Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 15 - True Facts That Sound Like Bullsh*t

Episode Date: September 2, 2025

The Boys are book learnin' today! Be amazed at f**ked facts about deer-whales, Japanese vending machines, and a very long kitty. And watch out Steve French - Ricky wants to punch out a mountain lion! Plus: Julian is... Pumpalicious!

New episodes every week on Trailer Park Boys Plus. Subscribe now. Boys, I think you'll like these. I got them from the camera, fellas. Look at this, Ricky. Books. Prison, Raymond? Ramen.

Ah. Noodles, man. It's how you make noodles. I mean, I know you know already, but you might... I'm going to cook, yeah. Maybe something in there, man. That's cool. Prison Rahman, look at this one.

True facts that sound like bullshit. That sounds like a good one. I thought Ricky would enjoy that. Fucking right. This is... Look, Ricky, I mean, if you're gonna read a book... Book of useless... All books are fucking books of useless information.

No, but this is... Really one. This is weird and unusual trivia. I enjoy that. And... Why don't I get a fucking book? Look at this one. The Book of Cats.

Who gives a fuck? Give me this useless information. This could make you money. How? How? How? You just throw around a few fucking things. Oh, you start sounding at a party.

Yeah. You start sounding like you fucking know what you're talking about? And it's just useless, but then people will be like, hey, you know what? Bunk of cats. This guy knows what he's talking about. Here. Oh, fuck. Just here, let's pick a random one.

Watch this. I'll just go like this. What is it? A child prodigy who played the mandolin with skill by age five, Niccolo Paganini. Oh, Paganini, I know who that is. He took up the violin at seven and gave his first public concert at 12. He was like a rock star back in the day. This is in like 1780.

It wasn't long before he outpaced all of his potential teachers, so he began a regimen of his own construction that often ran more than 15 hours a day. Paganini star soon rose. at the Royal Court of Luca on the Italian Peninsula. He was just fucking... Well, that's a... I thought it was trivia. That's not trivia.

Lead pencil has no fucking lead in it. Not anymore, man. Graphite, baby. Graphite, see? Graphene, do you know what graphene is? That's what they're making storage out of now. Oh, man. Graphene is only one atom thick.

And it can store data. The identity crisis of the horny toad. The fuck. I mean, this is useless shit. You could swim through the veins of a blue whale. Didn't know that. What? That's what it's saying.

No, fuck, there's no way. Randy's not getting through the fucking vein. So his vein is what, like that? Must be. It says his heart's the size of a car. Jesus. Yeah, but even if it was, his fucking veins wouldn't be that big, would they? You could swim?

I mean, you couldn't do a full stroke. I don't think. Whales evolved from deer? No way. What? See, this is not a good... What's this book called? True facts that sound like bullshit.

Whales evolved from deer? Or deer's evolved from whales? Which one was it? Whales evolved from deer. No. A deer like creature existed 48 million years ago. And it turned into a fucking whale. Yeah.

Over the years, a creature in its descendants became increasingly aquatic. Aquatic, eventually resulting in the whales we see today. That is fucked. I didn't know anything went from the land into the water. I thought it was the opposite. Some snakes can fly. What the fuck? I knew there was flying snakes.

Snakes on a plane, right? No, that's a... Says they can leap from trees and glide distances of over 300 feet. 300 fucking feet, no way, man. Can you imagine a fucking looking up and a fucking snake goes over your head? No. No. Does he got snake wings? I don't understand that one.

Must be like a king cobra that flares out its neck or some shit, I don't know. Because it doesn't have flapping wings, does it? No. Then it will be a bird. It will be a bird snakes. Snake bird. Odd items. You know what? Odd items. Odd items for sale in Japanese vending machines, man.

That got some weird shit. I've seen some. Fresh eggs. It's all right. Bags of rice. That's easy. Fish in line. and hooks and all that shit, toilet paper and small packages. Yeah.

Fresh flowers. Yeah. Beer and cans and two-liter jugs. That's fucking convenient. Yeah. If you like beer. Exposable can't. Pornographic magazine, skin mags.

Yeah, how about keep going? There's other... Designer condoms. Soiled pennies? Live rhinoceros beetles. A popular pet for fucking Japanese kids. Beatles and a bit of better change. Does it say soiled?

Underwear. Just so I could get a dry ice. I'd like to get some dry ice. Dry ice. Kerosene in a fucking vending machine. Well, how many times have you been out walking and you need a fucking shot of kerosene? That's a weird one. What the fuck would you use kerosene for?

Don't know. Lamp? Lamps. They walk around with Japanese lamps. There's a species of turtle that can breathe through its butt. Soaking your mother. Oh. Baby sea turtles can communicate with the animals.

can communicate with each other before they hatch. That's pretty cool. What do they know that? Because they monitor it. They're sea turtle investigators. Wow, man. I applied to be one one time. No, I.

No, you didn't. I did. I applied to be a sea turtle investigator. One of the most venomous creatures on earth is a snail. What snail? The geographic cone snail. They used to call your mom a snail trail. snail trail. No, they didn't.

Yeah, they did. Nobody called her that. The snail trail. She was the snail trail queen. I don't believe that. There was a fucking, she left a snail trail around a crescent on the street. There was a dare that you, I know you don't remember this, she won 50 bucks. Who did?

Your mom. She left the snail trail on a crescent down in the park. Doing what? In juniper crescent, right there. How did she do it? She would slink around on the ground and leave like a snail trail. Don't know. She'd be sitting on the ground.

That's what I heard. That's what his dad told me. My dad? Yeah. Had Bubble's mom snail trail on his lap? I don't know if he had anything to do with her snail trailing, but she snail trailed around the fucking juniper credison. Snell trails are cool. Hmm.

A thick, a fict, kind of... There's no way that happened. It did, man. Nope. She was easy to excite. No. You're going to argue with this one. There are more treats.

on Earth and there are stars in the Milky Way. More trees on the Earth? That's what it says. That's what it says. There's no way that's true. It says there are about 200 to 400 billion stars in the Milky Way while scientists say Earth contains three trillion trees. Whoa.

There's three trillion trees on the Earth. That's what it says. I don't know about that. Okay, I see now if you just asked me, I would argue till I was blue in the fucking face. So now we got to take it. How much land is on Earth? Divided that...

How many trees are on the Earth? 3.04 trillion fucking trees. Whoa, man. That's a lot. That's a lot. Okay, I would, that's, I would never have thought that. That's, that's insane amount. Three trillion.

How many stars are in the Milky Way galaxy? I love that they're saying 200 to 400 billion. They can't narrow it down anymore than that. You know what? I think there's three trillion cells in a human body. There's 400 billion stars in just the Milky Way. That's one galaxy. Yeah, that's fucked.

It's a lot of fucking trillions. And it's not that big of galaxy when you're looking at galaxies. There's three trillion fucking trees on the earth? Fun fact, I didn't know. That's a lot of fucking trees. Wow. And they plant millions of them, tear down millions a day. Oh, this is a little.

little thing about chat. Unbelievable. GTP. Why? This guy, just a warning, got to be careful with it. This guy wanted to get salt out of its diet, so he asked Chat, GTP. Hey, what the fuck can I use instead of salt? And Chat said, sodium bromide.

Somebody started eating that. Dead. And it's a very toxic compound that causes mental illness. Oh, excellent. Started going fucking nuts, thought his neighbor was trying to poison him. Yeah, I bet he did. And you're supposed to eat salt, man. Boys, tips for avoiding a mountain line attack.

All right. In the bucket cats. Let's do it. Let's hear it. We're going to save people today. The shit I want to eat. Hiking groups. I could have told you that.

What if you're not in a group? Be aware of your surroundings, paying particular attention to what's behind and above you in trees and on rocks and cliffs. Fuck off. Well, these are good facts, Ricky. What a common sense. Don't back the animal into a corner. Give it a way out. It would rather run off and survive to hunt again.

I mean, this is stupid. I could have fucking told you this. I wouldn't back a fucking mountain line into a corner anyway. Who would? Do things that make you appear larger and bigger than a cat, such as raising your arms over your head or holding up a jacket, a backpack, or even your mountain bike. I think the mountain line's going to be looking at you going,

what the fuck's this dummy doing? I will eat that jacket. They don't give a fuck. These aren't these... Make loud noises. Growling can make you sound like something the cat would prefer not to mass fat. Or make you want to attack you even fucking more. Yeah, he's gonna go,

Oh, you think you're tough, do you with that little pussy growl? Don't crouch down or bend. The cat could get behind you and penetrate you. What? Penetrate you. I might have made that part out. You made that part out. It wants to eat you.

Not fuck you. Remain calm and don't act. Oh, yeah, very easy to do when there's a fucking mountain line coming at you. Just act like a tough guy. Look at that beautiful cocksucker. If he wants to eat you... I think if a mountain lion's coming after you, you just... You accept that you're dead.

And then if you don't die, it's a bonus. Well, I don't know if that's gonna work, man. That's not good. That's... Actually, you know what? You're supposed to stand up to a dog if a dog's coming at you? You're supposed to go like sideways, like you're in a boxer stance. You just come on, you motherfucker. motherfucker. You don't get scared. You don't look at them in the eyes. And if you get a chance,

fucking whack it right in the face. Oh, I'm fucking, I'm going out fighting, but you're not meeting the mountain line, I don't think. No, man. You're not punching out a mountain line. Because you, I mean, what you'd have to do was grab him by the fucking neck, right? If the thing's guy, but it still has the claws, it's going to scratch the fuck. But you just, you've got to strangle the motherfucker. You got to mount it from behind, probably. Yeah, rear naked choke. You get on top of it. Oh, the bastard.

I think you could take one on, Rick. I'd fucking give it a healthy go. If you had a good right buzz on, I'm sure you would take one down. With the right buzz on. What, a mountain lion? Yes. Let me just see what's in the table. Do you think it's better to go on the offense or just wait for it to come at you?

No, you got to stay on your ground with those things, man. You'd like, come on. Chapter 1, mythological cats and wild cats. Chapter 2, all about cat breeds. Chapter 3, cat anatomy and behavior. I could write this book. I bet you could. Chapter 4, cat care.

Chapter 5, problem behaviors. How much does that book cost? It was given to us. Okay, well, how much does there a price on it? Um, I don't see one. I don't know what books go for these days. The smallest feline is a masterpiece. Leonardo da Vinci said that.

See, you could have a quote in the back. Yours is way better than that fucking thing. tricks and more fun teaching your cat tricks. Oh, boys. Chapter 7, cats and other animals. Chapter 8, common cat illnesses. Chapter 9, cat grief. Kitty's get grief.

What do you mean to get grief? People in their cats. Cat poems and stories. What the fuck? Do you want me to read you some cat poems? Just one. Good one, though. Miscellaneous cat facts.

There's some weird fucking animals. Let's go to miscellaneous cat facts on page 532. What the fuck? My book is shit, boys. This is a shitty fucking book. Oh, how long do you think the longest cat whiskers ever recorded were? Half a mile. Jesus Christ.

Ricky. 12 inches. Six point eight. Is that wrong? Have you ever seen a cat with fucking... I'm saying, you're talking about world record fucking whiskers here, man. You think it'd be leaped... No, you're thinking of cocks that you've seen in your face.

Come on. Things I have learned from my cat. BBC? Catnip facts. God. Baby kittens don't respond to catnip. They start to respond when they're a couple months old. months old i could have told you that couple months old you should do some tests world's shortest cat

how tall you think he was his name was tinker toy world's tallest cat no he was shortest oh short he was a male himalayan persian cat from the united states you just looked like a little kitten the whole life yes holy fuck what guess how tall he was how tall was he oh my god i want to own him he was 2.7 inches tall, fully grown. Fuck off. He's only that tall. And he was only, he was only seven inches long. Boys, he was full grown.

He was like that. We got to breed him. He was this long. And this tall. So no pictures? Who's got your belly? That's not a picture. He must have had something wrong with him.

That's fuck. He was called Tinker Toy. I never heard him before. Necessities of survival. Wow, man. Wow, man. We've got to find a piece of mirrors, boys. Why?

What's going on with a fucking fortune? What do you mean? The largest chunk of Myers on Earth expected to sell for $4 million at auction. 15 by 11 by 6 inches weighs 54 pounds. 4 million. 55 pound piece of rock for Mars is worth 55 million. 4 million, 4 million.

Well, fuck. See, I can't stand that there's shit like that. out there we can't get it i know we gotta go meteorite hunting how do you know it's from mars though they did the analysis how much are they worth rickie four million bucks for 15 inch by 11 inch by six inch chunk jesus murphy it's a lot of fucking dough fuck man and there's chunks of that just laying around you know that right it says it's probably only 400 pieces of mars on earth how do they fucking know i don't know That's bullshit, man. It's probably a dig a little bit. You'll find some fucking meteors.

Remember the one we saw in Hollywood? The marijuana house is marijuana mints? They had a big chunk. That was fucking awesome. I don't think that was a chunk of Mars, but it would... No. Big chunk of meteorite. They said that was a million-dollar asteroid. Yeah.

Or meteorite, I guess. Listen to this, boys. World's... Uh, world's longest cat? Three feet. Verissimo's Leonetti Reserve Red, also known as Leo. A Maine Coon owned by a Chicago couple, he was 48 fucking inches long. Forty! That was close, man.

48 inches from nose to tail. That's fuck. That's what? Four fucking feet. Yeah, that's a big fucking animal. That cock sucker was that long. How many days a week do you fucking do you shower? Me? Yeah.

Every day. Every day. Talk about it. Every day? Okay. Why? Prior to World War II, the average American bathe just once a week. Yeah.

That's what a lot of your beers do. When? Right before World War II. No. Yeah, man. Every day, I mean, some days it's just a bird bath. Some people think that, you know, the smell of sweat is an aphrodisiac, too. Who?

Just Elizabethan times. You fucking sweat. You got the women going. It's fucking great. That's fucking gross, man. You've been down at the Legion, though, in the fucking dance zone. Oh, it stinks, man. There's been some...

It was a police officer in Nashville who just got sentenced. Well, he only got probation, but he would get charged for making an adult video while on duty. Oh, he made a porn a horn in his police car. Yeah. Did a mock traffic stop and went up. Just started groping this woman. woman. It's all on video. And then he posted on, I guess he's got an only fan. Oh, my God. What a fuck. You know, unless he made a lot of money, he could have made a couple

mill and said, fucking a god. So fucking quit the force. Well, that's all part of it, man. What you're doing while you're on duty? Yeah, it's fucking nasty. Because you're reading it right now, there's people going to be trying to find that video. So he's on duty. Yeah. I mean, the woman was in on it too, right? I'm assuming. Jesus, Murphy. Why don't you have an only fan, Julian? It's a very good question. I mean, you know what, I haven't even been on that site.

What's the deal with it? You go on, people pay you to do stuff. Shit, show yourself naked or half naked? Jesus Christ. You could go on under a different name. Seven things inside you? So, you wouldn't have to be called, Julie, and you could just get a new name, pompolicious.

Do you guys know anybody that's on this fucking thing? Pompilicious is on there. Maybe. Maybe I do. Maybe I do. Maybe it does. Lots of money. Some people make millions, June.

Does it cost money to fucking chuck it out? They'll look around. I don't know. I don't know. I think you could probably browse for free. But if you went under the name Pompilicious, you wouldn't even probably have to show your face. So would he be pumping things or things would be pumping him?

I'm not, I'm not pumping anything into you. Fuck, six. Six boys. No, I meant working out, like pumping weights, but you could pump other thing. People don't get on this and fucking work out and people... Yes, they do. No, they don't. People get on there.

There's foot fetish people. You could do a naked workout every day and you'd probably make a killing. I don't know if my feet, or maybe, I don't know. Or maybe just a thought. But I think if Pumpalicious just worked out naked... No, man. No, that's not going to happen. Why?

Just a sock on your horse. If you were doing squats, No, man. Naked with the camera down below. No. You know what? You know what? If a thousand people were paying you 50 bucks a week...

That's a lot of money, Julian. 50,000 a week, would you do that? You know what? I think I'd rather go fucking rob a gas station or something. Seriously? So you won't be pompilicious. Oh, man. Not like that.

Come on. You'd be pompilicious. Nobody wants to see me working out. Yeah, they sure fucking do. You throw a few cats in there. Police helicopters hovering. Hopper's hovering. Oh my fuck, I wonder if they, I wonder, there's not...

It could be landing out back. There's not an escape happening, is there? I didn't hear about one. I don't want to get locked down in here. That's the last thing I need. This fucking... He's fucking close. This man went to the hospital with a sore nipple.

All of a sudden it was like a little hole and stinky pus was coming out. Ah, fuck. So they couldn't figure what the fuck was wrong. They did an x-ray. A fucking a knife blade about this long in his chest. And I've been in there for like five years. He got stabbed five years before that and didn't realize that the blade fucking snapped off inside of him.

Jesus, Murphy. That's pretty fucking. He didn't feel it in there? Five fucking years. I'd be like, geez, I got a weird feeling in my chest. Can't figure it out. Ever since I got stabbed. Well, he got treated for the wounds, and they sewed them up.

They didn't know the knife was inside. So buddy got into fight with somebody. stabbed didn't know he got stabbed he just got stabbed he knew he got stabbed but he didn't know the blade snapped off and neither did the doctors when they sewed him up stupid bastard that's a big fuck-up this is almost even more fuck boys guess what the longest time spent in a tree by a kiddie was hurricane probably three days two months two months same a female feline named minchall Mincho.

Wins the award for weirdest cat. Mincho climbed a tree in Argentina and didn't come down until she died six years later. Oh, shut the fuck up. It was eating birds and insects. It was eating birds. How do they know it didn't come down at night? Listen to this. She did not, however, allow the height to interfere with her social life.

Mincho had three litters of kittens while living up in the tree. Well, there was other kitties going out and doing it. doing it, doing dirty stuff. That's really fucked up. Mincho. Mincho must have came down late at night. Nobody saw her. Wow, each day a healthy individual releases a minimum of

17 ounces of gas. Yeah? I don't say I'm at least... How much? 17 ounces of gas. I wouldn't think. Ricky can do that. Oh, I know we can. But that's a healthy individual that's on the average.

the average. 17 ounces of farts? A human can survive weeks without food, but only about 10 days without sleep. How can the ears die? Huh? That's what they're saying, man. What the fuck? The left lung is smaller than your right lung.

It needs to fucking save some space there for the heart. Really? Yeah, didn't know that, man. I like this book. True or false, when dinosaurs roamed the earth? as roamed the earth, days were just 23 hours long. You fucking cares. True.

Is it true? Yeah. Holy fuck, in 1987, a feline named Kitty gave birth at the ripe old age of 30. Jesus Christ. 30-year-old kitty had kittens. Whoa. That's an old kitty boy. I've never had a kitty lived at 30, I don't think.

been free range, huh? Oh, maybe. Free range kiddies, they live longer because they're eating the bugs and the... Oh, yeah, free range kitties. Furs and shit. I did have a kitty over 30. No, you didn't, did you? Remember rumple shitskin?

He was 30? He was 31. Almost 31, rumple shitskin. Fuck, he was a good kitty, too. It was a very good kitty. This is fun, boys. Yeah, you know what? Why do Brits lose their fucking accents when they sing?

Why? Why does everybody lose her accent when they sing? Like, what happens? Does everybody lose their accent when they say? Mostly. I'm trying to think of a song with an accent. Well, you too, Bono, he kind of still... No, you know who didn't lose their accent?

Who? Um, Nico. Shannie Canucks. No, the Velvet Underground. Nico. He didn't? It was a lady. She never lost her accent.

I'll be your mirror. Yeah, what about that other guy from... To all tomorrow's parties. That bald-headed prick from fucking Australia. Proclaimers. No. I don't know. Call on head.

Nah. How do I sleep while the bed's dark burn in mid-night oil? Is there an accent in there? When he starts talking at the song? That's a fucking... How do we sleep while my head is... My head is so far. Here's a YouTube bono singing Sunday Bloody Sunday.

Is that fucking got the Irish accent? Sunday, not really. Not bloody. Not bloody. They say bloody Sunday. No. It's fucking weird, boys. What about the Beatles?

No. They don't know any. They don't have any British accents really when they say. Well, this is fucking weird, man. That is odd, isn't it? So when they say they say, hey, you guys got an accent, because they always say we have an accent. But like, okay. Did you guys fucking sing?

Where's, do you sound like us? This is pretty fucked up. The Australian Army once mistakenly attacked itself. Over 10,000 soldiers died. Gee. In one Austrian regiment, mistook another for the enemy. What a fuck up. Wow.

Wow, what a fun day of facts. You know what? I'm learning something today, man. This is what it's all about. This is pretty fun, boys. I like learning shit. I like this. You know what?

I'm going to read this whole fucking book while I'm in here. I might even stay a little bit longer. Casper and the Great, who the fuck was that? She was fucking great. She had an entire room filled with erotic furniture. Whoa, she was great. Furniture and blazing with penises and vaginas.

She was, she liked to get it going a bit. Sounds like it. What is this? This is the ramen book. What are you thinking? Sloppy ramen jaw. Two packs of de-flavored ramen, a half cup boiling water. One can or pouch, ready to eat sloppy jaw.

One summer sausage. Half a medium-sized onion. A jalapeno chili. Three or four hamburger buns. How the fuck are you going to get all that shit in here? We can get that shit in here. Come here, man. I'll have all that shit in fucking four minutes.

This is a ramen goulash. You know what? We're making that today, Bubs. You want to stay for lunch? I would have some goulash. Let's have some fucking ramen goulash. I enjoy some nice goulash. You know what?

We're going to hit up the commissary. We're going to get some shit here. I say we make three different types of ramen noodles today. You know what I think I'm going to do, boys? I'm going to get the fuck out of here and go relax on the deck of my shed. in the sun with my kitties. I'm starting to get a little bored in here. I might try to get out soon.

Well, breathe. I'm going to sit on the deck of my shed with a fucking ice cold, fucking liquor drink and some kitties. The country's still on fire? Yes. It's not on fire in here, bud. Well, it's not on fire.

We're in the safest place you can be right now. Nope. Fuck that, yeah. I don't know, man. All right, well, let's go fucking make some ramen goulash. and you can go hang with your fucking cats. You can be all that you can be. Be what you want to be, bubs. I am.

Front and center. Living my best life, they say. Okay. All right, here's everybody. Read. Are we doing that? Yeah, man. It's time to go.

We're good. We're done, man. We're fucking done. It's time to eat ramen. Do a really different type of send-off. Yeah. Me? Yeah.

Maybe show a nipple or... Show a quick nip. A nipple? A left one. Quick nip. Maybe. Kind of weird, wouldn't it be? Nah, just a quick one.

That's a through shirt only. Okay. We should get him on fucking... See? This is a taste of what you're gonna get because he's gonna start in only fans soon, right here. And his name's gonna be Ricky Nipple. Ricky Nipple.

There might be some pus coming out of it too. Wow. Like Buddy there. That was weird. Yeah. New episodes every week on Trailer Park Boys Plus. Subscribe. now.