Tosh Show - My Son's Soccer Coach (Who Played in the World Cup) - Rodney Wallace

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

Daniel sits down with Rodney Wallace, his son's soccer coach. After a career that included an NCAA Championship, MLS Cup Championship, and a World Cup appearance for Costa Rica, Rodney has taken up residence in Malibu and started a rapidly growing youth soccer league.  Join our Patreon for exclusive content: http://patreon.com/toshshow Download the Kalshi app and use code TOSH to get $20 when you trade $20 http://www.kalshi.com/r/tosh Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at http://talkspace.com For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit http://hims.com/tosh

You scored a hat trick in the World Cup. Don't worry. Nobody else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one will fact check this podcast. Right, yeah, go ahead. Tosh. Tosh Show.

Tosh Show for show. Let's do this. Welcome to Tosh Show. Hope everyone had a good 9-11. You know what bothers me, Eddie? Go everything. They always say, like, the most deadly attack on U.S. soil. Right.

Okay. is it? No. Why don't we count the Civil War? Yeah, way worse. Over like 700,000 or 600, I don't know the number. Don't fucking deal with. Don't, don't bug. I just know it was way more than 3,000. But the reason I had so much reflection, just so you know what time this episode was shot. This was during the week one of the NFL. Right. So I'm getting all Patriots. With the flyovers and everything. You know, people always say, do you believe in ghosts? And I'm like, well, are you talking like ghost like the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback's wife? Because she's invisible. I get that O.A.N. Rogers, like, oh, I want to keep my private life private, which, you know, that's why I'm going to have, you know, a little mini series on Netflix and all this other stuff and constantly just troll everyone and be on every single TV show. But this whole nonsense about no one has seen his wife.

Oh, come on. Everything has to be the dumbest version. No one is allowed to ever see my wife. Yeah, that worked out real well with Blanket. You remember Blanket? How will she ever be on one of these reality shows where they have sports stars wives on the show? And the cameras aren't allowed to show her.

Like shows up like, no, I am. Honestly, I'm his wife. There'll be a confessional, and there's be like an empty chair, and she's just laying on the floor. It's really funny. Talk. Do some voiceover. Rosen, I love her, Aaron Rogers is good to me. Yeah.

It's good stuff. Speaking of, well, I shouldn't, I can't segue that way. What's his name? And what's it? Tom Cruise, sitting in the chiefs box with. with Tatee. Yeah. Taylor's word.

I'm furious. I'm like, Taylor, don't fucking let him take any of your shine. Right. I'm so sick of these people. These people like Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt, where they, like, we're going to act like it's their good. Oh, my goodness. If you've ever met him, he is so sweet. Oh, if you've ever worked with this person, there's, unless you're their children.

Yeah. Imagine, I mean, Tom has zero, cut one of his, his only biological child off completely, has no relationate. That's all you need to know about who the person. I don't care if they're nice on set. Oh, apparently he's not. He was really, or he was engaged, you know, really, the whole process. What a true professional.

Fuck off. Brad Pitt's, all his kids are racing to change their name. You have a horrible relationship with your children. That's all I need to know. That's the tell. That's the tell. By the way, they only showed Tom Cruise in the beginning of that game. And then quarter two or three, he was nowhere to be seen.

Gone. Maybe he was gone. I don't know. My son, by the way, tragedy at his soccer practice yesterday. What happened? Someone backed into my truck. I was like, I heard it and I'm like, oh, please don't be my...

Yep, it's my truck. And the guy came running over and was like, hey, sorry, I was trying to avoid. You know, I don't want to hear what you were trying to avoid. So you went into a, drove into a truck. And you know, Rivians, I was going to hit up R.J. with a screen grab and say, hey, what's this going to cost me?

Just because it's so funny. I still might. You should. And they say with these Rivians because they have so few panels that when you get a fender bender, it's like comes back $25,000 in damage. Whatever. Well, listen, all this football talk has gotten me really excited about today's guest.

Okay. Enjoy. My guest today played at the highest level of a sport I only pretend to care about once every four years, assuming America even qualifies that year. He's the gatekeeper of my seven-year-old son's soccer career. he's an NCAA champion, an MLS Cup champion, and played in the World Cup for his native Costa Rica. Please welcome to the studio from the Pitches of Malibu, soccer fiend. I'm Coach Rodney.

What an intro. Thank you. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes, 100%. No, you don't. 100%. And aliens, too. Do you believe in aliens?

Huh. None of that stuff? What do you believe in? That's a great question. What do you believe in, really? I just want to kind of get through my day. I've already made it another day. You know how people, if you're in jail, you'd do a notch on the wall.

Like a calendar? Yeah, right. And my release date is death. Okay. And I'm just like how many. Just waiting. How many more of these notches do I have to do? Am I okay calling it soccer for the entirety of this interview?

We can do soccer. Thank goodness. Were you thinking football? I don't want to. And why are you acting like you don't watch soccer, do you? When it's Olympics World Cup Anytime it's important All right, that's it

Or my child How was that experience for you? He scored his first goal in practice yesterday Is he still going through people? This is a funny thing Rodney once said about my son I'm just paraphrasing here He goes, you're not a ghost

You can't run through people So I do believe in ghosts There it is He was young Because my son was just like Well the shortest distance from A to B Which I appreciate because my son's not the quickest So he knows that he's got to get a straight line.

And if somebody's in his path, he's just going right through them. Yeah. Just can't do it. I hear a lot of people moving from the U.S. to Costa Rica. You did the opposite. Why did your family decide to relocate to the States? My mom got a promotion. She got a job.

Her office got transferred to D.C., so. How old were you when you moved? 10. 9.10. Where did you live in Costa Rica? San Jose. I went to San Jose, the first. for the first time when I was 17 years old, and I spent the night with another guy.

We were getting ready to go surfing, but we had a stay of the night in San Diego. I remember being scared. You're scared, for sure. I was a little scared. Even though it's the sweetest people in the world, I was a little scared in San Jose when I was 17. How is it now, though?

You no longer have to go to San Jose. You just go straight. The private jet just takes you straight to... To Bonacoste? That's a mess. That's a real... I don't like how you're looking at this. By the way,

Let's discuss this for one second here. Okay. Are you Hispanic? Mm-hmm. You are. So when I have to mark off the box, black, Hispanic, like, what is it? You do, you go black first? Well, the thing is, is...

I love being confused. They have black. Mm-hmm. Then they have, like, Hispanic. Mm-hmm. I'm from Costa Rica. Mm-hmm. But I'm black from Costa Rica.

So I'm Hispanic. Are there whites from Costa Rica? Well, yeah. White people are everywhere, right? Well, right? But are they considered white Hispanic? You're white. Is there just pure Hispanic?

No, like you're white. You're white. You don't get to be Hispanic? Like if you're in Costa Rica and you're black, you're black. If you go, if you're white in Costa Rica, you're white. What do you mean? I want to know if there's any Hispanics. They're all Hispanic, but they're white.

God, it's so hard. No, I don't. I'm just so dumb. Anywhere, anywhere in the world. Mm-hmm. If you go to... But if you're Mexico, if you live in Mexico and you're Mexican, you're white. No, you're Latino.

But you're not. You're white. Are you Latino? I am. Solved. I am too, though. That's the thing. I know.

Black Trump's all is what I'm learning. I'm black anywhere I go. That's what I've learned. Is that fun in soccer? It wasn't fun at 16 years old going to Italy. No? That was my first experience of racism. It was in Italy?

Yeah. Look at that, America. There you go. Thank goodness. I could have sworn Maryland would have fucking brought it out. Maryland's the boonies. Marion is a beautiful place, though. Uh-huh.

What position did you play as a child, like in that 14? I was in midfield, like a left-winger. Are you fast? Can you run for days without getting tired? That was me. I was just an engine. You were never going to out-hustle me. Were you strong?

Because your body is pretty... I was lanky. I was long. Like, I had to figure it out. I mean, I was the skinnier kid. I wasn't... Did you have a big foot? Could you kick the ball far and hard?

I couldn't. I think I just had a complete... I had a good sense of the ball. Like, I knew I needed to be creative. And that was my thing. thing. I was different than most players because I was creative. Did you score a lot? Scored a lot. My job was to score. My job was to assist. But all of those things came from being Latino and having that creativity growing up in Costa Rica. I remember getting cut. I remember

being rejected or left out of this. So then the next year I'd have to like double down and make it. So my journey wasn't, it wasn't smooth, but eventually it just, it all kind of came together. When was the writing on the wall for you that you were, you know, better than your normal kids growing up? I was never the best. I think my journey was more just taking it as it comes and just enjoying it. And it might sound like cliche or whatever, but like my parents never pressured me into being like, you need to be out there doing this and the other. You need to be training.

Did you play every day for hours every day? Did you sleep with a soccer ball? I honestly don't, probably at times. but I mean, I loved soccer too for a while. I enjoyed being in the neighborhood playing American football. I played basketball a day. It wasn't a crazy dream that I was like, I need to make it to this thing. It was more like, all right, I'm good.

Did you have a lot of trophies in your room? My parents still have them. I walk into my parents' house. I open up my room and the trophies are still. Yeah, a little shrine. A little shrine to Rodney. What's the perfect body for soccer? Because I try to get into it this year

In the World Cup I followed everything You know you're like messy He's got some weird disease where he can't get tall You know he's getting shots from the Federation As a 10 year old so that they can grow to a height of Yeah Yeah they paid for all this Like he would have only been like four foot six

Had he not had had the shots The shots That were like a thousand dollars a month That they that thankfully his club Saw talent him paid for But they say that and his feet are tiny Then they call him the man in the little boots, which I think is really derogatory

for somebody that's got a disease that kept them small. Little feet. Yeah, he's got tiny feet. Anyway, my point is, is being small or big a better advantage? Soccer doesn't discriminate, though. That's the thing. You see players like Messi.

They're players that are shorter than Messi. They're players that are taller than him. It's really about your attributes, I think, and adjusting to your size. It's not like football where you're like, you're 6'4, you're supposed to be a certain position, or you weigh 200 pounds, you're automatically in this position. You do want your defenders to be taller,

but you're outside backs, for example, if you're playing on the wings as a defender, you don't have to be tall because you want to be agile, you want to be able to fly up the line. You've got to defend. The most important thing is really the cadence of your feet. We'll be right back. In 2008, you were part of Maryland's national championship team.

idea who picked terrapin, a turtle as Maryland's mascot? I have no idea. And like, that's one of the things that my wife still makes fun of me. Like, I have a lot of pride for my school. She's like, but you're, you're a turtle. Like, go Terps. Like, you're basically saying go turtles. But there's a lot of pride in Maryland. Let's go Terps. In 2015, you won the MLS Cup for the Portland Timbers. Timbers. You ever been in Portland? Yeah, of course you've been. I love Portland. Keep Portland weird. You fit in well in Portland. Oh, it's a good city. You ever unicycle naked there?

Not naked. I've seen the naked bike ride. Uh-huh. That thing is crazy. Yeah. Do you enjoy Portland? I love Portland. It's beautiful.

I love Portland. What about when it was under siege last year? Last year or like for the past five years? I don't know. Portland's been under fire for a while. It's still perfect. Did Major League Soccer pay well? They did.

Yeah, I think so. Is the money getting better because, popularity is growing? 100%. These guys are getting paid well. You scored a hat trick in the World Cup. Don't worry. Nobody else... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No one will fact check this podcast.

Right, yeah, go ahead. You played the World Cup for Coast River, and you played in Russia. What was that like? That's cool. Did you get poison? Did anybody in your team get poisoned by the KGB? No, we didn't.

We didn't get poison. We nobody got kidnapped. It all worked out. Russia was great. A little scary? Thank you, Russia. Okay. Russia was great.

I don't know. It just seems like scary. Describe how different it is playing in Brazil, Portugal, Costa Rica, and the MLS. Like, what are the big differences? Brazil, intense. I had a crazy incident where when we would play our rival, they would be like, don't bring your family to this one. Yeah, I like it.

And we beat them. They weren't happy. And there was a fight in the stadium, in the corridor. You know how you see football matches or whatever? People are Eagles versus commanders fans. They're fighting or whatever. But this was different because it turned into they were stoning the guy. So the game was over and we had to go into shelter and we're watching on our phones what's

happening upstairs. And this dude is just getting like, I don't know if he died or not. Let's just say he's fine. Made a full recovery. I hope so. I really hope so. But I mean, it didn't look that way. Oh, it's just brutal.

But it's brutal. It's brutal. I mean, it's the game of soccer to them is. It's really life. Can you fight? I think I can fight for sure. Were you a fighter on the field? Yeah, I was.

You were? Not like, uh, yeah, I was. How many times you get a red card in your professional career? Once. Were you a flopper? At times for sure. Is it, it's not a flopper, but like, you need to sell the play. The flop doesn't bother me as much in soccer as it does basketball.

Basketball, it drives me crazy. But for some reason, I find it fulfilling if you, pull off an acting job that gets the other person. A card or a PK. And that's really job well done. You're doing great. It's part of gamesmanship. How long do you decide to lay on the ground before getting up and playing again?

Sometimes it can get embarrassing where you're like, no one cares. Nobody's broken up. Nobody cares. The play's already gone on. And you like come up and they're like, damn, they're still playing. And then you just get up and like, all right, well, it is what it is. But there's a certain art to understanding when it is time to get right. back up as soon as you get fouled and make sure that the dude knows I'm good.

Like, you're not mentally living in my head. And then there's a time where you're like, no, I'm going to lay down for a little bit. Maybe you're tired, too. Maybe you need a rest and you're just like, I'm taking this one off. I've been fouled one too many times or maybe I'm thirsty and I just need to lay and take a couple of seconds. But it's all part of the game. And people are relatively good sports.

They always check on each other. I always think that's nice. There's a code of ethic. The game changed, too, with this whole thing. Everyone's friends and everyone's like, what are we doing? Everyone like pats themselves before the game and a big hug and all this stuff. Well, let's talk to the, let's talk after the game. I feel like.

You're old school. I'm new school. Chill out. Like, why are you guys all here buddy buddy in the middle of the game and all this stuff? Do you have siblings? I have a sister, yeah. Okay. Like, did you ever go, like, play sports with her?

Yeah. And did you take it easy? Oh, I was two-footing her. Right. Yeah. That's how I'm with my brother and sister. Yeah. Like, so I can be close and have a,

bond but even the people that I care the most about I think I I go at them the hardest so I don't I don't have a problem with people being respectful I'm actually I I remember that whenever I played somebody that I like one of my boys yeah like I'm going extra hard yeah you have to I have no problem taking them out they know who they are too I had to who's the biggest flopper of all time um Neymar he's just he's so good with the ball that he gets fouled the most and at times in order to protect yourself, you do have to sell the foul. You have to flop. Because after a while, it's just like kick after kick after kick, that, all right, well, the next one, I'm going to now bait you to get you a yellow card. So there's been times when Namar's been said to be the world's

biggest flopper. My son doesn't flop, but you could blow on him and it would make him fall down. He's also clumsy. His feet are not as light as yours yet. You know the factory where they put the sign up. It's been four days since our last incident. So I bought this sign and I put it up in my kitchen and I told my son if you can go 100 days without spilling your drink at dinner or knocking your plate off the table, 100 days in a row, you can have anything you want in the world. Amazing. And I said, but I could just know that when you spill a drink, it's going to go back to zero. And that's going to be a big day. Has you done it? he'll be 150 before we get to 100 days.

He can't go six days without something. And every time now, my wife's like, good job. Now when he falls or drops something, he has a complete breakdown because he knows he has to erase the number and start over to zero. Okay. Your point being, though. I don't remember.

My point is he's not a flopper. He's just clumsy. I just have a clumsy kid. That's all right. It's fine. Maybe he'll get shots, and then I'll get real tall. Why did you walk away? I had two metal hips.

You have two metal hips currently? I have two hip resurfacing. Do you have to go on that separate stupid line for security? I do. I try not to, and I do. And then they got to pat me down the whole time. You got two strikes. You got metal on your body and you're black.

And it's like, at the airport and TSA. And I'm just like, bro, just go ahead. You didn't do them the same time, did you? No, five months, six months apart. But you knew you had to do both of them. I did. So that kept me out. So that was my last year, Kansas City.

Uh-huh. My hips just weren't able to do it anymore. No cartilage, bone-on-bone. Like, I was coming home, trying to figure out how I was supposed to go to practice the next day. It was a mess. But what about with the new hips now? Are you like a machine? Like, you're obviously extremely fit.

It's nice. It's nice. They're like butter. Do you wish you would have done it sooner? It's the best thing I did for myself. Could have you played pro after that or no? I tried. I tried it.

It's different. The body's having to adjust to two metal hips. There's no spring anymore. You know, there's nothing in between that. There's no bounce. You know how you're like light on your feet with the board and you're bouncy? I feel no pain, but I, there's no bounce. Do you exercise?

I do. I mean, I could give you compliments, but it might make you uncomfortable, Rodney. No, no, I'm good. With the compliments? No, like, let's just don't even. We're good. I'm going to say, I'll give you one. All right, go ahead.

He may have the best legs you've ever seen. Hey, when I'm watching, I'm like, nah, you're not, that's fine. Talk about the adjustment you had and your family moving from New York to this small beach town. Whoa. Why did that happen? I was done playing, and it was one of those things where I tried to play with the metal hips that we talked about earlier. And the coach was like, what are you doing, man?

And, like, you're done. Like, you've done everything you wanted to do. why are you still trying to pursue this thing for another year? Next day, I say, let's go to L.A. Let's go. Let's just decompress. So we came to L.A. with the family and wanted to go to the beach and wanted to do this and the other. And we kept driving back on PCH.

I'm really like, oh, this is nice. Maybe I don't want to go all the way to West Hollywood. Maybe I just want to stay at the beach. Is it the whitest place you've ever lived? Man, I've lived in some pretty white places. I mean, it's up there for sure. I mean, yeah, it's a small white town. Walk me through the process of starting your own youth soccer league.

It was by accident, quote-unquote. My neighbor knocks on my door, and he was like, hey, my kid's playing soccer. They asked me to be the coach. I don't know what I'm doing. Just come out to the practice. Went out to the practice. I had a good time. I was like, all right, I'm going to show up next week.

Showed up next week. And I'm like, all right, this is good for the brain. At the time, I'd been retired, and I'm like, I never want to coach or whatever. But this for me, it was nice to get out there and interacting with the kids and kind of paying it forward to the game. And then we get to game time, you know, and now I'm like on the sideline, and I get beat by the bumblebees, whatever they were called, 11 to 0. And I'm like, wait a minute, this can't happen. Their coach is wearing jeans. Like, there's no way.

Like, just got beat with a guy barefoot in jeans. Like it can't happen. So then now we're like, all right, this is what they need for practice. This is what youth soccer should look like in my eyes, making sure that the kids become friends and locking them in into this environment where they're literally just enjoying this ride. But if they're just enjoying it, you're not necessarily putting the best team on the field. I think that was the misconception for some people.

Okay. Especially if you don't know shit, you're like, I keep telling them, like your kids have to enjoy this thing. So it became this Mighty Ducks type of story where we were complete shit. And then we ended up going to the finals in this little regional tournament. And we lost in the finals. The kids were like, they're all crying. And then it got to the point where a parent was like, why don't you keep this thing going?

And so Vues got started with like 10 kids just coming out, having some fun, training or whatever. and then those 10 turned into 20, 20 to 30, and then along the way I'm trying to figure out what this youth soccer landscape is really like. Are you looking to expand to other rich neighborhoods throughout the world like the Hamptons, maybe Morocco, Milan? 100%.

That would be nice. 100%. Because I feel like when these kids play over the hill in other areas, it's like, uh-oh, there's a rude awakening. It's different. Yeah, you find out what kids in the struggle. want to compete against.

That's what started to happen. The Malibu kids started to see what it was like on the other side. And those kids over the hill, regardless of financial or economic backgrounds, they just play more soccer. They don't go on vacation for every single holiday. They are, it's true. That's fair. It's fair. They're on the field all the time.

So then they start to see, okay, well, this guy, he's better than me because he just plays more. or he's been playing in a more aggressive league. He's been playing in an area where there isn't, they're not as affluent. So there's a little bit more hunger towards that. But now I'm getting those players and those families in our program because I need them too. I need the hustlers.

I need players that have been doing it for a little bit longer and they have a certain, they have a different love for the game. And what that's doing is bringing my players into a perspective of, Oh, that's what it looks like to be a real soccer head. I knew this guy that recruited athletes for college football, and he refused to recruit kids that their parents had a three-car garage. He's like, no. One for the golf cart.

He's like, that's not going to work. You don't have the dog in you that I need. He's like, if they had a three-car garage, I would, I'd like, no, it's a hard pass. It is nice to see that the kids in a more affluent area have become dogs. We have, I mean, our jerseys say Malibu on him. So anywhere we go, we're just a walk in target. Yeah.

I mean, we got kids with blonde ponytails and, like, surfers, but they're dogs. So when the whistle blows, everyone's like, what the hell is this? Like, where are these kids? What are they eating? And your league, you hire actual coaches versus just forcing dads to do it. It's tough to have a dad. I always say no. Anytime they ask me, I say, absolutely not.

I just want to watch. I just want to watch. I do not. It's tough because then, you know, imagine if you had to deal with the emotions of a kid that's not yours. Yeah, I don't like touching other people's kids either. It's a different craft. And then imagine if that dad is having a bad day at work and then they got to come to practice. And now you're getting yelled at by Bob, the builder, who's just pissed off because his numbers didn't add up in the factory that you were just talking about.

Imagine going to play for that dude. You know, he's just an angrier guy. It just doesn't know how to deal with your emotional things. And I think that's what real coaches bring to the table. Every kid plays, right, at this age? Well, or no? You bench a kid for a whole game? That's a crazy question.

It's different now. It's competitive. It's competitive. So it goes by stages. Under 10, everybody gets to play. It's just nice, right? Okay. It's nice.

You're just learning. And under 10, it's great. We just played two under 10 games, and it was fantastic. gets on the field. I mean, trust me, they're competing in their head also. They're competing for playing time. They're kids that are going to play more than others. Not everyone's going to get equal playing time. Can you tell at a young age whether a kid has potential? Yeah, potential for sure. What skills are you looking for? I think they're decision making. They're not always going to execute, but are they trying to make the right decision, whether it's with the past or whether it's

with the dribble? Are they looking for those things at an early age? And if they're able to understand it, then you give them the tools and they'll get straight to business. Back in the day when I would play sports, it was basically something that parents were excited to take their kids to drop them off, leave so that they could go have some normal life for an hour. But today, these parents don't do anything. They stay. They're just so involved and they just stay.

They stay. They have ideas and they... And they try to try to do anything. tell you, like, how to, like, how to do things and this, this works. I stay and watch, but usually I'm just on my phone. And then I occasionally look up and I give him one of these. And then I also like to chime in, make sure if he's, once he gets hurt, inevitably, he will get hurt.

I have to make sure he's like, you good? Like, because sometimes he would never sob to you, but he would, he would like to run over to me sometimes get a quick cry in and then get back out there. But you're the type of parent that's just supportive and you're like say a couple of things that so let him know that you're there Uh-huh That's it

Give him a couple positive things Or maybe like hey like maybe he's Maybe he's like chasing butterflies And you're like yay Let's go head in the game You know and that's it There are other parents out there that are way more involved Or maybe it's not even in the practice

It's what you tell your kid After the game or after practice Don't tell him anything Or ask questions Sometimes parents want to pick, like, why did you do this and out of the other? It's like, give the kids some time. Like, maybe he doesn't want to. It's Thursday night.

By the way, is your youngest daughter interested in soccer? Last time that I spoke with her, she had almost no interest. No interest. Now she's playing? Now she's playing, and she's like, when is my tournament and when is one of my games in tournaments. But I'm not her coach. Are you happy that you're a girl dad, or did you secretly, oh, I'd like to have a boy in the mix? Not really.

You're going to be screwed at some point. Can I say something about your wife, Haley? I don't know if she hates me or everyone, but like, I just, I've always been fascinated by her. She does not play the game that so many of the moms in this neighborhood play. What is the game? Describe the game. Describe the game. They're very, you know, they'll want to spend way.

too much time chatting about anything. Right. And your wife, sometimes I'll talk to her, and I find her very funny when you start. But, like, I also feel like she is just counting down in her head. When can I walk away from this conversation? She's, that's her. How did you two meet? We met in Portland.

She's from Portland? She's from the area. Okay. That makes more sense. You know, we were out. She's just a cool northwestern person. She doesn't really follow the... She doesn't play the game.

No, she's not a Malibu Ma'am. She loves her family. She loves her circle. She loves the things that she loves. Well, I want to get in her circle. She's trying to get in her circle. She actually does. She enjoys conversations with you.

Like, she does. You've actually, you've made the list. I'm breaking in. Do you care which kids have famous parents when you're coaching? I love it. You do like it. I love it. You have to love it.

I do. I do enjoy having those kids on a team and having the support from their parents. It's cool. Do kids really care if they win or lose or do they just want to score a goal? They just want to score. Nobody wants to defend. Every kid wants to be a striker. You tell a kid that he's a defender at U-10.

Like, coach, can I move higher up the field? Like, they want to score. They want to score. Why you got to do that voice? You know what that voice was. It's true. That's, this failed. Hey, yo, coach, you know that voice?

You know, put me up top. You've seen that? But as soon as you start making the voice like this, I know what you're doing, and I don't like it. Can I please move up the field? That should be so polite. I was in an international comedy festival in Ireland, and they had a big soccer game

where all the comedians were going to get to play, and there was a large audience that came, because there was a lot of American comedians there. They had all the American comedians versus the rest of, of Europe, all the European comedians, to play this game of soccer. And I was in this game. I have tons of photos of this game.

And we lost like 11 to 1. But who scored that one for America? Your boy. Yeah. Yeah, I did. Let's go. And let me tell you something. I celebrated it for probably 32 minutes.

As you should. They were like, the game had continued on. I was still high-fiving everyone in the stands. Because all I cared was like, I was like, yeah, we lost 11 to 1, but I got my goal. That's what the kids care about. There you go. And I was a full adult at this point. Everybody that's on the show gets a gift.

It's just stuff that's laying around my house that I give away. This is my German jersey that they sent me. Okay? A little jersey swap there. This is nice. Can you sign it? I will sign it. I'm not going to sign it right now.

I sign it afterwards when I get a mark and I'll take my time. This is weird. I really appreciate this. Okay, thank you. Put on the floor for the time being. A few years ago, you were at my house and your daughter left a kickboard at my house, you know, for the pool, but it had like the Little Mermaid on it or something. The point is, I stole it because my daughter just loved it.

It was like her favorite thing. And I'm like, I could bring it back, but you left it at my house. The amount of stuff that parents leave at my house. You return to shoes and you. left a kickboard. I kept the kickboard. My son still can't fit into your daughter's shoes. By the way, both of your daughters are going to be

like an eight feet tall. You know that, right? Anyway, so I got her, she can have one of my daughter's kickboards now. Oh, wow. He should have graduated to a boogie board by this point. So if she's ready, then I got a soft top surfboard that'll be perfect for that's like she won't get heard on. And they can play on this too.

So these are all gifts? Yes. For this is all mine. Yeah. It's to replace the kickboard that I... The shoes I gave back. Did you? Yes, I gave them back immediately.

I don't think so. Yes, no, you're not telling the truth. You're not telling the truth. You're not telling the truth. I gave the shoes back immediately, but I did steal a kickboard from you. And now I'm giving these back to you. Get this off my dad. We'll be right back.

one thing that I will say that gives soccer a leg up on almost every other sport is that it's always under two hours football basketball is unwatchable unless you can fast forward it soccer is like yes you need to watch this live and then it's over unless it's not over because of the tie thing which is infuriating I bet Spain would win the finals of the world cup okay okay I lost because they didn't win it in regulation oh yeah Yeah. Are you fucking kidding me? This sport is so stupid.

I got so mad. He lost money for sure. I was like, oh. It's the same thing at other sports, though. It's the same thing. Yes, not really. If you bet football, it's the same thing. No, you bet a team to win or cover points.

But this was, you have to, I bet them to win, and at the end, they won the game, and I was cheering, and then I looked at my ticket, and it said I lost, and I was like, what? How did I just lose? Will America ever win a World Cup? Who knows? I don't think so, but, but like, why not, though? You know, a lot of things have to have to change. But, again, once you get into tournament mode, like the World Cup.

Okay, anybody can get super hot and maybe. Somebody can get hot and Nick the ball is round. What does that mean to you? It means nothing to me, but I heard it a bunch over the World Cup, so I kept saying it constantly. It just meant that anybody could win at any time. You never know. I think where the game is going, there's an opportunity for them to win it. And I'm not going to say no.

I believe in the Cinderella story. You already said no a second ago, but fine. I'll let you say no this time. Sure. You know, my buddy, you know Ian Edwards? He's a comedian. He has a podcast, and he's a comedian, but it's only about soccer. That's all he talks about.

Check it out. You recommend it? No, I've never listened to it. I don't want to listen. I call him when I want to talk to him about soccer. So does he think the U.S. could ever win it? Have you asked him that question? He does not.

He was surprised they'd won the first two games. It was like, why are they playing like this? He was confused. Because their coach is Argentinian. Yeah, exactly. So I think part of it is the culture that you established within the state. So now they got Pucetino. He's a well-known coach.

He's a great coach. He brings different ideas to the table. He's not your typical American coach. So once somebody from a different culture comes in, you have to take advantage of it. Any aspirations of coaching back at Maryland? or in the MLS or at any higher level. Before I even started this thing, I had the opportunity to go coach professionally.

I turned it down to do this, to do this, to start this nonprofit. Would I love to coach professionally? Yes. Do I like the idea of it more than actually doing it? I think so. I mean, the time constraint is one of those things where you're just like, you know,

you're not home that often anymore. Well, what about behind the mic, like in a studio? I like it. I do. That gives you a chance to have more of the normal life without. I enjoy it. Because coaches, let's be clear. Coaches, you get shipped out.

So, like, you're coaching at, let's say, whatever, club, if things don't go right, right? You guys, you have to go and find a different thing. And I've never been a fan of coaches' kids. Coach's kids? Yeah. Coaches that have kids. The kids are always a bit.

It's like, oh, your dad was a coach. And it's always like a good thing for them athletically. But on another level, you're like, it seems like that kid had a tough go. And that's what I don't want for my kids. No. It's a tough go. So I'm in a position now in my life where I've seen all of this,

and I'm like, how do I design my life for me to fucking enjoy it? Like, so we can go surfing. All right. And I can make money. Listen, I... You got me? I understand exactly what the goal is. And I wish you every opportunity that you,

could imagine to turn down. That's what I want for you. What does that mean? I don't know. I want you to have every opportunity that you want, and then I want you to say no to it. Thank you. I want to thank Rodney for being on the show,

being a part of the community, making it richer, for helping my son turn into the D1 athlete. He is destined to be. On his way. Hey, a big update in the community. Sebastian, our sandwich guru, he's back. Nice.

He's back and been slinging. I've been eating sandwiches every day of the week. Oh, it's delicious. All right. It's time for our comment section's favorite segment. The Kalshi Wager of the Week. Here we go. I know the people that listen to this podcast love Kalshi and everything that.

they do. Okay? And then a handful of bots like to write negative things, but we're wise to you. We know bots. We know bots. I can tell there's an extra finger. Okay. Now, this is what Kalshi did for me. Now, Kalshi, as you know, sponsors this podcast. But recently, okay, they reached out to me personally. and said, hey, we want to pay you boatloads of money to go to Ole Miss as Lane Kiffin during the LSU Ole Miss game this weekend. It's just a day ago. They want me to go this weekend. Now, my manager, she's managed me for a long time, Christy.

She knows what to do. She just says, no. She says, no, he's not in it. But then they start throwing dollars around. So now, like a real estate agent, if you give them a shitty offer, they are obligated to bring it. You know, so she brought me the offer. So I want you guys to go ahead and guess what the offer was that Cal she offered for me just to attend the LSUO Miss game as Lane Kiffin on the sideline of LSU. I'm going to guess $150,000.

Eddie is guessing $150,000 for me to go there this weekend. Private flight. And the jet? The Kalshi Jet. That's a good offer. Okay. What are you guys trading back there on this one? I'm doing 100 grand commercial flight.

Mm-hmm. Okay. What else? I'm going low. I'm going to say 50,000. You got to do your own airfare. Okay. Guess what, guys?

Yeah. One of you nail on head. Huh? Dylan. Give it to the drunk. Yeah. Dylan. Give it.

Now, Wow. That was their offer. Now, like, listen, Eddie's offer sounded nice. Eddie's offer made me consider getting off my couch. You're an A-level talent. Right, but Dylan's offer, that's not getting me off the couch. And I understand, you know, here's the thing.

Here's why it's easy for me to say no to this very kind offer. by Cal Sheet. I, like a lot of, a lot of the bots have pointed out, I don't need the money. So I can say no. The show needs the money because Eddie needs the money. Pete needs the money. John needs the money. And we all know Dylan.

Dylan's not making good decisions. He needs the money. So, so yeah. I said, no, that's not for me. Thank you very much. love the relationship and the fans love it. So let's keep it going so that I can spread the wealth here on the show. But me personally, I'm fine and I'll watch the game at home.

Dressed as lame kiffin while placing ridiculous trades. All right, that's it. Let's do some real plugs here. We got patreon.com slash toss show. You get a free seven-day trial. My first farewell tour. Here's something interesting. got an email to our show from someone that lived next to me in North Carolina when I was a child

when I was in third grade. Wow. And they sent a couple photos of me like, hey, we're going to come. They said they're coming to the show in Wilmington and Fayetteville. Oh, my gosh. Are two different sets of these people that used to live by me. You know, the thing is I moved constantly as a child. Like my dad got transferred a lot and, you know, we didn't have the luxury of being like, well, no, we'd rather stay here.

You got to go. We just left. And then my dad was like, I bought a house. You know, he just would show up and buy a house that day. And they're, that's where we live. Anyway, so we lived on the street in Newburn and I used to play with these guys and, you know, and they said they were coming to the show. And now, do I remember them? Vaguely.

I was younger. But I had older sisters. So that usually made the older boys in the neighbor. come out. Uh-huh. You know? Makes sense. They'd be sweet to me because they wanted to, you know, get to first base with old, you know,

old sis there. Maybe I'll say hi. It depends on how the show goes. Some of these shows on this tour, they're not going to go well. And those are the shows that I like to mill about and really soak in the love from the fans. Get some feedback. Yeah. I can't wait.

This tour is going to be good, Eddie. We're going to have so much fun. All right, let's go. Move on. Toshostow store.com and hit the music. Let's do they love me. They love me not. What do you got, Ed? Okay, this is from Sanchod drums.

What? Sanchod drums. I know him. Okay. Glad Daniel's hair is growing back after the chemo. Okay, that's not a love view. It's a nice one, yeah. Right, because they were just teasing me.

I'm not currently, I don't have cancer. By the way, can you do chemo if you don't have cancer? Sure. You're like you're loud? Maybe not through a doctor, but. Okay, you got to get it. I think it's got to be like, yeah, written up. What is chemo do to you if you don't have cancer?

It still breaks down your body. Yeah. Because like you could do it like as a, like an adult form of munchausen syndrome. Uh-huh. Where you just want to deplete your body and like be like sick. Or would that be preventative also? Would it be like in case you did? Oh, that's interesting.

You're telling me do a round of chemo. Just in case. Just in case. Just is prevented it. Or, I mean, like, what if it nabbed something that was just about to form that would grow into something eventually untreatable? Yep. Yeah. Okay.

All right. What do you got for a... I love me not. Michael Schuller, 2786. On the heels of 9-11, let's not forget, Daniel almost killed two people in Toledo, Ohio, April 3rd, 2026. Hashtag Toledo Strong. Okay. Michael?

Yep. Revisionist history. I first of all we don't know if how close to death they were I was at a show two people may have died at the very beginning of my set but all that says to me is that they sat through Eddie's set and then died blood is on your hands Eddie I hate to hear that see you next week