Tosh Show - My Colonoscopy Insider - Gabby Perez

Episode Date: October 13, 2026

Daniel asks endoscopy nurse Gabby Perez about what really goes on in the procedure room during a colonoscopy. After stints working in a veterinary ER, a NICU, and a med spa, she now works at an endoscopy center in Texas where she's seen torturous colons, cancer diagnoses, and what can only be described as bad prep. Join our Patreon for exclusive content: http://patreon.com/toshshow

Are you calling it a butthole? Is that what you guys say? I mean, I say it. It's not the technical term. No, I know it's not. I do. Welcome to another episode of Tosh Show Show. Eddie? Yes. I don't know if you know this, but we just got an award.

We did? Yes, we did. What did we get? The number one political podcast with the cleanest colon's six years running. That's amazing. Yep. Celebrate. I mean, the only way I know how.

Badee. And a mucil. You know, we don't talk enough about... What's that? The final jam in Camp Rock. The Disney movie. This is like a spoiler alert. At the end of Camp Rock 3,

it's a Joe Bro movie. They're not in it much, but you get it. They have these campers that are competing last minute at Camp Rock to be the openers for Joe. Joe Bros. The problem is Rosie, who is in the final five, has far and away the greatest performance. The song is unbelievable. She plays the cello. She was very bashful, but man, does she come out of her shell at the end?

And the song's a hit. Now, does she win the final jam? No. Spoiler alert. The Joe Bros take the easy way out and they say, you're all winners. You're going to form a group. and open up for us. And I just think it should be known that I know Rosie won that contest. She'll be happy to hear it. Okay. And she might. My son just went to the live crossover event where they had the zombie high school movie and the descendants and the camp rock three people all performing.

My daughter and my son went, Stacey Mark. My agent that flies around on a broom, she pulled some strings, last minute. Got them tickets, greatest night of their lives. That was great. Oh, by the way, while I'm spoiler alert in this movie, the other thing that's completely glossed over is the campers go to this camp. It's a week-long camp. Maybe it's two weeks. I don't know.

You learn to play music and write songs. You get it. Fine. Okay. But then while they're there at camp, the Joe Bros come in. And they say, hey, we need a new opener. And this is going to be the reward for the battle of the bands, whoever wins at the end of this week of camp.

Okay. My point is they don't allow any of the parents to know this. So at pickup, at the end of the way, this is obviously not discussed. The movie has already ended. They have to be like, hey, mom, how was camp? Oh, it was great. We won.

I'm going on tour to open up for a huge. band the fuck did you just say to me no you were at camp for a week you're 14 years old we're going home no no we're opening for oasis now we're going you know john's in fucking heaven yeah it's it's just crazy if my kids told us that oh no we're opening for a band now no you're not you're getting in the car and we're going home for the rest of the summer but it was the prize yeah yeah we're not gonna that's that doesn't make any sense to us you a another word out of you and I'll send you to fucking Camp Mystic next summer. Oh yeah.

Okay, that was too far. Yeah. I'm being an ass. And speaking of the dairy air, if you're into butt stuff, you're gonna love this guest. Enjoy. My guest today is surrounded by assholes at work and no, she didn't work on the set of it ends with us. But because she is a nurse and a surgical center that performs colonization, all day.

Please welcome to the Tosh Show studio all the way from the Hershey Highway in Texas, Nurse Gabby. Oh, we're going to get a lot of those today. Remember, I'm a child. Do you believe in ghost? I probably, yes. Yes. Maybe not like ghosts like your grandma, but like, probably like spirits, like, you know, like maybe like demons or angels or something.

Oh. Did you ever read that Dan Brown book, Angels and Demons? No, I didn't. Oh, man, is it a page turner. Might be right up around. Is it good? I like to read. I mean, it's his second best book.

No, this is first. What, that's the first? Some say it's his best. That's his second best book. I don't know. I think it's better than DaVinci Code. DaVinci Code put them on the map all over the world. I know.

Okay. For sure. Okay. I get it. Fucking Mr. Like, has to play the B-sides. He's going to argue about Dan Brown with you? Yeah, don't argue with Dan Brown with me.

All right. Let's get into Digital Fortress. I love Dan Brown. Where did you grow up and go to school? I went to like a private school in Hitchcock, Texas, but I grew up in Lamarck. It's like between Houston and Galveston. Which way from Houston? Which direction is that?

South. South? Isn't that the Gulf of America? I'm like 20 minutes. Do you say the Gulf of America? Sometimes like it, but I go back to like, because it was always the Gulf of Mexico. It still is the Gulf of Mexico. Let's be clear.

I don't care what Google Maps says. I promise you in two and a half years. It'll be switching. It'll be Gulf of Mexico for everyone when we have to rip up three million executive orders. Do you still resent New Orleans for Hurricane Katrina and send it all their riffraff your way? Okay. Are you scared of storms when they come roaring up? Yes.

You are? Some of it were like, oh, it's fine. It's just like a category two. But Harvey happened and like my house flooded during that. The problem with the flooding is if you evacuate, then there's just water sitting in your house. But if you're home, you can actually kind of do something about it and save some stuff. But we didn't have back.

No, I was at work. I had to go to work. I was stuck at work at the emergency vet. I worked at an emergency vet. Great. You were a vet ER tech for how long? Like eight years, eight to ten years. What is that involved?

Is that basically just people running in? Oh, my goodness. My dog was bit by a coyote. 2 a.m., my dog won't stop messing with its ear. I think he has an ear infection. And it's keeping me up. No, it was always like, that was always the people at like 4 a.m. coming in. Like, or my dog's been limping.

But he's like keeping me up now. And it's like, oh, you should just wait. So you're regular. But we had a lot of like hit by cars, dogs that jumped off the boat and got hit by the propeller. Firework exploding in the mouth. Oh, jumped off the boat and got hit by the prop. That's a new one. That was only one time.

One time my daughter at three was in the water behind. the boat. Oh, that's so scary. And I accidentally gassed it in reverse a bit harder than I should of and just had the big boat come at her. You know, listen, those things happen. Okay? Yeah. It all worked out. She's alive. She's good. Well, I mean, she's, she won't get on my boat. What's the craziest thing you ever saw as a vet tech? Probably like the firework was like pretty crazy because it like broke its jaw. It's all, its mouth was all, like, torn up inside. Because it went and, like, it was July 4th, went and grabbed. They were setting off fireworks, and the dog went and grabbed it.

Uh-huh. And its mouth, and it exploded in its mouth. You hear one story like that, and you say, maybe fireworks should be banned. Yeah. But I get it. You live in the Brown Star State. Do you say Brown Star? I've never heard that.

I've never heard that. What is that? It's because you work in colonoscubies. I thought, maybe you would start calling it the Brown Star State. The lone brown stars. There we go. You moved on from being a vet tech because you wanted to make more money. How bad is the pay as a vet tech?

Well, I started out at $13 an hour when I started at the ER. But before that, I worked with an equine dentist, like a horse dentist, and I made like $10 an hour. And then I got to $13. And when I left there, I think I just got to $17 an hour. Were you keeping the horse teeth? No. Those things are hideous. They're big.

They're big. They're kind of fun. What about rattlesnake bites? Oh, a lot. We have a lot in Galveston. Yeah. So people would let their dogs play on the dunes there. That's where they stay. Like, I didn't even know there was like a lot of rattlesnakes in Galveston until I worked there. And it was like all the time during the summer, just like rattlesnake bite, rattlesnake bite. Oh, and do they survive? Yeah, most of them do. We had only a couple that didn't, depending on like if people could pay because it was expensive. Yes.

And I mean, was like, when I worked there, like $400 a bottle, I think. And so they would They would just say no and just walk away from their dog. Well, sometimes they would do, like, other treatment, like, because they didn't, like, have to have anavitin, but it helps. Like, with the pain, the swelling, they would usually get, like, super swollen and start, like, just oozing blood out. What about somebody where it was, like, clearly they cannot afford this. Did you ever just say, you know what?

We're going to give it to you regard. No, we worked for a corporate company. So I don't know. Like, that wasn't my, yeah, that wasn't my thing. Like, they would try to find a way, like, okay. It was really fun. sometimes but like I didn't make that in my that's not your decision but you could have stolen a vial and just been like here I know but they have to no but you have to it has to go like over a period

of time and they have to be watched and be on their IV and everything so I mean still but they would there was other things like pain control and stuff and I mean I don't know after that if they survived really because they were gone I don't know if it's a racket or not maybe you could tell me but they sell here in Malibu'll always be signs like it's rattlesnake season you can preemptively give your dog some vaccine that's expensive. I've heard that that does not work, but it's a big thing. It's supposed to, it's supposed to prolong the amount of time when your, if your dog does get bit that you can get in and get the anti-venom.

I've heard it's a far. I'm on like these like snake bites support group. Oh. And it has like vet and human bites like you can get on there. And there's a few doctors that are like specialize in it. and they act like that's like just a joke. Is RFK Jr. run that site? Are you sure?

I'm pretty sure. I don't think he does anything with snakebikes. Gabby, talk about some of the shit you've seen at your job. Now, please know that I will be doing puns and double entendras for the majority of this episode. Most of the time is actually really clean. How did you get into it? I just applied for the job. I really was like asking for pre-op and post-op nursing.

And my friend worked there and she kind of like got me in there because I didn't have any experience. But when I was officially like hired, they hired me as like an endo nurse. And I was like, ooh, like it was kind of freaky at first. I was like, oh, that's probably disgusting. But it really is. No. It's really not. No, no.

It's pretty clean. Like sometimes like if people have an upper scope first and they've prepped and so they have like, have been having diarrhea all night. Like sometimes they'll like cough a bunch during the upper scope because they like gag and cough sometimes. How often are you doing the. upperscope versus the old poop shoot uh kind of we have a lot to do like both oh like probably should have i done me up should have done both sides no it's only if you're having like a lot of like reflux or something like that or like anemia they do it for anemia like if they're afraid you're

bleeding somewhere like from your stomach anything like that like having an ulcer just like pain that that this is even a business in texas because i thought colonoscopies in the the great state of Texas were banned because people thought that it was, you know what I'm saying, steers and... It's adjacent. It's adjacent, right? Very close. No, but no.

Men are very reluctant to get it. And it's just so funny to me. Yeah, it's crazy. I didn't think anything of getting it. It is the easiest procedure and nothing is better than getting put under. That's what I say. It's the best day of your life. The hard part is done because you did your prep.

That is like not the funnest part. The prep is unacceptable. Yes. And I saved Pete back there on his prep because I gave him a tip that I needed before. And it's you really have to not wipe aggressively in the beginning. You need to be more of a blotter. And like wipes. Right. And I was using a bidet. But still, toward the end, oh, she's sore. Have you seen some really sore rims? No, you know, I don't really like see their balls. Okay, you don't. Very much, no. Like, are you calling it a bottle? Is that what you guys say? I mean, I say it. It's not the technical. noacle term. No, I know it's not.

I do. We all know what it is now. You say butthole? Oh, yeah. You ever call it the two tunnel or the tunnel number two? You ever use turd cutter? No. Okay.

Downstairs mouth? Turd canal. No. Downstairs mouth. That's the front. No, downstairs mouth. Eddie, oh no, Eddie. Okay, so you don't see the actual butthole.

I mean, if I was like standing there looking, but they really, I'm sitting kind of like off to the side a little bit, like with my computer for the specimens. like when they take samples and like get polyps, anything like that. But really nobody's like sitting there. They don't like. Yeah, yeah. No. Are you on their side or are they on their back?

On the side, always. Always on the side. I don't even remember what position I was in. It couldn't have gone smoother. Yeah, usually they give you meds to like forget most everything before. Oh, that's also a little bit concerning. Not everyone does. I don't know what they gave you, but usually like younger people, they give like Verset or something.

And then it's like, don't remember anything. Can you do the procedure completely awake? And people do it. They do. Mm-hmm. Oh. Yeah. I've heard it's not, they say it's not that bad. It's just like uncomfortable and like pressure, but I would not be doing it.

So I'm never going to know that. But they want like if they need a ride because they have to have a ride. And if they like don't have a ride, they'll ask to do it like that or like I really want to go to work after. And so I can't be like under the influence the rest of the day. Okay. That's the loophole, the poo pole loophole. Poophole loophole. Man, you can stay awake and go for a ride.

We'll be right back. Can you tell if people have, you know, I don't know the right way to say this politely, but like, you know, this isn't their first rodeo. No. Like that went in easy. No, I mean, they put a lot of Louv on in any way so it goes in easily. Because when you're sedated, you're like relaxed. It's not like you're not going to be tight and constricted.

No. Just loosens up. Have you always been fascinated by colons and buttholes? Not really, but it is kind of interesting. Like, once you're in there, you're like trying to find stuff. I'm still not good at finding it. Like, the techs are good. Like, they'll be like, oh, there was a polyp.

You missed it. Oh. To the doctor. Okay. But like, really tiny ones. Or like, was that a polyp? But I'm not, I just sit there and I'm like. Is it like old Atari games where you can't go backwards once you pass one?

Okay, good. No, you can definitely go back up. How many passes do you do before you say we're done? Just one. They just go and they hit the certain spot called the Sikom. And then once they hit that, they have to spend. It used to be six minutes, but now it's eight minutes coming back and looking all around on the way back. So total time that it's in your butt. How long? If it's like a fast,

easy one, like eight to ten minutes. Uh-huh. If it takes, sometimes it takes a wrecked butthole. Like sometimes they call it like a torturous colon. A torturous colon? Yes. That's a good term. That sounds like a band. Sometimes it takes 15 to 20 minutes. Like some doctors will give up and be like, like we can't do it. They just give up? Yeah, they say we couldn't make it. They just like. We couldn't make it. That seems a bit traumatic. How many feet are they in there? I think it's like 80 centimeters.

Whatever that, I don't know what the conversion is. 80 centimeters. Is that 80 centimeters? No, it's like long. Yeah, but sometimes it like loops in there and they have issues in it. They have to stick like up to the hilt of the scope. It's either 70 or 80. Has there we got stuck?

No. No, never stuck. No. Thank God. Knock on one. Does the scope, like, does the cord have, like, different colors when you're like, okay, now we're at? No, but they have, like, bands on it that say like 10, 20. It's not too deep. Mouth. All of a sudden you see it poking out. Oh, we went too far.

Pete famously doesn't believe that the mouth and the butthole are connected. Can it go all the way through? I mean, you're not going to make it through. There's a ton of small intestine. and it's not going to go through that. But technically it's connected. Yes, but yes. But you'd have to have a smaller.

It'd take forever, I feel like. Technically, the small intensity can go around the moon and back. Is that true? That is true. I don't think so, but probably close. Talk about the smells. It's usually not bad unless people don't do their prep right. And then it's like, but we have a little spray that like we'll spray around.

Okay. But yeah, it does smell bad sometimes. Yeah. Or frieze us. If someone clearly hasn't done the proper prep, do you still go ahead and do it or no? Depends on the doctor, usually they're like, let's try. You're here. I've had people that come in and like, oh, I ate lunch today, like a full like pasta chicken lunch.

Wait a say. And I'm like, we're going to cancel this guy right. And they're like, no, if he says he's clear, then let's just try it. What? Then why am I doing this whole bottle of Mirlax? Well, you don't want to. Well, they have pills too. should do the pills. If you like...

I don't mind... I didn't mind the chugging. That... Oh, okay. It's just the next six hours. Yeah, it's terrible. So no matter what... Because I've seen articles...

Yeah, every route, you're going to be the same. It leads to the same. But I've seen articles where they're like, oh, no, this is a new way and it makes the prep completely, you know... Oh. But I still can't imagine. What about the old, you know, the new one, the box and you just send a turd in the mail? Oh, I think they say that that comes with like a lot of, like, false, positive.

positives and false negatives. But a lot of people, mostly men, I think, choose to do that to, like, escape getting it. So it just shows, like, if there's, like, any blood or anything in the stool. Here's how they told me that this is not what I should do. You can do that down the road for if your first official colonoscopy comes back clean. And, you know, then it's just like, okay, this is down the road. You do that. But you still are supposed to do the prep work for that as well.

No. No. Okay. So the reason they told me that don't do that, because when you do a proper colonoscopy, this is the only surgery. Is it called surgery? We call it a procedure because it's not really a surgery. This is the only procedure that not only we were checking for stuff, but if we find things, we actually remove them. Yeah. So if you find polyps, you're removing. How do you remove them? They either use like a little forcep that like comes and takes them off. They look really big on the camera. It's like magnified on the. the, like we have a TV screen that we watch, but they also have this like little snare. It's called a snare and it comes out like a little loop and then it closes and cuts it. And then they take it back out of the scope. And then they suck it through the suction.

Okay. I had zero polyps and they said, you are clear for 10 years. They come back in 10 years. When should people go for their very first colonoscopy? 45 years old. But I think they may make it sooner. I think they're trying to make it like sooner. But right now it's like 45 starts the screening.

Yeah, unless you have family history. Then go earlier. Yeah, then they have you sometimes go earlier. That's the problem. When people ask the history of it, I'm like, my grandparents, who knows what they had? Yeah, mostly your parents, but if you know your grandparents. They're so old and they just look, I mean, I think they had everything. And it depends on when your family was diagnosed with it.

Anybody in here haven't had it? Have not. I have not. You've never had a cold Oscar? No, I've done the Cola Guard. Oh. Three times. You should do it.

You should do it. That's not the... It's fun. It's fun after. And why did you choose not to do it? Doctor said I could just go do that. But what if you have polyps? You have no idea.

I feel around back there. I think I'm okay. No. You gotta go for. What's the most polyps you've ever found in a person? Probably like close to 20. Okay. But sometimes they'll get like, okay, we've...

Like, some of these are just like small. They're going to have to come back in like a year. or six months. And polyps don't necessarily mean cancer. No, no. It's just like abnormal growth that can turn into cancer. Is this a good line of work? I think so.

Honestly, it's pretty easy. Like, it's pretty like chill nursing, like a soft nursing, I would say. I can sit down most of the time during the procedure, unless I'm, like, helping the tech put on, like, a trap to get the polyps when they suck them back out and things like that. You ever had any famous athletes or anything coming there? No. No? Do they all like gather around? Oh, so and so came in today?

I don't think so. We have like VIP patients, but it's like, oh, the CEO of the company or like, oh, they used to work. They used to work somewhere. But nobody I know. The general manager of Boot Barn? Yeah, I don't know. It's people I've never known. It's not like, oh my God, that's so cool. Is it true you can tell by the smell of a fart if someone has colon cancer? I don't think so But I will say I had somebody

A nurse walk in one day And she We were in the middle of a Colonoscopy And she was like Oh it smells like You see Like ulcerative colitis

And I'm like Are you serious? And the doctor It was ulcerative colitis Like that's what it was But she was like Oh yeah I've done this for like a long time Like

I know the smell But I haven't done it long enough To be My nose is not In tune to that But she came in the room And just Maybe

Pull people out of line I don't know if she You could smell it in a fart, but it was, like, not a great prep. Can a doctor tell if, oh, there's cancer in here? They'll be like, oh. Okay, so then everyone in the room now knows? Yeah. Like, and you can see, like, normal polyps are, like, just tiny little ones, but then some of them are, like, huge and, like, ulcerated and red.

And that's usually, like, the sign that it's like, oh, that probably isn't, like, a good thing. And then afterwards, what do you do? What do they? They'll go talk to them. Do you give them the talk? No, not me. That's the doctor's job. I don't get paid enough for that.

Doctors are so, so, they should be paid less because the way they announce cancer. It's just so casual. They're like, it's almost like, you have cancer, so we're going to do this and this. Yeah, I think they're used to doing it. They're not going to be like, you're ready for this one. Here you go. And people are half asleep still. I mean, they want them to wake up more, but like if they've had that like Versed,

then some people like forget that the doctors even talk to them. I don't. But I think they like, they like, if it's. it's like something bad that they're like, oh, you're going to need something else. Like, we're going to have to follow up. And you, those big ones we don't take out. Like, they just will take like some little samples like biopsies of it and then they'll do it because they don't want to do me. Do they do, are you a part of the surgery when they actually start removing the colon? We have doctors that do that, the colon resections, but they don't, they do it at the hospital.

Have you ever had someone wake up while the camera was inside of them? Yeah. It does happen like quite often because the medicine they give you is like you wake up pretty fast after your body metabolizes it pretty fast. But some people metabolize it like super quick and they start waking up in the middle. Sometimes people say like some crazy stuff, but usually they don't remember. I don't know that I talked. I also when I wake up, I try to be, I try to mentally be like, let's fake this so I can get out of here as quick as I can. I'm like, oh, I'm so awake and I feel Great. Ready to drive.

Do you use the same camera for the butt as you do the throat? No, it's different. And we always do the top first, but it's a different scope, so it doesn't matter, really. But it's, I don't know why. But just in case? I guess just in case. And what do you do afterwards with this camera? Is it just get clean?

Yeah, the tech will take it and they like pre-wash it and then it goes through like a special washing stuff and then it goes and like gets cleaned out and then it goes to be sterilized. Like a tide pod? No. Like a special. machine with all these chemicals. I don't even know what chemicals, but. How deep does the camera grow from the top? Yeah. Into your duodenum. Like the first part of your your small intestine. Small intestine. So it's past my stomach. Yes. Yeah. Just past. They don't go too far,

though. They just go into the duodenum. They usually take a couple samples and then come back out. Does the inside of everyone's colon pretty much look the same? Yeah, pretty much. Unless there's like ulcerative colitis or something, like sometimes we'll go in and be like, oh my gosh, like, that looks weird. Uh-huh. But usually it's, like the same. That's why it's, I tell people when I like consent them, we have this like thing that says like you can't, we're take pictures, but it's just going to be like part of your medical record. It's not going anywhere else. I said not that you would probably recognize it as your own, but we still won't do it. Are you allowed to get in any of those photos?

I wouldn't want to. Quick selfie. Do people snore loudly under anesthesia? It depends. If they have like a lot of people have like sleep apnea and some don't know. So some people don't snore the whole time and some it's like so loud. And the anesthesiologist is having to like do like pressure to keep them breathing because they're like obstructing the whole time. What about if they didn't properly prep and now they're peeing on you? Is that happening? No, not peeing. They're usually dehydrated like not peeing.

But but some people don't properly prep is what I'm saying. I know, but that's not pee. That would be poop coming out. Okay. But can you, you can't drink either, right? Some doctors, it's like the night before, but some you have to wake up into your second dose in the morning, like wake up at 3 a.m. And go for it again. So those people do drink after midnight.

How do they not pee? I always have to pee. I got all, I did stop drinking after the prep drink and then that was it. Yeah, but you weren't like dehydrated and not like. No, I was, but I did it properly. My point is people that don't do. Oh, that don't. Well, I've never had anybody like pee.

Oh, I did. I did one surgery. I think of my hernia surgery. Right before I went under, the last thing I remember was, oh, I need to pee. And I'm like, oh, this is going to be bad. And you did pee on yourself? Oh, you don't know. They wouldn't have told me probably.

I think they did tell me, but because I consented to having a bunch of students in there watching me. Because I thought it was cool because they were fans. And I'm like, why don't you guys watch this? This was, again, this was hernia surgery. But they still, you know, and then I pee all over them. Whatever. They're college kids. They like it.

Um, your husband, were you with him when you made this career switch? Yes. Was he like, yes, this is great. Or was he like, oh. Well, the money is a lot better than I was. Okay. He's like, get in there. Yeah.

He's like, come on, work some more. I'm just PR in. So I just work three days a week, but it's like open Monday through Friday. How old's he? 34. So he hasn't done it. No. Will you get him on the table one day?

And are you legally allowed to work with him? like complaining. Are you too close to the project? Actually, I'm not sure if they would. I'd probably have to ask, like, tell somebody like, oh, hey, it's probably like a conflict of interest. Do you and your husband swap stories about how your day at work was? Yeah, usually.

I'll tell them, like, if something crazy happened or like, oh, this person said the funniest thing. Usually it's like, honey, stop. Stop. Oh. So people do get into it. Oh, that's interesting. I mean, saying stop. I don't know how much they're into it.

Well, unless you're screaming out the safe word, stop means we're in the game. Nobody's safe word is stop. No. Right? Pineapple. Thank you. No one's ever said pineapple, though. So I guess we're in the clear.

Oh, it's not pineapple. Octopus is the safe word at my kids' skateboard camp. If somebody really gets hurt, they're supposed to scream octopus. because then because there's kids just constantly. Oh, screaming crazy things. Or help me. In pain everywhere. Everybody's got a broken wrist and they're all hips are destroyed. There's just kids on the ground everywhere. We'll be right back.

Can you burn a candle in the room? No. Okay. One of the doctors, some of them wear masks, some of them don't. But she wears a mask and she likes this like oil to be put on the mask if it smells bad. She's like, can I get the oil? real. Oh.

So she can't, so it like helps the smell. Uh-huh. That's code for a hobos in the room. But really, most people don't, like, if you did your prep, like, we're not in there like, oh, man, this is smells. I'm so self-conscious of that's, that probably is the only part of it that, that registered with me. I was like, oh, these poor people have to see me.

I just, I just feel like I'm just, you're so vulnerable. It is very vulnerable. But you're not, like, I, you're not like, I, you're. used to think like you're laid out like just they rip your gown off and you're just like open and everyone's like looking in there like what's going on but it's really not it's way better than what my doctor does every year when he checks my prostate and just I mean you're awake for that at least you're sedated sticks a thing and then my doctor says the word shit and I'm always like I'm like can we not use that word here he's like I don't roll over their shit and I'm like and I'm like

oh terrible do you guys call it snake in the drain okay Have you ever snake to drain in real life? Yeah. Yeah, I have. It's all the same thing, right? I mean, I don't do, I don't snake anything. I don't do that. The doctor does that.

Wait, you had this procedure, and you've done this? Yes, I did it in June. Oh, just as a like, like, I might as well. No, I have, like, I have IBS. Well, now it's diagnosed. I know, twins. But I got it done. And then I have, like, a lot of acid reflux.

I was. Same. So that's why I got, I wanted the top. And he's like, well, since you're having this, we might as well do the bottom. And I'm like, sign me up at the same time. Okay. So you've done everything. Yeah.

So now I know. But now I can like tell people like, don't be nervous. Like that's the biggest thing is people are so nervous. This is way too personal. But did they find anything? No, I didn't have any polo. So it was a complete waste. That's the problem with this procedure.

True. When they find nothing, you're like, I didn't need it. But then they're like, well, you have I BS. That's what it is. It's not this or this. It's, that's just what it is. I'm on the side of a road. I always thought it was like normal, you know, until I saw like a pool sign one day.

They said don't be within 14 days. I was like, I'd never be able to get in a pool ever. Thank you. And then I was like, maybe something's not right. By the way, where did you see that sign? Because I didn't think that was a sign in Texas. No, in Belize. But I've like, I never.

Texas will let you go in there mid mid-crap. But now I see it like I've never really read. Maybe. Maybe we're coming around. Because California always had the, you can't get into a hot tub or a pool if you've had diarrhea in the last 14 days. And my family always says, ah, yeah, you can't get in. Get out. And then they'll start screaming if I get in.

Dad, you had diarrhea last night. What is the best time for knowing what the prep work is for people to have this procedure done? What should they, like, wait until you get this time slot? because you don't like an early time you don't want the middle of the day you don't want that you want to make sure that you can do your prep work and then go to bed not have to do your prep work through the night yeah i had an early appointment which was nice but i had to get up at 4 a.m. and do my second dose which was like torture i don't know why do i not know about the second dose i had to do the mirror lax though yes the whole bottle i that's like not super normal but different

doctors do different things they told me chugged the entire bottle of meerlax put the whole thing They said I could put it in Gatorade to offset it. Yeah. And then it was just horrible until, I don't know, midnight. And then I went first thing in the morning. I think they do that a lot with like kids, mirror. They gave you the kids. No, I'm just kidding.

But they either, like, most of it is usually like this huge, like big gallon called like go lightly. And you have to chug that. And apparently it tastes awful. Or there's these two little vials like that you just chug real fast and then you have to drink a certain. amount of water and then there's the pills which I chose because I don't like stuff that tastes weird. Those you take like 12 pills and you drink

like this much water, this much water, this much water and then 12 pills a second time. Okay. I don't like pills. Oh, then. I gag with two vitamins and then they're like I know. They're big. I know they would be. I have always been

when I get my teeth cleaned, I'm gagging. She's like, breathe your nose. I'm like, bitch, I know to breeze through my nose. I've done this forever, I just have a quick trigger. And once it starts, then it's on. Oh, no. Why do you think aliens are so into anal probes? I don't know.

Maybe they're just trying to check for polyps. Wouldn't that be nice? They're smart, right? They're trying to get rid of pollen cancer. That destroyed their civilization, so they're just going around the galaxy. There you go. Checking people for polyps. That's what I like to hear.

Everybody that's on the show gets a gift, okay? Oh, gosh. First, you have a three-year-old boy. Yes. He is going to love this. Oh my gosh. This is a pirate ship, okay? And it's got a plank.

It's got cannon. I think the cannon works. I don't know. That's going to be nice for him. You're going to love this. It's dusty because, again, my son is outgrown that. Oh, look at her. Didn't even have to say a word.

I know. Perfect. I don't want to get yelled at it. I don't want to get it. Hold on. This is the travel matchbox cars, but it's a track. It just unfolds into a track and you slam this and then they race. Oh, he's going to love that.

Oh, he's going to love it. I got some extra cars here. too. I just got to get all the cars out. You know what you do? You just give this to him and then he says, oh, this is exciting. Look at that one. That's a weird one. Oh, I don't think I'm going to give you this one. Oh, no. This was always my favorite.

Well, it's a little Honda Civic. Ah, that's the cutest thing. I'll keep that one. Does he like cars or no? Yes. This is a boat car. Okay? I don't even think they make these in the real world. Amphibious, is that what that is? Look at that. That's fun. Oh, she rolls true.

In the future. Okay. Speaking of the future, it is. Oh, my God. Hold on. I'm going to put the top on. This is beautiful. How's that going? Like this?

Okay. Oh, look at this. An elevator. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, it is cool. Okay, it's basically, and these are aliens that can do probes. Okay, and then there's all the extra pieces. You know, it's like, people only would give me wood toys.

I never liked it because, oh, it's so dumb. But whatever, there's a lot of, oh, there's a little alien. Or maybe that's a space man. Did you see Interstellar? Yes. Yeah, it's no good. I don't remember much of it. I don't think I really...

Please don't scratch the desk with this. I'm picking it up. Well, I don't know if that... Maybe that's the best place to pick it up. And thank you for letting me keep this. Oh, no problem. Yeah. I'll let you have it.

I can't get rid of that. Let me see how she rolls. Not as good as the boat one. Well, the boat one. Maybe I'll keep that one, too. What was your first car? A Toyota Camry with like a smashed door. Like, I had to buy my own car.

And I didn't save up like a ton of money But somebody I knew had one that they were like done with It had like got into your X side just but I loved it I just drove around I didn't care that I had a smash door could the door open properly Oh this was like loud but I mean listen that that was my first car was a Honda Civic Oh I loved it but then then I sold it when I was like I had it from 16 to 21 or 22 sold it to a kid and he totaled it two weeks later And I'm like oh my car committed to s s I could do so sad.

That's what I tell myself. What's the absolute latest somebody can wait to get this procedure? I mean, I guess so they die. Well, should you do it once you're 80? Can you stop? No, usually they have you stop after 80. They do. Yeah, but we've had people, like, if they're having issues, but usually they say like 80 or like, I think 10 years till you think you're not going to be here anymore.

Uh-huh. Then stop. Then stop, yeah. Oh. But unless people like are having issues like, oh, they're having a lot of bleeding and stuff, want to get it checked out and then sometimes they will. A lot of bleeding. I mean, it seems like that would be the ultimate red flag.

Yeah. I'm having a lot of bleeding in my stool. That's what my mom used to say as a child. If your stool is ever black or bloody, don't flush it. Let me come look at it. And to this day, I send her picks. And she's like, that looks healthy. And I'm like, she just wanted to make sure.

She's like, you're fine. Please stop. Send me pictures. How long did you say you think you're going to be doing this work? I enjoy it so far. Okay. Until I find something else. Is there another, like, I'm sure there's constantly, like, lateral moves nurses can do the.

Oh, yeah. My, like, dream is, like, probably postpartum nursing. Well, you did nick you for a while, and that was not your dream. No, no, but, like, little babies that are, like, not needing a thousand drips and intubated and all that. Yeah. Yeah, that's a tough one on the soul. Yeah.

That's why our friend, Dr. Jocelyn, who's a Nicky. Yeah. She just, you know, likes to torture her mental state. But it's like pretty good outcomes, like most of the time. Yeah, but someday she comes home with a horrific story. Yeah, it's harder than adults for sure. Yes, adults, who gives a shit when they die? Like, you've had a good life.

All right, Gabby, thank you for being here. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. You're doing, I don't know whose work. But I want to thank Gabby. for being on the show and helping all of our listeners realize the importance of getting checked. Okay? And Eddie?

I don't want to hear it. I see one more brown envelope in your mailbox. That box is embarrassing to take in there, too. They know what it is. Oh, no. No, you don't do that. Do you shake it and you can hear that turd just banging in? It's like a liquid you put it in.

So, yeah, you can hear it. It splashes. No. That's disturbing. All right. Yeah, get yourself checked. Patreon.com slash toss show.

You get your free seven-day trial. My first farewell tour. Check it out. Okay? There's a slight, slight rearrangement with one date because the building was condemned. And we had to move another date, which I thought was a nice move from a Sunday to a Friday. I put Asheville in the Fayetteville slot. That's nice.

The people of Asheville should rejoice. You deserve a Friday. Your city's 30 times. what Vietnam is. And were we allowed to say that or no? What was the ruling on that? We'll allow it. They're going to allow it.

Toshoshostore.com. Get your merch. Now, hit the music. It's everyone's favorite segment. They love me. They love me not. Brought to you this week by Cal She. Ah?

That's great. Eddie, I didn't even know that they would sponsor an existing segment, but here we go. You give them what they want. Okay. This is from Nathan B. 7221. Tash should also do ads for Kashi cereal just to throw people off.

That's great. That's great. See, that person gets it. That funny. Kashi cereal. I do get the two confused. Yeah. Why don't they advertise with us?

Especially if I'm doing these ads for Kashi every other week. Why don't, on the other alternate weeks, I do Kashi cereal. You can trade cereals. Can you mix a little bit of Kashi cereal with? like cinnamon toast crunch? Oh, that might be a delicious treat. Okay, well, let's hear they love me not. This is from PLR 957.

I stopped listening to this podcast well over a month ago, subjecting your audience to this many ads as scummy behavior. Oh, wow. Wow. We lost a listener over a month ago. But he comes back a month later to comment on my page. Well, guess what? that comment counts as a click.

That click turns into money. That money can be put right back into Kalshi. Full circle. Okay? I'm going to trade that I wouldn't get along with this person. The future. Okay. I'm taking it.

I mean, granted, I have some inside information. Right. But they sound like just a real wet blanket. See you next week.