Tosh Show - My First Farewell Tour: Northeast Run

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

Daniel is joined by Eddie to recap the highs and lows of another leg of his My First Farewell Tour, having performed 23 shows over 17 days from Washington, D.C. to Toronto and everywhere in between. Join our Patreon for exclusive content: http://patreon.com/toshshow

Before I go on stage, I check to make sure my zipper is up. And then when I'm on stage throughout the show, I have this gesture occasionally. I check to see if my zipper is down. Never in my life in 30 years of performing. Has my zipper ever been down? I did the full first show with my zipper down. POS show. It's a posh show.

Tosh Show for show. Hello and welcome to Tosh show. Daniel Tosh fresh off the road with Eddie Gosling. Also here fresh off the road. Ooh. Are you rested? Did you sleep well? I did.

Yeah. When we're on tour, Eddie sleeps the longest. I do. He doesn't reply to our text until 10.30, which is fine. You know, he's staying awake sometimes till 2 in the morning to go into these hotels. Now, this tour that we just finished went from the New England area, then it dipped down into the Pennsylvania area, and then over, you know, New Jersey, D.C., and then up to Canada. Oh, let me tell you something. If you know me, you know I love being on tour. And I did it right at

the end of school. My kid finishes school. We go to the last. day of school, they have the fire department come, they spray everybody with a hose, which is fun. And I'm the only adult that runs out there fully clothed. I just like walked up to my son in the middle of it, and then all his friends just lose it. They're like, oh, your dad's getting soaked. That's fun. But anyway, I take my son, he's coming with me on the first part that we're alone. I'm not bringing anybody else. The wife, the daughter, the dog, they're staying back. They're going to meet us a little bit later. They're giving us a head start. We fly first at New Haven, Connecticut.

And I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't know that the show was going to be that large. It was a huge first show. I was not prepared. I like to ease into it. Got to see Charles again. Charles is my bus driver. I'm going to interview him on the show when it worked with our schedule.

Because he doesn't just drive me, you know. He drives other A-list comedians and bands, and he'll tell you about it. Mm-hmm. That's interesting. He'll let you know who's on the other. up and up and who's a piece of shit. And I've had a ton of bus drivers in my life, and Charles knows what he's doing behind that wheel.

He's say, how hard is it? I'm like, I've seen him do incredible things. You know, the parking, the backing up, the tight course. It's just so stressful. He's got to do all this with me constantly in his ear saying stupid stuff like, hey, you know any good place to get chicken? You want donut, Charles? I'm always trying to feed them donuts.

I'm just trying to keep them awake. Okay, so first off, we were in Wallingford, Connecticut. Again, I said it was too big. But the green room, man, things have changed. I mean, it used to just be like some dank, dirty hole behind the stage. But this had a full arcade in, like a candy store, but no store. You just got to eat it. My son is like, this is night one?

That's great. The spreads backstage are never that impressive for me, because I don't ask for a lot. I like some local candles, you know, one or two, and then I keep those, and then I have my candles the rest of my year. But anyway, this place, they had some candles. And this woman writes me this long letter about how she's so happy that I'm requesting some of her candles. I didn't request them, but I'm nice enough.

And she's like, can you give me a plug? And I'm like, what? But I'm going to. She devil's coming. She writes me this whole long letter about how the reason that she's, you know, not there to hand me her candles in person because she's got a big head injury. And then we drove on to Boston. And by the way, this tour smack dab in the middle of the World Cup. So it's so fun. You know, we were in Boston when the Scots were there drinking up all the beer. And I kept saying,

please, slow down. No, my son and I were walking around and everyone's in kilts. Right. It was just fun. A tartan army. I think I have to get to this point and just say, that Boston may be the greatest city in our country. Wow. And I know I always tease Boston about, you know, that certain type of person. You know, and sure you've got your Mark Wahlbergs, your Dane Cooks, and all these types of people that you're like, yeah, that perpetuates a stereotype that maybe I don't love.

But I don't really run into the cliche, blue-collar Boston Union guy that's just, I just find it wonderful. I find it beautiful. I find people being nice and it's pretty. All right. I'm just saying, I haven't had a bad time in Boston in a long time. And the shows are the best.

We were playing at a place that's attached to Fenway, the Fenway Theater. So like Eddie and Pete go into the game, they paid 50 bucks each for standing room only seats. Now, I hate to do this, but when I was a kid, I get into Bush Stadium in St. Louis, like, for two to three bucks. I told you we got ripped off, Pete. $50 for standing.

But we got to actually see the game. My son and they're like, like, they had a door open backstage, and we could, like, walk to the game. And then their green room was beautiful. And they had that dumb, stupid beer game you play where you've got a hook on the wall, and you've got a metal loop tied to a string, and you got to swing it, you know, 20 feet away

and it's got to hook on. My son at seven just immediately addicted. They had tons of video games. Couldn't care. He just, he wanted to hook that thing so bad. I think he hooked it twice. I don't know if this comes across on the podcast, but I'm a little OCD, and I have a routine.

And that routine is magnified when it comes to performing. Before I go on stage, I check to make sure my zipper is up. And then when I'm on stage throughout the show, I have this gesture occasionally. I check to see if my zipper is down. Never in my life in 30 years have performed. Has my zipper ever been down? I did the full first show with my zipper down.

It mortified me. I'm told nothing happened. Nothing popped out. You ever performed with your zipper down? No. I know my fans would just say like something. Hey, dummy. Exactly.

You quit fucking trying to be cool. You cocked out. Zippers down. The cocks out, sir. From Boston, you remember where we went? Yeah. To the birth of Christ,

Bethlehem. We headed to Bethlehem. And that was weird because, you know, I just fall asleep in the bus and then I just wake up. I'm in a parking lot. And I look out my window

and it's Mad Max. I'm in a dystopian future. There's this old, I don't even know what it was. It was like a rundown old steel mill. Yeah. Oh, it was terrifying. And I'm just in this bus alone with my son.

I'm like, I think we're here. But we have to survive for 36 hours. Well, we went into a casino. And that was nice because they had a play area for the kids. So I go to this casino. I'm headlining their theater. You know, I'm on the marquee. You can see me.

And I get to this place where there's a play area for the kids. And they're like, oh, this is for drop. off, you have to drop your child off and you go gamble. I'm like, I get it. And then I introduce who I am. And she's like, yeah, but you're not allowed back here. I'm like, I know, but I'm not, I'm just, I just want to watch my kid play for a little bit. I'm not going to, I'm not going to go anywhere.

And they wouldn't allow me to do that. Isn't that weird? Very. I'm headlining. Technically, I'm an employee of the casino right now. Yeah. Let me sit down in a chair out of the way while my son plays on your ducing. some fucking little play structure.

So then I go, okay, well, there's an arcade that we can go to. And then I was like, oh, no, I've passed on the gambling gene because it was this arcade where you win tickets, you know. Uh-huh. And one of them, like a claw machine and you start literally not picking up prizes, picking up rolls of tickets. At the end of playing this one to win tickets said, come on, be a good sport, try again. And I go, and my son clocked it.

He goes, that doesn't mean being a good sport. I'm like, I know. It's literally trying to turn you into a little addict. And he was because he was like, he went up and looked at the prizes and all the good prizes were like thousands of tickets. And he's like, how many do we have? I'm like, we've got 82. You got a finger skateboard. We called it today.

Do you remember eating lunch here, Eddie? I do. Do you remember what you ordered? Yeah, I got a crab cake sandwich. Okay, Eddie gets a crab cake sandwich. Again, it's just Eddie, myself, my son, and Pete at this restaurant. Pete gets up to do something,

maybe go to the bathroom, maybe like, I have no idea. He has an iced tea. Eddie didn't enjoy his crab cake sandwich. And so Eddie puts his entire crab cake sandwich, wedges it into Pete's iced tea. And my son thinks that's hysterical because it is. there's a fucking whole crab cake sandwich in this fucking

in Pete's iced tea now and it kind of looked pretty like stab it and then Pete comes back and he goes I was going to drink that my son thought that was hysterical he's like yeah you can still drink it put his straw on there yeah

that show was fine then we're off to Pittsburgh again it's only the second drive of the tour Pete almost has an explosion in his pants, pulls of me, runs up, tells Charles,

Charles's like, I'm pulling over now, and he just whips the bus off her. You know, my son and I are in the back, rolling out of bed. What the fuck is this? Pete had to take an emergency duky. Here he did. And that set the tone for the tour. My stomach,

spoiler alert, lock solid all tour, Pete loose. Miserable. Just loose. Everywhere he was going, he was barely making it. I lost some weight on this door. And Pittsburgh, I mean, come on. I tell the people there, it's, uh, it's, you know, the greatest city in America to raise a family.

Yet 50% of the streets I walked down with my son in Pittsburgh were the fucking most frightening places I've been in America. So travel and leisure must have skipped those. Uh, I don't let my son bring. toys on the tour because it's always a fun activity to walk around a city, find a toy store, and then I'll pick them up something stupid. Okay, we found this toy store in Pittsburgh. And I mean, I can't do this justice.

We walk in, it's like an old house in a bad neighborhood, and it is terrifying. And there's like no toys, but there's a wall, a pegboard wall and just, random things hanging from it that are for sale. One wall had like, you know, some Trump memorabilia. And then like another, like had two or three Legos. And then I see the person that works there. And I don't want to show a photo of them because it's like I'm mocking them, which I kind of am, but I feel like I can mock them if I don't show the photo.

And just like old man, like scoliosis bent all the way over, like to over a 90 degree bend. and just like everything about it screams horror movie don't go in don't get and then he has another old lady that also works there and she's like there's an upstairs too and I'm like oh my son's like

okay great let's go upstairs I'm like don't go fucking upstairs we are never getting out of this house that's where they skin you oh my good it was so much worse than what your evening imagine like if this was for the horror movie the big okay guys dial it back this isn't believable. It's so terrifying.

And the toys are mismatched from eras gone by. And now I'm talking to her. And she's like, who are you buying for? And like, how old's your girl? I'm like, he's a boy. He just has long hair. And she's like, seven, okay, this is good for seven-year-olds. And like, she picks up just a random thing.

She goes, I don't ring people up. I don't, that's what Phil, Phil, downstairs, Phil, he'll ring you up. But I don't, I'm like, I'm not buying what you're handing me just because it says, for a seven-year-old. How is it still open? It makes no sense. So then my son, all of a sudden goes,

Dad, can I get this? And I'm like, what? It was like a perfect Mandalorian Lego kit, age-appropriate for him. I'm like, how did they have this here? None of it. And they had like a whoopee cushion. Like, that was the shit, like, you know, itching powder.

And I'm like, okay, yeah, you can get that. I go downstairs and then I'm like, oh no, I'm like, buddy, I know we're not going to be able to get. I only have Apple pay. And I go, do you take Apple Pay to the old man? He's like, yeah. I'm like, oh, okay. Like, what? And he rings me up and he's like, okay, $87.

I'm like, what the fuck? It was a fucking, it was like a Lego box with like 180 pieces. Oh, 80 fucking six. Oh, I was like, this is crazy. Anyway, I paid for it because I wanted to support grandma and grandpa's, you know, shops. Yeah, this isn't mom and pop. This is great grandma. Somebody is going to tell us, oh, my goodness, you went in there.

That store hasn't been open in 57 years. You saw two ghosts. That's great. Still got charged. Yeah, they had Apple Pay. Fucking Ghost had Apple Pay. We'll be right back. starting a business is a big deal everybody talks about the exciting part the idea the product the

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It's blurry from that distance, of course, but you tell me who it is. He hits a dinger all the way. It bounces, goes over all the seats, bounces, bounces. It's coming toward us. You know, we're at the gate, the outfield gate. It's coming towards, and then it, like, a slope into the gutter, and it settles in there, like, 10 feet away. I almost caught a home run ball just walking in the street. Oh, I was so close.

I was 10 feet away from it. My son, I heard the crack, and then all of a sudden saw it bounce, and I'm like, it's coming toward us. We're going to get it. We're getting this ball. What are the odds of that? Then we went up to the old catch-up place, and, you know, we just booed. We just booed Aaron Rogers. He wasn't there, but we just, you know,

my son took a photo with his back turned to the stadium and said, we'll watch the Steeler game when he's gone. Pittsburgh then is where my wife and daughter flew in. So then the circus really started going. And the reason they came into Pittsburgh is because they wanted to go the following day to the water park in Hershey. Pennsylvania, which I'd been building up for a while. I told myself, we're going to a water park.

We've never been to a real proper water park. And it's been a long time since I've been to a water park. And I'm thinking Hershey's going to do this right. And our bus gets there in the morning. And, you know, we're parking 30 miles away from wherever it is. And we stand at a bus stop, load up in the tram, got the whole family in there. We're all happy. Going to a water. park. You know, my wife looked up online and said, make sure you bring your towels, but we're in our bathing suits and stuff. Now, I've never been to Hershey's Park, but here's what you might not know. It's an amusement park, a proper, beautiful amusement park. And deep inside of the amusement park is a water park. So most people dress like normal people. We're like, we're like ready to

go to the beach. And we're like having to walk through the amusement park. I guess there's like places where people like, oh, there's lockers and you change into your bathing attire once you get into the water park portion. But it's just a bizarre setup. There should be a separate entrance to the water park. I think so. You think so. It's not even close. It's so deep into the amusement park.

It's really funny to you. You go down boardwalk. You take a right. It was, oh. And Pete, thankfully, just came with us, you know, just help. But he's dressed in all black. Like he, you know, that's his costume for being on tour. but looks insane next to this family all in their bathing suits.

So he's just sweating and, you know, he, like, finds a table and we just, like, start doing water slide rides. And then there's this one big ride. And, like, you have to go on this. It's being decommissioned after 47 years. And I'm like, that's not a selling point. It's the opposite. But we sure is shit.

Got on. You know, load it up. I got video. It just goes up a big hill. splashes down and creates a way every gets drenched but you look underneath it and you know why it's being decommission

everything on it is like just rusted you know it's it has the integrity the structural integrity has been compromised one of the mat rides where you hold onto a mat and you start I'm like and he's next to me on a different we're like race I'm like are you is he okay

this thing is going a thousand miles an hour but he liked it he's like loving it I was scared shit Meanwhile, Pete, again, the guy, the stomach is just failing on this tour. Guess what the week was that we're there? Hot dog week. So Pete's just fucking polishing off fucking dogs in the sun dressed in all black. I didn't know this.

It's hot dog week and he's just in there eating hot dogs. And then I'm like, well, fuck, if he's just going to eat hot dogs, I go over to this place and they have not chosen. Okay, but they come in a bag of Doritos You get this big bag, you've seen these places Like fair food shit Yes And I think it's funny because my son will think it's funny

You know, he's had a Dorito before He knows what crack cocaine it is And I'm like, well can I get that without With the sauce on the side And she looked at me She goes, no And she's put the salsa in Which I respected on so many levels

It's funny, you would love that Like okay She goes, she said no and then just poured it in. No. So I just had this big bag of diarrhea. And I'm like just, all right, Pete, let's go. Let's see which one of us blows up first.

And they've got one hotel that you stay at the Hershey Hotel. And it's like this weird mansion that feels racist. They're like, do you want the dark chocolate room or the, you know, like, all right. I'll take the dark chocolate room. Something with pillows. Now, they give you a free candy bar check. But the hotel pool was nice. had a water slide too, like a big one.

And my son had just as much fun there. Did you go to the gym at the Hershey Hotel? Yeah, I did. There's like a bowl of Hershey's kisses right at the counter. Right. It's just too much. Too much chocolate. It's Hershey.

They lean on it too much. It's just everything has to be about the chocolate. Have you had their chocolate milkshake? It's the best milkshake you'll ever have. It's not the best milkshake I've had. I've had better. You want to know where a better milkshake is? Down the street here at Kiss.

the most expensive store in the world where you can buy like Adidas shoes, but it's like the Kith brand. So now they're $900. And, but they also sell milkshakes for $20. Guess what? They're better. Pretty good.

No, they're better. From Hershey, we go to Baltimore. And Baltimore, I don't want to be the guy, but you know it. The city is so bad. It's so sketchy. Yeah. I mean, it depends on where you're at, but, oh my goodness.

So we pull into this theater and we have this. private little alley that's indoors in a garage and then they closed the garage door on us. And I'm like, all right, that was your experience of Baltimore, guys. You know, my son starts skateboarding on the stage, backstage, and that's it. We're not going out and about it. Not because I'm worried about it. Eddie goes out, but I'm like, it's just too, it's a lot. But this venue, thankfully, is near Fadley Seafood.

It's a big fish market. Anyway, they have the best. crab cake sandwich you'll ever have. It's just so good. Oh my goodness. I'm sure somebody's there's better ones now. I don't care. It's I know what tastes good. That tastes so good. And that made me happy. So we had those backstage. We did the show and Baltimore's crowds were amazing. I was like, God damn it. I didn't think they were going to be good. It was great. And we didn't to stay the night in Baltimore. We just went on to D.C.

because I'm going to stay in Georgetown. And I like that. But the problem with going to D.C. was we're right on the heels of our president dip shit doing his weird, you know, fight night in his front yard. And so that was, you know, I didn't want to be photographed in D.C. Like, I'm not here for this. I got my own thing going on.

Right. You know, I'm not pretending to be Nate Bergotsie where it's like, oh, I didn't know. that this president was controversial. I was just, I was just, I love fights. Like, oh, shut the fuck up. I'm, I told the audience is like, you know, I fucking hate performing in D.C. right now as it seems like it might be a sign of endorsing this horrible pile of shit. And I don't mean that in a disrespectful way.

I love our country. I respect the office. But God, I fucking hate that guy. That's what I love about D.C. The actual, the actual city of D.C., it's like 90% Democrats. To know that the president has to live in a place where everyone hates him is just funny. So I was there multiple nights doing multiple shows, and they're great. When I'm on tour, I like to go to the hotel gym. I don't like to go out and about and run, but if I can go to

the hotel gym, I'll do the treadmill. I started doing this. But I brought the wrong shoes for this tour. I had some vejas, and they're more casual sneakers. They're not good for. for, you know, five miles on a treadmill. So I'm like, oh, well, DC's a perfect place. I found a great running store. I go there. You know it's a good running store when everyone that works there is under 90 pounds.

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, you're right. Like those weird runners where you're like, oh, you don't weigh anything and your body doesn't know how to get tired. And I pointed at a few cool running shoes. You know, none of the brands am I familiar with. I'm like, do you have this one or this one in a 12?

And he comes back. He goes, no, I don't have either of those. I have this one. And I go, I'll take it. Okay, you're not going to believe this, John. This is my first pair of real running shoes in my life. The day I buy them, I'm walking back in a bag with my family back into the hotel. Who do I see in the lobby, Usain Bolt?

I see Usain Bolt in the lobby with the craziest shoes I've ever seen on. I wish they would have offered me those. and I'm like, this is a sign that I'm going to be the next great runner. It's almost a passing of the torch. What are the odds of that? As soon as I saw him, I'm like, I can't believe this is happening. I'm like, I got running shoes. I was like, look at this.

He didn't care. You know who else, Medicine, D.C.? Dr. Jocelyn and Andy, my Live Nation promoter, who's been on this show. A lot of a lot of Tosh show guests were a part of this tour. And Andy's great. I worry about Andy, though, because he's in this relationship with this girl. I hope you guys don't cut this out. But I really hope they tie the knot.

You know? Yeah, I do too. I feel like Andy's ready. Come on, Andy. Pop the question already. Yeah, come on. Let's go. Eddie.

Eddie's family met us in D.C. too. And then Eddie, you know what he did. He went to the reflecting pool, shot his own personal video to show how disgusting the water was. I'm not saying that he contaminated it. Not saying that he didn't. It's gross, man. You did your own, you were like, I'm tired of the fake news.

Right. And you went there and you were right, oh, it is in fact. But did you notice that people were vandalizing it or no? No. No. Eddie and his wife visited Eddie's father in Arlington Cemetery.

You went in per your mother's request? Yeah. And this, by the way, this was on the heels of Father's Day. So it's double whammy for you And there's a huge line to get into Arlington And you're like, hey, I'm not here for this Right, I got a family pass So they're like, okay, you just come in this way, sir

Wait, you have a family pass? Yeah, if you have somebody buried there You can, you don't have to go through like all the security Well, right, but what do you have to show them? The pass. You actually carry a card? Well, I took it with me there, but it's like... You have a card?

I do. Is it plastic? No, it's like you could actually put it on your... You could drive your vehicle on there if you want. How far of a walk in? He's on like the back side of the cemetery, so, but there's a tram that they, for people visiting. Is the tram, is that a depressing tram? A little bit, yeah.

I don't want to be on a tram going to see. And they pull up and there's like services going. So you got to get out here because we can't really go through it. So now you're walking between graves to get over to your site. Oh, my goodness. What, that is so intense. Did you go to Pop-up Bagels? No.

It didn't make of it. Well, I went to Papa bagels and lived up to my hype. Now they give you an insane amount of cream cheese, but whatever. And it's kind of like a tear and pole and you just, you know, mm-hmm. Those bagels are good. We had some people at the show dressed in a Tosh Point O gear and Arn Anderson gear. Yep.

Huh? Father's son. A father's son. Did you meet them? I did. You and them now in a group text with Hutch? Nope. Eddie really gets out there and meets the people.

I had a friend come out to see me in DC, and I haven't seen her in, I don't know, maybe 40 years. It's a girl that I used to babysit when she was a child. And now she has four children. They're all grown. It was nice. I was like, and she looked great. Here, she's going to learn something right now about the meeting.

She comes on to my bus with her oldest son. and not until they were leaving did I realize that was her son. I thought it was her husband. Yeah, I didn't know. The best thing about D.C. was after all the shows there were finished, we sent our families packing. Eddie sent his family home, I sent my family home,

and now it's just the boys off to Atlantic City. And I don't know when the last time you went to Atlantic City is, but it's worse. Ooh. I haven't been to Atlantic City in 12 years. We were at the casino, the Hard Rock, which used to be Trump's casino

before that failed miserably. And they were even like showing us backstage. This is where like he had some weird lounge area. Like VIP area. Yeah, a little VIP area had hang. There was just tons of, they had furniture piled up everywhere. The casino floors seemed nice,

but once you started walking through the belly of the beast. It was depressing. Then I got in my room and I'm like, you know, I have this view of the boardwalk. I'm like, oh, this isn't bad. And then I'm like, the ceiling height is really low. And that's kind of a sign.

And then I'm like, wait a thing. There's a balcony. But I just see bolts in the door, bolting the door closed. And I'm like, that's not good. I don't like anything like that. But I understand why they do that. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You string a few hours together. You're going to want that door open. And the security guys in Atlantic City, they're just as Jersey as you want. And I'm gambling on my cell phone like a degenerate anyway. You know, they got live dealers now. It's just bizarre what you can do.

I'm starting to understand why people say, oh, you shouldn't support these things. They're ruining people's lives. But to me, it's just making my time in your state's bearable. well we headed right off to Wilkesbury and that my friend was a mistake as bad as Atlantic City was we should have stayed I had no idea

that Wilkesbury was going to be as depressing as it was this this is uh close to home because my manager Christy is from there she's like oh you should have told me a month ago I would have put a whole list of things you should do I'm like knock it off nothing here on that list is worth it. Yeah, I don't know where that would be.

Closed store, closed store, closed store, cell phone store. Eddie and Pete were like, let's go into this dollar store. And I don't want to go into a dollar store. Like now I'm just trying to be, like, I don't know what, I'm like, I'm not going in.

So I refuse to go into the dollar store. They go into the dollar store separately. First Eddie goes and he gets detergent. We do laundry that night, so yeah. Yeah, whatever. He does want to use the bus laundry or the backstage laundry. And then Pete goes in, and Pete comes out with, like, food. He's like got ramen.

I'm like, what are you buying? He's like, oh, they look good. He's like, spicy ramen. But it wasn't like the old packs that we used to buy, like, you know, 15 for two bucks. This was, this was like a big bucket. And then he's like, I got leftover shrimp cocktail from two. nights ago. I'm going to throw it in there. And I'm like, you're going to do fucking what? Again, this is the person that's had the bad stomach, the whole tour. And now the bus stinks to

high heavens. And he's throwing his shrimp cocktail into this warm, stinky mess. And I'm like, is it good? He's like, no, it's disgusting. Like Carl Weathers from Arrested Development. By the way, we had just come, as far as sleeping goes, we had slept the last three nights in the DC. for seasons. And now we're at a best western in Wilkesbury. And it is so gross. And they're decorated for the 250th. I took photos of this.

Like really decorated. They're ready. There's also a person. We're not going to label him. He was being super loud. He was punching signs. He had a, you know, I don't know what he had in his hand. But Pete and the bus driver were

positive that he was going to deface our bus because it was next to the hotel and they didn't want to leave. So they grabbed like a broom handle or something. I don't know what they were going to fight him with. But it was definitely happening. I'm asleep. The next day, Eddie's in the elevator with him. The guy's going to get breakfast. He's like coming down from... Yeah, he's staying at this hotel. What the fuck? No, well, I'm just saying you guys profiled him and turns out. he was just another guest at the hotel. Had a bad night. Maybe it was a good night.

It was a good night. Who knows? From Wilkesbury, back up to New York, we're going like Portchester, was raining in Portchester, and we didn't have a lot of options, but Pete, we were next to a Home Depot, so he just went in and got us some big old cheap umbrellas for 11 bucks each. We own those now. They're fun to walk around with. Mm-hmm.

Although these are pretty flimsy. I don't, you know, a strong gale and they're done. Yeah, it will destroy. But he found us a local seafood spot to have lunch, and it was just delicious. And then they gave a soup, this clam chowdered. The hottest temperature I've ever experienced in soup, we ate our entire meal. And by the end of our meal, our soup was just at about the point where we could put it to our mouth. So hot.

And you love hot. I love hot, but that was, I don't know. know what they're doing. That's like McDonald's lawsuit. Yeah, coffee hot. Yep. From there, quick drive over to Huntington, New York, Long Island. I thought the town was cute.

Yeah. I thought it was adorable. Nice little restaurants. We went to one restaurant. What was the name? What was the name of the lunch spot? Shed. The Shed.

When we get there, I'm looking at the menu, and I see that they had this long list of mock tales, non-alcoholic drinks. And I see the names of them and they're stupid. So right when the server comes, she says, do you guys, is water? Do you want spark cleaner still or whatever? And I just say, I'll take, in a straight face, I'll take a revenge of the Pink Panther. And, you know, like, they didn't even had processed that I could look at a menu that quickly.

That's what made the joke funny that I just go, I'll take a revenge of the Pink Panther. And she goes, oh, okay, great. And they both were just dumbfounded. And then I'm just waiting for them to react so that I can laugh. But anyway, by the way, the beverage was good. To start, I remember ordering biscuits because they had biscuits on the menu. We had biscuits and I ordered something else. Deviled eggs.

Deviled eggs. That's right. I don't like deviled eggs. I mean, they're fine. But I'm like, let's get these. And now I'm just doing silly orders. Pete, what was your entree, Pete? I had a lobster roll.

He had a lobster roll. Now, what do you think? And you get coleslaw or we had fries. That doesn't matter. We get our sides. Pete gets a lobster roll and his sides and then says, can I have a side of chicken? And I thought that was crazy. Now, let's understand that Pete's big.

Charles says he wears it well. Yes. He's, you know, he has to be over 220, 230. I don't know what he weighs. He's a big person. He's tall, six, for so i get it that you need more food but it's just you order like a normal lunch and then like a side and she's like like you just want chicken and yeah flinch she'd fucking flinch she's like

she's like grilled and he's like yeah just grinned here's how you know they flinch because a plate comes out and it's like a chicken breast but it's like sliced and strips so it's yes they've they've never made that you don't order at lunch, just like, I got to get my calorie. I don't know what it is. I just, I found it bizarre. Yeah, the cook was like, this must be for the table's kid. It's like a wrestler, you know, like, okay.

Super protein meal. I got, I got to get to 226 by midnight. We're good, though. Again, it's funny that I'm pointing these things out now because he was the poop machine on the tour. He had deviled eggs, a lobster roll, biscuits, and a side of chicken. This venue was really unique. I don't like it for stand-up. I don't like any place that doesn't have fixed seats. I like the old theaters. I don't like a lot of aisles. It's not safe. I get that, but it makes for better laughter. But this was like a rock venue. And it was, you know, it was beautiful and cool. And it had a speakeasy underneath with private rooms. Like you go into a phone booth and then the wall opens up and then there's another dining room table. A bunch of walls moved. Whatever.

I had my brother's wife and his kids come there. And that family's fun to hang out because it's like my brother's wife and her parents, you know, I look just like my brother. So it's just very weird for them to watch me perform because they really only know my brother. Like, who is this guy? It's funny. It's like, why is Andrew saying bad things on stage? You know who else came to?

see us there in Huntington, our old friend, Trey Galleon. Right. Tray is a comedian that lives in New York, but when I knew him was back in Austin, and he, at the time, I don't know if he was a cab driver or he had stole a cab, but... It's still uncertain. He used to drive me around in a cab. He just had a cab, and we were like, go hang out, and he'd, you know, if I was in town, he would, he would definitely help me get wherever I needed to go. And he was a funny young comic then. And now he's riding a motorcycle, which terrified me. But, you know, he didn't say anything about the show.

I don't know. Did he like the show? Yeah. What do you say? Hey, great show, guys. He said, great show. Probably something just like that. That's not good enough.

We'll be right back. And then we're off to Syracuse, which is really Pete's stomping grounds. Exactly. Oh, everywhere we went. Pete's like, I had sex there. The history, the lore. He's like, yep, I know that building. Got my, had my first hand job there.

The only thing I really remember about Syracuse is that Charles kept saying, we got to, we got to stock up. I'm like, we're going to Canada. He's like, no, you got to stock up before you cross the border. I'm like, what? He's like going and buying cans of dip. because he's like, no, it's so much cheaper here in America. And they hate us up there. I'm like, nobody hates us.

They hate you, not me. Charles couldn't be happier at all these places in Canada. He's like, you just got to get to Tim Hortons and get a brand muffin. I'm like, I don't want a brand muffin from Tim Hortons. He's pretty excited about it. He loves brand muffins from Tim Hortons. Now, our first show in Canada was in Windsor. That's a peculiar city.

You're just looking over the river at Detroit. and Windsor historically has been a very safe non-violent city, yet Detroit is not. So just for generations, people have always looked over the river and been like, oh, that's where the dangerous stuff happens. Now, I love performing in Detroit. Windsor, turns out I do not love, this show, which was at Caesar's Palace? Yes, not palace, just Cesar's. nice hotels, Caesars. They have me in a beautiful suite. I wake up.

I go to order room service and I'm like, oh, no, there's no menu in here. I got to turn on the TV. And then you have to like scroll over to dining, in-room dining. There's a QR code. I got to hit that to get the menu on my phone. And then everything on the menu is like, this is available for pickup downstairs. It'll be ready in 15 minutes. They don't bring it to you.

Pete's like, let's just eat in the sports book. and I'm like, okay, but we go to the sports book and we don't get like a private booth or anything remotely VIP. Do I need VIP? No, apparently not. They put us like in the front seat table in front of the big screens. So anybody that's like watching all the gambling action

that they have going on, they're just like seeing us in this front seat. It was the grossest meal I've had. And then Pete always, whenever I say something, like it's the grossest I've had on this tour. He's like, that's not the worst. I'm like, no, it's the worst I've ever had. It was so bad.

And then Pete's like, bring your, bring your passport. I'm like, why do I need my password? He's like, well, we get a per diem. So we have to prove that this is us. I'm like, oh, good God. So now I'm like trying to get my gross chicken Caesar wrap comped because I have a per diem. I'm signing it to the room.

It's just, and then he's like right on it, tosh on the bill. And I'm like, now people, now there's God. eyes next to me like, hey, we get a photo and I'm like, oh, this is later, you know, whatever. By the way, that's the meal, humiliating. Just gross. But now, let's take it up and not. This is how I knew that this show was going to be a train wreck.

I want to go gamble for a little bit, so let's go sit down. I'm playing Ultimate Texas Hold'em. There's four people at the table, older couple, and then a very old man. and then one other person left. Doesn't matter. At one point, this other older man, when I say older, I'm saying 60s, 70s, or 59 and lived a horrible life. Right, okay. He just comes up to our table at some point and goes, hey, you guys want tickets to the comedy show tonight?

And I say, no, I'm good. Okay? The oldest guy goes, well, who is it? And then the wife of the other couple goes, it's Daniel Tosh. Now, meanwhile, I've been at this table for 45 minutes. She doesn't know, recognize me, doesn't, there's no acknowledgement. And then he's like, I don't know who that is. And then the old guy, the old guy goes, I don't know who that is, but I'll take him.

And then the other guy goes, yeah, here, take him. I don't want him. And he doesn't even try to, not even try to sell them or anything. Just, I'm like, oh, this is my show tonight. And this is, it was just a dose of reality. Ah, that's so good. So then what did I do? I put my money in blind and made a bet and won.

Got up and left. I'm at Caesars, the casino. So I know that if I'm at a casino, there's going to be people at this show that might not want to come. Or aren't familiar with my comedy. But backstage, when I tell you that there were a hundred rented wheelchairs and walkers that they take from people when they take from people, when they put them in their seat

and then they pile them up back to it. So Eddie's on stage. I'm backstage collecting my thoughts and I'm just listening to these ladies just bringing one after another wheelchair after wheelchair and I'm just going, oh, this show is not going to go well. Off to Toronto, which let me be clear.

I shit on Toronto constantly. But it's, they get it, the hotel. Yeah. Holy cow, that four seasons in Toronto, just beautiful. And we're at the four seasons for two nights there. And we're there at the same time, a WNBA team is there. Right. What was it?

The Mercury. The Mercury, who had just gotten into the fight with, you know, Clark in Indiana. Yeah. But they took over the gym. It's just like they're just using it like it's their personal gym. So now I'm like having to work in sets with, you know, I'm like, that's too much weight. Let's change the pin I'm 6-4

But these girls Some of these big girls That are my exact There's something about one of a woman's My exact height That I'm like, oh, you're big And they're wide And then some of them were dressed fancy

And sexy, but they're still like 6-2 And I'm just like, oh, well I wanted to say cute things Like, hey, why don't you guys Be nicer to Caitlin? But I was totally intimidated. John, you'll find this amusing.

Toronto You know home To the World Cup The game that was fun While I was getting ready to perform Was Iraq Who lost 5-0 to I don't fucking care But that was going on during Pride Week

So you had a bunch of Iraq fans And Pride Week at the same time And I enjoyed seeing that dynamic unfold in the streets But I didn't get my dream scenario In the World Cup as most people know, I was pulling for Iran and I was hoping that if Iran would win it all that they would get an invite to the White House

and that would have been my dream scenario. But now I'm going to root for my second favorite team, which is the U.S. of A. Go. Toronto's good, though. I don't, I'm not, I will continue to shit on it, but this is, this was probably my most positive experience.

ever in Toronto where I just had fun. But from Toronto, we went to Ottawa. Ottawa, we were not even, we never even stepped foot in the city. We did a show in and out. I would say that was probably the most impressive bus parking job I've ever seen a human do. He had to go a quarter of mile in reverse with two inches on each side. He's crazy. Our bus is 13 feet.

And there's a bridge that might be 50. 15 feet, but it has scaffolding under the whole thing doing repairs. So he's just eyeballing it. He's like, I think I got three inches. Just so you know, I've had a bus driver, you know, miscalculate before and get stuck on a highway in Chicago. Have to get police to shut the road down while he backed up. And then we're off to Montreal. And Montreal's the best.

But I was there on a Sunday during the World Cup, a lot going on. I don't sell great. I didn't sell a ton of tickets, but I still love the city so much. We flew home right after the show in Montreal, and we had an early show, so we were like flying out at 845, but we had to land in Detroit to go through customs.

But I was so excited to land in Detroit because I got to jump back on my phone and gamble for the 45 minutes while we cleared customs. That's when you know you have a problem. By the way, we're on a plane flying home and my tray table's not working right. And I'm like, I could fix this.

And I had a multi-tool with me. And I just start fixing it. I'm like, Eddie, take a photo of this because my wife mocks me anytime I go someplace, like an Airbnb or a hotel room. If I see something that's broke, that I have the means to fix it, I go for it. It's amazing.

I pulled it off, didn't I? Yeah, and then the thing came right back down flat and flush. Yep, there you go. I fixed it. The worst part about the tour was just we got so into the World Cup that when we got into Canada, none of our streaming services were working, but Eddie found some work around on one of his apps, but it was only broadcasting in Spanish.

So, which is, if you're going to ever have to listen to a language that you don't completely understand, watching soccer in Spanish is a pretty good one. Yeah. Because they get pretty into it. We did 17 days, 23 shows, 2,894 miles on the bus, 4,989 in the air. Total stage time.

Guess how long I was on stage for that tour? 32 and a half hours. Oh. That's a good noise. That's a lot. 32 and a half hour. Eddie, what was your favorite show? First show Toronto.

First show Toronto was your favorite show. Good for you. I'm going to say that my best show, I can't believe I'm going to say this. It might have been Baltimore. I liked that crowd. I liked the energy. That's because I love my DC shows.

I love, you know, I love Toronto too. What was your worst show? What should you like the least, Eddie? Wilkes-Bare. Wilkesbury? Mm-hmm. It's Wilkesbury. Wilkes-Berry, then.

Don't call them Wilkes-Bur. Well, they had a bad show. I mean, Windsor's by far in the way my worst show. I don't even know if I was doing stand-up. At one point, I was just like, guys, what is happening? Okay, so while we're on the road,

we got some emails. Eddie, you're going to read those out? Sure, man. Hi, Daniel. I'm attending your show tonight in Pittsburgh with my girlfriend. I wanted to ask you if you'd be into the idea of letting me propose to my girlfriend

at your show tonight in front of everyone. We're both lifelong fans of you, and I think it would be an unforgettable special experience. Thank you for your time. I wish I would have heard about this before now. I would have said yes. Ah, yeah. I would have said, of course, come on up and propose to your, uh, to your girlfriend. That would have been great. Ah, next time. Hold off. Don't do it. Just wait until I get there next time, and then I'll let you propose. We got here. Hi, my name is Christian, and I'm taking my stepson, Derek to the show in Hershey tomorrow. I was reaching out to see if it was possible to meet

Daniel after the show tomorrow and get a picture with him. My stepson and I grew up watching the show and something we've always enjoyed. Thank you, Christian Kaiser. Yes. Come on over. Hi, Daniel. Casual pod listener here, but longtime fan. I bought tickets to your show in D.C. where I live, but recently became aware that I'll actually be out of town for work on the 19th. I know you love helping your fan, so I was wondering if you could swap my tickets out for the ones in the Wilkesbury show. It's a four-hour drive, but I really want to hear your jokes. Let me know if this is possible. Matt Sapphire.

Hang on to it and come see me in Asheville, North Carolina. I'll swap it out. I know the ticket is long gone, but you come see me in Asheville, North Carolina. That's got to be a short drive, too. Eight hours? Ten. Quick heads up. The best burger in D.C. is Prime Steak Burger at Bourbon Steak in the Four Seasons Hotel.

Yeah, I work there, but that's not why. It really is the best. Enjoy Wyn Robertson. Well, it's useless to me now, Eddie. Yeah. We're not there. Nothing I can do about the burger. I'm not going to grubbub it here. Hi, Daniel.

My entire family will be at your show in Wallingford. We're having dinner at the library, wine, and bistro at 5. Stop by and we'll buy you a dessert since you don't drink. Lori Deal. See, that actually I wish would have gotten to me earlier. Pete, this is on you. You're supposed to give me this information when people write into the show. I could have gotten a free dessert.

You'd love that. I would have loved it. And by the way, desserts travel, so I can put it in my refrigerator and eat it hours later. Thanks for making the world a funnier place. I'll be at your show in Pittsburgh. Best Mexican food is Duos. The chef was brought here from the French laundry by CEO of Duolingo. Give it a try and let me know.

All the best, Joshua Sazbo. I'm not doing that. You think I'm going to eat fancy French laundry-style Mexican food in Pittsburgh? Ah, I'm doing the Primanti brothers. Last one. Hi, Tosh. My wife, Cece, is a clinical nutritionist, and we'd love to have to have. help you with your digestive issues. She has helped many autistic dads with their IBS and tummy problems.

Okay. I don't like that she is like throws in the autistic there, but that's okay. But Pete's the one that's having problems. Right. Well, listen, we're doing another leg of this tour in the fall. And I want people starting now to email me or, you know, comment your recommendations for the cities. or your request if you need something, if you need me to spot you a ticket here or there, which I'm going to be honest, I'll probably turn down 90% of those. But there's 10% you won't.

No, I change it to 98%. I'll turn them down. Maybe two. I'll give out a handful of tickets. But yeah, send those requests now so that I have time to process. You know, I can't just have people willy-nilly proposing to people on stage, you know, and bopping into restaurants to pick up my

free dessert before shows. Get your request in early for the fall dates. Attention Pete. That's what you should make the email out to. Check out our store. Toshoshostore.com. Check out our Patreon page. Patreon.com slash Tosh show. Check out the tour dates. You got it. And, uh, See you in the fall on the road. See you here next week.