Tosh Show - My Favorite Reality "Star" - Joe Amabile

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Daniel learns what life is like as a serial reality show contestant with the always lovable Grocery Store Joe.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, acclaimed comics writer and notorious Scott Summers hater Rosie Knight! Well hello Emmy-winning podcaster and totally unbiased Targaryen royal supporter Jason Concepcion! Somehow the X-Ray Vision podcast has returned! And like always, we'll be here every week! You'll hear from TV writers, actors, comics, theaters, pop culture, critics... Nothing is off the table! Listen to X-Ray Vision on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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That's right. Can I ask you a question? Yes. Out of the contestants, who were you the biggest fan of before hosting this? Tayshia. And now after. Tasha. Tasha.

Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha.

Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha.

Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Tasha. Woo, Kendrick coming with that smoke. Huh? So good. Toss show, Team Kendrick.

I'm what the culture's feeling. I just like when he says that. Yep. You know, we all are descendants from a single tribe in Africa. So don't even say that I'm not black enough. You know, and then Kendrick, he's accusing Drake of pedophilia. Right. I mean, I don't know what's going on.

Everybody is being accused of being a pedophile lately. Jimmy Kimmel got it. All Democrats. It's one of those things where it's like, is this always been the way it has been? But like now I have children, so I'm just hyper aware that there's just pedophiles everywhere. Or is it like when you break up with a girl and you think every song is, is, is just, you know, it's just cutting a little different.

I don't know, but apparently I'm just surrounded by pedophiles. Here's the thing, people always say, you know, like, oh you should be a part of the roast, when they do roasts. I'd much rather watch a rap battle because rap battles there's consequences. You know, it's like, oh yeah, I'm gonna take a shot. Literally. Did you watch the roast, Eddie? I did, I watched it. The whole thing? Watched, I think, I might've missed the very beginning,

haven't gone back to check it out. Well, I heard it was long. It is long. Did they do any jokes about Kevin Hart's height? Yes. That's the problem with the roasts, they're just mean. People's feelings get hurt. If I was up there, I would try as hard as I could to cry.

Just see if maybe they'd stop. People have always asked if I will be on the roast. And I've, to be honest, I saw Jeff Ross the week before the roast and he encouraged me. He said, I should do one. He looks like he was, uh, in that dune sequel. He does. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah.

I, maybe I'll, I'll hold out. You know who I want to roast? Seinfeld. Oh man. Oh man. Wouldn't that be a fun roast? Seinfeld. And here's how I would want this to go.

I would want to be the host of this. I'd want to be the host of that, the Jerry Seinfeld roast. And then I'd want no comics to show up and I'd want no audience to show up. And it's just two hours of me looking at Jerry going, eh, this speaks volumes, doesn't it? Turns out you're not as loved by your peers as you once thought. Just so much lately with him just being up in arms about everything. Doesn't it? Turns out you're not as loved by your peers as you once thought. Just so much lately with him just being up in arms about everything. You can't do this anymore. What are you talking?

It's like me complaining. Oh yeah. The kids today, then they're viral videos. They're just not as good as when I used to make jokes about viral videos. In my heyday, a viral video, you know, you'd have somebody, a disabled person fall down a flight of stairs and we'd just have a good laugh. You see how dumb that sounds? For God's sake, it's made his living into observations.

Fuck. Yeah. Just look in the mirror for a second and go, oh, I don't want to, I don't want to become this person. He's been going after everyone. He's been going after comedians with podcasts. You're not that interesting. Again, I couldn't agree with you more grandpa. I don't think I'm interesting.

This isn't what I wanted to do with my life. What I wanted to do was get on a reality show. That was my goal. That's why I got into show business to someday get on a reality show. And last year when Amazon came calling and offered me a chance to live out my dream, I jumped at it. Then I found out that they didn't want me on the show. They wanted me to host it.

I was a little let down, But at least I was given an opportunity to meet my TV idols. Enjoy. Every week on Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso, I invite an artist, writer, or politician to come to the table and speak from the heart in ways I imagine you haven't heard from them before. Some of my favorites are with Tom Hanks, Margaret Atwood, Questlove, Cate Blanchett, and Oscar Isaac. If that sounds like a varied group of people, it's because it is.

I always wanted to make a show where one week we could sit with a politician like Beto or Wark, the next an author like Min Jin Lee, or TV titans like Bill Hader and Quinta Brunson. Basically, this is a podcast driven by curiosity and an abundance of research. Conversations where people actually start to sound like people. In recent weeks, I sat with Dan Levy, Ava DuVernay, Benny Safdie, and the editor of The New Yorker, David Remnick. You can listen to Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I hope to see you there. Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay. And me, Simone Boyce. Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more. Thank you for taking the light and you're going to shine it all over the world and it

makes me really happy. I never imagined that I would get the chance to carry this honor and help be a part of this legacy. Listen to the Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search the Bright Side. Hi there, I'm Bob Pitman, chairman and CEO of iHeart Media. Welcome to Math and Magic, stories from the frontiers of marketing. This week, I'm talking to the one and only Ryan Seacrest.

Love the connection to people. I think at the core, what I get excited about, what gets me up in the morning, is connecting with people in an unscripted unvarnished way. It's getting to say something to them, hear back from them, know that I'm part of the routine. And I look forward to getting on the air.

I look forward to it. In these exciting times, we're looking to the math, the strategy and analytics and the magic, the creative spark more than ever. Listen to math and magic on our very own iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. My guest today has appeared very briefly on The Bachelor, Dancing with the Stars, and Love on the Spectrum. You can see him now on The GOAT on Prime, hosted by little old me.

Please welcome grocery store Joe. Love on the Spectrum's a great show. I just started watching it. Okay, so you weren't on that show. No. Okay, our research is garbage. That's my fault. All right.

Do you believe in ghosts? No. Okay. No. Ever thought about changing your name to Instacart Joe? I honestly think I would have got more Instagram followers if my name would have been Grocery Store Joe. But my last name's hard to spell and pronounce. You probably can't even do it.

Uh-uh. But did you think I would have said Instagram versus Instacart? That's where my mind went, yeah. That is where my mind went. I was just like, because Instacart's just a little more updated. Is Instacart still around? Yeah.

You go to the grocery store? Serena orders off of Amazon. So I'm plugging in. I just plugged the show. Team. Team Prime. Where'd you grow up? I grew up in a town called Melrose Park in Chicago. You like Chicago. Yeah, I like it We're dummies put pickles on hot dogs and call lasagna pizza. I

Don't I don't like deep-dish pizza no one does and I take the pickle off my hot dog. What do you do with the pickle? I Take a bite of it Did you major in groceries at college? I actually didn't go to college. You didn't go to college? No. Not a day?

No, I barely graduated high school. High school, huh? Yeah, I got through it. You found high school tricky? I had the option not to go to college after. We all have the option. I took that option. I loved it.

Oh, we're in trouble as a country. In your opinion, what is the best grocery store? And don't just say Whole Foods because Amazon owns them and they're the ones that made the goat, available on Prime. I shop at Whole Foods, so yeah. Whole Foods is not my favorite, Air One. I bought a $30 bottle of water there

because I couldn't believe it was $30. Good for you. It tasted the same, but it was out of a well in like Washington. I respect that you saw that it was $30 and said I have to own this water. Air one's great. It's expensive, but it's-

Who cares? It's just the girls that are in that store. It's just ridiculous. Every time I walk in there, I'm like, oh, holy cow. Air one is- And then I like look down, I'm like, oh, there's my little wife. Come on, honey.

How small is your wife? She's tiny. Oh, really? Come on. When did you start selling marinara sauce? 2020, because it was during COVID. What's it called? What's it called?

Sundays with Joe. Sundays with Joe. All right, pop quiz, hot shot. How much sodium is in one serving of your sweet marinara sauce? What is it measured in? Alright, let's just go percentage of daily nutritional value. 30. Ah, 27%.

Okay. Alright. Alright. People may not know your story. You were on The Bachelor. You were a night one loser. Were you upset with yourself? You're like, oh, fuck, I made myself look stupid or no?

Well, what was the bachelorette? Whatever. Okay. You're the bachelorette. You're on the night one and she kicks you out. Who was the girl? Becca. It was upsetting.

It was upsetting. I felt embarrassed to go on in the first place just because I thought I was like too cool. And then to be one of the guys that didn't receive a rose felt pretty pathetic. Did you talk to her that night? Yeah, but I couldn't really form a sentence because I was really nervous. Like you've seen me really great on camera. Like I'm funny and I'm charismatic, but that didn't really come across.

That didn't come across night one. People always go, oh, I didn't get any time. Why wouldn't you just force yourself, you're on this show, like I'm going to go right now and talk to this person? How do they keep some people from actually talking to them? They just say it's not your turn, and then most people listen. But I had the first conversation.

Did you kiss? No. And then how long from when that night happened to when the episode aired, how long of a gap is that? That was like a, I want to say two months, and then the show aired, and I thought I gap is that? That was like a, I wanna say two months, and then the show aired and I thought I was gonna look terrible and I looked incredible.

And then I trended on Twitter, it was all, basically national news. See, now I have a rule that I don't have celebrities on my show. That's why I'm shocked I'm here. I don't consider you a celebrity. You get famous for two minutes of airtime and you have this normal life,

but now you don't have the finances to like shelter yourself from all the nonsense that's about to come your way. How is that? That's why I went on the go. And that's why I own Bitcoin. You too. Let's talk about though, isn't it weird?

I mean, because't it weird to, I mean, cause it's weird to be like all of a sudden, now you're famous, but it's like, if I'm famous, I get to go to my house in a neighborhood that nobody lives in. I close the wall to the gate. Well, something that I learned is attention's better than money.

Oh, you're wrong. It's the opposite. Yeah. The money is great. You don't want any attention. Yeah. And then, you know then you don't make any money, and then they ask you to do other reality shows. How much money did you make on your actual appearance

of The Bachelorette that one single episode? Nothing, you don't get paid. Yeah, you do. No, you don't. There's unions, you have to get some money. You don't get paid. Bullshit. I'm not lying.

You got zero dollars. Zero. You get paid to do Bachelor in paradise, which was another show But you get paid to be the bachelorette of the bachelor Yes, but you don't get paid to be a contestant contestants don't get paid for being on a show and I'm such a fucking idiot I went to Tom. I went to Gucci and bought a suit Okay, and then the suit the suit didn't fit me right no and I out the day before, so then I went to Tom Ford and bought a suit, and I basically spent like $9,000 in suits.

It's too much. Okay, so you did that, then a year later, you did The Bachelor in Paradise. Oh, you were into the What's Her Name, and that didn't work out with you, but you dated her for a bit. Do you guys get engaged? Who are we on the first season?

The first season? I've been on plenty of seasons. Did you get engaged? Who are we on the first season? The first season? I've been on plenty of seasons. Did you get engaged? No, we just, we dated. But she was a twin and she was into fucking dead animals. Yeah, taxidermy. There's a few red flags. That's all I'm saying.

When you watch those shows, because your body's not great. What do you mean? Eh. Like you're like a normal dude, but all those guys, were you intimidated? They're all so jacked. I feel like I actually have a normal dude. All those guys, were you intimidated? They're all so jacked. I feel like I actually have a nice body.

Your body's gotten better. You don't think that doesn't look good on the goat? No, no, no, no. Now, that's what I'm saying. I'm saying probably from the first time you were on reality television until now, your body's probably gotten better. I like to, I enjoy food, so I don't,

like I like to eat a cheeseburger and I like pizza. Sure. Yeah. I'm just, don't, I'm not, you don't be self-conscious. Like you're talking to somebody that's got an awful body, but those guys are all so jacked. Yeah, they care, yeah. They really care.

Like when you're in paradise, a lot of guys don't even drink beer because it's got carbs. Not me though. Really? Yeah. What a waste though. Really? Yeah. What a waste of a trip. Yeah.

Why does everybody clamor for a date card? I would just be like, if I'm interested in a girl that's there, I just want to hang out on the beach all day and try to make out. That's what I did. Right. Why do people care so much about it

going on a fucking date? Cause they want your time. Right. That's all it is. Yeah. I get it. And people are always like, oh, how, I've made this joke before, where people get, like, how could you actually find somebody that you really love?

And that to me is absurd, because put me in any room. You could fall in love. Eventually I'm gonna fall in love with somebody in that room. Yeah, I agree. That's just how it works. So then you do the show again,

and you fall in love a second time with the girl, and now you're happily married. Yes. The end. And she's, what is, 22 years younger than you? It's a 10, 11 year difference. My wife's younger than that gap. At times it's 10 years,

and at other times it's 11 year difference. Mine's 12 and some is 13 I think. Let me tell you, this always bothers me. Do people give you any grief for marrying somebody so young? Yeah, sometimes. And I disagree with that. I think we're emotionally and we're on the same level. Well, I always think it's funny when people say,

if a guy, it's usually a guy dating a younger girl, and they're like, oh my, what do you have in common? What can you talk to a 22 year old about? I'm like, what kind of conversations are you having? Because I can fucking have the same conversation with a 22 year old that I can my father. Like I agree 100%. Then you did Dancing with the Stars too.

Yeah, that was in between. Did you like that? Did you get paid a lot for that? You got paid for that, yeah. That was a hundred percent. Then you did Dancing with the Stars too. Yeah, that was in between. Did you like that? Did you get paid a lot for that? You got paid for that, yeah. That was a nice paycheck. Six figures? Yeah. Mid-six figures?

That's $500. No, no. And it doesn't matter how long you stay on for those shows? You get paid more? Yes, so you get an upfront and then weekly, the longer you stay, the more you make. And I made it to the semifinals. What place did you get?

Well, fourth or fifth. Do you enjoy dancing? I hated it. Because I know, like, everything that I know about you and watching you do physical things, it's just, it's bad. No, it's not. Your balance is poor.

My balance wasn't poor that day, it was my shoes. I didn't have flat shoes. Fucking everything he said, it's not true. Your shoes aren't, some people have good balance and some people don't. I have average balance. No, you don't. You have bad balance. Would you ever do Dancing with the Stars? I have average balance. No, you don't. You have bad balance.

Would you ever do Dancing with the Stars? I've done it. No, you haven't. Well, at home, I just dance. You just dance. Every night I dance with my wife. I'm like, enjoy this, honey. You're Dancing with the Stars.

I like that. No, I would never do that show. I would never do that show ever. There's a lot of shows that I wouldn't do. Would you do, what shows wouldn't you do? Probably Survivor. I don't think I would do Survivor. Even though I say I would,

I don't like the idea of not being able to brush your teeth in the morning. That's your deal breaker. Yeah, that's a big deal breaker. I think you're allowed to bring one item. You're a fellow degenerate. Would you consider yourself a degenerate or no? Depends on how you define degenerate.

Oh, and do you love to gamble? I enjoy gambling. Do you love it so much? Does it make you so happy when you sit down? I enjoy the first day. Like the first day in Vegas is usually my favorite. But I don't gamble outside of Vegas. I'm controlled.

That's kind of how I am about gambling. I like that you can't do it everywhere. And I'm glad that California killed sports betting Because I was like, oh if that happens, I'm gonna be a mess. I have on my phone I'm out there, but I have a in notes. I put don't don't sports gamble So what's the most you've ever left Vegas up? 45. Oh, that's a good. Oh, that's a good trip. And that was my bachelor party because I hit a slot machine. Oh.

Such a dumb way to win money. It's not exciting. It's my favorite way because you don't even have to think. Okay, so we met on The Goat, which is a reality show that's out now on Prime. A month before the show began taping, I get an offer to host this show. I don't get offers a lot because I say no to everything. And I'm reading this and I had just had a baby

and I tell my wife, I go, what do you think of this offer to go to Atlanta? And she's like, we just have a baby. You promised me that you'd like stay here, not do anything for this one. Because the last time my first child, like I was filming the day of on Tosh.0. So anyway, I said, but listen,

this could be one of these shows that works. Like it's silly, I understand it on paper. And if it is good, I'm gonna be mad watching this 10 years from now, saying I could have had that gig, it's only three weeks of work a year. She's like, we're not doing it. I go, okay. I go, well, what if they give us a huge mansion

and a private jet to get there? I just started listing anything I could think of that would make her say, all right, let's take our, at the time, four week old newborn baby across the country to do this. So then we came up with this ridiculous list and they kept asking me to do it. And I was like, all right, well, will you do all these things? And then they started saying yes.

And I was like, oh fuck, Carly, we're gonna have to go to Atlanta. What did you make? Real money. Can I guess? Yeah. But more. I was like, oh fuck, Carly, we're gonna have to go to Atlanta. What did you make? Real money. Can I guess? Yeah. But more.

So I was like, should we do this? And then I kept saying, she was like, fine. So we go and everybody stayed with me. I brought, I like added to my contract. I want my own writers. I want my own producer. I want my own whatever. Sounds like a own producer, I want my own whatever. Sounds like a dream.

Right. Dream, yeah. And again, they were in a position, I don't know what they were gonna do if I didn't do this. I was not first, let's be clear. They had gone through people that had gone away and they were in a situation where like. Interesting.

And then they're like, hey, we got him on the hook, he might actually agree to do this. And then they had gone too far down the road. I rented a mansion, the most obnoxious thing I could find. But I rented this mansion mainly because it had a crazy driveway and the pool had a big, huge slide. I'm like, oh, my son's gonna love this slide.

Meanwhile, it's one of those slides before insurance companies got a hold of people. And like, you can't have a slide like this because everyone got hurt that went down it. Yeah. Like my cousin by marriage, she broke her thumb on the slide. It was bad. The pool, the guy, when we rent this place, he goes, people usually just rent this place for like a wedding, not to actually stay in the house. Right.

When we're staying here for a month. He's like, well, the pool, it's either the pool or the hot tub. We can only heat one temperature. And I'm like, well, we want 100 degrees for the hot tub. He goes, okay, well, that means everything's gonna be 100 degrees. So this massive lagoon style pool with huge waterfalls, we had it at 100 degrees. It's like a hot spring.

It was, but like algae was growing in it because it's not a good temperature to keep. This is just our house. This is the nonsense that's going on. Meanwhile, I've got a baby. So every night, you know, we're shooting, they make you shoot these stupid shows in the middle of the night.

I was there, I know. Right. But I'm having to go back to this other mansion 30 minutes away. Gosh forbid. Right? To stay up with a four week old. Yeah.

Like it was just a nuts and everyone was going crazy. Here's how they sold me the show. We're not making fun of people that are doing the show. And I was like, good, I don't want to do that show. I want to have fun. I want it to be lighthearted, I want it to be silly, but we're mocking the whole genre of living together in competitions.

And I was like, okay, that's what they sold me on. And then the show starts coming out, I'm like, guys, you're taking this too seriously. Not you, the producers. And then like one time in the first event, you're like, hey guys, can we all fucking calm down? This is this is just a silly Silly game. Yeah, right. So then I was like, okay Joe is one person. I got it. I understood right Yeah, it wasn't meant to be did that's why when everybody's getting upset with people like guys you're looking like idiots

Fucking calm down it remember how much they were screaming that first episode? It was insane. Can I ask you a question? Yes. Out of the contestants, who were you the biggest fan of before hosting this? Tasia. And now after? Tasia.

No, honestly though, for real. No, no, I was. I was being honest. Although you weren't, it wasn't supposed to be you, I thought. I thought it was supposed to, when I had seen the first list, you were supposed to be what's his name.

Who? Who was the guy that married the Canadian teacher, Nick Vial? Yeah. I think you were supposed to be Nick Vial. So me and you were replacements. And then, yeah. Or you were supposed to be Snooki.

I don't know for sure. How much did they tell you about the goat before you agreed to do the show? They don't tell you much. They tell you how much money? They, yeah, they tell you how much money. And I didn't know I was going on the show, probably because it was potentially Nick,

till I wanna say 10 days prior. And then they just really said pack colorful clothing. I made fun of your clothes a lot. I know. But I had my- There was just one shirt that just to me, it just looked like, you just looked so wholesome. It was brown, had some stripes across the front.

It's in the trailer, yeah. It's in the trailer, it does. You did nail it on the head. It looks like a third grade. There's Joe. All right, so you didn't know much about it. You knew how much you were getting paid. Now, do you get, is that the same as like Dancing with Stars where you get a lump sum plus every episode that you stay in?

Yes. Ah. Yeah. So that's what brings the competitive nature out. And you know, it's like playing a board game. You know, once you're in it, you're in it, and then you're there to compete. And you know, it's like playing a board game. You know, once you're in it, you're in it, and then you're there to compete.

But you're competing against some people, like real housewives, that certainly didn't need the money. So that's a silly thing. Yeah, that was a problem. It was, because then, you know, like, some could say, no one's, we can't talk about that. You know, it's very hard to talk about a show that you can't talk about.

We filmed the show in Atlanta. The producers, they're coming to me, and they're like, hey, you know, we don't ever want you to mention where we are. Then the very first cut I see, the first credit that appears is a big fucking logo of a peach with Georgia written above it. Oh, I'm not allowed to mention where we are?

Why? Why can't we mention Atlanta? Because you want to make it like, oh, who knows where it is? It could be anywhere. They could be anywhere. I don't understand Atlanta at all. It was the fucking grossest neighborhood. And then there was just this random dirt road that went way back and this huge mansion that

was built by a former Indianapolis Colts player. It had sit vacant. And so we rented to shoot this show and it's meant to be a house. It's not meant to film a show with hundreds of employees. Just shitting. So the plumbing goes out. The plumbing went out constantly. I don't know if you noticed that.

No, I didn't. Your plumbing worked the whole time? We were fine, yeah. Did you ever go into the garage? They wouldn't let me in there. I tried to walk in there twice. So the garage, and it was like a 10 car garage, is just filled with just screens

of every hidden camera in the house and all the people watching you. So I found that interesting to watch how the sausage was made. The thing is, I would be sitting downstairs, when I would come to work, I would sit in the basement and I would have a TV of all the cameras and then I would have some people tell me what I missed,

who said what and blah, blah, blah. So I could see everybody's little plans live. Like you, you always pretended to be like, oh, I'm just playing the dumb guy, but I saw you do a lot of dumb shit that was not planned. So. But I was good at making it seem like a lot of it was planned. Okay, so then we get cuts of the show,

and you and I had had some banter, I was good at making it seem like a lot of it was fun. Okay, so then we get cuts to the show. And you and I had had some banter. I was teasing you constantly. We had a lot of fun. Right, but they didn't put a lot of that stuff in there. How about, oh, I can't even, I probably can't even say it. Say it. When I shot the firework backwards, is that in there?

I don't think so. That was funny. I asked you if I was allowed to call you. I said, I know this is a racial epithet, Goomba. I said, could you explain to me what it is? And you explained it to me. And then I said, am I allowed to call you that if, if that is like it?

And you said yes, or something. But there was some back and forth about it. That never saw the light of day. Wow. What does Goomba mean? I think it's a slang for like an Italian, but it means like, yo, oh, hey, I'm Italian. Well, it's not in the show.

Okay. Some of the stuff I fought for, but like, here's the thing. We shot this a year ago. I know. One year ago. You look the same though. Oh, thanks.

You're welcome. But they're like asking me to give notes on these episodes. Now, when I give notes for a show, I give them one time and then I want you to take my notes. I know what's funny and what's not funny. Yeah. That's it. But these, 20 back and forths over a year.

You think I remember what funny thing I said when you shot fireworks into your face? I can't remember every line. Now, am I saying that this show would be a million times better if they did everything that I said, yes. But, you know, other people have jobs, I guess, and they're supposed to, just, it was just weird.

Am I funny? Yeah, you're funny. Am I the funniest? I mean, it depends. I'm taking you out of the equation. No, no, no, I wasn't gonna put you in my category. Ah, you're the equation. No, no, no, I wasn't gonna put you in my category. You're the funniest if probably intentionally and then other people, you know,

they cut them to be funny. Oh, so then I'm probably the most talented when it comes to being funny. Did you win the goat? Did I win? I can't disclose. You're so properly PR trained. What did the cast really think of me?

I think they all liked you. I would say I liked you the most. That's why you're here. I enjoyed your presence. When you were there, it made me feel somewhat better about myself. That's nice. That's actually really nice. That's nice to say. Reality hosts are usually pretty dry. Did you find me funny?

Yeah, I just said, yeah. Funny how? Funny like a clown? You know that- You amused me? We're doing a bit there. Yeah, I get it. In New York, there's like a real estate company

that does that bit around a poker table and they have like a 12 year old girl do it with like a family and it plays in the cabs in New York. It's so bad. It's incredibly bad. I watch it. I cannot believe somebody paid to make that. But you like it? I actually hate it. I hate it. And I really want you to see it's the worst. All right. Okay. I'll find it. I'll watch it. I got a gift for you.

Oh, really? Yeah. I love that. I always give people something that comes on my show. They have something from my house that I don't want anymore. Now this is a two-parter. This is your wedding gift. OK?

This is a knife sharpener. Come on, man. Did you hear Eddie? Yeah. Eddie's chiming in. Eddie bought me this. Eddie bought me this. Eddie bought me this for Christmas a couple years ago. I've never once used it.

Still perfectly the cord. You can tell. Never used it. No, you haven't. Eddie, what did you pay for this? This is a couple hundred. This is a couple hundred dollars. Never once used it.

Never even thought of using it. And it's a knife sharpener. And I thought it'd be funny to bring it here for Eddie's reaction. So is this mine now? Yeah. Thank you. I don't know if you can fly with a knife sharpener. You can fly with a knife sharpener.

I'll take it off your hand. Okay, so that's- It's a model 15XV. Yeah, that's a good one. That's not the only gift. That's not the only gift. Then, because I was teasing you about your wardrobe and I know you like to gamble.

I'm giving you, this is one of my show jackets that I, when I'm in Vegas. Zippers up there, it's from, oh, from Zach's. No, it's not from Zach's, that's just an old bag. This is nice, you'll like this. Oh, look at that, for when you're in Vegas, you're gonna love it. Go ahead.

For me? Yeah, yeah, it's a jacket. Put it on, see if it fits.. Oh, look at that. For when you're in Vegas, you're gonna love it. Go ahead. For me? Yeah, yeah, it's a jacket. Put it on. See if it fits. All right, this is great. I wasn't expecting a jacket. Well, it might not work with that jacket on. You might be broader than I thought.

Yeah, I told you, my body's not bad. I think if you didn't have a jacket on, it could be good. How's it look? Well, it looks good now, but it looks weird with. Yeah, what size are you? I'm a 40. I'm a 42.

I don't know, I usually get them tailored. You're not a 42. Well, that jacket doesn't fit me anymore. This is a 38. No. Joe, what would your first illusion be? Did you hear him? Yes.

All right, take that off. Okay. You're going to love it. What have you been up to since the goat concluded? Well, I got married. We had our wedding. But you were already married, right? And you just did like a formal one or something?

A formal wedding in Charleston. I have a podcast. What's the name of your podcast? Happy Hour. It's like a bachelor podcast. But you don't own it? No. They just put somebody on it? Yeah.

But are you making some decent scratch with it? I might get paid for it. That's another thing I don't understand about these bachelor, I always told my wife, if she died, I would go on The Bachelor. I would want to be The Bachelor. But like, I don't think they would allow what I want to do.

Yeah, well I don't think you could come on and rearrange the way the show works. Everybody has to be the bachelor. But I don't think they would allow what I want to do. Yeah, well I don't think you could come on and rearrange the way the show works. Let's get, everybody has to be naked. There's no world where I'm gonna marry somebody that I haven't seen naked in the daylight. Well, eventually you will before you marry her. Your wife, that's who you want. You want somebody that fucking walked off the show

right before the very end. Yeah, she didn't even want to get engaged when I asked her. Her season, what was the guy's name? Matt James. I watched that. Are you friends with him? Hold on. Are you friends with him?

Yeah, no, I do like him. Here's what I liked about Matt James. I remember the very first episode, he started by asking everybody to pray. And I was like, oh shit. Oh shit. This is awful.

Yeah. We're all going to pray. All 25 of you women that I hopefully get to have sex with. Let's first have a nice and then the girls are like, oh, this is, this is so meaningful. This is what I wanted. It just was the most insane way to start a show that is basically built around debauchery. We're going to have this nice prayer to start it off.

All right. How's marriage been? Married life is wonderful. It's great. How long you been married now? Uh, two years. She's Canadian. She's from Toronto.

She Canadian? Yeah. Oh, I'm making sure. Yeah. Some people live in Toronto, but all right. So she's Canadian? She's from Toronto. She Canadian? Yeah. Oh, I'm making sure. Some people live in Toronto. But all right, so she's Canadian. I always say don't marry somebody from a different country, but I don't consider Canada a different country. Yeah, but there's a lot more to it

than we initially thought. Oh yeah? Like it is another country. Oh. So like all, like you have to, you know, there's like immigration and- Is she gonna become a citizen? Potentially, potentially.

Are you gonna move to Canada? Right now we're trying to stay in the States, so we'll see what happens. But I do, I enjoy Toronto. Toronto sucks. You don't like Toronto? No. Oh, you really don't like it?

Uh-uh. Okay, yeah, that's fair. Give me Nova Scotia, give me Montreal, give me Vancouver, sure. But Toronto, hard pass. Nova Scotia. Sure. Alpacas?

I've never been there. Nicest people on the planet. Interesting. Isn't that what they're known for? I think they're considered the nicest people on the planet. Whatever. One time I did a show there, they protested it. Wow.

That's true. No, you can't spell for shit. Neither can I though. I could. You can. You want me to give you a word? Yeah. All right, let's see how you do.

I'll just, let me just pick a random word and let's just see how you do on a single word. Bachelorette. That is the one word that I did. I screw that word up every time. I could spell the bachelor. Spell bachelorette. B-A-C-H-E-L-O-R-E-T-T-E.

Bachelorette. That was pretty good. Thank you. Were you scared? I was nervous. Why are you still not on Cameo? I feel like you're leaving a lot of money on the table. I never wanted to do Cameo.

You don't want to say happy birthday to people? I don't want to charge people for me to say happy birthday to them. Fair enough, fair enough. Can we give out your number and let people just text you for free? I accidentally did do that. You gave out your number once?

Yeah, and I gave out my Starbucks gift card once because I was trying to be nice for Christmas, like pay it forward kind of thing. And I put it on my Instagram and I filled it with a couple hundred bucks for people to get their coffees. And then every time I put more on my Instagram, and I filled it with a couple hundred bucks for people to get their coffees, and then every time I put more money in it, it would get whacked because people still had my number. Oh man.

You gotta, did you change it? I just don't use it anymore. Oh. You get harassed, recognized, any of that stuff? I don't get harassed, but I still do get recognized. And are you nice to people? I'm very nice. I think it's fun to not be nice all the time,

but I have a different reputation. Yeah. Like if somebody comes up to me and says, hey, I'm a fan, can I take a photo? I'm like, no! And they just walk away. Really, that's what you do? I'll do that sometimes,

because that makes them laugh. Yeah. Like you just scream. Do you go back? No, I don't go back. Fuck them. Well, I'm going to try that. You and your wife both do the podcast?

We do it together. Are you guys both like lifers? Are you going to just keep doing different reality projects if they come along? I mean, if I get asked to do another reality show, I would entertain it. But we'll see. I mean, if it fits the schedule, sure. What's your schedule? It's pretty open. Right. you're smart enough to realize,

oh, this is interesting, and I'll take this as long as I can. Yeah, I'm riding this wave. I mean, listen, if anyone has taken a small little pop at fame and turned it into a career, it's you. Well, who else from the show have you, are you gonna ask on your show?

You're the last one. The only one, right? No, we've done them all. Oh, really? Yeah. No, yeah, see, I mean, think about it. That's it. I'm gonna think about it.

Think about what? What do you want me to think about? Why did you only ask me? I don't know. Because you see raw talent. Because you're silly. I'm a silly guy. Because you're silly, because you're funny.

Joe, thank you for being on the show. And congratulations on all your success. Look forward to watching you this season on The Goat. Thank you very much. Look at that handshake. So firm. Strong. Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.

And me, Simone Boyce. Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more. Thank you for taking the light and you're going to shine it all over the world and it makes me really happy. I never imagined that I would get the chance to carry this honor and help you a part of this legacy. Listen to the Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search the Bright Side. Every week on Talk Easy with

Sam Fragoso, I invite an artist, writer, or politician to come to the table and speak from the heart. In ways I imagine you haven't heard from them before. Some of my favorites are with Tom Hanks, Margaret Atwood, Questlove, Cate Blanchett, and Oscar Isaac. If that sounds like a varied group of people, it's because it is. I always wanted to make a show where one week we could sit with a politician like Beto or work, the next an author like Min Jin Lee, or TV titans like Bill Hader and Quinta Brunson. Basically, this is a podcast driven by curiosity and an abundance of research. Conversations where people actually

start to sound like people. In recent weeks, I sat with Dan Levy, Ava DuVernay, Benny Safdie, and the editor of The New Yorker, David Remnick. You can listen to Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I said tell Tom Brady that I'm the Tom Brady of roasting. Lots of people roasted the goat but only Nikki is still being talked about. Every time I refresh my DMS, it's 14 blue check marks of people I didn't even know who knew me are writing like paragraphs to me. Hear that in

all episodes of the Nikki Glaser podcast on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search the Nikki Glaser podcast to start listening. I want to thank grocery store Joe for being on the podcast. You find Joe interesting? Huh? Carl, do you find Joe interesting?

He really tickles me. The first three episodes of The Goat are now available on, Huh? Carl, do you find Joe interesting? He really tickles me. The first three episodes of The Goat are now available on, say it Carl, Prime Video. They're available. The first three. Then every Thursday, a new one's going to drop. By the way, this is two days after Mother's Day, but technically I'm recording this before Mother's Day. So let's just get this out of the way.

That way I won't have to do it on Mother's Day. Hey. Happy Mother's Day. What are you trying to be the first? Oh, I'm the first. This is going to air after Mother's Day. So I'm doing it on the air. An official Mother's Day.

The most meaningful. Well, you're first, but it doesn't count because it's not Sunday. How are you feeling physically? I'm fine, thank you. Except that I was very concerned because your sister and your niece and their family, they were under tornado all night last night. So I was up most of the night texting with them and they're all fine. So that's good.

Oh, that's good. That it? Happy Mother's Day. Thank you. Love you. Bye. Love you. Bye. Hey, want to thank everyone that came out to the Dolby.

That was a pretty neat experience. My poor son, I was going to exploit him. I was like, hey, do you want to do the intro for me at the Dolby where they, you know, do the Oscars? And he said, yes. He was very excited. He had a joke planned and everything. He was going to walk out there.

And the day of he was like, I don't know. He's like, he just kept saying, I don't know. I don't know if I feel like doing it. And then he started complaining about being sick. And I'm like, oh no. I'm like, did I, if you have like butterflies, are you nervous? And I put this on you about doing this intro.

And so I felt horrible. I was like, this is awful. I'm a stage parent, like forcing my kid to do something that he doesn't wanna do. And then there'd be like waves where he's like, no, no, I really wanna do it. I was like, okay, we'll just do it backstage. And I hand you a mic and you can do it.

And you walk out and just take a little bow with me and and he did it and it was funny. I'm Daniel Todd. He passed out immediately after in the green room. We're driving home and he just starts vomiting just all over himself, just all over us. And I'm trying to clean it up. Like we're like five minutes from home and it's just covered in vomit. And I'm like, what have I done? I'm just sopping everything up. So that was, you know, the big night in Hollywood.

I'm at a prestigious theater, I do a show and I'm just covered in my son's puke. Then the next day, I didn't feel so bad because like nine of his classmates had this bug and all of them had vomited. So I was like, oh, that's awesome. It's not my fault. Not you.

But he recovered and I'm glad he did it because it's a neat little memory. He did great. Speaking of shows, May 18th, I'm back in Vegas at the Cosmopolitan. That is going to be exciting. My first time performing there. Get tickets.

I also have other dates coming up. Louisville, Kentucky. I don't know where else. Detroit, outside of Detroit, Columbus, Indianapolis. Come on Indianapolis. What's going on? Boyswearpink.com. Detroit, Columbus, Indianapolis. Come on Indianapolis. What's going on? Boyswearpink.com. I guess now it's time for one of my son's bedtime stories.

Have fun with this nonsense. He was off the rails. And I don't edit these, but you'll notice my tone at the end of it is like, ugh, hey, time for bed, kid. See you next week. Okay, one for bed, kid. See you next week. Okay, once upon a time, a pterodactyl was flying in the rain.

He tried to keep up with the other pterodactyls, but he tried it, but it was too rainy. He fell down into a's choosy. And then an octopus came running out from the choosy into the pool. And then the octopus ate the duck tail, flying into the duck, the wild bat flying away. And then the little one was standing on and then it broke the window into the side and they saw the other two doctors and then there was another two doctors and then the other

two doctors broke and then the other person ate all the other two that were there, and then the other two that were broke, and then the other person ate all the two jackals. And then they just ran into a giant one, and then, and then, they went on a stand and then they were in a seagull and they turned it down in a seagull because they were too big. They were in a seagull? Oh God. Wrap this story up right now.

And there was a light and then it started so bright and they blew it away. And then the the big gulf, they helped it out. And then, there were two big otters, which ate all the tadacos. And then, their mommy and daddy, and then they ate all the tadacos,

and swam up a mountain, and then flew down from the mountain and then colors and then they call the big gang the end. Hello acclaimed comics writer and notorious Scott Summers hater Rosie Knight. Well hello Emmy winning podcaster and totally unbiased Targaryen royal supporter, Jason Concepcion. Somehow the X-Ray Vision podcast has returned. And like always, we'll be here every week.

You'll hear from TV writers, actors, comics, theaters, pop culture, critics. Nothing is off the table. Listen to X-Ray Vision on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dioza. And I'm Mala. We're the creators of Locatora Radio, a radiophonic novella, which is a fancy way of saying...

A podcast. Welcome to Locatora Radio, season nine. Love at first listen. This season, we're falling in love with podcasting all over again. With new segments, correspondents, and a new sound. Listen to Locatora Radio as part of the MyCultura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hannah Storm, and my new podcast, NBA DNA with Hannah Storm, chronicles my six decades in professional basketball, from growing up in the sport to becoming one of sports TV's first female broadcasters. Join me as I dig deep into the game's history, unearth some wild stories, and talk to my friends from the world of basketball, from Dr. J to Charles Barkley. It's been a wild ride, and now I get to take you with me. Listen to NBA DNA with Hannah Storm

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.