Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Chloe Radcliffe Catches Jaime Garcia In A Lie

Episode Date: August 11, 2026

Thank you to SQUARESPACE -  Check out https://www.squarespace.com/TRASHTUESDAY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code TRASHTUESDAYBTS, BONUS CONTENT AND MORE! Only on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/TrashTuesdayPodcast     GET IT BEFORE ITS GONE - https://trashtuesday.myshopify.com/ Jaime’s jawline, Five Guys fries, and Republicans vs. liberals in the military. We’re welcoming the gorgeous Chloe Radcliffe and bringing back our fav, Jaime Garcia! We interrogate Jaime about his mortician gf, break down the Pop-Tart & Frappuccino diet + the Four Styles of Friendship, and Jaime CATCHES HIMSELF ON FIRE?!MORE JAIME!https://www.instagram.com/thejaimegarcia/https://www.youtube.com/@TheFatFishPodcast MORE CHLOE!https://www.instagram.com/chloebadcliffe/?hl=en https://www.chloeradcliffe.com/ Thank you to our sponsors:Thank you to HERS -  Visit Https://forhers.com/trashtuesday  to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. Thank you to SKIMS -  Shop Everyday Cotton, and all of my favorite bras and underwear at http://www.skims.com/trashtuesday   #skimspartner*Ebb Ocean Club is NOW IN SEPHORA* https://www.sephora.com/brand/ebb-ocean-club for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products! *Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday MORE ESTHER:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonster Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/ MORE KHALYLA:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/ Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A   PRODUCTION:Studio Ten42: https://www.instagram.com/studioten42/ Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/ Arielle Jade (Editor): https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/ Elisa Hernandez Kohler: https://www.instagram.com/ellie.lianna/ Megan Clements:  https://www.instagram.com/egggymeg/   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I met her at one of my shows. Who am I lying too? I met her a Ralph show. I was open. Great. Today's episode is sponsored by Skims, and you guys know we have been loving Skims since Skims was a thing. And our favorite collection is the cotton colloquy. collection. I'm wearing the scoop neck bra right now. Shop skims, cotton, and all of our favorite

pieces at skims.com. And after you place to order, be sure to let them know we sent you, select podcasts in the survey. And be sure to select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. Okay, so I think that it's possible that your great-grandfather may have, it's possible. He may have delivered my mom. Oh, my God. Because her great-grandfather was the town doctor. In Skokie? No, in Cokato, Minnesota, like a really small town that doesn't even have a traffic light. Like, it's so small.

It's known for the corn festival. Oh, cute. But that's where my mom was born. Her great-grandfather was the town doctor. There's only one doctor. And he delivered the babies? I guess so. Oh, I made that up.

No, I mean, he was the town doctor. I'm saying it. I think they probably... And our moms are, like, basically the same age. Yeah, my mom was born in 1958. And mine's 54. I was reviewing our DMs. Crazy.

And your dad is Jewish. Dad is Jewish. And your mom is Scandinavian. Mom is from Kokeo. Yeah, which is all. We are the same person. I know. That's really crazy.

Interesting. Welcome to the show. Thank you for having me. You know, Hyman and I share the same dad. You guys are related. Explain. Your dad is Bobby. Mexican, Filipino.

Same. Same. Same. Put it on record as me as a white person. saying that please welcome back to the show we have returning champion Jaime Garcia me you were so funny at our live show I didn't even I blacked out but that was like you were the star of the night you were pregnant at the time right I was pregnant and I fell out of a chair and you turn down Bobby Altoff that was her yes was she hitting on you no she was so we had a

dating game with Bobby Altam. And she was one of the contestants. He didn't like her. Well, she had sunglasses on, so. First time guest, finally, hilarious stand-up comedian, you may remember her from the hilarious movie is This Thing On. Very grounded performance, very real, very, just herself, Chloe Radcliffe. Thank you.

Welcome. Hello. Can you please introduce my sunglasses? And Kastila. Kastila. Talk about your sty. Let us listen. Okay, so I need to explain this.

Well, first of all, these aren't my sunglasses. Does it say like California, Bank of Trust? Yeah, they're guys. These were thrown to me by production, so thank you. And just to be clear, you think that is better than a sty. Oh, if you saw the sigh? I love gross things. So a sty in the Philippines, that's where I'm from,

they tell you when you're growing up, they shame you about every single little ailment. So if you had a sty, you would have, hide them from everyone because they'd tell you like, oh, you saw a penis you weren't supposed to see. And they'd shame you. Like, who's penis did you see? And you'd be like, I'm five, none. No penis is.

That's horrible. You hide the, you have to hide the sty or you will be shamed. And who's penis? Well, it has, okay, okay, so my sty had six heads. I'm counting. That's true. This podcast is ending. Like, I'm not working with you anymore.

That's disgusting. The six heads or the saw a penis? You like gross stuff, so this is like... I like gross stuff, yeah, yeah, get me in there. Oh, God. I'll tap you up. You two together is, I'm scared. How many minutes till we get to teratomas?

I love teratomas. Don't get me started on a tumor made from teeth. Those are tumors with grow teeth. Oh, and hair. Yes. And nails. It's crazy. It's so crazy.

Let's get out of here. You know, I love this stuff. Are you a picker? Ouch. I can be with pimples. Yes. I cannot. It's like I either go all in.

or I don't touch it all, but it's very rare that I don't touch at all. Yeah, yeah. For a moment, take your Filipino hat off and put on your nurse hat. Okay. What is the cause of the sty? I think it's a clogged, yeah.

It's a clogged, eyelashes, right? It's like a zit. Yeah, it's like a... In your eye. Yeah. No. Like a shake-in-girl. Wait, you know what is it?

Her sex partner must have farted on the pillow or something. That's pink eye. Pink eye, styes. That's conjunctivitis. That's inflammation of the conjunctivitis. of the conjunctiva. Your baby farted in your face? No, that's still pink eyes.

Same. Same. It's not fart induced. Yeah. Have you had pink eye? From a fart, yeah. Really? I can tell you when I saw that.

That's a fart. That's a fart eye. You don't get six heads from one fart. One little tooth. Let's move on from my style. It's like, you know that phobia? What is it? Which one?

Holes in general, right? Tropophobia. I kind of have a little bit. What's tropeophobia? What kind of holes? Like a hole in the ground? Can we see? You know, like you say like a coral reef with a bunch of pores or something like that?

Yeah. Or even skin pores up close. It gives me like a little weird kind of reaction. A sponge? You're afraid of like a bunch of circles. You're showing me the scariest thing I've ever seen. And then you're saying that that's a phobia. But like on your skin.

Wait. Are you saying people hallucinate that on their skin? No. Okay. No. He's in his own world. Yeah. What?

Messing it up. It's not real. What Hyme is trying to explain. explain is a bot fly larva. Which is the most satisfying video to watch on the internet. You know how these, they look punched out? Yes. Like skin holes that look punched out.

I think I'm trying to translate your brain here. Why? Because that's, everyone would be terrified. Right, right, right, right. Are you terrified? I'm not terrified. If you had flies growing in your skin, would you or would you not think it's bad? Oh my God.

I can tell you guys about this guy. Okay, so I came across. this video of I'm pretty sure he's an entomologist. Is that what a person who studies insects? Yeah. Okay. That's a guy. That's all right.

No, entologist is bugs. Okay. Okay. And so this is what I love. I love when I come across people who are obsessed with what they do. Because rarely do you find someone who's like, this is the job I was made to do. He intentionally grows the botfly larva in his own body to study them. And he is, to me, the MVP of life.

Because I'm like, sir, if you're putting your body on the line because you love bugs so much, you want to know them so intimately that you would have holes in your body and watch the different stages of that larva turn into a fly. Like there is no pure existence. Yeah. He sounds like he's so good in bed. I mean, he's probably very meticulous. He's like, you know, someone who is like beginning to end. And nasty. He also is, he's like, he's going to follow a program, right?

Like he's going to follow the steps. He knows, he knows like. this stage leads to this stage leads to this stage, right? Not scared of anything. Not scared of anything. And he's watching you closely. Yeah. He's not going to miss a detail about you or your life or your birthdays ever or your

anniversaries. He's got that shit on law. And then he's going to kill you. Which is fine. That's the life cycle of a good lover. That's not funny. I'm sorry. Wait, okay.

So I saw your stand-up bit where you're like, I wish that we could call people what they look like. Yes. And I found this to be fascinating. And you said you wish that if you were hijacking a plane, a train, had a bomb? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The idea that, like, people are so nervous to talk about my birthmark. Yeah.

That even if I was doing something criminal, like, if I had a bomb in a train station. And people were, like, trying to call in a tip to the FBI. They would be like, oh, she's, um, she, oh, she's got brown hair. Oh, she's medium height. What else do you want to know about her? I can't notice anything else. Yeah, I'm actually, I'm such a good person that I, there's nothing else that catches my eye. Is that something you've experienced though?

Like your whole life, people just make not like wanting to talk about it like or weird about it? Totally. In a longer bit, I wind up comparing it to obviously I have no idea what it's like to be a person of color. But I think that there is like a similar dance that people do about not wanting to describe somebody's race. Yeah. And it happened literally yesterday, I think. I was watching an MMA fight. That's what it was.

A white Russian man with braids and a black guy. I was like, who are we rooting for? And the room of all white people was like, the, they literally said the one with braids. And I was like, the white guy. Like it's not. The one with the red trunks. It's so much more uncomfortable to dance around it like that. It's so weird.

But I have had that a ton with my birth mark. It is so interesting. Like, were you bullied? like is this a big deal? Is it not a big deal? I think it's it's weirdly both a very big deal like a thing that has shaped who I am. Yeah. At like such a foundational level.

And it's my every day. And so it has to become not a big deal, you know? Yeah. I was thinking about this recently. I think all of my friends are like, well, it's not a big deal. Because once you know me for a few minutes, I think my birth mark goes away. Like I think you stop seeing it after a few minutes. That's like when people get to know me, they stop seeing how pretty I am.

Right. They're like, it's just they get used to it. They get used to it. They get blind to it. Yeah. Actually. But then luckily, you go out into the world and you interact with strangers. And then they're like, oh my gosh, she's so pretty.

I'm spilling my drink. Yes. Constantly, you're causing car crashes. Yeah. You're walking across the street. People are hitting the curve. You get it. Yeah.

And so for me, it's sort of like that, but with the inverse, where everybody's like, what is that on your face? Basically, like, I keep having the first five minutes. where people can't forget about it over and over and over every minute of every day. Interesting. So I think so many of my friends, when I'm like, oh, yeah, my birth mark affects my impacts how I think about myself, they're like, yeah, but does it? Aren't you used to it?

And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm used to it. You're used to it. But the world is not used to it. And I keep being reminded of that over and over and over and over and over. I feel like maybe it would be refreshing to be around kids. because kids, I feel like, don't mask. And they're just like, what is that? Okay, cool.

And then move on. 100%. I used to, my, I taught swimming lessons for six years. Esther? You see them? MMA swimming. You guys are the same person. I'm the same person.

We're the same people, yes. I'm intimidated. I'm scared. We start levitating. Start it off with your hometown doctor, but guess we's winning race. You're right. You totally stole the show. I am the like, somebody made me in a lab with

little bits of both of you. You know what's funny? People of color are so much more normal about my birthmark. It is consistently white people have the weird reactions. And people of color are always like, cool birthmark. Or like, understand what it is. And white people are always like, you're rooting for the bears? I'm like, no.

Not at all. Kids, I'm always like, do you want to touch it? Because there's hair on it. And so kids will touch it. And then I'm like, it's soft, right? And they're like, yeah, it's soft. That's crazy. And then I go, it's like a really big freckle. Do you have any freckles? And then they're always like, oh yeah, I have, they know exactly, you know, I have this little one right here and

they want to show it to me. And then they're like, cool, great. Yeah, adults are weird. The kids are awesome. Yeah. Was there ever like a conversation? Because I'm the person like removes every like imperfection, which is like pathetic. Did you ever think about that or doing something for it? So my parents are like hippie, hippie hippies like down the rabbit hole hippies. And so that is throwing me for a loop. I thought we were had similar parents. Yeah, they are like. They're like they met at a Transcendental Meditation teacher training course. Oh my God. Down, down, down the rabbit hole.

Yeah. And like talked about past life memories at the dinner table kind of thing. Like such so hippie that I think both of them, but particularly my mom. I grew up with my mom. I'm very close with my dad, but he, I grew up in Minnesota and he was in Philadelphia my whole life. Oh, okay. Do you have siblings? No, only child.

Swoiled rotten. Is that another? No, just because I have, I plan on having just one child. And I like meeting only children in the wild, especially when they're cool. I'm like, oh. There's hope. Yeah. There is hope.

Yeah. I feel like my dad would deter you. He's like a weird only child. I promise you there are several people who have already deterred me where I'm like, ooh. But then I meet like, you know, a handful of good ones where I'm like, okay, there's hope. Kiernan, Shipka, Emma Chamberlain, all the coolest people are only children. I have so many follow up questions about the only child thing, but continue about your parents. Family of 10.

That is cool. You're one of 10. Yeah. And you had sisters. And do you think you're an advertiser? for having 10 children yeah wait how many do you not have any brothers no I'm the only guy wait you have nine sisters I have seven but for a bit I say 10 you have seven sisters seven sisters you're one of eight kids yeah but you just lie no for a bit I had a bit on stage

are you your mom's favorite uh yeah I'm his only I'm her only boy so where do you fall in like the order and did they keep having kids because they were hoping that they would have more boys I don't know I haven't asked my dad You can also ask your mom It doesn't have to just be your dad You want to call mom I'll just go off the phone with my mom

Really? It's your birthday So happy birthday mom Oh happy birthday Wait okay so your parents Oh yeah Hippie Yeah only child

Did I ever I think it was like always an option If I wanted it to get it removed But it was never My mom was never It was always like This is who you are And that's fine

That's so cool I love Yeah yeah My mom would have been like We're getting rid of every My mom was so bad My mom is actually was an almond mom when it came to like the physique, but like things on my body that were just me that made me me. She never wanted.

She's like, no, you have to keep that. Keep the mustache for her. Keep that on. It's so you. And where to go? It's still here. How dare you. Oh.

I feel her pain. We're kind of the same in the sense. The birthmark because I have a crooked jaw line. Oh, that's right. So I got made fun of it all my life. Right, where it's like there is just something that is that people can understand, but it still like sets you apart. It sets you outside.

I had kids at school come up to me and like mimic, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, look, I'm you. Hiven, did you have the speech impediment after you got your jaw broken or like you've always had it? Like were you in like speech therapy as a kid or did it come like after you hurt your job? I think it was after. Yeah. I was a perfect kid before. Oh, poor.

And then my sisters did drop me when I was like seven, I think, seven or eight. From how high? Just like. How do you drop an eight-year-old so high? No, it was Red Rover, Red Rover. Yeah, it was that game. It was that game. And then they closed the line his jaw.

And I love how I explain your history in Mexico for you because this was in Mexico. Yeah, I was a kid in Mexico in the summer. And I was supposed to break the arm, but I went back. And I guess I somehow landed on this line. No matter how many times. No, I know exactly. I'm really trying to do the calculation on, like, how much force you were running. No, how many times you explain this story, you'll never understand it.

Yeah, it was very fast. It's too confusing. And how stiff were their arms, right? I don't know. I'm trying to look for the x-rays. Do you have memory of the accident? Yeah. The accident.

And your uncle carried you. But I was, like, dozing in and out. That's how I remember. And I just woke up on, like, a bed. Do you think you were concussed? I think so. It was bad. Is it something that you want to change about yourself or fix?

Oh, the jaw? The jaw. Yeah. Because I know you have like severe sleep apnea. Has his roommate Karina says that like it's not even snoring anymore. She's like it's like morphed into like a dragon like, ah, it's like scary. Do you, are you going to get a mask? Do I need a mask?

Probably. Like a CPAP? I just need to sleep like upwards. That's okay. You should get a mask. Did it like fuck up your sinuses inside? Yeah. If I lay flat and sleep with no no headrest or pillow.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll die. But like, if I sit up straight and sleep, I'll be perfect. And did they tell you that in the hospital when you were seven where they were like, you can never lay down and sleep again? No, they told me later on. So you lay down and slept for a while. Yeah, I just sleep like this.

Can't die. Oh, that's so sad, Hyman. You ever seen that? What show is that? It's like Gray's Anatomy where the husband's like holding the wife upside down. Let me think. Let me try to. I like, I love translating,

trying to decode with high vans. She's like, he comes in the hospital, and he's like having his wife from the feet, and they're like, put her down, put her down. And he does, and then she like passes out. Why did he have her upside down? Was she choking or he was trying to. No, it was the only way she could stay conscious?

Yes. Oh, good. Is that it? Yeah. I've never seen 30 seconds of Grey's Anatomy, but I think I understand what you're saying. Oh, wow. It's on TikTok.

Because the dramatic tension there is that they think he's, abusing her except then it turns out that he was actually trying to care for her from her low blood pressure wow are you a writer that was perfect did i is that what was going on in the episode yeah yeah well you're a very good describer thank you but he's a very unique describe yeah sometimes we yeah sometimes it takes me six hours and i'm finally home and i'm like that's what hymen meant it's kind of like like my toddler like when she says something i'm like six hours later i'm like oh what grass outside Okay, that's what she was referring to. Okay, I learned this.

I'm on myofascial release TikTok right now. Like I'm learning all about our fascia, you know, the like spider webs of muscles. This girl who's like a myofascial masseuse or something, she was like giving all these like wellness tips that are like in my arena. Because I want to like look young and pretty, but I don't want to do like surgeries or anything. I'm just, I'm going to laugh my way to beauty. Yes. So she said that looking up a lot, your face lift and younger. And when you look down, that ages you.

And that's why, like, little kids, like, they're always looking up. They're so young and youthful. But as you get older, you look down more. And so I think this is why short people stay young. So like Shakira, aging well. Yeah. So I'm just saying my health tip of the week. Okay.

Look up. Tall people, we're uggos. Be friends with people taller than you. Also, people in rough neighborhoods are about to get beat up, taking Esther's advice. You know, you kind of keep your head down. Don't look at anybody. Oh, really? Oh, shit. Really? Yeah, you get jumped for shit like that.

Oh, my God. Drive to the nearest Beverly Hills and look up into the sky at the tall supermodels around you. At the old people around you because they're the only people that can afford to live there. I mean, you already know what I say about short people. Like, it is like an environmental plus to, I don't know why everyone is evolving to be tall when it, that's worse for the planet. What? Yeah, it's like you're putting a bunch of suburbans when you can have a bunch of preassists on the road. It's like tall people just are, consume more.

It's like more just everything. The consumption is in excess. It's like there's too much, too much crops we need to crop. You're saying call the talls. Call the talls. Yeah. Which my whole family would just perish. Because my dad is 6-4, my sister's 6 feet.

We'd be out and out. And you're fine with that. No. I'd miss the talls. How tall are you? 5-4. Right in the middle of us. Yeah, right in the middle.

Yeah. I always wanted to be 5-8. That was my dream height. That's greedy. It's greedy. Look, now I'm fine with 5-4 because I have dated some 5-6s and it's like, yeah, it's fine. It's fine. Yeah.

But no, my mom grew too. two inches while she was pregnant with me. What? She was 5-4. She is now 5-6. That's incredible. Just went up. Her feet got bigger.

The feet got bigger. Yeah. Minded too. And she's taller. And I always was like, well, I have a couple kids. Four inches of each kid. Yeah, yeah. Bada-bing, bada-boom.

I'm 5-8. That was my big. I've never heard of this. And then the problem is now I don't want to have kids. So I'm stuck at 5-4. No. For sure? Yeah, 100%.

Why? Can you tell us? I've never wanted to have. I realized I always was like, I guess if I, like, I don't know. I love kids. I've like, all my jobs were working with kids. I was always like, I guess if I'm with a partner who wants to have kids, then I'll want them.

But like, I don't really know. And I always felt when people would be like, do you want kids? I always felt like it was the same as somebody being like, do you want to move to China tomorrow? Like it's like, I just have no. That's like so nothing to do with what my life is. Yeah. That I don't even know what the answer is.

Then my mom always is like, if you ever have kids. I like I'm going to be the best grandma. I'm going to move in right behind you. I'll be nanny. I'll be like I'm saving all your Barbie clothes for the grandkids. Whatever. She's always saying stuff like that. And my mom is so earnest and like not trying to pressure me at all. And I was home and she made some comment. And I was like, hey, I just want you to know that I, I know that you are not trying to pressure me and that I know that you are just saying that you did not have any support. Like your parents didn't support. My dad wasn't around that you were alone. and you're telling me that I will not be alone

no matter what happens with anybody else in my life. And so I know that that's what you mean. And my mom is so sincere. She was like, oh, yeah, of course. What are you talking about? Of course I'm not pressuring you. And then I was like, okay, great. Walked back to my childhood bedroom and got back there and was like,

a fucking course that makes me feel pressure. Yeah. And I didn't ever go back to my mom and say that. But like that was the moment where I was like, oh, I realized I don't want kids. And then I started to be like, oh, I've never wanted kids. In high school, I always was like, I, this is how I know that I never wanted kids.

In high school, I went, I hope that I have to go to the doctor for something and they come back with whatever the thing is. But then they're like, side note, we ran some tests and it turns out you're infertile. Sorry about that. And then the decision would just be made for me. Yeah, yeah. And I never, ever, ever, ever once said, I hope I just get accidentally pregnant. And then the decision is made for me. Interesting.

Not a single time. I really respect this because my sister is very similar. And she's just very sure and she's always been sure. And the misconception around like not wanting kids is like what you said, oh, because you don't like kids or you're anti-mother or anti-this. My sister is the best aunt in the world. She loves my baby more than anything. She was by my side when I gave birth. She was the most supportive human.

She continues to be the most supportive human in my life in like my early motherhood. But she is so definitively like this is not my journey. I do not want this for myself. but and I really respect her for that and I really respect you for saying it because I think that maybe you've just always known and like her she's kind of always known this too and it took me a long time to name it because like society is so it's so we're so guided toward having kids right and that's so the assumption and so then when I put my finger on it it truly like felt like a weight off my shoulders like it was like it still now feels like a light in the darkness of like I don't have to do this thing that I do. don't want to do. Right. That's really nice because I feel I hear from a lot of my friends like they don't know and that feels like a really stressful place to be living in. So scary. And it does feel really refreshing to just know and I love that too about like Chelsea Handler. Like she has been so outward about not wanting kids and she similarly also it's so weird.

She likes kids. Like I've seen her like interacting with Rosebud's kid. I just I think that those things don't go together. Like my Aunt Virginia never wanted children. She is incredible with my babies. Yeah. Like the best family member with my babies. I also feel like they have space in their life. Like my sister loves her dog. She has like a pretty chill life. She has room in her body to like love my kid wholeheartedly without the fatigue I'm experiencing. And I and I really appreciate that. It's always and I love hearing this from you because there is that, you know, there's discourse around just, you know, being part of the anti-kid thing, but then it turns into really misogynistic,

anti-mother, anti-baby. And that's where I'm like, yo, like, why does it have to be that way? You can not want kids, but not shit on moms either. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it can be this, like, we can all coexist happily, but you see it on TikTok.

It's always this argument. It's like, guys, we don't have to fight. It's fine. I saw one that really, I never, like, get too worked up, but I did get a little annoyed at a time. TikTok I saw from someone who's like pretty outwardly child free which and I love her content like I'm a fan of hers but this one was like I'm just outrunning errands she was like I bet moms are so jealous of me

they're just miserable hiding in their rooms and I was like this is like weird this is that took it a little too far yeah that's that's weird I feel I understand you but you want you want little babies yeah I'm it no okay he's He literally is just hitting on Chloe. Yeah. Hey, hey, girl. Let me change your mind, girl. Absolutely, what's happening.

It's like a five guys. They want us to order the fries, but you don't have to. Right. Because there's a lot. But you have to look inside yourself and find, do you want the fries or not? You don't want them. It's too much catarries. It's too much.

And I'm like, I don't want. You've been to five guys? I've been to five guys. He's asking you out. Just so you know. You know how much fries they put, I said small fries and they put so much extra. In the bag? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like that. We don't want it. He's impressed that I know that five guys serves fries in a bag. You guys have so much in common. Wow. Yeah.

And I. You don't need it. I don't need it. And also just saying I don't want him and not having to give like a specific reason is like you just don't want them. Like it's fine. Yeah. Sorry. Are we talking about babies or fries?

To be honest, I'm not loving the fries. To be honest, I'm not loving the fries comparison because everyone wants fries. No. You don't want fries? If you're on like a diet or you're like, oh, you're dieting. Yeah.

So think if you're like trying to lose your kid, you know? It's like if you don't, if you, I'm so confused. If you like forgot him at the playhouse and McDonald's. Okay. Look, if we are going to talk about wanting fries or not wanting fries on a diet, I am going to say this. I have a policy that I just can't keep in.

Get no bun and get fries. Oh. But that's, Fries is definitely more calories. I don't care. It's one starch or the other. Yes, yes, yes. Get the fries instead of the bun.

That's it. Have both. Mike drop. What? Lettuce wrap? Mike drop. Deal with that. Slowly backs away.

Leaves. So just get a lettuce wrap? Wouldn't you rather have a lettuce wrap in fries than a bun? What do you want, Clair? Oh, he's sorry. He's still asking you out. Yeah, he's still trying to impress me. Look, I think the detriment, the amount that you lose,

without a bun is greater than the amount that you lose no fries. I agree because it's like it's a burger. Now you're just like, okay, have a patty and some fries. Some cheese. I didn't say no cheese. Yeah, but the bun, when I think about a good burger, the bun is very much included in that conversation. Unfortunately, that is.

I'm not just looking at the patty itself. It's the setup. It's the ratio of bun to meat. It's everything. And this is someone who gets a lot of lettuce wraps who's always like, I'm trying to save calories. perpetually and the amount that a bun, the difference that a bun makes, it's really massive, unfortunately.

Have you ever done this where you like think you're going to go bunless? Sorry that we're all steamrolling. Comments, sound off. You think you're going to go bunless. So you're like, you know what, let's take the bun off and then eventually eat the bun. I do that. Yes. 100% of the time.

You can't receive the bun. The bun cannot be inside. And then I'm mad at myself. I'm like, I could have just had the whole experience from the beginning. I could have actually had a nice time. also then I think I would probably actually eat less on the whole if I just had a fucking sandwich but instead I'm like I'm going to have a little bit of meat and then I have a little bit of veggies and then like I wind up eating more where it's like just have like have the burger or have I I'm

when I go back to New York in a couple weeks I'm like I'm going to start a new diet that is called have a bodega turkey sandwich every single day but that but then like don't try try not to snack afterward, you know, have the sandwich, be done with the sandwich, and then be fucking done. I love a diet like that. That's what I'm, I think that's what I'm going to do. When I was in high school, I invented the Pop-Tart diet. A two-pack for every meal. Revolutionizing.

I looked so good in a bikini. Yeah. Okay. Wait a two-pack for. Two-pack a pop, just like, you know, the two-pack silver package. One, that's one meal. That's crazy. Yeah.

Breakfast lunch and dinner. You ate six Pop-Tarts throughout the course of the day. I looked good in a bathing suit. That's right. That did not happen for me. I am an innovator. You are an innovator. This one was not an innovator. A week before, prom.

Uh-oh. Okay, so I was put on a lot of steroids because I had like bilateral pneumonia my senior year of high school. And I was in the hospital. And the steroids, I just was like eating a ton. And then finally when I was off the stairs, I was like, I'm not going to fit into whatever dress I'm getting made. So I was like, I'm going to go on the liquid diet.

And I had a frappuccino like every single day. What flavor? I forget what? Because I don't drink them anymore. It must have been like at that time there was like limited like mocha or some. Yeah. Yeah. Like coffee flavor.

And boy, boy did that just thickened me up. Really? All the more. Yeah. It was not an innovator. I knew it made something, but it was a liquid frappuccino diet. I went the opposite direction. That is really not a liquid diet.

No. A frappuccino is not a diet of liquids. That's not. Yeah. I'm sure you were a think. I was thick. Yeah. That's what the kids say.

Little Mama, right? Did you, like, hit on girls when you were in high school? No. Yeah, you don't give the vibe of someone who had on girls. I was in A.V. Club, so. Yeah. Did you talk to girls in high school? For A.V. Club, yeah.

I didn't go to my prom. I had to record my prom. Wait a second. You had to, but you could still go to prom dressed up, but you just had to film it. And those 80 movies. 80 movies? What about, one to 80s? Like, the person is, like, working the check-in desk ticket booth?

Yeah, yeah. And like, because he didn't have a date. So he's, like, working the ticket booth for prom. You know what I'm talking about? Like a John Hughes, like a pretty in pink. Yeah, like a John Hughes. Okay. I'm going to, six hours from now, I'm going to be like, that's what I'm in.

Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? But were you on the camera then? Like, behind the camera just like. Yeah, I was recording the prom. Because Heimitt has real, like, photographic chop. Like, he takes amazing photographs. Yeah, he's been doing AV clubs since he was in high school.

He knows every movie and TV show. Every movie. Yeah. 35. Oh, I'm 30. Remember the 20s? That was long ago. I just turned 30.

I just turned 30. Wow. See, you look young. I don't stress. I don't have kids. Before we dive back into today's episode, great news for comedy TV fans. Every episode of the Hulu original series, Alice and Steve, is streaming on Hulu. From the producers of Baby R reindeer comes a new edgy comedy.

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purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com slash Tuesday for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code trash Tuesday to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Wait, Chloe, I want to know more about hippie parents. What's going on there? I'm like, are you crunchy granola girl? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How so? What are ways you're, you're, crunchy versus not crunchy? I'm so here. I have a list of, I have a list of trash behavior that is, that I've had for years. This is not like, for this. I'm the cheapest person I've ever met. Love that.

I'm trying to think of like the actual hippie stuff. There's the hippie stuff of like believing in past lives and like crystals and tarot and whatever that kind of stuff. And I really, it drives me nuts how that appears in normal life now because it's so commercialized. Yeah. I'm like, I feel like I'm like, I grew up with the real shit. But do you roll your eyes then at the new wave of crystals and the witches?

Yes. Yeah. It feels so just like you just want a group. It feels like kind of. divorced from like real deep-seated spiritual practice, which is what it was for, I think, at least for my parents and their friends. Because if, if I have to hear the term spiritual bypassing again from some LA bro, I think I might kill myself.

I don't even know what that term means. Yeah, what is that? You see it so much here. You know, I'm going to be saying it like tomorrow. I don't want to like shit on an entire like community, but it's to, to your point of like, there are a lot of people who want to cosplay like spirituality and who want to look the part, but are actually like the worst fucking narcissist you'll ever meet. And they use these complex terms.

Like, you know, I think what I'm hearing is a lot of spiritual bypassing coming out from you. And they like, if they don't want to be monogamous, they'll use some term to excuse their infidelity or shitty behavior. There's always something. But they cosplay spirituality. Spiritual bypassing is the misuse of spiritual beliefs, practicing or ideas to avoid or suppress. Anyways, it's an epidemic. stomach here in LA. And what's funny is that actually the people who are saying spiritual bypassing are probably doing

this. Exactly. Sorry. Is spiritual bypassing like someone who's like I'm so healed and it's like, bitch, no you're not? I think it's just the way of saying like when people use these terms, you're like, you're just avoiding the truth or avoiding something. You're running away or whatever. But they use these complex terms and drive me fucking crazy.

It reminds me of like the how everything's like people use over therapy. therapist words a lot, almost like weaponizing them, right? You know? Yeah. But like what you were saying where it's like there's the hippie of like those from like the real hippies. Like we're so cool. I don't buy the hippies of today very much. I mean, I think the problem is that at this point, any, any cultural touch point is like

too easily accessible. I'm going to sound very boomery here. But it's like everything that the bar for entry is so low. for almost any cultural experience. And like the performance of that cultural experience is very easily accessible. And like you can buy all the shit. And there's, it's like, it used to be that if you wanted to be a part of a counterculture or a part of a subculture, you really had to like, you had to travel.

You had to embed in that world. You had to live in that world. Real immersion. And it's not that there weren't like very annoying people in my parents' generations. I'm sure there were incredibly annoying people who were like co-opting it as their whole personality. But you had to like really commit a lot harder to co-opt it as your entire personality. Yeah.

So it meant that there was just like naturally a washout that a lot of the people who are just inherently more normie. And like it's fine to be normie. But it's it's not an authentic. Like what we're reacting to when it's cringy is that it doesn't feel authentic. Yeah. Right. It feels phony. That's a really good like crystallization.

I think of what's always frustrating is when anyone feels phony and not authentic. Phony. this drives me really fucking nuts. It's like, ooh. It's like if they're wearing a costume. It isn't them. You can see they're uncomfortable in their own skin. I don't really go on TikTok much because it just feels like the whole thing is phony.

I mean, you're talking about the woman who's like, and the mothers must hate it. They must be alone in their room. It's like, shut the fuck up. You don't really think that you're just saying something. You're saying something, you know, you're like finding a lightning rod that's going to get reactions. I bet that if you sat down with that person, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I strongly doubt that she has like thought deeply about whatever perspective she's parroting into a camera. Yeah.

But it's just that like everything online is like more, more, more provocative, more videos, more content, more everything. And so everything becomes more extreme, which inherently becomes phony. Also it's like encouraging so many people to make content that it's like, your authentic self is boring. Unfortunately, the person behind the camera should not be behind a camera, but now everybody's behind. to camera. I love that I am truly boring. Like I love that my authentic self likes to kind of sit home and fucking chill. I have nothing profound to say. You are not boring. No, but I have not. There are many times where like I truly have nothing profound to say. I don't care to share my thoughts. Like, I'm just. And what's funny is that you saying that makes me be like,

that means you have interesting things to say. Like that level of self-awareness. She's right, right, right, right. But you know what I mean? But that level of self-awareness makes me like trust you so much more than somebody who's like, everybody needs to hear my taste. It's like, you guys, I learned the newest thing. And I'm so, by my new personality starts today. Everyone needs to do it. No, you are. Look up.

Look up. Honestly, though, I did take that to heart. Like, you'll see me driving. I know. It's amazing information. Because I feel like it's very rare where we get new information about how to easily look younger. Yeah. So it's like, how to share.

But how. Is it real? I believe it. I mean, It does like to solve the tech neck of it all. Because the tech neck of this and the lines, like, for instance, on my neck. Well, yeah, like, you're, I just think if you're looking off, the muscles are naturally... And you're, like, draining more?

Yeah, I don't know. But, Kla, for you to say you're not interesting or you're boring is so crazy. Like, you've been podcasting for 10 years. I think this is why I think I'm boring. But you always have some crazy new shit to say that shocks literally everyone. Yeah, but the reality is because I'm on TikTok. and I pull shit from there. No, no, I'm talking about your life.

You're like, my uncle murdered my other uncle. Yeah, but that's, my childhood is interesting. But I'm saying, and my adult life is very like, and I love it. Like there is something I love about living right now a very ordinary life. I think that in therapy, you know, for so long, I didn't live that ordinary life, especially in childhood. There was a lot of trauma. There was a lot of chaos.

There was just a lot of like noise, noise, noise. And even when I was dating Bobby, I, I, dated Bobby Lee for 10 years and there was just so much noise, noise, noise. I really love that I almost have nothing to say when I'm at home. I'm not like rearing to go. I'm not foaming at the mouth trying to participate in something. You have the stability that you didn't have. Yeah.

And for once I feel like my nervous system, my nervous system is regulated that I'm just like, I can breathe because before this, I didn't have this before. Ordinary is a okay. It's a okay. It's chill. Are you boring or not boring? at home? I don't think I'm boring. You are so not boring. You are so

not boring. Yeah. I can tell you. He's really good. I made you before me right? Yeah. Were you there? Were you there when Ralph and I did the tandem episode? Yeah, yeah. I was just chilling. I was a nobody. You were nobody. And now you're

a somebody. No, I'm still a nobody. That's the attitude you keep with for the rest of your life. The second you think you're somebody, that's when you become a nobody. Exactly. Can we eat these? Yes. Are we doing it as a group? I always eat them, but, you know, my co-host is a...

I have an eating disorder. Yeah. I'm just so skinny. She has to choose her starches wisely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd rather have fries than a banana. Yeah. Right.

Okay, wait, so there's... Wait. Go ahead. No, go ahead. No, go ahead. No, go ahead. You. No, you.

Are you going to try and put that banana back to you? My tooth pick. I burnt my leg hair. Your leg hair? Is that what it was? Yeah, it was an accident. How? You didn't see the smoke?

And smell the burning hair? You saw it, right? Yeah. Like just now during the podcast? Yeah, it was an act. Probably like four minutes ago. Did you not notice something that smelled terrible that smelled like burning hair? Wait, why did you not say anything?

Is that why you were sidebar and your leg is on fire? Uh-huh. It was an accident because I'm like, and I had it here. Do we have it on camera? I mean, it's shocking that you were accidentally holding a lighter too close to your leg hair. I just don't see how far, but. No, because he's been bragging about this new lighter of his for weeks now. He's like, oh, check this out.

Oh, my God. Hair burns fast. I didn't know that. Because it just went up. He just looked up. Chloe, you could see it smoking? Yeah, a huge, a little plume of smoke came off. It's crazy.

I couldn't tell what he burned. Stop it. Until it smelled so bad. Why do you want to do that? Doesn't it hurt? No. No, it's just the hair. You smell it now?

You smell it now? No. You smell that now. In middle school, we had a, we had a substitute teacher, Mr. Hoffman, who was yeah can you smell that and all that doesn't smell like a hair dryer

doesn't smell like when your hair dryer gets burnt hair yeah we had a substitute teacher named Mr. Hoffman who was his sort of defining personality trait was that he was in the Vietnam War and every topic that he would come in and substitute teach for we just were doing something that had to do with the military

like when he did gym when he was like sub subbing for gym we were just doing like drill sergeant drills he substituted in like life science I think this was an eighth grade and I and he just started talking to us about all of his war surgeries and like telling us about his skin grafts oh my gosh kind of a great teacher incredible amazing crazy a psycho and he he said you don't know if you want to know what real pain feels like oh my god you hold a lighter underneath your nose

and hold your hand underneath that and catch the dripping flesh and then smell what that smells like Oh my God it's like that's like burned into my memory The sweet man had obvious PTSD Oh dramatic

Cripling absolutely It's like melt the insides of your nose And inhale that Crazy that's what that's what I think he was like That's what war smells like Oh my gosh Mr. Hoffman. In sweet old Minnesota?

In sweet old Minnesota. Everyone's supposed to be so nice there. I think a bunch of like sharpshooters came out of the upper Midwest because of deer hunting. Like my, like a neighbor that was like sort of second family to us. He was a sniper in Vietnam because he was a really good deer hunter. He, I only ever heard him talk about it once. And it was like, clearly this just lives inside of him every single day. This is what I fear about the draft.

What's a new draft? half age? 25. No, it's not. It's like 40 or something. Is it really happening though? No, I'm just saying. They are, everybody, every man is going to be automatically registered, I think is what

is what it is. Aloha will not be taken because he's a hunter, right? They take Hawaiians? Oh, good point. I hope not. You only have to go in the war if you voted for Trump. I think that's fair. I think that's fair too.

I agree. I agree, very, very, very much agree. I think for your man. Yeah, I think all Trump voters would agree too. Yeah. Because that's what they want, they want. That's what they did. And they would be like Democrats are pussies.

We don't want Democrats in the military. Exactly. We'll ruin it. Republican only military. Then you guys do your thing. If you order no bun. Oh my God. Jaime!

Esters in. Fuck, just me. You want somebody who orders a lettuce wrap of five guys to be holding a Kalishnikov, standing in a field, trying to not understand, like pressing every button, not knowing how it works. The problem is that I actually do. want liberals in the military. That is actually the problem. Why? Because conservative only military, that's a scary military. That's a really scary military. Oh, I didn't think about that. Yeah. I hear you on that one. But also the misconception that only conservative men and women or like are

gun-toting. It's like there I know many a liberal who are incredible shots who have a whole artillery. And so yeah, you need those people. I would love a mix in there. Yeah. When I think of my two uncles that hate each other, the Republican versus the Democrat. I do think the Democrat uncle would kill the Republican. I think he would win. So I'm not trying to copy you. I know your uncles kill each other, but mine threatened to kill each other. So I'm in the game. Wait, you're in the mix, baby. No, that's legit. I know. But my, I have an uncle who killed my other uncle. It was a whole thing. They're brothers. But no guns involved, guys, just machetes. This would be guns. They were. Yeah, this was. Yeah, machete is crazy. Yeah, machete. You got a look at the

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it was from the back, I think. Oh, my God. Crazy. I'm going to be, I'm not, I got eyes on the back of my head around you. Not yet, but I, um, if you murder somebody with a knife, you can get caught more. Caught more in what sense? Like, get caught.

It's like you're leaving more evidence. Because you stabbing somebody, you can accidentally stab yourself and it leaves your blood on them. And where did you learn this? I see what you're saying. My girlfriend. She's a mortician. Yeah, because his girlfriend is like an he has a girlfriend. He is a girlfriend.

to like a whole funeral home empire and you know she paid to get his eyebrows um glazed what is it glazed um threaded and it was like a fifty dollar job what does that have to do with funeral home empire i don't want him to leave her because i'm like this woman pays for your eyebrows to get threaded it's only 50 bucks though i don't have 50 bucks i don't get large fries i had five guys but i asked her once i'm just out of because a gunshot how much blood do you need to trace it back to the But people who work in funerals don't also solve crimes. I asked her like, because she like embodies. Yeah, embalms and stuff.

Embodies. I don't think she, I hope she doesn't embody. Embalme. She does that. Yeah. That's a sticker of a word for you. That's a stick. Have you ever?

Embalm. She fills them all with liquid. Yeah. Chemicals. For meldehyde. Have you ever gone with her to work? She wants me to take, she wants to take me. Can I tell you what a great skill that is?

It also is a very, like. Yeah, to know how to like embalm and like it's just a lot of money there. So I grew up like the richest kids in my school, they were twins and like a whole gaggle of girls. It was like a big family, but they were heiresses to a funeral home empire. And to this day, because death is forever, their family is so insanely rich. My great-grandfather was the funeral director, not in Cokeda, but in Sabika Minaga. Have you heard? It's another Minnesota small town.

But it was not a wealth empire for our family. But I come from the funeral world. Whoa. I'm an heiress. Flex. How come you're going to get into it? I never met that grandfather. She's into it in a different way.

She likes cemeteries and she likes making friends with like the groundskeeper. Yeah. I've got my own way of honoring it. I actually would love to meet your girlfriend and go to work with her. For real? Yeah. You can see the body? I would be very interested in that.

I know no one believes me. I believe you. Thank you. I believe you. That's just the scariest thing in the fucking world to me. Wait, you wouldn't. No. But you're like into.

Wait, this is not making any sense because you're all about like gross things and dead bodies are my like. Wow. We would be a good like duo because I could fill the gaps. Yeah. Yeah. We're a very like Captain Planet team. I actually think the four of us all we all sort of have interlocking skills. I miss Captain Planet.

Are you too young for that little one? I'm older than her. I'm going to say, I've never seen Captain Planet. I just know that it's a team that all comes together to do their coordinating skills. You guys don't know this song, the Captain Planet, he's our hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero. Okay, that's good. Can we talk about the four styles of friendship?

For the love of gummy bears. I want to know what one you guys each are. What did you say about gummy bears? I said for the love of gummy bears instead of a swear. word. Got any gummy berries? What did you call me? I don't have gummy berries, but I want some.

Okay. Are you a social butterfly? Loves to socialize, right? It's always going to parties. We know this one. This is the most famous common one. It's almost boring. Are you a wallflower where you have very selective and infrequent connection?

A firefly, also in frequent connection, but deep. You connect. When you do connect, you connect deep. Or there's evergreen, which is just a lot of deep connection. everywhere. Jenna is evergreen, right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. What are your? I'm a firefly. So I think that this is a question I had to pose my family because I couldn't take a proper assessment of myself because I was bouncing around. I was like, well, sometimes I'm a butterfly and sometimes I was. I was really annoying myself. The consensus was I am actually a firefly. I do not like a shallow conversation.

I feel almost like nervous around. If we can't like get there quickly, then I'm like uncomfortable. But I do really envy people who can kind of bounce around like that and just like, I went to New York for this like for a week when I was like right about to launch Ebb my hair caroline. And I had to do just a week of like meeting with different like, you know. And the PR lady, her name was Michelle, she was like a true butterfly. And I saw her bounce around and talk to people. I was like, that is a fucking skill.

And she was energized by it. And just like, I'm like, I was like in awe of her. I feel like you have that skill. I think I can buzz around, but I think I'm an evergreen. You strike me as an evergreen. I think I'm an evergreen. But what I, like, what I am energized by is like immediately getting deep and interesting with somebody very quickly. Yeah.

That I find so fascinating. I think I bypass small talk. I think I feel like I love small talk. but it's that I I'm never doing like weather in traffic I'm always like so what's the thing that you're afraid of most in your life right now you know but like I'm there right away there is a risk though I've found of like as David so calls it like fucking too hard up front like when you just trauma dump and it's like let's get so deep so fast I do think I've been you know at fault at that at times where I'm just like let's I'm so scared of small talk let's get too deep and it's

like no we need to move slower in this friendship and now that's so that's so blowing up. You can't get anywhere with that. But this whole thing was, you know, this lady who talked about it on Mel Robbins but she talked about it because I guess it's important to know your friend's friendship type so that there isn't miscommunication because some people don't want to text every day. Some people don't want to kind of be bombarded with paragraphs. You know, I had to put a, I had to tell a friend, our evergreen friend.

Once upon a time I was just like, hey, I'm just, I can't field like long essays like all the time. It's like, I can't do it. I will not reply to you at all. Give me a second. Yeah. And especially if you put a question mark on it, I'll make sure I do not reply to you for two weeks. Because it just feels like they're asking too much. It's too much.

Are you talking to me? No, I'm talking about every great friend. But I ask you so many things all the time. And what do I do? Not reply. And then you don't take it the wrong way because you know how I am. Yeah, yeah.

I really don't. And I'm so, I will keep going and I'm comfortable. Yeah. And I also know you're, I'm comfortable not replying. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

That's the best. I am so not a like, texting, let's text a lot person. Not because I don't want to and not because I can't. I just am like, I feel like I'm so busy. It limits how much I can do if I'm sitting there texting somebody.

For me, I always feel like, I want to prioritize in real life. Yeah. For sure. Like that is definitely the right POB to have, I think. Just this week, I, like, made a new girlfriend who I had known for a while, but was not. We, like, hung out for a couple nights.

We split up one night because she was going to hang out with a guy who I had met. And she was like, who knows what's happening. Well, this is so fun. It was at the next morning. I was like, oh, I got to text her and ask how it was. And then I just was like, I'm doing other things. And I didn't. And then she texted me, how was the rest of your night?

And I was like, oh, great. More importantly, how was the rest of your night? And then she was like, it's too much a text, but it was a little disappointing. Fine. I'm excited to hear more. And I'm like, I want to hear. I absolutely do. But then, like, the day just went by.

Bank track. What did she do? She works in the industry. Oh, but she had a date. No, it was like, it's a festival and we're going to hang on. When are we doing? You know, like with somebody else who's in the industry. Oh, okay.

And disappointing. And I had to be, the next day, I was. like be a girl's girl and call her and ask what happened. And it's not that I don't want to know what happened. I do want to know what happened. But you're busy. That's okay. Yeah. I get that. I get that. And I called her and she picked up and she was like, I can't talk now, but I'll call back later. And I was like, awesome. And like, I don't know if she will ever call back. That's totally fine. I'll see her when I see her and I'll hear about it when I hear about it. But like, but I had to consciously be like, Chloe, be a friend. Be a good new friend. No, I get that. I hate that you

felt that way. I feel like you shouldn't have to feel that way. I don't know. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? No. Yes. I do respect it only because we do live in L.A. and everyone is so fucking flaky here. And I feel like there isn't a lot of like people, again, cosplay effort, especially when it comes to friendship. And especially in the industry where it's like, is this person actually going to be my friend or is this person going to be like a colleague or a peer? like, you know, and so I do like that you were like, remind, like, let's, let's get there. Let's water this thing. Let's water this friendship. But sometimes a fun female friendship is just about those like fun festival hangs and like then you go back to your life and you're busy and you don't have time to like make that. And I think we're now in that. And what was nice was that like I felt good about being like I have made the effort.

Okay. I have demonstrated I am interested in this. Yeah. Yeah. And now if I never. hear the end of the story or if it takes a year for me to hear the end of the story that's totally fine i do not mind i will be interested then i'm interested now i'm not really thinking about it you're an evergreen i like that evergreen is like the fact that you're like i'll be interested in it then whenever i hear it is so cool yes that's cool that's cool that's some cool girl shit it's like um gross trip the narrow workout that's that's not true Wait, what did you say? Girls' trips, they never work out.

In what way? Somebody comes back mad. That's so not true. That's true of our girls' trips. You know? What do you think? My problem, I just am so not, I'm not like in the center of any girl group. Are you a floater?

Yeah, I'm second ring of a million groups. My partner is a floater too. I envy floaters. Really? Why? Because I envy, like, best friends. Because we don't grow. You know, like, core groups.

So my core group of, like, my, core group of friends like we're just kind of where we're at like we talk to every day and it's you know we have a good laugh but like I don't know there's something about floaters where you're just like he's always telling me new things about different groups he engages with yeah I'm just like hey here's Jessica he's a Jessica had to say today you know on the update yeah you know what's scaring me is like okay first of I definitely I know I'm the one that brought this up I hate these and I have no idea which one I am. But also I've realized like lately my my like friend group is like are you scared it as just me? No no it's not it's not that it's people I don't know on TikTok like I feel

like I'm so parisocial lately where like I follow like mom influencers and I like want to I find myself when Dave comes home from work I want to be like so today let me tell you like what my friend posted like that's weird. I have. I have. have had to feel a couple of those text messages from you where you're like have you seen you know yeah this post and I'm just like okay I do think that's not that does not make you a freak I think there's so many people who have that like that's what it's built to do it's so fun you guys what's fun about it it feels like you're socializing or like learning or it's just the same thing as a friendship but you're in your bed on your phone are you going to ever meet up give each other

hug. I don't think they'd want to hug me, especially because I am a bad hugger, famously. So that feels like it's not the same thing as a friendship. It feels like critically, a friend wants to hug you. Maybe not this new iteration of friendship on the internet. I feel like people who listen to this show, there are friends. We're their friends. Look, I'm going to, I'm going to go. The LAPD has told me that, no, they're not my friends. That's what I've been told. Jaime, where do you fall on this? The four styles of friendship.

Yeah. I don't know. I think I'm the red gummy bear. Okay, tell me more. Oh my God. And that's the sexy one, right? Yeah. Sexy one with a broken jaw line.

I feel like lately when I see you out in the world, you're kind of a butterfly. You think so? Yeah, you go up to everyone. You're like, hi, I'm Jaime Garcia. Well, you have to, right? No. Close mouths don't get fed. Hi, hi, hi, Maria.

Hey, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. And what about when the mouth is open, but it can't open. fully. That it's just like a little drip. Heime, is Bobby nice or mean to you? He's nice, right? Yeah.

I don't know. Why are you saying right? Well, he's your ex. So like, I mean, yeah, but I'm not around with you guys all the time. Oh, yeah, he's nice. I know Bobby Lee. He's not that nice. Heimann is his punching bag.

But I feel as though that is sort of like a love language for some where it's like he feels comfortable enough to kind of. To be fair, he looked to you to answer. And then you're like, I don't know. And then you did answer. I did. I did. I did. That was very just like. And you gave the right answer.

That is the correct answer. I'm sorry. Then he won. I'm so confused. You're like the only person on earth can I tell you. Like usually I can like crack, crack someone. I'm like, I know, I know what you. I know your constitution.

I understand you. I understand you. Yeah. I met yesterday. We spent a whole day together. And I walked out of there after our 12 hours. I'm more confused than I've ever been. And I'm like, he can never, for the life of him, give a straight answer.

Ask him something. What are you going to have for dinner tonight? I don't know. It depends how I feel later. The Gen Z kids. Why did you add that? Well, because you know how Gen Z? They're like, I don't know how I feel about it later.

Are you with Gen Z? No. My girl's Gen Z. You're being influenced by Gen Z. She'll take a nap. At 12 p.m. She's like, I was like, oh, we're meeting up for dinner later. She's like, I don't know how I feel later.

I guess an honest response. Her social battery is dead. You're talking about Karina? No, my girl. Oh, your girlfriend. So he has his roommate Karina who like goes to a lot of places with him. I don't even ask him questions anymore. I just ask her.

Just give me, yeah, saves time. Tacos. Okay. Are you going to make them? No. I don't live here. How am I supposed to make tacos if I don't live here? Are you a cook?

I used to be a cook. No, I lied. My dad used to be a cook. I used to watch him growing up in the kitchen. A cook at home or? Cook at a kitchen. Professionally. He had his own restaurant.

It's the logo right here. That's cool. You serve a lot of fish? Yeah, seafood restaurant. That's cool. And tacos. It's like the meat. He cooked the meat, like the language.

I love that. Calessa, barricuan, and all that. Do you have a speech impediment in Spanish? I don't know. I speak Spanish, but not that good. So I can't tell you. What did you do yesterday at the Ebb photo? shoot.

She eat macha. You ate matcha? I eat. I ate and I drank matcha. Right? What was the thing yesterday? He was a photo shoot for my...

We were doing a summer campaign and he was one of my model. How was it being a model? I didn't even do that much. Surprisingly, he had no problem bearing bod. The other guy who had like more abs. Like he was like fully clothed and then I'm at was like... He was insecure and I was like...

I'm not going to see these people again, right? Yeah, yeah. I might see them. These people are going to see you in an ad campaign. Yeah, and then he sat on like a metal chair with his like bare back for a little too long. And like he stood up and it looked like someone had grilled him. Like just throwing him on a grill. It was so like deeply indented.

That was like, eh, that's going to go away in like five minutes. Like two hours past if the grill marks are still there. Were the other models really pretty? Oh, they're overage, right? Yes, hi-it. Yeah, they were pretty. Yes, they were professionals. In their 20s, yeah, yeah.

I remember those days. Yeah. I'm old now. I'm in my 30s. Oh, he's trying to relate to you that he's in his 30s too, so you could, he's eligible. I feel like I have to date a 30 old now, like in my 30s. Right? Is your girlfriend?

23. Right, it's a little young. What if she hears you say that, though? You don't be funny if she calls me right now? Ooh, that would be scared. Why? Does she not allow you to? Wouldn't that be scary, though?

I'm not. You guys are talking about it and then she called me. No. Are you into woo-woo stuff? Is that woo-woo? I think you're scared. I think that's scary. I mean, are you scared of your girlfriend?

Yes, I think every guy should be. How'd you meet? At a funeral. She was directing my grandma's funeral. That's. No, I was kidding. Let me just go with it. No, I met her at one of my shows.

Who am I lying to? I met her at Ralph's show. I was open. Yeah. Great. One of my shows. A show I was on. A show I was on.

A show I was on. I was opening. I love how he was like, who am I lying to? It was Ralph shows and I was opening. So she came to see me at Open. And then she left after my set. Why? I didn't come here to see Ralph.

I came to see you. Oh, she knew you? She knew you before the show? She knew me from Trash Tuesday and Tiger Belly. Oh, my gosh. So she's probably watching this. She watches you She watches you

She watches you What if she hears you say That you should date a 30 year old We can cut that out right Are you gonna cut that out? Nah, I'd sleep in it Yeah You gotta be honest with her

Okay If you think that you need to date Somebody in your 30s I think I have to She deserves to know Because all we talk about is like TikTok TikTok dances

I'm like this has nothing to do with me What would you rather talk about Movies Boobbies Boobies Fats Fatses groupies.

How does she feel about you being like a comic on the road, being here in L.A. a lot, long distance. I think she wants like a traditional boyfriend. Oh, no. You're not willing to be that, right? I feel like you've said. You can't. I can't. What do you like about her?

Boobies. The boobies. No, I don't know. I don't know. She's cool. She gives me comfort. I don't know. You want me to break up with her?

He's spiraling. I hope she calls right now. He's spiraling. To see, all he wants is to take Chloe to five guys. And he will not. If I broke up with her, would you go out with me? Would you break up with your boyfriend and go out with me? No.

She gets like the sense of humor that I like. Well, if she listens to this in Tiger Belly, yeah. She's probably one of the cool girls, I think. She referenced the office. That's what I like. Okay. Portlandia. Portlandia.

Okay. I know you love Portlandia. I love Portlandia. You're on it, right? Oh. What? Uh-uh. Oh, okay.

But would you like me more if I was? Yeah, if you were on it, that was a pretty good show. It's underrated. You never seen Portlandia? I don't know. I know that I should have seen it, but I've missed a large era. Your husband's a writer, so. Did he write on Portlandia?

No, no. He wrote Love, right? And Parks and Rec. Trying to still meet his husband. Why? Trying to take him to five guys? Yeah. Talk about like scripting.

You guys can meet. He's cool. Yeah, I think you guys would hit it off. I think it would be interesting to see you guys communicate. I would love to be a fly on the wall. We should have them. Just leave him alone for like an hour and a half. Let's cut it off at 90 minutes.

I think he would get stuff out of Jaime. I think so. I think Jaime is like a well of information. Yeah. Yeah. You just will never get a clear answer. I'm sure he would talk about it with you. Sorry, Chloe.

Sorry. You know who he is? Of course I want to be there. Do you know who that is? No, but I know those shows. You seen Love on Netflix by Joe Appetal? You should watch him. I've read some of the scripts, actually.

Honestly, I've read the scripts. Why? But I haven't seen it. I find for screenwriting, which is at this point, like, a lot of the work that I do, I can't learn things from watching. I have to ingest in the same format that I'm outputting. That is a really smart thing to do.

To improve my own screenwriting, I read screenplays and pilot-smart. Way, way, way, way more than watching. Watching, I just go into like, nice, nice, nice, popcorn, you know. Yeah, I'm too much of a consumer brain when I'm watching. I'm too comfortable. But if I read, then I can, then I can, like, I can pause and look at a section and be like, ooh, this is a nice, like, look at the move that they're doing in this section. Look at how they're setting this up.

Look at the exposition. Look at whatever. I can, like, look at it technically and then apply that to my own writing. or like ask questions about my own writing. Like I have read Groundhog Day. I have not seen Groundhog Day. That's weird. Did you like it reading it?

Yeah, it's a perfect screenplay. Okay, so now we need to know if you think the same watching it. Yeah. Like, is there a chance that you could think this is a perfect screenplay and then not enjoy the actual? Very possibly.

Very, very, very possibly. Yeah, that is weird. I've never done that. I haven't. I saw Little Miss Sunshine 20 years ago or whatever, a long, long time ago. And I remember not really liking it. Like it's not really being my vibe.

And now I have read the script a ton and I'm like, oh, it's a perfect script. Like, of course it won the Oscar. It is perfect. There's nothing wrong with that script. When you find a script to be perfect, are you experiencing it like the mathematical? Is that what you mean? Like the puzzle of it? Yeah.

Is that what makes it perfect to you? Yes, as opposed to what's the other option? Like, I enjoyed this so much. It took me. Me personally, I was taking on like a perfect ride that I wanted to go on. I think it's the puzzle. Yeah. Because I think the ride, to me, that is then the production.

Yeah. That is like, can the actor nail the lines? Can the director get the tone? More so, yeah, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we've really covered everything today. I think so. Wait, we don't even, we didn't establish what kind of friend you were.

Me? You have to tell me because I don't know. You are a, it's tough. It's tough, but I do think that you're... It's like what mood am I in? Yeah, what mood. So I'm in a good mood. If I'm in a good mood, I could be a social butterfly.

Yeah. But that's pretty rare. I'm usually in a bad mood. And then you are? Firefly? Yeah, maybe Firefly. Comment what you are. And if you believe in these, and if you're a combo...

And comment while you're looking up. Yeah. On your phone above your head. Well, exactly. No more looking down. We have a lot of lifestyle changes to implement this year. You guys, thank you so much for tuning. Thank you to our amazing guests. Are you guys on tour? Where can we see more of you?

Tour dates are on my website, Chloe Radcliffe.com. Or I'm on all socials at Chloe Badcliffe, like my last name, but bad. And your stand-up is so funny. I love your clips. Thank you. Thank you. I really want to see you live. I'm on tour, but opening up for Ralph Barbosa. I don't have my own shows yet. That's fine. That's great. I can't even say it. I can't even go there. Amsterdam is in Netherlands. Yes. Yeah, what was the embalming and Amsterdam? Emboddy. I was at the same. Slexia classes too. So, yeah, yeah. Slat me, cut me some slack.

Oh, he's turning against you. He knows it's ending. I started nagging him. And he doesn't respond well to nagging. Before he could actually spit out, cut me some slack, he actually said, slack me some slack. No. All right, on that's no, guys.

We will see you next week with a brand new episode. Thanks, everybody. I'm B. ...and... ...and... ...and...