Tosh Show - My 10 Year Anniversary Trip

Episode Date: June 16, 2026

Daniel welcomes his wife Carly back to the studio to recap their European anniversary trip that included a visit to the French Open, too many pizzas in Italy, and a lot of time with his in-laws.  Join our Patreon for exclusive content: http://patreon.com/toshshow

Should we go to couples therapy? Probably. You think we should? I think probably everyone should be in therapy. Oh, fuck that answer. Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Talk show.

Huh? Look at you, buddy. Yeah. What's going on? I just got back from my vacation, a vacation from my problems. It's a good movie. No, this was my big anniversary. My wife and I have been happily married for 10 years.

Ten years! Now, this office is filled with men that are happily married and Dylan. Dylan's marriage is, well, to say it's having a rough patch, that's, that's kind. I don't think that's accurate. No, Dylan's been married for, for what, three years? Coming up on three years. Coming up on three years. John, John has like got 15 kids but only been married for two?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. They did a weird thing. They were like, they started to have a whole family and then like a decade later were like, hey, should we get married? Then we weren't sure. And then we're like, let's double down. Now, Pete's been married for six years.

Nine years tomorrow. Nine years tomorrow? Come on, tomorrow? Nine years. Pete and I started dating our wives at the same time, but then Pete famously broke up for months, maybe years. No. How long, Pete?

A few months, three, four months, maybe. Three or four months. That's months. All right, so nine years tomorrow, that's pretty great. I guess I feel like I got married so much sooner than you, but it was only a year. Eddie's been married the longest. 30 years.

24 in October. 24 years. How is it 24 if it's 2026 and you were married in 2000? 2002. Started dating around 2000. Oh, right. I always forget the dating versus the marriage. Okay, you started dating before 9-11,

then you got married immediately after 9-11. To celebrate. Got him. Now, I got married in Italy. Okay? My wife, who just loves a tradition, thought, hey, why don't every year for our anniversary, we have Italian food? And I'm like, perfect. Nice.

I agree. That's a tradition. I can live with it. Good food. Easy to do. Well, here's what happened. We're coming up on our first anniversary. I'm in St. Louis.

and the birthplace of Italian food and she's like well what this is she was so mad that I was working and that we're in St. Louis. Now I love St. Louis but she was not thrilled with how this was unfolding.

We ended up getting a calzone for lunch. That's nice. And I said there it is. There's our anniversary. But during her rage of eating a calzone, by the way, delicious. Calzone's are great.

I mean, they're not as good as a strong bully, but I'm not here to have that argument. She says, on our 10-year anniversary, we're going back to Italy. Now, I'll agree to anything if it's far enough out in the future. That seems like so much further.

Well, I'm like, we'll either be divorced or dead. It won't happen. Might not be in Italy. So I say yes. Well, sure shit. I've stayed faithful. We're both alive. and 10 years here we are.

We're going to Italy. And I won't go without my kids. So we're bringing the kids. But we can't do anything away from the kids because I have issues with letting randos, even in nice hotels that offer, you know, babysitting services. I won't do it. So now I'm bringing the in-laws.

I'm bringing the whole circus. Everybody's going. By the way, you can't see my outfit here. But this is what I wear in Italy. I got my shorts on. My little Terry Claw shirt. Yeah, okay, all right, let's get back. When your wedding is, you know, a destination wedding,

it's not like you leave a beautiful destination and then go on a honeymoon. So we didn't have a honeymoon, but I had verbally said to my wife, our honeymoon will be sometime during our marriage, we will go to all four of the tennis majors. Because we both enjoy watching tennis. So we'll go to Roland Garros in France and we'll go to the Australian Open. New York, the U.S. opened. And then in England, Wimbledon.

Wimbledon. Okay. So we're going to go to Italy. But she's like, since we're bringing her parents, you know, they start talking like, oh, well, when should we go? They're like, well, why don't we go to Paris first and go to the French Open? And I'm like, bitch, we've already gone to the French Open. Now we went to also by the way I always just Attach it to work so like I went to Australia for work and then we did the Australian Open now

I'm checking off this honeymoon thing but we did the French Open but now she were doing it twice that's not part of the agreement But her parents anytime I bring up any trip that they could be involved My father-in-law will immediately go well you know Daniel that's always been on my bucket list By the year one anniversary is supposed to be paper Year two is uh Cotton cotton cotton cotton Three is leather Ten is it the most expensive trip to Europe no

It's a metal it's a fucking Pepsi can Legally I could get her a can of soda And I would be off the hook That's neither here nor there I'm just giving you that that information Okay, so listen, we decide we're going to go to Paris first to catch a few matches at the French Open. And we agree we're going to leave on my birthday. On my birthday, I'm going to take a red eye commercial.

Happy birthday. And by the way, I know people are going to get infuriated when I start talking about the amount of money that was spent. But deal with it. Okay, I got a lucky hand in life and I'm going to spend it. You know white people, make money don't spend it. Not this white guy. I spend it. Now, we're taking two kids on a flight, red eye to Paris on my birthday.

This is the exact opposite thing I want for my birthday. But this wasn't, I had it, we had to distinguish. This has nothing to do with my birthday. This is our anniversary. and I'm just happening, it happens to fall on my birthday. Mm-hmm. Oh, anyway, we fly Air France. Air France has La Prémer, the best first class, individual cabins.

Oh, wow. Basically, for the, for the seats. They only have four of these seats on this huge plane. I looked at what the price was. One way, LAX direct to Paris. What's your guess? One way. Well in advance.

22,000 a piece. So it was 90,000 all in for four seats. So guess what? Didn't do it. Said no way. Good for you. I said, I'm not going to spend $90,000. It's your birthday.

I went with the standard business class, which had complete lay flats and a partition wall to close you off. So we go to LAX. We have a car service take us. Air France. They have their own car service. You pay, yeah, you pay about 300 bucks. Yeah, that's a lot.

I get it. It's a lot. I'm aware. Three hundred bucks. They take you to the airport. Then they have somebody there that meets you for $1,200. Okay. And they just take your bag, your check stuff, and they take your carry-ons,

and they just bring you straight through the security and right up to the lounge, and you go in. And now your kids running around in the lounge, eating. Already practice in our bonjour. Bonjour, madame. Bonjour, monsieur. My kids are pretty good at trying languages. All right, so whatever. You're out that money right away, but it's worth it.

You don't get the anxiety of LAX. And then the hotel, when you land, has somebody that meets you right of the plane and takes your stuff and gets you there. I'm sure that I don't understand euros, so I just assume that I'm getting a sweet deal. And by the way, we go to the hotel that we've stayed at before. We go to Law Reserve. And the only reason I bring up the name of the hotel, it was the hotel. it was the hotel that that billionaire travel agent

that everybody railed against on our show that nobody liked thought that she was just out of her mind she said it's not the place to be anymore but I still, that's where my wife and I like and the reason I like it is because it's not where American tourists go. It's like where

French aristocrats stay and it's next to the president's compound you know off the Chansalise the issue with this though is that roads are closed constantly and you can't get back to your hotel and they just drop you off and then there's like people

with machine guns and you have to like be like I have a room key and they're like oh okay and then they just let you walk through just show room key and it's so easy to get the security's a joke I'll tell you why they were roping off the city they were preparing for the soccer game that was that night

the championship game Champions League what's that Champions League the Champions League in the final game, they're like, well, you shouldn't go out tonight. We're like, we're going to go to a restaurant. And I ended up going to, you know, a restaurant that had a TV and then it has the 150 people just crammed around our table because they're watching the TV of the game. It's right above us. You know, the whole city is just enthralled.

But then they had to shut the city down because everybody parties and destroys things and tips cars and sets things on fire. But I was a part of it. Anyway, that's night one. Get to the French Open and I have a confirmation. You know, Pete tells me where you. They're like, no, you can't get in here. I'm like, no, I'm supposed to go to this lounge to get through. We're not going to let you in.

You have to have a different thing. Pete had sent me something the night before with some tabs to open. I didn't open it. You know, it was a travel day. Right. I'm calling Pete. Pete's in the middle of the night. Like, wait, I don't, what?

I'm like, I can't get into the French Open. Where are my tickets? He's like, just, I sent you. I'm like, you didn't send you. me shit. Then I found it. They're like, oh yeah, that's what we needed. Okay, thanks. Bye. And then they let us in. But I kept Pete on speakerphone and he could hear them like talking shit about me as soon as I walked away, right? Yeah. I mean, it was 3 a.m. So. You know who I did see there though? Selma Hayek. Okay. Are you a fan of Selma Hyac? Yeah. Would you murder your

wife or Selma Hyac? No. Oh. Yeah, you and I are so different. John, would you murder your wife for Selma Hyac? I absolutely would murder my wife. Murder. I would murder my wife. You tell me what weapon to use or hands. Selma Hyac is 60 years old. Maybe she's not. I don't know. But she is so beautiful. And, oh, she knows

that she's a star. People started screaming her name and she just like turns slowly and just waves. She knows to turn. Meanwhile, the only person that recognized me in all of France was some random TSA guy. I don't even know if it's TSA there. He's like, yeah, I know you are. That is good. And I'm like, ah.

By the way, let me talk quickly before I get back to my, my anniversary. The French Open, which was a complete disaster, if you ask me. All the stars got knocked out early. Alcores wasn't in it because he's nursing an injury. Sinner got knocked out because he's a ginger and the sun was hot. You know, Jokovic, I was, I caught my wife actually. rooting for him before we left on the match that he lost because she wanted to boo him in person, which I did too.

But now he was out. We ended up seeing the best match of the tournament, which was the Tiafo and this Italian kid went five and a half hours. And my wife and I were at this match until 1.30 in the morning in Paris. And that was magical. Like we were just screaming. So fun. Everybody had most people leave except for the hardcore. people and we like moved all the way like we were like in the third row next to his coaches

and we're just yelling yeah TFO I mean if he's not killing himself over that loss because he could have served out to win it in the fourth set two different times he was up two breaks doesn't I don't want to get into that what's her name who's the number one female in the world Sabalinka sabalinka I don't like her you know she's the one that last year uh in the french Open Final against Cocoa Golf, she lost, and then she didn't congratulate Coco. She basically said the only reason Coco won is because she sucked. And then she went on this big apology tour and like, look, I'm fun and look at me. You're still, you're a Russian.

And I know that I've been brainwashed by propaganda to think of Russians a certain way. But when I look at her box, which I was filming constantly, she was playing Naomi Osaka. Naomi comes out dressed like a figure skater. and I just have to act like that's acceptable. Whatever. And then she takes off the bottom portion of her figure skating outfit, and it's still this insane gold outfit. And then you lose the match in straight sets,

which is like, okay, maybe you just stick with a Aizod if you're going to drop two sets. Sabalinka's box, it's just all men, and all of them look like they've killed people. They look scary and her fiancée's in there and he's got neck tattoos and he's red and he's jacked. And my wife looks it up. He's like right next to us. He's like, oh, he started an assailles company.

Okay. I didn't see that coming. But then my wife's like, you know, her last boyfriend or husband had committed shit. I'm like, oh. And then I start saying, well, you know, and I'm not making light of it. It's just, you know, anytime you hear of such a tragedy and. Russia, you're like, oh, did that really happen or were they, you know? Right.

Pushed out of window. It happened. Russia. Maybe that's, maybe it doesn't happen. But here's what I know about Russia. If you are someone in the public eye or in the political world or the military and you check into a hotel and stay in anything above the second floor, you're, you're playing with fire. You're a psycho.

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speaking of stereotypes that are true or not true body odor in Europe I was I was starting to become a part of it and you know I brought my little

sink tablets to wash clothes but the amount of clothes you go through with two little kids running around a city every day I had like a witch's cauldron

I had I was going through so many packs I had the entire bathtub You're like well There's a fancy hotel They'll take your laundry out I'm like I know they will And they'll charge me a fortune

But I've got these little packs And I wanted to use them So I'm in there in the bathtub Just doing a full load one day And then I'm drying it's impossible I'm putting it all on the towel warming racks And that's not working So you know after like nine hours

I'm just hand drying everything with my little dice and hair dryer. Those things are amazing. You know, I'm just blowing. And Carly's like at one point just screaming at me. Could you turn the hairdryer off? And I'm like, I'm trying to get our underwear crispy.

You want West socks? One day, I just said to my wife, I said, you and your parents go watch tennis all day and just leave me with the kids. I'm fine. And you know when I take care of the kids by myself?

I'm just on my game. Okay. I'm going to bring them to the Eiffel Tower. That's what I decided. Okay. But when I go out, I don't bring anything. No, I don't bring water. Okay.

I don't bring wet wipes, change of clothes, nothing. I don't want to carry anything, so I don't bring anything. We're just going. We're going to go. I had an umbrella. And then I was like, you know what? I better bring this little free pop-up stroller they had in our room. And I'm like, I'll bring that for the kid.

It's going to rain at some point. I told my kids. And then sure enough, you know, 20 minutes into the walk, it's about a 45-minute walk to the Eiffel Tower from our hotel. We're in a downpour by the river. And I'm like, we're all just huddled under the umbrella under a tree, hoping for the best. They're like, this is fun, Dad. And I'm like, I'm doing my best, guys.

These are the memories. You know, they're like, we're hungry. I'm like, there's a vendor on the street. Let's just get a bag of this gross popcorn. Wet popcorn. They got popcorn. They were happy. And we got there.

The sun came out. We got photos. they learned some things. My son wanted to know how many rivets were in the Eiffel Tower. And I said, I don't know. He's like, well, we're going to go up it? I'm like, no, you've got to wait in the line to go up it.

We're not doing that. We're just going to walk around it. Well, we had a great time. We saw the Eiffel Tower. When I'm out with just my kids alone, too, my stomach just turns into a rock. It's like, it's not going to fail me. It just knows.

Because if it does fail me, then I have to figure out those weird, electric public restrooms that they have out where there's like a secret door that just opens up. I don't know if you have in Paris. And then I have to go in there with multiple kids. And my kids will just straight climb up on a toilet with their arms.

And I'm just like, no, no, no, no, don't touch anything. Don't touch anything. I don't have wipes. I don't know what the rule is on pulling your kids' pants down and letting them pee in public, like just into a bush. But that's all we do everywhere.

I'm like, we're not going to a bathroom. It's so much, if dogs are allowed to pee out there, why can't my kids? I've never once been stopped. Okay, so again, we're, I'm enjoying my Parisian time. We go to fancy restaurants, and I've always said, I don't love French food. My favorite thing about eating in France is breakfast. You know, give me some croissants, some chocolate croissants, some hot chocolate to drink. That fun, breakfast, fun, the pastries, but past that, and I'm like, nah, no.

But we went to, the best restaurant we went to, believe it or not was a Mediterranean restaurant. That was amazing. But we went to one real local spot, and I ordered immediately off the full French menu that I couldn't really tell. I ordered their local patte. And I don't like patte. Do you? No, no. No one likes patte.

but I ordered it for the table and then it comes and then my wife is like oh are you are you gonna eat something I'm like no I hate patte and she's like what and I'm like yeah I got it for your dad he'll make him eat it it's local cuisine

it's basically for people that happen it's the most horrific liver meat I don't know what meat it's it's a fruit pie made of meat and it's beautiful but it's disgusting and then my kids will they'll try anything which is a good thing and they eat it and then my

my daughter at three is just going oh oh she doesn't like the way it makes her feel and then we have this thing like any reasonable person is how are we going to make this slice of patte that's cut into like six pieces look like we enjoyed it right so i just keep putting it on Greg's plate my father-in-law just keep hey buddy take a bite of this one and then we we You spread it out a little bit and it's done. Did Greg like it? No, no, no, no. Again, he was struggling to choke down a big bite.

We're on this trip and my son has an extremely, extremely loose front tooth. Okay, now he's got a bleeding disorder so we don't yank it out prematurely. But this thing's hanging on by a thread. And I'm like, please let me yank it out. But then he doesn't want me to. and my wife's like, leave it. All the other ones just fell out naturally and it didn't bleed, just leave it.

There's no reason. But it's like, he's like, when he closes the mouth, he would let it hang on the outside of his lips. It's just give you the willies watching them. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Well, anyway, then I find out that the tooth fairy doesn't exist in France. Oh.

So I'm like, oh, you don't want your tooth to fall out here because here they have a little mouse. that comes and he does this, it crawls under your pillow and he gives, and then my mother-in-law, she chimes in with, you know, like, oh my God, their stories are so horrible. I'm like, well, it's because their country is not three days old, like our country, where we got to Disney everything, you know, they've been around forever. And then I'm like, I was like, don't let it fall out in Italy because they also have a mouse that will collect your teeth, but he rides around with some saint of teeth

that has a carriage made of baby teeth? I don't know. I look it up and I start laughing. I'm like, oh, pretty good. It's creepy. These are what real stories are. And then America's just like, oh, we've got a fairy. And the fairy gives you some money.

Then my son was panicking the whole trip because he was worried that if his tooth fell out, he would find mice under his pillow. Do you go to the pet store and get some mice? No. All right. So we're done with Paris. We're going to head to Italy.

We're going to fly from Paris to Milan and then drive to a hotel in Lake Como. Okay. Huh? Nice, right? Yes. But my wife, she's like, I want to stay at the Grand Hotel Tremazo. I'm like, okay. It looks just like the hotel from, what's what's going to call it's movie, the Anderson.

Oh, great. Grand Budapest Hotel. It looks just like that. Anyway, come on the summer, even the early summer that we're there, it's just wedding party after wedding party. And everything's not available. Oh, but wouldn't you know it? We need two rooms. I get a nice room for myself, then I get whatever the cheapest room they have for my in-laws.

And they're blown away every time. That's the role. Well, this time, the only thing that was available in this hotel for our stay was the two, penthouse sweets. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. Wow. This is something. Guess who lucked into this. So we do it. We get those two penthouse sweets. One for one for me and my family and one for the in-laws. Now they're really getting a taste of the high life. And this hotel, I mean, they do it right. There's like three separate pools, but only one of the pools is warm. And that's the one that children are allowed in. Oh, great.

So now I have to freeze every day in these cold plunges, but the security is lax. I snuck my kids into the hot pool every day. There you go. It's indoors, had waterfall, had a tunnel, everything that kids would like. Right. My son's like, well, why don't they let kids in here

as he's standing up going, Rha! I'm like, yeah, you idiot? Shut up. You're not supposed to... Low profile. And the hotel, they have a... A. Peatel. They have a pizza bar station where they're just making fresh pizza. So every time I go to this pool, it's right by this pizza bar, no matter if it's before

lunch or before dinner or right after, whatever, as soon as I pull up, I just order two pizzas every time because I'm not going to make the mistake I made when I got married 10 years before where I didn't eat enough pizza. And I just, I did. And every time, everybody thought it's funny that I was doing it. Uh, you know, The in-laws, they were like, well, we just got up. I'm like, watch. And then everybody would grab a slice. Yeah.

Because it was just delicious. Nobody hates this. It's so good. Oh, my goodness, it's so good. I had, in four days there, I don't know, 30 pizzas. Just have, I, by the way, I don't drink. I, you know, I never drink. My wife tries to force me to drink, just to be social sometimes.

I'll have a sip and then go, ugh, it tastes gross. but this trip I was drinking these different fun apparel spritzes that they have I couldn't stop You loved it?

Yeah And they're kind of a big fishbow And every time I would order one I'd say hey Try to make it less strong Because I thought it was good But I didn't

The alcohol part It wasn't my favorite But I'd have one of those Every day And then one at night That was a good life I'm wondering if like You're ordering all these pizzas

if like the guys, the people at work, they're like, here's the pizza guy like that's some little name for you. No. You know what they liked about me? Was it tipping? The tip.

There you go, yeah. And you know, you know what I learned from them is they don't like it when you sign for the food on your bill and put your room number and put the tip on it?

They don't like it because that number gets recorded and gets taxed. Right. But if you just give them cash on the side, then they really appreciate it. I brought...

Nine days was our trip that started in Paris, then went to Italy. I brought 2,000 euros. How much of that 2,000 in cash to tip do you think I spent? I'm going to say all of it. $1,500. I came back with three euros. That's amazing. Three euros.

I tipped anybody. Okay. My wife, she plans everything. She's like, and it's not like meticulous planning. It's just like a restaurant for dinner. Okay, well, this day she had planned a lunch in Bellagio, not the casino, the city. And it's just a quick boat right across. But a storm had brewed the night before, and the seas were angry, Eddie.

Okay, so we get into the boat and the whole dock is just rocking. Feeling it. Oh, it's rocking. And he's like, oh, you know, boy. and we're like, hey, and my wife's like, we're going to go to Pelagia and goes, no, no, we're not. We can't get there. Like, we can't go that way. And she's like, no, no, we have a dinner.

We have a lunch reservation. He's like, I don't give a fuck. He's like, this boat can't go. And I'm like just looking at my wife going, honey, you've got get thereitis. That's what kills, that's what killed Kobe Bryant. Like, you can't force something. When nature is talking, you have to listen. Right.

And he's like, here's what we'll just boat around where it's nice. and calm and we'll look i'll show you beautiful things and if it calms down i can take you to the other side and you can do this this short walk and i go whoa whoa whoa joseppe fucking stop it right there with this short walk i've been down this before yeah oh yeah that's right right right he's like you just go you just have to go over this hill i'm like hill you're just short walking hill you see who i'm with i hate this and and my wife is just she's like perfect we'll do that oh We walked up. He parks us in this cute little town on the opposite side of Blasio,

and we have to go through these beautiful streets. And the photos I took are amazing. Great. But I'm not showing you that I'm carrying a three-year-old that doesn't want to do 350 weird-angled, weird distance apart cobblestone steps. Ancient ruins. With my father-in-law who's just like, It's not that bad as we're walking at the slowest pace.

And I'm like, Giuseppe's just sleeping in the boat waiting for us to get back because we're paying by the hour. Oh, it's furious. And we get to a little, we get to a town and guess what? Best pasta of the trip. Good. So worth it. And then we go get gelato.

Amazing. And I know it's a good gelato place because there's tons of Asians coming out and then taking photos of it. Yeah, that's how you know. It's like, oh, this is the spot. Everybody's Instagramming it. Okay. My wife, about a year, two years ago, got turned on to Lambrusco.

That's a red, bubbly chilled wine. And she just loves it. She thinks she's, it's like when you're in college and you have sushi for the first time. And I never knew sushi was good. And then all of a sudden that becomes your thing. Okay, well, that's my wife at 40. and she's just like Lambrusco and then she asked for

Lambrusco a few different times of this trip and the Somalié or whoever the server kind of snickers and go oh no and then finally I say to the Somalié at this restaurant hey every time my wife orders Lambrusco

the Somaliate laughs in her face like you just did what's wrong he's like yeah it's just it's not very classy it's like the Coca-Cola of a wine. Oh. And he's like, I'm like, he's like, it's drinkable.

I'm like, that's what she says. She always brags about how drinkable is. You can just drink it. It's like chugging it. And he's like, yeah, that's not a good thing. Your wife's a wino is basically, she might as well get pruno. Pruno.

Did a hike. Took my father-in-law on a small hike up a little tiny mountain with my kids. Worst idea ever. Why? Well, first of all, At one point, in trying to keep him safe, I noticed that my daughter was just eating wild berries.

Oh, God damn it. Right. I don't fucking know how to tell of something is going to come. She's eating wild berries. She's foraging. Right. She's either foraging or she's going to be dead in 30 minutes. Oh, shit.

I'm like, just tell me if part of your body starts to go numb. Right. I got a massage. I got one massage. I got it in Italy. And let me tell you, She was beautiful. My wife didn't like that.

She's like, you had a thing for it. My wife can tell if I like somebody. Because I, it just, it's, if, what's that? Get a boner. No. That's a good indicator, though. The boner's the best indicator. That's not how she can tell.

She can tell if, like, I don't bring it up. Oh, yeah, because you're like, you're trying so hard. Yeah, that's the tell. The tell is if I don't talk about it right away. You mean that old lady? No, she was young, brawless, and had a tattoo on a, her hand. So you do rock you? Oh, I loved her. Oh, it's great. Now, the issue with the massage in Italy is when they flip you over and you go on your back, they rub the they rub the stomach. That's not good. Nobody

wants their stomach rubbed. That's pretty close. It's no, it's not because of the penis head. It's, it's just disgusting. Your stomach is gross. I told you I had fucking 30 pizzas. I don't want Anyone fucking rubbing myself. I'm literally trying to flex for this. To give me some ads. 28-year-old masseuse, so it's not like her just shifting my mush around. I love your tummy.

Oh, that I don't like. They also give you some, like, little underwear to wear. But when they give you the under, I feel like you have to put them on. I think it's weird if you say you don't want to put it. But my wife's like, no, I said no, thank you. And I'm like, oh, I fucking put them on. I would have much rather said, no, thank you.

Let my dong just hang out. Yeah, while you're there. But I didn't. I put it on. So this is the actual anniversary, and we're going to have the big anniversary dinner. And my wife is spending a lot of time researching to figure out what would be the best restaurant. Yeah. Well, she did a wonderful job because she picked the nicest restaurant that was on the property.

originally she was going to have us like take a water taxi which is what a lot of people do to another town to a nice restaurant that night it happened to be storming we would have been Gilligan's Island like it would have ended badly then she's like I can't do this to you with your stomach the idea of me you being stressed out or something and then now we're on waiting for a water taxi and you have to shit yourself

My wife is factoring this in to our anniversary dinner That she doesn't want me hanging off the side of some guy's boat Blowing up Lake Como Which I would do So we ended up eating on property And there's a rainstorm that was happening that night And it was pretty to watch My wife got the wine pairing

Which is a mistake Because again she doesn't have the palate for good wine She likes Lambrusco By the way, Italy as much as their food is a 10 out of 10. Their desserts suck. Breakfast in Italy. Can I tell you?

Look at this spread. I sent my wife down first. I didn't want to get out of bed until I knew it was good. She goes down. She goes, I go do a little recon of what the breakfast situation is. And she sent me this video. She goes, I think we, I think you have to come down. I don't think we can order in.

Everything station. Meats. You know, fancy Italian meats, sure. Cheeses, pastries, yes. Then if you want anything, you go into the actual kitchen and you just talk to the cooks. Oh, that's so cool. And you're like, they're like, omelet, what do you want?

French toast? Pancakes, what do you want? Crape? That's great. That's so cool. Yeah, I want a crepe. Crep all over you. Now, was it without incident? No, I probably snapped at my kids one or two times.

the whole trip. Overall, they did amazing. My wife, I can only think of one time that we really got into it. This is a night. The kids had fallen asleep. I was looking for some hanky-panky in Italy. And my wife says to me, she goes, if you tell me one more time that I overpacked, we're not having sex.

I was like, whoa. Rincey. I know. I was like, what is this? This is some sit. come so i was like well you did over pack that's what i said so you like i'm willing to go if you're going to tell me i i can't continue to tease you it's hard sex like i'll go to bed without sex i that's fine but i got a tease i'm gonna tease you hello

yeah i'm gonna keep doing the voice jerry uh so yeah i've like yeah you overpack and and she's like she was like she started to get furious so i've won't worn everything twice. I started walking around. I was like, well, why are there eight more diapers than we needed for our daughter to sleep at night? Because she's body trained, but at night she wears a pull-up, and there was extra. I'm like, you couldn't account of the nights properly.

There's an overpack. And now she's like fuming. And then I'm like, well, these compression socks that are still in the package that you didn't wear for the travel that you thought you needed for the plane. And she's just like, that's it. She's like, you know, no. Anyway, we had sex. Listen, enough of me rambling on about the most special day of my life.

By the way, my anniversary, that's not the most special day of my life. The day I signed that contract with Letterman, World Wide Pants, that was the best day. That was the most special day of my life. Still, to this day. Oh, yeah, by a mile. That's it. Okay. You kidding me?

When they assigned me to that development deal, after one set on the late show with David Letterman, that was a day that I felt like, oh, my world is going to change. And sure enough, it did after nine more years. No, let's talk to my wife. Now, the only reason this trip happened in the first place was because my wife forced it on us. We'll be right back. Ordering pants online can feel like a little gamble. Oh, you look at the photos, you read the reviews, you convince yourself, these are the ones. Then they show up and suddenly they're either too tight, baggy or somehow both at the same time. With the amount I travel, I can't have pants wrinkle, pinch, or stretch out before I even land. No, no. If you need to go from an airplane to dinner

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There she is. 1998 Miss Watermelon of Benita Springs, Florida. Yes. Raining Queen. They never did that again. Rain, I married royalty. That makes me a king. Mm-hmm.

When you won that title, was your family, was your dad proud? So proud. I had to do stuff to win the title. I did a dance. I wore like a pinstripe suit and I did a tap dance. Pinstripe suit and tap dance. It was like zoot suit riot or something. No, it was straight cat strut.

That's what it was. I'm doing that thing where I know that she's talking. but I'm not listening to a thing. I don't know why we're talking about that anyway. Well, it's because I was the intro that I just made up right that and then and there because I was like, oh, I got an intro of my wife. And then I'm like, here's something silly that I know she won Miss Watermelon. Yep, I was in the paper.

Okay. Hey, we just got back from our anniversary trip. How was it? It was amazing. I loved it. How much work did you actually do to make this trip possible? I mean, enough that I felt like it wasn't to acknowledge. how much work I did.

Which is why I brought that up that night. Like, should we talk about this? Because I sat down and I like itineried the whole thing. And then we did all this stuff, which was the most shocking part. A few seconds ago, before you were here, we were running over what I may or may not ask you. And I said to them that, yes, I paid for this trip. But this trip would never happen in any way, shape, or form. form if it wasn't for you doing everything. So I acknowledge it. Certainly not to me. Just not to you.

I agree with that because you know, you don't want to just like be in Paris and then you're like, and now what? Like there are too many things to do. So I had done all the research and planned all the things, especially with children, like from this carousel. Okay. You don't have to, when you repeat the same thing again, we don't give a shit. How much stronger or weaker is our marriage 10 years in, in your opinion? Um, yeah, I think it's strong. longer? All right. We didn't, we didn't, I picked weaker. All right. Should we go to couples therapy? Probably. You think we should? I think probably everyone should be in therapy. Oh, fuck that answer. Everyone should go to couples. Should Eddie and Megan go to couples therapy?

Probably. We went one time. Oh. Yeah. She's, does she want you airing this laundry? I don't think it's not a bad thing to air really. It is a, it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. It means that you lost. No. But just the one time, so everything was fixed? It was like, you know, a couple times. Did you go a couple times? Did you go one time?

Yeah, a couple times. But, I mean, it's not like we've gone back again. One issue was aired a couple times, maybe? No, how many times you go to high school? One time. There you go. But you went four years. Yeah, he tried to make it make sense.

Next question. What was the high and low of our anniversary trip? Going to the Tiafo match with. as one of my favorite parts of the trip. Which was a match that we didn't have tickets to. We didn't have tickets to it. I snuck us in illegally. Then I'm like going to, we're like running up these shitty seats and I'm like, just follow me.

And we start climbing over bleachers to go down because people have left. And she's like, you're getting greedy. You're getting greedy. And I just kept getting us lower and lower. Until we were about four rows. We were very close to Tiop. We were right next to Teupe. And it was such a fun match.

And we stayed until 1.30, which is very cool. We stayed until 1.30. In two hours before the end of the match, he was up two breaks to win the match. And I said, let's just go home. Please let's go home. He's going, he can't lose. And two hours later, he lost. And we stayed the whole time.

And I believe it was her fault. Had we left, he would have won. Yeah, maybe. You were so heartbroken that he lost. It was such a bummer. So that was your high. Was that? That?

Your high was leaving our children for the whole night. And by the way, when we got back, the common area of my hotel room, which was a suite. So it had a common area and then a bedroom. The common area is where my children slept, okay, in a pullout. Put them in a cot and the couch separately. But that meant that her parents are stuck in our bedroom. but they don't feel comfortable laying in our bed. Even though I did say that.

You told them, get in the bed. They didn't feel like. So we come back. At 2 a.m. At 2 a.m. He's sleeping on the bench that's at the foot of the bed, like curled up asleep on that.

And she's like sitting on the corner of the foot of the bed. It's just like, I'm like. They were also watching the Tiafa match, though. You kept trying to be like, we should go home. Your poor parents. Your poor parents, because you just wanted to go home. but I knew that they were invested in the match as well and they were watching it

so it's not like we left them to like do nothing it's just he was he was curled up on on a bench like a hobo in Paris but wearing my robe over his clothes because he was cold he was also cold and he couldn't work the thermostat because it was in Celsius he's just completely flustered at the math

always go down what's that that was his bucket list that's a great question We've teased your father-in-law because he just always said, you know, that was all my bucket list. Yeah. How many more things could possibly be on his bucket list? We talked about it that day that he and I went to the spa pool without you guys. He said, oh, you checked off two more things on my bucket list, which was like the fourth time you said it to me on that trip.

And then I was like, what else is on there? And then I think he was like, uh-oh, I got to say where we should go next. So he just started naming places. How much do you think his bucket list has changed, post you marrying somebody that could actually check off some of those big ones. Oh, yeah, for sure. It was like D.C. before or something. That's good.

Washington Monument. All of a sudden, Bora, Bora comes into play. And he's like, you know what, I got to rewrite this bucket list. We were married in Italy, but we were married in Tuscany. And we decided to go visit Lake Como. Yeah, and it lived up to the hype. It was spectacular. Have you already talked about how many apparel spritzes you have consumed?

I dressed as an apparel spritz. Is that why I find you so attracted to me? Yeah. You want to drink me in. What flavors was I having? Well, apparel is a liqueur that has its own flavor. So when you got an apparel spritz, it was like Prosecco plus apparel. Okay.

But then at the French Open, you had a berry sprits, a chondon berry sprits. Okay. And then you also had the one that has elder flour in it. And then I would say you probably drank like eight apparel spritzes. Like, I just started ordering them. and I ordered enough for all the adults, and then Daniel just drank them every time. And then on the day we were leaving,

you were like, should you get an apparel spritz, which meant should we together drink an apparel spritz? And so we did on our final day. Holy cow, I've got a problem. Yeah. I've got a problem. Dylan's got a guy. Dylan.

Now I feel bad for teasing you. Being a drunk is wonderful. So what was your low of the anniversary trip? I think maybe the Hugette dinner. which I was very much looking forward to because we had been there when we went to Paris together eight years ago and I reserved it way in advance and stuff. Okay. And it was boiling hot today.

It was so hot. But what was exciting about that dinner to me, though, is that we were there the night that their soccer game was going on. That part was fun. And then you kind of got to see like the excitement of the city and like these throngs of fans. And then they were also all in the restaurant, though, smoking. So it was like 90 degrees. very hot, filled with smoke.

And when we went there eight years ago, it was like so romantic and cute. Life is different now. I thought that was your low. That's not bad. Well, you were like, I don't even want to be here. By the way, you said that out loud. Well, that's usually what I say. I'm like, we can leave.

Like the kids were crying because everybody was like on a time change and it was so hot. And I'm like, if you don't want to be here and you're like, well, I don't want to be here. My daughter eyeballs at this is at three, just so you know. She eyeballs my son seven eating oysters and goes, you know, I've always wanted to try those. She did say that. What did you just say? She said I've always wanted to try those. So we gave her an oyster, and the next thing we're doing, these oysters aren't cheap at this place.

Right. 12 euros a pop. Also huge. And she pops down a half dozen. I want another. She ate all the oysters. I think I only had one. How funny did you find it when I kept mentioning how you had overpassed?

No, that wasn't funny. That was so annoying. Our entire family of four fit into one suitcase. Thank you. Okay. And on the last day there, you were like, this was the day I was trying to get you to say I did a good job with the itinerary. Fishing. And then you were like, but you overpacked.

But I was like tired and like not in the mood. And then you said it like six or eight more times. You weren't tired because we're getting ready to do hanky-panky. I was tired. Uh-huh. Just thinking about it. And then you, and you said that you threatened me with your, with your flower. You said, you said, no hanky-panky.

Well, it's like, are you trying to be annoying on purpose? Because you, like, kind of were. You were, like, looking at me with, like, this smile. And then you were like, but you did overpac. You did overpac. No, I didn't. We wore all the clothes that I brought. I didn't overpac.

Just because you wear them all. If you wear them all, then you didn't overpac. You're wearing all the, I rewore that brown polka dress like three times. You, you, you, you brought here. I'm going to let, I'm going to let them have a vote on just a couple things. If there was a girl here, she would agree. Fine. My son.

One had two different bathing suits, swim trunks, the exact same pattern, same brand, same style, same cut. No, not pattern. Not the same pattern. No. One has palm trees. One has flowers. Two different bathing suits, same brain. But for a seven-year-old boy, a bathing suit is like a pair of shorts.

A seven-year-old boy, does he need two bathing suits or is one bathing suit fine for the trip? I think she did a great job back and fuck off. I would rule accidents, anything. You should have a back. Yeah, or it's wet and you don't want to put on a cold wet bathing suit to go. He wore them both. Stop. Okay.

That's fine. That's fine. You guys think that my son should have had two bathing suits. Eddie. Also, his bathing suit folds up to this. It doesn't matter. I'm just going to give you a exam. My son brought two different pair of van's slip-on,

checkered shoes in different colors. Does he make two different? And they're both. Like, slight, one of them is like a grayish blue and one of them is a grayish black. Does he need two different vans, tennis shoes? This is, trust me, has way more shoes than this. No, he only had one more pair besides that, the Vezas. And then he had the blue vans and the gray vans.

Does he need two of the same pair of shoes in different colors? Yeah. You're a fucking idiot. All right, then she didn't overpack. Do you think your parents knew that we did it on this trip? They probably assumed that. Do you think your parents did it on this trip? No.

You don't? I feel like my dad would have told us. Got a fun fact for you. He would have. Great little fun fact. Uh-huh. Fun fact. Would you like to tell everyone what you got me for our anniversary?

Podcast material? I truly had no idea if you'd gotten me something. Oh. Did you buy me a gift on our actual anniversary? That was your birthday. Wait, on our anniversary. Did you give me a gift? I can't remember. Did I? I doubt it.

Well, you hate gifts, so you're welcome. Thank you. She knows. I don't want to stop them. I'm not from her. I'll buy myself. Did you enjoy having your belly massaged? Oh, no. That was weird. And we were warned of it. It was weird. I felt like I was like flexing my stomach the whole time to try not to laugh and also out of like self-defense. No, it was weird. It's like the bit that we did at Tosh Point out. I never want my stomach touched.

Lightly touching women's stomach. Yeah, while they're sitting down, yeah. No, that's not good. How quickly could you tell after my massage that I had fallen in love with my masseuse? Well, you brought her up like four separate times. No, we were trying to figure out who had the same masseuse, my dad and me or you and me. And you were like, well, my masseuse, she was like, she was small and, like, pretty and she had big boobs. and like what and it was like five different like amazing things about your masseuse.

Yes. And she wasn't wearing a bra. She wasn't wearing a bra. My mom was like, what? She had a tattoo on her hand right here. Yeah, you were like, she had like a kind of sexy tattoo on her hand. I didn't say sexy. It was the way you said it like, ooh, she had tattoo on her hand.

Then you were like super insistent that we go back and give her cash. Because you shorted her. You shorted her and I couldn't. She wasn't mine though. Oh, she was your mom's. She was my mom. But you tipped for your mom. I tipped on behalf.

You tip poorly. Yeah. And I didn't want her to think that that reflected on me because we had built something. Everybody's on the show gets a gift. And since you're with me, I got you something. Are you excited about this? Yes. What do you think I got you?

Something I already own. Oh, wow. Did you steal that? Yep. Thievery. I stole a towel. So exciting. I want these towels.

I've been needing to look them up. I stole one pool towel from the Grand Hotel Tremezzo because she wouldn't shut up about, she goes, these waffle tows that dry you so good. And we have, what do we have? We have Turkish towels, but they're like a paper towel. They don't do anything. They barely sop up. She's like, it's like you got a sheet and I'm like, you're the one that bought

the Turkish towels and said they're amazing. I looked up this brand and I couldn't find how, if they sold them to like regular people and not just hotels. I stole one and I secretly brought it home to give it to you as a gift. That's very exciting. I appreciate that gift. There you go. Get that off my table. Okay. Thank you.

I'm sorry. Get that off our table. But there's, there's paperwork that proves this is fucking my table. Okay. Everything was awesome. You did an amazing job. It was a wonderful anniversary. I can't wait to see what we do next year. No, when's the next time we have to do a big anniversary?

25 years or 20? You think 20. Okay. 20. What are you planning for 20? What do you think we should do? What do I have to prepare myself for? Because I need 10 years to mentally get my head around it.

Okay. Well, we have to think where we can bring my dad when he's 84. Oh, you think he'll still be around. Aw. Well, I don't know. Yes. I mean, how old will he be? Well, is it our 20th or our 25th?

Let's go 20th if we're trying to bring him. 82. Okay. We hope he's around. Okay. He'll be around and he'll be saying things are the best oyster he had in his life. I mean, there's a chance he's around for 40 years. That'd be great.

Oh, it would be. It'd be fun. I just can't imagine what his bucket list is going to be. He can start a new bucket list. All right. I love you. Okay, I love you, but I'm happy that I've been married to you for 10 years, and I look forward to whatever.

Dying together. Dying together. So nice. Do you think we'll stay married till you're dead? Yeah. I want to thank Carly for bopping in. That was awfully sweet of her, and she looks totally juvenated. Totally juvenated.

After that trip. You know who we should talk to, though. You got to get Greg's two cents on my anniversary trip. He's on his bucket list. You think he's on a date right now? Yes, sir. Hey, you on your date yet? No, we're still sitting here deciding where we're going to eat.

Is your carabas? Give me three of your favorite highlights of our anniversary trip that you went on. Wow, three of my favorites. Okay, certainly the boat trip around Lake Como. That was an all-timer. Yeah, well, obviously, the French Open was fantastic. I really liked the hotel. Yeah.

The French Hotel was fantastic, but I really liked the Italian Hotel. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was a good one. You had the Penn House. Favorite things. No, you did. I mean, that's it. That was the favorite things. We got the hotel room, the boat ride, and the French Open.

Okay. All right. Yeah. All right. Well, I can't wait to see what we do for our 11th anniversary. Okay. Yeah, please include us. Yeah.

All right. We'll talk to you. Okay. All right. Boy. Bye, Daniel. Let's pay some bills. Patreon.com slash toss show.

Join it. Go there now. Yeah. My first farewell tour is on sale. Tosh show. Tosh show. Store. Dot com.

That's a tongue twister. Oh, there's music. They love me. They love me now. Let's do it. This is from Nathan. B-7-2-2-1. I've noticed on a lot of these podcasts,

it seems Daniel is bringing these people on to help him win arguments against his wife and friends, L-O-L. Yeah, but it's nice. It's nice if I can, you know, construct my gaslighting. Bring an expert on to help. That's pretty good. That is what I do.

Your guy pays attention. All right, is that and I love you? That's an I love you. No, what's an I love me not? Expert 40. Should have asked him to fix your poop your pants problem rather than be jealous over Dylan's manly drinking. I'm not jealous of anyone else's vices.

Unless you're one of those guys that has the sex addiction. You jealous of that? And you're like, you're telling, oh, it's not my fault. I'm addicted to sex with other people. I've got to have it all time. That seems like a good vice to have. I wish I was addicted to being an asshole. See you next week.