Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Brooke Schofield's Vegetable Cancellation

Episode Date: February 18, 2025

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I didn't eat a vegetable until I was like 18 years old. So I'm like still like in the starter phase. I'm still dipping my feet in the water. I like broccolini and I like broccoli. Broccoli is a great starter vegetable, I feel, right? Yeah, I feel like that's like pretty much the worst of it. So I like carrots too. I like vegetables.

It's like you try not to get canceled. You're like, I like all vegetables. I do. I like them all. Exactly what just happened, by the way. Kaila. Esther. So we, by the way. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Kalyla. Esther. So we have the coolest thing ever that we started,

and it's the official Trash Tuesday Patreon. I think it is the place to be. Honestly, I am so relieved we have one. It's not even because we want you to have this. It's really for me. I joined. I actually joined. I know you did join.

Wait, you actually did? Socy's a a trash Tuesday fan. All proceeds right now are going towards people who are in need from the fires. And if you join right now, if you haven't joined yet, there's two vlogs up there. There's at least three full episodes. We've been kind of low key over delivering on our Patreon.

I mean, a lot of secrets, maybe a lot of juicy stuff. Okay, then. Yeah, there's the stuff that's coming You're gonna want to be around for it. So please join our patreon We are so happy to have this special place with you guys and you can get all the info at the link below And thank you to our golden sluggies Thomas Kia Anthony Chrisanta and Arielle

That's right, I'm gonna be doing four stand-up shows in Chicago March 21st and 22nd. Are those the dates? Yes, they are. And I'll be at the Den Theater, and you can get tickets at the link below, and I cannot wait. These shows are gonna be so much fun.

We're gonna hang. It's gonna be so great. I have so much planned. So Chicago, I will see you guys March 21st and 22nd. You know I'm obsessed with chat chippy tea right now I just like really I'm like so late to the party but I'm having so much fun with it I ask it everything all day long. Okay is this am I I don't have it and now I'm intimidated are you like way more advanced in life now because you use it?

Well are you? It just depends it depends on if they can answer my question. What's some information you've gotten from it? I ask, I'll say, can you please tell me some fun facts about Survivor? And then they'll just tell me fun facts all night. And I start to feel guilty, I'm not kidding, because they'll be like, let me know if you want more.

And I'll be like, more, more. And then I start feeling guilty. I'm like, oh my God, I'm ruining their night. You're totally gonna be that person that develops a weird relationship with AI cause you're already worried about its feelings. Wonder if it's a girl or a boy. I feel like it has too much information to be a boy.

Do you pay for it? I don't pay for it, but I know you can pay for it. And I think it's probably more advanced, but like I just, I'm in the starter phase. Yeah, I feel like I've done a little bit of that and I just get too intimidated. Like, do you remember the phase, like maybe it was like six months ago or a year ago

where everyone's like, chat GPC is gonna change everything. And if you don't use it, you're stupid and you're left behind. Did you ever feel that messaging? I never heard that. Oh, maybe they only did that to the old people. You're like three years older than me. I thought you were saying you're three years old

and I was really happy. That too, you look so young. I would give you like a- Do you think I could pass for three years old? I don't know about three, but I feel like, truthfully, if you told me you were 14 and I didn't know you like a... Do you think I could pass for three years old? I don't know about three, but I feel like, like truthfully, if you told me like you were 14 and I didn't know you, I would believe it. It's so weird because literally the airport,

that I was going through TSA and they go, are you over 13? I was like... I completely get that. And that's such like, that's the best thing ever. I was like, I'm 36. And then... Wait, you're 36?

Yeah. No. But okay, here's, and I say this all the time. And then- Wait, you're 36? Yeah. No. But okay, here's, and I say this all the time. And that's not old by the way, but you actually, I'm not kidding, you look 13. I say this all the time, but like to be mistaken for like 27, I'd be like, yeah, okay, I'm looking good. But to be mistaken for 13 and you're 36,

like that doesn't mean you look good, it means something is wrong. No, no. I'm looking good. But to be mistaken for 13 and you're 36, that doesn't mean you look good, it means something is wrong. No, no. Like you're sick. No, it doesn't. It's a good thing. It's like, yeah. But I do think it's mostly how I dress

and that I just don't wear makeup. Yeah, I would say 13's a bit young. 17 for me, I would believe. You guys. Teenager. Yeah. Guys. Yeah. What is going on? Like you probably would be carded every time

you tried to get cigarettes. I saw a comment recently about me and they were like, she's literally, she looks 50 and she's only, she's only in her early thirties. And I'm like, I'm literally 28. You're still seeing me twice. She looks 50. Yeah, and it was like, yeah.

It was like, and she's only in her, she's young, she's only in her she's young. She's only in her 30s Literally 28, it's so crazy. You're like so young and beautiful and pretty you look like a porcelain doll. That's so nice I work really hard at it. I Yay Look at me. I'm a Kalyla today. Look at how bad I look. You can only be a Kaleila if... What? Sunglasses? There's many things missing, babes.

No, you're fabulous because you have the Miu Miu New Balance sneakers. Thank you, that was my one little touch. Including having a home. Oh, can't wait. Since we last saw you, Kaleila lost her house. I live in Altadena. Though I am. Oh my God.

I'm so sorry. Yeah, but we're okay. No, no, no, no. I honestly, look. Though I am. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Yeah, but we're okay. No, no, no, no. I honestly, look how great I look. I really do look wonderful. No, I'm honestly like, I'm lucky compared to others because I have the means and the resources to live somewhere else.

Yeah, but oh God, that's so hard. So her house didn't burn down, but every house near her did. So literally everything is destroyed and unusable, and she can't live there, and she can't even have her stuff. I can't. Yeah, can they let you in? No, for a while they didn't.

But the EPA is now over there cleaning up, like, the rubble, because it's, you know, it's toxic ash, right? So basically, they said that all soft goods are no good. Electronics, no good. What else is there? All my vintage shirts. No, wait, really? I know, my lifelong collection.

Wait, can I, I'll make use of them. You will wear lead on your body and arsenic? I would, I don't believe in that stuff. I don't believe in that stuff. I'm not kidding, I like, you could tell me like what I'm eating is radioactive and I'm like, it's fine. But that's so horrible.

Wait, I have a question. I, so I drove like kind of around there recently. I was like dropping stuff off to a girl and there's peacocks everywhere. Oh yeah. In the like actual, like a first of all, I didn't even know peacocks existed in the wild. Like I thought they were like only a zoo thing.

Like giraffes. And they the wild. Like I thought they were like only a zoo thing, like giraffes. And they're like- Like an engineered animal. Yeah. And they're like genuine, or I thought they like at least got them all. Yeah. They're walking down the street and like not one, two,

there was like eight peacocks and I'm just on a residential street. Yeah, on the rooftops, everywhere. That's our vibe. That's Altadena, Pasadena vibe, Arcadia, Monrovia. We got peacocks. How have you not rescued them? Well, they don't need my rescuing.

They're so happy. They're everywhere. They're just, and they make little cat noises. So you think there's a cat in the neighborhood needing help and there's just the peacocks and the peahens just going nuts. I just feel like that's like, I would take one. I feel like they would be something

that you would like smuggle somewhere because they're like so fabulous. They are. My boyfriend kills the vibe every time he's like, oh, peahen are delicious. I'm like, oh, stop. Peahen. Peahen apparently are delicious. What one's a peahen?

There's a peacock. Oh. Peahen. Peahen, the girls are not blue. No, they don't have the pretty. Oh, so they don't, we're not eating the blue ones? So we're not eating the pretty ones. Okay then.

Problematic. Wait, what does it like to just be with a man that like you never know when he's gonna see something and be like, I've eaten that. Like, it's just like a big. I think I've eaten worse things than him. So I think we're safe there. He's just a hunter, right?

Like he's like an old school trad husband. White trash. You got in trouble last time for saying that hunting and fishing is white trash behavior. It is to me because that's like, I don't know. Nevermind. Those are life skills. Like city folk don't do that. I feel white trash for not being able to hunter fish. Like you'd put me out in the wild and I couldn't survive. Maybe you're right. I don't know. Maybe I just hate my family

and I don't know how to articulate it well. We were talking about your Bell's palsy earlier. You look much, much better. Oh, you think? I actually think it's over. No, it's not. You're broke, it's not. Don't lie to see your, that's a blatant lie.

Okay, this is my fault because before you guys, she's like, are there any secrets about Kalyla? And I did accuse you of faking Bell's palsy. Wait a second. I had another friend in the desert, Shandy, when she saw me saying that I had Bell's palsy, she was like, I thought the whole time you were faking it. Like that is so rude, you guys.

No, I never thought you were faking it. I think you had it. Hear me out. I think you had it, but I think that it's gone and mentally you're not ready to let go of it. Why? Because I don't have to wear makeup and I can throw sunglasses on.

Okay, well you just gave me the perfect answer. Yeah, it's a cheap code. No, I don't voluntarily want to look this shitty, guys. No, you look amazing. Thank you. I literally feel like you don't have it. I did the same thing though. When mine went away, I was like, well now I'm permanently crooked,

but then I would look back at photos and I'm like, oh no, no, no, that was always happening. Everyone's crooked. What's new with you? How's 2025 going for you? I don't, I mean, it's better than for a lot of people. I feel like I'm same old, same old. It's the same as the end of last year.

I want something like fun and amazing to happen to me. Ooh, what should we manifest? Like what do we, what could that be? Like a trip or like a romance or like? I don't know. Wait, would you ever? I have such an important question. Okay, so we're both friends with Trisha Paytas, right?

And you saw that she did her big Broadway dream. So you're a dancer. Like, do you have aspirations in that area? Yes, well, I don't have, like, Broadway dreams. I mean, maybe I would, like, if I... I've never even seen a Broadway show, so I feel like if I went to see one, I'd probably be like, oh, I have to have this.

I want to go on Dancing with the Stars more than anything in life. And I am so, like, I'm so self-conscious because I just know that they're going to have Alex Earl on Dancing with the Stars more than anything in life. And I am so like, I'm so self-conscious because I just know that they're gonna have Alex Earl on Dancing with the Stars. And then she's gonna fill the influencer spot for like the next five years. You know what I mean?

Cause they're not gonna have enough, like they don't have an influencer every time. They don't? I don't know, maybe they do. I feel like they dig really deep in the roster. I think you are very realistic for that. I wanna so bad. I wanna be on it together with you. I want to go in together.

I want to be on it together with you. I'll be the comedian and you'll be the influencer. Wait, perfect. Would you go on it? I would die to go on it. Yes, I would love to. Yeah, and I've also been hanging out with people and I'm like, I'll say that's what I want.

And then my friends will be like, they offer me that every year. And I'm just like, oh my God, you bitch. The only thing I was offered was naked and afraid. Wait, you got offered that? I feel like you would slay naked and afraid. Are you kidding? You would kill.

Not quite offered, but it was like through a friend to ask a friend to ask me if I would do it. But this was like peak Tiger Belly. And this is, you know, at that time I was like, no, I don't want to do anything else. But it's because you win nothing but a PSI rating of like she either increase or decrease. You get no, you only get mosquito bites

and you get dehydrated, lose a ton of weight and that's it. I mean. Dehydrated? Weight loss? I'm watching, I am addicted to Survivor right now. Last time I saw you guys, that's what's new in 2025. It's, I went from the challenge to Survivor and I'm so convinced I can go to Survivor right now. Last time I saw you guys, that's what's new in 2025. I went from the challenge to Survivor and I'm so convinced I can go on Survivor now

because I used to like watch it and think like, oh my God, that's so miserable, but it's like, they're not sleeping alone. Like you're not in the middle of nowhere. It's like, there's a billion people around you. Right, so I had a friend who was on Survivor the second season and- Vintage.

She, I know this for a fact. I used to think that it had to be someone so hardcore right to make it through the show the physical whatever challenges no like i traveled with this person and she was the weakest person i had ever met in my life like we went canyoneering and she wouldn't even jump five feet into the water. And she was a runner up on Survivor. That's crazy. See, like, I think it's just meant a lot of it's mental. It's mental. She's very in the best way possible,

like very manipulative and very like crafty. Yeah, she probably just had a good like social game. Now I wanna go on. I think you'd actually win. You would be amazing. People would love you so much. They'd probably bring you to the end. They wouldn't wanna vote me off because I'm so weak.

That's how a lot of people get by, and I think that would be my strategy. Strategy is crazy, it's just a fact. But a lot of people get through because they're like, I don't need to get rid of them, I'm gonna beat them anyway. Yeah. We could go far in reality TV.

We can dance, we can be weak. Would you do a show, like a regular reality show? At this point, I think I would do anything. I don't know. My brain is so rotted and dead from having a child. And also I shouldn't blame her, it's just who I am. But like, I'm super open to anything. Would you, if today they were like,

Brooke, you're the next Bachelorette. I feel like I wouldn't like that. I would feel really like, first of all, I already have like, I've the anxiety I have before a date in general. First of all, I have to like, like take 11 shots before I go on a first date. So to imagine like doing that just over and over and over again, and now it's filmed and like I'm just being perceived and like And imagine going to bed at night, how you normally do and think about every embarrassing thing

that you did on that date, but now everyone gets to watch it over and over and over again. Okay, this is a common thing I keep hearing from my girlfriends, which is the staying up at night, thinking about all the dumb things you said that day. And I did this in my 20s and I don't do this anymore.

And I just wanna say that like, no one is thinking about what you said at night. They're thinking about what they said. So you should just stop caring. Are you sure? I think about what other people say. Really? Are you sure Esther?

What are you, what? Oh my God, of all the times to actually consider what you're saying, it's now. Because back then, no one had phones. We could go to Vegas, kick our heels off, and dance like ratchet bitches all night, and there would be no record of it. Now it's like you do every single thing,

say any single thing, and you're in trouble. Well, we kinda, I mean, this is different than a normal conversation. We film all our conversations, so I feel like that might be why I feel so anxious about what I say all the time. But what if you were like, if you're, let's say like we're not filming right now,

we're all like hanging out, but maybe it's not us because I feel like we're all super comfortable, I should hope, but like if you're hanging out with people and then later you're like, what did I say? I'm like, am I lame and embarrassing? Oh, like that, just with friends, not recorded. No. Yeah, I guess I don't really have much of that.

But you're saying if you went on a date, you'd be like up at night thinking about. That's, but you're underestimating like how weird of the thing I could possibly have said. What would you say on a date? Let's be on a first date. I don't know, God, I wish I could think of a good example off the top of it.

Like I have, we were just talking about this, but like when I can't think of anything, I'll just like make something up. And so I've told lies that I like can't keep up with. can't think of anything, I'll just make something up. And so I've told lies that I can't keep up with, and it's like, that guy was such a nice guy and I probably would have had a future with him, but how am I supposed to explain to him later down the line that I didn't graduate med school?

That's a big lie though, I do that too. But it's just like, I don't know, I can't help myself. Sometimes in the moment, you just want to impress him and saying you went to med school is a really good way to do that. I think that's sweet. I think it shows that you're thoughtful. You're right. Klyla, do you think Esther would make a good housewife?

Yes. You guys both do? Yeah. I think so too. Why? I am a good one, but why? Say why. Because you both do? Yeah. I think so too. Why? I am a good one, but why? Say why. Because you're not passive aggressive

and you would probably make everybody, like you tell it like it is, which I think is good for those shows. That's a really good compliment. I feel like you could tell somebody like, what's wrong with them, like without offending them. I feel like you're very gentle. By the way, I also, to that,

I wanna announce that my codependent, people pleasing era is officially dead. And what? What? I don't have an ounce of giving a fuck anymore. Like I realized- I'm like send some of that this way. Really?

I will, it's, give me confrontation. Oh shit. I will fucking fight you to your face. Wait, I love that. With my whole chest. I will say it in the moment too. I won't wait till next Monday to say it. I'm so scared.

I'm scared. I'm scared. No, I think that's amazing. I'm so exhausted. Someone's gotta do it. 2020 January, 2025 has like broken me down so much where it's like, come for me, please. I have noticed this month,

like you'll actually end the phone calls. You'll be like, I gotta go. Oh yeah. You've done it a few times. I'm like, okay. I'm like, I like it. She's really asserting her needs. With no reasons, right?

Why I'm hanging up, I gotta go out, bye. You don't need that. Like, yeah, that's good. Like go, be free of me. Create boundaries. Do you want some of this energy? I want it so badly. Are you not like that?

No. Interesting. I'm not. I wanna be like, actually, I should, I am like that sometimes, but then later I'll be like, oh my God, like, I can't believe I said that. Or I'm just so hyper aware of everything that I say, and I regret everything all the time.

Or I'll think, oh my God, I don't care. I'll go on my podcast and be like, this person sucks. And then it comes out. And I'm like, oh my God, I cannot believe I even had that energy at all. I regret it so much. No, we can still have regret and guilt. But you just do the action anyway.

Right. You still set the boundaries. So the whole thing, like, I will still say no. I will still hang up the phone. I will attack anyone at this point. What? Just like an animal? Will I regret it and feel guilt?

Probably, but I will continue with the attack regardless. Like, I am not going to not attack. That's good. That's like a happy medium. I wouldn't have used the H word, but I get what you're saying. Do you guys think that like the worst of the year is over? Like obviously January was just like such a nightmare. Do you think it's like, okay, it's all up from here?

Hell no. Or do you think that was like setting the tone? Remember 2020 when two things happened, again, raging fires. I think it was like setting the tone. Remember 2020 when two things happened, again, raging fires, I think it was a Thomas fire, and then Kobe died. And then we were like, January 2020 was like- I feel like something else tragic happened in 2020. Exactly, soon after we were like,

this has to be the worst of the year and then COVID. Oh, okay, I thought you were gonna leave COVID out. I'm like, wait. Oh yeah, we don't believe in it on this show. I just wanna say, I was literally the day Kobe died, I was sitting there doing a puzzle with my family and everyone was like, this is so sad. I'm like, they don't even know what's coming.

I'm like, this is nothing, no offense. You were deep into Esther, 2019, summer. Esther was already researching COVID. She was already like, there's this thing going around. Wait, really? I have such bad anxiety and like health anxiety that I've always had my ear to the ground, like to be ready for the pandemic when it comes.

And like, I knew this was gonna be a big one. Now you could say a broken clock is right twice a day and that's what happened this time. But I was definitely, Kobe was not big on my list, and I know that's insensitive to say, but I was just really scared for him. I love Filipino humor. Somebody named, 2020, somebody named their baby,

a Filipino person from the Philippines, named their baby COVID Bryant. Oh my God. In honor of the pandemic and Kobe's death. In honor? In honor. Isn't that so, only second to Cinderella, but I was like, oh, the kind of genius.

Wait, I have a question. Okay, so you know how when low rise jeans came back, a lot of people, especially like our era were like, no, we can't do this. Like, fuck you. Like, these are the worst. This is the worst trend. It's for skinny people, blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, no, I love Lora S. Jean's, like, fuck off. Like, this reminds me of the best time of my life, reading Us Weekly, like seeing what Paris Hilton was up to, trying Pinkberry for the first time. And now I feel like my turn to run and hide is coming and I cannot deal with it. And I want you guys to tell me it's not real,

but people are saying that skinny jeans are coming back. Yeah, they are. You know who did this? You know who did this? Alex Earl did this. What? Yeah, I did see that. I was hoping you were gonna say like,

I've never even heard of this, Esther, you crazy monster. No, it's huge. It's huge. Alex Earl, you're right. And she's a good skinny jean person. Yeah, well she's just built like someone who can wear skinny jeans. I have the air pod problem, obviously.

So I have to like offset that by wearing like the biggest pants I can find. And I'm sure and have like thicker thighs, like skinny jeans, it's a no. It was a no then, it's a no now. This is not a knock to Alex Earl, but I do think that she isn't necessarily to me, like she is a trendsetter, but not a fashion icon. See, I just, yeah, that's the thing.

I don't care if she's a fashion icon. I just want to do everything that she does. You do? Why? Yeah, because I just, I don't know. Well, first of all, I'm a follower. I want to do whatever everybody else is doing. I have that too. To be clear, I have that too. But I don't have, well first of all I'm a follower. I wanna do whatever everybody else is doing. I have that too, to be clear I have that too. But I don't have that with her.

But I can't get with skinny jeans. I was so excited when baggy jeans started happening, I was like oh my God. I'm not that upset, I look amazing in skinny jeans. Oh! Really sorry guys. You have great legs. And I'm tall, I'm 5'8". And I mean lucky you. Whoa you probably do.

I mean the body has changed since the last time skinny jeans were on, but we'll see. We'll try to, I will take a picture. I will get into one tonight and show you. I just, I think they're so awful. But you never wore them Esther. I tried, like when I remember when it was happening, the transition where all the,

you couldn't wear flares anymore Like I definitely remember it and I was trying and it just it I always looked bad It always was like yucky. Maybe it's a you thing though Like sometimes it's like only you think it looks bad But I just think because you're not used to it thicker thighs like no you want thicker thighs No one wants to see some chicken legs She's right. I like that's all I go to the gym every day and I say thicker thighs. No one wants to see some chicken legs. She's right. I like, that's all I, I go to the gym every day and I say thick thighs.

That's what I want. Can we get a gains update? There's, well, there haven't been any gains, but there's maximal effort. Like I've been really trying. I've been seeing. Same. Great form, by the way.

Thank you. That's not what the people in my DM say. I'm not kidding. That's the most frustrating thing ever. Cause first of all, I'm already like anxious about posting my workout content. And for some reason, it's an invitation for every single person on the planet

to tell me that I'm doing it wrong. And I want to be like, you're going to make me never go again. So thank you for saying that. I think I thought it was asked to grasp. You did a great job. Your knees weren't over your toes. Thank you. I've been trying so hard. I'm like really like lifting too. So I want to again, I want the thick thighs.

You were here last time. You said you're like, my new workout regimen starts tomorrow. And I was like, okay. And then I feel like I inspired you by laughing at you. And now you're like going so hard. It was all you. It was, it was all you.

In fact, I have Pilates at three today. I'm going, I've done every single day. Tomorrow I have 7 a.m. Wait, are you doing Pilates at three today. I'm going, I've done every single day. Tomorrow I have 7 a.m. Oh, that's crazy. Wait, are you doing Pilates at the Aloe Gym? I am. Are you doing it with Laura Quinn? Yes.

Okay, do you know she's my old ballet teacher? Wait, that's- She teaches ballet. Wait, yeah, okay, so that means I'm not actually going to ballet with you because she's like a very serious, like I was thinking maybe you were like a, just like a, like you just liked ballet.

You know? No, she's not the classic, I don't think she teaches ballet anymore. I think she's fully at Aloe, but you should talk to her about ballet. She does- well, she's very- like you can tell she's a ballerina and how she like does pilates.

So she always wants the dancers to come to her. Yeah. But she- I definitely don't think she even thinks I'm a dancer because- You better show her that you are. You better do a pirouette today. Today I'm going to. Will you come to ballet with us?

I would love to see you in ballet class because I mean this with love. You want to see me suck at something. How did you know? Because I know you little, my sweetest little pee. I want to see you be bad at something. You've never been bad at anything. I am so bad at too many things.

No, you're like so good at everything. It would actually be like an out of body experience to watch you struggle. Wait, are you really, are you like athletic? I am athletic, but I am also, sucks for you. I am hyper flexible. Oh no. Wait, I don't believe you. I mean, why?

Because my, we have, well, my sister, we don't know if she has Ailer Danlos, but I hyper mobile limbs. So like- Wait, what does that mean? I had that, I think. You I have that I think you do too I Think you can usually tell if like you're like all the way back But then I have that yeah, yeah same so you have ailer

It's not a good thing do me No, that's that's an unsettlingly straight. Oh my god. This is straightest thumb Mine's I only have like one crazy one though, and then this one's like kind of straight. Well, now that I think about it. Well, it's not a good thing because none of the road, we could have like connective tissue problems. There's this thing called like Ailer Danlos. It's like an autoimmune thing.

I don't believe in it. Kyla, they say when you have that though, you're a good dancer. So you must be a good dancer. You would think that because I am Filipino. Everyone can, you know, is a triple threat back home. Oh yeah, can you sing? Number one, I cannot sing. Great at karaoke, very fun at karaoke.

Very fun. Not a great singer. Very mediocre dancer. And I just, I'm letting my whole country down. You know what I bet you would be though, the kind of person that like pisses me off the most because I spent like 20 years training professionally to be a dancer.

You'd be someone that like in 10 minutes can do everything I can do, like with 10 minutes of effort. But that's just because you have the athlete's mindset of I will not quit and I will study this until I nail it. Yes. But that's the only reason why, but to have like natural rhythm, probably not, but I will pretend, you know, I'll get there eventually. until I nail it. But that's the only reason why. But to have like natural rhythm, probably not. But I will pretend, you know, I'll get there eventually.

I'll fake it. That's what I did the whole time. Just faked it. I've seen you dance. I have no rhythm. I can like, if somebody tells me what to do, I can do it. But like, there's no, you will not see me like freestyling at the club.

Like I'm not moving on my own. There's not so much as a fucking shoulder. When was the last time you went full out, like all out, just full abandoned dancing at a club? It's never happened. What? It's so, no, I can't. Like it's not even, like I want to, I would love to,

but it would be like, it would just be scary. What about at a wedding? Maybe I've done a wedding, but only because I blackout so bad at every wedding like I'm the worst wedding guest ever like do not invite me to your wedding. I'm gonna ruin it Well, it kind of sounds like you'd be great. Yeah, it sounds like you're the perfect guest I don't know always has to be one really messy person at a wedding or else. It's not a good wedding. That's the worst anxiety This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. So Jenna, you have a business.

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some of this, but I am curious, were you kind of like the kind of person that didn't believe in COVID? I believed in it, but I, for some reason, believed that I personally was immune. And there was just simply no way that it could get me. But that was probably right. Like, I feel like I was too afraid of it.

I got it a few times. Honestly, I'm really a changed woman because last week I got norovirus. I got it too. Girl. Honestly, I'm really a changed woman because last week I got norovirus. I got it too. You guys, I shit my pants. Yay! I'm like, I don't know why I can't help but share that with everybody that I see, but I had it, like I've never experienced something so violent.

You've never shit your pants before? Oh no, I've shit my pants. Oh, okay. I was like, I love your shorts type of girl. You definitely shit your pants. But first of all, I shit my pants at home, which is just like embarrassing because it's like, I love your shots type of girl. You definitely should hit your pants. But first of all, I shit my pants at home, which is just embarrassing because it's like, what was the reason?

But also it changed me. I could not believe it. And I've had food poisoning before. It's really uncomfortable, but it's like. Did you have a high fever? I didn't, well, probably I wasn't checking the temperature But I was so violently throwing up and you know Chitting myself it was horrible. I was like had the chills couldn't get out of bed by the way

I had norovirus when I was shooting a movie in Chicago. I tell Kailila I go I'm not cuz I wasn't here cuz I was sick I go tell the audience like you know you know, make me look okay. You know, say Esther was shooting a movie, she got sick. I turn on the episode, but she goes, Esther has the poo-poos. And then I go, surely the second episode without me, she'll say what I asked her to say. Esther still has the shits.

I'm like, you fucking bitch. And now she's dead. She died from the shits, guys. I'm like, you find me. And now she's dead. She died from the shits, guys. I'm like, are you, I literally told you what to say. I did say you were filming, but like three quarters of the way, I just didn't open with it. I was like, I really want my norovirus story to be really a glamorous storyline.

By the way, I'm surprised you didn't have the shits. You only threw up. Wait, that's not norovirus. I don't believe you Okay, I would have thought the same but I had the high fever I was like so nauseous and weak threw up like six times Oh six not norovirus. Are you kidding? But are you that's what I told you noro is double dragon You have to be on your on all fours coming out both ends I would have had an ambulance pick me up if I could have gotten from the toilet to the ambulance.

What was happening to you? How dare you? It was so abrupt. I was literally mini golfing. I was like, not feeling so good. Go to the bathroom, projectile, and then I get in the car to go home, my boyfriend's driving.

I throw up all in my lap, all out the window. It's like all over my car. I'm like, first of all, the drive is like 10 minutes long. I threw up the whole way, got home, threw up, threw up, started shitting myself and it like, it just never stopped. It was so miserable. Oh my God. How many days were you sick?

I was, there was 12 hours where I thought like, I'm definitely never gonna see another day. And then I got, I had someone come and give me an IV with Zofran and like everything else they can give you. And I was fine for four hours. And then I woke up and it happened all over again. You're kidding. It was so miserable.

It was like three days before I could like even, like I could think straight. Cause I was, I couldn't believe that that happened. It was so like, like what just happened? It was, now I'm questioning it, but I do believe I had it because I was the sickest I've ever been. And for me, for a whole week, I was like weak and tired

in a way I've never been before was like, oh life is over. Maybe you can get, maybe there's levels to it. Cause like, I don't know, I was getting frustrated cause my boyfriend was like, oh life is over. Maybe you can get, maybe there's levels to it. Cause like, I don't know. I was getting frustrated cause my boyfriend was like in the beginning when it first started, he was like, no, it's not food poisoning. Cause when I had food poisoning, like I was way sicker

and it would piss me off so bad. Cause I'm like, why won't you let me have this? I just threw up on my, on myself in the car. This is like when I was giving birth and my husband kept being like, people say kidney stones are worse than giving birth. And I had that. No.

Well, true, you don't get an epidural when you have kidney stones, you should. Also, when I had it, like I was, so I was in Chicago and it happened to be the coldest day in Chicago in like a hundred years. And I had to keep going in and out for work. And so I was like having the chills, but I didn't know what was like the cold

and what was the norovirus, but it was rough. Yeah, I was- And it was glamorous, okay? Mine was anything but glamorous. And it was in Arizona, which you would think would be warm, but it was a freeze warning in Arizona. So it was like 20 degrees, which probably wasn't as bad as Chicago, but the heater in the house that I was staying at, like it probably worked, but it was so

like it was tile, like vaulted ceilings. I was so miserable. It was shaking. I'm surprised I didn't just die. I did hear from an infectious disease doctor that this year's norovirus is like particularly a bad strain. And it's going to get you next for saying that she has the pooh-poos. Mm-mm.

Did it bring you and your boyfriend closer together, seeing you like that? Like, I would hope so, but honestly, the whole time I was thinking like, I cannot believe, like if he stays with me after this, like, amazing guy. But thankfully, he's gonna hate that I'm sharing this, like, cause I obviously, I shit myself, and I immediately went, woke him up,

and I said, I just shit myself. You have to announce it. I feel like that's the first thing you have to do. If I didn't tell him I wouldn't be an honest girlfriend. And so- It's so much worse if you try to hide it. Yeah, well initially I was like, what am I gonna do? But then I was like, you know what, fuck it.

But all my friends were like, oh my God, and he still likes you. I go, luckily, thankfully, he shit himself like a month earlier because he had food poisoning. So he's gonna love that I shared that. Everybody does it, you know? But it's like, I got to see him shit himself first. Well, not see it, but.

I've talked about this in my first special, but I shit myself at Cold Stone senior year of high school and I was wearing a skirt. Remember when I had to throw my underwear away at Mangeano's? And then the next day I went to school and I did what you did, I told everyone because I didn't want to hide it. That just felt so much scarier. But why did you shit yourself?

Did it just come out of nowhere? It really was an out of nowhere experience. Me too. It really strikes you at the least. You don't know what's coming, you don't know why. Vermont Canyon tennis courts is where a rogue meatball just flew out my butt. It was a meatball. It was solid and you shit yourself? Smaller. Kind of like a mini albondiga. You do not hear about solid shitting yourself.

Yeah, shitting yourself is for sure supposed to be like... It was the weirdest, hardest, roundest. The way you're holding the banana. Little who? And I don't even play tennis, but this is the one day where I was like, maybe I'll just buy a racket from Big Five and learn. Went to Vermont Canyon.

You were like, really like... I hadn't even started. Oh. I was walking from my car to the courts and I was like What is that weight? I'm feeling down there and I go to the restroom Well, my panties down and the hardest ball just rolled out Rolled out into the floor. I was like, it's that it was like a pebble. We with Bobby. No, no No, I was with my best friend Jessica who was like the most notorious like public shitter

She's even worse than me. She shits herself in traffic all the time. I think it's probably really a lot more common than we think, but I think we just have whatever mental illness it is that we have to say. Yeah. I shit myself. And I love that. And that's beautiful.

The world needs us. Can I ask a follow-up question about the Cold Stone? Did it come down in Cold Stones or like the poo? It was, I was in line. But did it come down in Cold Stones or like the poo? It was, I was in line. But did it come down your outer? No, it all stayed maintained in my limited to underwear. Oh, that's lucky. Thank God.

That's a great ad for them, honestly. It could have been though, like, I feel like that's the one place you could pretty easily cover it up. At Cold Stone? Yeah, I would get chocolate immediately and I would just. Oh no.

Oh no, my chocolate syrup is streaming down my leg. Please do that. That's such a scene in a movie. No, it really is. Cause where else, like, I don't know, would there be like liquid brown anything? I just picture you shitting yourself and running into an ice cream shop really fast.

That's resourceful, that's what it is. Isn't that what they do in cruise ships, where they'll add a tiny bit of laxative to all of the food because they don't want the clogs, I mean, they don't want the pipes to be clogged on the ship. Is that true? So they need everyone to shits off. Oh.

That's a rumor I heard. If that's true, that's amazing. We should all go on a cruise and get really skinny. I would love to go on a cruise. Have you guys ever been on a cruise? I went on one in high school and we all went to go see my dance teacher who got hired as a cruise ship dancer. It was so fun. But the cruise ship experience itself was so janky. And I remember like this one,

cause it was a bunch of us and our moms, and this one really rich girl that came with us, like cause we flew to Florida to get on the ship. And then one of the girls had a note on her door that was like, this is not gonna work for us. And they flew back to Chicago, cause it was so shitty. And I was like, that's so bad ass. Meanwhile, me and my mom were like,

holy shit, a cruise. I feel like I would get, I would be the person who gets so seasick and just ruins everybody's time. We would do well together ruining things for people. I think so too. I think it would be fun for us three to go on a cruise together, to be honest.

We could go on a Disney cruise and you could pass. For everyone's kids. Yeah. I'm down. There's something about being... I love being at sea. I'm an ocean person. But to be stuck at sea with people that a good chance I probably don't like

is really claust... The idea makes me sweat profusely. Just so you don't like us. No, no, no. Not you guys so you don't like us. No, no, no, not you guys. You don't wanna come with us. I mean, like, have you ever, have you, well, you've been on a cruise. The quarters are small, they're tight.

If there's any type of drama between the three of us, it's over. Someone's getting thrown overboard. Well, and I know it's me. So I'll accept that fate today. I've been working out, so you can't take me probably. What is your deal with how hard you're working out? We need to go back to this because I'm so intimidated.

I'm so like jealous, FOMO, like what has gone into you? Have you always been this way? No, well, remember I told you, I really, I feel confident that one day I'm gonna go on the challenge. And if like, what if they call tomorrow? Like they haven't, there's no talks of me being on the challenge, but like, if they were to call and say like,

oh, we're leaving in a month, I have to be ready. That is a winner's mentality. And I'll tell you why. Some of the greatest upsets in UFC history have been because somebody falls out the week, like fight week. And a person like Brooke, a fighter like Brooke is like, I'll step in on a day's notice and that fighter who they're up against has now strategized for their entire fight camp to fight one type of fighter.

This guy's a completely different style. And that guy knocks them out. That's cool. Wow. I'm going to be ready to fight. You're just ready to fight one type of fighter. This guy's a completely different style. And that guy knocks them out. That's cool. Wow. I'm gonna be ready to fight. You're just ready to fight. I really respect that. Thank you. And also, it makes you happy. I hate, like, you know, people always say,

like, eating healthy and, like, working out makes you happier. And I rejected that for so long, because I was like, there's just no way. And then I found out it's like, it's real. Wait, what have you been eating? Are you cooking or what are you doing? I'm not cooking, but my boyfriend cooks like just so amazingly, like every single day.

So I just, I'll be on Instagram reels because I don't have TikTok anymore. That's an advancement in 2025, no more TikTok. Oh really? That's why I'm glowing. Why are you, wait, why are you sticking with that? I didn't mean to, I deleted the app because I'm an idiot. And you can't get it back?

I can't get it back. Wow, how quickly did you delete it after it went down? I know, I saw someone say like, they were at their lowest and you just did my, or abandoned them, but I just kept opening it. I was opening it over and over and over again. So I was like, oh my gosh, let me just delete this. I'll redownload it when it comes back.

And it's not available? It's not available. Wait, that's insane. So yeah was like, oh my gosh, let me just delete this. I'll re-download it when it comes back. And it's not available? It's not available. Wait, that's insane. So yeah, I go on Instagram Reels, which is where all the recipes are, and I just send them. That's true. And then I'll make it.

Wait, you also mentioned that you have a lot of hobbies. Like you're really busy now. What are your, what's going on? No, no, no, that was, I just made that up. That you just didn't want to see me? No, I'm so excited to see you, but now that I found out that you're an actual, like well-trained ballerina,

I'm not going to ballet with you. You have to go. No. We can do something more like a happy medium. Maybe we go to like a contemporary. Oh, Zumba. No, we can't. I'll contemporary, but it's so hard to,

are you good at picking up moves, like learning the combos? That's my weakness. Like, no, but I'll take an Adderall. Oh. And Adderall fixes everything. Oh. I already like, last time I said I abused,

I didn't say I abused Gabapentin, but people thought that. And so I'm not abusing Adderall, by the way. Yeah, that's right. Are we still on the Gabapentin? Yeah. For sure. Yeah.

Sometimes you need it. And now my cats are on it too. Oh yeah, I've heard it's for animals. My dog's on it. Are we still on the Gabapentin? Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Sometimes you need it. And now my cats are on it too. Oh yeah, I've heard it's for animals. My dog's on it. My senior dog around me. Yeah, he's been on Gabapentin for over a year. I swear by it, it works for everybody.

Even my blind and deaf dog. He must be so at peace being blind and deaf. Yeah. I have a nephew who is deaf, and he has a cochlear implant. And when he just wants, he doesn't wanna hear you or his parents or anyone, he's just like, beep. And he just turns it off.

And he is like, happy as can be. I have to be honest, like the hot girl researcher in me is coming out right now and I need more information from you. Like I need to know what you're eating. I need to know what your your face like I saw you visited your ejector yesterday. I did I was just telling her I got like Botox in every part of my face. I did have to give up filler because I had an incident and by incident I just mean I like really like took it too far and I was looking a mess. Where, what part? Everywhere, my lips, my cheeks, I'm pretty sure.

Well, actually I asked for temple filler yesterday and she was like, no. It looks like you have that already. Well, it's funny you say that, I got her to do it. No, I got her to give me, it's like Sculptress. So it's not like, it makes you like build collagen by yourself, but I did that. I did Botox in my forehead, in my eyes, in my chin, which I didn't know I needed that. I made the mistake of going to her and saying like, can you look at me and tell me what

I need, which is like something you just don't do. Huge mistake. I've done that. Yeah, she told me my, my head was getting a little thick up here. I go, what? I swear. And I love her so much and she's honest with me and I really respect that. She told me my head was getting a little thick up here. I go, what? What? So rude. And I love her so much and she's honest with me and I really respect that.

But I was like, I've not like, definitely wasn't worried about that. I went once as a joke to a plastic surgeon and was like, what should I do? And he's like, well, you need a chin implant. That's the first thing. Give me a long list. No, that's exactly what happened to me last year.

So, Jiao Ying Summers, she's a standup. She's great. She posts TikToks with her doctor who does her injector basically. And so I was like, oh, maybe I should do a consult with this guy. And she was like, oh, he's great, do that. So I did and was actually at our old studio.

So I FaceTimed this doctor and I was like, oh, where do you think I should, I can afford to get it done? And he was just like, deep plane facelift is what he told me. And I was like, oh, that's not actually like, that's not in the realm of what I thought. I was thinking maybe a filler here.

And he was like, no, deep plane facelift. And I drove home like in silence. I didn't know, sue that man. Yeah, that's not, that's absurd. But I will say it does feel like face lifts are having a moment. Yeah, it's cause Lindsay Lohan popped out looking so good. Oh, and Christina Aguilera.

Yeah, see, they must have all, like I don't wanna accuse anyone, but like they have to have all gone to the same person. They look phenomenal. Yeah, it's really bumming me out. Like, I just, I don't know. Cause I'm like, I don't wanna ever do anything. But at the same time, like when I'm crossing

the rainbow bridge, like I don't know what will come over me and what I will do and I'm scared. Well, people are right now mistaking you for under 13. I don't think you need a facelift or anything like anytime soon. I'm gonna be like, can you make me look seven? I wanna look seven. So wait, and what are you eating?

What's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner? I eat, every morning I get La La Land, the coffee that's really just dessert. What do you get there? I get today, I got a strawberry shortcake matcha. And usually I get a s'mores latte. It's so good. And it like makes you feel horrible.

Cause it's like, it doesn't do the job. So then I have to have a Celsius. I drink a lot of Celsius. And I have a specific koozie that fits a Celsius instead of like a beer. And I bring it everywhere. And I'll eat like eggs and I'll eat like a breakfast sandwich or like something alike for breakfast.

And then lunch, I'll probably postmate something. I always postmate like the same places. Like where? We do a lot of like sandwiches or we get like, I'm trying to think. Oh, I get a lot of like, cava. Because it has like just so many things in there

and you're like, there's gotta be something healthy in here. And then dinner, just whatever I found on Instagram Reels that day. It's usually like last night we had vodka, gnocchi and chicken. So we're not eating a lot of greens kind of stuff. No, there's nothing green, ever. Dr. Stella has interfered.

Yeah, I'm just saying. Well, there's nothing green. Okay. Ever. Dr. Stella has interfered. Yeah, I'm just saying. Well, actually I like beef and broccoli. Okay. From Trader Joe's, which is not good for you, but there's broccoli. Broccoli's good. I didn't eat a vegetable until I was like 18 years old. So I'm like still like in the starter phase.

I'm still dipping my feet in the water. I like broccolini and I like broccoli. Broccoli's a great starter vegetable, I feel, right? Yeah, I feel like that's like pretty much the worst of it. So, oh, I like carrots too. I like broccoli. Broccoli's a great starter vegetable, I feel, right? Yeah, I feel like that's pretty much the worst of it. So, oh, I like carrots too. I like vegetables. It's like you try not to get canceled. You're like, I like all vegetables.

I do. I like them all. Exactly what just happened, by the way. I don't have a nanny, so I have to get home to send my husband to his doctor's appointment. If you ever need a nanny. I'm not kidding.

So I, first of all. You're like a famous podcaster. No, I'm not. Not anymore. I don't have TikTok anymore. So that just freed up a lot of time for me, first of all. And second of all, your baby in particular is just the cutest baby I've ever seen.

And I feel like I would tell anybody that sitting across from them, but like every time you post her, I'm like, would tell anybody that sitting across from them, but like Every time you post her I'm like that's I want to show you The I can't believe it that she's real. It's so funny. You should totally be my nanny. That would be hilarious It was I always think about like just getting a job like I do too And how funny like I know that because you know you sit like sometimes like someone who like was was on a Disney show or something will be working a regular job, and people will like post them and make fun of them.

And I'm like, we're making fun of someone for having a job. It's crazy. I would love to like, well, I mean, I guess I could and I don't, so maybe I wouldn't love to do it, but. Where would it be? I already have my answer.

Me too. Well, I know during the actor strike, I was like, I told Dave, I was like, I'm gonna get a job. I've always wanted to be a waitress at Swingers. And like the actor strike, I was like, I told Dave, I was like, I'm gonna get a job. I've always wanted to be a waitress at swingers. And like the actor strike is happening, there's no work. And then I was pregnant and I couldn't do it. But why swingers specifically?

Cause the waitresses, they're like so cool. And like, they're like weird, cool, pretty, you know what I mean? Where it's like, you don't have to be like super, super, you don't have to look like Brooke. Like you could look like me and it'd be fine. Like that, and like they wear cute outfits. I don't know.

It just felt cool. I get that. I feel like that's, I've actually never been to Swinger. So I don't know, but I went to Topgolf and I was like, what a job. I would love to work at Topgolf. I see that for you. I've been, first of all, I did mini golfing like three days in a row recently because I found out I was good at it

So I was like obviously I have to keep going and now you go with your boyfriend. Oh, that's cute And I beat him. So is he a golf? No. Well, yeah. Yes. He's so good What is a really great choice for you, what do I do Trader Joe's. Why? Everyone seems really chill and happy there. Yeah, but I don't think and I, everyone's good looking there too. I hate the way that you're talking about yourselves, but at Trader Joe's like they, it's like required that you have conversations with people as they're checking out. You can't do it. And I would not enjoy that at all. Oh, then my backup is, oh, a swim instructor, which I already did for like most of my life.

I have a job for you. You know that I swim? Are you a good swimmer? I was like a D1 competitive swimmer. Oh, I have a serious job for you. What job? Yes. I have to, obviously have to learn how to swim. They swim so much on the challenge.

So does she. I don't know how to swim. You don't know how to swim? Wait, I think we can make something out of this. Something is going on between us. We're both so helpless. I can swim, but if I were caught in a riptide, I would die. You can't swim then.

The idea of knowing how to swim means that it's not necessarily swimming laps, is that you can float for an extended period of time and survive. What? Okay, yeah, can't do that. Well, we will fix that this summer. Paid gig, swim lessons.

Yes, don't pay me, please. I won't. I'll pay you in love. No, I think this could be really fun for us to do together. I'm so down, I need to learn. Like, she's tried the basics with me, and it was just- Wait, so you can't swim at all? Well, you would know better than me.

She can, she's better than she thinks she is. So she doesn't have a natural fear of the water. I think she has a fear of being seen in a swimsuit in the water. No, I'm scared of the water. If I have a kickboard, I'm not scared. But if you took the... Well, that's not swimming.

If you took... You're scared of the cold, you're scared of like the elements. Yeah, that's hard to remember. Kaila, it took her like four attempts to tug her nose and go underwater though, remember? Cause she was scared. Yeah, you're forgetting things.

Your brain- I will start from the basics. I swear to you guys, I am your girl. Wait, I really, I'm so serious about this because- Yeah, so am I. Like it's really like big on all of these shows, survive all of these that I wanna go on, swimming is required.

I wanna be with someone else who doesn't know what they're doing. Yeah. That'll help. And I will teach you not necessarily, like we know one's gonna be Michael Phelps tomorrow, but we'll teach him how to survive. Why are you bringing him up? Why would you even bring him up

in teaching us how to swim? The pressure, why? Because I believe in you guys. I think you guys are both athletes. I think I actually know that I would be a good swimmer because everybody in high school accused me of being a swimmer because that's my build. Because I got the shoulders on me.

So everyone's like, you're either a swimmer or a softball player. Brooke, you are so petite. No. To be a swimmer. Just know that I can get like, if I lifted weights for like three days, I could be like, I could be Michael Phelps, honestly. I believe it, I believe it.

I wanna see Esther's like lats grow. Oh God. Like this, you know, the wings. Yeah, my back is just pure mush. It's just, there's no lines. Perfect for the water. Like when you're too dense and you're too muscular, you tend to have more difficulty in the water.

I can't even believe that you're serious that people can float. Like, is that real? You will absolutely float. No, have you seen where they throw the babies in the water? We actually let's just bring bring your daughter. She's probably at about the same level as they're so much easier to teach. Little kids, babies, they get it in half an hour.

You like they throw the babies in the water and then they go and the baby like turns over and then they float. That is crazy. It's a thing, you gotta look into it. Teaching adults though, so hard. Really? So hard. So this will be an uphill battle, but we will get through. I should say I have taken, like I was,

I took swim lessons when I was younger and I got up to shark level, which is like pretty high. Sounds really good. But I feel like I've let some of that go. I now have dreams for all of us. OK. Do we have a pool that we can use? We'll start in the pool.

But I really, you said shark level. I really want to take you guys to go swim with sharks with me. Oh, I would do that. I would love to do that. That's crazy, both of you. Because I really think it will change the way you, like, you have this idea or this fear that you think they're this, they are scary, they can be.

I dive a lot, right? They sneak up behind you, it is scary. But in a controlled setting, they're just really cool big fish and I want you to experience that. I'm definitely not, I would love to do that and I love, I thought I was gonna be a SeaWorld trainer for like, no.

It's like, you're laughing. You're laughing, but I'm so serious. I believe you. My whole life I was gonna be a SeaWorld trainer for like, no, like it's like, you're laughing, but like I'm so serious. Like my whole life, I was like, obviously I'm gonna be a trainer at SeaWorld and then some stupid idiot made blackfish. I'm kidding, but like, it was, it really threw a wrench in my plans and I had like, I didn't even know what to do with myself for a while.

And I was like 17 or something when that came out and I was like, what do I do? Because you are the perfect candidate because the only missing piece is the swimming park because you could probably do all the acrobatic stuff. And I would love that and it's like a performance. I was like, to me, the most famous you could possibly be would be for like someone I know to go to SeaWorld

and me to be on like on an orca. I knew that's where this was going. It was really about fame. To have like a star moment. Wait, but you didn't even grow up in Florida. No, I grew up in Arizona. I didn't even- There was no water.

I had hardly seen an orca. But I was so sure. And then when Blackfish came out, I went as far as to look into the Navy Marine Mammal Program where they train dolphins to sniff out mines underwater. Because you're like, how else will I be seen and heard? No, I was like, I was so passionate at that point about like water animal or like, it was a whole thing.

I definitely felt like being the princess at Disney World was like, that was what I wanted. I could see you doing that. I feel like you're very gentle and you'd be good with the kids. I feel like I was, I've been too short for most things I've wanted. Race car driver, Danica Patrick.

That's another thing you could have done and still should pursue. Oh my God, I'm having an epiphany. But you're not like a star when you're a race car driver. You're like smashed in there. No one can see you. No, we saw Danica. Okay, true.

You are not only a star, but everyone has seen you drive downstairs. You are the like Italian job job, you are it. Are you a fast driver? I drove downstairs on accident. Wait, what does that mean? It's not a good thing. Wait, how do you do that?

She's just what we call the modern day Lewis Hamilton. I was in a parking lot and I thought it was an exit, but it was a on foot exit, and it was literally a flight of stairs. And it was so humiliating, because it's like, and it was literally a flight of stairs and I was so humiliated because it's like you What if you are on a flight of stairs in your vehicle? You cannot you don't go down. You can't go back You're stuck the fact that the first thing you did was try to reverse Honestly valid it definitely crossed my mind like I could just get out of the car and just walk away and never, like never turn back. Like that was the most obvious option to me

because I was so embarrassed. And thank God, like some random man was walking by and was like, oh, I can, I think I can help you. And he had like a, like a pump or something to like elevate. You got one of those things that you don't? So kind, so smart. Oh, another thing, Seabiscuit, a horse jockey. Two jobs for her. I just watched the Christopher Reeves documentary. So kind, so smart. Oh, another thing, sea biscuit. A horse jockey.

Two jobs for her. I just watched the Christopher Reeves documentary. I am not getting on a horse ever again. You are so limber. Your back could never break. Thank you. You would just fly off and roll and everything would be fine. Oh my god, Esther.

I kind of believe you. Would you ever do like, what about Ariel Silks? I feel like you would be really good at that if you like ballet. I love how we're like trying to think of things for us to know Oh famous the reason like from the viewpoint of a of like a five-year-old No, what I'm thinking right now in my head is like how it could we make something out of this like us trying new things Oh, yeah, but can you ride a bike? I can ride a bike not well But I can I can I can ride a bike must be well, but I can ride a bike. Must be nice.

You can't ride a bike? No. Have you tried? Not in many years, I'm too embarrassed. We'll start with a tricycle. I could ride a tricycle. No, you could ride a bike. What about a lime scooter?

Oh no. It's really dangerous. I've always wondered why can't adults just ride tricycles? Why not? They can. Like, wait, is that, no, I'm thinking of training wheels. That is a tricycle, basically. Like, I would ride that with like my family or my husband.

I think probably because there would be one person who would need it, who is you. Yeah, I would, do you think they sell them for adults? Really? I want that for my birthday this year. I think you would love it. Mom and dad. Dear Santa, scratch the pony. Really? I want that for my birthday this year. I think you'll win the year easily. Dear Santa, scratch the pony.

I don't know. I think I told you guys I signed up for the American Ninja Gym. What's that? I didn't tell you? No. Oh, I signed up for American Ninja Gym, which is basically like parkour.

You're trying to be like a full stunt person. What's going on with you? I think I just found out how like, like I want to feel capable, you know? Like you never know when you're gonna need, you probably could have used parkour when you drove down those stairs. That's for sure.

That would have helped. And you just never know when you're gonna need parkour. What has, like what came over you? Like was there some inciting incident in your life that made you wanna be stronger? Challenge. Well just like seeing how, like what everybody else can do.

I'm like, why can't I do any of these things? You're like the one person that watches a bad for your brain reality show and turns it into this healthy lifestyle. No, it could be worse. I could be watching Naked and Afraid and now I'm a nudist. That would be...

Wait, I have friends that go to this stunt school. I should introduce you. I think I would love that so much. I think they train all of the John Wick people, all of the cool stunts. I think we could do that. Can you tumble? No.

I could somersault. That counts. Okay. I'd love to go to one of those bouncy places though where you can jump around in a foam pile. Okay. That would be fun. I think there's a lot of things

that we could all try together. I think maybe- What are some, let's talk about something you can't do. Why are we only talking about things we can't do? Name it, I don't know how to do it. I don't even know to push when it says pull. You know, like I am, I say everybody. That's the lamest, like attempt at being someone

that can't do things. Say something then, name something. Can you cook? Yes. Spearfish, dive, make a haircare line. You're right. I can't think of anything. You guys are crazy.

I mean, it's pretty insane that you are such a good cook too. It's so annoying. How do you know? Because everybody talks about what a good cook she is. I was going to say, I've never tried it. Well, you don't. Yeah, I was picky before. Jules has talked about it. Yeah, yeah.

I can cook for you guys. How about this for 2025? I'm going to manifest it. We learn three new things. But we have to teach each other how. So if it's a skill that I know, swimming, diving, you know, how to gut a fish, say for instance. I might need that for Survivor.

You absolutely will. And I will pass on that knowledge to you. Okay, I can teach you ballet basics. Okay, yes. Okay, here's the issue. There's definitely nothing I can do that you guys can't. I want you to teach me how to work out. Oh, so I'm learning.

This is the problem. Teach me what you learn. I guess, yeah, that's true. Yeah. I need you to teach me how to not believe in things. Oh, that's a good one. That's a really, like not to buy into. Not to take on every scary thing that's out there.

You just go, it doesn't exist. I'm like, I need that. I need that. How did you get that one? Yeah, it is very beautiful. Like the like, I need that. I need that. How did you get that? Yeah, it is very beautiful. Like the other day I had my whole finger turned black. I was like, bummer. Wait, I saw that on Instagram.

You know, like I hardly even looked into it. I was like, well, that'll go away. And it did. That's honestly a magic trick. That's huge. Where I'm like, I would be five hours on Reddit, like messaging people. It really stems from like no desire to,

like, or like not a big will to live. You know what I mean? Like you probably really wanna stay alive. Like that's where the fear comes from. And I'm like, if it's gonna take me, it'll take me. And then probably I'll get a lot of attention. Okay, another thing I want to manifest for you. I really think Dancing with the Stars for the both of you.

Thank you. I think that's going to happen. I've heard though that the more you want it, the less they want you. No, I think that's true. And I need a shot. Honestly, we don't want to go on. It's really a stupid show. Yeah, it would be so beneath us and embarrassing. They could never get us. Zendaya went on.

I thought about that today. Wait, she did in the early years. Yeah, and I just think about that all the time. Like, Zendaya. Yeah, no one has the right to judge anyone who goes on. Sometimes you think that entering the reality world sort of disqualifies you for other stuff. And it's just like, everyone does everything.

Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar, and she got her name made on it's just like, everyone does everything. Now it doesn't matter. Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar and she got her name made on American Idol. Like that changed everything. Kelly Clarkson. Kelly Clarkson, that's so true. I mean, Theo Vaughn. Truly. Oh yeah, he was like,

road rules. Yeah, and that turned into the challenge. Right, Jamie Chung. Yeah. Real world, right? So basically you should have gone on Naked and Afraid is what we're all trying to say. I just used to think I was, like, kind of what you're saying.

Like, you think, like, oh, I would never do that. But now there's nothing that I wouldn't do, really. Same. I'm down. Sign me up. I want to go on a reality show. I want to start fights. I want to... I'm ready.

Do they take non-Mormon girls on the Mormon Wives show? I don't think any of those girls are Mormon, by the way. I don't think the church would claim any of them. And I don't... That's not to say that they're not wonderful people. But like, they're like beating their... Well, I shouldn't say that. Well, I think they're trying to get more Morgan... More Morgans, more Mormons to join.

Yeah. So I think... We can convert to Mormonism and get famous. Yeah. I just almost think like the church to Mormonism and get famous. Yeah. I just almost think like the church would just look down upon like you going on a reality show. But I do think that there is this, you know, the whole idea is like this new wave of, you know,

the Mormon religion. These are like the 2.0, the cooler, more accepting Mormons. Okay. I'm into it. Allegedly, right? If we... What would our reality show be? None of us have any, like, quality... I wrote one for us years ago, remember?

Oh, yeah. And it's all about, you know, us doing things we don't want to do. I want an audition. You're already in. You're already in. Would Tana, is that my singer name right? Would Tana ever do a reality show?

For sure. She had a reality show of her own. Really? Yeah, it was called Tana Turns is that my singer name right? Would Tana ever do a reality show? For sure, she had a reality show of her own. Really? Yeah, it was called Tana Turns 21 on MTV. Oh my God. And I don't think it went over well, but I definitely like, she would for sure do a show again. I had a reality show piloted MTV. Really?

Like years ago, and that was when I was like in my no era and I kept turning it down until they like kept making it better. And then I was like, okay, fine, I'll do it. But then I never got picked up. Wait, would you and Tana do one? Like, oh, that? Well, I don't know if we, yeah, no, probably not.

Okay, maybe here's our, we should do like the female podcasters of LA reality show. There's really, it doesn't exist. Yeah. There are enough of us now. Yeah. For a while it was. Who else could we get? Like, actually I can't think of anyone else who would do it. I mean, it doesn't exist. Yeah. There are enough of us now. Yeah. For a while it was. Who else could we get?

Like, actually I can't think of anyone else who would do it. I was gonna say like Alex Cooper, like she's good. Right. No, I think she'd want in. Really? Yeah, and Moira's just like a- I'm like, do we want her in? She made a hundred something million dollars.

I feel like she would only do it if she was in complete control of it. I think she would just be too powerful and I would feel embarrassed. I definitely wouldn't feel embarrassed around her. Really? No. You don't like Alex Cooper?

I like her, but I wouldn't feel embarrassed. Oh, I think I would just feel broke. Oh. Who cares? You're right. Esther, you could teach people how to do standup. Wait, I wanna learn that. I need to learn first. No, I need help. That's what I wanna do. I'll teach people how to do standup. Wait, I wanna learn that. I need to learn first.

No, I need help. That's what I wanna do. I'll teach you how to do standup. I really need help. I need like three minutes. I could definitely be a standup coach. That is the saddest sentence anyone's ever said. Print it, cut it, roll it.

That was it. Who taught you or did you just jump in? I just learned through the years of being a comedian. Hilarious, oh. By other comedians. Oh yeah, I guess you dated. Is that my way in? I tried it.

You have to date me? Okay, well we have a lot to plan. We have like a lot. This episode should be called How to Get Famous. I don't know why all of a sudden that's become the topic. I love it and I'm actually genuinely serious. I think we should try new things together. I'm down. Yes, I really just like wanna be friends.

Yeah, I'm in, I'm in. Really fully in guys. Yeah. Sold. All right, well Brooke, thank you for being our new best friend. Thank you for having me. I'll come on anytime.

That's huge for us. We're so excited. We love hanging out with you. And where can people find more of you? The canceled podcast. The canceled podcast and we're about to announce our international tour in like a week. Wow. Where are you guys going?

Right now it's just Europe. I think we're going to end up doing Australia as well. But we're finalizing your updates. We'll know like in a week and then we go in all of April. Incredible. Oh my God. Congrats. Thank you.

Well, you guys slugs, thank you for being here. We'll see you on our Patreon and we'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Woohoo.