Tosh Show - My Son

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

Daniel is joined in the studio by his five-year-old son for a wide ranging conversation about toys, cheese, and bedtime stories. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If you love comedy, movies and Hollywood satire, you're going to want to listen to a brand new podcast called Get It to Dutch. In Get It to Dutch, we play three aspiring screenwriters on a quest to get a script to big time Hollywood producer Dutch Huxley. Each week on the podcast, we perform a movie script right before your ears. It's like going to a movie with your eyes closed. And we have amazing guest stars, including Tim Robinson, Rob Hubel, Lily Sullivan, Jamie Moyer, and Weird Al Yankovic. Listen to Get It to Dutch, a screenwriter's journey on iHeart radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Curious about queer sexuality, cruising, and expanding your horizons? Hit play on the sex-positive and deeply entertaining podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions.

Join hosts Gabe Gonzalez and Chris Patterson-Rosso as they explore queer sex, cruising, relationships, and culture in the new iHeart podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Sniffy's Cruising Confessions will broaden minds and help you pursue your true goals. You can listen to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions, sponsored by Gilead, now on the iHeart radio app,

or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Thursday. Get emotional with me, Radhita Vleukya, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry. We're gonna be talking with some of my best friends. New episodes every Thursday. which is different than empathy, right? Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one. Listen to A Really Good Cry with Radhi Devlukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you know what this is right now, what we're doing?

We are interviewing each other. Do you know the name of this show? Tosh Show. Tosh Show? Da da da da da da da da da? Da da da da da Tosh Show. Ha ha, is that the song? Tosh Show. Tosh Show.

Tosh Show for Show. Welcome to Tosh Show. The only podcast that is 100% ad-libbed. Yeah, can we do that again? Welcome to Toss Show, the only podcast that is 100% ad-libbed. All crowd work, every episode. Zero preparation. In the history of podcasts. This is the only improvised one. I can't believe we pull this off every week. All right, Eddie, you here?

Yeah, I'm here. Congratulations. Thanks, for what? For what? You know what today is, right? Today is the season finale of Tosh Show. This is our first option. I Heart picked us up for two options.

They picked up our second option already. This is the final episode, the finale of option one. It doesn't really make sense because we started last year in, I think it was November, and then all the way to August. Option one, the finale. This is a big day here.

We've done it. Congratulations to everyone that made my dreams come true. Now, are we taking time off before option two? No, we'll be back next week. Same time, same channel, knuckleheads. Oh, what are we doing this week? We're going to do a little feedback.

Feed, oh, feed, what a way to wrap up the first option. With feedback, because people, you know, they come at us like we've been doing this for a long time. And that's not that's not true at all. We've only been doing this podcast for one option. All right. Well, let me let's hear what the people have to say, because I'm sure it's it's constructive. Yeah, here we go. A lot of people are asking when are you gonna interview your wife the old ball and chain? When will I interview the wife? I mean, I don't know how that's possible With her busy schedule of not doing shit No

We are in talks my people have reached out to her people and I believe that we can reach a deal hopefully by the end of this calendar year 2024. I mean there's been there's been a few sticking points in the negotiating, a lot of back and forth, but we're close to a deal. And I think people will will be pleasantly surprised at the chemistry the two of us have together. What else? Dang, that frame is looking good. You know what though? As great as our frame is, it's about what's inside the frame.

You could make that frame four inches thicker. And I put this smile in it. It's gonna pop. Okay, that's gonna pop. Okay, that's just keeping the main thing the main thing. You know that's from? That's from this douchebag that's on the Bachelorette right now, he just keeps saying it. He keeps trying to make it a thing.

And it's just embarrassing. But I actually am like, yeah, it's kind of funny. What's with comedians selling out to DraftKings? Well, first, I'd like to point out that all comedians are degenerates. I love gambling. And even though I don't need the money, the people that are working here,

that are creating this show every week with me, they wanna get paid. And I'm sure as shit not going out of pocket. So we're gonna have advertisers, hopefully tons of them. I would prefer this show be 30 seconds on 60 seconds advertising the whole way through. That's my goal. How long has Tosh been dying his hair?

Dying my hair? Never dyed my hair. That's noting my hair? Never dyed my hair. That's not true either. I have dyed my hair. I don't dye my hair at all. I haven't dyed my hair in 30 years. But when I was young, like 18 to 20s, there was times where I would bleach it white,

just look cool as shit, spike it out. Oh man, I miss those days. From our cookie episode, it's a legitimate credit to Daniel that he found so many decent, kind people in Los Angeles. I've lived here for nine years and maybe found two of them. Shut up. There's wonderful people everywhere. Everybody in Arkansas doesn't butt fuck their sister. But some do. And those are the ones we focus on when we make jokes. Oh, everybody in Los Angeles is horrible.

OK, if that's what you need to say to yourself because you could never afford to live here and enjoy how much better this place is than every place else. Fine. There's no one here that's good. But it's just a reflection of you there's tons of great people go out and meet them this is from one of your father-in-law episodes physical exam yesterday PSA of 0.47 you made me check appreciate it hey look at that you saved a life well we didn't save his life because his PSA was below one, which is all we were told you need to do, per my father-in-law, who is not a doctor. So that information could

be completely bogus. I'd like to go on record as saying that, but it sounds like your PSA is great and you didn't need to get it checked. If you watched Tosh.0, you would have never thought Daniel would be a great family man You never would have known I'd be a great family man by the way. I hosted a clip show about internet videos Oh, it seems like a weird way to gauge if somebody would be good or bad as a father or husband But uh all right. I'm I'm glad you're pleasantly surprised. From your father-in-law's episode a wealthy man saying the economy is booming here in Florida while we all suffer is wild. Joke's on you you thought

they're wealthy boy because he was a banker because banks have money okay. Also about Craig is this the guy that sits on pillows? Yeah, he is! That's the guy that sits on my throw pillows. I'm an ice man just like you, Greg. Never apologize for ice. You know what I did for him? I'll show you. I got him an ice machine. It was a joke gift, but it was a nice one. It was like on Prime Day. Look at that. A little plot. I don't know. I saw this ice maker. It was like on Prime Day. Look at that. A little plot. I don't know. I saw this ice maker. It was like the greatest ice maker.

People loved it. 400 bucks or something like that. I'm like, oh, this will make them laugh. Put this on his, on his counter down in the guest house. I'm not sure where else to post this, meaning which video, but please if possible have me ma on the podcast. Me ma is dead. Okay. Meemaw's dead, okay? That wasn't clear.

She was killed in a snowplow accident in Jeremy Renner's driveway. No, I don't think that's true. From the astronaut episode, Interstellar is an amazing movie. Come on, Tosh, raise your game. Ugh, I know, I'm not smart enough to get it. But if an astronaut says the movie's stupid, I stand by it. Interstellar's garbage.

And I watched the whole thing, which means it wasn't all garbage until it became garbage. And that last part was enough garbage for me to be like, that whole movie is horrible. From the tour episode, showering with kids is weird, no way around it. Well yeah. Showering with kids? I, showering with kids is weird, no way around it. Well yeah, showering with kids? I was showering with my kids. That's a huge difference. I'm not gonna take a bath with them. That's disgusting. You're sitting in a bath with your kids. It's just like, oh, it's a ticking time bomb until you know what happens. Until you know what happens When I was much younger my first

4-million kids I showered with them They went right down the drain Yeah, you get what I'm talking about So I'm not jerking off in the shower It's actually ridiculous how much I look forward to hearing your son's bedtime stories every week Well, I hope you have rubber sheets because you're about to go potty in your bed when you find out who today's guest is. Enjoy!

It began as a three-word line spoken by Kelly Taylor, Jenny Garth's character on Beverly Hills 90210, but it became her own formula for personal fulfillment and the rallying cry of an entire movement. The phrase, I choose me, has come to mean so much to so many. It embodies self-care and self-love. I'm Jenny Garth, and I have a brand new podcast called I Choose Me. What started as a line in a script has become a guiding force for me. I've learned that loving yourself is not selfish.

Tune into the podcast I Choose Me with Jenny Garth, as she continues her quest for contentment and gratitude and leads you on an exploration of the transformative power of those three words. You'll learn how you too can choose health, healing, and happiness to be the star of your own life and watch everything around you improve. Join me each week as I continue my quest for contentment and gratitude. Come along and live by the words, I choose me. Listen to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey everyone, I'm Mark. I'm Greg. I'm Brendan. And this is a trailer for a new podcast called Get It to Dutch, A Screenwriter's Journey. It's about screenwriting. And a journey. The three of us play aspiring screenwriters on a quest

to get a hit Hollywood script to famous producer Dutch Huxley. Well, I would say one of us is aspiring and the other two are sort of struggling. Which one of us is aspiring? Well, they're going to have to listen to the podcast. Hmm. But I don't know, and I made the podcast. Well, I made the podcast, and I think

you guys were along for the ride. Each week, we bring in a script, we read it, and then we give each other notes. And you'll also hear about our adventures navigating the Hollywood system. The show features amazing guests like Tim Robinson, Lily Sullivan, Weird Al Yankovic, and Rob Hubel. Unlike any great blockbuster,

it's filled with heartbreak, adventure, suspense, and just a little tasteful nudity. And some distasteful nudity. Sorry about that, guys. Listen to Get get it to Dutch a screenwriters journey on the I heart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever You get your podcasts. I've been thinking about you. I want you back in my life Too late for that. I have a proposal for you Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. One session, 24 hours. EPM 110, 120, she's terrified. Should we wake her up?

Absolutely not. What was that? You didn't figure it out? I think I need to hear you say it. That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. This machine is approved and everything? You're allowed to be doing this? We passed the review board a year ago. We're not hurting people. There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams. Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television,

iHeartRadio, and Realm. Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My guest today is the creative mind behind our wildly popular and often confusing Toshio Bedtime Stories. Hopefully, he only needs permission from one of his parents to be here today. wildly popular and often confusing Toshio bedtime stories. Hopefully he only needs permission from one of his parents to be here today. Please welcome, from a bedroom just across the hall from mine, my son, Dan Jr.

Dad, can you use my real name? That's not his real name. No, I'm not gonna say your real name. I don't want people to yell it. By the way, we don't have to have him, uh, blurred like he's in witness protection. Bwakawwak! You look like a chicken. I don't want that either. A rooster. No. Oh, there we go. That's perfect.

You like a robot? Yeah, sure. We're just trying to obscure your identity. I just don't want people at, you know, pervs at home just staring at your beautiful No! face. That would be nice if they stared at your beautiful face. No, that would be nice if they stared at my beautiful face.

Alright, first question and you're gonna talk loud into the microphone, okay? Okay! You don't have to scream, just talk. Are you a boy or a girl? Boy, but everyone thinks I'm a girl. When I'm by myself and someone says, look at that girl, I don't tell them, hey, I'm a boy, not a girl. Why do people say, look at that girl? Because I have long hair and I'm pretty. You are pretty and you do have long hair. Oh man.

Do you believe in ghosts? No. I respect that. Do you believe in ghosts? No. I respect that. Where were you born? In the doctor. In the doctor. You're born in Los Angeles. You live in Malibu and Tahoe.

Ah, you are destined to have some problems. Do you love California? I don't know what to say to that. I mean, probably yes. You do love California? Is it embarrassing that we often dress alike? I kinda like that, I think. I like it too.

Mom likes to put us in the same clothes all the time, doesn't she? Well, so do we. Ready for your next question? What is it? Bacon or sausage? Bacon. Drums or piano?

Piano? Mommies or daddies? Ooh. Maybe daddies? Mm-hmm. Favorite thing to do with your little sister? Probably... I don't think I know the answer to that question. When somebody says, oh, that's funny or you're funny, what do you say? Comedy is subjective. Comedy is subjective. And what does that mean? It means if something's funny to you, it doesn't mean it's funny to the other person. Now you are very funny.

Who do you think you got your sense of humor from? What do you mean? Who do you think tried to make you funnier, mommy or daddy? You. Mm-hmm. Daddy. Who's the funniest person in the family?

Probably. Susan. Susan. Honest? She's like always just crazy, but that's funny. Do you have any imaginary friends? I mean, sure. I can... Can you name all five of them?

Bumba? Yep. Is one of them Cheetah? Who? Cheetah? No. Remember Bingda? Bingda?

Yeah. What about Hamby? Hamby. What about Mehow? Mehow! Well, it sounded like Nee-how, the greeting in Mandarin, but you changed it to Mi hao.

I mean I might get rid of them, get some new ones, cool ones. Okay. Like imaginary dragon. Interesting. Where did Bumba live? New York. New York. Oh man, so expensive.

Tell everybody your favorite food. Oh dear. I bet I have a bunch of them. What are some foods that you like? Bacon, bacon, you already heard that. I think I like quesadilla, cheeseburger maybe. I like pretty much like a lot of cheese things. Mac and cheese, cheeseburger.

What about you? You like sushi? Oh yeah, I think I like sushi. What do you like for breakfast? I could have anything. I don't know what I would have. Something good. What about breakfast burritos?

In Mexico, I had a... What'd you have in Mexico? Breakfast burritos. Delicious. What's your bedtime? Don't think I know. Do you have a bedtime? Yeah.

Except on what day? On Friday, I don't have a bedtime. I'm the boss of bedtime on Friday. I'm the boss of bedtime on Friday. You're the boss of bedtime on Friday. But sometimes you forget to ask us what day of the week it is and then you miss it. And then how mad do you get? And I get so mad.

Mm-hmm. The problem is when you're the boss of bedtime, how late do you stay awake? Pretty late. Yeah. Like pretty late. Yeah, like you never get tired. I never want to go to bed.

Who lets you watch more movies? Who gives you more screen time, mommy or daddy? I would say, I mean, daddy would like let me watch some movies. You. Mommy doesn't like you to watch what? Scary movies. Do you like scary movies?

Yeah, I think so. I mean, I would like a shark a shark dragon things like at all scary Like everything that's scary but not in real life. It's like you would scare me, right? Of course. Have you ever been married? Yes, yes, who did you get married to you? And why did you want to get married to me? Because I just think I wanted to we got married. We a nice little small wedding in her backyard didn't we? Yeah, that was pretty fun. It was fun. I love you more than any person in the whole wide world.

Where do you think you're gonna live when you get older? I think mom wants me to stay here, Malibu. I think that's right. Are you gonna stay with us? Are you gonna stay in her house forever? I don't know how I'm going to stay in the house, but I might stay in the city. What about the Airstream? Could you just move into the Airstream? Oh, I don't know. How come when you talk to me

every day of your life, you talk to me nonstop from 6.30 in the morning until 8 o'clock at night, and you start every single sentence with me with, Dad, can I tell you something? And you're like, oh I got it. I mean, like what if we were being chased by some giant in the city

and you didn't and you're like, and I have to say that. Right, okay, so what you're trying to say there is I said, stop saying, dad, can I tell you something? Just start talking. Because if somebody was chasing you, would you be like, dad, can I tell you something? And then you wait for me to say yes, and then you go, there's somebody chasing me.

Or would you just say, there's somebody chasing me? So can you stop saying, dad, can I tell you something? And just start telling me something? Dad, can I tell you something? And just start telling me something? Dad, can I tell you something? Oh man. I mean, like, do you want to do some jokes now? Yeah, I want to do some jokes. All right.

Does your dad ever say bad words? Yes. Do you ever say bad words? I mean, I think I say bad words when you're not listening. What? Sorry! And then we have this whole conversation that I don't think they're actually bad words.

They're just like rude words or inappropriate or they're not nice. It depends on the context. It's a lot goes into it. But then there are actual bad words, but I don't even want to get into those. I don't even know when I'm supposed to start teaching you some things that people say. That's tough. Now, do you know what I do for a living? Be funny.

I'm just funny? You're pretty funny. What do you want to do when you get older? I mean, I'm a great builder, right? You're a great builder. Do you want to be a builder? I mean, maybe, like, what? Do you like going to work with me? I mean, I think this is fun, I guess.

What about tours? Do you like going on tours? Do I? Do I not? I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, sure. You've already turned into a 15-year-old? Uh, that's so sad. Do you know what this is right now, what we're doing? We are interviewing each other. Do you know what a podcast right now, what we're doing? We are interviewing each other. Do you know what a podcast is? What's a podcast?

That's what we're doing. That's what this is. Do you know the name of this show? Tosh Show. Tosh Show? Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Do an impression of my fans. Hey, you know, I love your T.A.S.H. show. Now did you know that you were on the T.A.S.H. show? That I was putting your bedtime stories? That Eddie animates them? Turns them into little...

Yeah, I know what Eddie animates them. Okay. Do you like your stories being animated? I think so, because I think one time I had animation silly on TV I think. You were three years old and every night before bed you would tell me a story. And I always recorded you because I thought it was funny that your voice was so cute and I wanted to remember it forever. And now I put it on the show so that everybody can watch it and hear your stories.

Do you understand your old stories when you listen to them? Do you know what you're saying when I ask you what word is this? I don't know if I always understand myself. I mean, listen, I'm just three years old. You don't always understand myself when I'm three years old. That makes sense. I would understand myself when I'm three years old, but like when I grow up and then I listen to when I'm three years old, I don't think I can understand that.

Makes sense. What is your process? Are your stories well thought out or do you just see things in the room and start talking? Just ask me another question, that's way better than that. Okay, I'll ask you another question, that's way better than that. Is it more fun to hear a bedtime story

or tell a bedtime story? I think hear a bedtime story. How many do you think? But I also think it was. Jeez. Go ahead. I also think it would be fun to tell one because like people like go,

oh yeah, that's cool. You know? How many people do you think have heard the bedtime stories that you've told? Probably a couple of people. Yeah. No. Maybe so. Your storytelling hasn't stopped.

Do you still tell stories, but I don't record you at night. Are you mad that I recorded you every night telling stories or no? I don't think so. Okay, good. I don't know. I think it's neat. I've always loved them.

You know what's tough now is now that you read books that are like smaller print is I have to have all the lights on to read at night to you and then you don't get sleepy. It's a problem. You would make my eyes show

when you put on the lights and then I get used to the lights. I know and then when I turn them down it gets too dark. Ugh, okay. Recently on a trip, you and one of your cousins there, Panda, you used an app on her phone and you made your first stop motion little

film. Yeah, it's called Snail Attack. It's called Snail Attack? And you know why, and say why is that? Why is that? Because the snail gets attacked. Oh, okay, so the title is just a complete description of the movie. I made up that word.

I just said, snail deck, snail deck, snail deck. Okay, so you made up this whole movie, snail deck, and then you did stop motion. Can we play it on the show? Yeah. Now, do you want to tell them when the credits roll that they need to keep watching? Yeah, they need to keep watching because there's a funny extra scene. There's an extra scene in the credits. A long time ago, there was a village.

And in that village, there was some snails. One of the snails really liked treasure. And it went off the... Oh no! There's a tubal cover! I'm gonna eat you! Yum yum yum! Oh you look good! Everybody that's on my show gets a present. Ooh, what is mine? Yeah, but it's just stuff that's at my house, which happens to be your house, that I'm getting rid of. What is it?

Okay, well that's my house. Oh, it's a house. Oh, it's a house. Oh, it's a house., but it's just stuff that's at my house, which happens to be your house, that I'm getting rid of. What is it? Okay, well the first, here's your first gift. You're gonna love this.

And do I like it? I don't know. This is every craft that you did in preschool. Every single thing that you came home, I saved them all, but I don't, because mom won't let me throw it away, so I thought I would just give it back to you, and now you're in charge of it.

There's just hundreds and hundreds of things in here. You want to get that off my desk? Yeah. Please. Okay, please get it off my desk. Give us, ooh, ooh! Ah, this is what I like. You goofball.

Oh, do you have any other gift for me? Yeah, I got one more. One more gift. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Would I like it? You'll love it. Oh, come on. Yay! Blocky box! Blocky! You don't ever play with these, and yet

you just take them out and then it's impossible to put them back in the box because they all have to be put in so perfectly for the box to close. Can we donate these? Can we give these to some other kids? Give it to them, then you have to give me another present for this. To replace it? That's not how it works.

You're letting me keep all this other stuff and yet you just gave me this and now you don't even want it. That's true. But what's the rule in the house? You have to give away what 10 or 20 toys to get one new one? 20 20 That's a good rule the problem is That's not enough. It should have been 30 you were in preschool for two and a half years You want me to tell you the time? I was the most proud of you. Which time one time I picked you up from school and you had a new toy in your hand.

And I got upset because I immediately thought that you had taken somebody else's toy. So I went to your teacher and I said, and you're like, no, no, they gave this to me. And I just wanted to get confirmation. And she told me, your teacher said, that you were so nice that day,

that there was a new kid at school that nobody was playing with, and you went over and invited him to play with you. And so she let you go into the treasure chest as a reward since nobody told you to go over there. And you just included him in the games. And I said, oh man, I thought my son stole something, but instead he was super, super nice.

Way better, way better. What are you gonna ask Santa for Christmas this year? Chupacabra, things that I would like. And I might say, can I have something that I would like forever? You want to ask him for something that you'll like forever. Forever, yeah. That's a pretty good gift. And you know what that gift is?

Memories. Memories. That's right. That's great that you just said that. I was going to say love. Hey, let's talk about sports real quick. First of all, do you play any sports? Yes. What sports do you play? Tennis.

Here we go. Ready for position. Two, three, and four. Nice! Which way do you swing any sports? Yes. What sports do you play? Tennis. Here we go. Ready position. Two, three, and four. Nice. Which way do you swing the racket? From low to high. Low to high, baby. Low to high, baby. Low to high. You got to put that top spin on it.

What about break dancing? I'm done doing that, but I'm going to do it again. You're starting back up in break dancing? Now, did you see that Australian in the Olympics? That the people said? I'm a break and data. Yeah, and she see did you see that Australian in the Olympics that the people said? Break and data. Yeah. And she was doing a little like little kangaroo hop. Did you think she was good or did you also find it uncomfortable? Just please.

Oh, mama, just just just I don't think I know who you're talking about. Have you lost interest in this interview? You wanted me to do this, so I did it. All right, you goofball. Well, listen, it's been wonderful having you on the podcast. Thank you for all your hard work doing the bedtime stories. And we'd love to have you back in like 20 years. Are we best friends forever?

Love you today, love you tomorrow, best friends forever." Yeah. It began as a three-word line spoken by Kelly Taylor, Jenny Garth's character on Beverly Hills 90210, but it became her own formula for personal fulfillment and the rallying cry of an entire movement. The phrase, I choose me, has come to mean so much to so many. It embodies self-care and self-love. I'm Jenny Garth, and I have a brand new podcast called I Choose Me. What started as a line in a script has become a guiding force for me. I've learned that loving yourself is not selfish.

Tune into the podcast, I Choose Me with Jenny Garth, as she continues her quest for contentment and gratitude, and leads you on an exploration of the transformative power of those three words. You'll learn how you too can choose health, healing, and happiness to be the star of your own life and watch everything around you improve. Join me each week as I continue my quest for contentment and gratitude. Come along and live by the words, I choose me. Listen to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey everyone, I'm Mark. I'm Greg. I'm Brendan. And this is a trailer for a new podcast called Get It to Dutch, A Screenwriter's Journey. It's about screenwriting. And a journey. The three of us play aspiring screenwriters

on a quest to get a hit Hollywood script to famous producer, Dutch Huxley. Well, I would say one of us is aspiring and the other two are sort of struggling. Which one of us is aspiring? Well they're gonna have to listen to the podcast. Hmm but I don't know and I made the podcast. I made the podcast and I think you guys were along for the ride. Each week we bring in a script, we read it and then we give each other notes. And you'll also hear about our adventures navigating the Hollywood system.p- uh, system. The show features amazing guests like Tim Robinson, Lily Sullivan, Weird Al Yankovic, and Rob

Hubel. And like any great blockbuster, it's filled with heartbreak, adventure suspense, and just a little tasteful nudity. And some distasteful nudity. Oh yeah, sorry about that guys. Listen to Get It to Dutch, a screenwriter's journey on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I've been thinking about you.

I want you back in my life. It's too late for that. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. One session, 24 hours. EPM 110, 120, she's terrified. Should we wake her up?

Absolutely not. What was that? You didn't figure it out? I think I need to hear you say it. That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. This machine is approved and everything? You're allowed to be doing this? We passed the review board a year ago. We're not hurting people. There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams.

Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm. Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeart Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Pasha. Well, I wanna thank my son for letting me interview him. Do you like today's guest? You don't, do you? Cause what does he do all day? Tortures you.

Although sometimes you torture him. I've seen you run at full speed, clip him, take his legs clean out, he had a full flip. That was impressive. Believe it or not, Carl, we're coming to the end of his stories, his bedtime stories. This is the finale of option one. And we were only gonna do my son's bedtime stories for the first season.

Now, I've saved a few that maybe in the future special episodes will will air one. But that is to be determined. Then my daughter, when she hits the age where she can start spitting out stories, we'll record hers and we'll let the audience at home decide which one of my children should get a larger inheritance. We got a few more years for my daughter. Although she has excelled in some things very quickly. She might be a champ. All right, what else?

Hey, I wanna talk about some free stuff that came our way. These aren't plugs, again. Remember when Stance sent me those socks? They sent me nine pair and I got furious because what am I gonna do with nine pairs of socks? And I made the joke that Bombas, if Stance didn't up their game. I was gonna switch to bombas bombas did it they sent me 250 pairs of socks I've got them. I've got just tons of socks from them, you know tons of them just

boxes and boxes of socks Tons of them. They're just boxes and boxes of socks. Every color in the world, every style in the world. And listen, I couldn't be happier. They also, it's because they're business model, they then donated 250 pair to the unhoused and unsocked. Socks, unsocks, I don't know how you say it. People that don't have a home, but also don't have socks

They donated a 250 pair to them So you can't even get mad for them sending me free socks now am I gonna switch? I don't know probably not but uh, I like them. I'm gonna go through them. I'm gonna pick the ones I want They weren't even the only people that sent me stocks in this other company. What are they? They weren't even the only people that sent me stocks in this other company. What are they, uh, Merge for? They sent my kid a bunch of socks. They got monsters on them, stuff. They made a joke or something saying that you can't cancel their socks.

I don't know. It doesn't, I didn't find it funny. But they sent me a ton of socks for me and my kid. So I'll go through those as well. This is a great day for free socks here. Now, did they donate to charity? Probably not. That's okay.

Bombas took care of them. I also, a candle company sent me some more candles. I don't know what they are. Penn and Beach, man. Sent me one bourbon. Couple of these. Yeah, it smells holiday-y. I'll light those up around December.

That's nice. That's all the free stuff that we got this week. You know who I want to start sending us free stuff? This is getting silly. I should ask for a sponsor to just buy the stuff myself, but that's not fun. Chomps, those beef sticks. But I want a lot of turkey, okay?

I like the turkey sticks. But you can send some beef for the boys here. Uh. Yeah, some beef for the boys here yeah some beef for the boys here yeah why not send me a bunch of those I like those things those things are good anyway speaking of clothes boys wear pink calm my children's clothing line let's get that off the books somebody swooping and buy that for me you can go see Eddie do stand up you don't have to just listen to me you can go to his website and check out his tour dates. You can also check out my tour dates.

Come see me in Hawaii and New Orleans. Oh, my son's never been to New Orleans. He's so excited for his first proper beignet. Oh, that's gonna be fun. And I'm gonna give him a po' boy first. Just gonna wreck his innards. Some jambalaya. Oh, some crawfish. Teach him how to suck the gonna wreck his innards. Some jambalaya. Oh, some crawfish.

Teach him how to suck the head like his daddy do. Before we throw, I'm a little emotional here to my son's bedtime story. This is the final one. And I'm not gonna subtitle this one. I'm gonna let you guys figure out what he said. Feel free to write it at the bottom. All right, and by the way,

these are never in any particular order. This one, I believe, was one of his earlier works. I was much more patient with his painful storytelling than I did toward the end of that run. But anyway, that's the one we're gonna end on. See you guys next week! Alright, go ahead and tell me a happy story. Okay. Okay. Once upon a time in a Two little timeouts, they were playing with dinos. Dinos were not saly, so they won. But they won saly dinos. The end.

That's a great story. Thank you. comedy, movies, and Hollywood satire, you're going to want to listen to a brand new podcast called Get It to Dutch. In Get It to Dutch, we play three aspiring screenwriters on a quest to get a script to big time Hollywood producer Dutch Huxley. Each week on the podcast, we perform the movie script right before your ears. It's like going to a movie with your eyes closed. And we have amazing guest stars, including Tim Robinson, Rob Hubel, Lily Sullivan, Jamie Moyer, and Weird Al Yankovic. Listen to Get It to Dutch, a screenwriter's journey on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcast,

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