Tosh Show - My 50th Birthday - Emergency Pod

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

Daniel celebrates his 50th with birthday wishes from friends and family.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Hey guys, it's Daniel Tosh with an emergency pod. Eddie, hit the sirens. Brrrr, brrrr, brrrr, brrrr, brrrr. You know what? I don't know if if if it's an emergency Bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram bram This is the 28th, mine's the 29th. Hey. Happy birthday, buddy. Carl is four and I am 50. What?

All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho. How many times have I said that? And every year, what do I get? My wife. I want a big booty ho. That's all I want. Oh, it's fine. Now you guys didn't get me anything

because you're normal adults, but let's just go around the room You can say happy birthday to me and tell me what you would have gotten me and I will react the way I would have Reacted okay, Eddie. What were you gonna? Get me? I would have gotten you a suit of armor with a shield and a sword fucking hate it I hate it, and you would you would get me a suit of armor still might Well, I don't want it. Thank you very much. It's the thought that counts good job John You were gonna get me. Let's see. I probably would have given you cookies or something from a so that would have been nice I don't want anything from ASAP fine

Cookies would have been nice a lot of people do that, but they give me too many I would have just like one or two cookies I'd probably gotten you a dozen now what it just got me sick assuming you would have shared I would share them But I'd still eat too many of them in a short amount of time of course of course I'm glad you didn't get them on you. I don't want it's sure it's on me So I wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for your gift right well. I got off all right Dylan you know I think I would have gotten you nothing just because I figured that's probably what Dylan gets Yes, Dylan gets it. Happy birthday to me from Dylan every year a

Handful of people in my circle try to buy me a gift that they think. Oh He's gonna love this then it always fails But this year my manager Christy Smith, she bought me the most, she was so excited about it. She was just had a shitting and grin for weeks before. She's like, I just know you're going to love it. And then she kept, she kept calling me, are you home? I want to drop it off. I'm like, fucking yes.

I can't wait for this. Okay. What does she get me? Are you ready for this guys? She gives me a personal submarine. Hey, that's amazing. It's a sea bob. Uh huh.

Uh, so it's handheld, but it's like the size of this table and it can go 40 meters deep. It can drag you and fucking for your family members to the depths where all of your ears blow out and you die. You can surface like a dolphin with it. I don't know, it's just the most ridiculous gift anybody could buy me, but I love it. I haven't used it. I don't think I'll regift it, but anyway, that's what she got me. You're going to spend all the July in Lake Tahoe I'm gonna spend all the July under Lake Tahoe looking for all the Chinese

people that were thrown in there after building the railroads so let's let's let's see if she answers her phone I'll call her and say thank you to her she'll let her say happy birthday to me as my manager birthday to me as my manager. Hello. Hey, just was giving you a chance on air to say happy birthday to me. Daniel, happy birthday. How pleased were you with your gift that you gave me?

I'm not going to lie. It's the most excited I've been to give a gift in a very, very long time, but I, we still couldn't tell if you liked it or if you were going to give it to Eddie. No, I'm not giving that to Eddie. He'll fucking die on that thing in a very very long time but I we still couldn't tell if you like it or if you're gonna give it to Eddie no I'm not giving that Eddie I'll fucking die on that thing in a minute it's a good gift I mean it's the most ridiculous gift I've ever gotten that's for certain okay all right good work I'll see you later thank you Happy birthday, love you. Thank you. Bye. Hello.

Hey, I'm doing my birthday pod, letting people wish me a happy birthday right now. Happy birthday, you're officially not a spring chicken anymore. I'm old as shit. Hey, are you gonna get me something nice? Of course. Well, you know, Christy didn't include you on her gift.

That's rude. She already sent it to you? The submarine? Yeah, I already got a submarine. Oh my gosh. You're on your own. I'm getting you a helicopter with your own pilot. Uh-huh.

The helicopter's in the mail. Thank you, bye. Bye. Okay, Stacey says she's getting me a helicopter. Daniel Tosh? Hey, Greg Hawn, I just gave you a call. It's my birthday episode on the podcast. I turned 50 years old.

I'm just giving people a chance to say happy birthday to me. Hey, happy birthday, Daniel. Happy birthday. How many pull-ups can you do? How many pull-ups? Oh, right now, probably three. Is that bad? That's good, that's good. That's above average. Are we live on the podcast? What's going on? Yeah, yeah, we're live.

Do you have any, hey, just give me some words of wisdom. Well, what do you do? You wake up and you go for a walk, don't you? Yeah! That's it. That's all you gotta do. I thought that's the key to health you wake up you walk around your neighborhood Don't do to 10,000 steps. That's too many. Well, okay Well a little bit around the neighborhood and have a seat a couple coffee look straight ahead. You're good All right, talk to you later Hey dad, hi, hey, I'm Hey, Dad. Hi.

Hey, I'm calling you. It's my birthday podcast. I'm letting people wish me a happy birthday. Oh, for sure. Happy birthday. Did you get the lovely card we sent you? No, I didn't get your card. Oh, it's in the mail. Oh, nice. We sent it last week, man.

Oh, good for you guys. We don't check our mail very often, because not a lot of people mail us things Yes, it should be there today do you have any are you officially 50 years old. Yeah. Do you do you have any uh words of wisdom for my 50s? Oh words of wisdom for you 50s. The best half of your life is behind you The best half of your life is behind you. Oh that seems horribly depressing. That's a horrible. Okay. Yeah, no 50s are the new 30s That's awful too. That's worse. I like the first one

All right, I'll see you soon. All right, man Thank you, I'm gonna call my brother Yeah, you are okay, happy birthday I saw the pressure what's not a lot of pressure you just say before the by the way What have you known as my birthday honestly yes or no you have to His son has the same birthday as me Yeah, so he never he never gets me anything that were you gonna get me something No, but it is funny when you like invite me like do something for your birthday And I'm like I should spend it with my son Alright happy birthday to you. Thank you boy

Yeah, I always forget that his son's birthday is my same day and then he's always like bro I'm not going to your fucking dinner. I'm like alright jeez And then he's always like bro. I'm not going to your fucking dinner. I'm like alright jeez You'll be called kiss carrot up. Yeah, let's see if he answers his phone sing to you Your call has been forwarded to voicemail person you're trying to reach is not available Scott a Jerk move Scott jerk move Hello Yeah, I wanted to remind you that last year I didn't give you all that really and stuff and then it ended up on the show being given away to that rock climbing dude

Yeah, I but let me say This about the gifts that you gave me last year from the Rivian stuff the the stickers over the warnings are in my car And I love that. And the charger, I use the double charger thing. So I kept the ones that I wanted. Well, I've just been multiple times that things have ended up on your show as a gift at the end.

All right, bye. When he called back. My brother called back to me like, I got you something. It's called Pete's wife. Hello. Hey, you're on my birthday podcast. I'm just letting people say happy birthday to me. Oh wow, happy birthday.

Did you want to sing or anything? Oh, hey, I got, no stop singing, stop singing, stop singing. I got Carrot top on the airline by Scott Hey, you're on my birthday podcast. I'm letting people wish me happy birthday cuz I'm 50 years old Well, you're 50 goddamn. You're young fuck 50 I'm 60. Yeah. Yeah, but you look I'm already Marty net I look fucking great, right? You look amazing Yeah, I'm on it right now oh

Well, I want to be on that fucking thing. I've been asking you forever done You're on I mean we can rub lotion on me. I'm not doing any of that Thanks. Thanks for wishing me a happy birthday Scott. I'll see you soon. Yes, sir. You got about you. Love you. Bye. I Haven't called my mother yet. You call Margo. Let's just let's just call her real fast She never answers anymore She's got her phone on silent Happy birthday, but maybe I wasn't gonna call you Maybe I was just going to send you a text and say happy birthday

You just sent a text you how about a gift were you planning on sending any gifts? No Even though you're 50 is that is that amazing that you have a 50 year old son? Oh, I have an older daughter Right, but that's less. That's less impressive biblically. Nobody cares about the daughters Thank you for giving me life and and I stayed alive for 50 years, so it's like I did my part you did your part Yeah, yeah, right, right. You're a good son Okay Thank you something make you uncomfortable How are you Ian? I'm good man, am I on your podcast right now?

Eddie and I are just talking to you right now. What up Eddie? What's up Eddie? I gotta call Eddie too but alright now. What up, Eddie? What's up, Eddie? I gotta call Eddie too, but alright, happy birthday, but I'm still sending you some shit now that I know it's your birthday. Thank you, Ian. Oh, but I already got you something.

I know, but you gave it to me like weeks ago, so it doesn't really count. Well, guess what? There's something else here that you don't know about, so take that all right You love me I love you didn't you see my nails She painted her nails and put a DT my initials on one of her nails like it like she's a like a seventh grader Yeah, like a slutty little high school girl. Then the other one has a heart.

Well, that's very sweet. I'm talking to you later. Okay. Bye. Oh my God. You know, you're older than you thought. What old was? Yeah.

Yeah. It's very true. Oh my God. Well, you know what? I'm gonna be trailing ya. I got two years to go before I hit the big five-oh. Are you serious? Yes, I know, it's crazy, isn't it? Oh, you've always been just that up and coming comic

to think that you're 48 now is crazy. Do you know when I really started lying about my age? I'm not even kidding. When I turned 20, because I thought, oh I'm not young anymore, because I started comedy, I'm 16, 17, 18, people always tell everybody, this kid's only 18. Then when I turned 20, I'm like, oh fuck, I better start saying I'm, I better start lying about my age. What else, are you working? What are you doing?

I'm going to New York in November for the first two weeks in November. Okay. And I'm doing the show like with the big band and everything for literally 13 days straight. What's the venue? It's second city in Brooklyn. All right. Second city in Brooklyn, first two weeks of November. There's your plug Todd

Happy birthday to you. I I'll see you soon Guys I'm exhausted. What a party. So what what up? What a party? Thanks, Eddie for being here for throwing this surprise party for me. You got it buddy. You got me a balloon? Happy birthday. Carl didn't even stick out for the whole party, but that's like Carl. Carl, he's not the guy that like hangs out till the end. Right, he's out.

He pops in, he pops out. Well if my next 50 years are anything like my first 50 years I'll be okay with it. Well no what a great birthday. I can't wait to do it again next year. See you next week. This is an iHeart Podcast.