Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Ex’s Coming Out of the Woodwork During a Disaster w/ Jenna and Jules

Episode Date: January 21, 2025

We're back with a new episode of our podcast: 3 Auntie's & A Jules Live from the Desert where we have (barely) survived a shipwreck & are now fighting a new Natural Disaster - Fire. Jules, Jenna, Esther and Khalyla talk about the strange urge to come out of the woodwork & reach out to an ex during a natural disaster, High School horniness, sucking face & infections, long toenails, & Jules shares a very traumatic, very relatable, very sad truth from her adolescence (we love you, jules :( ) Chapters: 00:00 meet stubs  06:02 ex’s coming out of the woodwork for the fire 10:00 Jules is Here & She Hates Her Feet 12:00 Living w/ Tito Bobby 17:30 HS Americans are Horny 28:17 Anti-K is Back 34:00 Sucking Face 44:50 Jules’ Shares Her Traumatic Experience with an Ex (Trigger Alert, Sluggies: Sexual Assault is Discussed)

Well, hello, slugs. We're coming to you live from displacement, and we're happy to be connecting with you and to have someone to talk to. Now, if you want to know everything that's been going on in the last week, two weeks, whatever day it is, you can find all that out at our brand new Patreon,

and all of the proceeds will go to help the people in need who are in a very bad place right now in Los Angeles and our hearts are with all of those people and so is our Patreon and you can find that at the link below and we just recorded a whole big episode, not an episode just sort of like a hangout of us explaining what's going on. Just all the good news from 2025 is covered in depth. Special shout out to our golden banana top tier sluggies, Kia Karbasi, Ariel Rosso, Anthony Pagano, Ron Perillo, and Crisanta Kelly.

It's been so exciting to see so many of you already sign up. We hope more of you do. We have so, so, so much more to share. Plus, all proceeds are going to my Altadena neighbors who've recently lost their homes to the fires here in LA. Love you guys. ["FIRE"] fires here in LA. Love you guys! forhers. And here I am. My brain is so broken.

My brain is so broken. My brain has never been more broken. Good. If you thought two weeks ago that I was shipwrecked, let me tell you, this is, what's worse than a shipwreck? A fire. I'm on fire. A fire burning down your whole neighborhood.

That's worse. You guys, my whole neighborhood is in ashes. Go to Patreon.com. Go to Patreon.com for that. Slash Trash Tuesday maybe or the link below. But we do feel fortunate to be here and to have the resources that we have to live. 100%.

We have Kalyla, Jenna, me. We have Jules somewhere wandering around, she's taking care of my child. She might wander into this makeshift studio. Is it really nice to walk into a Filipino household with a baby? It's unbelievable. Bitch, Esther don't know nothing about these brown people.

Explain the feeling of- I mean, I walk in with my dog, my child, and they just get taken off my chest. Someone just takes them away. I look at them sitting there and go, where's Ace? Esther goes, can I ask a question? Where's Ace? I'm like, you didn't see?

Three people already took her. They already put her in bed. Somebody's making a stew in the corner. There's just ready-made sweet potatoes. Like I have, I'm mad at my upbringing. And my skin color. Yeah, Brown People Homes is like, not only are they helping you inside the house,

but then you leave with food. Yeah. You leave with food. In fact, it is customary for any guests to come into your home with Tupperware. Yeah. Because you're expected to bring, they call it bring house, is what they call it. Also, Klyla, I've known you a long time.

I didn't know you had a dog that was a big dog body, but with small dog legs. That's why his name's Stubbs. Stubbs, show yourself. I want to introduce everyone to Stubbs. Stubbs, let me tell you something about this guy. Sorry, that's really violent, what I just did. No, he's fine.

He was the dunce of the litter. What? I fostered a litter of dogs and he was the space cadet. He was the stoner, not very smart compared to his siblings. And we just fell in love with him and it was a foster fail. So he has a very long body with short legs.

He's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he is one of the sweetest dogs you'll ever meet. Were his siblings also this sort of body type? They were a mix, but he looks, he was the weirdest looking one. Does he have dwarfism? Or no? I think his mom just had short legs.

His dad's a pit bull and the mom's a terrier, a different kind of terrier mix. This is not what he should look like if those are his parents. Yeah. That's confusing. I have a friend that has dog with dwarfism and I have to say it was the cutest dog

I've ever seen in my life. And I'll never forget it. Do corgis have dwarfism? I think so. They do. Yeah. I mean dwarf and Welsh. Corgi?

Is dwarf in Welsh. Wow. Excuse me. Esther is working on her Australian accent and it's really bad. I only know nor. No, that's no way. But did you know that Australian food is just like

the best cuisine ever? Cause it's just like healthy California meals. It's like avocado. When I went to, you're right. They have really good like produce and stuff. Oh wait, I should tell you guys. And different regulations. The fires here are so bad that an ex of mine

that once wanted to kill me checked up on me. Yeah, of course. Yo. Wait, maybe he was seeing if you were dead. Yeah. He was like, maybe he was seeing if you were dead. Oh my God. Is he the Alta Dina arsonist for you? He saw that it delivered and he was like, fuck. Yeah. He checked up on me. Are you doing okay? I will say people do be coming out of the wood work right now. Like checking in on you. Hey, it's been years since we spoke. I have a friend where this guy who like fell off the face

of the earth who they were dating, texted her back. She sends me a screenshot. She goes, what do I say? I'm like, who even is that? And she's like, don't you remember the guy that just stopped in the middle of us making plans? And in the text he goes, sorry for falling off the face of the earth, just wanted to check and see that you were okay.

What is that? Can we, let's talk about this. That's about them. A question though, should I have said, hey, this is Kaila's sister, she in fact died? Yes, she's gone, she has perished, you don't have to check in anymore. Your plans, you can rest, put your plans to rest.

Especially if you had anything to do with the possible arson, it's like, you don't have to keep going, don't keep trying. But okay, let's talk about this, the checking in on you text when you're living in a city that's burning down, like, is it, what is it? Are people, do you believe that people checking in on you

are actually like curious, wanna know that you're safe, or is it a curiosity of like looking for a sad story? You know what I'm saying? I think it's both. I think it's all three. That people, like she's saying like, oh, they just want to connect and it's a way for them to get back in and connect with you. You're saying like, oh, they just want a little bit of information and they just want to know what's going on. And I think it can be that, that or people who are close to you from back home that maybe you don't talk to that much.

Those people, I think it's genuine. Yeah, I think there is some genuine concern. It's probably a mix of everything, but I will say that I, because of the state that I'm in, and I'm, you guys, like, I don't even know how I'm still. Go to the Patreon. Go to the Patreon for that. I don't know how I'm still, like, I don't even know how I'm still standing. Go to the Patreon. Yeah, go to the Patreon for that.

I don't know how I'm still like saying full sentences. I'm hardly doing that these days. I don't know how you are either. I am such in a vulnerable state that you could be my worst enemy and write to me right now and I would cave. Like. You heard it here.

You could be someone I fucking hate and check in on me right now. And I would be like, thank you so much for reaching out. Like that's how, like I just, I'm in a state of like distress. Okay, had some technical difficulties, but we are back. And what I was gonna say is that I prefer when it is quiet on the Western front.

Thank you so much. Have you guys ever, I have to ask, like, have you ever checked in on someone and you were not checking in because you wanted things to be good with them? I think that's, it depends who, right? Yeah. Like if it's an ex that I care about,

like then I hope they're always okay. Although I will say it does sort of make me laugh when Bobby's like helpless without me. Although I will say it does sort of make me laugh when Bobby's like helpless without me. But that kind of like tickles you in like a- Yeah, he's like- In like an endearing way. He's like, my wifi is down, can you help?

I'm like, yes. I'm here for you, sir. But not that much here. Yeah, not that much here, I might call Jenna. Yeah. Have her help you, but. The fact that Bobby texted me four days into the fire is like, hey, happy new year.

I have a favor job. Can you do it? Happy new year is such a funny thing to say this week. Bobby's autistic though, right? Yeah. Because that's why he speaks like that. Just like very matter of fact, like he's saying the things that he's been taught

you're supposed to say to people, I believe. Like, oh, it is the new year. It's still in the first two weeks, I have to say that thing before I can just say. My dad used to say happy new year all up until March. And my sister and I used to find that really weird. It's like, what do you do that for? Sorry.

Yeah. Let me just go check on him real quick. Yeah's like, what do you do that for? Sorry. Yeah. Let me just go check on him real quick. Okay, we lost one, but we got another. Kaila had to step out for a technical issue. Hello. And now we have Jules. We woke Jules up.

Just kidding, Jules was watching the baby. Jules, did you just wake up? I woke up at like close to two because yeah. Are you trying to move my foot away from me? Is that why you put this pillow? No, because I don't have socks and my feet are so ugly right now. How could your feet be ugly right now? Jules, there's nothing on you that's ugly.

No, like Tita Bobby says it's like a jungle, like monkey feet. Let me see. No, it's so bad at the- I have monkey feet. I'll show you mine right here. What is bad about your feet? Not on camera. It's just like-

Look at it. No, look at mine. Hey! What? I don't see anything. It's gross. What is gross about your feet? There's nothing gross. It's just dirty and like the nails are long and then-

Long nails is kind of gross. Yeah, it's gross Let me just see one look. Oh My god, her feet look totally fine. I'm sure she also doesn't go out sometimes because she feels bad. Yeah I could throw up at that because you're so dumb. No, that's so incorrect. You have problems in your head though Yeah, everyone does we all do. I like to support friends. I can't even button my clothes anymore because of the weight that I've gained

over the last six months for no reason. You sound like her now. When I have friends and they wanna tell me that they're fat and I look at them and I know they're not, but I also don't wanna invalidate them. I'm like, okay. I get that that's how you feel. That's how you feel.

I'm gonna support you. Let's figure this out. That's how you feel. I'm gonna support you. Let's figure this out. Let's get you some ozempic. Yeah, let's get you some Lexapro. Jules, how are you doing? I'm doing fine. I think I'm still like in shock about like everything that has happened.

Cause I've like, this is like the first time I've ever like experienced this and we don't have a home now. And I have to stay at Tito Bobby's with all the dogs. So yeah. What is it like when you're staying at his place? It's, I don't know. I don't even see him.

He's always like, he sleeps until- He stays in his room in the dark. He sleeps at 4 a.m. until like 3 p.m. And then he stays in his room for about an hour and I'm still in my room. And then he's just like- Stop, let's go- He doesn't go out.

And so I just see him like an hour at like 8 p.m. And then he's like, okay, but I have to go to the comedy store. So you kind of live on your own there. Yeah. Oh, that's good. It's like living like alone. I like it.

Yeah. And you have like your own floor downstairs. Downstairs, yeah. In your bathroom. Yeah, but I'm sleeping. I've been sleeping in a couch cause there's no bed with all three dogs. You're sleeping on a couch with three animals.

Yeah. Do you cook for him or for yourself? No, I hate cooking so much. I don't like cooking. What do you eat? What do you eat? What do you eat other than matcha? Quesadilla. Wait, that's same.

Oh my God. I make a quesadilla every day. That's my favorite. I wonder if you would like what I like, which is just an apple with yogurt and peanut butter. I told you about this. I don't like that kind of stuff. Like for breakfast?

What kind of stuff? Oh, you don't like sweet breakfast? I don't like sweet breakfast. Oh no, it has a snack. Oh no, I have to have a savory. I have to have eggs, chicken sausage, bread, lox, fish. Yeah, that's what I like, but I also don't like fruits. Do you have any random people checking in on you?

Like asking if you're okay from the fires? From the Philippines, like my old friends. What about any like exes? No, no exes. Jules, do you have any exes? I have like three exes. I only have three exes, so that's quite strange. Three exes at the, oh, cause you hook up,

not do relationships before. No, I did do relationships before, but I started in college, so it was late. That's not that late. You're just missing one relationship high school. Yeah, but I feel like people hella dated in high school. Hell no. No.

People in high school, okay. Well, they had like relationship situationships and I didn't even have that. I think famously in high school, people have, most people have one relationship. Yeah. High school sweethearts is like a thing. Yeah, but people have like,

they hook up with people all throughout high school and they're like, oh my God, Johnny did this and he was talking to that girl and they have all these situations. See, he's nodding his head, yes. Bitch, you didn't go to school in the city. You don't even know. Don't diss my Skokie upbringing.

I will. But did you, you didn't even have high school, right? No. No, what? Because of COVID. Oh, I thought you meant like you were from the Philippines. You didn't have high school. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, because of COVID. Oh, I thought you meant like you were from the Philippines. You didn't. I know. Oh, that makes sense.

Yeah, because of COVID. I had one year, because I moved here 2019 for junior years. I had one. It's so crazy that you moved here. Your whole experience here must be so strange. It's weird, yeah. And then I was in a Christian. Okay.

Watching. Tawaila's mom is watching my daughter. And it's just watching with Ace just staring at you. Wait, did you date in high school? In the Philippines, I dated one person. He was like the worst. He was the homophobic one who turned out to be gay. But then when I moved here, I didn't date anyone. And then-

Any homophobic men, first off it's a no. And two, it's like if you're straight or you're claiming to be straight and you're responding in that way, it's a no. Yeah. Even if they're not actually closeted gay, it's just like, it's so unattractive and it's a no. Even if they're not actually closeted gay, it's just like, it's so unattractive and it's so gross. Oh, I love dating homophobic racist men.

What's your problem? Why are you so closed off? You should be more open. Shut up. You need to be more open to variety out there. Honestly, okay, people have told me this in my life before and I used to say like, I'm so open that I'm like so open to being changed

and thinking different things that there were times where people tried to convince me in high school that I'm being too closed off because of my openness. Okay, well that's just, someone was just trying to hook up with you. That's what you were trying to do. Someone was just like, you need to hook up with me and this is why.

Wait, I wanna talk to you about a crazy thing. Me? Yeah, you. Okay, is this real life or podcast? Do you know the story? When we were upstairs just now, you said that you- Wait, we have to wait for Kaililah to come.

We can't be waiting for Kaililah anymore in life. She's gonna be so mad. No, she's not. No, I mean, she's gonna be like, bitch, you did what? I don't even think she actually knows this story. I'm dead serious. She does not know this.

Wait, are you kidding? She does not. Wait. No, there's not like a story that I tell people. Kristen reminded me of it like last week. What did she say? She goes, is this the guy from college when you drove before our dynamics class in the morning?

I was like, yep. When we were talking about him on the last episode. Oh, okay. Kaila. At the Kailai. At the Kailai. We'll reconvene at that. He seems like he's doing okay now.

Yeah. No, but I just wanted to add when I moved here, I was in a Christian high school and then I noticed I noticed that everyone was like hooking up with each other with like like everyone. Yes That's typically how high schools are. That's not my experience No one was hooking up with me. You weren't in the city bitch. No one was hooking up with you I wasn't hooking up with anyone and I like did not Understand that people were trying hooking up with anyone and I did not understand

that people were trying to hook up with me. It's just something that I didn't really understand. And this one kid wrote a poem and submitted it to the school newspaper. Basically it said, we were one, I was you. It was my heart intertwined. It was true. And then you-

How did they all know it was you? And then it like dissed me basically saying that like, I didn't reciprocate. And then he's heartbroken. I'm like, we weren't even dating. What? But how did everyone in school know it was about you? Because they had seen us be friends

and like, I guess flirty with one another. And he basically said like, yeah, I wrote this poem about Jenna. He told you? Yeah. He's like, and then his cousin was like, you've broken his heart. And I'm like, what?

But he never said anything straight up to you, right? Was he ever like, I like you? Yeah, he told me that he liked me. Oh, then you're stupid. But what am I supposed to do? I never said like, okay, yeah, let's date. And then broke his heart. No, all right. I'm not trying to date, yeah, let's date and then broke his heart.

No, I'm right. I'm not trying to date you. So he got mad. It was really sad. He like gave me a ring that was his mom's but his mom had passed away and I was like. This is really intense. Do you still have his mother's ring?

No. Okay. First off, I accepted it because I'm like, well, we're really good friends. And I don't know. I feel like I'm gonna hurt him even more if I say no, because I tried to say no. And he said, no, no, no, either way.

I want you to have this. This is what I want. So I'm going, okay, but I couldn't wear it. Cause I'm like, there's no way that I'm wearing this. So I brought it home. And I think eventually I told my mom, I gotta go home and check if it's still there, at my mom's house.

But I do know that I did try and give it back to him. And if my memory serves me correctly, which it doesn't often, I did give it back to him because I was like, I can't have this in my home. I had the same thing. Like I actually had a guy that was one of my best friends. Basically, we were friends throughout high school. I just realized. So you actually have the same story, even though you're out here being like, oh my God, I could never. Oh my God, please I'm not qualifying.

You need to listen. It's not like that. No, this could never happen. But I did just, just realized that it's actually someone. Wait, hold on. I'm not qualifying. You need to listen. It's not like that. No, this could never happen. But I did just realize that it's actually someone, wait, hold on, I'm not gonna say it yet. Okay, hold on. So I have a friend from high school, right? We were good, we were friends in similar groups, but then senior year we got really close.

We would always hang out. We were in a lot of classes together and we were just friends, right? And I always loved this friend. I go and see him two or three years ago in COVID, like he's home and I'm home at the same time. And he's on a walk, he's like, you know that I had a crush on you the whole time.

And I was like, what? Blindsided, right? I'm like, cause I'm like you, like where I just never would assume someone would be attracted to me because my parents always told me how ugly I was. It was just not a thing that I thought of, like the people like me and people would say like,

oh, that person likes him, like, no, they don't. But I'm actually like partially like pissed, like why didn't you tell me? At least yours told you. Yeah, some people told me or I have another scenario where- Wait, can I just interrupt you though? Because you know the person I'm talking about. I- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

And I love him, I love you. It could only be two people. You know the one, it's not that one. Wait, it could actually be three. It's not the one his name starts with an M. His name doesn't start with an M. Oh, it's not either one of those. Who would you guess that it is?

Wow. Who's your guess? Yeah, but was that not who you were thinking before? No, at first I was thinking one of them. No, which one? Oh, no. We'll go to it later. The one who lives in LA now.

No, no, no. Okay. So anyways, what I was gonna say is that I have a scenario where first off, I was friends with only dudes growing up. Like I had a couple of girlfriends. Red flag, just so you know. Why? Huge red flag.

Cause it's usually like a pick me girl where, if you're only friends with. Well, for me, it was just like, I grew up with a brother. I felt super comfortable with dudes. I didn't go through puberty basically. I didn't get my period till I was in college. So I didn't have all these hormones raging through. Yeah.

And it was a deuce with progesterone. So you didn't have like, girlfriends? I did. Dee Dee was close to me, Adri, Ana, since preschool. She didn't need their names. No, I'm just trying to think. I'm just trying to think like, oh yeah, I did have those close friends,

but a lot of my day-to-day was like a group of dudes. But yeah, I mean, Lily was my first friend. We've been friends since she was born. So it's like, I did have those, but if I like had to look back at where I spent most of my time, it was hanging out with the guys. And I kind of tomboy at the.

Jules. Yeah. I was literally a boy. A boy. I was literally a boy. Did that bother your mom? That I was a boy? Yeah.

No, but she used to say, I remember she used to say, you know, it's okay to hang out with girls sometimes. Really? And I was like, yeah, I know I have girlfriends and they were close to me and I got along with girls. But there, I think the thing is that I couldn't at a certain age, like 12, you start to not really relate for me

to all of like the boy craziness because I wasn't experiencing that at all. I wanted to be playing sports. I wanted to be going to choir. I wanted to be going to gymnastics. I wanted to be hanging out with my dude friends and just like laughing and- Maybe we should have that stuff like now.

Like I wanna go to choir and gymnastics this week. Of course, it would be so fun. Let's like, let's make that happen. Yeah, like hobbies. My mom can come here and drive us all on her minivan and her stick shift minivan. There should be high school for grownups. Like I, why isn't that?

Yeah, extracurricular. And the thing is the reason I wasn't a pick me girls, because I didn't want anyone to pick me. Like it wasn't like, ooh, I didn't want, I was very uncomfortable if I knew that somebody liked me. Let's face it, weight loss can feel overwhelming. That's why hers is changing the game by providing access to GLP-1 medications plus expert care, they make your goals more achievable. HRSS is transforming women's healthcare by providing access to affordable weight loss

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need you guys to know that we're having a lot of technical issues and we've lost the camera. We lost me for a second there. For a personal emergency. She was having technical issues. I was having technical issues with my body. And then now- Just sounds like you shit yourself. Jules tried to leave. She sure did. Jules tried to leave.

But then they forced me to stay. And now she's- She said, oh, it's up to you. Okay, bitch, then you staying. We're down to one camera, so this is what you, congratulations, this is the shot. This better be our highest viewed episode or I'm gonna be really upset with the clogs.

I just have one thing to say. We can cut this, but can I put deodorant on you? Yeah, go ahead. Thank you. Don't cut it. Keep it. I think you smell fine. No, smell her.

Let me smell you. Smell her fucking armpits and don't lie. It's a clean shirt, I'll say that. It's not bad, Jenna. Jules. You're being insane. It's a clean shirt, I'll say that. It's not bad, Jenna. Jules? You're being insane. No, it's fine. Well, there's like a little bit.

Smell right here. Smell right here. Let me smell. Where? It is still not bad. That's the thing is that my smell isn't that bad. So that's why it's- It's not that your smell is bad.

It's that I can smell you and it's distracting. You're distracting me, go. Also you bitches trying to act like, you know fucking smell. Jules, I know you did. I saw your face. Okay. Well, what were you guys talking about without me?

I was having foam. I was listening. I was hearing laughs. We discovered that Jenna was a pick me in high school and she got really defensive about it. No it's not because they didn't even date. And they're like, oh it's a problem. No because she goes, tell her, tell her.

All her friends are boys at the. Oh yeah, you were a pick me. Because I was a tomboy. No, no, no, that's very pick me. But I didn't want to be picked by anything. No, no, no, can I tell you why? Because I was that. I always wanted to hang with the boys.

I realized later, I was like, why would they? But you were dating and you actually wanted dudes to look at you. I did not to hang with the boys. I realized later, I was like, why would they? But you were dating and you actually wanted dudes to look at you. I did not wanna date and I didn't date and I didn't want anyone to like me. No, I wanted to be cool with- I was asexual. I didn't wanna be cool.

No, you're right. Maybe yours is different than mine. I always felt like, oh, I was the girl that all of the guys would tell their secrets to. And I remember feeling like, oh yeah, I'm just the cool girl that they would invite, but they wouldn't invite their girlfriends. And I was like, now that I look back at it, ew.

But Jenna must understand that culturally in this day and age, you cannot say all my friends were guys. I didn't know that. Well, exactly because your head is in the sand. You still think it's a red flag immediately. Well, it's because I was literally a boy. Let's call any of my boyfriends. But you are, honestly, you do deserve to have red flags

all over you. Okay. But I will say this about you, Jenna. I think just because you had a lot of guy friends doesn't mean you had a lot of girlfriends. I really think you've always had girlfriends. That's what she said. So that doesn't actually count.

Well, she said it. I know, and then I was like, oh, you're right. Get your own mic. Get your own drink. Get your own mic. Come on, get your own fucking deodorant. You know, pit stop. Pit stop by Tia Jenna. Go get it.

By Tia Jenna.com. By Tia Jenna.com. Okay, so, Kaila? Yeah? I just realized that you didn't know something about Jenna. Oh, yeah. Oh gosh, what is it? Tell her.

Okay. So, wow. I know you know about Lil Southern Boy, okay? Okay. But I don't think that you know. Do we need to preface? I almost died when I was younger in high school. I was in the hospital. Not in high school.

I mean, in college, sorry. College, yeah. Couldn't breathe or walk on my own. Right, because you had the abscess on your throat. Fuso, bacterium, necrophorum, almost died. Okay, well you're fast forwarding too much over the good parts. No, I have to let her know.

She knows about that. So I don't think- You have to let me know that I know about that. I already know about that. No, no, no, I have to let the people know, sorry. I don't know that you know that the reason I got it was because- Of Akai? Because that the reason I got it was because- Of a guy?

Because the day before I got sick, even Stubbos went, I decided, so he had told me, okay, I'm gonna be in Missouri for a couple of hours, St. Louis instead of Georgia. And I said, oh, I'm going then, I'm going. And I drove at night at 10 p.m., like what, five hours to St. Louis from college, spent the night with him, made,

all we did was like make out super hard, sucking a little titties, make out, make out, just make out session, right? I can't believe you remember which make out sessions include titty suckings. I do remember because it was the first time where I was like, nipples? Wow, like nipple play can be very serious.

That's very triggering for us, sir. You're anti-nipple play. Yeah. I'll fucking feed my titty to someone. Anyhow, do you like nipple play? You know what? Don't even talk about my nipples right now. I'm not talking about right now.

It's in a very precarious state. Before now. Before now. Go to our Patreon if you wanna know more about my current nipple now. It's in a very precarious state. Go to our Patreon if you wanna know more about my current nipple situation. It's bad you guys. Do you like nipple play? A little bit. Okay, dude.

Okay, dude. Okay, dude. Okay. We go there, we have a makeout session. Well, this is only the second guy that I had ever kissed. So like I remember it. We go there, we have a make-out session. Well, this is only the second guy that I'd ever kissed, so like I remember it. And I drive back in order to get to my first class

of the morning at 7.45 Dynamics. Didn't sleep the whole night. I started feeling like I have a sore throat. He texts me like, oh, before the sore throat started, he texts me, hey, are you sick? I think you got me sick. And I go, no, cause I'm fine. Later on that night is when I start feeling like,

ooh, I have a sore throat. And prior to this, I had really not been sick like my whole life. It escalated so quickly so that I'm in the hospital for two weeks. They have me hooked up. I can't breathe, walk on my own. I'm having fe hospital for two weeks. They have me hooked up. I can't breathe, walk on my own. I'm having fevers above 106.

I'm having seizures. It takes like four days for them to figure out that I have an abscess in here. And in the, what's the infectious disease doctor comes in and she goes, I need everyone out. I need to talk to Jenna on her own. What? Have you made out with a Southern boy? A dead body?

He goes, she goes, have you made out with anyone? Have you shared food with, she goes, well, I couldn't be shared food because it's an anaerobic bacteria. So as soon as it touches the air, it's done with. I love how Jules nodded because she's a bio major. Yeah, bitch. She's an anaer how Jules nodded cause she's a bio major. Yeah, bitch. She's an anaerobic after.

What was your unknown? Was it anaerobic, aerobic? Anaerobic. Gram positive, gram negative. Gram positive. That's right. Go ahead. What's so unknown?

Microbiology class. MCB. So basically we cannot say that this is exactly why. However, the doctor said the only way to get it is if there was like a makeout session where there was not much air for one moment and it got into my mouth and into my system and down into my throat.

And he got very sick. He said he had a sore throat. However, because he was in the army, they gave him penicillin. Now, it took them a while to realize what type of bacteria it was, so they couldn't give me antibiotics straight away. The only antibiotics that kills this bacteria

is in the ampicillin-penicillin family. So, he was cured right away. Meanwhile, I literally almost died. What's funny to me though, is that amoxicillin is such a broad spectrum antibiotic. They usually prescribe that first. If you're having fevers over 106, there's some negligence happening.

No, they turn, oh, we wanted to sue. I mean, they turned me, they turned me away. I mean, we couldn't keep the fevers down. And I kept saying, I can feel, you could see sticking out like a little bulbous thing sticking out here and it just immediately just give you antibiotics, whether or not they know the specificity of that bacteria. You figure that out later. Like you can give amoxicillin first and then you culture something and then you're

like, OK, let me tell you, it got so bad. I mean, we don't have to go all the way down that road because it's so bad. But basically it's because I made out with this guy. And then breathe first. And was just like sucking face. So take some breaths. Jules is like, oh no, I got to open my mouth.

How did he get it? Like how did it come? Where's the bacteria from? What is it? I don't know, it's Fusobacterium necrophorum. So what it does is it kills you by killing off all of your cells. Well, necrol means that it's like some type

of tissue eating pathogen. How, where did this come from? Where is it living? I just said that some people could have it in their mouths but it doesn't necessarily do them much harm, but he was, he got sick. So it's like, he got the bacteria from somewhere, which could even be like, maybe he ate a chip

and it went into his gums, which opened the blood up into his something, okay? Anyhow, the thing that's so crazy is that my next door neighbors at the time were doctors and they got a, what's it called? Not a peer review, but a, like a newsletter, like a clinical, something. A medical journal.

A medical journal that said like, there's this type of bacteria and once you get it, you have a 95% death rate. What? And then the, yeah. And the look, well, I mean, Esther, the fact that I even lived is insane. I couldn't breathe on my own or walk on my own within three days.

I was septic. I had sepsis. Like I couldn't think my, the inner eye, gelatinous part of my eye melted from the fevers. Like, no, it was absolutely crazy. I didn't know this part. I didn't know it was because- You didn't know that it was because of him though.

Yeah, severe make-out sesh. Yeah. Is that some kind of STD or no? No, just a bacteria living in his mouth. Yeah, it's just a bacteria. Mm-hmm. I will say that I will never forget when I saw Jenna for the first time

after she got out of the hospital. And it was like, I felt like I was in a, in like a indie movie because I, she was something was, she was different. Like her brain was slow. I felt like she invited me into her room and she's like, let's play this card game. And I felt like I'm sitting there

playing with this little kid, but it's my friend. It's my friend. And she's like, okay. And she's like, the doctor said like, this game is good for my brain. And I'm like, okay, well, I am having a lot of fun. Go fish. Do you feel as though it's affected

just generally like your like mood, like overall mood, like moving forward in life or like your IQ, your level? For sure. Yeah. I mean, for sure, like my memory, my IQ. Obviously I do things to try and combat it. Like I would play games, I still try and do like brain games but I'm a completely different person

before hospital and after hospital. And I had to take a year off of college and I tried to go back but I couldn't keep my head up on my own because I couldn't like hold it up. And I remember sitting there with Robert and Bob and Lisa, Robert and Anderson, Lisa and all of our professors. And I just said like, okay, so I'm going to come back in like one month.

And they were like, we're not allowing you to come back. And I remember I was like, but I have to graduate with like, and they're like, no, no allowing you to come back. And I remember I was like, when do you have to graduate with like, and they're like, no, no, no, you can't come back. You can't keep your head up. You're having trouble walking up the stairs. And I was just like, there's no way. And before this, I had maybe,

I had never even had a cough before. I was just never sick. I didn't get sick as a kid. So I think it affected like my fear of getting sick. I have immense PTSD from it. Because the one time you got sick, you almost died. Yeah, I mean, that explains actually a lot of your medical anxieties.

And I got sent home. It's like, I got sent home two times from the doctors once the emergency room and won the doctors saying my mom said no no there's something wrong with her she's really not okay you guys cannot send her home if you're having fevers like i kept saying that faint outside yeah before that i kept saying my skin doesn't feel like my skin yeah that's when you have like too high of a fever wait really yeah and i was like and i don't look like when you have a fever like you well really? Yeah, and I was like, and I don't look like me. When you have a fever, like you, well, number one, you're delirious,

but like for me at least, like my skin is on fire. Like it hurts really bad. You just kind of feel like out of body, your skin. There's always some weird skin shit. Yeah, and I, yeah, my mom found me out like, oh no, no, no. She came rushing home because when she left, I didn't even have a fever.

I had just gone to the doctors, they had sent me home and I said, oh, can you go pick up my birth control, please? And I was like, they gave me the wrong one. Can you please go get it? She was gone like 15 minutes max. And when she left, I didn't have a fever and the doctors had said like, she's good. This is before the emergency room visit. I just remember waking up three different times and going, get the fuck up, wake

the fuck up. And then I found myself like in the hallway saying it again. Then I had no clothes on and I found myself on the front porch and this is in the winter in Chicago. And I remember opening up the door, calling 911 and going, I don't know, I don't know, I think I don't know. And my mom walked in and she was like, okay, we gotta go to the emergency room. Okay, let's go, you're fine.

And she said that was making no sense. And to me, I was like speaking and anyway, I have to do EMDR because of it, because yeah, I have extreme medical trauma. Yeah, that tracks. I feel as though like that big of an event, how can you not? Yeah, and then it was just like years of my life.

And they were like, you're having brain spasms. They're not dangerous, but you're gonna be having them. And eventually like they'll die off. What is a brain spasms, they're not dangerous, but you're gonna be having them and eventually like they'll die off. Yeah. What is a brain spasm? Is that similar to like brain zaps? Like from antidepressants? Oh, like when you come off of them?

I don't think so, because brain zaps, I think you feel the pain, right? Because, yeah. Kind of, yeah, it doesn't hurt. For me, it's just like all of a sudden, I would start to feel like, oh, I'm not here and nothing is real. Where am I? What is going on?

Like a fugue state. Yeah. That's scary. That is scary. I know. It's still so unreal to me. Like I just. I know, it's so crazy.

I think it happened after I left school. I don't think I was there. Yeah, and my heart rate, they couldn't get it above 33 for like three days. That's crazy. And so they didn't wanna do surgery because they were like, she's gonna die. And they're just saying all of this in front of me. And my mom, Hiro, Shiro, she was like,

they wouldn't take the abscess out of me, but they're like the abscess, my mom was like, but the abscess is where the bacteria is that's leaking into her bloodstream. And they were like, it's too dangerous to operate. So she fired the ENT surgeon team and hired a different one who was like, I would absolutely get that out of her.

And my mom was like, she just had to decide like, am I gonna go with this one doctor who says she's gonna die if we do? And she's like, no, it has to get out of her. You have to do the surgery. I hate that doctors have different opinions. What the human error that you can come across in the medical field is the worst thing

I've ever thought about. Also, this should be like secret Patreon information. Well, you know, I think that it's probably very relatable for anyone that's had any kind of like medical trauma. And we can also take questions about it for the Patreon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have something even sadder to bring up? Yeah. Was there something even worse? Gosh.

I mean, I'm sure I have a time. We all know you do. I wish my brain was like working't. We all know you do. I wish my brain was like working better. It's a crazy time. It is. I have one. Oh, Jules. Please share Jules. Please do.

It's gotta be really sad, Kay. You know, the homophobic, the one that I dated in the Philippines, he raped me. I did know that. I did know this, yeah. I did know that. I did know this, yeah. I did know that. Jewels. Jewels.

She, okay, hang on. We should probably preface this by saying that. I love you. And you're cool for sharing that. Yeah. Because it's very common, unfortunately. Yeah, unfortunately, I don't have one friend who hasn't been raped and that is sad.

It was really hard for me to hear this because she kept this, obviously it's such a traumatic thing. I didn't find out about this until what, like two years ago. And this was a boy, like your first boyfriend ever. Yeah. And you lose your,

I don't wanna say lose your virginity, but when you talk about it, you're like, who did you first have sex with? And I'm like, you don't wanna say lose your virginity, but like when you talk about it, you're like, who did you first have sex with? And I'm like, you don't necessarily, I don't have a really bad attachment to that story. I'm just like, oh, it was with this boy and I wasn't ready, but I certainly, he certainly didn't force himself on me. And that's pretty fucking dark, Jules, you win.

Congratulations. Let me shake your hand. Let me shake your hand. Let me shake your hand. You got the official trash choosing golden handshake this week. Wow, you win, bitch. You win. I love that she's... I have won.

The way she revealed it is so Jules-like. Did you know that it was the R word when it happened? Oh, yeah, because I was like, I was like crying, like screaming, like I don't want to do this. And he was like- And what did he do when you broke up with him? He blackmailed me and he was like going to my house and like my mom and dad didn't know anything about him,

but he was like scaring me. Like, if you break up with me, I'm going to tell all your parents I'm going to do it. And then he leaked my nudes, like all over Twitter. And then all my- Are you kidding me? And my high school, like everyone saw everything. No, Jules.

And at that age, you're just like- That's the worst age for anything. Cause it's like if that happens to you when you're older, you're like, yeah, bitch, I fucking, I own me, I am me. But when you're that- Maybe, maybe. Yeah, true. At least you have a chance at that. But not.

But when you're the bottle, yes, that's okay. Sorry, they were asking the mother. My mom, the nanny. Your mom, the nanny was asking the real mother about what your daughter needs. Let's get back to the rage, guys. So back to the, back to the R. Back to the grape.

Back to the grape. The grape soda. So Jules, wow, I'm so, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry and I'm not shocked. And that's what, that sucks. Yeah. And like no one knew about it until I told Atikala about it two years ago.

Even, yeah, I couldn't tell my mom cause I was, and dad cause I was like so scared because they were so strict. I got a hint of something because she was going through this breakup with this boy. And the boy was coming over to the house to try to talk to her and she wouldn't get out of the house. This was in the Philippines and her mom called me and she's like, Jules is being really cruel to this boy. He's crying outside our home. And immediately I was like, it like lit something up in me. And I'm like, no girl just does that.

And I was like, if she doesn't want to speak to him, she doesn't want to speak to him. It's over. Don't force her to speak to him. And then her mom was like, no, but I feel so bad for this kid. I'm like, no, do not. No is no is no. And you remember that Jules?

Yeah, that's what I was like, okay to tell you about this instead of like mama. Yeah, cause yeah, it was a lot. When I found out, ooh, did I wanna go scorched earth? Oh my goodness, when are we going? And then this kid, did he ever like acknowledge or apologize? No, never.

He, I don't know, he just forgot about it. Yeah, he did. Oh, must be nice to be a boy. How did it feel when you finally did tell Kalyla about it? Did you feel like some, a sense of relief or like understanding? I think, yeah, a sense of relief. Cause I was, it was like my like secret,

like big secret that I wanted to tell someone. It was probably controlling your life. Yeah, like I was just so ashamed of myself and like the nudes and everything was just so bad. Isn't it so surprising how shame is like this thing that's taught to women? Let me tell you, before the age of the internet or cell phones, I used Polaroid cameras and that Polaroid camera was so far up my coochie.

That's the kind of nudes I was taking in high school. So no, don't be ashamed. We all did it. Yeah, but also there's nothing wrong with it. That's what's crazy. Well, it is actually illegal. It's child porn. So there is something wrong with it.

I mean, sure, it's not urban now. It's just not allowed to take nude photos of yourself. It's not wrong to take nude photos of yourself. It's illegal. To take nude photos of yourself? If you're under 18, that's illegal. Okay, but there's nothing wrong with it. You can take nude photos of yourself. Your body, right?

But then if it gets found in your home, you'll go to jail. Not if it's of yourself, if it's of other kids. I don't know. Are you fucking crazy? You are. I know you are. Jules, this is real. I still I'm like still sweating over this shit.

Yeah. And I think that's why I don't like physical touch. Of course. I'm going to say this. I don't want to say this, but I did always think that. Yeah. Well, I always think that was the reason. I remember I to say this. I don't want to say this, but I did always think that. Yeah, well, I always think that was the reason. I remember I kept asking you, I was so scared for her to go through any of the diddling that I went through that all the time.

I always asked you, like, is anything weird? Is anyone in your life acting weird around you? Is anyone doing this? Or I was so paranoid. So when when I heard about that, I just felt like, fuck, it's so hard to prevent. It really is. It's like, so it really is hard to prevent. I thought I was being so, yeah.

You can do everything and it's horrible. And unfortunately you're not alone. And you know, I think a lot of women watching will be like, yeah, same. And that's part of the theme of this show really is like the trauma that we've all had to endure and the fact that we will all move forward in a fun, happy way, honestly.

Like not be branded by shame that shouldn't be shameful. Yeah, there's absolutely nothing shameful about discovering your sexuality, being intimate with someone you think you trust. Yeah, and nothing shameful about someone else sucking and not knowing how to come correct. The shame is all on him, Joyce. Yes, I mean, he should, exactly.

He should be so ashamed. I was like, give me his parents' information. But men are taught, boys are taught not to be shameful and women are taught to be ashamed of things that have nothing to do with them. Yeah. It's so hard though. When you feel shame about something,

it's like, it feels so real and it's impossible to escape. Like I have felt that and it's like, the weight of that is very hard and it's really easy to be like, don't feel shame about it, but it is really hard to work through that. I mean, the way you feel is the way you feel. It doesn't really matter if someone says you shouldn't feel that way.

I think the most important part is like, It doesn't really matter if someone says you shouldn't feel that way. I think the most important part is like. Do you now see that, like not keeping it a secret and talking to people about it at least lifts the shame a little bit and imagine years from now, like, I mean, I don't know how you're going to feel years from now, but I imagine and I hope that the more you grow and the more you experience yourself and the more you are in community with other dope ass women, you unfortunately see that it's.

Common and that how do you feel about it? Like right now, do you feel more healed or is it still? I think I feel more healed in a way where like, I'm not ashamed about it anymore. And like, I feel like I'm more confident with myself and like, I don't care about it, but it's just, just like, I don't like touch anymore. Yeah, it lives in our body.

The one that's trauma, right? Yeah. The trauma, it's like, you can intellectualize it all you want and be like, I'm not ashamed, I'm not this. But if you haven't worked on your actual body recovering from the physical trauma of it all, it stays stuck in you. So that's why you have to work through it.

Either somatically, whether you do somatic therapy, whether you do top therapy, EMDR, it's gotta get out of you. Right, because it's stuck in all the neurons of your body because it's protecting you. So it's not like, oh, fuck my body, I wish it weren't doing this. Your body is just doing its job and looking out for you.

So any little thing that triggers it, that touches it, that like stimulates anything that is linked to that, which unfortunately it's your whole physical body, it's gonna go, oh, we're in danger. No, no, no, don't come here. Like I know this is not the same in any way, shape or form, but because we were just talking about the hospital stuff, we were driving here and my back felt warm on her seat.

This is like five days ago and I start panicking. I go, I don't. She's like, my back feels warm. I'm like, okay, it's hot out and you're driving. But I'm thinking fever. But my back feels warm. And she has material seats and the seat was hot and I start going, I mean, my full body goes into a panic I start thinking fever a fever I'm

getting a fever maybe there's some bacteria that's in my body and I were thinking yeah because I'm like I'm not okay I'm getting it I almost wanted to stop and get a thermometer I start sweating even more because of that now I have worked on it enough so that within 45 minutes, I was able to go, okay, you're okay. Body, I say, Kalyla taught me this, like body, thank you for helping me. I don't need your help right now.

When I like started having panic attacks. Yeah. But I guess my point to that was it really lives in your body and instead of being angry at your body for looking out for you, it's like, okay, thank you. I don't need you to do that right now, but thanks. I know you're just protecting me. I'm angry at my body.

Bitch bye. What are you angry about? I don't know, we'll save that for the Patreon. The Patreon is juicy, guys. The Patreon is building up stories. I feel like, is that about it for today? We're going to end on a grape? Let's not. We're not going to end on that.

Jules, all right, what you got? Sorry for touching you so much, Jules. Oh, it's fine. Not to outgrape you, but. She had it in her. Not to outgrape you, but Patreon. No, when I was your age, so bad. I think I've already talked about it. It's really not as bad.

But I met up with a boy. I met on like a phone line, like a party line. And he was way older. I think he must've been inching towards 30, but somehow he still lived somewhere close to the Northridge dorms. And he- So how old were you? I was 16.

Okay. And he took me to one of his, we had dinner at, what the fuck is that place? The last one is left standing in Burbank. It's like a steak place where they have filet mignon. Not Morton's, not Morton's. It starts with a C, I think. No, not Ruth.

Anyways, I'll never go back to that place. I'm glad it's all shut down because I can't even like look at it. But it used to be the place. We went on a date there and I thought I was like, oh, he's like lovely. He is his name is Brian. So I hate Brian. he's like lovely. He, his name was Brian. So I hate Brian. I hate all Brian's. He's not lovely.

And we went back to his place. We went in the jacuzzi. I remember him being very hairy and me thinking, ah, when you're 16, you don't like hairy dudes. Not yet. You learn and you grow into hairy dudes. Yeah. You start to like to feel the hair on their bodies.

Yeah, that's more like mid twenties. You start to like, yeah. But the context of all of this is that if you're not familiar with LA, like I live in Pasadena, I live in Alta Dena. Are you talking about Culver's? You don't live there anymore. I don't live there anymore, but in high school I did.

Well, hold on, you're homeless. Thanks guys, you bastards. Well, I'm not homeless, I'm just displaced. Let's be clear, I have no home to go home to. But my home is still standing. We just, FEMA and the National Guard isn't allowing anyone currently to go back. So Patreon.

Oh yes, Patreon. Patreon's all there. And you have no roof. Right. So I was living now to Dina. This guy, we had a place in Northridge. Too far, I didn't have a car or anything. We went back to his room, started making out. I was like, okay, I'm ready to go home.

He basically held me down, said, you don't have a ride home. And we, I don't know what the, I don't remember the full scale of it now, but I remember submitting to the experience because I was so afraid of this big guy. He was very harsh, very violent. Harry. Harry Harry in bed. Harry Harry.

And he said he wouldn't give me a ride home until. Well, we all know like literally from research on the subject that it is safer for you to just go along with it than to fight and try to leave. Is it like a fawn response? I think so. I don't know. I just know that like that's the more common thing

is you just, that's a safe, your body is choosing that to be safe. Right. Right. Yeah. To just go with it. And then people will say like, What's wrong with it? She said, fine.

Like, no, absolutely not. She could have just walked out the door. Yeah, could she have? It's so weird how like, now. Like, no, absolutely not. She could have just walked out the door. Yeah, could she have? It's so weird how like, now that I look back, I do kind of, I used to beat myself up. I'm like, you could have just like been like, fuck you, get out. Somebody help me. But you have already, you're already working around so much shame

for even being there in the first place. So you're just like, oh, I just need to get out of this situation. What's the fastest, easiest path of least resistance., I just need to get out of this situation. What's the fastest, easiest path of least resistance. But it wasn't even the path of least resistance. Cause you know, but yeah, it's so weird. Sorry, I had to outgrape you there, Jill. But yeah, I'm sorry.

We're going to outgrape people. I already said mine for the day. She's like, my back was warm yesterday. You know what I love about this episode? I don't know if you guys are picking this up, but I love Ace. The whole time. Just making all the noise in the back.

So cute. And my mom being like, just trying to get her to. Your mom is such a good baby, so I'm sure. Also, your mom has popped in like every three minutes there or there and just. I do think we have to wrap it up because Ace needs to take a nap. I would like to say one thing. Okay. You don't smell anymore and it's because my deodorant worked.

Within like three minutes. I was able to focus and be here, be next to you. Well, aren't I such a good little subject and muse for your company? I'm your dream come true. You guys, thank you so muse for your company. I'm your dream come true. You guys, thank you so much for tuning in. I know this was a bit of a roller coaster. Yeah.

And thank you to our crew for driving to the middle of the desert to film this. I do want to ask you guys that it if you can, I have a GoFundMe link on my bio. All proceeds go directly to helping my neighbors. I know that everyone is doing a great job with like donations and things and physical things that people need,

but I think that getting money in the hands of these people is the best way to help right now. So if you can do that, I would so appreciate it. My neighborhood has gone down in flames, so has my sisters and we want to help our neighbors out. So go to that link and we love you. We'll see you next week. Yeah.

And go to our Patreon. Yeah, we have, if you haven't watched it yet, there is a whole hour long episode on our Patreon going into details as to what's been going on with us. Behind the scenes stuff. And yes, and all those proceeds will go to the Altadena Fire Relief. And we're using this as an opportunity

to kick off this Patreon. And we have so much more that we've been discussing that we want to share. We haven't really figured out, oh, what's the best way to explain what the Patreon is? But we're here to tell you, there is going to be bonus content, there's going to be Q&As's you can submit questions that we will definitely

Answer and we will go over topics that we have never covered on this show because we're looking for sort of a safe space To share more personal things and we ask too that if you do sign up for the patreon, maybe don't share Publicly the things that you hear It's sort of just supposed to be a safe space for the slugs only and for those of you who are the real fans that want to tune in. But this show will be here and be the same, and we love you, and as always, we'll see you next week with a brand new episode.