Tosh Show - My Favorite Barista From Iran - Amir Anvari

Episode Date: August 25, 2026

Daniel gets his morning fix from Malibu coffee shop manager Amir Anvari. Amir grew up in Iran, then spent brief stints in Paris and Dubai before settling in California almost two years ago. He opens up to Daniel about his childhood in Tehran, making friends in a new country, and how he remembers all his regular customer's orders.  Join our Patreon for exclusive content: http://patreon.com/toshshow

This war, first of all, Iran versus the U.S. Who are you cheering for? Tohosh Show. Toh Show for show. Hello! And welcome to another riveting episode of Tosh show. Daniel Tosh, ready to go. I'm ready to go, too.

Eddie Gosling, ready to go. You see that? We didn't even plan that. He just chimed in, said he's ready to go. prepared well i got bad news for for the regular listeners of tosh show we almost lost a key member of our family dylan nope no he's still here dillin you here he's here he's here he's here no no uh my father-in-law gregg we almost lost him what he recently had his second knee uh surgery complete fake knee on the first knee and then waited a year and then had the second knee done.

Okay. But then the other day, the unthinkable happened. He almost died in a car accident. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Now, I don't have all the details. And Lord knows I won't get them. I ask simple questions, you know, between him and his wife, they just chime in with

nonsense. Let's just, let's see if he'll answer. He specifically said, do not call me. to talk about this on the podcast. All right. I mean, I'm worried sick. See if he answers. Hello.

Oh, thank goodness you answered. Yes. Oh, you know, we're just over here worried sick about you. I bet you are. I appreciate your concern. Hey, just walk us through this car accident that you survived. You Wait a second

You can't put that on the show Yeah it's like Yeah it's like legally I can't Now let's start with You were in your car You pull up to your home And then you get out of your car Yeah

From the street There's a 30 degree angle Up to the garage Which is flat So Tammy wasn't here I opened the garage door

And I pulled the car And partially as I recall, Daniel, partially in the garage, partially still on the downward slant. And I had it running because I was literally going to be in house five minutes and it was hotter than hell. And so I kept the AC on. I thought I put it in park. I think what I must have done is put it in neutral. And I think somehow the action between the slope and the flat somehow made the car pull itself up, so to speak. No, not from neutral.

Neutral, it's not going to lunge forward. It was on an incline, and therefore, when it was, its idle speed basically seemed like it was dead still. But when your weight got out of it, that made it less. So then it actually started to move forward. Then once it got onto the flat of the garage surface, it accelerated quickly into the home, nearly killing you? Not quite. So I get out of the car, it's not moving, and I casually walk in and I hear this loud bang. And the only thing I could describe it, it sounded like somebody pushed a bookcase over with all the books.

And it was very loud. What if you described it as a car driving into a house? Yeah, I can picture that. That's an alternative description. And so I go outside and there's my damn car. I'm still running. So then I met Tammy for lunch and confessed to what I'd done. How is that car?

the car. Getting it tomorrow, and it's only costing me $200 for my deductible. He's progressive, by the way, and they're very good. It banged up the front fascia pretty good, and it punched out the little grill part. You don't remember that on Subaru. You don't tell me what I remember about Subaru's. I love, I love... I mean, I'm still angry at Subaru, but I think you own the last Subaru that Subaru ever gave us for free.

Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. That's messed up. It's a beautiful car. Can't believe you wrecked it. I'm glad that you weren't in front of it as it started to accelerate because with your bad knees, I can't imagine that you could have outrun a car. That's the most Florida thing you could do is drive your car into your home.

All right. Well, listen. Yeah, I'm just thrilled to death that you survived this horrible accident. I can tell. I can tell. All right. We'll talk to you. Bye, man.

See you. Well. You guys have any questions? I mean, wow. Now, he said we can't air that, but I believe we can. Legally, we can. Legally. He took the call.

Yeah. If you take a phone call for me, you know that you're on. And by the way, he's talking, he's plugging progressive. Progressive is going to easily, you know, throw some extra money his way for being such a good client. Here's a 200 back, Greg. Yeah, they'll probably kick that 200 back. Jack his rates. You think he was drinking?

He's on, you know he's on tons of pain medicine. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's your red flag. There is, yeah. Well. Hey, speaking of drinking. Okay? You know where this is going, Dylan, that I'm going to ask you to volunteer.

But are any of you right now feeling like, oh, you could be on the verge of being sick? Like, oh, I feel maybe a tiny scratch or maybe something or maybe somebody else in the family is sick and you're worried that you're next. Any of you? No. No. Feel pretty good. None of you. All right.

Then we'll use Dylan. So you ever get those, my wife, when one of the kids get sick, she comes home with these shots. They're, you know, they're like cayenne pepper or whatever. They're just a bunch of gross stuff. And they're supposed to keep you from being sick. This one is from Air One. And you know, I love Air One just because of the hot people that shop there. And I'm sure this was, you know, 15 bucks or something stupid.

Well, my wife cracked one open. I've got two here. Okay. And she put it to her lips and just started panicking. And she was like, it's just gagging, doozy. Now we'll get that thing away from me. There's no way I'm going to drink this. But like she's like, it's another level.

I mean, because all of these health shots are disgusting. Yeah. But she said this one is another level. So who's ready to drink one of these? So she drank half of that one? She drank half of this one. That's all she. Dylan, do you want to try one or no?

Yeah, I'll try one. Oh, great. Come on over. Do you ever drink these? No, never. Do you know that people do? Sure, yeah. Yeah, you've seen me some.

Yeah, it's just these dumb health shots. A little immunity booster here. You don't, I want you to taste it though, so don't like, don't like just try to. Ooh. That is, no, I can't. No, I can't. I can't. I've seen you do gold slager shots.

Maybe because it's, that is so much. Gold slager has to be better than this. No, of course. You love fire. I drink that shit. I can't do anymore. That's fine. Oh, that is absolutely awesome.

Oh my God. That is horrible. That's great. Eddie, get in there. That's great. Yeah, so, I mean, like, there's no way that's helping me. No, I mean, it is. Is it?

In theory, I think so. Charles would say it was. All right. My lips are numb. Come on, John. Come on over there. And you can read what's in there. Read the ingredients.

Jesus. You can really smell this. Filtered water, lemon juice. Collideal silver. Collideal silver. Yeah. Rishi tea. black elderberry

Coyolic garlic grapefruit seed Yom oregano oil I believe that's oregano Oh jeez Hang out what was it again John It's oregano

That's all right It's got oregano in it Irrigano oil I mean the next word is the crazy one Astrogalus Yeah And

Echinasia There we go Okay, okay. All right, give that a chug and then tell me what it tastes like. Just chug it. You got it. Look at this guy. Now taste it.

I mean, it's like... Is it making your lips numb? It's not pleasant. It's like a leather boot. It's so... It's like shoe polish smell. I don't know how you can chug that stuff. I mean, it tastes like oregano.

Oregono? Yeah, oregano oil. All right, get out of here. Now I'm healthy. Yeah, you're definitely good. You're definitely good. Go kiss your kids for a week. Here's my honest take about these health shots that my wife tries to force me to do.

I would rather be sick for a week. I would rather be sick for a week than drink this and not get sick. And I guess that's how Aaron Rogers feels about like vaccines. That's exactly what he thinks. You know, we're both dumb as shit in our own different way. Yeah. You guys understand that I almost puke When I try to brush my tongue with my toothbrush

It gags me to almost vomit When I take more than three vitamins at a time I start to So when I have drink When she told my wife tells me to drink these things I can't I can't drink this stuff without vomiting There's no way you'd be able to do that I can't drink coffee

I try sometimes my wife's like no you'll like this one I'm like no I don't She lives for coffee And today's guest might be your favorite. Enjoy. My guest today is my wife's favorite drug dealer when she's jonesing for her morning fix.

He was born in the Islamic Republic of Iran and is now Malibu's barista to the stars. Please welcome all the way from the closest coffee shop to my house, Amir. Thank you so much for having me. First question. Do you believe in ghosts? You mean ghosts are sprayed or soul? I'm just messing with you. Absolutely not. You don't believe in ghost?

So far, no. We'll see in the near future. I think that's how I believe. Fair too. Right now, I don't believe in ghost. And you see one. You're like, I believe. Yeah, then I might believe. How long have you lived in the United States? A year and 10 months. Where'd you move here from? To Iran, Iran.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Before here, I was in Paris and a few months in Dubai. And then Malibu. How many days after you? moved to America, did you start working here? 12. Have you lived anywhere else in the United States? No.

Have you visited any other places? Yes, sir. Where have you visited? New York. Okay. So you've been to New York and Los Angeles. Yes, sir. And everything in between, nah, you get it.

I mean, I haven't seen it yet, but yeah. You know what I'm fascinated by? When I originally asked you if you would let me interview, You were like, no, I don't speak good English. And you were, you were self-conscious. You're like, I worry that people would make fun of me because I don't speak it. My point is, I'm just, I'm blown away. I feel like you can, you speak perfect English.

The fact that you learned an entire language in a year and a half just blows my mind. I've hung out with my French friends for years, and I can barely get one sentence out. Africa. Africa. Freka. I love him, by the way. You like Pierre? Is Pierre good to you? Yeah. Does he tip? I honestly don't, you know, don't notice most of the times. Any tips for learning a new language that don't involve getting a job where you have to deal with customers?

So the best tip probably would be about listening for me. I think like watching movies and also shadowing. and listening to the podcasts, like, great podcasts. By the way, he is such a fan of this podcast, which makes me laugh because he knows everything about me, and I just start laughing. When's my birthday, Amir? May 29.

I love it. It was great. My wife doesn't know my birthday. That is so bad. Did you know about Malibu before you move to the United States? No. No. Pop culture, movies.

like them television, American television and movies? Did you like them growing up or never watched any of that? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's the best in the whole world, I guess. Yeah, we know it's the best in the whole world. That's the only thing I will always agree on. Yeah. Yes, movies, television, we figured it out first. Do you put subtitles on on movies when you first learning English? I used to, I used to when I was in Iran. Not for, I mean, not for learning English, just for enjoying, just for enjoying the movie. Right, because I can't. If I want to learn a language, I can't watch a foreign film and not have any idea what

they're talking about. It's frustrating. Unless it's your third time or second time that you're watching that movie. I can't watch movies three times. Really? Not Intrasseller? And I've been arguing with... I want to mention my friend's name in Iran.

I've been arguing for decades about intraseller. It's the dumbest movie ever. I mean... It's infuriated. Especially the last third part. Thank you. It's just the last third where everything just becomes insufferable. Exactly.

Amir runs the coffee shop. It's not just a coffee shop. Let's be fair. It's basically a restaurant. It's a fancy coffee shop. You know, it's probably too expensive. Also pastries. And it's nice.

It's convenient, very happy that they moved in to town here. Now, Amir, I didn't know that she only had a year and a half of, experience in this country. And this guy, it's remarkable. He knows everyone's name. And that's incredible. Names and also orders. Orders matters the most.

I know. People care. But now here's the thing. I hate coffee. I've always hated coffee. I don't want to. I do this. I go there only for my wife.

What's my wife's drink? Do you know what she likes? Well, she goes back and forth. I remember a year and a half ago, she used to drink ice oat latte with hazelnut. Then she changed it to vanilla. And sometimes she drinks cappuccino, small cappuccino with raw sugar.

And also a few times she had iced vanilla macha. And she's a salad person. She likes salad. Yeah. Forget that being remarkable. I mean, just everyone. just to, I can't remember anyone's name. I try so hard, and I am, as soon as they say their name, I'll say it back in my head six times,

and then I immediately forget it. How do you know so many people's names? I care. Oh, fuck all. Well, here's the thing. You're good at what you do, and I'm like, there's no ceiling to what you could accomplish in business. You could do anything because it's like, no, he gets it. He gets how to run a business.

Because even if, no matter what your job is, it's like you can tell when people are good at something. You're like, oh, okay. By the way, by the way, your whole family, whenever you're there, it's just so beautiful. You're a family person. Whenever I'm watching your podcast, it's like that face, exactly that face. You're just like, oh, I hate it. Oh, something like that. But whenever I watch you, I mean, I've never seen your daughter walks on the floor.

Either you or Carly are carrying her. That little bitch won't walk. Trust me, I don't want to, it's not a bonding thing. It's, I don't want her to throw a fit on a gross floor, so I pick her up. But you're a real family person and your family is so great, really. I mean, on the surface, you know, we're good on paper. But, you know, you start peeling back the layers. We got tons of problems, Amir, tons of problems.

Who doesn't? And that's why I do this podcast. so I can openly talk about them. Who doesn't? At least he can talk about it. Yes. So I wanted to point out, so I don't have coffee. So why do I go to this place?

Well, they also do baked goods. Now, do they do baked goods amazingly? Some better than others. Some things I could help them on. Here's the one thing. My daughter has to have one of their bignets every day, which, by the way, they're not really bignets. They're just donuts.

They're like tiny donut holes. I'm not going to have to come overseas. Fine. You don't have to. And they're like jellyfish. My daughter wants a jellyfield donut. Here's the problem. They sell them in threes.

I don't fucking want three. I want one. I get three. And then now I have to eat the other two because if I don't eat the other two, she will eat three donuts before school. That's not acceptable. Okay, here's my problem. My problem has elevated because Amir is so kind.

Sometimes he'll throw six or seven into the bag. Six. Six or nine. I mean, they come by three. It doesn't. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, oh, and I love, and I don't have any self-control. So now I'm eating a bag of donuts and it's not healthy. You can give it away.

No, I can't give it away. The best VIP thing that he could ever do is let me come in there, order whatever the family's going to order, and let me just have a single bignet. That, Amir, would be my dream scenario. I got you. I mean, it's just, it's lovely that he takes care of me. I mean, the scones. Oh, I love their scones. Yeah, the chocolate croissants, they're not my favorite in town, but they're good.

I also, what's the biscuits? I like the biscuits. Here's my thing with the biscuits, the biscuit sandwich, which I love. I like to heat it myself at home because I feel like if it goes into a toaster oven, it cooks it too much. I don't want it extra crispy. I still want it soft, so I like to heat it on my own. Amir, you don't care about this.

No, no, I do. I really do. I'll take you one other thing that this coffee shop does that know their coffee shop I've ever seen does. They bottle their own, like, iced drinks. Like on the spot, you order whatever you want, and they have a bottling machine that puts a cap on it. Are you ready for this complaint that I'm going to give you? Yes, sir. It's hard to open.

The cap is so tight down that I, and it gives my wife won't do it. She makes me open it for her, and it gives me the willies trying to get. my fingernail underneath there to open it. Very hard. I just opened. It's very hard. It's very hard. Thank you. It's too hard, some would say. I think he's still working on that. He really naturally said very hard. Uh huh? What's the coffee scene like in Iran? Is it more of a tea country? They care about

their teas. They care about their tea, but I can tell you, you can't find much better specialty coffees in Iran than the United States. Yeah. So many, so many great competition series and specialty coffees that you can't have it in in the United States. There are so many local rosaries out there. They're working so careful about the specialty coffee and the coffee quality is much better than here.

Can you do the fancy shapes and stuff? You never care about it, but yeah, I don't, I don't care about that at all. You do different things for different people? Yes, sir. Are you just moving? No, actually. Moving it when you do it? How does it work?

I don't know how it works. I'm sorry. So when you steam the milk, you make some microphone on top of the milk. So microphone has less density and it stands on top of the drink. And the milk goes all the way down to the drink when you're mixing it with coffee. So with a few moves, you can draw a pattern on top of the coffee. when you're, you know, using that crema of the espresso. How hard was it to learn how to do that?

It's a combination of science and skills. I know it's funny for you, but there's a huge science behind coffee and also the milk chemistry and the temperature and the microphone and how much do you need that for that. And then when you're pouring the milk, it's just skills and, yeah. Let's talk about tip culture because lately it's because lately, it's because, become a hot button issue in this country, especially because we're in a down economy, even though I'm told this current administration has just made us thrive. Everybody's just got

money to throw away. But anyway, people now are reluctant to tip. You saying you don't even pay attention? Most of the time. You better pay attention because I hit, I, what options are we given at your restaurant? What's the increments? 15%? Is that the lowest? Or is there 10? As far as I know. I mean, it's nothing that we can control it. Oh, I don't care. Fine. It's not your control. What are the increments that are offered? It depends on the amount of money that you're paying. For example, if you're, I guess if you're paying less than $10, the option would be $1, $2, $3. Oh, so yours doesn't even go with a percentage.

No, but more than $10, I guess the options are $18, $20 and $22 or sometimes $15, $18, $20, something like that. Okay. Well, whatever the last thing is, the highest increment, that's usually what I push. Never do I push the custom. But also, I just feel like, like, if you want good people to work at a restaurant that you go to, you better make sure they want to be there and make enough money. I don't get, I don't get why people think now. It's like, no, I, when I watch people, like, swipe away and like hit the no tip button, that's just bizarre. to me. Especially if, and again, I'm not speaking for other people. I'm speaking for a place in Malibu. If you fucking live in Malibu, you should never be hitting no tip. None of these people fucking live here that work here. They have to drive from God knows where. How far is your commute?

Amir, be honest. In the morning, it's around 30, 35 minutes. Okay, that's acceptable. 35 minute commute is acceptable. And then when you go home, if traffic is bad, how long can it be? Could be two. hours. Could be two hours. Now you're trying to pander. No, I mean, one hour, 45 minutes. I mean, 101 is crazy. I know it is. It depends when I, when I'm heading home. So if it's like after four, four 30, it takes like one hour 15 minutes, one hour 45 minutes. What time do you have to be here in the morning? It also depends, but mostly 5.15 or something like that. Five 15 in the morning. Okay. If I get woken up at 515 by my kid, I'm fucking angry. He's here at work every day at 515.

I wake up at 4. You wake up at 4? By choice? No, sir. That's right. I'm a night owl. I hate mornings. Why would you pick this job?

First of all, it was the first job here in the United States, and also I love coffee. And I love, you know. What's the first cup of coffee you have when you get to work? I always drink espresso and also pour over, which the specialty coffee, pull over, but yeah, I'm an espresso person. Let's talk about your work schedule. How many hours a week are you putting in? Sometimes almost 55, 60, 50 to 60. 50 to 60 hours a week. Yes, sir. That's full time, or three part times. Someone says that's too much. Do you want to dial it back or is this what you have to do because the cost of living is so high? Cost of living is too high. But also as a manager,

because of my role and also in this industry. As an example, in a big company or at the office, if one person calls off, everything would be fine. But if here the barista calls off, you can't operate the place. So there would be a big problem. Yeah, I can probably work a little bit less, but I can handle it right now.

I see you always having like interviewing people. Are you good when you interview employees? What are you asking them out there? I always watch you. You're sitting at some side table and somebody's trying to, you know, lie and say that they've got tons of experience. I mean, is employees the hardest part of the gig

is keeping employees having them show up and do stuff? Absolutely, yes. I mean, it is because you're in a place where people are chasing dreams, so nobody thinks that they should have to do any type of job. And then you've got to make sure that they're, you know, qualify. You get what I'm saying.

What did you study in school? Accounting, sir. Accounting? Yeah. Really? Yeah, unfortunately. I know. I know.

You might be like Ben Affleck's character in the accountant. I could believe it. Did you ever see that movie? Yes. It's like a killer, but he could like do every. Well, I'm just saying, but he could do everything, his brain. He knew everybody. He didn't smile?

He didn't smile? You know, you smile a lot. You're different in that sense. But like you have like have everything figured out. Do you recognize celebrities when they come into your shot? I remember there was a day that one of the Kardashians, one of them was here and everyone was saying something like, oh my God, the girls mostly. Oh my God, did you see her? Did you see her?

Oh my God, that's her. I was like, that's who? And they said the name Courtney. I said, Courtney? We don't have any regular Courtney here. Oh my God, you don't know Courtney Kardashian? You mean Kim Kardashian? That's the only Kardashian.

And that's all you should know. And you should know Kim and then the rest are the Pips. Yeah. I mean, so many, so many famous people that I didn't know them, you included. That's not true. Amir, as soon as I walked in, you were just like, oh, my goodness, from Tosh Point O. And I said, yes. And you're like, I have a huge fan.

My family, we would all sit down on Tuesdays back in Iran, and we would watch the live stream of Tosh. But all the village would get together. And we would watch Tosh point out that. But honestly, now it's just like that. I'm a huge fan. That is not true. How old were you when you had to start shaving? Such a weird question.

It's not a weird question. You have perfect facial hair. I've never once, I've always been so patchy. I've been embarrassed about it. I didn't go through puberty until really late. I never had hair on my privates until I was like 17. Oh, I was embarrassing as a child. But how old were you when you started shaving your face?

I think I was like 13, 14. 13. But I didn't shave that much. I get it. But you started having hair come in. That's nice. You could do like an Eddie. Have you ever done a big beard?

Yeah. How long? Like scary long where people are like, uh-oh, I don't want to sit next to him on a flight. I mean, it's still when you're brown, something like this color, is still people are going to be afraid to, you know, sit next to you. Do you ever use that as an advantage to keep the middle seat open? People's racism? No.

What was life like growing up in Iran? It was pretty good, but not to compare to life in Malibu. But, I mean, do you have a tradition, family? How many people are in your family? Five. You have siblings? Yes. What do you have?

I have an older brother. He's the oldest, and I have an elder sister. I'm the youngest. You're the baby of the family. How old are you? Almost 30. Next Tuesday. Next Tuesday, guys.

What are we doing to celebrate Amir's birthday? We're putting this podcast out. It seems like a crappy gift, Eddie. You're Persian and Iranian. How do you decide which to hide when people ask? No, I mean, Persian is the old name of Iran. So this country has been existed for like, some people say, 7,000 years. But the name of the big country, which it was all of those.

Middle Eastern countries combined together like Afghanistan, Pakistan, a big part of Turkey and all of these countries. It used to call Persia. Persian, it's a kind of ethnicity. Iran is the name of the country. On my first week here when I was working, someone asked me, oh, where are you from? I said, I'm from Iran.

I said, where is that? Is it in Midwest or Mideast or somewhere around there? I was like, Iran. I know there are so. many states here, but... I think... Maybe he said the Middle East. Do you don't think there was a chance?

I mean, we have Middle East, but we don't have Middle West. So I heard that. If you have Middle East, there technically needs to be a Middle West. Where is the Middle West? That's what we've got to find out. Ohio. By the way, this war, first of all, Iran versus the U.S. Who are you cheering for?

You know, it's a battle of wars than the wars. So we hate that radical Islamic government. We hate them. I mean, I can tell you, like, around 80% of the people. And the other 20% of the people, which are, you know, cheering for Islamic Republic over Iran, either they're connected to the government or they have those kind of strong beliefs in Islamic Republic. in Islamic religion and these kind of stuff. Also, for me, it's too complicated because I also hate your favorite president ever. So it's really hard for me.

You're teasing because you know that the current administration is not my favorite. Sorry, I was just kidding. Possibly my least favorite if I were to rank. I hate both of them, but I hate those Islamic Republic government. I mean, I hate them more. Okay. Yeah. Do your parents or grandparents ever talk about Iran and how different life was under the Shah?

I'm so glad that I've been raised in a family, which we're not, you know, kind of blind bleepers. Okay. I'm not sure if the word that I'm using. That makes sense. Blind faith. I get it all. I get it all. I get it all.

I mean, I remember always my father was talking, yeah, on that moment, the life was much better. Everything was much better. But also, there were so many issues. As you can see, most Persian people, they're changing. cheering for Trump. And they're just like, yeah, kill them, yeah, bomb them, yeah, attack them. And most Persian people, especially in L.A. I'm just like, I hate that word that it says, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. No, it's not. It's not at all. So I can hate both of them and both of them could be really, really bad. Now they're fighting. Or shock. Yeah, if you compare it to

the Islamic Republic of Iran, I mean, you can't compare them, honestly. But they still had lots of problems. Do you like hugging people? Yeah. I really love it. In Iran, are you allowed to hug other women? I mean, when we're, you know, when you're talking about Iran, so there is a, there's a reality in real life, which we make out in the middle of the street.

You see what I mean? Okay. Okay, even way more than Paris. But there is something like the law that we're talking. Yeah, it's against the law. But every single day in the street, in every single street, you can see that. People are, young people are holding their hands. They're hugging.

They're kissing. They're enjoying their life. They try. I mean, that's the way that they protest against the country. I know. But I always get scared. I locked up abroad is always in my head. Like, oh, what if I accidentally?

you know pat eddie on the butt or something when we walk on the street next thing you know both of us are in prison for 50 years i'm not going to do well he'll be fine he's like a hard worker i don't smoke so i'll probably run the yard um is gay stuff illegal over there yes but i have so many gay i mean not so many but i have a couple of gay friends out there i mean it used to be much harder right now their community is getting bigger which i'm happy for that Eventually it will overtake the world. Yeah. And we'll all be gay.

Right, Ed? That's Eddie Nye's dream. There's an amusement park in Tehran and they have bumper cars. Are women allowed to drive those bumper cars without a hijab? Let me tell you something. Yeah, I mean, right now, especially in the last almost two years that I've been out of Iran, nobody's wearing a job right now, especially in Tehran, in my seat. but it's still against the loss.

I thought they had checkpoints. You can tell me if this is made up, that they have checkpoints to make sure that when a woman is driving that she actually has the hijab on and is that true or not true? And they would take the car, they would impound the car if she wasn't.

It used to be. They were just like the cameras that they, for example, the speed cameras. They were just like that. And if you're not wearing a job or somebody can report, It was like that, but not in the last five years, probably, or yeah. Had you heard of the Strait of Hermuz before this conflict?

I thought I should have asked you this question. That's fair. I have never, Eddie, had you heard of it? No. I didn't either. Did you like go wake surfing on it? Is it like a nice area of beach? It is.

It is, sir. Okay. That's what I was hoping to hear. I know you hate middle. and you're never going to have any show in there, but I don't want to. I don't hate the Middle East, but I'm certainly not going to have a show there. Yeah, and it's too far. They also have to turn your views around on a lot of gay issues and women issues,

and then, sure, maybe I'll get there. Also, the travel has to be shorter, but again, let me let you go on. That's all because of Islamic Republic. But Iran by itself, I mean, it's been under Islamic Republic government less than 50 years. Before that, for so many, so many centuries, it's been a great country. Still, it can be. It's so hard, but it's not impossible.

I'm totally sure you're a great surfer and you're going to love Kish Island, Gashm Island. It's pretty close to the Strait of Hermuz, so that's the part that you can surf with the big waves. Yeah, there are. Really? Yes, sir. Well, it's not an ocean. But it's Persian Gulf.

There are waves. All right. Yeah. I don't know. You haven't lured me. I don't go to, you know, Indonesia and all those places that every surfer thinks is so great. I'm like, I don't want to go. It's too far. Before this war, how often were you traveling back and forth? Well, that's funny. First time I bought a ticket, it was almost a year ago for the very first time. I mean, since I born, I never heard of any war in Iran. I mean directly in Iran. Five days before my ticket, the war started between Israel and Iran, the 12 days war. My ticket canceled, and after that again, I decided to go back to visit my family.

Again, it was like five months ago, and again, it happened. Now, the United States is involved, so they attacked both to Iran. And, yeah, I haven't been there since I came here, but I'm planning to go there in. few months. Can you fly there right now? Yeah. Is there there, you're allowed to fly there? Yeah, yes, sir.

Any new projects you're working on, like scripts, nuclear arms, anything of that sort? Nuclear arms. I mean, as you know, as you can probably guess, I came here exactly like a few days before the election. So it was November 2024. You came before Trump became president? Unfortunately, yes. Well, okay.

So you're not a fan, huh? That's weird. Wouldn't it be cool if you try to, you know, learn a few Persian words? Sure. Yeah, Persian words, like Farsi words. What do you like to know? Well, I like, I like, I like, um, hello, my go-to. What is it?

Salam. Salam. And then I want thank you. The easiest way you can say mercy, pretty same as merci in. Merci. Exactly. Or you can say, Mamnoon. Mamun.

Yeah. Mamun. And then I like to know. I like to say, I'm sorry. Excuse me would be bebakhshed. You can call it Bebakshit. Bebeak sheep? Exactly.

And also, I'm sorry would be mota sefan. Motan sefan? Motta. Mota. Sephan. No, I'm here wrong. No, no, no. Mota.

Mota. Sefam. Sefam. Exactly. Motta sefam. Exactly. Motta sefam. You're doing great.

Well, that's good. That's all I really. I just want to say hello, thank you, and I'm sorry. And then I... So they wouldn't kill you. Make sure you're using that metastafam. Were you cheering for Iran during the World Cup? Oh, I saw that.

I'm so glad, by the way, that I watched your last episode that you were mentioning, you were cheering for Iran. Well, I was just wanted them to win the whole thing so that the, the players would get an invite to the White House. That's great. That to me was... I also thought it was just bonkers that they were being forced to go down to Tijuana to practice while they were here playing in L.A.

That made no sense to me whatsoever. But anyway, all right, go on. Probably the quarterfinal that you watched the Spain game, it was the very first soccer game that you've ever watched, probably. Was it? No. My first professional soccer game. That's not true.

I watched professional indoor soccer. Oh, really? As a child. I played soccer as a child. Oh, really? Amazing. Let me tell you something, I'm here. I'm running.

I had a British soccer coach. I went to an exclusive invite-only camp for young kids in America. Oh, really? When I was like 12 years old. And his review of my skills were, and I've shown this on. on an old episode of my TV show once, but he wrote that I needed to shut up, stop talking so much,

stop trying to be funny because I was going to be a much better soccer player than I ever would be a comedian. Wow. And that's what he wrote about me when I was 12 years old. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

So he was wrong. Yes, sir. Because I'm not a good soccer player. Iran has never made it to the top 16 in the history of FIFA World Cup. So they're not strong enough to win the World Cup, but not at all. I mean, it's a really, really. The ball is round, as I've learned.

That's what they say in soccer. I don't know what it means, but I just say it. I heard it once and I keep repeating it. But did they win any match, or do they just draw? Three draws and three goals, which it was declined by the VAR. If you could take someone on a one-week tour of Iran, what would you show them? So many things. Well, I know.

I just want to know the couple. Here's my thing. I'm going to give you the floor in a second. But when people visit me, when they come to Los Angeles and they visit me and I want to show them a good time, the key to showing them a great time is to not do a lot of things. If you do a lot of things, you end up in the car constantly, you're in traffic constantly, and then that's their takeaway. But if you just isolate it, like we're just going to stay by the beach towns. we're going to bike ride, you know, in Venice Beach. We're going to do, you keep it simple.

Then they're like, oh, they get it. Like, this was fun. But when you try to do too much, not good. All right. So I go visit you and your family in Iran for a week. What am I doing for that week? For you, I would definitely take you just to Kish Island for just, you know, surfing and enjoying the beach and that's all.

Let me hear some of the things that you need to see if you go visit Iran. Tehran's nightlife is great. Are we talking about clubs? Whatever you do here in the United States, like clubs or everything, we have it back there. Okay. But it's underground. Oh. So it's illegal.

Are people like doing drugs? Yeah, so many. All the drinks, all the alcoholic drinks that you have it here, if you have it out there. Are, are, am I getting to hook up with young ladies? Is that happening or no? Absolutely. it happens. So how, I mean, it's natural. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know how. I mean, are tourists, are they frowned upon? Or do the locals like, like enjoy meeting the American tourist?

First of all, I would say Persian people probably are one of the greatest hosts in the whole word. If you had any Persian friend, you already know that. And second of all, they love American people. They love European people. They love them, honestly. And it's not the way that you see that about the government and Islamic Republic. No, not at all. People in Iran, they're in love with American movies, comedies, musics. I mean, we've been grew up with that. We've been grown up with that. So we love it. We love American people. I have one good Persian friend. And you know what she does all the time that drives it? She eats a raw onion with lunch. And I'm like, you know what, I wish you wouldn't do that.

Same. I've met a bad on that. I'm like, what? She's like, we like raw onions. I'm like, I know, but like it's just a bit much. Like an apple? It's not like usually it's cut into quarters, Eddie. Like it's just kind of like a side there.

And I'm like, just like a side salad when you're like, you know, enjoying your kebab or something like that. They take a bite or a little bit of that. But I hate it. personally. Yeah, I hate it. I hate it. It smells bad.

Well, of course it does. I mean, it's not the best. Yeah. All right. We'll be right back. Everybody's on the show, gets a gift. Okay? Ah, I love it.

Oh. It's great. I love it. Look at this. It's fresh back from. No. First thing I'm giving you, you ever get a sushi by Howdy? No, I never tried it.

It's in Malibu. But I don't use gift cards. People get, people get, and I get nervous, and I don't want to give it. But I'm like, you'll get, here's a hundred bucks from sushi by Howdy. They're great. Oh, you're going to love that. Thank you. Yes, I thought just because it said, this is a candle, but it's ginger black tea. I figured, because I kept thinking that the Iranian people like tea. So I was like, oh, that's good. These are some mugs for espresso shots. Ah, I love it. I thought they were pretty. Now we're talking. You can have, now we're talking.

Now, you were, what size? You're 11 and U.S. size? Okay. I wear 12, but these are too small for me, but they fit St. Laurent. Okay. See, these are fancy. Do you like St. Laurent? That's Paris, okay? Yeah, I've got multiple St. LaRont. These are obnoxious.

I don't wear high tops, but it's very American. Look at these St. Laurent's. Look at these. Amazing. Okay, you probably couldn't wear these back home. They might stop you. Boys wear pink. Thank.

Oh, look at him. Get this off my desk. Start putting this down. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Oh, don't you see. How tall are you? I'm 6-1, and you know what's funny?

But you're in your little broader. You're in good shape. Do you work out? It's been like five years since the last workout that I've had really. It really held his work out. Yeah, it really has him. You know why I'm giving you this because it'll make Pierre mad. Oh. I'm just giving you some sweaters. I'm giving you some sweaters.

Where's the one with the... It'll get colder. Which one? The white one with the with some zebra style. I don't know. I'm not... I don't know that. These are just these are just a bunch of sweaters. These are nice. Some of these are nice. Paul Smith, that's made in Italy.

Oh, my God. Thank you. This shirt, I don't like this. But I think it, no, I did like this. It's just, it's too short for me. I'm three inches taller. So this will be perfect for you. You'll love it.

That's amazing. Thank you. They're only worn on the show. That's amazing. Thank you. This is one of our sponsors, Fabletics. You'll need this hoodie once for some reason. Be comfortable around the house.

Thank you. Yeah. I love it. Yeah, absolutely. You ever drink those like shakes that people, They make, these are like meal replacement. I used to like six years ago. Okay, this, Kachava, this stuff you're gonna love.

Oh, you're gonna love it. We got a bunch of Kachava here. Oh, my God. You're gonna love this. You know what, worst case scenario, you just sell this at your store. Is it more? You're gonna look, we got different flavors. This one's a coffee.

That's a Kachava coffee. This is a chai. What else do we got here? Chocolate. Okay, we'll get this off my cast. That's amazing. Yeah, you're gonna really like all this stuff. I don't know if you know Brian who's got a coffee company, Sunny Day Coffee.

Oh, I heard about the coffee. He's really nice. He's local and he does all organic stuff. I'm not telling you to force your company to switch brands of beans, but consider it. I would definitely consider it. But it's not my choice. I know it's not your choice. I know it's not your choice, but I'm just going to plant the seed and you do what you do.

Yeah, that's amazing. Down the road, Amir, geez. Let me give you my gifts. I have a little gift for you. I don't want a gift, but thank you. Is this something from your house? Oh, God, it better not be a clock. So, no, it's from my househouse.

So Iran is famous, I mean, for famous for some stuff. One of them is Saffron, if you ever heard of it. I've heard of Saffron. And also. Didn't one of the kings bring it to baby Jesus? Yeah. And also pistachio. By the way, what a cute container.

What I'm pretty. This is good because I do some paella that needs some fresh saffron. This is what I'm going to use, right? I'm glad. I'm glad you love it. And also this pistachio. This is what? This pistachio.

This is a pistachio. It's a roasted salted pistachio from Iran. And, you know, that picture is one of the famous pictures. I love this. Well, it's very kind of you. I love it. I do. I'm actually, I really appreciate it. That's very, that's very generous of you.

My pleasure. Who are these? Are they, they're playing a game here? Is this type of a polo? Do you play polo? No. Can you ride a horse? Unfortunately, I've never tried it.

I've only ridden a horse once. I didn't like it. What is the one thing you wish people knew about Iranian people? Our hospitality and our kindness, my people are so, so, so welcoming. and they deserve much better, much better. Believe me, people, you only have like one Persian friend here, but... I might have two.

You're counting me? Well, now we're saying three. Okay, okay, that's fair. But in fairness, to say I only have one Persian friend is pretty good, seen as I only have one white friend. Oh, okay. My list is pretty small. I've only got four friends total.

Have you found your group? Do you have like good friends that you're like, oh, this, I'm glad I moved here and met this person. Yeah, there are so many people that I'm so glad that I've met them, including you, really, really, honestly. But also having a really, really close friend, I'm not sure if it's only my problem or something like that or it takes time or something. But yeah, I don't have any like a real friend that we, you know, go out, hang out here. It's really hard to find it. Do you want them to be brown? Is there any other option?

There's two other options. Only two? Yep. But like, you only really need one or two good friends, and then everything becomes kind of enjoyable. So that's my goal for you. I got to find you that one, like, and maybe it's me, but I've already got Eddie,

and he hates it if I bring new people into our circle. That's so true. That's so true. What's your favorite thing to do to unwind? I love walking by the big. I love playing poker and not as good as you. No, I love, I'm not good. I know.

I just love to play. You beat the poker player. I remember. I told you. He's watched the show way too much. Are you a fan of basketball? I used to be more. You don't care?

I mean, not that I don't care, but I don't have enough time to follow that and watch it. What about football? American football? Who's your team? I don't understand it. team. Say, you know what, you know what I want to hear. Let's go. Miami Dolphins. Ah, that's your team. That's your team for out from now on. Got it. Got it. Also, why aren't you going to Miami to party sometime? That, that's what I should make happen for you. That should be

your real gift. I should give you a trip to Miami. I think you would do well in Miami. I think you'd have fun. Nightlife, those people, but when I say those people, that sounds racist. I mean it racist. I mean it. I'm talking Cubans. They don't start their day till everything is upnoxion. Everything is just late and in the middle of the night. People are out all night long. None of it makes sense to me. But Amir's a night owl. You're going to love it. I'm saying he needs a vacation. He needs to recharge. You telling me Amir on South Beach, Miami for a week, oh, that would do you good. Let's make that happen, Amir. You hold me to that. Thank you. All right. Well, listen, all the best to you. You know, I hope we're in each other's lives for years to come.

Such a great pleasure for me. Thank you so much. Thank you. That's a pretty watch you have there, too. You don't wear that at work, do you? Sometimes, but I take it off. Yeah, thank you. I want to thank Amir for being on the show.

Oh, I hope he had a good time. Brought some pastries, super nice. He seems like he'll be happy with it. I mean, what a good guy. My kids love him. I mean, of course they do. she's constantly giving them free pastries. We got some plugs to do, Carl, Patreon.com slash toss show.

Check it out for a free seven-day trial. I didn't know about that. That's new. Is that coming out of my pocket? It's not coming out of anyone's pocket. It's just free. It's charity. Yeah, you say free, but there's always strings attached.

I worry that I'm going to have to pay for all these people getting free seven-day trials. I'm going to have to pay for their first seven days. I mean, nothing in life is free except for this free seven day trial. All right, fine. Patreon's giving you a free seven day trial. I think you'll want it. Oh, I know you will. My first farewell tour, the exciting conclusion, the third leg, the dirty, the southeast.

Oh, I cannot wait to get to Montgomery. Montgomery, Alabama. I cannot wait to get to Pensacola. Pete, you have any luck finding out that guy that has that boat in Pennsylvania? Pensacola that it rides next to the coast and then I can surf his wake. I do not have that guy. Yeah, let's find out who that guy is. I want to do that while I'm there.

Birmingham. Who! There, I just want to, I just want to mingle with the people. Carl and I want to take a walk. You know, the long walk. What else? Toshoshostore.com. Get some merch.

Hit the music. Let's do they love me. They love me. All right. This is from the Cosmic Chiro. Ooh. This is, they love me? I think it's to love me. Okay.

My favorite thing about Tosh is how much he cares about Steve Irwin. That's a weird thing to be your favorite thing about me is how much I care. I do care about Steve Irwin. Right. I think he was doing great stuff and he unnecessarily died so that always has bothered me. I guess I've brought that up on the show before for someone. to write such a silly comment. But I do.

I think he was a good person. Care about him. Yeah, he loved to animals. He lived his life for animals. What idiot would pull out of barb? You know this. Anytime you get impaled by anything, leave it in.

Leave it in. You don't yank it out. The other day, I was walking. This is how gross my dad feet are. I was walking. And I go, ah, I stepped on a rock. I had flip-flops on. My heel.

caught a rock and I'm like ah that's it that's bad and I take a couple more steps but without putting my heel down because my heel is now tender then I look down at my heel to see I'm like why why is it still hurt there's a nail sticking out of the back

of my foot I'm like what's his name in Happy Gilmore with the goddamn nail in his head and I'm just like walking around like what my heel has such gross skin that a nail can just be sticking out of it and I'm still walking.

It's weird, man. Yeah, that was bad. Anyway, let's get back to the, they love me, they love me not. Next, you're saying we have two, they love me, or is this another will love me not? This, I mean, I think it's a love me not. Mm-hmm. I reuse Zoro Loco. I'm just here for the Calciads.

They're just here for the, the only thing they like about my show is my Calciats. Now, see, a lot of people are on the other side of that issue. Mm-hmm. But this person, the only reason, and they watch this podcast is for the Calciads. Well, that's great. It's a win. There's something for everyone.

But they don't love me at all. Well, yeah, it seemed like they're just here for the ads. They just want more Calci ads. I can respect that. Well, you're going to enjoy next week. See ya.