Tosh Show - My Local Tennis Pro - Trey Waltke

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

Daniel serves questions to Trey Waltke, a former professional tennis player whose career included wins over top ranked opponents John McEnroe and Jimmy Connors. Join our Patreon for exclusive content: http://patreon.com/toshshow

Were you allowed to smoke during crossovers back in your day? Yes, you were. Of course you are. Yeah. That's great. I love it. Did you smoke? Never, no. Okay. Welcome to Tosh Show. I'm Daniel Tosh. Eddie, are you here? I'm here. Eddie, how long have you been married?

21 years. 21 years. Yep. That's the big one. That is the big one. We can drink. 21. 21 years. You buy her something for your anniversary every year? You should go to dinner. That's about it.

That's it just dinner. Yeah. Dinner is usually my move. But this year, my wife, she wanted something. She's like, why don't we go back to Italy? Okay. And I just went, oh, it's just just the worst. And now we're going to do it.

Dinner in Italy. We're going to have dinner in Italy. Holy smokes. But we're bringing the whole crew. Oh, that's great. Everyone, the kids, the in-laws. Bro, I got to tell you, man. You travel thick.

It is like, you just, it's so bad. It's going to be so bad. If you have social anxiety and then it's like, oh, how about this? How about we bring you to a foreign country and you have little kids and you have in-laws that don't, and just chaos. And let's just see how you handle it. The good news is if I keep doing things like this for our anniversary, eventually we'll get divorced and I won't have to worry about it anymore. You'll be done. I'll be done.

Oh, it's not good. We're, uh, before that, before the anniversary, don't ask me when my wedding anniversary is got, I never know. I usually get the month wrong. I think it's April. It is in April. But sometimes I think it's in March, regardless. We're going to Aspen.

Yeah, we're coming up. I think there's tickets available. And we're going to, you're going to ski, I'm going to snowboard. Right. Our wives are going to ride. Yep. It's terrifying because we had such a scary year this past season in Tahoe. Yeah.

Avalanches. People getting killed at the ski resorts. Mm-hmm. But it turns out it's a dangerous sport. It is. I don't feel like we do it the dangerous way. Oh, I certainly don't. I mean, I guess somebody could still come plowing into us at 100 miles an hour.

Right. I worry about my kids. Yep. You know, they go out of control. But I just also assume that they're rubber and they'll bounce back. And they usually do. People, you know, everybody was in my, my circle was like, oh, man, what happened in Tahoe? And I'm like, oh, I don't know.

I know that they're, that where they were skiing, there was two ways to come back. And one way is the long way. And then one way is the short way and dangerous way. And they went the short and dangerous way. Yeah. And I know that if I was in that group, I would be like, yeah, let's do the short way. Right. I'm never somebody that votes.

Well, the long way is safer. but yeah but the short way is shorter there's a heat game coming on it so i would have i would have been with them the backwood skiing i like to do is like when i come out of the woods i'd like to hit the ritz carlton i tell you my favorite pastime is is uh is still is watching people play tennis at almost all levels like watching my son play tennis i just enjoy it watching professionals play. I enjoy it. I'm heading up to a Palm Springs. You know, they got the Indian Wells tournament, which isn't called the Indian Wells tournament, even though it's still in Indian Wells and the area is still called Indian Wells. They haven't changed the name. So I guess it's okay to say that.

But it's, I think it was BNP Paravis, but that, that name is stupid. Very stupid. I think it's, I think it's a French bank. It's like, we're not going to say that. We're going to call it Indian Wells. but now I'm that guy that refuses. But it is what the name of the city is. So, you know, it's just more of a Palm Springs getaway. You get sick and tired of the winter season here in Southern California where it's 71. And you want to get back to 82. So you got to make the trip.

So you drive for two hours and you get to 82. Now, I can't wait to get up there and watch. Is Djokovic going to be in the tournament this year? Jokovic is confirmed. Oh, that's good. You know who Jokovic walks. like at Sean Penn character. Just.

Colonel Lockjaw. Colonel Lockjaw. You know who I want to win at all, right? Who? Ben Shelton. I want my boy Ben to win it. Ben and Coco, all Americans at the Indian Wells. You know what you got to be careful up when you're over there at the tournament in Indian Wells is some of the players go undercover shooting some like comedy bits where they like pretend to be like just somebody working the gates or something. something. Next thing you know you're on a prank show. You prank me, sinner? I won't sign the release.

Today I'm in my element. I get to talk to a tennis pro. You know, he's going to be annoyed, but I'm going to be in heaven. Enjoy. My guest today spends most of his time watching tennis balls go back and forth like a golden retriever. He's a former tennis pro who for the past 20 years has been the GM of the picturesque Malibu Racquet Club. Please, Welcome to the Tosh Center Court, Tray. Trey. Yes, sir. Hello there.

Thank you for being here. Great to be here. I'm a huge tennis fan. I don't really care about playing. I just like to watch. But you did play as a junior or not? No. I think, I don't know if this is true or not.

I don't think I've ever played tennis against someone that I don't know. Oh, okay. So no, so no, no, no, I've only played against friends and family. Okay. That play well, you know, and I'm not good, but I can, you know, I can certain. Did you have lessons growing up? No. No, maybe one class in college.

I took a tennis class just because I had to take something. Okay. All right. That's the extent. Okay. I just am fascinated with tennis. I follow tennis. Whatever.

I'd like to. I'd prefer watching tennis than half the sports that I enjoy playing. Okay. Do you believe in ghost? No. Do not. Okay. You got your start at a young age.

You grew up in St. Louis. Exactly. I also grew up in St. Louis. Well, that's interesting. Well, my parents moved a lot. My father was born and raised in St. Louis. His father born and raised in St. Louis. The art of pastry.

They had a donut shop. Where was it? They had two locations. And I don't know that they did very well. Well, you know the question everybody asked when you go to St. Louis is, what high school did you go to? Okay, well, my sister went to Limburg High School. I went to Limburg, okay. Where'd you go?

I went to what's now called. M-I-C-D-S, which is country day school. This is private? It's a private. No, I know. You were doing well. I'm sorry. No, no, don't apologize for doing well.

My grandfather was doing well. Your grandfather was doing well. Yeah. It doesn't help. Tennis has always been kind of an elitist sport. Yeah. I mean, honestly, it wasn't until the Williams sisters kind of bucked that trend. Yeah.

Have you ever been up the arch? Never. Me neither. No. No desire. My parents wouldn't let me or didn't have the money. I don't know what it was. I have no idea.

I thought it was free. I don't think it's free. I think it's like five bucks. No, we were the family that parked by the arch for Cardinals games. And then we would... And looked up? And then we would climb to the top of the Bush Stadium, sit in the $5 seats for the games. Anyway, so you grew up in St. Louis.

By the age of 17, you were the top tennis player in the city. No offense to St. Louis in the early 70s. What is being the top tennis player in St. Louis? Let me just explain this a little bit. Back in the 60s, the two biggest towns, that had the best players in them nationally ranked were Los Angeles and St. Louis. We had probably, I don't know,

20 nationally ranked players growing up at that time. Stick that in the pipe. A lot of them went on to have really great, great pro careers. Got named Chuck McKinley won Wimbled in 1962. Butch Buckholtz was one of the top five pros in the world. Around those time, Jimmy Connors is from there. I used to play against his mother when I was 11 and 12, and then he'd actually play against my father next to us.

Is this indoor facilities? there was actually an indoor armory, which is where all of us played in the 60s. So it had like the wooden floor, and that was the only indoor place. So all of us were there. And it was just, it was great. Loved it.

That's pretty amazing, huh? Okay, so now, when you were 17 years old, your parents allowed you to move across the country, it's whack, but it really is. It is. But I went to senior year of high school here in L.A. I drove out here in my Chevrolet Vega, and then I was able to practice with the UCLA team.

By yourself. By myself. Were you terrified? No, I loved it. I mean, it was so fun. Plus, I knew a lot of people here anyway from like the tennis circuit. Where did you live? I lived in this apartment next to Ships in Westwood, which is like right there on Wilshire Boulevard.

Did you pay your own bills? Well, I mean, it was 140 bucks a month. I'm not saying that it was expensive, but did you know how to do... I didn't know how to do anything at 17 years old. I mean, I'd also gone to tournaments by myself since I was 12. so I knew how to balance my checkbook and have travelers' checks and go out for dinners and stuff like that.

That's great. Isn't that nuts? No, I think it's impressive. It's a good way, yeah. I made it out. Did your parents love you? Were they worried? I'm not sure.

Yeah, I think they were. Did you have siblings? I had two siblings. Okay. Two sisters who stayed in St. Louis. My mother didn't really want me to go to L.A. My father said, if you're going to get any better, you've got to go out there

because that's where all the good players are. Is that true? Well, I mean, a lot of people moved out here because of tennis. When did you turn pro as a tennis player? After my freshman year at Cal, I turned pro, so I was 19. Back in that, I was 74. Did you love Berkeley? No.

No. Because I was rarely going to school anyway. I was always practicing after school, doing a lot of extracurricular things, as we all did in those days. And I like the Bay Area, but school, no. It wasn't a Berkeley school guy. Talk about the cocaine. That's what I can't. All right.

Biggo, yeah. Okay. That was the 70s, you know. Sure. No one's judging. You lived your life. Man, you lived it. So you became a pro.

Travel in the world. What kind of life was that like? Okay, so we're talking 74. I turned pro. And I was able to get in tournaments fairly quickly then because, like the rankings in those days weren't quite as full as they are now. There was probably 250 people trying to earn a living playing tennis. So because I had a pretty good college career, I was given wild cards to a couple tournaments. I did well. And so I started traveling and I just did my own, you know, once again,

plane reservations and all that kind of stuff. And I went over to, over to Europe for the first time. When you are in a tournament, in a tournament is, did you have to do the qualifiers or were you just like in the main job? At the beginning, mostly the qualifying. The occasional main draw. Did you book your hotel like, oh, for X amount of time, or do it day by day? It's a day by day. Because, I mean, if I lost, I'm out of there. Was it a year round?

Were there tournaments year round or not really? Pretty much year round except for December. And that was off. Yeah. Did it give you a different perspective on the world traveling? 100%. Yeah, I mean, traveling when you're from ages, actually from ages 12 on. I mean, I went to almost every state from ages 12 to 18.

So I got to see stuff that I would have never been able to see. And I mean, a lot of it was fantastic. A lot of it was reality, you know, eye-opening stuff. I mean, I stayed in some lead-bitten hotels along the way and stayed in some great places too. So, you know, I mean, I'm really glad for it. I really am. Did your parents ever come to see you at an open?

Rarely. My dad would go to one tournament a year to watch me play when I was a pro. My mom saw me play once, and it was in team tennis, and it was the best set I ever played in my life. Yeah. I mean, they never were in like your box at, did you get a box back then? No, we didn't get a box. No, no, we didn't have trainers or coaches or manicurists or, you know, no, we just, we just play.

I love that coaches are allowed to coach during games now. I don't mind it. I don't mind it. Well, it was always happening regardless. Yeah, and we never had coaches in our day, so. You didn't have coaches? No, Borg did. That was it.

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You played against Summit Tennis' biggest names. Yvonne Lendell, Jimmy Connors, McEnroe. Lifetime you were two-and-two against John McEnroe. Was there something about your game that made you a tough matchup? That's an interesting question. I think there was, and we're still kind of golf buddies, so I may not tip my hat here. But his lefty serve went to my best shot,

which was actually a high backhand. And so if I could zing it low to his volley, then maybe he had to hit up on his first volley. A lot of guys didn't have this one like I did. And so I think it helped me break his serve occasionally. I mean, you know, he also beat me like a freaking drum twice as well. But if you could just get into the point with him, then I had a decent chance to win the point. Did he ever yell at you? In a match?

The worst one ever. So one year at the U.S. Open, I was up two sets to one. as we're switching sides, he gets right in my face like this and he goes, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you like this in my face. Good. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. If someone did that today, I mean,

heaven forbid, if Coco Gough did that today, she would lose sponsorships. I don't know what, I don't know what. John, we just embrace it. Yeah, I know. What a good feather in your cap to have. You know, it's actually funny about that match is it at the same match, I had some fan who I didn't know, like

sitting in the front row. He kept clapping for me all the time. And so McEnroe was irked with the guy. Every time Mac would go by, he would take sawdust out of his pocket and go and go like that in the guy's face. So I found out after the match that the guy sued McEnroe and named me in the suit. Oh, did he? Yeah, it was a whole long thing. Yeah, it was a whole deal. Did he pay some money? I have no idea what whatever happened. I didn't ask him. I've sat courtside a few times. I do start talking. I can't stop it. I start chirping. Because you're right there in the action. You're right next to them. And it's like, If Sisyposs wants to take a 12-minute bathroom break, I start...

I hate that, yeah. Oh, I start letting them have it. I know, good. You know, Djokovic? Yeah. And I just, I'm not a fan. I don't like the Joker. I like to let him know that he's not liked.

I don't get why you get this blanket of respect that we can't chatter. Thank goodness for the U.S. Open and a little bit of it. There's no scenario where any tennis player couldn't play through almost all of it. They should be able to, I think. I mean, I like Joker, but I mean, I know a lot of people who go, who go, I don't like Djokovic, you know, I'm just a Federer fan or just like a Nadal fan. So I said, I get that, but I said, I do respect him. And also, he speaks well after his matches.

And so I think he could be a statesman after he stops playing. So I like that part about him. Am I excited watching him play? No. He's like a fantastic metronome. I mean, he's great at what he does. He looks like there's a stick up his ass when he's returning. Yeah, he's got that stupid posture.

Like, don't do that angle. Like, know what you look like. know that that irritates people when you're just like, and then the way your head, the hair, everything is so... He kind of has that little twitch in his head. He looks like a Kendall

that you've squished the side of the face a bit. I like that. That bothers me. I like that. I get very opinionated. Was there a pro that you despise during your run? Who didn't I care for?

I mean, a lot of people around my ranking, I didn't care for them that much because I actually played them a lot. So I can't think of anyone off the top of my head who, you know, who you would know. But as far as the top guys, I mean, I played them all.

And whenever you played against them, it was total war. Nobody liked each other in those days. I mean, I wasn't hugging Connors after the match, like they all do now. So I didn't really hate somebody particularly. Were the top guys that much better? Did you know that they've got something

that I can't get to, or is that not the case? Well, I think that they just, if my highest rank, it was actually 41, and then these guys were always in the top five. The difference between me and those guys was actually consistency. And also size. I mean, I'm not 6-8.

I'm 4-2. So it was harder to hold my serve than like Lendell, you know. And so I think that they had certain advantages physically that at least, at least, you know, for me they did. You dressed up to be silly at Wimbledon? Yeah, I did something like that. Yeah. Just to be funny, you wore pants in a match? In a match.

I was like a tennis historian, right? So we had every single World Tennis magazine from 1948 on. So I used to comb through those, and I liked the old style a little bit. It was my last few months on the tour. It was Wimbledon. I figured I'm not going to win the thing. Let's just dress up as like an old-time player. So I did it, and I beat Stan Smith in the first round.

I lost a Lendell in the second. Got a lot of PR for it. I was in Time magazine. I got fan mail from like 80-year-old men about it. So, you know, it's- It worked out okay, yeah, right. What was your deepest run in a major? Third round, U.S. Open a few times.

Okay. Third round of Wimbledon a few times. Uh-huh. Yeah. Is that a Saturday or Sunday match? I don't remember. I don't know. I don't know.

The day you were playing. I don't know the day. That was a big deal, a bigger crowd on the weekend. In 1980, you were 27 and 22, your best season as a pro. What was the money like that year? That year, I think I grossed like $98,000. Huh. If I was ranked 41-9. Now, I'm just going to ballpark it, I mean, I don't know, a million and a half.

And that's pre-endorsments? Yeah, it's pre-endorsments. Did you have any sponsors back there? I did. I did. Yeah, I had multiple. I had a Wilson contract. I had a Sergio Ticini contract and a Nike contract.

How often would you go through a pair of tennis shoes? Like once every two weeks. Okay. Yeah. Did you bring multiple pair? Yeah, I'd bring like three or four pair. How many rackets did you bring to a tournament as a pro? Five or six.

Do you ever break a racket on purpose? Not that I remember, no. I don't think I did. Were you content with your professional career, or were you like, oh, no, not at all. Ah, it's a shame. Because it's so remarkable. I was content with, I mean, I did all I could.

I wish I would have gotten to, like, the top 20 or, like, top, you know, it's like, okay, I got to, I got a lot of wins. I was like a dangerous floater on the tour. I'd beat the top guys and lose to you the next round. Okay, don't know. So I wish I'd been a lot more consistent, that's all. I don't know if you know a comedian Michael Costa.

Yes, yes, they do. He has the best bit about it. And he was a pro tennis player and he got to like, he got to 800 or something, right? I think it was, I think it was, he would be upset with that remark. There was 800.

I think it was closer to like in the 130s. Maybe it wasn't. No, no, I just watched him. Fine. Yeah. Regardless, I just always appreciated him doing that bit.

Like, that he took pride and I was the 800th best in the world at something. Yeah. So I'm saying 41st. in the world at something is pretty remarkable. I wrote an article about that because I used to get asked, well, what's your ranking? And I go, oh, you know, 41.

I go, oh, it's too bad. And so I'd go, well, what's your doctor ranked? Yeah. You know, you think it's like the best doctor in the world. Yeah, what if I said, well, he's like the 400th best doctor, really. And go, well, I wouldn't go to him. I go, well, so how do you know what? You know, it's like, it's all about the ranking thing.

It's weird. Could you have beat Billy Jean King in the Battle of Sexes? Is that a serious question? I don't know. Actually, I played doubles with her quite a bit. How was playing with her? It was hell. It was only hell because she actually pulled me across the finish line because she was so tough.

And she wouldn't let us lose. And so we won the team tennis championships one year. I mean, if I missed an overhead, she goes, don't miss overheads like this. And she, you know, so I actually hated her for that. But then I loved her because, you know, we actually won the whole thing. So she was tough. I mean, it was like a Michael Jordan thing, you know. He wouldn't let his team.

lose either. Were you allowed to smoke during crossovers back in your day? Yes, you were. Of course you are, yeah. That's great. I love it. Did you smoke? Never, no. Okay. You can do whatever. Actually, a few players smoked during matches. During matches. During during matches. While they're playing a point. Yeah. I mean.

I mean, it really is just funny. Actually, you know what? Venus Williams played a guy who was ranked like 150 for some exo thing and he smoked the whole time and he beat her 6-1. He was actually smoking during points. Yeah. Yeah.

Talk about the party scene as a professional tennis player in the late 70s and early 80s. Oh, boy. Okay. Well, I guess I have to bring up the most famous tennis partier, Vitas Garolitis, back in the 70s. You know who that is, right? I'm not off the top of my head, no. Do I not know who it is? Are you serious?

Yes, I do, then. I don't know. He was like four in the world back in the late 70s. Long hair, New Yorker, charismatic as hell, drove Rolls Royces. Everyone loved Vetus. I mean, he was, he was like the life of the party. And he had enough means to, to purchase some of the, some of the things that we, you know, partaked in in those days. And always had a party at, like, the hotel and after matches, and it was just amazing character.

So a lot of partying with him. One year also, we had, we had like a pre-Wimbledon bash because about like 10 of us figure, we're not going to win it. So let's just have a party before we leave. Because you're all together. Because we're all together. Right, that makes sense. We're at Wimbledon. This is fantastic.

We're staying at great hotels. Let's just, you know, let's just do it. So one year we had a phenomenal, and everyone showed up. It was just great. And the cops busted us, too. It was over in London. It was great. It was a lot of fun.

That's good. O.J. Simpson, huh? Do you guys ever, did you guys ever? I knew him a little bit. Did he play tennis? He did. Yes, at this guy's court in a Brentwood. He also was around in the 70s when I was two.

Did you ever party with them? I did a little bit. it, yeah. Partied with OJ. You partied with OJ. Yeah. How was he as a person? Does he seem like a nice guy?

Well, you know, not exactly. Were you shocked? At his whole thing? How it ended up, yeah. Yes, I was shocked. Okay. Yeah. You didn't see that coming?

You mean like the jury? No, no, no, I just been actually killing people. No, I didn't. No, I didn't, yeah, anticipate that one. No. That's fair. I mean, I've talked to people in different sports, and they always say that the next generation is always light years better than the generation behind. Do you agree with that?

I wouldn't say light years. Okay. I mean, I think it's improved. I mean, you know, like when I watch Bill Tilden from the 20s play, he looks terrible to me, right? And he was supposed to be the greatest of all time. Okay. Do I think that sinners much better than better Nadal, no, at all? But I think over time, I think the guys learned to become better.

The equipment gets better. They get in better shape. You know, these guys now are much taller than my generation was. So it's an easier sport for them. Sinner, Al-Qa-Rez, where do you go? As far as who's going to have the most slams? No. Or as far as who's better?

Who do you like better? Who's game good? I love watching Al-Carras play. Absolutely love to watch the guy. The guy is a human highlight film to me. And he brings so much joy to it. Always smiling. And after a huge point, even if he loses it, he'll smile.

He brings everybody in. It's great. Did you ever have thighs like him? No. No, I had twigs, actually. I didn't have the big legs. His thighs. Yeah.

I can't stop. Yeah. When I'm like, look at those. Obviously not. Yeah. They're tanks. I mean, it's a guy who's unbelievable. Sinner, nah.

Did you think sinner should have been suspended longer? No. No. No. I don't buy it. What do you mean you don't buy it? I don't buy the blanket suspension rule. Yeah, but they've done it for everyone else.

He's getting a massage and then... Twice? Was it twice? I believe it was twice. You sure about that? I believe he got pot twice. who's given him a rub down has something in the freaking cream, which is like one one-one-millionth of like a percent?

If you believe that, if you believe that's where it came from. I'm not a conspiracy guy. I'm not either. I just know that he had it in his system twice and he should have been popped longer. Okay. All right. Should have affected his ranking.

How would Yvonne Lendell fare against Carlos Alcarez? Prime versus Prime. Alcarez better. Yeah. Lendell's didn't volley that well. His touch around the net wasn't great. Alcaraz is. Also, Algaraz is faster.

Who's the hothead from Australia? Oh, Curios. Curios. That guy's scary. Yeah. That's sort of his is the biggest thing I've ever seen in my life. But he doesn't care about tennis. I know, he doesn't.

Just a bizarre thing. It's weird, yeah. To have that much and be like, eh, not my thing. I mean, he now sort of plays matches like around the, you know, edges of tennis. It's weird. Yeah. He played, he played, what's your name, you know, Sabalinka in that match. Okay.

Yeah. I don't like him commentating that I have no interest in. Like, oh, I get it. You have a basketball. Jersey on. Yeah. But he said something about sinner, Alcarez that I thought was pretty spot on. He said that sinner probably will end up with more because Al Jerez is interested in women.

He's, oh, that. That's what he said. Oh. He made, like, Alcoraz, like, really likes, like, so he said that'll eventually. He's talking about himself is what he's talking about. Oh, well, it's not like eventually that was going to bite him. Maybe. Who was your favorite contemporary player?

Alcarus. Okay. Yeah. Prior to the, prior to these two guys. Federer. Fetter guy? Yeah, huge Fetter. I was an Dahl guy. I like him too. It just that Fetter was so was unbelievable shotmaker.

I mean, the guy did shots behind his back and through his legs and an amazing player. I think I ended up liking Nidal's personality. And then the fact that he, the little routine before every serve where he would dig his butt and rub his nose was odd. Yeah. It was just a weird

I didn't see the, you know, smell his finger routine. He did. The sequence was so crazy. It was always butt pick. And then it, like, touched his face. Yeah, yeah. Balls and butt in his nose. A question. Who do you like female-wise to watch play?

I've said this before, and I will happily say it again. I don't like watching any of the girls with K's and their names. Or Ovas? I don't like any of the Ovas. It's not my thing. Got it. I only become patriotic for tennis and the Olympics. Okay.

And outside of that, my patriotism is almost dead in this country. Okay. But for some reason, when it comes to tennis and the Olympics, I care. And I'm like, beat this over. They're like the robots. And I don't care. But also, I love Coco. I want her to do well.

I cheer for her. Yeah, she's great. I even like the bitchy one that people lost their mind at in Australia. She was saying horrible things. Like, the American? Yes. The crowd was booing her. She said something about like, well, whatever things.

You guys just paid for my friends and I'd have another. Danielle Collins. I don't like her. Oh, my God. Really hard. time with her. Oh, everyone does. Oh, my gosh. And rightfully so. Yeah. Now she's commentating, by the way. You know that. Is she, is she, is she hurt? Or is she not playing tennis? I don't even. I thought she was going to retire last year, but she didn't. Well, I liked her saying

horrible things about them paying for her friends to have more spa treatments. Yeah. She's brutal. Oh, God. It's everything that people think of Americans. Who's on your Mount Rushmore of tennis legends? That's not bad. Betterer. Michael Chang. No, not Michael Chang. How dare you? you. For the people that are shorter than... I coached Michael Chang for two weeks. Yeah, for two weeks? And then he fired you? No, he went to the U.S. Open. Okay. Yeah. Okay, so Federer for sure. Nidal for sure.

And so then three and four, I would say... Boris? God, no. For me, I would say, Poncho Gonzalez. Okay. Oh, who's my fourth? Agassi. No, not Agassi or Sanpres. Serena? No. Serena? Don't Serena me. No.

Jesus. I'm going to say, is it have to be a woman? No, it doesn't have to be a woman. It's Mount Rushmore. I might, I might put, because if I am a lot of women, it's Dethy Graff. Rank the four grand slams. Okay.

Wimbledon, French, U.S. Open, Australian Open. Okay. Now, as a fan, I've only been to three. What haven't you been to? Wimbledon. I'm saving it. Oh.

My wife and I, it was my honeymoon for my wife, is I'm going to take you to all four majors. We both enjoy watching tennis. So we've gone to three. We haven't gone to Wimbledon yet, and my order is the same as yours. French is one, U.S. is second, and Australia, it is, no offense.

It's Australia. It's the Ringo Star of Slams. They try to make it sound like it's a party down there, but it's not. Black soul. It's an Aussie soul, yeah. Yeah. The problem with the U.S. Open is I can't stay awake that late.

You can't move either there, too. It's just so crowded all the time. You know. Your favorite surface? Brass-c-Marrican clay. American clay. Yeah. What's the difference?

It bounces lower. Then the red clay of Roland Garros? Yes. What's the, what's it? Teer about two. That goes higher? Goes higher, yeah. It does?

Yeah. Oh. You'd like it. By the way, five setters. Are you fine with this? I'm only fine with three to five from, from the quarters on. Oh, interesting twist. I like it.

Yeah. He's got the right fix. Yep. From the quarters on, fine. At the U.S. Open for two years back in 76 and 7, we played two out of three sets, I think, until the round of 16. And then it was three out of five sets. Okay. And it worked out just fine.

Yeah. And who wants to sit there through like an oh, two and one first round match? Oh. No one does. It's too long. I don't want to watch any athlete play for five hours. Hawkeye. You a fan?

Fan. Me too. Yeah, fan. Knock it off. It's truth. It's truth. Why not? Is it truth completely?

complete truth or can it be wrong? It's more truth than some linesman. Okay. Yeah. I mean, but can it be wrong? You're trying to make me say yes. No, I don't know. I just, when they show the ballmark that's this long, I'm like, how's the tennis ball

smush that hard? I know it was going 150 miles an hour, but okay. And you're saying one, you know, millimeter of it touched that line? I mean, I like it. I agree. Yeah. It takes out all of them. It takes out all the arguing.

Indian Wells. Do you love it? I do love it. You know, our boss owns that, too. I know he does. Yes. I've been there every year since. since 74, I think.

I go every year. Yeah. And when do you go? Like, do you go towards the end of this? I used to always go to the second week. The second week. Try to get quarters on with the in-laws. But now I have kids that I have to, like, attend.

I'm getting truancy letters from school because I pull them too much to experience life. Yeah. So I can't do it. So now I'm going on the first weekend. Well, that's super credit of the first weekend. Oh. I think it is.

I mean, the second weekend is not as credit because everyone's gone. A lot of the players are gone. I've always liked early round tennis. I like to just bop in see somebody on a court and watch the practice court too Yeah I like that My mother-in-law

She was ranting about what's his name We were watching him He was playing juniors There's no way I'm gonna pull this Is Lendell's son play juniors? No Someone's son Layton Hewitt's son

Layton He plays Thank you Okay My mother-in-law is screaming I can't believe He's not here Watching his son play And he's sitting

One seat in front of her Oh you're kidding It was the best Oh that's fantastic That is great I love it She was just whining. I can't believe he's not here watching his son. And he's just sitting there.

Has to have a shitting grin on his face. Because I notice it. I just, I go, oh, he's right there. He's right there. That's so funny. It was just outside court in Indian Wells and I happen to be watching. All right. Would you stand in on a 150 mile an hour serve?

Are you kidding? You wouldn't just to see? Just to see if I could get hit. Just to do it. Yeah. Stand eight feet behind the baseline and go for it. Yeah, I guess. You're not going to take a rip?

Oh. What's a? the fast as you could serve in the 70s. Oh my God. In the 70s with a wooden racket? I don't know. A hundred miles an hour. You can get a wooden racket to a hundred miles an hour? Maybe if I was, if I was 25 years old, I could do it. Yeah, but barely. You play tennis? How many times a week now? Maybe once. It's mainly golf or something else, yeah. Do you play doubles? Do you play singles still? I just hit because I've got a fake hip, which is, which hurts me. So also, I've gotten so slow over the years. It's like over the last five years, I've just, I've just slowed down.

It's not as much fun to go play tennis for me. You're 70? Yeah, 70. What about Pickleball? Okay. Where's the rage level? I don't have the rage. It's just freaking Tiddly wings to me.

It's just like plink, plink, plink, you know, you bend over, hurt your back. I just don't see the payoff in it. That's all. I've played it. I get it. It's not bad. You're not going to turn half your courts? No, no, we're not.

No, none. None? There's no request for it. Is there a request like, we'll leave if you do this? No, no, no, no. No, but we've got a huge wait list for tennis only. So why would I convert tennis courts? That gets me to your club.

I go there for lunch. That's it. And I just watch. Okay. That's close enough. Close to the action. Yeah. Yeah, it was.

It's also too stressful there for me. I can't imagine playing in front of people that are getting to just walk by and look at you from above. Yeah. My boss doesn't care for that either. Oh, really? No. Your club. How did you become involved in the Malibu Racquet Club? Let's start there.

Interesting story, actually. So a friend of mine from the tennis tour, by the name of Sandy Mayer, who won Wimbledon doubles when you're with Evita Scarletus. He called me. And he said, hey, I hit with Larry Ellison up here up in Northern California. He's got a lot of homes in Malibu. Do you want to hit with him one day? I said, sure, he'd love to, right? So he said, okay, meet him at this, you know, meet him at a... Why would you love to? Is that just you doing business back then? Like, It's business. Okay. Totally business. Got it. Exactly. So anyway, so I met him at his Cross Creek house.

Clay Court, first time. We play. We just hit back and forth, you know, exchange pleasantries. Is he any good? He's okay. He's steady. Uh-huh. As that grab you.

Okay. Steady. Hope he didn't see this. Anyway, so after we played, I said, hey, I said, have you ever seen this old run-down tennis club over here? Malborek Club? He goes, no. I said, well, as long as you're buying. up all a Malibu, I'd love to take you over there to take a look at it. And so he went, okay, fine.

So I just threw it out there. And then he said, yes. And so I took him over there. We walked around. It was, it was in bad shape. It was like the courts were in bad shape, the old fences, the old orange shag carpeting, the old saloon bar and whatever, right? And so after he looked around, I said, look, I said, I've run the Los Angeles tennis club. I said, if you, if you want to buy this, I'd be happy to run it for you and make it a lot better since you're, you know, since you're buying a Malibu. And that night he said, okay, let's do it. How about that? So it just proves, just say something sometimes, you know. And so within a few months I was there. And you've been there since? Since, yeah, since 2007. How long from your, like the writing was on the wall, I'm not going to make a

living as a pro tennis player anymore to that job, was it? Oh, a lot of stuff happened. I mean, I stopped playing in 83. You stopped playing in 83 and this is what year did you take a... This was 2007. Oh, man. A long time. Did you have... Was it always... I had a lot of stuff to do. Everything tennis related in between? Not at all, no. So after I stopped playing, I got a job at DeReebok starting their tennis division back in Boston. So I did that for a couple of years. Reebok, was that fun or was that grueling?

It was sort of grueling, East Coast corporate Boston freezing. And then I stopped that. And then I wanted to do something on my own. I used to go to Italy for tennis. And so I loved the whole espresso world over there, which we didn't have in the States. And so I went in this whole quest to try and find where are all the cool espresso bars here in, you know, L.A. And it just led me up to Seattle.

And everyone kept saying, this little Starbucks place is going to open up 10 stores in Los Angeles next year. So light bulb went off. I went down, started my own, my own espresso bars. I had like 11 of them. And so I did that for like five years. Yeah. That's good stuff. Yeah.

You get Larry Ellis to cut the check. you're running this place right away. Do you live in Malibu at the time or no? I live in Studio City. Okay. I didn't, I've never, I didn't grow up here. There's definitely this weird mix of old Malibu and assholes like me. I've noticed that.

Oh, man. Yeah. And it's just fun to be a part of the hatred sometimes. But what I will say is so anytime I find something in Malibu, I'm like, oh my goodness. Like the tennis club, you go down a road. towards city hall and you go down an even shittier road that doesn't even seem like it's a real road there's like

you're like where and then all of a sudden there's just these handful how many courts are there? Eight. There's eight breathtaking tennis courts and a clubhouse and a restaurant and you're like and it looks like it could be nobu you know? Job well done first of all. We sort of copied the look of what Larry

likes. He likes no boo. He likes that whole Japanese modern look. Okay. Yeah, so we kind of copy that. Well, good. Yeah, you did. It's beautiful. Yeah, thank you. Did you do that right away? Right away. I got into it. I just freaking tore it up. Yeah. And luckily, and luckily, Hollis helped me a lot, obviously, and she's doing it all now herself.

Hollis is Buzz's wife, the car wash. Who has a car wash still right in front there. Right. When can the general public eat at your club? During the week, any time. Monday through Friday. Monday through Friday. Okay. But not on the weekends.

Not on the weekends. That's members only. Yeah. Do you do breakfast? We do breakfast on the weekends. Oh, for members? Yes. Members get breakfast.

You can slide in there. I'm not looking for me. I'm not looking for me. But okay. You just feel like when you, when somebody's from out of town and I bring them there for lunch, they, they think, oh, wow, this is something different. You, you know the ins and outs of the city, which is my goal. What's it cost to have a membership at your club? Single membership initiation, I think, is.

12,000 now and family is like 16. So we're probably one of the cheaper tennis clubs. That's cheaper. Okay. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. I mean, the Riviera is like... It's 16,000 every year? No, no, one time. One time, 16,000. And then, and then monthly, I think single is 400 and families, 450, something like that. Yeah. Four 50 a month. Can you get, can you ever, I get it. Yeah. How far, how big is my whole family? Are my in-laws? Do they count as my family? My father-in-law doesn't? No. No, like friends and family. That's not friends. I've fucking married his daughter.

Okay. Well, you know, we'll let him play six times a year. I mean, that might be all he needs. There is a rule, by the way, on that. That's fine, because he doesn't, he doesn't, he lives here 20% of the year with us. Okay. I got to figure this out. He's in.

How long is the wait list to become a member? Like three years. Okay. Well, that's with eight quarts. Do you ever want to expand? We're in the process right now of expanding to that property next door to us, which, so we've been trying to do that for at least 12 years. years.

Yeah, the city of Malaga, which is awful. Impossible. So we want to build three to four more courts and let those 200 people in if we did. Why would the city want to make an area that looks currently disgusting, beautiful? It's just insane. It really is. You're talking to somebody that's built twice. But you have.

I lost in Wozley and I had rebuilt after a build, but after like eight years with coastal. Ugh. That's brutal. No, it's just the dumbest thing. I know. But I find it funny. Well, you have to laugh. Because they just say the same stupid.

Well, we don't want to turn into Manhattan Beach. Yeah. I'm like, okay. You're not turning into Manhattan Beach. Jesus. What about going vertical? Yeah. They love that.

They love going up. Let's do some courts on top of buildings. Is the goal of the tennis pro that gives lessons at your club to not only help a player to improve, but also bang wives? Who wrote that? I will hang up for the answer. Of course I didn't write that one. It does seem like it's kind of a lifelong tradition of tennis pros. Yes, I have heard of that before.

That has happened In the past. I'm not sure if it's a... Under your watchful eye? If it's a goal or not. But, you know, it's out there. Yeah. That's the problem.

These tennis pros at clubs are just too hot. Well, these moms are so assertive these days. Oh, victim blaming. I like that. We'll be right back. You guys know what the most important part of every workout routine is? What's that?

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You guessed it. An algorithm, a powerful algorithm that learns your strength training ability and pushes you a bit harder. your next workout. Which you guys is using FitBod, huh? Yeah, I've been using it for a month already. You are? How's that algorithm working? Keeps track of everything you do and after it learns how much you can handle, it pushes you a little harder next time. Whether you've been missing gym time or hit a plateau, FitBod has a personalized program for you. Level up your workout. Join FitBod today to get your personalized workout plan. Get 25% off your subscription or try the app free for 7

days at FitBod. Dot me slash Tosh. That's F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E-S-T-O-S-H. I'm forcing my son to play tennis. Good. He's played for a couple years. He's six. That's when I started.

It's six. Okay. It's six. Perfect age to start. I picked a few things that I'm going to force my kids to do. I was like, okay, you're going to play an instrument. You're going to do one sport, tennis. And it's just one's, and he likes it.

So it's good. We're good. But I don't know if he's got it. Ah, he's six, though. You know what? Well, all you can hope for is that he's, he likes it enough to play it in high school because I think it keeps him out of, out of a lot of trouble if they're on a team high school. But then I watched that one movie recently with Zendaya, and I was like, oh, this is dangerous.

This is a dangerous thing. Not for the guys. It wasn't. Wow. It just, it's worried. I was like, oh, this is going to be awful. We're bringing by the club sometime. I'll take a little look at the, you know.

No, no, no. He's off. He's, we're just, we're in the beginning. Can he catch the ball? Can he, can he roll it? He's, he's on the court. Sometimes he knows low to high. He gets his back hand around.

Ye old low to high routine. Okay, that's good. That's fine. That's all right. I've heard it. He's swinging. He's swinging. Occasionally gets a good shot and I, and I'm proud.

Oh, I'm such a proud dad. Don't, don't overpraise him, though. Oh, what? Don't, don't. Don't. Send a bad message. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does.

He hits one ball over and then you go, oh, fantastic. No, no, don't do that. Why? It's nothing. But it went over. It went over the net. It went over low and it went over hot. Okay.

I tell you what, I'm going to, I can't stop praise him. Even if it's good form into the net, I praise him. I say, good job. Good luck in the future with that. Good job. Right. Yeah. Oh, I love it.

Everybody's on the show gets a gift. It's just stuff that's laying around my house. I just pass on to people. First thing, this was given to me by Buzz. I don't want this. Maybe Well, he didn't either So I guess he gave it to you

I'm like I don't want this But maybe you could just wear this As a prank to him one day He would laugh his ass off And you could go ahead It's never been worn Oh my God

It's too funny Well I guess I should take back My presence to you too then No no That I'm not That's ridiculous All right Thank you

Throw that on the floor please Then I got you I don't know if you have this book You give it to somebody Changeover Deering Nathan I don't even know if this book is out yet It's about Alcherex

and sinner and their new rivalry. I've never seen that book. The publisher, Max, is my publisher. Weltser. Yeah. Let me just take a little quick peek at that. Well, you have a look at that. The Ben has a writer in America.

Well, you're going to enjoy it. You can, Ben Rothenberg is on here. And this. I got you this. Oh, my wife will like that. Okay, this is a money tree. Oh. My agent is a witch.

And instead of doing any real work every year, She sends me spells and money trees every year. Like, this will help you this year. And my wife's like, I don't want the stupid money trees. Anyway, you're going to have. I like that. I like it. Thank you.

Oh, this is great. Fantastic. Well, let's put this on the floor because I can't, but the cameras can't even see me anymore. Whoops. I don't want to grab it there because it's going to fall out of here. I didn't know how big Pete was. These are our new logo caps.

Let me see this. Malibu Racquet Club. This was originally for Pete, because I was, for Pete because I've heard he's a large guy. Yeah, but I'm not a large guy. You're a large guy. I'm 6'4.

I got you this Uomo Sport, Italian. Oh yeah, that's way better. I like this better. Yeah. I like the white one better. Oh, man, you watch me show up. I'm going to show up to the rag.

I mean, if you and Pete want to, you know, switch off, but I, no, I'm not going to switch. And then this is, this I think. What is this? This is, I think, because every woman I give this to, they love this to because it's like a tennis, golf, yoga, everything, shirt. No one's doing yoga in this.

A medium, my wife would be insulted. What is she? She's a smaller extra small. No, don't you. You know who needs a Sam? Pete's wife's much bigger. Okay, you know what? If she wants to exchange that one for like a small, I think we have it.

Okay, so then now it's going back to my pile. Okay. He's making piles. I love it. I love it. My pile and Pete's pie. Frickin Christmas. He's 10.

Well, it's very nice of you. Oh, come on. Thank you, Trin. Yeah. Thanks for doing this. this. It's nice for, it's nice to talk about myself again. I also don't like it when anybody that's in show business lets on that they play tennis and then it's just painfully bad. I had a lot of those. I, I play with a lot of, a lot of celebrities back in the old days. Yeah. No, I, yeah.

Yeah. Names some names. Well, I used to play up at, up at, up at Heffner's once in a while. Mm-hmm. So, oh, those girls are good. One, yeah, it's probably distracting. So, uh, one time Johnny Carson and I took on Vetus and Bill Cosby. Uh-huh. And it was the mansion. It was a bizarre world. It really was. And you woke up two days later.

Yeah. And the bunnies and the OJ was always up there too, by the way. Uh-huh. Johnny Carson could play, though. Yeah, he could play a little. A little? A little? I'm sure he smoked during it.

He might have. Yeah, he was always smoking. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Who's the best celebrity tennis player that you've ever come across? You're like, oh, well, they can actually hit. Yeah, there's actually quite a few. Robert Duvall's pretty good.

Mm-hmm. You know who that is? Yeah, I mean, yes. I don't know. We got to know Robert Duvall. You're younger than I. But who else? Let me see, who else?

Gavin Rossdale. Oh, I did know that he played. Which is funny because that goes against the rock star type of thing for some reason in my head. He plays a lot of tennis. Yeah. He plays, you know, he used to play every day. You just don't think that they're outside. is the way I look at.

Ray? Well, thank you. Thank you for being on the show. Appreciate it. I loved it. It was great. Thank you. Thank you so much.

I'll see you around the club. Please do. Okay. I want to thank Tray for being on the show and offering me and my extended family free memberships to his beautiful racket club. Now, he's not going to do that, but I'll move some funds around. We'll make something happen, right? Carl, I'm looking forward to joining. And the first thing I'm going to do, Ed,

is I'm going to go out on the court with a can of spray paint and just show them how easy it is to turn one tennis court into four pickleball courts. What? Yeah. I'll do it on a court that's not right in the front. But there you go. Look at that. I just painted you four courts.

Widerupled revenue. Boom. Just like that. You get a different clientele. All right, let's do some plugs. Patreon.com slash Tosh Show for all that extra content year you've been clamoring for.

My first farewell tour is on sale now heading across the country. Get tickets. Come see us. Toshoshostore.com. Get the merch so you look cool. Okay. Enough of those plugs.

Hit the music for everyone's favorite segment. They love me. They love me not. This is where Eddie reads a comment from our listeners. One is pro, one is con. Here we go, Ed. What do you got for the first one? Here we go. Caveman 4242. Tosh really has the most normal talk show for a rich person. I love them. For a rich person? Rich spiritually? Emotionally? Sure. Financially, it's just who you're comparing me to. Yeah. But they love me. That's nice. Well, that's great. I'll see you next week.

Way. Oh, man. See what I try to do? Yeah, you try to get out of it. Carl. They love me not. All right, let's get to they love me now. What do you got for me?

From Tater Salad, 1130. Idiot. Already, idiot. I love these hipsters that don't get their kids circumcised so they can be traumatized the first time they show their penis to a female. It's for their own good. My dick never chafed from riding a bike, shaking my head. Okay.

This idiot. First of all, a hipster. Me? Yeah, not at all. I don't fit the definition of a hipster. and your dick never chafed on a seat. That's because it's not long enough to touch the seat is all I'm hearing. Burn.

My six-year-old boy got a bigger hog than you. That's all that is. And who's traumatized? First of all, no one is seeing a penis for the first time flaccid. And rock hard. They all look the same. My wife six weeks ago saw my penis flaccid for the first time. You know, you have to sneak up on it to see it flaccid.

Because if it knows a lady's in the room, oh, boy. He jumps up. He's excited. He's like, oh, are we playing? Put me in, coach. You know you're coming over. Who's this? Oh, we know her.

Second of all, in this country, forget worldwide. In this country, we're almost at 50-50 now of circumcised versus uncircumcised. That's just coin flips every time you yank a pair of pants down. Okay? That's just facts. Now, if we go globally, it shifts way to the uncircumcised. Who's traumatized? I even remember when I was a kid, one of my friends had an uncircumcised penis.

I couldn't wait to get a look at it. Curious? Yeah, I was curious. Let me see it. Then he showed it to me. He's like, oh, I'm like, oh. They like pulled the skin back and then it looked the same. I'm like, there it is.

Ugh, this idiot. Well, this segment is a bad idea. It just makes me mad how I end every. episode. It is. We will flip them. See you next week.