Tosh Show - My Real Estate Guru - Chris Cortazzo

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

Daniel sits down with agent Chris Cortazzo who has sold over $10B worth of real estate in his twenty-five year career to discuss everything from low-ball offers and writing personal letters to parenthood and conspiracy theories.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I am so excited to let you know that my latest podcast interview is with the one and only Tom Hanks. I have left many wonderful atmosphere or a loving atmosphere without thinking, oh things were really wonderful back then, I wish I was back there. Jay, I don't think I've ever thought that. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.

I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're gonna find out, Jules.

New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, my undeadly darlings. It's Teresa, your resident ghost host. And do I have a treat for you. Haunting is crawling out from the shadows, and it's going to be devilishly good.

We've got chills, thrills, and stories that'll make you wish the lights stayed on. So join me, won't you? Let's dive into the eerie unknown together. Sleep tight if you can. Listen to Haunting on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You get these weekly things and I always just like,

look, your page. I'm like, holy shit. Here goes the Chris Cortazzo chapter. Let's see what your top one is currently right now. 75 million or you can rent it for 200,000 a month. Oh, that's a steal. That is a steal, by the way. Shut the fuck up, Chris.

It is. 200,000. Look at how many pages you are. Good God, you have so much real estate. Posh show. Look at how many pages you are. Good God, you have so much real estate. Tosh Show! Tosh Show! Tosh Show! Welcome to Tosh Show. I'm Daniel and I'm a Toshaholic.

Hi Daniel. Eddie, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Oh man, I tell you what, I'm getting ready for the Civil War. I cannot wait. I don't know which side I'm going to fight on yet. I'm undecided.

I know who I voted for, but as far as the Civil War part of this goes, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what side I'm going to fight on. I might put a Trump sign in my front yard after the election and just hope that that, you know, lets people know to pass on by the bubble I live in. Let me say something about this bubble too. Hey, we talk about Malibu a lot and today's a very exciting day for me. Before I lived in Malibu in Los Angeles, I lived down in South Bay. And that's like a little slice of Orange County in LA County. I was living there when I started doing Tosh.0. And then one night, a girl came

to my house, knocked on the door. I didn't know who it was. I looked outside, I didn't open it. And you know, the houses, they're all right next to each other. I had a three bedroom, two bath home, a 25 foot by a hundred foot lot. Give you an idea of the small land. They just put these tall skinny homes right next to each other.

Anyway, I'm at that house and I look out the window and I see this girl and she's got a bag of stuff. It's late at night. I have no idea who it is, so I don't open it and eventually I call the police and they say that she met me six years ago and said that I needed to be here on this night with these things in her bag. They're at that point, they kind of stopped talking. They're like, listen, this, this person is, is, uh, you know, needs mental help. Uh, we'll get rid of her for you.

And I'm like, okay. But at that point I was like, Oh, I got to fucking move. And people always think Malibu is so expensive, but the reality is where I lived was expensive. Look at prices, uh, for homes in is where I lived was expensive. Look at prices for homes in Manhattan Beach, it's ridiculous. So one day a friend of mine was like, hey I know this real estate agent, why don't you go look in Malibu? You like surfing? There's so much, the waves are so much better up there. You know I lived

down in South Bay, there's some good left point breaks, but let's, I'm a natural foot. I wanted right point breaks. Never mind. You don't care about that. Anyway, so we start looking at Malibu. Next thing I know, I'm looking at an acre of property. I'm not talking about the cool area of Malibu right on the beach. I'm talking about further west and, you know, farmlands. And then all of a sudden you're getting a home with a guest house and a pool. And I'll be honest with you, it was like $2 million. Ocean views, I'm like, this is incredible.

Now this is back in 2009, maybe 2010. All of a sudden, I'm like, hold on, why don't I just build a house out here, just get some old tear down. That seems like a genius idea. And that's what I did. Why don't I just build a house out here? Just get some old tear down. That seems like a genius idea. And that's what I did. And that's how I ended up here. Now, was it a huge mistake?

Absolutely. Took me eight years to build a house and then it burnt down, but whatever. Hindsight is 2020. I'm here and I'm happy. I love the beach. Eddie, he's still down in South Bay. I miss him every day.

But, you know, that's all right. His kids are almost out of the house. Once he's an empty nester, I'm sure him and his wife, you know, maybe they end up downsizing and get a houseboat. You know? Come dock near my home. Near my place.

Why don't we spend more time together, play Monopoly Deal at night. Maybe a Rummikub or, uh, uh, you know, what's the, what's the game that I have to play a lot now? It's not, it's like guess who, but it's not guess who. You have to connect the words that are on the, this, like you put these cards out and you have to like say one word and your partner has to guess what code names code name oh I'm playing so much code names now I kind of like it I have a little thing that infuriates my wife when we play code names you're always allowed to guess one extra then if you

haven't if you during your turn and I will always just guess one extra just randomly, based off nothing. I'll just point and pick another card. And you see, sometimes it's the assassin and the game is over right then. It's just, everybody's mad. But it's just a fun way to play the game. I always pick one extra.

Hey, that's Codename. That's a free plug right there. Anyway, Codename, I don't know if you're a sponsor, but you sure as shit should be because you're part of my life at least once a week. Anyway, what are we talking about? Oh, why I moved to Malibu. Okay, well, today's guest, the king of Malibu in my book, and I'm excited.

Oh, I've had a man crush on this guy for over 15 years. Enjoy. man crush on this guy for over 15 years. Enjoy. Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I am so excited to let you know that my latest podcast interview is with the one and only Tom Hanks. Tom rarely does long form interviews,

so I was so grateful to have the time to dive deep into family, mental health, and the mindset behind his long successful career. Dude, I travel light and I can travel light emotionally. I'm done. There's stuff that I cannot control. I have left many a wonderful atmosphere or a loving atmosphere or a friendly atmosphere and like Ernie Banks, the, you know, the ball player for the Chicago Cubs without ever looking back,

without thinking, oh, things were really wonderful back then. I wish I was back there. Jay, I don't think I've ever thought that. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Julian Edelman.

I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past, and we're just gonna sit here and talk about them.

And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, girls? We got studs, wizards, we got freaks. Or dudes dudes. We got dogs. Dogs! We'll break down their games, we'll share some insider stories, and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are.

Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba.

He looked like a little angel. I mean he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba.

Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Piece, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the MyCultura podcast network, available on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Posh show. My guest today was the number one real estate agent in the world for over a decade. Now, I didn't verify that, but if you have millions of dollars burning a hole in your pocket and are looking to purchase a teardown in Malibu, today's guest is your man. He's closed over 10 billion in sales. That's billion working discreetly with more celebrities than a luxury addiction treatment center.

And if you're wondering how he got them, well, he lives and works down the street for me. Kindly take your shoes off at the door as I welcome into the Toss show open house, Chris Cortazzo. Chris. Hello, Daniel. By the way, I always feel like real estate agents lie. Is maybe that's the-

I don't lie. No, no. A lie about like I always feel like real estate agents lie. Is maybe that's- I don't lie. No, no, I lie about like, oh, I was the number one. But you legitimately were the number one real estate agent in the world. Well, I was with Colwell Banker for, and for 12 years, I was number one out of 93,000 agents within the Colwell Banker family, nationally, internationally. I don't think it's ever. It doesn't matter.

It's still such an absurd number. By the way, 10 billion. It's a lot of work. Seven days a week. I believe it. I know you are. Every day. I see you. I see your car.

I see you. By the way, who puts a fucking baby on board sticker on a goddamn Rolls Royce? What the fuck's wrong with you? Gotta make it a little bit better. So it's not so obnoxious. You don't have to worry about it because I had on Chandler Parsons

and he had his NBA basketball career destroyed when he was T-boned in his Rolls Royce. But they said, had he not been in a Rolls Royce, he'd have been dead. Well, that's why I got it. It's so darn safe. Oh, it's a tank. I know.

All right, let's get back on. He's a great guy, by the way. Do you know? OK. Have you sold him something? Yeah, a few things. Have you? Yeah. I love Chairman. Good for you, Chris. God damn it. You have so many clients.

And you do have to understand this. I don't have celebrities on my show, but you're my celebrity because your world is what I'm fascinated. I would never want to do what you do because I understand that you work constantly. I also understand that you have to be nice to everybody in the community and everybody in the community is not a great person. So that blows my mind how you pull that off. Everywhere you go, everybody comes up to you to talk and you're just always like you have to just be on and I don't know how you do that's just madden you to talk. And you're just always like, you have to just be on. And I don't know how you do it.

That's just maddening to me. It's a lot. After the end of the day, you're tired. That's why I love my ranch property in Northern Malibu because it's so silent and no one could get in and you're at peace. Good for you. I mean, you're on your-

Although with a three and a five year old, I don't know how much peace there is now, but- Honestly, how many hours are you working? You have to have slowed down a little bit because you have children now, but prior to that, let's say that that 10 year run. I was working like 14 hours a day. Every seven days a week.

Yeah. A day would call me on Christmas time. Ugh. All right, my first question I ask all my guests. Do you believe in ghosts? Oh yes. Mm-hmm. I saw one as a child.

Oh did you? For sure. Yes, at my grandma and great aunt's house. I was downstairs and he passed away in this room. My great aunt's husband. And I woke up and literally screamed because I saw this whole floating ghost-like thing coming towards me. Wait, you said you woke up. Well, I was awake and I saw this thing coming towards me. Wait, you said you woke up. Well, I was awake and I saw this thing coming towards me. I screamed, would not go back in the room.

My dad slept there the next night. I saw the same thing. Your dad, he was trying to make you feel good. Now professionally, realtors have to disclose if someone dies in a home. Is that because of some old law that we believe spirits are still in the house? I don't know where that comes from,

but I think it's, if someone is not murdered or a suicide or something like that, I think it could be a beautiful thing if you die in your home, because you obviously love your home and that's where you wanna leave your body. So I think that could be a positive thing. Why do we have to disclose it? Because I think it's important for people to know.

People always ask, as someone, I said, oh, the seller passed away. They always ask, did they pass away in this home? Well, I know, but I mean, legally just tells me, like that's basically saying that we believe there are spirits. Perhaps. Maybe now I have to change my opinion.

What was childhood like growing up in Malibu? Absolutely heaven. There was no fences. We had big kick to can games and we'd all run through the canyons all through these scooby trails and it was just Divine we'd walk to school. I walk my kid to school. I know but by ourselves like we would walk to school Well, he's five. He's barely can get there on his own. I know but that was just a different time Uh-huh. Are you gonna be one of these people, like when I was a kid, life was so much better? No, I think it changes.

I mean, my God, we didn't have a lot of money growing up. So, I mean- That confuses people. So you grew up in Malibu and you say you didn't have a lot of money. People don't realize that there are parts of Malibu that aren't just uber wealthy people. And back then it didn't necessarily mean uber wealthy.

No way. My dad was a fireman. We cut out coupons. We drove old Falcon station wagons because that's what we could afford. We went out to dinner maybe once every two months. My brother and I would split a root beer. We didn't have any extra funds. What's your childhood home cost?

My parents. Like, well, I mean, just ish. I know, but they bought the land for $11,000 in 1960. My dad built our house in 1966, the year I was born. And now it's probably worth 25, 30. That's million. Million, yeah. Yeah.

Not a bad investment. When did you come out to your family? 27. You were 27 years old? Yeah. Did they have any inclination? They probably had an idea, but my parents were so cool. I was hanging out with Herb Ritz.

My mom was in Canada taking care of my beautiful grandmother. And she goes, Chris, I know Herb's a gay man and you're spending a lot of time with him. And I said, I'm enjoying myself and I find him fascinating. They said, as long as you're happy, we're happy. I mean, that's the way it should be. Well, of course. But I mean, but it wasn't until 27 or were you hiding it? I think there's always curiosity, but I had the most beautiful, spectacular girlfriends.

I was engaged to this gorgeous Australian girl and I had a great life, but it was interesting. I was with her and I saw these two guys holding hands on the street in Oxford Street in Sydney, Australia. And I was like, ugh, like, ugh. But I thought, you know what? Chris Cortazzo is not a lie. You can't live this life as a lie. And then Herb was my, I dilly-dallied with men before,

but then that was my first open relationship. And that hit Malibu by a storm, because I was a beach lifeguard, had all these great girlfriends. And that, don't forget, that was like 92. That was a different era. Well, here's what I'm so curious about. I always stood up to what I believe in.

I read an article that you were featured in decade ago, because I knew you as a gay man, very successful real estate agent to the stars, but there's something in the article that struck me, and it was like your support of your mother your whole life. She was just like, let you do whatever you wanted. It just supported you. And I was like, oh, that's amazing.

But in my head, I had pictured you out much younger. And I was curious as someone who grew up in a horrible, poor Florida town, and I was like, oh, I wonder how different it is growing up in Malibu where people open then, but you're saying not so much. And all my friends and it was like, Cortazzo's gay. And I was like, I'm traveling the world with Cindy Crawford and you know, Claudia Schiffer.

And every day with Herb was a different, incredible experience. So you've had sex with women. Oh yeah. Lots? Yeah. Do you remember the last time you had sex with a woman? Yes.

The very last time? You can remember it vividly you had sex with a woman? Yes. The very last time? You can remember it vividly? How long ago was it? Probably three weeks ago. I'm kidding. I'm so mad at you. Oh, by the way, so you were a lifeguard. I knew you were a lifeguard.

What other jobs did you have before Beacon? I was a massage therapist. Oh, sexy. Yeah. Which it makes sense though, cause I'm such a, like, I'm always hugging and I'm just an outgoing guy. You still give a good rub if you need to? Yeah.

Huh. Whatever it takes. Oh. Clients are asking? I'm kidding. How'd you get into real estate in the first place? I was working with Herb Ritz and he was shooting every celebrity

and every wealthy person at the time. And on the shoots they would say, yo, you're born and raised in Malibu. And I say, yes. And they say, where should I buy? And I'd say, well, what are you looking for? Cause I know every aspect of Malibu. After that, I started putting two and two together.

And I was like, I'm gonna sell real estate. And my first sale was to Richard Gere. Your first sale was to Richard Gere. Your first sale was to Richard Gere? Five million at the time, which probably today is like a $75 million sale. Geez. Yeah. What's Richard up to these days?

He's remarried. Good for him. I can't wait to get remarried. How the real estate exam, how often do you have to take it just one time? Yeah, but then you have to do refresher courses every four years. How did you do on your exam? Oh, failed three times. Disaster.

Disaster. Yet, yet all these girls that retire from bottle service at nightclubs tend to breeze through it? No, I panic. A multiple choice test. Good for you. There's always two and I pick the wrong one. So you failed three times, you became an agent,

and then you become- But I never gave up. I don't give up on anything. You sell outside of Malibu? Yeah, of course. I have something on the Palisades for 37 million on a mall fee, amazing house, celebrity owned house. And I just got the listing. I sold properties all over.

Okay, but LA, LA is okay. So LA is how far, you don't go down to Orange County at all? Oh, no, no, no, no. You ever fuck with duplexes? That's just a fun thing to say. I don't, we don't have any duplexes here. There's no duplexes. What's the fastest you've ever,

like somebody has walked in and bought and closed a house. Can you like turn around, like no contingencies, here's the money you've ever, like somebody's walked in and bought and closed a house? Can you like turn around like no contingencies, here's the money, cash, all over? No, because that's so dangerous because you have to review the title report. Okay, but so what's the fastest you've ever done? A week? Yeah, a week I would say. I'm going to tell a story. I wanted to go into your house and you let my wife and I walk around your house.

And then just casually when we're leaving, you're like, I'll sell it to you for 22. This is a decade ago. Really? That's what you said. You go, do you want it? I'll sell it to you for 22. And I was like, where did you even come up with that number?

You should have bought it then, cause now I want 37. No, I couldn't have. I didn't want it. By the way, do a lot of naked women, African women, art in your place. I love Africa. It's one of my favorite places to travel to.

I have a really good photography collection. Yeah, that's pretty. But you notice that everything is like lines and shapes. I didn't notice that. I don't have a great eye for that stuff. What I did notice is that it was beautiful, and then I noticed that a lot of your frames had like necklaces draped over them.

Yeah, everywhere I travel in Africa or wherever, I get necklaces and I put it all over the picture frames. Good memory, I'm very impressed. So you have a memory too. Yeah, but mine's useless. It's meant for stupid stuff. How many NDAs have you had to sign in your life? Hundreds.

You've just seen horrible shit too, haven't you? You see it all. What's the least expensive piece of real estate you've ever sold? Probably 700,000 maybe. 700,000, that's the least expensive? I would say. When's the last time you've had to open up a whole house

and do all the turning all the lights on opening the doors. Do you do any of that stuff anymore? Is that all? No, that's usually no, it's not. Nothing's been leafy. I will pick up a leaf or trash on the cigarette butt on PCH. I will do whatever it takes.

I'm still the same guy. I'm not above anything. Whatever it takes. You do those dumb open houses. You don't ever have like themes. I don't do open houses, but the great thing is with my staff, because I have so much of the inventory in Malibu, they all prepare, because usually if someone's coming in,

they're going to see the whole series from one end of Malibu to the next, and all my assistants are going ahead and preparing the next house. So I don't usually go in and prepare a house, because time is so important. Forget that. But do you have a party? Like, do you do that type of thing? No, no, no, no, no. No. No. Just show the house?

I just show the house. Food? Drinks? None of that? No. Good for you. You know what? I mean, if agents are coming to get free food, they're not going to be selling the house. Like, we don't have time. Top agents are, we're busy. How big's your team now? 16 maybe, 14 to 16.

Are you rarely at your open houses or is it just your team now? Not on weekends, I don't do that. But if the client wants open houses, all my assistants are there doing it. They're all licensed, amazing, qualified, a lot of them born and raised in Malibu. Is there heavy turnover? I mean, because are they always looking like don't they want to be the next Chris Cortazzo or no? Are they happy being on a great team? I had one assistant, such a great guy, and he looked at me with all what I've created, financially, and everything. He goes, I would never want to be you because no one wants to put in the hours or the stress.

So there you go. I don't want to be you, but I like to see you. I don't even want to be me right now. I work too hard. I watched you one time, I was in one of my neighbor's houses that was for sale and I watched, it just had come on the market and I watched you preview it.

I've never seen a human walk through a house so quickly. Just like, take an inventory of what it was, got it, thanks, out. That's just what you do? I'm like an elephant when it comes to a house. Floor plans, everything, I just need to see it real quick, and I'm done. What about your math?

Are you one of those wizards with math where I tell you, it's 8,000 square feet and I want 25 million What's that per square foot? You know what? Per square foot in Malibu is almost impossible. Okay, you can't do it. It doesn't matter It's really hard because one property could have a view one could be on the bluff one could be on the other side So there's just it's too hard that one bedroom on Cliffside. Do you sell it for 15 million? I did good for you. Yeah That one bedroom on Cliffside, do you sell it for 15 million? I did. Good for you.

Yeah. 15 million one bedroom. Now it's for rent as a two bedroom. Good for them for putting a wall up. I love it when I go against other people and they said you could never, you'll never get this price. I've changed the price points of Malibu. Sorry for buyers, but I've really raised prices in Malibu

because I believe so strongly in it. Explain to me, the whole world is focused now on this lawsuit that has changed the game for agents. Give me a brief rundown of what happens now. It used to be the seller would sell a house and they would put up 3% or 6% that you would split between? Yeah, it's 5% or 6%. Okay.

And now? Now it's the same thing, but you cannot list the compensation for the buyer's agent in the multiple listing service. But the agents call and say, is there a compensation for me? And I say, all my listings have compensation and this is what it is.

So it's business as usual. Should we negotiate with agents when we're selling a house? Should we say, hey, can I get a deal? Why? I don't know. That's a horrible idea. Are people trying to save money?

That's a horrible idea. Doesn't it change with like now that everybody has their smartphones and they can look up everything on their own? I know, but there's so much more to selling real estate than just that. You want proper representation and you wanna be educated on the market. You just can't come into Malibu. You don't have to sell me on this.

No, I'm just saying. I'm just saying though. Well, I'm just gonna say, because so many times, especially in this area, so many houses are off market and people don't even know about them. They're not on the NLS. I know, but that's why I have a lot of pocket listings.

How many pocket listings do you have? A lot, a lot. Do some of these Malabamians, do they hate you? No, they love me because when they wanna sell it, they're delighted. Listen, I have a neighbor that I would do anything if you could pull it off to make them sell and leave. Oh, we have such an awful relationship.

Oh, that's too bad. It's just horrible. They won't even look me in the eye. My kids will walk by, they'll just be like, oh. You know what, I think you're talking about my aunt. Oh, that's too bad. It's just horrible. They won't even look me in the eye. My kids will walk by. They're just, you know what? I think you're talking about my aunt. Oh, is it really your aunt?

I would love it. I would. Well, if I could find an end to bridge the gap. I've tried so many times to be like, I go to bed at nine o'clock. I'm like a dream neighbor, but they're just one of these people that calls the city every fucking day for something in the neighborhood, not just me. That's too bad.

You ever advertise on a shopping cart in pavilions? Never. Does that even work? I have no idea. Would you die if you saw my name? I think it's funny. I think I might just do it for you. I like it.

How come real estate ads always have to have the realtor's face on it? Well, I think you want the facial recognition. But now in Malibu I know most people, so. You have a handyman that's amazing. I need a recommendation. Like just a guy that can do anything and get it done. Yeah.

I need a great handyman. Ask me for anything. I know all that stuff. I know, well, that's what I just asked you. Right now. I don't have my phone. Fine. I turned it off, which is a shocker.

This is what I wanna do. At the end of this, I want you to turn your phone on and I want you to tell me how many texts and phone calls you missed in the length of this interview. Oh, it's going to be good. It's going to be huge. I know you're making me nervous. It's so stressful.

I know what you do. It's so stressful. You go to the bathroom in your listings a lot. P poop. You poop. Never. You've never pooped in your listings. I would rather kill myself.

No, such an extreme. No, you've never pooped in your listings. I would rather kill myself. No. That's such an extreme. No, no, that's so private for me. All right, well then you've got amazing bowel control, but where do you draw the line? Cause you're allowed to use the bathroom. Of course.

I know I have, I. You ever had sex in one of your listings? Are you allowed to? No. Why are you not allowed to have sex in their bed? You're allowed to use their bathroom. Why can't you use their bed? What's the best way to low ball?

It depends on the market. If it's a tough market, what you might consider a low ball might be accepted. You don't know. Is writing a letter worth it or no? Yes. I just recently tried it. Wrote a letter and put in a low ball

on a property up in Tahoe. And they're like, yeah, we got a higher offer, thank you. I think it helps. I wrote a letter when I bought my place in Tennessee. And there was two graves on the property from the previous owners. And I wrote a beautiful letter saying I'd be honored that they would be there to be the guardians

of la, la, la, la, la. And I really meant it. And every time I go there, their graves are there and I go, we put flowers beside them and honor them. You don't yell at your staff? Why haven't you dug these up yet? Is there a Rolex watch down there? What if there was?

Oh man, I couldn't resist. How many properties do you own? You say that number. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. A lot. Over a dozen? Oh yeah. Over 50?

No. Under 50 over a dozen. That's fair. Yeah. How many outside of the state? Uh... I can see your fingers. Uh, five.

Okay. How many acres in Tennessee? 150. And do you know what it's called? No. It's so great. Obviously my name's Christopher, and it's a hundred acre woods after Winnie the Pooh.

Oh, that's cute. Isn't that great? I like it. I love it. I love Winnie the Pooh. Have you ever been to Dollywood? Never. You've gotta go, it's so great.

Ever. Bring your kids, they'll freak. It's so fun. Isn't Dolly the best? Oh, she's great. I have a Dolly sort. When I was with her, I've been, she ordered like mashed potatoes and

mac and cheese, and she just would take a bite of each. So she got to enjoy it, but wouldn't eat the rest. I mean, she's fabulous. Oh, that's really funny. She still gets to enjoy it. She's got a figure to watch. You have tons of celebrity clients, almost exclusively. Now, where would I fall on the celebrity scale?

You're kind of a fascinating person to me because I never thought you actually liked me. So you were kind of like larger than life to me. I guess there's a little insecurity on my side. So I think you're like super seed celebrity because you're kind of like this anomaly to me. Wait, did you say super seed? Super seed.

Oh, that's way better than a super C. Yeah, maybe a C minus. So I was really touched that you wanted me to be on the show because I never thought you liked me. So you're kind of like you're a little beyond celebrity to me. That's nonsense. But you know what? It's not nonsense.

That just means I'm so that I'm putting off negative energy, which is which I've been accused of. No, but I know. For That's not nonsense. That just means I'm so, that I'm putting off negative energy, which is, which I've been accused of. No, but I know. For you to feel that. No, it's a cool factor. Oh brother. It is.

There's somewhat of a cool factor there. Well Chris, I'm glad we put that to rest. Because people, sometimes when they see a celebrity, they recognize them and they kind of like are nervous and so they won't talk to them. Or they just like, oh, I'm gonna give them their space and let me do the thing. You, when people see you,

everyone almost feels entitled to go talk to you. And that's where I'm like, oh, it's so cool. Even with my earbuds in, they still will just wait around for me to hang up my call. No, I watch it from afar. I think that's also what I find fascinating because I'm like, I just couldn't imagine having to be on that much.

But that's only, but the great thing is it's Malibu. So if I go to Tennessee or wherever I go, no one knows where I'm at. I'm gonna change that because I got a huge following outside of Chattanooga. But do you get noticed when you go out of places? Me? Yes. Yeah, but not like by the people I want to be noticed.

But you see like some weirdo that's bagging my groceries, going, what's up, Josh? And I'm like, all right, here we go. Malibu, it used to say 26 miles, now it's 23 miles. I don't give a shit of why that changed. But the danger of the highway of people getting killed There's always signs like 61 people since 2010 or something. I don't know. Do you have a way to fix the PCH? To make it safer. I don't know how to do it. I do how the thing is it's a highway

Okay, and the city is a tourist Destination so you have the two don't go together. So you just have to say, well, if we actually care about people dying on the PC, if we really wanna stop it, then we can't have 55 mile an hour zones anywhere. And you can't allow parking anywhere. People slamming on their brakes to back into a spot is absurd on a

highway. I mean imagine driving down a highway and somebody in front of you is going backwards towards you. That's obscene. So you have to... Well especially the summer traffic is... You have to eliminate... Beyond crazy. You can't allow people to park on the side of the highway and you have to lower the speed limit to 35 and just be like fuck it If you want people to not die, I know but can you imagine going 30 miles an hour to Santa Monica? We at all I can't because you and I are the only geniuses that figured out living here and working here is the right move All these people that commute 30 30 miles per hour. Oh my goody god. That would be shocking. All right. Well,

No, then you would have road rage and it would be like millions more. I don't get road rage. I used to and now I don't. You want to know how I eliminated it? I just assume that everybody that's driving around me that's frantic is about to shit themselves and they have to get somewhere. So I'm like, let them go.

Don't get upset. What happens when you have to go pee in the car? Me? Do you bring a cup? No. What? I can pee, I can just go outside of my car. I have a question for you.

Can I ask you a few questions? Yeah, ask me anything, Chris. Where would you live besides Malibu? I think I have to go, I don't know, south of France on the coast, Atlantic coast, maybe. I have to be able to surf. My whole fucking life has been ruined by surfing. I could live in Mexico.

Could you? Probably. I could, not with my wife. That's, I don't know. I love the mountains too. I live in Tahoe a lot. You have a home up there too? What's your favorite holiday? Christmas. That's. I live in Tahoe a lot. You have a home up there too? What's your favorite holiday? Christmas.

Mm-hmm. That's why I live in Tahoe, because I feel like I'm in a Hallmark Christmas movie. Isn't it the greatest? But I have to be in cold because I grew up in Florida, so if I'm not near snow, I feel like this isn't real Christmas. Where are you gonna be for Thanksgiving?

Hawaii, Maui, I have to work. Oh, you do? Great shows, tickets still available. When's the next housing crash coming? It's coming, right? Hey, Maui, I have to work. Oh, you do? Great shows, tickets still available. When's the next housing crash coming? It's coming, right? You know what, though? I think people, I think Malibu is such a good investment

because town, there's a lot more crime in town. I just feel that Malibu, I don't know if we're gonna have a crash. It's slowed down for sure. I think everyone's apprehensive. You think it's completely bulletproof, wildfires? No, I mean, an earthquake could be monumental, a bad one. Where were you at the earthquake?

Living room, my living room, sort of watch it, feeling it just recently. Oh, here we go. I know, my son was in my arm and I was like, he goes, Papa, and I go, oh, we're dancing. And he goes, not funny, Papa. Oh, he got scared. Terrified.

Oh, my kid didn't get scared. Really? No, maybe he did not like it. But then, you know, you get all those alerts on the phone. During, I got the alert during the shaking. I'm like, this is useless. It was planned for sure. Oh, no, no. Oh, you're a big conspiracy nut, aren't you?

Love conspiracy theories. Oh, you're so... Love. I go down every rabbit hole. How you handling the knucklehead, Cheryl Hines' husband. I love Bobby Kennedy. Endorsing Trump.

I love Bobby Kennedy. Yeah, endorsing Trump. I think he's amazing. Oh, you're nuts. I sold him three homes. I'm sure you did. It doesn't matter if you sold him a home. It doesn't matter.

I like him. I think he's a great guy. I think he's nice too, but I know that he's a knucklehead. There's two things and I... Did you? Where'd you get knucklehead from? I don't know. It's just a nice way of saying fucking lunatic. You used to have, and I don't know if you still do, but I used to take pride that I did in fact get a few invites.

The most popular Halloween parties. I know. Was it debauchery? Was it sex? I always assumed it was sex. No. Was it sexy? Sexy. I had the go-go dancers from the Abbey, the hottest guys, the hottest girls. But it was hard to get into this party. I mean you had to be invited for sure. Oh you had to be invited. However at the end it was like 550 people. It was, I have to say it was the party in Malibu.

But I just, I got too concerned with liability. Even though we had limos taking people back in Malibu, we did everything we could. I just didn't want the responsibility. So you stopped. Yeah. How long ago did you stop? A couple of years ago.

They were brilliant. I knew they were. I used to even say like, and you're like, oh, I'll make sure you have your email. I'll make sure you're invited. I was like, good. But I wouldn't go, but I just like to know. Why didn't you want to go?

I don't do things. I never do. Are you shy? What's the shy? Yeah. Yeah. I'm shy. No, you're not.

In social situations, are you shy? Yeah, I don't like to go out. The only thing that's broken me out of my shell is having stupid kids. It's like now I'm forced to go out. The only thing that's broken me out of my shell is having stupid kids. It's like now I'm forced to hang out with all my wife's, friends, husbands, and I have to act like, oh yeah, all right, this is a good time. How old are your kids now?

Five and one and a half. What are you, five and? Three and five. Three and five. Oh my God, are we gonna be forced to hang out with each other? Probably, I mean, I see you at the farm. Yeah, I know. Those are the things that I do.

That's what my life has been reduced to? The farm? No, you. Oh, by the way, are you happy with your current situation of you have two children and you're not co-parenting with anyone? No, I might have my own journey, which I love. If I could somehow void out, the problem is my wife is so much smarter than me.

So I love that the kids are getting that perspective. Who's more strict? Me. I know, I'm pretty strict. What's your help situation? Because I've counted at least three nannies in your world. Is there more? No, well we have revolving.

No, I'm lying, I don't lie. I don't lie. We have revolving on the weekends. I have two now. Help. Because all of a sudden I get called in the work and I'm running. I understand the complexity of not wanting to be with your kids. I actually really want to be with them the whole time. That's good. Alright, but anyways, so the numbers it's between right now

But I get him my children They sleep in my bed every night and that's not good. You gotta get him out your they have to have their own room No, uh-uh totally different paradigm. No, so they're in bed. So I have him from eight to eight every night Right in my arms sandwiched eight to eight But what about it? What about the other what about the other 12 hours? You see them then? Oh yeah, you know they come home and I'm doing drop-offs or pick-up from school. Mm-hmm. Your kids go to probably some fancy, fancy private school. Now my kids, ah, public. Ah, I love it. No, they're in preschool, so they're in preschool. But they will go to a

public school. Oh, they will? Oh, god, yeah. Good for you. Yeah. I didn't see that coming, Chris. Are you kidding me? I'm homegrown Malibu. Oh, fuck off. Seriously. I mean, I would love right now for you to be straight up honest and tell me the exact number that you're worth, because I bet it's fucking huge.

God damn it, it's huge. But you know what's so weird? I don't. It's, I just didn't come from money. So I don't feel like I ever have it. Like it's bizarre. And you'll buy real estate, but you don't, you're kind of frugal when it comes to just like other random stuff.

Do you know what I want? I tell my business manager, can I please have a hot and cold plunge bowl outside my Bollie house? He's like, it's not in the budget right now. Like, oh, what kind of business manager do you have? A smart one because we have so many properties. There's a lot of expenses, but I still value money and I can't believe I get to buy an Iced Latte every day

from Cafe LaPlace, which is like $10 with the tip. You tip, do you always hit tip on the iPad screen? Always. No matter what you've purchased, they hand you a muffin and you just, you give them an extra buck 50. I call it in. I say, I always add 20%.

I do too. I call it in too and say, add the tip. Yeah. I tip everywhere. I do too. I can't. That's the one thing I do. You tip at housekeeping and hotels?

Oh yeah. And I write a note. You write a note? Yes. Oh, you one-upped me so bad. No, you have to. Good for you. I so appreciate how beautiful the room is and have a blessed day. I don't do the blessed day part. With my name. Okay. Hey, Chris, you got an air pod coming out of your pocket? You got an air pod

coming out of your pocket. There he goes. It's not even, it's cord. You know why it's a cord? Because he's fucking a conspiracy nut that believes the Bluetooth is doing radiation to his brain. Are you kidding me? I wouldn't touch that for nothing. Oh man. I love that you're as crazy as you are. Oh. I'm a nutter. Everybody that's been on this show, and I know you're a huge fan because you watched one episode as you were...

Huge fan. ...preview in a house today I give them a gift just something for my house It's it's just learning my way of getting rid of stuff and to give you stuff is the best because I know you won't take it But I'm still gonna give it to you. So this I didn't want anymore. It's for kids. It's a city It's a rug that goes in your kids room. And then I think this is great. They can the playroom Yeah, they can learn about Which areas just they should live in and you can like defund the police and certain

I don't know whatever what they want to do, but I get rid of this. This is out of my house now I'm so sick of it. So that's gonna be for your kids there. That is really good. This is all my beach keys That I that I kept over the years. That is actually spectacular. Now we have the fobs. I know, but the old days you had the beach keys to get down to the beach. Now I want people to know, in Malibu,

there's certain areas where beaches, the beaches are not private, but maybe the easement to get down to the beach is private. And it's harder to get to. Yes, especially at high tides, possibly impossible. Now, what value did Beach Keys give to houses? I would say today, a million and a half to $2 million. Per key, look at that.

We might just be able to retire. Get this off my desk. I'll push this down over there. Yeah, that's fine. Just shove it off. It'll be fine. Okay. That needs to go too. Don't shove it off. You can set that down as your gift. Yes.

I'm going to carry that home for you. Alright, I want to talk about reality television because I do love watching it. I saw you occasionally pop up on million dollar listing. I'm guessing that those people have approached you in the past. Is it bullshit? Are they producing the numbers they're saying they're producing or is it just eye candy, the shows? I think the shows are really entertaining although I didn't never watch them. I don't even watch

myself when I do these things. You're telling me that you've never watched Selling Sunset? Uh-uh, no once. Oh, you gotta watch it. Really? It's just absurd. First of all, Selling Sunset's barely about real estate. It's just about these outfits, these wardrobes that they wear,

that's just so ridiculous and it's just drama. So you don't wanna do a reality show about Chris Cortazzo. I don't have time. I know, but what if they said we would work around your schedule? You can't, you have to do it like three days a I know, but what if they said we would work around your schedule? You can't, you have to do it like three days a week. Fine, what if they said we'll do it two days a week? You think Kim Kardashian doesn't control all?

Maybe one day, maybe one day. But I'd rather make the money. What's the hardest part for you? I love being a papa, and I love, like I wanna spend like 24 hours a day with him. Well then, I mean, excuse me for being blunt, then fucking do it. I'm trying, I'm trying to sell some of my holdings.

I'm making the moves. Are you prepared to stop being the version of yourself that you were? Of course. You are. Yeah. Are you comfortable completely walking away from it? 100%. Oh, good for you. Yeah. People say that about me, like,

oh, you couldn't stop doing comedy. I'm like oh yes I could. I could. I could stop everything. You know we've done it. Look at your career. Oh man look at it. It's amazing. From from Florida trash to Malibu. Alright Chris, turn on your phone, tell me how many calls you've missed and thank you very much for being here. Thank you. Okay. Best friends forever? Yes. you've missed and thank you very much for being here. Thank you. Okay. Best friends forever? Yes. All right. Let's see. Let's see this. I want to see this number.

Oh, look at this. Here's a perfect thing. Chris comes over here with two phones. That's how you... Oh my God. I only card you have in the back of that thing. Jesus. I just saw 51. 61 text. Hold on. Is it going up? 64. 64.

Wow. Holy shit, Chris. It's a shocker. That's fucking so...96 on that one. 96. This is my life. Now you know my life of Chris Cortez. No I knew it. I knew it before. It is shocking. Whatever. I picked comedy. You picked fucking selling billionaires, fucking crazy homes. This is your problem. Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I am so excited to let you know that my latest podcast interview is with the one and only Tom Hanks. Tom rarely does long form interviews, so I was so grateful to have the time to dive deep into family, mental health and the mindset behind his long successful career.

Dude, I travel light and I can travel light emotionally. I'm done. There's stuff that I cannot control. I have left many a wonderful atmosphere or a loving atmosphere or a friendly atmosphere. And like Ernie Banks, the, you know, the ball player for the Chicago Cubs without ever looking back, without thinking, oh, things were really wonderful back then. I wish I was back there. Jay, I don't think I've ever thought that. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or

wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past, and we're just gonna sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the

types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, girls? We got studs, wizards, we got freaks, or dudes dudes. We got dogs. Dogs! We'll break down their games, we'll share some insider stories, and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude? We're gonna find out Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day 1999 a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean.

He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian, Elian, Elian, Elian, Elian, Elian, Elian. Elian Gonzalez.

At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Piece, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network available on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I want to thank Chris for being on the show.

Oh, I mean, talk about a rags to riches story. Although the rags weren't like complete rags is still, you know, Malibu life, but I mean, good grief. I know it's infuriating for some people to listen to it, but I just love them. I mean, just so excited. I just love, I just love how he was like, Oh, what am I going to do with my life? Oh, maybe I'll become a real estate agent. Oh, maybe I'll become the best real estate agent in the world. That's fascinating.

How in the world does that happen? I'm pretty good, huh? People talk about the American dream being dead. I say, nay, nay. Not dead, alive and well. Yeah, sure. Chris is a conspiracy nut, but you know, put that aside. You guys just delightful to be around.

Eddie, you still hyped up back there? Not really. No, you know what you need there? Not really. No, you know what you need? A Tosh Show t-shirt. Huh? No? See, that's the thing. Throwing a t-shirt to somebody. That used to get people so excited, but it's been a while. The t-shirt cannon, how long has that been out? 20 years? They need to up their game. You know, you want me to scream, a t-shirt's not gonna do it. You throw a shack at my way,

and I'll fucking stand and cheer the entire fourth quarter. That's a fact. By the way, head on over now to ToshShowStore.com and get yourself some fresh new merch. Every purchase comes with a couple tickles. That's a pretty good deal. You know what else I want to plug? This is exciting. Did you guys see Tony who fixed my Subaru 360 sandbar little minivan thing? He did an episode on it. It's available. You go check it out on his YouTube

channel called Stay Tuned. I think it it out on his YouTube channel called stay tuned I think it came out a few weeks ago, but I watched it because it's about my van And they all made fun of my van. I knew they would they're curious how I get into that thing. It's tricky It's not easy, but I can get in you slouch a little bit You can only you know, you you don't have to sit up straight He slouched like this you over, you do your driving. I'm not, I'm not doing road trips. I'm just going around the neighborhood and honking at people.

Ah, anyway. What other plugs we got? boyswearpink.com. Check that out. eddygosling.com. Check out his tour dates. danieltosh.com. Check out my tour dates.

Come see Carl and I. We're going to be in New Orleans. We're going to be in Hawaii. We're gonna be in New Orleans. We're gonna be in Hawaii. We're gonna be in Reno. We're gonna be in Washington. We're gonna do a whole big tour next year, buddy. You ready for that? Gas up the bus. Now it's time for free plug. Hit the music. You hear that kind of music you you gotta flash your tits. All right. The free plug today.

If you own a sword made out of a pool noodle and are in Georgetown, Texas, November 2nd and 3rd, head down to Reunion Ranch located at 850 Country Road, 255 for LARP Fest the Amassing. Whether a valiant hero or a powerful villain, participants will immerse themselves in a post apocalyptic scenario as they act out the roles of their chosen characters. I'm surprised that the tickets, I'm surprised there's tickets period, to be honest with you, but you can, you don't have to dress up I guess you can just go to watch.

There's spectator passes for $24.50. Tickets can go all the way up to $300 if you want to be a main character. What the fuck? You get, alright. So you just get, you can just pay to be the star of the festival? That's what it sounds like. I love it. Alright. I'm not what it sounds like. I love it. All right. I'm not shitting on it. I'm sorry.

$300 for anyone who wants to be a main character or attend the VIP pre-party. You know those nerds get there early too. If this seems like something you'd want to do with your weekend and fuck it, I have no idea why. Head over to LARPFest.net. I have no idea why. Head over to LARPFest.net.

Yeah. Yeah. Shame on you guy who was squatting on LARPFest.com. I got a gold mind here. I'll never give it up. Head on over to LARPFest.net for more information. What, what more information do you need? You dress up, you head on down to Georgetown, Texas, and you have the best weekend of your life. Is November 2nd and 3rd a weekend?

Yes it is. Oh good, good for them. That'd be fun, that's good clean fun. I almost sent my son to a private school and when they were giving us the tour of this private school, they're like, you know, we do LARPing on Thursday. And I was like, oh yeah, I'm just going to send them to public school. Way better than this fucking nonsense.

See you next week. Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty. And I am so excited to let you know that my latest podcast interview is with the one and only Tom Hanks. I have left many wonderful atmosphere or a loving atmosphere without thinking, oh, things were really wonderful back then. I wish I was back there. Jay, I don't think I've ever thought that.

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football.

Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're gonna find out Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to dudes on dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, my undeadly darlings. It's Teresa, your resident ghost host. And do I have a treat for you. Haunting is crawling out from the shadows, and it's going to be devilishly good. We've got chills, thrills, and stories that'll make you wish the lights stayed on. So join me, won't you? Let's dive into the eerie unknown together.

Sleep tight, if you can. Listen to Haunting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.