Tosh Show - My Death Doula - Jill Schock

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

Daniel is reminded to get his affairs in order by Jill Schock, a death doula and end-of-life advocate. She is a Los Angeles native with experience in Hospice and as a Chaplain who guides clients and their families through the process of dying, including work with terminally ill patients choosing to end their own lives. Join our Patreon for exclusive content: http://patreon.com/toshshow Download the Kalshi app and use code TOSH to get $20 when you trade $20 http://www.kalshi.com/r/tosh

Dare I ask how many kills you have? Oh, it's got to be close to like a hundred. Oh, man. I mean, it makes me smile, too. Tosh Show. Tosh Show for show. Welcome to Tosh Show. Eddie?

Yes. You know this better than anyone. What's the one thing I don't like to be called? A liar. No. Oh, the one... Cheap? You don't like to be called cheap.

Eddie, the one thing that sets me off more than anything if somebody were to call me this. If somebody were to call you a cheat. No, no. It's not even a negative. Oh. It's the one thing you know I don't like... Because a lot of people try to call me this.

And you always say, oh, I don't do that. He doesn't like that. What is it? A hell of a nice guy. A hero. A hero. I got so close that last time. A hero.

You don't like to be called a hero? I don't like, I just like to be, just, I'm just Daniel. Well, we call you a hero. That means you did something. Okay. Here, here's what happened. As most of you know, we are in an El Nino like, like we've never experienced. Right.

The temperatures that we're experiencing here in SoCal, oh my goodness, heat wave, the ocean, warmer than it's ever been since I've lived here in the late night. We're talking at my local beach, 73, 74 degrees. That's downright tropical, guys. I'm getting tropical wax out. That's how warm it is. Okay, you're getting tons and tons of tropical storms, hurricanes coming up, and the waves all summer have been big. Just swell after swell.

Well, now this last swell hit, it was, It was probably the best surf that I've experienced in Southern California. Now, the other night, when it peaked, I told my wife around 5 p.m., the tide was getting pretty high, around 6 p.m. I go, I'm going to go out for one last session today, and she's like, be careful. And I knew, I knew when she said that, I was like, this is probably the last time I'm ever going to hear, hear her voice. I said by to the kids And off I went

And I got to the beach And it was meaningful It was proper And you know There was well over double over headset So you're talking You know The 12 foot wave

And and there wasn't a lot of people out Where I was surfing But it's in Malibu And it's a lot of cliff And you know You got it It takes a little bit of an experience And I'm out there surfing

I'm talking to a few other that are out there. There's probably like four or five of us out at this outer reef that we're surfing. And they say, there's a guy. He's got stuck trying to walk across, you know, the beach. The beach, once the tide gets high where we surf, there's no beach. It goes all the way up to a cliff, and the cliff is probably 75 feet tall. And the waves go right into it at a high tide, especially when the surf is large. And people sometimes walk in during low tide, and it's a nice walk into our beach,

and then high tide comes, now they're stuck. But their cars parked, you know, a couple miles away. They got to get back and they think they can make. And I've seen it all the time. And I have two rules, usually when this happens. If it's a child, I'll help. If it's a pet, I'll help. But if it's a dude, you're an idiot.

learn to read the tides, you're going to die here. No, I kid, normally the surf isn't of consequence to have that type of threat. Normally it means, oh, you're going to get your shoes wet and you're going to have to walk over rocks and water to get back to your car. Fine. Well, today was different. And apparently, I didn't see this first part of it, but a few big waves. And, you know, when they hit the cliff, it explodes.

and it's an explosion of 20 feet in the air. And this guy tried to make the pass around this cliff area to get to the beach and didn't do it and got slammed multiple times. And he climbs up onto a ledge. Okay? He's probably now 25 feet off of the shoreline. He's on the cliff. He can't go the full 75 feet up. It's a complete vertical cliff.

He doesn't have the experience of free solo. so he's just staying on this ledge and he's got his head and his hands and where he's at is not a good spot for me to get to but a buddy another surfer paddles nearby screams at him like do you need help

and he kind of dismisses him and I understand that because some guys get embarrassed that they got themselves in this situation they don't want help no man wants to be told they can't Like where to walk, you shouldn't do that. You're probably wondering, what's the right thing to do in this situation? He probably only had 50 more yards to go to get to where there was a beach that he could walk.

The right thing to do, unfortunately, would be to go out into the ocean, swim out, past the breakers, and kind of arc back around. Anyway, we're out surfing for a little bit, and he's just planted on this ledge. And the tide is going to stay high for a while. while and it's getting dark. I'm like, I can't leave this idiot to die on the side of the cliff. And he won't die if he just stays right there. Meanwhile, this cliff is constantly falling and eroding. So, yes, I guess technically that could happen.

But if he just rode it out till low tide, you know, in 12 more hours, he could get down in the middle of the night and live. But if he tries to get down now in the dark, he's going to die. So I'm like, all right, let's go up. I'll call the police. One other thing. Before I went in, I sized up exactly where he was on the cliff. And I happened to know the house that was above the general area where he was.

It's a friend of my kids and my wife. And I'm like, oh, this is perfect. I know their house. I'll go there, see if I can hang over the cliff to confirm. Then I'll tell the fire department, here's where he is. But it's not just the fire department. Lifeguards, they're there, suited up,

fucking gear, sheriff's department, and a helicopter on its way. Okay. And I'm leading, guys, you're going the wrong place. He's not going to be there. You cannot get to him where you're going. They appreciated this. I was like, come to this house.

I fucking buzzed myself in. They're like, what are you doing here, Deanna? I'm like, hold on. fucking bring in the troops. I'm bringing in all the troops. In charge of an operation here. This guy, this guy is loaded to the gills, just a beautiful estate on a cliff overlooking the ocean.

But he's also a techie guy. And I knew right away. He's like, oh, get my drone out and we'll fly and look for him. I already knew that was going to happen. I knew that was going to happen when I eyeballed the house. I go, oh, he's got a drone. Of course he does with the game. So he's got his drone out.

He's flying it. You know, the fire department's coming. They're having people swim up the bay on these surfboards. The problem is they can't come in to get him and get him past the breakers because the surf is huge. I mean, it is enormous waves right now. And this recovery takes a long time. Meanwhile, I told my wife I'm going for a quick surf. And so she's fuming when I get home.

She's like, what? I guess the surf is good. She never thinks, oh, you got into jeopardy. Oh, you saved someone's life. She's just like, you didn't want to do put down. Get out of bedtime. You didn't want to read your kids tonight. I'm like, now, anyway, they ended up pulling him off the mountain

probably three hours after he got stuck. He got into the water, got out, they got a helicopter down, hoist him up. They're just amazing. The amount of people and communication it goes to, saving people's lives. It's pretty incredible what they can do. And by the way, they rescue him into a helicopter. I don't know who it is yet, but it's a 50-year-old-ish man.

That's what they put in the article that I saw. And that he refused medical attention and the police officers drove him home to his house in my neighborhood. Oh, that means it is somebody I know. Yeah. It also bothered me that they, like, talked about a 50-year-old. Oh, they wrote it like an old person. I'm like, I'm a 50-year-old.

I'm in the ocean. I'm surfing these waves. By the way, caught a few bombs. Oh, okay. So they saved this guy. Here's the part that bothers me. I run into a handful of buddies of mine, some lifeguards. Like, hey, heard you saved a guy last night.

I'm like, I didn't do fucking anything. Another guy. Oh, hey, good job the other day. I'm like, oh, no. Are people, have I? I opened my mouth to, because I immediately, like, came home, like, I'm a hero. Like, I'd tell my kids, I saved someone. I didn't do anything other than like, hey, I think this guy is here.

This is where you guys should focus your search. You know, that's the extent of it. I mean, you know, hey, you call 911. Like, that's, that's the level that I did. But now people in my neighborhood are acting like I actually did something heroic, which I did not. I mean, I should be patting on the back for the wave I caught in, but other than that, no, I didn't do anything. And what was I riding? A proper step up, like a six-two, you know, real, like a real shortboard.

I was, I knew I wasn't riding my fish and being cool. I was fucking surfing. Anyway, I saved a man's life. Yeah. No. The firefighters, the helicopter pilot and the lifeguards, they're obviously real heroes. And let me say something. You're probably, well, why are you dressed in white?

It's because I've seen death. You've seen it. I saw death in his eyes. Maybe I didn't see his eyes. He was pretty far away. But death is coming for all of us. When? Hmm.

You don't know. Or do you? Enjoy. Things will get a little heavy with today's guest. She's a small business owner who has never had a repeat customer because she helps individuals navigate the practical and emotional reality. of saying goodbye on their own terms. Please welcome death doula Jill.

Thanks for having me. That's not appropriate, Eddie. Okay, this isn't our Halloween episode. My apologies. Okay, a death dula. Everyone knows I'm excited about this interview because this is my wheelhouse. This is things that I spend way too much time thinking about.

Or maybe I'm going to learn today, I don't spend enough time thinking about it because I'm constantly preparing for the inevitable. That's good. Oh, this is going to be fun. Let me start. Do you believe in ghosts?

I've never seen one. I wished. I'm like ready for it. I would love to see a ghost, but until I see, I'm not, I can't believe. Okay. If you don't see it with your own eyes, you don't believe it.

Right. What about making them? Because technically, aren't you making ghosts? I guess if I were to believe. I don't know. That's a key ingredient there. You have to have the, faith. Where are you from? I'm from Los Angeles. I grew up in Santa Clarita. Both my parents were

teachers out there. So I guess I'm a local native to L.A. Do you still love Los Angeles? How much of a roller coaster is it? It's a roller coaster. I think I love living in L.A. because we get to be around all these cool types of creatives that can really do anything we want here, even death work. You know, we actually death work is pretty big in L.A. It's a city kind of known for it in the death work circle. But, yeah. Now I'm excited because I'll be honest, I never knew that that was a selling point of Los Angeles,

but I certainly will brag about it. If we're big in the death work. Is that what it's called death work? Yeah. Do you not like the term assisted suicide? I do not like that term at all. Is it, should I not use it? You should not.

I do use it. Yeah. I have a bit. Just say that I'm pro that I think it's, you know, regardless, I can change it. What should I change it to? Medical aid and dying. So or. It doesn't have quite the ring, but okay.

I know. But I mean, like, these people, they don't want to die. That's the difference between someone who's actually suicidal and someone who uses the cocktail, if you will. Like, they're just suffering and they're like, I don't want to suffer until the end. So let me go out now. So they're not really committing suicide. They just want to stop suffering. Well, okay.

Yeah, I guess that's just if you take that, you know, the definition of suicide to that. But I guess I wasn't attaching a negative connotation to it. How quick does the cocktail work? It can work within a matter of minutes. It can take several hours. So. Do you fall asleep? What is in the cocktail?

There can be three ingredients or five ingredients. It depends on what the doctor deems, you know, is appropriate. Mostly five ingredients. There's, and I mean, it's a heavy hitter. Like, there's, like, 10 grams of morphine, two grams of diazepam, four to five grams of dejoxon, maybe.

Don't give away the key ingredient. Phenobarbital. Pinch of cinnamon. Yeah, and a pinch of nutmeg. No, they do put stevia in it. It helps because it's really bitter. But, I mean, we're talking, like most people take, like, a milligram or so of more.

So when we get up to numbers that high, like, it's going to work. Like, people get worried if it's starting to take long that it's not going to work. It's going to work. It's designed to do its job. When did California become a right-to-die state? 2015. 2015. Yeah. Governor Brown signed it in.

But we didn't really start, like, rolling with it until 2016. It takes a minute for, like, physicians and pharmacies to kind of, like, be okay. with prescribing and creating the medication and stuff. So it takes a minute to catch up culturally. I thought it was, I didn't think it was legal here. I always thought it was just Oregon and Vermont. For a while, yeah. Oregon's been since 98, I think, 97, 98.

They're so cool. Yeah, they're a big, big death state, you know, so. I mean, when you look at, there's a website. What was that website you sent me? I think it was Death With Dignity. Death With Dignity.org. and I was just like looking at the map and it was just like oh you can just see you know the west coast a little sprinkle of the northeast yeah and that's it and that's the problem with because this is a

political podcast I want to get back to this it's that's our problem it's always been we we kill our unborn and we kill ourselves when we still have three or four votes left in us and it's costing us in the long term ah the south they refused they refuse to die they just keep voting. Yeah, it's interesting. It does follow, you know, the blue states. It's probably always going to be that way. So that's how I expected to go. It's such a clear no-brainer to me. Yeah, should be. Do states reverse and flip-flop back the other way? Yeah, so there are mostly religious groups, Catholics and Mormons, who will come back at the court and try to get the law like stalled so sometimes it can turn on and off.

So there are court battles that can be had. I've seen it happen in California. There's a group called Compassion and Choices, and they are, like, armed with some of the best, like, legal people to help keep these laws in place. Did you ever have a, quote-unquote, normal job? Yeah. I used to work in public history, like, archives and collections in a museum.

So I was, like, that person on the basement who, like, cleans and organized artifacts, gets them ready for exhibits. I'm going to say this, that also seems kind of like a scary job. Really? In the basement of a museum? Oh, I loved it. Well, okay, but my point is I'm developing a pattern of, yeah, I would be, you're not,

you weren't scared down there? I'm such an introvert. I would even have like my headphones in and just, just do my thing. But haven't you seen every single scary movie? Yeah. Down there and it's like all of a sudden. and turning the lights on and off in the morning could be a little scary, but, you know. Did you make unnecessary loud noises?

I would kind of rush out of there at the end of the day after I turn the lights off, but. Okay, so how long did you do that? A couple years, like during college and then maybe like a year after college. You earned a master's degree in ethics and theology at Vanderbilt. Yes. Okay. After studying theology, do you believe in the afterlife? I get asked this all the time, and I just don't know. It's kind of like the same thing, like, with the ghosts, right? I don't really have, like, any kind of proof. I can be a pretty logical person. But I believe that whatever you believe is real.

Oh, brother. Yeah. I don't want to hear that. Have you always had a morbid curiosity? I think so. Yeah. My dad had cancer when I was. I was pretty young, like eight years old or so. That's young. Yeah, so, and I was also, it's like, I read a lot and like, I don't think my parents, like, checked the books I was checking out of the library. Like, I was reading about, like, the Holocaust and, like, Edgar Allan Poe, like, at a really young age, like, just, like, darker shit.

So, yeah, you could say I was always like that. I also, like, grew up in a church where they had open casket, you know, funerals. So I was used to seeing dead bodies at a young age, too. I, too, went to a handful of open casket funerals at a young age. And I don't go to funerals anymore as an adult. I know people don't enjoy funerals. That's a weird thing to say you enjoy funerals. But I don't like going to funerals or weddings.

They both make me equally uncomfortable. I'm kind of with you on that. But although I have, you know, we kind of like to reinvent the idea, the funeral, I suppose, or a celebration of life with my clients. Like we have parties before they die, you know, so we make it better because funerals, the way that they're presented to us, I don't think is like how as a culture we actually really want to celebrate. So they kind of suck.

Yeah. I don't want to party either. I certainly don't want to party while I'm alive celebrating myself. But the seeing the bodies, like as a kid, I just like, this can't be good. And then I look at my children. I'm like, there's no way I'm letting you see somebody laying in a casket. That's absurd. Yeah.

You were engaged when you were only 21. Yeah. Let's hear that story. I didn't want to go to college after high school because why would you want to continue to sit in a classroom at 7 a.m. So I just moved to the beach in San Diego and ate tacos and surfed and hung out and then I fell in love and this guy got a job in North Carolina. So I followed him there. Okay. What a domino effect. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It's crazy. Now looking back on it,

you're like, oh, I'm glad that happened. I'm glad that I followed him even though that didn't, relationship didn't work out. I'm glad I followed him. Unfortunately, it didn't work out because his dad died and that's kind of how I got into all of this. I would have never gone on this track. if that didn't happen. So let's get into how you officially got into this work. Getting engaged early and then his dad dying, which was a total whirlwind of just, I mean, he had a brain death.

So that's like a very specific and confusing type of death. And it just, it honestly set me into like an actual real existential crisis. Like my brain broke over it. Were you very close with his dad? Um, yeah, I, I always really liked his dad, you know. I mean, looking back, he was only like 51 or 52, so now I feel like, wow, he was really young, you know. But he was cool. He was so fun and we would take trips. We'd, you know, travel together and stuff. So he was a cool dude. Okay. And how long was the process from knowing that he was sick to like, oh, died? Maybe a couple days. Oh.

Yeah, it happened really quickly because it's like a brain aneurism and then. After that, I just was really like, why didn't anybody help us through this process? Or it's just like it just happened and then it was over. And I just kind of spiraled out after that and started reading a lot of existential philosophy of like, why am I even here? That's how I ended up going to divinity school because I just wanted to dive into that, right? And look into like really study existential philosophy and how to like apply it in the medical setting. I worked as a clinical chaplain, went through all that to get certified and work, which takes a lot. Can you vote on the Pope?

No, unfortunately, I would have to be a man and I'd have to be a Catholic cardinal, I think. Only men vote on the Pope? Yeah. I don't know anything, just so you know. Okay. I mean, did you actually work in that field or was that just like a means to an end here? No, I worked as a chaplain from like 2009 to 2015. So that means working in hospitals, ERs, trauma, ICU, oncology, palliative care, pretty much anywhere people are dying.

That's all they call us for anyway. Like when they call the chaplain, it's like last riots or something really bad has happened in the ER and you got to go like talk to the family and stuff. And what do you say? I mean, you just empathize with them. There's really nothing to say that can fix what's going on. but I'm a really practical person. I'm like, here's things you can do next. Like, just give them an outline of steps, things like that.

But there's no magic words. Like, it just, it sucks. Oh, all right. So that was your, and then how do you pivot from this, the chaplain, you know, saying, oh, you know what, I need a break. Let's go to death doula. I went to like a conference because we have to do that as chaplains, the American Academy of Religion, which, you know, is nerdy but fun.

You know, I love nerd stuff. So, but they had like a conference group called like Chaplains as Dulas and I had never heard that idea before and I was like, oh, it's like the same job, but I don't have to work for anybody else but myself. And so that got in my head. And then a year later, my dad got sick. It was like one of those things where it's like he had cancer before. So it came back, but like 25 years later. Okay. And he went down in like a matter of months. So I took off work to help him die. And after that, I like went back to my job and they're like, oh, we don't have your job available for you anymore. So I got really angry at the system, you know, just the bureaucracy of it. How could you fire me?

Blah, blah, blah. So then I was like, you know what? I'll just work for myself. I'm highly qualified. Like, all I have to do is start a business. And it's been 10 years now. And I love what I do. I can work at my own pace, work with who I want, charge what I want.

I don't have to answer to anybody, get harassed by anybody. Right. We don't get mad at me. I'm happy that you're doing this. How many clients do you take on at once? Oh, it depends. Clients come in waves. There's like seasonality.

Oh, there's seasons? Yeah. Death duel season. Curious when that is. Well, we had a big one earlier this summer, actually, which was a little odd, but usually before and after the holidays. So, like, October. People want to make it past the holidays, don't they?

Or not. Or they want to get, oh, so they don't have to buy gifts. Yeah, they're smart. Genius. That's good. Yeah. Oh, you know, I tell you what, if I was in this situation, see, now I'm starting to think of things.

Like, oh, if I could put myself down on Christmas Day just to really cement my family, you're going to remember me. That's the way to go. Oh, okay, that's inappropriate. How is what you provide different from hospice? Well, unfortunately, I'm not going to shit on hospice. It's a very good and needed service. But the issue is that it's covered by Medicare,

which means it's paid for by the government and their budget of what they'll reimburse hospice for. And Medicare can change its guidelines at any time. And so the people who work in hospice are experts on death and dying. and they put their whole heart and soul into it. I worked in hospice for a while. But you get paid like crap. You get treated like crap.

The turnover rate is so high. These people aren't taken care of, you know? So they can only spend like 20, 40 minutes in the house. They're going to check your blood pressure or whatever. And then they got to go because they got to drive to their next client. And in L.A., that's kind of an insane thing to do. It wears you out. So I can see one client a day and go over.

there and spend, you know, two to three hours, whatever I need and do the full job, really. And also, my clients, I work directly for them. I don't get paid by Medicare. I get paid by you. So whatever you need, advocacy-wise, like, I'll do it. I can be your bulldog, whatever. You say two to three hours you could spend. What's a typical, let's just say somebody's terminal, stage four, and they've got four months, and they hire you. Can I ask, first of all, What does this cost? Anywhere from $1,800 to $3,000, depending on how many times I see you. So over the years, I've gotten really good at pattern recognition of, like, I can kind of see where you're at as you're dying.

I know how close you are to death. So I'll kind of suss that out and be like, oh, you're probably like a two visit or you're probably like a four to five visit. Oh, man. See, now that you've said that to me, if I hire you in the future, I'm going to be like, how many am I? And you're going to be like, yeah, you're a two visit. I'm like, oh, get my affairs an order. I mean, you're basically paid to talk people on the ledge. Well, kind of.

What do you do on Visit One? Get everybody who's going to be involved in the circle of care. So whoever the dying person wants on their inner circle team, you know, we sit down at a table. We review documents, make sure that they're all completed appropriately, like a DNR and an advanced directive. your mortuary plans. Once that's all done, how do you want to spend your time? Like, what's really important to you and really discuss that with the people around them? Because once all the logistics are out of the way, we can just focus on the time we have left because it's so precious. Do you deal with lawyers? Yes. Yeah, sometimes estate lawyers. Let's just take California.

What all do we have to do? I can't just have three sad days in a row, can I? And hire you to to give me the cocktail and everything? No, you have to hit a certain criteria. So you have to be six months or less terminally ill. Okay, now do you have special doctors that are like, eh, eight years, six months, whatever? I do work with a variety of doctors. Some of them are more strict with their diagnoses than others.

Okay. Because it's, you know, like cancer is cancer. Like we know you're going down. But like there's other things like Parkinson's and MS. So there's gray area. So you've got to work. with doctors who really know, like, what they're looking at. What about, like, straight dementia and all of that?

Unfortunately, they don't qualify because they're not cognitively able to consent, even if they outline it ahead of time. But we have other ways for them. Like, they can stop eating and drinking once they start to lose their marbles. So, you know, we have other ways. Is there other states that have different rules on that or no? Not in the United States. Dementia's the one because it's like,

In my sane mind, I say to myself, when you get to this point, just accept help. But then when you get to that state, you're like, fuck that version of me. And I'm going to just be horrible. And that truly is my nightmare. It's mine too. But you can outline in your directive, like, if I have dementia, and I do dementia directives with people. I just did one last week.

Like, when I don't recognize my kids, like, just allow me to stop eating and drinking, We can do that, but we can't give you the cocktail, unfortunately. I mean, I feel like if I'm at the end, though, I really do want to eat. You know, because I have a bad stomach, and I think I want to go out in a bang. With a bang, in a bang. Dying people don't have appetites, actually, so. Death duel is primarily female? Primarily, yeah.

I'm not hiring a dude. I mean, actually, there's something about male and male. No, okay. I don't. Fair. I'm not staring at some strange dude. And then, like, I glance over and I catch him eyeball on my wife right as I go. Exactly.

I'm like, huh, good luck, buddy. Now that is. Your problem now. I have seen nurses who have built relationships with spouses and, like, ended up going on dates with them after. You've seen it all. Yeah. It's literally just like the most stupid lifetime movie that you're living every day.

Yeah. Ask your mom about that one. I'm sure she's seen it too. Maybe she may. Who knows? Maybe I have a different dad. That'd be exciting little leaf. People have asked me if I've ever like eyed a husband or something if a wife is dying.

And I'm like, no, that's weird. Do you have your affairs in order? I do. I have my advanced directive. And my mom and I have our documents in a safe. And sometimes we do like drills. Like, I've died. Like get into the safe and pull out the documents.

Who do you call first? We're prepared, but we didn't have a lot prepared. when my dad was sick, you know, because he was only like 64. When should we get our affairs in order? Now, especially if you're married with kids. I'm married with kids. I have a will, but I wrote it pre-children. That stuff is for an estate attorney.

That's really important to get sorted out. But the advanced directive is important, too. Estate attorneys will do that with you, but they don't always know the ins and outs of how health care and medical decisions work. So I do help people do pre-planning just that. I don't always work with people who are like dying, dying. Is there an age limit? Can you, I mean, I hate to say, that's unthinkable, but like a 14-year-old can be terminal.

Can they hire your services? They can, but anyone under the age of 18, obviously their parents speak for them. Yes. But you also need to be 18 to sign your own advance directive. What about kids in there? Isn't that just heartbreaking? It is. That's a tough one.

You know, I've worked with kids who die of SIDS or kids who got cancer very young and two-year-olds, four-year-olds, eight-year-olds. No, I'm too talking about like kids saying goodbye to, like, parents and stuff like that. That's just... They get really wise. It's almost like they start comforting their parents at some point. I know, but that's not a good thing. You don't want your kids to get wise to that. I know.

It's like you reading about the Holocaust at eight years old. It's like, no, I don't need this. Does a doctor have to sign off on this? On my services? Yes. No. But to actually be put the final cocktail. Oh, yeah.

That takes two doctors. Takes two doctors. Mm-hmm. Yeah. A primary in a consulting. And then sometimes if someone has a history of like mental illness, like a psychiatry evaluation. What about a judge? Do they have to sign off?

No. About a priest? Or do you check that box too? I could, but no, they don't have to. Do you marry people ever? Yeah, I, yeah, I absolutely have. Have you married people right before giving them the cock? You have.

Wow. I have, yeah. Wow. Yeah. I thought it was awesome. I think it's awesome too. That's my reaction. Yeah.

It's awesome, but it's awesome in like the worst possible, horrible sad way. Yeah, yeah. Do they open up and tell you things that you're like, oh, I should not be hearing this? Yes. Like, I've had a mother, like, speak. very poorly about her son, like behind his back. And it's like he seemed like a really, really nice guy. And like this shit she was saying about him.

I was like, oh my God. Yeah. Do you hate him secretly? Like, what's going on? It didn't sound like it was a secret anymore. She unburdened it. Yeah. I felt really bad because I really did think he was a really nice person.

Well, good. He fooled you. Yeah. Can people make their own cocktails at home? I would not suggest that. Okay. What about before your cocktail? Can we do like, you know, I've always wanted to try heroin.

Yeah. Am I allowed to do heroin before you come over? If you want to. Okay. Because I think if I was going to do it, why not have my first batch of heroin? Yeah, you do you. I'm here. It's great.

Batch. You don't call it a batch? I don't know what you would call. I don't think batch is it, but could be. Bats is not the right word. That was mentioned in at least the book, like Project Hail Mary. Like one of the astronauts who knew they weren't coming back. It was like, I want heroin before I die.

Oh, I don't remember that scene, but I loved that movie. I don't know if it's in the book or the movie. I saw both. It's in the book. It's not in the movie? Okay. I thought the movie was good. I wasn't prepared for the movie to be good.

In my head was like, I'm not going to like this. I love this. Yeah, it was a good one. I want to meet this rock man. I would have never been able to communicate with him. We would have just stuck with putting our hands together. That's it. But still.

Oh, yeah, I would have gone for the heroin stash probably. Like, it just finished. You're like, no what? This is hopeless. I would have said, hey, Rockman, watch this. Has anyone hired your services and then had a miracle recovery? I've had clients last much, much longer than I thought they would. What about longer than their doctors thought they would?

Yeah. We've had that too. It can be tricky. But no, no, I've never seen anyone, like, just totally bounce back. I'm sure you've seen all sides of people, but I also kind of feel like the people that would hire your services are already a certain type of person to begin with. I can't hire you for somebody else. Like, I can't hire you right now for Dylan because I think the writing's on the wall. Or can I?

I mean, so sometimes I get hired by like a family member who sees that their loved one is like dying but like continue. to like push, push, push with treatment and like their oncologists won't stop. And so they'll kind of like have me on the side, like ready for when things start to take a turn. And then I also get hired by the dying person. So it just kind of depends. Okay. But like I can't just randomly order you for someone. Not really.

Can I order you if, can I order you? Can we have your services even if we're not dying? Well, yeah. Yeah, like we were talking about pre-planning earlier. Like, I could sit down with you and your wife and fill out your advanced directives with you. Okay. And that's, I actually like working with couples a lot because you really have to understand what your responsibility could be if you were in the ICU and she was going to make decisions. Like, would she suddenly flip out and like want to do everything possible to keep you alive or would she be like, pull the plug?

Yeah. You know, so. I don't think she'd be like, pull the plug, but there's no way she'd. She's getting a second opinion. She's like, but we're already here. I'm like, this hospital's shitty. All right, so you're saying now, a 20-year-old, not necessarily. Doesn't need to get their affairs in order, right?

Yeah, they should. But you're talking more adults. No, I think anyone 18 and over should have an advanced directive. Okay, it's so stressful. But I, I, okay, fine. We'll do it. Are you going to do it, Ed? Might as well, yeah.

Sounds like, yeah, why not? What are your typical hours? Are you always on call? Sometimes. Sometimes I work seven days a week. Sometimes I work three days a week. It just kind of depends. And you, the final session. What do we call that? Active dying. Mm-hmm. You bring the cocktail? Do you give them the... The cocktail would be sent to the home, right? And then they'll have it there. And then I just mix it and give it to them. You give it to them? Yes.

Oh, man. Yeah. Dare I ask how many kills you have? Oh, it's got to be close to like 100. Oh, man. I mean, it makes me smile too. Yeah, that's better than a lot of my war buddies. I don't have any war buddies just in case you were wondering. Do you cry with them or no?

I'm not a big. Maybe this is like a part of my compartmentalization abilities, but I'm more of a laffer than I am a crier. If I'm having a hard time and, like, I feel like emotions are stuck, like, I'll go to the comedy store that night and just laugh. Okay, well, at least you're going to a comedy club versus in their face. Yeah. No, I have, like, my outlets, you know, like, I think laughing and crying have, like,

a very similar mechanism. 100%. And comedians, as you know, are, like, kind of dark people, so. Not all of us, but yeah. Other than the initial paperwork of somebody healthy, what else could they use your services for in planning for the inevitable? I mean, that's pretty much it, you know? I don't know.

I feel like I need to get like just develop a relationship over time. Yeah, some people like, I've done their paperwork and then they'll be like, like this one woman, she's like, do you want to come to my birthday party? And I was like, okay, I'll come to your birthday. So, yeah, and like that was like months later, and I got to, it was at El Coyote, and I was like, yeah, let's do it. We had a good time and some margaritas together. It was, you know, and sometimes, like, I'll go over to their house and have dinner, you know, a couple months later. So, yeah, we can build relationships over time.

When you're meeting these clients and over, let's, I guess, theoretically, none of it's supposed to go longer than six months, but you have to develop feelings and real relationships with them. Or do you just try to be like, no, now this. This is, there's a hard line. I used to be a hard line person, but literally like just this year, I have started to soften. It's because I'm working with, sadly, like, millennials are getting cancer at an astounding rate. And so instead of working with people that I can disassociate their age, well, they're older, da-da, I'm working peer to peer. And I do connect with them because we have the same interests. We went to the same concert last year.

Like we were the same people, you know. And so, you know, recently I have gotten more connected and spent a lot more time at the comedy store. So if I see at the comedy store, that usually means that you've had a very bad day. Yeah. That's good. That's a nice tell. Like, oh, I don't know what you did today. I'm hitting that two drink minimum for sure.

Are you? Dylan will meet you there. We'll be right back. Is anyone really ready to die? No. Not even me. Those final moments, I mean, it's just, I guess it depends on how sick you are. I mean, like, people who suffer for a long time, they're like, yeah, get me out of here.

But I still think when it starts to happen, you know, you go through like a labor process. I think what my mom taught me when I was probably way too young about. you know, when she worked in the ER, she was always like, and why this sticks out as something that she told me is probably not the best thing to tell a child, but she's like, you know what, they always talk about like, oh, this person was a fighter.

And she goes, none of that matters. She goes, I see people all the time that have no fight in them that live, and I see these fighters die every day. Like, none of that matters. But it's something that you tell people, Like, ah, that person won't give up. Yeah, they will.

Yeah, they will eventually. Yeah, I'm really not to kind of like your mom. I'm not into the fighter narrative because it, I mean, if you're going to die, you're going to die. Like, there's nothing you can do about that. The will to live or the fight to the will to live can elongate your dying process. So there are people who I call passive dyers that are just like, nope, I'm out of here, boop, you know. And then there's people that like, like, clean. even in their unconscious dying.

Like they could go at any moment, but they'll stay there for days, sometimes even weeks, which is insane, because they just won't let go. It's incredible what, like, how hard people can hold on. Yeah.

Well, sure. Because it turns out you do only get one go at this. Yeah. Does calling 911 void your DNR? It can. And the whole point of having a DNR and a lot of people on a hospice, like, put their DNR, like, on their doors and stuff like that to prevent that. But if it's not present or around, they will resuscitate you.

Even, unlike this is the old wives tale in health care, it's like, even if you have DNR, like, tattooed on your chest, like, they're going to resuscitate you. Well, see, my parents, the most morbid people, and I talk about this on stage a lot, they always have a pact between each other that they're never going to call 911. that they're just going to let the other one to lay on the ground do whatever and the other one's just going to go about their day. I love that for them. Oh, well. I think we would get along, me and your parents. Oh, you know what?

We can make that happen. Any celebrities you have, uh, huh? You have? Oh, cool. That's all I wanted. I don't even want to know who it is. I can't. I wouldn't tell you.

You worked with Dolly Parton? I wish. That was a sad one. Sometimes I get sad when, like, celebrities die. And I'm like, ah. Didn't get that one. Like, ha ha, ha, ha, so. Any strange requests when helping someone pass away?

I mean, sometimes they want to be in, like, like, they don't want to be home. Like, I've had people go to, like, the Ritz-Carlton or something. Oh, no. Does the Ritz-Carlton have to, like, are you allowed to do this at the Ritz-Carlton? I mean, people die in hotels all the time. I know, but are you allowed to, you're allowed to bring it off? If I saw you checking into a hotel, I would think, no. No.

You got to get the room number. Like, we disclose that when you buy a new house. Yeah. If you buy a new house, you have to let people know if someone has passed in the house. I guarantee you every hotel room has had someone die in it. Every. But the Ritz, not the Ritz, Carlton. I mean, I'm fine at, you know, motel six and Super 8.

But you're talking about the Ritz. I want to know that those sheets are unsoiled. What do people like to dress in? Something comfy, something cozy. I mean, it can be anywhere from, you know, they're not wearing jeans. Like, they're not. One guy did want to wear, like, he wanted to look nice. He'd to put a little button up on, you know, you wanted to look proper.

Usually they just, they've been sick for a while, so they're just in comfy stuff. More men or women hire your services. That's a hard question. I would say maybe probably 60, 40 women. I think women are able to talk about. death more, but men die more. I don't know that we die more. I think we die equal.

We die sooner. Yeah, that's what I mean. We even beat you in that women. We die more. Your job is a lot of darkness. So what are some of the more beautiful moments that you've seen in someone's final moments? I mean, I really like to see, and I guess this is maybe related to how I would want. to go out. But I really love to see people like cuddling like as they die as the other person

dies like notebook style. You know, like I have that romantic and I've seen it. It is possible, you know, with the cocktail and stuff. But I, that's my romanticized version of death. And it is, it is possible. I think about this stuff way too much. And I can get myself there. You know, if I ever actually were an actor, I could get, I could get myself. to sob in a scene. You give me the right few things to think about. I'm over, done. Oh, do you worry about the toll that this is having on you?

Or is it a total positive experience? It has been positive, you know? Like, my job is to help you die. So when you die, job well done. Right? I did my job. So it's a reframe, right? But also, like, in my life, I'm very intentional.

you know, like, who are my friends and why do I love them and my relationship with my mom and myself and my dog. And so I really get the most I can out of life. And I think that's positive. Can you just bounce back? Can you just leave work at work? Yeah. You can? You can just leave a house and not be like, I mean, because when I, like a vet, you just, you watch what vets do. And you're like, oh, what a fun job. I've always loved animals to play with animals. And then it's like, oh, no, go to someone's house and put their pet down one time. And you watch that and go, oh, I don't want to fucking do that ever again.

That's just so much. I mean, I could never do what they do. I maybe care about animals a little bit more. I mean, I don't have a problem with people saying that. Yeah, I dread the day. I can't even think about it with my dogs. He's like my child. But, you know, I don't know.

I've really learned how to compartmentalize and compartmentalize well. Like I'm going to do a medical aid and dying this afternoon after I talk to you. So I'm going to go from like Tosh to a family. I'll be honest, you're not the first guest that that's. Oh, man. Yeah, that's dark. Everyone's on the show gets a gift, but it's just stuff that's around my house. So none of it's exciting.

One is from this this I thought you might like It's from Tosh.0 I used to have it It's a photo of black Jesus I don't We used to always have this in different shots I'll be honest with you I don't know that it's black Jesus or like more

Middle Eastern It looks like a Middle Eastern Jesus Which I think it might be more truer Anyway I thought you would like it Because it was in almost I don't know how many episodes I love it We used to

Thank you Put it in the background of shots Yeah And move it around And people are so confused. All right, get that off my desk, please. Then I got you this. These are just some colorful sweaters that I thought maybe you could mix into your out.

You know, just occasionally just throw on a public. Are there cardigans? Is this cash beer? No, I didn't know what this one is. This one's just weird. It's long hair. And, you know, listen, I'm sure. I just, the black is great.

The black is great. It might be too hot today. Yeah, I know. I forgot it was so humid. All right, throw that on the floor. Thank you. Okay. Then here I got, this is just for a little more of you time, relaxation.

This is some La Labo face mask. I don't use this stuff. I don't know why it was given me. This is a hair mask. Nice. And I know with the humidity right now, the frizz and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. Lelabo, they're good stuff.

Thank you. Do you like the doors? I love the doors. I feel like that's a good music. You just pass that on to the other side. Oh, I actually had a guy. create his whole funeral around the song, break on through to the other side.

Wow, it seems pretty nail on head, but I'm glad he did it. Thank you. You're welcome. Have you seen everything during your time in this business? I think one of the fun things about the business is that you can never see everything. Like, it's always,

there's always something that'll surprise you, something different. Have you ever whispered something in their ear, like really horrible, like right before they go? No, but there are a few people who I would like to whisper something in their ears as they go. What's the best advice you've ever heard from someone on their deathbed? I hope you have the chance to grow old. Oh, that's sweet.

Yeah, so his point was that he gains this, like, wisdom that just doesn't come, you know, it only comes with age. And I thought that was really special. What do you think about putting a cap on life? Like 75 and you're out? Yes. Now you're talking. I'm like, I could go either way on that, you know, because I... Listen, you're going to get rid of a lot of good people.

Yeah. But if we just hard-cap it, don't you think that would solve a lot of our, you know, food problem? I think in general, I'm not against a hard cap. I don't know if 75's the right number. That's a little low, but I mean, like... Oh, I was going to go the other... Oh, really? You'd be surprised.

I was going to go 52. 52. I got one more year. I can wrap my head around another year. Jill, thank you so much for being on the show. I appreciate it. Thank you.

I want to thank Jill for being on the show. Top five easy. Yeah. Top five easy. It gets me, though. It's like I got to do, I have to get my affairs in order. Right.

We got work to do, Ed. Oh, man, that'll be fun. That'll be a fun talk with my wife. Anyway, oh, what else is going on? Hey, our buddy Matt Fulcheron, right? He's got a new special out. It's called Altered Reality, and it was filmed at the Comedy Magic Club,

which is a club in Hermosa Beach that I've performed at for 20-something years. All right, let's do. We've got other plugs. Patreon.com slash toss show. You get a free seven-day trial. My first farewell tour. Guys, the final leg is coming up.

Let's go. I'm going to be in Phoenix, too, which technically isn't on this last leg. It's just the final show of the season. Right. Toshoshostore.com. We got that. All right, let's go. They love me.

They love me now. What do you got, Ed? Okay, from at Alistair Folson, not into sports, but Tosh and the gang are always a hoot to listen to. I love hoot. Mm-hmm. Makes me think of Bill Hicks. And the gang. A hoot.

The gang, the gang's a hoot. Listen, you don't have to be into sports. to laugh at our political podcast. That's so confusing. So that was they love me. That's nice. What else we got? They love me not?

Yep. Let's hear it. This next one comes from at S-U-E Garrish, 6673. Tosh, I love you, but for the love of God, don't let your son have long hair. I'm so gross when little boys have long hair like girls. I cannot believe you think that's cool. It's just cringy. See, this is how I know you guys know me because you would read the,

That you would read me a love me not that starts with I love you and know that that would set me off. Oh, fuck you. I'll tell you what I find cringy is an adult going on the internet to write how they think little boys should look. Yeah. That to me is ick, you fucking idiot. I just can't imagine a world where I was writing. Like, this is how I want my little boys to look. I mean, I don't, I feel like this person should be put on a list.

AI should be able to figure out when someone is writing on their computer about a child. It should be like, oh, that's not your child. You should probably stop typing. Just locks up your keyboard. Yeah, just locks your keyboard. I'm going to go, you don't get to type anymore. Guy that's telling other kids how to style themselves so that you find them attractive. No, I can't deal with this guy.

See you next week.