Trash Taste Podcast - We Tried Defending Anime's WORST Villains | Trash Taste #315

Episode Date: July 3, 2026

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Trash Tays Court, if you will. Because today we have a very special episode. I am once again, first of all, joined by the boys, Joey and Garns. Hi. Hey. My fellow lawyers today. Because we are going to be defending characters from media. Many anime characters.

From fiction. From fiction. They did nothing wrong, is the name of the episode. Yes. Because one of us will be tasked with defending a character from a fictional piece of media and defending their crimes. Now, I will admit, some of these characters are a lot easier to defend than others. But no matter who defends who, we have to commit. Okay.

We cannot, we cannot sell out our client. We have to defend them as if our life depends on it. This is really just going to highlight how the fact that I'm so glad I'm not a loyal. And then we as a team, you know, let's say I'm defending my client. Yeah. You can decide, all right, you've done a good enough job. Yeah. Right, right, right.

Okay. And we can be the jury. Yeah, we can be the jury. Or Navi and Kai can also help out if the argument is compelling enough. Sure, sure. So why don't we just jump into it? Why don't we pick a client to defend?

Sure, sure. Is there any character or a client you would like to defend in particular that you're thinking about just to kick things off? Let's go down. Oh, shit. Can I start with a client?

Sure. I'd like to defend my client, Willie Wonka. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's your first one? I'll defend my boy Willie Wonka. Okay.

Okay, well. Okay, let me start off. So what is, Joey, do you want to read off what Willy Wonka has been sentenced for and is accused of? Yes, he has been accused of the following crimes, according to my data here, child endangerment, unsafe workplace conditions, and psychological manipulation. I see, we're using the safe for work version of my client. That's good to hear. Yes. Because if we had gone into my clients, other accusations, we would be, it would be quite hard to defend.

I'm not going to lie, it's been a hot minute since I've watched the chocolate factory, but, um, well, well, in the very, very first edition of Willie Wonka, it's a very bit different. The original book? Yes. Well, even before then, he, he, even back then, Mr. Roldale was, was asked very politely to change some of the aspects of the, the umpalumpus. Yeah. Naturally so.

Yeah. Well, in the first rendition of the book, I think they were, I think this is, I don't know if that was actually in the, which version this was in, but they were literally just

African children. Were they actually? Yeah, it was like, like African children that were like shipped over. Holy shit. But apparently it was like, no, it's cool

because they really love chocolate and that's what they want to work for. Yeah. Oh yeah. I mean, who doesn't, honestly. And there's, I remember reading about it. There's some fascinating aspects of the Rol Dahl autobiography. I'm talking about... I was crazy.

I've definitely read the original Rol Dahl book, and I do not remember that. No, I think it was like... Or was it like before the actual, like, published version of it? I can't remember how this worked. It was like when it first came out... Right. Or first publicized. It was a lot of backlash at the time for him...

and basically making umpalumper. Yes. As you probably should. I'm not doing a great job defending my client. I'm just giving you the full scope. Providing more evidence. And I think initially, I don't know if this is true.

I feel like I read this, but apparently Charlie was supposed to be, I think it was supposed to be black at one point. Right. But then at least he admitted this in autobiography, but then it wasn't the case. And he had a very, as they did in the time, a flowery way of discussing this.

It's quite jarring to read it now, right. Yes. Interesting. I think there is a quote, and I don't want to say it out loud. So can we add to the list of accused crimes, blatant racism? Well, Joe, that's not a crime.

And discrimination. It certainly doesn't help his character. But just for the sake of being able to defend Willie Wonka a little bit better because I, as a white man, don't think I should defend Willie Wonka. And Rodal's past. Sure. Let's defend the other one. Let's defend the current iteration and the one.

What a great way to just kick this off. Yeah. By the way, Witte Wonka was a racist probably. Okay. But that's a handle there. That's not nothing to do with this case. Speculation, speculation. We'll look past the racism.

A legendly racist. Look, my opening argument is, can a man not have whimsy anymore? Is whimsy dead? Well, when, is it a crime to be whimsical to bring chocolate to the masses? No, definitely not. You know, there's a difference between whimsy and not even endangering children, because I believe several of the children just straight up died. So I believe it's more like child murder.

We didn't see that. We don't know that happened. You can't prove it. Not only did we not see it, but there is a very detailed description in the books of how some of these children were turned to just mush, essentially. You know, oftentimes when we think back to earlier revelations and inventions, we see that sometimes sacrifice is necessary for the greater good of humanity. And I would argue that what Wonka has provided to the world is much more important than a couple of kids' lives. What are we bringing to society here, Connor?

What are we bringing to society here? joy and whimsy in terms of the mental health and well-being of the residents of this horrifically poor British town is of such a higher value than a couple of kids. And look, at this point in time in the Industrial Revolution, we're running through those kids. They fucking, we shove them in chimneys. The least of our concern is a couple of kids in comparison to some fantastic tasting chocolate. You're honest, have you tried the chocolate? Have you tried the chocolate?

fire. And some people claim, okay, maybe you shouldn't have dwarfs working in your factory paid in chocolate. Yes, I agree. It can seem a little unconventional, but you know what else is unconventional? Yeah, yeah. I would just like to say, I find it, I find it, I find it, you know, Joey, I find it oddly, uh, curious that the Mr. Beast lookalike is basically defending the Once again, you know. Look, look, look, there's no, there's no Mr. Beast relation here, okay? He may be the modern day incarnation of him,

but there's no Mr. Beast relation here, okay? And who's to say that the crimes may not be overlapping to some extent? Look, the umpillumpers, for all we know, wouldn't have had jobs if it wasn't for Mr. Wanda. Look, do you have a work permit for the Implemba? Does Willie Wonka have a work permit? Work permits?

HR, is that a thing? Oh, H&S? Yes. Because I see a very, you know, it takes one look at the factory to see that there was a very strong lack of OH&S. Really? Well, we're in like the 1970s. We're not concerned with that right now. Have you seen the chocolate river, Joey?

Yeah, that's a, that's a threat. That's not a threat. It's a treat. It killed a child. Okay. Children might have died, okay? I admit that. They might have died.

Okay. Okay. But also, the chocolate saves lives. How so? How so? When you bite into a chocolate, you don't think about suffering, you don't think about child endangerment, you don't think about slave labor. What you think about is the feeling.

In the short term, maybe. Right. But chocolate is also- A sportsperson for Nestle as well. Yeah, these are the Nestle talking about. People, we bring, it's like you're forgetting how many jobs we bring. It's like, Nutella is really bad for you, but fuck me if it doesn't. But what about the feeling, Joey?

What? The feeling of chocolate? I don't eat chocolate as much anymore, bro. Because it's like too sweet and it's not that great for you. Okay, well, our chocolate isn't for woke people like you. Okay. Fair enough. I am woke to the point where I don't care about the chocolate,

but I do care for child endangerment. So let me ask you, who is at fault for all of these children's accidents and deaths? Why is it the parents? They signed a very, very legally binding waiver that allowed them to... That says they could die? Was the child endangerment on the waiver? Oh. Yeah.

It was just like tiny font at the bottom. It's just like, disclaimer, you may die. Accidents happen, Jerry. I don't know why you're pretending accidents don't happen. I don't know, man. I feel this is more like a soil and green situation where it was like kind of set up by Wonka. No.

You know. And look, it's not. Who's to say that they're the first batch of children to go through this? We had never had an accident before this. Really? Never had an accident before this. Do you have proof on that?

A documented accident. I don't need to prove. that we didn't have, you need to prove that we had an accident. There was no accidents before this, and suddenly, you know, irresponsible parents, you know, these kids are spoiled. All of them were spoiled, right? That is true. They were not.

Except for Charlie. Charlie was, had a very interesting uncle. And he was racist. He was racist. So we can't trust him. Which we've established as not a crime, by the way. Which, my client, Mr. Wong is not guilty of racism. He's guilty of racism.

good time. I like to rewind about five minutes back in the procession. That wish the roll doll, it may be, but my client Wonka is, it's not racist. I'd like to ask, how does Mr. Wonka treat his style? Oh, actually. Is sure about it? Is there something that you would think that it wouldn't?

I don't know, just like the constant. you know, manipulation. Really, manipulation. Yeah. And, you know, just like, when he says dance, they will dance, you know. The workplace doesn't seem very safe as well. You mean Radiotaisen?

You mean compulsory workplace exercise, mental health consideration, and break time from boys? Oh, so the oompa-lampa dance is like a... They like that. They like that. We tried to get rid of that. We spoke to Wonka. That was really cutting into the production hours.

Yeah, I believe Mr. Wonka said, okay, every time a child dies, does your ties all the time? Come on, chop, chop. He was just merely preserving the culture of the umbulumbus. Okay, he was very considerate into terms of what they wanted to bring. It's like, I respect your heritage. He didn't give them a choice when he brought them over, but he let them keep that. It's like, I respect your heritage enough that you can keep his one thing.

Yes. So, in fact, he was actually extremely considerate when we talk about that. And you might think, yeah, maybe they're, It's, you know, you shouldn't be dancing around heavy machinery. But if you know what you're doing, it's very safe. But obviously, when you have irresponsible parents who don't know how to treat their kids well, who have paid into everything they know, and their kids are spoiled one, of course they're going to run rampant.

It wouldn't have mattered if it was in a Tesco's. They would have done the same thing. They would have, I'm sure Verruca would have blown up into a fucking ball. How, uh, I'm trying to remember here. How did, how did the children go? Like, one of them drowned in their chocolate. One of them drowned in the chocolate thing. One of them got turned into the chocolate.

I'm sorry, but he was unfit to be anywhere near any kind of body of water or chocolate without a life preserver on. Well, was that life reserve a given door? We didn't have one big enough him. Yeah. He was far too big. Not even a fence or anything. Well, the fence, I mean, that would ruin the whimsy. Well, you could make, like, you can be made it. Have you tried making a chocolate fence, Joey? No, it's not easy. Candy cane? Hmm. Candy cane fence. It wasn't in season. They've got giant candy canes in the fucking factory. They're going to be easily built it in some fans. It's hard for to pick them up. Well, they're getting your employees, bro.

We hire people, Joey. I don't know what you want from me. Human employees. Look, my client is innocent. I think he's innocent. What do you think? I think if he has to use the word, I think he's innocent. So my factory is innocent. Okay, so let's see. So, okay, yeah, Augustus Gloop.

Oh yeah, that's sorry. Yeah, he was the one who drowned in the chocolate river. chocolate river. And then Viola Burrugard was the one who got turned into a giant blueberry. Okay. Veronica Salt. Okay, first of all, Violet did not disclose on the form that she signed any allergies. So we're not responsible for any allergies she might have had at that time. It was not disclosed. Yeah, well, not many people are allergic to a three-course dinner chewing gum. What, you should have been aware of that before you sign. You shouldn't be taking things you don't know if you're allergic to. I mean, it's quite obvious that, you know, Veruca

salt's downfall, demanding a trained score for herself. got, enters the knot room. The what room? The what? The what? We very clearly asked her to stay out of the nut room. Yeah. That was Mr. Wonka's private abode, which is not meant for public touring.

Yeah, so it says here, Varuka enters the nut room where the scrolls test bad nuts and ultimately deeming her a bad nut and throwing her down the garbage chute. I said, that was a horrid way to go. That is a horrid way to go. Yeah. Yeah, it's horrible. I mean, what's more horrible is Verruca. Salt and not listening to instructions. Well, it's also the fact that Verruca Salt was labeled as this thing

where it's just like, who determined this? A bunch of squirrels? Oh, I got killed by a bunch of squirrels. I'm sorry, are you, who's on trial here, Wonka or my fucking employees? Yeah, all. Your entire, I like, it's the Willie Wonka LLC that we have put on trial right now. The squirrels work very hard and they are very good at their job. Obviously, Veruca should have never been in the nut room. It's like, who put her in the nut room? On the form, we had, you know, you You know, the guideline of the tour was in that area. We are not responsible for any place where the attendees go off the tour. Right.

And that's, yeah, obviously there's going to be dangerous room. It's like in Disney, if you went into the fucking back machinery room and you got crushed into a machine, well, that's not a fault. You should have been there. Yeah. How's you getting there? And then what was the other one? Mike TV?

I don't remember this character at all. Results in him shrinking to just a few inches tall later being stretched out of a 10 feet in the process of trying to return him to normal size. So he literally got spaghettified. Bro, bro was like, bro was like medieval fucking hung and corded type of torture. And, uh, yeah, okay, he grew a few inches, but like ultimately suffered from the process.

Oh yeah, and then in the sequel, The Great Glass Elevator. We don't talk about the sequel. The Great Glass Elevator fucking Wonka literally fucking kamikazes himself into Charlie's house and destroys the house. So there's also property damage as well. Another crime?

There's no, there's no proof of this happened. Okay, I would like to ask then, on the contrary, what is one good thing that Willie Wonka has done? Other than give joy. Jobs. So many jobs. So many jobs. Yeah, but during this time period. Excuse me, are you talking about jobs for our local population?

Or are you giving jobs? Yeah, he's not even helping the, local economy, right? Well, Mr. Wonka likes to keep his products affordable. And that helps the local population work harder. So basically he's running an umpulumpur sweatshop is what you're saying. Yes. No, you know, think of it this way. There's so many other jobs that rely on outside of the factory, you know, there's people who pick up the chocolate. Umpa lumpa's eyes. People who make the chocolate into coffees or some shit. Yes. Into coffees? Look, I feel like...

The only one could coffee blend would go so hard. It would. Look, my client is innocent. Look, I feel like you haven't provided sufficient evidence that there was enough protection for the children against all of the dangers within the workplace that is clearly, clearly untreated for nice conditions, good conditions.

And outside of all, the other... racism. Uh, I was not a crime. Perhaps even slavery, you know, we don't know where these umpulimpers came from, how much they're being paid. Yeah, what if they're current work situations?

Canonically they're being paid in cocoa. Yeah, what if they weren't even brought there on their own volition? I'm pretty sure they weren't. So slavery, basically. Whoa, whoa, whoa, jobs, Joe, jobs. We don't use the S word around. Wonka Corp.

We use the word jobs. Okay, okay. But I think we can bring this to the jury right now. Yeah. What are we thinking, jury? Is Willie Wonka guilty or not? Did he do anything wrong? I'm, am I part of the jury?

Um, I thought we'd bring it to like Kai. Oh, Kai. Yeah, because Kai was like looking at me. Yeah. What are you? Yeah. Fuck, Mike Klein. I'm so sorry, Mr. Wonka.

It's pretty irid. Okay. All right. Who's next? The next client. All right. Who you got, Joey? Let me see.

Can you scroll up? I'd like to defend my client, Captain Jack Sparrow, from Pirates of the Caribbean. Okay. Okay. So you're a fan of piracy. Are you, Joey? Absolutely, fucking lowly I am. I'm an anime fan.

Let me find a list of his crimes real quick. Yeah. Yes. So Captain Jack Sparrow is piracy, theft, frauds, which I would like to first say right off the front that I believe everybody was doing this around him. Oh, so that makes it okay, Joey. Yes. If everyone, it became the norm. There was a time where everyone thought slavery was okay. And look how that turned out, Joey. May I list the charges? Yes, yes, yes, you can list the charges. Piracy on the high seas, attacking and seizing of

ships, theft of cargo and valuables, smuggling, possession of stolen property, escaping lawful custody, resisting arrest, aiding and abetting wanted criminals, personation and fraud, bribery and corruption, theft, burglary, trespassing, vandalism and destruction of property, assault and battery, brandishing weapons, kidnapping and unlawful detention, reckless endangerment, mutiny, theft of naval vessels, violations of naval blockade, interference of military operations, fraud and deception, public drunkenness, disorderly conduct, gambling-related offenses, and harboring fugitives. Jack, you got to give me something to work with, buddy. Fuck me, bro.

But he's under the, mostly, there's so many things to go under. So we're charging him mainly under the umbrella of piracy. Yes. Now, I would like to say, first and foremost, right, there was some good things that he did. But let us not forget some of the good things that he did. Number one, in the first movie. Did he not stop an army of the undead pirates? He did do that.

Did he do that? Yes, pirates are dangerous in this world. That is absolutely true. But they are humans at the end of the day, and humans can be stopped and eliminated. However, if you are undead, doesn't quite happen. Look, I don't think we should be encouraging vigilanteism.

Yes, he is a vigilante. There is a reason why we have law and we have order, And these rules need to be strictly followed. Otherwise, society would collapse, Joey. May I remind you how fucking useless the commandeers were in stopping the Black Pearl and their army. They did absolutely fuck all. And if there was no visual ante there, regardless of how much theft and crime and piracy he may have done for his own good, then it would just be the end of all of civilization.

So what are we to say? If you do one good deed, all of your other deeds are forgiven? If that one good deed is to save the entirety of humanity, I think a little piracy and theft can be forgiven. Look, can you argue with me that Captain Jack Sparrow here was not acting completely in his self-interest this entire time? And this one, you know, benevolent acts that he did might have just been coincidentally aligned with his self-interest,

and that was the only reason why he acted then. The process does not matter. so long as the conclusion is positive. May I also remind you that in the subsequent movies, he stopped an even bigger threat, Davy Jones, and a literal mythical creature that could have, again, on the brink, I believe it was the third movie,

was on the brink of destroying the entire world, yet again. Did the commandeers do anything about it? Did the Marines do anything about it? He gained the materials to fight this, cursed through piracy, stealing theft. Yes. You know, who's to say that, you know, the government couldn't have handled it

if Jack hadn't gotten the way. I don't think the government, the government could barely handle an undead army of pirates. Do you think they're able to go up against a myth? We don't know that for sure. Do you think they'll be able to go up against the literal ocean?

Yes. What is your evidence? I need no evidence. Vives. Just the God feeling. Vimes, Your Honor. The vibes are immaculate. your honor.

Well, the real question is, who is going to keep Captain Jack Sparrow under check? Yeah, there are no checks. Yeah, there are no checks. There is no one person. Are you arguing that there should be one single person that is above the law, Joey? No. I don't think there should be anyone who is above the law. But again, if in the act of doing these smaller crimes that you end up saving an entire civilization,

I believe that is... What is the quote, smaller crime? Oh, he stole a bottle of rum. Who the fuck cares? This is not what he is accused of. He was being accused of such serious. Oh, he stole a couple of ships. Everyone had fucking ships.

It's a Marine. This is the same as like arguing over like, oh, you stole from Amazon Corporation. Oh no. Oh, okay. Wow. Oh no. Big corpos. Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm. I don't know. I still disagree with piracy. You know, it's just because everyone, just because there are many people who are pirates in this world right now, does not make it right. It does not make them above the law and we should not be setting an

example for any one person because that could that could inspire hundreds, if not thousands of people to become pirates. But here's the thing, right? I just quote the fucking plot to one to be. Yeah, you literally did. But here's the thing, right? If everybody is already doing it and that has become the zeitgeist, then how much can you possibly stop it? That sounds, that's how losers think, Joey. No, that is how a realist will think about it. Which, Your Honor, I am quite a realist. I don't know. Can you got anything? Yeah, should we vote? All right. We bring it over to the jury. Did Captain Jack Sparrow do anything wrong? What do you reckon, Kai? Well, I mean, he does have two death sentences. He did, like, oh yeah, he did escape the

I forgot about that. Actively escape one. Yeah. That's right. What do you think, Kai? I mean, you escape too. I mean, you can escape twice. Just let him out.

Wow, you got your client. Hell yeah. Double you. Let's go. All right, gone. Who would you like to? My boy. He's in a so.

Let's go. Who do I have? Let's go light Yagami. Why not? Your client, light Yagami? Yes, my client's light Yagami. Allow me to bring up a list of his crimes. Okay.

Okay. Because right now here, at least what we have on file currently. He is charged with casually mass murder, vigilantism, manipulation, and an abuse of power. Okay. First off, sometimes sacrifices need to be made for the greater goods.

Okay, this is what I said with Willy Wonka. This is what I say with Jack Sparrow. Look, look, there is a big difference between giving chocolate to a few people, and literally removing crime from this world. Is there a, can there be a greater ambition than making society better by making criminals afraid to commit crimes?

And that would have been fine in the beginning, which was the original motive, I believe, of your client. But then it transpired into what I can only describe as an act of terrorism. What is terrorism really, Joey? What is terrorism really? Remind me, you know. What is the benefit to society

of killing law enforcement? Look, people who are actively trying to stop, said criminals. My client was making the mother of all omelets, all right? You can't fret over a few eggs, Connor. You cannot fret over a few eggs

when you are literally trying to change society for the better, you know? Did he have a little bit of a god complex? Maybe. But you need someone with that kind of complex to enact the change that the world needs. Did he also not kill a bunch of innocent civilians as well? You know, there's, there's, there is always going to be casualties here and there. You know, it's that there might be a few people caught in the crossfire.

Right. At the end of the day, let's just look at the stuff. Let's just look at the stats, right? How much did crime rates drop when he had the book? When he had the death note, when the death note was in his hands. He killed, the estimate, up to 120,000 people. Really? Which is still...

Criminals. Criminals. We don't know. They were never tried. Criminals. They were never tried. They were no criminals. Let me tell you this. How many, what is the, like, overturning convicts? conviction rate in, let's say, the US, the rate of which criminals are found that they were

tried and not found to be guilty. Should they be killed, God? I don't have the, I don't have the data on hands right now. Riddle me this, God. If a child steals a loaf of bread, do they deserve the death sentence? If a child steals a loaf of bread. If a child steals a chapstick from a pharmacy. Are they worthy of the death sentence?

Look, look, I'm not here to argue. Is that an irredeemable crime? I'm not here to argue about the itty bitties of every different situation. I'm here to look at the bigger picture, Jerry, the big picture. Okay. All right, okay. All right, you know, we got like human rights and stuff like that, look, you can, you cannot deny,

you cannot argue that crime went down when he was at his most, at his prime, right? Crime went down. Criminals were afraid. Okay. Who, in the history of your country right now, who in history has been able to achieve such a big drop in crime rates by themselves? Who has been able to do that?

None. Governments are too small. People are too corrupt, right? Mm-hmm. And I would argue you need someone like Yagami to enact the change that society needs. You're implying that people are unfixable and the crime is something that can't be helped. It will happen regardless. When I argue that by removing the ability to systematically fix what is changing crime,

we don't need to mass murder people, perhaps. You keep using the word mass murder. Genocide, mass murder. So apparently Light Yagami claimed in the manga that his actions reduce the global, crime rate by 70%. Now, big caveat, he claimed. He claims, but also how much crime did he commit to bring down the crime? Exactly. Look, look, what can be better about fighting crime with crime? You know, what's, you know, like I said, it's all for the greater goods, you know? Yes, okay, he lowered the 70% of crime. Look, I would argue that Light is serving a selfish crusade to try and further his

own ambition and not to help society under the guise of fixing crime. And sure, crime is a problem. But murdering everyone is not going to solve that because all you're doing is making a scared population that bows to a king, a god. A totalitarian society. We are, this is not about, we, we don't have to, we, we don't have to bring his motives or his drives into this. It might have been selfishly. We do. I feel like we do. But it doesn't matter because the effects The stats, the effects, talk for themselves. But Your Honor, you know, as his crimes went on, the people he started killing were for patia and patia crimes.

Is there a need to kill a shoplifter? Yeah, what is the threshold that is acceptable? Well, Joey, have you not heard of the telltale, the old saying, fuck around and find out? I believe that was the motto. I have heard of that. I believe that was the motto

that my client tried to instill into the population. You know, people fucked around against him. And guess what? They found out. I believe that is an important lesson that the population needs to know.

I believe that is also a lesson that he himself weren't as well. He also fucked around and found out by getting killed. Yes. You would argue a martyr of his own cause, Joey.

He martyed himself with his own philosophy, Joey. So should his powers not be kept in check? Should he not work? Kept in check by who? Who keeps it in check? The people. The people.

I would also like to point out that his crimes and his psychological deviation was so severe by the end of death note that even his accomplice and basically the guy who instigated him to go on this murderous crusade

turned around and went nah you've gone too far dog and ended it for him so I think that says a lot when even your account even the person who started this whole crusade for him turned around and went

you've gone too far I believe that is a sign of someone who is irredeemable for the records there is no actual written evidence of this you know in the manga we can talk about

It's literally in the manga. And shinnigamis, but, you know, there are no actual witnesses to this in this world, you know? We don't know that. Well, Mesa. His only got accomplice was Mesa, you know, who definitely knew. And also is the victim to horrendous mental abuse. Okay, but I would argue, okay. If evil, why hot?

That's a great question. Damn, he's good. Fuck, that's a hard bargain to pass. The biggest crime of all is that Mesa was way too hard. I would say that, unfortunately, Kira or Ladiagmi in this case, is colluding with a foreign species to end the human race.

Yeah. Sure, he's trying to keep crime down, He's also working with the enemy. Absolutely. The death gods. The death gods. The enemy. They keep killing us.

The death gods are not the enemy. The death gods are just a natural process of life. They are meddling with human life, taking it in an earlier convenience for the sake of enjoyment. I think teaming up with that is irredeable. They drop the death. And under the guise of justice. Yeah. You know, you can talk about crime rates.

You can talk about ending wars. But we've managed to do that on our own. We have not been able to do that all right. We've done that on our own. We have not been able to do that on our own. We have not been able to do that on our own. We did for a little while. For a little bit.

We don't need Kira. But would society not just change to, you know, even if this was a crime had gone down, surely people will just never say their names. Society will adapt very quickly to never showing their face and saying their names. This is just a band-aid and he will soon have his day. Well, you know, no matter, you know, he's a smart boy. He'll be able to figure out something around. Yeah, nothing better will happen to him.

Yeah, yeah. Look, if society had bent the will of Kira and given him even more resources, I believe that overall, would we be healthier as a society? Well, I believe, I believe the staff. speaking for themselves. And I believe that he had, he was a little bit of a maniac. But there's a fine line between genius and, uh, an insane person, insanity. And I believe had things gone a bit differently, he would have been seen as a genius of our time. Well, as they say, yeah, a genius is just an insane person with an audience. So what do you say? How do you punish a dead man?

He already got the punishment He's innocent or guilty You can still try him after his death Yeah The only thing that sticks out to me is when he forgets his memories I forgot about that part of the story Just because you wipe your memories Doesn't mean you're innocent

You still did it If you shit yourself And wipe your memories You still feel it in your pants Well, can you charge an insane person? Yes. Actually. They're not to be fit to stand in trial,

but you can certainly charge him of a crime. True. That is true. All right. Well, I guess you've been given the innocent. Congratulations. Damn. Hold on.

All right, Connor. Who's your next client? Gentlemen, I would like to defend my client. Scar. From the Lion King? From the Lion King, yes. Okay. What are his crimes?

Let's go back to the documentation. Okay. He is currently put under trial for regicide, conspiracy, and abuse of power. Yeah. Right. I mean... That was pretty bad.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it would look bad, but you have to remember something about the Lion Kingdom, there's no democracy. How was Mufassas... When was he willing to give someone else a chance in the throne? Never. He was going to give it to his little son. Who was he fit to rule?

Mufusso had worked very hard. He knew what the people wanted. And unfortunately... Unfortunately, Mufasa was not willing to hear democracy out. So I think what Scar did was just because he knew he was never going to get a real chance to have his turn to rule. Let him have a chance. It's what the people wanted. They wanted him to have a chance to rule.

And also, he's not woke like Mufatso. So what you're saying is that, hypothetically speaking, if the current king of England, and his many siblings, right? Who, of course, don't have a chance at the throne either. If one of his many siblings was like, you know what, fuck this guy, I can do a better job than him. I'm just gonna pop, pop, get rid of him. Which is what Scar did.

Is that just? Oh, that? That was an accident. It was not. Wait, what? Have you watched the Lion King? His hand slept. He literally said, all hail the king and literally threw his ass over a cliff.

Oh, no, no, he was trying to... Into a rampede of Buffalo. That is, I could see how it could look like that. What you can clearly see is him getting ready to help him by getting his hands off and then he slipped. So, you know, obviously, that has nothing to do with his ambition to rule.

Really? It just so happens that Scar was ready and willing to rule because they needed it. Because not only does, did it definitely seem like he pushed his ass over, but also he was, the one who said... He said long live the king. Yeah, which he was talking about himself. No, he meant Mufasa should live a very long life. He should survive this. I'm so sorry. Not only did

he drop Mufus's ass off a cliff and kill him in a horrendous way. I don't think, I think, I think dying from a stampede is probably the worst way to go. But also, he not only endangered his son by forcing that Buffalo Stampede to make his way, but he also cornered Mufusar into a situation. I was in a corner. It was a discussion. What was the discussion? I think Mufasa was so stuck in his ways that he wasn't even, you know,

he knew he was the king of the pack. He was not even willing, willing to have a conversation. Scar was a very reasonable man. He wanted to talk about it. He wanted to have a conversation. And Mufasa literally ran away to the edge of a cliff

to avoid a civilized democratic discussion upon which, you know, when actually faced with Scar or an actual good ruler, he was so, scared that he's like, oh, fucking fell off a cliff. Can you, can you, can you? And then move fast is like, I'll help me up, Scar.

And Scott's like, 100% man, long live the king. Let me help you up. Let me help you up because he's like struggling. He like slips. Obviously, I mean, you know, we have to forget that, you know, Scott, my client is a little, you know, he's a little wary, he's a little old. He doesn't have the strength anymore. So what you're saying is it's, he's wine. It's more like manslaughter.

No, God, no, God no. God, no. He didn't, he didn't, he never. He was trying to help. Help him. It's good Samaritan laws protect him. Okay, can you give me some examples of how Scar was going to be a better king than Mavasor? Because if I remember the movie correctly, he was going to completely destroy the animal kingdom by bringing the hyenas into the Sahara and basically terrorizing entire Sahara with the hyenas. You mean give everyone equal rights and let the hyenas join the animal kingdom? That's...

Are you one of those media strategy people clicking through slides, scrolling spreadsheets? Yes? Yes? Good. This is for you. Because on Spotify, there's an audience that's different. Locked in. Loyal, invested. They're called fans. Fans don't just listen to music. They feel seen by it like it belongs to them. So when your brand shows up on Spotify, that's who you're talking to. And you're right next to artists like me, Lizzo. So, are you ready to talk to fans? Spotify advertising. You're among fans. So bad. That is nothing to do with the collusion. with the organized crime kingdom, that is the hyena kingdom. You know, we are bringing the mafia. I mean, that's speculation, Your Honor. You can't bring other, who's on trial here, the hyenas or SCAR?

I mean, look, who my client is friends with have nothing to do with what happened on that day? Well, the hyenas also conspire and SCAR as well by doing a very elaborate song and dance to not only, well, after he killed Mufasa. Oh, it's a crime to dance now, is it? Well, it's like Willie Wiener. all over again. Man can't have a fucking song.

I would like to argue that he was very much dancing on the grave of Mufasa by... Can you bring up the lyrics, please? I want to... By showing, by basically being like, Hey, Simba, yeah, you know I killed your dad and I'm about to kill you as well. I don't think that's exactly.

Can we see what we said in the song exactly so that we couldn't... It's been so long since I watched the Lion King. I'm trying to remember. We need to see what was said in the song to see what was the song? What was the song? Fuck, I'm trying to remember it.

Um, just Google some shit. Yeah, let's just Google. Google, Google the Lion King songs. It's Garst Lion King's song. Uh, be prepared. Let's have a look at the lyrics. Okay. Yes. Be prepared. As in be prepared because the, the rule is about to change. It's now way more democratic. Well, let's, let's have a look at, uh, what is on record of your client's singing. Why is this like an actual fucking. Yeah. Okay. I never thought hyena is essential. They're crude and unspeakably plain. but maybe there's a glimmer of potential

if allied to my vision and brain. Yeah, well, Scar is willing to ally with people whereas Mufasa, you know, I need to get a good nickname, Muddy Mufasa. Muddi Mufasa! You know, he doesn't want to talk to anyone.

It's his way or no way. And that's no way to rule. Uh-huh. Can you scroll down? Yeah, can we scroll down? Okay. Let's see. Let's look at this.

You know, my client is talking, singing about injustice. Okay, okay, okay. So, uh, let's, uh, let's, let's see this. So, um, okay, hold on. So I just found a very incriminating line. Uh, Scar says, for the death of the king, to which Banzai, I believe is one of the, uh, the hyenas says, why? Is he sick? To which he says, no fool.

We're going to kill him. Mm. And Simba too. Mm. He has just admitted to double homicide. Mm. It is written in. in English.

That is... His intentions of murder. That is... That is regicide right there. Well, it's well known that hyenas of a sense of humor. And of course, a joke like that would not be missed. As you can see, ha, no king, ha, la, la, la. Of course,

they're laughing so much. I will be king. Stick with me and you'll never go hungry again. Oh, so now it's a crime to feed people. No, it is a... How is my king? My goats? It is a crime to put the entire animal kingdom on threat. This is pretty bad.

Pretty incriminating. You're client. First of all, the king, right? The hyaena's even say, with a king who'll be all time adored, the people will love him. It's not his fault if he is a generous, kind king. Yeah, you know who else was adored? Hitler.

What? By whom? The Nazis! Who else? Just because a ruler is loved, it doesn't mean they're good. Oh, Your Honor, can I, can I switch sides? Oh, so prepare for the coop of the century. Obviously, that's going to be like the chicken coop because they're going to be fed.

No, I believe that means a coup de tautau. Oh, no, no, God, no. No, it's not a coup. It's not a coup. What happened here was not a coup. I think that can be really... Be prepared for the murkiest scam. He's also scamming, the hyenas. Look, look. He doesn't give a fuck about the hyenas. He just wants to be that. the top. That's not true. We're getting off topic here because I believe the, Your Honor, the evidence is clear cut here. There is an admission of guilt and a motive right there said

by the defendant himself. There's no going around. Have we already established from other musical authors, it's not a crime to sing about hypotheticals. This is just a hypothetical. It's meaningless. I could sing about robbing a factory. It wouldn't mean I've done it. But it's not a hypothetical. He literally did kill Mufasa and was about to kill Simba. I've sang many songs about crimes. I'm in the shower every day. Also, I would just like to say there have been actual real-life criminal charges on song lyrics before.

This is not real life. All right. I think that is everything that has been said. Is my client guilty? All right. There's no law enforcement and the animal can appeal. But if there was. Yes.

I tried my best. Yeah, Skara is pretty irredeemable. All right. Unfortunately. Well, Joey, who's your next client? I would like to defend my client. The King of All Cooper's. I believe I saw further down.

Bowser? Bowser. The King of all Coopers. I would like to, he is my client for today because I believe he is a very misunderstood person. How so? Not even a person, sorry. Misunderstood turtle.

Just so we know, he's being accused of invading, being the aggressor in a war, kidnapping multiple times, an attempted forced marriage. Well, now, see, with the forced marriage side of things, is there a war in the mushroom kingdom that forced marriage is not allowed? This is not, you are thinking about this in earth terminology.

You are tackling the least of the crime. There is not a single, no, we're starting from, the bottom, okay? We're starting from the bottom. When it comes to the forced marriage side of things, there is no written law in the mushroom kingdom or even the Cuba kingdom. There are no legal scores, but look, as the princess of the mushroom kingdom, I would easily imagine there would not need to be a law because it's the fucking princess. She doesn't want it. Also, you have, you have, you need to take earth law into account by involving the Italians in this. Right? You have gone past your jurisdiction in the mushroom kingdom. We are, we are now involving

our citizens here on earth. Shit, why is Mario in Italian? I'm what to say you of the kidnapping. The kidnapping? How do you justify kidnapping? Well, the kidnapping, I would say, see, again, completely misunderstood. How so? It is not a kidnapping. It is a, it is a secure transport. What is to say, what is to say that Mario, what is to say that Peach does not want to be with Mario? That's not what is an intention here. No, there is an intention. Why are you kidnapping? Because Bowser wants to be with Peach. That is a very, it is a very... I want to eat a 10 fucking course buffet, but I don't get to. You don't get to have what you don't get to have. And also, also, what is there to say when it comes to the invasion of kingdoms, okay? What is to say that the Mushroom Kingdom is not the invasive species.

Because, because if we look into Nintendo law, right, Peach was originally a star person who was then teleported to the Mushroom Kingdom, who was then found by the Toads, and they mistook her as Princess Toadstool. That is the law in Nintendo. If you play Mario Galaxy, you'll know this law. Okay. So that is to say that the Cooper Kingdom was there from the beginning. And then all of a sudden, this mushroom kingdom comes out of nowhere.

And King Cooper goes, wait, hold on a second. We've been here. What's going on? Who are these colonizers? This is a distraction argument. Who crowned Bowser? Who said he's just to rule? The Coopers, who are the natural species of the Cooper Kingdom, which made up the original land? This is a very Japanese argument for you to say, you don't believe an outsider is fit to rule. Fuck no.

If the Mushroom Kingdom people have decided she's fit to rule, she can rule. Yeah. But what if she's not fit to rule? Clearly they very much... What the fuck is she done for the Mushroom Kingdom? What the fuck do the Toads even do? It seems very... They stand around and go, ah!

We have... The fucking mushroom boys are not on trial here. The Toads are not on trial for being jobless. Bowser is on trial for fucking kidnapping. Okay. Yes. No, Bowser was not elected as king in Super Mario Wiki. He was an absolute monarch, often titled,

the king of the cupers or the great demon king. Yeah, because... Demon king. He opted for the demon king mantle? First of all, amazing title, if I were to say so myself. But also, yeah, exactly. There was no other... Maybe they were a disorganized species, and one of them had to step up and bring order to the chaos.

And that happened to be the biggest Cooper of them all, King of Bowser. You, the mushroom kingdom has not expanded its territory into the Cooper Kingdom. There is no need, no plausible explanation of why Bowser would wage war on the mushroom people. Yes. What is this reason? What is the reason?

What is the reason they are waging war? To stop any further expansion of the mushroom kingdom. There is no expansion. Maybe they were overstepping their boundaries. You don't know that. Maybe. We're going to war on a maybe, are we? Yes, absolutely.

Oh, my goodness. You don't need sound justification to start a war. You do. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Sometimes it's just like, you know what? I don't like these invasive species. I don't like it.

Get them back. Push back. Invasive. I want to, as my own, like, you know, ruler of a kingdom to make sure that my coopers and my gumbas are safe and sound. And meanwhile, these fucking toads and these fucking Italians

are coming and stepping on my turf, thinking that they're like the hero or whatever. Look, and it's like, I just wanted to chill here. And not only that, you've lost this war, how many times and restarted it? Yeah, and meanwhile, the Italian has killed many, many innocent lives, mind you. Innocent? They are innocent. Soldiers of your war machine are innocent.

In the eyes of the ruler, they are, but innocent civilians. I want to say you when you kill a toadstool, are they innocent? You can't kill a toadstool. When in any of the Mario games have you seen a toadstool die? Presumably off camera, you've killed. Off camera? Oh, okay, so there is no ample evidence. Meanwhile, how many times have you seen a Gumba being stomped, a Cooper being turned over?

What are they doing in the Mushroom Kingdom? They're in the Cooper Kingdom. The Mushroom Kingdom has invaded the Cooper Kingdom. No, no, no, no, no, no. They're trying to expand their territory. They're on a pull up an image of Cooper's on mushroom level. Could you pull up a... Type in...

Boy, bring up what? Type in Cooper on mushroom. Cooper on mushroom? Your Honor. Let me bring up exhibit A. I don't even know what you're trying to look up. Let me show you this. Okay.

Can you show the images? Go to images. Your Honor. Click the Let's Play. Thumbail to the... Well, most left. Most left. Oh, that one? Yeah. Your Honor.

What is a Cooper doing in the mushroom kingdom? Explain yourself. Why is there why is there a Cooper in the mushroom kingdom? What if he just wanted to hang out? He does not have a permit to be there. He is not a... Says who? Because you've unjust, an unjust invasion.

There is no reason why a Cooper should be in the Mushroom Kingdom, if not waging a sick war. Why not? That Bowser, your client, has waged on this poor kingdom for decades. Oh, so suddenly, oh, what? So the coopers are not allowed to experience tourism in the mushroom kingdom anymore.

Is that what it is? Tourism. Because if... You call it invasion tourism? There is absolutely... What is he doing? He's just walking around some mushrooms. He's just seeing the sights and sound.

Oh, walking around. Meanwhile, this fucking fat Italian fuck suddenly comes along and being like, oh, I don't like the way you're looking at me, dog. I'm going to stomp on your head. He could have just ran past him. Cooper is there as an alien of espionage. He is there to spy on the mushroom king.

He might be walking around. What he's doing is scouting locations for a fucking airstrike from Bowses' fucking ship. What's the saying? The to say the toads aren't doing that. The toads of every right to fight back. They're being invaded. All right, whatever.

All right, it seems like we've hits an impasse. My last line of defense is that Bowser is a fantastic father. Whoa, oh, very much. It's a fantastic father, Jerry, Hitler. Shall we bring it to a vote from the jury? You do got oral, but he is a monarch, though. Guilty. Fuck, guilty.

God damn it. Who is your next client? All right. Well, I will pick a character from a series I know and love. Show Tucker from Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood. Or just the original Full Metal Archimist. Okay. Since he was in both.

Yeah. So the crimes that your client is charged with Mr. Tucker, are human experimentation. Okay. And child abuse. Okay. The shortest list we've had today. Yes.

But a damning one. But still pretty bad. Yes. And so walk us through from your perspective. Why is he innocent? What is it your client being accused of? And why is he innocent? So my client is being falsely accused of illegal human experimentation,

animal cruelty, domestic abuse and fraud, and manslaughter, psychological manipulation, and the obstruction of justice. Yes. That's pretty damning. And, you know, all of this sounds pretty bad. I mean, experimenting on your own daughters.

Yeah, not just any child. It was your own daughter. Look, we, in the pursuit of knowledge, in the pursuit of the advancement of humanity. Sometimes it is all, you know, sometimes it's about the knowledge you can gain. You know, sometimes we cannot progress humanity without furthering our knowledge.

And sometimes, sometimes that might, that might come at a cost. That might come at a cost. So, okay. Yes. What was the, what was Mr. Tucker working towards? Yeah, what was the end goal? The sacrificing of your daughter into some kind of dog chimera.

How exactly did Shotaka see the birth and process of creating a chimera to be any positive to society? How did humans find out that puffer fishes were poisonous? And where they were poisonous? Presumably somebody ate it or got stung by it. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Look, Shotaka found a correct way to not do alchemy on human, right?

And that's what he's done will never be repeated again because he is proven the dangers. He is proven the dangers of alchemy, right? Right. So the first person to invent a gun and shoot someone with it is innocent because they found out

that this is a lethal weapon. This is pretty dangerous, actually. I shouldn't point this to someone. See, the difference is. here is intent, you know. You, you, when, when you shoot someone with a gun, the intent is to hurt, is to murder, right? When Shotaka, um, does alchemy and mergers his daughter's DNA with, uh, another dear family's

DNA, you know, it's all done in the pursuit of science. Right. Um, and it might, it might be. dark. It might be frowned upon, but the findings of his research can, and I argue will be used

in future studies. Really? I believe they will. In what way would they could they be used to be society? Look, there have been... Name me a situation where they're like, you know what, could really help right now? A bunch of chimeras. Look, there have been...

I would love to ask as well. And another question. Why did it require your own daughter? Yeah. And did, because I presume that she did not give consent. Well, she wasn't old enough. She wasn't old enough to even understand what was going to happen to her.

And if we're talking about the dog, of course she wanted to help. Absolutely no consent. Of course if she asked, I mean, you know, of course she wants to help her dad. Well, my daughter wouldn't want to help her father. There is mental manipulation right there as well. I believe that she actually gave consents.

to him. She wanted, she was a dear daughter. And I would argue the only person who would give consents and the only person, the most trustable person for Mr. Shotaka himself, uh, to ask the only person he would trust in this world, which is, which is his daughter. Because I'd also like to remind you and I'm sure you know this having watched all the full metal alchemist. Uh, but also, uh, did he not, did he also kill his own wife as well? in the same way. Yeah, he did. He turned his wife into a chimera as well.

Wife died of starvation after she was alchemy. Ooh. Alchemically. Alchemically muted into a human animal chimera. Yeah. Gentlemen, do you believe an evil? Yes. Yep.

Your crime. Yeah, your client. It is evil. I'm looking at them right now, actually. Why could Mr. Tucker not find people perhaps who were, you know, on their death bag or a bit more will. to have some experimentation so you're okay if Mr. Tucker

would have used humans on the deathbed on death row prisoners what I think isn't that is your own words if this research is as imperative as you're making it out to be surely there could have been some

ethical consideration to try this on someone a bit more I believe the least ethical thing to do is to not only do it to your daughter but also someone who definitely had a future ahead of her, you know, and was stripped away of that future by... His main reason was to keep his state license to continue doing this. It wasn't about like the good of research.

He was trying to keep his... His intentions were incredibly selfish. I forgot about that part. And on top of that, his wife was so disgusted by what happened. She starved herself and refused to eat. Even as a chimera, she was able to think and recognize what had happened. What defense do you have for your client? So you're saying the Cameras were successful in having sentient conscious thoughts?

Yeah. And I would argue that that Camara research is going to be very, very important for the future of humanity. Yes, we found out that the chimeras are sentient enough to say, kill me now. End my life, please. This is torture. Yeah, I would argue that it isn't good for humanity to be able to do this. People don't seem to be happy when they get changed. If they all got changed and went, fuck yeah, it's awesome.

Yeah, Nina didn't come out at the end being like, thanks, father. My life is so much better now. She was literally on the ground being like, kill me. End me now. How do you defend this, John? I think. You may have possibly picked the worst client out of this list. I'm just gonna be real with you, dog.

I think that if you are, if you are to, to punish Mr. Shotaka, well, how is that different from, from one of your clients who has done human experimentation and lost his own limbs? lost some of his limbs and also made his brother without a body. All for the sake of resurrection. They were both

willing to experiment in the names of... On themselves. On themselves, huh? But not their daughters or mothers or wives? There was no mental manipulation there because the two of them were sentient and understanding enough that what they were going to do was a huge risk and that is their own responsibility. Meanwhile, in this instance, with your client, I don't think you can put any of that responsibility on Nina or the dog or the wife.

You know you're fucked in a court case when your lawyer goes, hmm. Have anything to say for your client? Any redeemable factors whatsoever? Because from the look of it, we're seeing none of it. Yeah, he's fucked, isn't it?

Yeah, there's quite a lot of evidence. I don't think we need to bring this to the jury. Somehow it's harder to defend than like Yagami. Yeah, legit. Yes, yes, yes. All right, so you go to the next client. All right, my next client, I'm going to defend Mr. Hesoka from Hunter Hunter. Oh, okay.

He's accused of some unsavory crimes. Hizoka is currently on trial for murder, stalking, which is, we'll get back to that and manipulation. Yes. I don't know what you're talking about. My client is innocent of all of these things. Well, he, uh, he likes kids. This is speculation.

He definitely likes kids. Is it a crime? I believe there is a very damning piece of evidence of, uh, Kai, bring up exhibit A of, uh, Hizoka Bona. Oh, so now it's a crime. rhyme to get it hard on, is it? Hesika Boehner, I would like to just say this exhibit A, the context

of said Boner was in response to seeing gone, seeing a child. Your Honor, I think what you're seeing here is a classic case of Morning Wood. Also bring up Exhibit B, which is the second image there that we can see. Now, how do you

explain this? Yes, I want to remind you that this child is 12 years of And on the record, on the record, it is quoted, it is quoted in a moment after viewing this child, your client, not only has recorded, has a very notable erection, but he is recorded and saying on record as I'm getting turned on. Now, look, these things sound bad, of course. And even if my client did say that, it's not a crime. to get a heart on. It's not a crime to get a little... No, you are right.

You are right. And where I'm around to you? He's not turned on at the childlike features. He's turned on the growth potential of his finding ability. It's a very two different things,

okay? These are very, very different. So... So... Look, you might... Look, I know it's... Is it unconventional? But he's okay, my client.

is an unconventional man. He doesn't see it the way that you and I see this interaction. I don't know if I would use the word unconventional. I would also like to say that after said incidents, the child did get invited to an island in which his social was on. No. It's a crime to have an island. An island, you say.

A vacation of sorts. Yeah, not any island. A island of greed. An island of Greece. You should, yeah, I would say. A griefful. What? May I ask? What kind of greed are we talking about?

Oh, so now every summer camp is apparently an Epstein Island. No, he was offering an opportunity for gone and killer to grow and further learn. Like any summer camp, it's harmless. Not every summer camp is... Look, there are countless examples of times where children go away, boys scouts, church trips, and nothing that ever happens to the children. No, but, you know, I would also, I do agree that not every summer camp is an Epstein,

but if the camp councillor cracks a fat looking at the children, you get a little suspicious, you know? Remind me of the proof of him diddling these kids. What I see as a man, I see a man with self-control. He did that. He did not act on these ambitions.

He held himself back. And as I'm referring to the Twitter users, they keep calling him based. What do you make of this? Why would he be based if he was a bad guy? I believe using Twitter as your defense is a bad idea in any situation. They say it's based over there.

I don't understand. I'd also like to remind you of his hooker's particular ability. Bunggy gum, I believe. Yes, gum. And I believe, if I remember this correctly, there is one incident where he is in a combat with said child,

of which he uses his bungee gum, whatever that's made out of, and to basically entrap the child and lure him towards him. For what purposes? Only the sickest minds can tell you that. What I'm hearing there is a fair fight.

I mean, you can't, expect my client to not use his men powers in this universe, that requires him occasionally to, you know, manipulate people and drag them or throw them away or whatever it was required of the fight. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And what of these allegations that your client has been involved in the terrorist organization known as the Phantom Troop? Oh, that is true. You know, I spent a lot of time on those allegations, though, didn't we? The Phantom Troops. The Phantom Troop. Yeah, no. You're talking about, oh, that Phantom Troop. Yeah, he's an undercover operative.

Oh, he's a double Asian. Working for law enforcement. I think it's made pretty clear throughout the course of my client's life that he is not one of them. He is very much an outsider because he is helping the government. So he has the jurisdiction to kill and murder as well. Yeah, which he has done so. Well, he has a hunted license. And because he works for said police enforcement He works for the Hunters Association. That excuses him from all the racketeering, does it? Racketeering. It's a big word, Jerry.

He's definitely racketeering. Well, look. Multiple children, mind you. No. Not just gone. You know, is also involved in this. This world is a very dangerous world,

and it requires extraordinary risk, of which my client is hooker is taking for the benefit of good. He's not doing for any selfish means. He is doing this undercover operation, and of course he's going to have to murder some people and do a couple of racketeering. because he needs to keep his cover.

These are highly dangerous criminals. Can you explain to me what kind of operation involves racketeering? Every operation that he's involved with. Okay. How does the racketeering benefit the entire operation? I mean, look, as a great lawyer once said, you need to break a couple of eggs to make an omnis.

Unfortunately, he needs to show he is one of them. And the Phantom Troop, who are a highly, highly, highly intelligent group of criminals who've shown there are more than capable of causing some real damage easily would be able to spot an undercover agent if he didn't help them out. And of course, He's OKer has to show that he's one of them. And more than that, go beyond, show that he is more than deserving of his place. So you're saying that all of the people in the Hunter Association are okay with this racketeering?

Because I believe there is no other member of the Hunter Association that is like, yeah, I do a little racketeering. Well, there's no other member that is trying to be undercover of the Phantom Troop. he's also gone so far into making people think that he's a which, you know, which is crazy. Wow. Oh, crazy. Yeah. He simply is helping, you know,

keep his cover in the Phantom Troop, doing the despicable. Yes, yes. Remind you, he never acted on these urges. He never acted on them. Oh, yeah. He just, he just tries to visibly show them that he has these urges. Yeah, dude.

Because the Phantom Troop are like, they'll never suspect the . Exactly. Well, I would argue the only reason he hasn't acted on them is because he's waiting for... He's waiting for the child to, in his words, ripen, you know? Hmm. Hmm. Could be misconstrued as perhaps grooming a child.

Groooming. Yes. Okay. Indeed. Well, it isn't, you know, my client has not acted on anything. Who's to say what he's doing? I mean, I, for one, and I think many of us would agree, Can we go back to Exhibit B of him being butt-naked in front of gone and killer there? Oh, you mean...

Can you explain that to me, please? You mean an onsen? My client was in an onsen moments before this. In natural in Japan, it is not unusual to be naked around younger people in the context of bathing. Yes, but I also would agree that, oh, I would also say that it is also very uncommon to be butt-naked in front of fully clothed children. I don't see a hard on there You don't know that He could have a micro penis

My client doesn't have a micro penis He is many things So he does not have a micro penis I don't know man Examine A I also can't see the erection And look My client To show that he is such a good person

You know Many of these ninn abilities are very destructive He's gone for something subtle Something harmless gum Gum can't hurt anyone You chew it for fuck's sake It doesn't hurt anyone.

Yeah, he is it to trap kids. The kids might hurt themselves. I mean, he's stopping them from getting endangered. I don't see this is a bad thing, Your Honor. Okay. All right. I think that's it for now. Shall we bring things over to the jury?

Jury, what are you saying? Quiet has a lot of similarities to us. He's not acted on it. He's not acted on it. I have to go with guilty there. Yeah. He didn't even do it. Naturally, naturally. Come on. It's pretty irredivable.

All right, who's next? All right. Although he is apparently Togashi's favorite character. I know. I know. You can tell. Your Honor, my next client would like to come up to the podium. Okay. Please bring into the courtroom. Freezer from Dragon Ball Zee.

I mean, what hasn't Freezer done? Yeah. Oh, a lot of things. Well, I think it'd be faster to name off the crimes he hasn't committed. Go on, man. What are the crimes he has not committed? Money laundering probably. What about it? Why did Frieser...

First of all, why did he blow up a planet? Yeah, because he saw that particular race as a threat to his empire. What? So he killed another race because they threatened him? Yeah. He was just trying to defend his home turf, bro. How is that good?

That's terrible. Well, what if the threat was very real? just, this is an act of self-defense, you're on it. Well, it sounds like he's more than capable to defend himself. I don't think he needs to proactively destroy a planet. Well, he just needed, he needed to pluck out the weed before it grew too large. I believe, I believe he, in this instance, was the aggressor in this. I don't know about that, to be honest with you.

I mean, you know, he flew dynamic and was just like, I've heard that the Dragon Balls are here, and I kind of need them to make sure that I can keep safe, you know, because of there might be lots of threats out there. It's a large universe. There's lots of threats. There's lots of races out there. And you know, any one of them, justifiably, could do the same to freezer and his kingdom. And being like, you know what? We think you are a worthless species. We need to get rid of you. Your Honor, this is an act of self-defense. So is it self-defense if you are defending yourself against an attack that has not happened? Yes.

They also, your client also invaded peaceful planets and exterminated the population. Why would we need to exterminate a peaceful population? Your Honor, they were getting in the way. In the way? In the way. In the way of what? In the way of achieving his goals, which is to... Oh, so his goals are more important than anyone else's life. Yes.

Why is that? Because he needed to defend himself. Because he thought to himself... Against the peaceful... planet. Well, because he was like, okay, he saw that the Sayans had also reached planet Namik. And, you know, the Sayans are not exactly the most peaceful race in the universe. You know, they're highly aggressive species, as we have seen throughout the show. Most of them are dead. Yes. Wait, so what was the need for him to often enact cruel and unusual punishment

on his captives? Why can he kill them all just right away? Why did he torture them? Just a bit of fun, isn't it? He's just like, I'm not gonna kill ya. What is, what about the allegations of your client being a very open racist? Maybe referring to certain species as monkeys. Well, I would like to remind you that I believe Goku is an actual monkey. So, I don't know if you've seen him, but he definitely has a monkey tail. And why is it okay to?

Before, he basically just, it's the equivalent of Fraser coming up to you and going, hello, human. Right. They are, he is a monkey. He was not wrong in that. The species has a name and it is sayans. He did not say that. He did not say that at all. You know, for all you know, he, um...

It also wiped out most of them. Why was that needed? The sayans were not aggressive to him. We don't know that. We know that. How do we know that? Is it in the law? Is it in the law book?

It's not in the law book. Exactly. That is but an insinuation. What's to say that in this universe, the very aggressive sayans, which they are known to be aggressive, came up to free zone, was like,

we don't like what you're doing. What you're doing is unjustified. And we're going to be the ones to rule over you instead. And he went, uh-uh, hang on a second. You guys are being very aggressive right now. I do not appreciate that.

Well, I think there is a very, clear evidence of Frieser being a tyrannical leader, you know. I would- Not a just leader at all, a tyrannical leader with clear abuse of power that ruled with a iron fist through fear. Your Honor, I like to call my client instead a very smart economist and businessman, okay? He treated these planets like real estate and he was just trying, he was just trying to make sure that the market- So he's a landlord.

He was just trying to make sure that the market stayed healthy. Market stayed healthy That's right He's like There is no market If you kill everyone He was like Look at all this

Amazing real estate That we have here Going the landlord Route to defend free zone Was not the way I thought He's but a misunderstood Landlord

Oh my God What else What else is he done? What about the enslavement? Why was it necessary To enslave people? Mm-hmm Which enslavement?

He routinely enslaved Alien races Then using them As disposable mercenaries He did do that I forgot he did that. Why would he need to do that? I would like to say that he gave them jobs.

Much like Willie Wonka dear. Presumably they had jobs prior to this before their enslavement. Well, what if their jobs were just like very mundane and very boring? It was just like, we need a little bit of excitement in our lives. You want to be part of this very exciting arms race right now

where we are clearly going to come out for Victor. You know, why work at your average mom and pop shop? Come and work in the big factory, AKA my empire. Well, I think you know what? I think he's guilty. I think he's guilty.

I think he's very guilty. You did not change my mind. Yes. I think that's all we can say about Friza. This is a losing battle for me. Good try though. Yeah, I try. That's good try, good try.

God, who's your next client? All right, my next client, walking up to the podium, is Mr. Walter White. Oh, the illustrious. The, yeah, what has he been? Well, what hasn't he done? Murder, organized crime, money laundering, kidnapping,

drug manufacturing, poisoning, drug manufacturing, running a fucking cartel, definitely not paying taxes. The tax avoidance. That one's kind of based that. We can like that one slide. I mean, what hasn't he done? Yeah. Let's start with his, let's start with his,

first massive crime, which is manufacturing of meth. Well, let's, uh, we don't need to start with that. Because I think, I think what we should start with is, uh, these, all of these accusations that he is a criminal in this case, because he's not the criminal. He's a victim. My client here is a victim to a corrupt system

in what that led him to this life, not out of, uh, out of pure need and want to take care of his family, to support himself. Because if the system of the country he was in supported his health condition, he would not have been in the situation in the first place. So you're saying he's a victim of the system? He is a victim of the system.

Had he been born in, let's say, Canada, this he wouldn't have needed to go to a life of crime, you know? It would, he would have stopped right at the beginning. There would be no breaking bad. They would just be breaking goods and living long life. You know, it's a very noble cause. Yes. At what point was your client willing to say, I think I've gone too far.

This is enough. Well, what is? I would love to know at what point. Where's the threshold? Where does the nobility go? Let's get it. Let's be on the same page. At which case, at which point does prosecution think that water,

white turned into Heisenberg. At which exact point does the prosecution accuse him of turning into Heisenberg? The prosecution finds that it was day one. I mean, regardless of what noble reason, there was a lust for power there. And that was

what it was from the start. It was not a noble reason that he started. He wanted power. He wanted to take control of his life at any means necessary. He didn't care if it meant the destruction of everyone around him, which it did. Your Honor, my my client was, is, I mean, he's dead. My client was a dying man, okay?

He needed to make sure that his family was safe and secure and taken care of after his death, not be a burden. A noble cause, yes, truly, but why did it cost the lives of so many for the lives of so few? Because God knows how many victims he has created How many families were torn apart? How many families were torn apart by the meth trade? How many murders were carried out in the name of this cartel?

How many families have been torn apart by the system itself, you should be asking? Far more than my clients right here, sir. I would argue that the biggest villain here is the healthcare system itself. How many lives has been lost? Your Honor, this is a classic whataboutism here. I believe this is not just. We are currently talking about his direct or indirect influence on him distributing the meth that he has created with his own volition and with an organized crime structure. Your Honor, what other choices my client have?

What other choice do you have? To die? Would you have made the same choice? Would you have not, would you have made the same choice? I would argue that doing everything that he did for, you know, to save. his family to support himself and his family. Some people would call it based, Your Honor. You know, I'm going to have to throw it over to my other judgey because... Let's talk about some of the more mundane crimes. I mean, buying a car wash to launder money

shows a clear sign of guilt and avoidance to clearly disclose this money. I mean, as we said, you know, it's just a little bit of tax evasion. Who really cares about that, you know? The government. The government. Your Honor, what was his total income from all of the drug manufacturing that he was doing? That doesn't matter. Has that been disclosed?

That has not been disclosed. We can assume in the hundreds of millions. That is a lot of tax money. That is not just a measly couple thousand dollars, Your Honor. Let's not forget that your own. Your client had ordered a mass killing of prisoners, people who were already being punished for their crimes. Why was it fit for him to commit a mass atrocity

in the name of protecting himself? I haven't even got to that part of the file yet, so I have no idea, but that sounds pretty bad. Well, you know, my prosecution here is not even aware of that, so I believe for his protection. for his protection. Yeah, should be admitted from court. Yes, he should be admitted from court, you know.

I'll stand with the audience, don't know. And it did come out that he, Carl, can you go back to the screenshots? Waterwhite accumulated approximately 18 million. That was his personal gain, but how much money. In cash. Yeah, but how much was his entire organization worth? That was just what he took, right?

Let's not forget the hiding of dead bodies of children that he knowingly assisted with. And no point did your client turn around and say, I've gone too far. He doubled down, tripled down, quadrupled down until more bodies had piled up. But Your Honor, when that happens on the record, it should be stated that he felt really, really bad about it. He felt really bad about it. He was in a huge moral dilemma. He didn't stop. He didn't stop. He didn't think to question it.

You know, it was, it was just a small lapse, continuous lapse of judgment. You know, Your Honor, if you could commit a crime and say sorry and get away with it, we wouldn't need the police. Just saying. Did he try and say sorry? Yeah. He did try to say sorry.

He did try to say sorry many times. He said sorry to all of the dead bodies that he murdered. I don't remember seeing this scene. He literally, he literally, you know, his, his first, not victim, his first forced assassination against another drug dealer. He repeatedly said sorry as he was doing so. The only time he said sorry. He also apologized to some other people that he killed in a fit of anger, as I said.

I don't want to name any names here, but he did apologize repeatedly before being told to shut the fuck up, uh, and let me die. You know, he, he, he, he, he did feel sorry about it. You know, I'm, I'm just, I am just saying that's more than you, so you admit that your client did all these things. I, that was never, that was, because you said he felt apologetic about committing them. I'm saying that he did. I'm saying that he's a victim. I didn't say he did commit. And so what should the charge be for your victim here? The charge should he be let go free? Should He served time? The charge should be a change within the system itself, to not allow other victims like

Walter White to exist in this world. Right. Your Honor. Right. I am looking at the big picture here. I am looking at a systematic change within society itself. And Mr. Poor, poor Walter White himself is a victim. A victim.

A victim. Interesting. And, you know, you say that he accumulated 80 million in cash. That is small beings compared to some of the billionaires that exist in this world. You know? So it's society's fault. Yes, it is. I believe it is society's fault.

And Waterwhite is merely just one of many sympathetic people who have been affected by thus. And I rest your case, Your Honor. Well, Kai, what do you think? he wasn't just cooking that myth. Let me tell you that. What's your verdict? I can let him off the way. Damn. Damn, the dead man walks.

Holy shit. Oh, shit. Wow. You somehow came in clutch there. Well, Jerry, you have a client you would like to defend. Yes, this has been a multi-year case, dare I say, with no real conclusion whatsoever. But dare I say, the perpetrator of this entire, they did nothing wrong discussion to begin with. I would like to bring my client forward, Griffith from Berserk. Really? You want to defend Griffith? I think there is a point of contexture to his case that perhaps everybody has very much misunderstood his particular situation.

Could you paint a picture of your client to us through your eyes? See, because my client, I believe, a lot of people say, you believe or you know. I believe and I know. Okay. Wholeheartedly that he is a victim. He is not the culprit. In fact, he became said culprit due to his lack of control of the situation

and after the absolute tormented situation of being locked in a prison, brutally tormented to the point where his limbs, no longer was. Well, hold up. His crimes started before that. Yes. His crimes did start before that. What were his crimes before that?

Because if I remember he was part of an organization, the band of the Hawks, you know, alongside. This was not a sanctioned army. This was a group of mercenary. This was a group of mercenaries who believed the better good. And they were fighting for their freedom and for the greater good. And not only that, but he was absolutely adored by all of the people who were under him. And what do you do to them? Led them to freedom.

Let them to freedom. And tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, Joey, can you recount what eventually happened to the band of this or, the band of the hawk, the group that so innocently worshipped him, stood behind him? Yes, see, Your Honor, everybody thinks that, you know, the fact of the matter is that they were

unfortunately sacrificed, during the eclipse. And now a lot of people will think... Unfortunately. And now a lot of people will say that, hey,

I think Griffith was the reason why they did that. But if we remember distinctly, Your Honor, he was put into an absolutely

unwinnable what's the word? Ultimatum. By the Godhands. Yeah. When the eclipse happened and the God hands came out,

they were like, we will give you a choice. You will either live the rest of your life in absolute suffering and torture. or you must sacrifice those around you. Why was it okay for Griffith to choose himself

over so many innocent people? Because he was mentally and physically broken from the years of torment and suffering that he had to endure, right? This is a broken man. This is an insane person we're talking about here. He was put into the brink of insanity due to tortuous situations, which...

I would argue he got himself into the situation. Yes. Yes, but I would also like to say that I think the torture went a little bit too far, Your Honor. We can agree on two things at once. I think yes. Your client, you know, flagrantly misunderstood his position in society. He was a simple mercenary, not fit to be wed a woman in line for the throne. And more importantly, force himself onto her in a knight of passion.

Your Honor, this was the golden age and, you know, those kinds of morals didn't quite yet exist. This is a very normal situation in the dark ages. So you're saying boys will be boys. Boys will be boys. He was thinking with his small head and not his big head, okay? Okay. And look, the argument can be made that, say for instance, if, right, okay, what, you know, he put himself onto the princess, she didn't quite appreciate that. He was put into the slamer, right?

Was the torture really necessary? And is it safe to say that if he wasn't so mentally and physically tortured, would he have come out and done all of this? I say, I don't think so. I would argue he gave up his army, not for any relief of being done torturing, but to rule. He wanted to be a ruler.

True. I think is it not. I was trying to find a way out of it. Is it not a crime? to, I don't know, sacrifice all your friends to just have a better ruling. Well, Your Honor, I would like to give the insanity plea in this instance.

My client is clearly not in the same state of mind due to crimes that we have not yet punished. Okay. Did he or did he not consent to the murder of his very close ban of the hawks? Yes, because the Godhands were giving him a very unwinnable ultimatum. The unwinnable ultimatum was, it's very simple, Jerry.

Let me, let me break it down. It is me or them. It is one life for many, and the one life is my life, versus being brutally murdered by the Godhands. And on top of that, on top of murdering your close friends and family. Let's talk about the assaults that came afterwards. That came during during the act as well

And we're being very generous with your client We're calling it an assault Although we know it was much worse than assault Yes, I'm aware Yes On one casca I'm aware On one casca

How do you defend this action? Well, Your Honor, again I would like to throw the insanity plea out there He clearly did not do it with his own volition He was very much crazed Because he originally was thrown into the slamer Because he didn't get what he wanted I would argue

that it was designed to get revenge at guts who had bested him. Yes. He'd shown him his superior. So I don't think there was any insanity. I think Griffith was well aware of what he was doing and what he decided to do. I don't think there was any insanity about.

What a possible reason? What possible motive could your client have for this other than sick twisted depravity? Well, again, in his sick depraved mentality at the time, that may have been the most logical reason. He was purely acting on his own name. I think you're going to be like, is it a crime to be to bounce on it, crazy?

There is no arguing against the crazy person. This cannot be your only defense here. I believe a psychiatric evaluation is indeed. Unfortunately, I don't agree because your client has shown methodical, methodical choice across decades to consistently torture, pillage, rape, and kill. Consistently, with almost...

cold levels of calculation. But dare I say that he was not the only one who was thinking this in the band of horse. Oh, where are these people? Are they on trial right now? Guts was definitely like, you know what, Griffith? That's a great fucking idea.

I'm completely on board with that. Am I right band of hawks? And they were like, hell yeah, brother. I don't recall this decision being made as a group choice. Well, they didn't say no. Did they? What did they?

I'm what the Casca say? I believe Casca also, well, which situation Oh, there's multiple is that? No, no, no. In the situation of while they were still

a highly organized and functioning band of hawks that were all moving with the same purpose and, you know, goal in mind, Casca was very much for all of the movements of the band of the hawks.

Casca was like, yeah, you're right. You know, I believe in my freedom, I believe in salvation, I believe what we are doing is right for the lives that we want to lead. So, if he was this kind of manipulative, like, tyrannical leader of the band of the Hawks that you so claim,

then why couldn't Casca or guts or anybody in the band of the Hawks be like, um, I think that's kind of a bad idea. We didn't see that, did we? So they were fully on board with Griffith's vision right up until the end. So outside of the pillaging, uh, the murdering, you know, all that kind of jazz. Yeah. Torturing. Torturing as well. Which all mercenary groups were doing, by the way. What about his alignment to the apostles?

And literally aligning himself with demons and devils. Well, again, he was put into an unwinnable ultimatum. It was either I die with everyone or I have to fucking sacrifice it to pursue my goal, which as we know, from the very beginning, Griffith was a very goal-driven individual. He truly believed in what he was doing and the vision that he saw and he was like, I will do anything to pursue that goal. The one thing I will say about your client is that he was never a liar, you know. He certainly wasn't.

He's not a trout on being a liar here. He was very open about it. But that does not make it okay. He's lying a crime. Is having a vision, a goal, a dream? Is having a dream, a crime? I think if the dream comes at the cost of many lives and then, yeah, I'd probably say it is a crime.

All right. Guy, what's the verdict? What crimes did he not commit? True. He wasn't ugly. That's true. Yeah, you didn't try to use the buddy's hot defense. Exactly.

But that's because I knew that I mean, it didn't work with the last case. It didn't work, no. So I was like, there's no point bringing it up. But at least he was hot. Yeah, I mean, guilty as hell. He is guilty as hell. I want to know, okay.

We're not very good lawyers. No. I want to know where did the whole, like, Griffith did nothing wrong thing even come from? Probably because it's like a parody of how much he did do wrong. Well, let's, let's, uh... Because I'm like genuinely curious. Let's Google Griffith did nothing wrong and see what comes up.

Because as we have just established, he did a lot of wrong. So that's why I want to know, like, where did this, where did this come from? It just became a meme, I guess. It just became a meme, but what is the actual argument behind it? Yeah. The brutal world context. Okay, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, his ultimate goal is to build a utopian kingdom, Falconia, that ends human suffering and brings peace and provides safe haven for refugees. See, if I had done a little bit more brushing up, I would have been able to bring that up. Yeah. It's been a while since I've read, Where is this utopia? Well, clearly it was thwarted because he just happened to make it,

because he got rejected by a woman. Actually, Joe, it's because he got rejected by guts, if you remember exactly. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, he got rejected by guts. That's right. That literally broke him into insanity. That's right.

It's, it's a while. Griffith is just... To be fair, that is how it feels on the boy. decline an invitation to go for beers. It's like, I might start a crusade. I don't know if to do myself. Yeah, Griffith is just the results of what goes wrong in a toxic yawi

in the worst play, in the worst way possible. True. He's guilty of being in the closet and not coming out. Yeah, that is true. That is true. Well, let us know down below who you thought was innocent and guilty

based on our arguments. Yeah. Let us know if you want us to do something like this again because there's a lot of fun. Yeah, this was fun. Hey, look at all these patrons, though. You know, what, they're guilty for being just the absolute best, best supporters of trash taste.

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