Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 51 - Pepperoni Kisses

Episode Date: June 15, 2026

Ricky's having trouble with the ladies and asks Julian for dating advice. Would a cock of pepperoni or a dead rat help? In happier news, Ricky's new product idea takes the greasy out of your french fry supper. Plus: More head-hurting Drunk Lahey and Dummies of the Week!

What's going on? If you want to watch the video version of this podcast, mix one up and go to TPB Plus. Join, if I don't get a fuck a girlfriend soon, man, I'm going to fuck back to jail. What? Mix me up a fucking drink. Just sit the fuck down. Hey, everybody, what's going on? Welcome to Park After Dark. There's a drink right there. Just start drinking. Oh, man.

I was telling you, man, I'm losing it. What's your problem? Well, you know, being single is good at times. but it's fucking, I'm getting a little lonely, man. It's fucking bullshit. All right, okay. I can help you open that. I need to get my mind off some shit, man.

Okay, you know what? We'll talk about some stuff. I found this story, man. Okay. It's an idea. It might work. Yeah. It's working down on Australia.

I mean, this person's selling a lot of these things. And you know how they always say, like, you know, Australians are kind of like Canadians. Okay. Kind of like that. So maybe it'll work here. This guy, he's a designer. and he's taken real taxidermy rats and sewn them onto underwear.

It looks fucked up. Yeah, you know what? I'm not feeling that. No, no, no, seriously, man. You can't just say, oh, no, it's not working. It's not going to work. I can picture it. I'm not feeling it. I don't want a fucking rat. Sown into my crotch.

Well, it's not like a cute animal. Well, no, no, no. I'm telling you, man. This actually looks pretty cute. Check it out of it. It's a rat. What the fuck is cute about a dead rat with this dead body sewn into your fucking junk? Because women like fucking animals. Maybe that'll get me a date, will it?

If I start wearing rat underwear? If you were to give that to a girl and say, here you go, maybe, no, maybe not the first date. I have to be the right girl. If you guys start a mean someone you're getting along, you give them. Did you say first date? Jesus. I don't know, man. It's kind of strange, but people are buying them, so it's data.

It's all in the data. Well, I don't know. I guess we can start killing rats and making underwear if you want. It's a weird one. I'm not cleaning them. I'll kill them because I don't like them. Brats are fuckers, and they're smart.

Okay, this is what we're going to do. We'll make up like a five of them, get five men together, prototypes. We'll give somebody a call. Maybe we'll get, you know, the dragon's den. Why don't we go in something like that and try to sell stuff? I didn't think ladies like brats. Well, by the time you're dumb.

with them. You put the little bow on it and flatten it out. It looks like a little pet mouse or something. Or a dead rat. Flattened out. You put cute little eyes and shit in a man. Don't let it. Whatever. We'll figure it out. Anyway, maybe we'll get a hold of this company and see what the hell they're doing. See, then I

read a story like this and I'm like, do I want to get into a relationship? I don't know. This fucking guy in Pennsylvania snapped. His wife said she wanted a divorce. Got an excavator started tearing the fucking house down. his wife and two kids were still inside. That's a bit of a snap, snap. Well, because obviously buddy shouldn't be with this person. You know what?

By the sounds of it, it's this guy that's the problem. We tore down a bunch of the house. Then he went inside, got his gym bag, and went into town. Go work out. Where he was arrested, obviously. But that's the thing, man. Relationships can make you snap. Yeah, but...

I don't snap often, but I've snapped in relationships. Because you want to wrong people, man That's the difference You've got to find the right one Okay, the right person All right, we'll talk about We'll get into that later

Jesus, man Anybody, like I've seen you in relationships, you're fuck The only other thing We have to discuss on my end is This fucking Katie Mac and Cheesecake Thoughts

A cake It's a mac and cheese But it's a cheesecake Made from Katie cheese Cheesecake No, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. I love cheesecake, but that seems a little fuck to me, but maybe it's delicious. I don't know.

Apparently, the cheese goes into the gram-cracker crust and into the creamy filling. You kidding me? You can only get at Select Bakeries in Canada. I don't think they're probably nowhere in fucking Halifax. Okay, so it's... I'm curious, and I wish somebody would send me a slice. It's like $450 a slice, I will pay you back.

$4.50 a fuck. Okay, get... Or, there is a recipe. you and I could bake one if we want. I'm, fuck, I've got to try it. All right. I don't like cheesecake. Someone about cheese eating your cake, I don't know, man.

Okay. So, and I mean, cheesecake, that's a dessert. It is. Is this craft dinner fucking bullshit of dessert or what is that? That looks like a meal. No, man, it's a fucking dessert. It's a cheesecake. It's just made, it has this fucking tastes like craft dinner.

So I don't know if, yeah, you're right. I don't know. fucking desserty about noodles, man. What other dessert do you know has noodles in? There's no fucking noodles in it. It's just the cheese from KD. Mac and Cheese. All right. Anyway, I am curious. Make it up. You tell me what it was like. I'm not eating it, man.

Apparently, if you're in Toronto, there's a bakery, San Remo Bakery. It's one of the places that was chosen to make this cheesecake if you want to give her a world. I would like to try it. Holy fuck, man. What, man? What do you got? I mean, this car looks like, it looks like shit. Hurry up, man. I got something that's going to make us maybe millions. Oh, really? What's that?

No, I just look at this car, man. They're saying this thing gets like, you know what gas is like, I can't afford to drive anymore, man? No, it's fucked. No. I got a fucking 440 in my car, bud. No kidding. Anyway, you can get 2145 miles per the gallon of fuel with this bad place. Didn't of my good ear? 2145 miles. How is that possible? It looks like a space machine.

I fucking kind of like the look of it. I could live in that. Off the ground, so bears can't get you. Yeah, but think about this. If you're going to pick up somebody for a date. Yeah. And she looks at that thing.

Is she going to get in the car, or she's going to think you're fucking some space travel. She's going to be like, this guy's either really fucking cool and hip, or he's a dick. I don't know. Or he's an alien. Could be an alien. But then that might make them curious.

I'd rather just get gas from somebody and drive around. All right, so what's the deal here? Man, so last night, fucking craving French fries. You know my French fry, deep fry thing is fucked. Yeah? That sucks. Anyway, had some oil, put some oil in a pot. And I'm like, fucking, you know, fucking around with them.

And you're trying to flip them and shit, and you're getting burnt to fuck because everything's splattered. It seems as when you're cooking bacon. know the shit splotters sucks me i'm sick of it so smoked the fucking beautiful canaan and then for some reason i saw these two-liter bottles on the fucking counter yeah and rickie's brain just was clicking last okay good like i've got something here and i think this is something you could sell to pretty much every dollar store in canada maybe we could make some money maybe not millions, but, you know, 100 grand.

I'll take it a hundred grand. That's just at the top of my head. All right. I'll help you up with this, man. This invention, it's kind of like how they invented the peanut butter cup. The peanut butter and the chocolate sort of got together. That's what my brain did last night. Well, fucking let's bring this shit on, man. I love when you come up

with some ideas. Okay, I got a couple of forks, got a couple two-liter of bottles. All right, buddy. For anybody that's ever birth to fucking arms, cooking french fries in a pan or a frying pan or a pot or bacon in a pan never again with these little arm protectors what yep arm protectors cut the little two-liter bottle thing off put your hand in put a little elastic at the end there so they can hold her on oh yeah I don't know how you get the second elast I guess you're

gonna use a four oh fuck anyway you get the idea you're cooking away and You're almost laughing. You're like, yeah, go ahead. Try to fucking burn me pot or oil or baking. Fuck you. Are you fucking kidding me? I don't know how we market them or sell them,

but man, I'm telling you, look at those little fucking French fry flipper baking cookers. No greasy burns. It doesn't really protect your gut. What if you want to, like, make a burger or something?

You'd have to, yeah, you'd have to get a bigger hole. What about fucking stir up some shit? Bigger hole That's the problem, man Well, we can There's another million dollar Custom tools

That fit into these bottles And you think you're gonna make 100,000 bucks I don't know That was just a number You sell them at the dollar store You need 100,000 of those Which means you need

200,000 fucking bottles All right Then you've got to cut them And make them, man Then you're gonna give like probably 30, 40% To the fucking store So now we're down to

Well, guess what? $4,000 bucks. Even if it doesn't make $100,000, I'll never burn my fucking arms, cooking french fries in a pot ever again. I know that. Fuck you oil. You know what you should do? Fuck all you burny foods. You should start off small. Maybe hit the flea market with these fucking things, have a little display table. All right. Sell them there maybe for the market. Okay, I don't know that's all I got man. So I've got nothing else. Let's fucking maybe we can do the drunk drunk of the drunk. Let's do the drunk of the drunk. Let's do the drunk of the fuck. the wig.

Lay, he drunk out the week. I like these ones. Me too, man. Oh, this guy does a fucking major. I've seen this. He's a great fault. You got a piece of another. He's wasting.

Whoa. Oh, my God. That's no hurt, man. Holy shit, man. You know you're drunk when all of it you just pass out. I've been there. That was a good one. Just, oh, there's nothing left.

Just boom. Didn't even try to break his fall. Done. Not to mention, one of the guys has a fucking pizza cutter in his fog up for some fucking reason. Look. Looks for his keys. He's getting... Why does he have a pizza cutter?

Oh, whoa. Wow. That guy didn't look that bad. No, man. It just... That happens when you get that way. wasted? Where do you find a pizza cutter at that time a night that waste? Oh, they hit a fucking

pizza to light or something, man. Fuck. Oh, we got a drunk dancer. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's been pretty good. Oh, yeah. He's got some Randy moves going. Yeah.

This is not going to be good. Oh, oh. I guess I better sit down. I guess I better sit down. Shut down. Definitely needs to shut it down. This guy is wasted at work. Oh, yeah, he's a wasted whippersnipper.

Oh, that is awesome. He is fucking. Holy shit. He's going down. He can't fucking recoverers. Wow. Holy fuck, he can't get going forward. He's just backing up.

He's having a good time. Holy fuck you fucking pinning it what a good goal I need to find a job where I can just get fucking hammered oh landscapers are high and fucking drunk all day

man that was God three three lost a balance hard I don't know that was a no brainer man for me anyway what do you think

I don't know I think the first one was the headbut fucking fall was a good one that was a good one You're thinking the Whipper Wapper? Oh, man.

He looked like fucking Leahy. The Wipper Wacking, man. I'm definitely going number three. He's not going up from now on, a Wipper Wapper. The Wipper Wapper, number three. Yeah. You know what? Just because he's got a set of nuts on it for getting wasted at work.

Yeah. And he's probably like that every fucking day. Congratulations, Wipper Wapper. You are the Leahy drunk of the week. You are the lady drunk of the week. Definitely. All right, let's go for the dumb of the week. They're driving along the highway.

what's happening oh yeah buddy's tailgating oh oh buddy's tailgating oh oh buddy set him up bad look at he's fucking a turn at the last second yeah I mean you know what I was involved in something like that back when I was younger I was fucked up some guy was tailgating me I kind of did the same thing quickly went over but where is the other car car from cool in the other way he was parked or he slowed down or he was broken down or something Yeah, he fucked him. He said, yeah?

You want to tailgate me, motherfucker? Fuck. All right, that was a good one. Nasty. What do we get going on here now? Is a barbecue on fire? This is a bad barbecue. What?

A bucket of ice. Oh, he's going to throw a bucket of ice. Is it a fire or a barbecue? Whoa. What the fuck just happened? Okay, I'm confused. Is that what happens when you throw fucking a big bucket of ice on the water? I don't know if that was water and ice.

It's got to be, man. He's trying to put the fire out with a bucket of ice water, and it just... So is that, like, fucking steam and shit? Holy fuck. All right, I don't know what the fuck. I don't know what happened there. You got set up, man. It looked like you try to throw a bucket of ice onto a fire to put it out, and it just...

Someone was putting gasoline flames everywhere. Ice fucking bucket. That was a weird one. That was weird, man. I don't know what to think about that one. Oh, this guy's trying to headbutt, a window to break a window. He's going to knock himself out. Oh my God.

You're smart, dude. Yeah, he can see. No, you're dumb. Oh, just stop, man. He's dumb. Headbutting a window trying to break it and no luck. You're gonna miss him. He's the dumb of the week.

That's totally dumb, man. I've taken big rocks trying to smash in the cars, throwing them out of window and it bounce off. Like, you can't hit it just right. right you get needed the spare plug method man yeah or something sharp take the glass you break the glass off the spare plug you take a piece shatters it man if you want to know that's back in the stealing car stereo days that was fuck the other ones I mean some dumb shit happen but I don't know if it was their fault no man the whole

barbecue fucking fire pit thing yeah I mean that was and I think that's we're gonna have to test that out we have to get a bucket of hot ice and water and chuck her into a I don't understand the science. I think it's probably so fucking hot that it just kind of just gets hit with their shoes. I'm throwing water and shit on fire and didn't put it out. It didn't do that. But it wasn't ice. So I don't know.

It's almost like there was something in it with the ice. That was weird. But it did sort of put it out for a second. And then I don't know. That was fucked. It blew up, man. Oh, maybe. I don't know.

I don't even remember what the first one was. Don't either, man. Rear ending. Oh, yeah, that rear ending. That was just a nasty. That was a nasty fucking prick play. Yeah, it wasn't really the dumb of the week. It was a fucker, unlucky.

Shouldn't have been tailgating. And then the asshole all the week. Well, how close was he tailgating? I've seen you fucking tailgate way worse than that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Fuck it. I'm going with fucking this guy.

Head butt and dickhead. Dumb. You're going to headbutton, dumb, dumb. We're the dummy of the week. Idiot. You're fucked. All right. So, do you want to get into your little situation?

It's good to see you chilled out a little bit. Yeah, I'm trying to get too worked up. I'm just a lonely man. And if nothing gets on the go here soon, I'm calling her. Well, you're not going to call her, man. You've got a lot more fucking in you. Dating online shit is fucked. Okay, what's the problem with you?

I get some matches, and then I'm unmatched. I don't think I've really had a successful date yet. Okay, so you've been actually communicating online? Trying to? Like texting. Trying. That's the number one fucking mistake. you should never ever you should never ever you text with another person especially a female

that you want to try to impress because you're not good at texting i'm not a great speller you're not good at any you cannot but my phone if i type word in it's like no no it's this word so i'm like okay it doesn't sound right but i guess that word works but do you you know what the thing with you man you could actually be talking to you face to face or even face time and i agree face time to really get who you are i don't get I don't understand any of those little fucking pictures. See, that's what I mean. You just, you're not...

I hate to say it, but when you're texting me... Yeah. Like, it's like I'm being text... Like a five-year-old could text me, and I'd understand it. Or maybe my phone has the brain of a five-year-old. No, man, it has... Rick, it has nothing to do with your fucking phone. You just can't form sentences properly.

Okay. Probably because you're too drunk and too high. What you've got to do... I think once I got on a date, I'd be okay. Yes, because... get into that point you're a nice fucking guy man i did go on a few days i met that nice lady in the grocery store she was nice but we had some conflicts and lifestyle like what she didn't drink her smoked oh she was totally like clean she said she was okay with me doing it but it's felt

we were doing it in front of her that's just that's just to get you in the door and if she likes you there's a that that's when it's just starts coming you know you got to cut back honey you can't drunk every day. Why are you drinking like so much? What? Do you have to get stoned for fucking supper? That shit comes at you right? And I was, you know, looking up some shit just so I have it all because I don't know how to fucking date anymore, man. This is what you get to do that when I was young. No, no, no, no. You meet someone, you send them a little note or whatever and you're dating you, like I, going back to what I said with the text, that goes especially for fucking handwritten notes. You cannot give notes to anybody.

parties man. Burr's like there's none of that shit anymore. No, I'm not, I'm not a good writer. But anyway, I guess this new shit is that they call it the five Cs of dating. Okay. You got your chemistry. Like, you know, your spark-filled attractiononi. The what is?

Chemistry? Whatever. Yeah, that's your first. Then you got compatibility. Okay. Well, that's the biggest. Lifestyle. See, that's why the girl for the grocery store didn't work out.

That's personality. Yeah. too, man. You know, do your life goals align. Mine probably don't align with a lot of other people, but you never know. Hardly anyone, man. Then your third sees communication.

Which is, you know what? You're good at communication. Openly and honestly, you know, you've got to discuss your emotions, your needs, boundaries, without being judged. You know what your problem is? When you start getting into shit, because I've seen you do this with Lucy in the past, you get to that point where you're like opening up when you're wasted.

That's when you fucking, all it just comes out, man. And then you start crying. I'm an open fucking guy, man. I don't bottle shit up. You should, like, fucking, can't you just, like, communicate with a girlfriend

without being hammered or fucking hot? I need to be able to be myself. I should be able to say what the fuck I want. Okay. You should be able to do the same. That's what you, then, if it doesn't work out and you're being yourself like you said,

yep. That's what you've got to do. You're not with the right person. And here's another thing. I agree. Because I think that you, in particular, you need to have a special test. A special kind of test that you, you know, when you're sterile relationship going. One, I was thinking the pepperoni breath test.

You've got to eat a bunch of pepperoni. Okay. Going for a kiss or whatever. Yep. If she pushes you away, hit the high road. If she embraces it. So she either has to say, fuck it, I'm going to kiss them anyway? Yeah.

Or she could all say, you know what? But your breast smells like pepperoni, but here's a little... I'd like to kiss you too, but here's a little piece of gum. See, that'd be nice. See, you got it. See, that's what you got to do. And you know what would be the coolest thing? If she said, hey, fuck that pepperoni smells good.

You got like a cut another cock of pepperoni kicking around. You can give me a honk off of it. That would work as well. That's the ultimate. It's a good test. I like the pepperoni test. What about... If I don't have pepperoni, it can be a don't air test, I guess.

Don't air. Yeah, totally. Totally, man. Donair is probably even better because I think don't air is probably worse, a worse breath. It's definitely bad. All right. So we got to get into some more tests like that, all right? The four C is commitment. Commitment. Yeah.

You're good at that, don't you? So you have to sort of invest in each other's future as a team, which I'm all over that. But I don't know if anybody would be all over that with me. Well, see, again, again, you know what? You've got questions like that. It's either if she is down with that, she's perfect for me. Keep going on that. The fifth C is your core values.

Beliefs that you drive your life, your morals, your long-term vision. So, all right, let's go through each of those. What was the first one? Beliefs that drive your life. Okay, what beliefs drive your fucking life? What do you believe in that you're like, you know what?

I couldn't give this up because I believe in it. You should never work too hard, I guess. That's one belief, yeah. Don't work. What's another one? Lots of play. Having a good time. All right.

That's good. Number three. I don't know. Drugs and alcohol? Do you want to throw something? Yeah, that's part of having fun, I guess. So, like, all right, let's go back. So you're saying to a girl, like you met a girl, this is the deal.

Yep. I don't work. I love to have fun. And I like to get drugging eye all the time. What do you think? What kind of person is going to mean? Is that the kind of person you want to stay with for the rest of your life? No, maybe I need somebody.

different to keep me in check see all right psychology buddy now you're figuring out man you're gonna like maybe you want someone that's gonna say several people you look at me and say he's a good guy in there somewhere I think I can fix him hmm well I don't need to be fixed but you don't want don't say that

man you don't need to be fixed you just got to fucking change it up a little bit maybe or maybe not all right what's the next thing that's morals and I think I got good morals morals you got I would always treat a lady very nice. I would never

cheat. Never lie because I've got to be with someone I wouldn't have to lie too. That's right. But that's the thing. In a long term vision, you hit something else. Girl old, man. When you're fucking, when you said you can tell the truth. Yep.

When you're with the girl you don't really get along with the way you should be, that's when you start lying. True. Right? You're with the wrong person. All right. Now you're figuring this shit out, buddy. What else do you do? And that's some other fucking thing called the 333. it's when you check

in with yourself after three dates and then you check in with yourself after three weeks you know how do they communicate handle daily problems and respect your time then you gotta do the three months that's when it's like okay

the honeymoon phase is over what? Hey, hey back up what do you mean the honeymoon phase is over after three months? Well you know there's a fucking initially it's like oh this is new and fun and exciting and that's the shit you shouldn't be listening to because if you found the right person

that you're not working you're having a good time you're getting drunken eye she's loving you you don't got to worry about that man it's still fucking fiery you know what I mean that's all you're thinking about is like banging and stuff

I guess it is man that's the love shit that's what you need man you gotta discuss where it's going are you on the same page after three months if you're not get the fuck

three months isn't a long time exclusive future goals you gotta figure all that shit and you're on the same page in three fucking months man no man see that's what you're trying to get like what jesus fuck man don't worry about that shit three months is not a long time you like start talking about shit like that after about a year but if you want to meet someone that you want to have a life with you to after three months if you don't know him get the fuck out move on all right so when do you think you should start like getting into some you know good stuff like the you know down with each other, you want to start, you know, getting it on.

How long? Get what on? You know, they're banging and stuff. It depends how it goes, I guess. I mean, you could bang and just decide, oh, fuck, that sucked. Oh, wow, that was great. All right. That's the other problem, though, because that can be a fucking little devil on your shoulder.

Why? Because you may not totally be into the girl, but then all of a sudden there's fireworks in the bedroom, it's like, fuck. Hey, man, that's normal. It's good. right? Yeah, but it's fucking... It'd be nice if you could have fireworks in the bedroom

and be with someone that you want to be with that's awesome and normal. You know what that's called? Love? That is love. And that's when you want to get fucking married. That's when you start thinking about getting married.

Is that why it's so fucking hard to find? Yes, man. You don't want to get into a situation where it's not going to fucking work out. And when you know it's not, get away, man. Don't waste your time. Don't waste your time. Don't waste your time.

I did get some really, really good advice from a very famous actor. Oh, right on, thanks. That I've been using. Who? I can't, I can't. Oh, okay. I know what you're talking about.

And he said, The Secret to Dating? Mm-hmm. One of them, anyway, I'm sure there's lots. Mm-hmm. Is you should give yourself a little wank before you go on a date so that you're not going out with a fucking loaded weapon.

You know what? Solid advice. And then, you know, if you still want to get the weapon out later on, then you know, Okay, I am attracted to this person. Like, big time. Not bad advice, I guess. I don't go on enough dates to use it a whole lot.

Well, you know what? You should try it, and next time you get a relationship going, tell me how it works out. I'm sure everybody wants to know. And the same person, on another occasion, gave me another advice, he said, you know, why not get drunk on a date? Just be yourself.

They know your true cause. I'm like, yeah, I don't get drunk every night. I get high every night. And he said never, the key to date is never settle. And that's a good fucking advice. What the fuck do you think I've been telling you, man? Go on a little date and then on the way home, go siphon some gas. You know what I mean?

Well, that's the other thing you can do is you should steal something small or do something. Siphoning gas, you're doing it together. Are they cool with that? Can you do it? Maybe she'd be great at it. And then all of a sudden you've got like you're making an extra $150, $200 a week together. See? That's love, man. Anyway, we got to get the fuck out of here.

I know. I have been settling. I got to stop doing that. Now, you're going to find Mrs. Bray. Just lonely, man. So you do settle. It's what you end up fucking doing. It sucks. You just got to talk to your friends, man. Do you feel a little bit better? I think I'm feeling a little bit better. Awesome. Everybody should take my advice as well. Let's get, let's say cheers everybody.

Are we done? We're done. For real. Yeah, man. Fuck, that went quick. Cheers, everyone. Good luck and love. Yes. Settle. Never settle. Be a good person. Don't fuck up and be a dick. Be nice to people, right? All right. Cheers.

What's up fuckers? If you like to see the video version of this podcast, go to trailer parkboysplus.com and subscribe.