Tosh Show - My Commercial Flight Attendant - Anthony

Episode Date: October 20, 2026

Daniel finds his seat across the table from flight attendant Anthony. The Arizona-based crew member dishes on the best and worst of passenger behavior, what it was like growing up closeted in Wisconsin, and why on a good day he doesn't do any of the things he's actually trained to do. Join our Patreon for exclusive content: http://patreon.com/toshshow Download the Kalshi app and use code TOSH to get $20 when you trade $20 http://www.kalshi.com/r/tosh

What is the biggest misconception about flight attendant in your opinion? That were sky waitresses. Mm. Welcome to toss show for show. Welcome to toss show. Damn bones, damn bones, damn. Dry bones. Dylan, what's the next line?

Yeah, I have no idea. You don't know about them bones? Sounds vaguely familiar. Oh, the hip bones connected to the leg bones. Yeah. Hear the word of the Lord. Something like that. I actually didn't know that was a Christian song.

Yeah, a lot of people don't because they do a different version of it now at Halloween. My kid's school was doing it. And I go, wait, that's a Christian song. At the end, they say, hear the words of the Lord or something like that. And then my wife's like, no, it's something about like, do the skeleton dance. And I'm like, that's not the hook. Anyway, we got to the bottom. Oh, guys, I have to tell you, my daughter, the other day, this, this is just a horrible thing.

she had her first, like, adult puke in her life. Okay? Like, like, not, you know, a child as a baby throws up, but this, she was a full vomit. Now, I want to share with you what happened. She comes walking into our room at night, you know, like a demon. Yeah. Terrifying. There she is.

Ah, at the foot of the bed. Yep. And then she, like, crawls into the bed and, like, up in the middle, knows her spot. And she's like, I don't feel. doesn't feel good and she's hurting and Carly, you know, just perfect mother instincts is just like, just try to fall asleep. And I'm like, she feels like she's burning up. Carly, just try to fall asleep. All of a sudden I hear, I'm like, what? Oh, I'm like, Carly, she's on her back choking on her own vomit. Oh, my God. It's just coming up like a gurgle

over and she doesn't know what to do she's never thrown up in her life it's inner eyeballs ever I'm just holding her meanwhile I sleep with like six pillows you know sheets duvet everything has been touched her and I'm just

and I have to it's three in the morning I have to bring her to the shower and I'm like it's okay she doesn't even know what's going on her eyes are caked in her own vomit that she was gurgling on because mom told her just to go to sleep

just fall asleep no she shouldn't fall asleep she needed to vomit it was everywhere okay so now i'm in the shower with her just lightly and and she's so traumatized that she's just letting me uh spray her down and get all this vomit off of her and meanwhile carly knows that this is on her because my instinct was not to just put her in her bed and tell her to close her eyes. So she's doing a full bed change in the middle of the night, which by the way, any woman that's under 5'2, watching them try to change the bedding on a cow king, you know, unless you're Mexican and you've been doing it for 20 years as a full-time job,

you just struggle. You struggle getting corners Getting corners down I'm just I'm like What are you doing? It's like it's night we're asleep It's like I'm like the side That's just bad

My poor angel has just Vomited everywhere And now by the way I just bring her into the shower And just chunks of meat Everywhere And I'm just trying to hose it Unsuccessfully with our shitty Malibu water pressure

because we're saving the environment by not having good pressure. And so now none of this vomit is going down the drain. Just waffle stomping. Right, as if I have a waffle drain. No, I have a linear, long, six-foot drain that has a grate that I have to take out to force all this vomit down. Oh, just, and my girl's just so sad and scared. what the fuck just happened to me.

I'm covered in it. I can smell it. I want to puke. It's three in the morning. And then, you know, like an hour later, all three of us were back asleep together in the bed,

hoping that my son sleeps in. Nope, he's up at 6 a.m. in the room. What's going on? Well, you missed it last night, buddy.

He's like, what's this? Oh, there's a chunk on the wall we missed. Yeah. I'm glad it happened then and not, you know, a couple days from now when I'm gone. You know, I'm leaving, getting ready to get out of town, go on tour for a few days while my family stays here, continues their education, then meets up with me. But Ed and I, we're off. We're flying.

The friendly skies. We sure are. And today's guest, hopefully there will. they're with us. Enjoy. My guest today will greet you with a smile, barrel through a ton of important rules and instructions before making you a cocktail.

And all he asks in return is that you don't touch them. Please welcome aboard the Tosh Show, Friendly Airways, flight crew member, Anthony. Anthony, do you prefer flight crew, or do you like flight attendant? I'm part of a flight crew, but flight attendant. It's my official title. First question, Anthony.

Do you believe in ghosts? Very much so. It's not good. That's not reassuring when I'm on a plane that the flight attendant is 100% on board with ghosts. Oh, yeah. Have you ever had an encounter? A few in several different hotels. Hotels?

Yeah. Oh, interesting. Yeah, yeah. There's one in particular in Pittsburgh. Can you share what hotel it is? The Omni. The Omni. There's always something different that happens either to one of my crew or somebody comes out with a story every single time.

Are these bad experiences with ghosts? Are they positive? Creepy. I mean, but it's not like, you know, all of a sudden I feel like I'm in the movie The Exorcist. Okay. But it's definitely like, did that can just slide across the desk all by itself? What kind of cans are you traveling with just out of curiosity? Are you going to a shelter? No, but, you know, just beverages.

Of soda. Got it. Yes. A beverage. Where'd you grow up, Anthony? Wisconsin. Beautiful. Where in Wisconsin?

South Eastern. South Eastern Wisconsin. So do you say just outside of Chicago? Usually I'd just say between Milwaukee and Chicago. But which city do you prefer? Chicago or Milwaukee? I'd have to say Milwaukee. Really?

Yeah. Look at that. No one thought that was going to be the score. No. Milwaukee wins. Well, because that's like saying, oh, I live in the suburbs of Chicago, and I'm like, oh, where? Lake Geneva.

I'm like, well, that's in Wisconsin. and they earned out in the suburbs. Chicago really, you know, they reached their arms out pretty wide. When did you leave Wisconsin? When I was 18. Where'd you go to school? Did you leave for school or did you just leave for another reason? Oh, I left to discover who I am away from everyone that was trying to have an influence on who I should be.

Did you figure it out? Oh, yeah. Very quickly after moving. Uh-huh. What did you learn about yourself? That I don't like women. Did you, were you in the closet through high school? cool? It was terrible. You know, back then it was, you know, early 2000s, it was still taboo.

I mean, it's funny that you say early 2000s because it's like I'm so much older than that, but like I guess that means things are getting better if we think, oh my goodness, it wasn't great in the 2000s and it's better now because I know for a fact it was better in the 2000s than the 80s by a lot. So I guess we're slowly, slowly getting into a better world. It's been a journey. With a few steps backwards, I'd like to point out to. Yes. When you came back to Wisconsin, did they embrace you with gay arms?

Like, yes, I'm glad you're here. We love you. No, I lost a lot of friends from high school. They, let's just say small towns create small minds sometimes. A lot of my friends, well, former friends now just they couldn't see, you know, past what I became. And I'm like, dude, when you're at my house on a sleepover, I was still gay. Uh-huh. And technically that means that they are gay.

I guess so. They slept with a gay guy. Anyone that slept at that slumber party officially is on the list forever. Why do you think there are so many gay men that fall to this profession? The ones that I've met just enjoy travel, and a lot of them are single. Oh, you're saying they're using it to mingle. Yeah. Interesting.

Just meet up meeting randoms or? I think it's a combination of both. I always thought, you know, I just tried to guess, but I always thought it was because of the travel. They wanted free travel and they like to go places. I mean, I love travel, so that was my big draw to this. Just see different places, you know, and places that I wouldn't, I would never say I'm going to go here, you know,

like to Knoxville, which actually has a really pretty stinking awesome downtown. I mean, you're talking to someone that loves Knoxville. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. I'm going to Knoxville at the end of my next little tour, and then from Knoxville, I will do the hour drive to Pigeon to pay my respect to the great Dolly Parton. Yeah, yeah. What does it take to become a flight attendant? The interview process is a long one.

I submitted my application from the time. I submitted it to the time I actually got a face-to-face interview. It was about 10 months. From there, once you're accepted, then you go through training. basically what you're learning on, no matter what airline, you're learning how to evacuate an aircraft. You're learning every single emergency component to that aircraft. You're learning how to save people's lives in the event of an emergency or if you have an in-air emergency, how to make sure that someone stays alive. Okay.

I think people assume that we go to this training to learn how to pour them a Coke. I'm learning how to keep your butt alive and get you out of this aircraft in under 90 seconds. Do they teach you how to grapple how to disarm someone? Yes. They do? They do. And that doesn't deter you from wanting to do this Because I'm thinking that a majority of the people

That sign up to become flight attendants are like The hours are good and I get free travel out of this For me and my spouse Right I'm not doing this because I want to zip tie some drunk racist Or you know take some box cutter out of who knows who hands By the way when they're showing you terrorist training Do they make do they use like a a white?

man just so that they don't seem racist? The dummies we use are of Caucasian colors. Uh-huh. So they don't... Surprise the administration, current administration, hasn't done away with that. Just sending paint to all the flight it's in school. Okay. But honestly, no offense to me sizing you up, booked by its cover.

I don't, I don't, you could be the greatest fighter I've ever met. but you don't look like it. And if I saw some dude with cauliflower ear that had been drinking all day at the airport and he's on the flight and all of a sudden he starts pushing people, like, what do you really do? In that situation, it depends on if he's staying seated. Is he staying seated?

Do I need to just try and diffuse the situation? That's the first go-to. If he does start getting physical, then there's a warning like, hey, you know, we're going to, if you don't keep your hands to yourself, we're going to zip tie you. Or we might go to that immediately. Have you ever had a zip tie somebody? No.

Okay. No. I think social media does kind of blow those videos into viral moments. So that's what we see. Really, people just want to get to where they're going. They're going to sit there. They're going to enjoy their flight. I would say at this point, I've only, I can count on one hand how many times I've had

a passenger just be a turd. Okay. You know, and usually just because they've had a few drinks at the airport. Why don't we just ban alcohol on flights? I know people are losing their mind right now. It seems to me that it creates more problems. But here's what I'm going to come back at. If you're not going to ban alcohol, then legalize gambling.

Okay? I'd like to gamble while I'm on a flight. I don't have a problem, and I enjoy it. It's a good time suck. So, air a time law. It is another way for the airline to make more money. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.

Somebody just opens up the emergency. at Rome just takes a dive. Like, I can't. You could wager your miles. Uh-huh. Oh, that's a good one, actually. There you go, Ed. Wager your miles.

We'll be right back. Can you travel with larger quantities? I can. Oh, you motherfucker. Only if I'm in uniform. Uh-huh. So in uniform, yes. If I'm dressed like this,

I got to follow the rules. One time I had, this is the dumbest story, but it's going to speak volumes about who I am. I'm in San Francisco, okay? There's a product that I really liked, and this is a long time ago.

And I was like, oh, but this was post-9-11. So anyway, so the three-ounce thing was in effect. They had this product that I liked, and I was like, oh, my goodness, I'm going to buy a bunch of it because I can't always find this product. It was like a clay or something for my hair, and it came in a little puck.

And the puck was 2.7 ounces, let's say. Okay. But I have a little bit of, you know, OCD and I don't like stickers on anything. So I peel all the stickers off of my products. Again, this speaks volumes of who I am. Save your judgment. Okay, but now none of the products that are all brand new say the amount of ounces that are in there, which is under three ounces.

And I happen to be traveling back. And they flagged me and said, oh, this is, I promise it's under three ounces. and they're like, yeah, but it doesn't say anything. I'm like, and I just had a, I threw all of them away. I just threw a stack of them away and just walked through the gate. And it was like, that's, that, that's the lesson I have to learn right now. To just wait to peel off the stickers. I know, but I can't.

When I, you literally threw your money in the garbage. But you know, like Christmas Eve, if you have a moment, just say, oh, I wonder what Daniel's doing right now. Or you can just say, I know what Daniel's doing right now. Christmas Eve every year I am up with a hairdryer heating stickers off of my kids' toys that I've bought them and peeling them off because I don't want there to be any stickers on their toys. Like if it's a bike, there's stickers all over the place, warnings. I don't like it. I have a problem. This is not what this show is about.

Yet you love bumper stickers. I love a good box. I put bumper stickers on people's cars, but mainly because I think it's. It's hysterical. Are you a nervous flyer ever? In severe turbulence, yeah. You don't like it? Mm-mm.

Do you have to still act like everything is okay? Yeah. Even if I'm nervous, I have to just, you know, hey, don't worry, this is normal. Yeah. I mean, it's normal, but it's, you know. It's scary sometimes. Should we clap when the plane lands? I have been on those flights.

It's usually when we're experiencing some really severe turbulence and people are getting sick. they're screaming. Those are some pretty nasty flight. So when you're touching ground, a lot of people are clapping and cheering and giving the captain and first officer high fives. That's the benefit of having a very experienced crew. Do you feel safer with the new pilots or old pilots? Both.

You like a mix. A mix. Yeah, yeah. I like the captains that are there. They've been, you know, maybe they've been fighter jet people or, you know, they have some kind of like experience in the military and now they're flying commercial. Right. Having that experience on both sides, it's kind of nice because the first officer is going to bring a different perspective.

Have you witnessed firsthand sexism when people board a plane and find out that the pilot is female? Yes. People have made their comments like, oh, I didn't realize there was a woman flying today. And I think that's probably the extent of it. And I'm like, I'm putting my faith, my trust in the captain. She's the most season. She's the one that's going to take control. of that entire aircraft in the event of an emergency?

I was on one plane crash. It was a Delta connection. It really isn't a crash, but I like to say that just so it sounds a little more interesting. But we started our takeoff, you know, full throttle. And it was a Delta connection in Cincinnati, which is not in Cincinnati. It's in Kentucky.

Yeah. Whatever. And we're accelerating quickly, and then quickly they bail on that and sharp turn off and into the grass. Okay. Oh, and back to the gate we went. And then they said that it was the quick thinking of our captain that aborted that takeoff and went through the grasp, which was very alarming, and it was a female pilot.

And I'm going to be honest with this was quite a long time ago. And there were a lot of murmurs on that plane about what just happened. What is the biggest misconception about flight attendant in your opinion? That were sky waitresses. I don't like that. Yeah. No, I got called that about five months. ago. This guy. You got called a sky waitress? Yeah. Hate crime. This guy was just being a nugget.

And I was just like, he was like, just go get me a drink. You're being a sky waitress or you are a sky waitress. You know, something along those lines. And I was like, all right. So instead of working my section, you know, from the front of my section to the back, I started from the back and worked my way to the front. And he was just, oh, he was so hot by the time I got to him. Uh-huh. Because it was an hour flight. So which means he had probably five minutes to drink whatever he got. He didn't need more drink. What do you like to drink?

What's your favorite? Yeah, I come. Let's just say, hypothetically, right now, I've got a cart. What's your go-to beverage? Probably a water. Mm-hmm. Still or sparkling? Still.

Do you like a splash a lime? No. No. Do you want the whole bottle? No, I'm not greedy. Wait, well, hold on. So you're saying if I want a whole beverage, I'm greedy? I'm not saying you're greedy.

You just might be one of those passengers where I'm like, all right, what else are you going to ask for me? I mean, I can already tell. I already can tell it. It's going to get hostile. How long does it take to get to your gate from where you have to park your car at your home airport? You park your car, you step out of your car. How many minutes till you're in the plane? 20 to 25. Wow. On a good day. That's on a good day. That's a good day. Yeah. And is it true that you don't get paid as much if you're flying? flight is delayed and you're on the ground, then your rate when you're in the air? If the door is open and we're delayed, yes.

If the door is closed, we are receiving a little something. But then once, again, yeah, so when we're in the air, we are receiving a better rate. So you are equally frustrated with delays. Yes. So it's like, you know, people get, they get pissy with us. I'm like, dude, I'm like, I'm sitting here and not even making my full wage. Uh-huh. So.

How often do you scream, dude? at different passengers. Actually, surprisingly a lot. It's just funny, because you're from Wisconsin. Dude. Just chill out. Describe your favorite type of passenger. A sleeping one.

Okay. You want us to go to sleep? Yes. So you won't wake a passenger. Hey, do you want to drink? I won't touch them, but I will, as I'm going through, I will ask the row, you know, does anyone want anything to drink? And if they don't wake up, they don't wake up.

Where are you at on me just to hold my trash out like this as you're walking by? Do I have a garbage bag in my hand? This is a bottle. I'm just holding an empty bottle. Yeah, I'll be right back for that. You're saying you don't like that move? No, I'm going to put on a glove. I don't know where your hands have been.

You have a good idea, okay? Where are you at on babies crying? So I have, I'm allowed to bring three pieces of luggage on. So my carry-on bag, a small tote, and then we, as a flight attendant, you bring your, we'll call it our lunch bag. So whatever we're going to have for however long we're going to be out. So three bags. That tote that I have isn't even for me. It's filled with toys, okay?

Coloring books, games. I got little things for babies because let's be real. when you got a screaming kid and the parent is doing everything in their power and I really do mean a lot of parents they're trying to get that kid quiet they know that that kid is annoying everyone around them and sometimes I'll just walk back there with this little tote and I'm like what's going on? I open up the bag they see nothing but toys in there and I'm like all right here's the deal you got to quiet down I'll give you a toy and usually they're like dude I'm going to get a toy I'll now all I got to do is shut up. They're usually quiet by the time a stranger is talking to them. Sure. But they get to pick out something. But what about a baby? Will you pick up a screaming baby? You know, the ears or can't adjust to the altitude change or something like that? You ever walk around with somebody's baby? I have. Uh-huh. That's nice. Yeah. Give a mom a break. I don't even ask. I just take the

baby. I got this. And then I just leave and I take their children. I mean, there's only so many places I can go on the airplane with a kid. But I'll face them out, let them see what's going on. And I'll just, I've walked up and down the aisle with them. Okay. Where are you at on people listening to their devices without headphones? Oh, no. Uh-uh. No, don't do it.

I make an announcement if I hear it. I'm like, hey, you know, make sure you listen to that device with your headphones or earbuds or turn the volume completely down and turn on those closed captions. So you're not disturbing those around you. And there have been times when I haven't heard the devices and people are like bringing their call light like, hey, can you make whoever's listening to that, you know, I'm trying to like read. I'm trying to work.

I know, but it's a lot of them my kids don't want to put their headphones in. So it's like, you know, I'm just going to let them listen to the iPad real quietly. But you're saying I shouldn't do that. No. What do you think about people bringing pets on the plane? Are you a fan or do you find it annoying? I don't mind it. Okay.

I'm a pet guy. What about people bring cats on the plane? Like, I'm highly allergic. Now I've got to sit next to a cat. If you are highly allergic, we can move you. Do you do funny announcements? No. No.

Do you sing? No. No. No. I keep it pretty by the book. Can farting too much get you banned from an airline? I don't know. Have you ever had someone say, listen, the man next to me has either shit his pants or has a disease or is dying, when the smell is just constant.

I can't say that I've had that experience. No one's out at somebody? Sometimes they out themselves because they'll like crop dust the entire aisle as they walk back to their seat. So I do carry a little air freshener in my bag. You do? I do. Will you spray it in the plane while people are all around? I'm right there in the galley, and the bathrooms are there near the galley.

So sometimes if there's something horrible happening in that bathroom, I need that air freshener. You ever click on those articles where they show you like new seat formations for planes where they have stacked people where they're like on top of each other? And you're like, oh, there's no fucking way. I'm like, I don't want to be on that box. bottom seat looking at someone's butt, you know? You're not going to look at their butt, but you're going to definitely know that butt's there. What about medical emergencies in the air? You ever have to do anything?

I think the closest I've come to that is just providing oxygen for someone. Is it not the oxygen that falls? Do you have a separate-like oxygen? Yeah, we have. There's oxygen bottles on board. I've always wanted to be on a plane where all the oxygen masks fall just to experience it, but it's never happened. No. You don't, that's a bad day.

How easy is it to get those things back up in there? You'd have to ask maintenance on that one. That flight's not going to take off again real soon. If that's inbound, you never want your inbound flight to have all their oxygen mask deployed. No. Flight, you're like, what happened? Have you wanted to land in the water just to see if those slides turned in nice boats? I'm not a good swimmer, so no.

Oh. Are the slides the actual boats? It depends on the aircraft. The slides can be detached. They can float. Some of them you would hang on to the side of the raft. because they're not designed to hold people in them. Others are actually designed to be rafts.

You know it always bothers me. It's like I'll look at some of my kids' flotation toys. And I'm like, this is not a life-saving device. It says that big letters on all these things. I'm like, unless my kid needed it to stay afloat and not die, then it is. Then it is. Don't hold on to that, son.

That's not what it's for. I can't swim anymore, Dad. Sorry. Have you had to start? stab a pen into the throat of a passenger to keep them alive? No. No. If that was needed, I'm going to call it to see if anyone is trained to do the stabbing. Okay, here, let me give you a little advice. And this is a form of stolen valor. Ed knows

this is coming. A lot of times, they'll say, is there a doctor on board? Yeah. And Eddie always has his flight miles under Dr. Eddie Goslin, but he's no doctor. But he just likes it because whenever they page him, they say Dr. Gosling, and he thinks that's funny. They treat you nicer in the lounge sometimes like Dr. Gosling right this way. But anyway, my point is, don't let Eddie stick anybody in the throat with a pen because he'll act like he knows what he's doing. I tried to get rid of it because one time somebody came up and like, oh, you're a doctor. There's somebody in the back that's having an episode and I go, I just keep him hydrated.

And then like, you know what, that's probably best. And then I've tried to get rid of it on a certain airline. and I cannot wipe it from my... No, listen, you got to live with it. Once you're a doctor, you're always a doctor. What about the dumb horseshoe pillows? Do you like those? I'm not a fan of them, but it doesn't stop others from strapping themselves into it.

Have you seen someone with that inflatable lean forward pillow? Oh, yeah. Do you like that one? No. It's in my way. Yeah. That's a bold move to put that in, especially if you're an aisle seat. Now you've blocked in two people.

They're like, what is this? I forget to move the bouncy house if I use the bathroom. Have you ever caught pilots behaving badly? I've been told from other flight attendants that, you know, they've been hit on or... That's not bad. That's nice. It's a compliment. Why you got to be such a prude?

Well, probably because they're married. Sure. And so are the pilots. Yeah, pilots are always... Pilots have second families. Several families. Isn't that the rule? They're supposed to have, like, multiple families.

I've always heard pilots have multiple families. Yeah. What about taking now? You ever seen a pilot taking a nap while he's flying a plane? No, because I'm not behind that door. Are you allowed to accept cash tips? No. Have you ever accepted cash tips?

I have. I actually appreciate that. You know, people... Money? Yeah. Most people do. They want to thank you for giving them really good service. And sometimes the best way they can do that is three or five bucks, ten bucks, or though, you know, people will come on flights and they want to thank you before they even get to their seat. So they're bringing you a Starbucks card or, you know, a bag of candy.

I don't know if I want to eat a bag of candy from anyone in this day and age. I mean, I don't trust him. But you have a sweet tooth, don't you? I do. I know. Oh, I can't resist it. Sure. We know how to poison you.

Sure do. Do you say goodbye to everyone? If I, yeah, almost. You know, there's always those one or two where they purposely leave their earbuds in so they don't have to make eye contact with you or acknowledge your existence. Oh. You don't like that at all, huh? No, because I'll say, you know, I'm like, all right, have a good day.

and then they just walk past it. I'm like, or not. What about a full embrace? Would you like that upon? I have had that happen. Are you okay with that? I guess it depends on who's doing it. Okay.

Are you a little flirty on the flights ever? Are you allowed to be? Do they ever say, hey, tone it down. But you're like, well, look at that guy. Uh, I might, yeah. Has a guy ever come on to you on a flight? No, women come on to me all the time. Oh, that's nice.

Is it? I mean, it's flattering, right? I'm flattered when a man comes on, hits on me. It doesn't always happen either, though. It doesn't happen as much as I thought it should happen. It used to bother me. And I take this. It used to bother me early on in comedy, you know, back when people were a little more comfortable saying awful things.

Yeah. When these comedians would talk about like, oh, you know, if this doesn't work out, maybe I'll be gay. And I'm like, I hope you know that if you were gay, you would also be alone. And people wouldn't be interested in you. Like it's not your sexuality that we all find repugnant. It's just the overall. Your aura. Your aura.

Anyway, that's a grape from 1992 that I had. Finally got to air it. We'll be right back. Have you ever caught anyone doing a little hanky-panky? No. No. What about the bathroom? Going to the bathroom.

Have you been in those bathrooms? They're tiny. Yeah. You'd be surprised what you can get done in there. I can imagine, but... Are you allowed? What about vaping? You catch any vaping?

No, but some of my colleagues have. Mm-hmm. So that's a big no-no right there. What about lighting off fireworks? Are you allowed to do that anymore? Doesn't say you can't. No, it says you can't bring a big bomb. We can't bring a bomb.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, no bombs. What about joking about bringing a big bomb? When are we going to soften the rules on that? On jokes. I mean... About jokes. I mean, they're just so uptight.

They are. You know what my biggest pet peeve is on the rules? Is when the gate door closes and you're huffing to make it. And they say that we can't open it once it's closed. Well, it's like, you clearly could. You clearly could open it. You choose not to, but you could. I think by the time that door is closed, the door to the airplane is closed also.

You could also open that door. Okay? Anthony, you and I both know those doors don't permanently lock. No, they don't, but I want to get out of there. Well, sure, we all do, but I, you know, my first flight by the same airline was late. So who's that on, huh? Fuck Merry Kill. You ready?

Okay. L-AX, P-H-X, B-N-A. What are you doing? Oh, I'm going to kill L-A-X. L-A-X is dead. Woo! I'd say Phoenix would be my F. Okay.

You're going to marry B&A. Look at that. You got a little soft spot for Tennessee. I do. I'm not going to lie. I had my misconceptions on Tennessee as a whole. Don't go to Memphis, but other than that. I've been to Memphis.

And I do love that they're renaming the Nashville airport for Dolly. If I wanted to get my wife put on the no-fly list, hypothetically, what would I have to do? Put a bomb in her bag? Oh, okay. Okay. I mean, she'll get banished from every airline ever. I mean, I thought there's something maybe a little less, because that'll probably get her some jail time.

Right. And I'm not looking for that. I just want to make it towards like, oh, we can't travel anywhere. We have to stay home because she's always into big trips. Yeah. And I'm just at an age now where I'm like, can we stop with the big trips and going places?

No. We have to just keep seeing the world over and over. You do. I mean, that's, you're in a straight marriage, so isn't the thing like happy, happy wife, happy life? Don't rub it in my face. I'm in a straight marriage. Are you married happily or just regular married?

I'm actually happily married. Happily married. I've never met one of those. No, this is a question I ask. I asked all of my gay married friends. Are you guys monogamous? We are. Okay.

Both of you? Well, most of the time. No. Yes, we are. monogamous. Okay. Yes. That's good.

That's the rule. That's the one thing upsetting. You don't get to be married and then not marriage. That's not marriage. Right. Marriage. You have to have the bad part. What's the worst horror story you've heard from a coworker, not including 9-11?

Ooh. A 11-year-old child did not make it out of their seat to the bathroom. Oh, there it is. Yeah. And probably because people were, seatbelt sign was on and the parents were like, no, no, just hold it. We can't get up right now. And he didn't know that you, if you can't hold it, get up right now.

In those circumstances, yes. Get to the bathroom. Do not have an explosion in your seat. Because that will take the aircraft out of commission for a while. Oh, yeah, that's rough. Sorry somebody shit their seat. You know, Matt Folstron, our buddy, comedian, he had the, the worst experience. I was with him at the time. He's sitting next to this guy in the emergency

exit row and the guy like opens his jacket up and goes, I got a bag of shit. He like showed him his colostomy bag, okay? The guy wasn't right mentally. And then the whole flight, the guy's like, I'm going to open the emergency exit door. What? Yeah, it was like a flight from hell. Matt will verify it. It was just, he was like, the guy didn't. Here's what I want to offer you. Okay. These are not gifts. I mean, they are gifts, but they're not gifts. These are just suggestions to take your airline, you know, to another level.

And it's just slight tweaks in snacks. Okay. This is my recommendation. Wasabi covered almonds. Those are my favorite. They're the best. They're so good. Just if an airline passed these out.

Yeah. I don't know if Blue Diamond almonds is a sponsor of this show, but Lord knows you should be. So good. They're the bet. Wasabi, soy, almonds. If a plane gave these things out, everybody's like, what? Yeah. This is so much better than anything I've ever, ever had.

Anyway, that's for you. I'm giving you a snack. All right. My next recommendation is peanut butter-filled pretzel nuggets. We're going to stick with the traditional pretzels. Fine, but have them filled with peanut butter. These are delicious. They are so good.

Snyders, I mean, come on, sponsor an airline and give these out. Oh, somebody's got a peanut allergy. Fuck them. They don't get them. Don't fly this airline. They could also have a nut allergy. Yeah, fuck them again. This is for people that are like, oh, this airline gets it.

They want us to have something, a snack that's not, like makes me feel like, this is what my grandfather used to eat during the Great Depression. I don't know if my grandfather was alive during the Great Depression. depression. I'm not sure I know when the Great Depression was. Do you? 1920s? 29 was a crash. Okay. Look at you. You're so smart. Good for you. Get that off my desk. Everybody that's on the show gets a gift. Just throw that on the floor. Don't worry about that. Okay. Here's what I got you. This comes from a note from my friend Hannah. I never used it because it was very thoughtful. Is she a mixologist? Yeah. Yeah. She makes fancy drinks and fun drinks. But this is like her travel mixing thing. Okay. And you know, I guess it's all

size appropriate for and it has a bunch of different things in here little mister to make fun cocktails on the road that's cool actually it's very cool and it'll even leave the note for you from hannah yeah from hannah she's wonderful but i just i'll be honest me that's not my thing i don't even drink why why would i want this okay so you're welcome well thanks me okay this is a pair of sunglasses i i don't need them i never have worn them that's not my style but You're going to like them. Anyway, you can always use another travel sunglasses that are nice. I think you'll like those.

Okay. What brand are they? I don't know. You'll have to look. There's a candle for you. Okay. That's all right. Those are your gifts, Anthony.

Thank you. You're welcome. I couldn't get you too big. Very thoughtful. That's what I aim for. There you go. I aim for thoughtful. Can people light a candle on a flight?

Can you light a candle on a flight? Oh, no. No. No. You do not want an open flame on an aircraft. Why is that? Yeah. Would you want to be on a aircraft where that could just fall over, light someone's chair and fire? I'll be honest with you.

I'm 100% certain. I've lit a candle on a plane. But not, not, you know, not a, as my kids would say, not a plane with strangers on it. Anthony, listen, thank you. Look forward to seeing you at 35,000 feet. With my shoes and socks off. Okay. Pasha.

I want to thank Anthony for being on the show, letting us peek behind that curtain. You're probably like, well, what airline does he fly for? Now, we couldn't tell you. I mean, we could. He asked us not to, and we respected that. But I'm going to tell you right now, okay, it was Northwestern.

There you go. Are they still around? Nope. Nah, that's a shame. They were pretty good. Now, all right, let's do some plugs. Patreon.com slash Tosh Show.

Get a free 70-day trial. 70 days? No, sorry, my bad, Ed. Seven-day trial. Okay. I don't even know if you could watch all the content on our Patreon page

in seven days. If you watch non-stop for seven straight days. Just put it on. But if you could, then there's no need to re-up it. Right. Although we're adding new stuff.

every week. There's the wrinkle. Yep. You want to see me do stand-up? My first farewell tour, come see me in Phoenix or Vegas. Those are your last opportunities before I continue to add more and more dates next year.

All right, let's go. Hit the music. Carl, ready? It's time for they love me, they love me not. And let me tell you something, Carl. Not a single Carl, they love me not, has ever existed. Everyone loves you.

Except for two people. My niece and my nephew, you've bitten both of them. You've also bitten both of my children. You've bitten both of my children and my niece and my nephew. But again, all of them deserve it. Right. So let's go. What do you got, Ed?

Okay, here we go. At MH. I don't know what this. Screen name's horrible. Tosh has the best perspective on almost everything jazz hands emoji. I agree. Okay? But it sounds like that person was just, you know, trolling to get on this segment, but job well done. Perfectly written.

You wrote what I wanted to hear. They let me not. Is there anybody? Here we go. At Kevin Shepard, 9370. What's up with Daniel's teeth? Something's offer different. With my teeth? With your teeth. I'm so vain and self-conscious now. But the only thing that could be different about my teeth is that they're not as white as they used to be. And I recently went through my medicine cabinet and I took out, I'm like, Carly, why do you have four boxes of these crest white strips that have all expired in 2017? And she's like, I don't know, throw them away.

And I go, those are good. So then she's like, well, I'm not using them. You just said they expired in 2017 and you're complaining about them. So I ended up taking one, opening it out, and like putting it on. but it was like it was so dry it wouldn't stick to my teeth so I didn't do it and then I tried another one and it did stick and so maybe did I do something bad

like an adverse effect my teeth I don't think there's anything wrong with my teeth and I haven't had them whitened except for me trying to be funny with my wife and use her six year old or 10 year old expired strips trying to do something funny they look weird on camera

no you look good That person's crazy. All right. See you next week.