Tosh Show - My First Farewell Tour: Midwest Run

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

Daniel and Eddie recap their recent tour with stories of backstage laundry, bad restaurants, and baseball games.  Join our Patreon for exclusive content: http://patreon.com/toshshow...

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 After two amazing shows in Akron, we do the short drive over to Toledo. And when I woke up on the bus and I looked out my windows, one side of me was an Outback Steakhouse. And the other side of me was the Longhorn Steakhouse. And I was like, this is perfect. Posh show. It's that time. Welcome to Tosh Show. I am your host comedian
Starting point is 00:00:39 Daniel Dwight Tosh. With me is comedian Eddie Dwight Gosling. Crazy. We got the same middle name. Same middle name. We just got back from tour. We did 16 shows. 11 days. 11 cities.
Starting point is 00:00:56 Man, it was fun. Good times were had by all. Right. The hijinks. So much hijinks. So much online gambling. I tell you what. I know people always, I'll hear that people complain about the commercials on the show,
Starting point is 00:01:12 like, oh, quit shilling for these gambling companies because it creates such a problem for people. But I never really think about it because as godless as everyone pretends California is, we don't allow those. You can't do any like online gambling. There's no sports betting. this state. But like when you go to all these, you know, red states, you can do whatever you want.
Starting point is 00:01:40 I mean, there's just so much. It's wild. You just get on your app and all of a sudden I've got a guy throwing cards at me. I'm like, I don't have my glasses and I'm taking a dump and I'm all I've got to make sure that I got the flush, but I can't tell the difference between a club and a and a spade. And I'm like, I'm all in. Next thing I know, I'm like, I just lost a thousand dollars on this dump. Anyway, that was very, that was a nice surprise that while I was in the Midwest, I could do so much online gambling. I may have a problem, but I came out ahead, so it's hard to, it's hard to complain about it. All right, so here's what we're going to do. We're going to go through the tour and we're going to read from a fan from each city.
Starting point is 00:02:27 And then I'll tell you a little bit about, you know, each town that we went to. night one we're in ames iowa we fly into ames our tour bus is there and our bus driver charles who is just a delight he's great one of the few few bus drivers i've ever developed an actual relationship with i know it's great our bus was brand new i was the first person to sleep in it i showered in it and spoiler alert never pooped in it that doesn't mean i didn't have close calls but i always made it to the hotel room. Sometimes just barely. But you made it.
Starting point is 00:03:04 But I made it. There you go. Sometimes I had, you know, occasionally you'd have to do a lobby dump. But other than that, all's well. We land. He drives us to the venue. We walk around the school. We do the show.
Starting point is 00:03:19 He likes to drive at night. I like to, you know, the second I get off stage, get back in the bus and go to the next city. That way I wake up in the next city and I can just enjoy it from. from wake-up. Mm-hmm. So we didn't get to spend much time in Ames, but I, I get it. Yeah. The college was, the college was nice.
Starting point is 00:03:39 Iowa State. Mm-hmm. Cyclones. Cyclones. And then we had the conversation, Eddie. We were like, are cyclones the same thing as tornadoes? And then you said yes. And I'm like, well, then why wouldn't you just be called tornadoes?
Starting point is 00:03:53 Right. And there was twisters. And there's twister. Are twisters cyclones and tornadoes all the same thing? We never found out. I mean, the football facility was nice. We walked around. We saw a bunch of monsters practicing.
Starting point is 00:04:05 Here's what we learned while at Iowa State University. This is where Rice Krispy treats were invented. Some co-eds were working at Kellogg's, and they came up with a recipe. They gave me a nice tray with a little backstory of how Rice Krispy Treats were invented, which I found completely interesting. Right. Here's the thing. You might not know this.
Starting point is 00:04:30 I love Rice Krispy treats I did know that I do I love them You ever go to like grocery stores now Like like kind of the fancy grocery stores And they'll have like a big huge rice crispy treat Shrink wrapped and it's and you're like it's 9.95 And you're like who the fuck is spending nine bucks You could buy you know 10 pans worth if you just bought the ingredients
Starting point is 00:04:52 But I'm the one buying it And sometimes they have like some that are drizzled With dark chocolate over it or a little tiny M&Ms in it I love all of them. Here, we have the original recipe. They've given me a whole platter of Rice Krispy Treats. I bite into the first one, and that was it. I throw them all away.
Starting point is 00:05:12 You could have told me that this was a rice cake. It was so dry. It wasn't dense enough. It was like just so light, and there wasn't enough marshmallow. And if this was the original recipe, you have to understand, And when things were invented before fun or taste, like, I get it. Yes. But you got to evolve the recipe.
Starting point is 00:05:35 Yeah. Let's go. Let's get some more sugar in this thing. So they were awful. But thank you for making them for me. And thank you for, you know, the information because I did not know that that's where Rice Krispy Treats came from. All right.
Starting point is 00:05:50 What do you got? Okay. My fiancé bought us tickets to Ames, Iowa last week for my birthday today. And it was a great show. Eddie was looking mad sexy. Whoa. I see why you picked that one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:03 You were looking mad. You probably were looking mad sexy because it's night one. Night one. So night one is the night to look sexy. So we leave Ames, Iowa, to head to Davenport. Now, if you know, Davenport is one of four of the Quad Cities. Now I know you're thinking, Quad City DJs are from there. That's the first thing I asked.
Starting point is 00:06:23 Turns out they're not. Right. Anyway, we're in the Quad City. Davenport. I wake up, I look on my phone, I find that there's this coffee shop nearby that has a delicious breakfast sandwich. This restaurant, or coffee shop, you go in and there's signs in there, you are not allowed to eat your food inside. And I'm like, this is what I like. Yeah. This is what I like coming to a town that I don't have a lot of history in and probably have some preconceived ideas of what life is.
Starting point is 00:06:57 like there and I go into this highly rated coffee shop to get a breakfast sandwich that everyone talks about and there's you can't eat it inside the restaurant great all right they get their rules kudos to them for having a restaurant that they won't let you eat in it was amazing yeah you loved the breakfast sandwich was amazing they make their bread in house there was a i got a scone the scone was amazing red band coffee co good good Good. Our hotel has a bowling alley and a decent gym. I worked out 10 of the 11 days I was gone. Yeah. Ran way too far, way too long every day. I was just like, I'm going to fight off these rich meals that we have at night. Anyway, they opened the bowling alley for us. Pete's like the bowling alley opens at 5 o'clock. We won't have time before a show.
Starting point is 00:07:54 I'm like, it's lunchtime. I go, Pete, what are you doing? We're in Quad Cities. Ask him if they'll open the bowling alley for me. I'm not above that. I mean, I don't care if they say no. He's like, hey, Daniel Tosh wants to know if you want to open bowling. Yeah, we're fans.
Starting point is 00:08:13 They opened it up. We got to bowl one game. Now, Eddie is a bowler, or claims to be, but was bowling like shit, if I'm being honest. I like to bowl. Pete was bowling well, but Pete does this thing where he's like, I got to get to sound check. And I'm like, be five minutes late to sound check. I got to get to sound check. So he quits after seven or eight frames.
Starting point is 00:08:38 And then one of you, Eddie or Charles finishes up his record. He was in the lead. And I ended up winning with the score of let me start with Dylan and then I'm going to go to John. I won. I beat four people, two people can bowl. What do you think my score was my winning score? Dylan, what do you think it was? 140.
Starting point is 00:09:01 Okay? 225. What? 225. Did he say 225? John's in love with you. Let me, okay. If you really believe that my winning score is 225, I wouldn't be a comedian.
Starting point is 00:09:17 If he'd be on the tour. I believe in you, Daniel Tosh. You're like Dr. Scholl spokesperson. I believe in your ability. I first of all, the whole time, I'm like, there's no 10-pound balls that my fingers can fit in. Right. So I have to get a 13-pound ball just so that my thumb can fit. But see, some of these guys don't put their thumbs in.
Starting point is 00:09:40 They spin. Pete spins. Eddie can spin. I don't spin. I just go straight and fast. I'm retracting my answer. 95. Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:47 I won with a 118. Hello. Okay. All right. Then we had our shows. And Davenport. Would we have anybody right into us? Yeah, we've got a couple.
Starting point is 00:09:58 Okay, oh, let's hear it. Hello, I'm sitting in the audience before your show, and I would like the link to your playlist, the covers. Thank you. All right, first of all, you're in my show. Put your phone away. Mm-hmm. Enjoy it.
Starting point is 00:10:10 Yeah, no, I created my own playlist. It's basically just kind of all folksy, acoustic covers of, you know, nostalgic, dirty hip-hop. Mm-hmm. People like it. Well, I mean, some people do. Some people hate it, but I don't care either way. Here's my thinking, why I went with this playlist, or why I created this playlist.
Starting point is 00:10:31 It's soft and it's not, you know, you can still have your conversations pre-show. You're not overwhelmed. But then if you're just sitting there listening, all of a sudden, you know the words to every single thing that's being played. And it's fun when you know the words to everything. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, wow, are we singing about a pussy right now? That seems inappropriate. Soft tones.
Starting point is 00:10:52 Anyway, so no, it's, I don't, there's no link to the playlist. It's just, I created it. What, you said, you had two? Get another one, yeah. What's this one? This one, subject line, impressed with how fast you had the wheels rolling on your bus. Just saw you guys in Quad Cities, I enjoy the absolute disdain you showed for your audience. I mean, yeah, you're, you're, uh, you're reading into it a little bit.
Starting point is 00:11:14 I didn't have disdain. I never have disdain on night two of the tour. Pretty fresh. I mean, I might have been teasing the city a little bit. But they deserve it. And besides, I'm not, I'm not making fun of Davenport. I'm making fun of Maline. But that's what I do.
Starting point is 00:11:31 We end the show and I sprint from the stage. There's no going back, no encore, no curtain call. I just, I say good night after about an hour and 20-something minutes on stage. And I run to the bus and Charles drives me to the next place. Yep. And we do it all over. again the next morning. We had to head to Peoria, which by the way, whoa, you know. Yeah, there you go. Should be on the sign when you drive in. Not nice. By the way, downtown Peoria,
Starting point is 00:12:05 during the week, this is a weekday. Right. Zero people. It's crazy. Zero cars. Zero people. Just, yeah, I guess everybody just, I don't know, work from home Thursdays. I don't know what it was. me were the foot traffic that was it the problem with this time of year is the weather one day was 75 and like just humid and the next day was 26 puyore was cold and i went for a long walk i went by the uh caterpillar museum and i i went and had a breakfast by myself because eddie will sleep till 11 like some fucking college sophomore which I do my body just doesn't I just 637 I no matter what I'm waking up anyway I got up I went for a long walk got breakfast way too rich it was at a bakery it was nice on the way back I was like I'm gonna walk by the water a little bit you know there's a
Starting point is 00:13:05 river there I don't know which one it is doesn't matter I all of a sudden my stomach was like oh so I started doing the hustle back but it was so it was so cold that I think my body was like, yeah, we're, right, I'm not going to do you dirty here. This is right. Although it wouldn't have mattered that much. You wouldn't have noticed. I mean, Peoria is nice.
Starting point is 00:13:26 It's just, it's not a pretty time of year to be anywhere. Right. Well, here it's beautiful, but you get it. Yeah. Yeah, so it wasn't pretty. It was cold. And I was hustling back to the, we went for a walk. We walked past the Richard Pryor.
Starting point is 00:13:42 Right, statue. Statue. And his placement of a statue is unimpressive. It seems like a bad area. Put it in a park or down by the water or something. It's just on an intersection. Really was. It's just like, oh, there it is.
Starting point is 00:13:56 You walk right up on it. All right. What do you got for us from Peoria? Thinking about bringing my son Friday, and I was curious if there was an age limit at the show. Can you let me know? Please, Bob Flood. It is funny to ask me how old.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Like, if that's how he thinks he should, figure out if he should bring his son Just reach out to the entertainer Right, like if you're going to go see a movie Do you call, hey Will, Farrell You think my 12 year old will enjoy this? He'd probably write back I believe they would
Starting point is 00:14:28 I don't know, I think you should be at least 16 To see my show I don't know, whatever Call the place If they let you in and you want to bring your kid I find it very uncomfortable when a young person is in my sight line.
Starting point is 00:14:46 Like sometimes, I think we had one show, and there was like a dad and his daughter, and she looked way too young. And the things that I'm talking about, I'm just like, this is not, this isn't right. We'll be right back. Picture this. It's late at night, and you're scrolling through your feeds,
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Starting point is 00:18:22 Tosha at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet order at hellotushy.com with promo code Tosk. Okay. Next up, we headed to St. Louis, which is, you know, my old hometown. Anyway, we pull up to the hotel and there's tour buses everywhere and I don't know how to describe this, but basically it's like freakneck is going on. Perfect explanation. In the hotel lobby. And my bus driver, Charles, is just like, oh, new edition is in town.
Starting point is 00:19:01 And I'm like, Charles, if you tell me one more time that new addition is in town, I'm going to lose it just because he keeps saying it. He's like, no, no, no, new edition is here. I know all the drivers. And they have a lot of openers and salt and peppers here. And I was like, what year is it in St. Louis right now? That's like, new addition. New edition's here. He was just excited about new addition being there.
Starting point is 00:19:27 And sure enough, they were. Yep. And they had a, they had the hotel rocking. Right. And the next day in St. Louis, we were going to a Cardinals game. And Charles R. Bustrave, his tickets. Right. He knew a pitcher for Tampa Bay and we got to sit in the players, you know, family section. And I'm thinking we're going to see some smokeshow wives,
Starting point is 00:19:53 not a hot one in the bunch, but whatever. We had fun. And guess who came to the game too? Dr. Jocelyn and her family, they visited. And they came to the game and spent the day with us. It was so fun. We snuck him into the section. Yeah, they came to the show. I snuck him into my. I am such a good, I am so good at getting people into better seats. Here's how you do it. If you want my hack, in the age of electric tickets and you're going to games and events in the middle of the day when 50,000 people better not show up. So there's going to be tons of empty seats. You get one or two good seats and the rest just get the cheapest thing ever.
Starting point is 00:20:40 and never go to your seats. And then you walk a couple people in, your walk or two people in, and then you go back out. And you're like, come on, let's go. Let's go. They're like, oh, you know, they're with me. You know, I'm just doing shifts.
Starting point is 00:20:55 Yeah, it was. Bringing different groups of people. I know. It's probably not what I should do. But there's empty seats everywhere. It's like an underground railroad you had going. You guys stayed for the game. The game went to extra innings.
Starting point is 00:21:10 And I had to live by what my father taught. me going to St. Louis Cardinal games. You don't stay the whole game. You have to beat traffic, which always blew my mind because we parked so far away from, you know, the stadium, old Bush Stadium. We were never affected by traffic. I mean, my dad was on the other side of the river. We never paid for parking.
Starting point is 00:21:32 I, when I was at the Cardinals game, by the way, did this just to annoy my father. I ordered Hawaiian food because people, again, always. always like they'll make fun of California. Like, oh, my goodness, you guys have sushi at your baseballs. What, St. Louis had a whole Hawaiian restaurant. I had my, my macaroni salad, my chicken, and my rice. It was delicious. And then I was going to order gooey butter cake on a stick.
Starting point is 00:22:01 Did you get it? I got, no, I just took a photo of it just because I was so happy that they had gooey butter cake on a stick. And then when we left the game, there was the no-case. Kings March. Mm-hmm. And that was fun. Pete and I were in it.
Starting point is 00:22:16 We're like a salmon, you know, swimming upstream. But we don't want to act like we're not supportive. So we're kind of treating it like a parade. Yeah. And just cheering. And I saw some signs and I would give people thumbs up if I thought it was creative and funny. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:22:32 I saw one sign that said impeaching by the pussy. And that made me smile. It's good. I gave that guy a thumbs up. That night at the show was a big number. because they had a they had laundry machines. Oh, yeah. So we did a load of laundry.
Starting point is 00:22:49 People always want to know what's going on backstage at a theater. I'm sure there's tons of cool people that have whores and cocaine. But Eddie and I, when we're backstage, we're doing laundry. Yeah. Any comments from St. Louis shows? Yeah. Just wanted to say that I love the show. My wife did too, so much that she now listens to the podcast.
Starting point is 00:23:10 Thank you for coming out and putting on a great performance. Warm regards, Alex. Listen, make sure you guys listen on separate devices now. Mm-hmm. Okay? That'll help our numbers. We need people to subscribe. This will make John Matt.
Starting point is 00:23:26 I can't get myself to tell people on stage to subscribe to the show. I got to start doing that. I got to force myself to do that. Got another comment. Daniel and Eddie, I went to the 7.30 show at the Stifle Theater. My face heard from my face heard from. laughing so hard for so long. Had such an amazing time I considered buying tickets to the Peoria, Illinois show.
Starting point is 00:23:46 Please don't make it your last farewell tour, truly yours, Jennifer. I don't know what I was talking about Peoria. Peoria was before St. Louis. Right. No, this can't be my last, my last tour. But, you know, who knows? So I'm glad that you came. I'm glad you and Jennifer came because if it is, or if something tragic were to happen
Starting point is 00:24:10 to Eddie or myself, you can be like, hey, I'm glad we didn't put that off. Now, that's a good message for the people that still have yet to buy tickets for the rest of our dates this calendar year. Let's go. This could be it. So we finished St. Louis. We get our laundry. It's all clean. I wanted my best shirt that I brought to be freshly laundered because I knew the next day was the big one.
Starting point is 00:24:38 We were heading to Evansville. Right. Hutch's town, as you recall. Yep. Eddie's a stalker who kept calling into the show and recommending a pizza restaurant that we had to go to. And I'm going to be honest with you. For no other reason, I was excited to be in Evansville. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:59 And boy, did that all come crashing down. I got up. I did not like what I saw out my bus window. I found a good coffee shop, donut shop. It was parlor donuts. Right. It's a chain in that area of the country. I don't know how many locations, but it's good.
Starting point is 00:25:19 It's nice. They had fancy donuts. And then they had one donut that's called their local favorite. And so I asked him, the man behind the counter, I said, well, what's the local favorite? And he replies, there's a sign in the donut cabinet, local favorite. I say, what's the local favorite today? And he replied that this location doesn't have one. Which I think sums up Evansville.
Starting point is 00:25:50 Yeah, really did. I mean, guys, when I tell you that this town was depressing, I couldn't quite wrap my head around how we had a show there. I was like, where are the people coming from? So then we go for a walk to the pizza place that was recommended by Hutch, Toronis and it's a long walk from where our hotel is and it's it's through you know just downtown I guess yeah just every if if you know anybody that's like hey I want to buy a city then I have a place where I'm pretty sure you'll get one hell of a deal pennies on the
Starting point is 00:26:30 dollars what I'm guessing everything was closed because when we got to Toronis we were so excited. Pete was there. Eddie was there. We're walking in. You know, we're like, where do we sit? There's two sides. We find a side with our own, like, TV. And I get to watch a game that I'm probably heavily financially vested in. And we order. And by the way, the stromboli pizza that was so heavily recommended is not starred as one of the favorites on the menu. We order another traditional pizza. Guys, here goes. I don't want it. I don't want to. I don't. I don't. I don't. didn't want to do this. I actually don't want to do this. It was bad. Bunch of meat and squirts of red sauce on a saltine cracker crust. It was bad.
Starting point is 00:27:21 How would you describe that pizza? Not good. Man, a few words, but he sums it up. The best pizza ever? No, it wasn't. It wasn't. It's not the best. It's not even, oh, no. Yeah. I had pizza at Sinopolis the other night watching Super Mario. brothers it was better and let me be clear synopolis your pizza is disgusting they had a margarita pizza on the menu with no mozzarella yeah they don't they don't there was a margarita pizza on the menu no mozzarella it had monterey jack what monterey jack it had monterey jack cheese yeah and then i just kept making pete and i eddie stopped he refused but i just kept making us eat it so that it did
Starting point is 00:28:06 Well, they were so, when they were like, oh, do you want us to box this up? And I'm like, no, no, we're not going to box it. We're just going to leave two half pizzas just on a table. No one leaves a pizza restaurant with half of the pizza you ordered just on the table. Yeah, now you take it with you. But we did. Now, was it the worst show of the? No.
Starting point is 00:28:27 No, the show was great. Let me hear what the fine people of Evansville thought of the show. I'm going to whip my dick out in the middle of your show tonight. Love you, Fireman Dan. This might be typical Evansville behavior. Seems like it might be. Okay, but you don't, you leave your, you leave your hose in your pants, fireman Dan. From Indiana, we jumped over to Kentucky.
Starting point is 00:28:52 Yeah, we did. Lexington. Mm-hmm. Lexington. Every time I'm in Lexington, I'm glad I'm not in Louisville. Mm-hmm. Okay. Pete really affected my Lexington experience.
Starting point is 00:29:06 in a negative way. I went to the grossest restaurant for lunch. Actually, it was your pick. That's my pick. Hold on. This was not Pete's fault. This was Eddie's fault. Eddie made us go to this Mexican restaurant.
Starting point is 00:29:20 By the way, I have a hard rule about Mexican food. Southwest. If you're not in the Southwest, don't get Mexican food. Just don't. You guys, people that don't live in the Southwest, of course, get Mexican wherever you want. But I live in the Southwest, so I should own. only eat Mexican when I'm home because there's amazing restaurants. Right.
Starting point is 00:29:41 And when I'm in Kentucky, I shouldn't let Eddie talk me into a Mexican restaurant. So we go to this place that is just so gaudy. Every inch of the restaurant is painted, ridiculous and wacky, and there's weird sex. You know, I don't know what it is. It just feels 12 chandeliers. Oh, just everything is just, there's just, there's just, statues coming out of the wall and it doesn't make sense and it's like, oh, you know this isn't cleaned properly. And we have this server who Pete, you know, immediately takes a shine to because he's on the road and he gets an itch.
Starting point is 00:30:20 Yep. You know, she's got weird piercines. What was the thing that she said was? Mac and cheese donuts. There's mac and cheese donuts? Yeah. And I said, what is this? I go, I don't trust my stomach to this.
Starting point is 00:30:33 She goes, oh, no, those are evil. Which means she's had diarrhea at that restaurant. And she's our server. Well, that's okay. I ordered two tacos that were both disgusting. I ate half of them. And I was like, that's it. I'm done.
Starting point is 00:30:49 I was furious. That was two days in a row that I had horrible lunches. Now that night, the venue was an old venue. It was a smallish. And we did two shows and the shows were fun. The first show was really good. I loved. And they gave me a whiskey bear.
Starting point is 00:31:06 barrel, uh, lid, which is going to be a fun thing to re-gift. And then the second show, I had some family come out, which I despise. As soon as I have family coming, I'm like, uh-oh. That's something else. You know, here, time, time to, time to censor. Hmm. This is, this will be getting back. There'll be some reports back to some key figureheads in the family.
Starting point is 00:31:27 Anybody write anything? Yeah. Just seen Tosh in Lexington last night. I wore my nice baby Billy tea. Baby Billy. Sure. I miss. Maybe Billy.
Starting point is 00:31:36 Me too. By the way, I saw a lot of T-shirts in our shows with Carl on it. And I try to give those people a little recognition. Kentucky, the shows were good. Shows were good. And then we were heading back to Indiana the next day to get the taste of Evansville out of our mouth. Right. To Bloomington.
Starting point is 00:31:59 And Bloomington, I mean, can you find a better city? Awesome. Just immediately you're like, oh, this is nice. And we're walking around. I jogged on a trail that my bus was parked on. Like they have this nice sidewalk linear park. You know, there's like a skate park. There's pickleball.
Starting point is 00:32:21 And I'm just jogging. Now, I hate jogging on a there and back. Yeah. I like loops. Right. I don't want to see the same thing twice. But I'm doing a there and back. Well, I'm enjoying what.
Starting point is 00:32:34 but I'm seeing so much that I just keep going. And I went out too far. Uh-huh. I went out three miles. So now I'm doing a six-mile run. I'm doing a 10-K. I didn't need that, but I did it. Uh, walked downtown, uh, went to a bookstore.
Starting point is 00:32:54 I love a local bookstore. I bought a ton of books for the kids. We, uh, we did the show in Bloomington. Not my best show. the audience was a little reserved. Yeah. They were a little tight. And Kurt didn't show up.
Starting point is 00:33:11 Kurt Spaghetti. Why didn't he come? Because when I was at Columbus, a few years before, Urban Meyer shows up with 12 coeds ready to party. That's right. I'm thinking, well, Kurt Spaghetti is going to do something like this. Just want a title. He's got to be feeling it.
Starting point is 00:33:26 He didn't show up. Had a good lunch, though. Did we have a good... Oh, we ate at, what was the name of it? Astari Arago. Some Italian. in place, you know, Eddie immediately gets there and, like, takes his nice rolled silverware and just, like, unrolls it like there's nothing inside of it. And just silverware just goes
Starting point is 00:33:45 flying around the restaurant. You guys, a knife fell off the table. Nah, it was a little more violent. What our fans say about our show in Bloomington? Hello, Daniel. I just attended your show at IU Bloomington. I thought it was great. On a side note, since you talk about your wife, I was nosing and found her Twitter account. I visited her website and her bio and my phone was immediately hacked and I was told to call a number to get it unhacked. I'm assuming your wife isn't an Indian man working for Microsoft. So I wanted to let you know just in case some other clicks on that. All right. Is this all just nonsense that you're reading? I think it is.
Starting point is 00:34:20 Stop looking at looking at my wife and trying to get her information. Right. Creep. From Bloomington to Ohio to Cincinnati to begin my essential dive into a horrible abyss. I went Cincinnati, Akron, Toledo. In that order. Yeah. Oh, that's a death spiral.
Starting point is 00:34:45 That's a death spiral. But thankfully, for lunch, I just went to the Reds game. Yep. By the way, didn't have to pay tickets again. Our buddy, Andy Levitt, that kind of books all my tours at Live Nation. He got his tickets behind her. home plate. It's great. That was wonderful. Every time we go to these baseball games during the day,
Starting point is 00:35:09 Pete is the only person I've ever known that buys these raffle tickets. They're like, you know, they come through with a sign that's like, $50 get you $220 raffle tickets. Yep. And I guess you can win a dollar amount that you split with charity. It's like, it's basically gambling. Right. So 50-50. But he buys these raffle tickets. Did you check? your numbers, Pete? Yeah, in St. Louis and Cincinnati. Did you win anything? No.
Starting point is 00:35:38 Pirates won. We left after, I left by the six. Shortly after that T-shirt. Oh, yeah, Pete got so excited. They had a, like, a vehicle drive on the field that had an automatic t-shirt cannon that, like, you know, was a spinning barrel of multiple, and it was firing up to, like, the upper deck. and he'd never seen something like that. Pete just got so excited. He's like, holy cow.
Starting point is 00:36:08 I feel like a thousand shirts came out in a second. Yeah, it was impressive. I mean, so much so that you think we should get that on the front lines over in Iran. Get it to Iran. Yeah. I wonder if during the ceasefire you can launch some free t-shirts,
Starting point is 00:36:24 if that's okay. Tell me what our fans said about CINCES show. All right, hello, I'll make this short. Your show is outstanding. You've gone to see all the big, comics multiple times. Seinfeld, Chappelle, Segura, Burr, Ragazzi. Loved every minute of your set, was thrilled you decided to come to Sinci. Cheers. Best of luck on your tour. Hope you come back regards Kyle and Amy Smith. Well, that's nice. And they've seen all the bigs. The bigs.
Starting point is 00:36:49 That's nice that they put us amongst the bigs. I'd add a few names to their list. Who should you see live? Yeah, make sure you've seen a tell live. Got to make sure you've seen Maria Bannford live. That's my list is over. It's over. Another Cincinnati email. My wife and I attended your show last night in Cincinnati. We've been fans since we were dating in high school.
Starting point is 00:37:11 I'm sure you get tons of these, but I just wanted to tell you that you brought much joy to us over the years. We have had many challenges and difficult times surrounding starting a family, as you can relate based on your set last night and laughing together about twisted shit has always been therapeutic for us. Now having two amazing boys. It felt full circle to see you in person. We're thankful for the podcast.
Starting point is 00:37:29 positive impact your comedy has had on us. P.S., hearing the siloed laughs from around the theater during the law enforcement jokes made me glad I actually live in Columbus, John. Okay, well, first of all, I don't get tons of these. So it's nice that you wrote that. Thank you very much. And I wish I would have known you're on your way to Columbus because we were, we drove right through Columbus on our way up to Akron.
Starting point is 00:37:55 Right after the show, we could have given you a ride. That's right up to 71. One, let's be clear. Columbus is the best city in Ohio. Okay, we don't, we're not going to argue about it. It's the winner. But I couldn't do a show there for whatever reason. Either we'd already done one recently or there wasn't availability. But that was nice.
Starting point is 00:38:16 All right. Because we were heading on up. We drove right through Columbus, right up to Akron. Ah, Akron. I woke up, walked outside of the bus, and was immediately met by an unhousing. woman who asked me like three questions but I had earbuds in and I it's like I could hear her but I just chose not to have the conversation. What's the what's the rule of the earbuds? Do you always take them out or do you ignore? I just kept walking. I was like I'm just going to ignore this
Starting point is 00:38:47 person. I think that's okay. Yeah. I probably did the wrong thing. But I walked around and then And then immediately got another person at a bus stop that was real aggressive with wanting to chat with me. But that person, I just, I did like one of those moves and just got around them. I was like, I'm not dealing with this. And then I found the bakery that I was looking for and the street was closed. And the workers told me to go through the library. They said, just walk through the library and you can get to the other side of the street. I said, I'm not doing that.
Starting point is 00:39:23 And I'm just going to keep walking down this way. And he's like, all right, you can do that too. Then later that day, Pete and I walked, I wanted to go to this Pokemon store because my son is kind of into Pokemon now. And I'm going to bring him home some Pokemon cards. And I go into this Pokemon store. And Eddie, I don't know if you know this about me or not. But this was the first time I've ever been into a Pokemon store.
Starting point is 00:39:48 I would imagine so. So I walk in there. And Pete's with me. And Pete also. is this is foreign to him. And there's gaming tables everywhere. By the way, the thing that shocked Pete and I the most is just the sheer square footage that is allowed for retail establishments outside of New York and Los Angeles is always shocking
Starting point is 00:40:13 to us. That's always where we go, oh, I forgot that some places when they start a business can have parking for 300 cars and enough storage space to do whatever they want. Okay, so we're in this huge warehouse of a, of a Pokemon store, and there's tons of tables for people to play. And I'm immediately overwhelmed, but I'm enjoying it. And then I see this guy that works there. There's quite a few people that work there, quite a few people shopping. And this guy's got very long, beautiful, curly Kenny G-esque. type hair.
Starting point is 00:40:52 And one customer came up to him and said, oh man, your hair's getting longer every time I see you. And then he replied back to the customer with just almost zero sarcasm. Yeah, your hair does the same thing. And I just loved him from that moment forward. I was like, okay, this guy's great. And then he sees me and he goes,
Starting point is 00:41:17 Tosh, what are you doing in the nerd castle? And I was like, well, I've got a nerd in training at home. And he's like, that's great. And so then he helped me out. And I just wanted, you know, I didn't want to get my son anything crazy expensive, but I wanted him to get some, the packaging. I wanted to be cool.
Starting point is 00:41:37 And, you know, I bought him a $50 thing that had 10 or so packs in it and a little figurine. By the way, no, no young people watching older guys coming there. And this guy was like, hey, what do you give me? me for this card and they're like we'll give you 200 and he's like I need 220 and they're like we'll give you 210 and he's and he's like all right and he takes 210 dollars for this one card and I'm just like oh I know that this exists and he's like what what days are your tournaments and they're like it's Thursdays at eight I don't know right blown away at this whole world that I know nothing about
Starting point is 00:42:15 we may have to bring in either that guy uh-huh that works at the store or just another Pokemon expert. Because it is fascinating that it's just such a world that I know nothing about that people care so much. And then real money is changing hands. Right.
Starting point is 00:42:32 There's a whole economy with this culture. Yeah. The guy's just making money. What the people of Akron say about the show? Hi, could you please let me know who made the outfit Daniel Ward at the 7 p.m. Akron show. It was a plaid zipper blazer
Starting point is 00:42:44 with matching plaid pants. I really liked it and want to find it and buy it. If you have time, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you. Tim Moon. All right, Tim, I'm going to help you out here. Now, I'm positive you're not going to find it in Akron. Now, maybe you will.
Starting point is 00:43:01 It's Carrie, who does my wardrobe. It's been on the show, wonderful one. She's currently texting me about gifts for my wife for our anniversary. Ugh. That suit is not that special. It's theory. So it's not cheap. I don't even want to guess, but it's not, it's not.
Starting point is 00:43:20 off the charts but it's very thin I like it one time I ripped the crotch I had to have it sewed right before the show found a lady downtown that did it in two minutes
Starting point is 00:43:29 charged me two bucks it was amazing and I you know who I've seen wear that suit one or that little outfit Idris Elba in a commercial there's a commercial
Starting point is 00:43:39 that Idris Elba has the exact one on he wears his zipped up more I wear mine usually unzipped I'll put it might not be the exact same suit but it looks like it but one night
Starting point is 00:43:49 in um i forgot what venue i was in somebody heckled me i don't know if you were there i never understand what people are heckling if they yell at me because i i don't hear that well and and i'm normally like thinking it's going to be hostile but this person's like nice sweatpants nice sweatpants but they weren't sweatpants i mean they do have an they do have an elastic waist and a drawstring drawstring technology sweatpants no it's not they're not they're not sweatpants at all it's it's fine material the pant i mean it's it's fine material the pant i mean There's no, there's, it's not scrunchy around the ankle. Okay.
Starting point is 00:44:25 We'll be right back. Now, I don't know if you guys know, but my housekeeper here does not visit me, uh, in Tahoe. And that's not good because I like to keep my places, uh, spotless. But thanks to our sponsor, Narwall, I have a vacuum capable of rising to the occasion. The narwhal flow to is going to clean your floors and, blow your mind. It's not just a robot vacuum. Wait for it. It's also a robot mop. The narwhal Flow 2 cleans with fresh hot water, sprays it evenly, and applies pressure to the floor for deep efficient cleaning. It has a reverse rolling mop for deeper cleaning, gets right up to all the
Starting point is 00:45:10 edges and ensures full area coverage with constant cleaning results. Flow 2 also has all the robot vacuum features you could want. If you want to treat your home to spotless, fresh floors, visit US. Norwal.com slash tosh. That's us.org-w-A-L-com slash toss. Springtime is here, and you know what that means. It's time to let those thighs breathe. Whether you're playing around to go off with the fellas hitting up a beer garden or visiting an actual garden. Chubbies has you covered for all the good vibes that warm weather brings. Bright polos that demand attention, check. Killer shorts that show off those beautiful thighs, double check.
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Starting point is 00:46:45 code tosh at chubby shorts.com. Support our show, tell them we sent you, don't blend in with the crowd, stand out with chubbies. Let's be honest, clothes shopping, not my thing. I just want to walk out the door, feeling great in what I'm wearing. Maybe get a compliment or two. Ever order three sizes of the same shirt, just hoping one fits? Scroll shop, add your cart and still end up returning everything. Same here. That's why you need to switch to stitch fix. You just take a quick style quiz, share your size, your vibe, and your budget, and boom, you're matched with a real human stylist who handles the rest. You get to be fancy like me and have your own personal stylist. They send you a fixed box with clothes that actually fit and make sense for your life,
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Starting point is 00:48:07 After two amazing shows in Akron, we do the short drive over to Toledo. And I put a mouth on this because, I wasn't looking forward to Toledo. And when I woke up on the bus and I looked out my windows, one side of me was an Outback Steakhouse. And the other side of me was a Longhorn Steakhouse. And I was like, this is perfect. And that was, that was it.
Starting point is 00:48:39 I was like, I'm not, I'm not getting off the bus. And I didn't. I stayed on the bus. I didn't go anywhere. I did work. I didn't work out this day. I had Pete go get me lunch and I had leftovers. Now, Eddie went to lunch.
Starting point is 00:48:55 He went to a diner by himself. That sounds depressing, but wait for it. He also then, the hotel didn't have a gym, but they would give you a coupon to go across the street to some, you know, big whatever gym. And in the gym, there's like a bunch of turning point USA flags hanging up. And I'm just like, oh, no every uh tv on the ellipticals preset to fox yeah it's big nag a gym so eddie worked i
Starting point is 00:49:27 so i was like you know what i'd rather i'd rather get fucking fatter than listen and see this shit and so okay so we have one show in toledo and it's i get on stage i'm not lying guys this is what happen. I get on stage. I'm barely into my set. And I hear somebody screaming at me. And I'm like, well, okay, what's this? And they're just screaming medic. I'm like, oh, no. Right. What is going on? Apparently, there was two different people screaming medic. One in the upper level, one in the lower level. Guys, when I say that this happens, yes, it happened. But rarely. now there's two people the same time in the same show so I don't know how serious it is I say okay bring the house lights up I'll step off stage let's get some professionals in here to handle this
Starting point is 00:50:28 and I'd leave stage the whole time backstage I'm just furious because I'm like when am I going back on stage to fulfill my contractual obligation so I can get the fuck out of here. And it takes way too long. And I finally go back out there. And let me tell you something. Like nothing ever happened. Just go right back into telling jokes. It's so bad for the continuity of a show.
Starting point is 00:50:56 It's worst case scenario. But again, I'm a professional. I'll do it. And we got through that show. Yep. and people that were at the show probably had the best time of their lives, but that's only because they live there. And they've never experienced joy before.
Starting point is 00:51:16 Here's a comment. Are we going to talk about you causing a person to nearly die in Toledo? It was not my fault. Their blood's on your hands, Daniel. There's no scenario where that is my fault. Can't thank you enough for coming to Toledo. Great show. Eddie was incredible.
Starting point is 00:51:32 glad you made it out unscathed. Barely. We barely made it out. And then we're wrapping it up. Then we're heading to Grand Rapids, Michigan. And I don't know if it's just from coming from Toledo the night before, but Grand Rapids was just beautiful. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:47 The downtown was so pretty. I was like, this is great. It was raining and kind of cold, yet still beautiful. That's what Toledo does to you. Although Pete did, uh, put me in the worst Uber. it was a van and like there was like stickers on the outside of the van like a tiger's mouth oh cool that like okay and taekwondo dojo yeah it was like a tiger's mouth and when the doors
Starting point is 00:52:17 opened it was like it was like you're like going into the mouth and i go pete what did you think of that sticker like that rap job on it he goes i didn't notice it i'm like oh what do you not notice that we just walk through a tiger's mouth and then i I film, I was like secretly trying to film inside the van because I was so grossed out. There was like just every inch of the interior of the walls was like covered in construction paper, like taped over. It made no sense to. And he's like, that's not the worst car you've ever been in.
Starting point is 00:52:54 Like he always thinks I'm being traumatic, but I'm like, it might be the worst thing I've ever sat in. Why not just hit the other button for the nicer car. on Uber. I just now remembered it was an Uber. But that's where my, Michigan's where my gambling went off the rails. Because they've got these online casinos that you can just have access
Starting point is 00:53:15 to. And I get why people have problems there, because holy cow. Yeah, you were playing straight games. I know. You're on a casino floor. Playing ultimate Texas hold them. I love that table game. That's fun. Man, can you have some big swings?
Starting point is 00:53:31 I hit a, I hit a straight flush. Okay. Now, granted, I didn't have enough money on it to make it really exciting, but I hit a straight flush. I'll show you the screen grab. I saved it. Okay, what do the fans say by the show in Grand Rapids? Our final night, we had two shows there. Tosh came for the gender reveal, but instead got the best comedy show I've ever been to live. Laughed my ass off. What does that mean the gender reveal? I don't know. Laugh my ass off. Eddie Gosling's set was hilarious as well, though I've never seen a picture of him and only heard his voice. You both. You both were so good to convince my wife to go see you at the Cosmopolitan. Keep up the great work sincerely,
Starting point is 00:54:07 Matt Pierce. You got to make sure you let me know, uh, what show at the Cosmopolitan you're going to be at. So I don't want to be on stage thinking, I wonder if Matt's wife's here tonight. Is Matt's wife here to just ask everything? Guys, that was leg one of my first farewell tour. Mm-hmm. Leg two starts in like eight weeks or six weeks or something. I don't know. Yep. We're in the Northeast. Okay. And we're in Canada. We're in the northeast and in Canada. That's fun. Yeah. Okay. The bar has been set. Okay. Eddie, I'm going to ask you the big question. What was your favorite show on that leg of the tour and your least favorite show? Lexington was my favorite. First show. Lexington first show was your
Starting point is 00:55:02 favorite. Yeah. Okay. Worst show Bloomington. I feel like it could never get like momentum to carry through. Hmm. Least favorite was Bloomington. My least favorite was Toledo. Mm-hmm. And my favorite was the second show Grand Rapids. There you go. Oh yeah, because you get to go home and somebody almost died at the other one. Yours makes more sense. Plug, uh, Patreon.com slash toss show. Plug my first farewell tour. Guys, be a part of history.
Starting point is 00:55:35 We have the toss show store.com. People were wearing your shirts, Carl. People were wearing your shirts at the show. That was nice to see. I feel like since we did this episode and there were so many people patting us on the back saying good show. I think we shouldn't do.
Starting point is 00:55:52 They love me. I think we should do, they love me not. They love me not. To end out this episode. All right. Michael Glover 9187. Okay. Terrible host. If you're going to interject, maybe make sure you add something to the convo. I mean, that's good advice. I don't think I'm a terrible host, though.
Starting point is 00:56:11 Definitely not. Thank you. What else you got? This is from Goomber Dups. I've come to really hate the gifting sections. It's so awkward. Yeah, I'm not going to get rid of the gifting section. Yeah, it's perfect for you. Especially just coming off a tour where I just constantly was giving stuff. where I'm like, I don't want this, guys. One place made us lovely cookies.
Starting point is 00:56:34 You love cookies. Yeah. And they put my face. Well, they didn't really put my face on. My face was absent, but they made Carl. It's just a real thoughtful cookies. But the cookies, you know, they all do these now, these icings where they can put any print on top of them. And the cookies aren't that good.
Starting point is 00:56:55 Sometimes you have to cut the hard icing off. and then you get to just the good sugar cookie, but these were a little overdone. I mean, I appreciate the gesture, though. See you next week.

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