Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 43 - Theory Of F**kativity

Episode Date: March 17, 2025

Spring is springin', hash seeds are growin', and Ricky is ready for Valentine's Day. Yup, space and time are all f**ky on today's Park After Dark! There's also a wordsmarts quiz, a trip to Puppy Mountain, and turkey roasting alchemy. Plus: Beware the Ides of March!

To watch the video, Perk After Dark, go to Swear Nut dot com or go to the Trailer Perk Boys Swear Nut app. But a pickle is a cucumber, Ricky. Nope. It is. How do you figure, sir? Why isn't it called a jar of cucumbers? Because they're made into pickles.

That's why... So it's no longer a cucumber. It's been transformed into its name. But it's made out of, I'm telling you... Are you going to call a butterfly a fucking caterpillar? You were arguing that a carrot can be a pickle. It's a pickled carrot. Jesus. You know where the word spud came from?

As in potatoes? Your mother? Nope. I'm not telling you now. I'm not telling you. Oh, you're not telling me. You want to be like that to me, bring it in six. Probably from Bud the Spud and P.E.I.

No, man. Way, way further back than that, my friend. Like we're talking 1442. Ireland? It's like... Potato famine? And New Zealand. No. No, man way way further back than that my friend like we're talking 1442 All right, it's like potato famine and new zealand. No No, no, no, no, it also came from new zealand. I recall spuds way before us Why I don't okay a spud you didn't know where no no back in like 1442. I think or something columbus Sealed the ocean blue that was 92 but a A fucking spud used to be called a knife or a dagger. That's what a spud was.

But then they used a spud to take out the potatoes from the ground. So that's where the word spud comes from. Stick that right up your... That sounds fishy. That's lame. Well, that sounds like... It's lame, man. How's it going, everybody? Welcome to the Park.

After the Dark gets March the 14th, halfway through March almost, what, next week is spring. Yeah. Is that right? Next week. Did we make it? Fuck yeah. March the 21st, isn't it?

Or March the 20th. Jesus, Murphy. Pumped. Bye-bye, winter. Eat ya. When are you gonna start putting the crops in? That's what I wanna know. The seeds. Put the seeds in? That's what I want to know. The seeds.

Put the seeds in. The brother's grim. And we're putting lots of seeds in this year, my friend. Yup. Every pound. How many free seeds did you weasel out of that? A lot. Like a thousand?

What's... A thousand? See, if we don't make shit off of these, we're going to make money off the crops. That'll be at least 500 really good plants. And 500 not so bad plants. We'll take it. Okay. And we'll be selling it from Sunnyvale at the trailer.

Well, this is a moment. What? This is a moment. A moment, is that the word? A moment? Moment. With a T, moment. Albert Einstein got bored on March the 14th.

He was a smart cocksucker, wasn't he? He was, Ricky. So that must mean something. Relativity, baby. What's relativity? His theory. Oh. Relativity.

Was it a good one? Oh, it's fantastic. Made a lot of sense. It did, it did make a lot of sense. It did. It did make a lot of sense. He basically showed how time is, you know, time is relative to whether you're moving and how fast and everything. I don't know why that would be like life changing,

but anyway. Well, you know, just proving that. Oh, he was the E MC squished MC to go. Yes I'm the guy that has the tongue sticking out in that picture. I was dead. I didn't know that Einstein Ricky and dead. He was an old man in the 40s. He says he's born in 70 1879 1718 79 79 Ricky and his shit younger than you this shit still holds true her it's cool. Well, it's science Ricky Science doesn't usually I mean it gets updated as more things get proven But science if you get a solid fucking scientific

Theory or law or whatever she's gonna hold up for a while you know what this whole fucking show that we're doing here is turned into a science thing no it's not is I Albert Einstein was born today I'm gonna leave my mark I'm gonna come up with the theory of fuck activity there we go see that's what I want to learn I would like to know what the theory of fuck activity is it's gonna take a lot of numbers. Is that sexual, Ricky? You need some symbols.

Is it a sexual theory? Could be part of it. What is the basis of the theory of fuckativity? Everything's fucked. Oh, Michael Caine got born. What are we looking for? Quincy Jones? Fuck, this is some Billy Crystal.

Who is Billy Crystal makes good juice. Rick Dees, fuck the top 40 guy. There's been there's been a little like too much changed here. Like there's too many changes at once. Taylor Hanson, you like the Hanson brothers? Why are we doing this first? We always do the bathrooms out. Swapping it up.

Birthdays. Alright. Steph Curry, Simone Biles, she's a hell of a jealous. It is weird, isn't it? Well, you know what? Because this was introduced... You just press rewind. Or no, fast, I don't know.

You press something and it goes back to normal. This stuff is confusing me, man. It is? It does fuck with your brain a little. It causes confusion. They should say on the package, causes confusion. I'm happy about it though. I'm not like pissed off.

I'm not either. I'm just saying we might want to warn people. You will get confused when you smoke this dope. Do you guys want to do a quiz? A quiz? Yeah, man. Is this one of the ones where we never find out the real answers to your quizzes or facts?

One of the complaints I had, because they didn't show it, they just went bloop. And then you were like, what the fuck was the answer? They changed it. They had a programmer. OK, so now we can know if we're right or not. All right, guys. Let's do a quiz, Ricky.

All right. King of Fins. Winner takes all. Some winner gets to do. What does the winner get to do? Smack the other guy's bird. This is more important than puppy island What's poppy? What is it poppy? I don't know puppy mountain puppy mountain All right, what is talking about

didn't see that some picture? There's a fucking big mountain in China on a river. What the fuck? Fuck off Randy! No, it's just relax. Randy's delivering flowers. And anyway, it's this giant mountain. It looks just like a puppy,

but it looks like a puppy that's kind of drinking the river or he's looking at fish, but it looks like this big giant's kind of drinking the river or he's looking at fish. But it looks like this big giant fucking puppy. It's awesome. What does this have to do with fucking doing a quiz? I just wondered if it was more important than that. All right, do you want to talk about it? I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.

You got to see Puppy Mountain, man. You got to pull it up at some point. All right, I'll pull it up at some point. We're doing a quiz. We're going to do a quiz. OK, can you finish the commonly misheard phrase? So you got to, it's multiple choice. Real easy.

My little brother was as happy as a blank when I told him it was a snow day. Clam. Clam. Clam, and that's one of the choices. Correct. We hosted a bake sale as a last blank effort. Last ditch. Bitch.

This is easy, it. Bitch. This is easy, boys, correct. My friend who's deathly allergic to bees has a deep blank fear of all flying and. Rooted. Ah, man, I wouldn't have got that one. Seated or seated? Seated.

Seated? Yes. Wrong. Seated with a T. Seated? No, no. Seated. If we're sitting down, we're seated.

Deep seated. Deep seated. I would not have thought that. It's a deep seat. I thoughtits? No, no. Seated. We're sitting down, we're seated. Deep seated. Deep seated. I would not have thought that. It's a deep seat. I thought it was seated too. All right, that's one of- Fuck. Great white sharks get a bad blank for an animal

that only causes a handful of heat deaths. Boner. Rap or rep? Rap. Oh, bad rap, yeah. Correct. All right, the correct politician can expect many lawsuits coming down the blank.

Pipe. Pipe. Pipe or pike? Pipe. I think it's pipe. Wrong. It's pike. Oh my God.

What? What the fuck? The gymnast was on a blank as she awaited the judge's scores. Cock. Tender hooks or tenter hooks? Never heard of it. Say it again. The gymnast was on a cock was on blank as she waited a way to the judges scores

She was on a what one of the other hooks or tender hooks a vaulting horse ten ter or tender hooks tender tender wrong I don't even you've got the three ones that we got wrong I don't even know what a tender... I don't even know what a tenderhawk is! Your puppy's habit of destroying shoes will only get worse if you don't nip it in the blank now. Bud. Bud? Bud. With a D.

Some people say butt. For my own blank of mine, will you double check that I turn the oven off? Peace. Peace or peace as in P-I-E-C-E? P-E-A-C-E. P-E-A-C-E. Peace as in love and peace? Yes. Correct.

Excuse me. Bruce Wayne and Batman are one blank the same. Gay. In or end? Bruce Wayne and Batman are in one in the same or one end the same. In. Is it one in? I thought it was in. Wrong.

You got all four wrong. Ha ha ha. Right. Okay. We did our blank diligence to confirm that that was. Dude. Dude. Dude or D-U-E or D-O?

D-U-E. Yep. Correct. That one was easy. Not dude. He vowed to blank. Dude diligence. He vowed to blank revenge upon the pirate who murders father

exact or extract What say once again he vowed to blank then revenge upon the pirate who murdered his father exact exact or extract? He's a that's easy extract revenge. Take that out. Just take it out of their bodies. Maybe She knocked down all ten bowling pins in one blank swoop. Fell or full? Fell? Fell. I don't know.

That's a 80s. Fell swoop, one fell swoop, F-E-L-L. Well, okay, congratulations on that one. You got the other four wrong, which brought us down to 66%. Oh, for fuck's sake. Fucking hell, let's hear this. I didn't get them wrong?

No, you did. Mama did. That was a lot of fun't get them wrong? No, you did. Mama did. That was a lot of fun. That was it? Well, yeah. What did we get? 66%, means you're above. That's like failure.

Satan's score. What about Puppy Island? Puppy Island. I know, Puppy Mountain. Puppy Mountain. I might wanna go there. Not to be confused with Puppy. Puppy mountain. It's, I might want to go there. Not to be confused with Muscle Mountain. You went fucking crazy on the viral internet shit.

People take their dogs there to get pictures. Puppy Mountain, China. Yeah man. Okay, Puppy Mountain. Have you been to Muscle Mountain? Clearly you have. No, no, no. Climbed to the top.

Do we want to watch a video? It's 40 seconds. No, no. Oh fuck, it does. Looks like a No, no, it's just oh fuck it does Looks like a puppy doesn't it? Holy fuck load up motherfucker It looks like a dog a puppy. It looks like it. Yeah It's like them One of those mountain dogs Bernie's Bernie's Mountain dog. It does kind of look like that. You're right Wasn't your mother's thing Bernie's? I'm just gonna get a picture going that didn't not she died in st. Bernardo

Yeah, she did. Oh, yeah Yeah I can see what you're saying there ricky Yeah That looks like a dog. I got a little what's the fucking sign there? They got going years, obviously Yeah, look at that, Bubs. I can't see that. Oh yeah, look at him.

Cute guy. Caves for eyes. Someone had to put up their fucking smart over, put that sign there in the front. Like the Hollywood sign. Smart. Except it's in Chinese writing or something. I would think if it's in China, it's probably in Chinese writing. You must have a translator, no?

You're fucking, you're like Agatha Christie. You know what, people, I'm trying to explain this. You're like Agatha Christie. There's people listening to this, like just the audio, so you gotta explain to them that. It's in China, I'm guessing they have it spelled in Chinese letters. That looks like a dog.

I got a fucking rocket or something. Mama looks like a dog. I got a fucking rocket or something I'm looks like a dog remember years and years ago. We talked with the gold Yes, the golden toilet Donald Trump those fucking people are on trial now They stole that fucking toilet in five minutes. That's impressive That is fucking but if you're not worrying about leaks, you don't really all the thing right out of there, man Oh, they weren't the fucking place get destroyed from the water leak. Yeah, they weren't worried about it They just undid the fucking floor things and fuck cut the ceiling off She goes that fucking toilet was insured for six million dollars

million dollar shatter the weight 215 pounds and The value of the gold was three and a half million dollars Oh imagine Ricky you going in there and just doing one of your shit sprays Well, that's if you could actually rent not rent But you could book three minutes of time to go in and use it shit in the gold All right, how much money opportunity how much money would you guys have to have in the bank to buy like I'm gonna go buy that Three million dollar toilet. How much would you have to have it was actually called? Was an art piece called America Guy was kind of poking fun at all the ridiculous amount of wealth

I'd have to have over a hundred million. That's yeah who spends six million dollars on a fucking toilet I if I had I would spend if I had six million dollars I would spend it on that toilet And you know what people would use it and then to be like the guy who bought this He's a fucking dick the toilets never been recovered. They think it was cutting to pieces and so definitely man. It's gonna fucking well They just melt down wouldn't they wouldn't they just melt down to write down a gold bar get rid of all the feces It's only 18 care. How do you if you melt it down? You could turn it back in 24. How does that work? get rid of all the

impotentities All the other metals and the fillers There's no fellers in it Is there you get want to get rid of the shit is what you'd want to get rid of boil off the yeah the fecal matter Yeah, and people were probably shitting carrots into it Bet you people were banging on that toilet. Oh, there's some things in that toilet. I don't understand the whole carrot thing anyway. So back in the day, if it's 18 karat gold,

would someone trade 18 actual carrots for that piece of gold? No, man. I think they'd just take 24 of them for that piece of gold, sir. No, they'd just get the gold dust and shit and melt it down That's not the way it's not those type of carrots Ricky. What's the highest care of gold you can have 24? Isn't it so they find it 24 karat gold right now the toilets 18. Oh, yeah

What's the highest number of carrots you can have in gold What's the best number of carats you can have in gold? It's gotta be 24, though. 24 carat is pure gold with no other metals. I've got one. I bought it at the Costco. Cash. Lower caratages contain gold. 18 carat gold contains 75% gold and 25% other metals, often copper or silver. So you could probably melt away those shit metals right oh god no problem but you know but silver's worth money too so there's a lot these days that's what i mean so when you

heat it up do they like do they what does it do separate separate yeah we got to do that man i'm sure there's a way to do it separate them out you got to know alchemy. You gonna get a fire going, hot enough to melt some? Oh, fuck, I can. All right. Fucking 2800 fucking Fahrenheit, baby. Put her in the kiln. Melt the cocksucker off. I can do all the alchemy type stuff. Where you got a kiln?

I have a kiln. You got a kiln? Like a pottery kiln? I can make one out of bricks, It's not hard. How fast can you cook a cook a turkey in a kiln? In a kiln? Eight minutes. Eight minutes? Full turkey. Is this a smeltster? What? Smeltzer? I have a smeltzer attachment. Nice. If you want to do some smelting. I'd like to melt some metal. I'm Ricky. I'd like to blow glass too. Well, I'll ask him. I'll ask him. Go ahead. Yeah, you know glass, the bouncer down at the back. Glass. You'd like

to blow them with you, Ricky. I forgot that was his name. Yeah, glass. Hey, bubbles, or glass, it's bubbles here. How would you like a freaky blowy? From Ricky. Little mouth hug from Ricky. So, you want to remember the talk we were having last night about the surprise that woman got? No. When she gave birth. Oh, yeah. No, what happened? It was a bit of a fucker. What a shit show, man. She went to one of those IVF clinics, intro...

In vitro fertilization. Yes, thank you. She went to one of those. Didn't go as planned. Well things went well. Although it's true, things did go well. That baby's healthy, everything's good. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. Yeah. Didn't go as planned. What happened? Well, things went well. Although it's true, things did go well. That baby's healthy. Yeah. It's good. It's just. Was it a human baby? It was a human, but just,

wasn't her baby. No, she was Caucasian. Oh, a different color baby? The baby was African American. She had a black baby. Yeah Yeah, and she was not expecting that. Yeah. So at first she's like, holy fuck something's not right here But then she's you know, she's like, you know what? She's got attached to it She's gonna keep this baby and love it as my own. Yeah, cuz well she gave birth to it. That's right

however, after I think it was a few months, the biological parents found out that she had their child and took it back. Well, they're not allowed to do that, are they? It's their fucking child. She wasn't even supposed to, it's not her biological child, you know, normally they fucked up.

It should have been half hers, her DNA or whatever. No. Yeah, but I heard when the baby's growing inside of you, don't even though it's not her egg and stuff, it still still has some of her DNA because it was actually... Nope. No? I don't know if that's true or not. I don't know, man. I'm gonna fucking...

I don't know what the rules are at in vitro places. Well, she... You go in, obviously, and you say, you sign up, you fill out the chart, right? You say, I want a baby. Yeah. Yeah. But they're supposed to get it back anyway, aren't they? I think she wanted to just get, like she wanted to choose like a sperm donor kind of a deal.

Or maybe she even had her own sperm donor. So it should have been her egg, I think. donor. It should have been her egg, I think. Yeah, it should have been her egg, and then whoever she picked for the sperm. So I'm not sure how the fuck this other person's egg got inside of her. I don't know, it's all confusing. So the black couple that went in,

they were expecting to just have a baby and get it back, right? Well then they should get it back. It's the company's fault. Well they got it back, but the woman, let me. It's the company got it back. But the woman I mean, it's the company's fault This it's doesn't happen very Well, the lady that gave birth to the baby they owe her a lot of money Yeah, they she just gave birth to like probably two million imagine the surprise when first happens then you like, okay

Yeah, but she would be all attached to the fucking snatch the baby away from her. Oh, yeah, she should get mental, you know, what's it called? Mental, uh... Retribution? Yes, whatever. Really? That was the right word? I totally guessed! Well, it's something like that. I'm getting smarter! All right, tell me this. If you guys could have a baby, do the same thing,

have the baby up there and grow one of them. I don't want a baby inside of me. No, but how much would you say, okay there inside of me how no but how much would it you say okay I'll do it for fucking how much to do what to have the baby growing inside of you where's it gonna come out of that's the hell the heaven figure it out c-section or something I don't fucking know if they you would do it for how much how much what's a good number couple grand I can't believe your nine late. Nine months work? I got a number.

Oh yeah, what's your number? Oh, yeah, two million. Jesus Christ, I was gonna say 60 grand. Oh man, no, no, no. You've got things, you're one of the first dudes to be able to do this. Here's the bigger question. What?

When did you start cutting your facial hair like Eminem? What? Oh. I'm just noticing. I don't even know, man. What? Oh. I didn't know that. I'm just noticing. No, man, I do not. Or maybe Eminem's. He hasn't had this for a while.

Are you trying to look like Eminem? I'm not trying to look like him. Maybe Eminem's is trying to look like him. He is cool. And I'm glad you're saying that because he is a cool guy. I never noticed it until now, but you're trying to look like Eminem.

No, man, I'm older than him. Just trying to look like me. All right, do you guys want to do another quiz? I don't know. I want to talk about this one other thing. Yeah, I don't want to do another quiz. This, uh... Eat quiz, no subs!

This is a fucking bit of a weird one. So these homeless dudes steal a guy's backpack and they go into a little convenience store to buy some lottery tickets. And the store clerk's a little fucking store to buy some lottery tickets. And the store clerk's a little fucking suspicious because they're trying cards. They don't know any of the PIN numbers. Anyway, they finally were able to purchase this lottery ticket. But he realizes his shit's stolen, so he can't dissolve his cards.

The lottery ticket won £525,000. Jesus. Fuck. So they can't go in and claim it because the cards are reported stolen. They go in there getting arrested. And the other guy can't claim it because he doesn't have the fucking ticket.

So he decided to go on the news and say, look, I'm gonna let pylons be bygones or whatever the fuck it is, and we'll split it. I won't charge you no hard feelings Turn yourself in with my dick. Let's split it. It's pretty good. I like it. Yeah, there's a thief Yeah, I'd be wondering is he honest is he telling the truth? What the fuck's gonna have to you know what that's a tough one the way he looks at He's like I would have had the winning ticket if they hadn't stolen my shit and bought it.

You know what I think is going to happen? They're going to come in and say, okay, we did it. He's going to say, fuck you, cocksuckers. Yeah, and the police are going to come in and arrest him. Arrest him and give him the ticket. He's got to think like the jackal, that guy.

He should say, fuck you guys, I'm taking the whole shooting match. Yeah You stole my Doesn't then it just kind of encourages more people to steal and buy lottery tickets No, he should say yeah, come on him. We'll split it and then when they get there say fuck you It's all mine and you're going to jail you thieving cocksuckers You know what they need a third party judge. Just could. An escrow. Judge Julie. We can say okay you know what well you guys we'll talk to each of us. That's right they do need a third party. We'll be the guy to take care of it.

We will be the escrow partner for 10%. One third, one third, one third. Let's get the fuck over there. How do we get a hold of these guys? 33%. Alright dude, if you got that ticket and you want us to take care of it, we'll make sure you get the money. 130. That's always gonna happen. But we should make a deal with the other guy. Say we're gonna lower them in, but then when we get it, we split it 50-50. That's a Julian right there. That's, well, that shouldn't have been said. I didn't say anything. You're okay. They can have that out. All right.

Whoo! I do have another game that you might like. We have no reason to party this weekend, do we? Except. Yeah, we do, Ricky. Isn't tomorrow the Ides of March? 15th of March is the Ides of March. What does that mean?

That means that was that Caesar's about to get stabbed We should drink some Caesars. Fuck. There we go. We have a reason. What is the Ides of March? It's when you go back that's the day the Roman calendar mark is the Ides roughly the midpoint of a month the Roman calendar marked as the idus roughly the midpoint of a month of Maratius corresponding to 15th of March on the Gregorian it was marked by several major religious observances so it's nothing to do with them getting stabbed I don't think. He got stabbed in the Ides of March. That's why. Ides of March in the Roman calendar falls on March and associated with misfortune and doom. Holy fuck.

All right, well we're gonna make some good information. It came renowned as the date on which Roman dictator Julius Caesar was assassinated in 44 BC and was further immortalized in the tragedy Julius Caesar by English dramatist William Chacaspera. I didn't know he came before Jesus. Who? Caesar. Caesar? Yeah, he was around before Jesus.

Wow, that's crazy. I wonder if he knew Jesus. He knew him a bit. They used to go to the bars. All right, so we're getting drunk to celebrate. Well, we've got also, it's kind of March Valentine's Day today, and then I had some merch tomorrow. Double whammy.

See, there's always a reason. What do you mean, March Valentine's? Valentine's, what'd emerge tomorrow double whammy see there's always a reason what do you mean? Valentine's what are you talking about? No, that's in February February 14th Valentine. No, I know but March Valentine's would be March 14th Why would you want to have another one? I just looking for fucking reasons to get drunk and high you don't need to be Valentine's Day We'll just fucking party. So April 14th would be April Valentine's Day? That's a tricky one, is you got April 1st

is April Fool's Day, so you don't really need Valentine's Day in April. I've never met somebody that wanted more than one Valentine's Day. I don't, I just don't. He just wants another reason to get drunk. I don't want to have a problem. Do you need a reason to get drunk, Ricky? If have a reason then you have a problem. I gotta do a valsalva maneuver

What does that mean pop my ears? Do it all Selma don't you remember when we flew the fighter jets? They taught you how to do the valsalva do it on air Don't blow your drums. I Heard it You can do to you can fucking plug one ear if you want just this year's plug. Oh, yeah Well, it's basically the same thing works. Well, I got her I can always just do it from going Remember you were calling it member when we were at the training you were saying how do I do the vast deference maneuver? Yeah

different guy no vast deference maneuver? Yeah different guy. No vast deference is your your load tube In your wiener, I would be a completely different maneuver than wouldn't sure is That's where you pull it pull on yank on your load tube. What what I don't know man Who I'm? boys, please Val vast deference is that his name Who? I'm... Boys. Please. Vow... Vast deference. Is that his name?

Yeah. That's what you should name your son. Mmm. All right, you know what? What? You're done? I gotta get, uh... Either do more of that of this hash plan stuff,

or I really gotta get this going. One or the other. Is there a nap in our future? No. Just powering through. No, big nap in my future. All right, let's hit the commission. Liquor store.

Yeah? I can't drive, I don't think. I'm not driving. No Ricky. We don't need to drive we can walk. We can take the bus. I wish we had UberDuber. We can go on an Uber and run on it.

Or we just get Jacob to go get it all. And then we don't have to pay. I hate UberDuber you can't fucking run cause they already pay up front. Fuckers. Stolen credit card, Ricky. That's right. Yeah? Uber, Uber, Uber.

Boys, I've been trying. Where are you? We're done. We finished like five minutes ago. What? We're done. Nobody told me. I didn't get the middle.

Well, I didn't either. Are we done? Yes, we are. Have a great fucking weekend, everybody. Didn't we just start? You just read the birthdays. That's what fucked us up. I fucked everything up today didn't I? All right I'm gonna say goodbye. And vast deference to everyone.

Welcome to Perk After Dark. Welcome? Starting things off a little differently ending it differently. See the video version of Perk After Dark in Ricky's trailer go to swearnet.com or download the trailer