Tosh Show - Tosh Show Throwback | My French Friend - Pierre

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

Daniel's first interview with his French neighbor Pierre. For over 10 years the two surfing buddies have communicated everyday, no matter how hard Daniel tries to avoid it.  

Next time, on Tosh Show. You're our first repeat guest, or encore, as they say in France. How many times have you watched your episode? I watched it all the time. You crap yourself quite a bit as well, don't you? Yeah. You're describing my wife. Talk about that one time that you made love to a man in Vegas.

Yeah, I got tricked. Tosh Show Tosh Show Tosh Show Tosh Show Welcome to Tosh Show I'm your host Daniel Tosh

This is exciting This is the fourth episode Can you believe it, Eddie? We've done four already It's great That's great! How many do we have to do until somebody comes calling

and says, listen We want to buy this show outright and give you $500 billion. So here we are with our fourth episode. And the feedback has been overwhelmingly

negative in person. Online, I'm told the feedback has been pretty positive. But to my face, a lot of family members have not appreciated some of the comments that I've made. I got to tell you, the comments on YouTube overwhelmingly positive. Comments on YouTube, overwhelmingly positive. Oh, man. I hope that translates into ad dollars and subscriptions.

I'm told that's very important. Let me, I got to set a few things straight. I shot a handful of these interviews before the first one aired. So I'm still working things out. So I don't, I don't read. a lot of the comments because they depress me. But actually, I should, I should take time out to hear what the fans of this show are saying. So, Eddie, you've, you've gotten a few selects. I do. All right, let's, uh, let's read some of these. My new favorite podcast, keep it going.

I don't even want to be anyone's favorite podcast. There's so many great podcasts out there. My goal is to skyrocket in your top five. I'll be honest. Top 10 is really is plenty good enough. But you're going to learn. You're going to learn one day that, you know, having everything that you could ever want isn't that great.

All right. What else? What are these people saying? Let's go. Give me another one. All right. Little late to the game, son. Yeah.

That's the genius. behind me. I like to wait till everybody's sick of a genre. And then I go full, full bore. The king is back. Oh, that's from Theo Vaughn. Well, that's nice. Now, there's somebody that's like somebody's like somebody's number one podcast. That's fine. That's who's, he can be your number one. And then me, like four, five or six. Bro, this is dope. I'm so glad you're back. Already subbed and liked. Keep up the funny shit. Well, I'm glad you subbed. Keep subbing. Call it Tosh Point Show.

Tash Point Show was too close for the lawyers to feel comfortable. Please change the intro, please. I don't like the intro either. I just heard it the other day. Man, that's bad. So I'm sure we'll use it for a year. This is great. She just maybe keep off the editing for a more organic feel, though.

You guys are editing me? I'm just now finding this out. Tone down on the editing. For real. This is a podcast. Let it flow naturally. Dead air is perfectly. save the super editing for the YouTube shorts. Dead air is perfectly acceptable. Let's put that

to the test. Was that enjoyable? I'll tell you another reason I need an editor, is because I'm not afraid to say things into a microphone that's being recorded. I need someone to be the adult in the room. Like just the other day, I was trying to explain my least favorite race of people. And that's why they're my least favorite. Next comment. Really don't like the producer voiceover chime ins. Just going to put that out there. I don't like him either. He didn't give her anything from his house. It was a good streak while it lasted. Guys, there's going to be a few episodes where they don't get a gift because I didn't start doing the gift until like the fourth or fifth interview. This is needed. I like Tosh point out, but when Tosh isn't

being forced by network to pump outrageous comments every line, it feels way more genuine while still being hilarious. I could watch him talk to his landlord for him. Hold on. First of all, it's insane how long this thing is. I'm not going to let you finish it. And what world would I have a landlord? You have any idea how many properties I own? I'd actually love to see Tosh talk to some comedians. That's pretty good. If no one's done that, I think we should, we should try that. I assume there's got to be a writing team behind this, right? No way he's coming up with all these non-sequesters by himself. Great show. Oh, I think he meant sequitors, Eddie. The team of that create this show is three people.

And is Eddie, who pitches me nonsense all day long. And then there's John and Pete, three white, middle-aged, married men that were blackballed from comedy. That's not true. But they are white. That part's true. Yep.

They're very white. Too white, if you ask me. John. John is definitely too white. There you go. John is two way. He's pale and he's from Ohio. I'm not a fan of the stained gray wood borders on the videos. I suggest consulting a second or third marketing branding graphics company to redefine the vibe of your creative look. I would recommend you unsubscribe. Is there an unsubscribe button? Border needs to go. Full screen, please. Annoying. Distracting. Unnecessary.

Okay. So there's two votes. Border is annoying. Oh, that's three. Sup with the weird border. I'm telling you. I'm going to have to turn the comments off. Tosh is back. So happy, but please get rid of the weird panel border.

What if we started putting ads, like a crawl that went around the border the whole way, or more information or jokes in the border, then maybe people would like it then? Amazing, you're back. Get rid of the border around the screen, though. Be careful, or I'll make the goddamn frame bigger. Really dig the picture frame border for the show. Makes me feel like I'm back in my childhood bedroom watching Tosh. Hey, there's one for, they like.

the border. The border stays. If Tosh still drives a Subaru, then we can expect the same above average content as Tosh.0. I do still drive a Subaru. Subaru? I'm still driving one. I don't drive an outback anymore. I have the ascent. Three rows because I've got a family. I also drive a Rivian. Rivian, are you a sponsor? You should be. Go ahead and sponsor the show, Rivian. Hey, Tosh, great show, but can we get this shot in 4K? I don't know. Can we shoot this in 4K? We shoot it in 6K. We shoot it in 6K. I hope he comes back to stand-up to show these goofballs what's up.

I have never stopped doing stand-up comedy. I do tons of stand-up comedy. And I'll be honest with you, it's gotten so much better. My comedy is so much better than it used to be. It's so much richer. Can I invest in this? Tosh is going to be greater than Joe Rogan.

No. Last comment. Last comment already? Yeah. Three episodes in, and this is officially my favorite comedian podcast, the format, the guest, the length, the hilarious yet insightful interviews, everything is just perfect. All right, the show's perfect. Let's get on with it. Today's guest is no exception. He's

also perfect. He's one of my closest friends, but he's foreign. Boo. I knew that was going to get some of you. I love foreigners. They think me needling them is me just being direct because every other country that's not the U.S. is root as shit. All that being said, I'm proud to call this Frenche mona me. Enjoy. My guest today is France's greatest gift to America since the Statue of Liberty. He's a beautiful Frenchman living in Los Angeles. I've known him for many years, and I still have no idea how he affords to live in my neighborhood. He's my only friend who's never been on my payroll.

He texts me more than my wife. Please welcome Pierre. Daniel, thank you. Pierre, how many times a day do you think you text me? Well, at least when I wake up. The first person I text, a few times in the morning, after lunch, after my nap. And at night, it's a good night. So a few times.

I wish you were joking. You're not joking at all. When I text you that I have to, that I'm, we're going to go surfing, but I have to poop first. How long does that mean? Well, you spend a lot of time on the chair. How long? Yeah, well, well, you go a few times a day because I feel like every time I text you, you poop me. No, before I surf.

I make sure I poop, because I have to go, at least 30, at least 20, 20 minutes, fair enough. This is the first question I ask all my guests. Do you believe in ghosts? No. That's right. About off. No, don't say anything else. Just shut the fuck up.

You don't believe in ghosts. Right, exactly. I knew. And to be honest with you, when I asked you that question right there, I wasn't sure how you were going to answer it. But then as soon as you said, no, I was like, good, thank God. I've known Pierre for many years. We met surfing.

You're obviously not from. California or you're from France. What part of France are you from? I'm from the north. I'm from a little place called Digulville. It's 200 people in Normandy, tiny place. Your parents still live there? Yeah, it's still there. It's beautiful. It's nice, yes. It's quiet. You live in a castle? My grandma, yeah. She has like a whole castle, but... How long have you lived in America? 14 years. 14 years, really? Yeah. Huh. I've been knowing you for 10 maybe. At least? Yeah. Where did you, uh, where did you live before? America. I spent one year in Australia.

That's how you learned English? I actually learned English mostly. My roommates in France, because I live down south. We're from England. So it told me a lot of English and bad words. What kind of bad words? Can't I say that here? You say whatever word you want to say. Cunt? Cunt. They taught your word cunt.

Holy shit. When did you learn fuck? Do you learn that right away? Fuck, yes. It's pretty popular. Do people say it in France? No, but we have a school. We say that it's called La FACC. It's after when you graduate from college, you go to, before we go to FAC. It's FAC, I think. So we call it La FAC.

But English people say it's fuck. You went to college for like agriculture? Yeah, yeah. I study farming. I studied farming until I was 16. But yeah, around 16, I was sick of it because I had to wake up early and wake up at 5. Even the cow keep pooping on my face, you know, because you have to get the milk from under. I don't think you have to put your face underneath it.

Yeah, you're on there. You have to work from under there. Okay. Yeah. And then I went to gardening. I did some gardening for a long time. Yeah. No, I knew that you knew gardening and everything like that.

Yeah, farming and gardening. But I forgot. I forgot everything, actually. It's weird that you say that you don't like to, you didn't like waking up early because the reality is you and I get up earlier than everyone I know. Yeah, we go surfing. Right, we like to surf early, but in general, we're always up. We're up, 536. Yeah.

I met you surfing, and you were with your beautiful girlfriend. Oh, I loved her so much more than you did. Yeah, that's why you start talking to me because you only stuck to her. Yeah, I did. I was still in a relationship. I wasn't married at the time, but I was in a relationship. And she was wonderful, and you don't like her. You didn't like her very much.

No, no, we don't talk. All right, so what's your deal? You live in a neighborhood full of elitist assholes like myself, Jeff Bezos, the king of Jordan. All these people live here. And then you, you found this weird little, you know, nook in Malibu. Why did you come there? Well, at first, I was for surfing and that was peaceful, trying to find some rich woman. I said that for you.

That was your goal? No, it wasn't my goal. But I've had a story with a rich woman there. That you lived with? Maybe I didn't tell you. I've heard many of your stories. You've slept with tons and tons of people. I'm going to give you a number.

You tell me over or under in your lifetime. Women I sleep with? I'm going to say a number. I don't know. I don't know. I know you don't count. I'm going to say 100 over or under. Maybe I don't know.

Maybe more. Okay. All right. That's good. Now, how did you become an American citizen? Your first attempt to become an American citizen. Oh, yes, but it's a good one. I married my friend.

You married a friend that was good. And you had to be married for two years to become a citizen. Yeah, yeah, but the funny story is so I never kissed my wife. You never kissed her. You never slept with her. Uh-huh. But some of my friend did. Your friend slept with your wife?

Yeah, my friend. There's a word for that. Can baby you slept with my wife? Uh-huh. He goes, I did and in the butt. Oh, you did. That's nice. You have to be married for two years, and then at a year and a half, she tells you,

hey, I fell in love with this guy and I'm going to get married, so I have to divorce you right before you became a citizen. Were you upset with her when she called off your marriage? A little bit, by the same time, I couldn't be, I couldn't go that far if she went out there. So I had mixed feelings. I was a bit upset by the same time. Like, if she didn't propose to me to get married at first, I won't be here anyway. But now we're all good.

So how did you become a citizen? And then? Then you did the proper way? When I got my green card, finally got my green cat, after a couple years, you can become a citizen. And at the time, I had on those apps, you know, the dating app. And I met a girl on the dating app and had some fun with her. And I asked her, what do you do for living? And she said, I'm an immigration lawyer. Uh-huh.

What are the odds of this? Yeah. And I say, can I have a little gift? Like, I get a little BJ when it's for my welcoming. to the U.S., and she said, yeah, of course. So I got my citizenship and a little gift. And a gift. How come your immigration photo, when you became a citizen,

how come Weeman was in your photo? Ah, because he's a friend of a friend, and he's actually a very nice guy. He wanted to be there. He wanted to support, yeah. Makes no sense to me whatsoever. Do you know who Cato Caelin is? Who?

Cato Cailin. No. Do you know who O.J. Simpson is? That was a baseball player, no. Baseball player? No, no, he was a football player. But he, and he murdered two people.

Oh, okay. You remember that? No. You don't remember that? No. Well, anyway, he had a person that lived in his guest house, Cato Kalin. It's kind of like you. He was like real popular.

He had a moment. I don't want to kill anybody. No, no. You're not the person that killed. I would be the person that would kill in this scenario, and then you're the person that lives in the guest house. Have you always lived in guest houses? Yeah.

Yeah, actually, I mean, since I'm in the U.S., yeah, yeah. How old are you? I just turned 45. 45. But you've lied about your age before. Actually, I did, yeah. How do you know? Well, I was just the song.

The song. Some girl wrote a song about you. That's true. Did you love it that she wrote a song about you because you're such an egomaniac? No, I mean, I was very flattered. Uh-huh. But then it was... I found out randomly, I opened Internet, and I saw that song, and I listened the lyrics.

Like, damn, it sounds like it's about me. Mm-hmm. But I was... What's called Pierre? Yeah. So that was... Was that the first clue? And you were dating the person that wrote it.

On the 4th of July, I met a man, Pierre. How many times did you listen to the song? A million times. How is dating in LA? Do you like dating in Los Angeles? The girls, like, honestly, the girls are beautiful, but it's just the game. It's taking them on the date. and pay for everything.

It's different than France. Here, it's like they expect, and you have some pros. They say, oh, let's go to that restaurant. And they pick up the most expensive restaurants. Uh-huh. I mean, yeah, it's, that's annoying. So it's just about paying for a meal that bothers you. Yeah.

Yeah, no, it's, I mean, it's just the whole process. They have games. Some girls are really good at it. Do you ham up the French shit? No, no. I mean, it depends, but the French accent can help when it's a tricky situation. I pretend I don't understand. Are you on dating apps?

All of them. All of them. What's your favorite app? Those stupid. Is abortion legal in France? Yeah. You ever paid for an abortion? No.

Is that one of the things that bothers you about American women? They expect you to pay for them? Do you think French people in general are a little bit more homophobic and racist than Americans? Go ahead. No, I mean... The gay community is pretty big in France. Maybe I didn't tell you, but I used to be bartender in a gay club. And I had a cage.

I was a cage dancer. You were a cage dancer. I didn't know about the cage dancing. I had a cage. The place called Freedom Coffee. I was like 19 or 20. And I wanted to make some money for the summer to travel. So I told my friend, I can I walk in your coffee?

So we were opening at 6 p.m. until 2 a.m. Oh, that's a lot of dancing. Love dancing. And we closed for a few hours and we reopened for breakfast from 5 a.m. to 11 a.m. in the morning. A lot of dancing. So you're saying because you were a cage dancer, you personally could never be homophobic. No, I mean, no. Did you make great money? No, we don't tip in France. Oh, what's the point of being a cage dancer then? Because, you know, the girls who wants to be safe, they go to a gay club.

Oh, so you were still in your own homophobic. public mind being like I'm dancing for women at this gay club see here's what I think most of my friends I find are foreign and I think that's because whenever I hang out with somebody that's American as soon as they rub me the wrong way with the way they think about something like that it immediately makes me put a wall up but But with foreign people, I always assume, ah, there's a language barrier or there's something else. And so I turn a blind eye to some of the negative stuff. I think that might be another reason that I enjoy hanging out with foreigners is because for the most part, you don't find me funny.

So I find it challenging sometimes to make you laugh. But I also notice that when you, like, insult me, I feel like I'm going back to, like, the seventh grade where it's really a juvenile insult. you constantly like to make fun of my legs. Oh, you have got nice legs, yeah. You know, yeah, sometimes I don't understand your joke, but I understand your body language. The stuff you move or you do sometimes, they're funny, yeah. So you know that it's a joke just by my body language?

Yeah, like the way you move or you act, it's, yeah, sometimes. What's wrong with my legs? Do you think they're just too thin? The proportion. The proportions are wrong. You're a long body, long... Torso? Torso is this part.

No, the top of the leg. Okay, just the thigh? Thigh is long. From the knee to the... The foot? Foot, it gets tiny. So when you walk, it's funny. That's not true.

It is true. It's not true. I'll let anyone size me. I guarantee I'm completely proportionate. And the best part is when you run. It takes a different approach of running. What does that mean? I don't know.

You run the funny. I saw you running the other day on the beach. I couldn't believe that was. you are like, it's not Daniel, he can run. Oh, because I can run here. And then you got closer, like, oh, yeah, it's Daniel. Uh-huh. You still play the lottery every week?

It's three times a week. You play it three times a week? Yeah. People always accuse the French of being elitist. I'm going to list a few things, and I want you to say, which country does them the best? Food. France.

You think so? Uh-huh. It's not true. What's the best? Italy? No. Are you kidding me? No, all the best chef are in France.

All right, I don't know that that's true. All right. Wine. France? Mm-hmm. Cheese? France. Fashion?

France. How about art? France. Italy has some good arts. Comedy? France, yeah. Oh, shut the fuck up. No one ever thinks comedy thinks...

Yeah, France has good movies. I know a movie that you love. Huh? Here's a movie that you think is so funny, and I don't understand why you think of someone. Three billboards. Oh, I love that movie. Yeah, it's a good movie. What's your favorite, like, what's your favorite movies?

I thought Forrest Gump was good. Okay. Fly Above Cuckoo's Nest. Uh-huh. That's good. These are all classics. All right. What about American sports?

You really get upset with me during football season. Yeah, I don't get it. And you spend hours watching this. It's, yeah, it bothers you. It makes you mad. I don't know, there's no action. Hey, what's your favorite college football team? Notre Dame.

And it's only your favorite because... Because I can understand. Because Notre Dame is Notre Dame. So you think that it has some correlation with France. You watch a lot of basketball as well. I love basketball. I'll be more into basketball. What's your favorite team?

What is the one against the Lakers? Against the Lakers? Any team that they're playing? No, no. Clippers? Clippers. You like the clippers. I like the clippers.

Oh, that's nice. Because my friend gets annoying. I don't, I hate the Lakers. So I always root against Lakers. Oh, yeah, you like the one in the dolphins? Well, that, yes, I do like the dolphins. Yeah. They're in football.

And then. Oh, it's football. Yeah. And then the basketball team is the Miami Heat. Miami Heat, yeah. You like tennis as well. I love tennis. I love tennis.

Yeah. The amount of, I, I conceived my son at Roland Garros. That's right, yeah. I mean, that's right. I don't know. Oh, the red clay. of Rolongeros. That's just fun to say.

My daughter looks a lot like you. I noticed. I didn't know what I said you by notice. Have you ever had sex with my wife? Yes or no? No. Here's a quiz about France. Want to hear a quiz?

Yeah. When did France last execute someone by guillotine? Ready? Here's your choices. 1795, 1863, or 19. The second one. Nope. 1977.

By guillotine? Yeah. I should bring this back. Is it? Yeah. I mean, according to this, I mean, it's Eddie. Eddie, is it true? Yeah, it's true.

It's radical. How much French do I know? What's the one thing I'm not allowed to say? I taught you a couple of words. Oh, come so, that's it. No, when I say, bonjour to you, you say. I say that's all I ever say. I can remember my French class going

Taxi, taxi, yes, madame, where do you, all right, please, thank you, madam, thank you, something like that.

I remember that. Yeah, it's good. To the ponder in the queue? Yeah, this one. You say that to a girl in the water and, yeah, that was intense. I said that to somebody in the water. Oh, but we didn't tell her what it meant.

No, but she figured. No, she didn't figure. I think she went on internet after. Oh, dare you. She never figured. You banged a grandma in our neighborhood. I've been what? You had sex with a grandma in our neighborhood?

Probably did, yeah. Remember that one thing? Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, remember, yeah. You banged a grandma, you banged my kid's teacher, and you bang tons of Russians. Russians, yeah, but I mean, Russians, it's difficult. What do you mean? Because they're very expensive.

I didn't know that. They like the money. Sometimes, you know, I cannot have for the house, so to get those girls on date, it's sometimes difficult. Are you dating someone right now? Yeah. Are you in love, Pierre? I don't know, I could be.

Oh, right. Would you ever get married? I don't think so. I don't know. Do you want to have kids someday? I don't think so. Why? I don't know, because I need to text you to go surfing anytime. I know, but it would be fun.

It would be fun to see you. a dad. Your president was 15 when he met his wife, who was 40. Just wanted you to know that. Macron. Yeah, yeah. His wife's older. Yeah, yeah. He was 15 when he met her. She was 40 at the time. He was his teacher. That's, that's who your president is. Did you ever smoke? Yeah. Everyone in France smokes. I mean smoke like when I was partying. Do you still smoke? No. You have a problem with alcohol. Don't you? Go ahead. Talk about that. I mean, I haven't drink for six months.

I know. Did you do better with women when you were drinking than you are sober? Maybe for the approach, yeah. You have more game when you're drunk. What are your favorite other drugs? Marijuana, you like marijuana? No. No, I was drinking.

Only drinking. You've always worked in, since I've known you, fashion. Women's swimwear and lingerie. Langerie? Langerie. We just launched the lingerie. You make lingerie even sound sexier by saying Légeet. So every interview,

I give the guest on the show a gift. It's just something from my house that I want to get rid of. Okay. So I just give them... I know you also. I know. I always try to think of something that they would want.

Okay, so here's what I got you. I got you a bunch of my really nice sweaters because I know you wear sweaters that I think hang too short on me. And because you're French, I feel like you need lines. French love stripes. I like it.

Okay? Thank you. Hold on, I got a bunch. It's good quality as well. No, these are good brands. This is Neiman Marcus. That's going to be a nice sweater. That's beautiful.

Thank you. Look at this. This is rag and bone. Wow. These are some nice sweaters. Nice. Okay. Thank you, Daniel.

This is just, this one might be a little too tight. If you want to be sexy, you wear that one. Thank you, Daniel. Okay. That's a bunch of sweaters, you're welcome. You gotta keep the bag. Yeah, you keep the bag. It's nice.

Get them off the table. We'll be right back. Pasha We've taken some great surf trips Yeah, not too far from the house But we have some good moments I think one time What about Waco? Oh, Waco was good

Yeah, yeah, thank you for taking me Waco, your surf pool Pierre and I went there You kind of messed up our reservation But we'd love to come back If you give us a ton of free time All right I think another thing that we like

Is that we bond on Is that we enjoy surfing Almost more when it's bad because nobody's out. We don't ever like people to be near us in the water. We had some bad surf, yeah. And then we ride, you got me to buy these garbage foam surfboards from France. Yeah.

They were really cheap. Yeah. What's the name of them? Descarteson, O'Lyhan. O'Lion. Now, I know you're not a sponsor yet, but if you want to send us just a bunch of free of your surfboards, we would love that. Those O'Lion boards, man.

You got two. You got two of them. One of them is meant for children, but we still ride the shit out of it. It's really fun. Yeah, send us that, what is it, 7-2? No, we have the 6-8s. Send us a bunch of those 6-8s. Send us a stack of those yellow 6-8s with the carve-out body and the handle in the middle.

They're complete garbage boards, but for some reason we enjoy beating them up. You know what's weird about our neighborhood too is how we became friends with so many little kids. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, we were friends with these kids. All right, they're wonderful, but we watch them grow up. And now they're like in their 20s. The best thing is Arthur, when he was surfing, he was a kid, I gave him a wetsuit that was too small for me. And he was like, I don't know, 12, 13 years old.

He said, oh, Pierre, thank you so much. You can have for the rest of my life all the waves you want. I'm like, Arthur, careful, because this is going to stick. And now every time a good wave comes, I say, Arthur, remember what you say when you're a kid? That wave is for me. Arthur broke his foot one day. We were surfing the place that we don't talk about. And it was a real day.

It was good. And we were alone. And he broke his foot. It was like six in the morning. It was like before school. He was going like in high school. And he's like, hey, you got to help me back, help me home. And I'm like, yeah, but like I'm going to surf for another hour.

So he sat like on a rock for an hour with a broken foot while I caught every wave. And then I carried him home. I'll choose the best. You know, which is funny, he always wants to. Since he surfed with the oldest, he wants to prove. So he goes for big waves and challenging situation. I saw him like... I've seen him get killed.

Yeah, I'm like, dude. But he's huge now. But now he's just a tank of a person. The thing, I told him once when he was like 16 or 17 years, I said, I go, the day you turn 18, I'm going to punch you in the face. And then I think by the time he was 18, he was already like so much bigger. You never done it? Yeah, let's just forget about that.

You care about surfing. That's something that's different. We both surf a ton, but you care about, like, you know who the pro surfers are. You know when the contest are going on and you watch pro contests. I don't do anything. I don't like anything about surfing except for the act of surfing. And you're, I mean, you're good surfer. Okay.

Yeah, you're good. Well, I've surfed my whole life. Yeah. Since I could walk. But the funny past, when you get competitive, yeah, it's funny. That's funny? Yeah, you just change. He's so competitive.

Do you ever see me get mad in the water? Yeah. Do I yell at people? Yeah, no, no. There's a first story. Like, there's those kids keep paddling around. And one of the kids, you're pointing like where he should sit. And he thought you wanted to shake his hand.

You wanted to shake the hand, but you say, no, I'm pointing where you should sit and don't come next to me. Remember that story? No, but that sounds about right. And the guy was like, for what? Yeah, I run it. tight ship out there. We are coming out of the surf and this girl was walking two girls just when we start hanging out and this girl said, oh my God, that's Daniel Tosh.

Can I get a picture? And you say no and you start running the opposite way. I thought that was funny. Well, it's because it combines two things. It combines things that you love girls and me running. And surfing, three things. You know it was a funny story that you can't get over. One time, we were surfing one spot, but we decided to go to a different spot that's walkable from where we were surfing.

For some reason, we just kept our leashes on because we were going to go run to this other spot that was only 100 yards away, maybe 200 yards max. And we happened to pass the greatest female surfer in the world. Do you remember her name? Stephanie Gilmore. Stephanie Gilmore, and Stephanie Gilmore looks at us and goes, why you guys got your leashes on? Like, we're like 10 years old. And you didn't realize it until we had, like, ran past that she was making fun of us. You told me, yeah.

And you got so mad. That's funny, but, yeah, we had our leash on, like, working, like... You didn't like being teased by Stephanie Gilmore. I'd like to be teased by Stevie Gilmore. Oh, come on. She's... You always resented her... her sister for not wanting to date you.

Yeah, I tried. Didn't go well. Stephanie Gilmore the greatest female surfer of all time, the Kelly Slater in female surfing, and she has a beautiful sister. She's gorgeous. And Stephanie's beautiful.

And Pierre tried to hook up with her sister, and her sister was not having it. In front of you, as well, I did, to make you laugh. And you said to me, you should have stopped after the first sentence, but I keep pushing. He said, it's enough.

Oh. Yeah, it was bad. Nothing worse than watching you strike out in the water. Tell me about the time you got a blowjob in the Soho house bathroom. No, I didn't get a blowjob. Oh, you made love? And then I asked you, I said, would you wear a condom? And you said, no, no, people don't wear condoms anymore.

It's not fashionable? Is that true? People don't wear condoms anymore? No, people wear condoms. You have to wear condom. Oh, okay. Yeah. You like to jog every day?

Not every day, but I like to draw, yeah, get things out. Yeah. It's good for the brain as well. Do you do, do you do mental health? Do you do it like mental health exercises? Do you see a therapist? Mm-hmm. Have you ever seen a therapist?

Me neither. No. I just go surfing. You're my therapist. It's scary. I just go surfing. Sometimes my wife, when she gets, when I'm like, you know, starting to get really. She's like, just go surfing. Yeah.

Fucking get out of the house. Go get in the ocean. She's smart. You have any diseases? From all the sex? You've never gotten diseases from all the sex? No, you've been good. I'm lucky.

Oh, real lucky. No, I got malaria in Africa. What's that? I got malaria in Africa. The fuck. You got... Malaria? Malaria?

Malaria. Malaria? In Africa. Oh, in Africa. Africa. Your accent, sometimes to me, sounds like someone doing a bad Christopher Walkin impression. Well, my friends have got peanut butter stuck in my mouth.

Okay. That's not as funny. That's not as funny as what I said. We'll put some bad Christopher Walken impression next to him talking and you're like, oh, it does kind of sound like... What's you got a dough is grab a free-range chicken. Do an impression of me talking. Do an impression maybe you're talking about basketball. Basketball? That's what you always did in the water. You always say, oh, are you going to go watch basketball? The thing is you don't usually meet... when you're as old as we are.

You don't usually like meet a guy and then just start hanging out with a guy. It's like, it's just bizarre. Well, Pierre, listen, I'm sure I'll talk to you 10 minutes after this is done. So, um, anyway, thanks for being on the show. Thank you, then. Okay.

Orvoir. I'll miss you. Pasha! That was another great interview. Thank you to Pierre. and all the women that he has loved. Thank you, too. With me as always is my dog Carl

for the post-show interview wrap-up. By the way, Pierre immediately sent me photos of him wearing the sweater. He also sends me photos of his lunch every day. And I want to put a couple of these photos up. Carl wouldn't even eat this food. Hostages don't even eat like this. He's always like, I like, I like, it's not sausages.

Those are hot dogs. And it's on mashed potatoes. and there's cheese on top. Sometimes he does some pasta with hot dogs and cheese and potato chips. None of it makes sense. And then comes on my show and talks about the French palate being more sophisticated. And then I just, I can't stop looking at it because it's so insane to me that a 45-year-old man eats like this. Sit down, Carl.

See you next week. Thank you.