Tosh Show - My 2026 Tour

Episode Date: November 18, 2025

Daniel reveals the long list of cities he will be performing in next year and lets a fan name his tour.

Hey guys, thanks for listening. Please like and subscribe, rate and review, all good stuff, positive. Miss you, Brody. I'm excited about this podcast because this episode, we, Eddie and I, two comedians, are going to talk a lot about stand-up comedy. That's never been done in podcast form. Posh Show. It's a Tosh show.

Tosh Show for show Good morning. T-Bone's at the wheel. Welcome to Tosh Show. Was that my horn? Yeah, as you're home, but you're inside the cab, so it doesn't sound like I was in a ferry boat.

That sounds like a fart. There's two types of people in this world. There's the sane and the insane. People that wear hats the right way, and people that wear hats the wrong way. What's the wrong way? The wrong way is common. Okay.

You know, some would say, oh, wearing it backwards is wrong. Some would say if you have the brim not bent. Some would say if you do that bend of the brim where you put a crease in it. I don't really care. That's just your own personal style. Where I draw the line is anyone that tucks their ears into their hat, that wears the hat low and their ears are tucked in it. Now, I don't know if this is a self-conscious.

thing and their ears stick out or if it's just their head is so small on top that the hat rest you look like a fucking monster an insane person i don't care if it's a five-year-old or a 90-year-old you cannot tuck your ears into your hat know that the second you walk by me i my my day is ruined because i'm like why is that person doing that Why are their ears? What a horrible feeling. I think they think they're faster? I think they're doing it for a vanity reason, is my guess.

Or that their head is too small. I don't know, but you just can't do it. Somebody has to tell you, oh, no, no, no, you can't tuck your ears in. Ears aren't meant to be tucked into a hat. You can tuck your hair behind your ears. Sure. But you don't tuck your ears into things. That's like not using your pockets.

on your pants and just putting your hands in your pants. Oh, no, I just put my hands in my pants. It's warmer that way. Yeah, Al Bundy. If you're someone that tucks their ears into a hat, then just stick with beanie. That's what beanie's were designed for. Right.

Unless you're Edibisi from Oz, who just like to wear it on the top of his head. Just rolled up on the side. Just rolled up on the side to the top, which is kind of cool. I do that occasionally. Yeah. I know people right now that.

aren't entertained by this. Like, well, why would I want to see Daniel perform live when I don't find him funny when he's ranting? Oh, okay, that's a fair point. But when I'm on stage, it's just polished material, tried and true, hit after hit, grand slam after grand slam. The guffawing doesn't stop from the moment I touch the stage till the moment I'm in my bus leaving your godforsaking hellhole of a town now this tour coming up i'm going everywhere and some of you

are probably like well i hope he's coming to my town but i doubt it mm because maybe you don't live in a big market well guess what i'm hitting i'm hitting third and fourth tier markets all of them some of them don't even have a tier how come uh when people talk about america being the greatest country in the world have never flipped through a travel and leisure magazine, where quality of life were always ranked in the mid-20s. I've never seen America above 22. You're telling me we're the greatest country in the world. Well, I can't wait to get on this tour, Eddie.

Are you excited? I'm totally excited about this tour. But you're probably dying to know where we're going to be at so that you can get a ticket and get there, sit in the front row with your dummy. tucked into your hat. All right, here you go. Enjoy. If you've shopped online once, chances are you've bought from a business powered by Shopify.

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a lane the tushy bidet eddie did you write that nope that's what tushy actually wanted me to say yep oh they are wild every tushy bidet easily attached to your existing toilet without the need for additional plumbing installation is simple and takes about 10 minutes to complete you guys know i love badees eddie you got a tushy yeah yours got hot water no i haven't no it doesn't they're even better now with more features like a built-in air dryer the new one is called the tushy wave it instantly modernizes your daily routine and bathroom with a super sleek seat plus two separate front and rear nozzles for the most complete clean remember a hole is only a naughty word if you wipe for limited time our listeners get 10% off their first

bidet order when using code tosh at checkout that's 10% off your first bidet order at hello tushy.com with promo code tosh all righty it's time to go over the tour a bunch of road dogs this is going to be a stand-up podcast like no other stand-up comedy podcast. We are going to talk a lot about stand-up comedy. I asked you, my fans, to come up with a name for my 20-26 tour, and you did not disappoint. I also floated the idea that whoever came up with the winning title

would be handsomely rewarded with four free tickets to any show that they wanted to go to on the tour. if there was availability. Like, I'm not going to give you, if it's sold out, it's sold out. Yep. You got to pick a different market, a market where I don't sell so well. Now, before we get into your suggestions, I want you to know that Eddie and I had come up with a name for the tour. It was going to be called Where Am I Again? Tour, which I was, eh, I was lukewarm at best at. but the but the tosh team was like creating graphics for it i'm like why don't we just ask the fans

to see if they can come up with something better and sure enough they did but we had other names yeah i wanted to call it uh the bougie bitch tour which my agent stacey mark partner at william morse endeavor vetoed because she said some markets wouldn't print tickets that said boozy bitch on it. So that was a no. That was also a possible name. I also liked what tour? The World Tour Tour,

tour. Which I thought it was hysterical. That's a play on Justin Timberlake's famous DUI arrest. You know, you shouldn't make fun of someone being arrested for a DUI, but his was so funny. Yeah. And it's also a little dated, so they didn't. They didn't want to do it. They thought it was too confusing. Eddie had some good ideas, too.

Like a night of comedy and illusions. Right. A night of comedy and illusions. The problem with that one, legally, is that we don't do any illusions. Right. And there would be some people that are like, oh, I don't care for his comedy, but I had no idea that he dabbled in the dark arts. Right. Show up and they're sad.

Yeah. The other one that I liked was my thing. state side Saudi Arabian cash grab. The problem with my state side Saudi Arabian cash grab beside it not really being accurate is it's just clunky. The title's clunky.

But I do like that a lot of comics did that. I'm just trying to think of what number I could be offered to go to Saudi Arabia. And I don't think there is a number. I'm like, I don't want to. It's just to travel. I don't want to go to Saudi Arabia. And I know a lot of these guys have

more money than me so so they wanted to on some level that's that money's just not my motivator like a harem of women or something like that back in the day yeah that could have maybe got me off the couch what about for one trillion dollars well then if the number was so ridiculous that big no no something awful is going to happen to me nobody pays us that much right i'm not worth that so something they're going to do something bad to me make make a statement out of of me what do you got stubborn bm tour great idea ed but it's not gonna fly that's not what i'm known for i'm a loose stool kind of man i'd tell you who should sponsor this tour some gut health yes you know or some emotium some peptobismal somebody somebody like that should sponsor this

tour wrap our bus in that pink juice yep the whole goal is not to shit on the bus no not if this was our sponsor if this was our sponsor we wouldn't have to worry about it right we wouldn't be pulling a a dave matthews ban and letting the crapper out over a bridge was that was that was that was yeah yeah that was dave yeah that was dave that's a good story yeah empty in the shitter in chicago right into their river it is i pitch just shoot me in parentheses not the david spade show tour a lot of things going on in that one Yeah, well, it's kind of funny because you're like, oh, I don't, you know, you're playing in places where you think maybe you wouldn't want to be. And then the current climate in this country is a bit scary.

Right. It had a lot of layers, I thought. But anyway, David Spade's attorneys said no. Speaking of attorneys, I asked, I wanted to do the best of Jim Gaffigan. and I thought that he would sign off on this and let me call my tour the best of Jim Gaffigan tour It's just a funny thing

Obviously it's not going to be Jim Gaffigan It's me But again my agent didn't like it Sorry I cut you what did you have Ed All roads lead to Dollywood That's not a bad tour name Because that's actually what this tour is about It's about getting me back to Dollywood

I talk about Dollywood all the time By the way I'm going to take credit for it Even though I'll never be given this credit, though. I put Dollywood back on the map a few years ago when I started

talking so glowingly about it. It's just the best family amusement park in this country by 10 miles. By the way, if you see two tour buses pulling up to Dollywood, that's probably going to be like Dolly Parton or somebody really important.

But if you see a rickety RV, that's Ed and I. Honk, if you're horny. so none of those tour titles worked whether it was the whole team has to say yes everybody gets a vote and it has to be unanimous so none of those works so now we turned it over to the fans

Ed you're going to let me hear some of the fans some of the better picks from the fans I'd rather be anywhere else tour all right we kind of did a version of that that's not nice we don't need that Tosh Tour 2026 that's honestly not bad we gotta give that person something

The podcast isn't paying the bills tour. That's not true. This podcast pays some of the bills, the smaller ones. My yearly nut would make your heads explode. The pullover here tour. No, it's a cardigan, but thank you for noticing. We welcome you, tour. That's inside pod baseball.

First farewell tour. Bingo. There we go. Hit the sirens. That's our winner. Good job. I mean, we're going to tweak it. Let's call it my.

first farewell tour. There you go. Make you your one. Everybody gets it. Get this guy on the horn. What's called? Hey, Ryan. Hey.

Thanks for naming my tour. No problem. Happy to do so. Yeah, it's clean. It's simple. I'm changing it slightly. I'm going to put my first farewell tour, but good job. Thanks.

Yeah, I mean, it just popped in my head real quick. Uh-huh. Well, how old are you? I'm 38. Okay, good. You can go to any show you want next year in 2020. Where do you live? San Diego.

No, I'm not performing in San Diego, and that's not going to work. All right. I mean, my family lives in L.A. area, so I'm sure I can find. I'm not performing in L.A. area. How about Vegas? You want to come to Vegas? You come to Vegas. Sounds great.

You pick a show. I got quite a few performances in Vegas, but anywhere, you look at the counter, say, hey, maybe I want to go to Montreal. Head over to Montreal. We'll get you half off on a courtyard Marriott. Montreal is a beautiful city It's awesome Anyway, you're still at the schedule There's over 60 cities

You pick a city Or maybe you pick four cities And you go to each one by yourself That's also a possibility All right Ryan Thanks for naming the tour And we'll get you tickets if you want them Sounds awesome, thank you so much

All right buddy I don't think Ryan's going to show up to any of these dates I hope we does You know what we should do Let him scalp four tickets. Oh, yeah. He should wait to see which shows are selling the best, then get four tickets to whichever market is the hottest,

and then he should just scalp them. I think you're the only artist advocating for that. That's good. If I had my druthers, Eddie, I would want every show to sell out, and then no one show up. And I would still do my set, but I just wouldn't have the distraction of an audience.

Their energy always brings me down. Oh, yeah. People are probably, how did you pick these cities? And I'll tell you how my agent does it, Stacey Mark. She spins a globe and she just just starts pointing. And whenever it stops, that's where she's like, oh, that'll be a good spot. Her assistant writes it down real fast. Then it's about availability.

There has to be a theater in the market. And then the next town over has to have availability. And more annoying than that is you perform in a city. And then I get an email three weeks later, hey, when are you going to be in Nashville? I'm like, I was just in Nashville three weeks ago, man. Oh, I didn't, I didn't hear about it. Well, who's that on? On them.

That's not on me. Nope. I mean, I guess it is. I guess I should pay more for marketing, but I don't want to. Some people found out about it. Are these towns you wanted to be booked in? Absolutely not. How can I ask to be booked in a place that I've never even heard of?

You're probably listening right now thinking there's no way that I'm going to be performing anywhere near you. And you'd be wrong because Eddie and I are going to come to your depressing town and fill it with joy and light. As like that. Yeah. Where we start? Portland. War-torn Portland. We will be performing comedy as a form of relief aid to hipster refugees of things.

affected by unicycle and juggling curfews. It's nice to do. Someone has to. Right. Then we're going to go up to Seattle. Yes. Oh, sure. Don't get more excited for Seattle than Portland.

That's what everybody in Portland, that's why Portland's got a chip on their shoulder. Everybody's always like, oh, you're going to Seattle. Well, I'm going to Portland first. I did it. You know, work the kinks out of the act, and then I'll be ready to shine for Seattle. Then I go to Bellingham, where I'm on my best behavior. Then we jump over the border. This thing's international, to Vancouver.

Okay? Yeah. I might go up to Whistler, get a few runs in. Are you going to ski with me? Yeah, I'm bringing some skis then. All right. Are we sneaking into Canada? No, sir.

Okay. We're going to have documents. Yes. We're going to pay taxes in Canada. We're going to do the whole thing. We're going to apologize for our behavior as Americans. Tell them, hey, we love you guys. It's the Mexicans that drive us baddie.

It's just. We're going to Iowa. We're doing two nights there in Ames and Davenport. Those are the big two. Yep. The big two in Iowa. Although one of them is called the Quad Cities. Ironically, Quad City DJs, not from there.

They're from Jacksonville. You know one time I was performing in Ames? Maybe it was in Ames. I don't know where it was. It was somewhere in Iowa, and I was a very young comedian. And I was staying in a five seasons hotel. I shouldn't say like there's multiple

I think it was the only location it was called five seasons hotel but I didn't know any better and I called my manager Colleen at the time and I said hey I'm at five seasons

and she's like what's that I'm like it's like the fanciest hotel there is and she's like do you mean four seasons and I'm like no no this one's better it's five

and I was I literally didn't know I thought it was that was the nice hotel people talked about was the five seasons. Then Peoria, Illinois. Now, there's a saying, will it play in Peoria?

And I guess what that means is this city is so pedestrian and vanilla that if you can do a joke here and these run-of-the-mill folk will laugh, it'll work anywhere. Good litmus test. I know that Caterpillar's headquartered there.

Caterpillar, do the right thing and get me a ride-on snowblower. So I can help my neighbors out in Tahoe, you know, just plowing some sidewalks, et cetera. Then I'm off to STL M-O-314, St. Louis, my old hometown, maybe I'll pop into my old elementary school, Crestwood Elementary School, go see if Mr. Montgomery is still teaching fifth grade. I remember he used to take the desk. There were, it was a desk that was attached to a chair and you could open up here.

and he would walk up to you if you were misbehaving and pick up the whole desk with you in the chair and carry you out of his classroom and slam you into the hallway onto the floor. It's like the Hulk. But yes, he can't still be doing that. Now, the way I painted that picture, it sounded like he was abusive, which I'm sure if he did any of those antics today, that'd get you canned. But back in the mid-80s, early, 1983, when Ozzy Smith was doing backflips and E.T. McGee, who hated that nickname, was winning the World Series for the Cardinals. The heat is on. That was the song for the 83 team. Whatever. I'm sure back then it was fine. But I remember going, whoa, this teacher is intense. But I also remember making out with Chris Mariani. Hmm. At recess, until, until, uh, what's his name, came back. I think it was Randy. By the way, if anybody there knows Ricky Baumhart, have him come to my show. This was my, my true best friend from like fifth and sixth grade. And I just, I just, I loved this guy. And I'd love to

talk to him again. Then we're heading over to Evansville, Indiana, Lexington, Kentucky. Then back to Bloomington, Indiana, because, again, my agent Stacy has fucking never seen a map. Then we're out for three nights in beautiful Ohio. We start in Cincinnati, which don't you think Cincinnati, we should just give Kentucky Cincinnati? Then Kentucky can have something besides Lexington and Louisville. They can have Cincinnati. Their airport's already in Kentucky.

It's cleaner. There's too many sea cities in Ohio already, Columbus, Cleveland. That's fine. We're not going to any of those cities, by the way. But then we go to Akron, home of the greatest basketball player of all time, Wardell Stefan Curry. O'Dell Curry's son, not the other one that looks kind of funny looking, who's married to Doc Rivers' daughter.

I'm talking about Wardell. You know we also go to Toledo? Mm-hmm. You like Toledo? I've been there once. You've only been to Toledo one time. Let me tell you're missing out. Toledo's a gem.

Uh-huh. It's like Tacoma. Washington where it's like why the fuck do you guys live here when there's other great cities nearby that's how I feel about Toledo but the other great cities are just slightly less shitty Toledo oh it's bad you know it's bad Toledo and I'm not going to sit here and act like it's a great city I want you to come out and support me okay but the city's bad it's bad if you pretend it's nice they can't trust you no right I can't say it's the people could be fine right but I'm talking about just what actually the city itself bad thankfully after Toledo we get to

go to a thriving metropolis in Grand Rapids Michigan Grand Rapids you ever go tubing in Grand Rapids haven't gone tubing those are those are those are those are cat six rapids I don't even know if there are actual rapids in Grand Rapids so we can learn something then we're bopping over to the godless country the northeast you know heading off to wellingford connecticut i just know that wellingford uh are they yankee fans or are they are they boston redsox fans that's usually how i can tell where i'm at in in a connecticut town and then we do go to boston where that's just die hard met's fans die hard oh they love the metts Then after Boston, we're heading on down to Wilkesbury, Pennsylvania.

Home of my longtime manager, Christy Smith of Glow Management. She is formerly one of the hardest working women in show business. Formerly. She used to hustle, let me tell you, just off the charts. And she got married a year or so ago. I'm going to be honest, lost a little bit of the drive. Yeah. And that's fine.

But yeah, you know, she's not. not she's not in the clubs every night she goes to bed earlier when you call her on the phone you have to ask her about how's it going what's going on in your world things have changed for the better for her better not for my career no absolutely not i'm in a closet fucking doing a whole podcast about my tour by the way christie i have yet to buy her a wedding gift now you have one year after the wedding date to buy someone a wedding gift that that date has come and gone right i'm still on the hook and i know what i'm going to do i just haven't done it yet and pete can attest when i buy a gift that's thoughtful people like it okay you using that chaise lounge pete

yeah yeah you're using it then we're going to pittsburgh i do like pittsburg you know they're always in the top 10 of best cities to raise a family. And I'll appreciate it for the 24 hours that I'm there. I can see this working. I'm going to raise my family for the 24 hours that were in Pittsburgh. I think they'll get a little more bang for their buck than they do the next day when we're in Hershey. Because Hershey doesn't make those lists. We're going to head on down the Hershey Highway, get to Hershey, Pennsylvania,

where the fans can shower me with those gross Hershey Kisses. I'll tell you what I'd like over Hershey Kisses. This is if the fans in Hershey want to bring me some of those Justin's. You know what I mean, dark chocolate Justin's peanut butter cups. That would be nice in Hershey. I'd like that. How far is it we got to drive from Hershey over to Baltimore? Baltimore.

Baltimore does two things. Crab cakes and football. Numb, numb, num, num, num, num. Was that Luke Wilson or Owen? That's Owen. Wedding Crashers. Yeah, Owen Wilson. Wedding was Owen.

And that was numb, numb, numb, numb, numb. Wasn't that wedding crashes? Yeah. Yeah. And that was Bradley Cooper. Right. You don't even know what the impression is you're doing? I know the impression.

Okay. Well, that was Bradley Cooper, right? Yeah. Okay. And it was Owen Wilson. Luke Wilson, his brother, has a new AT&T commercial. It's the most depressing shit I've ever fucking seen for 30 seconds. Luke just walking out of dirt road with binoculars like some fucking weirdo.

Yeah. I'll interview Luke if he wants to just come on the podcast and just talk about being sad. After Baltimore, quick stones throw to our nation's capital. the District of Columbia, and we're going to get to the bottom of everything that's going wrong in this country. Wow. We're going to talk politics on that stage.

We're in D.C. for a couple nights. That'll be fun. And people, you know, they worry sometimes about my politics bleeding through to my comedy act. My comedy act is hysterical. Politics aside. But for the record,

and I'm not afraid to discuss this on stage or here. I am a Republican, okay? I'm a huge Republican. And the two issues I care about are I want LGBTQ-plus rights for, and I care very much about them, and I care about women's reproductive rights. I want abortion, legal, everywhere, safe legal abortions at any time for any reason. Very conservative.

Well, listen, I know that doesn't always align with Republicans, but those are my two big issues. And as long as you, you know, both of those issues you line up with, then you'll get my vote. But don't get me started on these Democrats. Let's move on. And then after D.C., we're going to have to wash off the disgust of our nation's capital and the dust and debris from what I'm guessing will be a youth hostel for up-and-coming models. But after we get out of there, we'll take a bath

and we'll go to Atlantic City where all is right. And then after Atlantic City, we're going to the Big Apple. New York, not the city, the state. Can you call the state the Big Apple? I do. We're going to go to our top four favorite cities

in New York, which are, in order, Portchester, Kingston, Huntington, and Syracuse. There you go. Syracuse, Dinosaur Barbecue. Okay? Clean out your shitter. Tosh is going for some big family platter. You got the big ass pork plate over there. They got a pork plate so big that it tips over your car when you put it on the little tray on the side of the window.

It goes right over. I used to laugh hysterically every time I saw that on the Flintstones. Every time. You know what's coming? He's still laughing. That's too big. That slab of ribs is too big. Gonna go over, man. But after we finish up in New York, we leave the country. Okay, we're going to Canada. We're doing Windsor, Toronto, Ottawa,

and Montreal Montreal is the city where it all started for me the six years after I started Oh yeah New faces Yeah You and I have history there

Yeah We used to hang out as young bucks I went backstage For your gala performance Which was televised For the Just for Lafts festival Now Just for Laughs is the thing of the past

Dead and Gone Right This will be our own Just for Laft Yeah Maybe we'll go and do like some street hijinks. Like stupid noises.

I wouldn't go to the festival either, but I'm doing it's on TV. All right. So, officially, we are not going to Halifax unless that changes. As you may or may not know, Nova Scotia is known for having the kindest people on the planet. And I did a show in 2015. I did a couple shows in 2015 in Halifax. And I did it at the Rebecca Cohen Auditorium at the Dalhousie University. Even back then, there was like a little bit of pushback for me to do the show because I had some controversy about some remarks that I allegedly made.

Regardless, 2025, I'm like, oh, I'm going to do a show in Halifax. They said no. Wow. They won't let me perform there. I want the people of Nova Scotia to know I want to be there I want to do a show I respect the board that says yes or no to who performs at your venue but your venue said no to me I'm like have you have you listened to what my comedy has become this is you know with those those alt-right guys keep whining about oh the the woke police is coming for you and

well they got me in one market It's one that you want to go to, so makes it hurt. You want me to tell you a true story about Halifax show? When I performed there in 2015, there was a house. I was looking to stay in a house, not a hotel by the theater. I randomly found a house, and we found the owner of the house that was a beautiful, modern, contemporary home on, you know, some sound, whatever. it was on the water and there was a gay couple an older gay couple that lived there and we're like oh

our place isn't for rent and they were like but we were like looking to rent and they basically said well do you want to run our house i'm like yes and they said okay we'll just just give us money for a hotel they went and stayed at a hotel downtown for the the few days that i was in halifax and i stayed in their lovely home that's amazing you know i had dogs and stuff like that was just I couldn't wrap my head around why they said yes but I was so thankful that they did I have photos of it I parked my bus out front

yeah I just can't imagine somebody saying hey you live here can I can I rent your house for a few days and I didn't they didn't gouge me they could have gouged us they didn't like you said the nicest people in the world they are the nicest people in the world but now I'm not allowed to go back which I kind of think is funny if somebody can override it

listen forgive and forget i'll i'll take the show i'll do a show for you so that's the end of of my canada leg we'll be right back going online without express VPN is like driving a car without a seatbelt a VPN is something everybody needs so hackers can't gain control your computer when you connect to an unencrypted network express VPN is easy to use just fire up the app click one button and boom you're protected It works on all your devices, phones, tablets, laptops, so you can stay secure on the go. I know what you're thinking, Daniel, it sounds easy to use, but is it good? Oh, it's rated number one by top tech reviewers like CNET and the verge, so yeah, I'd say it's good.

I use it so hackers can't track where I'm looking to purchase real estate, then inflate the price. Secure your online data today by visiting expressvpn.com slash tosh. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-V-P-N dot com slash to find out how you can get up to four extra months. ExpressVPN.com slash tosh. There are two things I love more than anything in this world, watching sports and sleeping. Well, now there's a third thing because I also love Lola Blankets. The moment you feel one, you'll know why they have over 10,000 five-star reviews. That's a lot of five-star reviews.

How do you know Lola Blankets are the real deal? Because you have never seen me re-gift one to a guest. Go ahead. Watch back all three seasons. Pause this ad right now and go watch them. I'll wait. If it were up to me, I would buy everyone listening and watching right now a Lola Blanket. But it's not up to me, so I will not.

Give the gift of softness this holiday season with Lola Blankets. For a limited time, our listeners, are getting a huge wait for it 40% off their entire order at lolablankets.com by using code tosh at checkout just head to lolablankets.com and use code tosh for 40% off after you purchase they will ask where you heard about them please support our show and tell them we sent you then i jump back down to where my roots are from, Cracker Barrow Country, okay?

The dirty. We're starting off in Pensacola, Florida. Wow. The Panhandle. You don't I do what I'm in the panhandle? What do you do that? Skimboard. Yeah, you don't, you skimboard on the golf.

I feel like there's no way my body would work like that. Oh, you're going to skimboard with me. Uh-oh. There's also a boat somewhere around the panhandle. I've got to find it that we'll ride really close to shore and make this perfect wave. that you can surf for like an infinite amount of time. Wow.

Yeah, I might want to do that too. Then we're leaving the Panhandle getting into Alabama. Going to hit Montgomery and Birmingham. Roll tide. War Eagle. Ooh. I'll see that? There's going to be war there for sure.

I wish we were doing a show in Huntsville. Huntsville, you know, you poo-poo on Alabama. Huntsville, Alabama might be one of the greatest cities in the South. The people are delightful. After Alabama, get over to Georgia, doing Athens, what else? Macon. Macon, Macon. Oh, man.

I haven't been to Macon since the Comedy House Theater days. It was bad. I was getting $250 for like 20 shows. That sounds like a comedy zone. No. That was Comedy House Theater. Macon is home to the world famous Nothing. Huh?

Gotcha. You thought there's going to be something there? Evans, I actually like. Yeah. I don't know if I've ever actually spent time in Evans. but it's, I've spent time in Augusta. And I know Pete, big golf fan, is dying to get one of those egg-souled sandwiches from Augusta.

You bring in your sticks? Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna let the big dog eat. You think they'll let me happy Gilmore the shit out of it on the first tee? Why not? I mean, you do it, and if they don't, it's already done. This tour isn't over.

We go to Wilmington, then Fayetteville, North Carolina, then off to Spartanburg, South Carolina, then back to Asheville, North Carolina, because I can only guess Stacey, my agent, is putting me on a reality prank show. She's like, like, okay, we took a top Hollywood agent and she's going to book all of her clients

in the most random places, in no particular order. Let's see which client fires her first. The whole point of this tour, though, is to end in Dollywood. Get me to Pigeon Forge, I say, for that sweet cinnamon toast. Did you know that Pigeon Forge is famous for cinnamon toast? No idea.

There's a few spots there where you can pick up some pretty great cinnamon toast. Sounds great. That's a lot of places. Hopefully we add a few more, but I need you guys to do your job. Now, what's your job? Come see me.

But don't just come to the show, okay? Tell me first what restaurants to eat at. I don't like chains. Tell me... a good bakery in town, a great pizza spot, and also join me there. Look for me around lunchtime at one of the best restaurant options. Okay? Come in, eat with me.

I'll pay for your meal. Not all of you, but some of you, especially if you showed me that you bought a ticket. If you bought a ticket to my show, maybe I'll pick up your lunch. If we're at a dessert place, get your own dessert. I'm not picking up your dessert. here's another thing I want in every city that we perform I would like the mayor to come out

meet us Eddie and give you the key to the city I want Eddie to walk around with just a like carrot top size key chain with just all these these small market city

keys on it amazing that'd be great that's the least you can do for Eddie I'm locking up Toledo All right. Hope to see you guys in your neck of the woods. All right, Carl, we're doing it. My first farewell tour. You're coming. What city are you most looking forward to performing in? And are you working on new material? Good to know. All right. My first farewell tour is on sale. If it asks for a code, just type in Talk. That's usually always what the code is. By the way, you can buy tickets to the show and not show up.

Yeah, you're right. Because those tickets, if you don't use them, you can use them at any other comedy show, good for any other comedy show up to six years. Really? Anybody else comes in? I don't know. I don't know. I've never looked into that.

I'm just so glad we're doing this tour now that America's fixed, and everyone has got tons of extra money laying around. Yeah. It's a good time to hit. I don't want to be completely selfish. This episode has been all about our tour. Let's change gears for a moment. We need to find love for my wife's cousin Amanda, aka Panda, a new family member for me, hopefully.

Yes. If they fall in love, get married, and have plenty of children. You got some new voicemails, Eddie? Yep. Hey, Daniel. Moderate fan of the show here. My name's also Daniel, actually, but I see. I assume you're a guy who doesn't want another Daniel and family.

So I would be willing to legally change my name if that's needed. I was thinking maybe something Hispanic. Okay. 6-1-175, early 20s, late 30s. Technically married, but it's a non-issue. I do have three kids already, so I seems that my seed is quite potent. I'm a big fan of Brickleberry, so I guess that makes. makes me outdoorsy.

So, yeah, I would love to date your mom. Oh. This guy likes Brickleberry, so I'm torn. I don't know. Carl, what do you think? Should we let him have a run at my mom? Let's play another one. Okay.

Let's hear. What else you got? Hey, big bro, call me back. I'm excited to fucking Amanda and watch sports with you, bud. But I like him. I like that guy. I like that he that he censored himself by hitting a button on his phone to bleep out what he was going to do to Panda. Oh man, that guy's pretty good.

And you're going to watch sports together. Yeah, we're going to watch sports together. He gets it. See you next week.