Tosh Show - My Midwest Tour

Episode Date: July 15, 2025

Daniel and Eddie recap ten shows, six cities, and one bus crash from their recent stint on the road.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Elf Beauty, Capital One, and Novartis. Just open the free I Heart app and search I Heart Women's Sports to listen now. Hey y'all, welcome to the's Bustle Cooking Show. Woo! Today what we're doing is taking the leftovers. We got some charred lobster tail, and we're gonna feed my father-in-law. I hope it smells good.

No, it doesn't. It smells really bad. That's way too big. Just try it! It's not too big. I just made it for you. What do you think? It looks good. It's good. That was lobster

Welcome to our show there. I said it happy to be here. Just got back from the road With Eddie Gosling. Couple of road dogs. Couple of road dogs. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR It was nice just making good people have a good time I want to thank everyone for coming to the shows But before we get into it, let's delve into some of our fan mail, right? fan mail So I don't think Daniel realizes that video games are the highest grossing form of entertainment in the world Oh, that's sadly common with people who don't play games

They just think her nerds sitting in their mom's basement. Or they think it's just for kids. Meanwhile the industry as a whole makes more money than the entirety of the movie and television streaming industries. It's massive with millions upon millions of regular normal people who play games. Okay well you're wrong but I'm glad you felt compelled to write all that in the comment section. Beefy. Cool people don't play video games. That's the way it's always been, it's the way it always will be. It's true, what are you gonna rewrite the world? You can't change it.

Alright, I'll bite. How much to sponsor the show? How much to have Eddie do it in his dragon voice? Oh, you're talking about Schnauzigus? Uh oh. To get Schnauzigus on this show, I can't even... Well, that's too... I can't imagine it cost more than I mean

50,000 I think schnauzigus is here. Hey everybody What am I what am I pitching today? We have usually a catcher if you know what I mean We got to sing that away All right, we got to sing that away. You better sing it. We'll edit the singing out. I can't edit nothing out. What's the next one?

Sorry, your dad is dead yeti. No, you know that that's right in my wheelhouse. It's a combination of stupid and funny. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. Your dad is dead yeti. Yeah.

You know what I say? Comment of the year say comment of the year Comment of the year hit the bells winner winner Congratulations, you know you were being sincere, but you were also being funny to Eddie for his loss Definitely a dark spot when I read that and that did make me laugh Yeah, this person kind of gets I don't care who passes if somebody says sorry your is dead, Eddie, that's going to tickle you for a second. You made a rhyme.

I think that's good. You made a dumb rhyme. Yeah. I liked it. That's pretty good. Well, thanks a lot for M-H-W-J-3PK. It means a lot. That guy gets it.

That guy gets it. Somehow realize that some of Eddie's laughs are piped in. How long does it take to edit? No shame. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I guy gets it. That guy gets it. Somehow realize that some of Eddie's laughs are piped in. How long does it take to edit? No shade. No, no shade, Ed. They're not making fun of us. They just don't want you to, see that wasn't a real laugh. I'm looking at Eddie right now.

Right here. He sits right here. There's zero chance that we've ever edited Eddie laughing. We got three microphones on this show. We got three cameras. None of them are pointed at Eddie, but we do record his laugh when it happens. When is the last time you had to pull off the road

at a construction site to use their portage on? I've already told my worst port-a-potty story on the show, which was when I left my daughter outside of it. I jumped a fence at night in Charleston, South Carolina a city that I find repulsive and used a port-a-potty. I think that I think that was the most recent as well. You know when my house was being built I had a port-a-potty in the front of my house and I found that many women in my neighborhood that go for walks just walk onto construction sites and use the port-a-potty. Seems crazy. And I said, Sergio is that normally goes yep on construction sites all the time like walkers will just be like yeah we get to

use it too. That's gross. I went to your show in Minneapolis last Friday night with a good friend. Meanwhile, my pregnant wife was home having contractions. We live about an hour away and after the show wasn't about to walk out of this masterpiece early, I drove home and got her to the hospital. The baby's heart rate was dropping so fast and she went in for an emergency C-section. We had a little girl at 153 in the morning. Look at that. I should have saved the comment of the year for this guy, but that's already, that ship has sailed.

So you don't get it, but this guy, well, what a fan. I mean, a horrible, horrible husband, probably going to be a bad dad, but what a fan. To whom it may concern, Eddie's Apple Watch almost blinded me I'm not a bad dad, but what a fan. Yeah. To whom it may concern, Eddie's Apple Watch almost blinded me at a show this weekend. If it doesn't clear up soon, I may pursue legal action. I thoroughly enjoyed the Milwaukee show,

loved every minute of it. I'm gonna side with this person. I don't think he should wear an Apple Watch on stage. Do you shut off notifications? Yeah, because one time you told me you could see it so I was like, Oh, it was lightin' up? You're getting texts? It's a little theater mode there so I put that on but it still does catch the spotlight and hit the people in the front row sometimes.

You don't need it. It serves no purpose. I've got a clock for you on stage. True. You can be away from your family for a few minutes. But I take it off and I have such a, like a bad suntan thing happening. Maybe I'll put a bracelet on. You just never take a watch off, huh? You just wear a watch all the time. You know what you do, Ed.

Okay. Okay, here's what you do. You do what my grandpa did. Grandpa Tosh. Okay. He always wore his watch with the watch on the inside. Makes sense. And then, cause he always was like, well, it's easier to tell time when I can see it this way. always wore his watch with the watch on the inside. Makes sense. Cause he always was like,

well, it's easier to tell time when I can see it this way. But you only do that just for when you're on stage. You turn it in. Right. Then we cover up your tan line. You still have your watch so that your wife, Lord knows that Megan can't get ahold of you. Heads are gonna roll.

They would, I'm doing it. I like this little, just spin it around. I mean, I don't know if you have to loosen a notch or if you wear it loose enough that you can spin it. Well, it's a Velcro, so it's easy. You have a Velcro watch? There it is. Child.

All right, well, you know what? Let's give people a real breakdown of the tour. Yeah. Enjoy. So what happened at Chappaquiddick? Well, it really depends on who you talk to. There are many versions of what happened in 1969 when a young Ted Kennedy drove a car into a pond. And left a woman behind to drown.

There's a famous headline, I think in the New York Daily News, it's Teddy escapes, blonde drowns. And in a strange way, right, that sort of tells you the story really became about Ted's political future, Ted's political hopes. Will Ted become president? Chappaquiddick is a story of a tragic death

and how the Kennedy machine took control. And he's not the only Kennedy to survive a scandal. The Kennedys have lived through disgrace, affairs, violence, you name it. So is there a curse? Every week we go behind the headlines and beyond the drama of America's royal family. have lived through disgrace, affairs, violence, you name it. So is there a curse? Every week we go behind the headlines and beyond the drama of America's royal family. Listen to United States of Kennedy on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever

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My favorite line was what Neil Armstrong said, it would have been harder to fake it than to do it. Listen to American history hotline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The summer of 1993 was one of the best of my life. I'm journalist Jeff Perlman and this is Rick Jervis. We were interns at the Nashville Tennessean, but the most unforgettable part, our roommate, Reggie Payne,

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["Parsha!" by The CW plays.] We're gonna talk about the tour today on the show. What tour? The world tour. Oh, JT in the house. Now it wasn't a world tour that I was on. I just went to the Midwest. I flew there with my kids and my wife and Eddie and Pete.

And then when we landed, my in-laws flew in and then we met our bus driver and he was wearing a big cross and you want your, uh, your bus driver to be super religious. Yeah. It, you know, when you're falling asleep on the highway at 70 miles an hour, you want to know that upfront that guy knows that knows that well not everything's in his control So we were in Kansas City for night one of the tour and I was a little nervous For the first show, but it went fine. I did like an hour and a half. Did you enjoy Kansas City show? Yeah, I thought I thought they were nice and we had q39 barbecue afterwards. I wonder if people

Agree that that's one of the top barbecue spots in KC It was good. Yeah, I thought it was great. They were out of sausage. I remember thank you I don't know if you're on a gold belly But I send me some sausage because I ordered I wanted sausage and then after the show see I Pete makes me order Before I go on stage then when I get off stage the food is there But so many times he's like hey, they didn't have blank So instead you're getting elk. Yeah Desserts are always the worst. I'll be like, oh, I'll take a cheesecake. He's like, oh, I got you tiramisu

I'm like, why don't you go fuck yourself? Just take this little tart. Tiramisu and cheesecake are not in the same family. Oh, okay, what'd you want? I wanted a brownie. Okay, what'd you end up getting me? I got you a cheese tart. It's just always, it's weird.

Anyway, I did say the R word on stage right at the beginning of the show and I probably shouldn't have, but in context, I'll let the audience here be the right at the beginning of the show, and I probably shouldn't have, but you know, in context, I'll, I'll let the audience here, uh, be the judge. I don't like to do material, but I can graduate at Kansas city on, uh, uh, when in the NBA championship and then, you know, make it made reference to the, you can't convince me Oklahoma city and Kansas city are different places.

And if you do, I'll punch you in the face. And then I know what you're saying is you shouldn't punch a and then I said the R word I'm like but that's what you're calling yourself so it's not you get it I think I'm in the clear I probably shouldn't have said it my fault well they said it in your head in my head they said the word yep so but anyway we stayed the night in Kansas City did I like my hotel hotel? Yeah, we did. They had a great when you know what I liked about my hotel. Hold on Yeah, let me just give some props. This is almost sound like a free plug this crossroads hotel Had a restaurant in it and the the hotel was quirky kind of funky industrial

I didn't have a good view out my room, that's for sure. I was looking into a parking garage. That was disappointing. But where you made up for it was your restaurant. They made pizza, their pizzas were delicious, but they had a salad there that I'm, and I don't get excited about salads ever, but this is just kind of a pre-pizza salad.

It was unbelievable. Yeah, you loved it. I'm calling it one of my top three favorite salads and I know if I know if I get the the ingredients I'm not gonna get the ratios right. What was the shout salad I got? That was a charred cucumber salad. It was a charred cucumber salad. I believe. It's tell me exactly how to make it crossroads so I can try to duplicate it at home that salad was delicious Okay, anyway

So sorry for saying the R word q39 you forgot your sausages. It was my first show probably went long because the first night I'm just trying to figure out okay What material am I doing and then the the next day, we were going to Omaha. We had to leave Kansas City early because we wanted to get to Omaha by noon to go to the College World Series. Because the College World Series of baseball is a bucket list item for my father-in-law. And I just keep looking at him every time. He's like, you know, Daniel, this is my bucket list. Am my father-in-law. And I just keep looking at him every time,

he's like, you know, Daniel, this is my bucket list. I'm like, okay, well, I'm glad everything on your bucket list is obtainable, in a two week period. I worry about his bucket list. First of all, nothing on it is out of reach. And I feel like we're gonna be wrapped up with it you know any day now. Now the theater that we were performing at we just asked hey do you

guys have any tickets to the baseball game and they said yes I'm not against paying for tickets but they had tickets and they go well we have a box you know a suite but it's just you don't get the whole suite. It's a partial. There's another group in there that uses it. And then you guys can go and they've got food and TVs and, and, you know, you got some seating outside of your window and you get to watch them like, oh, cool. We'll do it and bring the father-in-law there.

Well, we go there. The other party is already there. And these people couldn't have been more confused at our arrival. Like, who are you? And I don't do well in those situations. I'm just like, yeah, we're here. We have tickets. You're in my seat.

Cause you still actually had a signed seating, but she was like, Oh, these are ours and, and I'm like, yeah, yeah. Well, we got the, she's like, well, what group are you with? I'm like, I'm not with a group. And she's, and I'm just, I show her the phone. It's, it, we're in the right place. And then she's like, okay, okay. We welcome you.

We welcome. And she's holding her hands like this. And she keeps saying it over and over. Oh, okay. We welcome you. I'm like, first of all, this, you don't need to welcome me. I have, I have, I was given these tickets. I don't need to tell you where I got them owe me a place. I was given these tickets. I don't need to tell you where I got them from.

But I'm sure she works for the same company that we got the tickets for. And she's like, we've used these tickets for like 20 years and we've never had anybody come into the box besides us. I don't care about the backstory. This is where our tickets are. But she's kept going, we, well, we welcome you.

And I'm, I don't, ugh. There's, there's, that's what I hate when people talk about when they shit on California, but they say the South is so sweet and nice. And, and I know this is Omaha, so I don't even know what that means, but I felt very unwelcomed. We welcome, We welcome you.

She's like, get out of my way, I'm gonna eat a sandwich. They had a spread of food in there. They had weird food too. They had like pulled chicken, veggie patties, some guac, chips. Like a salsa station. There was a salsa station? Drinks.

And some bad popcorn. Yeah, right, okay. My son liked the popcorn whatever we welcome you. So anyway now You know ever since the tour whenever I see somebody I just go we welcome you Yeah, and then my daughter does it and she's too and she's and she does the hands too and she goes we welcome you I just I just hope this somehow gets back to that lady that, that I was the one in your suite and your group was very unwelcoming, even though you said 40 times, we welcome you. And the game was dumb.

I'm the base. I stayed maybe an inning and a half. I, I watched the first inning, Coastal Carolina, put up six runs. I went and bought a couple hats for my in-laws. I'm like, here you guys go, little souvenirs. And then I took both my children, jumped in an Uber and left.

And the people that are like, you can't come back in if you leave now. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I don't care. I'm outta here. Good. No, I took both the kids. I told my wife, stay, enjoy the game with the welcoming people.

And I just brought the kids back to the hotel. We get in the pool. We order a Virgin, pina coladas, and the bartender didn't even wanna charge me. She's like, ah, you don't need to pay. I'm like, ah, but I can bartender didn't even want to charge me. She's like, ah, you don't need to pay. I'm like, ah, but I can't tip you if you don't charge me. Cause it's, you know, I gotta put it on the room.

She's like, okay, I might go charge me. And then I go put 50% on for you. Look at that. Look at you, Matt. Yeah, I was being welcoming. That's what I was gonna say. And that was, and we didn't even spend the night in Omaha. Right.

Just did the show, and the show was good. The people of Omaha were welcoming. And then we just left that night to go to Minneapolis because it's a long drive. Now this is where things get ridiculous. We drive all night long to Minneapolis till about three in the morning. And I stay in the bus asleep, downtown Minneapolis,

on the side of the road next to the theater. Just me in the bus with two children. Everybody else gets out and goes into the hotel. Now, this hotel was like a couple blocks away. And this area of downtown Minneapolis, I mean, I have to be honest with you Not the safest sketchy sketchy. Yep. Okay Oh, we'll point out some of the people that we saw ran into later but my wife goes in to go sleep in the hotel and

Then the next day when I go I pass a hooker And not a good hooker either, like pulling her skirt down because her big fucking gross ass is like hanging out of it and her pimp walking out of the front hotel door. And by the way, this hotel doesn't have a lobby, just has a woman on a desk. It's almost like it felt like a youth hostel, but whatever. The room that we had was enormous.

Just a huge suite, I guess. But my wife was terrified. She went in there in the middle of the night, couldn't like find the bed. And I like walk in with the kids and I go, okay, we're leaving. And we just left and went to the Four Seasons. Now, why did I go to the Four Seasons in the first place?

Well, that's because they said they were full a few months before, but apparently rooms had opened up and we just went down the street. And now we're at the Four Seasons. I took my in-laws out. I said, Eddie, you're staying at this crack hotel. Pete, you're staying at this crack hotel. Bus driver, you're staying at the crack hotel.

In-laws, you're with me. Kids, you're with me. Wife, you do what you want. I already unpacked. Eddie didn't want to move because he was unpacked. And then Pete loses his mind because he didn't realize that Eddie every day on tour unpacks in a

hotel and puts things in drawers. Love it. Especially two days. I'm like, I'm living here, baby. Eddie's like the accountant. Just got everything all organized So I and day one my family went to the Mall of America and I'm like, I'm like, do you want to come? Do you want us and I'm like what I've been in Minneapolis 300 times the Mall of America is

Possibly the worst place you could ever go like I'll go to the airport first The airport's nicer, but no so they went there and it was miserable but you know I guess my son had fun. Yeah. My daughter slept in a stroller that type of stuff you know Nickelodeon go on a few roller coasters or whatever they have in the middle I mean how many stores that you thought had gone out of business can you visit? There's a Toys R Us in the Mall of America. That's America. Aren't they out of business? Yes. Would think.

No, they are. I thought they like famously went out of business. Whatever. Minneapolis first night was great. Second night was oddly not my, it was, second night wasn't my favorite and that was my fault, not theirs. I got a little mush mouth.

Sometimes they get mush mouth on stage and words don't come out as perfect as I wanted them to. You don't care. Oh, but near the theater was a big old banner of a tiny, tiny Asian man. Mr. Louis Lee, owner of the Acme Comedy Club, which is a club that I got my start at. Probably one of the first real clubs that ever headlined me. You know, it's like kind of it in the warehouse district, you go down below. The following day I took my family for a walk and I made them walk by the

club and then I said let's go in and there was nobody there but then I saw an Asian woman cleaning and I like knocked on the window and she came over and she unlocked the door. And I said, hi, I used to work here a long time ago. I'm friends with the owner, Louis Lee. Can I come in and show my family? She doesn't say a single word. She just leaves the door open and walks away. And so we all walk in and we go back to the green room

and the green room leads right onto the stage. And then we walked onto the stage, and she just immediately turned all the stage lights on, like from the booth. She just like just made the place look beautiful. Still hasn't said a word. I'm like, well, that was nice. And then we walked around,

and then we walked out, and she walked up behind us, and I said, thank you so much, and she just locked the door. Minneapolis was the first place on tour that I got violent diarrhea. I had some Mediterranean food. At the time it was delicious, but it didn't stay in me long. But I made it to a toilet. Good for you.

Yeah. The funniest thing that happened in Minneapolis certainly wasn't me on stage. My father-in-law was walking around the city with me and you have to understand this man has never traveled outside of Florida so everything he sees is new to him and He tries like give me Like tidbits. I go you'll find this one interesting you you see that building over there. That's US banks International headquarters and I'm like no it's not that building over there, that's US Bank's International Headquarters. And I'm like, no, it's not.

That's where the Vikings play. I kid you not. US Bank Stadium, it says stadium right underneath US Bank. Massive. And then he spends the next 30 minutes trying to look up on his phone to see if I'm right. And then eventually he's like, oh, it turns out you are right.

But I know that International Headquarters is around here somewhere. I'm like, yeah, it turns out you are right. But I know that international headquarters is around here somewhere. I'm like, yeah, it probably doesn't say stadium on the side of it. The rest of the time on the bus, relentlessly pointing out any building and asking him what bank that was, was so funny. Oh, we didn't let up.

Anything you saw? Any baseball field that we saw, we're like, oh, you've gotta go to that bank. It's so beautiful. That bank is so nice. Yeah, we tease him pretty hard, but he commits. You know, he puts himself in those situations. Bucket list stuff.

And then from Minneapolis, we headed over to Milwaukee. Milwaukee was too hot. By the way, every place we were at was like 90 degrees. Boiling. Oh, it's just miserable. in Milwaukee. Who was it was a Donut monster. Thank you. They they gave us like four dozen donuts, which is not If you want to give me donuts, that's nice, but give me two Nothing I can do with that many doughs. I just had to start giving them away to people then be like I don't want donuts

I'm like, well, it's, they're free. And they're like, yeah, I didn't think you were gonna charge me. Milwaukee. We did two shows that night, which is never my favorite, but it allows me to do laundry in the venue, which also isn't fun, because I'm just down there in my underwear shirtless

and like staff is just walking by like, what is going on? Is that the performer? And I'm like, yeah, it's just doing laundry The first time I saw you do that just like not wear anything other than you're washing everything I'm like, ah just wouldn't I wouldn't pick you to do that Well, I don't have any I didn't have any extra clothes and I want all of them to be clean I'm not gonna keep a pair on so I'm just in my underwear Well, and I'm watching everybody's stuff like oh, yeah my mother--law. You ever fold your mother-in-law's unmentionables? Huh, any of you?

No, I don't. No? I've done it so many times, I don't even care. I just shake them out, there we go, fold there. And then Pete was like, hey, right after the show, we're taking off, do you want me to fold the last load? I'm like, or put it in the bus. I'm like, no, I don't want you to touch. I didn't want him touching my mother-in-law and my wife's, my daughter's panties. Hmm.

Pete's got a problem. And he just kept saying, I'll do it. I was no big deal. Why is he asking so long? He kept pushing. Why? What's going on? He kept pushing.

He's like, I'll do it. No, no big deal. I don't, yeah, I don't care. I'll close my eyes and do it. The hotel that I stayed at in Milwaukee They had little ukuleles in the room and my kids loved those so much that when I came home My wife had bought two ukuleles and I'm like, oh I'm like can't can't that couldn't that just been like a moment for them like a memory

Oh remember when we were playing with the ukuleles now, I have to have two ukuleles Which eventually I will give to a guest. Oh, remember when we were playing with the ukuleles? Now I have to have two ukuleles which eventually I will give to a guest. Oh, you're right. And then off to Madison, Wisconsin from Milwaukee and that's a short drive and everyone loves Madison but we had the same problem that most people have when you travel where your hotel room won't let you check in till four o'clock and we're there at noon and I'm like oh this stinks so now I'm stuck in the bus my wife's like we're gonna the girls are gonna grow me and mom are gonna go run and get massages I'm like oh great I'll just sit in this bus while my daughter naps because I can't leave oh and then it then my wife came back and they're like oh the massages were great so so me and my father-in-law went to get massages

and I'm gonna tell you something, right now I fell in love. That masseuse in Madison, oh my goodness, she had tiny hands and she was so, she talked so softly and when she massaged you, if she was gonna go do something in the room, she never let a hand leave your body. She would like go get something, but still kept her hand.

No, no, no, she was magical. She didn't, it was nothing, you know. A John moment? No, no, there was nothing sexual. This was just a good massage, felt amazing. The problem with Madison is it was Sunday. We were in Madison, Wisconsin on Sunday, and we did two shows.

And for whatever reason now on tour on Sundays, if you add a second show, they put it before your first show. So I had an eight o'clock show, and then I had a five o'clock show. And I don't care how liberal your town is, when you say the things that I say and it's still sunny outside You feel kind of dirty. So I found that five o'clock show a bit awkward

Did you like it? It was no they were tight. It was early. It's just so early. They were tight You can't help it if you had a short five o'clock your body just knows that this this is inappropriate behavior What we do in here? Yeah, then we've got two days off. We've got a Monday and Tuesday. I used to work Mondays and Tuesdays but the reality is you leave a lot of money on the table. When you perform on a Monday or Tuesday your ticket sales just naturally fall off. I mean unless you're just you know at the peak of your popularity but I've that ship is whew, those days are long gone. So I need to wait till a Wednesday to start performing.

So what am I gonna do on my two days off? I head up to Belgium, Wisconsin. Ever even heard of it? Nope. None of us had plans really. Pete is like, I'm gonna go visit some family in Chicago. Eddie's like I got some friends of the family at a lake house I'm gonna go up there and go fishing. Did you catch anything? Caught one big

pike. A pike? Yeah. I thought you caught walleye. No, a kid caught a walleye the night before. I got a pike, a lot of teeth on a pike. You're not gonna eat a pike. I threw it back. Yeah. Get rid of it. Do you eat that walleye? No, everyone went back with them. Nobody wants to clean them. I get it. Huh? You're not really fishing There's torturing animals fishing. We're just not eating. No fishin's eating. Well, you're We stayed in Belgium Wisconsin on the lake, on Lake Michigan. And my son and I went into Lake Michigan

and tons of dead little bait fish everywhere. Is that normal? What is that? Why are there thousands and thousands of dead fish on the water? Anyway, we went in the water. It was frigid. I mean, one of those where cold shock is gonna hit you and you're gonna die. I got panicked

I told myself I get out. I can't do this any longer. I'm not a cold plunger But we stayed this house and it was cute It's kind of a ghost town went over to Port Washington had some ice cream Little airstream and they they did it right because they gave kids ice cream in a cone this big and then they just put like a spoonful on top of it and I'm like, genius. Nobody needs more ice cream than that for a child. Went to a breakfast place at PJ Piper's Pancake House

in Cedarburg. I'm sure people love it. My daughter was being a. So that was tough. I mean, just, she was just out of control, but I didn't love it. The town, the town there seemed quaint. I was just in these quaint little lake towns. It was nice enough, but I was, I was over it.

I was like, okay. I can, I always say, oh, we could live here. This is beautiful. And then after like 24 hours, I'm like, okay. I always say, oh, we could live here. This is beautiful. And then after like 24 hours, I'm like, get me out of here. All right, well anyway, so two days in this little Lake town and I was over it. Like, let's get back to work. We gotta do our final big shows in Chicago

at the Chicago Theater, a beautiful theater. Oh my goodness. Oh man, my father-in-law was impressed. If I ever actually told him how much we got paid to do shows, he would lose his mind. Anyway, we go to Chicago, we get dropped off at the hotel, and what happens immediately? Pete and the bus driver drive to the venue,

and then the bus driver, who Pete had been just the whole time singing his praises like this guy I'm a fan of this driver which is weird because he you know Pete's Jewish and this guy's got a huge crucifix on his chest. It's like staying away Pete. It seems like they would be at odds but he's like no no he's good he's to himself he's on time he drives he drives a little slow but I'd rather slow than then you know somebody where you're getting thrown around when you're in the back well anyway the two of them leave the hotel and they're driving to the venue and they go under a

bridge and just shave the top of the bus off mm All the AC units, all the satellite TV, just shave just a couple hundred thousand dollars off the top of the bus. This bus is easy, 1.5 million or over. I forgot what band owns it. What's the name, it's a country band, right? Little Big Towns bus, that's the bus I rented. But man, I could stare up through the AC Country band right little big towns bus. That's the bus I rented but man I

Could stare up through the AC and and look at the sky after After their little bridges it got wedged under the bridge They had to get police to like let them back out of the road Downtown Chicago. Yeah, well I bailed out on foot. I just went to sound check Yeah, Pete goes hey, but. I just went to sound check. Yeah Pete goes Hey, but I gotta go to a sound check So he just jumped out and then got in a petty cab which is also an I

Can't imagine that that was the right option But it was hot and Pete wanted to make a man pedal him to a venue What it was an e-bike? It was an e-bike. Okay. All right, I guess for some reason that's a little better You're fine You know, I couldn't use the bus anymore Cuz it's just 90 degrees in there Oh so high, but thankfully it was the final shows and the first show went great Chicago crowd amazing Second show second night

Little tight. That's how I like to end a tour with a show that's just like a little, a little tight. Hannibal Burris came out to that show. That was great to him. Chicago legend. Yep. Just funny as always. As soon as I see him, I start laughing. He said he's running, owned his own, or opened his own comedy club in New York.

Right in Brooklyn. Good for him. I've never, I've never been that ambitious. In Chicago during the day, I had to come up with an activity so my Children's Museum, Chicago's got one of the greatest Children's Museum, let's go over there. On the way there, we're all about to have heat stroke because we're walking along Lake Michigan and then thankfully they have those, not a water fountain, but like a splash pad. Kids get to play in the water.

You can smell that they put some chlorine in it. It's spraying everywhere. My kids are loving it. You know, they're going through it. It's the best part of the tour, I would think. They're soaked. I'm like, take off your clothes and just run around in your underwear. And I'm trying to dry their clothes and just you run around in your underwear

And I'm trying to dry their clothes out in the Sun and then my son comes over to me, and he's like hey dad I got I got a poop and I'm like okay, but more in a bad spot right now because you're in your underwear And there's no bathrooms around here our closer your clothes are soaking wet I'm like we we gotta just hide. And we just, I basically just make them climb over this park bench and we're by this piece of machinery. And I'm like, just squat down here. And he's like, but I can see people.

I'm like, they're not looking at you. I'm just trying to block for them. And he just drops like a 15 incher. I'm like, good God. It was terrifying. Big old Chicago dog. Yeah. I put a pickle next to it, but I'm like, Hey, what are you going to do? I had no, I had no option. I mean, I'm sure I did, but that's what he did.

He just, he just pooped in Chicago. That's what you do in Chicago. Right. If you can poop outside, you do. It was nice. And he got, he got right back into the fountain, cleaned himself up. Stood over a jet. He loved it.

He loved that fountain. What did I eat in Chicago? You know I ate deep dish. Right. What did we have? Geno's East. Yep. And by the way, we had up two nights in a row. Right.

Woo. Deep dish, two nights in a row. And then I had, they also have a deep dish brownie. You ever heard of such a thing? It's a brownie that's no different than every other fucking brownie, whatever. They get me because they called it deep dish brownie. So I was like, what, I'll find, it was in the shape

of a circle, good enough. We all survived, flew home the next day. And, uh, here we are in the studio. Best tour ever. Absolutely not. But it was, uh, it was enjoyable. Favorite, uh, favorite show. Milwaukee for me. What about you? I didn't have one. You got a tie? No. Didn't have one. I didn't have a best show. Maybe I did. I don't remember it though.

I remember you coming off of something that you really liked, the Omaha crowd. Omaha? Yeah. Maybe it was Omaha. I don't know. I'm glad it's behind me. Well, we just keep going forward. We don't look back.

Did you have a Worst show? Worst show, First Show Madison. I felt like it was just, it was too early. I had a three-way tie for Worst Show, and I'll just leave it at that. I don't want the people in the cities to feel like, oh, I was at that show, I thought it was good, and I don't want them to know that in my heart, it was garbage.

Well, I can't wait to go on our next tour, Eddie, and hopefully they get that roof fixed on the bus. See you next week. I'm Ian Faff, the creator and host of The Uncle Chris podcast. My Uncle Chris was a real character, a garbage truck driver from South Carolina who is now buried in Panama City

alongside the founding families of Panama. He also happens to be responsible for the craziest night of my life. Wild stories about adventure, romance, crime, history, and war intertwine as I share the tall tales and hard truths that have helped me understand Uncle Chris. Listen now to Uncle Chris on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

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