Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 29 - Baked After Dark

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

Ricky's been hitting the indica hard and he's ready for a power nap! Before his brain gets totally fried, he and Julian discuss how to clone pets, why identical twins are f**ked, and the awesomeness of donair soup. Plus: What would you choose - a machete or booze?

New episodes every week on Trailer Park Boys Plus. Subscribe now. Okay. Hey, what's up, man? Hey. You know, I'll get to it. Okay. Hello.

Welcome to the park after the dark. Lately it's becoming the baked after the dark. And before the dark. Much before the dark. This is not a, like an upy energy buzz. This is a weird one. What do you mean? Don't freak me out, man.

I just feel like doing nothing. God damn it. Indica comes aboard it in a different way, isn't it? I told you I don't like this shit, man. This is bedtime shit. I know. This is the tuck-man-can-in-can-it. This will be a nap day.

All right, you know what we've got to do? You just got to get through this, and then we can have a nap. Oh, no, no, no, no. This is even better. Okay. Five-minute naps. Big turn. Right now?

You go for five minutes. I'll just yap about shit. We'll have the stopwatch going at the timer. But then I'd have to do five minutes. Okay. That could be tricky. Yeah, you know what? I don't know if they do well on my own.

Who wants to work by themselves, man? Like, fucking sitting here doing nothing. I wish we would have rethought the whole. Indica. And I guess I should have rethought it. You know what my problem is? I usually do not do water bongs. I know, man.

Fuck me up, man. I know. And thank you for taking one. The smoke that comes out of you. Thank you for take one for the team. I just realized that I don't have a very big window in my living room. I mean, this one, I guess. But I think I need a big window over there.

You know what you need? After we put in the fire tub. You know what you need? What? Those big slide out fucking windows. They slide and they make it look like the outside. You imagine you just have one post right there. I like those, but I think about the bugs.

I don't like fucking mosquitoes and black flies. You build a screened porch around the front. Okay. Right around to the front door, even over the front door. And then keep it open for the barbecue. We're going to need a truck. We're going to need lumber. Or a cube van.

And someone to fucking build it. I'd like to own a Q-van. The Q-van would be awesome, man. Yeah. But you know what? You'd be doing like little errands and, you know, you've got to go get something. Fuck, I've got to get the Q-Ban. Parking would suck.

Cube-Man with a Murphy bed. You imagine going to Sovy. A-C. And parking that fucking thing. Right now. Oh, yeah, it would suck to park. All this Christmas shit happening. Oh, fuck, it would suck to park it.

You would definitely be hitting people every day. Yeah. With the Q-Ban. you'd have to put bumpers on it well yeah especially going through i remember seeing you in the queue van you took the left turn it was in that fucking right downtown and he took out the transformer and shit i yeah that was a great day i almost died that day no kidding man me too almost got a let you're fucked that was fucked up man oh so i'd yeah I kind of got a

big too early today. I don't have a lot to talk about again. Oh, fuck, man. I don't know what it's been lately. Just fucking waking up and just like, fuck, you know what? I think it's a wake and big kind of a dick-dick.

No kidding. So this one fucking struck me is a little, I guess it's normal these days, but it's a headline I wasn't expecting. All right. that Tom Brady and Paris Hilton have cloned pets No fucking way

Yeah I didn't know that's just the thing Oh yeah they're cloning shit Oh I didn't know they were cloned as much as they are I think they started cloning like goats or something didn't they I think they're cloning meat now I know like pigs There's gonna be cloned meat in the grocery stores And we're not even gonna know the fucking difference

Not that it matters I guess It's a bit weird I'd like to know I don't know man If I'm eating a cloned pig Oh didn't they just passed something Clown T-Bone. They're allowed doing that right across Canada now, I think.

There's not something I read? I don't know. I think it could be. They're allowed to serve it up in the supermarket, but they don't have to say this is clone. That's what I heard of this. Yep. Oh, man.

I mean, I guess it's... I'm not ready for clone meat, man. You know what I mean? That's a good T-shirt. I'm not ready for it. No, I didn't know. Like, in the same article was talking about, You know, polo horses?

They play that fucking polo game? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing, Vesta Sloan does that, man. Does he? Yeah. You should do that. You know, I'd like to give it a stroke, man. It says there's entire teams of polo horses that are cloned.

What? Yeah, you get a good horse. You're like, hmm, I don't have a whole fucking team of these little beauties. And not the fucking people playing on the horse. No, not the people. Just the horses. Yeah, man. although you probably could clone if you found a perfect little rider

like Stallone I'd light the wind let's clone this person that's fucked up man I also didn't know this I thought clones were like completely the same identical nope there's little differences in every one of the little motherfuckers

like what one could have curly hair one could have straight hair even identical twins have little differences I didn't know that I always thought they were identical So they should be called like semi-identical twins. No, man. That's just fucking people up then. They're identical twins.

They're not, though. But then one might have a fucking lie. One might have a rule, okay? One's got like a little, you know, one of these fucking things in their cheek. When they smile, one might not. Right. There you go. They're not fucking identical.

And if one comes up to me ever again and says I'm an identical twin, I'll say, no, you're not. Almost identical. I don't even know why I care, but it's, pisses me off. It shouldn't, man. I've been lied to. You know what? People will listen to you. People are going to start getting pissed off at identical twins. I hope not. And they'll be getting bullied. Fuck, see, okay, I take it all back.

That'd be it's like, ah, you guys are identical, are you? Yeah, we are. No, you're fucking not. You're almost identical. I'm smartening the fuck up. You're close. You do look a lot of like, but don't ever fucking try to convince me. You're identical. Don't do it. See? And that's... you sound like a bully. I'm so kidding.

But I don't know, man. I don't mean it. But I don't know. I meant it in a nice way. Yeah. I don't know. Why am I so mad about it? Because you know why? Because they're fucking wrong.

It's all started with Tom Brady and Paris Hilton, so I'm pissed off with them too. You can't just throw around. You had to have your little clone pets, didn't you? I agree, man. It fucking started me out into this shit. Identical means identical. Not in this world. No.

Should. Do they use? identical. It's all a bunch of fucking laws. How do us the people use identical

that we can kibosh? They're lying about that yeah. I got two cars that are identical.

No. No, they're fucking not. I bet I could find differences. They're almost identical. I mean,

there has to be something in the world that's identical. Like what? Nothing, man. Nothing is identical. Fuck.

So it's a word that It's bullshit. The biggest bullshit word in the English fucking dictionary, man. Identical. No. Oh, fuck me. Wow.

You got me thinking. About clone pets or identical? No, identical, man. You could have two refrigerators. They're identical. If you did have a really cool little cat or a little cool dog and knew the motherfucker was on his way out, I guess I could see cloning it. But it'd be kind of weird because then, like, do you forget? You still remember the old guy.

guy or gal the who the old gal okay the pet that died yeah or if you get a new cool one and you like it right away do you want to have two of them

is that I don't totally understand the concept oh my fuck all right you get a good dog you want all of a sudden you want hey you want some little buddies you just start lown them just like you grow them you know that this dog is going to die at a certain age.

What do you do? You just cut a piece off and put it. Carverdadee? Yeah, it's all scientific shit. Water in a peatree dish, is that what they're called? Probably. It's something like that. It's pretty.

They do or they split something. It's pretty smart shit. It is very, it's way above what I know, man. Stick of a needle in one cat. Put that in the dish and it comes into another cat. I don't know. I don't get it. So, yeah.

When you're just using the needle, I think you've got to, like, you've got to take a little piece. I don't know, man. Maybe not. Yeah. But as you're saying, I think, isn't it the more you clone over and over again, the more fucked up the thing's going to be? I don't know.

I don't know why it would be. Maybe I'm thinking of something else, man. As long as you have, like, is it the MDNA, the science? shit yeah so as long as you have that i think you can grow them but i just i don't know how they grow them wow man what do you add to it what makes it turn into something these are the things my brain will be keeping me awake with tonight well because it won't be able to solve it was her mdmdma food you feed it the end do you feed your mdNA food to make you get growed into whatever the fuck it's supposed to be.

See, right now, I don't know, man. I'm too fucked up to get into the shit, because I know nothing about it, man. It would come out with the shit, not even using the right terminology, which is making it way harder. All right. Let's move on.

We'll move on to something easier. Fuck clone pets for now. Holy fuck. Fuck them. So when you're, okay, I got a question for you. I've read something about this shit that's kind of trippy. Okay. When you, when,

when, when, when, when, when, have thoughts going through your head like is there like a little voice telling you? Is it talking to you? Yeah. Okay. Some people Some people don't think that way. Oh, how do they? Some people don't think about anything in the background

with voices and stuff and they just like do their shit. Man, so you're fucking my brain up now. Boy, you know, I'm too high for this shit. It's fucked up, man because I know, like I, you know, especially when we've got to make some money and shit. You're in bed and you get a buzz on and your brain doesn't shut off right right does that what happen and you end up your fucking thinking all night sometimes yeah i know how to get rid of it how this is more drugs no

you ask your brain who are you talking to yeah and all of a sudden no because in my brain answers no it won't it won't i don't i don't can't that's that's way too deep for me right now try it buddy okay i've been doing it i've been getting sleeps every Every fucking night since I started doing that shit. And all I say is who you talking to? What are you talking to, man? And it's just like, no one. And then nothing going through your head, man.

It just stops. It's fucked up. Okay. I'll see what happens. I'm willing to bet 50 bucks. Well, when we get together again, I'll let you know how it went. And bring your 50. My guess is not great.

50. And if you can't pay me, there's interest on that weekly. I'm serious, man. What if I don't want to play this game? You should. Okay. You'll get a good night's sleep, man. But what if I lie and say I didn't do it, but I do it anyway?

You got to be honest with me, man. Fuck. Yeah. Your brain will fucking do shit to you. All right. That night, like, just trust me, man. You don't want to fuck with your brain. So what do you think of this one?

Does it, does an influencer down in the U.S.? He's taking a bit of heat right now because he's giving machetes and alcohol to homeless people? What? Yeah. Why? He claims it's for their safety. Jesus So I don't know

And alcohol Yeah Okay We gotta figure this out Machetis and alcohol Probably not a great combo Where was this? He's been doing it in a few different cities

Did it in New Orleans And fucking Fort Worth I think Or somewhere in Texas What the fuck? Yeah And who's this guy? He's a mayor?

He's an influencer Oh One of those Okay One of those motherfuckers Yeah I mean he's probably doing it For views

But Oh definitely don't want to give people machetes, man. And booze? Yeah, let's get fucking wasted and try out these machines. I mean, you can't have a machete and not use it.

Well, yes, you can, man. I mean, if someone's coming in, I didn't mean to kill someone. You're going to have it out wielding it around and fucking. No, you're not going to be, you don't want to be fucking people drunk with the machete man. See, this is why whoever came up with this,

that guy, he's fucked. I think it should be one or the other. Give them booze or give them machetes. But I think to give them both, you're asking for her. Someone's getting a hand chopped off at some point. Okay, no. Yeah, definitely. But no, think about it this way.

This is what this guy's thinking may be, that no one's going to fuck with you. Just like they do over in Switzerland, remember? Everybody's got guns? They do? Yeah, man. And what does that mean? They have to go to this military training thing, everybody. And they have a gun.

They've got like a AR or something, man. Everybody walking around. Everybody in their house in their closet. So they know you can't fuck with anybody because everybody owns a fucking gun. But everyone in the U.S. owns a gun. Yeah, but not the same way. Not everybody.

Like they're trained. Like you don't want to, it's just like mutual respect. If I'm breaking into a house in the U.S., I'm going to assume they have a fucking gun. You know what? It's not going to work. That's why I would not like to break into a house.

It's not going to work in this area. No. nobody nobody should have like you can't like fuck you just what are we talking about the fuck wow

the machete oh yeah so if you've got everybody has like you don't want to I don't know some people use it the right way I guess if they all have them they're gonna be hacking down some bushes

that's what I do I don't know if like does he give him a a shade to every homeless person in the camp because then you know you're not gonna fuck around build like their own shelters something maybe well you could use it for duels chopping down wood and shit i guess yeah man cut up your steak cut a squash in half yeah oh yeah that'd be handy for veggies yeah man but the poofs dicing shit up for a fucking philly cheese steak on the grill near yeah yeah fuck that sounds good right now yeah cheese sauce all right

We're definitely making those later. Oh, drugs, jugs, drugs. Oh, fuck, speaking of food. Were we? Yeah, we were. The fucking, that soup you had. Oh, yeah? The Donair soup.

What the fuck is that? I only ordered it because I had to. Why? I had to fucking know. Okay. It just sounds so fucked. It's such a weird concept. Okay, this is what I'm thinking.

Pieces of don't air meat floating around in your soup. It's not at all what you think. It almost looks like a fucking... Like little pieces of pita. Tomato soup almost. But certain bites you taste that fucking donair sauce. I was on the fence, but man, I tell you, when I finished it, I was like, I'm going to fucking eat this again. So it's not like a don't air brothy kind of thing.

It's like a fucking saucy kind of. It's like a soup with a hint don't air sauce. It's got a little meaty, a little cheesy. It's fucking good It's mostly tomato And if you're In Dartmouth sometime and you want to try it Do I plug this place or no?

I don't give a fuck Super duper All right Maybe we'll get free Maybe we'll get free ones I want free don't air suit for that plug It was fucking good It was really weird but really good

All right, I'm going to try it You also make a pretty good Cuban sandwich Cuban sandwich yep okay what's in the Cuban just different meats and pickles deliciousness different meats pickles

okay fuck I'm getting hungry man we gotta stop talking yeah Philly cheese there was a fucking crazy Lamborghini crash in Calgary

no way and uh buddy's flying down the fucking highway lost control of his Lamborghini crashed in a walk he was okay but he had to be taking hospital. So after he was taking the hospital,

the cops are fucking cleaning shit up. I found this far-retardant bag, and there was $1.5 million in cash, $100 Canadian bills. Where did they find it in the Lamborghini? Where? In the fucking... Debris.

Debris. Yeah, I guess the car was fucking split in half for something crazy. It's fucking... That guy must be like... Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

God, that would suck. That's a lot of killing. Yeah. Is that, like, legit money? That definitely not legit. I'm guessing probably not. They said all the bills were in numerical order, so obviously came from a bank or somewhere.

Why would you be speeding like a fucking lunatic? Because you're in a Lamborghini, man. With $1.5 million in the car, though? He's feeling good, man. He's feeling good. But, yeah, I wouldn't want to get in an accident in one of those fucking things. Anyway, you imagine you going ahead, hitting head. on one of those fucking cars in your car.

No, he'd be fucked. You'd be just, it would be fucked. Oh yeah, you hit any car from the 70s and in the Lamborghini, you're fucking toast. Yeah. All right. Alcatraz. You remember escape from Alcatraz? Yeah.

Clint was in it. That guy, that's based on a true story, right? Yeah. Three guys got out. That guy, uh, came out and said, hey, I'm dying. And I want to tell you, I'm the dude. and I've been hiding and I got away with my brother

and this other buddy we all made it out shut up yeah one guy died back in 2006 the other guy died like 2011 this guy was still alive he's the last guy so they fucking did make it

did make it wow yeah and he was just like if you want you can take me when I got a year to live throw me in the fucking jail so I can go to the hospital so they can treat me

blah blah blah what a fucking thing so that's crazy right there man. Wow. I love that shit. I know, man. I hope this was a true story. Like D.B. Cooper. Motherfucking that jumped out of the air.

Yeah, man. He's still... He's cruising around, isn't he? Nobody fucking knows. They found some of the cash, but they never found him. Legends. Legends. Those guys got away with some shit like that. That's pretty fucking wall. You like hearing a good jail break story like that once in a while. I always wondered if it was true. I always thought they fucking died because it was so cold.

Yeah, me too. He's like, no, fuck you. We did it. Smart motherfuckers to fucking stay on the land for that long. Holy fuck. Yeah. Well, they moved money. One guy went down to Mexico.

Yeah, they must have been somewhere else. Totally, man. Off the fucking radar. That'd be tough to do. It would be. You'd have your freedom, but you'd have no fucking money or anything either. Yeah. Yeah.

Fucking good on. That's awesome. I know the table work. whole times. Well, it's kind of what a lot of people do, man. I guess the same as what we do, really. Yeah.

So it might not be that difficult. I guess, yeah, we'd be good at it. There could be anybody in Sunnyville could have pulled off something in their eye and think about it. Yeah. All right. That's all I got.

I might have something here. Oh, yeah? That's good. Because you haven't fucking done a whole lot. Fuck you, man. I am trying here. I'm functioning on. Okay.

So if you had, if you took a picture and you had it developed. Okay. Twice. Identical. Would those images be identical? It should be. It'd be close, I think. But identical means, I mean, that's perfect.

Right. So I'm sure there's some kind of, their lighting's off a little bit. Maybe the fucking word identical doesn't mean what we thought it meant. Identical. It's got to be something. something that is. Don't know, man. Two coins that just came out of the coinery.

No. It wouldn't be, would they? No. All right, I got to stop thinking about it. It's like, there's no... See, I just did the who you're talking to. It was like... Snowflakes, same thing, man.

None of there's nothing. I know. That's pretty mind-blowing. I don't buy it. I don't believe it. Almost perfect, maybe. Did you... Did you say you had something or no?

You were fucking just teasing everybody? I was just teasing everybody. fucking guy who this is this stupid like how is this even a story I've seen this happen man wins lying flat

contest by lying down on a mattress for 33 hours straight it's a contest 33 hours straight it's a fuck all without even going to the toilet ooh

at some planet now that's where we have a problem well you just don't eat for a few days before you do it man people do it all time you'd be dehydrated as fuck

well you bring a I think you're allowed bringing a water bottle with you man like a piss jug no piss jug you gotta like man that's a long fucking time to go yeah

using the bathroom so I wonder I mean is that the thing you're waiting for someone to piss themselves or what's the deal what's the excitement in this yeah what ends it must be the pissing

okay the last person to remain flat down on the mattresses it's cleared the winter they're not allowed going to the not allowed to get up from the mattress at all, man. Re-use the washroom.

Can you roll over or you just got to lay in your back? Oh, here we go. The rules, competition, a straightforward contestant's needed to lay flat on the mattress. And while they're allowed to roll around on the fucking thing, they're allowed to read books, eat, or use their smartphones, but they're not allowed to get up. That doesn't seem that fucking hurt. You got a fucking, you could. I'd love to stay in bed.

You'd have a quarter bar. A couple days. Can you drink? Oh, you wouldn't want to drink alcohol, I guess. That's the problem. Or just say, fuck it. Yeah, just keep drinking. Edibles.

That'd knock you out. You had a decaffeinator or something. Like, a what? Is it a decapinator? Decafineator. Is that what sucks the piss out of it? Something like that, man. It's a little off.

Catherer, man. Decaffeinators. Like, there was that coffee? Oh, fuck. Yeah. So 33 hours, like bullshit. If we wanted, what's the price? We could go over.

We would destroy that, man. I don't think I could. 186 competitors. All in one bed? No, man. No. He's got a mattress. So 186 mattresses?

Yeah, and they're all fucking spread out on the ground next to each other. You're dealing with fucking bullshit all day. Because you better hope you've got like a good neighbor. Oh, yeah. I got someone complained. I'm fucking, I'm fucking sore for me. lying here. Can you just sleep?

You can sleep, man. I don't know how they're going that long with their fucking pissing. I know. Okay, after, okay, two minutes later, okay. You've got the whole breakdown here, man. There's no fucking way you can go that long with they piss. At the 33-hour mark, there was... Must be wearing diapers or some shit.

There was three contestants. I bet they... I bet they wreaked of piss. One guy giving the finger to the camera, he's pissed. Here we go. They wore diapers. Oh, fuck. This sounds like way too easy. Yeah.

Keanu to win a $420. That's Jesus Christ. Why $420? 280 for second place and $140 for third. So you're going to bed for a couple days for fucking a few hundred bucks? Seven, eight, $840 bucks they got. Jesus Christ. $840 fucking prize money.

I was getting all excited to go over and compete. Oh, man. Not for that bullshit. That's a big hit in China, though, man. I'm sure you can probably get endorsements and shit, though. Oh, yeah? Is weed legal over in China? No.

No. Doesn't mean you can't get it. What about gummies? No. I think, yeah, you can get in quite a bit of trouble. Maybe I'm thinking of North Korea. Somewhere it's bad and, yeah, bad things happen to you. I think it could be bad, man.

I don't know. Russia's not great either for drugs. The basketball player, she was locked up for a while, man. Yeah. Fuck, man. Did she, she didn't even have any else, did she? I think it was it a vape pen or something maybe? Yeah, yeah, yeah, a vape pen.

All right, well, the prize money's not looking good to go to China. Fuck that. What a fucking shitty game. What a horrible contest. Well, all right. So, uh, what are you all writing about? just seeing feeling you out man if we're still good to go shutting her down what are you thinking you know what i'm going to give it two thumbs up for what good to go

that's the new one so i don't have to tell you i'll give you that that or that or that that means done doing it get some food maybe think about this is get some food maybe I'm going for that one. I don't know what you're saying. We're going to take off. Oh, we're done. Yeah, we're done. Oh.

I was going to get into talking about dinosaurs, but not into it. Oh, man, I love dinosaurs. I know. And there's these fucking nightmare worthy beasts that I could talk about. There's five of them. They're bad.

I haven't heard of these ones. But I'm not doing it today. What a tease. It's time to go, man. All right. I got shit to do. to wait. I bid you adieu. Do what? Weekly episodes now on Trail of Perp Boys Plus.