Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Feel With, Not For w/ Rosebud Baker & Blair Socci

Episode Date: May 13, 2025

JOIN THE WEIRDEST PATREON EVER:  https://www.patreon.com/c/TrashTuesdayPodcast Here in the stu we encourage our guests to always bee your authentic self and the funny will follow. Well….. On this particular day, Blair and Rosebud’s authentic selves were steeped in raw, uncensored familial grief so a lot of this episode was bittersweet. Don’t fret - The monkeys will always dance, tis their nature. these women are four of the funniest people on the planet & even on their worst days, they are funnier than most. The gals talk about their grief, if soulmates are real and their friendship is tested with a brutal Newlyweds game. Enjoy! Thank You to Our Sponsors: Trash Tuesday with Esther and Khalyla is Sponsored by BetterHelp  https://betterhelp.com/trashtuesday for 10% Off Your First Month MORE ROSEBUD: https://www.instagram.com/rosebudbaker/ MORE BLAIR: https://www.instagram.com/blairsocci/ *Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com *Visit Ebb Ocean Club & Holiday Shop* https://www.ebboceanclub.com/ for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products! Chapters: 00:00 Rosebud & Blair are here!03:00 Baby Daddy: Soulmate or Complete Stranger?11:30 Family Secrets16:50 Blair’s Currently Surviving a Life Quake29:50 Empathy45:00 Newlywed Game Vibe Shift FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS:  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday   MORE ESTHER: TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonster Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/   MORE KHALYLA: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/ Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A    PRODUCTION: Production Team: Tiny Legends, LLC:  https://www.instagram.com/tinylegends.prod/ Stella Young: https://www.instagram.com/estellayoung/ Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/ Edited By: Arielle Jade: https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/

I'm so jealous you have sunglasses on. I know. I just want to apologize to the viewers that I have sunglasses on. I don't think I'm a big star. I'm going. I really am going through it and could cry at any possible moment. I think indoor sunglasses is just translates to podcasting. Thank you. You know, thank you for saying this.

This is the second episode where I don't have my sunglasses because my Bell's palsy is 80 percent better. And I'm so proud of you. You look gorgeous. But I've been getting grief from this little one because she's like enough with the sunglasses. She's pretty, what do you want from me? Yeah, you are pretty.

I want a popular podcast with a pretty co-host. That's what I signed on for, as a pretty co-host. I sound ogre in these ugly ass sunglasses. You're coming on like Tim Dillon just with your sunglasses behind a desk. Esther has an astute business mind. I do trust, yes, that is true. But today you are definitely allowed.

Oh yeah, thank you. But if you come back next time, the sunglasses are off. No, no, I'll be in sunglasses next time, absolutely not. You've got one. Yeah. Shout out to our Golden Slugs, Brandon and Thomas. This past weekend, we dropped a very special episode of our Patreon.

It's one that we've been holding on to for a while and we finally made it happen in honor of Mother's Day. I highly recommend checking it out if you want to get to know one or both of us a little bit better. I'm really nervous. I haven't talked about this at all. I mean, maybe more so here and there, but it's all on the Patreon right now.

If the slugs want to check it out, patreon.com slash trash Tuesday podcast. Also, I will have another show at the Comedy Store, May 31st in the Belly Room. You can get tickets at the link below. Oh my God. I heard her crying before I sat down, so that's cool. I did it all in the middle. She's screaming already. Oh, you thought you were talking about me? I was like, what? That's what I want to ask you. Are you able to fully be present knowing that your baby is somewhere on this planet?

Yes, now I am. Yes. But I mean, not fully, not the way that I used to be, but like pretty much, I'm pretty much there. What do you mean used to be? Like I used to be able to like really lock in on like a conversation with a friend and now I'm like 60, 40. Okay, what's wrong with me? No, I don't agree because I will literally be

in this podcast for an hour and I will, then I'll be like, oh my God. I have a kid. I have a baby. You're in a flow state. Yeah, like I fully forget. But obviously what is required before that is to be like, she's with a safe person. I'm whatever.

But so you can't, you don't forget? Well, it's gotten harder because she's, I mean I mean she's like I'm on suicide watch all day long She's like genuinely just like looking for things to kill herself with right actively all the time So that's that has become harder for me. I was way better Earlier when she was like a little potato and I could just walk around She's also really clinging with you like yeah, she's also really, it's gotten really. If she leaves for one second, she. Yeah, she gets real pissed.

Yeah. Which is understandable. I mean, I'm way cooler than her dad. Isn't that like a developmental milestone to be clingy and to. Yes. Right, to choose one parent over the other. She would pick Andy over like total abandonment.

I can't wait till he sees this clip. Oh my God. The clips that are published of you guys speaking about each other. That's so funny. We're so mean to each other. We have the opposite though. Like with Ace, I'll be like mama.

And she just looks at me and is like, dada. Yeah. OK, that's not really what I said, but. Yeah, but that's like they say dada first because it's easier to say. I know, but it's been a minute. It's been a lot of dada. No, I know, I know.

A lot of it. But I actually, it's hurtful. I support it. I just would like to hear mama. I know it'll be a beautiful moment when I do, but. Yeah, when you're like doing all the work and you're like, what the hell? All my nieces and nephews, five, said da-da first.

It's easier to say. Blair, ready for baby? I'm ready for baby, like now. But you say you want it in love. Yeah, I want to have a baby with my true soulmate. That's the reason I waited so long. Overrated. I'm extremely, this is what she says to me all the time.

I'm extremely picky though. Underrated I think. You think underrated? I could not imagine doing it with someone I barely like. Oh, for sure no. Like, but at least if there's someone you barely like, you could get them out of your life. That is true, but I think that I maybe like... This is who's giving me advice every day.

I like it. I like it. She's always like, don't worry, if they're a serial killer, then they'll go to jail, they'll be out of your hair. I'm like, thanks. I think you're right in that if it's someone just on the wings that you can sort of like, ex-communicate from, great. But if it's someone just on the wings that you can sort of like, you know, ex-communicate from,

great, but if it's someone that you like, but isn't quite that great, that's where it's not gonna, it's gotta be either amazing or not present. So, okay, for context, unfortunately, my brother just died. It's like the saddest thing to ever happen to me. But all the, and I've always been like an avoidant. Which I think is an argument for having it with a stranger, but go for it, go for it.

But my walls are down, and I've been in therapy a long time working on finding men acceptable, and I think I'm really on my way. I think you should just get pregnant. Okay. That's like saying you should get on SNL or something. I'll take it, I'll take it. That's truly like you should get on SNL or something.

That's truly like Esther. You know what you should do? You should get cast on SNL. Because you can't just get pregnant like that. I feel like my brother is going to send me someone. I'm not even kidding. Well, I feel like he already has. Okay, we'll talk about it off camera.

Oh, off camera. Okay. We're going on a date this week. I won't say camera. Oh, off camera. Okay. They're on a date this week, I won't say who. Oh my God, stop. Okay, all right. How are you avoidant with men or in relationships? You just saw it. You just saw it.

She won't speak of them. Well, also, how am I avoidant? I run away. She'll be fully dating a guy for like three months and be like, we're not dating. What? Yeah, he'll be like staying over at her house and she's like, we're not dating, we're not together.

Even if you really like him? Even if she really, yes. That's not true. Totally, so true. Those are all people I didn't like. Well, those were people you were like, I'm not gonna- I don't think I've ever dated anyone in my life. You were like, they're not my person,

but you did like them. Exactly. Yeah. Right. You know, but I did learn from the Jewish anyone in my life. You were like, they're not my person, but you did like them. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Right. You know, but I did learn from the Jewish matchmaker on Netflix that it's like date them till you hate them because there is a potential for eventually liking or even loving them over time.

The only thing that I'm concerned about is that you said you're picky and I don't like that. I don't like picky. Valid concern. I don't like when my friends are, when I hear that they're picky. But you also don't like it when they're not picky cause I'm not picky and you're like when my friends are, oh and I hear that they're picky. But you also don't like it when they're not picky because I'm not picky and you're like,

Kaila, you date oddballs. No, I like who you date. Now, yes. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just, I'm like, I have a lot of friends who are picky and I think you've been too picky. But I think that now that you're open to love, I think it's gonna change.

And I've been really trying to be open for a while. I've been really working on it, but now it's like I don't even have a choice. Because truly, avoiding people, I'm such a deeply sensitive person, and I'm so open-hearted that it makes me, I have to be, I'm afraid of men. It is scary.

And I want a soul connection. It is scary. And I want like a soul, like I want like a soul connection. Like I can't do like surface stuff. Okay, that's scaring me. Yeah, exactly. A soul connection. Like if I said that to my husband, which I have, he would laugh at me.

I know, I think most men would laugh. I can't help but speak this way because I'm in such like a, I'm in such a death portal. And I agree with soul connection. I'm in a death portal. No, go for with soul connection. I'm in a death portal. No, go for that soul connection. I believe in that.

Also, you can have the soul connection, and it's okay if they don't. Ew, Esther, disgusting. For an avoidant, that's the most terrifying thing to hear, I think. No, but if you feel safe and secure, it's fine. Because I'm always like, we're soulmates, and then he's like, there's no such thing as soulmates. That's really funny, though. So, like, you can pull it off. I'm always like we're soulmates and then he's like there's no such thing as soulmate

So like you can pull it off I need someone like protective me and who is like aware and likes all my Sensitivity I feel a million miles away from Love how different you guys are but you're so close I'm honestly like if you were both my friends from separate sides I love how different you guys are, but you're so close. But you are, but with- I'm honestly like, if you were both my friends from separate sides and you guys were meeting, I'd be like, oh, this is going bad.

Isn't that funny? Because people always are like, she's so tough and you're so soft. How are you guys friends? I'm a softy inside. She is, she really is. She's like the best friend in the world. The reason why I feel a million miles away

is just because every day, I'm in a soul connection. I feel like, no with Andy, well yeah you too. But like, you know, every day I'm like, this is definitely my soulmate, and then every day I'm like, he's fucking, he's such an idiot. I'm like, you're such an idiot. I get so mad at him.

But that's just the universal thing. I think when you become a parent, just like logistics is over anything, right? It drives me crazy. Because he asked her where the airport was. No, we were in the airport and he wanted to change our daughter by the fucking baggage claim.

And I was like, you're not gonna have her pussy out by the baggage claim. And then he was like, well, where's the bathroom? And I was like, I don't work at the fucking airport. I don't, you know, like that kind of thing where it's like, I'm holding all the bags and holding her she's got she smells like 35 pounds and he's like where's the bathroom I'm like do I have a vest on right now? I get so mad at him and it's it's not his fault like he'll be like why are you so mad at me and I'm like I

think because you're not me yes like I think that's really what it is it's so funny how our all of our parenting styles are so different because in that situation, I would be the one that's just like pussy out or changing her right, I'll put her on that conveyor belt and just change her while I'm walking. Like I don't, I'm not, but then Dave would be like, should we go somewhere? I'm like, no.

And he'd be like, okay. We'd just be so, it's, yeah. But is he patient? Yeah. You guys, it sounds like you all three have really patient men. I think that's so nice. Yeah yeah you guys it sounds like you all three have really patient men I think that's so nice yeah you need to have a guy that you can be a little bit mean to yeah mine is sainthood at this point that what he

has to deal with in my labile just up and down like yeah bless him bless him so much he is like really dealing with a lot. Yeah but also you're an angel. You really are. Not the, it's been hard to say that about myself truly. But I fully believe that about you. Thank you. No you are, you radiate kindness. She's so soothing. Every time I come on here I am filled with glee

over your wide vast medical knowledge that I forget about and all your past lives. See, you're like, I feel like there's a certain type of us. It's like me, you and Bobby, like there's something about her, like I'm just like, she's so soothing. Totally. And safe. Yes.

Oh, you guys. Pretty smart. You're a sound bath. I'm a sound bath? Yeah. Oh, thank you. Yeah, am I allowed to say that? Why not?

I don't know. Is it racist? It felt racist when I said it. I think if you had said like, sage. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, then it would have been bad. Yeah, because like indigenous.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa. Okay. Just checking, have to check. Sometimes shit flies out of your mouth, you go, oops. I don't know about that one. I'm gonna take a risk here and I'm gonna tell you guys something I'm well okay so hold on. You decided not to say it? No okay you know how like 10 years ago or so like

this trend started where like people would go on 23andMe and they'd be like, oh my god, my dad is not my dad, or I didn't always adopt it, whatever, all this stuff. And that sort of happened in this big wave and when it happened you're like, oh my god, I can't believe that's happening to people. Didn't happen to me, it's, you know. It happened. It happened.

So I cannot say the details because it's a very private family matter. But yesterday, I found out something that's like, I'm sorry, Mom. We found out a really, really crazy family secret was uncovered yesterday. And like I said, I can't share the family details and I'm still processing it for sure.

Again, this is me not ready to talk about something but I can't help myself. Yeah, we found out a huge family secret. That's probably all I can say, right? Yeah. That's so hard. That's all I'm allowed to say. And I guess the reason that I want to share it is like,

I would love to hear from any of the listeners, like if you have gone through this, what happened and how it is. I think the thing that I do want to share and say is that I just am so blindsided and my whole family is blindsided and like I think again I brought that up like it's something that I saw happening to other people and I'm so I'm like having an out-of-body moment right now because I can't even believe that this is like something that I'm saying like it's just

something that happens to other people and And you know your family so well, and there's absolutely no way. Almost like in a fantasy, that's like a fairy tale, or just a made up story. And I hope that one day I can share the details of it specifically, but right now I can't because it's too private. Yeah. It's probably still very raw and fresh.

But there's just like a crazy. Yeah, it's so painful. The shock. Yeah. When your whole reality changes in one day, it is. In a way it's like very similar. But it's like kind of almost the opposite. I don't know. Yeah, no, I mean, it's not the same

I'm sorry. It's not no no no no, but it's it is though So like just a feeling of your whole world changes. Yeah one day where you're like, I was a different person yesterday Yeah, yeah I have a family go hug your mom. I know I want to hug you. I want to hug you No, I'm okay. No, I don't I'm just going to. You don't want a hug, she doesn't want it, okay. Got it, got it. It's okay, we just all cry. Okay, now everyone else share something.

We're going through it. Let's go tragedy. Yeah. Rosabed, you're up next. I'm not ready for that. I have to do a six hour flight with a one and a half year old. I don't think I can cry right now. Yeah, she's been crying with me.

I sort of have to steel myself. She's been crying with me for two days. But actually on that same subject, don't you, but don't you have like a lot of family secrets? Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah, no, I come from a political family. I just found out like last year that we had a schizophrenic that I never met that like died in a hospital.

Oh my God, why am I laughing? I'm not laughing. The way you talk is insane. What? I'm like, well, every political family has like one schizophrenic that they hide away for like their life. Yeah, I watched The Crown.

They hid that whole other side of that family. Yeah, the Kennedy's had one. Oh yes, oh my God, they did her so dirty. Just lobotomize the shit out of her. Yeah, it's brutal. We love you Rosemary. Oh my God. What, her so dirty. Yeah. Just lobotomize the shit out of her. Yeah, it's brutal. We love you Rosemary. Oh my god. What, her name's Rosemary?

Jesus Christ. Whoa, it should have been you, quite frankly. Actually, no, it might be. You would. I might end up there. If you were born into your family like 30, 40 years ago. Oh, I would be in, I'd be at padded walls all day long. No, you would.

Anytime anyone was too lippy, they get thrown right in there. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I forgot I had like a lobotomy earlier this year. Yeah. What do you mean by that? I had a golf ball sized tumor taken out of my head two months ago.

Blair's had a tumor? Two months ago? What? Yeah. I was like talking to her, I came into her house, I was like, I can't believe that in the last three months, you had a natural disaster, a tumor taken out of your head, got diagnosed as autistic, and then your brother died.

I was like, in three months, this bitch has been through. She was like, thank you for coming, I hope I'm fun. I didn't say I hope I'm fun, I said I'm sorry I'm a bad hang. Yeah, you were like, sorry. I was like, could you say I hope I'm fun? You were like, I said, Connie. You were like, I'm sorry I'm a bad hang right now.

And I was like, what are you talking about? I'm like listing off the things. I was like, of course you're, I'm like, I didn't come here so that we could like go to Disneyland together. Also, I, on my best day, I'm a bad hang. So that's- No, you're not. Wait, well, how did you find out that you had a tumor?

A facialist. Thank God. Thank God I love skincare. Yeah. You know, who knows if I'd be here. That is the worst answer possible. I think it's incredible. What part of your brain?

It wasn't on my brain. It was like a lump. It was like on my occipital. Just here, the back of your head. The ridge. The ridge, some shit like that. And then it got so big so that I had to get it taken out. So the facialist was like, oh I think you have a tumor.

At the end of the facialist she was like, I don't wanna scare you, but I think you need to see a neurologist. And I was like, oh, I came here to relax bitch. You know, I was like, ah. But she is truly like that friend that's like you have something in your teeth. Like that's, yeah.

Cause she doesn't have to say it. I would have never known to be honest. I mean, I would have eventually cause it got so big. Would you say it if you were like scratching my head and then you felt something like that? Or would you? Oh my God, I am, I'm so inappropriate with things like this. Like I'll see someone in public with just like a little bit

of what I think might be a lump in their thyroid. Yes. And I'm like, excuse me. Do I have anything? You're good. You're really good. Trust me, I've already checked everyone. Okay, good.

Thank God. But knowing how crazy I am, you would still tell me? I would a hundred percent tell you. But what if I save you? Thank you. But I'm just so, cause I'm so scared that I would, I fear now that no one will tell me what's wrong with me. Oh no.

I'll react. I'm the first to tell people, and it's probably not right. Because I just saw a friend recently in Hawaii, and I was like, hey, you're a little jaundiced. No, I want anyone to tell me any medical thing. Because I would never know. I've had every boyfriend of mine get a mole removed. Yes, that I have done.

Dave, we need yearly skin checks at the turn. Yeah, because they don't do that. Men don't go to the doctor. Does Andy go to the doctor? Yeah, he does. OK. Andy loves the doctor. I don't know why I felt like he does, actually.

Andy's on top of it. He's been sober for a long time. Sober guys are a different kind of thing. Sober guys are a different thing. They're like, yeah, we're hanging out. These are my fellows. You know what I mean? They're like, they're so like.

I've cried on this guy's shoulder. You're my fellow. Yeah. You're my fellow. We're fellows. I'm like, okay. Just do more Andy questions. I mean, I do, I love him.

He's such a like. Same. When I look at Andy. I'm going to wander, I love him. He's such a like, when I look at Andy, I love Andy. The reason why I married him is cause I was like, whatever he has, I need like that. I need that softness and I need to like, I need to work on that myself. Like it truly is, you guys are like, let's all cry. I almost panicked.

I was like, Oh my God. I didn't know what to do. I have, I cry within my therapist's office and he has told me numerous times that the goal is to be able to cry outside of those walls. And I, it's so hard for me to do that. Blair, do you feel like because all of these things have happened to you, you kind of, there's a freedom.

Like everything bad has happened to you now because it feels like you are feeling free in a way Oh, that's really nice of you to say. Thank you. That honestly gives me one shred of hope. I Mean kind of like I have no choice but to be vulnerable I'm like doing my first show back tonight have a bunch shows and then I I have my full tour in a couple weeks Like I don't really have a choice. Yeah, I've never been in this position where I'm this raw in my life before. It feels really weird.

And like I was so close with my brother and his death was so shocking. And it is a unspeakable pain. Like a pain that I didn't even know existed. It is like, he was just the most perfect. Like when I describe him, it sounds impossible to be true how like sweet and perfect and talented and successful and handsome and funny and he ran 100 mile marathons,

like just incredible man in every way and was truly like my North star in my entire life. And I am completely lost. Like I feel like a completely different person. I think it does change who you are forever. Oh, for sure. Take the I think out of that. Yeah. When you lose... That's why I need the sunglasses.

Yeah. It was like I got her text and I knew immediately like that feeling. That feeling of like when your sibling dies. I was like, everything from here on out is gonna feel completely different. It's like a paradigm shift. The same way that everything changes when you have a kid. Yeah.

Like everything changes. You're a different person, yeah. How old were you when your sibling died? I was 17. You were? Mm-hmm. Oh my god. I thought, I don't know.

I just assumed because your sibling, it was your sister. And how old was she? She was seven. I pictured you guys so much younger that it was a thing that you didn't even remember. But 17, that's really. Yeah. It was like three days before my high school graduation.

And then we, like, I had to do my graduation and stuff because like, your family just like starts to, you just start to like do the next thing. And even though everyone is just like, how is this even still happening? Out of body, like it just feels doesn't feel real. I think that the shock that happens after like the death of a loved one is the only thing that protects you.

Like that fog that you have that sort of like foggy brain kind of like making your it's like searching for the curb after the car wreck. You're like, that is the thing that's keeping you alive, for that time period, because it just gets you to do the next thing that you have to do. I was on the phone with her several times a day, in those first seven days, and I don't remember any of it scream crying on the phone.

I have no memory of any of it um and it's just so weird to me because you know like we've been best friends for so long and I have Graham's like birthday the day she died on my calendar like we have discussed like Graham yeah so much over the years. And then for to be best friends with like her, have the same experience, you know? That's unbelievable. Yeah. I feel like now I believe like she was meant to be your friend all this time.

I know, it's just, it's so crazy. We're like psychically connected, even though we are so opposite. Well, I've always felt that about you guys. The last time you guys did this show, and we were all just like laughing, and I'm like, oh, I would like that connection that you guys have is I've never seen that before.

Yeah. Especially like, no shade to comedians, but like, for two female comedians to be that close, like, that's... Yeah. No, we're like family. That's not easy. Yeah.

It's weird, because you wouldn't, you would want to change, obviously, like when you lose someone, you would, if you were to be given a choice, you're like, I would have them back in a second. But then there's like these moments in your life, like this one, where like, if I didn't have this experience,

I wouldn't be able to be here for her in the same way, you know, like, and also I don't know if I ever even would have met her if like, you know, I don't know that I ever would have done comedy. Yeah. So you kind of go like, this is the life that I've been given in a way. Like that, I look at that as like her presence

in my life still, because her death has shaped everything that I've gone through in such a strong way that you're like, this is how she's still with me. For sure. And I remember talking to you and saying that, like you're gonna feel, obviously you feel the loss, but you also feel their presence because there is no way that you

would be where you are without having lost them. Yeah, I mean I feel him every second, like just what he would say, his laugh, like yesterday I listened to all his voicemails. The one time he came to me that I know for sure, because I keep asking like how do you know it's them, you know, like a sign or or whatever was I was finishing up his eulogy the night before his funeral. And I wrote this line about how I used to love how he would do this. Edgar from Men in Black Impression, because he was so funny.

That's the monster guy, right? Yes. And then the next morning, That's the monster guy, right? Yes! And then the next morning, the first song on someone's Spotify was Men in Black, and I felt it was him. I felt his presence smiling on the morning of his funeral, and it was so clearly him doing a little hello joke. But keep like begging for him to like come to me in a dream or like anything. But that was the one time that I felt him like for sure. Yeah. Cause I hadn't heard that song in like years

and years and years. Yeah, no. It was like so bizarre. That song does not pop up. Yeah, it was so weird. And he will come to you in a dream. Like that I know. Yeah.

You just want it too bad. Exactly. I was like maybe Spirit RJ is like a cat or something but he's not a cat guy. I think it's one of those things that it's this perfect balance of like once you've found your way through a little bit then you get little visits you know. Yeah it's gonna be so weird because I was like how am I gonna do comedy you know? Like I don't even know minute to minute how I'm gonna feel. I cry all the time.

Before this happened, I'm such a sensitive person. I cry if I see a butterfly. I told her how sad I got when I saw an empty restaurant. I was so disturbed. I felt so bad for them. And she's like, it's really the least of your concerns right now. I told her.

Is it dangerous for you to walk through the world? It is, that's what she says. You're so susceptible. That's what she least of your concerns right now. Yeah, like I told her. Is it dangerous for you to walk through the world? It is, that's what she says all the time. You're so susceptible. That's what she says all the time. And she has said for years that she's really worried about me joining a cult. Yeah, especially now. We're on cult watch.

Yeah, we're on cult watch, yeah. Or she wouldn't let me go into cult. I hope not, you know what I mean? Unless you meet a cult leader named Edgar. No. You know what I mean? That's a thing. Which is my dad's name by the way, so I don't blame you.

I too would join that cult. No, they all have ponytails and love volleyball, which is my old sport. You know, so I can't, I would never. But you are susceptible. Kaililah, can I ask you a question? Cause we're talking about these like huge losses and I know that you lost your dad very young.

Does, do you share, does it, is it, do you relate to any of this or is it such a different kind of loss because you knew he was sick? It's a little different. Yeah. Yeah. I cannot imagine the pain. Like I have a hitch in my throat if I were to think of ever losing my sister. Yeah. My sister is my lifeline. She, my north star. Yeah I cannot I refuse to do life with her is what I've always told her And I'm losing my dad was you know, he was already elderly He had been dying in front of my eyes for four years. It still was very painful but

He is not my sister. Yeah, and if I were to lose my sister, please keep a close eye on me. Cause I would be absolutely, I don't know how I would be able to breathe, I don't think. And so I really do feel for you and anyone who's ever lost a sibling that they've truly loved. Cause I can't even like think about it.

It's so hard. I'm sorry. I feel like we're talking about this the whole time. No, it's really- It's too much for you. No, I'm fine. Actually. I just like I'm like Are these podcast people gonna be like what the fuck is this? They know we're always something different. Trust me look two weeks ago. It was my niece saying oh Yeah, her first sexual experience was a grape Not an actual fruit grape, but a natural sexual assault. Oh Oh. Yeah, her first sexual experience was a grape. You know what I mean? No.

Not an actual fruit grape, but a natural sexual assault. Oh, oh, Jesus. You're like, oh, okay, good. Oh, it's not a grape. You thought it was just like a grape. Wait, I got confused. Grape sounds innocuous. Yeah, no, it really took me a second to put that together.

I did sound, I sounded relieved when she said grape, and I didn't mean to. I just didn't, I didn't put the TikTok. Oh, grape, I just put it against her now. You thought it was a fruit. Oh my God, I'm sorry, I haven't sl to. I just didn't put the TikTok. Oh, grape, I just wanted to get some now. You thought it was with fruits. Oh my God, I'm sorry, I haven't switched. See, this is what bothers me about the TikTok language. I hate the TikTok language.

Because we can talk about the thing, but we can't say the word. I'm like, it is, yeah. Oh, it's because for YouTube, right? Demonetize. Cut up YouTube. I know. They're like, don't say the thing that the guy did.

Yeah, always. Just let him do it, don't say it. Yeah, I'm like, what the? But the word is bad. Oh, speaking of grapes, here's a banana. Wait, okay, we're both eating that, so. Wait, I know you guys probably wanna change the subject, but I am curious, Rosabella, you don't have to answer,

but did you find out about your sister, her name's Graham, did you find out about your sister, and her name's Graham, did you find out about Graham's passing away the same way like your parents called you over? So yeah, we were at a party for my high school graduation at a friend's house. So it was like. I'm gonna cry. I love you.

I'm sorry. No, no, this is good. It's a banana. I've told this story so many times too. Great banana. But we were really great. It is a good one. Whoever chose this, good job. Are these organic?

Yes. Ellie! It's really good. Ellie, you're trying to kill us all. These non-organic bananas. Fantastic. But anyway, so my dead sister. Of course.

So I get this call that was like, I went to a different party. There were two parties happening the same day at my two different friend's house. Okay, we get it, Miss Popular. It was well liked. Nice. Probably so hot too, I think.

I know. Blonde, blue eyed, Republican. No, I promise you. Republican. It was bad. She had it all. George Bush, Junior, Junior, Junior. Let me explain something to you guys.

I was not a hot kid. Everyone I know has been molested except for me. No one was interested. I hate to flex. They were not into it. Honey, but I got molested a lot. That's what I'm saying. Hot kid.

Yeah. So I didn't have it. I don't need that right now. I didn't have it. Okay, they could leave me on a playground. They did not, they were not worried about me. No, your bowl cut was sick though. No.

My bowl cut. You were shredding with that thing. You're a little porky too. I was a porky bowl cut. Pedophiles would see me and be like, yuck. Next. Wait, maybe that's the hack. Just make your babies really ugly.

Yeah. What a great world. Make them ugly and make them real stubborn. Anyway, so I'm at this other party and my sisters were there with my mom and me and the sister that was second to me in the lineup. We went to this other party and then we get this call and suddenly one of my friends that was like

not really a friend, like sort of an acquaintance showed up with my younger sisters. And they were like, we don't know something happened to one of your sisters. And I was like, what, I didn't know what was going on but all of a sudden there was just like this sort of energy of like secretive chaos that I didn't know what was going on, but all of a sudden there was just like this sort of energy of like Secretive chaos that I didn't understand it was like I got this kind of like confused anxiety And they were like you have to go home

So I put my sisters in the car and I drove us all home and my I remember my sister Hallie being like you have To slow down you have to slow down and I was like I can't slow down I feel like something I feel like something really bad happened and I got to my house and my mom was there and my mom turned around and was like, she didn't make it. And that was when I realized who didn't make it because my other sister Jackie, who's Graham's twin was there.

So like, I didn't know who had gotten hurt. I didn't know what had happened. My sister had, you know how there's always a sign outside of the hot tub that's like, if you're under 16, don't go in the hot tub? The drain in the hot tub, she had been playing in there with my other sisters and her hair got stuck in the drain and three grown men couldn't pull her out of it.

There was a law that my mom had passed called the Virginia Graham Baker Pool and Spa Safety Act that got all of these drain covers for the, because all of this was avoidable. Like there was like thousands of deaths that would happen because these drains weren't covered. And until my sister died, all of that like was preventable, you know?

And then when my mom like was able to like get this legislation passed, it, like, was preventable, you know? And then when my mom, like, was able to, like, get this legislation passed, it was like, now, if you look at the pool covers, it says like VGB on them. And that is until like Trump got the whole fucking thing defunded and all of the people that all the organizations that are in charge of like making sure that this happens is now it's like that's gone. So I don't know what's gonna happen now, but don't ever put your kid in a jacuzzi or a hot tub or like, it's like, I just have to say that.

Cause like now I worry that all of that is gone. Gonna change, yeah. Oh my God. But yeah, so it was like very sudden. She was so young and you know, my mother and my dad were like, they had gotten separated earlier that year. And then like, it was just like,

my whole family just changed. Everything changed, you know, like I went to college, my sister went to boarding school, my parents got divorced, my dad had a new girlfriend. It was like everything changed in a year. And I was just like. That's such a tough time. I was like, and 17 is like the craziest age.

The problem was I didn't have any of the tools. Like they tried to put me in therapy. I was like, there's literally too much for it was too much for, for anyone really. But like certainly for a 17 year old who didn't have any kind of like self-care or um therapy you know nothing to like ground myself through it like i just drank and i just drank for years and years and years and just like tried to run from it for so long and then had to do all of this catch up. And like, I truly am like what you have

and all of the stuff that you've gone through over the last like year and a half, the self care and the antidepressants and I'm like all of that and therapy. It's like the fact that you have those things to ground you and to help you get through this, which is it's still impossible to get through. But to have that is so valuable. And you like every day, every time you're like, I just got off the phone with my therapist. I'm

like, good for you. Good, good, good. I love my therapist. It's so good because like there was so much catch up to do. And even now, now that Minnow is a year and a half, I'm having crazy PTSD. I had a kind of a breakthrough in therapy two months ago, where I had stopped going for six months, because I was like, I'm just gonna power through this, which is a full PTSD reaction to exactly what my sister, I was like, I'm just gonna get through it, I'm just gonna do it on my own, I've got this,

I don't need any help. That kind of shit is like, you know, it's so easy when she's little and she's with me and nothing can happen to her, you know, in my brain. I'm like, nothing can happen as long as she's with me. Now she's like an independent, she's like saying no and she's like choosing to do things and walking around in the world and I'm like, ah!

Like that is so terrifying to me because anything could happen. Like when my sister died, I was like, anything can kill you. Like anything can kill you at any point. You speak in my language. You know what I mean? This is all my brain is consumed with. Yeah.

And the algorithm knows. So everything, all my targeted ads are by this choke. Like, you know, the thing that like, this lodges the thing from. That's sick. Yeah, everything is now catered to my anxiety. It's all like people who lost their children. Exactly.

I'm like, this is. What? That's all. That's my whole children. Exactly. I'm like this is my whole algorithm. I never go on my explore page. It is a fucking disaster. No, I had to stop too because that's literally all I get. You can't ever go on your explore page. It's literally, I'll show you right now, it's just gonna be people who are like scarred and bandaged and like people like sad stories of like somebody who lost their... Hashtag child loss. Yeah. That's all TikTok. What? Because it picks up on what you're saying. I know.

To your therapist, to your family. It's messed up. Like, I'm afraid of this, I'm afraid of this, and then it hears you and then it gives you more. Oh, I'm upset. I'm upset. It's horrible. For you guys.

Mine is like goats and aliens. There's something wrong with you. I think there's nothing wrong. We're gonna talk about that. Somehow that is. That's actually the most concerning thing we've heard. Look, say what you want, I'm fun. You know, I have a good time.

I have a good time in my home alone. I have a good time. I have a good time. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, I get a little silly in my brain sometimes. Oh, do you, little girl? get a little silly in my brain sometimes. Oh, do you, little girl? I never get silly in my brain. I'm so perfect.

And that's why she needs better help. If you haven't started therapy yet, girl, you need to. Mental health awareness, thankfully, is growing. But did you know that 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey say they have avoided seeking mental health? Therapy has been the one indispensable part of my life. It is the reason that I continue to,

what Esther called, survive and advance. You must survive, you must advance, and you must try better help. And on top of that, not just survive, thrive. What I love about BetterHelp is it's fully online, making therapy affordable, convenient, and serving over five million people worldwide. I love that if it's not a match with a therapist,

easy peasy, you can switch therapists at any time for no additional cost. I would say we're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.com slash Trash Tuesday to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash trash Tuesday. This week mine was all about the Titanic wreckage. Really? I have a flex. What? Okay. My dad was born in 1924 so like before the depression. That's insane. So his

family was very close to the Guggenheims. And before, when I was younger, he told us, like, hey, we actually had family friends that died in the Titanic. And I was like, oh, he doesn't know the Guggenheims. And also, this is so made up. But then, if you watch the movie, and so-and-so was introduced, there's a Guggenheim on there.

Yeah. It was not Peggy. It wasn't Peggy. It wasn't Peggy. Rosebud knows them. Peggy's still alive, right? She's like, I had brunch with Peggy this morning. She's fine.

She's fine. And so. I wish I did not meet Guggenheim. This is something that I couldn't cross reference before the internet happened. It was just my dad's like lore. And it turns out, yeah, like my dad was friends with someone from the Titanic who went down.

Oh my God. The flex isn't the Guggenheim, the flex is that he knew someone that died in the Titanic. Dave's brother-in-law, they descended from survivors of the Titanic. Oh, they survived. Yeah. With good, good genes.

Yeah. Good stock. Yeah, it's like a pretty woman, so yeah. Survivors, they had money. That means they had money. I don't know if they did, but I should find out. Wait, did, were the survivors mostly the upper class? I don't think so.

For sure. Everybody that was pushing coal was like dead before the- Yeah, but there was a lot of before the news had reached the top. The lower middle women and children, I don't think they did that. I think a higher proportion though, you're right, of the upper class survived. And they kept sending off the boats half full. Yeah. It's a 62% first class.

Wow. 32%. That sounds right. I mean, that sounds wrong, but that sounds good. If you were a pretty lady in mid-class, you probably got out. If you were on deck seven, you're done. But if you had recently had a nose job, maybe you... Maybe.

Did they have nose jobs? Did they do those? I don't know. No, I don't think so. I think you had to get venereal disease to get a nose job, and then you were just sort of stuck like this for a while. What?

I really love the word venereal. How did you get word venereal. Venereal to nose. Did you ever watch The Nick? No. OK. No. What is The Nick? It was a great show. But one of the women got an STD and they had to take they took to do a skin graft back in like the 1800s.

They would take skin from your arm and they would put it on to your nose. And you had to walk around like this because it until it healed like an elephant like this and they would just like they would tape your arm to your the back of your head like that i mean they still sort of do things like this my one of my really good friends she has pubic hair on her finger because um they grafted the skin they graphed they used to graft a burn or an injury to her finger was from her groin. So she grows pubic hair. Why groin of all places?

And why do I have pubic hair there? But I didn't have it. I guess there. I think maybe it's an area that doesn't see the light of day or it's not visible, but I'm like, no, there are eyes on this. Yeah, because my sister pushed my other sister into a fire on a camping trip and they had to,

it's just something we do. They grafted her skin from her butt onto her arm and we called her, I forget, we called her butt skin for a while. Butt makes much more sense to me. It's not a very good nickname. Like that's where I would think you would go from. The butt?

There's like extra padding there. Yeah, to take it from the groin is, that's bold. Yeah, I think it's a pretty common choice. Yeah. A common area. Doctors are fucking insane. I know. They're real psychopaths.

You know, I don't have a lot of cartilage left in my shoulders, they're actually like basically zero because I was a swimmer. And they were like you have two options which is like an oats one where they can you can either use a different animals cartilage or you can take it from your knee a part of your knee that doesn't it's not like load bearing or something like that and they can grow it and then put it back in my shoulder.

Whoa. And I think it's called like an oats method. Whoa. Is that like brand's called like an Oats Method. Whoa. Is that like brand new? I don't know. Do you feel like you could have been a doctor in a different way?

I feel like you could have. She is a doctor, first of all. I thought that's what I want it to be. If you look at my like 60 year old yearbook from like kindergarten. Yeah. It says my name is Kalyla, my favorite animal is bird and I wanna be a doctor.

Do you think that's just because you already were taking care of your dying father and so you felt like one already? Yeah, well, my dad went to medical school. But he never, he was in practice. He's one of those rich boys that was just like, oh. So he was really knowledgeable. And I think I always just like the human body.

Yeah. I get so grossed out by anything. What are you grossed out by? Blood, gore. Do you get lightheaded? I throw up. Barfs. Oh. I will throw up at like anything.

Sometimes my own period blood makes me gag. Me too. Really? Oh yeah. I mean, mostly because it's like- Oh, depending on the month. Is that true? It could be.

I mean, we have a friend who does like period blood art. What? Dude. And I, we have a friend who does like period blood art. What? Dude. And I, you know, she's just one. And it's Jenna, just so everyone knows. It's Jenna and she's nasty. We love her and you know, she's just like, this is, you know, the fruit of your loins.

And she's very poetic about it. And I understand like the love for your own period blood, especially since she has PCOS, so she doesn't see your period blood a lot. But as someone who bleeds every month, I'm like, you yeah I'm gonna put this out yeah but people are different you know I know that some people water their plants oh yes I've heard that it's like a sacred ritual or something is this tiktok I love tiktok well Filipinos when you go through puberty and you get acne and if like you're a young boy, their moms will use the period blood and like,

oh. That is wild. Wipe it on their face, because it's supposed to help with acne and stuff. I really, I shouldn't be saying this about all Filipinos, they're probably just raging. I gotta ask. We don't do that, bitch.

I gotta ask Jane about this. Is that your nanny? Jane is my nanny. It's really cute, I guess in the Filipino tradition, if you meet an older Filipino person, you put your hand out like this, Mino will take your hand and go like this. She did it to this guy in the airport the other day.

He went like this to hand her something and she took his hand and went like this. That is the sweetest thing. It's really cute. That is the one thing that I wish, a lot of things die, older generations, a lot of things like die, you know, older generations they don't sort of like carry on to, but I really want my children to always bless their elders. It is the sweetest.

Yeah, it's really precious. It's like really sweet. Cause I still bless my grandma. I still bless all the elders in my life. And it's basically, you just, you take their hand and you just acknowledge that, you know, you're older than me, you're wiser than me. And I respect you.

I wanna do that to Dave. This was her in the airport. Look. Oh, so cute. That is adorable. She does this with all the other nannies, all the Filipina nannies that are, cause Jane is friends with the other nannies

that live in our neighborhood, and they have a play group with the kids, and every time Mino with the other nannies that like live in our neighborhood and they have like a play group with the kids. And every time Minow sees the other nannies, she'll go up and be like. Why didn't you teach me this? You're my Filipino nanny. I'm gonna make you bless me, bitch. Every time you walk into the studio, it's gonna be a,

yeah, where's my blouse? Should we play our game? A little bit of a shift from the vibe. Okay, it's fine. Tragedy to fun. We'll see how this goes. So we're playing the newlywed game. Oh, the newlywed game.

Rosebud's really competitive. So is Lila and it's really scary. And I do this thing always where it's like, manage our expectations. They're so much closer. They've been closer for a very long time. So if we lose, I'll jump you in the parking lot. So. Question one.

Who wears the pants in the relationship? Ooh. Oh. Oh, that's tough. If you get this wrong, I'm gonna be so mad. There's the illusion and then there's the truth. Oh no, don't even. There's the illusion and then there's the truth. Oh no, don't even. There's the illusion and then there's the truth.

No, that's so fucked of you. No, we're gonna get it wrong then. And I'm fine with that because I'm holding down. Do I wanna be right or do I wanna win? What did you just add? You added something. Oh, I just said what I wrote in a different way was unnecessary.

Okay, well I'm gonna say what I wrote in a different way too. Okay. You know what, I'd rather win what I wrote in a different way too. Okay. You know what, I'd rather win. I'm changing my answer. Kailila! I'd rather win, so I'm changing my answer. Whoever wants to go first.

Me. Kailila wears the pants. You see, I crossed out Esther. And I put Kailila. Because the illusion is me, but the truth is you. No, because I always am like, you know that I want you to wear the pants. I'm always like, whatever. No, I'll do whatever you say.

Like you want to be the sub. But then, but then. Stella. No, no. I agree. You agree. That's crazy. No, no, no. Esther's a pants wearer. Thank you. No, no. Thank you. No. Thank you.

I hate to be a stickler, but you cross out Esther and you put Kailyla. I know, but we won. So which one is it? I know, but this is now not about the game. Forget the game. Kailyla, you're correct. You're switching the rules around.

No, wait, I put Kailyla. So I thought she has to win. Thank you. Thank you for your honesty. But you I like look up to you, but you know what she's kind of proving this right by saying like If she just wants to win she has to put the answer that you Correct I put neither or both of us. Oh shit. I just put me But I don't feel that's true. I don't really necessarily feel it's true either. What?

I don't feel it's true at all. I'm bossier, but I don't think- In her life, but not in our friendship. But I'm not as stubborn. Like I'm bossier, but I'm not as stubborn as she is. In your friendship fights, it's all just like jump each other. No, but in our friendship,

I swear to God, it sounds crazy, but like the amount of ease in our friendship is like, I never feel like pushed around by you at all. I feel incredibly nurtured. Aw. Aw, that's sweet. Esther? Okay, you're kind of ruining my image.

I feel like I push you, but you put up a wall and that's how it works. That's how it works. That's, you're correct. That is correct. I feel like Esther is my little pusher. I get annoying and she actually, what she does, this is when I'm just in my head,

I'm thinking that's so good, is like you don't deal with it, like you wait until you're gonna be patient and then you deal with me. Like I feel like you could be like, you're fucking annoying, but instead you just like let me be annoying and then you come back to me later and you're like, okay, here's this and this.

Yeah, I think that it's, that's exactly it. Okay. Yeah, I don't wanna break your nature is what it is. Oh, that's so nice. You are who you are. That's so nice. I'm not gonna tell you why being that way is wrong. Yeah.

I'm just going, I'm responsible for reacting. I'm responsible for taking care of myself. So I'm not gonna be like, Esther, don't be that way. It's like, Kalei, you have the choice. You can either just chill and not respond. It's kind of amazing. Because I, yeah. Do I have cancer?

Oh, I'm not going to respond to that today. You know? It's like, I know you'll come back around. But there is sometimes I'm like, where is she? But then I'm responsible for that. I'm like, no, she's fine. Yeah. I'm fine.

You would think like that because of how sensitive I am that I'm like really needy but actually she's always like checking out she's like don't disappear yeah don't so sweet yeah yeah you need friends like that yeah I do think that we have that in common where it's like if if something going wrong, both of us individually tend to isolate more. But over the years, I've just started to feel it where I'm like, something's going on with her. I don't know what's going on, but something's going on.

Yeah, she can know without even speaking to me. And so I'll just text and be like, checkin' in. She's like, I haven't heard from you today. Or you'll be like, are you alive? Yeah. You know what I mean? So it's a little bit of that. I really appreciated that when I lost my mind around four

to nine months postpartum. And you were like, haven't heard back from you, but don't feel like you have to respond. But I just thinking of you. And I thought that was so kind and so sweet. Yeah, I really appreciate that. You just need to know people are thinking about you. It's really sweet.

Even if you're not up for like talking to them, you know? Cause I'm in the same way where it's like, I don't wanna talk to anybody, but I also don't wanna be forgotten. So it's like, it's nice to hear like, just thinking about you, just hope you're okay. I mean, Rosebud is truly like my family, but this bitch FaceTime so much in a way

that I will never get used to. It is so shocking every single time. I'm like, why would you ever FaceTime me? What? You could just call. If I was nine years old and you told me that there was a way to call somebody where you could see their face,

I would be like, get me to that. I wanna see what that is. That's the coolest thing I've ever fucking heard. It is cool. And so every time I think of like, when people are like, ew, why would you face someone? Because it's the coolest invention of our time. You also got me to be,

remember when we first became friends and you would call me and I was so shocked? Like I hadn't used the phone, like I never called. Yeah, that's an AA thing. I never called, like you got me used to talking on the phone. I was never a phone person before we were friends. I love that. I want to challenge everyone listening and all of us,

pick up the phone and call someone, even if it's like, you know it's gonna be so, like an attack on them. Yeah, just do it. Cause I have a friend that I'm really close with that we text all the time, but lately I've been calling her and when I do, I'm always, I'm like, I don't have anything big, like it's not,

but just, are you busy? Just the just silence just knowing someone's on the other line is so comforting. Okay If you guys were all single who has the best game between the two of you oh man I'm really shocked. Really hard. This is really weird. This is like the hardest question I've ever heard in my life. Okay, if we have to pick one. Do I wanna be right or do I wanna win?

Let's say we have to pick one. Just write it down. You're gonna pick you. We're all cheating by the way. It's me. No, I'll put you. Blair, you can't say who you're picking. I'm really secure.

Let's do next question. She blew it. Wait, who did you put? Put you. Okay, I put me too.. I think even though you're pretty Yeah, like it's me. You're like weird. It is. Yeah. Yeah. I don't it is definitely you I don't see was having a like, yeah, I have no idea how to flirt. Yeah Well, it's like really people I don't like I'm very antagonistic

Okay, next who is more likely to get in a fight with a stranger? Don't say Kaila Yeah I put Blair how there's no way it's me not even in any universe same and there's no way it's me in any universe Little scared of everything like the TSA agent. I don't find the bank teller. I don't like spectrum. I am scared of everything. I don't fight the TSA agent. I don't find the bank teller. I don't fight spectrum. I am scared of authority. I am, I don't. You will fight any authority.

I fight all of those people. Who are you kidding? Who have I ever gotten to fight with as a stranger? I was thinking of a stranger more as like an acquaintance. I don't know why. I was thinking of like an acquaintance, like somebody that like works like in our world. No, I am.

I'm not really spying with acquaintances. No, not out loud. Oh, I am. No, I am. I'm seriously spineless. No, not out loud. Oh, this is a fight with a stranger. Okay, yes, you're right. You're right, although not. It's 100% you. Okay, so you guys all got that wrong?

You know me, it's like, eat it and then it'll turn into cancer 10 years from now. Yeah, no, no, now you're right, you're right. I feel like you would get in a fight and I would have to come in as the enforcer and actually fight. Yeah, that might, that would be would get in a fight and I would have to come in as the enforcer and actually fight Yeah, that might that would but in my head. I have this different big picture of you that you know, if you're in trouble Yeah, you would save me. Yes, which I have before when someone has done something and I'd be like, uh-uh

You can't talk to her that way. Yeah Security guard. I guess yeah, that's why I did put that but you're right. I would fight for like to save $5 from Spectrum. If I felt that one of my loved ones was threatened in any way, especially a girlfriend, like I'll turn into a person I don't even know. Recognize? Yeah. Everyone lost.

Who is the most emotionally intelligent? These are brutal ass questions. This is like real housewives. I'm gonna say, I think it's a close race. It's pretty close, because we're both in therapy. But you. I'll put me too. Yeah. But it's a close race.

I say both of us. I was gonna say that too, but that's... I really feel it's equal. You guys, this is a competition. Yeah, we're not playing the game right. I really feel it's equal. You guys, this is a competition. Yeah, we're not playing the game right. I'm sorry, I'm autistic, I'm extremely literal. Like, that's the only way I think is extremely literal.

Okay, all right. We'll just take the loss on that one. I think it's both of us. I think you guys both put boat. Because she said it and I agreed, so if we're thinking literally then we lost that one Don't worry. We never get these games Okay next question who is more likely to be featured on Dateline

As a criminal or an investigator a victim or a victim that's easy I'm gonna say Blair. I'm gonna say Blair. I My answer has a reason and there's only one reason. I put Esther because she's so tiny. I 100% would agree with Esther. I put you. And I just cuz I'm too scared to put myself. That's the funniest answer. Definitely say. Esther. Esther is just physically smaller. It's definitely Esther. Just because of your size, that's all. Well, and overall vibe. All right, what's the damage?

What is the score? Tied. It's tied? Oh, do we have a tiebreaker question? We have a tiebreaker question. Don't talk about it. Fine. Pick one.

Maybe. Who is more likely to ask for their food back at a restaurant? Ask for their food back? Oh, sorry, send it back. Sorry, send it back. Send it back. That's easy. This is so easy.

Yes! I put Esther, I put me. I put a rosebud. Of course. I don't know when I don't send my food back. Yeah. And I'll do it, I'll be mad too while I'm doing it. The first time she did it,

I've never been more shocked by anything in my life. I was so shocked. I almost fell off the chair. My jaw is still on the ground in Austin, Texas. Our biggest fight had to do because she asked the barista, what kind of oat milk do you have? And then can I see the box and look at the ingredients? And I just like, I exited the coffee shop.

She left her body. It was like insane. And then I remember saying things like, I have to go to Patagonia. And like, I just like took off for the rest of the day. I was shocked by it cause it's like, we had been so close for so long, but I'm like, oh, I think that might've been our first time

in a coffee shop together. So it was like, she was blindsided. I had ordered a steak salad and they put a fucking giant steak on top of a salad, literally just threw the full steak on it. And I took one bite out of it and I was took one bite out of it, and I was like, and I called him back, and I was like, this is the worst thing I've ever tasted in my life.

And she likes her steak burnt to hell, and I like it almost living. It was so gross. I still remember that steak. It was fucking offensive. Restaurants are so shady. They really are. What would you do?

I would eat, incredible. Wow, I love this. I love paying $50 for this. You want some more money? Yeah. Okay, so we're still tied. So one last question. Oh shit.

Who is more likely to get arrested? That's easy. I don't feel that's easy. I do. Don't overthink it. Okay, I just put Rosebud. I put Rosebud. Well. Yeah. I put Kailbud. I put rosebud Well, yeah, I put Kalyla. Yeah

Well, okay Who is more likely to be a cult leader? Oh a cult leader? Yeah Not a cult follower. I got my answer. I'm going rosebud. I was gonna say Blair. I went Esther. Yes Shit, I'm definitely gonna be my little baby Jesus say Blair. I went Esther. Esther. Yes. Shit! I'm definitely gonna be a cult leader one day. My little baby Jesus over there. Yeah. I said Blair because you're into that stuff. But I don't tell people what to do.

I know. Like anything anyone wants to do. I'm like, that was your choice to make. I know, if I had to pick, I would have said Blair, but I don't think either of us, but. I'm definitely a cult leader. Yeah, she's a cult leader. One day, like, you guys will be getting a pamphlet from me.

And you're gonna like the pamphlet. I can't wait to see this. It's gonna be a hell of a pamphlet. This is gonna be incredible. Yeah. You're gonna be on board, trust me. You guys won, I think, for the first time ever. Wow.

Wow. After I said we were psychically connected. Yeah. You really, you sealed the deal for us then. I really do love that you guys are so the opposite of each other, because I don't think there are more opposite people in Esther and I. And I think there's a reason why that works.

It's like you do need that other energy. It's like your mirror, you know what I mean? Yeah, she says I soften her and she toughens me. I like being around softer people. I do, because I feel like it's the thing that I'm working towards, where I don't have to like, what is it, like counter-dependence, where it's the opposite, it's co-dependence

in a different way, where it's like, you are afraid to ask for anything that you need, so you do it all yourself, and you just sort of like muscle your way through. I'm trying to like get better about that, And I'm trying to like, you know, when I'm with Minow, it's like, I want her to be able to see the softer side of me and I want that to be accessible to her, but it won't be if it's not accessible to me.

I'm really trying to work on it. Actually chat GPT said that to me. I feel like I learned, cause I'm the exact same way, like I'll never ask for anything and I've learned to be able to do that through you. Well, you're going on tour. I am, I started my full tour in two weeks.

Please come. It's gonna be a lot of fun. It's gonna be a lot of fun. It's gonna be a lot of fun. We're gonna have a lot of laughs out there on the road. Many cities sold, buy those tickets up. I'm gonna be on the road as well. Tickets are at rosebudbaker.com. I'm gonna be in London this summer.

I'm gonna be in Berlin, which is exciting. But also all over the states. Rosebud, where are your tickets? I mean, you're not Rosebud. Can I say watch my special? Yeah. Watch my special. Oh yeah, it's so good.

Your special is so good. I forget about it because I feel like I watched it in five minutes. Like it went by so fast. Thank you. Wasn't it so tight? It's unbelievable. Like not one extraneous word was just so incredible. It's so funny.

Thank you. And such a cool thing that you did before and after. Thank you. So cool. I was like, there's some people that have made it known that they don't like that I didn't give a heads up, but listen, when I was editing it, I was like, do I give a disclaimer?

And then I saw a cut of it with the disclaimer, and I was like, this feels like a true crime opening. I was like, you can't have text on a screen without somebody getting murdered immediately afterwards. So I was like, the people that are gonna get it are gonna get it, and the people that don't, I don't give a fuck, but I'm proud of it. So go watch it, it's called The Mother Load,

it's on Netflix streaming now. I can't believe I didn't open with that. Your special is my favorite special I've ever seen. It's so, again, I feel like it was like, I started it and it was over because it was so good. And it just goes by so fast. Thank you so much. Can you do another one like really soon?

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Because I'm like waiting. For sure, yeah, no. I mean, I have absolutely nothing, but we'll take care of that on the road. And where are your tickets? Oh, minor at blairsaki.com and also punchup.live slash blairsaki.

I'll be in Denver in two weeks, Missouri, Sacramento, San Francisco, Portland, Dallas, everywhere. Klyla has a hair care brand at oceanclub.com. It's so cool. We love it. Which has been truly, I need to get another one of the spray bottles. I'll send you whatever you want.

People love that spray. No, I'm lying. It's incredible. It's so good. Whatever you want. It's amazing. It's so good. Whatever you want. I got you. It's amazing. I've been bringing it on the road with me everywhere because I can't fit the shampoo

and conditioner in the thing, but when I bring that spray bottle, I use that shitty hotel shampoo and conditioner. And it's like, as long as I use the spray bottle, it's fine. We're coming out with a travel kit too. I can't wait. It's so cute. Amazing. So, so cute. Is that for all the stand-up comedians?

Yes. For all my girlies on the road. Thank God, I love it. That's what we need. No, we talk about it all the time, how much we love those products. They're amazing. It smells so good too.

Thank you. You guys sluggies, thank you for being here. Comment, you know, the things that we need to hear. We love you and as always, we'll see you next week with a brand new episode. And we also have a Patreon, you can check it out at the link below. Thanks for having us.

Thanks guys. That was so fun. That was so fun. Thank you so much.