Trading Secrets - 215. Batsheva Haart: My Unorthodox Life star shares secrets of breaking out of an orthodox religion and community. The power of mindset from dating, marriage, and divorce. Honoring what was and what is present.

Episode Date: December 30, 2024

This week, Jason is joined by fashion and lifestyle content creator and reality TV personality from Netflix’s My Unorthodox Life, Batsheva Haart!  Batsheva rose to fame after starring alongside her family in the hit Netflix series where they spoke in depth about their former Orthodox life and how they’re living their best lives in New York City. Having grown up with a parent in the fashion industry and eventually gone to FIT, Batsheva has worked her way into the corporate world of fashion, including various design and product internships. Her experience in these roles, along with learning hands-on from her mother has helped shape her career today.  Batsheva dives into her experience with religion growing up, how her sister started asking the questions which lead to her mom to question the religious space, how she currently celebrates Shabbat, going against the standards of when to start dating for marriage, what life has been like post-divorce, being proud of her Jewish identity, and the biggest financial lesson her mom taught her. Batsheva also reveals the cause of her break up with her ex-husband, the want of an education, starting college at 24, being full-time in social media and enjoying the flexibility of it, being authentically herself, what inspired her to start her podcast Heart to Haart, and the power of a positive mindset with self talk.  Batsheva reveals all that and so much more in another episode you can’t afford to miss!                                                     Host: Jason Tartick Co-Host: David Arduin Audio: John Gurney Guest: Batsheva Haart Stay connected with the Trading Secrets Podcast!  Instagram: @tradingsecretspodcast  Youtube: Trading Secrets Facebook: Join the Group All Access: Free 30-Day Trial  Trading Secrets Steals & Deals! Fabric by Gerber Life: Fabric by Gerber Life was designed by parents, for parents, to make it easy to plan for and manage your family’s financial path. Join the thousands of parents who trust Fabric to help protect their family. Start investing in your child today at meetfabric.com/TRADINGSECRETS Vimergy: Vimergy makes liquids vitamin and supplements that use clean ingredients, and are not loaded with unnecessary fillers and binders, like citric acid. For free shipping using code TRADINGSECRETS plus, you can save up to 12% with their mix and save program ShipSkis: Skip airport stress and costly airline fees. Just schedule your shipment, attach your label, and ShipSkis handles the rest, delivering your gear directly to your destination. Go to Shipskis.com and use the code TRADINGSECRETS to get 20% off your first shipment and save yourself the hassle this ski season. Cort Furniture: Get furniture on your terms with CORT. Rent or Buy furniture that flexes to fit any situation, style and budget and to get 50% off your first month's furniture rental head over to cort.com/podcast

Welcome back to another episode of Trading Secrets. I'm your host, Jason Tartick, and welcome to the pre-market trading segment where I'll tell you just a little bit about our guest, something you need to know about what's happening in spending or the market in an update for my personal life. Before you even listen to another word, remember if you are listening on Apple or Spotify, please just hit follow. Go to YouTube. You could watch this whole episode. Just type in Jason Tardick and give us a follow there.

And the biggest thing, please give us a five-star review and let us know a guest, a theme, or someone that you want on this podcast. We're also doing a couple of giveaways. So if you do put a review, make sure you put your Instagram handle or your email address. and we will make sure that you are in the raffle to win something from our little giveaway. Now, this episode is awesome. I'm really excited about this one because it's different. It's a topic we've really never touched on. And in the recap, we get into the weeds on it.

But we're getting into religion. Now, why are we getting into religion? Because there's a Netflix show called My Unorthodox Life, where Batsheva Hart talks a lot and shares the story of how her family was in Orthodox religion. some of the rules that they had to live under, how they broke through, and how it impacted her life. So you're going to hear the before, the during, the after. And this was an episode that like I will be listening back three or four times because it is wildly stimulating, extremely interesting. And it's 30 minutes of just just firing, just like every single

sense. You're like, whoa, whoa, wait, what? Really? How? And the recap, we talk all about it. So stay tuned for that. But now let's talk a couple numbers here. So this is the last week of 2024. 2025 is upon us. I don't know about you guys, but I am ready to smash down this door to 2024, rip it open at 2025 and say, let's go. New Year, learned a lot last year, but I am just ready to rip and roar. So I am excited for the new year. But let's talk a couple bucks here. So here's some interesting New Year's Eve, fun facts for 2020. 128 plus million is the number of Americans who will travel for the New Year's holiday, with 65% of them driving to a destination.

69% are the share of Americans who spend at least 50 bucks on New Year's Eve for food and drinks. 50 bucks, I feel like these days, especially like I'm going to be in New York City for New Year's Eve, and these days it's like a cocktail's 30 bucks. It's got not a control. I'll tell you that much. 54% is the share of Americans who plan to celebrate New Year's Eve with family or friends, only 31% will eat out or order food for pickup or delivery. And $807 is the average cost for a couple to enjoy a dinner and a show on New Year's Eve

and the three largest cities, New York, L.A. and Chicago. I'll give you my take. I'm not a New Year's Eve guy. I think it's overrated. I think there's too many people. I think expectations always come up short. It's not my thing. I love events. I love going out. I love spending a couple bucks for a nice occasion. On New Year's Eve, it's just not for me. And I say it's not for me and my dumbass is still going to be out. So I know I'm going to be in New York City. And that's a little update for my personal life. I'm going to be there because I am actually have to be there early January.

And then I'm heading to Boston for the Buffalo Bills, New England Patriots game with some friends. And maybe starting to peek around at a couple places too. So we'll see. But I get to New York on December 30th and I'll be there up until January 4th. Now, there is one last number. I wanted to share about the holiday spending. 36% of Americans took on holiday debt this year averaging $1,181. That's a lot of action to take on debt for holiday spending. Okay, it happened. Everything I say, don't shame, don't blame, don't weaponize. Let's just learn how to fix it.

So if you did take on some debt, let's put a plan in place to just understand what your cash inflow is, how you're going to take your cash outflow to accelerate that payment and get that down to zero because we just don't want those 20 to 30 percent interest rates on credit card debt. But you know what? Enough of credit card debt talk. Happy New Year's Eve. Happy New Year's Day and happy 2025 if you're listening in 2025. Let's ring in the bell with one of the most interesting podcasts yet with Bot Sheva. Let's talk all about religion. Welcome back to another episode of Trading Secrets. Today we are joined by fashion and lifestyle content creator and reality TV personality from Netflix, My Unorthodox Life, Batsheva Hart.

Batsheva rose to fame after starring alongside her family in the hit Netflix series, where they spoke in depth about their former Orthodox life and how they're living their best lives in New York City. Having grown up with a parent in the fashion industry and eventually gone to FIT, Batesheva has worked her way into the corporate world of fashion, including various designs and product internships. Her experience in those roles, along with learning hands, on from her mother, has helped shape her career as a content creator today, having partnered with multiple fashion and beauty brands

such as Allo, Yoga, Target, and Neutrigina. We are going to discuss all things related to fashion and lifestyle, her time on reality TV, and how she's been able to balance between religion and the modern world. Well, Batsheva, thank you so much for joining us on sharing secrets. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here. Now, this is a topic that I find just so fascinating, and we've never talked about on trading secrets. We really don't step into religion at all. So talk to me a little bit about when you were a child growing up in an Orthodox family, what were some of the maybe traditions or day-to-day things that even as a child you're like, I don't, huh, I don't know if I want to do this or I actually really like this.

Like, tell me about the experience of the child growing up in a family like that. think that I was in such a small little bubble. I didn't really question anything because I didn't see anything to question. It was just, this is the way it is. This is how you're brought up. You're not really subjected to any other ways of religion or lifestyles because it's such an insular community that I only got exposed to other ways of life once my mom left the community. I was like, oh, okay, there's other ways to be Jewish. There's other ways to celebrate religion. And it gave me the opportunity to look outside. But until that point, I was pretty much all in because I didn't have any opportunity to question it. Interesting. Because you see there's so many different shows and

stuff on all different religions and communities like that. There's a big theme there of the importance of being able to live, experience, see, and do things outside of maybe the confide structure that's put in place. And I think like almost everyone can relate to that in some capacity. What was it for your mom that made her step away from it. She always says it was my sister because my sister did question things. I'm more of a go with the flow. I don't like to ruffle feathers. My sister was like, why am I doing this?

This doesn't make sense. And she questioned it a lot. And I think that made my mom question. Yeah. And then she decided to look outside. And what she found was that she didn't agree with religion at all. Yeah. That's so interesting.

You said that you, you know, with your experiences, it was hard for you to kind of see what other things were like, what do you think it was about your sister that allowed her to question it with limited experience? Well, she's bisexual. So I think I'm sure that it had to do with in the religious world being gay or dating, you know, the same sex is very no-no. So I'm sure that inspired her to question like, why is this wrong? Yeah. Or why does religion say it's wrong? I think that definitely influenced it. And I think her and my mom are very similar. They're why or the same way. They just have this, like, tenacity to, like, question things. And I admire that about them. I love that. I love that. Yeah. My brother is gay and married. And I always thought that was so

just in the idea that, you know, suppose there is a God, right? Suppose that exists, which, you know, most of the world, who knows? Most of the world believes that that is the case. Wouldn't, wouldn't he want people to live in a state of happiness? You know, like, it's like it seems a little contradictory. You know, some of the structural things or the more of the traditional things seem quite dated. So I think challenging and creates conflict and conflict creates growth. Absolutely. Yeah. I think what I learned the most about religion is that a lot of people find comfort in it.

I'm not religious at all anymore, but I've realized that there are a lot of people who like for someone to say, this is how you should live your life, this is how you should treat people. They like the rules and regulations. and I'm more I like just having a good moral compass and no rules. Right. I think that makes perfect sense. What were some things, like as someone who just isn't familiar in totality with Orthodox lifestyle, there are certain things with technology, right, and lighting and use of the internet

and things you can see and say, what were some of those things that our listeners like might not know about but would find fascinating? Yeah, I mean, growing up, I celebrated Shabbat, which is. from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday and you use no electronics, no light switches. I mean, a lot of times, like, your lights are on timers or your oven is like left on so you could heat things up, but you don't turn on the oven, you don't turn on your TV, you don't get in your car. So you're really like stuck inside with your friends and family, which is there's benefits to that. I celebrate Shabbat now in the sense where you don't work on Friday night,

Saturday. I don't post on social media. So it feels like a day of rest. but I go out. Once sundown hits Friday, that's when you'll, I won't post on social media. Okay, until when? Until sundown Saturday. For me, that's how I celebrate it still. But growing up, there was just like, you were just at home with your friends and family,

eating food, drinking, which is nice. Yeah. But I felt very left out of the world. And I don't know. I just, I never really related to it. It didn't feel like a day of rest to me when I couldn't turn. on the TV. Got it. So you'll still socialize. You just won't post on social then. Yeah, I'll go out. I do. It's Friday and by and you'll go out tonight. Oh, no. I'm going out. But I'm saying for me, it feels like a

different day. It still feels like a day of rest because I'm not working, which I think is beautiful. And having this phone tied to us is definitely a sense of work. So doing that. I did it. I don't if I ever shared on the podcast. I went to Israel for my MBA and then we did a whole trip out there, went to different VCs and stuff. But we did a Shabbat dinner. It was lovely. Yeah, absolutely. My mom's Jewish. So in Israel, technically. I'm Jewish. Yeah. And you're Jewish everywhere.

I'm Jewish everywhere. It's everywhere, right? Yeah, yeah. It's by the mom. It's by the mom. Yeah. Yeah, because my brother did birthright. Mm.

So, but we did a Shabbat dinner. And I thought the idea of it is brilliant, right? You bring your friends and family together. You celebrate life and you unwind and you just totally, no phones, right? Connect phones at dinner. They use candle lighting, no actual lighting. And I was like, this is, this is. They didn't have lights on?

They didn't have lights on. They just had candle lighting. Interesting. Yeah. That I haven't seen. Gotcha. Interesting. What about dating in the world of Orthodox?

Like, what were some of the rules as a kid like you had to follow or things that were maybe different from the norm? Well, you don't date until you're dating for marriage. So I never, I went to an all-girls high school. I, you know, Scandisly had my first kiss, like, out of high school when I was 17, but that was like a big no-no. You weren't allowed to do that. Wow. So if you kiss someone in high school, that would be like. probably be like kicked out of school. Yeah, you don't go on dates. You don't talk to boys. I didn't

like have conversations with opposite sex besides my family friends until I was dating for marriage, so to speak. But then I met my ex-husband like through family friends and that we hit our relationship for a while because we weren't supposed to be dating because he was the same age as me and getting, I got married at 19, but that's still really young for a guy, even in the religious this world. So if you guys met from friends, and then you were also dating with the intention to marriage, why did you have to hide it? Well, we weren't dating with, he was really young. We met when we were like 17, 18, so he wasn't really supposed to be dating for marriage yet. Wait, hold on that. At what point is a male in the Orthodox community supposed to date for

marriage? I would say like 21. We're not pushing the boundaries in terms of like, it's not older, but it's a little bit older out of high school. So you're not, you're dating with a purpose of marriage only. Like you save yourself for marriage. I save myself for marriage. Okay. And that was kind of the reason you get married so young because they're like, God forbid, you should have sex out of marriage.

Yeah. So that's why they push women and men to get married really young because that's a fear. Interesting. Okay. We're going to tie this to business too because I've heard and read that you said that your divorce caused a little bit of stress and anxiety. around finances. Let's love me equals money. Before we do that, though, now where you are today, how has that shaped? Like, what's your view on relationships today versus what it was then?

Oh, well, very different. Yeah, I would imagine. That's why I asked. I actually, I, you guys talk about sex on this podcast a little bit. We talk about it all. I am, Art Basel was my, I called it losing my post-marriage virginity. Okay. I was recently single out of my divorce and my mom was like, this is ridiculous. You're so sad. You need to get laid. Your mom's my mom. My mom's great. What a full circle moment. So I was going to our Basel and she was like, this is a great opportunity for you. You're going to meet a lot of people. Just have fun. Don't, you know, don't think about it too much. Like grip off the Band-Aid. I wasn't religious. I wasn't like saving myself or anything. But I was just like nervous about it. And I came to Basel with a mission.

And mission accomplished? Mission got accomplished. And all I can say is that I remember this guy left and he was like, you must do this a lot. And I was like, if you only knew you were the second person I've ever been with my entire life. Did you, you didn't tell him. Oh, no, no. I did a podcast episode about it. And he found out that way.

Oh, my gosh. That is absolutely hilarious. So you've taken a 180 as far as just your stance on it. Live your life, do your life. Live your life. I think women, you know, if you want to express yourself, there should be no judgment. Men in society can do whatever they want in terms of if they want to hook up or not. And I think that I wanted to take like that power back for myself. In the moment, I was really emotionally unavailable for anything.

So sex just felt like a thing. It didn't have any value. Now, three years later, I'm way more into meaningful experiences. Totally get it. That is fascinating. What do you, this topic, I'm like, I keep wanting to jump to business, but it's so stimulating to me. What is the reason then? You've seen both sides of the coin.

You've seen the community that tells you in 19, you should get married, you shouldn't date, shouldn't kiss. Do you think that's the law, the land for the Bible, or do you think it's more for security and safety of just the mental aspect of parents within this religion? Like, why are they putting that type of focus on these 17-year-olds and 18-year-olds? It's all sex-based. It's literally so you shouldn't have sex out of marriage. So they want you to be in a relationship, like, you know, a law-abiding relationship within the Bible so that it's sacred. Okay. So it's all around sacred.

It's all around following the specifics of what the Bible says based on the interpretation of that religion. Yeah. And women's jobs in religion is to have babies. So for the most part, so you're supposed to get young and, like, fulfill your life goal of being a mother and having children. And you can't do that out of marriage. So you've got to get on that train immediately. It would be interesting to get your take or your families take to do an interpretation of the Bible based on what you guys think it should be done versus what your community did think it should be done. I think, I think I would say besides my dad and my brother, they were.

are so religious. The rest of us aren't religious at all. So we're very proud of our Jewish identity. Like, I would love to have Shabbat dinner with my family one day, purely more of like a family tradition, not religious base. So I don't think I really believe in a Bible. Yeah. Gotcha. I respect it. Yeah. It's not for me. And it comes to your sister and also my brother and just life, I look at religion, like whatever religion you are, practice it, preach it, live it, enjoy it, be your best self. Try not to judge others. And I'm here to love and be good to all different religions in all different places and people. So glad we got that figured out. Well, I'm glad we had that conversation because it also connects to your divorce that you went through. And your divorce, you did say that it caused stress

around anxiety, around personal finances. Second book I wrote is called Talk Money to Me, all about this intersection of love and money. And we're seeing day by day right now, money becoming the forefront of issues in relationships during and after. So I just want to get your take on why was it such a struggle for you? I think, well, the biggest life lesson my mom taught me was to have as a woman my own financial independence. So I think I was different than a lot of people growing up, like specifically in the religious world that I had a job. I was making money. So when I did want to exit my relationship, that didn't hold me back. Whereas a lot of women in my position maybe would have been like, I want to get out of this, but how am I going to live? So I'm

so thankful to my mom that she was like, make your own money. So you always have freedom to do whatever you want. But I still never paid a bill. I didn't know what a credit card statement looked like. I never like got the mail, booked a flight. I didn't take care of any of those things. So when I got out of my relationship, like thankfully my ex had set me up with a financial advisor and helped me put my credit cards on autopay and gave me. It was really nice. We had a great sounds like it was an amicable sweat. Very amicable sweat. Why did you guys break up? religion for the most part oh wow so as you were pushing away yeah he was he was we very much gradually moved along together into like a modern orthodox lifestyle but then when we talked about

raising a family he wanted to raise him more religious and i didn't want religion at all i think i was doing a lot of it out of respect for him because we got married when i was in a different place in life so i held on as long as i could and because he was my best friend and I think he was my soulmate for that period of my life, and I'll always respect him. But I didn't want him to live his life the way I wanted to live. And I didn't want to live the way he wanted to live long term. If he was willing to take a different stance on how to raise the kids, you think you guys would still be together? I don't know.

I don't like to think like that. Yeah, that's a good perspective. Like I think everything happened for reasons. I'm so thankful for my relationship because I had a beautiful marriage. and I'm happy he was my person I transitioned with, but I've never looked back at that decision. And it sounds like through the device, I can't tell you. I've heard of one divorce where the other partners like doing everything in their power to help, like educate and still put them in a good position. Yeah. That's beautiful. We had a really like as good of a split as you can have,

I think we had because we never got to that point of disliking each other. We always, we exited the relationship with a lot of love. Wow. That's beautiful. Okay, so you get married at 19, right? And then you get divorced. It was 20, 21 was it? Yeah, it was 28. 28. Okay. So then within that time period from 21 to 28, of course, there's a lot going on in your life. But professionally, where are you earning majority of your income at this point? So I started off as being a nanny on the side when I was going to FIT. I started going to college at 24 because it wasn't ever anything that I was. was going to do until my mom left. And I was like, wait, there's stuff out here. I want to get an education. Were you not going to go to college because of religion? Yeah. Did your religion say that? People will go to college, but they'll go to be like a nurse or a teacher or a bookkeeper. And none of those things were interesting to me. I went to cosmetology school. I went to culinary school so I was always very creative, but college for the arts was a complete secular world. So I was

never going to do that because I was in my little insular bubble of the community. And then once my mom left, I was like, wait, I can explore. I can go to school. I can get an education. And even though I was a little older than everyone in my class, I was so happy to go. That's cool. So 24 is when you started school. That's pretty cool. You finish and you go to FIT. What did the career track look from then? Because you probably finished right around the divorce, right? Yeah. So I was doing, I started doing social media around like 25, 26 while I was still in school. So I had gotten my associates and accessories design. And then I was off for the summer. Blogging was really big. So in 2017, I was like, let me try this out. And I ended up loving it. So I switched my major from design to

direct and interactive marketing. Cool. And I started doing social media. at part-time. I told my ex at the time that it would take me five years to make enough money to, like, be sustainable. And it took me like three, two to three years. Yeah. What did you define as sustainable? I think like a full, full paycheck where I always said like that I could like add avocado on my salad. That was your thing. You know like the two extra dollars that they're like, we'll charge you. Like I didn't want to think about the two extra dollars. Okay. It's my job here as a podcast guests to guess what that means. I'm going to say that means around $70,000? Oh, I don't even know at the time. That's a second. Yeah. Okay. But you make enough to add avocados to the salad. So that's a good place to be.

You then go full-time. How has the social media career treated you since going full-time? And were you full-time when you were married or was it all after the divorce? Yeah, it was full-time when I was married. It was, it's really amazing. I think what's beautiful about social media is I growing up struggled because I want to be a mom, but I also want a career and I want that independence. And I found that this space, I have so much flexibility. I have the ability to work from anywhere. If I ever want to bring my family into it, I can. I used to do a lot of couples content and now I do a lot more like single girl content. But I think what's amazing about social media is it gives you the ability to connect with so many people and there's no ceiling on how much you can make. True, which is amazing. Have you seen it grow

every year? Absolutely. It's been so rewarding to be able to connect with people and make that my job. That's great. And I mean, to see how it's gone from couples content to single content to now doing your own thing. You are part-time married, now you're full-time in social media. When I think about the differences in your life from your teens to where you are today and then even the divorce, one thing we talk about often on this show. I'm just curious how it tied to your life is like pre-numps. What is the take on pre-numps in the Orthodox Jewish religion? I would assume that it's a very anti-pranum. I think now people are talking about it. I got married, I don't know, 2012, so a long time ago. Yeah. Yeah. But now I think people talk about it a lot more because divorce is something that

happens more often, unfortunately. Whereas before, but when you're 19 and you're getting, married to a 19-year-old, you don't really have an income. So it's more on the families. Yeah. If there's like family money involved, that people will do that. Gotcha. But when you're that young, it's like, I don't have anything. I don't even know what I'm going to have. What am I pre-numping on? What am I pre-numping? Yeah. But now I will get one. Okay. Got it. Netflix, my own with their next life. Were you surprised, excited? What did you think about the edit? I thought it was great. I mean, I think it was on point. My friends watched it and were like you're exactly yourself on camera and off camera. So I took that as a compliment, even for the

things that people didn't agree with. I was being authentically myself. Okay. Reality TV or any type of docu series in your future. I would love to be a host of something. That's why I started my podcast. Gotcha. And what would you like to be a host of? I don't know exactly. Some sort of dating show maybe love. I mean, I love fashion as well, but I like the ability to connect and give my insight. Okay. So possibly hosting, would you go on as a castmate into dating or challenge show? No. You would not, if that's a hard no. Hard pass. Why the hard pass? I just don't think that that's the way that I want to enter love personally. Okay. I like a little bit more organic and I think that I liked my family show because it was with my family. Yeah. But I don't think that I'd be able to do it

with multiple people and like people I don't know. Wouldn't feel comfortable to me. Wouldn't feel comfortable to Okay, that's fair. But I respect it. All right. You respect it. You're not judging. Thank you. Appreciate it. Love that for you. Thank you. Oh, what a run. Heart to heart. That's your podcast, right? How's the podcast going? From the business side, has it been, would you say, like, more successful than blogging versus social media harder? Like, what's your overall take is podcasting connects to the other forms of your social media businesses? I think the podcast I use as a place to give more like long form content. I felt when I went through my divorce that there was nothing out there for me. There's no information about it. People weren't really talking about it, especially as a 20-year-old going through a divorce. You know, that was mostly like older women talking about their experience. So I wanted my podcast to be a place where I could talk about that. Help women, even if they weren't going through a divorce, a long-term relationship, a lot of people have their like college boyfriends and then they have this whole identity with them and then they break off and they're like, who am I? Yeah. So I wanted that.

I would say it's not as regular. I more use it when I have something to say. Yeah, that makes sense. I love, I love like the opportunity to be able to talk for 30 minutes and not feel like I have to fit everything into a minute video. The long form stuff makes sense. With your one minute videos, what you're doing well, your social media is growing. You focus on fashion. You're focusing on single content. What's like, what's, what, give us something. Give us like a trading secret as it connects to either fashion or just the single life and the things that. you've seen. I guess I'll go on a more single life. I think self-talk is really important. And I think a lot of women are like men suck and dating sucks. And I'm never going to find someone. I get questions all the time. Like, are you nervous about finding your next person? And I think if you tell yourself

that life is amazing, that men are wonderful, that you're going to find that person and you tell yourself that enough, you're going to believe it and you will. Wow. So when you self-talk, do you have a, do you have like a system for it? Do you do it like once a day? Do you write it down? Do you just like once? I think I like intercept my thoughts. I think that's like what I've learned to do is like if I'm having a negative thought or something that I don't want to associate with. Like I am in control of my own brain. So I'll be like, no, I don't believe that. I don't know if I'm saying it out loud or if it's to myself, but I'm very like that with all of my friends whenever they're going through like a shitty time. time. I'm like, don't say that. Men are great. This person maybe sucks. Okay. I like that. I think just having a positive mindset about really anything in life, that's going to take you to be successful because you're the one who's living it. So if you say it's great, it's going to be great. Okay. I like that. Self-talk, intercept the bad thoughts. And then let's do one more, someone who's newly single. You go on a date. What are things like definitely don't

do, definitely do? Trading secrets, dating edition. Dating edition. Dating edition. I love this. When it comes to ghosting, if you've never met someone, then it's not considered ghosting if you don't respond to them. But if you have met them, don't ghost them. Send them a nice message saying you're not interested. And that's it because you wouldn't want someone to ghost you. So don't ghost them. I believe in karma. And I think every time that I've sent a text, like it was so nice meeting you, I just feel like we're looking for different things.

That's way nicer to the guy than just not responding to his message. Yeah. Okay. So don't ghost. I got that. Set the expectation. Don't ghost. And if you're a guy, I think if you bid on three plus dates, if you don't want to see the girl anymore, you should let her know. Okay. That's a good one. This is for the men. All right. For the men, three plus dates. You don't want to see you anymore. Let her know. Don't ghost. All right. Let's let's let's wrap with the trading secret though. So it's a trading secret specific to your journey, which has been a fascinating journey. It's wild to see how religion, love, money, and even professional pursuits have. have totally influenced your journey and look where you've come and look where you were and the lessons you've learned, I think you need to write a book, just saying, I would read it. It's on there. Okay, it should be hosting and a book is next next for you.

When you do those, you're going to have to come back on. But what is one trading secret you can leave our listeners with? Aside from all the dating tips you just gave. I think that gratitude, practicing gratitude, every day at 10 p.m., I have an alarm that goes off. And it says three gratitudes. And I say or write down three specific things from that day that I'm thankful for. I listen to this in a TED talk about finding happiness. And he said if every day you write down three things you're thankful for that are specific to the day,

your brain is going to be trained to constantly be looking for that thing to be grateful for at the end of the day. Wow. So I do that and that's made me such a positive person because you realize that even if you're having a shitty day or something's going on, you're like, wait, but I'm thankful for all these other things that are going on in my life. I like that. Yeah, a lot of self work within your journey. I'm sure that's been a big part of your process, right? Lots of self work, growth, mindset. I'm a completely different version of myself than I was three years ago, and I'm very proud of that. I was going to say, and as like, that's a beautiful thing, right? I think the idea of being the same individual you were a year ago or two years ago,

to me is terrifying, right? Life experiences, new journeys, developing your brain and your your mental health, your physical health, all the things, that should lead to growth. That should lead to change and hopefully positive for everything that's coming. Great episode of Trading Secrets. Batchewa, where can everyone find everything you have going on? Your podcast, social media, all the things. Yeah. Everything on social is at Batchewa, H-A-A-R-T, and my podcast is heart-to-heart.

You can find it anywhere you can listen to podcasts. All right. Go check out the podcast, download it. And thank you so much for being on Trading Secrets. Thank you for having me. Ding, ding, ding. We are closing in the bell. to the Bot Sheva episode. I'll tell you what. The timing works out well. We just finished up

Christmas and Hanukkah started on December 25th. So we are still in the Hanukkah season while recording this. So Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy New Year. But this was a jam. And I mean jam-packed episode. We talked about the dating nuances of Orthodox religions. We talked about the rules, the different scripts, breaking out of a community like that. We'll talk a little about in this recap of something called entrenchment, which is something I've been studying in terms of psychology, all the different stuff. But as always, we got the one, the only of the curious Canadian to let us know where his curiosities are going in a very, very curious episode. Before I even kick it to you, David, shout out to Bacheva for being so honest. I know she was obviously

on her Netflix show, but like every question I asked, boom. She feels. fired away and that's what we love here on trading secrets so david what are we thinking yeah i mean botcheval what a guess 28 minute episode action packed like that's you got two hours worth of info you guys were great direct to the points um and what a calming presence i mean her voice was very calming um it was just an overall great listen uh for our listeners so i hope that they took that out of it as well um you you mentioned at the start jay we don't normally talk religion um and you touched on a couple points about the unorthodox life and i got a couple questions related to that while we're on topics that we don't get onto that topic very often and the first one is

something that you brought up around birthright um i think you were mentioning about um your mom did birthright or or something of that nature um when you were talking about israel what does that mean because that is a definition and i haven't asked you a definition of something for a long time what does birthright mean in in the jewish um religion So birthright. Okay, let's walk through it a little bit. So Israel will offer this free 10-day, and it's supposed to be around education, but it's also like kind of like a little bit of a vacation, but it's a 10-day educational trip. And it's for Jewish young adults. So people then say, like, well, who pays for it? And it's sponsored by donations, the government of Israel, Jewish communities and federations, and the Jewish agency for Israel. and 40, I think it's like there's 40,000 donors in those donations that contribute to this. And, you know, it's essentially it's the world's largest educational tourism program out there. So the idea is young Jewish adults, we want them to come to our land to see what we're doing here and what it's like and learn all the different educational components.

in the Jewish religion, if you are the son or daughter of a mother who is Jewish, you are considered Jewish. So that is like the staple. So my mom is Dale Gross, and she comes from the Gross family. Obviously, her name is Dale Tardick now, and she is Jewish. So my brother at a young age wrote to the board. This is my story. I'm questioning my religion. I grew up with a Catholic father. I want to see what this is all about. And he went. And so he did the whole birthright trip. And I got to go to Israel through my MBA program. So Israel is known for having unbelievable entrepreneurial venture capital and tech startups. Like when we talk about the Iron Dome, which is really cool, we got to go visit the Iron Dome. And for anyone, I think

everyone at this point knows what the Iron Dome is. But when people launch missiles into Israel. The Iron Dome is a technology that will use GPS coordinates to see the missile and then detonate it before it can land. And it's actually technology that the U.S. adopted from Israel. And so that's just a small example of their advancement. So with our MBA program, we went out there and it was amazing to see what these people are drumming up in the different venture and everything. Like Waze, if anybody uses the Ways app, that's another one. a laundry list and many others. So that's why I went out there. That's a little bit about the birthright. Does that answer all your questions and kind of the birthright deal?

Is there a time cap on it? Like, do you have to do it within a certain age or what, how old was Stephen when he went? Obviously, you were in your MBA year, so you're probably in that 22, 23 year old age range. Do you know, you know, if there's a time cap off that, if people are listening, they want to take advantage of it? Yeah, I mean, my understanding is to be eligible. And someone can correct me if I'm wrong here. But my understanding is to be eligible, at least when my brother did it, is that you have to be in between 18 to 26. And I heard that like, yeah, but I also heard that they're considering changing that up to,

like an expanding that up to 32 for trips in 2024 and 2025. But when my brother did it, it was 18 to 26. All right. Last question on this. When he goes, is he going solo? Is he going with your mom? When he flies there, is he being put up in a play? Is it like a, do they take care of you and put you on this like, like you said, like almost like a education program, a camp, something like that?

Yeah. I mean, they are, everything's taken care of. And the trip is only for the, like the young adult that's going. So they wouldn't sponsor or pay for anybody else. I think my mom or dad probably could have gone, but everything would have had to be paid out of pocket for them. But I think part of the process is like you're going with young. Jewish adults and you're you're you're like meeting them from all over the world into you know I remember the application process is you have to have at least one parent who's Jewish and then

or you could you have you have you have to have converted um to Judaism so okay it's interesting it's different it's my brother did it and um yeah speaks very highly of it and someone who's been to Israel like it's a it's a beautiful beautiful country like I mean it is just it's absolutely it's gorgeous so um yeah like Tel Aviv you know you don't know what to expect like you I think when when you live in a certain area and you do certain things you think of one place and like you just have your instant image of what you expect Tel Aviv is like straight up Miami like palm trees beautiful ocean sand big buildings restaurants like it's sick it's not you know it's it's it's it reminds me at Miami so like to give us give everyone just an

idea but yeah that was a little bit about that yeah that's great context because I didn't that I don't think Miami when I think Israel. So that was, that's a good, you painted a nice picture there. One thing about Boshava that I did love is, is her, how, like you said, how honest she was about her experience and her religion. You, you know, you did say that you, obviously your mom is Jewish. She said that she obviously is not religious now.

She's very open about that. But I did love how she was able to say how much she still respects the Bible. She respects people choices. She respects religion. She was in, you know, confrontational. about that. And I loved how she still took, was able to have the, you know, the self-talk, as we'll get into later that she does, to take something out of her religious experience and adapted through everyday life. She still celebrates her version of Shiva by not posting on social media and not working from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. Is there anything that you have taken from your mom or your religious experience that you still adopt in your life? Or are you practicing, you know, do you practice Judaism in any way? You know, we, I think probably the biggest thing that I've taken from having a, you know, a Catholic father and a Jewish mother is just the willingness to understand that people can coexist in this world, have different beliefs, understand each other's beliefs, hear them, and still believe in them in independent ways with respect. I think that's the biggest thing, you know.

I don't think, you know, if you had asked my grandparents and great-grandparents, on my mom's side, back when, before they got to really know my father, it's not, they didn't want my mom to marry a Catholic, Lebanese guy, you know, but in the world we live in, it's just, it's, that's probably the biggest thing I took away. I think, obviously, having a gay brother, too, some of the contradictions, I've, I've, I've, I've, seen in structured religion has been as like kind of ichtmy a little bit but I think the idea of having respect for religion and what people believe in in the foundation of like right versus wrong and accountability and doing good by others and a lot of the like structural things

are beautiful like I think that's that's beautiful and I think some people more than others for their purpose and their identity and their sanity and their health, mentally and physical, rely on it in other ways, in deeper ways than others do. But I think the overarching theme here is just, I have respect for what it is. What's crazy to me, though, and now we're going down,

we're really getting down the rabbit hole here. But what's wild to me is how, like, the overarching theme of religion is to believe and to serve and to do right by what you believe in and it's crazy how much bloodshed in this entire planet has stemmed from differences in religious beliefs which to me it feels like very counterproductive yes and like you said we could go down the rabbit hole I think the one thing that you said is like the power of believing is such a strong thing that I think a lot of people need she said that she understands religion makes people comfortable it gives them guidelines and structures which is just kind of like a foundation to hold on to which I think is important but like

you said I think every religion I grew up Catholic you know you've seen both sides of it there's obviously many other religions out there that we're not well versed in but I think we can all point to contradictories in every religion if we're really critical thinking or reflecting on all those things one thing from this episode and we'll get into a little maybe more of the juicy stuff of the dating and the relationship aspects too that she was hilarious and open about as well was the contradictory of of dating I think growing up she said that you know she would do an all-girl school you cannot talk to boys until you're ready to have conversations with them when you're ready to date for marriage and the contradictory lies to me where she did that she did that she had a

conversation with the person that she ended up marrying, but they had to hide it because they were too young. So here you have a religious idea of, you know, save yourself, date for marriage, but then you're using a modern day calendar to dictate the timelines in which you're allowed to do so, which seems a little, a little interesting, a little like fabricated, a little like, you know, what is a calendar in terms of depiction of when people are ready to do that. If they're following through and doing the things that the religion is saying, which is talk to this person, if you want to get married, oh yeah, you did get married, but you're still doing it too early.

So I just thought that that was a contradictory when it comes to the religion and the experiences that she shared with us. Yeah, I mean, this is the shit that, like, is just in my opinion, assonine. Like, let's just like in a politely, polite manner, say extremely outdated and fucking ridiculous.

And doesn't make sense. That she could, yeah. Oh, she could. Okay. So they're, okay, I'll keep it a little lower level. Deep press. Deep press. Deep press.

Like the fact she couldn't go to school, the fact she couldn't date unless it was only for marriage. Like some of these rules seem like it's straight up protection for the parents, not for the kid. Like this isn't, this is crazy. Also a level of control, right? Extreme level of control and manipulation. Because like she said at the very start, right? Like her life growing up was she didn't know any, she wasn't exposed anything. So she didn't think anything was different.

anything was so these rules that she followed these timelines that she was inheriting like that is normal life and so you know control is good when you have hierarchies of things where you need people to follow and like you said you know your grandparents probably didn't want your mom to date and marry a catholic guy because that's you know what what she was brought into because of the rules and the guidelines and i still have friends i'm sure you do that you know have you know one one person who grew up jewish and married a catholic person and it's still a thing right So it's just interesting. It is every, you know, this is, I think this just lies under the theory of orthodox.

This is not connected to like orthodox Christianity and orthodox Catholicism and Orthodox Judaism. Like I don't think it's just, of course, Judaism. I just think it's, it's like some of these rules that apply to this the dated, you know, just like just seeing. Yeah, it's ridiculous. It does. But I mean, to each their own, I guess. But for me, when I hear this, I'm like, I find it to be controlling, to be manipulative, to be restrictive, and to be so ridiculous.

And I'm so, when I hear her telling this story, I'm like, I am so proud that you broke out of this. And not only if you broke out of it, you're able to do new things and then speak to both things. Like what an unbelievable, I guess, like global perspective, right? of seeing all different sides. And PSA for the people listening out there, this is just us having a very open conversation about this.

We're not saying that everyone should break away from their religions. We're not saying that religions are all bad. We're not saying if you follow this. We're just, you know, we have people on the podcast to share their experiences and it makes us reflect on the things that they say. And I think that that's a beautiful thing as well. To see that she broke through it to the point.

And her mom, like she was great, but she was great. I'd love to meet her mom. Her mom sounds like an absolute, electric factory of information and perspective and her mom's little advice there after divorce and telling her to kind of get back

on the wagon and her sharing a story but she was like can we talk about she was like can we talk about sex in my head I'm listening as one of the freaking re the recap guy being like I was like can we talk about sex I don't know if anyone really has and then you're like yeah absolutely and then she let it rip I thought that was just you know to see that she's open and honest

not shy about those things from her experiences of being so you know what she felt controlled and regulated I thought was just awesome perspective and fun for her to share. I think one last thing I'll say on the topic we just wrapped up here is just the idea of, of everyone can coexist, right? Like if she does believe or there are people out there that believe in some of these rules and they want to abide by them, I can still be, we can still be best of friends.

My only thing is let's just agree. that you're not going to judge me for my behavior and I won't judge you fears, right? I think if that's the way you want to do it and that's what makes you happy and that makes you a better person to contribute to society, great. I can think some of those things

that you live by in my head are just a little, you know, wild, but like I think the rule of thumb should be let everyone do their thing, don't judge, let's all coexist as long as we're like contributing to the betterment of society. But I think your story was, I mean,

Talk about a 180, right? You can't even hug a guy until whatever. And then, boom, why do they go have a night? And her honesty was incredible, like, absolutely incredible. The story, when the guy woke up and he's like, so how you do this all the time, huh? And she's like, oh, if you only knew. I just loved it because I was saying her, her voice was so calming. It's like her tone across, like, talking about, like, leaving the Orthodox life and, like,

hooking up with someone at Arbazel was, like, the same tone. It was, like, just very, like, yep, this. is just reality it's matter of fact like these are my experiences like i'm happy to talk about them she she's really good at this so if you guys don't follow her go give her a follow because she's big into open discussions like unfiltered about dating and i just saw her do a real about dude it was a full power presentation of her dating in 2024 so she had a list of how many dates she went on like how many second date she went on like where exactly they went she had a list of how many FaceTime dates she did and how many of those FaceTime dates converted to real dates.

Like she had a whole analysis on her dating life and was extremely open to it. I don't know if she got into like the physical aspect. Like I kissed this money guys or this or this or this. But like it was it was wild. Do you find switching to the more of like the business side of it, do you find that her strategy for her podcast or she's like, I don't really have consistency. I just kind of use it as a place to like talk in long form. and like want to hop on and talk about episodes like do you think she's using do you a do you think

she's using your podcast is a really like a revenue generating or do you think she's really using it as just like a a platform to connect with people and do you think if she doesn't have consistent episodes like we haven't missed a monday and you know 250 episodes do you think that it's a what do you think of a business strategy wise if you are just kind of letting it rip on an inconsistent basis i think you listen i don't want to like prescribe what you have to do what you what you what you don't have to do, but I do think if you're trying to have sustainability, you've got to have consistency with podcasting. That's one. And I also think like you just, it's anybody, dude, I do this exercise all the time when I'm speaking. And I'll do it with you right now. Let's do

it real quick. And if anyone's listening, I'm not, I'm not kidding. If there's any part of this episode that you should stay tuned in for, it's right now. This is invaluable. All right. I want you, David, to think about someone like a household name or someone just that you're inspired by, that you love you follow their stuff you're just like this is a person that i know really well and i like think highly of who is that um that most people would know like and it's just like someone i follow in the world it could be anything can be winged let's say mohammed oly let's say let's say taylor swift i don't let's say let's say let's say dave portnoy okay dave portnoy good yeah that's that's one you've always followed him you kind of respect this thing i want you in three words

to tell me, how would you define Dave Portnoy's brand? If someone said, like, what's his brand? Tell me in three words. I would say raw. I would say honest. And I would say, I would say, I want to say, I would say, I would say rare. Rare. See, now the thing is I could tell on that third word is that there were so many things coming to you.

You were just trying to be really good with it. Like you're thinking funny. You're thinking rare. You're thinking entrepreneur or business giving. Like you had a million words there. Okay. I'm thinking controversial. Yeah.

Controversial steps in. Okay. Quickly right now. David Ardoin, right now, one of the three words that define your brand. Go. Honest. Raw. You just repeat in.

Yeah, but I think it. And loyal. Loyal, maybe. Not rare. I don't think I'm that rare. But I do think my honesty and my rawness does. make me rare but I think I don't know well I don't know I'm calling out because you use two repeats but typically what happens in these scenarios nine out of ten times is everyone fumbles like so if I

tell you like what's your what's your three words as a hockey coach what are your three words is a father okay yeah yeah right and so the biggest thing in this world that I have found that anybody that's achieved any form of outlying success is that instantly when someone thinks about that person they can define their brand easily in three words like you You could have done 30 words for Portnoy. He came up with three. And those three were bang on and you did them instant. I find that most people don't know their brand in three words.

And they don't know their brand as a father or a boyfriend or a husband or a wife or a girlfriend or a teacher or whatever your profession is or whatever it is. And the people that can't find their words in three words are the people that need to do it. And I find with podcasting, those who have achieved the greatest success in podcasting have a quick brand that you really. known three words. And when someone says, like, I just get on and shoot the shit, you could do it and you could be successful. It's just really hard for people to understand the brand. And as a result of that, grow. And these are things, trust me, that I'm working on too. But yeah, that's an exercise I think is really really important. That's a great exercise. It's going to give you something to think about. Like, as a friend, and I'm going to go about it, like, as a friend, what are your three

words? It's a coach where you're three words. Under those three words, you can find like even smaller segments to really find your niche. So like one of my three words for for content and social media in this podcast, right, is of course finance. Under that is, or finance or money, under that is there's this like thing about me since day one since I was like five years old. I've always just been interested in what things cost and what people make and like how much that is and like what that is. Like I've always been like that. I'm sitting here right now. I'm looking at my computer. I'm looking at my dad's thing. I'm like, what do you pay for that? I just can't help it. So there's something that like differentiates you under one of those words and then you'll

find it and then you could drill into that in one way to keep doing what you're doing. I'll pause. I love it. I love it. Let's do a little, let's a little workshop activity that we could do with the all access group or if we ever do a live, you know, get someone on stage on a live podcast. Who knows? Because that was, you know, the seat was getting a little hot there. I kind of liked it. You talked about the business. You talked about the finance. Obviously, you know, there's a lot of things that probably you were warmed your heart you obviously she talked about things about her divorce um which you had related to in the um talk money to me book she talked about you know starting blogging she started about social media that she started while she was in school she said

it would told her ex would take five years to make the career sustainable she did in two or three years i just have to say i loved when you said what what is sustainable to you she goes i knew and i could add avocado on my salad and that reminded me to you yeah for me i always said when I could order the steak instead of the chicken. Like that for me was my whole thing. Like when I could go get guac and not worry about it. Like when I could go to a restaurant and sit down and say, I can get the steak instead of the chicken and not have to have stress on it for that 30 minutes or five hours or the next day,

I just thought that that was super relatable. I hope it was relatable with someone out there. When you said, when she said it, I instantly thought of you. I'm like, that's literally David's thing. So that's perfect. But I thought, listen, great guests, really interesting. A whole different element in place we have. covered it kind of makes me want to start covering other things like i want to get someone that's like

crazy into politics i want to get someone that's like like i want to just like go down of all industries and places because i the whole time i was like i don't even want to talk i just want to hear everything like tell me more and more and i just think on that note too like i haven't i have never you know me reality tv guy i've never seen her show i've really never even heard of her show so when i listened to this I was totally listening at face value, someone who knew nothing about her brand. I still, to this moment, don't even know what she looks like.

I should probably look that up and follow her on social media. Shout out by She's very pretty. Yeah, so that for... And she's got like, like you heard her energy, like great energy, she's great. So for this, just to, like you said, to hear such a different perspective of something that we hadn't talked about.

I have more notes from this episode and there's only 28 minutes than I do from a normal episode of someone that I know, like you said, that I am very well versed in that I feel like I know a lot about. So I loved it. I hope the viewers loved it. And I'm ready for more of these in 2025.

I love it. Let's go. Well, a little shout out here to the Gross family. You know, that's my mom's side. And then her mother's side is the Ivers family. And then her sister's side is now the Baruchman. So that is my Jewish heritage. Proud.

And, yeah, fascinating to grow up in a family like this. And then also I also put out there, It was a young age. Obviously, I was a baby, but I was baptized. And then at third grade, I was actually confirmed. So, you know, at that level, you don't know what you're doing or how you're doing it. But, hey, like, you know, we get it. I was baptized.

I had First Communion. I went all the way through confirmation. So I went through that process. And I didn't end up getting married in a Catholic church. Doesn't mean I don't believe. Doesn't mean that I don't have faith. But that's just the way that my life went as adult. And I think that that's, to me, that's.

okay, right? And hopefully I don't get people coming after me for that. I like that. Hopefully no one gets anybody coming after than after this episode. But hey, when you step into something like religion, it just might do that. And I'll tell you what, that, my friend, is a great way to end what was a very spicy, wild, high, low, left, right, curve balls. I mean, you, like, I'm going to go, you know what, I'm going to just say this. Craziest year my life was 2024. And that's how we're ending it. David, I'm bringing up a new topic now. I know we're going late. No, what are you thinking? Okay. So the last thing I got for this, this whole episode when she talked about the dating and the, and her, her life post was, have you seen

the show on Netflix? Nobody wants this. Yes. Oh, so the whole time she's talking about this, I'm thinking about that, I'm thinking about that TV show. If you haven't gone, it is a great, great watch. Each episode's like 25 minutes. It's got a great cast. It is a whole, hilarious and it kind of puts this into perspective a little bit. Go watch it. 10 out of 10, five stars. Yeah. And I think one thing I'll tell you that's kind of connects with my intro in this is just this idea of entrenchment, right? It's the state of a stability in a person's domain or expert knowledge. And it can be associated with a person's unwillingness to consider new information or adapt to new situations. And part of that in psychology is this idea of our higher beings, our parents, grandparents, whatever it might be, instilling control on us in all different areas. And then it's a copy and paste, right?

Like a very good example of this would be someone who grows up in, let's just say there's one political party that the parents are very involved in and adamant about. And then the son or daughter of that family just copies and paste exactly what they say. And so they're entrenched within, you know, they're not able to take new information or outside noise to that. They are stuck within those surroundings. And that's something like, if I didn't even explain it perfectly, because I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm sorry. But that's my understanding is I'm doing some research on it.

So it's interesting because that connects very much to this whole control and this conversation. This episode, you could tell it was short. It was sweet. It kept us wanting more. And that's why we have the longest recap of 2024, probably for the last recap of 20, 24. So awesome job and awesome episode. Let's lock up this year. I hope everyone had a great 2024. And if it was a struggle in 2024, the best part about struggles is, you know, struggle creates growth. So that means it can be a big breakout year in 2025. One thing we are thinking

about doing, let us know in the comments. I have some stuff to give away if you're still with me. Put in your Instagram handle in the feedback on Apple or Spotify. But we are considering doing three episodes a week, no recap, and then doing one big episode with just David and I and maybe even a special guest to come on where we're just chopping it up. We're recapping the episodes for that month. We're talking about what's happening with current news. We're talking about what's happening in our lives, like all the things. So a three plus one, three guests a month and then one with just David and I. Possibly someone could be a family member, could be a friend, could be someone that's connected to what we want to talk about.

You guys let us know that's what we're thinking. But happy new year. And David, do you know before you stand out? Nope. Love it. Great. Looking forward to 2025. Hopefully this was another episode of Trading Secrets.

One, you couldn't afford to miss. Happy. Making that money Living that dream