Tosh Show - My Disney Jungle Cruise Skipper - David Marley

Episode Date: January 13, 2026

Daniel sets sail with Dr. David Marley, a former Jungle Cruise Skipper, Disney historian, and Cal State professor.  Join our Patreon for exclusive content: http://patreon.com/toshshow

What are some of the old jokes that wouldn't fly today? The guys in the 60s and early 70s would say stuff that was just, even then, I think, was like, horrifically racist, but they just thought it was fine. Welcome to Tosh Show for show. Welcome to Tosh. I'm your host, Daniel Tosh, with me, Eddie Gosling, live from Venezuela. We're excited to be here. Oh, this is nice. Quick little trip that we'd check in on our new, uh,

Our new state. This is awesome. I like it. I love it. I never thought I would be doing a podcast out of Venezuela, but here we are. Yeah. 2026. Didn't have that on my bingo card.

It's the new year and I'm going to be traveling a lot this year. Right. Okay. And I got the single worst gift I've ever received from people that claim to love me. Okay? Okay. And I, listen, we all get it. I'm tough to shop for.

But I would like to say that I plead with everyone that I know and love to not shop for me. Right. Do not buy me anything. Exactly. I will accept that I'm difficult if you accept that I don't want you to. Yeah. Okay. Christy and Stacy, my manager, my longtime manager and my even longer time agent.

No need forever. forever. Know me forever. And they have, they have infinite funds. Lord knows that I've, uh, I've paid them well over the years. And I am just, I am just one. Venezuela, man, what are you going to do? I am just one of many successful clients that they have.

Right. Okay. Big coffers. Here's, and they have to buy something every year. Okay. And every year I get the same thing from them for the holidays. I get this box of candles, you know, different woodsy smells, pine smells, Christmas smells. And I love it.

And it's nice. The end. That should be the end. You want to buy my kids something fine? You don't need to. They've got plenty of stuff. Right. But they do.

And they appreciate it. They always get me something else. This year was the worst thing I've ever received. Here we go. This is what they got me. You ready? Yep. With a big tour coming up this year, we got you something we trust you will never use,

like all years prior. We got you a MedJet's insurance policy for the year. Should you or your family ever need to be transported while traveling, they will jet you back to where you need to go. Are you fucking kidding me? I don't, yeah. I guess this is what like, like elitist do. you don't go to the hospital where you just got hurt, you get on a private jet and they bring you back to L.A.

I just, I immediately wrote my business manager and I C-Ced both of them and I said, please get your money back. This is so dumb. On top of the fact that I already have amazing health insurance. Right. This is like, I guess, above. and beyond. Just jet you back here.

Jet me back. It couldn't be a dumber gift. First of all, I'd never go to the hospital. Right. Ever. And now what did they do? They put a mouth on it. Not only did they put a mouth on it for me,

they put it or my family. So great. Thank you for letting me know that my kids this year most likely will get hurt on the road. And what happens? If this year goes by, which I'm sure it will, completely uneventful, and nothing happens, then you didn't get me a gift. Oh, yeah, you're right.

It should be a waste. Or, okay. Or you didn't get me a gift, and then this policy expires, and then two days later in the new year, I travel and get hurt, and now I don't have it anymore. Oh, thanks. Thanks for your poorly timed insurance policy. Bad winter. On insurance policy. Can you think of anything?

to give somebody? People do it for their race horses, but you're like, you're a human. You're a friend, too. I mean, when you said it, when you say it like that, it actually makes me feel good. They look at me like a racehorse. You know, like a cash cow of sorts to mix species.

I just, I want, I want somebody else that knows my world to tell me that that was very thoughtful and not stupid. and I haven't found that person yet. Yeah. I haven't found somebody that says, are you kidding me? I would kill for that gift.

I mean, you're talking to somebody that one time had a girlfriend and not when I was 15, like in my late 20s that got me a star. You know, the star registry? Right, yeah. The famous, dumbest gift of all time.

I believe I laughed in her face. I think I was there for this. I remember the star. The star is light years. A better idea. A better gift than an insurance policy for one year that really only involves transport. One more thing. I want to just say a huge fuck you to all children's products out there.

These toys that grow with your child. You buy one toy, but then in a year and a half, if you keep three, tiny little bolts and this random starfish Allen wrench, you can convert it to the next phase. And then two and a half years later from that, you get to turn your destroyed piece of shit into its final phase. And then convert it back so the next child can use it through all three phases. I get it. You want to act like your toy lasts forever. I don't want that.

Let's just do the one. We build the one. We throw everything away. We don't keep extra parts. And they play with it for six weeks. And then I give it away. There you go. I hate it.

I hate any toy that grows with my child. Have you had to do the growing part yet? Or have you just have the base part? I mean, I definitely have had it. And I don't know that I've ever transitioned it to the next tier. I wouldn't think you would. I mean, the one thing that I have done multiple times is I took the crib. and from crib, you know, from the top where it's at the high level,

then you lower the bed to the bottom, and then you take the side wall off so it's a toddler bed, and then back to the high wall for the next kid down. I finally got through that phase of a crib. So anyone that's having a baby and needs a ton of stuff, reach out to the show, and I'll hook you up. I'll get you everything. I'll get you the high chairs, the criss.

ribs, the clothes, everything. I've got a good stash that I'm dying to get rid of. You know my kids really want. They want to go to Disney. Now, I won't take them because I'm terrified that I will turn into a Disney adult. Oh, yeah. I can't see it happening, but yeah. Yeah, but wouldn't that be my nightmare?

Yes. I've lived 50 years on this earth one way, and then all of a sudden I'm like, whoa, why don't I go to Disney every single day? Like the Bordens. Yeah, I'm scared to death of Disney. Now, today's guest, he might be able to talk me off the ledge. Enjoy. We are on the other side of the holidays, which means a lot of you are out of mullah.

Or maybe you're not broke because you listen to me when I told you to download the free upside app to get cash back on gas, groceries, and dining. The three main culprits burn into a hole in your wallet right now. And yes, I said cash back. No points. You'll never. use, no credits that expire, money you transfer straight into your bank account from simply using one of our over 100,000 participating location. Places you probably already go. Here's how it works.

You open the app, claim an offer, pay with your card like normal, and get paid. That's it. To find out how much you could earn, download the free upside app, and use promo code Tosh to get an extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first. tank of gas. That's an extra 25 cents back on every gallon on your first tank of gas using promo code Tosh. No matter if I'm at home or in the studio, if you see me out and about, you will see me wearing clothes. That's why I'm a fan of Chubbies, because as it turns out, they make clothes like their chubby's everywhere pants that you can wear. You guessed it, everywhere. Or they're chubby's flannel over shirt that feels like your favorite flannel.

and softest sweater had a baby. But imagine my excitement when I learned about NFL by Chubbies. I'll pause while you imagine my excitement. They've got stretch polos, swim trunks, and mesh shorts with your favorite team's logo printed all over them. All 32 teams are available. As a die-hard dolphins fan and hardcore jacuzzi enthusiasts, nothing brings me more joy than slipping to a pair dolphin-branded team

trunks so I can rep my team while getting my soak on. For limited time, Chubbies is giving our listeners 20% off your purchase at Chubbies with the promo code Tosh at checkout. Just head to chubbyshorts.com. Make sure to support our show and tell them that we sent you. My guest today is a former Disneyland Jungle Cruise skipper. He's also a professor at Cal State to save your judgment. please welcome from the happiest place on earth, Disney historian David.

Thanks for having me. Thanks for bringing on the show. Disneyland Jungle Cruise Skipper. When did you hang up the hat? 2004. Okay. When my first daughter was born. Oh.

Not that I blame her. Okay. But I do. Do you believe in ghosts? No. First question I ask all my guests. Do you think Disney adults should be put on a list? Uh, not most of them, no.

Finish this thought. Okay. Disney adults are... They are my market. That's good. Yeah. I could also say they're a lot. They can be a lot.

What are your thoughts on Disney adult couples, the ones that are without children, but go to the park constantly? There are a lot, too. Yeah. Let's get into it. Where did you grow up? Orange County, California, born and raised.

How close to the park? I grew up in Orange, which is pretty close. My whole life, I could hear Disneyland's fireworks at night. and that was our clue to come inside in the summertime. We were out playing. When we heard the fireworks, we had to come home. That was the rule.

Yeah, for all my friends in our neighborhood. And the fireworks are seven days a week. Yep. When did you first go to Disney? Let's start there. I don't know. I must have been very little. Did you have season passes growing up?

They didn't have them when I was little. But my dad worked at Baskin Robbins. I mean, another great thing. Yeah, right? And so he would get his free ticket, so that's how we could afford to go. The smell in Baskin Robbins can be a bit much sometimes. Yeah.

You ever do the bubble gum ice cream? Yeah, it was my older brother's favorite. Okay, your older brother's a psycho. Yeah. You just end up with a mouthful of gum at some point? And one of my daughters, one of my daughters, yeah, one of my daughters loved it too. Oh. Choking hazard ice cream.

It's what it is. It's a choking hazard ice cream. That's so funny. Let me be transparent with you. Okay. Okay. I've never been to Disneyland in my life. And I grew up in Florida near Disney World.

Yeah. And I don't believe that I've ever been to Disney World. Now, I know that I went there for Project graduation, which was a thing they did. And I saw PM Dawn, said a drift on memory. Dada, um, dada. Tried to hook up Denny Rowland. She was dating Justin Lewis. They later got married.

They've been divorced. Denny? I feel like we should have had something. Anyway, the bygons are bygones. And then one time I was kind of starting to date Snow White, and we went and picked up her check. Yeah. From work. And I went to the underbelly.

Okay. Now, the difference between Disney World and Disneyland, there is no underground tunnels at Disneyland. No, it's all above ground. Yeah. Which one's better? I have to say Disneyland's better, but I'm biased. The jungle cruise in Florida is better because the skippers there are better. Is there a clear winner if I were to ask, like, outside people that weren't biased in any way?

Like which park was better? Yes. I always thought Disney World was considered the better of the two. I think people think Disneyland is better because that was like the Walt original. Sure. Like it's where Walt sat and ate and worked on it and... But a land compared to a world. Yeah, that's true.

Now, let me get back to my little history. Okay. I wasn't opposed to going. My family didn't have that type of money. And so I could call my mom right now and I'm not going to because she probably wants me to. And she's like, we went to Disney World. And I'm like, oh, but I don't remember it. Or she will say, no, we never did.

But I just never got into it. I've always liked amusement parks. I think I would have loved it. And now I get into this rut in my life where if I don't do something, now it's like, oh, I can never do it. Yeah. I feel like it's too late for me to get into Disney at 50. You can go.

You don't have to get into it. You don't kind of make it a lifestyle. I don't know. I worry, what if I, because I went to Dollywood once to, years ago and I won't shut up about it. I've always wanted to go. It's the greatest place I've ever been in my life. Awesome. I would argue like if you told me that Disney was half as good as Dollywood, I would be like, well, I should go. Yeah. I'm going to be at Dollywood. I'm going to be there in October. If you come out to Dollywood, I really do want to know your take on it. I've never heard anything

but positive stuff about Dollywood. That's why I'd love to go. I think her health is on the decline. Yeah. You ever seen a photo of her sister? Mm-mm. No. Looks exactly the same. Really? Yep. Like Gallagher. It's very much like Gallagher. Describe the hiring process at Disney because I've heard that it's rigorous. I would call it like random and chaotic. Like first time I went to apply,

I wanted to be a skipper because I wanted to do it since I was seven. How old were you this first time you applied? I was in college. Okay, acceptable. Yeah, yeah. So I was, you know, 19 or 20. And I fill out the application and they're okay, great,

you can be a janitor during the third shift. So like you get there at midnight to six. And I'm like, I want to be a skipper. And they're like, this is all we have, take it or leave it. And did you say leave it? I left it. Yeah, of course. I'm good.

I respect people that like, no, no, no, I'll do anything and work my way up. Yeah. I'm like, the guy smirked at me when he said it. Yeah. And that didn't work. So I found a sneaky way to get hired. Uh-huh. And I did it twice to get at the jungle.

What do you mean, you worked there for a duration of time and then went back some other time and just got rehired? Yeah, I worked there. Then I went to go to grad school back east. And then I moved back to California and went right back to my job at the jungle Cruz. Did they just hire you immediately back the second time, or did you have to do the schmoozing where you did? I'd do the schmoozing again, and I knew it was going to work, so it worked. I was pleased with myself. You flunked out of grad school? No. You graduated. I graduated. And you chose to go

back to being a Skipper at Disney. Yes, I did. Okay, so that's, it can be a real fulfilling profession. Oh yeah. That's how I got my nickname, Dr. Skipper. You do not have your PhD? I do. Okay. Yeah. So it's not even a nickname. It's just, it's factual. It's factual, yeah. I mean, you're a skipper and you're a doctor. can be worse nickname, so I was happy with Dr. Skipper. That was good. I know. I keep telling people. I took it and ran.

These next two questions will tell me everything I need to know about you. Okay. Have you ever been to a jungle? Yes. Actually, yeah. Have you ever been on a cruise? Yes. I've done both.

Okay. I've done both. He's done them both. Wow. This guy's got all the experience in the world. I never thought of it before, yeah. The jungle cruise. Explain to me what the ride is and what you're a skipper and, you know,

their responsibility. Skipper drives guests through a jungle. It's like an eight to ten minute tour and you see different animatronic animals. You go through Africa, South America, Asia, and there's little scenes and you get to do jokes. Are you on a track? Yes. So you're not steering at all? Mm-mm. But you're supposed to. So the kids believe it. And actually, after you're there a while, because they made me a trainer, you can feel it in your feet. You can kind of feel the vibration of the roller on the rail. Is there wheels? Yeah, there's a rail, like a raised rail. And there's wheels that kind of sit on top of it. So you can derail it.

You can crash that boat. I've had friends do it. How do you crash it? Because, you know, there's the wake behind your boat. If you stop too quickly, the wake will lift your boat up. And then it's off. Clunk. How deep is the water?

Four to six feet deep. But at the hippo pool, it's closer to 10. Because those giant hippos have to go all the way down. Again, this is all new to me. Right? So I'm so exciting. Yeah. What size body of water is this?

It's like two and a half acres, the attraction. It's like the largest single attraction at any Disney park. That's fairly big. And it's at both parks? Yeah. And Hong Kong and Japan. Have you been to all the parks? No.

Any desire? I'm a professor. I don't make that kind of money. Orlando's not expensive to get to? I've finally been to the Orlando ones. Did you like it? Loved it. Huh.

I went there once as a kid for three hours because my stepmother did nothing but complain the whole time to my dad just said, we're leaving. And so I went back right after COVID hit. I went because I go to a Tiki convention out there and give talks. Uh-huh. hang out with skippers. They gave me a little bracelet. When you get trained out there, they give you a bracelet when you're signed off

and they do a little ceremony. So I wear this all the time as my East Coast Skipper family. Do you marry people? No. Okay, so the skipper doesn't hold any type of... No, that would be awesome. Was Jungle Cruise there day one?

Yeah. It was the biggest, most popular attraction until they built the Matterhorn. It was like the big ride to go on. Where's it ranked now? Oh, Lord knows. Out of popularity. Somewhere in the middle, maybe.

Okay. Would they ever... or get rid of it? I don't think so. Although it's huge, they could use the land, but I don't think so because it's like a classic. We used to brag, we were one of Waltz originals. That's what made us more obnoxious.

Is the temperature better because you're on the water? Yeah. That's nice. The west side of the park is always like five to ten degrees cooler than the east side. Because it's tomorrow land and concrete and we have water and trees. And yeah, on a hot day you're driving the boat so you get the breeze and you're in the shade. That's the upside too, I would say, between the west coast. Disneyland versus Disney World, scorching temperatures in Orlando.

What does a starting skipper make if they work full-time at Disney? They're doing better now, but I was making like $2 over minimum wage. So you were doing it fully because you enjoyed it? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. When they made me a trainer, their sales pitch was you'll make 50 cents more an hour. So almost $3 more than minimum wage. But yeah, you're not making a ton.

Is it a living in Southern California? That seems tough. No. of younger people, a lot of retired people do it. Uh-huh. I briefly worked in Disney Entertainment, and that's where the real money is. Okay. I was making union money.

That was good. It's cool. I mean, because you think Disney's got, they obviously have money, so some positions have to be legit. Okay, what all does it take to be a skipper and what did you have to do back in the day? Because they've gotten a little less loosey-goosey with your script and your improv. Yeah, and that kind of comes and goes. Some managers are very strict and you have to follow it or you're fired in some,

like the era I was there. was just chaos. It's like Dick's last resort. Kind of, yeah. On some level. Yeah. Isn't that? They just insults you while you're eating?

Are you being mean to people or is it just case by case? Case by case. Okay. It's like stand up, you know, you go and you look at the audience. When they're loading, you have about 30, 40 seconds to figure out what this crowd is into and then you take off. So you get really good at picking out an audience and what they like and don't like fairly quickly. To me, I don't assess.

It's like, you're going to go well or it's not. Here we go. Are you being supervised the entire time on that ride, or can you get away with them? Are they listening? No. Once you're away from the dock, you're on your own, which is what I loved. There were managers that would have their family come on and sneak with a video camera. Okay.

But it was obvious because you're doing the jokes. You're pointing at things, but the camera stays on you. You're like, oh, that's a family member filming me. Because everyone else looks at the animal, and they keep it trained on you. That's how you... So they said they hide in the jungle and listen to us, but I knew all the hiding places, and they didn't know how to get out there. The managers didn't know anything.

Give me a sample of a joke that is used in the cruise. Just like say there's a child that's not having a good time. Is there a go-to for that situation? Depend on like the age of the kid and if you're going to aim it towards him or towards his parents. Uh-huh. Yeah, you know. Right when they get on.

I'm just looking for some type of tone that I can gauge here. But the first thing you've got to figure if they speak English. That's the big deal. Oh, and you shouldn't assume. No, you can't. No, you can't. How's your Mandarin? Not that good.

Yeah. My dad knew Japanese, so he taught me some Japanese phrases. Okay. Which I remember none of it. But I could say different animal names and look out, and it seemed to shock the Japanese guests that this giant white man spoke a little. How tall are you? Six, four.

I guess in Japanese culture, that is giant. Yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Where do you want to sit on the boat? What's the best seat in the house? Either side up on the front is good.

Yeah. You don't want to sit in the middle seat. That sucks. Back by the engine, it's loud. That's awful. Can you get seasick on the jungle? Yes. You can.

Yes. In training. Yes, you can. You're on wheel. That's cars sick. But it still rocks back and forth. And I had trainees that would tell me that I don't feel good. I'm like, you're a little seasick.

One girl got transferred out because it made her too sick. Do you get boat legs, though, toward the rest of the day you Sometimes you kind of feel like you're still swaying. I do anyway because I'm hyper. Oh. And the canopy's kind of low, so I had to stand with my legs really spread apart so I didn't hit my head. Have you ever had someone go overboard? Not a guest, no.

An employee on purpose? I've seen employees going, yeah, yeah, and you don't want to get in that water. The guests have fallen in when I wasn't there. But, yeah, I've seen a bunch of cast members go in. The Orlando one, didn't they recently have a gator that took down a kid? When were the lakes by the hotel? Oh, that was just the lakes by the hotel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you get wet? You try not to. Yeah. No. You don't want to, I can't emphasize enough. You don't want to touch that water. The ride is eight minutes, but you control how fast it can go? Oh, yeah.

I was famous. How do you control it? It's got a throttle. So you can... Okay, you can't steer, but you can stop and start. Yep, and back up and whatnot. You can back the boat up? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. If it wasn't busy, if the joke failed, you would stop the boat and back up and try it again, or you would do a different... Oh, that can make some sloshing for the next boat. Yeah, yeah. You try to create some choppy water for people ever? And I was, what I was famous for was for taking extra long trips. Like the more my boat laughed, the slower I went. Okay.

So if you didn't laugh. You're having a good set. Right? If they didn't laugh by a certain point, I just floored it and it was a seven-minute ride. Get off my boat. And what's your record for longest? I think 17 minutes? It was at night.

And they were just, they laughed at everything. And was the boat behind you? Like, hey, I appreciate you getting good chuckles, but let's go. At night, there's only a few boats. so you have more space during the day, you couldn't do that. Skippers would kill you. How many runs are you doing in a shift?

Like an eight-hour shift, you'll do it maybe 25 or 30 times. You'll do it a lot. Yeah. That's teetering on madness. Yeah. Well, that's why you have like a lot of different jokes, so you mix it up.

And my rule was I had to write one new joke every day. Like I would improv, but I had to have one joke that was like, I could write it down, I could give it to somebody else and they could do it just to keep my brain from going crazy. Do you bring private? props ever? Were you allowed to?

Other skippers did. There was a guy this was pre-9-11. Oh, let me guess. Let me guess. Switchblade. A little box cutter. Worse. He had a jacket and he's like, well, welcome to the jungle. I hope this goes well because I'm just not doing really well. And I don't know what I'm going to do if it doesn't work out. And he opens his jacket and he had fake dynamite strapped around his chest.

We all know that bit. He was not a skipper after that. That was... Oh, it was only a one-time bit? Oh, yeah. Good bit? It's a good bit. The people on the boat were kind of terrible. He thought that was going to fly, huh? Yeah, yeah.

So, no, no props. You guys have a pistol, though, right? Yeah, the gun was fun. I worked there with it and without it. Oh, they stopped letting you carry the pistol? Right after Columbine, they got rid of all the guns and then... The places that guns were never going to affect people. Yeah.

You can only shoot it in the hippo pool and only point it up, because if you pointed it at a hippo, kids would lose their minds. Well, yeah, you can't shoot hippos unless Don Jr.'s on that boat. Yeah, yeah. Hill on the hippo. He's Don Jr. ever killed a hippo? Oh, I'm sure. You know he's done it.

Yeah. You guys get political on the boat? I did. I did, yeah. Yes. Good for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's Orange County, right?

Used to be fairly conservative. And you're coming towards the waterfall. And at the last second, you turn and go down this other river. So you're supposed to lean to the right. Lean to the right. Oh, we're safe. And so I would say, lean to the right, lean to the right. It's okay.

It's Orange County. It's okay to lean to the right in Orange County. And that usually got a pretty good laugh. Uh-huh. For the local, The locals, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when you had to figure out if they knew. Your Japanese clientele, they were going to be confused.

They had no clue, no clue. Then he had to change it to being like from Kyoto or something. Good improv. Thank you. Thank you very much. I got paid minimum wage to do it once. So I had Billy Idol on my boat. He was like my favorite guest and he was right next to me and he had like a couple

like other families with him and kids. And so I hit the waterfall. I do the turn. I do the joke. And in my head, I'm like, why did I do that? Billy doesn't, he doesn't know that joke. and I look at him and he leans forward and he's explaining to his group.

And he literally goes, Orange County's conservative like Margaret Thatcher and the Tories and he's explaining why Orange County's conservative. And so I'm just listening. And so I have the microphone in my hand and I'm just listening to Billy Idol explain and I see one of the elephants go by

in my peripheral vision and the whole boat staring at me wondering why I'm not talking because they can't hear it. So I'm like, oh crap, I got to do my jokes. Is there any bodies at the bottom of that lake? No. Not that one, no.

You sure? The ashes get thrown at Hotted Mansion. Oh. People throw, they... It's illegal to do that, right? Yeah, yeah. And they can see you in cameras. You're not supposed to bring human remains

into parks. No. No. And they can see you on the camera throwing out dust so they get vacuumed up immediately. Well, that's ultimately maybe what their dream was. Their wish was to be vacuumed up. By a minimum wage janitor.

Tahoe, Lake Tahoe. It's not 50, 50. the California side of the lake, you are not allowed to dump ashes into the lake, but the Nevada side you are. Are you serious? Yeah, in the water. So, like, when you're actually in the lake, you have to go to a certain buoy marker. Huh.

And then you feel free to throw human remains. Wow. That's a pretty beautiful lake. Uh-huh. There's a lot of bodies. Throw ashes, yeah. Well, the mob, yeah, there's probably a bodies. Also, all the people that built that railroad.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a bad story. This PhD in history can confirm. Yeah. Yeah, can confirm, yes. We could pay these people and send them home, or we could just, well, there's a big lake here. Yeah.

Sometimes jokes don't age well. And you actually spent one summer rewriting and punching up jokes. Was that because the jokes were a little tone deaf? No, they'd gotten rid of most of them. What are some of the old jokes that wouldn't fly today? They would do, the guys in the 60s and early 70s would say stuff that was just, even then, I think, was like horrifically racist,

but they just thought they just thought it was fine. Uh-huh. They were cracking jokes about, you know, Vietnam War and shooting Asian people. And they'd, oh, we could do that. Or they would make comments about how the women in the boat are dressed. Okay, so this is like a Don Rickles.

It's like a worst. Were employees a lot of smoke ever on that boat? No. Backstage you could smoke, but no. Were guests a lot of smoke back in the day? Yeah. Not when I worked there. They had specific little areas.

We called them flavor country, wherever the little smoking area was. That was our nickname. Flap. Where is he? Over by Flavor Country. Yeah. I don't know why that tickles it.

That is so funny. How long's your lunch break at Disney? At Jungle Cruise, we usually got a 45 minute, which was longer than anybody else. Oh. Because we were, see, that's why we were- Are you guys a tier above the other people? I would say we are. Did you frattenize with characters?

No, those people are really stuck up. The worst are the face character, like Snow White. That was impressive. Let me tell you about my Snow White. She was beautiful. The face characters are the most, like, elitist and obnoxious. And then the characters, and then the parade people, and then there's us. Because they're making, like, union money.

They have, like, a real job. Okay. And we're just cocky and think we're hysterical. Uh-huh. Yeah. And so we just mock everybody relentlessly. You know Greg Hahn? He's a comedian.

Oh, that name, yeah. Yeah. He's a real wacky, goofy guy. He's a big fella, six-four. You know, he got his start. Where did he get his start? He was a stunt man. He was a stunt man in a show in like some log show in Florida.

Oh, no way. What was it called? I think it was Bush Gardens and he did the Wild West. Was it Bush Gardens? It was the Wild West show at Bush Gardens. That was how he got his start into entertainment. He used to tick. He got knocked out by a guy that was messed out.

I don't know that story. It was true. Wow. It was good practice for when me and my buddies did some stand-up later. It was good. Did you enjoy doing stand-up or is that as painful as it is for every? It was painful. I did take a class at the improv, you know, like you do. And they had one class where they practiced heckling us. And after one of my sets, the guy was like, well, you're funny, but you don't swear or cuss. I'm like, well, I worked at Disney. We're not allowed to. I didn't like having to write material constantly. That got old. If you swear at Disney, like, is there, is there like, do you get fired or is there, what's the punishment? It depends on who complains. That's the trick.

if they don't notice it or if you, you know, calm them down so they don't complain, then you don't get in trouble. It's only about a complaint. But if like you stub your toe and you say shit or something like that, you're not getting in trouble for that, are you? No, no. There's a buddy of mine who's an Imagineer now. He came up with a code word when he was, because he was like a manager of Indiana Jones

that was right next to us. And whenever he was really mad and upset and he wanted to complain in front of guests, he would just go, good times, good times, good times. And that became our catchphrase whenever we were upset or something bothered us. We just go, good times, good times. We'll be right back. Pasha! Did Disneyland have a gay day?

Yeah, oh, yeah. Was their gay day? You were the first gay day. Yeah, I loved gay day. That was the day to work. It was the best because everybody would wear red shirts. Okay. And there was always a Marine and his family in a red shirt,

and he was never happy that he was in a red shirt on gay day. Oh, you mean he accidentally showed up? Yeah, he'd been in his Marine Corps shirt. Are you allowed to go? Are straight people allowed to go on gay day? Oh, yeah. Okay. Most people don't know that it's the gay day or goth day.

I went to gay ski week and tell you ride, and that was just delightful. Yeah. Now, that was also unplanned. But once we were there, we were just in heaven, right? Yeah, it was great. Oh, we just, Ed and I just embraced it. Skippers fought for shifts during gay day. That was a great day.

Oh, were you allowed to up up the tone of the comedy? That's why, you take that minute when the boat, when you're loading to see who's on there. I've interviewed, like, 150 or so skippers. and all but one of them likes to work at night because at night we can take slower trips, do more jokes and do more different kind of jokes because there aren't kids there. But if you had a boat full of game in,

you could do all kinds of fun things. You control... Maritime law. Comedically. Maritime law. Is it maritime law out there on the jungle cruise? No, we're not far enough away from the coast. You've got to be like three miles.

I don't know how the rules of it work. I feel like just once you leave port, all bets are off. you get there. Where do you park? I've always had this weird fascination where I don't really want to know the answer to this because it's just baffalo. People that work at the airport or work at Disney. I'm like, how do you time your day to get to where you have to be? You have to at least get to the parking lot like a half hour before your shift starts. Okay. Because there's a shuttle you take. Now they have a couple different parking lots.

When I was there, there was one big one. One big one for the employees. And then you get on a shuttle. Yeah. And then you have to run, you clock in on one side of the park and tomorrow land. and then you've got to get to your location. At the end of the day, like if you're supposed to get off at 8 o'clock, they let you go at 7.30 to kind of accommodate for the fact that you had to get there early. Right. Okay. So you're getting an extra half hour pay? At the end, yeah. It makes sense because I feel like when you're finished with your last tour,

before you get to your car is a good 30 minutes at least. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And the parking lot was fun. All the jungle cruise skippers, we all parked in the same section of the car lot. And heaven forbid if you didn't park where the rest of us did, we were a little cult. Are the Skippers elitist? Yes. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. We were, we were, yes. I was never, because I was like the skinny kid in high school, so I never, like, picked on anybody or bullied anybody. I went to Jungle Cruise, and it was just. Game on? Yes.

It was, yes. That's fun. Yeah, I was, I was bad. Yeah. I had a lot of fun at other people's expense. Do you feel like it's a cult over there or no? For the people or the cast members. Both sides of it seemed like it could be a lump.

The answer is yes. Both sides, yes. One side, though, they're very excited to spend money on anything. Like Disney makes a $45 plastic popcorn bucket, and people go nuts and wait in line for it. What's so special about this popcorn bucket? I don't know. I just thought people just wanted the Yamika with the ears. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. But cast members, we're, especially jungle crew skippers. We're pretty culty. Yeah. Steve Martin used to do a magic at Disneyland. Are there other famous people that are former skippers? John Lasseter, the former head of Disney animation at Star at Pixar, and I was able to find out that Kevin Costner worked there.

Just at Disneyland or was a skipper? At Disneyland and he was a skipper in addition to a bunch of other rides, yeah. Because usually you learn a bunch of different attractions. I just learned jungle and the tiki because I didn't want to work anywhere else. What celebrities have been on the cruise? And do the celebrities go by themselves or do they try to go incognito? The cool celebrities go with a boat full of people. They still have like a plaid, the little tour guide.

Does a plaid ride with them? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And why are they called plaid? Because they wear plaid outfits. That makes a lot of sense. It's not a clever nickname at all. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Skippers tend to not like them because they will complain about anything we do.

So we're always on the lookout for a plaid. Snitches. Exactly. So like some celebrities, and usually what happens is like the big celebrities, like Tom Hanks, Johnny Depp, they want to go in a boat with other guests. Does Johnny Depp come with all his stupid shit? Does he travel to his own wine cellar? I just know that he made a lot of financial bad decisions.

Yeah, yeah, no. But like lower celebrities or people that used to be really famous will sometimes demand their own boat. Oh. And that skippers hate it because it's just them and they're like six friends. And so it's hard to get a comedy thing going. How many seats does the boat hold? You can hold 45.

Oh, my God. This is a nightmare. Yeah. So there's just a... There's no world where I knew the answer was 45. Yeah. So you're waiting in a line, and there's just chunks of people moving. That's a fun line to be in, I guess.

Every day at Disney, a full day is how many people? It can be over 70,000. Okay. They stopped telling us when it hit 77. When I worked there, we would have slow days, and now those don't exist. Slow days don't exist. No. You'd have like 30 or 40.

It was awesome. We did no work. It was heaven. I think that was my experience I had at Dollywood, was it was an off day in the fall when kids were in school. and I'm just hanging out with a bunch of old people watching weird shows. What's the one ride that's in the dark? Space Mountain?

Space Mountain. Do both parks have Space Mountain? Or is that only Disney World? They both do. Okay. They both do, yeah. You just sit in a little roller coast? Maybe I've been on that, or maybe I just have heard enough about it.

Yeah, you're just kind of constantly going in a circle. All right. Hold on. I can't not do this. I'm just too curious. Hey. Hey. Oh, my first...

What am I doing? I do. I have a quick question for you. Have I ever been to Disney World? Yes. I have. Several times. Twice. Twice?

Oh, wait. We took Missy and Mindy. No. Once you've been there. With when Grandpa Olmsteads and I think Carol and Jason and your cousins, I think we all. How old was I? Hi, seven or eight. All right.

I have a picture. Yeah, you send that to me. Okay. Because I don't believe, I don't believe you ever took me. But okay. We did. All right. Good job.

Good job as a parent. Love you. Bye. That's great. She said several times. Oh, wait. By the way, her definition of several is twice. Twice.

And then she immediately realized, no, the one of those was not me. Yeah. Well, myth busted. Guys, real quick, sorry to interrupt the podcast with me. But shortly after we recorded this, my mother sent me a photo. to prove that I have been to Disney World. Now, the problem with the photo that she sent is that it's not of me.

That's my brother. So, was I there? Most likely. Most likely I was there. But it's not guaranteed. I also would like to point out that my brother's not with Mickey Mouse. No, no.

We got my brother with Dale for the most memorable day of our lives. And you can tell from the photo, that this was at least 40-something, 45 years ago, maybe more. My brother looks two. All right, back to the show. What age did your kids, who are grown now?

You have two daughters? At what age did they go from being so excited that you did this to, hey, let's not tell people that you did this? Oh, junior high. That's when every kid decides you're suddenly uncool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad worked at Jungle Cruise to don't. Bring it up.

Please don't bring it up. Yeah. My friends are going Disney. Don't talk about it, dad. All right. Give me some good hacks. You have a couple key hacks that you like to give insiders that are going to Disney. Like, this is what you should do.

Oh, God. My only hack is no people that work there. That's my, that's no help. Not me. That's not, that's how I do it. I just know people and let him know when I'm coming. Other than that, you got to have a lot of money because you got to do lightning lanes and stuff to get out of. Are those lightning lanes?

I always felt like they were in. inflating wait times just to a drum up more business for those lightning lines. I had one friend who worked there who said he thought that was going on, but only one. No proof. Yeah. Are those signs accurate with the wait times? Yes. They make it be accurate.

They'll check with City Hall and the only time it wasn't accurate. The City Hall? Yeah. They've got a say on this shit? Oh, yeah. If City Hall calls your attraction, you are in trouble. And we used to get called all the time. Oh, yeah.

I can imagine people have nothing better to do than complain about. what's wrong at Disney. And they all come to jungle. We would get more compliments than anybody, but also more complaints. There was a phone, and one summer, me and a buddy realized you could transfer a phone call to anybody. And we realized you could transfer calls to Florida. And so I got a phone call from City Hall, and they said, what's your wait time?

And I said, hold on. And I transferred them to Florida. And we did that all day. And a manager came up later in the night, because I was running the attraction that night. He's like, Dave, what's your wait time? And I said, 20 minutes. He says, why does it say 45 out there? And I just laughed.

I don't know. Don't know why. So they finally figured out we were transferring phone calls to other places. I mean, yeah, the accurate. And that was how they did it via phone call. It has to be a more complex system. No. Right now.

They'll give you a little, they'll give you like a little handheld like plastic thing. And they say hand this to the person when you get on the ride, hand it to them. And they use that to time how long it takes you to get through. What's an unacceptable wait time for? what the jungle cruise experience will give me. Where you'd be like, you know what? You got to skip it. I wouldn't do it if it was over a half hour.

A half hour. Okay. Yeah. Everybody who's on the show gets a gift. Okay. Now, you're a professor. I am. So I wanted to make sure that you had some sweaters.

Oh, wow. Okay? These are sweaters that either were on a bit or so. By the one looks just like what I'm wearing. Carrie buys me the same stuff all the time. Oh, but I figured you just need nice sweaters as a professor. That is high quality. Oh, no, they're good stuff.

Yeah. These could be very expensive, but this I've never worn. Wow. I don't even know where a turtleneck. Do people wear turtlenecks? You're going to love that. Just Jerry Brown. You're going to love that.

I'm doing Jerry Brown comedy because I'm so topical. I don't know. We're both six, really? But I want you to have this suit too because this is like a professor suit. You'll produce, and it also reminds me of a skipper. It's got like a Navy vibe to it. Yes. I like it.

I like it. Put this on the floor. I like it. Oh, you're going to love those. All right. Thank you. Oh, no, you're welcome. I'll have to send you pictures of that.

You dressed up little fancy. Send me photos. I wear that to class my students. We'll know that's not mine. You wear that to Dollywood. All right. All right. Done.

Now, I heard that you were a fan of my comedy. So I'm giving you my platinum album cover because my wife would never, ever allow me to put any of these things up in her house. But that's one of my specials. went platinum. And that's my dog who's dead. But man, did I love that dog. Anyway, I'm not allowed to have these. Are you serious? Yes. Oh, yeah, I'll sign that for you too. I would love that. Oh, you get it. That's going up in the office. Look, she's dusty. Yeah, yeah. Real life.

You wrote a book about the skippers? I've written three. And it's stories from all skippers or just your stories? The first one is of all jungle cruise skippers just in Anaheim. I interviewed a guy that was there opening day to students of mine that were there in the early 2000s, or 2020s. When was opening day? 55, 1955. And then I did a second book that was like a sequel to that because I had a bunch of people I wanted to interview and they were afraid to be in the book. And then they see the book and they're like, hey, we trust you now.

Every single one of them wanted to be in it. And then I wrote a history of it. Yeah. Pretty good. It's been a lot of fun. It was fun interviewing guys that worked on the 50s and 60s, and they had the exact same experiences that I had had. So there was like this instant kind of bonding.

What else do you do? I have an Etsy store by sell art that's based on the Jungle Cruise and Disney. I go around the country and I give talks about the history of Disneyland. What do you teach at school? U.S. history, usually. Yeah, that's like my specialty. And I taught a class on the history of Disneyland.

That was fun. At a college? Yeah, as a summer school class. Well, that makes sense. Summer school. Yeah. Those idiots. Yeah.

What do you think? Are we okay? Is this batch of kids that are coming out? Are they okay? Or are they just as lazy as they appear to be? They're not lazy. They're really uninterested in learning anything. I've taught through a couple different generations.

This one's really surprised if I, you know, tell them they have to be in class on time. Or they'll email me and it's raining. Do we have to come to class? I'm like, yes. That's a good question. It's a light California rain. I get it. I get it.

But it's nothing worse than showing up and finding out that I didn't have to be there. So I respect the people for checking. Yeah, yeah. Do you keep it light in your classroom? Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're still doing bits constantly. I get to every class 10 minutes early so I can just do material and be silly. That's what I do.

I call it doing material because a professor came and goes, when you start your class at 10, your class is full. I'm like, yeah, because I get there early and I'm doing jokes and they know they want to hear anything. Okay. So, yeah. In a semester, how many exams do we have? I do three. Three exams and how many outside projects?

to make up that grade. None anymore. So just three exams gives your grade. And class participation. Is part of the grade? Yep. I would do well in your class. You got to be there and you got to talk.

Test whenever my thing, but I'll participate. Yeah. I'll listen. That helps a lot. I got a kid who doesn't know he's going a grade and a half down because he comes to class late 15 minutes every day. And I would say, whatever you're doing, do it 15 minutes earlier. And the class laughed and he never got it.

No. And I just kind of let it go to see how long he's going to keep doing it. But yeah, I do pranks on my students. Oh, yeah, a couple of mean ones. kind of mean pranks you're pulling. The meanest thing I ever did. A student found a picture of me from the 90s when I had very long hair. The chicks dug it. Sure. He like made copies and he plastered it all over like the history department and all over the building is kind of like a joke. And that's fine. That's cool. It was like in the early spring and I acted like people were making fun of me about

it's all cool. But on his graduation day, the day that he was going to walk across the stage. Oh, you murdered his mom. No. Next best thing. I knew the lady that would like you come up and she checks you off before you go on the stage and make sure your name is pronounced. So I had her stop him. And so they're in the line and they're all going. And when he comes up and his family's there and she's like, no, no. And she physically pulls him out of the line.

And she's like, you're not in. You know, she was like flipping the papers. Like you're not in here. And I watched him start to panic. Yep. And when he almost started to cry, she's like, Dr. Marley says, you know, congratulations. And then he looks at me and shakes his fist and walked across stage. Oh, good for you.

That's a solid one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a good one. I did mean pranks at Jungle, too. I like mean pranks. We prank this young lady, and then we never told her that she was getting prank

because my shift was over and I forgot. That's just mean. That's not a prank. We forgot to mention it to her. Yeah. So there's this, you go up through the Indian elephant bathing pool and there's an elephant

that comes up and squirts you. Okay. So you do get wet. Well, if you drive the boat wrong, yeah. Or if you're letting me prank you, yes. But it comes up twice. The first time it squirts water,

and it goes down, and then it comes up a second time and it doesn't squirt. But you're supposed to go, everybody duck, oh my God, it's going to get a sweat. You drive by it.

So a buddy mine were hiding. We were in this cave alone eating our lunch in the dark because we were right by the reset button for that elephant. So we would peek out the hole and we decided this one girl, her first day alone is a skipper.

She comes up to the elephant. It comes up and squirts. And when it goes down, I hit the reset button. So when she drives forward, it just tags the whole boat. And you're not allowed to get guests wet and it hit everybody.

And so we laughed and laughed. She came around again. I did it a second time just to her boat. He's like, do it to everybody. I'm like, no, no, no, this is good, this is good. And the third time she comes around with a manager, just the two of them, he's like, do it. I'm like, no, no, watch.

And so he was like having her practice. It's like, see, it comes up once it squirts, and then it doesn't. She's like, it squirted two times. And so he was like, he was being so kind and thinking of every reason why he didn't know that was me till he read my Skipper Story's book. And he goes, that was you.

He goes, I thought she was stupid. And we're like, we got to tell her. And then we went to lunch and then our shift was over. And I realized a day later, we never told her it was us. And that was the first and last female to ever be a skipper? No. Okay. No.

What was the ratio? They didn't have female skippers at Jungle Cruise in California and Florida until the 90s. By law? No, it was considered a man's attraction. That was for men only. I'm not going to argue you. And the women worked at the tiki room. And then now it's like 50-50 or sometimes it's even a little more females than men, yeah.

Is there a race of people that gravitate toward this position? No. Okay. And I brought you a... What? I brought you a copy of my Skipper Stories book. Guys, this is the Skipper Stories.

That is it. Is this one, two, or three? That is one. That one's got a lot of my stories in it. Oh, man. You know what I like about these Skipper Stories? They're not long. Nope.

Yeah, I break it up by topic for each chapter. What's Tales of the Script? People just going off book? Yeah. Is it a fun place to work? Yeah, I loved it. You get a discount on everything there? Minimal.

What about entry to the park? Yeah, you can, yeah. The nice perk about it is you get to sign in people during the year. You can sign in like three people a day, and you can do it like 15 or 16 times. You're making people's dreams come true. Yeah, like when I worked there, I had a student who'd never been to the park. So I had her and her roommates, I just signed them in because they'd never been. What's Disney cost to get in right now?

They do like a surge pricing per day, so it could be like $200. per person for an adult. It could be. Yeah. But if you have a two-liter of Pepsi, do you get knocked five bucks off? How's that work? You used to always have to carry a two-liter of Pepsi around

before you went to an amusement park. Magic Mountain concessions. Yeah. Yeah. What about gang violence? Was there ever gang violence there? Fights ever break out in your boats? No, not in the boats.

No. I did have two girls screaming at each other on one boat. Yeah, a Graddnight boat. They were from rival high schools. Okay, so Gradnight's still going on. Disney. I got to go back to Denny. I just don't know why she didn't. I mean, I thought we could have been a cute couple. Danny and Denny, it would have been cute. Maybe we have a smooch or something didn't happen. Hey, wait a second. Did I see that right? Oh, you did sign it. Thank you.

I didn't sign it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I appreciate it. Dr. Skipper. That's right. Good on you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Pasha. I want to thank Skipper Dave for docking here. Pulling up the boat. Oh, yeah, we were docking all day together. You had a boat, you guys talking. Just two men docking. Is that still a term?

It is now. Yeah. I want to let him know that I do not have any plans to go to Disneyland, but I would like to invite David to come with us. We're going to Dollywood mid-October. I'm sure they've got a water ride or two there that he could lend his expertise. You know, a little compare and contrast.

I'm excited to go to Dollywood. They haven't reached out to me saying that they wanted to do right and give me some extra VIP type of experience. But it's not too late. It's in October. Okay? And I'm going to be there with the family.

All of us, right? Carl, not you. You'll be in the bus. Doing what you do in the bus when we go places that are fun. Huh? What do you do? Take a nap?

That sounds about right. We got some plugs. Patreon.com slash toss show. I hear that's doing well with some of our unfiltered content. There you go. A lot of that. That's what they want. Yeah.

Give it to them. Why was that always a move for the whores? Like licking your own nipple. Why is that something you want to see? Yeah. That's weird. No, no. You want to watch me lick my nipple?

The whores. The hores lick their nipple. Oh, I know. Well, yeah, I know. What, are you trying to defend people that lick their nipple? You know someone that licks their nipple that's not a whore? You know a nun that does that, John? Yeah, you show me somebody that licks their nipple that's not a whore.

Anyway. Somebody here? Hi. Speaking of whores? My wife's here. Carly, are you on our Patreon page? Have you subscribed yet? I love Patreon.

How much do you pay per month for our toss show? 299. Oh, no. You got some insider deal. That's great. She's boning the boss. What's happening? My first farewell tour.

Guys, come out and see Eddie and I perform. Toshoshoshostore.com. There's four or five things on there if you want it. That's pretty good. Okay. Now, let's get to the meat of Act 3. The calls. Find in love for my wife's cousin Panda.

Okay, let's hear call one. Who got this week? Hey, Josh. This is he. 6-1, 170 pounds, uh, 34 years old. Not really calling for,

uh, Panda actually. I'm calling to talk about Hutch. Uh, hush recently, uh, disclosed that he's from the Evansville area and suggested Taroni's to you. And,

uh, yeah, Taroni's is mid at best and, uh, I, I would suggest not going there. Um, A's at pizza is much better pizza.

We're going for pizza. Okay, okay. So he's saying, Toronies in Evansville that your buddy Hutch recommended is not the pizza establishment to go to in Evansville, Indiana. He's saying A-6? Yeah, it sounds like it. It sounded like A-6.

I can figure, okay, so now I'm torn. But he also said he wasn't interested in dating Panda at all. Yeah, it was like completely not with a... I mean, he started giving some dimensions. I thought he was a little young, but then I was like... Okay, so that has another... You got another caller for me? I do.

Good. Hi, Tosh. My name is Will, and I'm also from the Evansville, Indiana area. Okay. And I only say that because I just watched your most recent episode. And Hutch called Suggesting Toronis. Toronis is very good. But I think I would go for Pangia Kitchen.

Wow. That is the best pizza in Evansville, and they also have a ramen place in the same building. Okay. All right. Hold on. So this guy calls, again, off of Hutch's recommendation and gives us a third pizza location that also does ramen. Now, Eddie, you know I love ramen. I know you love ramen. So this is, this is intriguing. Right. I'm going to be honest with you, I didn't know Evansville had three gourmet pizza locations. It didn't strike me as a place that would have this many great eateries. But it looks like we might have to extend our stay just to do a taste test. Now, this is not helping me find love for my wife's cousin at all. But more importantly, on our tour, it sounds like we're going to be eating delicious food. Yeah.

But I don't want to go to the wrong spot. Do you have somebody for Amanda? I do. Okay, good. Let's hear that voicemail. This is Brad. I'm 5'10, almost 5.11. I'm 190-ish pounds.

Got a bad back. 41 years old. I've seen horses. I don't know if that's relevant. I can second what Hutch has said about Evansville and Taroni's. Grew up down there. Best pizza you'll have. Try the stromboli pizza.

I highly recommend that one. Single, divorced. I was married for 14 years. I have two kids. Okay. All right. Okay, so this guy, I mean, he doesn't sound like he's in a good place mentally.

He doesn't. But he's second Hutch's recommendation. So now I'm back on Hutch's pick for Toronis. Ah. Yeah, good callers. Bad for Panda, but good callers. Yes. Guys, don't forget the, we're at 60 other cities.

I can't. And I don't want pizza every night. so feel free to diversify your recommendations. See you next week.