Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Atsuko Okatsuka is Good Cop & Katherine Blanford is Bad Cop

Episode Date: June 10, 2025

JOIN THE WEIRDEST PATREON EVER: https://www.patreon.com/c/TrashTuesdayPodcast Sluggies! it’s an extra special episode today because we have 2 of the funniest people in in the stu. We’re all over the dang place with a hodge podge of tops: Dating apps, being a woman who chooses not to have kids, straight men admitting they like female artists, obama, bush (lol) + sm more.  Go see bo th these hilarious women on tour & GO SEE ATSUKO’S NEW SPECIAL FATHER JUNE 13th on HULU!! Know Your Rights: If ICE Confronts Youhttps://www.aclu.org/know-your-rights/immigrants-rightsStay safe slugs. Thank You to Our Sponsor(s):  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/TRASHTUESDAY and get on your way to being your best self ESTHER & FRIENDS June 27th https://www.showclix.com/event/esther-june27th  *Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com*Visit Ebb Ocean Club & Holiday Shop* https://www.ebboceanclub.com/for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products! FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesdayTiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday MORE ESTHER:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonsterInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/ MORE KHALYLA:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A  PRODUCTION:Production Team: Tiny Legends, LLC:  https://www.instagram.com/tinylegends.prod/Stella Young: https://www.instagram.com/estellayoung/Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/Edited By:Arielle Jade: https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/

Are there other people coming? Yeah. Oh, that's so sad. What? Like you just got to my party. Are there other people coming? It really is got it. I know.

I shouldn't have asked it like that. I should have been like, I love how you provided us extra seating. I love how it's just us. I love that. I was like, oh, I love how you have so much extra equipment. How prepared.

Just in case. Okay. Hi slugs. It's your girl with a mouthful of raisins and walnuts. Here to tell you, I have a standup show in LA, Friday June 27th at the Comedy Store. You can get tickets at the link below. I'll see you there. It's it's been real

Well, we have a patreon and it is I'll say it it's popping off and it's juicy juicy juicy And we have full episodes there We're talking current events pop culture all the stuff we don't get to on the full episodes and our patreon is growing and we love Our patreon slugs you guys can join and get instant access to all the backlogged episodes. So if you wanna have like a little binge and then a new thing every week, you can go to patreon.com slash Trash Tuesday podcast

or click the link below. And shout out to our golden slugs, Brandon and Thomas. And if you're a hater, we also have a hater tier. Oh yeah. Just for you. This is your line. Isn't that so like impressive? hater tier, just for you. This is your line? Isn't that so like, impressive? I just love, it's like weird, but I got it done.

No, you have beautiful hair. This is all purchased, this is amazing. This is not mine at all. Wait, really, it looks so good. I still go back to Atlanta to get my extensions fixed, so I fly back to Atlanta on a red eye on Thursday, go straight to the chair, sit in the chair for seven hours, then fly back out that night.

Oh, do you have the kind that don't come out? Yeah, you do. You have the clip-ins. I have two wefts. You can see, actually. They're kind of grown out, so that's why I'm going back on Thursday. You see how it's sewn in?

Yes, I've always felt that if I were to do extensions, it's gotta be like that. Because I don't wanna clip in and clip out every day. But would never. I'm the opposite. I'm so claustrophobic that anything on me is not a part of me. I start to like breathe heavy.

Do you wear makeup? Yeah. Well, I haven't lately. This might be the first day I'm wearing makeup. So do you wear makeup? But that's another thing. I feel claustrophobic in makeup. When she first got here, she was like,

so is anyone else coming? It's like when you get to a party and I'm just sitting there. I'm like, yeah. Well, I just, I thought it was okay. That if no one was. Just okay. But I was like, maybe they're set up for a podcast after this and there's four chairs. What's going on with Remy that he needs to come to work now?

I'm fully realizing he probably doesn't have a whole lot of time left, so I don't want to be away from him for a single minute. Oh, baby. I know. I know you guys have children now, but I feel like losing a dog has got to be earth shattering. It's your first baby. I want to be clear that when people are like, I love my dog less after I had the kid is not true. No, I know.

Good! I love my dogs way more, and seeing them interact and seeing how they are with my baby makes me love them exponentially more. Oh, are you bragging because you know that my dog wants to kill my daughter? Wait, your dog's mad at your daughter? No, they're just... Shhh. Atsuka! Atsuka! Aww! because you know that my dog wants to kill my daughter. Wait, your dog's mad at your daughter? Shh. Atsuka! Atsuka!

Hi! Do you know Catherine? Hi! Catherine. We were behind each other in a CVS pharmacy line recently, but I didn't say anything to you. That's such a weird way to start this. What?

It's a really weird way. Your anti-mother? Yeah. Talk to me. For real? Sell us. Of course! Oh, do we start?

Sure. I'm more like looking down. Should we do a proper intro? Yes. I can sub intro, let's go and you can... Am I buttoned up? Yes, we'll do Asians versus whites before you decide. Ooh, yay!

This is good! This is race war! Race war, race war. Race war. There's no more scrued. Yeah. This is the end of our time. This is the beginning. Well, it's our month, right? Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war!

Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war!

Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war!

Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war! I do think Jewish people and Asian people are very similar, but I don't tend to get a lot of support on that theory when I share it. A lot of pressures. You are absolutely right. Yeah. Two of my best friends wanted to start a website. One is Jewish, one is Korean,

and literally the site was called jewsandkorean.com. I wanna be a subscriber if they take them. There is something, you're really onto something, and I think you're correct about that. You have both your family dynamics, your parents want you guys to do well. Depends what kind of Asian. Depends on what kind of Asians, I know what it is.

Korean, because JewsandKorean.com. Yeah. Right? I just think it's just that we're both cheap. Oh, you know what? But who isn't too though, you know? The more I learn about just like every kinds of people, I'm like, wait, We're all truly the same

I feel like her kinds is not cheap. What is your kind? Yeah, I agree with you southern white well. It's because this is making me want to fight my earrings when I'm taking What you say I bet you're so generous like I bet you would like pick up any tab even if it's like you really shouldn't Yeah, oh 100% I moved out to LA and like how many people? Weren't doing the dance that I was used to being like I got it. No, I got it. No, I've got it I don't even need anything. No, I've got it. I just saw I just showed up to pay the tab like when people don't do that here and people have like agency and boundaries. I'm like I fully agree with that Asians do that. Yes. So in an hour

I can say our because I'm not Japanese but in the culture us we can be we can us My kindred spirits are the Filipino. Thank you. You are an honorary Filipino It is a game you play with the check. Everyone fights for it. Then even if you don't plan on paying, you better still pretend you're fighting for it. I said do the dance. Yeah.

The dance is I lead, but you will dip me eventually. You know, which means like you pay the check eventually. We all know you're gonna pay the check, but like it's rude of me not to play the dance. I even on dates sometimes, the guy dated in Georgia before I Left him and moved LA on our first date. I literally go. Okay, is this where I pretend it? Go go get my credit card. How did he react to that?

I think he was scared of me from the get-go so he nervous laughed but like he nervous laugh. Yeah, like But this was in the south we were you're saying they do do that. Like, they do pick up the checks and they do do the dance. Everyone's a host. Everyone's hospitable. Except for that guy. No, he paid for it. Oh, he paid for it. But he was nervous by you on the first date, and then you guys became boyfriend and girlfriend.

How did you work that? It was kind of like a friendly prison situation for him, I feel like. He was just like, this woman is terrifying and aggressive, but I'll probably never get like any, get with anyone like her ever again. So I should- You mean as pretty as her? Say it. Listen.

I'll say it. Listen, you can say it. Ooh, yeah. Like Southern people are like, we take value in being hosts and like wanting wanting to show, never put anybody out, which sometimes it's to your detriment. We certainly don't know what boundaries are. That's kind of Filipino-y, right?

Yeah, Filipinos is like, everything is a potluck, but also everyone brings Tupperware. It's called Bring House. You have to be an equal member in bringing stuff to the party. You always have, you cannot come with empty hands, but everyone leaves with a Tupperware. What if I bring a smile?

Hey, hey. No. Oh really? Wait, do you have? I'm like, hey, whatever. I'm a little like California meets Asia, you know? I'm like, hey, you are enough. You did you. You came and that's all that matters. California meets Asia, you know, I'm like hey you are enough

You came and that's all that matters You know what I mean, yeah Yeah Well, so you're saying you don't feel house the hospitality anymore after having moved to LA at first I was was kind of taken back what people that were like We'll be splitting the check or like you'll have yours or whatever else and then if and then after a while I was kind of taken back by people that were like, we'll be splitting the check, or like, you'll have yours, or whatever else. And then after a while, I was like, impressed by it. I was like, wow, that's so cool that you can say that and not feel guilty for the rest of the year about that.

I completely agree. I think it's so awkward to have to split the check between six people. If I'm in that situation, forget it. It's like, here, take my credit card, we'll figure it out later later because this is so fucking embarrassing what we're doing. I'll go into debt. I'll go into debt before I sit in this situation. Even if it's just like a split even? Or do you mean if it's like a... Even split eat, I don't feel

comfortable. It is so weird for me. Oh, yeah. Wait, but okay. Where in LA are we? Asians are fighting now. No, no, I need... You know what it is too? Also, LA doesn't... Because if you moved here, most people are transplants. And if you're in the industry, so I wouldn't say this culture is like a... almost like a third culture. It's like a made-up culture too.

So it's hard to decipher what's going on, you know? It's a hodgepodge. Yeah, it's a hodgepodge of everyone. And this economy In these tariffs and these tariffs these $400 tariffs were paying for pants That look like it didn't have to be that expensive. You know what I mean? I was like damn they do Cool I could have gone to I don't know Marshall's I went to Marshall's yesterday. Those pants were not there. Worth the $400. Yes. Can we have a moment for your nails too? Oh thank you. They're just hot dogs. Yeah. No they're not just hot dogs. One is a hot dog. Why do you have a

hot dog? And condiments. That's so Chicago of you. Thank you. Oh yes it's for the Pope. This is me celebrating the Pope. America, you know, because yeah. New Pope, new nails. You gotta show your patriotism. Will you introduce? You can introduce your white friend. I'll introduce Asian. Oh, wow. We still haven't started.

No, we're starting. Three is three beginnings. No, no, this is all in. Let's do three beginnings. You guys, it's an extra special show. We have back my honorary Filipina, Otsuka Okatsuka. Yay, hilarious comedian.

And we have another hilarious comedian, and she's white, and she's blonde, and she's so funny. And this is our third attempt at getting her here. And finally, we dragged her, Katherine Blamford. Thank you. Yay. I'm rare. I'm nervous what's gonna happen on this podcast. Because it started with the Asians and the whites.

That and because it was so many failed attempts like I feel like like there's might be an earthquake during the podcast or something. Well it is earthquake season. It is LA. Why would you say that? It's California. Why would you yes and her earthquake manifestation? I always yes and earthquakes. It's also full moon. Yeah, it's full moon. Full moon, so people be wild out there in the streets. Did you see the way people are driving?

Already it started. Tariffs, full moon, Chicago Pope, 2025, fires. Earthquakes right around the corner, babe. I don't want to die from natural disaster. Why? Cause I don't want to be in the lump of statistics. 26 people died today because of earthquake. You want to be unnatural.

One woman died because of manhole. Oh, like a sick hole. So as long as you're the only one. Yeah, I want to be the one person that dies. And then everyone talks about that story, but I don't want to be one of 42. Well, I'll tell you what's my biggest fear is being in a plane crash with someone really famous

because no one will talk about you and your life. Your picture's not gonna be posted, what you did for a living, it's gonna be that celebrity who died. You know that airplane that had to reroute and like stop in emergency stop in Japan from the Philippines back to LA? Joe Coy was on that flight.

I saw that. Okay, and so I was out eating and I heard two people talking about it, right? And they were like, yes, ah, yeah, we had to reroute. And there was this person coming from the Philippines back to LA. And they were like, it was so wild. And Joe Koi was on our flight.

And I was like, what? And then so because of Joe is how I think more people found out about it. I mean, obviously it's a scary thing. So internationally everyone's talking about it. But she had this experience where, cause I was like, oh, I'm so curious. How was the experience?

I haven't talked to Joe about it. I know Joe, but, and she was like, oh, we had to sit on the tarmac for hours once we landed in Japan. But Joe, Joe got to get off. What? You got to get off? Because there's visa issues from the Philippines.

You can't just get into, Japan's pretty strict with visa stuff. Joe is an American citizen, so he was like, also, first class, also Joe Koi. So they're like, come on in, sir. Come in, sir Coy. Joe, you want to get off? Yeah, I think so.

Wait, I just came up with a perfect way for you to die. You want to be in a plane crash? Yeah. But everyone else survives but you. Okay, okay. Oh, then the guilt. Oh my gosh, the guilt you would feel. No, that everyone else would feel.

Wait, oh, so she's dead. I'm hearing things wrong. Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. feel. No, that everyone else would feel. Wait, oh, so sorry. Because she's dead. I'm hearing things wrong. Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're dead, everyone else lived? Can I die saving a little boy, like his seatbelt wrecked, and so I threw my body on top of it? I don't know, can you? Show us what you got.

You're very anti-child, so I don't foresee you saving child. Dog. Dog. Dog isn't strapped in. Oh, you would be such a I jumped saved dog Yeah, my head snaps hits the ceiling of the airplane come down dead dog dog ends up dying Anyways, I think they would name an airport after you right. Thank you. I hope it's a really shitty one like Fargo Not a shitty can I try to save what I said even though it didn't make sense but make it make sense Yeah, the way the world is going the guilt you would feel what for dying and we have to continue living on this earth I think so. That's what I meant

No, I'm just twisting it so that it looks like I listen No, I'm just twisting it so that it looks like I listen. I must have missed it. I was like, how did I miss the fact that she's the one that dies? She has victims' guilt for victims' remorse. For leaving this shitty earth. And I go, enjoy COVID 2.0. And you saved that dog. And I saved that dog.

My mom died right before COVID. Well, sooner than that. But I think about it, I'm like, she really got out at the prime time. I mean, you know, in a way, yeah. Right before COVID, like, that was prime. It was all, the 90s were great. It really is. The 2000s were great.

The 2010s, pretty fantastic. The teens were pretty good. She got out before Trump. 1.0. 1.0, yeah. She experienced Obama. And she had Bush. And I know people are mad about George W. Bush,

but I always say this. I was young when Bush was president, and I just thought he was cute. I thought he was adorable. I think we all had a little bit of a crush on him at one point. Is that okay? I don't know if it's a crush, it's more like a, oh.

Yeah, right? He was still, for a president, he's cute. He's definitely cuter than. Everything, the face, the smile. There's a gif of him shaking his booty. Cuter than Bill Clinton. Yeah, and he was a cheerleader actually, former cheerleader.

Was he really? Yeah, I know this because I was a former cheerleader and in my show, I show I talked about like, you know how Some form US presidents were cheerleaders in the past George W is 104. Really? Yes He was we really forget about him and he speaks Spanish. Oh multi-culti Things are so grim that we're circling back around and loving it. I know, we're like, he smells Spanish. Oh, this was fine.

This was okay. He's a war criminal, absolutely. He wanted to kill me. Then we had it. He was like, look over here. He started a war and he was like, look over here. Yeah. Espanol.

And we were like, oh my God, yes. He was so good. And doesn't he paint now? And he paints. Yeah, he paints. And his daughters are on, like, Good Morning America. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

This is, oh. It's really not that bad if you think about it now. I mean, exactly. Yeah. Wait, so Catherine, what's up with your anti-mother? Yeah. Say more. I support it.

Anti-mother or anti-child? Anti-mother. Wow. Wow. Okay or anti-child? Mmm, anti-mother. Wow. Wow. Okay, yeah. This is really bad for the white side. Okay, anti-mother. Oh yeah, you do anti-mother, we'll do the anti-child thing.

Or something, I don't know. Is this a debate now? No, it really is. No, I think you're a good one. I'll do anti-child, you do anti-mother. So I was anti-child for so long because I was a nanny. I nannied for eight one. I'll do anti-child, you do anti-mother. So I was anti-child for so long, because I was a nanny for eight years. I started comedy in Atlanta. I nannied during the day.

There was great family, the parents were great. But I realized the old way of thinking was like, we'll just have a kid and figure it out. If you have a child, you have to have the time to dedicate to raising the child. That's definitely a fair assessment. We can no longer have the, I'm gonna just call it a boomer mindset of being like,

well, we got the kid, you know what? It'll fit into our lives. No, you're raising a shitty person that's not gonna benefit the world. If you have a kid, I feel like you've gotta have the time to mold it and shape it. And when it cries or whatever, you don't go, well, you figure it out.

You sit down and you go, why are we crying? Do we have feelings? Let's talk about feelings, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so I just feel like maybe nowadays, maybe one's okay. And maybe not everybody even has to have one. And maybe the population is big enough, we should all slow down, maybe instead of a child, four dogs.

And no crates, by the way. But let's stop acting like, no, you don't like crates, you like crates? Crates for dog, crates for dog, crates for dog? Yeah, I think crates for dogs are okay. Makes them feel safe. Crate training. Yeah. Oh, she's anti-dog too are okay. Makes them feel safe. Yeah, safe. Great training. Yeah.

Oh, she's anti-dog too. You're anti-crate. Anti-crate, anti-mother. I just feel like, we all just assume that motherhood is the first option, and then we scale back from there. I think as a society right now, we all start with no kids,

and then some people decide after that I Think that the second option should be kids I think I'm like more that latter option and I wonder if maybe like you being from the south. It's like you're more like Accustomed to people just having kids and like I don't know so many kids. I friends now on their third kid and I'm like having kids and like, I don't know. So many kids, I have friends now on their third kid and I'm like, live life. Yeah, I get that, cause like look,

I didn't do it till 36, so it's like, I think you're not being too anti-mother. I think you're being like, smart and pragmatic about like how you should look at having kids. I don't know, what do you guys think? Yeah, I mean, well I'm very childless and we're not gonna have kids. I don't know what very childless is. And so, I'm barren, I'm very childless. I'm and I'm we're not gonna have kids. I don't know what very child

My sister she's she's very childless Yeah, she's very like I will never I can never and she's so okay with it Yeah, right. My husband just had a vasectomy, you know, and yeah. Oh, they shave you for that. Did you know that? We didn't know. Oh, did he have to do? Sorry. Might be to TMI. You know, you have to clear out the chamber, so he has to jerk off 50 times before you're clear. Huh? Yeah. So after after you do vasectomy. Yeah, they were like, they were like, so you're going to have to, yes, jerk off 50 times, you know, make sure it's all out, and then come back.

Okay, don't you dare come back before it's not empty or something like that. And don't you try having sex before it's 50 times. And they said, and please, for the love of God, don't try to do it all in one day. And my husband said, what did you say? Why did you say that? And they said, you'd be surprised. How many people try to do it all? Like they're like, oh shit.

Like their appointments coming up again to see the doctor. And so they're like, I didn't do it. So they all try to, they try to get it, you know, procrastinating. So they try to do it all in one day. I think they die. I don't know what happens. But I think how much time is he given

between his next appointment? How much time is it clear the chamber? Well, it's a lot of time. It's months. Oh, yeah, whoever like just don't procrastinate You have months to do it, right? So if we're going at the pace of one a day Yes, it'll be fine. But then some people are just like ah ah, I'll get it. And it's like, shit, today's the day. Ah, ah, ah. You didn't know? I think it would die. I think this is why we've never heard of these people,

because they die. They're not in the news. It's nothing. Yeah, vasectomy, because we're so like, oh, let's not have any children, let's not risk it. So is there a reason you made that decision, or? We don't know what we're doing. We didn't know we weren't married till like six months ago. Right? Because the paperwork thing, me and my husband. What did you do? We forgot to turn in the paperwork. Did you get married by an easy-bake oven? We did a high five and we're like, I think we're married now. We put on rings and we're like, yeah. Now that's my husband.

And no, it was kind of, we don't know, we're not good at adulting, we're not good at adult stuff, paperwork, these things that they don't teach you, you know? And so, yeah, there's no way. I went to my friend's baby's birthday party. I was holding my best friend's baby, happy birthday, I was talking to it, everything, for an hour, she comes in, She's busy, you know, hosting.

She comes in. She goes, Asuka? I said, hey Kelly! She's like, what are you doing? And I was like, I'm holding Charlotte! And she goes, that's not Charlotte. I'm holding not her baby. A whole hour I was singing to her, talking to her. Charlotte, you're so beautiful. And I go, this isn't your baby? She goes, no. And I go, well, which one's Charlotte? She goes, this one? Charlotte is.

No. Charlotte goes, hi, Atsuko. I'm like, you talk? Yes, Charlotte is six years old, Atsuko. She goes, this is a six year old walking, talking child. I thought this was a six year old baby. I'm so sorry, you had a baby. She goes, six years ago, Asko, six years ago.

I don't know what I'm doing. I cannot have my own baby. I agree. I don't even know what a baby looks like. This looks right though. She said, come to Charlotte's birthday. I said of course, yes, for your baby. Because baby could mean anything.

She's like yes, it's my baby's birthday. I'm literally thinking baby. I don't know what I'm doing. I think legally you can't have children now. It's safer for the world if you don't have children. I said and who is this? Who is this baby? We're all wondering.

I was like, what mother gave you their child? My friend's dad was holding the baby. Oh. But that's like my friend's neighbor's baby or something. It's a lot of babies at a baby, like a kid's birthday. This is how much moms need help, is they'll just let you hold their baby unknown for like an hour.

They just have no idea who you are. You don't know them. Yeah, I said, and who is her mother? They were watching him. Who is she? You were calling it Charlotte, and they were just like, see ya, that's my boy Henry. I know, I had no idea.

No idea, because the dad, yeah, because I was like, oh, may I? And the dad's like, of course, and then he walked away. So I don't know. It wasn't the dad of your friend. It wasn't the husband. It is the dad of my friend. Okay, okay, gotcha.

I just said, may I, may I please? Oh my God. And then, so he walked away. He doesn't hear me go, Charlotte, little baby. Gosh, wow. So what, yes, vasectomy, you know. And when did you find out it was a baby doll? And it wasn't.

Yeah. You're like, and when did you find out it was a baby doll? And it wasn't really. You're like, and when did you find out it was a terrier mix? It was a dog. It was a little charlotte. It was a little charlotte. It's wagging. Are you still really into those real babies?

Me? The real dolls? You want to do that when you're older, right? We talked about it the last time. Esther has dreams of. When I'm like a little crazy old lady, I wanna get a very realistic baby doll and push it in a stroller at the park

and pretend it's my real baby. Well, why don't you just get a dog? I'll have a dog. Is it something about the physicalness of a plump, tiny body? I think it's, no, no. It's how you feel as a mother. You're caring for a little baby.

It's just fun. I never played with dolls when I was little and now that I have a baby I it's something I like so I want to like in the later years play pretend with dolls If either of you are interested, I'll hold a spot for you That bench is gonna be real cold and empty. It is gonna be empty Room for more. Yeah. I'll be right there. I'll be there. Because I would have never had a kid so I'll be like, oh sure. Let's do it now. Yeah you know I'm good at holding things for an hour. And being like, yes, yes, yes. You actually sound like a very helpful person at a party. Someone who will just hold a random baby for an hour.

I babysat too so I you so I can do that pretty good. Yeah, I just wouldn't do it for myself, that's all. Do you feel like you're decided? Yeah. Really? I wanna say, it didn't come from nothing. One family for eight years, and they started with one kid. When I left, their third child was four.

So I raised, they raised their kids, but I was there every day with brand new babies, helping them form into human beings. And so I know how much work it is and I love my life. Yeah. And I don't want to give my life to anyone. If you're realistic about the work, it really is a lot of work.

Sorry about his breath, can you smell it? It's really bad. No, not at all, you can, well you're so close to him. It's really bad. I don't wanna put him through surgery of getting his teeth removed, because It's really bad. Well, you're so close to him. It's really bad. I don't want to put him through surgery of getting his teeth removed because he's so old. Yeah, no, I don't smell it at all. Okay.

I bet. Is that the one that attacks penises? Oh no, that's Julio. Yeah. Love that. So there's a dog that attacks penises. And so how's his breath? Because that one, that must,

because you're attacking with your mouth. That's the thing about dogs. It's like the mouth is your hands, right? So because you're attacking with your mouth. That's the thing about dogs, it's like the mouth is your hands. Right, so when you're trying to fight, you're just, ah, ah, ah. That's what dogs do. You doing this is punching, right? You with your-

I didn't think about that. Yeah, oh yes. The saddest thing for me with dogs is like, when they're eating, no, when they're holding something, they have to hold with their mouth, right? And so they have to be like, do I eat or do I keep holding this? You have to, this is my hands.

You know what I mean? I can't even think about that. Yes, think about it. You got to, you have to think about these things. They'd be so frustrating if like, cause dogs sit there and watch us use our hands and our thumbs for things and they don't have them. Imagine if we were like pets to some other creature

that had like limbs and stuff that we didn't have. Like they could just float in the air and they had like four more arms. And I was just, I'd be like, what a piece of shit I am. Wouldn't that be so nice to have some big, strong octopus creature just like feeding you and petting you all day? Am I crazy? No.

I love octopus. Because they could feed you, they could feed themselves, they could feed your dogs. I'm going to name five more things. They have eight, right? Yeah. Anyway, so yeah, they could be locking the keeping the door shut and Feeding you, you know from the intruders. This is a high-stakes situation. Yeah, just always intruders. Oh, yeah Always. Yeah, I mean he can't floss and stuff Right, he can't he's already gotten teeth removed. But if we get any more out and his tongue will flop out completely

Oh, I love it when that which some dogs do live like that Do you think he would not like that or he'd be like, I love it when that happens. Which sun dogs do live like that? Do you think he would not like that or he'd be like, I think I'd be sad about it. Like, oh no. How old is he? He's almost 15. Pepper's 15 too.

We both have senior dogs. Your dog's 15 too? Well, Pepper used to be my dog, but he lives with my parents now. Did you never think to co-parent with Pepper? I tried. Pepper with a boyfriend. Yeah, Pepper and I, I had him with a boyfriend

and then the boyfriend obviously broke up with me. He said he'd rather live in his car than live with me. Or no, he said he'd rather be homeless than live with me. And how is the streets for him? He's doing good actually. He's pretty rich. He's rich now. For now.

Wow, okay. But. Sucks, right? No, I support it. So I gave Pepper to my parents because I was like doing open mics Wow, okay. But... Sucks, right? Yeah. No, I support it. So I gave Pepper to my parents because I was like doing open mics and it was very hard to be, you know, a dog mom when you're trying to make it in comedy, as I'm sure you guys have experienced.

Yeah. And then my dad was like, no, you can never have him back. Like they... Could. I guess. Wait. No, but Pepper found... Yeah. People that love him no matter what.

And you do too. You do love him too. I love this like, we're doing good cop, bad cop. She's like, mothers suck. And I'm like, you know, you are enough. That's the only thing I come back to. I commend you for being mothers. I'm just saying, I think we should start

Everybody's Bay should be not having kids. You're not wrong By the way girl, that's that is how we start when we come out into the earth That is a kid in the south. Oh, oh, you're a baby. Here's a doll for your crib You're a mother in the crib. Oh get to work It's the culture. Yeah. I think it's the culture that we can like maybe like, you know, not put so much pressure and have it not be so shameful.

But stop doing Easy Bake Ovens and dolls. And one of the kids asked for a broom set for her birthday. And I was like, no, you're not getting a broom set. Here's a Hot Wheels car. No, literally for my daughter, instead of getting her like a little kitchen set, I'm gonna get her like a little bachelor pad. Yes.

And like, it'll just be like a black leather couch and like a dirty towel, one dirty towel, so she'll, navy sheets. Yeah, put a Scarface poster in her room. Yeah. Yes. That's gonna be cool. Yeah, Yeah, because it's like also the religiousness of the South too, right? Like in the news, people are always like, childless women are selfish, you know, that kind of thing.

That kind of mentality. They go build our army instead. Right. It's like you're living for you. That's selfish. Whatever that means. I never understood the selfishness of not having children. You're putting yourself first before this imaginary baby.

Right. You know? And it's like, well, the baby's not here. So I don't know how I'm putting myself before anyone. It's just me, right? It's just me. Right. There's no number two.

There's no two. To be neglecting with your selfishness. Right. I didn't have the baby and I leave it. Yeah. Which would also be fine. If you want to get deep with it, what it is is. You can leave your baby at the fire station.

Someone will take it. And people have done that in the past. Is that what they did back in the day? Church steps. Yeah, it's a big thing, right? I know someone that their grandfather was found in a field. Oh.

In a field, yeah. Like a Texas dog? Wow. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I actually feel so deeply bad for anyone that is trying to get through this life without therapy. And I'm speaking specifically to myself before I got a therapist because

I was trying so hard and I did not know what was wrong with me and I blamed myself and I didn't know why I felt so different than other people, why all the problems come to me. No, I needed therapy to work through that so that I could actually see that this is just the human experience and I just needed some guidance and some help. And sometimes you don't necessarily know what a heavy load you're carrying until you open up to a professional. You need that outside perspective.

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month at BetterHelp.com slash Trash Tuesday. That's BetterHelp.help.com slash Tr trash Tuesday. Are you newly single? Yeah. How's it going? I'm trying to stay single right now. I'm like notorious for finding like a straight dog, if you will, that needs homes. I've never heard of someone saying

they're trying to stay single. Like you must be so pretty. No. I got out of a long-term relationship and then kind of had a string of like, you know, the situation ships. But they were all, yes, yes. They were boys, boys.

Not in a legal fashion, but boys. Now I'm just going like, I'm trying to be like, trying to be happy with myself for a second to figure that out without having to, I don't know, I feel uncomfortable being by myself, like spending too much time alone, or going home alone, and I'm trying to figure out how to be comfortable with that. But- You're resting right now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the chase instead. I like to be like hey are you on dating apps? No I'll never go on a dating app. Really? Because I just feel like I'm gonna have to meet somebody organically because I am like this and I'll blow my nose at dinner and... What is like this? And how do you meet them asking for a friend? Um well again none of them are great But I feel like if I'm dating, meeting someone at a dating app,

that's a well established person that's looking for a well established person to match with them, and I'm not gonna meet that needs of that person, and I wanna be able to be myself. You're not ready. Huh? You're not ready to meet the right person yet?

I don't feel like a dating app is the person. I'm not gonna. Cause it's very chiseled I don't feel like a dating app is the person. I'm not gonna- It's very chiseled, you mean? Yeah, that's a professional person. It's like, this is my list of things that's me, and then these are my list of things that's me. I don't like that.

And so it's not as like, it's more rigid, right? Instead of being like, hey, we're meeting at a bar. Yeah. I haven't dated in a long time. I haven't dated in a long time, so I don't know. That was my, that was how I picture. No, very much. Oh really?

Yeah, I don't wanna, I wanna like you because we have chemistry in a bar. We have chemistry during a plane crash or something like that, like there's a story. I don't wanna like you because I like your bio. Never have a bio, never have a bio. I have a friend who hired a coach to help her with her dating app profile,

and she was telling me about it, and I'm like, I hate that. So they're helping you with your responses. I'm like, I didn't even know there were words on profiles. If you're a woman, words can only hurt you. You should just leave it all blank. Is that an option? Yes. That's always what I tell every single girl.

Anytime, because I'm on the are we dating the same guy pages on Facebook? Yeah, and I follow them like it's like my religion. That's all I do. It's like I know every single cheater in Honolulu I know every single cheater in Nashville like I know my face Why Nashville? Because I follow all the cities are we dating the same guy? Okay, do you do Atlanta? I do all of them Show me a picture. I'll be like girl red flag. But Honolulu in Nashville was that high.

She named them first. Wow. High rate in Honolulu? Lots of drama. Island, you know. Yeah. Hawaii is small, so a lot of island drama. You've seen Moana.

Yes. Sometimes the girls will post their conversations with dudes, right? Nothing angers me more than a girl over explaining, saying too much, leaving a paragraph. And I'm like, no, no, no. Like you're doing too much. Like the whole coaching thing. Words can only hurt you. Say less.

I mean, the fact that they're, this is how I feel, and I don't like the way, it's like, no, don't give him a paragraph or your time or effort or an essay. Like his brain is so like just black and white, give him nothing and then he will chase you to no end. It's so hard because we want to be heard so bad. I understand that, but there aren't a lot of mature people that you can do all that in person in real life, but over text, over a dating app, fuck that, but there aren't a lot of mature people. You can do all that in person in real life,

but over text, over a dating app, fuck that. Give them so little. Yeah, it's so robotic now, it's not even real. Like, yeah, if you have to be like, do you like me because I've spent a year curating my online PowerPoint presentation for you, that's how we figured out we liked each other. It's hard because humans aren't rigid,

so we aren't just a paragraph, you know? Yes, yes. To be fair. Put that in my bio. I feel like I am a paragraph. One more time? No, you're not. I'm a paragraph.

Let's write out your paragraph. Yeah, let's do paragraphs. Come on, paragraph. I like dogs. Okay. And eating. Yeah. And I'm short. and I like to sit.

I think that's all I need. You know what you are? You're an AIM away message. Thank you so much. AIM away message is, oh, I thought I would explain for the younger listeners. Yes, please do. Please.

AOL Instant Messenger. And it was a place we chatted with a lot of strangers. A lot of strangers. The OG texting. A couple of friends. There was a term called ASL, which was very dangerous. Age, sex, location. Yes.

Oh yeah, and those of you today, it's also American sign language. That's what it also stands for. I've always wanted to be an interpreter, a generational interpreter. That's kind of what I was actually for. I've always wanted to be an interpreter of some generational interpreter. That's kind of what I was actually for my grandma and my mom. Yeah, yeah, generational interpreter. I always had to be like, and she means hello.

Yeah, when she says hi. Hi. Yeah. Or she goes to her room, doesn't want to engage with your friends. That means hello. That's right. Yes. No, but that's a good paragraph, Esther.

I'm into that. Thank you. I said a lot too, actually. Thank you. I feel seen. Stella, our producer, was saying that certain, that Raya, you have to pick a song. One song.

You do. To what? I hate this! That's your entire personality is one song. I honestly cringe at mine now. Oh, that's the bio? Or that's like, oh, that's kind of fun too. It's gamify. Gamify love.

Gamify. Okay. You guys want to know my song? I'm so scared. No, mine's actually pretty cool. Mine was a Krungvin song. I don't know that one. Who's Krungvin? Oh my god, you'd love them. Krungvin. Just look at the vibe. It's Atsuko coded.

Whoa, that's very, yeah I love. Yes, that is cool. I love so much. Stella, what's your dating app song? It's a theme song too at Orson Welles old movie. The Third Man that came out in 19. Stella. Wait, can you hum it?

Stella. Can you hum it so we have an idea? Stella. It's cool. I'm anti-dating app, but I need you to work on yours. Stella. Mine would be Britney Spears toxic. Yeah.

Come on. You are not toxic at all. I know, but that's like, it's fun. It's just fun. It's good. It's good. Yeah, now I'm thinking like, no wonder I have so many losers, like hip fan people guys that are probably,

but it wasn't a deliberate choice to know. I think, I feel like you knew exactly what you were doing. Before that, I had put the Maple Rag song. Stella, oh my God. The fact that you know enough. Do you want to discuss dissertations or something? Maybe she does, you gotta be a true self. No, no, this is, if you're gonna play the game, play the game.

Okay, but I do play the game, you know. What's the game? How do you play this game? Well, I don't know. You put something cool on there that you never listened to? What? Yes. We're gonna have to put, for you, I get, I don't know, at least put some Bon Iver on there or something. Bon Iver? So that you can attract like the most emotional, most unstable men who are like, I connect with him. Yes, it's better than, it sounds like you're reading like a, But that's your interest. An essay.

What about like Frank Sinatra? New York, New York. I just feel like that's kind of cheesy. I don't know. You think? I thought we were just supposed to put songs we personally liked. Personally liked, right?

Not songs we think they might be interested in. Yeah, that's the whole anti-antithesis. That's not Pikmi. It's not Pikmi, no. Don't let her tell you that. It's not Pikmi, it's faking your personality so a man will like you. And it has been done as years of oldest time.

I'm not against that. I'm not against that. I'm not against it. Look where we are now. And look what has happened to us. You're telling me you've never pretended to like Lord of the Rings, the white socks, any kind of male. No, I absolutely agree. When Bobby and I, first we met on Tinder.

Did you guys really? Yes, we met on Tinder a long time ago when Tinder like was in its first month. There was pretending of liking things going on? Well, he's very much like a cinephile and very like snobby about his music. I feel like I have really good taste in music. I've always like made playlists for my family and whatnot.

But he is very like, like, that's not good stuff. It's four chords of the apocalypse, and he doesn't like pop songs. He's like, it's the same shit over and over because he plays instruments, right? And very strategically, when I think on our third date, made a playlist that I knew would pique his interest,

which is some Swedish death metal that I never fucking listened to. Some very obscure something something, like Niels Fromm, like, orchestral something. And I did what I did because I knew what I had to do, which was, oh my God, Kalyla is so cool. I really like this girl. And it worked, but it backfired because then he just started sending me.

Now she's a Swedish metalhead. Right. Did you like the stuff he was sending you? No, but then he's like, oh, I got to send you more stuff. And it's like, I don't want to listen to this shit. It's 10 years of me having him introduce to me stuff I don't really like.

Yeah. So it's like, okay, cool. He thought I was cool, but it's like, what's the end game? The key to life is knowing don't really like. Yeah. So it's like okay cool he thought I was cool but it's like what's the end game? The key to life is knowing who you're not. It's very important. Yes. Who cares? My profile it will be the Moana theme song. Okay call me 12, call me stupid. Yeah. The Moana theme song by the way I can't listen to it without crying. So if you if I saw you on that app and you had a Moana theme song I I would profess my love for you on the spot. Yeah.

Thank you so much. Boom, found a match just like that. I like that you're looking for somebody that matches you intellectually, but are you interested in having sex? I am, it is a little bit of a game though, cause I'm in LA, everybody thinks they're cool. So I'm gonna one up them with a really obscure thing

that they probably don't know about. So that's why I, that is part of the game. But I also just think it's insane to describe your personality with one song. I get it, I get it. And so that is what I do, but you're right, I should be trying. I just don't know anything about music, really.

I think you're overthinking it, because you cannot put your whole personality into one song. So you just gotta go rogue. But that's the crazy thing about the dating apps. By the way, mine would be Heads Will Roll by YAYAYS. Great song, YAYAYS, Karen O. Karen O is a legend. Oh, her haircut is so legendary.

So cool. Excuse me? One of the last shows I went to before COVID was a Karen O and I like cried at her like entire set. She's such a legend. Yeah. God love her. What were your MySpace songs?

Remember that? Oh my God. Paparazzi Lady Gaga before it was released. Thank you. Wow. Is that how you got the follow from Lady Gaga? Cause you were one of the OG fans. No, that's not how actually.

Excuse me? MySpace, she was one of the friends? No, no, no. I just was a very early Gaga freak. I discovered her through like a cool choreographer, Cheryl Murakami in New York. And then I just was like, as soon as I heard that song on her MySpace,

I added it to mine. And that was like before her album dropped. And then like, I was, look, we've all been early to things. I get it. But this is my one big success story. And she followed you. How soon did she follow you? Follow you on what?

Just on Twitter. She just followed a bunch of her early fans back on Twitter. But I will say this, when we went to see her at the House of Blues in Chicago in 2009, she had like a handful of fans that she let see the second show for free, and I was one of them. Wow. I didn't of them. Wow.

I didn't meet her, but. Was she peak, like you didn't see her face then, was she peak costume Gaga? No, you saw her face, you saw her face. Really? And now Gaga is like having a total resurgence right now. She's topped all top 10 songs globally Spotify are all old Gaga songs.

And I just wanted to say to the new Gaga fans, Google for future love is a song by Lady Gaga. It's an unreleased song. It's one of her best and I hope she releases it one day. This is not quite the same, but my good friend who is a porn girl, Asa Akira, Barack Obama follows her. What? I love her.

Again, it's one of the early fan. I don't know how it worked out, but I want to say it's similar to, it's like she was one of Barack's maybe early fans. Can I say something? It could be his intern. Because you know how Barack also puts out the playlist every year? What? Are you talking to Michelle right now? You don't have to defend it to me. No, no, no. This was like early Senator Barack Obama. Okay, but still Obama today, you know how he puts out the playlist?

And he's like, oh, my favorite is 365 by Charli XCX. I said, excuse me, 365, you know that song. Yes, he's got daughters, he can be vibin'. Arguably the most unhinged song she's ever written. 365, party gal, 365, party gal, Barack Obama, trying to calm down in the car. 365, party gal, 365, party gal. Barack Obama, trying to calm down in the car. 365 party gal, 365 party gal. It's like the most, like you will get schizophrenia

if you're on the verge listening to the song. I love Charlie, biggest Charlie fan. But that one, and that one I go hard to, but Barack Obama is not, that's not on his, that is not a song he listens to. My Barack, my Barack does. My Barack is swaggy, and I think he gets a little crunk some nights with Michelle.

Have you seen her dance? They know how to get down. That song changes octaves like 10 times. It's like, so does my barack go? So does barack. Have you seen barack code switch? He knows how to switch it up. Oh my God.

He can get down. My Barack. Right, when he's doing patois to the Jamaicans and then to the gays, he's like, do no, no, no, no. He bodes a little. Do no, no, no, no. What?

Yeah, he bodes a little. Right, right, right, right, right. I'm sorry, we gotta go back to something. What? Barak follows Asa Akira. Yes, of course. And you're saying it's just because she was an early supporter.

Sex work is work and he knows it. I think so. Yeah. He's from Chicago. And she's a Chicago ports women also like we did a podcast together like ten years ago, and he followed her So I was like oh, maybe he just did the Gaga route, which is I'll follow all my followers what Twitter Instagram I mean Twitter back then wait our still is very You know you can post anything like the most X-rated stuff. Yeah, so was she posting X-rated stuff? Or was she posting any like just genuine thoughts? I think maybe both.

I think at this time, this was like her haiku period. You sound like a girl that just found out her boyfriend is following a bunch of porn stars on Instagram and you're really trying to justify it. You're like, it's just because they followed him first and he likes his supporters. Yeah, I do sound like that. He also followed me on Twitter

because I was one of his first supporters. Oh really? Oh. Okay, see? No, don't, no Stella. But you're also a pretty Asian girl. Yeah. Oh, now we're fetishists.

Oh, they're both Japanese. So now he's a rice queen. Oh, oh I see. Okay, so where's our follow? Now we're the ones that are, what's wrong with us? I'm gonna be a pick me girl for, oh mama, I'm gonna be like, I'm just gonna be like, stand by his house, do he stay spied by a party guy?

Is he staying spied with a boom box? Are we ever gonna get another president as hot as Barack or never? As swaggy as him never, right? Well, I think we gotta, let's bring W back into the conversation. Okay. W versus Barack, I think there's something there.

Okay, so my phone background for a long time was, there's a picture of Barack walking down a hallway somewhere and he has like the Santa bag slain, slain, slown over his shoulder. It is the drippiest photo you can find on the internet. Yeah! What was this one? Oh yeah!

Oh my God! That's my president. I've never seen that. That's my Santa Claus, isn't it? Dang. There's no other president, isn't it? Dang. There's no other president in history that hot. Not Abraham Lincoln? He was like a freak hot.

He was like vampire hot. Ladies, we need to wake back up. We are putting our bar too low. Come back, come back. We are justifying. We are making excuses. We are like, he is pretty cute for more criminal. Okay, let's turn back against men.

Sorry. No, no, no. Wait, we have a list of the most insane thing that a man has said to someone in public. Can we pull that up? Ooh, fun. I can't read, okay, will you read it, Stella? I'm admittedly overweight.

I forgot something in the grocery store, so I had to go back in. A man walked up next to me and said, going back in for seconds. Ooh. I would love that. I feel like my dad would say that to me. Oh, my gosh.

Wait, this is, I'm in a wheelchair, and men often come up to me and say, you're too pretty to be in a wheelchair. Thanks. Oh, my gosh. Wow. My mom would always say that. She said, if you scowl like that,

you're gonna end up in a wheelchair. You ugly person. I know she wouldn't say that. I was ignoring a man trying to get my attention outside Walmart, and when I passed him, he went, wow, sassy and bow-legged. I think about it this day. This would hurt me.

Which one? Bow-legged? Actually, it wouldn't hurt me. It would be like, all right, I think about it this day. This would hurt me. Which one? Bow-legged? Actually, it wouldn't hurt me. It would be like, all right, Touche, like, wow. You got me. Great observation. I'm always jealous of bow-legged people because I'm knock-kneed.

Because bow-legged people have a thigh gap. But I thought that knock knees were because of the bow legs. No, my whole top of my legs all come in and touch together. And then after the knees, it kind of goes out. What is knock knee? So it's like a disgusting, that's what it's called. Can you stand up and demonstrate? Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Knock knee. I've never heard of knock knee. What? So that means the knees touch? Yeah, when you run. See how the soles touch? But I also have very strong, thick thighs. Would you like to touch that? Yeah. Whoa! I know and you have a big, nice you run. See how the sole touches? But I also have very strong, thick thighs. Would you like to touch them? Yeah. Whoa!

I know, and you have a big, nice ass, too. Come on. Her ass is crazy. I'll never have, you have like a huge gap, don't you? I do have a tiny gap that never goes away. So that's bull-riding? It never goes away. I don't know.

But I hate thigh gaps. Then why do you like skinny jeans? Caught ya. I didn't like skinny jeans, they just looked exceptional on me. I'm sorry. Yeah, cause you have a good leg shape. Thank you.

You didn't like the creature from Shape of Water? He had a thigh gap. They created a creature, a made up creature, but he was like hot, cause they had sex, she was attracted to him. Is this Guillermo del Toro? Yes, that one. Shape of Water, the creature.

There's a sea creature. That's so hot. There's a sea creature. And they made sure he had a thigh gap. Of all the things I noticed about him, I didn't notice the thigh gap. Yeah, didn't he have 26 abs? He had many things going on.

Big old eyes, he was a creature, what a creature. That was so hot, it was 50 Shades of Freak, that show. I loved it. Right, yeah, no, it was a moment in time a creature. That was so hot, it was 50 Shades of Freak, that show. I loved it. Right, yeah, no, it was a moment in time. Was it the egg, wasn't he obsessed with the egg or something? He ate, yeah, he loved eating eggs. He ate her cat too.

I like how you called a movie a show. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. It's very like old southern movie that's confused. I'm still thinking about also Bon Iver, how you were like, you gotta put Bon Iver. The type of men Bon Iver would attract, I wonder what that would be. She's putting a fucking college essay as her favorite song.

Have you seen a picture of Bonnie Ver? I mean, it makes sense. It's making a lot of sense. You might as well put like the Gettysburg address. It's like- That'd be cool. That would be cool. That would catch my attention. I would be like, okay.

That's the, what was your MySpace song? MySpace song. I don't remember. So where was the song that you put it? On the left side. Oh, on the page. I don't remember. Okay, so many. Okay, I had a Ying Yang

twin song when they was like, they had the whistles at the top. No, not the whisper song. It was whistles. No, it goes, dun dun dun dun dun. Which one? It was a half time show. There's a lot of whistles in their songs. That one, there was a Pussycat Dolls song. Do you know what song?

Can't remember. But then my friend and I would always compete to find the like, I had my space in high school, so it was like 2007-ish. We were always competing to find the like, remember the Sean Mullins lullaby song? Can we please sing it? You know this song, everyone knows this song.

And we were so obsessed with finding this kind of esk of a song where it was like, it wasn't emo and it wasn't alternative, it was like in between emo and alternative, it was that kind of 2000s. You know what it was? This is the songs you're obsessed with. You would watch like the CW,

you would watch One Tree HillW you would watch one tree hill You would watch Dawson's Creek and they always had like a song at the end or a feature song and bands if you could get Your song on that show you would like pop off Yeah, because I you made it back then Dawson's Creek song was like a polychole song, right? Yes, that's what that's what thrived back then. And we were always finding the new one, and our MySpace song would change every week. Ah!

Ah! It was my joy in life. See, so describing yourself with one song is kind of fun and exciting. But she changed it every week. Also, Jesus Walks by Kanye. Listen, it was a different time! It sure was.

It was. It was. It was an iconic album, it's really, the album's iconic. Wait, so for a different time. It sure was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It thanks. That's where my poo poo comes from. And he freaked out. And I was like, that's brilliant. Genius. You gotta be weirder back. Yeah. Thanks, that's where my poo poo, that's where I keep my poo poo. I think that's what she said.

I think that's what she said. That's where I keep my poo poo. I love that. Yeah, cause fuck these guys. Catherine, you got a lot of poo poo in there. Yes I do. I take some of your poo poo. You probably getting held on to that much. I take your poo poo.

Move your poo poo maker. I take it. I just want to ask the room, has a man, a stranger, ever come up and tickled your foot or rubbed your belly when you were pregnant or anything like that? Okay.

No. Tickled your foot. Well, there's one of these guys, he was getting a petty and he tickled my foot. She was getting a petty and he was right next to her and he tickled her foot. So I'm wondering if that's ever happened. Then I remember Allie Wong in her special

talked about a guy coming and rubbing her belly and then I know friends who had that happen. The belly's ever happened. Then I remember Allie Wong in her special talked about a guy coming and rubbing her belly and then I know friends who had that happen. The belly thing probably happened. I do that, I can't help myself. Maybe women, but I don't know. I've put off a vibe, like a don't touch me vibe. Yeah, I don't think you would rub my belly. I don't think you would.

No, I would not rub your belly. I would rub others. Really, okay, yeah. I can't help it. Dude, if I was a guy, I'd be others. Really? Okay, yeah. I can't help it. Dude, I really, if I was a guy, I'd be in so much trouble now. I'm a toucher, and I really just touch. I realize I was thinking that.

I touch ass. I touch my girlfriend's asses. I just went to the Beyonce concert, and my friend was with me, and we were taking pictures outside the stadium. She was kinda posing, and another woman was walking by and just smacked her ass, and she felt so weird about it. And I was like, I kind of like posing and another woman was walking by and just smacked her ass and she felt so weird about it And I was like I kind of understood the other woman. I was like that's I maybe maybe again

It's the southern thing but it's I'm touchy and I realize now I don't know it's a hard thing to break maybe the culture of not necessarily the south but it's like Girls in a bathroom at a club. It's that. I went to an all girls Catholic high school. Oh, there it is. Were we just touching each other? It's lesbians.

We were licking each other in the hallways. Yeah, I went to an all girls school too, Catholic school, and by God, we bred lesbians. We sat on each other's laps and braided our hair during English class. That's different then. Wait, okay, I do this and I feel like I should break it, but like after shows when people, when you do pictures and meet and greets or whatever, I am so scared about other people feeling bad about knowing where to touch me or what to do that I grab everyone and I hold everyone and I'm like, it's okay, we don't have to feel weird here. And I realized I've made men uncomfortable

by how much I've just grabbed them and taken pictures. Where are you grabbing them? Shoulders. Your shoulders. But I am scared of the awkwardness. Oh, then here. I don't mean this in a mean way. Yeah. Are you a guys girl? I don't mean this in a mean way.

Are you a guy's girl? But you don't seem like it, but you're so rough and tough, right? Come on, help me out. She told her to change her profile, be someone else. For a guy. Wait, I don't want to be. No, be yourself. She said put Bon Iver. Wait, I don't wanna be. Be, I wanna be. No, be yourself. She said put Bon Iver.

Or Bon Iver? Iver? You have girl's girl energy too though. I think it's like more you're physically like a strong guy. She's anti-mother. Yeah. She says she smacks people's asses. I say I'm glad you're not a guy.

Yeah. Maybe I am. I think I'm a lesbian without the lesbian. Do not put this on lesbians. I know, they get mad at me. They will come for you. I know, I will be a lesbian one day. Do you think you're bi?

I watch women porn, but I don't know if I could ever do, I've never followed through. Mm-mm. Okay. Why? I don't even know if that means that I'm into women. I think I just, there's no, I can't get off of Ben being like, yeah. My whole rule is if I watch porn and there's a guy's face, I'm out.

I run away. I'll smash my screen. I'll smash my screen. New laptop. I wanna fucking see his face, his stupid face. Just like body. Yeah, you're no use to me. Your eyes are no use to me.

Yeah, I love that. I feel offended. Who are you? Stupid haircut. Stranger danger. Yeah, you're no use to me your eyes are no no use to me. Yeah, I feel offended. Who are you? Danger yes danger danger. I hate the way your mouth is moving. Why are you talking? Please only like waist down. That's your only purpose to me because it's like me. I'm so particular about like I think What like my body being touched by a man, that it's like if I don't already know you, we don't already have a rapport,

and I trust you with my safety, I don't want to see you naked. I feel unsafe is what it is. But with women, women, we don't hurt each other in that way. I think I'm just terrified of a stranger on the screen. I felt that stranger danger on my Europe tour because usually when you know My fans are like 70% women and then 30% men But they're mostly gay and they'll show up to my shows wearing wigs on my bull cut and a lot of times there

And if it's men, it's always always gay. Yeah. Yeah, so they do that, you know, and when I was in Europe They're always gay, right? Yeah. So they do that, you know. And when I was in Europe, it was on my book cut. That's so funny. Yeah, it's like a little army. Are you serious?

Yes. That's so cute. You sell them? I guess I could, but... You should sell them. I guess I could. Then it's a real cult. Yeah.

Comedy is a cult. No, so, you know, usually I'm used to like gay men doing it, and then I'll bring them on stage at the end if I'm able to spot them. In Europe it was the first time I had like more straight guys who were fans who weren't afraid to, and it's different. I guess I was like, whoa, I'm not used to this. Where it was my first ever Europe tour.

I was like, oh, European men aren't as afraid to be like, yeah, I'm here supporting a female comedian. You know what I mean? It was so weird. That's so frustrating. It was so weird. That's so frustrating. It was so weird. In Ireland, you know, one guy was like, I'm wearing your wig.

I was like, okay, come on up, come on up. And I was like, what's your name, sweetie? And he was like saying whatever his name was. And then we took the picture and he was like, okay, I'm gonna go sit back down next to my wife. I was like, you have a wife? I almost pushed him. I almost pushed him. Get out of my stage. I almost pushed him. I said, you have a wife? I almost pushed him. I almost pushed him. I almost pushed him. I said, you have a wife?

It was like that. It just came out. Like I didn't even, I wasn't even trying to be a jumpy girl, but it's that stranger danger feeling. My husband had to like protect him because I was like, you have a what? Like it was like that. Almost pushed him off stage.

Wow. That's so funny. We were very high up. He would have gotten so high up. I was like, you have a what? Like it was like that. Almost pushed him off stage. That's so funny. We were very high up. He would have gotten hurt. He would have been fine.

I'm glad I didn't do that. It's so like a green flag in such a turn on when like a straight man is supportive of a female artist. I agree. There's something about the chemistry there where I'm like, oh, he's like secure, secure, cool. He likes women. He came wearing a wig on my bokeh. I don't know how long he had to travel looking like that in public. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's usually like, oh, I'm here because my wife likes you. And they have to let you know that. And they have to justify themselves. I don't get it. Right. Yeah.

themselves, I don't get it. Right, yeah. Or even the women that have to come up to you and be like, I don't like women, but I like you. And I'm like, why are you shitting on yourself? Yeah, I know, right, right. Why are you hurting yourself? Yeah, but please, like no males and porn. And they all have dumb haircuts.

It would be hard to do porn with, you know, what to do with your face is the, it is like, I've wondered that, you know, to do with your face is the skin it is like I've wondered that you know how do I look when I'm performing sexual I know I don't you know I recently I would try to keep a smile the whole time but that's a serial killer right who's that you would you would throw your laptop if that's its own like niche kind of. Yeah. A smiling one, the whole time. I have a quick question for all of you that I've been wondering, do you laugh during sex,

like with your partner? Yeah, I do, but we're sick in the head. Yeah, but you've also been together for so long. Right, right, right, yeah, yeah. Like a new person, if you've been dating them for like three months, would you laugh? I think that's so hot. I'm so in disagreement with this. What? Serious?

Yeah. Or like my, the part of my brain that has to switch on in order for me to feel sexual is so far away from the part of my brain that laughs. So there's no humor. In order for this to turn on, this part has to shut off. It's like serious and like, I can't be giggly or anything like that. What are we doing? We're serious. We're fucking, we're adults. We're not gonna be like giggly little girls like laughing.

So if they even crack a joke or make a funny thing, are you out of it immediately? Immediately, so I was with Bobby for a decade. I was trying not to ask that. How, that's how, how does this work? I was trying not to ask that. How does that work? This is, he knows the rules, like we can't, one of the reasons that, we talked about it on Tiger Belly,

if he would try to be like funny in bed, I'd be like, oh, I'm out. Like it totally takes me out of it. You can't be cute and silly, we have our moments for that. We're laughing 99% of the day, but when it's time to do this, can we just get a little serious? Just a little bit.

You're not like that. You guys are incredible. I wish I had more flexibility in that way. I think it's so hot to be funny in yourself and sexual. I feel like to be sexual and have your humor intertwine is like the, it's like an explosion of perfectness. Also sometimes funny things happen by accident. That, yeah.

Right? Sometimes you have to be like, yeah. And this is white versus Asian. Yeah. I don't like to acknowledge. No, she likes it. Oh no, are you kidding? I'm in the bed with my husband.

I'm always like, come on in. You know, things like that. Yeah. About my hole. I'm like, come on in. And then, you know, he's laughing and I'm like, OK, yeah, that was weird anyway. And he's like, knock, knock. You know, it's like that. But but sometimes I'm just saying to her, though,

like sometimes funny things accidentally did happen and would happen. Right. Bobby and I were notorious role players. So it's not, this is also why I needed him to be serious. It was like we would role play. Play the part. Yeah, and the example that everyone knows about is, for instance, like I'm a shoemaker and he is an aristocrat.

See, but this is already funny. But if I giggle, if I break character, then the sex part is done. So it's like I'm going door to door as a cobbler, just basically measuring his foot and stuff. But if he cannot laugh, I cannot laugh. Like we have to be in character. That's so hard. Because my husband also role plays too. I like gangbang. So he has to

play many roles. He's always tapping in and out of hey it's and he kept doing this thing where he would announce the name of the person so I know it's a different person he goes hey it's Jean Pierre. And then he would always name their job too always hey it's, it's Jumper, the bus driver. And then tap it, and then he would go, ah, I'll be back, get my boy in here, my other boy. And then, hey, it's Matt, the tour guide. And by the third one.

Just like the intro of a Bachelorette episode. By the third one, yeah, by the third one, we were cracking up, I was like, Ryan, why always the job too I was we were cracking up. I was like I was like Ryan Why why always the job to always blue collar jobs to wait? This is so interesting the gangbang thing How do you not laugh you know cuz obviously it's like he's going crazy. He's like I need help. I'm out of ideas Writer One man improv team, and I'm just laying there I know, it's a writers room, one man improv team, and I'm just laying there.

Who's next? The gangbang thing is so interesting because I feel as though, I totally get that, which is the reason why I like the role play, because it's a different person each time. Oh yes, right. It's this part, it taps into that fantasy of like, I could no longer have sex with my partner as him,

so he had to come in as someone else. Both of us as an arrest of crime? Shoemaker and arrest of crime. What is you? Just watch Quinko. I'm like a lonely shoemaker. Yeah. The facts you have to know to even be able to do it.

Wait, was this from like a movie you watch as a child? Where did you come from? No, I have so many characters, you guys. If you guys need tips and if you're running out of steam, I'll text them to you. Yes, please show Ryan my husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I have a bus driver, janitor. He's done, he's like out of jobs. He's out of jobs, yeah. You, yeah, yeah. He's like, I have a bus driver, janitor,

he's like out of jobs. He's out of jobs, yeah. You should start a TikTok channel that's like, okay, today's role play, I recommend. Like a little, like a menu, you're the chef, and you cook up the ideas for everybody, and you give us like our parts. You have to go.

Okay. Wait, where are you going? Oh, yeah. Oh, am I allowed to? Yeah, we need to do it. I was protecting you. No, I think we need to do it Do you want to tell her do that? Okay really fast you have to go. No, no, dude. Yeah, please wait What's who's gonna say? I need to do it. Okay. Well, let me introduce this. Okay. Yeah, Klyla and Stella Catherine has something that she wants to tell you guys. Okay. We gotta like release you. Okay, go. Oh shit.

Hi! Sorry. Are you on tour? Oh, I am on tour. I am on tour and my special father is out on Hulu and Disney Plus. My sophomore special. It's on Hulu. Go watch it.

We love her. Atuko, father. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you. But we're not ending. You stay. Ooh, I love leaving all this drama. Bye-bye.

I love you so much. Wait, I need to explain myself.