Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 37 - MawfuCAWS

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

The bird is the word on this week's Park After Dark! Ricky and Julian discover how f**kin' smart crows are, and who owns all the swans. There's also wienermobile racing, whale whispering, and a movie quiz - can you beat the Boys' sh*tty score?

Weekly episodes, now on Trailer Park Boys Plus. What's the law, man? Oh, man. How are you feeling out of ten? One to ten? I feel good. I'm just, I don't know. I'm fucking tired.

I gotta fucking slow things down a little bit. I know, man. Burning the candle. Is that what they say? You know what it's from? It's from the fucking Olympics, man. Both ends. I don't know how you can burn a can on both ends.

Do you watch much of the Olympics when it was on? Yeah, man That's why I'm fucking tired You gotta get up early Or you just don't go to bed Which doesn't usually work out very well Well that's the problem You get in you get hooked on the shit

It's just I don't even give a fuck about most of them right But it's just something about You know the best in the world Kind of thing You got a lot of respect for that shit right Well man that was pretty deep I know man I don't

I just you know I don't what's going on? He said, what a... Chipper, what are you looking around for, man? Just check and focus. Don't be, you're fucking us up here. He's a professional. He's a professional.

All right, yeah, I'm a boat a 10 out of 10. Thank you very much. For asking. That's good. I lost all my papers. I have nothing. What do you mean? Well, I know there's some stories that we found,

but I don't know. Oh, fuck, man. Don't tell me we've got to do this. You can do a bit? Do I got... I know them. I just... need some triggers.

Okay. Or maybe we just... Oh, whoa, whoa. You know what? I was... Garbage Day, right? Yeah. You know what? I fucking cannot stand

more than anything. Seagulls. It's not the Seagulls, man. Okay. The seagulls have been bad, but... Garbage dicks? The crows are bad. The crows are back.

Cros are smarter than seagles, man. Crows are fucking smart. I will give you that. They... I had a crow. Cheryl. She was smart. as fuck.

Cheryl Crowe. That was her name? I knew that was her fucking name. Cheryl Crow. She used to steal shit, man. But she would warn me, too. She fucking was terrified of that drunk bastard Lazy.

He was lurking around. She'd be fucking... You used to talk to Cheryl, didn't you? I don't know if she understood, but I did. You know what? You don't understand. Man, this is going to fucking blow you away.

Okay. It's one of these universities. One of these fucking universities. They just did a study. on fucking crows, all right? And what they did, the, are they reputable? Yeah, man.

No, this is like fucking, they get a budget, they're gonna figure out what the fuck crows are saying. So it wasn't like Steve's university. No, it's not like Steve. This is like fucking, no, man.

No, no, no. It's like one of the big fucking, one of the big. Like a Harvard kind of school, maybe. Something like that, man. I don't fucking know. Anyway. Yale.

So they got, they went out to the woods where all these crows lived, right? UCLA? Maybe. And they fucking set up video cameras everywhere, right? And they were just like filming them. And getting all the audio, like, gah,

like not stop. The different lingo. As much shit as they could possibly get, right? Zoom in on the birds making the noises and shit, right? Then they did this. They sent a dude walking down the path with an orange cap on. And then this little motherfucker was up. they're going,

car, car, ca, car, gar, gha, gha, so they let the guy pass. Warning, warning. Yeah, okay,

check this out. Next day, they did the same thing. Yeah. Kha, the guy in the fucking orange hat, right? Oh, yeah.

They masked up the kawings. He basically caught, he's saying the same thing each time to the guy, exact same thing. Watch it for that cock suck in the orange hat. Something like that.

That's what it was. Yeah. Anyway, they were like, okay, there another bird was up there where the bird was was hanging out he starts fucking at the dude with the orange hat right line it up with the other fucking the first crow Zach same kai they were saying the same fucking thing girls are smart through all okay so they take

all this data man they throw it into the fucking uh chat GPT where the fuck it is AI yeah they fucking uh figured out it had it had a language And I figured out what the fuck these crows were saying. And like you said, the guy came through with the orange hat. It was like orange hat, warning motherfuckers. Yeah, that's what they do. They're smart. But he said, you know what?

Crows are fucking constantly heckling humans. Oh, I wouldn't. They're like, you motherfuckers, guess what? They're probably smart than us and they think we're fucked. Oh, yeah. You're walking into your trailer. They're going, all right, buddy, walk away. Dumb fucks.

You put out that garbage tomorrow morning. I'm going to make it look like a fucking. airplane, crash into your front yard. That was quite a visual. Well, that's what it's like, man. It doesn't fucking pisses me off. Who likes to get down? I know the teen.

Did you know the teenage crows hang out? Yeah, man. They fucking party together. And if a crow dies, crows come from all over, and they mourn. And they're fucking talking. Sitting a tree close to where the death went down.

That's what I'd love to see, man. Just a movie about crows, man, with the actual dialogue. There was a movie that didn't go very well for one of the actors. What was it? Oh, yeah, Jesus Christ, man. Brandon Lee, man, yeah. No, it didn't see.

What? You totally derailed it, man. All right. So, I fucking love that. You mean like a documentary? No, man, I'm talking like, well, yeah, kind of, but it's like a fucking movie, but you got like, you've mashed it together. You can't just tell you I to do all that now?

Yes. Make me a fucking documentary about crows. And actually cawing and subtitle everything. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Because you imagine what they're saying to you. They're above, you know, when they're up in the wire above the street and you're driving.

They're big, they're like going. I think I can. Come on, Bowles. I think I can learn the language. I know you can, man. I bet you that. We got to do a test. You know what?

You see L.A. should do a test. with you talking about the language, man. See? That's footage we need. And see how close you are. And they'll say, no, you're right. I'm going to learn crow. But there's a different crow dialects from all over the world.

They all speak the same fucking crow language. Don't know that one, but I guarantee you, over in England, they definitely got a little accent on that little car. Whales have different languages for their pods and shit. Are you kidding me? They get like accents? I don't know if they're fucking... Irish accent.

It's the same. It's kind of like talking like it is an accent. Maybe whales and near Ireland do have an Irish accent. That's what I'm saying, man. They always have fishermen yelling at them. That the fucking way. Yeah, it might carry over to the whales. Who knows?

Wow. Whales are smart, man. Now I want to know who's smarter. Are whales or are the crows smarter? Fuck. It'd be a good competition. Competition. So, hey, you know what?

That's what we gotta fucking do. We gotta go, got to go off the coast, find some whales, get a bunch of audio, and then do the same thing they did. They threw it in the AI, man. I'm sure it's being done as we speak.

That'd be cool. I'd like to see whales subtitled. Yeah, man. Imagine me just fucking baked. I can't. Just sitting there watching a movie about a whale. Can I also imagine. Being baked and talking to the crows.

Like you could be coming up, fuck you, motherfuckers. Hey, you guys got any food? It'd be fucking cool. How big to you right now? Gary, man, I'm just saying technology. I'm with you. I was afraid of it, but you start thinking about technology in good ways like this?

It's a totally different story, man. I thought these chairs were better, but I'm still, fucking, I don't know. I haven't tried to, like, anything. They get like adjustments, man. Yeah. That's the size that's going. Man, we got those really. Yeah.

There is a flicker. There's like one flicker there, man. There's not a lot of... Not a lot of adjustments. I don't know what this fucking button does. I think it's up and down, bud. But who knows? All right, fuck the chairs.

All right, fuck the chairs. I had no internet connection. Fuck off. Man, see your fucking. Just a second. I'm coming back. You got to find a phone. all those stories, man.

I got it, man. Don't worry about it. Okay, good. I did read them. I just forgot to bring the fucking things. God damn it. Okay, just suck, buddy. One of them was that fucking Spanish treasure.

They found off Florida another million dollars. Are you kidding me? Fuck. All right, I got a quiz, man. I always wished I could have been a treasure on her. We can. You don't have to be fucking, like, a spring chicken, as they say.

They're fucking hunt for chickens. I mean, treasures. You need a lot of equipment. Boats. All right. Okay. We can get a boat. What kind of equipment?

Maybe I could just get a job on a treasure boat. It doesn't be cool with certain things, though. Would you? Okay, this is the thing. If you were working for a treasure company, you're out there and you're diving down, you find a bunch of fucking gold coins. what would you do what is what would you do

like you're working for this company what's happening you mean like am I erect or just whatever man are you gonna try to sneak some of the coins yourself you're gonna be honest and give them all the coins like you're gonna come back later and get the coins yeah I guess people would fuck you wouldn't I totally I think I'd be honest

as long as they're honest with me maybe not though I don't know. See, you're not going to get rich being honest, but I'm telling you right now. All right. You know what you've got to do, and you could get a job doing that, right? You could be honest Joe. But I could also be down there.

Maybe, you know, put a mile off, come in, you know. Don't, you could find, what I'm trying to say, you could find some shit and not tell them about it. Okay, man. GPS thing. This is how people. get corrupted. Yeah, man. There was also,

I do remember another story about a zoo. Okay. I think it may have been in Denmark. They were asking people to donate their pets. For food.

What? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They were doing that, man. You want to get rid of a pet? We're going to feed it to the fucking lions. I don't know. I don't know how I, like, what type of pets?

Ones that are dying, maybe. most likely ones that are just fucked dogs, cats there's just like mice they'll eat anything man gerbils

guinea pigs everything pet raccoon a tiger will fucking inhale any kind of meat I gas like your mama fuck

do you let the animal die is it dead pets or is it hey this guy's gonna be gone in a couple weeks anyway we were at the fucking we were at the fucking we remember we were at that

fucking uh what was it the, Jesus fuck, what was her name, man? They had the lines and shit. Oh, yeah, the Tiger Queen. The Tiger Queen. Yeah, she is basically the Tiger Queen.

Big Cat Rescue or something, wasn't it? Yeah, but they would just get like Carol. Carol something. Baskins? Bunchin baskets. Oh, man. Yeah, I think you're close. But yeah, man, remember we saw the truck

pickup truck coming in with all the fucking romegill. Roadkill. so they're not fussy they'll eat like a fucking gopher that's like this you know what I mean Saul is a rock yeah I know for me it was just the whole

pet thing it's like fuck I mean I guess if my pet if died I'd be like okay yeah I ship them over to the zoo but still you gotta think about your cute little catar I think they gotta be dead fucking inhaled but they're got it they're dead no it says unwanted

pets oh okay that would be gently immunized All right, so... Okay, so I guess... Chickens, rabbits, skinny pigs. Everything, okay, so... Unwanted. Thanks, Chipper.

Okay, that makes... Unwanted. You got a fucking asshole dog. And they, I guess they do... It's biting everybody. Nicely... Upanize them. Yeah, you know, they say they're doing that.

They're probably... They got bets that going on it. After hours, I'd say this. They're chucking in the animal going on. It's okay. How long is this going to last? Fucking rights to doing that. All right, you know what we got to do right now?

We're going to do a little quiz. Oh, fuck. Because, yeah, man, we were talking about movies and shit. This is a quiz about movies and famous twists. Movies and famous twists. Yeah, okay. See how many we can get. Fuck.

All right, the main character spends the entire movie trying to resolve unfinished business, but it's revealed that he has actually been dead the whole fucking time. Six cents. Six cents. Donnie Brasco? Jacob's Ladder, ghost story. I'm going six cents as well, man. Correct.

No. Next question. Okay, the proquet. The protagonist is suddenly released after years of unexplained captivity as they dig into who imprisoned them and why the answers become quite disturbing with the big reveal involving a romantic relationship with a family member that was unknown to not.

The game, old boy, room, or, uh, yeah, that's it. Good luck. No, no, man. Fuck you. How about that one? We're gonna go, uh, the game. No.

Old boy, who gives a fuck? All right, we got one right, one wrong. Old boy? Old boy. Like, what the fuck is old boy? An unassuming and minor character is revealed to be the actual criminal mastermind the whole time in this movie. Yeah, I know what that one is. Yeah, man.

Usual sus. Baddx. Mystic River. That was a good one. Utopia? Mr. River was good. Primeble Fear? Yeah, man. Nice question. We got two. Divorced man learns to reinvent himself with the help of a stranger. Later in the film, a twist family connection

between two major characters suddenly reframes everything. Oh, fuck, man. Love Actually, the big stick. Crazy Stupid Love, Silver of Lining's Playbook. I don't fucking know. You watch those wrong arms. Fuck, man. I don't. Yeah, man. Divorced man learns to reinvent himself. Jesus Christ.

To the help of the... I don't fucking know. I'd say the big sick. No, you fuck off. Crazy stupid love. Who cares? Wow, man. In this movie, the protagonist chases after a dangerous individual

who has revealed to be the protagonist himself. Like, is that Shutter Island, isn't it? Man, I don't know. I'm fucking confused. at all. Shutter Island, American Psycho, a beautiful mind, or machinist,

or was it the... I was correct, man. What did you get? Leonardo DiCaprio. Okay. He was in that one, man. This is like, no, I don't want to do this anymore, man.

All right, well, find us something to talk about. In this movie, two men operate on opposite sides of the fucking law while trying to expose each other. Near the end,

a surprise third double agent is revealed. That's like, Heat, man, that was a good movie. Donnie Brascoe, Departed, Eternal Affairs. We watch these movies. I'm gonna go departed. You too, man.

That's correct. Boom. All right. I'm done. You too, man. I just fucked up. I got one right. Just by whatever.

All right, man. Back to something fun. All right. Here we go. Blue Whales way up to 12. twice as much as a largest fucking dinosaur. No way. Yeah.

Bron's horses, man. I thought they were... No, whales are bigger, man. All right. Oh. Uh-oh. You're going to love this one. Am I?

Yeah, man. Oscar Meyer's weiner, a mobile race. Pumpmed! It's coming back to the Indy 500, buddy. That's right. In May, I think. That's coming back in May.

All six of the weenie mobiles are going to be there. All six of them. It's going to be a fucking showdown. I wonder if they should at least rip the exhaust off or something or do they try to soup them up. They should have like, got to make them loud. Dirty old fucking like superchargers on the man. Fucking white-ass slicks.

Crazy old fucking turbos. What is in them for fucking power tree? I don't know. Is it? Quarter ton, half quarter ton truck engine. I don't know, man. It's a VA. You know what I mean?

It's a VA. You could do some shit, too. it could be a v10 if i had a weenemobile i'd be souping the fucking thing up people love that race man people love it man there's something about seeing a bunch of extremely large weeners going around an oval track yeah bet's they sell a lot of fucking hot dogs that day oh fuck you find you know what speaking of hot dogs you do you find that hot dogs are different in different places and around the world way like our hot dogs are completely different than what they call dogs down in the U.S.

and over in fucking... For the most part, yeah. They got like down in the U.S., they get like a crispy kind of crunch to the skin or something. Some of them, but I've had a good fucking hot dog. Yeah, me too. Nathan's a pretty decent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like that, I don't like the fucking crunching end of that shit, man. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm not a crunchy hot dog guy. They got good hot dogs in Quebec. Oh, yeah? Yeah, man.

Good to know. Good to know, man. Next time I'm in Quebec, I will grab some bogies. Oh, fuck, yeah. That's fucking smoked meat. Yep. They don't fuck around. Okay.

Anyway, you're going to go to that fucking race, the Weaning Mobile? I think that was over you on. I don't go there. That just happened. The Indy 500 just happened. No, man. No, man. No?

Is that the wrong race? It was Daytona. It's Daytona. It's Daytona. Fuck me. Anyway, you're going to go to the Indy 500? You're going to see some fucking. And you're also going to see, I think, the longest tongue in the world in any living dog

in his world record. He's going to be there. Ozzy? Yeah. Oh, no, he's not. It's a different story. It wasn't, there wasn't like a big headline. The Aussie.

That would be a weird thing to bring to the Indy 500. But, yeah, you're right. You're right. Well, I mean, for all you races out there, Ozzy. be showing off this fucking longest tongue of any living dog giving autographs. Good going. Autographs. Ooh, see?

There's got to be fucking more dogs out there longer tongues than that. Like, who's actually measuring their dog's tongue? See lots of fucking long-tongued dogs. It's like browns? Fucking nasty. Yeah. I'm a big fan on those dogs, man. The greyhounds?

Yeah. They're fucking fast. They're fast as fuck. Imagine if you had one like as a puppy, you'd never be able to catch them. Okay. Yeah, you'd have to walk the shit out of Greyhound. I wonder if they're good pets. I don't know anything about the fucking things.

All right, we've got some stories here, man. I mean, they're talking about... What about two kids that pissed in the fucking soup pot? I think their names were Wu and Tang, weren't they? Woon Tang? What was it going on with, Wu and Tang? They decided to piss in their little hot soup pot in the private room with this restaurant, and they posted it.

Anyway, they just got fucked. What happened? They got to pay like... They were pissing in a pot of soup. Yeah, 250,000 pounds. Fine. Him and the parents got to pay. They're them and the parents.

How old were these kids? I think they were teenagers. Little bastards, man, pissing in... I mean, it sounds like... They had a compancy, like, a bunch of fucking people that were eating there that night, and it's just, yeah, it was a bit of a fuck show. Oh, you know what?

I wonder if this guy's fucking made it through a swan, was stuck in the fucking river. It was frozen in the Connecticut River. Fucking swan. You like swans. I fucking love swans, and I'm jealous of their necks. Let's see if you made it. I hope so.

Oh, whoa. They had all the boys out there. Does the fucking queen own our swans, too? Well, the queen's dead. So it's the king. The king owns all. Just the swans in England? I think they got raised to all fucking swans on planet Earth.

Wow. Imagine. That's heavy duty, man. What if you make money because of that? You don't. There's no way. I wonder if you have to pay for the food for all of them. Oh, man.

They're fucking wild. You should. They're wild. I mean, they've got a bunch of them probably on their property and their estates and shit. Probably swans everywhere. All right. Does anybody eat swan? You could probably fucking eat swan.

I guess it's a little gamey and a little greasy. I bet it is. Okay, buddy. It is very greasy, man. Those little fuckers can be pretty vicious. too. All right. Who would win in a fight between a swan

and a fucking can of goose, man? Because those fucking little fuckers are, they're out of control. It'd be a good fight, but the goose... I don't know, man. How would they fight? The swan with its neck and fucking come out. They do they whacked with the necks, don't they?

Fucking come behind you and twist around and fucking get the little helicopter going. I wouldn't want to... I don't think they do the helicopter. That would be awesome. I wouldn't want to... Both of them can be fucking assholes. But I think...

Yeah. I fought them both. And it's not fun. When did... They hiss and fucking come at you and peck and beat you. And you can't... I mean, you can't do anything about it. Not really.

I mean, you could, but you'd probably get in trouble. I didn't want to strangle the fucking things, but I wasn't happy about it. Here's some fucking terms here, you like there's some words that you didn't know that they had real names you don't want someone like when you get all fucking wasted and

you know you get up on top of the fucking trail and you start jumping off and doing all that shit you know what they call that? Having fun. I don't know why they call it this because they should call it drunk but it's called pot valiancy that's what that's called

when you're drunk you get the fucking drunk like no fear. Pot valiancy? Yeah, man. But why is it pot? Yeah, it doesn't make sense. There's got to be, well, that's what it's called.

Liquor valiancy, liquor powers. You know, those little fucking bumps on blackberries and raspberries? Yeah, yeah. Guess what those are called? Bumps? Drupulets. Drupulets? That's fucking dumb.

All right, here's another one, man. Jesus Christ. Man, am I ever learning shit today? This shit that you spit out, you're like chewing on a chip piece of chicken, and you get to spit a bone out. Yeah. You spit it on the plate or you get like

a fucking pit or something. Yeah. Guess what those things are called? Ejections. Chankings. Chankings. Chankings. Yeah, I'm never going to use that again.

What do you call the little clip that closes up a bread bag? Chip clip. Close bin. Oclopanid? An oclopanid. I'm probably saying it wrong, man. I hope so.

That's what they're doing. I'll never use it again. And that's it, man. Think fuck. There's not much to teach people out there, man. Like, there's shit. You did your best. Either they got teached or they didn't.

Don't really give a fuck. Cockroaches were in their mating. They just jab away any part of the body into the female. Just spread in there. It's like a needle. It doesn't matter and it works. I think I heard that. Yeah, man.

It's quite a system. Oh, fuck me. Ancient Egyptians use crocodile dung as birth control by inserting it into the vagina before sex. The acidity supposedly killed sperm and prevented pregnancies for centuries. Crocadol shit! Oh, come on. Wow, that's a weird one. Who the fuck came up with that concept?

Some crazy motherfucker. You know what? What if I just shove some of that crock shit up you? That'll kill my sperm. And then we'll see if it... What the fuck? What kind of look? How would they... Like, how? How was that text? tested.

And do you really want to put your things into crocodile shit? Oh man. Is it like hay or what's the consistency? Depends on what it was fucking eating. They eat everything. That's a weird one. It's weird on a lot of levels. I guess you could stop

fucking babies being made. And your mattress doubles in weight after 10 years from accumulated dead skin cells and dust mites living inside it. You're sleeping on pounds of your own decomposed fucking skin man when was the last time you changed your sheets in your bed and be fucking honest oh i changed my sheets when well depends how messy things get you've gone years man no fucking years i'm telling you man no they could do test on that bed

i've had the same mattress for about 20 years so it's probably i don't think it's double the weight ray had that fucking mattress when he was a kid Jesus Christ man You've got so much of raised dead skin and fucking mites and crabs and all kinds of other dead fucking things on it. I don't double the weight, not buying it. I don't think it's double on the weight, man, but maybe, maybe. There is a lot of fucking... Hey, think about it. When you've picked up some mattresses, you know, after you've had it for years, you're hauling and out, it seems everyone when you brought it in.

Or maybe I was just hired, drunk or something. I don't know. all right you know what i gotta get the fuck out of here you're gonna go clean your fucking bed maybe get me paranoid like do i need a mattress we should go grab we should go grab some mattresses how hard

would it be to get some fucking mattresses oh it's not hurt oh no well let's go do that then you gotta get rid of one of them big warehouses and some pillows supposed to change your pillows put on a delivery hat and just walk right out with the fucking thing what about the box spring do i need one of them yes fuck sakes

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