Pearl Jam 20, which I've seen many times. I own the damn thing on VHS, but I'm watching it. It's directed by Cameron. crow, by the way. And there's the guys in Pearl Jam are talking in 1994. So 1994

Pearl Jam. And they're talking about how outrage they are with Ticket Master because kids have to pay $30,994 to see Pearl Jam. They're going to

court over this. They're enraged. And I went to the inflation calculator. What's 30, 1990 $24 and $2026. Comes out to be about $58. That means you paid more to see me here tonight than what outraged Pearl Jam in 1994 to see them. You paid a lot of money.

I didn't set the ticket prices. I didn't even have a login for that ticket mechanism. It was all Melissa Stein. Are you still here, Melissa, or did you leave? Melissa Are you still here? The prices are too damn high Like I'm embarrassed up here

I mean I saw somebody Somebody who's in the room actually wrote me about this But they did buy a ticket because they're here But 65 bucks Like I paid less to see broken social scene metric and stars This summer I paid less So I guess I want to apologize

and tell you on June 25th my ex's 51st birthday, I am hosting a free event at Great Lakes Brewery where not only is there no ticket required, but the first beer is on the house and

you will leave full of palm of pasta lasagna. Put it in your calendars right now. I am sorry about the exorbing cost of this ticket and I am personally embarrassed, but I'm not outraged. Pearl Jam was outraged. I feel no such outraged. So when Melissa said you're headlining, by the way, I say this term all the time, I'm headlining at the Elma Combo,

as if I put in my reps opening for bigger acts. Like I've been working the circuit, opening act. But finally I get the headline. I've never done anything like this. I haven't done no opening. This is the one and only time this is going to happen. Never happened before. But when she said I'm headlining the Elmo, my first thought was, the Rolling Stones played the Elmo combo. It's time Toronto Mike plays the Elmo.

I had that thought. And in 1977, when the Stones played the Elma Combo, they were known for that gig, they were known as the cockroaches. You can see the Marquis outside this room, actually, where it says the cockroaches. April Wine, F-O-T-M band, April Wine was on the bill.

And then I thought about other bands that had played the Elmo. U-2 has played the Elma Combo. Good Irish boys. Duran Duran, Blondie, Bo Diddley, and Toronto Mike. All have played, performed at the Elma Combo. You know who played here? Molly Johnson played the Elma Combo. and I wanted to make sure we just give some props to like a legend of Kensington Market.

We're in Kensington Market right now. Molly Johnson organizes the Kensington Market Jazz Festival. So let's give it up for Molly Johnson, everybody. So I took a lot of heat when Molly visited because I suggested she was giving me diva-like vibes. I can't remember. I said I was feeling like diva-like behavior from Molly. And then subsequently I learned her nickname, was The Diva of Queen Street.

Look it up. Like, Google this later. Molly Johnson, her nickname was the Diva of Queen Street. I'm just going to put that there and leave that there. So Molly Johnson played the Elmo, but I could not find any evidence. Jayho, you can back this up. I couldn't find evidence that Gino Vanelli ever played the Elmo combo. But I wanted to just point out the T-shirt I'm wearing real quick here.

Okay? So one day, Monica's like a, Monica's here. Say hi, Monica. Okay, it's Monica. She's like a seamstress. She's making clothes and stuff. And she says, do you want any like custom-made t-shirts? And I, right off the lid, I ran down some things I wanted to see in the t-shirt.

One of them I wore at Christy Pitts for a Leaf Game recently. It said, I bike. One I wore with Stu Stone yesterday in the basement. It said, award-winning podcaster. It's true. And then this one, so I feel like maybe at the TMLX event on June 25th, we take orders for custom t-shirts. If you want, can we get off black cars already on your t-shirt? Come out to the TMLX event on June 25th.

So I arrive early. Melissa Stein is here. She sees the T-shirt and she says, is that for me? Because I drive a black car. I said yes. This is for you. Real quick, because I don't know if this ever came up on the podcast. I'm trying to keep this little 90 minutes.

I'm trying to keep it all original content. If you're a diehard listener, you haven't heard any of this stuff. But one thing I thought I'd just quickly touch on is the origin story for the handle Toronto mic. Like where did I get this handle? So I went to a Catholic school. Did anybody here go through the Catholic school system? Clap or wave.

Okay, a bunch of you. A bunch of you did. So you know the drill. Well, I was in the shower one day. There's a visual for you. That's for Langer. So I was in the shower one day. My boss was touching me inappropriate.

Actually, at that time, it wasn't as innocent. At that time, actually. So I'm in the shower, and I'm remembering this moment in religion class. We had mandatory religion class. And I remember one of my classmates asked the teacher. I remember. They said, did Jesus have a last? name. This was the question. I thought it was a pretty good question. Does Jesus have a last name?

And I remember, I'm just remembering this in the shower. And the answer was something like, no, you weren't like Jesus Smith or Jesus Alvarez or Jesus O'Brien, okay? But you were like, Jesus of Nazareth. It was your name and where you were from. He's Jesus of Nazareth. So you know where this is going. I'm in the shower and I go, oh, I'm Mike of Toronto. And then I said, you know, Toronto Mike. And then I shut off that water and I went to my computer to see if the domain named Toronto Mike.com was available. It was available. I bought it and the rest is history. That's how it went down. Thank you, Jesus. So I'm going to this Catholic school. There's this indoctrination. You know what it's like. Do you remember the Simpsons episode when they wanted to get Homer to be a member of the cult?

and they were saying, leader, leader, leader, leader, leader, leader. You remember this? So there's a lot of that going on, like things that have been tattooed in my head for a long time. Like, shout out to Ian's service. He came from Guelph. I don't think we should let him drive home, though. Let's get this guy a room for the night. He can sleep it off.

He can drive home tomorrow. Okay. So you get things like, let us give thanks to the Lord our God. It is right to give him thanks and praise. You know what I mean? Like this, you go to a lot of mass and then this repetitive mantra, it just gets stuck in there. And just leader, leader, leader, leader, leader. Literally, Monica, who went to Catholic, went to Mass and Catholic school, different province, different times.

She'll kick out the Catholic jams. Do you remember this one? And she'll play it. And I'll be like, oh, yeah. I'll start, like, just your memory clicks in. I haven't been to church in 100 years. It's like kicking out the Catholic jams. So I'm going to Catholic school, and I starred, I was the star in a musical called The Canada Goose.

I don't think I've ever talked about this. I was the lead. My character was called The Wizard of Woe, and there's a lot of singing in this. And we had a receptionist at my Catholic school named Mrs. DeSouza. You remember my mom's here. You remember Mrs. DeSouza? And she heard me singing as the Wizard of Woe. And she came up to me when she called me to the office and she said, something, I'm going to paraphrase.

Michael? I was Michael back there. Michael, you have the voice of an angel. I want you to sing this, our father, in front of the school at this mass coming up. And I didn't feel at the time I was allowed to say, nah. I'm like, yes, yes, ma'am. And I remember, because our father was like the national anthem, every morning we said our father, our father, who art in heaven, how would it be thy name, thy kingdom come, they will be done

on earth, as it is in heaven, give us us their daily bread and forgive us our trespasses. We forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptations for Christ our Lord, amen. Like this is stuck in there. I can't get rid of it. Like I try. I try that baby shark song couldn't push it out. I'm working on it. But this is a rearrangement of our father.

and it went something like this. But remember, much like when Homer was singing that beautiful voice he had in his voice broke mid-song. Remember, do you know what I'm talking? Sometimes I feel I talk too much Simpsons. It's like no one knows what you're talking about. But if you get it, you get it. But it went something like this.

It went, Our father, who art in heaven, hallow would be thy name. And I'm telling you, singing that song, in front of the school at that mass was the most nervous I've ever been in my life until tonight. I mentioned there's this event

coming up at Great Lakes Brewery. Well, at a previous event at Great Lakes Brewery, a TMLX event, that's Toronto Mike Listener Experience. Listeners of my podcast, many of whom are here today, bought me a kayak. If you helped buy me a kayak, thank you very much.

I see a bunch of you here. Because this is a totally radical kayak that you fold and it goes into a backpack and you can bike it to the lake or I bike it to Humber River. I love this thing. This thing's magic. It's like origami and you build it out on the beach and then you go for a paddle. I love this kayak. Well, before I was my own boss, before I worked at TMDS, that's keep my alphabet soup straight. I worked for a German software company, a B2B automation software company. And the boss's name was

Detliff. And he worked out of a place called Mines. There was another office in Frankfurt, but he came to Toronto to meet with me. And I took him for a walk by Lake Ontario. And I just looked at the lake and to make conversation with Detliff, I said,

one day I'm going to buy a kayak. I'd like to buy a kayak. And Detliff stopped down. Like he stopped. Tall guy. He stared at me with these piercing blue eyes and he said, Michael,

kayaking is a solo sport. Here at Stone Branch, we row together. True story. And I knew at that moment I was fucked. In the history, and some people here

worked of me in the past. I see a couple. Mark Carey is here. Some people worked with me at the past. But in the history of corporations, you'd be hard-pressed to find a less political gamer than yours truly. I wouldn't, I couldn't play the game. I was allergic to bullshit. I think I was amazing at my job because if you look at my LinkedIn profile, I was at one B2B company for like seven years, another one for four years, another one for six years.

That's amazing. I was that good at my job because I was not good at following orders. and playing with others. My goodness, I think that's absolutely amazing. One boss I had, I literally almost threw down with his son at a company softball game. Like that happened. We were coming to blows.

You know who I'm talking about. But this gentleman, sadly no longer with us, this gentleman, shout out to Ridley Funeral Home. But this guy wanted to groom me for the executive team. This is a true story. He saw something in me. I said, keep looking. Go look over there.

But he was grooming me. I used that word yesterday and Stu said, different word, Mike. He was grooming me for the executive team. And we had weekly meetings where he would tell me about engaging the sea level leadership, how to dress. He wanted me to wear collared shirts. Like this was a big deal. Everybody knows that's my kryptonite, the collared shirts. Although those lumber shackets I was hiding in had a collar.

So, you know, take that to your therapist. But he was grooming me for the executive team, and all the time I'm thinking, how do I strike the balance? I want the paycheck. Like, I like the job. Twice a month, I'm getting a chunk of money in my account. I'm good at this job. I over-deliver, to be quite honest.

But there's no fucking way I want to be a part of the executive team. I would rather make minimum wage watering the plants than be in that damn boring. where we're meeting, like, no, Steve relates, he's nodding. He's cut from the same cloth. It's like, how do you find that way where you keep your job, but you're like, keep looking for somebody else? I'm not joining your executive team. Jeez, that's a tough balance, but I was great at my job. Okay, finally, we're going to talk about my scrotum. Finally, can we talk about, Midtown Gord, can we talk about my scrotum? Wake Peter gross up, tell him I'm, I'm,

Talking about my scrotum. Okay. Glad my mom's here. When I was a baby, so I have no memory of this. When I was a baby, they gave me penicillin. This is in a hospital. I got penicillin. And my scrotum exploded.

Like it didn't blow up. It just blew up. Like it was like a blowfish, like a balloon. My scrotum was enormous. I never saw this. I've been told since I was, old enough to understand the language of English, I've been told, Mike, Michael, my mom would say, if you ever take penicillin, your scrotum will balloon. It was enormous. So I've been told.

I've got to say, like, if one of my kids, well, sorry, one of my boys, if one of my boys ever had that reaction where their scrotum were as big as I was told my scrotum got, like I would take a picture, right? But in the 70s, nobody did. took a picture of anything in the 70s, right? Nothing that happened in the 70s was captured on film. By the way, I was told Lorne Honickman would be here. I haven't seen him, so I don't think he's here. But I was going to ask Lorne if he knew a good courtroom sketch artist, because I have this idea where my mom describes my baby scrotum. That was enormous, ballooned up like that, right? Huge. She describes it to the courtroom sketch artist, so I can finally see what

we're talking about. No photo exists of my scrotum. But here's a thing, right? Like you're told you're allergic to penicillin. I can't even spell penicillin. But forever more, when you go to the hospital of a broken leg or you got to whatever, every doctor you encounter, every triage, they ask you if you have any allergies. So I've been told, tell them you are allergic to penicillin. So I always did. But sometimes they ask you, what happened when you took penicillin? So for 40-something years, I would have to explain, well, I'm told, I was a baby, I don't remember this. I was told my scrotum blew up like a blowfish. Like a huge scrotum.

And, you know, it's always an awkward moment. It's like, oh, they haven't heard of this before. They don't seem to, that's not common. Like, I just assume this happened to lots of people. But forevermore, I would have to tell this to every doctor, every nurse. And then I had a doctor. The same doctor who sent me to wear that halter like I was E.T. to make sure my heart wasn't sundowning or whatever.

She looked at me quizzically, like she raised a spawking eyebrow. And she says, are you sure you're allergic to penicillin? And I said, well, I've been told my whole life. I'm allergic to penicillin. And my scrotum gets so big. And she said, I'd like to send you to an allergist. So I'm like, okay, whatever. I go to an allergist and they test you for all this stuff.

And it comes back that I'm not allergic to penicillin. There's no allergy here. But this is what they do. They give you a pill. You get it from the pharmacist, a pill that is penicillin. And they say, take this pill, this penicillin, while you're here in the doctor's office, right? So I'm sitting there.

I've been told my whole life never take penicillin because your scrotum will get very big. And I take the pill, and I'm sitting there, and I'm staring at my crotch. Like, I'm just waiting for a balloon up. Okay? Nothing happened. I'm not allergic to penicillin. So, I don't know.

We have a witness, though, someone who saw it. This happened, right? She's nodding. How big was it? Just use your hands. How big was my scrotum? Seriously. You were there.

I've been told it was massive. But there's no photo evidence of my scotum. Don't you want to see how it ends? The Depression Suite, cheaper than therapy. I highly recommend it. The Depression Suite. Well, I like to see television series finale. Not season finale, but series finale.

Like, even if I didn't watch the show, my oldest daughter watched Big Bang Theory. I never saw a minute of this show. I knew it. I knew the character. I never saw a minute. But she wanted to watch the finale with me because she knows I'm a big fan of series fanlies.

Save your series finales for me. So I'm watching that. My youngest discovered Modern Family on Disney Channel. Anyone here watch Modern Family? A lot of people here. Okay. I remember my memories of Modern Family. I remember this is a show I used.

to watch, like, at a certain day and time, at a certain channel. Like, this is how far back we're going. We have to tell the millennials about this. Like, James, you won't believe it. Like, you had to go Wednesday at 8 o'clock, go to this channel, and there would be this show. That's how it used to be. But I remember Modern Family was like a well-ridden show, very witty, very well-acted. And then after a few years, it got a little tired.

It wasn't as sharp. And then my memory realized, oh, it wasn't funny anymore. Like, this is just what happens to these, but it was very good for a while. But I told my youngest Morgan to save the finale for me. So she's watching like an episode or two a day, and she gets to the finale of Modern Family. This thing flew under the radar because I think it came in like, it was a March or April 2020 viewing. And you might remember we were a little distracted with the tiger guy and all that, Michael Jordan, whatever. So, Modern Family, I watched the finale, okay?

There's a couple. Their name is a Cam and Mitch, and I can never remember which is which. But one is like a skinny redhead, and the other is like a huskier guy. Yes, Eric Stone Street. Thank you. I'd expect the fact-checking from Robert Lawson, who's in the room. Shout out to Robert Lawson. Okay, so basically, here's the finale. There's the moment right here. This family was very close for at least a decade. We watched it, right, on ABC.

And this couple, Cam and Mitch, are leaving for Missouri because the Husky guy is going to coach, I think it was football, but it could be basketball, I think it was football. He's going to Missouri, so they have a farewell party. And then this couple, Cam and Mitch, they have two adopted children from China. They're now going to the car

because they're going to the airport, because they're moving to Missouri, and they're at the car for like five, seconds, and then one of them forgot something and has to go back, and he opens the door, and he catches the entire family posing for a photo, like a regularly taken photo they do on the stairs. Like, basically, these people waited for Cam and Mitch and the two kids to leave before taking this photo, and I thought that was one of the most dick things I'd ever say.

I was so angry. They did not stick the landing, and these series need to stick the landing. Speaking of which, any Sopranos fans here? Ryan knows. Sopranos, I thought it was one of the greatest series of all time. Every episode was like a fine film.

So I was excited to watch it with Monica. Okay? So we watched like an episode a night for months. There was like 60 episodes. We watched an episode of night, and now we're at the finale, which I've seen before. And I know what's going to happen, and I'm really excited to see it through her eyes. Like, we're not talking about the series. We're just watching an episode of night, but we're on the final episode.

And it cuts to black. And I look at Monica, and I'm like, what did you think? And Monica reveals to me not only did she not enjoy the finale. She didn't like the series. And I said, why did you watch? 60 hours of Sopranos if you didn't like it. And she said she heard the finale was pretty good, and she thought they might stick that landing and save the series.

But it turns out, in Monica's opinion, the Sopranos did not stick the landing, and she did not enjoy one of the finest premium television series of all time. Speaking of sticking the landing, a humble Howard once flume in a Cessna. And I'm here today because he stuck the landing. So he took off from Buttenville. He flew me over the Cien Tower.

This is Humble from the Humble and Fred Show. And then we went over the falls and then we got back to Buttonville. And I lived to tell the tale. When I told my mom, I was taking her to see Kim Mitchell. My mom said, good. I love her. Kim Mitchell has played the Elma combo, by the way. give it up for Kim Mitchell.

All right, this will be gentle. Nothing, it's very gentle. I'm just warning you. A little bit here about you, Mom, and this is very gentle, okay? But my mom, who's here right here in the front row, she's very susceptible to the most recent thing she sees on her Facebook page, okay? And it just pops up there. Half the time it's accurate, and half the time it's complete garbage BS.

You don't know which half you're dealing with, but she gets. That's this information, and for a little period of time, she's very susceptible to this newfound knowledge, okay? So she saw something on Facebook that said, granola's not as good as you think it is for you. Granola is not, do you know what this is going? Grinola is not as good for you as you think. Now, a little bit about me real quick here is that I start every weekday morning with I get back from a bike ride, then I make coffee, and I have this.

parfait. It's a Greek-style yogurt with a lot of blueberries, and I put some granola. I sprinkle some granola on the yogurt and the blueberries, and every day I do this. And I said to my mom, I said, before I started eating this parfait, I was shoveling the worst shit in my mouth. If I could find six-month-old Halloween candy, maybe there's a coffee cake from 1989, The cinnamon rolls that we got from IKEA, the worst garbage with zero substance. Just the worst crap, I was shoveling it in my mouth because I came back from this 10-kilometer morning ride

and I was hungry and I ate everything. And I assure you, Mother, that granola is an upgrade. That granola is an upgrade. By the way, I know exactly what movie Richard Krause has touted on CTV Toronto based on my Google messages from my mom. Like in real time, oh Mike, we should see this.

Krauss strikes again. My mom is a big Krausshead. I get that info in real time. All right, last one. Just real quick, because I saw Rob Delmundo's in the room. Say hi, Rob. Okay, Rob. Rob covers the P-W-H-L. I've got those letters in the right order, right, Rob?

Okay, good. And of course, that means he covers Natalie Spooner. So I was sitting with my mom and my wife one day in our living room, and I was sharing how impressed I was. But Natalie Spooner was playing Best on Best Hockey six months after she gave birth. Vanessa knows where it's going. Natalie Spooner gave birth, and six months later, she's playing best on best hockey, which, by the way, in women's hockey,

Best on best is code for Canada versus United States. Okay? That's just another way to say it. And I've got to say this about my mom. My mom has a good sense of humor. She laughs at my jokes. I think I've caught you laughing a few times tonight. Don't deny it.

My mom laughed until she cried when she watched dairy girls. So my mom has a good sense of humor. But she doesn't generate the humor. Like my mom doesn't create the joke. There is no jokes from my mom. She's not making the funny. She's reacting to funny that other people make. Okay, this is just how my mom is.

So that's important context because my mom heard this news about Natalie Spooner playing best on best hockey six months after she gave birth. And my mom said, that's nothing. I was walking with you at the Yorkdale Mall three weeks after you were born. It was huge. So Natalie Spooner played best. Best and Best Hockey six months after giving birth. My mom walked with me at Yorkdale.

Three weeks. Three weeks. She was pushing that carriage in that mall. Delmundo should be covering that. I saw this CNBC headline, and it said, device hoarding is hurting the economy. The crux of this article was, people are holding on to their smartphones and their laptops.

too damn long instead of upgrading to the latest version. And this is hurting these tech giants. It is hurting the economy. And I read this and I said, fuck that. I said, I will hold on to my smartphone, my laptops. I will hold on to those devices as long as technically possible. I am not upgrading a damn thing until that thing. bricks hurting the economy. I couldn't believe it. CNBC headline. By the way, I mentioned earlier

that humor is a coping mechanism for me. And it really resonated with me. I'm glad Larry and Arlene are here. Wave Larry and Arlene. Okay, so Arlene is the reason Scott Thompson made his Toronto Mike debut, visited the basement, speaking of kids in the hall. Bruce has visited the basement, but Scott did, because Arlene told him to. What an amazing episode. It really resonated with me when Scott talked about cracking a joke during an active school shooting at his high school in Brampton. This happened, people. Google this one. He knew the shooter, the target was his teacher. This is happening around him, and he told the joke and I totally related to that. Humor is my coping mechanism, but nostalgia too. It's really the

Batman and Robin of the TMU, the Toronto Mike's universe. You've got your humor. You've got your nostalgia. So now I need to turn to you ticket buying public. Sixty-five bucks. Stein, I want to refund all these tickets. I want to ask you something I've been wondering for decades. Was the 1989 Batman movie good? Drink it in, think about it. Was it good? Because I went to see that and I thought it was great. But I had never experienced marketing hype like that.

That was the first time in my life, I don't know why, I think I was 15. That was the first time they targeted me everywhere. where I was. Like the soft drinks at the fast food restaurant had the bat symbol on it. You had to have the black t-shirt with the yellow bat symbol on it. Batman was everywhere. And specifically, much music was playing Prince's bat dance. It felt like twice an hour.

That was the high, they had high rotation at much music. And they found a higher tier for bat dance. And that added this whole new layer, like you would go see Batman in the theater. And you would recognize these lines from Bat Dance, right? Like, and where, and where is your Batman? And Vicky Vale, I like bats. Like all these things imprinted in your mind from Bat Dance. And I joked with somebody when I said, I'm headlining at the Alma Combo,

finally making my headlining debut. I said, I might come out on stage. This is what I said. I might come out on stage. And what I meant by that is, I think I'm going to say it for the first time publicly. Yeah, fuck it. I'm just going to say it. My favorite Prince song of all time is Bat Dance. Okay?

What a fever dream Bat Dance was. Like, I know Purple Rain is a good song, objectively so. When Doves Cry is a near-perfect song. But I'm saying when Prince died, I went to Bat Dance. Am I the only one? Yes, he says. So I struggled to differentiate between the fever dream that was Prince's Bat Dance on much music and the film. And I often wonder, like, I know I loved the movie, but was 1989's Batman good?

So that was Tim Burden's Batman. We have new Batman now. and you might know the line, you either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain. I think about this line a lot, and I actually think it applies to me and the good people from CFNY,

102.1. All I ever wanted to do was share a story about this little station in Brampton run by David Marsden, who hired people who really love the music and let them within certain parameters, let them play what they want,

within certain rules, and kind of have free form, and this magic moment will never have this again. Lucas with the lid off, you know radio, we're never going to have that again. It's so corporate, it's automated, it's focus groups. But this happened. 77 to 80s.

the spirit of radio. And all I wanted to do was I recorded episode 102-1 of Toronto Mike, and I gathered all these people like Alan Cross and Iver Hamilton and Scott Turner. And then after some time when they had a CF&Y documentary, I became the villain

because I didn't want to print the legend. I was interested in the story. And I sought the truth. I sought the real talk when it came to that documentary. and I think that's an example of you either die a hero or you live long enough to become the villain because I believe my unwillingness to print the legend

when it comes to that station 102.1, I believe that's caused the CFNWIRs, the executive producers of that documentary, to consider me a villain. And this actually legitimately makes me very sad because I just wanted to share my love for that station. And I see in the crowd Peter Gross

and I just hope the same doesn't happen for me and my love for the Chum City Enterprise. We're talking city TV, we're talking much music. I know that when I came out as an adamant believer that subdivisions was a Mark Daley sample from City Pulse. I'm glad Lauren's not here. He did not like me talking about this. He was not happy. I know it pissed off some

Neil Peart truthers, some rush heads. James Edgar, you're here. I hope this isn't see? Exhibit A over there. And I believe this is true, Peter. Is it fair to say that some of the content in that wonderful podcast series I produced, Gallagher and Gross Save the World. Is it true that the content of this excellent series

may have caused you to be dead to Moses? Is that possibly true? Like, Moses is not happy with the content in Gallagher and Gross Save the World. Is that true? Well, we know your persona non-gratis because I've seen the email. I wonder, right?

On that note, quickly, let's send some good vibes to Halifax, our friend John Gallagher suffered a stroke. And he's in the hospital. Is that right, Peter? Because of Les Miserables? No, sorry. You know, sorry, I'm sorry. I'm not going to do any Habs talk on this stage.

But I think we've got to send some good vibes to John Gallagher because he's had better days. And I was thinking, I don't think that number is getting any bigger. The John Gallagher number? I think the number's going to be paused for a while. Your number may be increasing still. You could still catch him here. You never know.

So my love for that station, it really shaped my media persona. That's what you can call it. My love for the Chum City building. I don't think you'll find a deeper dive with Harold Hussain, the CityPulse Weatherman, than his episode of Toronto. I will now drink some beer while you Google it. Go ahead. You're not going to find another A to Z conversation with Hurricane Harold Hussain.

I did that. Okay. And by the way, I don't always, I almost never skip a Blue Jays season. but when I do it will be the most wild and wonderful amazing magical season in the history of the franchise

I was back I was back for the playoffs I was there for the playoffs but I did take last season off and look what happened you can thank me you can thank me for that by the way it's the 50th Blue Jay season and that means Toronto Blue Jay documentaries are incoming

brace yourself, but this is a bit uncomfortable, you probably won't see the greatest positional player in the history of the franchise recognized, okay? And if you go to the dome and you find the collage of great second baseman through the years, somebody is noticeably absent from the collage. It's like, oh, it's weird. They decided not to show it.

the greatest positional player in the history, the 50-year history of that franchise. And I think they're just very lucky. It was Timlin to Carter and not Al-A-Mar to Carter. That's a nightmare scenario. And I'm telling you where they're really lucky, okay? Who touched them all? Joe Carter, F-O-T-M, Joe Carter. Imagine, if you will, close your eyes.

Roberto Alamar hits the walk-off Homer in game six of the 93 World Series Rogers would be fucked I'm telling you I'm telling you right now telling you right now by the way Alamar is Alamar here still a great Rio Static song

Alamar look it up later on Spotify I mentioned my love for CFNY became the villain there I mentioned my love for this chump city. I also grew up before all of that. I was a TVO head. TV Ontario.

Shout out to TVO. And I'm sorry Rick A is not here. Rick A had a website I like called rickstiv. C.A., I think. But I used to go to this when the internet was young, and I'd get to see, like, the opening credits to Fables of the Green Forest. And to this day, I find myself saying, trouble, trouble, right?

The Blue Jay at the beginning. Trouble, trouble! I drop it all the time. I loved... She knows. You look too young to know Fables of the Green Forest. I'm impressed. Okay. You're not aging horribly like I am. But I love TVO, and of course I'm not going to repeat any content on Toronto Mike. But, and this would have worked better when I had the piano prodigy behind me. But I'll just shout out the fact that I loved Pocodot Door. My mom would put You'd put me in front of, right?

You'd put me in front of TVO, I'd watch polka dot door. Which hole are they going through this time? Who's, Polkaro's the guy. Are they stupid or something? I cracked that at it. Like, I was gifted though. I cracked it early. But right after Pokka Dot Door was Doctor Who.

And I'm just gonna move on because if I start thinking about that theme song, I think Rob was gonna play it. I mentioned the Gen X trauma from 10. television. That's right up there, right there. So I put on Facebook that I was going to do this. And I've actually lost, oh, I'm actually pretty good on the time here. But I put on Facebook, not Facebook, Instagram, I posted that I was going to do a 90-minute set at the Elma combo. And Humble Howard, who's come up a couple of times, Carlo made it. You had a long drive, didn't you, brother? Okay, well, did you come from South New York State? Like,

like behind you, Steve and Lori? Mid Brampton. That's nothing, okay? Ben Mergie's got to go back to Hamilton. Hang in there. You're doing great. You're doing great. So, Humble called me up on the phone, and Humble Howard said, I see you're doing a set at the Elma Combo. He says, now Humble Howard went to L.A.

As a stand-up, as a younger person, he went to L.A., because he wanted to get on the Tonight Show. So he really cared about the craft of stand-up comedy. And Humble starts giving me all these advice. He says, it's all about the beats. And you've got to work it out. You've got to go do open mics, and you've got to work it out, and you have the tag.

And he's going on and on about all these things I needed to do before I did 90 minutes at the alma combo. And I was listening to Humble Howard. and then I completely ignored every little bit of his advice. It was great advice and I did none of it. No, that was never the point of this. I wasn't going to be working this out. I never did any of this in front of any other human being.

This is the first time I did any of this in front of any human being. I appreciated Humble's advice, but I completely ignored all of it. I mentioned he stuck the landing. We'll see if I can stick the landing. Stay tuned. But it has been a strange few years. I got a blood clot on the brain. Did you know this?

A blood clot... The odds are astronomical. Seriously, these odds... Peter Gross had these odds at the Woodbine racetrack. He wouldn't be taking a ride with Moose Grumpy, that's for sure. I got a blood clot on. the brain. Those were the magic words. I'll get to this in a moment, but those were the magic

words that Rob Proust was going to hear as he sat right there at his piano. I was going to say, I got a blood clot in the brain and he was going to start playing Heart of Gold by Neil Young. We worked on this for months, okay? And I was going to do this. I'm doing it now. Okay. Mike's stand is too far away My sweet Morgan bought me this Silence is golden So how old am I now? I am blood thinners twice a day years old

Twice a day my phone plays Heart of Gold by Neil Young And I pop a pill And sweet Morgan bought me this little pill holder That goes on my keys And I told her I said I'm going to do this in front of everybody. There's my evening blood thinner to prevent another blood clot on the brain.

So I got the blood clot on the brain. I mentioned earlier that when I was singing our father in front of the school in that mass, it was the most nervous I had ever been before today, but that's actually not entirely true because there's nothing like that feeling you have at about six in the morning when you're in the dark, quiet, basement and you're connected to CNN and you're waiting for Audie Cornish to speak to you live on CNN. Okay, that's, I'm telling you now, that moment, because you realize there's no safety net.

This is live to air television and people are going to notice and you're talking and I honest the God felt like I was representing this entire damn country. Banjo Dunk, are you here? Banjo Dunk, saw him earlier, proud Canadian. Banjo, I got Charlie Angus in the basement tomorrow, okay? Charlie Angus in the basement tomorrow. He kind of helped kickstart this thing over a year ago. But I'm going on CNN because I feel in my core

that we're heading towards the War of 1812 Redux. Like this, I'm ready for battle. I know something I say will be, it'll get to Trump. I'm going to message to Trump through Midtown Gord like that. I'm serious. I might be crazy, but I'm also serious, Midtown Gord. Okay? I'm communicating to Trump through CNN.

And I did that. That happened, everybody. I was on CNN multiple times. And I'll say this. I think it worked because we haven't been invaded. That 51st state rhetoric has slowed down. down. He's getting the message. Back the fuck off, Trump. This is Canada, a sovereign nation. I'll be back on CNN if you start messing with us again, okay? Last summer, I threw out the

first pitch at a Toronto Maple Leafs baseball game at Christy Pitts. I threw a strike, but the funny thing is, I saw Frankie here earlier. The first time they asked me to do this, I actually was all set, psyched up. I'm going to throw the first pitch. And Snow decided to sign. at the last second he wanted to throw the first pitch. Earlier, he said he didn't want to do it, so they asked me to do it. Now, I'm talking about Snow Snow, okay? Informer, seven weeks, number one on the Billboard Hot 100. So this is a very Toronto moment when Darren O'Brien, Mr. Snow, wants to throw out the first pitch.

I was a gentleman. I said, Mr. Snow, by all means, throw out the first pitch. But eventually I got to do it. I threw a strike, so that happened. So let's review quickly. Blood clot on the brain. CNN, first pitch at Christy Pitts, and back to Peter Gross. I'm really glad you're here. You've come up quite a bit.

Last December, I was invited to be the Grand Marshal for the Lakeshore Santa Claus Parade. And I spent entirely too much energy trying to talk them out of it. So much, in hindsight, like so much aggravation, I said, Arashmadani lives in the neighborhood. This was my selling point. A rash madameh, Mood, lives in the hood. Mary Berg lives in... She remembers.

Who are you? This is a listener. I had no idea. I thought you were the photographer. Okay, get my good side. It's behind me. So, Mary Berg lives in the hood. Michelle Butterley lives in the hood. But they wanted me, and I said, fine, I have a condition.

I will be your grand marshal for this... esteemed Santa Claus parade, but I have a condition. I want alongside, beside me, I want the legend that is Peter Gross, and I called Peter Gross up and I said, would you co-martial this thing? Because I'm just a podcaster. Right. So this went to a committee and they approve it. So I show up at the school because you have to set up and then you do this three kilometer route or something on Lake Shore. And I get there and Peter's there. And I noticed the banner has a huge Toronto Mike logo. And it says, Season's Greetings, and there's zero mention of my co-martial Peter Gross.

I want you to know, that surprised me, Peter. I was, like, hurt on your behalf. I didn't know. But then I realized, oh, we have to carry this thing for the 3K. So I needed another body to carry this thing. And I was thinking, wow, what would I have done if I didn't have Peter Gross? like, was I going to carry it over my head? So thank you for helping me carry the Toronto Mike Banner

through that Lakeshore Santa Claus parade. Thank you, man. Peter Gross, we did that. We did that. And last but not least here, on this list of accomplishments over the last few years, I see Al Grego's in the room. I have joined your esteemed fraternity, brother.

I am also, I am now also. an award-winning podcaster, okay? Thank you. Last December, I think. I won a prestigious podcast award. Best in Class. I even made a T-shirt to recognize this. Thank you, Monica.

We'll take orders at the next TMLX event. And last but not least, I have now headlined at the El Macombo. You've witnessed history because I am never doing this again. You'll have to park a Brink's truck into my driveway. I am never doing this again. Never, never, never.

I don't think I will. But I was going to tell a little story about somebody who's not here. So off the top, I thanked Blair Packham, because he did such an amazing job considering I called him yesterday. He was just going to be a spectator. And I said, Blair, you're coming anyways. bring a guitar and entertain us. And he said, okay.

And it was unbelievable. But the original plan, and the plan for three months at least, the original plan was Rob Pruse, piano prodigy from spoons. He co-wrote romantic traffic. He was in Honeymoon Suite. Oh, my goodness. He was supposed to be here, but not just for the opening act. He was going to be my Paul Schaefer.

for that 90 minutes I just did. There were so many parts I didn't do them, because that would be weird, although I still did the Heart of Gold One, because I have to take the blood thinner, okay? But I just want to say, hopefully this has been recorded, and I can share it with Rob Pruse,

that I wish you were here, Rob. Now, don't worry, he's not sick. No shout out to Ridley Funeral Home here, but he woke up yesterday, and he started his car because he had to drive to Toronto from, Queens, I asked Steve and Lori to pick him up, but apparently that's like a seven-hour detour or something.

But he started his car and made a wildly weird noise, and it turns out while he was sleeping, people, bandits, if you will, they stole his catalytic converter from his car. Like, they just stole it all, and he couldn't get the parts in time. And Rob Pruss, who I think was sick about it, said, Mike, I know we've talked about,

this for months and I was going to be your Paul Schaefer and you wrote a whole 90 minutes around me and this and that and the other, I can't make it to Toronto. So I just want to tell Rob, I wish you were here and I really appreciate the fact that you were with me on this for months until we were 24 hours out and then you buffied this sucker and you bailed on me, but it's not your fault. Not your fault, Rob Pruss. I want to be clear. Rob did nothing wrong. He was robbed and he couldn't get here. Rob was robbed. I should put that in my Elmo, my next appearance. Elmo. So I wish Rob was here,

but I had a grand finale. I'm going to do it anyways, but I was going to do it with Rob because I have it in my hand. Okay? This is a cherry blossom. Does anybody remember cherry blossoms? Okay.

I have never had a cherry blossom. Not once in my life did I have a cherry blossom. And then there was big news in this country because they were discontinuing the cherry blossom. And the last cherry blossom had been produced. And I told Rob Bruce, who's a sweetheart, I said, I've never had one, and now they're gone. Did I miss anything? And Rob got a hold of one, one of the last cherry blossoms, and he gave it to me. And I stuck it on my studio table right beside the picture of sweet baby James.

And it sat there since he gave it to me last year. and I thought to myself, if I ever headline the alma combo of Rob Pruss, okay, I'm not, I'm going to take this with me, and I'm going to eat my first cherry blossom. So I'm now opening the box, but I'm not ruining the box because I want to put that back in the studio. So this is the box. It's empty now. This is the cherry blossom. Okay, this is the grand finale, everybody. I'm unwrapping my cherry blossom. I've never had to be. I've never had to be a little bit of it. I've never had. one. This is happening. Oh my goodness. I hope I don't get like, I don't know what to expect, but this is for Rob Proust. Thank you for the cherry blossom. Who's that? Who's here? I'm sticking the landing by eating my first and last cherry blossom. Who the hell are, what the

Ron Hawkins and Lawrence Nichols from lowest of the low? What the hell's happening? That's not a big ending. To end a show, but I mean, soft chewing noises, it's probably not on the list. Yeah, that's certainly not the way to go out. But, you know, Mike and his show, I think, has given us a really decent template on how you do end a show. Well, he gave us the first $15. We're going to give you the next 50. I'm just kidding, Mike.

I want to take a street car downtown. Eat a cherry blossom and wander. We'll drink some whatever Mike's drinking in a tin. Because my Ui-I track has just come in I'm where you've been because everything is coming up, rosy and gray. Yeah, the wind is cold, but the smell of the snow warms me the day. Your smile is fine, and it's just like mine, and I won't go away. Because everything is my skin, like your bone, but I want it's as great,

Because I know that's true Yes I do I know it's true It's trucking up trash And put down the road It's the class struggle explode This guitar just the best that I care

Ah, who gets coming up Smiley like mine See the sun goes just like mine Thanks Nichols Thank you everybody for coming out tonight I dropped the mic But they might invoice Melissa Stein