Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Ian Fidance & Maddi Mays Make Jaime Garcia Question Reality

Episode Date: October 13, 2026

BTS, BONUS CONTENT AND MORE! Only on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/TrashTuesdayPodcast    Ian Fidance and Jaime Garcia are back, and they’ve brought along our new fave, Maddi Mays! From breakup chronicles, feet pics, t*ts, and BBLs to Maddi’s hot mom, tonsil stones, and Jaime’s existential meltdown, we cover it ALL!!A message to our queen @theestallion : if you’re reading this, PLEASE DM IAN BACK. 👑🙏 Thank you to HERS -  Visit Https://forhers.com/trashtuesday  to get personalized, affordable care for weight loss, hair, menopause, and more.Thank you to BETTERHELP-   Sign up and get 10% off your first month at https://www.BetterHelp.com/TRASHTUESDAYMORE MADDI!https://www.instagram.com/maddimays/?hl=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@artofmaddimays?lang=enMORE IAN!https://www.ianfidance.com/https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/?hl=enhttps://www.youtube.com/@ianfidancecomedyhttps://www.youtube.com/@BeinIanPod MORE JAIME!https://www.instagram.com/thejaimegarcia/https://www.youtube.com/@TheFatFishPodcast FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday MORE ESTHER:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonster Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/ MORE KHALYLA:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/ Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A   PRODUCTION:Studio Ten42: https://www.instagram.com/studioten42/ Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/ Arielle Jade (Editor): https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/ Elisa Hernandez Kohler: https://www.instagram.com/ellie.lianna/ Megan Clements:  https://www.instagram.com/egggymeg/   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What is going through this man's head? Maybe he hates himself. I think so. Oh, Jaime. Wow. That's really, like, prolific of you. That's just mother before, but I think he hates himself. Wait, pause.

Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, plus, plus. Caroline, we have a podcast. Shut up. And it's out now. Where can we listen? I guess, like, everywhere, just kind of, like, open your front door, and we'll be right there. We're talking turkey sandwiches. Beauty, birth.

We're talking motherhood. You guys check out glowing up. It's out now. No, you know, crazy agenda. Are you guys down with that? Yeah, I thought that's what it was going to be. I didn't know there was going to be a crazy agenda. I'm actually...

I'm talking as if we ever have a crazy agenda. Well, I mean, the last time I was here, I think we were like, let's bob for oranges and dunk our heads in water and have a pie eating contest and call up ex-lovers and then hang up when they pick up the phone. Like whatever the hell we did. Do you still call up ex-lovers? What? Do you ever?

When was the last time you called an ex-lover? Like. And what was your motive? I thought you said there was no agenda today. What the hell is this? Yeah, I'm like, wait, hold on. Yeah, no. Let's ask other questions.

He might watch this. Do you ever bopper apples? What? My question is, do you ever backpedal? Like, once you've broken up or you someone's like, you know what? Let me revisit that just for either the sex or. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Really? But also, when I'm done, I'm done. Like, you, there's always that little, that little, in between purgatory where you're like immediately after. It depends. There's something where it's going on. Couple years.

Yeah. Yeah. There's somewhere you're like, yeah, you know I love you. Isn't there a point when like a girl leaves where like we do it because we're icked out? We're finally like, oh, I can never touch that body again. Do you feel that way in about anyone?

No. Oh, sweet. I mean, if it ended poorly, like there's an X from like years ago, then I'm like, I would never, if I saw them, I would have a heart attack. I wouldn't even be like, hey, how are you? But that had nothing to do with like an ick or anything.

Have you been icked out by like a girl before? Like, I've got out, yeah. Yeah, I have. Yeah, yeah. When they told me that they wanted to start like getting into podcasting, and I was like, oh, that's gross. Oh no, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I always like, you can always gauge if you're icked out by someone, not by trying to think about it. It's if their name pops up, and look at your own face. When I think of like this one person in my head, and my face automatically goes, Oh, yeah, I don't think I. That's an ick face for sure.

Anyways, you guys, we have Esther is out again for this one. We have her chair open. We have her chair open in case she magically falls from this guy. But today we have our favorite regular Ian Fydance. Hi, everybody. Thank you so much. I feel like even though this is your first time on the show, like you've sort of been a podcast periphery,

Periphery friend for like a long time. You guys, she's a she's a podcaster. She's a stand up. She's very funny. Maddie Mae's. Happy to be here. Happy to be here. Once a year, I always, around the fall. You go back to an ex. Yes.

I always get at least one text from an ex. No. And it's always right around the fall, kind of like right before like cuffing season. And there's always an attempt to like, hey, what's up? Or, hey, send me a footpick. Even if it's like 15 years like a what pick? You'd be sending them like. No, I never.

You ever like, you know. Wait, what is this? You know, footpicks where you like. You want to show like your. Yeah. Your ability to. Yeah. To grill.

What? You don't know about this? No. Oh, dog. There's a whole world out there. There's a whole, mm, world. Wait, I want to go back to this. But you have someone that once a year says send me a foot pick?

Yeah, because he knew my 25 year old feet. Now I'm 40 in my 40. So he's like, hey, what's the update? How do your feet look today? Yo, no. No, no. Then you don't have those? Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm mad at that, though. I'm not going to lie. I like that. I like that. It's kind of like, yeah, look at you. You still got my seed in you. That's crazy. Yeah, you're obsessed.

I love that. Can you explain this to Ian? Hold on, hold on. I'm sorry. Wait, there's no contact in between every year on the dot. Pumpkin Spice Latte. out and this guy goes, show me a feat. Well, okay, let me pull up the last text message.

I think it was like a happy birthday. And what do you say in response? Do you send a footpick? Usually nothing. I know I don't send any footpicks, but he does send me regular footpicks that he took when we were together. And I'm like, whoa, I didn't know you took those. And it's like of me and my little blue havayanas. From 25 years ago.

That's great. That's great. I would be offended. But then I'm like, oh, cutie. Look at me and my little havayana. from back in the day. He took photos of your feet without you looking. Yeah, it looks like it because they were pictures of, I'll let you show.

That's like, you know, when you go to the bathroom, you see people feet in the stalls. Like that's in my head. Like, like he. Okay, one of it is when I was in the passenger seat of his car, clearly. And I'm in my like flip-flops. See, I would take pictures of my ex when she wasn't looking of like her face or if she looked like goofy. Yeah, yeah. Like my phone when she would call was like a picture of her like kind of.

making a face and she hated it. But I'm like, no, I think you look so cute when you're not meaning to her, like, when you think you look like silly. Yeah, see, that's really kind of a beautiful thing. Because I feel as though, like, my boyfriend takes the worst photographs of me. Like, if there was a skill of making someone feel worse about themselves, he has that. Like, I always tell him like, oh, you should start a business of like, if he needs someone's, like, ego knock down, you should photograph them.

But does he think you look good in those pictures? Or is he like, no, I like when you look like, like you're waking up in your eyes. Yeah. Big back buffalo is crazy. What's a big back buffalo? You know a big bag. Buffalo with a big old bag. You have a big back buffalo?

The photographs he takes of me. That's what I like. I thought he got a picture. You like tying your shoe. Lady. She's just rounding back this. No, you were so wide. Like quasi-modo.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I wish I got a couple pictures. To, um, okay. So, it turns out this is actually. I'm wrong. It's a picture of my feet up against his dashboard in his car. Like on the wind on the. Yeah, my 20, he sends me that. Weird.

Weird. Yeah, illegal. Illegal. Not okay. Show it again. Isn't that it so cute. You're like all 25 year old feet. Yeah. That looks like a nail salon review. They're like, yeah, she did a good job. Yeah. That's like you look up like a bad nail salon and those are the pictures on like the Google review. Just like a close up shot of foot, no lighting. I mean, I've never sent a footpick.

I'll be honest. I never. Never. Never, but I could. Bless you. I have the potential. Touch me. Thank you.

I didn't see what I didn't know. I thought I was reaching for it. You know what I mean? But I've never done it, but I know. Have you been asked? Yes. Yeah. Really?

Of course. Yeah. I got some. Never asked for a foot pick. Again, bless you. What a good man. Can I tell you what I have asked for? Arm pit pictures.

Interesting. Yeah, I'm an armpit guy. Really? Like a smell, like a... The dibbit? If I'm into you, I am in all of you... Do you like the extra fat that I have, like right here? Yeah.

I'm into the smell, the taste. I want to see it. That's hot, though. I like that. That's good. No, because if they like you, they like you. Like, the same thing with feet, though. Yeah, but I don't know what it...

I guess I just don't have that thing for feet in my head. But are you into all kinds of armpits or do you have a specific type? I mean, I prefer shaved. Oh, interesting. I was just with a gal that had a hairy armpit and I was like, ta-ta-ta-p-p-p-p-t-t-t-da-da-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Stubble's fine. Shaved.

I mean, one of the hottest, like, hookups I ever had. Me and this gal, I was, like, enamored and, like, devouring our armpit while we both, like, jerked each other off. And it was, like, so hot. Oh, my God. I mean, that makes sense, right? Because, I mean, like, the armpits have, like, no, the apocrine glands. But can you, you know, you know, were the only other place you have apocrene glands?

glands are. So you have apricene glands here and the only other place is your pubic area. So that makes sense that you're... Apple green? Apocrene. It's a sweat glance that gives off a certain janeusole, a certain scent that you desire. Fair modes. Yeah.

So it makes sense that you're into the upper pussy. Yeah, but why then wouldn't I be into feet? There's no. I was like, I have little Barbie feet. Like, look at my feet. Look at my feet. Like, play with my feet. Suck my toes.

And I was doing it for her, but I was like, sucking your toes just be like Is it, is it all right? I don't really like that. It's like sucking a flaccid penis. You're like, okay. Yeah, yeah. What's the point of this?

We gotta get somewhere at some point. But this is like... Can you make your pinky toe hard? Well, it's the grip. It's the grip, though. So there's a thing where they like to do a foot jaw, basically. So sometimes they want to see the toes, see if you could, you could grab some shit. And we're putting it in between the toe?

No, not between. That's, well, you could, but I could pinch what, My big toe and my right. Can pick up my cell phone with my toes. Do it right now. I don't want to make you guys slide off the seat. Oh, sorry. What's up?

Perfect timing. What's up, man? Hi, hi, man. Hi, hi, my. Your hair looks great. Welcome. Thank you, Ian. Are you a foot guy or an armpit guy?

Um, foot guy. Oh, interesting. Ah, input. Feet? Yeah, so tell us why. Oh, because I like massaging in the feet. And I like, I like, whenever, like, if they have, like, raspy. If you like, like,

Oh, if you like, uh, uh, oh, you like, I like one of foot. It sounds like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You like, like calluses and feet. Like if I'm rubbing the foot. Like a woman who grew up walking on. Like the edge?

Yeah, like the edge. Wait, this is actually groundbreaking. Oh, bunnies. I think, I think you're right. I think that's a really great instinct because she gets out there in the sand, walking on. She's a nature girl. Or she doesn't take care of herself.

Or this is a Jaime autistic texture thing. It's as bully, this is him, and I like it. Because he immediately said, I like that it's raspy. I like, I like the massage and I like the rass. You know what raspy is, right? It's not getting hard. It has to do with getting soothed. Yeah, just like rougher.

Kind of like sandpaper. Yeah, yeah. I like that feeling. Went in the back of the back, the heel like that right there. Or like the edge of the toe. Oh, the bunion. Yeah. The bunion is on the side here.

No, I have the callus on the big toe. I don't think you're wearing wide enough. Tobox. Probably not. I'm not going to show you because I haven't clipped my toenails. Can I see him? I'll show you. He almost pulled him out to pick up that phone though.

I'll say that. You would like the calluses on my feet. You're tired? I can give you a massage right now. Are you into giving foot massages? That's so sweet. I like giving foot massage. I just don't.

I'm not like, let me see them. Like that's like. If someone is just like massaged my feet, play with my feet, just all this. It's like, yeah. You like armpits? Mm-hmm. On guys or girls? Girls.

Oh, yeah. You're not into men armpits? Yeah, men armpits are just so men. Not in a body hair on men at all. If you're a guy, you're going to be shaped like a dolphin. Oh, interesting. Do you like the girl's armpits the way the push is? Like if they have a happy trail only.

You can have an armpit happy trail? Yeah, can you have a Atlantic strip, please, for your armpit? So what if a girl, like, had your initial shape that an armpit? I mean, I'd take off one of my rings and give it to her. That's right. Okay. I want to get everyone's If you're willing to share

Dating Update I recently told me The other day that he got His eyebrows Paid for Not plucked They were Threaded

He has eyebrows threaded for $50 And this girl paid for it I was like Oh my god You have a girlfriend that's wonderful Oh that's great And she's like a Nepo baby Of like funeral homes

Oh a discount code If you want one A discount code Dude do you have Was this a big thing In your families In my Italian family the big thing was we have cemetery plots they're going to be handed down in your name and it's

like what the fuck am i going to do with the drama of it all yes someone doesn't want to be fucking bury on top of somebody the proximity to that person you know the acquisition of rights of the plot it's a it's with my family it's the reason why there's pure dysfunction it's because of the cemetery plots yeah damn they did that's crazy because for me it's like you know taxidermize me blow me up and with din I I don't care, but like, don't fight over a plot for my body. I would very much like to be taxidermid. In what position? Show me.

This. Just like this? Like this? Like this? Like this? And my nose like this, and you put your armpit up to it. And a cigarette my other hand. Dad, doing what he loves.

A button, smoke comes out. Yeah, you eat. And I'll be in my lotus position, which is licking an armpit. This is like the little Christmas animatronics like when you press the button. I just realized. I just realized. I love eating. ass and the arctic is the ass of the upper body.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's actually, did you just have a breakthrough? I really just did. I love that for you. I love like the cemetery plot to realization pipeline that happened in like two minutes. I'm not well. You just want to tell the world he liked to eat ass. He let him know. How does it feel to date someone like, you know, financially? What do you mean? I mean, like, is she, like, richer than you? Um, yeah. Well, her family is. Yeah.

And she gets money from her family. Yeah, she has an allowance. Oh, an allowance. Like, she says she can eat Chipotle every day if she wanted to. And then she shops at South Lake, Texas. What's that? It's a rich neighborhood in Texas. Is it like rodeo?

It's like, yeah. Like just expensive shops. They have aloe and stuff. Make sure you put on your divers watch. Did he pull that out of his pocket? Like, wait, he's just going north and pull it up. Did she buy you that? Did she buy you that?

I bought this myself. What is it? It's a G-shock. Oh, classic. That's so cute. It has Texas time just so I can know when to text. Texas people. And you guys are doing just long distance since you're on the road a lot?

Does she come on the road with you? Sometimes. I swear you'll never get a clear answer from Jaime. What is going on there? What is going on there? Hi. Tell me what you pulled. You know what, let's all check our pockets in purses.

Let's do a reveal. Receit, what's that receipt? Target. What'd you buy? Two pens. Two pins, a sharpie, and a baddy wash. I mean, body wash. Baddy wash.

Baddy wash. Baddy wash. You ever get your eyebrows threaded. Ah, you're a baddie wash. Pulling watch out of the pocket. I got the EOS. Am I right, ladies? I got that body wash.

The EOS. Did you give vanilla cashmere? Yeah, I did. Oh. Oh, it's the best. You should get it. Ladies will love you. It's like the lotion and the body wash. They have a smell called vanilla cashmere. So girls have been on some vanilla because they know that. I like that.

But I don't do body lotion or anything. On yourself? Well, yeah, you're what, yeah. That's actually a red flag for me. What if a guy does body lotion? Like men who are into just like specifically vanilla. It's like, because that was like a very high school thing that I learned. It was very like, oh, men like the smell of vanilla.

on girls and it was always like in a predatory way it was always older men but what if it's like like some girl I asked what kind of lip gloss I would want her to wear and I said vanilla strawberry or bubble gum those were your options my predator oh remember the lip smackers the fucking the juicy lips mackie our Kelly literally had a line in a song by being able to taste the girls like yeah like wanting to be able to taste her like like strawberry some like lip well I Yeah, just say, just ain't. I'd never been asked, but what lip gloss I wanted someone to wear,

and I was like, well, I literally googled lip gloss flavors. I picked the first three. Oh, these are nice. Yeah, yeah, I was like vanilla, strawberry, bubblegum, sure. Like a hookah menu. Just be like, I just wanted to be so cool to be like, oh, I did you see that, what's his name, um, had to clarify about, I don't know if it's actually true. Maybe I saw it on satire site.

He had to clarify on the lyrics, hey, little girl is your daddy home. Oh, Bruce Springste. Yes. Really? Let's go through the lyrics. Hey, little girl, is your daddy home? Did he go away and leave you all alone? I got a bad desire.

Oh, I'm on fire. I mean, what year did this come out? 2006. I want to say 80, 70s? Oh, then yeah, definitely. Oh, I know that one. Born in the USA. My gym t-shirt used to play that every time we'd like warm up in gym.

Yeah. And we like, dum, we jumped back to it. Oh, my gosh. It was like an AI dance sequence of my head. Like, you could see it. If I, yeah, and he was propagandizing you from a young age. Dude, he yelled us if we were chewing gum and he would do this thing. It was like, if your shoes aren't tied, not to kick your shoe off, you can't participate.

How old? What's great? It was like, he was our gym teacher from a whole elementary school. So yeah, it was Coach Hall. He had these big ass calves. Did he make you do Billy Blanks videos? What's that? Tybo.

Oh, my mom did Tybo though. Oh, she did. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, but yeah, Tybo and Buns of Steel. I remember she had those. She always had buns of steel. That's hilarious. The buns and aren't You have a hot mom?

Yeah, she's still hot. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Relax, Simon. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God.

You need a gas. Are you going to throw? No, he's, he's, my mom bought him a Carl's Jr. Because he was talking about Carl's Jr. when we're in the bay. I love Cars Jr. I love her for that. Yeah. She has a place in my heart. Just tell her that.

Dude, I mean, he's got it going on. He's getting his eyes sprout threaded. He's getting a milf to get him Carl's Jr. I mean, what can't he do besides align his jaw? incredible one day he's gonna come here he's gonna like get straightened out dude I know we're gonna be like Jaime I hardly knew ye

some like handsome Squidward Wait Wait what's it like having like a hot mom That you know your friends are like Oh she's Oh it sucks It sucks My mom was asking me because now she's starting

to get popping online because I'll post her And so she's like yeah like what do you So she asked me like what do people ask you for feet pics Do you say? And I was like no No She's being a bad bitch on the internet. I'm like, and there are times when she posts.

I'm like, take this down, Beth. Oh, my God. Really? Yes. Yeah, the amount of like my friends and comedian friends that follow her. And any time she comes to the comedy store, they're like, you know, for a while, the door guys in the group chat, they'd be like, oh, she's here. That's, like, she's here. I'm so sorry.

That really kind of sucks. But you know what? I might be a little bit. I kind of want to see her now, but I respect you enough to not. No, sure. Do it. I wait. I'll wait till I'm alone in my rental car.

You said. I'll show you. Okay, you go ahead. It's way, it's way better if Highway does it. It's, it might be a little bit better. Maybe that you're, like, a girl, because I can't imagine it's, like, easy if, like, let's say, like, you're a boy and your mom is just a 10 out of 10.

Yeah, but then I wonder, is there, like, subconscious competition or anything? No, she's white. Are you have a white mom? I'm white mom, yeah. That's what I'm saying. I'm not even, we're not even, you know. I'm the same, yeah.

But not even in that way, but, like, my mom have a very beautiful mom. But I think it's just, like, you can't even, like, We don't even look related sometimes. Like once you like when I was younger, because I looked much more mature as a kid. And so we'd go, you know, she like, she always loved to go to the bar and get chicken tenders and she'd get whatever she got. And we'd be in there and they were like, oh, you two just coming off work, are you guys like friends? And I'm like, this is literally my mom. I had a workout mom.

So even to this day, my mom is in her upper 60s and she still has like a perfect six-back. Wow. And she's ripped. She's shredded. She's tone. Her body is like insane. So that had its own little pressure My mom just got knee surgery

Your mom is so cute I feel she probably looks just like you Beard No yeah just you with a little wig on Just like Mrs. Doubt fire you Or uh Tobias Oh Tobias Mrs. Featherbottom

Yeah Oh my God My mom she's a chef at Gordon Crowell Oh Just get open Oh that's great She got me in trouble last time. Why?

Because we're on the phone, like in the car. I'm passenger prints all the time. I get tired. I can't drive. He can't drive. He just chooses not to. I can't drive. What do you drive?

I can't drive. I can't drive for like long hours. Why? For long hours? Anyways. Why? Why? Can you explain that?

She's driving. I fall asleep driving. I can't multitask. I bet you anything you have sleep apnea. He is driving-induced narcolepsy. I'm telling you, like, I'd love to do it. I'd love to slap a. a sleep study on you.

I mean, she's not breathing at night. I need a sleep study as well. You too. Me and him get sleep studies at the same time. You, I know for sure because you, I, once I, this is what I told Ian, the way, maybe the first week of our friendship and he still probably defends his stance on this. He says that there isn't a person on earth who doesn't snore. Mm. I do not snore, not even a little bit.

Yes, you do. I feel like there's a point where both parties are asleep. If you are sleeping with somebody in the room where no one. would ever know. Put on the screen. Put a camera on me. My recent ex swore she didn't snore

and she fell asleep on my chest and I took a video of her snoring. And it was not a like it was just like a oh but that's still a snore.

That was a good snore. Yeah and if her mouth was open she's got some. It was a little snore. It was a very cute little snore. I'm not saying you sound like a chainsaw but I guarantee you I'm not even just saying me.

I have people in my life that I've watched and their mouth is shut and there's not a peep out of them, like ever. But not every, every single person at least once has slept with their mouth open. Yeah, if they're congested, they're sick,

they have allergies, like, sure. So to say you've never snored, it's such a wild accusation. Yeah, if you congest, you go snore, for sure. But I mean, like, on a regular basis, there are people who just don't snore at night. And I think that we're still going to do this test. There's a little snores.

There's multiple REM stages, different, you know, like you sleep, point out. Different breathing patterns, but breathing patterns is not a snore. A snore means that there is some type of obstruction happening. And I don't think all people have that obstruction. I will say your ability to hold your breath and like swim and everything probably

helps your like breathing. So I would give a point to possibly no snoring based on your lung capacity, your ability to breathe. Imagine you put a camera on me and I'm like, Oh yeah. Yeah. That's it. You ever heard.

I don't like, I'm exploding. Call 911. Yeah. When girls like, yeah, I don't fart. Like that's literally like, I don't fart. No, but you, you probably got a real clear path. Because I snore.

Yeah, me too. You snore? Well, because I got these eity bitty little nostrils and I got a fat-ass mouth. So it's just like the air intake isn't even. Yeah, there's a lot of airway. I think, I had to get my, I had to get, again, I had to get her earplugs and I had to wear those breathe things. Yeah, my nostrils. The magnetic ones or the strips?

Yeah, the magnetic ones. Because it like opens it up, right? Yeah, but then I toss and turn my sleep and the thing wakes up halfway across the room. I tried to breathe right strips. I ripped my right strips. my mustache out of my face. Like I'm doomed. I'm not going to do the sleep avenue mask.

I can't bring that on the road and all that. It's annoying. I just fingers crossed, I die in my sleep soon. So just, I'm going to deal with it, you know. But if you're a sleep doctor, sound off in the comments.

Let us know if there are people who, in fact, don't snore who have perfect airways. And give me advice for my back. I have the most tense shoulders and back and it's killing me. Me too, brother. You're tons of, Your tonsil stones need to be removed.

Oh, you have tonsil stones? First of all, I don't have tonsle stones. Second of all, wait. What the fuck does that have to do with my back? Oh. Where did you get this misinformation that I have tonsil stones? No, not you, like in general, like just in general. Just pointed out of him when you said that.

You said you, Ian finance, need to get your time. And you made eye contact with you and I saw how I was going to die. With your lumpy tonsil stone throat. Because tonsil stones is a big accusation. You know what that means, right? No. It's horrible breath because those tonsils, not your tonsils. Tonsils itself have to be there.

But these stones, they are like an accumulation of gunk over the years and they're calcified and they sit right there. And they smell horrible. I reject your plan. When I was a kid, I used to, because I had chronic tonsillitis. And so, like, I think that was as a result. I would get them because of that. But I would do cheerleading and I yell. And I remember if I yelled loud enough, the bean would come.

That's what I'd call it. What? The bean, it would shoot out. If I yell loud enough, as a kid, I was a kid, oh, my God. Yeah, when I was a kid. You can take them out. Like, you can look back there and kind of pop them out. Yeah, but I got no more.

Like, I'm good. Now I got tunnels. You know, I haven't had tons. Yeah, but when I was a kid, I'm like, oh, if I yell loud enough, here comes a bean. The bean will come. No, you got to get, if you have, like, large adenoids, usually that will cost some kind of my favorite radio hard album, paranoid adenoid.

Okay, so give us a dating update. Someone else can go first. I mean, I can't really share too much. But, I mean, I have like, I'm single technically. Yeah, I'm technically single. I'm dibble dabbling. I was, I had broken up with my ex, I think in July of last year. So coming up on a year, I had a white boy relapse.

I realized I didn't want that no more. I got it out. Yeah, sorry. How do you ache you out? And just, they just. Translucent skin? Yeah. It's just like the raw chicken.

You didn't know how to hold it down. Oh, yeah, no. They didn't know how to do it all this. They did it. And I was like, yeah, this is not it's not it. And then... Did you have like a white boy era or was it just one white boy? You know, I was kind of...

It had been 10 years. I was like, let me just see. Nerdy, kind of tech kind of... What other kind of varieties of whites are there? Sensitive alpha guy with tattoos and a beard and glasses. That's right. From New York. Mike's armpits.

Or it's like a pig. Just riddled with tonsill stone. Bad back. Sleep's kind of hunched over like a shrimp. In LA, his feet don't touch the ground. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He sits everywhere like a child on a roller coaster. Do you like that kind of white?

So then you had a white boy relapse. Yeah, yeah. And then I was like, oh, yeah, I'll kind of done with this. And then I'm kind of talking to somebody right now, but it's very early stages, so it's kind of, you know. But he doesn't live in the U.S., so that's kind of fun. Oh. I love an international long distance.

Oh my goodness. First foreign. How far travel? From London. Is it sustainable? Oh. I go get it to it. Is he black?

Yeah. Speaking of London blacks, I was on a plane with seal. Oh my God. I see that he's going to play at Pichanga soon, or one of those. I keep seeing billboards of seal. Every time I'm driving anywhere, I'm like, oh, he's still at it. Wow. He is a hot man.

Sure, but I hope he doesn't crop dust his performance like he did this plane. What? We all got a kiss from a rose that day. I wish it was a kiss or Marrose. You're lying. I cannot imagine. This man seems sophisticated and polite. I don't think he cropped us at all.

That's such a funny thing. It'd be the most polite people. That just... And I realize this is about the plane. It's because you have that ambient buzz. so you hear zero farts. Like you could blast it off and no one would hear it.

I get gassy on flights. Yeah, I think everyone does. A dad lifted up his child, two seats in front of me one time and sniffed his ass and I was like, I really do hate you on a plane. I don't like people who just like kicked their feet.

I don't like free farters. I don't. It's like so offensive to me. And especially if I don't. I blame it on kids. So technically it's a lot of the show. He got away with the place. He's not a free fart.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he got away with it. But what are there's no kids on the plane? How dare you? What I go? Oh, I think he said you don't want kids on a plane. Sorry, I got defensive. No, no, what happens if there's no kids? I just go, it's my tonsil stone.

No, it's not my ass, it's my mouth, I'm just breathing. What about, um, clip their toenails? On a plane? I saw it in a Southwest flight. What? Oh, that's crazy. But it was like in the back. All the way in the back?

No, because I was in the back. side but it was like empty rows all the right side the window and I look on the other side on the on the aisle next to me how do you know it wasn't just like your sleeper else's demon oh oh my may like uh what's his face I make it's ready for dinner oh gargamel that was him mm my uncle used to chase my cousin and I around the house going I'm gargamel and then I'd fake vampire teeth and he put him on fish in the trash can and goes oh I found your teeth and he goes there and he goes there and he here and then he blew his head off from the horrors he saw in Vietnam so I win

hey hey who am I who am I I can't take my own thoughts my uncle Danny hey hey who am I good good this will make your call away I promise always be there for you Ian just kidding that was a lie in 1993 RIP Uncle Danny RIP wait Maddie did you go to a thing called the banana event I did that about because I feel like it's like very collila-coded and I feel like I've missed out. Oh, so they were, it was like for Instacarts and they basically were just like, oh yeah,

like they had these like little, oh yeah, just be at this banana event. Yeah, they had a lot of minions there. It's pretty cool. Why the fuck was I not invited to this thing? What the fuck is this? So I got like my friends and A, we'll pay you to go to this thing.

And I said, what is it? He goes, you'll see. And so I got there and he's like, it's just hell of bananas and shit. But it was basically these two roommates. It was this little Stuart little white boy. And he was mad. because he would buy green bananas to rip it.

You buy green bananas to let him sit out, to give him time to become who they will become. It's like dating a girl with issues and I'm just waiting it out. Exactly. Exactly, exactly. But his roommate tweaker would only, would eat them green. Ew!

Well, good for digestion. I mean, technically, yeah, but also you crunching on that green banana. That's crazy. Then they were like, ooh, green bananas versus, and he said, oh, well, if you don't like green bananas, And as you like brown bananas. Ah, ha, ha, you like brown bananas.

And so then they're basically like, they taped the green banana underneath everybody's seat. This is a whole event. Yeah. And they had like a whole discourse. And then they were like, all right. Men used to go to war. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So why did they hire you to go to this? Were you like banana eye candy? Like what? Did you have to do stand up about bananas? I think they just wanted some content. I think there's one because it basically say, all right, you got to make a video on the page.

Was it sponsored by like Chiquita banana or some kind of big banana conglomerate? Instagram not even not even a banana and then you know they sell like the single bananas now like the perfectly ripe single packaged banana so you don't have to buy the bunch like a lucy they do that at a lucy banana yeah lucy banana but then they're perfectly packaged not not like in a 7-11 or bodega style banana they're actually like packaged and like back like sealed you know it's a thing I'm just really salty that the banana thing happened and I was not even considered kiss it's like I've screamed that from the top of every mountain. That's all I was in the New Yorker came out about how smoking is back and it's like in vogue and I'm like you didn't consult me. Because you stayed analog through the whole vaping bullshit. Never vaped.

Not once. Lock it. Not one. You ain't hit it. Not one little. What is this? Clacket. Why did people do this?

Oh, yeah. Clocking. Your umbrella people love when I do this and it makes me feel good. Your umbrella is so funny. Of people. He's at whatever it is you are, whatever, Dominica, Dominican, Puerto Rico, whatever, a mixed Filipino black thing you are.

No, it's just like, oh, yeah, like you see something. Oh, yeah, like when you clock something, right? You know, like, you like recognize it? Mm-hmm. And this is like, I love you. Remember back in there, like, you better recognize when they would say, it's just that. This is different, I mean. Oh, that's Korean heart.

That's a heart. How do you do? It's a heart. So you're like this, so like they cross over. So like, it looks like an actual heart, but it's a Korean way of. No, no. This is, this is gone. This is gone too.

Oh, yeah, this. Yeah, we don't even. Don't do this. It's just this. Big, uh, how do they say? I can't do it. He's shaking while you put it in. I know.

It was involved in a horrific fingering accent. Stuck like this forever. So do you like, you like bananas like that? Is that your thing? I know all the varieties of bananas. I could have spoken on the varieties of bananas and why bananas are going to go extinct. Well, this is a run through and that's why they're going to do it again. You're going to be the keynote banana speaker.

Yeah. Well, we can run it back. Yeah. We can call them and be like, hey, we got a specialist. Oh, banana girl. Yeah, banana girl. Yeah, banana girl. We got a special guest.

We're going to dress you like a banana. Needs no introduction. You're going to put bananas on your head. So how do you feel about minions? What about minions? They're big banana people. They're real banana. Banana.

Yeah, exactly. Maybe that's my heritage. I mean, they do speak Filipino. I know, they kind of do, a little bit. Yeah. Oh, my boy, shut up. Like, that's Filipino. A little bit.

Wait, where's your family from? That's where my family's from. No way. Yeah. You're a Filipino? Yeah, I'm a quarter Filipino. Yeah, I'm blazing and white. Yeah, I'm part banana, boy.

Oh, my God. Mm. Clock that potassium. You put the ass in potassium. Mm. I'll take it. I'll take it. That's actually such a great.

No, no, I like that. It's good. It's good. Did you ever do the Ma'o whenever you come home? Look at my aisle, whenever you come. Like, anybody home? You ever do that? Like a greeting?

Yeah, like, oh, my aisle. Like, whenever you, we do that. Every time we go to my grandma. I was like, oh, really? My aisle and we're like, are you home, basically? But you know what I'm going to have everyone do from here on out is like the Filipino sign of respect, which is to bless. So when you have an elder. So Jaime, like when you see Ian, you have to not kiss the ring, but it's similar.

You take his palm and you do this. You put it on your forehead. Instead of a bow, you do this. Like, that's blessed. You bless your lolo. I think I just punched him in the head. But that is like such like a sign of like reverence for your elders. And it doesn't matter.

you have to bless him bless yeah and then do i go thank you yeah here's a thing you're an elder so you expect it so if he doesn't offer the bless you better stick that hand out like this my grandma would do yeah yeah yeah that's respect now what do i do to respect someone you got to find someone older than you i think i'm a grandperson yeah a grandperson a grandparent get me an old wrinkly right now i don't want to show some respect is like is he the king and i'm on the peasant Or no it's just this elder older that's just what they do I don't like that It's not a hierarchy it's mostly a sign of hey you've been on this earth longer you're a wise person and I respect you love that so much about other cultures It's my biggest gripe with white cultures that we do not respect our elders age means nothing and we look down on them as if they're stupider than us

Do you know why there's an upside to that I hate to like usually I will I would I'd defend the whites all day But I can't right usually I don't But I'll say there's an upside to that. Because in Asian culture, or at least in Filipino culture, there is too much respect for the elder that it's like you don't have a say if you're younger, even if you are correct. Even if you're making valid points, even if you're saying, hey, don't treat me that way. Hey, I deserve respect. Hey, I don't want to, you know, do what you say. There is like blind allegiance.

It's blind allegiance to the elder. And it's like not not great for like parents, at least in my family. It was like everything you say, even if it's an opinion, is considered talking back and disrespectful. And it's like, yeah. So what's a balance? Somewhere in between. I got a white mom, so I still grew up with the white stuff.

So, you know what I mean? Really? Yeah, yeah, white. Yeah, I grew up just like, just like this. Are you not connected to? Oh, no, no, no, for sure. But my grandma, she was the Filipino one. So my dad, it was just hell ablations.

So they were trying to be more black than they were Filipino. But then we still, at the end of they still eat, like, you know, the food and everything. But I would cook with my grandma every summer. Wait, so your grandma is the, Filipino one. Yeah. Yeah, she was from Suboos. But we were rolling egg rolls all day, the Lumpia all day.

And then it would piss me off because everybody would come inside and eat them as we were making them. Whoa. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm thinking about that. But mine is mostly connected to, like, food. And we would do this. But, you know.

Can I say something that's so cute? Your flashback that you just went to right now was like, I would bond with my grandma. We'd make food. And then people would come in and eat them. Sorry, I went to a bad place. And then 10 minutes ago, I was like, my uncle's shot. himself of that he made promises he didn't keep oh yeah if you're a Filipino family you got some deep darkies in there some dark stories storylines uncle Danny

was it yeah you had a lieutenant there you had a lieutenant Dan I don't know you you wouldn't talk about Vietnam unless he was really drunk and then he'd corner me my mom said that my grandpa would do that her dad He would get drunk and in his underwear and have the flashbacks and shit. Perific. I have so much empathy for him and he was like ostracize and my mom never like understood like, you know,

he went to Vietnam at 19 through the draft and had to like carry his friends out and all this horrible shit. And then he was like mean to my mom growing up so she just was always like, oh, get over it. He was in Vietnam. He was in there like going crazy. Like they did, they was fucked up.

Like it was fucked up. Then they came home and they were not celebrated, not even a little bit. He told me he got home to the airport and he was in his uniform and people were spitting on him, calling him a baby killer and he went to the bathroom, took his uniform off, threw it in the trash, put on his regular clothes and then just walked out. Wow. That's so sad. Wow. That's crazy. My stepdad dodged that trap.

Really? He claimed diarrhea. What? I don't know you could do that. I don't know you could have such bad diarrhea. You don't have to go to war? Well, he was so stressed out about... I mean, you can't really fight in that condition.

I guess, yeah, you're in a foxhole. Be quiet. You're fighting your own demons inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he caused himself so much distress and had like a real GI problem where he had diarrhea all day. And so I don't know. But this is like him really like you had to really dodge it. You had to travel, leave, go back, fly here and like dip and dodge.

But he wouldn't dodge that diarrhea. He wouldn't touch it. He wouldn't touch it. I think the diarrhea like a fucked up Hansel and Gretel. I think that dipping and dodging cause the diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just dollops and shit everywhere. But it's so sad that it's like

you just some people couldn't You know, didn't have a choice. I hate that shit. But what is the age for the draft now? Isn't it like up to 40? Yeah, they raised it up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm going.

You're going. You're going. You're going. I'm not 40 yet. Soldier attack. I got to empty out my pocket. Garcia, get out there. I mean he's going up to all the sergeants and just putting their hands on this floor it's respect it's respect

Jaime time and place soldier if you were to attempt to dodge a draft now like what medical what ailment would you just showing my school records what's your school records special ed I wouldn't even need to talk you wanted the army pay for that did you fit with a fix it what did you a lobotomy yeah like we'll pay for it fix her jaw first. I mean, take me. I mean, that would technically, would that not be like gender affirming care?

It is. It 100% is. Yeah. Yeah, they would cover it. What is the military pay for gender affirming care? Well, they don't let trans, they don't let trans women and trans people in now, right? Isn't that band now?

Yeah, which also, it's like, I mean, do you really want to go to war to prove a point? You know? I love using cash up. I love that I don't have a boring debit card. can customize it, make it very personalized to how I'm feeling what my mood is, what my spending mood is. I am sending and receiving a lot of money between friends, family, and it's just nice

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You look like the kind of Italian that they would like paint back in the day. Like the way your curls are like I can go on a real renaissanceical in town. Is that a compliment or? Yeah. Oh, that's like. Real Verona. Verona. Verona.

Wonderfully decadent compliment. Thank you. Yeah, I was really your curls. You're very like, oh yeah, I could see those in like a. Thank you. You look like the stereotypical like kind of woman that men like start religions over. I hope so. Really?

You think so? Yeah. Let's start it up in the comments. Like a blazian Aphrodite. Ooh, yeah. All right, y'all. Well, actually, no, you can't say Aphrodite. Because Zeus will come down and smite somebody.

He'll turn me into a goose or something. Oh, take it back. You can't compare me to Aphrodite. Yeah. Pick a different, pick a, pick a human. That's literal Greek mythology. Don't compare yourself to them. To Aphrodite?

Yeah. Really? She'll get mad. What about any other Greek odds? Can you compare yourself to them? No, just name a bad. Just name a bad bitch. You're like the Blasian Meg the stallion.

How do we feel about just Clay Thompson bungling that whole thing? Yeah, I just hope you're mad as a cheat on you. He's a piece of shit. Because I know Meg is your girl. I love her so much. She is my, I foolishly DMed her on New Year's Day one time, thinking it was going to be our year. What exactly did you say?

Yeah, what you said. It was so sad. I like couldn't be like my regular like self. I like turned into a gay man. I love you. No one better, no one better. What is wrong with me? Well, I just got cheated on

and I feel such a kinship to her. I just wish we could talk. I just got her alone in a room. We'd help each other. I would kill my family for her. She was like, divorce yourself from everyone you've ever loved. I'd be like, I will honor you, my liege.

It's for sure. It's fucked too because here's the day, right? Her whole family died. Like her mom died, her dad died, her grandpa, her grandma died, like all important people in her life. And then he brought her around his white-ass family. She was cooking for them, cooking for them, sitting quarts out with her. Way! And, like, fully-do-

Why? I didn't know this. Yeah, she was like fully-she posted videos of her like cooking for her adult family. I couldn't watch him. It made me too. I was so happy for her, but I just couldn't. Let's think about all the women his past relationship. Coco Jones.

Laura, Lauren Harrier, Laura, Lauren Harrier. Yeah, she was the bad bitch in Spider-Man. Yeah, and he's cheated on every single one of them. Everything one. What is going through this man's head? Is it just that he knows he or he believes he can have it all forever? His cup will never be full. That's sad.

That's a sad existence. Yeah. Maybe he hates himself. I think so. Oh, Jaime. Wow. That's really like prolific of you. That's just mugged before, but I think he hates himself.

Wait, pause. Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause. I mean, he's been on like a weed thing lately. And it's so, because he's not the regular Jaime. He's a different highmate with his hair slicked back and shit Bro, he pulled you're pulling at the thing What is that? We're playing sea lighter He had the the little canister last night

He just kept opening it just it turns green me leave it on Oh Wait okay okay okay why am I so impressed I feel like I mean I was really glad I was like a caveman right now Don't waste too much because um when I bought it they said that This fire burns the way I burn for Meg the stallion. Green with envy. And I don't have enough green for her to even acknowledge me.

Wait, you said you just got cheated on? Yeah. Ouch. How'd you find out? I called her out of it. And she admitted? I didn't know. I didn't know.

I didn't take her back. No, I don't take her back. But at least she told you you wanted the honest, right? Oh, there's Brightside Jaime again. How did you realize? Like, how did you find out? Well, I knew. I, you know, it was like a friend that she, like, had a connection with in the past.

And before we started, like, before we were in a relationship, it was like, oh, I hung out with him and we, like, hooked up. And then I was like, all right, goodbye, like, whatever. And then it was like, I'll never, I'll never happen again. I'm not going to talk to him, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then she, I visited her. She went out and did Coke for, like, 24 hours and then ended up hanging out with him. And I just, like, had a feeling. It was like.

Oh, yeah. yeah that's a perfect time to cheat but I was so sprung that I canceled this Netflix trip to spend the weekend with her in Boston so when this happened thank God I was like I like shook out of my whole

fucking like love bubble and was like okay and then I ended up getting everything back that I like canceled on but yeah I was gonna like cancel this trip and like oh I was looking at houses upstate and it was like I could oh yeah So it's a good thing that she did it. Absolute blessing.

I still have love for her to act that way and not be able to communicate. She's obviously, like, has her own thing. And she was, like, my best friend, and we FaceTimed all the time. And I very much think fondly of pieces of the relationship. But there was also a lot of things that were very tough to deal with just, like, avoidance and, like, kind of, like, retreating and everything. and that like spun my like anxious attachment out the wazoo which I thought I was like so secure and I'm ready for a thing

but you're you're sober right yeah that's the thing I compromised all my that's my that's my next question and I looked past these red flags because it was very kind of like and look this is no fault of her she used to do what she used to do but it was a very like love mommy off the rip yeah and I was like this is real and and it was I think the feelings were real I just don't think she was equipped to deal with them and I think I was And now I'm just kind of dealing with that and kind of in the thing like, I, you know, like she's like hitting me up and I'm like, you got to leave me alone. And then she leaves me alone. I'm like, well, I wonder what you're doing.

It's like the thing where like it triggers you. It triggered like when you get into relationships and you think you've done the work and then it brings back the old triggers. And you're like, oh, wait, I'm being faced with things that I thought that I dealt with it now back in the same position that you're in. Yeah. But truly, someone can pull it out of you again. Yeah. That's what relationships do, though, is they pull out those old. versions of you and then you're tested with okay how am I going to approach these things now have

I actually learned the lesson so yeah and I I you know like really fucked up a lot of like trust and like I'm never like uh what are you doing well who are you with I'm not that guy and then the behaviors kind of got me to be like well oh you're out with friends you usually name your friends what friend you know and that just was such a fucking do you don't feel like you're living in a separate reality when you're sober and someone is not just partying here and there, but they're going on like. Well, dude, she stopped smoking weed for like 90 days and then started and was like, I don't want to smoke all day. I'm only going to do it once. And then it was like, well, I'm only doing it at night. Then it was like, well, I'm doing it during the day. And then I went up to visit. She was like smoking weed all the time.

I was like, I don't really like this. And then she went out and did coke and like didn't really tell me. And I was like, yeah, I don't really like. So I was going to be like, hey, I think we got to like. And then this happened and that's what fucked me up. But I was ready to be like, hey, let's have a talk. And the fact that she didn't communicate, just went out. Like, look, like, I still have love for her. And I do miss her.

But it's like, I don't know. That's like irreparable. How long we all together? Dude. Oh, it's like that? What? Because either that can either dude can either be a lot or not a lot. What do you think?

Can I guess? Yeah. Four months. Longer three months Oh I know what do you mean upstate New York looking for houses? I know Okay so it made me crazy Alright so last little I would talk to all the phone You're going to another bar cool

I'm 11 years sober great Oh What's is crazy you're trimming on you trim for your job What's that straight like I wish I'm a fucking moron I wish that I wish that it's I'm an idiot. I wish you'd call me in these instances or Maddie or somebody. No, you don't.

And when I would alert you, I would alert you. I'd be on the phone with you all the time. Don't, man, I want to call her now. I'm addictive. It was a drug. Yeah. It sounds like it. And I heal in a relationship or do I have to heal on my own and then get into something?

You got to heal on your own. I very much want, like a partner and I want, I'm at a place where I want to bring someone on the road with me. I want someone and it was kind of nice because she was far away so we'd FaceTime all the time but then we'd come together and be like this wonderful thing and then like she it just it didn't work out and that's fine and I loved and I can loved and I have no my only regret is some things would come up and I wouldn't call her on it

I were just like stomach it so you learn you know what I wish for you I communicated very well and I'm proud of you and that's all the best you do the best you could do but I just really want to can I tell you what I wish for you? I wish for you. Thank you. I. Thank you.

Bless, bless Papa. What do you wish for me? I wish for you a slow burn. I wish for you to meet someone where it does not feel like you're going to lose your mind right out the gate. And that is the core issue because if it's slow, I do not like it. And I want it to be a fiery, insane. Let's fucking go.

I'll fly out this week. But those burn out fast, though. I know. Three months. But you're still searching in an addict way. I know, which means I need to arrest this, face it, fix it. And that means I'm going to have to be alone for a while and deal with it. And I thought it was all dealt with, but I think it wasn't.

And now I'm like, fuck, this sucks. You know what's interesting though? I learned this thing recently when we were talking about like, if you go through a thing and you feel a type of way, right? Because most of the time, especially comedians, we've gone through a lot of things. We're pretty numb, right? We're pretty numb most of the time. But if you feel something from a situation, then that's the perfect time because it's a gift.

because then you can actually address it in that moment. So as like you get like, you feel like as you know that you're feeling those things, you address it in that moment. You're like, okay, I, and you make an active decision. Totally. Yeah. But it's so hard in the moment though because it's so emotional and then you're just in like, in, especially in the beginning, you have this like rush of dopamine.

And then it's like the big crash and burn. It's hard to turn your logical brain on. You're so fucking in love. Hit again, you know, and it's again, like I very much have love for her. and it was nice there were times it sucked but i wish it shook out different because it got so ugly and my whole thing is like dude i would have loved to have like had a talk and like laid and loved and been like look this isn't going to work you don't want to do you feel trapped i don't want to move no i felt don't project him yeah i'm like what the fuck miss that's cemetery land

you feel trapped and emasculated because they had money and you didn't because you want to eat to polly every day yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Did you get your eyebrows started even though you didn't want to get your eyebrows started? Chill, though. Literally, I mean, I was like, oh, I think it looks sexy with his hair pushed back. Like, yeah. No, I, I, but then it's like, you know, my old pattern of behavior, I, I ended up to get rid of that feeling. I ended up, you know, falling around with a bunch of different gals.

And then I hung out with a gal for like five nights straight. Then we had to, like, have a fake breakup and be like, we can't do this. And it's like, who. That's so interesting. Because I'm such like a self-discipline. like I'm very active in the moment and like I don't have my brain doesn't operate that way what do you mean? Are you a fire sign?

What are you? I don't know I'm just curious I don't know Like what's your birthday? What's your what's your? December 31st. The Capricorn. Oh, that's Earth. That's so interesting. Sure. That's such an interesting dynamic. Why was that mean? Well because Earth signs are usually very like grounded and Capricorns are very like you know because I mean I wouldn't say you're not career you know but they're very that's how I usually am

and this threw you out. Totally. That's so interesting. I mean, the fact that you cancel the Netflix. I know. Crazy work. Was it that good? Was that pussy that good?

It was like that. It was gripping like that? Oh, no. I get it. I've done that to men. Are you crazy? Am I crazy? Because grippy socks, grippy box.

I'm like, I'm a different kind of crazy. I'm not like a... Usually I don't like clingy, and she was like clingy, and she wanted to talk and FaceTime all the time. I was like, I like this. Did she nice? Did she ever go through your phone? No.

No. He's got a different set of issues. Completely different. No, but she would get jealous and I like kind of liked it. Okay, but see. And I usually don't like that. Everything I thought I knew and believed and was strengthened about shattered. And I compromised everything.

Well, that's how you know, like you're really in it. Your criteria is out the door. Just kidding. You threw everything out the door for sure. Yeah. You said fuck the Netflix. Fuck the. And that's bad because I lost myself.

on someone else and I shouldn't do that. But you know, and you're smart and you're wise to know that. Yeah. Look, I'm a fool. If you squirt and I drink it like a dog, drink some of a hose, I'll think it's love, but it's really just mostly piss. That's funny. That's funny.

That's what you tell your grandkids. Tombstone. That's the tombstone. For the cemetery. Do they do that? Will they write that? Yeah, I'll write you free. Yeah.

Thank you, bro. How old was she? she'll be 20 in November kidding every single one of your face is us hilarious I was like got you

I was like well this changes everything come on now she should be doing co-benders actually she should be doing co-bendors oh wow okay so she's 28 but from the top of the mountain it is really kind of nice to like

The whole phone conversation is not even like a thought if you're in a nice, a healthy relationship. Yeah, but I'm also on the road and like doing meeting greed. People are like climbing all over me and like commenting on stuff. And then it's like I don't like this comment, blah, blah. And then it's like if I share a thing, then that like a story or whatever, then that opens like a DM. And it's like, I have no problem. I would have given her a check whatever. I got nothing to hide.

I'm not that guy. but I don't want to whatever it sucks when they put you in that position you're like don't put me in that position because I've done all this work to do the thing like I'm healthy please don't do this to me but that's the thing I slid back and be like addiction is love this is love I'm addicted to and that's not what it feels the best I should call her on the pod no

no how is your 20th birthday do you want a luboo for your 20th birthday We'll get you some blind boxes You go to the mall You can go to Spencer Get some vanilla lip gloss Oh I'm sorry It sucks to be cheated on

Shit happens I want to get to a point Where one day Maybe she and I could like Have coffee and like laugh over it And then be like The girl on with now Would never do that

But good luck But Yeah But you know It's like I'm in that I don't want to take her back, but I miss the pushing. I get that. That's like when you have an abortion, you're really horny afterwards.

You don't know why you so horny? What? You don't know about this? You all about this? I found this out recent. I've had abortions. Tell me why I haven't felt this. Yeah, dog, I haven't had an abortion.

How many you are? Only one. Only one. You would think it be more. Only one. Man, who y'all could have been. You know what I'm saying? Shout to who you could have been.

No, but. Tell me about the horny thing. Okay. So I did a pill, right? So I'm very great. grateful that I didn't because that's one of my worst reasons taking the pill and they have to go in there and get the rest out that that's that's a lot but interrupt should I just hang a plan parenthood to meet my next girlfriend potentially maybe maybe there are a lot of great women yeah okay sorry woman is speaking about her very traumatic experience tonight as long as you don't say the picketer there's always one picketer outside and she's usually an angry or he's an angry person it was funny too because it was really hot that day when I went and I I was like, yo, would be a funny protest to crack an egg on the sidewalk in front of him?

Did you go to Planned Parenthood? There was funny little counter-protest. You know? But, no, I went to Planned Parenthood. And I remember I did the pill. And it was funny because my mom had had her tities done. And I was taking care of her after post-titty surgery. And I had to take care of her whilst aborting.

And she planned her surgery. I did not plan to have an abortion. So I had to do both because I was the only one there to take care of her. So I'm aborting as she's like, can you please get my. And so I'm, you know, going, so it was a crazy experience, but I didn't feel, it wasn't super painful, but afterwards your body's like, ooh, no more sack, no more thing in you, right? And then your body's like, let me fill me up. Exactly. Your body's like, I need this.

And then, yeah, that's when the white boy relapse happened. Very sciencey stuff. But your body's like, put, get that, go get that. Yeah. Go get that. Well, I wish for you that one day you can parent yourself Instead of having to parent your parent As well, it's another conversation

Yeah, and I didn't even need to smoke weed To have that fucking epiphany I may Well, no one was there to take care of her off the titty She bought those tities for those days I'll give her, I'll give Beth this She really was ready for That was a purchase that she'd been wanting for a long time

Did you pay for the titty? No, she paid for her own tithy. You can pay for your own goddamn titty. Damn, she got my own titty money? Can I tell you how expensive it was to take titties out for me? Viewed your tits are back? Tits are back. Tits are back? Tits are coming back, yeah.

I'm still breastfeeding, but they're about to be gone again very soon. Why you still got that bill, girl, shake him. Say him. Say him, girl. Tits are back, huh? Yeah, tits are coming back, yeah. Because asses people are taking the BBLs out. I saw that. I saw Astasi just took her BBL out.

A lot of bitches to take the BV. But okay, tell me what happens, though, to like, obviously there's, like, With boobs, right? There's, well, thankfully, I only had him for a year and a half, so there wasn't a whole lot of stretch. I didn't have them for a decade. But with the BBLs, what happened? Some people died from the BBLs.

I know that. You could die by ass. Oh, yeah, because they put, like, concrete and cork in them and stuff. It's crazy. Yeah, they sure do. Wait, I'm sorry, this might be wrong. Didn't Kanye's mom die? Yeah.

A BBL? Yeah, she was getting a BBL. She was getting her body done, and then she died. In, like, South America somewhere, right? They died. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, it's crazy.

It's crazy. His whole lore is even when you think about like the sex addiction stuff and all things, it's actually a crazy deep divey you think about it. Very interesting life story. But yeah, BBLs, when you take them out, I mean, I guess they're just taking out. Like, I have a friend that actually she had implants and she took them out. But she just like healed and it just looked like a normal ass again. Huh.

But there's implants and then the BBio, I guess it's just a fat. There's the fat transfer. Yeah. I guess you just get it lipode or something. I guess so. But I mean, like the BBL is so just, there's a lot of fat transfer there. So it's just like when you lose weight It's terrible

I think that's a requirement Those might be some natural asses though No way, not a JFK Is that hell like the medicans and shit Woo That might be just be there Yeah I'd say I'd venture to say a lot of them are

Are Bios? No Oh naturals? Yeah, yeah Way Yeah big naturals Not on white bitches I'm making guys That's a real ass on Megan. Oh, I know that.

I was giggling when they were talking because I don't know if I'm high or not. But like, this is our life now? What? Talking about boob jobs and BBLs and checking phones. You're having an existential. It's very fair. No, what do you mean? Explain.

Like, this is our life. This is what we talk about now. BBLs? Oh, my God. Back then we were kids. Well, back then we were kids. We didn't talk about BBOs. No, they didn't really.

That weren't really a thing, though. Boob jobs were a thing, though. Boob jobs been a thing for a friend. Yes, you were. You were. You would draw boobs all day. You never talked about a celebrity that got a boob job or anything. Pamela Anderson.

Yeah, it was a Superman ass and boobs. Sometimes things come up, you address it, and then you move on to the next conversation. All the time. Yeah, but then BBL topic is outrageous. What is your stance on the BBL topic? I thought you liked that. I thought you was ad. You made a whole thing.

You like a little, you like a, I just like a natural butt. What's a natural? Because a natural butt can range. Bless you, Papa. Oh, you blessed Jaime. That was because for his wisdom. Uh-huh. Yeah, I don't know.

What was your question? You know, a natural butt. I have enough for a MbL. You what? I have enough. Enough fat for your own. I would love for you to get a BBL. Yeah, Taya did you put it at here, bro.

Oh, my God. He just starts sucking his teeth walking around. He would a BBL, just a, like saucy Santana, just with a fat ass, you know, you know, Saucy Santana. Who's that? Yeah, material, I want you to know, not the gay rapper. He got a BBO. He did? A guy got a BBL?

Yeah. What's this world coming to, hi, mate? I don't know, man. He didn't used to talk about this stuff. Let me see your phone. That was in my phone. No, no, like just in general. That was triggering for me.

Well, yeah. That's crazy. Also, I will say BBLs do hurt. Implants do hurt. I didn't know, think that I thought they'd, be soft I went to a strip club and the stripper's like oh I want to want you to motorboat my boobs yeah I guess she thought it had a crush on me and she had these really big fake boobs and it felt I was getting rock em-sackled yeah especially when they're

when you get a contracture mm-hmm which some move jobs are a lot of boob jobs do they are hard as rocks when you're it's like a scar tissue when when your body is because it's a foreign chili pepper song it's a foreign body and it's like I reject this so then it builds this It's like wall and it's a hard wall. And it feels like a rock. Just knock these walls down. I know. Isn't it like under the muscle or over the muscle?

Isn't there like a difference? It'll like to change if they're soft or not. And your nipples still feel? Because I like sucking on a nipple if it feels good. One time she had a boob job and she had no feeling and I kept going, is this good? Because they do the under the nipple. They did mine under the nipple.

Oh yeah, yeah. I'd be scared of the right. That hurts. It hurts. Also, the internet has the theory and I think I got big aerolas and I don't like it. I have big aerolas right now

because I'm breastfeeding. Oh, yeah. They change? Oh, my God. They've expanded. Okay, when you get pregnant, your aerolas and your nipple get like really dark

because baby has to see the contrast because babies are not, you know, don't have like good eyesight right out the gate. And then your, my aerolas went from this to like this right now. Wow.

Achi-machi. An apparent, Allegedly they're supposed to go back down. Chuck and duck it, quack, quack. Are you into big areola's or any ariolus? Pepporoni. I like whatever. Yeah.

Like pepperoni? Big old pepperoni. I like more like a soaprosada. I love soprasada. I don't know that is. What is the high meat? Prasada is like a salami kind of. Oh yeah, like a spicy.

Like a calabrese. Yeah. Yeah. I like a pink one too. Like a pencil eraser, right? brother yeah you guys thank you so much for all the bbl talk for the relationship talk for the i certain for saying clay thompson i should have kept it to myself thank you so much we love you guys i love you specifically if you're watching um where can we find you mattie uh you find me on uh most

platforms at mattie mays maddi m a ys uh yeah it should be it should be that yeah i animal six and on instagram eanfinance dot com for all my dates i'm going all over ian doing odd guy doing on jobs is The travel show out on YouTube. I go to different towns. People teach me out and do their jobs and do their jobs with them. And it's fucking great. I'm having a blast. And Beanie Immortions a podcast.

My name is the Jaime Garcia on Instagram, the Fat Fish Podcast. Tiger Belly. I'm on tour of Ralph Ralph Barbrosa, the Red 40 tour. That is my best friend. Check him out. He's pretty big. Nice. He just texted me and said everything you think you know about your life and

him is not true. I don't know what that. He sent you that? Yeah, he told me last night. He told you last night? Yeah, we're in a group chat. Yeah. You and Ralph?

Yeah, the three of us. It's actually, it's pretty little group chat. Yeah. He has nothing but good things to say about. He's called Heimie doesn't know. Heme doesn't know. He doesn't know. He doesn't know.

Funny. He has nothing but good things to say about you. I have nothing but good things to say about him and everyone in the group chat. Yeah, the group chat was about you. What did I do? Check out. Okay, don't check out. Just think about it to yourself for a while.

Get lost up here. No, this is lost. Everyone loves you. You're wonderful. Thank you guys. Thank you. Bless. One more bless for Popp.

Ooh, double bless. Double bless. Let's end on that note. We'll see you guys next week.