Tosh Show - My Beekeeper - Jeremy Jensen

Episode Date: August 4, 2026

Daniel gets a taste of the local honey with Jeremy of Bill's Bees, who cares for hundreds of hives and makes a variety of honey and beeswax products. Join our Patreon for exclusive content: http://patreon.com/toshshow Download the Kalshi app and use code TOSH to get up to $500 in bonus credits when you trade $25

What's the difference between the queen and regular, all the other bees? So there's three kinds of bees. Okay. The males are called drones. All they do is mate and eat honey. That's their whole life. So they, you know, honey, nut, cheerio. Is that really what that's from?

It's toss show. It's toss show time. Hey, Eddie, question for you. Yeah. You've done stand up for a minute. You ever do any corporate shows? Yeah, I have done some. You have?

Mm-hmm. Do you have a corporate agent? No. I always just got them through like Comedy Central would throw me some corporate shows every once in a while. What corporations did you perform for? Mr. and Mrs. T's Bloody Mary mix. Ugh.

Those kind of gigs. Corporate shows, if you don't know, you know, companies have a party or whatever reason, and they hire a comedian, and you perform it and the venues usually poor or, you know, the conditions aren't perfect, but what offsets that is the amount of, money. They pay you a pretty good rate to do this show. Yeah, you know, a little bit of your

soul dies, but you're, you're, uh, you made more money than you would in a week. I had, had done a couple in my career. And each one of them had gone so spectacularly poor that I swore on, on the unborn, uh, births of my future children that I would never, ever do it again. Do you remember which Wednesday were? Well, I mean, I can name one of the soul crushers. I was in, I don't know, somewhere in Ohio, and I'm working at a club. You know, maybe it's go bananas. And you're there from like a Wednesday through Saturday.

And they say to me, hey, come in a day early. You're making $1,000 for the week. Come in a day early. We'll give you an extra $250. you're going to go to this restaurant and do a show. And I'm like, perfect. And then I went to this restaurant. I was like, oh, there's no stage.

And they're like, no, you're in the back room. I'm like, oh, okay, there's a private room. And I go to the back room. There's just one long table back there. And there's people having a dinner. And they're like, okay, you're going to perform at this dinner. And I'm like, there's no microphone. So I just stood at the head of the table and just started doing jokes.

And it was awful. It was uncomfortable and I didn't have the experience to to roll with it and then I said, okay, that's it. And then they're like, okay, you can sit down now and eat. And I'm like, that was, I just was like, that was the most horrible thing ever. And then a couple times, my manager, Christy Smith, she, you know, forced me to like do a thing for Comedy Central's, you know, like they're up front, a version of that where you, I would perform for all. of the people that worked in New York and L.A. at the comedies, and those things were just painful as well. Well, anyway, recently I looked at this website. There's a lot of third-party agents that think, somebody sent me this link. They're like, hey, did you see that this is your rate? And I'm like, whoa. This website says that they can book comedian Daniel Tosh, that's me, for 500 to 750, $50,000. That's my rate. And I want to tell this website that has no authorization whatsoever, you're in the ballpark.

Yeah, you've peaked my interest. I'll show up for a half million dollars, probably. I'm not going to the Middle East. What was that? What's the name of the website? CelebrityTalant.net. Oh, dot net. Okay.

I wonder if anyone actually has booked talent through that. I don't know, right? Are you on their website? No, I look. I'm not. No, that's a shame. And would you do it for $500,000? Oh, yes.

Would you do any show for a half a million dollars? Any show? Yeah. Standard? Yes, stand up. Nothing weird other than like, oh, maybe it's four people that are, you know, a bunch of fucking Jeffrey Epstein types. Would you do?

Good question. There you go. That's a good. Yeah, I would pass on a few things. Or would you try to play dumb. I don't know what they do. I'm sure everybody's bad if you go far enough back. You know, people try to justify money.

No, I think I can turn down a couple of things. Oh, it's at this island that used to be owned by a famous magician. You're basically just doing what he used to do, maybe. Yeah, it's not my cup of tea. So I just say no. But I like to know that I'm leaving just millions of dollars on the table. I got an offer once in Miami to perform at some guy's wedding that was a bazillionaire. And the number just kept going up and up and up.

I'm just so you know, I'm going to say no, but to make this entertaining, offer me like the craziest number ever. He's like, I'll give you $5 million to do it. And I was like, I'll do it. He's like, oh, motherfucker. By the way, the website said up to $749. It didn't say, like a little deal. It didn't say 750,000.

It said 749. Now, that's before agents, guys. You got this third party, whatever bullshit number they take. Then my real agents over at William Morris Endeavor, Stacey Mark, she'll claw her 10% off. Christie will hack her 10%. The business managers will get there five. And that's usually where I cap it. And then I got to bring Eddie.

And Pete always wants a taste. Yeah, yeah. I barely walk away with $350,000. That's a sting. And speaking a sting, today's guest. Woo! You just wait. Enjoy.

My guest today is the bees' knees. He cultivates what is often considered the most important animal species on earth. Huh? Ed, bees. He's supplying local honey to the farmer's markets here in Los Angeles. welcome the owner of Bill's bees Jeremy. Hey guys. Who's Bill?

Bill taught me about the bees years ago when I was but a young lad about 12 years old, I went to a beekeeping class with Bill. I had about 20 beehives that I had rescued out of people's yards and addicts and basements. At 12 years old you had 20 beehives? I did, yeah. A beehive, I'm sorry. How many bees are in a beehive? About 20 to 50,000, 100,000 in the spring.

You had five of those? 20. I'm not doing, you had 20 of those? I can't do that math. That's impossible. Oh, my God. That's too many bees. A lot of bees.

At 12. Yeah. Do you stumble upon it in this? How does a 12-year-old get into bees? So I heard the bees were dying off. I saw it on the news, you know, colony collapse disorder. Bees are dying everywhere. And I thought, hey, that sounds kind of interesting.

I could keep some beehives. I mean, bees make honey. And so it sounds like a little money factory. And I could sell the honey. And then I could buy cars and take girls out on dates. Well, your parents are. Okay with this? My father's an enabler.

Uh-huh. And so he said, you know, if you're interested in that, I've got, you know, some land out in the desert, you can put your bees there. What is that? My father's a dream killer. Just pitch any ideas. Like, absolutely not. The end.

So I put an ad on Craigslist and said, you know, beehive removal, pay for my gas. I gave my dad the gas money and he'd take me around and I'd keep the bees. That is pretty incredible. I didn't know what I was doing. And I thought, how hard could this be? Okay. How come? My first beehive I found in a tree in front of a family friend's house.

And I said, well, I can't do anything about that. It's about 40 feet up there. And his name is Tony. Tony says, oh, no, no, I got just the solution. My neighbor's got a forklift. What a fun neighbor. Yeah. So he lifted this 12 or 13 year old kid up on the forklift.

And I put the beehive in a box and they set me down. And I was off to the races. Did you ever see the movie, My Girl? I didn't. I've never seen it. You kidding me? No. Right now, we're going to, you watch that.

We're going to watch my girl after this. You were going to sob. Spoiler alert, he dies. All right. Allergic to bees. Allergic to bees? Get stung by a swarm. What a pussy.

How often were you stung as a child? Not that often. I wore a bee suit. You wore a bee suit even for that removal on the forklift? Yeah, well, I got some duct tape in like a mosquito net. Does that actually work? Oh, it worked pretty good that time. Okay.

Can be, I mean, I don't know. how, I'm sure it doesn't have to be Kevlar, but what's an actual B-suit made out of it? Just canvas. Okay. I get stung all the time now. I don't like wearing the suit. You just get stung constantly. Yeah, I wear the little hat. I don't like to get stung in the eyes. Of course. Okay. I used to show up to high school with my eyes swelled shut. What about getting stung on the hand? It doesn't hurt you at all? No, you get used to it. I'd rather get stung and wear the gloves. You'd rather get stung than wear gloves. And if I'm getting stung, that means I'm doing something wrong. So that's their way

of communicating that, hey, fuck you. Okay, so you're not getting stung. constantly. It just happens occasionally. Yeah, every now and then. And you're like, but do you react? You flinch? You know, there's some four-letter words every now and then. Okay. All right. You're a human. I just didn't know. I didn't know how tough of a human you are. Like, no, I just don't feel it anymore. But so after I got a few beehives, I thought, you know, I could learn some more about these bees. And so I heard there was a beekeeping class by the LA County Beekeepers Association. And I went to it. Is that still around? It is. We've been around since 1840, 50. And so I went to this class.

and Bill was teaching it. And after the class he says, hey, you look like a strong young man. You look like you got some dirt on your B suit. Do you want to learn some more? And I said, sure. You're 12 at this point? 16. I just got my driver's license.

I just got my driver's license. I'd been keeping bees and removing them. And so I thought, I got to get some formal education. I always feel like if you're 16 years old, you know, as a man, you're old enough to be like, all right, if something sexual or weird happens to you, that's on you. Oh, yeah. Okay. So I showed up at 8 a.m. and Bill says, all right, man, we're going to go keep bees in the city. I did the first day, and I said, what are you doing tomorrow, Bill?

And he goes, see at 8 a.m. and we went out harvesting honey, and we harvested 10,000 pounds of honey. And you thought you were working for free all this time. Oh, yeah. I'm working for free, man. I'm here for the experience. Uh-huh. And so a month goes by, same thing, you know, every day. What are you doing tomorrow, Bill? And he says, hey, what's your social security number? Okay, this is when the weird stuff starts happening.

And I said, I don't know, what do you want that for? And he goes, I'm putting you on payroll. And I said, why? I don't work for you, Bill. And he says, yeah, you do, you have for a month every day. And I said, well, I don't want to work for you. I got my own business here. I got my own beehives.

Like, I don't want a job. And he goes, give me your social security number. And I said, okay. All right, I guess I work for you. How much was bees bringing in when you were a 16 year old kid? It was a good job, you know? I mean, I was making enough that I was able to buy more bees and buy cars. And I had cars, plural?

Or just, you were somebody that just kind of, kind of kept changing cars? You didn't keep them long? No, I had pickup. I drove to school. I had a big work truck, you know, big flatbed, you know, hawking truck. You had multiple cars in high school? Uh-huh. Tractors and trailers.

What in the hell? I was the weird kid in high school, man. Well, yeah. I got kicked out of school one day because I had too many bees on my truck. On your truck? Well, yeah, I was piled up with boxes I had work to do after school. Okay. And they said, man, they're swarming around your truck.

And I said, well, I got to take care of that. I'm guess I'm going to go home. And they said, well, when are you coming back? And I said, tomorrow. So I worked for Bill for a couple years. I graduated high school. I went to college. You finished college.

You didn't go to college to study bees. A business management and entrepreneurship. Mm-hmm. So I quit working for Bill in college because I said, I got too much to do, man. I got 300 of my own beehives. I got, you know, school. I've got all kinds of stuff. I'm doing farmers markets for myself.

And I finished college and I said, well, now I got a degree. Like, maybe I should go get a job. So I said, Bill, let's have breakfast. I want to talk about, you know, what I'm going to do. And I say, you know, I'm thinking about quitting the bees. Like, it's a lot of work and I could probably get a job making more money. You know, I'm going to need a lot of capital to get enough bees to get up to the level that I really want to be. And he says, oh, well, don't do that.

And I said, well, give me a better option. He goes, I've already drawn up the papers. You're buying Bill's bees. That's what we came to breakfast for today. He had already determined he was selling you his company. Yep. And that probably infuriated his children. His children did not care about the bees.

Didn't care at all. No, no, not a care. And by the way, did you look at that offer and say, not so fast, Bill, and then do a little of this? I did. I did. I had to. Okay. But it was a great offer. It was a great offer.

So you didn't haggle them much. No. Was this on a handshake? Yeah, pretty much. Okay. What did you have for breakfast that morning? Eggs and bacon. Do two eggs and a side of bacon, does that hold you over?

Do you need to go out? Oh, that's perfect. That's enough? Wiki, wiki, wiki, eggs and bakey. Okay. I didn't know if you needed some crazy meal. You know, I'm not a kid in. anymore. Well, I hear you. When I was working for Bill, I used to eat a dozen eggs for breakfast.

Okay, that's what I wanted to hear. But I was 16 years old. I know, I know, but a dozen eggs. That's what I wanted to hear. He used to eat a dozen eggs for breakfast. Now, does Bill just immediately turn over? Yeah, pretty much. Within a couple of weeks, sign in the papers, Bill bought a boat. He named it the honey bee, and he actually sailed off in the sunset. Never to be heard from again. He lives down in Long Beach now. He's on a sailing. team. My dad has become friends with Bill. They go lobster fishing together. Uh-huh. So every few months, I hear a story about, you know, fun with Jeff and Bill, and they crashed into a rock the other day. That's terrifying. They almost tipped over the little dingy,

and you guys are going to, you got have an SOS call one of these days. How old is your dad? 68. Okay. 67. Okay. Two retired aerospace engineers. Yeah, they'll be fine. Yeah, exactly. They'll figure it out. When Bill's company, when you took it over, how big was your company versus his company. So the problem with beekeeping businesses is it's hard to sell them because, Daniel, do you want to buy a beekeeping business? We got a bunch of beehives. I mean, I'm not against it, but you're talking to the right sucker. It's hard to sell a beekeeping business. Agreed. Understood. So Bill decided he would sell off most of his assets, you know, the boxes and the hives and the stuff as he went along. And so he had really shrunk his business down. He was probably down to 50 or 60

beehives. And I was running close to 400. Was the name of his company? Did he have clients that were more impressive? Yeah, he had some people know the name around town. It's been around for 30 years. All over the farmers markets. We do about 10 farmers markets a week now. And so for now, Bill is a great name. Call me Bill.

Do people call you Bill on accident? They do. I get the phone calls and they say, hey, is this Bill? Uh-huh. Close enough. You kind of. Jeremy, Bill. It's all the same.

What's your favorite pearl jam song, Jeremy? Even Flo. God damn it. We'll be right back. Do you believe in ghosts? That's the first question. Yes. Do bees have ghosts?

I don't think so. They only live 28 days. That'd be a lot of ghosts. Bees only live 28 days. 28 days, but the queen can live three years. Oh, that's interesting. He's got longevity. What's the oldest bee on record?

So there's been some cool studies that came out last year about their summer bees and winter bees. The summer bees, they live 28 days. They fly, fly, fly until their wings fall off. The winter bees that don't leave the hive very much, they can live in lab conditions for up to a year. Mm-hmm. See? Captivity not so bad. What about the queen?

You seek them out? How do you purchase a queen? So you can breed queens. You breed them. But I purchase them out of the county because we have aggressive queens in Los Angeles. In Southern California, all the queens are aggressive. That makes sense. Does it?

It kind of does, yeah. And so we purchase them from queen breeders up in Northern California. and effectively all you have to do is take a hive, take their queen out, give her to another hive or move her into a queen bank, and make them queenless. And they'll say, oh my gosh, we need a new queen. And they'll start making new queen bees. They'll feed a single egg, lots of royal jelly, and it'll develop her reproductive organs more than a normal bee. And they'll do that to about 30 or 40 eggs at a time.

And when the first one comes out, she'll go and she'll sting all the other ones. So it's just her. And if you catch it at the right time, you can pull all of them out, put them in an incubator, and let them all hatch. This is so bizarre. Why don't I know any of this stuff? Explain Royal Jelly. Royal Jelly is a secretion from the bees' abdomen, and it's protein-packed. It's this nutrient-rich substance that all of the bees eat for a small time period of their life. And when they feed it to a queen, she eats it for her whole life. And so this extra nutrient allows her to develop fully. What's the difference between the queen and regular all the other bees? So there's three kinds of bees.

Okay. There's males, there's females, and there's queens. The males are called drones. All they do is mate and eat honey. That's their whole life. So they, you know, honey, nut, cheerio. Okay. Is that really what that's from?

Did they come up with it that way? Please. Please. It may be true. Okay. The females, the worker bees, they do all the work. They collect the honey. They collect the pollen.

They take care of the queen. They take care of the babies. And they keep the beehive thermally regulated. So it always has to be about 96 degrees inside the beehive. And then the queen bee, she does one thing. She lays eggs. She lays about 3,000 eggs a day to keep up with the attrition of the bees that are dying off. There's never been a hive that successfully had two queens?

Yes and no. Okay. The answer is no. Oh. But if a queen gets old and her pheromone wears out, sometimes I've seen it where a mother and a daughter can inhabit the same beehive because the daughter can't smell her to go kill her. I've even seen a grandmother. And we can tell because we put a little paint dot on their back,

and the paint dot has an international code of what color it is, and then we know what year they're from. It's kind of like Majan every year getting a new card. I mean, so much work. And did you learn all this right away when you were 12, or do you start, I mean, how long did it? You never stop learning with the bees. Do you consider bees your pets or no? Employees.

Employees. Uh-huh. What about workman's comp when one of them gets hurt? Do you do anything? I got a little whip. Oh. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

No, no, sure. It's a comedy podcast. Political. It's a political podcast that occasionally gets funny. Do bees have personalities? The hive does. There are nice bees and mean bees. The Africanized killer bees you've heard of.

I call those are mean bees. We get our bees from northern California where it's too cold for the killer bees to live. So if they want to go out and sting the hooty at, of somebody and they all abandon the hive, it freezes to death. And so the hive can't live through the winter because they were all too busy stinging someone. So we'll get our bees from some partners we have up there that breed queens. That's their whole business. And they'll ship them in the mail. They'll ship them down to us. And then we introduce that queen into our hives. How do you ship a bee in the mail? Over night. Okay. If I want to get a queen, what's that going to set me back?

About 35, 40 bucks. For one queen? For one bee. Man, that's a good business too. Every hive. has, what's the range? When they're small, they have about 30,000 bees, and then they'll grow up to 150,000 in the spring. And how do you know this? You can weigh them by the pound, bees by the pound. The amount of honey that they need

that they have to produce for themselves is what? How much? We set our beehives up to weigh about 200 pounds. That's bees, babies, and honey. Once they weigh 200 pounds, that's enough to get them through a year, and then everything they make on top of that is for us. A good hive, how much honey are they producing? weekly? How often do you go in there?

Monthly? We go weekly into the hive, but we measure our harvest annually. And so we're hoping to get two, three hundred pounds a hive, up to 500 in a good year. I've seen a thousand, but that's pretty rare. We need a lot of rain for that. And all the honey production is based on rainfall. So are you looking forward to this big old super elenio? Oh, yeah.

Is that good for business? Oh, yeah. That's great. Oh, that's interesting. And if we have a big year, we stock up barrels of honey. and we make sure we have enough to get through the dry years. Is it true that honey never goes bad? Never goes bad. Found it in the Egyptian pyramids.

It was still good. Is that true? Yeah. I believe you. I'm not going to check it out. I'm not going to fact check you. I'm just going to say that's true. Can bees, do they recognize each other?

They can smell each other if they're from the same hive or not. Death? Do they care about death when somebody? So there's a hierarchy of bees. When they're born, they live in the house. They clean, they take care of the babies. They move the honey around to where. they need it. When they get a little older, they become guard bees. And they guard the door. They

make sure no invaders are coming. And the oldest bees are foragers. And they go out looking for nectar and pollen every day. And then they come home. And they just don't come home one day. If they only live 28 days, what's considered an older one? 10? 20 days old, 15 days old. So hard to think about life if you only live 28 days. I don't want to sound like an idiot. Good luck. But how does a bee make honey? So how the bees do it is they'll fly to a flower. They suck up nectar, and that nectar is about 90% water. They use their proboscis to suck it out.

It's their big honey tongue, and then they put it in their honey stomach. They'll fly back to the beehive, and they spit it out, and the other bees catch it. Do they only do one suck, or do they go to multiple flowers before coming back to the hive? If the flower is full of nectar, they can fill up on one. If there's not that much nectar, they have to go to multiple. and that's all dependent on rain. And then the bees will pass this ball of nectar back and forth around the beehive until they get about 70% of the water out.

They dry it down to 15% water more or less, somewhere between 8 and 20%. And then it's honey and they'll store it away. Can bees sting more than once? Just once. Only the queen can sting more than once. And they do die immediately after being stung? Pretty much.

Pretty much within a few seconds. It rips their innards out. Do they know this? You know, I've always wondered that. I wonder if there's a way we could, you know, let them know. I should have brought a bee to interview. Oh, that's a good podcast. How much your business is just pollinating?

So the pollination effectively pays for the bees care for the year. Okay. And so the pollination pays for their care, their medications, their foods, they're moving, their gas, their insurance, the honey production. The reason we sell at farmers markets is if you sell honey in a barrel, you only sell it for about $3 a pound. And we feel it's worth more than that. And so selling it at the farmer's market, direct to a consumer, you get a high quality product direct from the beekeeper, and we charge a little more for it. How far will you travel with your bees to pollinate? We'll go all the way up to Fresno, Medera.

We'll do almonds and oranges up there in February. Almonds is the big ticket item? Yes, sir. It takes about 90% of the nation's beehives to pollinate the almond crop in California. and California produces 95% of the world's almonds. What do you exactly do to pollinate the almonds? We move in two beehives an acre, and then they'll pay us about $200 some dollars a hive

to leave them until the flowers are gone, and then they say, hey, the flowers are over, get them out. We come in the night and we leave in the night. If you have someone that has a hive that they're renting from you in their backyard, do you take it for this almond season? I don't. I leave it in their backyard because there's so much blooming in the city

that they might be making honey during that time. And so we'll leave them in the yard and they're already working. They're already working girls. If you don't need honey or if you're not a big honey person, but you want, what's another reason for me to want a hive in my yard? It's great for the environment.

Bees are struggling. There's really no way to quantify how many wild beehives are dying every year from all of these diseases that are being transmitted between hives. And the best way to help bees is to have bees around and keep bees because the beekeepers meat is taking care of them, making sure there's no parasites and diseases in the hive and spreading that genetic, you know, those bee genetics in that area.

Is there any regulations in any of the areas where you're not allowed to have a beehive? There are some municipalities in L.A. that are anti-Bee, but generally L.A. is pretty bee-friendly. What about apartments? On the roof. You're allowed to put them up there? Yeah. Do you have a beehive, John? I don't. Not yet.

I mean, I feel like I'm going to end up doing it. That's what annoys me. Same. Oh, man. Besides honey, what else is the bread and butter of the business? So we do honey, pollen, beeswax, soap, lotion, lip balm, and candles. What is your best-selling honey? Wildflower.

Definitely wildflower because of the allergy benefits. Wildflower honey has a little bit of pollen from a lot of different plants. And as long as it's made within about 100 miles of where you live, it's probably got something that you're seasonally allergic to in it. And so taking a little bit of wildflower honey every day helps you get immune to your allergies. Okay. I have bad allergies and I know this. So that's not just made up by the bee community. No. This allergy thing?

No, it really helps. I think my allergies are better. And what do you, how much honey do you ingest a day? A spoonful. I put it in my yogurt. I don't know if I'm, I don't want to, I don't want to have yogurt every day. Just a spoonful of honey. Fine. I'll figure a way to do it. You sell a five-gallon jar of honey for $335. I care to explain yourself.

Hey. What do you want to use five gallons of honey for? I don't know. Restaurants, bars, a lot of people use, you know, big quantities. And so we supply them. What's the point of buying a small jar of honey if it's going to last forever? I don't know. I want to sell everyone a big jar.

What's the current number of hives you're at right now? We're somewhere between 6 and 700 right now. Next year we're hoping to be 1,000. And do you have capacity to continue to grow? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're set up to grow and grow. That's our goal. How much land do you have to keep them on?

We're always looking for places to keep our bees. Anybody that has, you know, 10, 20 acres somewhere and is willing to host some beehives, we'll give them as much honey as them in their family can eat. And we'll set the bees there for as long as the flowers are blooming. Maybe it's two months. And we'll bring them in with a forklift and a truck, set them down, maybe 50 or 100 hives. And when they're done making honey, we harvest the honey and take them to the to the next place where there's more honey to make.

And now people that are wanting to do the, just like a single hive at their house, is that safe for, if you have tons of kids? Absolutely. Playing around, it does. Absolutely. I think the kids should all know about bees.

Well, I know about them great, but I mean, is it going to produce a few more stings in the yard? You know, I don't think so. I haven't had that experience with my clients. Okay. Most of them like to get their kids bee suits and, you know, have them introduced to the bees and do a beekeeping day with us.

Do you go to schools? I have. Is that fun? It's not my favorite thing to do? I hear you. I'm not really great with kids. Well, that's what I want to hear from a new dad. My wife had to tell me that I can't tell the story about, you know, when the drone mates with the queen and she rips his dick off anymore because that was a little traumatic to the kids.

Okay. But that does happen. It does. It does. They only get one. They only get it once. Wow. You mate with the queen and then what does she rip it off with?

It technically doesn't rip it off. It technically explains. bloads when he ejaculates and then it sounds like John back there he's got a weird penis thing that always is messing up. Deformed is the first thing he showed me when I walked in. It's thirst. What is it? Torst.

Torst. It's one ball. It's tors. The penis is functioning. Yeah, but the penis, it's got problems. He's got a pick crew of two. Okay, so it explodes after it ejaculates. Yeah, and then her vagina will spit it out and she'll wait for the next one to come. Good grief.

Like a gang bang. 30 times. And then... Why didn't they show that in B-movie? I know, I thought that was good content. It wouldn't have been a flop if you show that. And then she stores up all that semen in her spermathica. Uh-huh.

It's an organ inside her just for storing semen. And she dispenses a little bit onto each egg for the rest of her life. And when her spermatika runs dry, the beehive says, well, you're worthless. And they make a new one. And she goes blind from the semen that has a compound in it that causes her to go blind. She goes blinded immediately? After she fills up her spermatika. Oh.

So then she flies back to the hive and that's why she doesn't leave. She doesn't make love in the hive? No, she doesn't, she wants strange. She wants different drones from different hives. And that's how they keep the gene pool diverse. And they just all know, hey, there's a over here. They go to the drone mating area. And so they fly around in a cloud.

It's actually really cool to see. But they don't die when their penises explode. Oh, they do. Yeah, immediately. You sting somebody, you die. You ejaculate, you die. It's the circle. I mean, it's not really a circle at all.

It's just a short, tiny straight line. And then my wife also told me I couldn't show kids the be penis anymore. I thought that was really educational. Uh-huh. What's it looked unusual? It's really big for the size, like proportionally. Okay. Because you can squeeze the drone and their penis pops out.

Why would you do that? Well, you can judge how much semen they have in their testes and see how the springtime is progressing. So if their testes are full of semen, that means. means that there's lots of resources out in the environment. This is like the most twisted groundhog shadow story I've ever heard. Check this out, kids. It's going to be a long summer. How can you tell, Dad?

Well. So I have an employee that does the school talks now. A swarm. You ever seen a swarm of bees? Oh, man, I love bees swarms. I caught a swarm on the golf course the other day. Did you really? Yeah.

Mid-flight? Yeah, exactly. What did you do? You just walk out there and start jumping in the swarm. Pretty much, like a crazy person. And you really do like, how do you look for the queen? She's a little bigger. It's easiest to find them when they land.

But I have snatched the queen before. I said, there she is. She's mine. And then you hold your hand up and they'll all cluster on your hand. What are your thoughts on the guy that used to wear the big beard? I've done a beard. I haven't put them on myself, but I've put them on lots of other people. We charge $2,500 if you want a beard.

People want to dupay for this? Yeah. There's really a trick to it from a beekeeping standpoint. You have to basically tell that beehive that they're swarming, and then I bring them home and I bottle feed them for three or four days on my kitchen counter. My wife loves that. Bottle feed what? The bees.

All of them? All of them. How do you bottle feed thousands of bees? They drink about a gallon of sugar syrup a day if they're on your counter. Mm-hmm. Okay. And they stick their proboscis, their little tongue in there, and they'll suck it out. Okay.

And then they're fat and happy, and the queen's in her own little box, and we'll hang the queen on the actor's neck in a necklace. And then we dump the bees in their lap. And they all crawl up their chest, and they'll be on their face. And we'll kind of sculpt the beard a little bit to make sure it gets all, you know, beardy. And we've done that. I've done some wild photo shoots. I did one over here in Topanga with a purse designer. And this poor woman, she didn't know she was getting bees put on her, this model.

and they said, all right, get naked. We're putting bees on you. And they laid her in the grass and said, dump the bees on her. And I said, okay, I'm so sorry. I mean, what a gig. Yeah. She said she wasn't getting paid enough.

No, but how about you? That was fun. Yeah. Big Sean got a bee beard. Oh, Big Sean getting a bee beard. You want a bee beard, Ed? No, I do not. Why not?

You'd have to shave your beard to get a bee beard. Oh, you have to shave? They can't be in his regular beard. They get upset with the beard. Oh, yeah. Well, we don't want to do that. We don't want to upset him. Dylan.

Dylan, we'll get you a bee beard. I'll do it. Well, I'm sure you'll do it. You're drunk. He's drunk and full also. He's sweet. People really steal beehives? Oh, yeah, it's a big problem.

Is this like a new thing or has this been going on? It's been going on for hundreds of years. It's like stealing copper from people's ACs. Oh, yeah. And they look like beekeepers. They'll show up with forklifts and trucks, just like a beekeeper would. And they'll show up in the old. orchard, they'll pick up your beehives and they'll take them somewhere else and they usually

are stealing them to rent them out to another farmer and they'll rent them to that farmer and then they'll disappear. And you, how do you, and you stop this? I put air tags in them. Yeah, but you can hear an air tag when you track it. Yep. And beeps. The bees, they'll mummify it in there. They'll entomb it in propolis. And if you put enough air tags in the load, you know, they steal 100 beehives. They have to go looking for all these little air tags inside the beehives. So throw air tags in them And the sheriff goes out and says, hey, what's you doing, man? And a lot of arrests are made every year for people rustling beehives.

That's what I try to do with my kids with the air tags, but I can never find a good enough hiding spot on them. They make a shoe now. Oh, a spot in the shoe? Yeah. That's good. I got a runner. I mean, it's just all I think about. Yeah.

Because I don't have the special set of skills to get my kids back. I got to track them, man. Right. I'm all for microchipping them. What about the bear? You like that little bear? I like the grocery stores. Oh, yeah.

Is that garbage honey, though? It depends on the brand. Oh, is the bear not copyrighted to a specific brand? No, we have bears. Oh, you got bears too? We sell bears. Oh, good. All the beekeepers have bears.

Do bears actually like honey? They actually eat the babies. They're a big problem for us. We build electric bear fences around most of our bee yards in bear areas. Here areas. Okay, only in bear areas. But, you know, right here in the baby. the Santa Monica Mountains, bears are a problem.

I just got a call last week from, hey, the bears came through my bee yard. What do I do? I don't want that. Do they attracted to it? Can they spell it from distance? No. But if they walk by and they say, hey, that's a beehive, they'll eat it. Okay.

I'm not having bears walked by my yard. Were you a fan of hunting at Cheerios growing up? Oh, absolutely, with extra honey. With extra honey? No. There's not enough on it. They're stingy. Well, yeah, there's plenty.

There's plenty. You can taste it You put honey on your cereals I put honey on my Cheerios You don't eat Honeynut Cheerios I don't even know there was another type of Cheerios Oh really? I thought there was only Honey Nut

My wife bought these Cheerios for our baby And I was like, what are these disgusting Cheerios you bought? Like packing peanuts I tell you what, you need Apple Jacks Oh baby I love Apple Jacks Put some honey on there No, that's not going to work

Is Big Honey a thing Is the stuff in grocery stores no good? There's beekeeper and then there's honey packers. And big beekeepers, they all care about the honey and the bees. And that's what they're about. They want to make high quality honey and have healthy bees. Because if the bees are healthy, their business is good.

So beekeepers are really in it for the bees. We love our bees. We're all kind of bee nerds. Honey packers are some of the larger honey packer brands are about the bottom line. And what you want to look for is a local honey made by a beekeeper. some of the stuff in the grocery stores, you'll notice it says, you know, U.S. honey, but if you read the label, it says product of U.S. and Argentina. And there's not a lot of standard on how much has to be U.S. honey and how much is Argentinian honey or Vietnamese honey or wherever. There's a trade, what they call an embargo on Chinese honey.

What do they cut it with? Rice syrup. Oh, look at that. They cut it with rice syrup. I knew they were going to do something shady. You just can't trust them. And so they'll transship honey through other small countries and relabel it as Malaysian honey. So trans-shipped honey is a big problem for the industry.

And I tell people the best way to get good honey is to get it from the farmer's market or from a local honey company. It seems like bees are so popular now, yet you're still, they're still taking a hit. Yeah. We got big problems in the bee industry. Last year we lost about 60% of the beehives in the country. How do you lose 60% in a year? Those are the mites? The mites.

The mites kill the bees. The worst. 60%? Yep. And the national average year over here is 30%. How do we recover from a 60% loss? So commercial beekeepers today, as opposed to 40 years ago or 30 years ago before the mites, are really good at growing beehives.

Our whole industry revolves around taking one beehive, taking half the bees out and putting them in another box, giving them a new queen bee and making two beehives. And we'll make two to three beehives out of one hive every year just to try to keep up and maybe grow. This is a constant work. You just never get to like take, you take days off? I do. Oh.

I do take Sundays off. But there's farmers markets on Sundays. I have a crew working on Sundays, yeah. So someone's working. What time's your workday start? Five a.m.? Yeah. Oh.

Whatever the sun comes up. I know it's so early. What time do you go to bed at night? 10. When the baby stops screaming? Does the baby stop? Yeah, you're out of the bad window. She's two. She just stopped. Knock on wood.

And she still naps. She does nap. She take a two-hour nap? She's a two-hour girl. Good. Is she down by 8 p.m? No. She's up until 10 last night.

Oh, that's no good. No, I'm not going to look. She screams, Daniel. Well, listen. She screams. You got to get a thick door. Why does smoke calm bees? So bees communicate through pheromones.

And when we smoke them, it interrupts their pheromone communication, so they can't say, hey, sting this MFer. And they are pretty chill. We give them a puff of smoke. Everyone's okay. We can get in there, do it we need, and get out. Can you put any kind of smoke in there? Pretty much.

Okay. Can bees get high? And is it okay if they get high? Bees can get high. I have heard beekeepers that prefer the marijuana smoke. It's not my thing. Okay. I prefer the natural, you know, just burlap or grass or pine cones.

Probably cheaper. It's way cheaper. marijuana. What do you do with dead bees? What do they do? They do? They do. It's one of the jobs of the hive. If someone dies in the hive, they pick them up and they haul them out. And you'll actually see a bee flying out of the beehive every now and then carrying one of their sisters. And they pull them out and drop them in the bushes. Yeah. Are you all in on bees? Do you do silly things? Do you wear bee outfits? Do you have, do people buy you stuff that you're like,

people buy me a lot of bee stuff? And you're like, I don't need this. We had a baby about two years ago and you would not believe how many bee-themed baby things live in our house. Has your baby been stung yet? A lot of times. And we don't even have bees at the house. Why is that funny? She tries to pet them. Oh, you can't let your daughter pet bees.

Well, how can I say no, I do it? Well, yeah, there's a lot of things that you do that I'm sure you don't want your daughter to do. Why can't children under one year eat honey? There's a risk of botulism. Botulism spores are transmitted in, like, dust, and they can, survive in honey. And so you could in theory have botulism in honey and not know it and feed it to a child. It's pretty rare. It's like really rare. Okay. But better safe than sorry. Did your daughter taste honey before she was a year? Maybe. Okay. Southern comedians. Okay. You know Killer Bees? Yeah.

No. The comedian. Oh, no. No. He's a Southern comic. He's save up, right? Save up. Save up. You ever been to Alabama? Save up. That's what he just does his bit over and over. It's like, oh, you, save up. Yeah, you get it. His name's Killer Bees. Now, the other comedy, the other Southern comic,

the other Southern comic, I once opened when I was a real young kid for Milo Tremley. Hey, he was a Southern guy. And then he always had songs and props, and he's like, don't, don't mess with my nipple ring or, I don't remember. But he, like, pull his shirt up, have a big stupid nipple ring on. That's, that's not part of it. What's interesting is that he drove around in a van that he made look like a big B. It had a plunger stinger out the back of it.

And it said, don't worry, be happy on the back of it. And I just was like this. And I just remember I was sitting in Nashville opening for this guy. And I was just like, what am I doing with my life? This guy's driving. This guy's driving around in this van. I don't know. Oh, that's what I need.

I need a plunger on the back of my van. Where are you at on the other stinging? Like the wasp. I'm not into wasps. Do you care about them? Bees are my thing. Wasks Kentucky. What's the one?

Isn't the thing? Yellow jackets. Up in Tahoe? Yeah. Yellow jackets look just like bees, but they don't serve a purpose. I'm not into it. They don't pollinate anything. So it's okay if I get rid of them, right?

I mean, they do pollinate. They do? Oh, shit. But not like bees. Okay. These are prolific pollinators, and they will pollinate, and they will make more honey than they need. They'll make honey for next year and the year after that. They'll make more honey than they can ever eat. Wasps, yellow jackets, you know, the other pollinators, butterflies, uh, they just,

they're hand to mouth. They go and they look for what they need and they eat it. What are hummingbirds doing? Just, you know, just eating? Looking beautiful. I don't know. They're always playing with the flowers. I didn't know if they had a purpose other than just being pretty. We'll be right back. Everybody's on the show gets a gift, okay? First thing I wanted to give you. This is from our friend over here that does car washes, buzzwax. Oh, thank you. Okay. Then this.

Oh, that's fitting. This is for your daughter. I'm done with this. What is it? Oh, it's a toilet. It's a shitter. Put it on your toilet. Shitter's full, Clark.

You put it on your toilet. She's potty trained. Good. One year old. She's going to love this. Yeah, you put that on the toilet. Since you didn't fall through it. What else I got for her?

Through the hole. That's a big bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got stuff like this. You got to come home with stuff. You just give it to her. Oh, that is exciting. So creepy, Daniel.

What are you talking about? What am I talking about? It's a baby. That's so creepy. She's going to love it. She's going to love it. Oh, my gosh. Has she been in a tutu or ballet outfit yet?

Oh, she loves the ballet. Okay, good. We got some ballet outfits from my daughter. She's going to love it. Gymnastics. We got some gymnastics outfits. Those will be cute. And then a hat.

Oh, thank you. Keep her out of the sun. Oh, does she like unicorns? She does now. I'm going to tell her it's a stinger. Doesn't matter. You tell her it's a stinger. You watch sports?

I know it's off my desk. get this on my day. Yeah, yeah. See, I was thinking, what am I going to do with this? I'm just going to do this. We'll help you later. Okay. This is so creepy. No, it's not. It's just a doll. No to sports? I don't understand sports. None? I kind of get baseball and golf. You know, I can understand. I like hot dogs. So I like baseball. Oh, you like baseball? I thought you were going to, sorry, we're just on the heels of the 4th of July. I thought you were like, I like hot dog eating contests. It looked like the 4th of July. It was just because... Make me on a hot dog real bad.

Joey Chesda broke his personal best this year, guys. 17,000. I see you're an efficient audio. Well, anyway, listen, I want you to have this because it's really going to be a good year. Miami Heat are getting... I want you to jump on the bandwagon. They're getting a lot of great players. Now I'm a Miami Heat fan.

Yeah, you're going to love that. I love it. Thank you. Please get that on the floor. You brought some stuff here. I did. But do not scratch my dad. I know...

I know it's a wood crate. I would just, I'm scared of, oh, look at how cute this is. So we got some of our different products. We make candle, soaps, lotions, lip bombs. In the back, we have a honey tasting flight. What do you think of Bert's? Bert's a good guy. Bert got screwed, man.

There was a documentary about Bert. I felt bad for Bert. I didn't, I don't even know what happened to him. It's called Bert's Buzz. Bert's wife screwed him out of his name. Oh, so she's the one that reaped all the benefits? Oh, yeah. And then she, like, paraded Bert around for years.

And he wasn't into it? Oh, I got to look into this. Bert just wanted to play with his bugs. I didn't know. So you guys make your own lip balm. Make our own lip balm. Candles? Candles, soaps, lotions, all kinds of stuff.

From our hive to your home. Natural Beeswax soap. Do you say bar of soap or bar soap? I say bar of soap. I say bar of soap, too. Yeah. But it's bar soap. Is it really?

I mean, I don't know that it's official, but I think it's bar soap. I don't like it either. What are these tins? These tins are hand lotion. Oh. And so it's a balm so you can take it out and rub it in your hands. And it's all natural. So there's none of the kind of crazy stuff that's in the products in the store.

What's the shit? What's that green tin that I have? Oh, the worker hands. O'Keefe's some version of that. This is a- This is the natural stuff. This is a balm. Yeah.

Will it smush if I press into it? Yeah. Poke it. And so we do them in these tins like with like these little pucks, because a lot of people like to take it out and use the warmth of their hand to get it on them. So it's kind of fun. I'm going to use it. And it's just another thing to do with the beeswax.

The beeswax, it's part of the honey extracting process. We slice a little piece of honeycomb open and we have this beeswax left over. So we make candles and lotions and all kinds of stuff with it. Garden Roses the scent. Oh, here it is. Lavender. What is the other one? Vanilla bean.

Oh, man. This is going to work for me. I'm like a drug dealer, man. You know what I like about this? Here's my little cell. I keep a hand balm handy, okay? And you keep this in your car. I don't have to worry about the heat,

like turning it to just complete the thinnest lick, whatever. Handbalms just completely melt to nothing. I don't think I don't think I'm selling it the right way, but I know that this is going to work for me in my life. It's not for everybody's problem. It's just for my problem. I love it. What is this thing over here?

Oh, these are fancy honey. So this is our honey tasting flight. This is all of our local honey that we made. The kids love doing this at the farmers. Do you have to give it away to kids? Do you give them a free stick every time? We don't. You don't give them free sticks.

We charge them two bucks a pack. Okay. Okay. When I see kids, I'm like, I don't want to ask for anything. Because I see, like, sometimes they'll give out a stick. I'm like, I don't want to, let's just buy something. This is my favorite soap. This smells like Irish Spring.

Well, who fucking wants to the... I love Irish. I'm an old man, dude. You're an old soul. I mean, it smells nice to me. But I don't like, when you said Irish Springs. I didn't like that. What is this one?

Cranberry sage. I don't know. My wife might like it. Okay. It's kind of frilly. Well, you don't know what my wife's into. Okay, she's real butch. I still like the Irish Spring.

There's a tasting flight, you guys, of honey. Those are kind of fun. How different does honey taste? So they're actually all super different. A lot of times what we'll do is we'll line them all up and we'll do it like a Somalié. You get wine glasses and knows the different scents. And the sage is my favorite. I don't tell that to people.

I probably shouldn't say it on a podcast, but I'm going to anyway. Sage is your favorite. Sage is my favorite. But it's one of the hardest ones for us to make. It's kind of a specialty honey for us. And we don't make the most of it every year. So I try to push, you know, other honeies that we make a little more of. But I sure love it.

Do you do that? My dad always would just do a toast with butter and honey. Oh, yeah. That was his move. A little bit sourdough toast, man. Oh, now you're talking my language. I can do that. That's my world.

This is real nice Well, thank you Am I supposed to Am I supposed to chug one of these By the way, do these have to be Do I have to cut the top of it? Yeah I hate doing that

Need a knife? No Do you keep a knife on you at all time? Of course You're a real man Ah, it's not a knife Let me see your knife I'll bring my knife out

I won't set it on your table though This, this, I only have this knife Oh, that's pretty An old Swiss Eddie bought me this 20 some odd years ago It's the only gift I've ever not re-gifted

I have it with me at all times I never lose it What are these sticks? What are the kids supposed to do with this? You just suck the honey out of them. I don't even know how to eat these things. So if you bite the end of it, not the flat way, but the vertical way. Between your two front teeth, it should pop right open.

Uh-huh. There you go. When's the last time you just sucked some honey? I mean, like, I might never have done this. You suck it at the farmer's market? Yeah, I'm good. You do this? I've got children.

Every time we go to the farmer's market. I have children, too. I ignore them when they ask for shit. I'm like a drug dealer, man. They can't walk by. I love this, honey. This is my guy. How much am I supposed to inject?

Oh, man. You get a sugar rush. You are going to get a shit. That's the thing. You get such a sugar rush with honey. This is very funny to be like, how much do I drink? You give me three sticks. My whole business is sugar rush, man.

Yeah. Yeah, there you go. Oh, there you go. Squeeze the honey out. There you go. I already feel my allergies are better. There you go. Mm-hmm.

The color's back in you. What if I just kept doing this until it was all gone? What's the most? That should be a contest. Do you think anybody could chug that? I'd be impressed. I don't know how many calories is in a jar. When you do the stuff of the Farmers Market, you don't have to put all the stuff back there that the nutrition facts.

No, the Farmers Market, we're fully in compliant. When we go into stores, we do other stores around town. We have honey at the airport even. Which airport? LAX and Burbank. Never been there. And so we do honey around town, you know, gourmet shop. and we're at the grove.

We've got a couple of stores at the grove that sell our honey. But if honey is only supposed to be like you're supposed to have local honey, then you're not looking for world domination. No. Right. Like your business is just Southern California. Yeah, that's kind of our main thing. We ship nationwide because honey is so different across the nation.

You know, a sage honey doesn't taste like a tuplow honey. And so an orange blossom, you know, you're only making orange blossom honey in California and Florida. And so if you like orange blossom honey, you've got to have it shipped. All right. You got answers? That makes sense. So people can get your honey everywhere. They just go to your website.

Is that all? Billsbees.com. Bill'sbees.com. Look at Bill. And meanwhile, Bill is just on a boat. He sailed off in the sunset. Doing God's knows what with your father right now. Jeremy, thanks for being on the show.

It's a pleasure, friend. Appreciate it. Pasha! I want to thank Jeremy for being on the show. Man, that guy knows a lot about bees. Big guy with the bees Knows everything You imagine ejaculated and then immediately dying?

No That sounds amazing You're done That sounds like one of those parties in the Hollywood Hills I've never been invited to Right Hear about them You go there you ejaculate and you die

Oh that sounds awesome Well good for him Fascinating stuff Hey We have a new sponsor To the show All right Want to know who it is?

I do. It's nail on head. They finally came to us and we're like, yeah, we've been waiting for the call. We're the right, we're the right show for your website, Cal She. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, what's more fun than trading on our future? Hmm?

Just predicting the future. I tell you what, I could clean up on Calci if I were from the future. because I remember every single outcome of every sporting event, election. You can predict the price of the CrunchRap Supreme, which I don't think I would be allowed to do since I once worked for Taco Bell. But I'll be honest with you, I don't think they care. Currently, I don't think there's anything about me on Cal She's website that you can predict. What I'd like, though, is maybe an over-under on how long until I shit my pants.

Yep. Then you would probably say, oh, I bet Daniel's just going to put a ton of money on the under and go home and shit his pants. No, because that would be inside my pants trading. You can't do that. See, Kalsi, this is the content you get when you sign. with a winner. We're going to start an account too, a toss show account. I'm going to fund it. Not a lot. I'm going to give all of you access. And by all of you, I don't mean you guys. I mean the people that work here, Eddie, Pete, Dylan, John, Dylan, we're going to put a breathalizer on your

computer. You don't do any late night crazy wagers. But yeah, we'll just start predicting a way. Oh, I'd like to know how long people think this podcast will keep going. What are your predictions? 17 years. 17 years. Yeah. You're talking about shattering the Tosh.0 record. Like, we go 20, we're out.

I can predict for certain we will go through next August. Mm-hmm. Past next August, I can't guarantee anything. So there's where it becomes fun. I'm on a real heater lately as far as not crap in my pants. I don't want to talk about it. I'm not Cal Ripkin, you know, I'm not talking about those type of numbers, but I'm, you know, more like Joel Embed games played numbers.

Guys, this segment was brought to you by Cal She. I look forward to a long financially irresponsible relationship with them. Yep, me too. Now on to our regular plugs. Patreon.com slash Tosh Show. That side just gets more and more content every week. My first farewell tour is in its victory lap.

Make sure you come out to the remaining fall shows. Toshoshostore.com. Get your merch. Now, play the music. Let's do it. They love me. They love me not. What do you got for me?

Ed. I can't express to you how much I enjoy your podcast. I was in the middle of a mental breakdown when my son told me about it. We used to watch Tosh Point O together. This podcast is so wholesome and smart and hilarious. It really helped to drag me out of the sad hole I was in. I mean, your show and the four medications I'm on now. Thank you, your depressed, appreciative friend, Sue. Sue? I mean, that's great. That's what we do the show for. Well, thank you, Sue. All right, now let's bring it down a notch. Right. They love me not. You bring on the ICU nurse for when your body fails you this year because you're so old and depressed from your terrible show. End it all. End the show or end my life?

I mean, maybe your life. Well, is it clear or not necessarily? Because your body fails you. If it's just end my show, I can't end the show, buddy. You just heard Sue's only alive because of my show and her four medications. Right. But if it's, if it's, uh, end my life, well, then we should do that. on the podcast too because I bet you that would I bet John would get excited about that

move the needle he'd be like oh he'd still send five or six you know back and forth about what we should title it to get the most traction yeah because I do that all the time my s** whatever fuck that guy see you next week