Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - Your Blog Sucks #2

Episode Date: May 27, 2013

Mike and Elvis discuss what sucks this week.

And now, it's time for Your Blog Sucks. Welcome to your blog site. I'm Mike from TorontoMike.com. Joining me is my brother from another mother, Elvis. Episode 2 begins... now. Episode 2 begins now. I always forget that cue.

You know, we rehearsed this so many times. The studio audience is getting a little restless with the number of rehearsals we've had to do. And I'm not going to toot our horn too early, but that might have been perfect. That might have been the best opening we've had. You might as well just turn off the podcast now because it's going to go downhill from here. Thanks for coming out. So I was going to explain the origin of the name Your Blog Sucks,

but first, is there any early reviews you've heard about Episode 1? Your blog sucks. But first, is there any early reviews you've heard about episode one? Yeah. One listener in particular has told me that it was phenomenal, particularly my portion. Besides yourself. She very much liked the podcast. But again, focusing on me, she very much enjoyed my content.

Did she enjoy my content? Not really. But she overall definitely gave a passing grade to the podcast. Has she gone to iTunes to leave a comment to this effect? Because we need people to rate it five stars and then comment on iTunes that this is the greatest podcast they've ever heard. Better than Adam Carolla. That's the goal, right? Adam who? Exactly. Now, the origin of this name, Your Blog Sucks, do you want to tell that story? Do you even remember that story? I think we sort of touched on it a little bit last time.

It was I got to know your brothers, or at least one of them, if not both of them, at a hockey draft. And so I had a little bit of knowledge as to who your brothers were and are. And one brother in particular, I don't know which one it is. Steven. Desperately wanted, maybe still does, wants you to comment and create entries about basketball. Oh, no, that's Ryan. No, Ryan, I don't know if that's exactly true, but Ryan is the Bargnani guy. Right, yeah.

But he wanted you to comment. This is how I remember the story. He wanted you to create an entry or entries about basketball and football, the NFL in particular. And it's not necessarily something that – your blog, your posts are very organic. They come from you. That is true. Nothing is – They're very much what you want to talk about.

And if it doesn't interest you, then you're not going to create a post about fantasy football because you think you're going to get a whole bunch of new commenters or readers. That's right. And so he would then make sure that you knew that because of that reason, that you wouldn't comment or post about these particular subjects, that your blog sucks. I remember it a bit different. I remember that's Ryan, the fantasy sports guy. I remember Steve telling me at a family function that,

I don't know, maybe I had stopped blogging as frequently. I just remember him telling me, you know, your blog sucks now. And I think I wrote an entry about my brother telling me my blog sucks. Right. My blog sucks. So then from that, that was all I needed, the ammunition I needed. So at any given opportunity, when I can, I remind you and the audience that your blog sucks and i think at

the beginning people didn't understand that toronto mike and elvis knew each other in the real world and so there were some people that would come to your defense and it would just make me very very happy oh yeah they'd be like that type of dialogue elvis like what are you doing this is a free you don't like it don't read it that's the favorite like people who complain about your content, and I always feel like I should give them back the money they used in their subscription to Toronto Mike. Yeah, well, they should see what's behind the paywall. I mean, that's the gold right there when you have to subscribe to this thing. By the way, after this podcast, we need to talk paywall.

I have some big ideas. It works. It really does work. There's a lot of history to prove that. All right, so you're ready to rock? Let's rock. Your blog sucks. You know what sucks, Elvis?

What sucks, Mike? Rob and Doug Ford. Boring. Now, give me a moment. I'm not going to go too long. I know everybody's sick and tired of the Ford brothers who run the city of Toronto. But let me just say, I think it sucks that they can constantly lie to us. They claim to have respect for taxpayers,

but all they do is deny, deny, deny. They have no humility and zero accountability. Their big move now is to blame the media for everything that's come out about them over the past two, three years. I think they suck. Oh, you're done now? I can't do this because my doctor says

that when I talk about Rob and Doug Ford, that my blood pressure gets really high. Like, I'm trying to keep it short to keep my life long. Well, I'll answer your question by asking you what sucks. What sucks, Mike? Rob and Doug Ford. No, you know what sucks? You saying that Rob and Doug Ford sucks.

Tell me why that sucks. Let me tell you why it sucks. Sure, there's lots of problems with the current mayor that alleged and not alleged and things that he's done that a lot of people don't like. But folks, he's a politician. Politicians are just going to disappoint you at every step of the way, whether they are on the left or the right or in the center. This is no big surprise, really, in terms of any sort of activity. He's not even the first mayor, if he did actually smoke the crack, he's not actually the first mayor ever to smoke crack. So I don't understand the vitriol. I don't understand why my newspaper

and my Twitter feed and my Facebook is overtaken with all of this nonsense. Because he denies and he refuses to be accountable and he's going to stay in office because we can't get rid of him until a judge removes him. And yet the polling still shows that nothing has changed. You know those people. And I would also suggest that he is no different

than any other politician. You don't think this is a different level of controversy and circus antics than a typical politician. I don't think this is any different than a politician stealing money. I don't think this is any different than a politician lying about things. I live in Oshawa, and the city manager is under investigation right now for giving false information to council, which then resulted in them buying a piece of property

at $1 million more than it was worth. There's all sorts of controversy, and that's just inherent to being in politics. Unfortunately, he's an easy target. Unfortunately for him, not to suggest that he doesn't deserve a lot of this, but I just think that there's a lot of piling on that's happening right now, and you know what? People get over it. He's a politician, and this is going to happen. You know, it's unfortunate he doesn't move to Oshawa and become your mayor. Well, when John Henry was elected in Oshawa, we were told that he was the Rob Ford of the East. So he had a lot of the very same type of thoughts and processes around.

So he's an idiot as well. Some would suggest that, yes. I'm not sure that there's enough for him to be able to screw up as much as Rob has. And I'm not suggesting Rob's a bad mayor, nor am I suggesting he's a good mayor. You'll notice that in a lot of my comments, I don't really pick sides when it comes to politics

because they're all maniacs. You think they all suck? I do. I think they all suck. So you do agree, then, that Rob and Doug Ford suck? No, I never said that I didn't, but I suggested that you suck for saying that they suck because, really, what politician doesn't suck is my point. All right, and I think you suck for telling me I suck for saying that they suck because really what politician doesn't suck is my point. All right.

And I think you suck for telling me I suck for saying that Robin Doug Ford suck. You know what else sucks? What? My sound engineer skills. Now, I recently invested in a bunch of high quality recording equipment that we're using right now. And I've been working on this for, I think it's been like four or five months now where I've been recording podcasts like my other one and I've been kind of working on how to mix it

and how to get the right sound and I still, I've been told by my audio guru, I call him my audio Yoda, his name's Andrew Stokely, he tells me that in the last episode of Your Blog Sucks, my gain was too hot. So I have made several adjustments to the gain to make my gain less hot because I don't want my gain being too hot. Your gain was okay.

My gain was too hot. It caused a great disturbance in the force. I'm pretty sure that's the only time you've ever been referred to as hot. In my time in radio, I ran the board. So this is actually very, it's a very weird sensation for me to be on the air, so to speak, and not have control over my, over the board. But I will suggest to the listeners out there that it is not, it's a difficult thing to do. You have to be able to speak off the cuff, but also be able to then control the different dials and buttons that are on here.

It's not easy to do. And how many buttons, Elvis? Tell the people how many buttons you see here. There's probably, what, two dozen, two and a half, three dozen? I think there's like 600, 700 buttons here. That's how many people are in the studio audience. Hey, now. Don't get that confused.

But, okay, so you now, thank you for that because I felt like maybe I was challenged. And you're telling me that there is a lot of stuff going on here. I got gain knobs and then I got gain faders and then I have an overall fader. Like, I'm still trying to understand. I adjust one, then I make up for it in the other, and then the overall mix. I mean, I didn't go to audio school like you and Andrew Stokely. Yeah, right. I'm an audiophile, for sure.

But I just hope that I'm recording because, as you know, sometimes instead of pressing that big red record button, I press the blue play button, which just plays air instead of actually recording our audio, which is unfortunate. So I just hope I capture this. This is our second podcast, but in reality, it's actually our seventh. That's right. That's right. You know what sucks, Mike?

What sucks, Elvis? Do-it-yourself home improvements. Talk to me. It's not fun. Look at my hand. For all those people on the radio, just look at my hand. It looks like you had a fight with a dog.

It's mangled. I'm in the midst of doing some work at my house, and I thought it would be a good idea to save a few coins and do it myself, and it's just not worth it. So you're like tool time with Tim Taylor here. Right, but it's not happening. I'm not doing it anymore. Anything else

that needs to be done in the house, I'm bringing in somebody to do it. I just cannot handle home improvements. I'm surprised you tried because you don't seem to me to be a handy guy. I'm surprised that you didn't know somebody who can come and do this work for you. I do know people, but sometimes I decide to be myself. Don't you call people to come change light bulbs?

Don't you have a handyman? Shut up. No, I don't know. So I'm impressed you have a home. I have a home, too. I'm just not invited into the home. Why? Is that because I always show up with no pants on?

Is that why you think I don't have a home? No, as you know, here we are in this apartment. I would like to talk to you about my home improvements, but I have zero incentive to improve anything because I'm renting this space, and it's I would like to talk to you about my home improvements, but I have zero incentive to improve anything because I'm renting this space, and it's like I'm not going to put a penny into it or any energy. Well, there's some things on the wall. Oh, Tidomi. You've got some things on the wall.

Yeah. I did put up a few things on the wall. There's a clock and Tidomi picture. But I have a home I don't live in, and the big goal now that I'm getting married in a few weeks is to actually buy another home so I can tell home improvement stories. It's not fun. I don't want to tell the stories because they'll be boring, but just don't do them. Do yourself a favor and get the professional in to do it and,

you know, save yourself the headache. Well, you know what else sucks, Elvis? What else? This freezing weather, like freezing my ass off at the end of May. I took my son to his ball game last Thursday, nice late May game. I was freezing. I wore a hoodie and jeans thinking I was like, oh, I'm compensating. I was freezing. But this happens, dude. I've been camping on May 2 for a weekend where it snowed.

You camp in Toronto? Where it snowed. Just outside of Toronto. I'm not going like 10 hours north or anything. It happens. We get snow in May. Okay, we get snow in May. Everyone just needs to calm down.

Late May? Just calm the fuck down, people. We're in Canada. Like all these people, spring is in come, spring is in coming. It's May. No, it showed up for a couple of days and it disappeared. I have a couple of games tonight and I'm wondering if I got to wear a parka. We essentially have two weeks

of summer every year. That's the reality. People wake up. We're in Canada. This happens. You know what sucks? Having the fire alarm tested during your recording of your podcast. You know, in this small room that we're in with this large

studio audience and the band, it's unfortunate that this guy has to come in and do the check at this very moment. And he's doing it. He's been doing it all morning. It's insane. He's got his little notepad and it's very disconcerting. But you know what else sucks? Are we finished talking about this weather? I was going to say real quickly that

I have this expectation in Toronto. I know if I go all the way to Barrie, it can snow in June. I have this like, it's like a social contract when you move into the GTA. Once you kind of hit Barrie, it might snow in June and you can't complain about it. It's Barrie. But in Toronto at the end of May, I don't feel I should have to get my heavy Eddie Bauer jacket for minus 40 degree winters. I feel I should be okay. Worst case scenario is I throw on a pair of jeans. Maybe on a cold night at the end of May, I put on my hoodie.

But beyond that, unacceptable. If you were suggesting this in June, I would agree. But it's May. Get over it, people. It snows. We complain in Toronto about snow in early April. Do you know that? I know.

And the average snowfall in this area is like around 10 centimeters in April for the month. So get over it, people. But you know what else sucks? What sucks, Elvis? Gay scout leaders. Okay, I got to warn you that I don't want any controversy. I do like your opinion, but please continue with care.

So Gay Scouts of America, or Gay Scouts, Boy Scouts of America just recently voted to allow gay scout leaders. Sorry, they recently allowed to have open gay scouts. They're like, it's okay. We've decided that we're- So the actual Boy Scouts. The actual Boy Scouts themselves can now be gay. Or pre-gay. And be a Boy Scout openly.

But pre-gay, right? I mean, how old are Boy Scouts? I can't remember. I don't know. I think it goes up to 18. Okay. Yeah. So, I mean, you know, this is –

they're probably 20 years too late to actually get any praise for this. But why would anyone want to put their children in this environment, which has been known to be full of pedophiles? So my, my, it sucks is very much in, in jest in the sense that unfortunately now we are opening up the doors to gay children being victims of children's abuse in, in scouting as opposed to just straight children. Okay, but correct me if I'm wrong, but these Boy Scout leaders that would prey on young people don't have a preference for a gay child, right? They don't have a—they just want to prey on a male. We are just opening up—we're just casting a larger net for them.

We're opening the doors for all sorts of different children to be victims. Although I suspect they had a don't ask, don't tell policy at the Boy Scout. I'm not exactly sure. The gay 15-year-old just pretended he was straight. How is this organization still relevant? Why is it that we're celebrating Lord Baden-Powell and all this sort of junk that they... I mean, okay, it's great. I was a Scout for a long time myself.

I tied knots and went camping. It was fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Were you ever molested? I was never molested. Thankfully, I was never... Were you ever an altar boy? No, no, I was never an altar boy.

That's why you weren't molested. That would be the curse right there. You're in both of those groups. I mean, the odds are against you that you're going to exit your teenage years without having some sort of dysfunction. Okay, but you're telling me you're saying gay scout leaders suck, but they don't allow gay scout leaders. I mean, gay scouts is what I meant to say, not gay scout leaders.

I'm reading this. Yeah, I know. You're reading from our script? Are you okay with the fact that they don't allow gay men to? I was being facetious. All right. Yes. I don't want to get heavy on you.

Everyone should be able to be a scout, but why anyone would want to be a scout is really my point. Okay, now I get it. That actually gets cute. I hope that you're one fan, still a fan after this episode. Yeah, and please, any scout leaders or scouts that are out there that are listening to this, go fuck yourself. Lord Baden-Powell might be listening.

Yeah, Lord or Lady Baden-Powell are listening. Or Lady Bing. She's still around? It's a guy, right? I have no idea. Okay, Elvis, I have to tell you something. You know what sucks? What?

Being told by your future father-in-law that calling him by his first name is disrespectful. Really? May I tell a story? Yes. Okay. I'm intrigued. So I'm getting married in less than

three weeks and I'm marrying a woman who's perfect for me. Very open-minded and liberal and perfect. And her family is much more conservative. In fact, her parents who are in, they're staying in Mississauga, so they're local. So i've been seeing them a little bit lately because normally they're in edmonton which is very far away uh her parents uh were born in the philippines which i understand is one of the most like conservative countries on the planet it's like 97 catholic or something like that and it's stuck in like 1930 or something it's just uh and you're worried about me being controversial. Well, my point is they're super conservative. So I actually, I'm a 38-year-old Canadian whose grandparents were born in Canada, for goodness sakes. So I don't have much culture from another place.

And I honestly had a conversation in which I referred to my future father-in-law as Roy. I, in my mind, thought that was super respectful, okay? What am I going to call him? I'm going to call him Roy. I'm 38 years old. He's another man. I respect him. He's my future wife's father. I'm going to call him Roy. But is his name Roy? His name's Roy. Okay. Everyone calls him Roy. I didn't know that. Sorry. I should point out. It's not like I'm calling him buddy boy or whatever or Bubba. Chief. Yeah. Hey boss. Hey boss. I told

Monica that I could have called him. I could easily call them bro. Hey bro. That would have been amazing. How you doing bro? What's up dog? What's up dog? Or dude right? Like I call everyone dude. Like I sometimes call my own mom Mary by the way. I should point out. I sometimes call my own mom Mary, by the way. I call my mom Daphne sometimes.

This is your name, and I'm an adult. We're going to call it. I still respect you as my mom, but I might call you Mary sometimes. My kids know that my name is Perry. And they call you Elvis. They do, which is very strange. Which is bizarre. So I called him Roy.

I'm now at brunch now in the junction with my uh future wife monica we're enjoying uh i'm having some french toast at the what's it called the purple onion or something and uh she gets a phone call and then i see her leave to talk i could tell this is a passionate call she's on she had a call i think it's from her dad complaining about the disrespect i have shown to him by calling him Roy. So later that day— But it wasn't even—so just to clarify, you didn't call him Roy to his face per se, but it was you were telling a story. I was talking to his wife, and I mentioned, please tell Roy something.

Right, okay. Which to me, this is as—you know me, right? I can be kind of blunt and sarcastic, and I'm actually in full respect mode in that I'm not going to swear. I'm not going to tell them that their god doesn't exist. I'm going to be civil and respectful, and I'm going to call Roy. I thought that was respectful. So now Monica comes back telling me her dad's upset with me because I called him Roy. So later this day, we meet up because they're selling a house in Mississauga.

We had to meet up for something or other. And Monica wants to have a talk about this because her future husband has now pissed off her father. And he's saying things that he's upset. Like, how do I give you away to this man? Really? Yeah, and I'm biting my lip with Monica. He's saying this with you right there. No, he's saying it's Monica.

And I'm telling Monica, I'm offended at the notion that you're some property now that he's going to be giving to me. Like, I'm not buying a cow off the farmer. Right, right. Like, I'm from a different world than this. I don't even know how to, like, relate to this old-fashioned cultural difference or whatever. And by the way, I'm only talking about this on your blog sucks as opposed to Toronto Mike. Because it's possible somebody on Monica's side of the family might actually listen to Toronto Mike. But none of them will ever listen to episode two of your blog sucks.

Are you sure? It's like I'm not even being recorded right now. So I actually, I'm on top. I just want to make it nice for Monica because I don't want any trouble with this guy. I don't want any trouble with Monica's father. So did you talk it out with this guy? Yeah, so now we're talking it out. So the bottom line is,

in his culture, a Filipino culture, you need to speak to the elders with respect. You cannot refer to them by their first name. It is either Mr. and Mrs. or he says, and then the mom says, or Mom and Dad. What? I know, I know. And I. or he says, and then the mom says, or mom and dad. So I know, I know.

And I'm thinking to myself, well, mom and dad's never going to happen. Like I have a mom and I don't want another deadbeat dad. No, I don't need another dad. It'll never be mom and dad. So now my choices are if I want to refer to these two people who I need to be civil to many, many times in my life, it's Mr. and Mrs. And then at this moment, I realized I can be an asshole now, or I can be like, take one for the team. I'm like, I got to pick my battles. I'm going to take one here.

This is not a battle I need to fight. So I go, all right, it'll be Mr. and Mrs. C. And, uh, at that moment when I heard myself say it, I honestly felt, I swear to you, I felt like I was 12 years old. I felt like I was a 12-year-old boy. I haven't said Mr. and Mrs. since, I don't know, a high school teacher. That's crazy. Yeah. High school teacher, I called him Mr. Harris, maybe because you call the Mr. or whatever in high

school, or to your teacher. Since a teacher, I have not said that. We Canadian 38, adult Canadians, the sign of respect in my opinion is, is unless you're talking to like the queen and you got to do some silly title, which is ridiculous in its own way.

Lizzie. Yeah, you say Roy or Elvis. Yeah. That's crazy. I remember I grew up in an environment where you did call your elders Mr. and Mrs. whatever. This is in Italy when you were in Sicily? When you were raised in the port of Rome?

No, no, no. It was here. And so sometimes it wasn't even, you know, Mr. and then the last name. Sometimes it was like a Mr. and then the first name too, right? Oh, I'd go with that. That's okay. You know, so like Mr. Mike, right? Or something like that.

I like that. But you're right. You reach a certain age where that then becomes a little funny and you feel weird saying it. But I actually had a conversation with my father-in-law and my mother-in-law, for that matter, about what it is that I should call them. Because I was in that position where I was remembering what I was taught as a child to call these elders. And I wanted to make sure that I made a good impression, et cetera, et cetera. And so I had a conversation with them and I said, well, what do you want me to call

you? You know, when we got engaged and all that stuff, I wasn't comfortable with the whole mom and dad thing. I couldn't do that. For me, that's weird. Cheesy. But I was, I was okay to call them, you know, Mr. and Mrs. Whatever. But they said, no, just call us, just call us by our first names.

So I called them by their first names and it was a little weird at first, but I got over it relatively quickly. But I do now in hindsight, that was probably a silly conversation for me to have with them. I probably should have just called them by their first names to begin with. Well, that's what I went to thinking that was, I thought that was the move. Like, you know, I have a lot of white hair. Like, I don't know. It just seems like I'm not a child. I'm having sex with your daughter.

Why would I call you by your first name? How much more intimate can we get? I know. I know. I'm having sex with your daughter. Why would I call you by your first name? How much more intimate can we get? I know. I know. Unless I have sex with your wife. I mean, that's pretty much as intimate as we're going to get here now. Yeah, that's like an intimate. And I was floored.

I was floored. And I asked Monica. Monica never gave me a heads up. She never gave me a heads up. I've been with her for how long? So there's no brothers and sisters that experience the same sort of thing? I don't know. Here's the problem.

The brother who I, by the way, never met, he's still in Edmonton. I've never met the brother. Oh, really? I'll meet him for the first time. Do you have to call him Mr. Whatever? No, I'm not doing that. So I've never met the brother, but the sister I've met many times, and she's dating a Filipino guy. So I think she's dating a guy in the culture, so I'm sure he's doing it.

Right, he gets it. Monica's dating some honky. Right. Well, there's probably some disappointment there, too. Oh, well, I think actually the disappointment, which also sucks, is probably going to stem from the fact that there's no Jesus at this wedding. God didn't get an invite. Oh, no. So the sister, who will be married soon, and the brother, who's getting married in August, all have God invited.

Well, they'll get their fill then. Yeah. Do you have to go to these other two weddings then too? I'm definitely going to the one in August. It's in Edmonton. I know you've been to Edmonton many times. I had my first trip to Edmonton. It's nothing really to write home about. They call it Crack City.

It's nothing really to write home about. I mean, it's nice. It's a small town, but it's very spread out. It doesn't look like there's anything there to interest me. Well, the West Edmonton Mall. I mean, that would be very exciting. I've been to Sherway Gardens. Their philosophy is we have all this space, so let's build a six-lane highway even though we only probably need two.

That's funny. Yeah. Their intersections are all majorly huge intersections. I'm pissed because this wedding is at the end of August, and the only thing I'd like to do in Edmonton is go to an Oilers game. That's the only thing I could think of that I'd be passionately interested in in Edmonton. And they have this wedding at the end of August. There is no Oilers game. You can go watch Edmonton FC.

Yeah. If they play there. If they play at that time. That sounds worse than going to the mall. Why? Because I won't be there with you? Yeah. I'm not in that supporter section where we can

right dickio or whatever danny dickio 24th minute yep uh when's our game june july uh july end of july i can't wait i can't wait so uh yeah so that's my story about uh culture clash with my future father-in-law who's younger than i am no No, just kidding. I'm going to call you Mr. Mark then. Mr. Metro. Call me Mr. Metro. Remember Mr. Metro. Do you remember this from Devon or Devo? Devo. Yeah. Mets music played that all the time. You know what else they played all the time at that time

in that era? What? Shineheads. Give Me No Crack. Remember this? Yes. Don't give me no marijuana crack, crack. Who was the so there's give me no marijuana. Crack, crack. Who was the... So there's... Steve Anthony was a DJ. Erica M.

Was a VJ there. Michael Williams. Michael Williams. That's what I'm thinking. Michael Williams, Erica M, and Steve Anthony. Chris... Not Chris Walken. That's another guy.

Christopher Walken? Chris Walden or something? It'll come to me after we record. I remember. Okay. So, hey, that's it. Screeching halt. I have no idea if this recorded.

Shut up. Do you want to have a little bet before I kick this off? I think it's 50-50. Before you try to hit the post again? 50-50. That is actually recorded. Play the music and see what happens. Thanks for listening.

Hey, Mike, you know what else sucks? What? Your blog Your blog sucks Outro Music