Tosh Show - My Turkey Day

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

Daniel tells a story of stomach issues derailing date night with his wife and shares what he is thankful for this year. ...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey guys, it's me, Daniel. Do me a solid. I don't ask for a lot, but like and subscribe to this podcast. Also, you could rate it. Highly, I would appreciate, maybe even write a review. Maybe we we'll become best friends. Here's the problem with my stomach is that I feel fine up until the second that I'm not fine. And when I'm not fine, it is T minus 30 seconds. Tosh Show Tosh Show Tosh Show For Show
Starting point is 00:00:38 Welcome to Tosh Show I'm Daniel Tosh With me is Eddie I'm Eddie Gossling Let's hit some music And let's start dancing You remember when Ellen used to dance? Oh yeah
Starting point is 00:00:53 That bit right there made her a zillion dollars Just dancing coming off relatable well I'm all for it now that she's not doing the show anymore I think we should pick that up
Starting point is 00:01:10 I think everybody at home should get up and dance oh but I'm in a car put it in neutral ghost ride the whip yeah come on bring that back remember people jumping out of their car and just dancing a little bit that made every stoplight a little more enjoyable everyone in America
Starting point is 00:01:26 that's dancing right now you'll be like, oh, they're toshaholics. That's a good way to start. We're traveling a lot this week. Yep. But I thought since it's Thanksgiving and I want to seem relatable, I would take some time out to share with everyone things that I'm thankful for. Look, I'll be the first to admit that I sometimes take things for granted.
Starting point is 00:01:57 And considering how horrible this year has been for most of you, I think it would be good that I take a little time out to share with you the things that I'm thankful for. Okay. Now, first, obvious, this podcast. Everyone who works on this podcast deserves a big thank you for me. I'm not going to give it to them, but they deserve it. Does this seem sincere? Does that include Dylan? No, fuck Dylan.
Starting point is 00:02:28 We have three backup mics, so we don't have to panic over the show's audio being recorded. So, no, no, he didn't get a special, special thank you. I'll give you one. Thank you. Give any one, thank you. Without him, this show wouldn't exist. If it wasn't for your kids constantly gilting me, please make sure my daddy has a job. Well, I appreciate it.
Starting point is 00:02:53 And I know you do. Thank you. John Thankful for John I've never met an individual Who speaks with his level of confidence While batting below 200 It's remarkable
Starting point is 00:03:08 Could this be answered in a four-word text Sure it could But why not an 18-minute call With his kids screaming in the background Oh then there's Pete Life Hack Pete Oh penny pension Pete But not with my money
Starting point is 00:03:23 No with my money oh hey everybody parties why don't you get a blouse it's always giving people blouse money it's crazy I've seen that before I get a blouse sweet guy the guy loves to spend my money
Starting point is 00:03:41 he's like well I don't want you to look cheap ever I'm like well you could cut back a little bit he's doing it for you Pete instead of spending an extra three cents for new cards still to this day just tapes
Starting point is 00:03:56 new stuff on top of old cards that have the edges are all worn doesn't care he's like it's just easier that's that easier
Starting point is 00:04:07 like cutting things up yeah because when I when I glanced down at this card there's like notes from do you believe in ghost I don't that's on there
Starting point is 00:04:15 I'm thankful there are only a handful of people in my family that have my phone number I'm thankful my wife only has one sister that's a real blessing
Starting point is 00:04:28 I'm thankful I don't give a shit about funny videos if you ever pull out your phone to show me a video know that I will report you as a pedophile I'm thankful for the show's sponsors they need to pay more but I'm thankful anyway I'm thankful Chris McCarthy was finally fired no hard feelings Chris love to have you on the show
Starting point is 00:04:51 then when you drive all the way here I will cancel the interview I'm thankful this show has given me the opportunity to give away all the shitty gifts people have given me over the years. I'm thankful for my good friend Dennis over at UBS Private Wealth Management for getting 20% returns year after year. It's good folks like Dennis that make sure the rich keep getting richer. I don't know if UBS is a sponsor of this show, but indirectly, you kind of are. I'm especially thankful for the fans. Why don't you guys tell me all the ways that you're thankful for this show in the comments?
Starting point is 00:05:29 And as a gift, I want to pass on all my family's secret Thanksgiving recipes. Yes, we have the best turkey, mashed potatoes, but how? How do we do it? Ah, here you go. We hire, and my house, a private chef. That's the trick. Every year, I hire a private chef. I don't go out of my way.
Starting point is 00:05:50 it's not a complicated meal wherever i'm working i just hire a local private chef it's going to run you around 200 or so bucks a person and it's going to be amazing they'll clean it up put everything all the leftovers in to go containers and it's wonderful no one will complain it's a wonderful thanksgiving and that's affordable i tell you what i should do i should go into some neighborhoods that aren't as well off and throw private chefs out of the back of a pickup truck. Come and get your chef. Yeah. We could do that, Eddie.
Starting point is 00:06:23 That's great. You and I just get a bunch of private sheds. We did a couple dozen. You put them in the back of a pickup. Yep. And you just toss them out to people that need it. Come here. Grab them.
Starting point is 00:06:33 Not a bad idea. Well, by the way, I don't even know that I'm going to be hungry for Thanksgiving dinner this week because tomorrow night, the night before Thanksgiving, I'm eating with the in-laws at French Laundry. Nice. Because it was a bucket list item for the old father-in-law. Yeah. And so we're doing it.
Starting point is 00:06:54 We're good. Speaking of fine dining, I recently took my wife on date night over to Providence, our friend Donato. Nice. Oh, my goodness. And I got a wild story to tell you. Enjoy. Hello, friends.
Starting point is 00:07:10 Dr. Daniel Tosh here, recommending that you stay one scoop ahead with AG1. this season. Coffee tastes terrible. Wouldn't you rather start your day with a big old mug of nutrients? And it's green. So you know it's healthy. How is AG1 going to help you in the months ahead? Crowded airports and travel cause strain on your systems. Antoxidants, probiotics, and functional mushrooms support immune resilience. Darkness, shorter days, they throw off your rhythm. But superfoods and B vitamins support steady energy without the crash. Holiday meals means getting lost in sweets and snacking, so a full spectrum of micronutrients from whole foods will help fill nutrition gaps.
Starting point is 00:07:55 End of the year can bring stress and disrupt your habits. Prebiotics, probiotics, enzymes, they help support regularity and gut resilience. That sounds great. I should really take this more often. Head to drinkag1.com slash Tosh to get a free welcome kit with an AG1 flavor sampler and a bottle of vitamin D3 plus K2 when you first subscribe. That's drinkag1.com slash Tosh. Tell them Tosh said to put it in your mouth.
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Starting point is 00:09:17 Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get up to 55% off your Babel subscription at babble.com forward slash tosh. Get up to 55% off at babble.com forward slash tosh spelled B-A-B-B-B-B-B-E-L.com slash Tosh. Rules and restrictions may apply. You probably already know Ridge from their unique slim. modern wallets. Well, they just took their game-changing wallet and made it even better. Say hello
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Starting point is 00:10:39 This is by far the biggest discount they've given all year. That's ridge.com for up to 47% off your order during their biggest sale of the year. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Go ahead and tell them, Tos Show sent you. Tos show! Date night. Date night. You have date night?
Starting point is 00:11:05 We do. Every once in a while we'll go have cocktails at this place around the corner. The same date? What do you mean the same date? You just keep repeating the same thing? Yeah, we like it. Good place to get drinks. That's not date night.
Starting point is 00:11:19 A date is something unique, something you put thought into. That's just a place that you guys like to hang out together. Mm-hmm. All right, well, we had a date night. And I love going out with my wife on date night because she has to put out. Oh. That's our rule. If we're going on a date, there's going to be evening love at the,
Starting point is 00:11:41 end of it. Well, if it ends up being a bad date, can that happen? Sure, we're still going to make love. Okay. Because whether we're in a good mood or mad, at the end of a date, you have to make love. That's the rule. That's the way I was raised. That's the way my mother raised me.
Starting point is 00:12:04 You go on a date, you make love to the person through the good and the bad. no matter who it is strong relationships yeah so we did it we had a date but we didn't make love Eddie oh man yeah probably the first time
Starting point is 00:12:21 oh where'd you go I'll tell you where we went we went to our good friend Donato's three Michelin-starred restaurant Providence
Starting point is 00:12:34 awesome okay so let's let's walk you through it I'm going to Providence with my wife. She's excited about it. I'll be honest with you. I'm a little excited about it. I know that it's going to be an experience.
Starting point is 00:12:48 There's going to be a lot of courses. And there's going to be some stuff that my body isn't familiar with. So I'm going to go on the offensive. And I take a liquid emotium about a half hour before I leave the house. That's the good stuff. that that's going to you know handle anything that may come my way because i you know again this is nothing to do with any restaurant this is just my own stomach when i eat things that i'm not really used to or a little less than bland uh sometimes my stomach acts up anyway next thing i have
Starting point is 00:13:28 to uh the next hurdle is what do you wear because it's it's fancy i go with a simple outfit i go with a sweater, some slacks, some nice shoes, and my wife looks beautiful. So we get to the restaurant and the ambiance inside is, I know it. It's, it's what I expect. The thing that I like the most about it is that it's not, the seating isn't tight. Right. The lighting's right. The staff is older. A lot of men, you know, which sometimes makes my wife uncomfortable for whatever. reason it's like when like when an older white man is is waiting on her she she feels kind of weird about it oh not my thing i don't care uh so we get there we get a nice uh table as you know a booth it's in the corner i like that right it's a corner booth so that i can you know i can i can
Starting point is 00:14:27 sit and scoot over to my wife a little bit i can sit here's something that bothers me in public certainly in restaurants, the type of conversations that people are willing to have in front of strangers that clearly can hear you, I don't get it. Yeah. I will never say anything of meaning to my wife in public. I just won't. I'm like, you know, we talk about nonsense. All I really talk about is what other people are doing or saying.
Starting point is 00:15:01 And we just, we listen in on a conversation and then we just start, you know, ripping. them to shreds. Anyway, this one couple was on their 17th wedding anniversary, and they had their two girls with them. They were sitting across from us. And then this other table next to us, I couldn't, for the life of me, there was three men. They were celebrating a birthday. And it just, it seems sad and depressing.
Starting point is 00:15:30 Three adult men. Three adult men, like not like gay men, where it would be fun. no it was like three men that knew each other having a birthday party a long meal together yeah that was baffling anyway i see dinado i'm like oh man i wonder if he's going to come over and say hi to me sure enough comes over welcomes me we start chatting introduce him to the wife uh and it's just pleasant he's dressed and kind of like he matches the whole uh ambiance of the place My wife cracked a joke, I think. But, uh, yeah, it was nice.
Starting point is 00:16:08 He just, that's just what he does. I mean, I know he goes to work and there's tons of real restaurant work to do. But then once everything is running smoothly at night, he's just, you know, hopping around table to table. Just greeting people, welcome. Just having conversations. He's probably great. I talked to him over the course of the meal, 15 or 20 times. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:16:30 Yeah. Over the course of the night, he keep checking. in on me. It was nice. Had a good time. Now, it's, you know, it's a prefixed menu and everything is fancy and small portions, but there's a few add-ons. My wife's like, oh, we should have caviar. I'm like, oh, I don't know anything about caviar other than it's delicious, but I just like the little tiny bread things that it comes on. Yeah. And then all the little extra accoutrements that you can put on there. You know, caviar itself, whatever, fine. But anyway, we get that.
Starting point is 00:17:06 Then they start bringing us some amoos bouches, you know, extra things that aren't part of our 12-course meal. And now these little bites, you're like, oh, eventually this is going to be a lot. They're filling up. But I'm going to say this, honestly, it's probably the best food I've ever put in my mouth. I mean, if it's not, it's right next to. Everything they do is amazing. Everything is beautiful.
Starting point is 00:17:31 Even the bread and the butter. Oh, my goodness. And the bread came out and had my name on it. And I'm like, Donato, you tell me that everybody at your restaurant gets bread with my name on it? Oh. Too much, Donato. He was tickled. He was tickled by that joke.
Starting point is 00:17:48 He had to love it. But anyway, we just keep eating. Now, the problem here is as these courses start piling up, my wife sometimes doesn't eat the whole thing. And I feel like, oh, that's such a small thing. I'll give me the rest. I agree. So now I'm eating at all. And now, so now I'm doubling up.
Starting point is 00:18:08 Getting through our entrees, I don't know what I had. I think I had, I had some fish. She had some waggoo. You know, she's getting truffles shaved onto everything. I'm like, I don't want truffle. Donato's like, you got to smell this. He's bringing around a box with truffles. Have you ever seen her truffles so big?
Starting point is 00:18:26 And to be honest with you, I'm like, I don't know. That looks like the normal size. But, yeah, I'm like, oh, he's. He's like, smell this. I'm like, I don't like truffles. He's like, smell it. I'm like, yeah, it smells like truffles. This is a horrible box for you to have to look into.
Starting point is 00:18:40 Well, whatever. I had some stuff with truffle on it, but not, I could have, I didn't need it. Anyway, at one point, I say to my wife, I'm kind of like, hey, I'm doing pretty good. I'm out. We're having a good time. The stomach's fine. Then we get like our first of five desserts that's brought to the table. Again, all prefix.
Starting point is 00:19:00 I'm not ordering any of this. And I say, oh. My stomach just did a quick turn. And she's like, why don't you go to the bathroom? I always hate when she says that. I don't want to. I don't want to be sick here at a restaurant. But anyway, I get up.
Starting point is 00:19:13 I go to the bathroom and I, I, you know, I have a round. Okay. Quick. And I come back and I'm like, oh, I'm really glad I did that. I feel good. I feel solid now. By the way, bathroom, very nice. Single stalls.
Starting point is 00:19:29 You got your own stuff in there. Nice products. La Labo? No, maybe it wasn't La Labo. It might have been a, what you're going to call it? Aesop. It might have been Aesop. Whatever, it was nice.
Starting point is 00:19:42 I was in and out. I even, say, my wife, could you tell how long I was gone? Like, could you tell if that was a peer poop? She's like, no, couldn't tell. So now we have a few more rounds of desserts. Also, you know, Donata, he keeps coming to the table. He tells me, like, oh, you know, we've got eight million bees on the roof. So that honey that you're putting on is,
Starting point is 00:20:02 from just on top of this building. I'm like, okay, that's great. That is nice. Then they gave me a tea. It was a chocolate mint tea. And when Donato gave me the explanation of it, you know, in one ear out the other, I was fascinated that they invented something
Starting point is 00:20:24 that I had never even conceived of because everything about it screams tea. You know, the texture, how thin it is and drinking it hot but when it hits your mouth you're drinking chocolate wow and it just it just confused me so much and i so i loved it oh anyway i had a great time and then afterwards he asked uh i asked i asked so we got a photo and he's like come in the back we went to the back kitchen and they have a a chef's table in the kitchen the kitchen's kind tight and the chef's table is enclosed in glass so they're like just i just see this table just
Starting point is 00:21:04 watching like the chaos behind a glass wall and now they're just watching me and my wife and donato talking they're taking photos of us like we're somebody and then the whole crew gets together i say hi to all the people that work there and we take a big old family photo it was making me laugh Anyway, I get out of there. The valet is a, he runs and gets my car. It was supposed to be waiting for me. Listen, one slip up on the restaurant's part. By the way, you're curious to know how much it cost?
Starting point is 00:21:39 Yeah. We did some drinks. I think it was like just right around $1,000. What do I tip on that? What should have I tipped on that? $200, $250? See, I thought I should go up to $500 on the tip. But I went $300.
Starting point is 00:21:54 But let me say this, the whole evening, because Donato's just coming by, I'm telling Carly, oh, no, he's going to comp us this meal. Oh, that's your worst nightmare. It's my nightmare. Yeah. Because I don't, even if a company is doing amazing, I don't like things comp. I just, I like to pay for it. Thank you for doing your job and you deserve to be paid whatever you're charging.
Starting point is 00:22:22 So the whole time I'm having this conversation with Carly, I, I'm like, he's going to comp it, isn't he? And she's like, yeah, he's definitely comping this meal. And I'm like, I'm going to tell him not to it. And I go, is that going to be awkward? Because I don't want him to fight me on it. And then it's always weird when they do comp you because they're like, no, no, it's been taken care of it.
Starting point is 00:22:38 And it's like, well, then how do you tip? And it's like, I don't have cash. So now I have to give you a credit card, charge me a dollar. And then I put some exorbitant amount of tip on here that I wouldn't have done had you just charge me the first. It's a whole thing. I'm getting stressed out about this. Okay?
Starting point is 00:22:53 This is, this is course. one i'm already worried about this well sure enough the check comes out and he didn't didn't comp us at all i had actually planned on him saying i was going to say to him if he had comped it hey don't comp this john is coming in here on the wednesday before thanksgiving comp him come that'll blow his mind he'll be so happy that would have been great and and i was I even told car to this. I go, this will be kind of me giving, giving back. But anyway, he fucking made charge me.
Starting point is 00:23:31 So, yeah. John, if you do get comped, I'll be, fuck, I'll be so mad. We leave the car, the valet, give me my truck. He's like, it's a $20 charge. But he just ran over there and got it. I'm like, well, do you get this $20? Now do I have to tip on top of the $20? Right.
Starting point is 00:23:49 I gave him $40. Oh, yeah. All right. Is that what I was supposed to do? all right whatever the restaurant from my house to get to get to the restaurant was an hour 40 minutes and i went during rush hour i know but that that's a long time to drive this is date night oh so that was bad getting home type it in the nav 52 minutes okay we start driving we're driving through hollywood i get a little panicky driving through hollywood it's not the world i'm used to anymore
Starting point is 00:24:19 it's busy and i'm like okay there's just a lot I just look at every building and go, can you imagine it? Could you live there? Could you live in that building, Carly? And she's like, all right, it's a fun game. Anyway, we're getting out of Dodge. As we're getting out of Dodge,
Starting point is 00:24:38 meaning just out of Hollywood, which is 12, 15 minutes into the drive, I say, uh-oh, I've got another wave. And I don't want this to be a knock on the restaurant. This is my stomach, and this was, crazy, fancy food and so many courses, and I was there for over three and a half hours, almost four hours from start to finish. So the Emodium did its job.
Starting point is 00:25:07 At some point, the modium's like, okay. Yeah. What do you eat? You know. This isn't for the weekend. Right. I'm not a fail safe. So the emotium did its job.
Starting point is 00:25:17 I need to get home. But I'm like, I have another wave coming on. This one's serious. Here's the problem with my stomach is that I feel fine up until the second that I'm not fine. And when I'm not fine, it is T minus 30 seconds where it's like, oh, no. And now you're just, you're just holding. And it's just going, you know, it's breathing. It's breathing.
Starting point is 00:25:45 And you're just like, and I'm driving. What do I do? And this is, I pull on to the, uh, to the one-on-one. And my wife's like, well, what are you doing? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where to go. I'm on the freeway now.
Starting point is 00:26:00 So this is even worse. And my stomach's going. It's, it's upset. She remembers that Pete and his wife, Sam, they just bought a new place. She remembers the street name. And she just types it in real fast. She goes, we're three minutes away from Pete and Sam's. Insane.
Starting point is 00:26:19 It's, it's, I don't believe in ghost, but come on. Yeah. There's a higher power at work there. Am I right? Yes. Three minutes away. Immediately my body just, a wave of okay. So the panic is not helping this whole cinch.
Starting point is 00:26:36 So I'm, I'm like, okay, this is okay. I can make it three minutes. She gets me, she's telling me where to go. I get off the freeway, the very next exit. I am off and we're driving in a North Hollywood. where Sam and Pete live. I get to their house. I go, I go, Carly, text them, tell them to open the door.
Starting point is 00:26:57 She goes, they're not responding to my text. I go, call them, Carly. I want the front door opened when I get there. I'm out of my car. I'm ringing their ring camera. I'm like, come on. I'm starting to bang on the door. They have a dog.
Starting point is 00:27:09 Their dog doesn't bark when somebody bangs on your door. They're dead asleep. All three of them. They have their phones off or something. I don't know. I'm bang. I had just bought them a housewarming gift. You want to know what I got them for a housewarming gift?
Starting point is 00:27:21 What did you get? A chaise lounge for backyard. Okay. A nice outdoor scene. I told Carly, I am going to shit on it. I'm going in their backyard right now. I'm going to shit on their new chaise lounge. That's what that's happening.
Starting point is 00:27:36 Pete opens the door. It's Daniel. I'm not going to make it. I had no choices. I had no choices. You're going to love this. The dogs, everybody's greeting me. I'm beeline to their bath.
Starting point is 00:27:47 Everybody's up now. By the way, their bathroom, not soundproof whatsoever. It's got a gap on the floor. It's a Todd Glass joke all over. And by the way, it's also an old, you know, it's a Spanish bungalow. So the toilets are old and it's a round toilet. As a man sitting on a round toilet, it's no good. It's no good.
Starting point is 00:28:13 What is happening there? It's like a fucking tableball toilet. A little piece of bagel. So I'm sitting on a round toilet. First of all, just to get your penis under the lip of a round toilet is just awkward. It's just so small. You're like, okay. But I just, I explode.
Starting point is 00:28:35 Oh, I explode. You know, courtesy flush immediately. Okay. And I sit for a little bit. Sam and Peter up now. Yeah. Dogs up. They're in their living room.
Starting point is 00:28:43 I thought Carly came in. No, Carly stayed in the car the whole time. So I'm just in their bathrooms. They're just, they're just both laughing. Violently shitting. I gave Pete my phone when I ran in the house and said, here, look at the photos from their night at the restaurant. So he's looking at the photos.
Starting point is 00:29:00 And they're just laughing at me back there. I'm talking through the wall. Whatever. You know, I'm there for, I would say, at most 10, maybe 15 minutes at the most. I mean, that's a good amount of time. Oh, I don't think it's that long. I mean, for a visit? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:17 For a visit, a 10-minute visit is short. This is 10-minute shit. It's not really... Anyway, so I say thank you so much. You guys get back to bed. You know, now they've got something to... You go back to bed. Crack a window, everybody.
Starting point is 00:29:34 Sweet dreams. I flushed two more times to make sure everything was fine. And I lifted the toilet seat up to make sure there was no splatter up. Was there? None. Crime scene. No, no, it was fine. The whole place was nice.
Starting point is 00:29:46 I don't really like their towel set up in there They have the La Labo products That's right Okay, so this is nice And then I said to Carly As soon as I got the car I'm like you know It's a little too fragrant
Starting point is 00:29:56 Fragriny for my hands Now my hands smell Florally Like too perfumy I don't like it But anyway so now we're driving home It's still a long drive Now it's like 50 or 40 something
Starting point is 00:30:09 minutes from their location You know all of a sudden We get off the freeway And I have to drive through a canyon To get back to Mali my wife is basically falling asleep my stomach hits me again and i say to myself i'm not going to say anything to carly let's not you know there's still a chance i can salvage this for the love making that ends the date i don't want to i don't want to jinx that even though she's basically half
Starting point is 00:30:34 asleep next to me i don't want to keep bringing up my stomach but then again it's just like what i told you where it goes from zero to a hundred all of a sudden boom another wave hits me how long is this canyon ride that I'm on 15 minutes so I go Carly I can't I can't make it home wake up so guess what just pull the truck off on the side of a mountain and thankfully my car is stocked with a you know baby wipes yeah and uh you know have have wave three have wave three now and I get back in the car within maybe 15, 20 seconds. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:31:18 And she goes, oh, you didn't have to go? I'm going to go. Oh, no, no, I went. Yeah. She was blown. I'm like, no, we're good. Let's go. Let's go. You know, and then we get home and pandas there.
Starting point is 00:31:33 And we, you know, she just loves to hear the story. And, you know, I have one more visit to the bathroom. And I'm good to go. And now it's time for the lovemaking. Yeah. Right. But now she says it's off the table. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:48 She tells me, she says, she says definitively, it's off the table. You just got to make sure you don't have some kind of disease. No, she, that's not a disease. I was just a, it was a four-hour dinner. Yeah, yeah. And I was an hour and a half away from my house. That's, that's a lot for my stomach to do. But one of the best, best dinners I've ever had.
Starting point is 00:32:10 Oh, yeah. It's telling me the dinner sounds great. Look at that camera and give a province a shout-up. I'm just, listen, if my. My house were two blocks away, it would have been the most romantic night of my life. But since I had to drive an hour of 45 to get there and an hour something, you know, to get home and had to stop off at friends, houses and country roads, you know, it becomes, it becomes more of an issue. Again, I'd like to point out if I had to pull over to pee on the drive home, nobody would think that's podcast worthy. Of course, no.
Starting point is 00:32:44 Okay? Anyway. You firing into the woods. I wasn't in the woods. He's just right. I didn't try. As soon as I pulled over, I saw a raccoon, so I didn't like that. So I just stayed right next to my brake lights.
Starting point is 00:32:57 This raccoon had to be like, what's going? Look at this. No, the raccoon got excited. You can see it, of course. Yeah, no, no, his. That's Providence. That's Providence. Yeah, that's not just any.
Starting point is 00:33:08 He's like, what's Davy are over here? That's $1,300 shit. The point is, it's an amazing restaurant. they do everything right okay except for their location if their location was close to my house that would be better listen i know i probably shared too much but tis the season we're all getting ready to sit down and have an actual shitty meal for thanksgiving this episode is brought to you by prize picks you and i make decisions every day but on prize picks being right can get you paid don't miss any of the excitement this season on prize picks where it's
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Starting point is 00:34:29 lineup. That's Code Tosh, you get $50 in the lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks, it's good to be right. Cold mornings, holiday plans, this is when I just want my wardrobe to be simple. Stuff that looks sharp, feels good, and things. things I'll actually wear. For me, that's quints. And the bonus, quince pieces make great gifts too. This season's lineup is simple, but smart and easy with quince. By partnering directly with ethical factories and top artisans, quince cuts out the middleman to deliver premium quality
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Starting point is 00:36:46 tosh I want to thank Donato for a wonderful evening and I'm sorry that the poop story kind of overlapped his restaurant experience but that you know that it is what it is
Starting point is 00:37:02 that's your body that's why you don't let riffraff in there by the way Donato gave me a package he came to my table and he says hey I want you to have some gifts you gave me gifts now i'm going to give you stuff and some of the stuff was you know like like chocolate bars from from their restaurant it was wonderful uh and you know some jars of honey things
Starting point is 00:37:25 like that but then he goes don't pull out those shirts i don't want other people to see those they're going to want them and i'm like donato they're not great they're like long sleeve white teas with uh grateful dead inspired with the michelin man and um it's a a lot of different things going on, but I can assure you people that go to that restaurant are not clamoring for the long-sleeve crewneck. Restaurants, he knows, and listen, and he dresses to the nines every day of his life, but this t-shirt is not a high-ticket item. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with.
Starting point is 00:38:03 I don't know what to do with a long-sleeve white t-shirt. They're like a beefy, beefy Haynes, long-sleeve white tea. Must have got a deal. I don't know. I'll feel bad giving it away. All right. Well, let's get into our plugs. We got a new website, new merch.
Starting point is 00:38:21 There we go. You need to check the store out because this will be ready for Christmas shopping. All of your holiday needs can be answered on the four or five items that we sell. You get somebody a t-shirt, a mug, get this off my desk. Right. People have been asking for it. Now they're getting it. And this is not the old company.
Starting point is 00:38:41 This is a new company. so when you order boom hey Carl he wants to go get one of these mugs he's freaking out he's got an old enjoy mug get up here boy come on back up heads up look at me come on man i'm talking about merch there's a new carl shirt everyone's going to want it i'm i'm told that when you order this it'll be at your house within 48 minutes wow that true pete yeah tosh show store dot com check out all merch new carl shirts new toss show shirts new get this off my desk mugs i want to get one of those mugs anyway eddie's uh check out his dates he's going to be on my tour my first farewell tour all dates are on sale now 2026 there's your holiday shopping get yourself a carl tea
Starting point is 00:39:34 your ears in your water your ears in your water you get yourself a carl t-shirt get yourself some tickets to One of the cool locations that I'm at in, you know, Birmingham, Macon, Panama City. Come on out. Oh, it's going to be good. I can't wait. I cannot wait. Well, anyway, Panda, my wife's cousin, still trying to find her love. Guys, she has gone on dates with a few of the people that have called in, just so you know.
Starting point is 00:40:07 Have they gone well? Ah, no. Not, not. Sparks haven't flown yet. But she's had some good dates. She's made some, you know, she's networking. Met some people. She's meeting people.
Starting point is 00:40:21 She's doing it. So I'm just saying if you call in, don't think that that's just the end of it. We're doing some little behind the scene work here. Speaking of people reaching out to her, the other day, I was driving home. She drives a big truck. You would think that it's a worker. And our street has a lot of workers because there was a, wildfire years back so there's a lot of homes that are always being worked on so if you saw her
Starting point is 00:40:48 truck you would assume that she was a Mexican worker based solely off location and style of truck well anyway I saw a note on her window and I grabbed it okay hold on I let me get this I'll do this properly let me just start by saying you're allowed to park anywhere you want on the street in our neighborhood okay this is probably the 100th time you've parked in front of our house and it's happening many times that you've parked right at our entrance so people have to walk around your car to get to our house really question mark also on mondays the gardener takes out the garbage cans and you often park so far back that he finds no space to do so so you seem to work in the neighborhood why don't you park where you work your car is often here for hours even overnight
Starting point is 00:41:40 A little space and respect are very much appreciated. Thanks. Wow. Okay. So that's my neighbor. Wow. Wow. Right.
Starting point is 00:41:50 Wild. So I let her know. I'm like, hey, we got to fire back. I mean, my neighbor, hopefully they're listening to this and they feel some shame because they clearly thought they were writing this to a worker. Yeah. They didn't think they were writing it to a girl who recently went through a breakup, a traumatic. breakup and was forced out of her living situation and we put her up in our guest house and this is
Starting point is 00:42:18 where she lives and she's allowed to park either side of the road right from in front of my house yep okay so i was like well you're you got to write something back tell me if you think you like my reply hi neighbor i live across the street i asked the man who i believe lives here if it was fine to park there and he said of course i'll try to park on my side of the street as much as possible my apologies to your gardeners love amanda the girl in the truck it's pretty good kill him with kindness right back at him right back and then i took it over this morning and stuck it over their security camera i taped i put tape over their security camera i'm like here you go make sure they see it See, that's why people
Starting point is 00:43:06 That's why people hate Los Angeles Because there are a lot of these shitty people There's some shitty people But then we're not all shitty Nope And maybe I'm being shitty for being so petty Maybe it's like, oh, can't she move? Why does she have to park on their side occasionally?
Starting point is 00:43:21 I'm like your gift to be able to shove it back at it on my own thing Anyway, do we have any potential suitors for her? Oh, I think we do. We have a call here. Okay, let's hear it Hello, this is Vernon Jay from Tallahassee, Florida. I am 6'5, a little over 220 pounds. I am owner and operator of franchise location here in Tallahassee. And I would be an awesome date for Amanda because, well, I would be an awesome date.
Starting point is 00:43:48 I am the 12-time Canoe Leading Champion of the San Francisco City Festival in Omaha, Nebraska. I did vote for a third-party candidate. I don't remember who I voted for. Okay. I mean, this guy, I don't even know where to be in. First of all, Tallahassee, okay, so you get the Florida tie, but she's from, you know, went to Gainesville, UF. So there's going to be a rivalry there, but that could be fun in a relationship. He's 6.5, 220.
Starting point is 00:44:15 That sounds beautiful. Right. The canoli eating champion. 12 times. In Nebraska, 12 times he's, he travels for the, is that where the only canoli contest is, or is that just a market that he dominates? It probably dominated in kind of a situation. He voted for a third party, but doesn't remember who. That kind of tracks, though.
Starting point is 00:44:35 That's alarming. That election was only a year ago. You don't remember who you voted for, for president? But he's a champion. A 12-time champion. I mean, that's better than Jordan. Yeah, yeah. You wouldn't put him in.
Starting point is 00:44:51 There's nobody you can compare him to. Twelve, yeah, no. Not LeBron. None of these guys have done 12. champion. Tom Brady eat your heart out. This guy's putting rings on his toes. All right.
Starting point is 00:45:06 Happy Thanksgiving. See you next week.

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