Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Girl Date with Elle Orlando & Ali Macofsky

Episode Date: May 5, 2026

Thank you to SQUARESPACE -  Check out https://www.squarespace.com/trashtuesday   to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code TRASHTUESDAYBTS, BONUS CONTENT AND MORE! Only on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/TrashTuesdayPodcast     GET IT BEFORE ITS GONE - https://trashtuesday.myshopify.com/ We are getting quality girl time with Ali Macofsky and Elle Orlando (you’re going to love Elle!). Elle got arrested at Coachella and lived to tell the tale. We’re also talking about why you SHOULDN’T extreme diet, why you SHOULD stalk yourself on the internet, and tall guys. Very important. It’s your favorite Tuesday ritual, and we’re honored to be a part of it!!MORE ALI! https://www.instagram.com/notalimac/ https://alimacofsky.com/ MORE ELLE! https://www.instagram.com/elleorlando/ https://elleorlandocomedy.com/ Thank you to our sponsors:Thank you to BLUE CHEW -  https://www.bluechew.com  Right now, when you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third for FREE with promo code TRASHTUESDAY Thank you to HELIX - Go to https://www.helixsleep.com/trashtuesday    for 27% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you! Thank you to BETTERHELP -  You don’t have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at www.BetterHelp.com/TRASHTUESDAY*Ebb Ocean Club is NOW IN SEPHORA* https://www.sephora.com/brand/ebb-ocean-club for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products!*Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday MORE ESTHER:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonster Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/ MORE KHALYLA:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/ Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A   PRODUCTION:Studio Ten42: https://www.instagram.com/studioten42/ Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/ Arielle Jade (Editor): https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/ Elisa Hernandez Kohler: https://www.instagram.com/ellie.lianna/ Megan Clements:  https://www.instagram.com/egggymeg/   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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have it. Thank you. Jeez. Oh my God, this video is going to get so many views. Look at this. The separation. I can do that. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's getting a little weird. Come see me on tour. I'm going to be at the Comedy Works downtown in Denver, Colorado, May 21st through 24th. And then I'll be in Charlotte, North Carolina, June 4th through 6th. I'll be in Chicago, Illinois, October 1st through 3rd. And Detroit, Michigan, San Diego, go to ali mokovsky.com to see where else i'll be performing and get tickets bye what up i'm going to be

in portsmouth new hampshire june 3rd comedy studio in boston june 4th and then fort worth texas june 19th through the june 20th okay so come on out to a show it's going to be so fun our favorite in-house young cool girl ali mokovsky thank you i'm terrified for when you find a younger cooler girl impossible and then today for our first time we had this cute young cool girl that i met in new york right before i became mom when i was a cool cute young girl yeah and we're like oh my god we're both so pretty welcome L. Orlando. She's a hilarious stand-up comedian on the street outside of a show.

Yeah. In the wild. No, no, barbershop. Oh, fun. Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you knew because I don't remember any of the names of anything. Yeah, yeah, there's so many. And then also, you told me you're from, we're like from the same area. Wait, where are you from? I'm from Libertyville. You're an Illinois girl? Yeah, I know. So randomly. I look like I've never left here. But totally. Libertyville.

It's like it's out there. It's out there. I mean, I think, um, so like, my, my family originally is from Florida and I was born there. That's your last name is Orlando. Yeah. It's, it's a lot. Orlando? No.

I wish. I wish it was Disney World. Um, no, he, uh, it's Italian. Orlando's Italian. It's actually like a really popular Italian last name. But like in Italy. I guess. No one's named Italian over here. That makes sense. Yeah. I also get like big ups from the Spanish community because they think I'm Spanish, but I'm not at all. Like Lando. Lando is like a lot of my

Filipino like old uncles are named Lando and I know it's like Spanish. Yeah, yeah. So if it's a first name it's Spanish, if it's a last name, it's Italian. I can't picture an Italian person saying Orlando. Orlando. Orlando. It's like not, it's not clocking to me. Yeah. Wait, I heard second week of Coachella. Well, you were there. Well, I wasn't. I was there, but I wasn't. She faked us out. I faked everyone out. What do you mean? She didn't go. You didn't go? I was there, but I wasn't there. So I went with a whole family. We were in the Airbnb, but I was left behind with my baby. And I gave my, well, no, everyone's going to be happy to hear this. The team got artist passes because, you know. Oh, and you're still rocking. I. You're still rocking. Look at that. You guys are animals. You guys just went on a whim. You pulled an alley.

You guys are crazy freaks. But not to shit on Weekend 1 strokes, but I hear Weekend 2 strokes was even better. Well, here's the thing, okay? Here's the thing. You went both. No, no, no, no, no. But here's the thing, Mrs. Orlando. What is it?

As a California girl, you know, Coachella is a birthright experience. It's like when you're in high school, you must go. It's just something you have to do. Everyone's going and you're like, I can't be left out. And so I was always a weekend two girl. And I went weekend one this time. And I like knew going into it like I'm not going to have the same experience as I normally have. Because everyone who goes weekend one, they want like something like they want to be the first, you know?

Like I'm the first to see it. And so I knew that like. like the performances might be a little bit rusty weekend one. Right, warming up. They're all warming up. And also I do think that the bigger guests come out for weekend too. Madonna came on. Not only that, but Siza came out for Justin.

She wasn't there weekend one. Olivia Rodrigo came out weekend two. I did go to Coachella. You did. This year? Not this year. Like a long time. Like I think in 2017 I went.

Who was the headliner? Do you say double X or? XXX. X. X. The double X. The double X I recall him. Dosa Kese. Yeah. Yeah. Um, it was them. It was, uh.

Was that when Radiohead was there? Yeah. Yeah. That was it great. Those are flaming lips one. Maybe. Rainbow, uh, Surprise was there.

Yeah. Yeah. I fucking. Just tune the fuck out of these losers. You know what? That's like even cooler. Yeah. Yeah.

That's, you are. Yeah. I was counting on you as an Illinois suburban bill. I know. I know. To not know what these things are. I fucking, I know.

But then my friends, I told you you could do this. This is really bad. This is why, yeah, I'm. Shady. Whatever, beating outside my weight class right now. But I, so I went to Coachella and then, and I got arrested for underage drinking when I was 26 years old. Okay. Flex.

Yeah. Yes. And I was like, yes, thank you. But please, no. Yeah. You just not have like a wristband or something? No, I had a wristband. I had everything.

But at the time, I don't know if the cops still like serve the beers at the tents. But at the time the beer tent was served all by cops and I go up and they still ask for your ID. So I gave them my ID and it was a Chicago ID and the old Chicago ID looks really fake. I feel like every ID looks fake. Anytime I've ever looked at someone's ID, I'm like this, why are they so flimsy? Yeah, yeah. The graphics are weird.

I mean, the New York one looks really legit at this point. Like, there's like a holograph. There's a fucking, I don't know. Even all that. I'm like, it's fake. It's fake. Well, so I give him my ID. This is the newer one and that looks more legit than the only one literally looks like ID chief.

And so he puts it in a system and he's like, yeah, this is a fake ID. We have to arrest you. And then I'm resisting arrest because I'm like, I'm literally 26. Like, thank you. Again, thank you. Yeah, it's literally a real ID. It's real ID. And then this woman comes up with a bat and she's like, if you don't let us arrest you,

like I'm going to use force. And I'm like, you fucking cunt. Against me, woman versus woman, you're going to use a bat on me. So then they put me in handcuffs. Oh, my God. Wait, that's so cool. I want to be put in handcuffs. I was so, like, it was kind of like, I think if I, if I wasn't, who I, who was

missing. I was missing, I think, Caged the elephant or something. I was really pissed off. Coachella is so expensive. Imagine missing the headliner you're there to see. I know. You're 26 and drinking. Yeah, 100%. So, so hands by my back handcuffed up. And he's like, just admit, just admit that you're lying to me, like trying to get me to break. And I'm like, dude, I don't know what. He's like, do you have any other form of ID? I'm like, no, I flew here. Like, you remember 9-11? Like, They're not like taking this ID stuff lightly, you know, I got, I got it through TSA. He's asking me, like, what can we do? I'm like, you're the fucking cop.

I'm like, I don't know, let's try calling my mom. We call my mom. That's allowed. I, like phone a friend. Yeah. New York, like street interview. They're like, let's call your mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, literally.

I tell them to call my mom. But before I do this or after I did do this, I forget that my mom is. historically a conspiracy theorist. So of course she didn't believe the phone call. She thought it was a scam. Like he answered, he's like, hey, like I have your daughter. She's arrested.

You just need to prove her age. My mom is like, what is this? This is a scam. You're just trying to steal money from me. I'm like, hang up, hang up, hang up. We got to call someone else. Like, this is not. Can you imagine like you're holding the knife?

The person is bleeding and you're like, call my mom. I'm innocent. They're like, okay, we'll hear it out. Yeah. Like, why would. police allow that? I have no idea. So what happens?

So then I'm like, hang up the phone. This lady's crazy. And then he's like, oh, I have an idea. We're going to run it through a computer. The computer was the last idea. And so he's like, oh, I was typing your ID and wrong. So, yeah, you're free to go. Acab.

Jesus Christ. All for a beer at a festival. Yeah, 100%. And then I called my mom. And he was like driving, the cop was driving the little golf cart. And I kind of told her the whole thing. And she was on speakerphone. She's like, what a fucking.

While he's driving. Yeah, right. Yeah, while he was driving. Is your mom still in Libertyville? She is. She's actually here right now. She got her boobs done. And so he's staying with her.

You have the mom that just got her boobs done? Well, she's cool. Hey. Yeah. I'm listening. Okay. Well, she had her boobs done. But then the guy put her boobs in upside down.

No. Did she go back to the same guy? No, this was Chicago boob job. Yeah, Libertyville, I can't imagine. People are flocking. That's not jump to that. Like a Highland Park boob job just, it just didn't go on. You got to come to the coast.

You got to go to the coast. So she's in Beverly Hills right now, and so she's recovering. And it just happened that we were here on the same weekend. Did she get a refund? I feel like if you put the boobs in backwards, It's like I should get my money back. A hundred percent. I was like even more.

I'm like, mom, you got to sue that guy. Yeah. A hundred per- There's a lot of litigious stuff you've got to approach. Yeah. I know. We need an admin day. Do you know about this?

Yes. People are getting together. I've scheduled money an admin day. What's an admin day? So it's like when you get your girls together and you're just hanging out at someone's house and you just do all the like stuff that you don't want to do, like paying off tickets. This is such a great idea. Yeah.

Because the fact that I have to do this alone begrudgingly on a day, usually it's like a weekend and it's Sunday and you already have the Sunday scary. When I could just be fucking around with someone with my friends. Get a little charitory board and hold with insurance. Oh, my God. And I like need someone to witness my grievances. I don't want to suffer alone. Yeah. Even like booking flights.

Oh my God, yeah. Absolutely horrible figuring out who to sue. And I feel like there's so many things that I'm like stupid about. And so I'm like, if I can just be like, hey, is this normal? Yeah. How do you do this? Send an email. Can I say this?

How do I send an email? Yeah. What does BCC mean? Oh, I just learned BCC recently. What? I did not understand what that was all about. Okay. And I was just C-C and everyone for email lists.

I think that's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Did you go to college? I went to college and I actually, yeah, and I was supposed to- Did you go in Illinois? I went to Indiana University. Oh, wow. And I used to be like a web developer, but I had no idea how to do email for a long time.

I'm glad you chose comedy instead. Dude, I was a really bad web developer, I will be honest. I kind of cheated my way through that whole system. You're too beautiful to be developing the web. I know. I know. Well, that was kind of. That was kind of like my scam because they were like, oh, a pretty girl who's a web developer, so I'd get hired.

And then I just absolutely fuck their shit up by accident. I mean, I wanted to do well, but I mean, I tried. I can only do so much. Okay, I have a life hack to share. Okay. You know how like we all want like a little luxury in life? We want to feel good. You want like to enjoy something.

Yeah. So you think like I need more, right? Like I need to like buy a new outfit. I need to go have a nice dinner or whatever. Like I have the opposite approach. You need less. Oh, hear me out. Yes.

As a new mother of two, I am getting a lot less of my needs met. So when I hit my head to the pillow and I go to sleep, it is like orgasmic. It feels so good. When I drink water, it feels so good. Yeah. So I'm just thinking like, take things away from your. yourself. Get sleep deprived and then sleep and you will feel like a billionaire.

I agree. You got to work yourself down. Be yourself down. Be yourself down. Hurt yourself. To where when you drink water or when you sleep, it's like I really need this or else I'm going to die. Exactly.

And then it's going to feel euphoric. This is why I don't trust the taste buds of a dieter. I don't trust someone who restricts themselves so much with over-exercise and under eating and it's because they're so deprived that anything tastes good to them so when they're like you have to go there this tastes so good i'm like i will never eat that fucking basic ass bitch chicken salad that you're like i'm looking at and she's like oh you don't mean you don't like no i don't trust you because you don't eat with your chest you are deprived of food like a pile of shit would taste good to you it's always those super skinny models that are like oh my god you have to try this and you're like oh this is This is just food.

Yeah, it's just hungry. You're just hungry. Yeah. I could feed you a bag of soil and you'd probably devour it and tell everyone on TikTok how great it tastes. 100%. We should do that. Yeah. I'm picturing those guys that would go out into the wild.

Did you ever watch these TV shows on TLC where a guy just like goes out into the wild and it's like, oh, a berry that won't kill me. It's like that. Yeah. But that is kind of the mindset that you're talking about. True. Deprive yourself. Yeah. I'm not promoting anorexia.

I know it sounds like it. now? No, you're kind of promoting like a third world country mindset. Well, it's, it's just the, okay, as an ex over-exerciser, ex-belemic girl, ex-third world country, ex-thirt, fucking starve myself to death, X magnesium citrate before Vegas so I could shit my entire intestines out before a party, X all of that extreme shit. There was once a time when I thought the greatest food on earth was literally ketchup because I was so hungry that I was in Spain would just packets of ketchup because I was so hungry and I was like nothing tastes better and a bag of of almonds.

And I thought this was like the most high cuisine shit because I was passing away from zero calories. Yeah, that's wild. That's horrible. I regret bringing this up around you. Very triggering. Very triggering. This is a deep, deep thing. Almonds are so dark. Like if I

ever hear it really are. If I ever hear someone eating like oh, it's just a handful of almonds for a set. Like there's something seriously wrong with you. There is a story there. You should just walk away and not get involved. But you know what? Almonds are a good car snack. Like,

I'll leave them in a bag and like the back seat and then if I'm like darkness. Yeah, or if you see someone, if someone's like, you want some checks mix and it's really just all nuts then I'm like, oh, you have some. What's going on? What's going on? I've been getting into Walnuts.

This is not a checks mix. Yeah, yeah. Where's the crunchy stuff? A walnut is a red flag? No. Well, no. Oh, they're green flag. Yeah. Macadamia is a green flag because you got the real fatty. Pistachios. And when I say almonds, I mean like they're coated in some sort of honey drizzle.

Yeah. I'm not barbecue sauce. Yeah. Yeah, it's not like healthy. Yeah, breaded. Yeah. Yeah. I'm dipping them in ranch.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's good. That's good for you. Okay. Thank you.

Yeah. But I understand what you're saying. because as a new mom, I used to tell myself, oh, I'm just someone who can never sleep before midnight. Yeah. But the moment I'm done

giving my baby a shower and I see the pillow, it's like 8.30 p.m. Good night. Because I'm so exhausted. Wait, you have a baby too? I have a baby. And you give it a shower?

The what? You give it a shower? Last night we did like a standing shower, but usually it's in a tub. But every night, yeah, we do bath time. Do they need that? Bath time every night? Yeah.

Because he put. He poops all day. Yeah, he poops all day. You got to wash the, you got to wash them. I poop all day and I'm not showering every day. I'm not showering every day. Baby doesn't need shower every day. Have you heard of like guys who like they, I've heard of got like grown men where they have to poop every, or they have to shower every time they poop?

I have heard of that. I'm the grown man. You do that? So every time you poop, you have to. What if there's no shower? Then I get a cup. I get a cup and I wash my ass in public. It doesn't matter if it's on an airplane at Coachella and a porta potty.

Everything gets washed every time. But that's a me thing. And I think I have, I get the creepy crawlies around hygiene in regards to my nethers. Yeah, yeah. I still will never understand how a cup washes your ass. Like, you have to put your hands. I think you're only saying this because you want to actually see my asshole and my lips. Like getting washed.

I kind of do too just because I imagine it would be so clean. It's so clean. It's so clean. But that's, I've always been kind of, I have weird sensory stuff since I was a kid. When it comes to like sticky stuff, my butt, my pussy. I just want to say that just because I don't have a cup of water doesn't mean I'm not clean. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. Well, they have, they have little mini portable bidets now.

They do. Yeah. You can just squirt your hole. They yet, yeah. Whoa. I did not know about like cleaning your ass for like a long. It's only in the past like, what's three years? not knowing things. I was way too long. I'm way too long. Like I, do you guys,

I didn't know you had to use body wash for most of my life. Well, I know that. I just don't do. I opt out. Like, I didn't, I thought it was optional.

Like, no one told me, like, you have to, I knew you have to wash your hair. And I never, like, smelled bad or anything. Yeah,

you don't need soap. Well, there's some people who really just don't have BO. Yeah. Like, straight up. Like, there, it sucks that I'm not one of those people, but my mom is,

Bobby is. Bobby. And like, you could scratch and sniff all day trying to dig out a scent and they just don't have a scent. I think I have B.O. It's just not like, like, it takes a while for it to get like nasty. Yeah, yeah. Like, definitely there's a, there's a scent coming off of me, but I don't think it's.

But are you someone, because, okay, when I even get a whiff, a tiny whiff of my B.O, I'm in a bad mood. Like, I hate it. I have to shower. I have to fix it. But there are some people who like their BO. I don't mind my BEO. but if I'm getting real stinky where I'm like other people can smell this

I'm disturbed. It only bothered me when I was pregnant but I will say like six months ago or before I got pregnant I ran into an ex and he literally was like he like smelled my B.O. And like put his nose there

and I was like this is wow. Like he was enjoying it? Yeah, but that's a biological match. But then Dave doesn't like it. Is that bad? Yeah. Well, to be fair, you did say you didn't shower for three weeks after you gave birth. Okay, but this was not that.

Oh, okay. That's kind of cool. This is just your everyday. It is rock star. It is so rock star. So gnarly. Oh, I do want to like just make a note that I do know how to use body wash now. I do wash my ass and stuff like that.

Here's the thing. It's like, it doesn't even matter. You look like you wash yourself. Yeah. And for me, I'm like, I'm a stinky girl. Like, I'm not, like, my hygiene is pretty low. Like, I don't. shower that often, but I'm like, as long as I don't look like I don't shower that often,

I'm okay with it. Cleanliness is big by looks. Yeah, big by looks. I'm in the wrong room, guys. Or smell. I'm like so triggered right now. Well, or smell. Like, if your breath doesn't smell and you don't smell, I don't really care what you do in

your shower or outside of your shower. Yeah, I think if it doesn't, if I'm not personally, you know, having to suffer through your lack of hygiene, then I'm cool. There was a guy I used to hook up with back in. the day and he smelled so bad and he wasn't a dirty guy but he just had strong B-O and it was like any time we would hook up I couldn't get his smell off of me no matter how much I showered and I like he was so nice so sweet but I was like I can't keep smelling like this you know this is exactly okay and not to you met a guy that I once dated not that long ago and not okay I know and his

His B-O was just like that, where it was like, I could, I started to smell like him and that's when I knew I needed to just break up. I'm like, this can never be. And I would buy him all. I remember buying him glycolic acid to wipe his armpits every day just as an experiment. Because I'm like, what is coming out of you? Like, is this like, I honestly thought like demon, like there was something satanic about him. And here's what I connected. I connected to dots. I was like, I'm so crazy. I was like, is this guy a demon? And his number was 808 and then six, six. I know, yes. And I was like, he's the devil, and that's why he smells like this. I used to date a guy who was just white, but into Japanese people, and he didn't smell good. You know, he shouldn't. He doesn't deserve to smell good because he fetishizes.

Yeah, yeah, he totally. He's a creep. But he was dating you. Yeah, and he was, dude. What do you show you pictures of his exes? Did you have to, like, go through a Gwen Stefani hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I see remnants of it with the balance.

Yeah. Dude, I fucking, it was, it was kind of weird because I could tell he was into like, or not using, he was used to being like the dominant like, oh, let me teach you about the world because you don't speak English, but like I spoke English and like I was his age. You know, I kind of like that though. And it was, it was kind of interesting. He also is like nationally ranked in Donkey Kong and was like a huge gamer. And his room, you guys, his room was lined with every source. sort of character from like Nintendo of all time. I'm like, how old was he? He was my age at the time, so we were both like 26 or something.

But then he was also really hot. So stressful. It's stressful. He had a letter from the, I was going to say, principal of Nintendo. Was it president of Nintendo? Damn. Rinned out to him because he wins so much Donkey Kong.

And I'm like, this is not. I can't tell if that's like an ick or kind of sexy. It's kind of sexy. Donkey Kong is what makes it kind of cute. Yeah. Like if it was like, if it was like World Warcraft. Red Dead Redemption or like some like, you know, first shooter, you know, like.

Stop this. This is video games. But is Donkey Kong? Easy for you to say you're. I dated a gamer. No, but the man you're with now is like literally a hunter, a fisherman. Like he's so useful. Like you cannot be pointing women in the direction of gamers.

I'll tell you. But there are tears to this. There's levels to the game, right? You have guys who like literally scream at each other all day. Call of duty. Yeah, call it. It's like, in the game, they're hunter gatherer, resourceful people, but in real life they're not. Whereas Donkey Kong is like, it's just for fun.

It's kind of cute. There's a cuteness to Donkey Kong. It's hard. It's a hard game too. Just on that out there. I think it, yeah. I think it requires a certain level of. It's like one of those classic arcade games that's hard to do, like Tetris.

But the, the fact that he only dated Asian girls before you is so funny. I mean, he, he wanted to like, have a full that was when I lived in Boston for a little bit but I'm like I can't live in Boston and just be your white Asian girlfriend it's hard to be a white Asian girlfriend it really is there was a lot to live up to and a lot of a lot of ramen so I mean imagine if you like wake up one day it's your birthday and like in the bathroom there's just a kimono hanging there no oh my babe here's what I got you can you try this on and try bowing for a second This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

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Tuesday for 27% offsidewide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you, helixleep.com slash Trash Tuesday. What is it like being like a pretty blonde girl in New York City? Oh my God, really bad. Thank you for asking. I honestly don't think I'm any, I don't think I'm ugly by any means, but I don't think I'm anything to write home about when it comes to like other blonde girls.

I kind of look like every single blonde girl, you know? Do you like date? Do you get hit on everywhere you go? Not really. I mean, by absolute like psychopaths. Like it's usually like, and I say this with love and respect, it's usually like people who don't speak English and people who are like, I've had guys who like. What language are they speaking?

I have no idea, but they come up from behind me. Just not English. Just not English. And they'll be like, you date me. And like, and that's like a real thing that like happens sometimes. just like, because they're trying to like approach me, but they just don't. I could picture you having like an Eastern European lover. Like I imagine like a Polish man being obsessed with you.

Oh, I love that. I did date a German for a little bit. And he was, he was hot. But then he was a trifling German. I love a trifling German. Because they hardly trifle. Yeah. But when they do, they trifle hard.

They trifle. He was so mean. He fucking like we were cute. It was cute. We would go to the post. he'd make me read with him he was like we go to the park and that's so weird i know it was kind of weird can he make you pay for half no he he was actually really wealthy because his his uncle is like the cfo of paypal so he was really wealthy um but he was buy which i'll never do a buy guy again

because it was the first time i ever got jealous like i'm usually never jealous of like other I'm never jealous of women but I am jealous of men because like I can't be a guy. You're never jealous of women? Not in a romantic sense. Wait, okay, we have to talk about this. Yeah. Because first of all, I could, I'm the most jealous of like other girls.

Oh, yeah. I am if it comes to like talent. No, no, no. This is like we've been waiting to talk about this. We've been waiting. It's almost like you just perfectly. Okay. Basically, there's been this huge jealousy conversation on TikTok.

What happened was this. girl was like, I just want to come forward and say that I am a jealous friend. Oh, yeah. And she like confesses all this stuff about how she was really jealous of her friend for years and she resented her. And, you know, she said that this girl had like the career she wanted, but she just got it really easy. And it was just a really difficult friendship to maintain. They're not friends anymore. And then the first reaction is a lot of people being like, wow, praising her for being so open and honest like that's so cool it's so vulnerable whatever and then comes the other way of people that are like no why do we give people a pass just because they're honest about being jealous like you can be

envious of someone's life but when you're like actively their friend and you're jealous of them you're obviously subconsciously whatever it is you're going to be mean yeah you're going to literally low-key hate them yeah and even in the way this girl described her jealousy of the friend people pointed out, you're like, oh, her career was just handed to her. It's like, is that, how do we know? Like, that's your view of what it is. And when does that ever truly happen unless you're like a nepo, even even nepo babies? Like, when is it ever just handed to you?

Well, I thought this, just to clarify, I thought jealous friend, like I'm jealous when my friends hang out with other people. I'm not jealous of my friends like success. I'm more like, I hear what you're saying. That can, that's so relatable. Yeah, I feel like everyone can feel like the other week, my best friend, like we've been best friends since 14th, my first American friend when I moved from the Philippines, she was playing mahjong with some other moms that I don't know. And I'm like, why?

Yeah. Why are you doing that? And now I'm like, do I need to learn mahjong? Yeah. Like, do I need to like infiltrate this mahjong ring? Right. But that's so, and it's like, I love her. I would never break up the majeong ring and call the cops on them.

But still, it's like, I think that's so normal to be like, wait, that's my, that's my best friend. Like, who are these people? Is jealousy in general normal? Yeah. I think so. But I think, like, to what you're talking about, I think it's like, it's okay to have, like, a twinge, a tinge, a tinge, twinge, tinge. What is it? Twinge, I think.

A twinge of jealousy. because there's like of course sometimes especially like in comedy when everyone's doing the same thing it's like sometimes a friend will like get something that I'm like a little bit jealous of but then I'm like oh I'm so glad that it's my friend who's getting this like it doesn't really like stay within me yeah yeah I think there has to be some level of like deep reflection if it is in fact your friend and if you are feeling so nasty about it you really need to unpack that and because that's not their problem at all. And you're right, it does seep into their relationship. And then you subconsciously try to destroy them even if you don't want them. Even if that's not, if you're that jealous of your

friend, that's not your friend. And that you're actually, yeah, you're secretly trying to destroy them. Right. And it's probably, it's like the worst thing you could do, I think. And you have to stop being friends with them. That's what people were saying about this girl. They're like, you were low key, like a bad energy in your friend's life for like a while. The people I'm jealous of aren't my friends. They're like acquaintances. Like you're here. That's what you work with.

Yeah. That's more normal. Now the other thing is this is something I'm so guilty of is all I like if I have if I have a thing with someone where it's like weird or like I hear they've said something mean about me like I am. It's very easy for me to like. Okay. They're jealous of me.

Yeah. That's like what I jump to. And now like people are sort of asking the question. like do you secretly like it when someone is jealous of you which I hadn't thought about but then I'm like I guess I do like because I jumped to that as like almost maybe my own defense as to why they would like not like me I don't know that's the only reason I mean I I do that all the time if it's like there's no reason why this person person shouldn't like me they're either jealous it's either jealous or insecurity it's like hand in hand and there's really no other option other than like maybe they just you remind them of someone they don't fuck with or something. Right. Or of themselves. I feel like whenever I don't like someone, it's like usually because they do something that I'm

either that I want to do, but I'm too embarrassed or something. Or it's like something that I don't like about myself that they're comfortable with. Yeah. And I don't understand that part. And I like I get the concept of like they're mirroring a attribute like something I fucking hate when people like fill in silence or just like over talk. Oh my God. Yeah.

Or like have no social awareness of like chat just being overly chatty and not like picking up the vibes like I don't want to talk right now and you're annoying me at the same time. Like I'm so afraid of talking too much and being too annoying and being too much and being too whatever but it's like where where does that like am i jealous that they get to do that but even though i hate that they're doing this right now the whole chatty thing i don't know i think that's just annoying it is it is annoying but i know what you're saying on the like i remember when i was like high high in my um deep i should say deep in like eating issues like when i was like in college i was you know gaining weight whatever that was when i was the most judgey of other people's bodies

I'd be like, they're fat, they're fat, they're fat. But it's like because I absolutely hated myself so much. So like that feels more, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're, you're shining bright, like me. I don't want to, I don't know. Maybe actually I don't make, that doesn't make sense because people are just annoying. No, it's true.

It's always when you feel the shittiest about yourself that you're going to be the shittiest to other people, I think. I'm curious to hear from you because you've been an outsider, like, but within our industry. because you're not a comedian, but you've like... I don't feel anything that you're feeling. No, I know. But this is why, like, I love where I'm at, because I'm just such on the periphery of things. But what have you seen?

But, like, I think that, like, universally, now that I've been around, like, comics for so long, that I haven't met one comic that isn't jealous of at least one other comic. Yeah. And I feel like that's so normal because you guys are all chasing a very similar path, right? And I think that happens in. all fields, whether you're a doctor, you're a comic, a teacher, whatever. It's like, that's just, I think, human, like, nature to feel that type of thing. But the question of, like, do I like

the feeling of when someone, and I think someone is jealous of me? I don't default to that immediately when someone's like, oh, when I hear that someone doesn't like me, I usually start beating myself up first, where I'm just like, why don't they, what is it about me? And then when someone's like, oh, they're jealous of you, it is a relief when I think that might be the case. But I don't jump to that like immediately. I'm always so like self like I persecute myself first. I'm like, oh, like. But then it's like, so if someone's jealous of you, but then they're also shitty and they're being like a dick, that sucks. I'm like, don't just, I would rather you be nice to me than be jealous of me because like this is like so obvious. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So. And what I realized is like if I'm

jealous of someone, the easiest way for me to get over that is to like be nice. to them and to be like... Don't feed into it maybe. Yeah, because I'm like, oh, well, obviously I'm jealous because they're doing something I want to do. And so like, why don't I get lunch with them? Because then it'll like normalize... Yeah, humanize them. And also it's like a way to be like excited, like change the jealousy into like excitement. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And also, I think I like, I think I used to definitely want people to be jealous because it meant that I was doing something that people want to be doing. Like it was a way for me to validate what I was doing in a way. But then I

realized I didn't actually like that because I felt like when I was doing cool stuff, I would feel bad about it. Like if people would be like, what are you up to? Oh my God, I used to. Wait. I used to be like, oh my God, well this, this and this. And then they would have like some weird negative reaction. And I felt bad about it. And so then I'd be like, not much. And I'm like, that's not fair to me. Now I'm minimizing. You play down. Yeah. That's happening. That is so real. I like literally forgot about that. But that's the whole concept of like,

um, be careful who you share good news with. Yeah. Yeah. And that sucks too because it's like I feel like I live that all the time. Not that like my life is you play yourself down. But I'm always playing myself down. Always being,

oh my God. And I'm like, I'm not doing that anymore. And it's not like I'm not going to like overly brag or be like in your face, bitch. Like here's what's going on with me. But I'm like, I'm allowed to be excited for things that I'm excited about and how people react to that is only a reflection of them.

You need to be my life coach. That was so good. Her and I cannot do that. Like for some, anytime we talk to each other, how's this going? You know. And it's like, no, you have a movie coming out or no. And like we, it's hard to like say it out loud and that's not right. That's not right.

You should be able to celebrate yourself. It didn't feel like I was honoring. my truth, so to speak. And I'm like, I shouldn't be like, not much. It's okay. Because I'm like, that's not cool. Yeah, we both really do. Because I'm like, your brand is coming out

in Sephora. I'm like, I'm not them. What do you mean you're a loser? Like, what the fuck? Weird, right? Or even when like drugstore June was coming out and you're like, yeah, you just didn't want to talk about it. I'm like, what's going on? Now I am going from like, I like, I like, people are jealous to realizing like maybe I'm like afraid of it.

And so I like you play yourself down. I don't know. This is, I don't know why. Well, it's, it's the other people's reaction of like, when they say things like,

oh, must be nice. Wow. I can't imagine. Right. You don't want to make someone feel bad. But that's on that. Like,

because it goes back to like the jealousy conversation. Like if someone shares good news or like something that I want that maybe they're getting, it's like, yeah, maybe for a second I'm like, oh, damn, I wish I could do that.

But then I'm like, that's so cool that you're like, Like I'm not gonna I don't want to shit on anyone's excitement That's so true And it's also like life and community To like hear what people are up to And share what you're up to

Like it's very human Yeah you know what You want to hear some loser-ass shit I used to do When I was more of like a jealous girlfriend type So I would um stalk an ex Of whoever I was dating Yeah But then to give myself a first like a

a P-O-V, I would then go back to my Instagram grid. Oh, yeah. And then look at my grid as if I were the, his ex, looking at my Instagram for the first time. Yeah. And I'd be like, okay, that's really hot. Oh, very, great caption. Yeah. Wow, she's smart.

Like, I, but it was to make myself feel better after seeing how clearly hot she was as well. I think that's good, though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. We all want to know how we're being perceived. I know, but it's like also very like, I know what the fuck I just posted for the last six years.

Like, but now I'm like picking it apart again. And I'm looking at the comments of like, you know, I'm like, why am I doing that? Yeah. Do you know that TikTok song that I want your things in my room? I stuck myself on the internet just to see what you'll find. No. It's so good. Oh, it's by Julia.

I think her name's Julia Faw. Or Julie, I think her name. name is Julia Fox on TikTok. But it's not the Julia Fox. It's not the Julia Fox. But yeah, it literally, it's a song literally about just talking yourself on the internet just to see like what your crush is going to see and like see it through their eyes. It's a really good song.

I'll send it to you guys don't do those. I don't feel. I feel like this is like a level of complexity that like men don't do. I can't imagine a man going through his grid and be like, I wonder what she sees for the first time. And unfortunately, like no shade. But like if a man is doing that, I'm terrified of him. Yeah.

That's like serial killer. Absolutely. Yeah, that's bad. I was talking to my friend about kind of this conversation last night. So like an old crush had a, has a new girlfriend that, you know, I wasn't really into him, but now he has it like a really hot new girlfriend. I was like, that's awesome. And also like why, like good for her.

But I feel like I still skated out free. And she was like, that's interesting because I feel like if I was you, I'd be like jealous that you passed up on the guy and now he has this like super hot girlfriend. And I'm like, no, I feel bad for her. You know, like I feel bad, but I'm like, you're not, you're not jealous of her. Not jealous of her at all. Yeah. Like if an ex dates a hotter girl, I'm like, good for you. I mean, I'm surprised that you could pull that high or you can fly that high. It also like speaks highly. of you if that's his bar. The guy I'm seeing now, if I were to go through his like roster of like exes or whatever, if they were all like goat, like if they were all just like you know, I don't know why I said goats. Because I was the greatest of all time. Maybe he might be confused.

But if they all, you know, weren't of a, but they're all gorgeous. Yeah. It does make me feel better. I'm like, you know what? Yeah. Yeah. Because that means in my head, if someone I'm dating all of their exes were hot and smart and successful, Then I would be like, well, even if I'm the ugly one, that's still as good. I am not on board with you guys at all here. You guys are sick.

You want ugly exes? Of course. I need to be the prize above all. But you already know you're there. Even in that roster, if I'm looking at, they're all cute. But like, I know like I'm the prize still. They don't all have to be, you know, trolls for you to feel like the prize. For me, they do.

Okay. We're different. We're in different classes. So do you want to be, like, do you like to be the hot one in the relationship or, you know what I'm saying? Like, oh, do you want your partner to be more ugly or hotter? Yeah. But Esther, I have a question for you. I think ugly.

Like, do you want to be like, the thought is like, you couldn't pull better than that? You better not be able to. No. This should be an, it should feel like an accident that you found me. It should be a miracle error. Like, no. There's, you guys are, you got it all wrong. You got it all wrong.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. May is Mental Health Awareness Month. I wish every month was, but here we are. And it's a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a journey. Sorry to use the J word. Look, some days feel good. Most days feel overwhelming for me.

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Or you guys eat bananas? We just eat bananas. You don't have to. It's optional. That's kind of cool. It says, would you eat your own placenta? I have a story for you. Ew, I don't want to hear it.

Wait, I kind of want to eat my friends. Isn't it good for you? No, I want to drink her breast milk. That's very different. Well, if you want some. Very different. You have two flavors. Oh my God.

We should compare. Should we both go straight to the tap? Yeah. But you know, hers, because she has a newborn. aren't hers will be so much more nutritional and like packed full of... Wouldn't yours be like fattier now?

No, because my baby doesn't need my milk anymore for sustenance. Next time I come on, can you guys prepare milk and I'll blind drink it? Could I? Wait, that's genius. Would you let me? I would do a blind. I'm like close up by it.

Have you tried it? I haven't tasted it. It's very mild, sweet. People say it's sweet. It's like all the milk. That's cool. It's good for you. I don't know.

Maybe since it's coming out of you, you don't need it. Yeah. But what is it doing to me that like in the middle of the night, eight ounces of milk comes out of me? Eight ounces is coming out now? Well, in the middle of the night. Oh, yeah. It's a good pump.

In the middle of the night. It's a whole cut. Yeah, it's like creepy that I make. Are you creeped out that you make milk? It's gross. When I think about it that it pulls from your own blood. Ew. Oh, what?

No. Whoa. Conversation. How does your body. make milk. It pulls from your blood. And it puts together this mighty concoction of nutrients that keeps this little perfect baby alive is magic to

me. But when I think about it, the blood part, it makes me lightheaded. I'm like, stop saying it. So if I drink my friend's milk, then I would be drinking blood. Vampire bombs? Yeah. Oh my God, I have to take it. A banana break, for real. Banana break.

That's crazy. I still kind of want to. drink a little bit just to see if anything would if I feel different I think the blind test is a really good idea because I am why you know those videos where people you have the good stuff you have the like the liquid gold you know you don't have claustrum anymore yeah well wait you're six six weeks there's it's still going to be very different in um constitution than mine mine's probably just thin and like water at this oh my god wait if we do it we need to put like whole milk almond milk Old milk.

The lilacilil milk. Yeah. All the milks. That way I can like see if I even can tell the difference between that. Are all your friends with kids and stuff back home? Or wait, you're from here. Yeah. No one's got.

No one's got. Or at least they're not my friend. They're not your friend. I think like the median age of like a mom here is like 41 in LA. Oh, hell yeah. My friends from back home are doing it at my age. They're not? No, they are.

Like I feel like it's happening around the same time. is me. Have you heard that the middle child is going extinct? How so? Because people are kind of now only having two kids and so there's no middle child. That's probably good for humanity, right? Are you guys middle children? No. I'm the baby. I have a middle. I'm a middle. I'm a middle. You are? Oh shit. Are you fucked up from it? That explains a body wash thing. Yeah.

Wait, what does it? What do you have on other side? I have an older brother and a younger sister. The thing was, like, I was the most hated, um, member of my family for the majority of my life. And then somewhere, like, mid-20s, it's switched. And now my parents are like, you're our favorite. Wow. How did you do that? I don't know. I just kind of was like, fuck you guys. I'm fun. You guys are nothing without me. And then they're like, oh, yeah, actually. Um, I don't, I don't know. I think it's just different vibes. Both my siblings are like pretty autistic. And I'm the least autistic of them all. I realize that my

parents' love is conditional. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's very conditional because my parents have favorites based on what they can, like, get out of us. My dad has explicitly said if I didn't make money, he wouldn't, they wouldn't like me. Wait, do you have siblings? I have

an older half-sister. So, with my mom's. Yeah. He's, they've like made it clear. It's conditional. And with my mom, she won't say it, but for sure. Yeah. Really? Yeah, they only like me because I buy them stuff. That's like I'm like recreating. I'm trying to like recreate my childhood with them liking me and I do that by like treating them to stuff. You're buying their love. Yeah. And it's great. It's working and it's healing me. It's all good. I'm down to buy people's love. Absolutely. I don't have like that much money like money to give people but I'll give them like my time. That's love. That's yeah, you know. I'll give them. I'll give them. them like friendships and stuff like I'm overgiving in that way do you not feel like you're you buy your family's love not my mom's no because I feel like she really for as crazy as the lady is for

as much as she's put me through like I really have put her through like a bunch of shit and she is just there vacuuming every day my mom will never stop vacuuming yeah I feel like that is unconditional love it's like I could you know we could get into this big fight one second but she just continuously shows up and make sure that the house is clean that the like the foundation of where I'm how I'm living is taken care of and I feel that translates to me as like unconditional like love acts of service I yeah edit on the fly from what I said because my mom does listen and I feel like it's actually my insecurity that I feel like I need to have something to offer to be loved. I will say this though I wasn't my dad's favorite because I was very much like him

and we don't like bones of ourselves right. So I reminded him a lot of his young self and so he preferred my sister who was not as just didn't fight him on a lot of things like they would always be in the kitchen together. She would be his sous chef and I was just the like I was always like kind of just strongheaded opinionated and I I knew that I got that from him. So he kind of avoided me compared to my sister. Why do we hate clones of ourselves? I don't, to be clear. You're wrong.

I think that you would literally like take a hammer to her face for a second. I know you, if you were to see just another perfect version of you right now. No, I wanted. You'd kill her. No, you'd kill her. You'd burn her alive. I want a clone. I don't think so.

I don't believe you. Like, would you still want a clone if she, like, wanted nothing to do with you? She was just living like a completely different life. Because I think like a clone is fun if it's like that's my bestie. Yeah. But if they were just like doing their own thing but looked and acted exactly like me, I'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah.

Because here's the thing. There was this girl, Emily, in middle school. She came in halfway through the year. I have established myself in this grade in this class as like the class clown, the annoying girl, not shutting up. Like that classroom was my theater. That was my stage. Emily comes in halfway through and guess what?

She's a brown-haired Jewish, annoying bitch like me. And I was like, what? Excuse me? And she would not shut up and she was always cracking jokes and I'm like, fuck this bitch. I've been setting it up for myself to be you. I hated her. I was like, I cannot believe this.

And then one day, one day we both. both go to the nurse's office unrelated and we end up like vibing she made me laugh I made her laugh and I was like fuck I actually I love this woman and we ended up like becoming great friends because of that but it started it was an enemies to lover situation that's so interesting because she was my clone could you be best friends with yourself could you be best friends with your clone. And I think that, I think that just like human nature doesn't allow for that. Because even when you look for a mate, I think that inherently even without knowing, you choose the opposite traits of what you have to kind of balance out genetics, right? And so I think the same with ourselves. Like, I don't think

that you can be best friends immediately with someone that is exactly like you because you need to offset your own fuckery with something else. And you're like, I already have all this. Dude, all my friends in New York, they're like so fucking tall. They're all tall, tall girls. I'm like, I feel like I'm 5'4. Oh, cute. I'm tall. I'm short. But then I come to L.A. and I'm with my shorties and I'm like, this is who I'm meant to be with.

Yeah. Wait, do you know about these, the tall guys? What? They've just infiltrated my Instagram algorithm. I see the tall people parties. Yes. Yes. Yeah, the tall tour.

It's these guys who throw these parties for like giant people. So it's like you have to be at least 6-1 as a guy And at least 5-8 as a woman So I qualified to be a tall girl It is so weird that you're tall I seem like I'd be short Yeah, you don't seem like you're tall Yeah, I'm like 5-8-ish

And you seem like you'd be tall You don't seem like you'd be short That's what everyone says Yeah Whenever they like meet me in person They think I'm like six foot But I think it's because I've been raised by tall girls So I'm like a kitten being raised by dogs

And so I'm acting tall because I'm... You're acting tall. Because all my... I swear to God, oh my... There's like this picture of like me and my friends recently. And they are giants. They're just like... What?

They're like 5, 10 and above. Naturally tall people intimidate me and that pisses me off. Because I feel like a little pipsqueak. Yeah, but I feel like that's so cute to be tiny girl with tall girls. Yeah. It's like without even like trying. kind of like pick me girl it's like look at how small I am i definitely act short yeah you fee yeah i'm like

i've got i'm a well-rounded short person i'm like i'm like i'm like a small dog yeah yeah chihuahua i feel like i need to lean into my shortness more yeah yeah my sister's six feet whenever i see a tall girl with a tall guy like i feel like that's how god made that's the blueprint that's what it's supposed to be yeah that's what that's what that's what it's supposed to be. I don't like seeing tall dudes naked. I've said this before on the show. Wait,

what do you mean? It makes me the fuck out. Tall guys. It grosses me out. I cannot do it, you guys. They're like so long. It's just, why are you? Why is there so much meat everywhere?

It's just doesn't, it's not my thing. It could be, I know that everyone in LA is a height elitist and girls love tall guys. My maximum is like 6-2. Yeah. If you are above 6-2, I never want to see you naked. I never want to see you naked.

It's so uncomfortable. For me. I could be with someone who's like 7-2. What? Whoa. I could be with like a freak, like an oddity. Dude, you want a great day. Yeah, I wouldn't mind that.

Is that because you're tall and you've always wanted to feel small? No, unfortunately, I'm calling myself out. I think it's because I love attention so much that if I had like a boyfriend or someone who is like a freak height, then like people would be like, oh my God. Like, they would just have so many questions for me. It adds to the conversation. Yeah. Yeah, I like that a lot.

Yeah. But don't let that. and get you pregnant. It will break you. I think my vagina is capable. Yeah, I believe in your vaginas. Yeah. I think I have a... A tall vagina. Yeah.

Yeah. I think it's like a weight bearing of vagina. Yeah. Do you want babies? The resident mothers have to ask. I'm sorry. I feel like, yeah, I would with like the right person. And guys, recently guys have been, like, guys I date have been asking me, like, do you want kids? Do you want kids? Yeah, and I'm like, yeah, I guess, yeah, just with the right person.

You give mom vibes. I do. Yeah, you give, like, cool mom vibes. Like, I picture you, like, smoking a cigarette, like, in the car with the child. Yeah. But it's, like, cool. It's not, like, in a bad way. I would imagine I would want to be, like, best friends with my kids.

But, like, I don't know. Again, it depends on the person. I don't want to have, like, some random baby daddy that, like, I'm just, like, attached to. And they suck. and they've ruined my life, you know? Like, I really want it to be, like, intentional. And, you know, relationships are difficult, but I do think, like, kids, this sounds maybe, like, crazy, but I do feel like little babies, they like seeing, like, two people, you know,

together. Like, and it sucks if it doesn't happen that way. But there's something in a baby's brain that likes when there's, like, two parents. Yeah. Also, I have major regrets about how, like, used to speak about being child free when I was child free. I used to say it like because now I think about it differently from both sides for so long. I didn't have a kid until I was 39.

But for so long I was part of that child free argument and being so cocky and being so just like I don't like kids. But after some maturation and after growing up a little bit, I realized that people who don't like kids and who are very anti-mother are actually misogynists. I think that if you do not like kids, that's fine. Don't have them for yourself. But I truly feel like it is your job as a part of this bigger society to be kind to mothers, to be kind to children. And to just participate in this like communal loving of this young thing that's so pure. And I regret being that girl. I'm so shameful of being like look at me i remember 2020 COVID came like oh what a time to be child childless or something

like that i was just such a bitch and cock and i had friends who were moms and i would speak about my child free life not in like a kind way and i'm like so i'm like why did i do that i was so we i have like a very like strange opposite to that which is that like because covid like obviously like all the parents were like oh my god this is great like this is too much because they had no help and no school. I remember feeling like I was like jealous because they're getting like all this special time with their children. But now that I have kids, I'm like, no, that's too hard. Yeah. That is actually too hard. And it's not supposed to be like that. And that's like another big shift for me is I used to be like, why do parents always like can't wait for the baby to nap? Like don't you love your baby? And I'm like,

it's exhausting. No. I'm like, this is so hard. Like you need those break. I know this is a different conversation, but I have a question for the mothers. I love babies so much. I'm obsessed with babies. I love them. Wow. Here's the problem. I want to hold everyone's baby, but how would you feel if you didn't know me and say we're

at, I don't know, all time? All time. And you have a baby and I come up and I go, can I hold your baby? What's your thought? What goes through your head? I'm also very paranoid and I have like really bad. postpartum anxiety. So it's like the doctor can hardly hold my baby. So but that's not a you thing. It's just it's a me issue that I'm working through. I think if I like know you're not going to steal my

baby. Yeah. Then I don't really care. But like the first I let you hold my, you met my baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is kind of a baby. That is kind of a red house. But you know what's really sweet I find is when you see like a family or a mom on the plane and they're struggling. On the plane, I always tell the mom. And it's like, hey, like if you need to go to the bathroom. Yeah. room like I got you it's like where am I gonna go with your baby yeah yeah yeah in that situation I think it's so appropriate and so sweet and also if someone were to ask me like hey like I got you if it was like a person sitting next to me just like hey your baby can cry I don't care I would cry in my state I'd like thank you so much because that's such a big thing we worry

about right it's like who are we bothering yeah yeah I love when I'm sat by a mom and a baby me too anyone ever taking me up on that yes really yes I have offered that and people look at me like I'm crazy. Really? Because you look like you're 13. Yeah. And they're like, I'm not going to let this child hold my baby. They look at me like, like, I'm saying, I'm like, I have a baby at home.

I know. And then I'm like, I feel like a pervert. Yeah. Because I'm like, please let me hold your baby. They're like, why are you, why do you want this so bad? And I'm like, I'm an aunt. I have nieces and nephews. No, but I think that's so sweet, Allie.

If you were like someone on my plane and you were like, hey, it would nothing would make me feel more warm and fuzzy, I think. The way I kind of go about it is like I'll let the baby choose. Yeah. When a baby catches. The baby's vibe in. Yeah. Babies kind of vibe with me pretty hard.

And they'll like, once they catch my eye, they're like, I want her 100%. And then I'm like, your baby would like to be with me. Isn't it crazy though? Like my babies do like pretty people. It's like I hate that. That's a truth. But it's like, oh, fuck. Is it because I'm pretty?

I thought I had like good energy years. I notice if my eyebrows aren't done, babies are terrified of me. That's so funny. Because I think it's like too harsh because my eyebrows are so dark and big. Yes, that I think it like kind of terrifies them. But when I like have them freshly done, babies are like, okay. I fuck with her. You can definitely come over and hold my babies anytime.

Please, please. Yeah. But I feel bad because I probably won't give Ace as much attention just because she's bigger. Yeah, that's fine. Because I really, I have like a window. I feel bad I have this friend who just had a baby and it's like not even a friend that I'm that close with but when I found out she was having a baby I like I like really solidified our friendship and so I've been going over but now her baby's getting big and she hit me up and she sent me a photo and I was

like I don't want to come over anymore I'm just like I love babies what's the win is it like six months and you're done no no six months is still really cute I would say like maybe a year and a half I'm like, yeah. When you get into toddler phase, you're like, once they're like kind of talking and moving, I'm like, this isn't fun. I kind of like, I have a, I have a friend who has like a two-year-old and, yeah, kind of like a one one and a two, maybe three, who knows. But they are fun because you can wrestle them and you can like fucking really throw them around

and they fucking love that. See, like that's fun in a different way. Like I can appreciate that. But like what really like warms my heart is just being able to hold a baby. and feel like I am purposeful in this world. We are two different moms. This is a thing because it was Chrissy Teigen, who everyone's favorite tweeter said,

she's like, you're either a toddler mom or you're a baby mom. I'm a baby mom. Yeah. Oh, I'm a toddler mom. I'm totally a toddler mom. Yeah, I'm terrified of fragile things. And while I loved holding my baby, I was just so scared of hurting my,

but now that he's a toddler, The wrestling. The fact that they can like, yeah, throw him on the bed and do these stunts. Like, yeah. That's a little bit more like,

okay, I can breathe now. Like he's a hearty thing. Yeah. You sound more like a dad. Like you're like how dads play with your kids. I honestly am. The last time I was with my friend,

we were playing, I made it up. We play Shrek where I pretend he can jump really far. And then the last one, I just fucking chuck him at the couch. And he like fucking loves it. He's so cute.

I want to get Chuck. at the couch. I know. It's a fun game. If you find a 7-2 guy. Yes. That's what he'll do to you. You know what I think about 7-2 guys. It's like, I just don't like the way they move necessarily. I know. The body's all like, okay, so you can spike a ball or dunk like. They have to walk with their hands. Yeah, yeah. And poor things, like the world is just not built for them. So like, you know, and they die earlier. They die early. Their heart's not pumping, right? They take up the whole bed. I just, I missed the feeling. of getting, like being in a pool and getting thrown.

Yes. Like that's cute. You know, like when your dad like pushes you. Yeah. That's what I want. I need that feeling. I can do that for you. Okay, let's go.

Yeah, we, I have a very specific way. You just have to push off my knee. Okay. But I can still like launch you. Look out for that in our next page. Worst fear. Worst fear is being thrown in a pool. That's crazy.

You weren't pool girl. You didn't do mermaids? No. I can't get my ears underwater. I should have ear tubes as a baby. Wait, me too. Wait, really? Yeah.

You know, I have a hole in my eardrum so it can't go underwater until I get a surgery. I had my ear tubes taken out when I was little. Wait, what's an ear tube? I don't know. The eustacean tubes. You're a baby. I'm about to get an appointment for the eustation tube. Yeah.

Wait, what's that? Those are the tubes, the ear tubes. The tube. The station tube is what connects your throat to your ears. Why do you need a? Why does she need that? So I have like sudden onset, um, tenetis or is it? Oh, tinnitus.

Yeah. So like there's no tumor. There's no hearing loss. There's no like traumatic event. It's just ringing. I went on like a ski trip and I got a cold. And so like the altitude, I don't know. It can like fuck you.

It's been like that for like three years. And so now I'm going to this lady. So I think I think this is the answer though because all of my symptoms are like you station too. It's like high pressure. I hear sound way too much. Like, it's the opposite of hearing loss. Like, I hear everything really loudly.

I couldn't even cut on a board the other day. It was too loud. Whoa. Yeah, like chopping vegetables. I was like, ah, Jesus Christ. Oh, God. That's crazy. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you have, like, ringing in your ear now? Yeah, all times. But I can't hear it unless it's like really silent. Yeah. And I also got used to it. And one day it like went away for like a couple seconds and I freaked out. Yeah.

Because I'm not used to silence anymore. Yeah. So it's kind of crazy. My grandma, um, rest in peace was death her whole life and she had tinnitus. And I'm like, how sad that like she can't hear anything, but the only thing she could hear was just ringing. That's horrible. That would be terrible. I would lose my mind.

I mean, I, you definitely get used to it and eventually. you just accept but I do think this is once I get these tubes taken out I think it'll be good oh you're getting taken out or something I think they like clean them out actually because I think there's like a lot of pressure and build up and stuff that's so that's my enailment for right now congratulations your mom's getting her boobs done you're getting your ears done yeah yeah big stuff we have some like date ideas that are for girl dates I love a girl date me too this is kind of a girl day. This is kind of a girl day. I went on a girl date with Jordan in Austin. It was hilarious. We went shopping. Jordan Denton. Yeah, yeah. We weren't like close friends at the time, but like we

immediately fell into like a male, female, like role. Like she was the man. I was the woman. And I think maybe because I'm just like smaller and stuff. But it was so funny because I was just like following her around she was leading the conversation asking me like do you have brothers I love that and then we got snow cones after and watch the sunset I'm like oh my god this is actually beautiful yeah Waila will you take me on a girl date absolutely not I refuse I refuse why last episode she was saying she's not even dating her own man yeah I think that it's like you're going to be like let's go to um you know this mall and I'm just Just not a mall, girl.

I'll go. Well, let's see if we have some ideas that Esther could take you out of them. I probably also won't like what you plan. Right. And I'll have too many problems with it. Yeah, yeah. We're just not going to like the same things. I'd be like, Esther, let's do this thing at the beach and you're going to be like.

No sand. Yeah. Yeah. No. Policy. Okay, let's see. Okay. Go on a four mile walk.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what? Go on a four mile walksy coffee and then sip our coffee on the walk back. What? That sounds like a mile. poop my pants situation. It's like as soon as I have one sip, I'm going to poop my pants. Four miles. Four miles is insane.

If we knocked down one mile, then this is amazing. Here's my idea. Where are we walking? Here's my idea. For the coffee shop. I know, but like what are the vibes on the way there? This is like four hours. Yeah, that's insane.

Four fucking miles. Let's say you're in a city. No. Still no? No. Imagine the romance of New York City. Well, but here's the thing. Yeah.

It's not for like miles and miles. Yeah, I think I think you have to be like, let's walk. Who knows? We might end up walking a hundred miles. Yeah, yeah. But I don't want to go in with the mindset of we're doing four miles. Yeah. Or we got to hit 10K.

Yeah, no. Let's just walk and see what happens. 100%. You walk until you're done talking shit. I like the fixed amount because then the person can't escape. It's like, this is the plan and you're not leaving. Okay? Palila.

This is the plan. Okay, get dressed up and go to an open house. I don't know why we have to get dressed up. I love an open house, but I have never once dressed up for any viewing of a home. No. I mean, it's LA too. I want to have a pretty woman moment. I want to look like this and go to a baller house and be like, how much is it?

Yeah. Oh, that's it? I'll pay double. Yeah. But I do love an open house. Yeah. I haven't been to one, I don't think, ever. How long are you in town?

I'm going to two this weekend. You are? Yeah, one in Eagle Rock, one in Al-Sadena. I just like going to them. I know. It's an activity. It's probably fun here. Same.

This is what I would do. I would knock this wall down. You get to, it's like the only time in adulthood where you get to really use your imagination. It stimulates creativity. Yeah, you get to play house. What would I do in this room? You're like, oh, maybe I'll bake cookies in the kitchen. Who would I be?

Yeah. Where would we fight? Yeah. Go to a Mexican restaurant Only get chips drinks and salsa I like that I love that That's a classic

I imagine I will end up getting enchiladas or a barita But I like being like This is just what we're doing Yeah Like at the second hour you order Your enchiladas Deep clean the entire house together

Then get takeout Watch a movie And then enjoy the clean house Yes Yes This is ideal I'm out on the cleaning though Do we have to clean

I love cleaning, yes. What if you cleaned and I just talked to that? That works. Okay, I would like that. You would have to be useful in some way if I'm like, can you like get a, like, you just open the garbage bag and I dump things. Yeah. Like, you can't just be sitting.

No, I'd be an assistant. But you don't need to be like so involved. Okay. Yeah. I love a double clean. I love blasting music. But it has to be a designated day like admin day. Yeah.

It can't just be like, I have to clean today. It's like, nope. We plan for Saturday. We're going to play these songs. We're going to eat this at night. And then fresh sheets at the end of the day. Oh, yeah. There's nothing better.

Fresh sheets, bloody sheets, crummy sheets. It doesn't really make that big of a difference. Let's not overplay it. Pottery making class. Not for me too high pressure. Like I'm down to do that, but I don't need to make a date of it. Like that's something I'm down to do on a whim on my own. Yeah.

Yeah, it's a little too like overstimulated. I don't need to like invite the girls. Yeah. As someone with hyperhydrosis and sweaty palms, like already this is like. No, that's perfect for it. I know, but it's just the sensory thing of having the, it's a nightmare for me. But I do love like watching like when people glaze their. That's my entire TikTok algorithm is just pottery.

Well, maybe you can skip the pottery and just go to the glazing. Uh-huh. Wait, side note, is anyone reading Lena Denham's book? No, no. It's so good. You all have to. But she says that she has Eller Danans. Oh, yeah.

You have that too? My sister does. I don't know if I do. I just have hyper mobility. What is it? It's basically, it's a connective tissue disorder. And there's levels to it, right? Sometimes it connect.

It could be as simple as you have hypermobile joints and it stays right there. You're just like a little more rubbery. Yeah. Or you have stretchy skin. Or it could then affect your heart and your actual connective tissue and organs and things like that. But my sister has it a little bit more complex than mine. But if you have ailer's, you probably.

have other autoimmune stuff as happening as well. But she has AILA Jemila Jamil has it. She's classically Ailer's. I don't understand like what it is still. You're just like you didn't like this when I did the peace sign. So freaky.

That's, whoa, do that again. Oh, yours are pretty wide too. Oh my God, the things I can do with my toes is crazy. Show us. Do you have it? Thank you. Geez. Oh, my God, this video is going to get so many views.

Look at this. The separation. I can do that. You can do that? Yeah. I'm not too impressed. You're not too impressed? Check that out.

No? That's actually pretty good. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's getting a little weird. Oh, you can do a little claws. Kind of cool. Wait, wait. People don't like that.

Can you do the flower hands like this? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I can only do it. I can't do the popping. We're Jewish. We can't participate. We don't have these skills.

It's weird because I have hypermobility in some positions and then very stiff with like my hamstrings. Doesn't hypermobility, though? also mean and I'm not this is not a stone I'm throwing yeah doesn't it like correlate with weakness oh yeah are you kidding me my sister like many on several different occasions in our she has sprained her ankles both ankles at the same time doing nothing just like standing there it just gives out yeah my ankles just give out maybe you have ailer i think wait what is they like okay you need some milk I think I have some mommy milk I do

I think I have ailer's yeah for sure Yeah but that's usually a sign Like people just hurting you're right It's not a good thing to have no stability in your joints Yeah so I've always been told like I'm so flexible and people are like That means you're weak Yeah it's actually not a great thing

I'm flexible too Okay Can you do the splits? I've always wanted to be able to do the splits I can't do that Whoa Pretty cool Even at the ripe age of 38

You're 38 Yeah Whoa Isn't that crazy? I mean, it's crazy. Say more. You said you used to be 39. I know, it's insane.

What? Yeah. I'm in my 40s now. Yeah, that's so crazy. Thank you. Wow. Are people just aging better overall because of like. It must be.

I think this is good lighting in here. They were also saying because we were like the first generation I didn't really smoke. That might have someone doing it. But it's also like vibe based, you know. I agree. I agree. Like you guys wear your age. younger. Like even if like you guys looked old and haggard like I think just your

personalities and your vibes. Yeah you guys have young personalities. Yeah that's true. We're definitely of the Peter Pan variety of yeah not wanting to fully grow up. For sure. And I think that's overall just like a millennial train. Are you guys not millennials? I'm millennial. I think I'm like Gen Z cusp. You're Gen Z. How old are you? I'm 20 or no my God I'm 30. I'm 32. Yeah, I'm like right. I feel like you guys are Gen Z.

Because I'm 1995. I think 96 is like what they say. Yeah, but because I have two older sisters, I feel like I relate more to the millennial, but I also understand the Gen Z. Okay, this one is sit outside and eat brunch in 85 degree weather.

Absolutely not. It's too hot. What are you talking about? Unless we're in the shade and there's like a mystery and a fan. dare. It's like a fear factor challenge. Yeah, absolutely not. I have to really like love your company and we have to be besties.

The sweat. Once I hit like 75 degrees, like my face, I'm not really like a sweater beyond that, but then once 75 degrees my face just drips and it won't stop dripping. Oh, interesting. And then I can't stop. Like I don't really sweat in my armpits, but in my face it'll just, that sounds so good for your skin. Yeah.

It's probably why your skin's really good. It's why I have young hands because my hands sweat. My hands are clammy. But then how young do your hands look? Because like Korean women always compliment my hands because they're like, oh, you have not a single. You have baby hands. You have beautiful hands. Thank you.

Whoa. I do, but it's a sweating. Yeah. Thank you. I don't know if I have young looking hands. You do. I have man hands right now. No, they're pretty.

Thank you. Go to the beach for four hours together and then come home and take a nap. But what are you doing at the beach for four hours? laying, eating a sand away. Getting a sunburn getting sand. No, you have a... With an umbrella. You have an umbrella. You have a chair.

Diving. What if you need to go to the bathroom or eat something? You go in the water. You pee in the ocean. You pee in the ocean. What if you have to poop. You poop in the ocean. You bury it.

You guys. Can I tell you what it's like to poop in the ocean? What? It's a lot harder than most people think. Oh, I bet. Because it floats. Well, no, it's like you actually have to overcome the pressure of the water. So pushing is not regular pushing.

You have to push. Real hard. Wow. And that's not good. I don't think I could do that. I did that once when I was young when I was like swimming and then I didn't know that it would float. And it floated. And then someone was like, Mom, a turtle.

I'm like, oh, fuck. A turtle. Oh my gosh. Okay, we have to wrap it up. This has been such a good, chill girl day. Yeah. Girl dates. Yeah.

Thanks for having me. Wait. So are you guys on tour? What's going on with your stand-up life? Yeah, a little bit. I am going to be in Houston, May 1st and second, and then I'm going to be in New Hampshire, Portsmouth, and then Boston, and then opening for Michael Costa in Vermont. I love Michael Costa. He's the best. He's such a funny.

He's from Illinois. Yeah. Whoa. He went to University of Illinois. It was like a tennis star. Yeah. Yeah. He's so funny.

He's the best. I'm going to be in New Orleans. I'm going to be in Denver. I'm going to be in Chicago. Where are you please? Zanis. Oh, yes. And then Detroit, San Diego, go to Ali Mokovsky.com and come to a show.

What else do we have to say? I have nothing. Buy Ebb. Go by Ebb. We're at Sephora. Bye Ebb. I love Ebb. Ebb is in Sephora.

It's amazing. It's Kalila in a bottle. My dream. Smells so good. And I've got nothing going on for a while. Yay. Fuck yeah. But we have a page.

Patreon and there's that's linked below and there's some juicy stuff there and we'll see you guys next week with the brand new episode. Thank you to our guests.