Tosh Show - My French Friend Returns - Pierre Labasque

Episode Date: October 28, 2025

Daniel welcomes Pierre back to the studio for updates on his love life, career, and cooking skills in the two years since his last appearance.

Hey guys, thanks for listening. Please like and subscribe, rate and review, all good stuff, positive. Miss you, Brody. Talk about that one time that you made love to a man in Vegas. Yeah, I got tricked. Posh show. It's a posh show. Posh show for show.

Welcome to talk. show. It's another week. Eddie's back. How was your vacation, Eddie? Great vacation. Went to D.C. The District of Columbia. Oh, yeah. Everything go well? Everything went swimmingly. R.I.P. Colonel? General? Colonel. Colonel. Colonel. Got it on the right. First try. Emotional? Emotional? You took the family in front of the Epstein Memorial. On the way out of town, we went by the Epstein Trump statue. That's a real thing. See, not a lot of people, including my in-laws, they thought that that was just some AI hoax. But you're telling us that there is a Trump-Epteen

permitted statue in D.C. that you can visit. It's called something like friendship, eternal friendship. Oh, that's nice. And you took a photo in front of it with the kids? Took a photo. Oh, man. Well, we don't want to throw off the algorithm by talking about Epstein too much up top.

But that's nice. That's nice that they honored Trump and his friendship. Yeah. Good stuff. I, too, laid someone to rest this week. Another chicken of mine passed away. Now, didn't get the same bells and whistles. I just put her in a bag and put her in the trash can.

But the thing is, she was doing fine. She had an infection on her neck. and that had been going on for six months to a year. Okay. You know, I don't like to, it's a chicken. It might go away. I might go away. Didn't seem like it was affecting her personality or her level of enjoyment in life or comfort.

She was still laying eggs. But then I was like, you know what? I'm going to have a mobile vet come out and look at it. And she came out and she cleaned her with some, you know, medicine and scraped a bunch of it off and clipped a bunch of it. And I was like, and it started looking better in two or three days. And then I saw her just stand in the driveway, just in the middle of the driveway with like flies around her. I'm like, this isn't good. And I said to, I said to Carly, I said, hey, I think Hazel's going to die.

And I go, should I go kill her? And Carly's like, no. I'm like, well, I know it's coming. Like, I can just tell. Death is right there. This isn't the humane thing to do. She's like, how are you going to do it? I'm like, I don't know.

Yeah, I'm curious as to what your procedure might be. I don't know what it would have been. Get the go ahead. Anyway, I just feel like it would be one of those things where, like, oh, you got to be responsible. And this isn't, no one wants to do this, but just do it. And it's suffering. Anyway, that night I walk out and I'm like closing up their coop for the evening.

And I notice she's asleep on the ground and there's ants crawling on her. And I'm like, ah, this. This is bad. So I put her, I cleaned her up a little bit, and I put her in the bed, and she was moving around a lot, but then settled down. And then I walked inside. I go, she's going to be dead in the morning. And I went out in the morning, first thing, and there's 10,000 ants on her.

And she was stiff as a board. So I'm guessing that's the way she wanted to go. Yeah. Being just eaten to death by ants. She had this infection. Were you still eating the eggs? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Is that bad? Oh, I would think, like, if the animal's sick, you wouldn't want to eat. Well, here's the thing, Ed. There's multiple chickens. How do I know which egg came from which chicken? Okay, I got you. Okay? Now I'm just going to start throwing away all the eggs.

That seems wasteful. None of us got sick. All right. Do you want any of the eggs, guys? I can bring eggs in. Yeah, I like it. Who wants to eat her last egg? I kind of saved it.

John said, yeah. John, you want to eat their last egg? I'll eat it, yeah. That seems like a piece. Pete thing, but I'll do it. Seems like a Pete thing. Hey, I hear we got a sponsor, a new sponsor for Dylan's Dongs. We sure do.

All right, hit the music. Look, look, look, look, look, look. We are children. Yeah. Speaking of children, Eddie and I, you know, and Pete, we just did a show in Vegas. And who tagged along with us are French buddy Pierre. Now, some of you may know that I called Pierre a few weeks ago, and I asked why he wouldn't be on the podcast, and he's like, listen, I want you to pay me.

And some people were upset with that, that he asked for money. But what he was really saying is, I don't get anything out of this. I'm not looking for any type of attention. Right. He's like, but if you want to throw some bones my way, I'll take him. Now, I'm not going to pay Pierre. But he was in Vegas with us. and he's never gambled in his life.

And I said, listen, if you're on the podcast, I will let you play one hand of blackjack for $1,000. I had a chip on me, guys. I had a $1,000 chip. I go, and if you win, you can take the money, but then you have to be on the podcast. And normally, if you're in a casino, they don't let you pull out cameras and film,

but the people, the cosmopolitan, they're just as sweet as can be. they're like of course you guys can film in the high limit room and so eddie whips out his camera pierre is so nervous like i don't you can't tell in this video but he is terrified he has no idea how to play i'm like you're just going to wave your hand if you don't need a card you're going to go like this if you do and we'll tell you if you need a card he was just so scared so he puts the thousand dollars down dealer deals them first card 10 dealer showing her card nine he also I would like to point out sorry to build the suspense he says to me as we're

walking he goes no no no no we we shouldn't do it now and I said what what's wrong we I got a show coming up in 10 minutes we have to do it right now and he's like not the all the dealers are Asian that that's that's uh I don't I don't know if that's he's like I don't think that's a good sign and I'm like what are you talking about it's the best sign in the world they tend to gravitate toward this activity. They love this. Anyway, he puts his $1,000 down. I'm like, don't touch it ever again.

It's gone. Now that it's in that circle. And they deal them a 10. Dealer shows a 9. Then another picture card. Pichah. So he gets a 20. Doesn't have to do anything.

I'm like, you're done. Just wave it. Dealer turns over a 10. She's got 19. Gives him $1,000. He starts freaking. He's like, oh, no. He's like, are you serious?

He's like, that only took a few. seconds and I made a thousand dollars he's like we just got to stay here i mean pierre i realized what i unleashed yeah you created something but he he's like okay i'll leave and we left and i mean he was riding that high for the rest of the weekend just couldn't believe that he'd want kept texting me oh thank you so much i'm like i didn't do anything i mean other than giving you a thousand dollars to play a hand of blackjack but but you won Big winner. Big winner.

You won, too, Eddie. I did win, yeah. You did. You went over to do a little hit and run on the roulette table, threw four different numbers down and hit one of them. Boom. Then you got Pete to do it. Pete did it.

Meanwhile, me, I'm just betting on sports losing. Pierre's got a few vices. You know, loves the Poon Tang. Poon Tang hound. Now I've introduced him to something. way safer, way more responsible, gambling. Let's see how this works out. Enjoy. Okay, we got a cat food ad.

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That's coop sleepgoods. Dot com slash tosh. That's C-O-O-P sleepgoods.com slash tosh. My guest today is a toss show legend. He's in the top five of our most viewed episodes. But it's been almost two years since he's been on the pod. So let's see how much he's. grown emotionally and deteriorated physically.

Please welcome the return of my French friend, Pierre. Hello, Daniel. Two years. Two years, yeah. Your hair looks different. More white? It's all white now. Your hair looks different.

No, they look good. I put this shirt on today going, oh, this is like the most Pierre type of shirt. And then you showed up in that, and I just laughed. Yeah, well, I wanted to wear this color one. but I couldn't find it, so I find this one. That's another one you gave to me. We already know that you don't believe in ghost. First question, I ask all my two-time guests,

do you believe in soulmates? Yes. Oh. You're the proof. I'm your soulmate. That's the sweetest thing you've ever said. Do you believe breakfast is the most important meal of the day? Yeah.

Do you? Well, I have bread and jam and butter in my chocolate bowl. That's what you eat for breakfast? Yeah, deep my bread in my bowl, in my... Your bowl of what? Coffee. I mean, people think it's weird because I drink my coffee on a bowl, in a bowl with milk and coffee.

Hold on. You drink coffee out of a... Not a mug, but a bowl. Why do you drink coffee out of a bowl? I don't know. It's always been this way. Why is it only... You have more?

You could always just have a refill of coffee. I just do a big bowl, and I drink after. And you do this just at home? How have I never known this? Well, I come for breakfast, and... And you dip your toast with jam into your bowl of coffee. My friend came, and I offered him a coffee, and I give him my bowl. I say, here's your coffee, and he looked at me.

He's like, are you serious? I'm like, what? It's a bowl. He didn't want to touch it. Well, most humans, I would say, don't like to drink out of a bowl. Why not? I, it's, we, well, because we've, we have mine ears. Yeah, man years.

That is the craziest thing to start off the interview with. You're our first repeat guest or encore, as they say in France. Why did it take so long to have you back on? Because my first experience, I think I was, I was not comfortable. Uh-huh. You invited me the first time and you said, oh, we're going to have a good time and, but I never seen the show before. Because the show didn't exist. Exactly.

So. We shot your interview. before the show was ever out. Yeah. Three months before it ever came out. And then I thought at the time that was fun when we talked, I was like, oh, that's cool. But then when I came home at night, I freaked out.

Mm-hmm. So this is what happened. I interviewed him, and the show hadn't begun yet. We were just shooting interviews as many as we could before the show came out. And then three months later, we started rolling out the episodes. Well, Pierre, from the day I interviewed him till the day it came out, was calling me every day

saying, hey, you can't air that interview. You were scared? You go, I'm going to be deported. Yeah, I'm going to lose my life. You said, I'm going to get fired from my job. Yeah, I'm going to lose my girlfriend. I'm going to lose my girlfriend. So I called Pete.

Now, first I talk to you and you say, don't worry, you'd be fine. And I think you start getting annoyed by my. my pushback. So I reached out to Pete. I say, Pete, I need to talk to you. I don't think this is a good idea. Don't put it live.

And people was like, well, you'll be fine. Don't worry about it. I was like, well, that's not going to go anywhere either. So I talked to Cali. I went to see Carly and I said, Callie, what do you think? Should I do it? Like, can you help? Like, no, it's okay.

Tori, it's a bit much. And so then you believed my wife? Mm-hmm. And why are you going to visit my wife? Yeah, it is. Well, here's the... You also left to the country. You went back home to France

when it came out, I remember. I escaped. And you were like, you were so scared. And then the feedback was positive. People liked it. You weren't fired. You weren't deported. Your girlfriend did break up with you.

But the first thing is, you would shout to me and you say, it's on. You send me a text or something. And I feel like, I was like, oh shit, here we go. And right after a friend reached out to me, he said, oh, dude, I just saw you on TV.

And I'm thinking, what, that guy who's reached out to me, lives in Oxnard, he doesn't have Instagram, he doesn't have Facebook, you don't have any social, no Tinder, no, nothing. And if he's finding out, like, everybody's going to find out, and I'm screwed. So I was like, I better watch it. And I watch it from my hotel room in Paris.

Were you so scared? Well, I wasn't scared. Did you laugh? Did you say, Oh, this is good. This is fun. Oh, I'm interesting. I liked.

I liked our complicity, I think. How many times have you watched your episode? I watched it all the time. I watch the comments. You read the comments? Uh-huh. Do you ever reply to people? No.

Did anybody get angry with you from that episode? Did you get in trouble? Did you get any pushback from anyone? No, I was surprised because I wasn't really comfortable, but people reach out to me or talk to me, even in the street. One time I was at the bank and the banker recognized me. So he was very serious and he recognized me. He's like, oh, are you the guy from Tosh?

And he flipped his attitude. And then I was thinking, damn, if he sees my bank account, it's no good because I don't have much money. And then he realized that he changed his attitude so he became serious again. And we talked for it. But you didn't like that he saw how much was in. your account. You said to me, though, after that it came out, you're like, oh, I wish I would have given you my Instagram handle so that people could reach out to me if girls wanted to date me or go on a date with me. They would have an act. Do you want to put your Instagram handle up?

We could, but some girls, they were good. They still find me. Oh, they still found you. They find me, yeah. You don't LinkedIn or Instagram, but I received some weird shit. Sexy stuff or no? But I received some, yeah, I received some crazy video. This is that girl, she was pretty hot, actually. She keeps sending me videos one time. She had a thumb on the butt. And I thought she was really itchy.

Uh-huh. Because that was really there. Oh, man. That's a good, that's a good fan. How many women have you hooked up with as a result of being on this podcast? What, the podcast didn't help me. It did not. That's, guys, come on, girls.

Oh, I here's... You say it's going to change my life and... It hasn't changed it. That's a shame. You wanted to get some surfboards and we never get the surfboards either. Oh, man. All right, we need surfboards and women. Tell people about when I brought you to Vegas.

You mean with a gay guy? Yeah. I don't know that he was gay. but I'm sure he was. So we went to Vegas with your team? My team. You mean Pete? Pete?

And Eddie was there. Yeah, Eddie opens for me. He's not really my team. We don't have jerseys. We don't huddle up before the show and put our hands together. So we went to the massage place first. We went to a spa. And you told me to behave.

I told you to behave because a lot of times Pierre goes to massages and other things happen. I don't know. How do you make other things happen at massages? What are you doing? I'm just relaxing. Do you go to, when you get your pee-p-touched, is this a different type of spa? Is this a place that looks different?

It's probably cheaper than the one you took me. Right. Is that what it is? It's just like a cheaper place. I guess cheaper you go there. You don't have to speak for yourself. But if someone were to go to one of these spas, how do they get their pee-poo touched?

Maybe open your legs a little bit? That's an invitation. There's no like, hey, I'm paying for this. I think you just do it. Do you have a good place? He's confused. I'm very confused.

This never happened for me. You know who'd happen with me. It happened for John John. I know. That story in the car was, I was laughing so hard. I was crying. Hold back, back to this. So you went, we went to the spa.

Yeah. Me, you, and Pete. Yeah. And we first got in the sauna. And I'm just sitting there with my eyes closed. With a towel. on. Well, there's different... There's different tiers. Like, I'm sitting, I'm sitting on the high bench.

Yeah, Pete is pretty high. I think he was sitting... Pete's always next to me. No, I was in between the two. Oh, you were between us. Okay, so it's me, you and Pete sitting on a bench. And I have my eyes closed. Yeah, and there's one guy was perpendicular. Okay. One guy's perpendicular. And I was, I had my eyes closed. I was looking. You were looking around. I had my eyes closed. And then one time, all of a sudden, with my eyes closed, I hear Pierre, go, in the most American accent I've ever heard him.

Hey, man, you got a problem? Because I caught him a few times going, he's looking under your towel. He was looking up, looking up my, looking up my dress. Yeah, your legs were open. And he keeps looking, so I caught him once, twice. I was like, dude, are you okay? Because he was checking on you. But I don't know if you liked it or if you.

Because that was abuse. I was being sexually assaulted. Isn't that assault? What do you mean? It's gawking, it's gawking. It's gawking? Okay, I was being sexually gawked. I didn't know it, but I just knew that as soon as I heard Pierre, I just a grin came over my face because I'm like, oh, we're about to get into a rumble in this spa because Pierre is furious that this guy tried to look at my dong.

But he got up and left, didn't he? Well, at the beginning, if he pretend nothing happened, but I told him again, I say, hey, like, you okay? And then, yeah, he left. Well, I appreciate it. But I thought Pete, Pete would say something. You thought Pete, Pete is useless when it comes to security. Maybe he liked it, too. Pete, did you like it?

I didn't see it happen. I just heard of Pierre said. Of course he didn't see it. None of us, we were just relaxing. I say no harm, no foul. The guys, if I'm, my legs are spread and he. wants to take a peek. I say let them, right? Yeah. Let them, sure. By the way, you were going to switch your will so that I could get your money. Have you done that yet? No, if something

happened to me, you... Yeah, because you were going to transfer to me so it's an easier thing because I'm here in America, and then I would send all your money to your family. I thought you had money, so you're not going to try to screw me. I'm not going to steal a thing. No, and I'm talking about it, so now I definitely can't do it. I got to send it off to your sister. That's the goal, right? Yeah. All right, well, when are you going to make that official? Because that's when I'll kill you.

Is there anything you said last time that you wish you hadn't said? No, maybe we were a bit heavy on some stories, and we could have kept this under... Maybe the sham marriage, were you worried about that one? I was worried about everything after a panic attack. Have you reconciled with that girl that wrote that song about you? Yeah. People text her. after the show.

And she loved it. She was super cool. So that was brilliant. She has a new song after, like, she put in, that was nice. Did you ever hang out with her again after that? No. I think somebody, you know, with Instagram,

she found out and, yeah, she thought it was good. You know, I was surprised because even my ex-wife thought that was funny. Oh, that's right, the one that, yeah, you told about, you told a few stories that you were worried about. Yeah. No, the old feedback was good.

I think I was the only one, worried. Yeah, the feedback was good. And there was one girl that had an itchy butt. The itchy butt. You have a photo of me that I sent you of when I was like in my 20s and my hair was real stupid long. But you sent it to me once a week.

You just send me the photo of myself. All the time, I try to put it as your profile at Sawhouse as well. So when you click, when you check in, it's that phase that comes up. They wouldn't change it though. By the way, the Soho House in Malibu, don't you think, because you bring them up so regularly, you talk about them on this pot, don't you think they should give you a free membership? They could, but...

Soho House. I don't need anything. I'm happy to pay for two memberships, one for my membership and my wife's membership. I'm paying two memberships for our household. I think you could at least give Pierre a free membership. annually to the Soho House in Malibu. I've got a drink there now. You have your own drink?

Yeah. Named after you? Kind of called the Jogo. Why? Oh, what's, what's wrong with it? When you drink too much, you have a funny berry. Uh-huh. And you have to go to the toilet pretty quickly.

Last time you're on the show, you hadn't had a drink in six months. You still sober? Yeah. You're completely sober? Yeah, yeah. Oh, good for you. Two years. Two years of sobriening?

Two years and a half? Yeah. How do you celebrate? What about that drink that gave you, almost made you shit yourself? The drugo? Yeah. It's like... There's no alcohol in that?

No, it's... Oh. It's like a ginger. You crap yourself quite a bit as well, don't you? That happened, yeah. Yeah. You recently went on a date and you brought her back to your place, but you're... Yeah, I got a bit sick.

What happened? Well, I got a bad stomach, and I was rushing to go back to my place. I was trying to make conversation in the car, but I couldn't wait to be in my place. In my place, there's no door. It's like a sliding door. It's like an accordion door, almost like an old closet door for his bathroom.

So it's not soundproof at all. So he goes into his place, with this girl on a first date? Yeah, it just matter. And you turn up the stereo very loud? Really loud. Okay And the water and everything And then you explode

Yeah, it was a bit sick, yeah But you didn't It didn't all go into the toilet You mean I sprayed? Yeah, yes, did you explode? No, I don't remember, maybe I mean, you have the same problem that I have Where you kind of have a weak stomach

Yeah, I get too excited, I don't know It's not fun It's just the worst when your stomach explodes You know, when I make my food now, I buy pre-made letters from whole food. And I buy them nearly to expiration. So I leave them in my fridge, but after one week, they go bad, but I still want to hit them. So by the weekend, he's messed up my stomach. And I blame the guy at the bar saying, your drinks are not good.

They make me sick. Oh, but it's probably your old food. Yeah, last time there was a shrimp. Have you? How come you don't consider, you know, you can freeze food. Yeah, now I start doing this. You need a woman. You eat horribly.

I've said, I've put photos of your meals up. Are you eating better? You're still making your weird pasta macaroni, hot dog dishes? I still do that sometimes, but there's that guy in Venice. He has a beautiful restaurants called Rivier, I think. He's a famous chef. Okay. And after the...

He's a French chef. He's American. Oh, he's American. And I bump into him. He's a really nice guy. And he's, I say, hey, Travis, how you doing? It's been a while of things like you sold your restaurants and what's next for you. And he said, oh, I've got a new project.

I want to do like a new concept. It's a hot dog with mashed potatoes and pasta on top of it. I'm looking at him. I'm like, what is he talking about? And then I realized like, oh, shit, he saw the episode. You put a hot dog on top of mashed potatoes. Yeah. Maybe you want to say when you invited me to Tao

and you didn't feed me? Okay. Here's the difference between Pierre and I spend a lot of time together in the ocean, you know, but we go our separate waves. But when we occasionally, if we're together outside of our homes, it's apparent how different our lives are. I go to bed at 9 o'clock.

Pierre is thriving at that time. So I fed him what I thought was a dinner at like 3.34 o'clock in the afternoon. And then I went to bed at like 8, 30 or 9. And he was in my house in Tahoe. And he was confused. I was hanging in the kitchen. You said to me, okay, good night. And I was hanging in the kitchen.

trying to keep you, I was like thinking, well, he's going to give me dinner or something. Yeah, he was like, he was confused. Well, what about, what about dinner? I haven't had dinner. So anyway, he goes down to his room, which is in the basement, and he's, uh, and he's confused. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, so you just started finding a smore kit that, that was, happened to be down there. And he just ate all the chocolate out of the. some more kid. So now I'm fucking stuck with graham crackers and marshmallows. But that's how he survived the night was just eating chocolate. But the day after you took me to a nice restaurant. But you were so mad that you didn't have a proper dinner. And that's the different. Listen,

French culture, they love to eat late at night. And, you know, I'm just, I just don't do that. You eat meat of, I don't know, you mix your lunch and you dinner at the same time. It's called linner. You've never heard of linner? No. It's a lunch dinner. I love linner. There's no reservations required for linner. That's my favorite time. You know, starving. What's your living situation these days? How's it going? Good. Everything's good. I mean, I'd like to spend more times with you surfing, but you get mad with that. You've got a new job. Our schedules aren't as good as they used to be. Yeah, you get mad. You work for a company that is saving the world. Pretty much. Yeah. Coral gardeners.

Yeah, to coral reef restoration. You're restoring the coral reefs throughout the world, which is kind of a dream job for you because you get to work from home and then sometimes you have to go to France or you have to go to Tahiti for long periods of time and you're sending me photos of everything that you're seeing in Tahiti.

You love Tahiti? It's nice, beautiful. Yeah, it's insane. The colors and the beautiful. The people are very, very nice. Do you speak the same type of French or no? They have a different accent, but yeah, we speak. It's the same, I didn't know.

They have their own dialect. Uh-huh. Otherwise, they speak French, yeah. Do they think that you're from there or no? Can they tell immediately that you're not from there? I don't know. Yeah. I mean, Polynesian, they look different.

Do you ever, do you ever have nice accommodations or because you're saving the world, do you have to stay in shitty places? Depends last time. wasn't so good. You don't get to say those cool over-water bungalows? No. I mean, the last place,

we had a pool, so that was nice. Okay. But I was sharing the place with a couple ladies and I left them the room and I have to sleep in the mezzanine. Do you get to surf while you're working now?

I surf sometimes, not enough, but sometimes we surf. Mm-hmm. I want to take you there. Yeah, I'd like to take you there. I would love for you to take me there. Pierre is going to take me to Tahiti. I want to go, I want to go

you, me and my wife to go to Bora Bora. Yeah, that's nice. There's no surf there, though. I don't know if Carly wants to travel with me. No, she doesn't. Do you miss working in the bikini business? Yeah, it's a nice environment. Yeah. Do you still talk to those

all, those, the people that used to work with? The Chinese? I don't think, no. No? I think you, you left your job to work for, to save the world with the coral gardeners, but when you left, Were they sad to see you go? Yeah, they tried to keep me.

But I was done. I wanted to do something. You wanted to meaningful? Meaningful. Yeah. Although bikinis are meaningful. Nice. You went to fashion week, though, or bathing, what is it called bathing suit in Miami?

Swim week. Swim week. That's nice. Swim week. You went to swim week in Miami. How is that? It's nice. What do you do there?

I just look around. You never be. been to swim week? I think I've been to swim week before. I lived in Miami. I recommend it. Uh-huh. It's very interesting.

What's the latest styles that the women are wearing on the beach? In Miami, it's crazy. They don't even wear on the beach. It's in the street. They wear G-string with a little cover-up, middle of the street. Oh, beautiful. Yeah, it's confusing.

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a $76 value That's drinkag1.com slash tosh How many strangers have approached you to say that they recognized you from the show? Yeah, there's a few. Around Malibu, especially. Or even like when I'm with you surfing,

you know, some people they recognize, but I have to, I feel like I have to change the attitude. I have to be nice to people. You're always having to be nice to people. And then I come along. And I'm the sour puss. When we went to Palm Springs, you almost were killed by a wave pool.

Well, it's a set of three waves, and the best is the second wave. And you always want it to be on a second wave because you're super competitive. No, no, no, wait, wait. I'll just say that I wanted to be on the second wave. because of what you just said, it was the best wave. Yeah. The second wave. And you paid for the thing.

And I paid for it. So I felt like I get to write the same. And I wrote all the waves. But I like the better way. Anyway, go on. You gave me one of the second wave. Yes. But I could tell you were still annoyed that I, that you have to give it to me.

Not all. So I'm waiting for the wave. And then you come from behind. And you say, I bet fuck you. I like, what? And you keep going close. I said, I but fuck you. So I focus on you creeping behind my back.

and I forgot about the wave was coming, so I got sucked into the machine. You got sucked into the machine. Yeah, and my boat flew. I was panicking, and you're just laughing at the back. And I keep thinking, I butt fuck you. I just paddle up next to him. I whispered into his jaw, I butt fuck you.

And then the machine swore. I lost control. And his board bangs into the wall. It was just chaos. Are we going to surfing today? Yes. What are we going to ride? Normal board.

last time I told you there's no wave. I told you to take you soft top and you show up with no leash. He goes, hey, he goes, let's go serve right now. I'm like, okay, what porch we bring? And then he goes, just bring soft top. I'm like, ah, I think it's bigger than that. Anyway, I show up with a soft top.

The waves are huge. And I got no leash on. I'm out there like, I'm like, and you lost your board. I lost it a couple times. You serve with your hats. Uh-huh. Your pink hats. Why is that funny?

No, because the way you look. Like, I told you, there's a wetsuit gives you a good butt, and after you always, like, show me your butt on your wetsuits because it gives you a nice butt. So you're just like checking your butt on your wetsuits. I don't, I mean, I don't think we always, I don't think I'm always showing you my butt in a wetsuit. No, but you know the wetsuit I'm talking about.

Yeah, there's, I have one wetsuit that's too small for me, and it kind of like, kind of like, gives me like a perma wedge. I don't like it. I don't like any of this. All this stuff is, people are going to just think we're just making love to each other. I'm sure there's a lot of confusion among our viewers,

so please explain to everybody why you and Amanda are not dating. She's family. I don't date in the family. He won't date in the family. He also doesn't want to have children. That doesn't seem good for this situation. You think you're ready to settle down now? No.

More I think about it. No. You know, I have a girlfriend for a week. A week? Yeah, you know. You don't think you could. date somebody long term right now? No, I don't like...

I was thinking about it. I don't like the feeling of being in love. It's stupid. Stupid, you become different. You lose your focus. You lose your... What focus do you have? Focus in life, in career, and things.

Like, when you're in love, you just become... I don't know. I don't like it. A trap. Okay, it's a trap. When's the last time you had sex? I make love. I don't have sex.

I make love. I make love. I'm a lover. Do you have a girlfriend right now? No. No. What are you looking for? I don't know.

Describe your perfect woman. Short brunette, blue eyes, petite. You're describing my wife. I know what you're doing. That's nice. I'm getting cucked right here on my own podcast. You recently, you were baptized, but you went down to do it at the beach. But when you went down to the beach, you were like, oh, no, I can't get baptized here

because there's a dead whale that washed in. Yeah, that was a dead whale down the beach. And it stunk to high heavens. So you just walked further away from the dead whale and then went in and went in and were baptized? I got baptized a bit further, but yeah, but yeah, the oil was there. That didn't seem like a sign to you that maybe... No, you said that was a sign.

Well, congratulations. No. He was baptized when there was a dead whale that washed in. Do you still own Jesus? That's... What is wrong with you? I forgot about the dog. You almost fucking knocked our table over.

Ladies? Oh. Were you just that jumpy? He scared you? I don't know what was that thing. Don't have like the one thing that you and Carly share in common is neither. Carly and Pierre, the only two people on this planet that don't love Carl. I don't mind Carl.

I know, but you guys don't love him. No. Not a pet person. Yeah, some people hire you to be a pet sitter. You've done that before. And you're like, do they know that you don't like animals? I don't mind them. We had Sergio on the show, who claimed that Spain was the best at everything.

But we also had Donato on, who's Italian, who nailed the question and said the only thing France did best was cheese. And America was only good at movies and comedy. Your thoughts. Well, it's probably jealous. Where'd you get that sweater? You give it to me. Last time you were on the show, I gave you some sweaters. and then recently you told me

that they don't fit or they're all worn out. I think I got tired of them. I wear them so much. There's one that I liked with this girl that was my lucky sweater that I tried to bring today for you. I couldn't find it.

I don't know where I put it. How do you have a lucky sweater that you can't find? And what makes them lucky? Because every time I was going out like ladies and people were coming and talk to me and say hello. Okay, so it's just about women.

The vibe. It's a good vibe. That's where it was... Everybody that's on the podcast gets gifts. Here's the gift time. I like gift. You love gifts, don't you? Okay?

The first gift I have for you, oh, you're going to love you. Okay? Is this. This is your company. Yeah. That you work for Coral Gardners. But the hat, it's not... I have a huge head.

And this just kind of sits on top of my head. It's trendy. Like a little boy. Yeah, it's trendy. That's the new thing, 2026. 25, it's how you want to wear your hat. Oh, I don't know. Well, I'll get you another hat if you want.

Do you guys have different hats? Yeah. Yeah, we have a new model. Yeah. Give me a new model. Yeah. This model, I don't know. Do you wear these? I don't wear hats, but...

You don't wear hats, do you? Give it to your son. I give it to my son, fine. I keep it. All right. Okay. More gifts. You ready? Okay? Now, I want you to know that every sweater I give you...

Here's a nice vest sweater. This sweater. Look at this. You like that one? No. Not so much. Okay. Excuse me. There's probably not a sweater that I'm giving you that's under $400. You like that one or no? Not so much. Not so much. Okay, what about this one? This is we get it. This is better. Better? Yeah. That one's better? Yeah. That's better. Okay.

This looks like a pajama. Which one? I think it'll look good on you. It's a whole stri- Go about this one. That's nice. I get that. I can't stop sneezing. Oh, what about this one? This could be your new lucky sweater. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's lucky. Here's another sweater. Oh, sweater. Yeah, you need sweater.

This one, look this one from the dry cleaner. That's like, it's just a nice black sweater. You'll love it. I love it. Look at this. Thank you. You're stocked back up on sweaters. Yeah. Get those off my desk. I'm good for two years until I come back. Two years.

Get the sweaters off. Okay. That's one gift. That's one gift. You're going to love this next gift. That's a lot of gift today. Oh, so many gifts. This is a crappy French brand soft top that is meant for children that Pierre made me buy. And he rides one of these boards all the time when the surf is crappy.

And they don't you get it. And they don't make them anymore. So you can't find him. Yeah. So he's always like, and his is dying. So I'm like, you can have mine. Why don't you keep it? You don't want to serve it?

I'd rather, I like the catch surf boards better. Okay. Well, thank you, Daniel. Catch? Feel free to send me a bunch. There's our friend from FCS wanted to give us some boards, but we never went down there.

Well, tell him to send them to us, but you'll love that board. Yeah, I love that board. Now you got a backup already. It's nice. Thank you. Now, originally that board was $99, and then they started to sell them for way more money,

and then they stopped selling them completely, and Pierre panicked. He's like, how are we going to get these boards? I'm like, who cares about these shit? shitty boards. You jogging? Yeah, I'm joking yet. You know who's jogging now? My wife's jogging all the time. I should jog me there. Yeah. No, it's not funny. She's doing a 10K. That's good. Mm-hmm. What are you? I'm going to watch the kids and we're going to, we're going to cheer. You're going to run? I should run. I'm out of shape and I feel like I'm having a heart attack

every day I surf now. I get so tired in the water. When we had that paddle race, we paddled and you're so competitive, I could tell you won't let go. And when we arrived to the peak, you're like, I'm so tired, I'm going to die. I'm going to die, yeah. How old are you now? Are you 47? 47 last week. Did you do anything fun for your birthday?

Yeah, there was a big gala, you know, the planet conservation called the Nat Gala, but I wasn't invited. I went next door with my friend and we met them. Who do you think is going to win the Super Bowl this year? Notre Dame. No, that's college football, Super Bowl, pro football. Who do you think is going to win it? I told you, they have the jersey.

I think they were from Seattle, but they're from San Francisco. You're talking about Seattle? They have red and gold. Oh, the 49ers. Yeah, that's the 49th. San Francisco, 49ers. Yeah, those ones are going to win. That's a good pick.

49ers is a good pick. Home game. Do you think you'll have. live in France full-time, or do you think you'll always live multiple places? I don't know. I came here 16 years ago. I was coming for three months, and I never left, so I don't know what's going to happen. You go back a lot now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just bought a home near your parents' home. Oh, sorry. I'm trying. You're trying to buy a home near your...

That's why I'm asking you money for the show. How long does it take you to get from right here from your... your house here in Malibu to your childhood home. Explain to me how I have, because you're always inviting me, and I always say no, but I want to know exactly how long this takes. I have to leave Malibu, then get to LAX.

So that's one hour. Yeah, LAX to Paris. Okay, so that's... 11? 11 hours. Yeah. Okay, so now we're 12 hours plus an hour, 14 hours.

Shut the goal to Paris train station. Okay, a shuttle from the, from the airport, Paris to the train station. An hour. Is an hour? Yeah. To the train station. Yeah.

Then when I have to... Then you get on a train. If I can catch the first train, otherwise I have to wait a little bit. Mm-hmm. It's two hours. I wait. I take the train for three hours. Three-hour train ride.

And then my parents, my dad comes pick me up and another 30 minutes drive. It's like 17, 18 hours to get to your house. That is so long. Pierre, thank you for letting me talk to you. on air we'll do this again in two years every two years whether you want to or not i want to thank pierre for being on the podcast and i know they won't believe it ed but i had no idea what he was going to wear i went through my wardrobe rack as i always do and i try to dress uh in a theme that will right match the mood of of whoever I'm interviewing

and I'm like what dumb looking French shirt do I have and then sure enough I have this his sweater with lines and when he walked through the door in one of my old sweaters

with lines I was like perfect couldn't have been happier yeah I know and people don't believe they think oh we planned that but we didn't there's no reason to plan it

that's not funny what's funny is me going oh I want to dress stupid like a French person and hitting nail on head. And then he shows up. When he got dressed, he wasn't like, oh, I want to look like a stupid French person. I want to look like a sexy French person. We didn't plan it. All right. We have

some plugs. Carl, here's their plugs. Okay. Tour. Guys, I hope the real tour is on sale right now, because if it is, everyone in this country is getting a treat. And when I say this country, I'm talking about this country and Canada. I'm talking about North America minus Mexico. and all those little countries until you get to Panama, which a lot of people refer to as Central America, but it's not. It's just all North, that's all North America. North and South, guys.

There's just two. There's two continents. There's no Central America as a continent. Yeah, it's South North America. It's just North and South, but we're not going to include Mexico. And I don't know why we don't ever include Mexico. Is there any tour stops we should start doing in Mexico? Mexico City.

Let's look into that. Because I mean, I'm going to be pretty selective. You met your wife in Tijuana, right, Pete? Oh, man. She was writing for a donkey show at the time. Yeah, they were punching up the script. She was like, yeah, why don't you do this with the ping pong ball? And they're like, all right, thank you.

Carl, you're not interested? My bad. They paid her in fireworks. I think my house is sold, so. Come on. Sorry. If you were eyeballing that, she's gone. Let's do Amanda, my wife's cousin. Let's see if we got any new voicemails from potential suitors that will one day, hopefully, become a member of my family, and more importantly, or equally as important, give her children. Tick, let's go. Here we go. Hey, I'm interested in potentially being a partner for Panda.

Good. Your wife's cousin. Yep. I'm 100% pure hunk. Oh. 6.1, 6'22. We'll say 6.22. Only the other questions, I can't remember.

Did I mention I'm 100% pure hunk? 100% pure hunk. If you're 100% pure hunk, you don't even need to tell me your height. I know you're over six feet. He didn't say he was 80% hunk. Right. Somebody 510. 100% hunk.

Thanks for, I'm glad he called us. What are we, this is nice. I can't believe that guy's still on the market. Right. He sounds like, like an old prospector. Does. Basement wearing a skin suit. No that he's not.

But he's 100% pure hung. All right. That, uh, we'll put him in the maybes. Oh, no, no. That's a definite. That's a slam dunk. You got it at the top. Yeah, of course.

I mean, we haven't had a hundred percent pure hunk yet. We have, we actually haven't. Panda. I guarantee right now just her here in that got her a little uh her moisture wicking uh drawers she's got to got him working overtime uh i guess anybody else call we do have another call hey kosh please call me dude i know what's wrong with panda's eye i had the same problem and it took them forever to fix it um but i know i know it'll work it'll fix it she'll be so happy. It's like, unbelievable. My number's 828808. 828. 828. All right. It says 828

808. But we got to ring him up. Well, yeah. If this guy can solve her, now, some people, you know, I can't assume that everybody watches every podcast, but Amanda gets this eye thing a couple times a year, you know, six times a year where, uh, you know, her eye just balloons up in the morning. It's like this for 24 hours at most. It's a bit of a red flag. I'll be honest. And, you know, she takes fistfuls of Benadryl and it goes away.

But she's had many doctors look at it and nobody could pinpoint what was wrong with it. This caller, who I'm guessing wants to bang this shit out of her, says he can also fix it. All right. Well, his number is 828-808. I'll give her ring, Ed. All right. Call on now. Hello.

What's up, Daniel? I recognize your voices. Nice, nice. What's your, I don't even have a name. What's your name? My name is Jim. Hey, Jim.

Thanks for calling the hotline to end up marrying my wife's cousin, but you have medical information. You think you can fix her eye problem. I absolutely know I can because I had the same problem. and I went to dermatologist after dermatologist, and they always give me these creams, and they say, put this cream on and put this cream on. And some of them had freaking steroids.

Some of them didn't. It was just ridiculous. Okay. What is it? What's the fix? It's a form of rosacea. Okay. And you take an antibiotic.

And the antibiotic they gave me was minicillin, M-I-N-O-C-Y-C-C-Y-C-C-E. C, L-I-N-E, menacillin capsules 50 milligrams. And whenever my eye would start kind of starting to get a little issue, I just start taking two capsules a day, and it won't happen. And you can, if you, you can take them all the time, but I didn't want to do that because it's an antibiotic, but my doctor said, you can just take them all the time, it'll never happened. So I just wait until I get a little twitch in the eye. I start taking them and it goes away immediately. And how many days do you take it after it starts like after you, you feel it

coming on? You take two antibiotics that day. Do you take two the next day too? Yeah, I take it for like two weeks and then I quit. I mean two weeks, that's a lot of antibiotics in your system. I don't know why that makes me suspect of it, but all right. Tell Panda and she'll be happy because this shit is so old. She's sick of it. I was sick of it. And I couldn't believe the number of doctors I went to that would be like, I don't know, I don't know. One guy said, I tried everything.

I give up. I was a dermatologist. And I said, oh, thanks. Hey, Jim, are you interested in marrying her, or is that not what you're calling about at all? Oh, I'd love to marry her. She's hot, but it wouldn't work out. For several reasons, one of the big ones, I do not like horses. I'm going to be honest with you

it's the biggest hurdle we've got with her all right hey well I'm going to pass on all the information and yeah thanks for the call Jim wait Daniel what I got it I can't believe I'm talking to you dude I've been a fan here since the beginning Comedy Central back before your hair plugs I mean, holy shit. Jim, they're not plugs.

It's just PRP. It's just platelet enriched blood. Well, whatever it is. I mean, I'm just, I'm saying, I've been a fan of you from the very beginning. I've seen all your comedy specials. I'd love to see you in person. And I'm in Florida, by the way. I was born in Florida, and now I'm back here living.

Where are you in Florida? I'm in Claremont, right outside of Orlando. Uh-huh. all right so if you have a comedy show come nearby here i'll go see you all right jim i appreciate it man hi brother nice talking to you i can't believe i'm talking to daniel kosh hey believe it thanks jim i watched your podcast today with the mitchlin dude the three star dude yeah he's he's a nice guy all right jim i got to go all right brother love you see you buddy bye all right it seems like a man's just got to take just tons and tons of medicine for weeks weeks of medicine

Manity over not having any antibodies. All right. See you next week.