Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Esther And Khalyla Are Two Peas On A Pod

Episode Date: March 10, 2026

BTS, BONUS CONTENT AND MORE! Only on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/TrashTuesdayPodcast     Esther and Khalyla are coming together for a super special episode. It’s just us and the Sluggies for a long overdue Q&A. Theo Von, Tony Hinchcliffe, babadooks, Esther’s special day, and the reality of dating men in the comedy world. No guests, no filter; just us and the sluggies. Thank you to out sponsors:Thank you to IQ Bar - Text TRASH to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus FREE shipping. Message and data rates may apply. Thank you to Home Chef - www.HomeChef.com/TRASHTUESDAY  for FIFTY PERCENT OFF your first box and free dessert for life! Thank you to HERS - Visit www.forhers.com/TRASHTUESDAY  to get a personalized,affordable plan that gets you. Thank you to BlueChew - Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with codeTRASHTUESDAY *Ebb Ocean Club is NOW IN SEPHORA* https://www.sephora.com/brand/ebb-ocean-club for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products!*Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com  FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday  MORE ESTHER:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonster Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/  MORE KHALYLA:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/ Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A   PRODUCTION:Studio Ten42: https://www.instagram.com/studioten42/ Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/ Arielle Jade (Editor): https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/ Elisa Hernandez Kohler: https://www.instagram.com/ellie.lianna/ Megan Clements:  https://www.instagram.com/egggymeg/ 

I feel like I also would like to see Tony on the podcast someday because I'd like to, I know. I'll stand back for that one. I'm going to have you too, you know. I just feel that honestly, like the only time in Tony's life where he knew discipline is like when he was with me. And I feel like he needs it. Like, I feel like he needs the discipline for me. Are you nervous? A little bit.

are you? No. It's because my armpits are sweating? No, because it's just you and me. You creepy little bit. I swear, yes, I was terrified. I couldn't even drive here. I had to take an Uber. Is that true? Yeah, because I had to think about it. I'm like, oh my God, I'm just up against Esther today. I'm up against Esther. This is a nightmare. What's going to happen? There's no guests to save us, save you. Also, there's like such a realness in the room because we are not like, posting someone. Yeah. I want to ask you how you feel about, there is like a freedom, right? I'm just kidding.

There's a freedom when it's just really like friends or, you know, just you can just let your balls hang and just be whatever. Which we do get when it is Jenna and Jules. Yeah, we let our balls hang. Like truly though, when there is a guest here, I do feel like, you know, you have to kind of put your bow tie on and be like. A grown up. I always try to match, like, if I know they're respectable people, you'll, you can see me attempt to dress better. Like, I will put on, like, a proper jacket. That's like in Tiger Belly, when we have Bill Burr on, I always come like, you know, I brush my eyebrows up.

That's so funny. I'm like, this is a real adult, I think. But it's a comedian, so it's like, who cares? I know, truly. Last night, I did this event for this movie, is this thing on. It's like a movie about stand-up comedy starring Will Arnett. He was so hot in person. I had no idea.

Like, I've never, like, this is someone I've seen in media for like 15 years and just like standard white guy. Like, there's nothing. I don't know if he's someone people think of as like hunky. Like, I don't think so. Like, no disrespect. But then I feel like it's that thing when you see a celebrity in person and they hit, you're just like, what? Usually it's like the female celebrity. When you see her in person, you're like, that's what you look like.

A superstar. Yeah. But he really had that. And I was just like, wow, this power of like a hot person with like that glamoury glow. That power is so undeniable. and it will never go away. I think with Will Arnett, he looks very specific. Like, there are a lot of people that,

he looks like Will Arnett. You know what I mean? Like, he doesn't really fit into, like, a prototype. That's so real. He is his own prototype. Like, when I say that, are you like, what are you talking about? No, I get it.

You do. Yeah, because I would never have gotten this. Oh, there are certain people that other people find so ugly, and I'm like, that is the shiniest person I've ever met. And it's, I can't even explain it. They just exude hotness. Who? I mean, not, Will Arnett, I can see.

He's actually attractive on television, too. When I see these pictures on Google image, I'm like, what am I looking at? Like, no, no. But then you see he's actually tall. He's tall, right? He's even mid height, like, not huge, not short. Oh, okay. I feel so disrespectful if I really speak on how I feel about these photos.

It's like, no. Like, classic white guy, no. It's okay. It's okay to, you know. say that a white guy is attracted. No, like, I'm just saying, like, he doesn't look good on these photos. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then compared to how he looked in person, and I'm like, oh.

This is exactly the same about, like, when you say I only look hot when I stand up. I have, like, ugly sit down phase. No, you tell. I'm just ugly when I sit down and I'm hot when I stand up. But it's true. No, I get it. I think you're right. I think it's just like only see you seated.

So then when I see you elevate, I'm like, oh, next level. I want to ask you a question about your communication style with your mom. What I imagine is your mom is someone who just cuts to what she needs to say. She doesn't try to mince her words. She's very economical about just her words in general. Like what she says is what she means. Yeah, your skin looks bad. You need to see a dermatologist, period.

Yeah. My mom talks in limericks. My whole life, I thought this was a normal thing with like parents and kids but I swear to God everything she says I have to decode perfect example the other day because she's like hardcore into like pop culture and stuff right and she's like oh do you know that danny devedo and ria perlman have a daughter that's an actress and I said I didn't know that and then she says she's in a movie with Voldemort what is this and and I said in my head I didn't even it didn't go I didn't say Voldemort in my head I'm like oh it's probably some her

Potter like off shoot thing like that's yeah spin off in my head like a spin off or whatever right and she goes yeah it's on netflix right now it's a christmas movie and i was like oh my god how is it like you know magic and christmas with my mom when she says these things i then my brain goes into decision flow chart it's like what does meritas mean and it goes into it starts to compute compute compute and then I start to you know I need more context I was like my Voldemort I'm like that doesn't make and she goes no the the short funny Mexican guy what okay exactly everyone's lost right this is how Merita speaks she speaks to me in Limericks why and she goes I was like she's acting in a Christmas movie with Voldemort the short funny Mexican guy from that what do you

deduce. I thought you were talking about Ralph Fines at first, like the actor. No, but because I have played the Merites' limerick game for so long, I was like, short, funny Mexican guy. And then the next thing she says, yeah, she was the girlfriend

of Lindsay Lohan. Now, to speak Maritas, you have to understand that she doesn't have gender signifiers in her language. In Bessaya, there's no, like, man. So, girlfriend could mean boyfriend. boyfriend could mean girlfriends.

Wilmer Valderrama? Yes. Yes. So good. But where does that land us? What? Wilmer Valderrama is acting in a Christmas movie with Danny DeVito's daughter. That's what she wanted to say.

Why did she want to say this to you? We saw Rea Pearlman at the Beachwood Cafe once upon a time and she was starstruck. Really? And she was like, oh my God, we're sat right next to her and she was really nice to us. So she wanted to talk about how her daughter is now. in a Christmas movie with Voldemort. But that's like, you don't have those conversations with your mom. And I think this is why, honestly, I think this is all my trauma is like having to

fucking decipher what the hell she's saying. Because I feel like that's both like foreign mom, but also just like parent who can't describe celebrities and they always get it wrong and you have to like, like that is a common thing. When I see her speak to other people, she explains things perfectly, like in full sentences. When she talks to my sister and I, she gets so lazy, she short hands everything, and she doesn't want to tell you more. She's just like, they'll get it at some point today. My mom is the opposite. She's like, so then Lucy from work, like, she just like tells the longest

stories and me and my dad are like, we don't know these people. What? Get to the point. Like she just, she talks, speaks in these long monologues. Like Jenna. Yeah. Yes. Yes. But I feel like, Jenna doesn't assume we know everyone. Does she, I don't know. Jenna is master backstory. Yeah. She is like, I was like, I don't need the backstory. I just need the front story.

Sometimes though from Jenna, I really am sat and ready for like the full back story. Like when she gives me like a good monologue voice known about her day, I'm like, oh, this is, I've been waiting for this. So one time last Christmas, we flew, Jenna and I flew home together. It was our first Christmas, like, with Ace, and Dave was meeting us later. And we get off the plane, and you know how, like, if you gate check a stroller when you travel with a baby. We're standing there. They're bringing everybody's stroller out. They're like, that's all the strollers.

I'm like, no, it's not. Where is mine? They're like, we'll check again. They keep coming back. They're like, that's all the strollers. And, like, 30 minutes go by. They're like, oh, we finally found it. It was in the whatever.

And I'm like, by that point, I had traveled with A's probably, like, literally, four times. So I just knew how smoothly this process went. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, that was so stressful because you're like, if you're there, you don't have your car seat stroller. You're like, I don't know how I'm getting my baby home. I don't have a car seat. I'm stranded at midway airport. Jenna's mom came to pick us up and we told her and she goes, oh, I know why that happened. And we're like, why? She's like, because you're with Jenna. And I'm like, what? Like, really? And then like, as this whole year has progressed, she's right. Like whenever you're with Jenna, something goes wrong.

And that's why Jenna's so entertaining is because she lives her life. And like every day something really does go wrong. And it's like amazing. It's in the way she react. It's like so funny. Wait, there's like a Babadook on her then. Yeah. I don't understand.

Wait. Oh my God. Speaking of Babadooks. Have you seen the movie? I haven't seen it in a long time. But it's something that like it's attached something that attaches to you, right? Tell me if this is just my umpatic. postpartum OCD talking or if this is something you would actually consider happening.

So there is a very specific dog groomer that I found for my senior dog Remy. And they specifically do senior dogs. They're very gentle. They're very, you know, Remy's blind and deaf and needs a lot of just TLC. Like not that like fast heat, blow drying, whatever. Wait, how old is Remy now? He's 15. Oh, wow.

The first time that we brought this groomer on. I had to take my son to the ER because he had bloody spit up from my crack nipple. And then the next, the very, very next day, the fires happened. Oh, my God. These three things. The next time I book her, my son gets sick. And then another thing happens. Like, now I'm thinking, does she have a babadook on her?

Is it her that's causing these cats? cascade of events. So I'm like, don't be this way. You're in therapy. You know better than to like attach meaning to like, this is your OCD. And then guess what? Last weekend, I booked her again. And that very same day, Aloha got into an accident.

What? Okay. I don't know what to say to this. Because like I want to honor your OCD. Is she a Jenna? I got to talk to our therapist about this. Are you going to stop booking her? Yeah.

I think that's reasonable. Thank you. Oh my God. Thank you. I was hoping you would say that. I think she's so great and wonderful. Oh, that sucks. And I just, I'm like, it's not you. It's the Babadook. I do really wonder what our amazing therapist would say to this. I see her on Thursday, so I will update you on what she says. It's like, I do feel like once you get something in your head, it's really hard to shake it and that it's not worth it. Yeah. Even though I don't believe in that stuff, like, it's just not worth it. to me to do it and then be like waiting for the other shooter drop so yeah i wouldn't i'd both

not believe and still be a little scared okay and avoid yeah so there's like two different kinds of light switches there's like the little nub that's sticking out and you go like up or down right and then there's like the one that is like flat flat and you go like press it like that whatever someone was trying to tell me that one is better than the other like they have a preference and i'm like that there's no fucking way you have a preference for what light switch they're the same it's you just go like this or like this like how can you give a fuck and i'm so specific and detailed in my life like i'm so picky that is one thing where i'm like there's no way that you can have a preference to which one is better do they have a preference for one is just like an older look and the other one is a more modern

is that is that coming up for you i can understand it in the same way someone would have like a preference for like a fabric on their body because I'm very, very sensitive. That's so different. That's you're feeling it all over your body like all day. Sensory for one second. Like, yeah, I kind of, I'm on their side. The what do you prefer?

You don't know this, but I've been electrocuted at least like 50 times in my life. What the fuck? I can't keep up. I think a lot of the buildings that I grew up with in the Philippines are like the houses. Like, they were not up to code. And so the electrical would like, like, I don't know what, but I've been zapped a lot. I really think I attribute some of it to why, like, my brain is a little bit off.

It's not just my mom beatings. It's electrocution. And the up down is a little bit scary for me because I'm like, is this an older place? Am I going to get zapped? Somehow this seems safer and less expensive. Were you zapped by an up-down switch? I've been, yes. Oh my God.

The last time I was in the Philippines, I was in a gas. station bathroom and it was up down and I got zapped so hard like my teeth were like chattering back to the car but then I had been zapped so many times before that so I'm like oh this is nothing you know I just need to sit down and drink some water oh my god have a banana because if I told anyone in my family we were like okay boohoo like we all get zapped okay does anyone on the crew have a light switch preference up or down or press probably the the flat one yeah we were just thinking about what about the third out what about the oh the dial the dial the dial is maybe best when you have the upper down or the flat and you have a dimmer then it's like a little like side dimmer but if you

have the dial like a DJ yeah you have so much control and power also I have beef which is lighting what's your beef it's like every fucking gym I go to has fluorescent lighting yeah duh why but why it's not it's not it's not doesn't make me look prettier or make me want to go to the gym more. It makes me look ugly. I don't see my muscles well. If I were a gym owner, I would do the lighting so that everyone looks like they're making gains all day. They're just like, whoa, like this is really happening for me. In the same way that Abercrombie does their lighting well in their changing rooms. Oh, they do. It's all and they, they skew their mirrors. Yeah. And it's like, why can't they do that for gyms? That's what I would do. I think I've transitioned to the point in my life where I don't, I'm not mad at that.

Like, ugly lighting, like harsh light. No, no. Like, scammy mirrors. I'm like, if you're going to scam me that makes me think that this alpha looks better on me than it does, like I'm down. Me too. Because you're going to override my dysmorphia and I need that. Yeah. And I'm going to feel better in the outfit than I would have. And like when you feel better, you act better. You're more confident. But then you would have to have skewed mirrors at home because that's my problem. I get home. I put on the same thing and I'm like, what happened?

Why did it not look? You know what I'm really doing? I am not looking in the mirror anymore. Like I'm in that phase of pregnancy and just, you know, the whole body. We won't name names. But like all the areas of the body, I'm like, oh, no, I actively am. I'm just like, if I walk past a mirror naked, like, nope, not looking, not taking it in. I don't need to know.

There's, it's none of my business. Like, sure, maybe when I'm like six months postpartum, I can start like investigating. But for right now, I don't want to see this. And when I do see it, it really freaks me out. My changes to my body were so comedic. Comedic. That I was like in shock. that I couldn't stop looking.

Oh! Like I couldn't... I would sit there and I'm like, no fucking way. This is what's happening to my nipples. Like, there's just no way. Okay, so people really are like, oh, you have a vaginal birth. Like, your shit's all fucked up. It's like, no.

Actually, there's no changes down there. I mean, right after... Right after it's... It's like... But don't look. Don't look for a while. And then it's like completely fine. It's completely fine.

But it's just the... tithes. The titties change. Like, I'm not comfortable with the changes and I really wish that I would have done Playboy like before this all went down. I didn't have Playboy tities before pregnancy. So I certainly don't have, you know, regrets about not doing Playboy. But you, yes. You, I would have been like you should have taken more topless photos. Certain things should have been documented and like they'll just be gone forever. They'll just be a memory between my exes and my husband and me. it's truly so it's just so sad after i i gave birth i like you i'm like i'm going to wait to look down there this is not i could feel what it looked like yeah i'm like based on feeling i are kind of

i already i already have a picture in my head of what it could possibly look like so no thank you you know i i did what i had to do i took really good care of her waited a long time to look but then i started like you know doing my daily washings after healing and i'm like she feels different. I have to be careful when I talk to you about these things because you're sensitive. I'm only when Jenna does it. You're safe. I don't have a lot of like overhang.

Typically, right? But I had some on one side. Okay. Post birth, I have zero. Wait, what? You got like a makeover? And this isn't, you know, there's such a thing as like a husband stitch, which is like such a disgusting thing.

We're like, guys are like, oh, why don't you throw an extra stitch in there, Doc? And it's like, shut the fuck up. I will kill you right now. Yeah, that seems also like fake news. Yeah, it's fake news. Like, no. You know, shout out to my doctor at Cedars, whatever he did to put my area back together. He did it in a way that was, I think, very, like, cosmetic.

I don't know what or how he is. Why, like, the way you said my area back together, I picture he's, like, got a tray and all the pieces are, like, out. And he's like, hmm, how can I? He's, like, puzzling them back. I think it needed puzzling back. But you didn't like tear. I had second degree only. Okay, I did too.

Which I think, thank God. Because once you go deeper into the muscle, it starts to become a problem. So I only had a second degree tear for a very, very big baby, which is amazing. Amazing. Yeah, I had a second degree tear and I gave birth to an M&M. So world small's baby and still. But I think your doctor did a better job of like having you maybe go slow. Yeah.

Whereas I went like full speed ahead. he told me to like chill out chill out yeah i didn't stop stop stop and then different breathing out the baby patterns i think we were in a rush maybe because whatever like infection concern there's some concerns whereas like we needed to get her out and thankfully like it went really fast but what i was going to say is like i do feel that there is this like i don't want to say anti-feminist because i'm like have a complicated relationship with the word feminist it's like a kind of anti-woman where people will really just be like, oh, if you've had a vaginal birth, like, ew, like it's all messed up and can't imagine that after, you know, this many kids, whatever. And I'm like, it's kind of weird

because there's no PR that's like, that's not true, right? You only hear that like it fucks shit up. Yeah. After I had a vaginal birth and things were not fucked up, I was like, wait, am I a modern miracle? Like, am I the perfect woman? No, it's just like, that's a fake thing. It is a fake thing. I just am annoyed and irritated at that concept that it feels like a way to just another way to be like mothers are gross. Yeah, it's so mean and so unnecessary. And look, it's like crazy.

Even with tears. Sorry, I know that's very uncomfortable for everyone to hear, especially including me. Even when you tear, there's no problems later. It just eventually heals. And I also don't, I understand that some people do have problems later, so I don't want to be like, everything's perfect for everyone. Yeah, the one bullshit part that I will say, though, just the umbrella of like, you can have sex after six weeks. After six weeks, hell fucking no. After six months even, I was like, no, thank you.

I didn't feel like healed. I didn't feel like that's such a arbitrary number thrown out there. And it's like, how can you assign like an essence? estimated heal time to so many different kinds of bodies. Like that is and so many different kinds of like births. Like some don't tear some have fourth degree, third degree tears. Right. Like six weeks.

And now that's another thing that needs PR is that men think that, well, you know, she worked out after six weeks or she's down to have sex after three weeks that why aren't you? I hate that. Six weeks, I was a mess. I was so still very much in the throes of healing. Yeah. That's absolutely correct. It's like just because things do eventually go back, it's like you need time.

Yeah. You need time. For the women out there, I think that we should change that to six months. I agree. The expectation isn't like, oh, she's back in shape. Yeah, that pressure is disturbing to me. I think the dudes wrote that one in the journal for sure. You're right.

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Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you. Helixleep.com slash trash Tuesday. Unfortunately, we have no bananas today for the banana. Oh my God, I was going to say, can I have my banana early? I'm so hungry. But we do have some questions from the sluggies. You know, this is why I think I'm a witch. What?

I know everyone's like, I have psychic powers. Yes, because on my Uber ride over here, I took an Uber because Aloha needed to do a job thing and his car, he got into an accident. I can't use his car. The airbag is deployed, so they totaled it, right? They totaled his car's totaled? I think when you, the airbag deploys, I think you're considered a total, even though the car is probably very fixable. And then you have to get a new car?

Yeah, I think so. So anyways, and he has a big, massive truck. So this is why I think I'm a witch. On my way over here, I was like, oh, my God, I didn't bring my water. I have a massive headache, and I didn't have breakfast because he had to go somewhere and he didn't cook me breakfast. So I was like, I bet you I'm so. lucky today that they forgot the bananas too. Stop. I thought about that like two blocks from here. And I was like, no, don't wish that on yourself, Kalila. I guess what happened?

No fucking bananas. Do you think your migraine is from like not eating? It's probably just my period. Yeah. But if I start to glitch out, does anyone have like a Cheeto? Oh yeah. We got Cheetos. Do you have a Cheeto or just chips and stuff like that. That's a good idea. God, I'm so, it's like pregnancy is so taken over. Like when you said you had no water, I'm just like, like the thought of no water right now is like death. Are you kidding me?

I am dying from no, that's the, all the mistakes I made this morning, I'm like, this is so stupid. I never leave the house of that water because I'm breastfeeding. You are like thirsty beyond thirsty all the time. So I'm like, what the fuck? Was I thinking this morning? Oh, yay.

Thank you. Wow. Cheeto break. I would offer you some, but you're hard for- You never had hot Cheetos? You never had hot Cheetos? I've never had any Cheetos, and I don't want to try them today. Why, what happened there? I don't know. When I was little, they always looked gross to me.

Even the hot Cheetos? Of course. I don't like spicy. Oh, yeah, you are that little white girl. The little white girl of your nightmares. A little white girl who doesn't like flavor. I had a lot of salt. But I also think that's such an L.A. girl thing, too, like, fear salt. Yeah, I don't, I've never feared salt.

I just used to not love salty food and now I really, really do. But you know what I mean, right? Like a lot of like, oh, yeah, it's going to blow you. It's going to blow you. It's like, guys, it's an electrolyte. Like, you do need it to, like, properly function. You can't just avoid salt. Yeah, I've never really experienced the salt blow.

And I do wonder about that. Is it some people that are they just really sensitive or are they just, like, delusional? They're making it up for attention. Listen, if you already have hypertension, high blood pressure and some, like, other issues, yeah, you do need to be careful with your salt. But for the most part, it's like you need it. There's a reason why it's part of our diet. And if you are living very unhealthy and you have an excess in salt, yeah, you'll, you know, retain more water because, you know, that's what salt does.

But, you know, maybe that'll give you a little bit of volume in your face. Yeah, a little puff. That's so bad. What's bad about puffy? Let's bring back the puff. In the age of Ozempic, be puffy. It's so cute. I've got some questions from the Patreon and from the Instagram from some sluggies.

Are you guys stoked that you've been almost a podcast for almost five years? Is that true? Oh, really? Is that true? Whoa. That's a long time. It is. That's like impressive. That's impressive for any relationship.

That's like so impressive for any business. Like businesses go out of business podcasts do like 10 episodes and they quit. I love it when I see that happen. I secretly do just because it's like, you thought it was easy. I know. I know people thinking podcasting is like just so simple. It's like, well, that's all you do. You don't have a real job.

I'm like, you do it. You start one. I mean, how it goes. What about the trend, though, of like super famous people starting podcasts and then those just disappearing. Major flop. Yeah, being really famous is nothing to do with podcasts being good. No, not at all.

Unless you're like a Michelle Obama kind of famous. Or Amy Poller's podcast is pretty good. But because she's good. Right. Like she knows how to do it, right? Yeah. But yeah, I do find, I do get a little bit of a sick joy when I see famous people think that, oh, yeah, that's a new thing I haven't done yet.

Let's try that. And then it's like, you should get sick joy out of it because you were like literally just a random person that had a podcast and became a huge success. Bobby is probably 95% of the reason why it was a huge success. I don't know. I mean, yes, of course. He's like so funny and brilliant. But you guys together is like that I'll never forget the first time I did Tiger Bell.

I was like, what is this? Like these two are hilarious. Like the way you treated him and talked to him like and called him out. I'm like, oh my God. This is not just another podcast of a comedian. Like this is something. And that came from tallest Gucci main on earth. Just wanted to give them a shout out.

Five years. Thanks for the reminder. That's so cool. Congrats to us. I know. That is crazy. Two babies. There's been a lot of changes.

You know what? That's how we keep it fresh is that it's always changing. So it just always feels new. Yeah, a lot of weird shit too, you know. But I feel like it's like, you know, that's like you can, any job, it's going to, there's always weird shit. and weird people and nasty, nasty ones as well. Dude, I have someone very close to me right now,

like very, very close to me who's going through, who works for the city, by the way, and who's worked in the medical field and who, do you know what FMLA is? No. Family medical, like leave of absence or whatever. She is on FMLA, so she doesn't go to work Tuesdays and Thursdays,

which is because she has a medical condition. She has a very severe. severe autoimmune condition that leads to like neurological ticks, like just very bad stuff. She also recently lost her house in the Altadena fire. Oh my gosh. A lot of things this year, right? And this boss, mind you, she's worked for the city for 15 years. This, her boss has been denying her every single request, any days requested off.

And you know what the boss said? Well, you're already on FMLA. You're already on like a medical like Leave twice a week So like I wait Basically her boss weighs that in To why she gets denied days off By the way she also is entitled to like wildfire days

This girl is has such extreme neurological tics Like she is like a Parkinsonian patient Oh my gosh There are just horrible people out there And you know what this boss said Well I'm having twins and I'm moving to a new house And I don't miss days And it's like, why is this about you?

Do not even go there with comparing. That is crazy. In my most pregnant, most uncomfortable state, I would never tell someone who is having a very severe, like, medical condition that, oh, but look at me, look how good I'm doing. I don't miss days off. That's the thing about pregnancy. It's like, I will complain up and down, left and right all day and night. But I also am extremely aware that this is a temporary and it's a blessing.

Yeah. Like I am lucky to be suffering like this. And to compare that to someone that actually is dealing with like, I mean, I'm not trying to downplay the suffering. It fucking sucks. But that's, you can't compare this to. You cannot compare it to someone who is chronically ill. Yeah, dude.

And this person works for the city of Los Angeles. So the city of Los Angeles can do that to you. How weird do you think podcasts can get? It can get pretty weird here too. But I'm so glad that we've stuck it out. I know. We're good. I know.

We're so mature. It's weird. Yeah, I'm like threatened by how close we've gotten. I know you are. I need to back up. I know you hate it so much. That's why I just try to like give you your space when I can't. You know, with so many options for weight loss treatment plans, it can be kind of confusing

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IQ bar protein bars, IQ mix, hydration mixes, and IQ Joe mushroom coffees are the delicious low sugar brain and body fuel you need to win your day. I'm a working mom, so I'm always on the go. And sometimes I'm just not able to give my body the nutrition it needs. I don't have the time to sit and have a three-course meal. So this is where IQ comes in clutch for me. All IQ products are clean label certified and entirely free from gluten, dairy, soy, GMOs, and artificial ingredients. All IQ bar products are packed with clean, delicious ingredients that keep you physically, mentally fit like magnesium, lions mane, and more. Be like me and Esther. Start carrying IQ bars, plant protein bars in your bag.

They're the smarter snack choice with plenty of plant protein, tons of fiber, and no added sugar. And right now, IQ Bar is offering our special podcast listeners 20% off all IQ bar products, including the ultimate sampler pack, plus free shipping. To get your 20% off, text trash to 64,000. trash to 64,000. That's trash to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details. Oh, I like this question. Did Esther ever have a wedding? She casually mentioned it recently, I think. I did. So I actually got married on ACE's six-month birthday, which was two days after you gave birth. It was really sweet. I'm crying because I remember it being very special time for me and you. Yeah, I remember FaceTiming you on that day and you're like, you're like, I just gave birth and I'm disabled.

I'm so happy. Yeah, yeah. I will just never forget that image like standing in my wedding dress, like looking at your face twitching. She was in her wedding dress on the bed and I was completely disabled. I had just brought my baby home that day and I was crying with my paralysis face because I was so overjoyed. I was telling her, I was like, I can't believe how in love I am. Yeah. And then she was just about to get married. We eloped, I guess you could call that. Like, we drove to Santa Barbara courthouse, just me and Dave. Originally, we thought we were going to bring ASE and Donut, but it just was going to be too much. So we drove that day, two and a half hours. We were so nervous. And we were like a walk-in. We couldn't get an appointment. And got married there, drove back. We were both so tired. We took naps, woke up. and then did like a little photo shoot in the backyard with Ace and donut.

And Ace wore like a little blue dress. She was our something blue and donut wore a wedding dress. And Jenna took photos. Jenna took photos and we had sugarfish. And it was really nice. I mean, the only thing I will say is that I was peak postpartum anxiety. Not in a good place. And dealing with like some, you know, postpartum complications.

But it's just I had was so when we had Ace, I was just so happy, so in love. Like we have to get married. I want to do it in a way that like honors our love and ace. So we, I want to do it on her six month birthday. So I hadn't planned anything except that was the day. Yeah. So when that day came around is like ready or not, we're doing it. Like that was the thing I decided, which I'm glad we did it because if we hadn't,

we like just would have kept putting it off. But when I do look back at the photos, I'm like, my dress did not even fit me. Like it was like hanging in weird places. Like, you know, it's like a messy day. but it was really like perfect also and lovely. I think that's probably why it was perfect is because you did not overthink it. Yeah.

The moment was very much you and Dave. Yeah. I love that because I've been to weddings where you can tell that both the bride and groom have completely dissociated because it's such a overstimulating thing to be around that many people to be just the thing that everyone focuses on.

I loved your pictures. Thank you. They were so cute and I like that you exchanged vows privately and Jenna wasn't even allowed to hear him. Yeah, we just had private vows and oh my God, so much crying. And Dave's vows like, they were just so incredible. It was really, again, it was like butterflies, nervous, special. But that's so cool because it's you and for you only. Like those vows aren't a presentation to the audience.

Like it was just you and him, you know? Yeah. You guys were so locked in. And yeah, it's very emotional to think about it. And I think that's so special. Yeah, it was really nice. It was, I'm glad we did that and made that memory. And I would like to, when I'm in a better state of mind and, you know, maybe do something else,

like renewal or something and maybe even have people there. Like, I think it's like so cute and beautiful that it's gotten me a little bit more like inspired about doing more something, you know, I don't know. Do you have wedding aspirations? I do. I do. I just feel a little bit like I can't access that part of my brain because it's being cock blocked by my fatigue and just general like difficulty in, you know, new motherhood. Yeah. And I wish that I had eased into motherhood more gracefully. And I feel. And I feel. feel like maybe I haven't. I had delusions that I thought I would snap back in a month. I was like, oh, yeah, me too. Yeah, I'm like, oh, this will be, I'm an athlete. I'm a division one athlete.

Like, I've done hard shit before. And it's just that, that wasn't my journey. I didn't anticipate, you know, having my face paralyzed. I didn't anticipate the postpartum anxiety at that level that it happened for me. And I tell Aloha this all the time. It's like, I promise you, I will feel romantic again. Like, I just feel like a robot. I feel like a robot that just is like making sure everything is getting done. Yeah. Not with my baby though. When my baby, I'm like, oh, I love you. Want to get married? So I'm like, all my love and tenderness is towards him. Yeah. And thank God I have a healthy partner. And I'm like, you know, we will, we will have our chance to reconnect and fall in love again. I'm just not in that mode. I relate to that. I relate to that. I relate to that.

right now too like I really just I can't be touched I can't like smell a human like smelling is huge I'm just so I'm like there's a fucking person in me like I'm good like stay back and I feel really bad about that but it's just it's just the way it is yeah it's really hard stand back if you see a pregnant lady just give her her do not give her her fresh air don't bring in your anything So awkward too. Like when you go places and people, like you see people you know and they want to hug you, how bad I, like sometimes I do and sometimes I don't, but how bad every time I want to be like, please don't touch me.

Yeah. Just please don't want to. I don't want to. I don't. No, please don't touch me. I'm so overly touched. There's a fucking. You're being touched from the inside.

Oh. Like I don't want my skin. I don't want to remember that I have skin like by you. touching it. It's just awful. Okay, who are your top three dream guests on the show? Choose three delusional ones and three comedians.

Oh, three comedians. Gross. I would love to have Theo Vaughn on. Oh, interesting. Just because I'd be curious to see you guys reconnect. That is the weirdest thing to say. Why? You can't stop thinking about me and Bobby and you have this like boner for me and Theo. I just think it's cute the way

He feels about you. He's not going to feel the same way about me now that I'm a mama with a crooked face. You have no idea. You have no idea what that does for people. I feel like I also would like to see Tony on the podcast someday because I'd like to, I know. I'll stand back for that one. I'm going to have you two, you know. I would just, I do think it would be funny because it would just be interesting. It's so funny how, do you ever come across like, even people you don't know

people who haven't necessarily like interacted with but you're like I am so sure that on like a visceral level we our codes aren't going to match oh yeah that's how I feel about Tony hinge yeah that makes sense it and it's not even because of his politics his comedy it has nothing to do it has everything to do with it's just something in my body like lights up in a way that's like I don't think I don't think we're going to get along I have that with so many people too actually I totally relate to that. But it could be false. It could be some preconceived, like, whatever it is in my head.

And it's probably not true. I'm sure he's a nice guy. I just have the, like, a no thank you. I just feel that honestly, like, the only time in Tony's life where he knew discipline is like when he was with me. And I feel like he needs it. Like, I feel like he needs the discipline for me. I'll sit with the crew over there and just let you guys at it, you know?

I'll prepare all the questions while co-producing. with the girls. And I think, you know, one thing about me is like, I'm such a nostalgia addicts that like, that it's like when I was so close to someone at such a special time, like that's a real connection for me, you know, like anyone from high school, anyone from those early open mic years, like, I just feel a strong connection there. But if you were to like compare any of my exes to Dave, it's like literally comparing. Dave to a paper clip.

And I mean that with no disrespect. It's just the way that he is as a human and the way we connect versus everyone else. It's like everyone else's paper clips. Useful for paper but not for you. Nothing against them but just in that romantic way. It's like. Yeah. You're an inanimate object that is neither good nor bad but just an inanimate object.

Yes. And the memories are there and like let's get into them. It's so fun. Period. X is like I've never been one to like fantasize or miss an X in that way to like oh I wonder what it would be like to like kiss them again or I and that's because all of my relationships I've let them play out a little too long I've let the record play past the end where it's just like now it's like just friction and it's just you know well for me though after the breakup those like for six months I'm like

I am dying and would do anything for them back but then once it's done it's like it's done but I definitely suffer for a while yeah I'm a suffer post breakup very dramatic what about you anyone come to mind though for you I'd love to have Theo on I miss them I I you know I really like Theo a lot just for the sake of it I would love to have like a Megan Markle just because I'm like tell me who you really are like I enough with this like polite society fucking interviews like bitch you're one of us and I need you to like take the mask off and like reveal yourself and I feel like compliment to us that's like too braggy but I feel like we could really get

down and dirty in there like I feel like this outfit is what I would ask you to wear for the Megan Markle interview and I would wear my crocs and like I just need her to like peel off a couple layers of the whatever she feels like you know society has like pressured her to like wear or put on and I need her to just be her yeah I do feel like that's a goal for the new year is like to really just like break down like get people like to break down but just like break them down to like who they really are and get to know them yeah and not not have the like fake shit it is so hard though to be perceived and I know why people yeah put on a mask or three or four and like I certainly do it you know like I certainly do it you know like

I'm very much a little bit of a shape shifter in that even the way that I speak, like I code switch because I'm uncomfortable when people, like historically in my life, when people point out my Filipino accent. So I've tried to Americanize it in the past. Not so much now around you guys, whatever, but I hear myself like stumble on words because I'm trying to over Americanize it because I don't want it to be called out. I'm okay with it being called out now, but in the past, like I've been like embarrassed. about it. Of course, that makes so much sense. So, I mean, I put on that mask and I act differently

around different people and I wish I was a little bit more like you where you're just like, just your trashy little self no matter where you go. Yeah, but I'm guilty of it too. It's like when I'm in a room of Jewish people, I'm Jewish and when I'm in a room of Christian people, I'm Christian. Like it's, I, yeah, it's just kind of the way of the world, I think sometimes. Yeah, I think so. And it's also like self-protective in a way. Yeah. Where it's like, I don't know you. So I'm going to put on a mask that keeps me safe.

And then I'll take it off when we really get to dig deep and know each other. Then you can see me for me. She's not great. She's very unwell. You won't like it. And she speaks in hard consonants. I think you guys getting vulnerable, like you can see them start to warm up. Yeah, that's true.

I do. I feel like I've seen that too where like Kallila will just be like, I was molested and people were like, oh, okay, I can really be myself. My life is good. Cherished childhood. What's the most vulnerable thing you've realized about yourself because of doing this show? Whoa. That's a great question.

I don't know. Whoa. I think it's what I just mentioned, which is my inability and my fear of being perceived. I thought that coming into podcasting that I've, was this open book because I was willing to talk about trauma and molestation and murders and within the family and my relationship. But it turns out it's quite the opposite. I'm actually extremely guarded.

And the reason that I share those things is because I find that information disposable and it keeps people from asking me more. Like a red herring. Yeah, it is exactly. It's a red herring. So it's like, well, if I tell you about my mom. molestation, which in theory is a very vulnerable thing to say. But truly it doesn't affect me in my bones anymore.

Then you're not going to ask me about the stuff that really matters or like what is really like aching me right now. I've unraveled this in therapy and through podcasting for the past decade, I realized that no, I'm not an open book. I'm actually a very closed book. I keep people away. I keep people in arms length. I'm a no new friend's policy.

I am very anti-social. and I am very much, for lack of a better word, like extremely, extremely secretive. You so are. Yeah. Yeah, that's a realization I've had. And I'm working on it because I do think that community, I've lost the ability to connect with people because I've gotten scared over the years. that's a common pendulum swing I think that happens with people do you want to share anything about

what is like really on your mind right now or is that not it's not the time you first well I'm like trying to answer this question the most vulnerable thing I've realized because of doing this show well definitely when we first started and like all the hate I got really hurt me and you were like Esther this is podcasting period like this is what it is meanwhile I'm crying in a quarter but you were right like the pain doesn't go away whatever but you do at least just get used to it like oh you're going to post a TikTok and like half people are going to hate you and half people are going to defend you and it's like that's just that's the way of the world and I can handle that now whereas when I see like we have guests they're like oh my god this clip and

everyone's saying this I'm like I'm like oh yeah I remember when I remember when. Remember when those mattered? Yeah. But like that does not matter to me at all. No one will care two hours later. But I think that's a great realization is that like it is the WWE and the internet is not real life. It's hard to admit that something did hurt you up front.

Yeah. You know like you want to be the this, this, you know, impenetrable force of being like, I just exist and everyone can have their chatter about me. And it's none of my business. I wish I was that person. Yeah. I am just not. I think it's vulnerable to admit that because people are like, oh, well, then the comments do hurt her.

Then I must keep going. But it's like, no, I'm not getting into the mud with crazy people. Do you know every... As much as all my instincts want me to. Every day for the last four years of my life. The thought of doing a sit-down, tell-all, Oh, I know. But I cannot.

And I cannot because, and I will not, as entertaining as it would be, it's like a step in the wrong direction. It is a step in the wrong direction. And it's like, let those other people do it. And I've talked to my therapist about this because I'm like, I'm about to go scorched earth. And she's just like, for what? You're going to like, will it make you sleep better at night? And I told her no.

Because I think that it would ruin relationships and I think that people would be very, very heard about this even if it's people I don't like or I don't have relationships with anymore it would still hurt them and she's like would that make you feel better and I told her no it wouldn't yeah I would probably feel relief that some closer version to the truth is out there but would I feel remorse for hurting someone 100% and you know what I think it's sort of like if if I was like emotionally immaturing in my 20s like I would be so in the mud yeah I would be ready and rocking and rolling but It's like, to me, I look at this as like growth of like, no, I'm, I, I'm good. I think I want to move forward in life.

To this specific podcast, what another thing I learned about myself is, and I'm very proud of myself for this, is I don't fuck around anymore with people. I used to have this, like, threshold for like, you can be a repeat offender in my life, and I'll still somehow forgive you, I don't do that anymore. Yeah. If you cross the line with me, I'm okay with cutting you off and literally forgetting you even exist. And I think I've finally learned to do that and it's brought me so much relief. I feel similarly to where it's like, oh, if anyone's like fun and exciting, like, let's go.

And now I'm like, no, that's a red flag in me and them. the fact that I'm so excited by them. Like, it's all just like a toxic thing. No more toxic, none of that. Then I think even having a baby where I'm just like, no things. I don't even have the energy for my man. You think I'm going to have energy for your bullshit. That's true.

We're also just both like dying. You guys, thank you so much for joining us. My migraine. Oh my God. Maybe it's a babadook. I'm saying too much. Some of this might end up on the Patreon. We're going to carry this conversation over there. And if you want to keep listening, check out the link below and as always thank you we could not do this without you i'm so curious

how you guys feel about the just claila and esther episode so definitely sound off let us know if you hated or love it we can handle either response um and we'll see you next week i can't handle it i can she will we'll see you next week with a brand new episode bye guys I don't know.