Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Jaime Garcia Dating Simulator
Episode Date: December 30, 2025Trash Tuesday LIVE! January 28th at the Comedy Store. Tickets on sale now! https://www.showclix.com/event/trash-tuesday-2026-january BTS, BONUS CONTENT AND MORE! Only on Patreon: https://www.pat...reon.com/c/TrashTuesdayPodcast Jaime & Jenna sittin’ in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. We are ringin' in the New Year with Love in the air. Jaime Garcia and Tia Jenna reminisce on the year and have their chemistry put to the test in our date simulator. Thank you, Sluggies, for the love, support, and laughs all year long. We’re just getting started. MORE JENNA: https://www.instagram.com/jennajewmenez/ Deodorant ByTiaJenna! Use Code: Trash https://www.bytiajenna.com/ MORE JAIME: https://www.instagram.com/thejaimegarcia/ Thank you to out sponsors:Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/9vos470a #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Direct Deposit, Overdraft Coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. *Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com *Visit Ebb Ocean Club & Holiday Shop* https://www.ebboceanclub.com/ for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products! FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday MORE ESTHER:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonster Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/ MORE KHALYLA:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/ Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A PRODUCTION:Studio Ten42: https://www.instagram.com/studioten42/ Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/ Arielle Jade (Editor): https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/ Elisa Hernandez Kohler: https://www.instagram.com/ellie.lianna/ Megan Clements: https://www.instagram.com/egggymeg/
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hello, welcome to Sugarfish.
Hi.
My name is Lisa.
Hi, I'm your backup server, Kalila.
Is this a first date?
We're going to be here for an hour.
Have you guys been?
Okay, rude.
Don't like that.
Have you guys been here before?
Are you first timers?
I'm a first timer.
I've been here before.
Oh.
Sluggies, we have our most exciting news ever.
January 28th, we are doing our first live show in years, live and live.
Los Angeles at the Comedy Store.
We are going to have special guests.
Maybe one Jaime Garcia.
Maybe Jenna Jimenez.
Not maybe.
I will be there.
Single Jenna, hopefully.
But I'm going to play.
Jaime has big plans for the New Year.
You guys, this will be my first night out in, I think, two years.
So please be there.
We haven't done this in a while.
I know.
And the Comedy Store is so iconic.
It's such a fun night out.
There's such good restaurants around there, as I know,
because I've been eating at all of them late at night after my sets because I'm
pregnant. Anyways, get your ticket to the link below. We can't wait to see you January 28th in
Los Angeles. What time does it start? 8 p.m. Mom time. Not too late. We're in the main room.
Oh, kinky. See you there. Have you ever been to maybe a Christmas party and you stink and you
smell bad? Yeah. You don't want that, especially over the holidays or in the new year. So I have a fix
for that. It's my natural deodorant that I homeake. It's all natural. It's called pitstop. And you can
get it on buy tiagena.com. That's b-y-t-I-A-J-N-A dot com. Is it for men or woman?
Any human who has armpits, it's for you. What does it smell like? It smells like homemade
waffles. Thank you. Thank you. It's all natural ingredients. There's no aluminum. There's no
trash. There's no shit in it. It's delicious. And only for sluggies. You can use the code
trash at checkout for a code. And I now have subscriptions. I shall also get you money off.
Buy t-agena.com.
Look at how beautiful our New Year's Eve party is, you guys.
We actually have decorations.
Damn, I'm Kalila.
Why do you keep looking so good?
Look how beautiful I look.
I actually love that hoodie.
Fucking no bra.
Thank you.
Where is that hoodie?
It's the perfect, like, I stole this out of a trunk.
I'll tell you what's, this is actually not my favorite hoodie, but I'll tell you one that's so good.
The perfect weight, the perfect length is akimbo.
I've never even heard of it.
Esther wants to know what that one is, though.
Yeah. Thank you.
Lawyer.
I got this Black Friday on TikTok.
Oh my God.
That's the TikTok shop hoodie.
I've been eyeing that.
Why?
I didn't want to say.
I was like, please get a Kimbo.
I don't understand.
Wait, am I the only one that doesn't know how I feel about TikTok shop?
Like, I have weird feelings about it.
I see things I want them, but I don't trust them.
But then, like, I will buy things.
And it's just confusing.
Well, every brand has a TikTok shop.
So yes, you can.
Yes.
I mean, all of like the more reliable ones.
I was just telling her.
Wait, it's not just like Timo?
No.
I know.
The vacuums from TikTok $50 ones, I was just telling her Aces.
Really good.
I need one for my car.
Oh, yeah.
TikTok shop.
Wait.
No, actually don't because I don't know who's making these vacuums.
It just seems like it's so shady, but then I'll see things and I'm like this is good and I buy this already.
Yeah.
Does it just seem like another product that's actually good in real life?
Can I tell you the bullshit about it all is like they all probably are made in the same factory
And they're all just packaged differently and it's like the same with a whole Lulu Lemon bullshit.
Like you can find a dupe that's like 50 times better for a, you know, a tenth of the price.
I bet you're right.
I mean, I know you're right.
And it sucks, but.
Well, we're at a New Year's party.
We're being stood up by the guy.
Good.
When is the last time you actually went to a New Year's party?
Or like did anything cute and like romantic?
like kiss a boy.
Words are not forming.
Oh, I remember the last time I went to a New Year's party.
It was 2017 after me got back from Peru and we had a New Year's kiss.
But was it memorable or was it like, eh, we're together.
I was with Gilbert too.
So I guess it was eh.
Did you kiss Gilbert?
We like, it was like me, Kyle Gilbert.
We like all went in on like a same.
And then I like did a real kiss.
The you and Dave kiss on New Year's?
If I'm awake.
Yeah.
Nobody likes my take on New Year's Eve.
I get hate for it every year.
Why?
Let's hear it.
I think it's such a perfect night to go to the grocery store and like it's empty.
You load up on what you need.
You're like in the zone of starting a new lifestyle.
You're talking to the right people, girl.
Yeah.
I love the grocery store on New Year's Eve when I was in elementary school and middle school,
me and my best friend because we had a 24-hour walk.
Walgreens. So we always like to be at Walgreens when the clock struck midnight, just because we
could. That's so cute. So we will. We can. So we will. I love that. She always had us eating grapes
at midnight. Is that like a Latin thing? I love it because that's what Filipinos do. It must be
Latin thing. Oh, it must be Latin. Yeah. I just like a cozy night. I can't imagine you're doing
anything different. Listen, that's not the vibe I grew up in. The Filipinos go hard with the fireworks,
explosives, lost fingers and toes, like, you know, like warfare.
Since my childhood, though, they have, like, set out new laws to be like,
hey, we can't party like this anymore.
Like, people are losing limbs and shit.
Oh, God, I want to take you guys to Eva Beach in Hawaii New Year's Eve.
I'm too tired.
Your ears will, like, fly off your, it's a lot.
I'll be calling the police.
That's what I do on 4th of July.
Oh, God.
But that's how I grew up.
But now, like, last New Year's, what did I do?
I was, like, nursing my baby in the dark.
Oh, my God.
Will you nurse me in the dark for this for tonight?
Yeah.
How many ounces do you need, girl?
Probably 16.
If you nurse, if you guys, listen to me right now, if you guys do that, if you
breastfeed off of her, if you both allow this.
What are you going to give us?
You can ask me for whatever you want, and I will give or do.
I will tell.
It's so easy to breastfeed off of her.
I don't know, but I mean, you could try.
I'll give you one letdown.
I probably won't stimulate a letdown.
It'll just be a big letdown.
I don't believe this is the end of the year episode.
This is like scaring me.
Is it?
Yeah, like the year went by too fast.
And like it all got ruined for me because I got pregnant.
Same.
I feel like it all got ruined for me because of my health.
Like from January to March, I was like, let's go.
And then it was just.
like well what's this year been but you know i will say and you're not you're going to be like
that's not true and you won't admit to it but you have that same pregnancy battery that i had
and you're going to be like i'm so tight she's doing all the vlog she's doing all the content
she she she won't admit to it you should see the text that i send her of the lists that she does
yeah of things but i will say she's doing them in like between the one to two hours that she feels like
she's able to even get out of bed and like not have a stomach ache or like not be I believe that the in between times are like your pelvic whatever hurts but but in your first pregnancy too like I was in awe of how much you got done like you had a movie coming out you were flying up until like 37 weeks like she was all over the place tours and shows she's doing more internet content than I've ever done she's editing she's spending the time she's trying to eat food that's good for her and
I'm glad you're saying this.
I mean,
I'm trying,
but I'm not,
I'm meaning bagels every meal,
but like,
that's good for you if that's what you need.
I will say that I have this,
this self-hatred,
this self-punishing where I feel so sorry for myself.
I'm so pathetic,
but it's like I'm not doing any walk.
You know,
I think if I had my physical,
my physicals in order.
Your mentals would be in order.
Yeah.
So I do really appreciate these words and I,
I'm taking them in.
Like, I genuinely am.
I do appreciate it because I don't feel good about myself.
This is like that thing where my friends listen to everything that everyone else says.
But, like, if I say it, they don't believe it.
It has to be corroborated with someone else.
It's too close.
And so it's like she hasn't been listening.
No, I trust you guys.
I believe you guys.
But now that you're saying it too, she's like, literally yesterday.
I feel good.
Yesterday you texted me.
You're like, you need to stop this.
This is all the stuff you've done.
And I was like, I'm here.
I'm taking this in.
Yeah.
We didn't say you appreciated it.
You were just like.
like,
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Yes.
Speaking of, do we, I, in this question is I don't want to answer it at all and I have no
answer.
Okay.
Does anyone have a highlight of their year?
I have a highlighter in my bag.
Let's talk about our low lights and highlights.
Okay.
Our peaks and valleys.
Popcorn style.
Who's got?
Okay, start with a low light.
Somebody hit me because I'm about to come up with some sad.
Fine.
I'll give you all my low lights then.
We do this every week.
We don't need New Year's for this.
Am I really going with the low light?
Yeah, start with a low light.
And then one low light, one highlight.
One low light.
Not plura.
Not pluribus, Jenna.
Health and career.
Okay.
Yeah, your eye, low light.
My eye, my heart, my migraines, my PCOS.
Those are low lights.
What's a highlight?
A highlight is, um, it'll come to me.
she's coming pray on it pray on it you know what my high is how the year started and with wildfires
oh no been locked away in palm springs with me yeah with us how are a year started to remember
when esther discovered that i was ugly no you know what i was hopeful hope is a big thing for me
like even if nothing is happening the hope i felt hopeful obviously i was definitely
devastated by the fires and very sad, but I started doing stand-up again, and that was really
huge. And I did some shows with Esther and some shows with Melissa. Doing stand-up felt good because
it felt like I was creating again. And then from doing stand-up, I booked stuff. I booked pilot
presentations. I booked a commercial, which was actually from doing Trash Tuesday, because this
casting director from when I was like 13 recognized me on Trash Tuesday. I was like, oh, Jenna
exists. What about her?
So those are...
Remember that, okay?
Yeah.
Remember that.
Because Kalila was about to ask you to drive her to...
But it wasn't because of Trash Tuesday, okay?
He already been known me.
You just said it was because of Trash Tuesday.
And remember that when we ask you about January 6th.
Because we're storming the Capitol, baby.
Because not quite the Capitol, but her and I both have doctors' appointments.
We'd like you to drive us to.
This was her idea.
I would never dare ask you to drive.
And I have text proof.
January 7th.
the way was the altadena fires oh no i was saying that january 7th i actually either riots or
appointments you have what i have two doctor cardio appointments at ucla
2026 new year's resolution for this friend group is go to doctor's appointments together yeah bitch i've been
asking that for a thousand years but like all i ever do is drive people to doctors appointments okay not me but
respect you do i i you are always driving friends i know that but also i have been to many
doctor's appointments with you yes and yeah i have jenna sit on my lap when you
she gets blood drawn.
And when I got my vaccine, I sat on her lap just like sobbing.
Yeah.
But I did drive us both there.
And then you're, that staff infection in your armpit.
Kalila and I have been through some health times.
Just medicals.
Do you remember when I showed up in a, I just happened to be in a Batman outfit or
Superman outfit when you were having an episode?
And I was in a Superman outfit.
And I was in Batman?
Can I tell you what happened?
The first time I ever had a really.
like cardiac episode where I needed to call 911.
Like I almost like passed out and I was alone.
So I called Jenna.
I was like, hey, I'm having like a really bad episode.
This is back when you could call me when I was like asleep.
And it just sadly, I was in a Superman onesie when I was eating meatballs on a couch
with a Superman onesie on just alone.
She keeps getting hotter and hotter.
Jenna comes over.
The paramedics come, but she comes to rescue me in a Batman onezy.
that I just I it's just what I was in and they're they're looking at us like we're on drugs like this
is a prank I'm on the floor I'm on the floor in the hallway because I'm like if I die I want someone
to visual like see my dead body like this on the floor just trying to stay alive and I was telling my
neighbors I was like if I lose consciousness here's my information it's so dramatic it's real
but it was a shock when you showed up in the onesie I was like what is how
happening. We are not superheroes after all. That is a real thing that I do where I'll text
Jenna and Dave on a group text and be like just so you guys know as I'm falling asleep like I feel
this tingling in my leg so if I don't wake up like trace back to that. She just goes and I just
want to make sure that like someone that like Ace is going to be okay and donut will be okay
and I'm like yeah I'm adopting all of them. Yeah. I agree though. Doctor's appointments with friends
are so much better. So maybe what we do is we have some sort of spread.
You put it in if someone can go.
I know it's too much work.
If someone can or a text or a notes, a note, a shared note.
Yeah.
And if someone can go that day, then we go.
I mean, my sister usually takes me to all of my appointment.
So I'll ask her if she can take all of us.
I don't want to do that to a window.
I'm fine driving to my own appointment.
You know, I couldn't not.
So when I was pregnant, I couldn't not drive because I was so nauseous and felt so ill.
You had to drive.
So had to drive.
Yeah.
I couldn't be a passenger, like, ever.
And, you know, I'm a passenger princess.
And the fact that big ass aloha next to me, this man in my little, like, car was just like, this feels
wrong.
And I'm just so huge.
I like the control of driving.
Like, I don't like Uber's.
Like, I like having my car.
I'm being like, okay, well, if I want to go do whatever I want after this or if I want to just
leave quick, like, I love it.
I feel like once you almost die because of something.
medical, everything shifts, right?
And you're like, I need someone there because I could die.
Is that how it is for you?
Yeah.
I'm stuck on the Uber thing.
I'm so scarred by Uber being a passenger in an Uber Tesla.
Oh my God. So scarred.
I thought you were saying scared, but with your accent, so scarred.
You bitch.
I scarred.
Hi, Jaime, come on in.
Oh, he came with flowers.
Hi, hi, Jaime.
Hi, hey, hi, hey, hi, hi.
Hi, hi, my, Garcia.
This is for you.
Oh, wow.
I thought it was for all of us, and then it's just for Jenna.
Do you guys know each other?
Wait, is this like The Bachelor?
How you doing?
This is so...
That's cool.
This is so sweet.
The way you came in and just asserted yourself like that.
What's up?
What's up?
What's good?
Not much.
Just here in Berbanking.
Do you have a crush or something, Hyman?
On Jenna?
Yeah.
A little bit.
Oh, because, you know, in Tiger Belly, he was like,
hey, I'm doing trash this day, and, you know.
Jenna, I'm like, okay, I didn't clock it until now, the flowers.
That is so sweet.
You can have them.
You gave them to her.
I was hoping that I could have them.
Do you usually typically give things and then just take them right back?
Okay.
No.
I'm going to set these right here.
Welcome.
What has been a low light and a highlight of this past year?
Are you chewing dip?
No.
A gum.
Okay.
Oh, you could just keep that in here.
What would you say?
So your least favorite thing that happened this year
And your favorite thing that happened this year
My favorite thing I got to
Be on the road more
And work out material
And stop drinking
You stop drinking completely?
That is huge
When?
In May
Congratulations
Well, why did you say I don't drink
And then point to me
Yeah
I don't know you like a guy who drinks or
You know
I mean, I don't know if you know, but I have a partner.
Like a comedy writer?
You know, we'll just not mention anything.
Just let him a crush on you without that.
I do like a guy who doesn't drink.
Yeah, this green flag, right?
Yes, very green flag.
Why did you stop drinking?
Just because, like, I don't like the effect.
The way you felt or the decisions that you were making?
The choices I was making.
But you liked the way you felt.
Sometimes, yeah.
But then the come down, Esther and I were just talking about this.
We just learned about the come down from alcohol.
Makes you more anxious after?
And depressed.
A hundred percent.
As someone who used to drink a lot, a lot.
Dude.
The day after and then actually a couple days after, the anxiety is crippling.
That's what I've heard.
Yeah.
Okay, this is something I learned like two years ago that there's, because I just pictured it as like,
I'm so tired.
and I need to eat food, like what my friends would say
are like, I have a headache or I'm nauseous.
The anxiety and the sadness, they said they felt like, yeah,
up to three days after, sometimes a week.
Ooh.
And we're getting old, too, so.
How are you?
29.
You look young.
29.
Bitch, I'm like 10 years older than you.
Oh, yeah, so you wouldn't work out, right?
Well, how do you feel about that?
What?
A woman.
Do you like an older woman?
I tend to go for older women.
Okay.
We like that.
That's a green flag.
too because um they're more experienced in life you know they're more no i'm so glad you said in life
yeah in life yeah yeah like they're more wiser they know what they want they know what they bring
to the table you know i hate to bring everything to the table we want wait hyma and then um so you
stop drinking that's a that's a highlight that's amazing yeah i got to stop saying i'm sober because
i was never i don't know this is the comments they're like hume was never an alcoholic
But what is an alcoholic?
Someone who's addicted to alcohol in drinking and, like, really, really struggles.
Like, are you really struggling every single day to not drink?
Like the first two months, yeah, because everybody will go out.
You're whatever you want to be.
If you want to be a sober alcoholic, you are.
But Dr. Drew said...
Nobody can tell you otherwise.
Not the comments.
Not the comments.
But Dr. Drew said the definition of just addiction in general,
not just alcoholism is consequences.
If what you're doing has a consequence in your relationships,
your friendships, your work, the way you feel, your physicality,
whatever it is.
If you have consequences from this drug that you're doing,
it's probably something to look into.
But who doesn't have consequences if they're drinking?
A lot of people.
A lot of people who just like, you know, leisurely drink
and they have a nice time, they go home with their partner
and their life just resumes.
There's a lot of people who do it in a relationship.
consequences of drinking?
Yeah, there are people who...
That's your body.
No, some people don't feel that horrible.
I feel physically horrible.
But like, maybe they don't feel it, but their body is...
No, one, two drinks is not going to trash you completely for some.
They have a glass of wine at dinner.
Oh, okay, okay, whatever.
Okay, that makes sense.
And a lot of single guys, some of us, we go out to, you know, have one night stands.
And then, you know, after so many nights of rejection, we drink and then we get depressed
when we go home. Well, I get depressed when I go home
when I was drinking and
not going home with nobody. Oh my God.
I'll never forget when I was on the road. I did the
La Jolla Comedy Store and that was when like you had
to share the condo with like
all the other people on the show and it was
me and like three other guys
and every single night
the guy, one of like the headliners
I was with he'd be like look Esther like I just
want to let you know like I'm not going to be
making it back to the condo with you tonight
but like don't take it personally like I'm just
you know I'm probably going to be with and then every
single night he would be headed back to the condo with me oh my god that is so good i know it was so funny
because every he was like so for sure and you were probably like okay yeah didn't care at all either way
it's so good would he ever mention anything about him coming back we went back together
i thought like he would come back after the night no like we would go to the show together and then
he would assume that he would have to, you know, we would drive back together.
Have you ever been as a, I'll ask you another sec, hi, have you ever been as a woman like flat out
rejected?
I'm sure, but I don't notice it.
But I know it had to happen.
Yes.
Yeah?
Yes.
There is a comedian that I used to have the biggest crush on.
I'm friendly with now.
But like in my early 20s, I was just like, you're really hot.
And he was just like, didn't say anything back.
And it was uncomfortable.
See, I don't even see that as rejection, because if so, I'm rejected 24-7, baby.
No, you feel it when they're like, because there's a difference, like, you're hot.
It's like, oh, like, thanks.
It's like, you're hot.
Like, no.
Well, I guess that happened to me a lot in college when I used to go around or even when we used to go out.
And I would, like, go up and check to see if a dude was hot.
Yeah, but the way you do it, you don't really want them.
You're just playing.
You're playing around.
You're almost like harassing them, honestly.
You're just out harassing men.
She's just catcalling men harassed.
I am because it's like you ever been rejected by a man.
Yeah, right.
Second grade was my first one and I'll never forget.
And that was the last one.
And I've told this story.
And I've told this story, I swear to God.
I'm just going to say before you tell the story, I know already that they rejected you because they liked you.
Continue.
They didn't.
He was a cool boy.
He turned out to be a really short loser, like conspiracy theorist.
So thank God.
Taxi cab driver.
All right.
What? Why did you say that?
Absolutely.
You ever seen those movies?
Taxi driver?
No, like he became a taxi driver or something.
Oh, he became.
No, no, no, I'm talking about the...
He's saying like this dude, his personality...
You know what?
I get you.
What is it?
What is it?
I get you, I got you.
He's saying like this type of personality, he ended up as like a short taxi cab driver.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I thought it was a movie reference.
I don't get it.
Yeah, he was saying like he's seen movies like that where that's how this
story pans out the quarterback he was so hot and cool and sleeping with the girls in high school and
then he peaked the high school and not quite because it's a second grade i'll see taxi cab drivers
he peaked in second grade okay and so all the girls liked him but i went out of my way so everyone
it was like Halloween and we had this like face painting game of like chase and everyone was like
putting like colors on each other and then i made the mistake of
asking if I could paint his face instead of just doing this.
And I was like, hey, like, can I, can I paint your face?
And he goes, fuck off.
Like, to my face, he said, fuck off.
And I, like, hear it in my sleep sometimes.
Oh, my God.
The second time was maybe not a real rejection,
but I was at UNLV and I hooked up with a baseball player.
I don't think he was the brightest bulb.
Oh, the athletes in college are always stupid.
But he was so good looking at it.
I would always see him at the cafe.
cafeteria and I'm like wow he's really hot so anyways made out with him all night and then at the end of the next morning he was like it was really good to meet you Malaysia and then he took off and I never corrected him and I feel like that's a that felt like a rejection maybe he thought you were like the airline Malaysian line and he thought you needed to disappear it had happened yet it had happened he was predicting it Malaysia and so I was like oh I feel that feeling I was like oh dang Malaysia is a dope ass name yeah Malaysia oh my God Malaysia
I think she was like a reality star, really pretty one.
That is horrible.
You know, this whole thing about rejection is interesting because I really do think that I've
probably been rejected many times and I just like don't clock it.
Oh my gosh.
She wants to fit in so bad right now.
I do.
I do.
But here's the thing.
I didn't start even like catcalling or dating until, as you know, I was like 21.
So it happened way late.
But you only cat called dudes you don't want.
No, I can't call dudes who I think are hot.
It doesn't mean that I want them.
No, correct.
But this is why catcalling women can catcall and men can't because men catcall with the intention
of wanting something, following you home, being annoying.
I'm catcalling, just letting you know.
To bring our spirits up.
They're like, you're hot.
Like, I'll walk up to a dude.
You're fine.
I want to sit on your face.
Goodbye.
Keep walking.
It's like, that's how you do.
And then if they want to come to you, then they can.
I have seen Jenna in action.
So she'll be like, hi, you're hot.
Let me sit on your face.
And the guy's like, okay.
And she's like, wha.
And then she runs away and she rejects them.
You've also seen me in action where I do that.
And it kind of works.
Yeah.
And then he was too drunk.
Remember when we were in Vegas?
Oh, yeah.
Jenna met a guy.
She cat called a guy.
And then they were like dancing.
And then he picked her up thinking that it was like a cute move to like a dirty dancing.
move and he threw her onto the ceiling
into like the popcorn ceiling
like into the lighting fixtures
oh my god the asbestos was sprinkling down with my head
I'm like going like her head was like her neck
there's a picture of it her neck crack
it was as best raining asbestos and he's like
there's nothing I hate more
like stories from your guys has passed together
someone being drunk though is so gross it's such a turnoff
and so although I cat called him
and then he broke your neck he came back
And I was like, okay, we could do, did I kiss him?
You did, yeah, I had pictures.
Okay.
So I kissed him because I'm like, I'm going to do it.
I'm going to go out and like do this thing.
And then he was just like, he started talking to me about his family and he was drunk.
And I was like, Kalila, we got to go.
There's one more element of this story that's funny.
And we can cut this out if you don't want.
But we were on Spirit Airlines on the way back.
You were in an open relationship.
Yeah, I was in an open relationship at that time.
And I was not like taking advantage.
of it right so i had all these pictures of her and asbestos guy um with her neck cranked and stuff
and i sent it to her and she meant to send it to like the group chat or her friends but she
accidentally sent it right before the plane takes off and you lose wifi she sends it we're in the back
this is not an over exaggeration everything she's saying is exactly how it happened so we're all in a row
and she texts the photograph a bunch of them to the guy
she's in an open relationship with and then the plane takes off and she cannot there's no
unsend at that time what happened when you landed he said nothing and i said like hey sorry i
meant to send those to coliola in the group and he just goes yeah i figured and i just go okay
he's okay with it right okay with it it's like it's the agreement we were communicating i
wasn't lying it's not like the pictures were of me having sex we didn't have sex together but he
He was just like, I don't want to know about it, you know?
Yeah.
It was just me being, the pictures were like of me with the nipple covers being slammed into the ceiling by a man dressed in a kangaroo.
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So I'm in weird positions all day. Sorry, guys.
Okay, this is normal for me.
Blur out the double chin.
I'm going to list some of the biggest pop culture moments of the year.
And Jaime and anyone else, I want to hear what your thoughts are.
Wow, I don't care about any of them already.
Hold play, concert, cheating scandal.
Can you tell me, you're going to have to tell me what each thing is.
Wait, no, you can have missed this one.
Jaime, do you know about this?
Yeah.
Okay.
I was there.
Wait, is it the guy who's kissing someone?
He was holding the woman that wasn't his wife.
Oh, yeah, and then he tried to...
And Chris Martin was like, oh, look at that couple.
Yes, okay, I did see that.
That one.
It's crazy.
It's kind of boring to me.
It's not boring.
I mean, I guess it's more so tired.
It's like, yeah, another man fucking cheating.
Like, I don't know.
Yeah, it's disgusting.
Katie Perry went to space.
Oh.
She went to Mars.
She did not go to Mars, hi, Jaime.
She went to Mars against a moon rocks.
She went to space for eight minutes.
Eight minutes.
And she's now, I feel like the more interesting thing is that she's dating Justin Trudeau.
I feel like they're so gross.
I feel I'm pretty icked out about it, too.
Justin Trudeau?
The ex-Canadian.
Oh.
Ex-Canadian?
How do you?
The ex-Canadian prime minister.
I remember thinking he was so hot.
And now that he's dating her, I don't think he's that hot.
Yeah.
How do you feel about everyone who spent money on Laboo's this year?
You know, it's just another collectible thing that people get into.
And it's not a mean.
baby and it's not like them and it it's not i hated them you know it is embarrassing but i will say
it's almost like how i feel about religion and believing in god it's like i don't want to do that
but if you are doing that i know that you're happier than me like if you have your lobooboo collection
and you're like spending your money and researching i'm like you're you're doing better than i am
your mental state you're happy like you believe in something i do very much envy the delusion of
of being very pious and religious.
Like, when I see these people go through hard times,
the fact that they always, like,
this is part of God's plan.
They kind of just leave it up to a higher power.
And I'm not able to think like that, but they are.
I envy that.
I envy that.
You know, the Kardashians are really religious.
Is it for real?
For real, or just go to church.
They seem like it's the real thing.
Did you guys see that this is my highlight of the year?
So the OJ estate had an auction of all of his things.
And one of the things they were selling was a Bible that Robert Kardashian gifted to O.J. Simpson after the murders happened.
And it was his Bible.
It was Robert's Bible.
So this was their dad's Bible.
It had his name inscribed on it.
And it had a handwritten note in it.
And all, like, their dad's underlining in his own Bible, written to a murderer.
Yeah, well, that part.
I wonder if it was, like, all just, like, hidden clues that he underlined and, like,
the underlying words and sentences, like, created a message.
I don't think so.
I don't know.
Like, you know.
You know, have you seen a movie?
It's like, you know, exactly.
Yeah, the first letter of every sense.
And then the person goes, Da Vinci called you.
I did it.
They're telling him to lie.
Yeah.
And they figured out.
But so.
bought it at the auction secretly for $80,000.
Wow.
That's nothing to her.
Yeah.
It's like a Kit Kat bar to me.
But they are religious and also like I am not surprised like if that was your dad's
Bible.
I mean, Clyle, you have a father who passed away years ago.
Would you like dig into your pockets to try to get something?
Yeah, probably.
If it had his writing in it, I wouldn't even because my dad's writing was very special and
very specific.
and I remember how he writes and I don't have a lot of that left except for birthday cards
and so I would want to yeah that makes sense I would want to buy that I'm with you about
religious people though they're so much better off than us they are my one of my best friends
David from growing up he is so religious we both understand that we're not on the same page
but that like in some way it's just us wishing the best for each other like he wakes up at four o'clock
in the morning and he does his devotions every single day. I'm always like, David, just sleep. The
Lord wants you to sleep. And he's like, this is my meditation time. This is the time that I have to do
it before I get to work. Like, it has to be this way. People with structure are way better.
And ever since I was little, I remember my mom teaching me because we grew up in a household that was just
like non-religious. And she was like, this is what keeps him going, Jenna. You have to understand
that like for some people, it's something else. And now it's so.
cute because we're in our 30s
and even just this morning. Every morning
he sends me
a YouTube prayer
that's like what
what he does today. That's a little much.
No, because he also knows
he knows that I'm like, David, I'm not
listening to this shit, but
he'll send me like a little excerpt
of it and it's just like you can change
the way that you think blah blah blah and I just
like delete in my head like the God
the God stuff and it's so sweet. Are you
are you religious at all?
Uh, no.
Okay, good.
Not that much.
Did you, oh, red flag?
Green.
Oh.
Oh.
Do you have any other green flag questions for him?
Oh, do you spill a lot of crumbs?
When I eat at dinner?
Do you, like, do you find crumbs all over your house?
What about him is making you ask that?
That's just one of my green flag questions in general for anyone.
Oh, that's a very specific to you.
You seem very clean.
Yeah, I seem.
I eat, I get a new sweater sometimes and then when I'm at dinner, I spill ketchup on.
it sometimes. That's cute. That's endearing. Also, the crumbs thing is not like a universal green
red. That's just a Jenna thing. Yeah, that's just a me thing. Yeah. I mean, I don't mean like
in your house. Do some women like crumbs? I don't think that's... When I, when I eat, I eat with
my heart. What am I talking about when you're eating? I'm talking about like there's crumbs by your
bed. Oh, oh yeah, gross. Yeah, no, I don't eat my mom. I don't eat that in my bed. I eat in the
kitchen. Green flag. Jenna watched me eat in my bed yesterday. Yeah, I did.
And then she put it into the drawer next to her bed just like Bobby.
She put in chicken and green beans left over.
It wasn't an even, it wasn't an empty platter.
There was still food in it.
You put it in your drawer.
And she put it in the drawer.
And she went like this and looked at me.
And then you eat it later.
You save it for later.
Maybe.
Depends.
Sometimes now.
Last week, I found, I don't know when it was from,
but she says that it was from.
that morning maybe overnight oats that had maybe been there overnight i opened up her drawer and
i smell like strawberry and stuff residue and i was like esther what is this and she's like it's my
overnight oats and i was like from when she goes just today i don't know it's like i don't want to
look at the food when i'm done you know i'm like a guy like after i like so have a fucking garbage can
oh wait you're i would have to get up no you're you don't have to get up no you
you could put one right next to your bed.
You know, after you, like, get off, you're like, get out of here.
That's how I'm to my food.
No, I'm just like, stay.
Yeah, that's, thank you.
That's a green flag.
That's a red flag.
Hyman has talked about pillow talk before.
Thank God you're not a dude.
I know.
Oh, my God, Esther, if you were a dude, you'd be the worst.
My parents would raise the most toxic dude.
This is like my new thing.
My dad, they're both so toxic in their own way that a man in this world raised by them
would be really bad things.
Like if you, as a man, did anything that you do?
Oh my God, it would just be over.
I'd be pretty terrible to, though.
I don't know.
I'd be a good guy.
No.
I don't know.
But you know what, let me just say this.
Maybe we are only the way that we are because we're women.
So we're only asking for the things we're asking for because we're not getting them,
because the whole world is belittling us and, like, oppressing us.
So maybe we would actually be pretty good men.
Oh, wait, I take that back.
You're right.
I think I would have been a good guy because just my mom and my dad.
My dad was really cool.
And also I feel like you're raising a good son.
I hope so.
I feel like you are.
I mean, you have no, you have zero like creepy boy mom red flags.
Yeah.
Which is like I don't even know how.
Amazing.
Calm and cool.
His dad is cool.
So it's like, even if I get it all wrong.
You're a good boy mom inspiration for me.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
I like that.
Because you're like, I don't know, you're just very grounded in it.
Wait, a what?
What did you say?
A boy mom inspiration.
Like she's not like weird.
Yeah.
You know when they're weird?
And Aloha, the way he treats you, that's like the biggest factor that I think is going to lead
into how your BB is.
I think so.
I think that is the biggest, because boys watch their dad after a certain age.
And how he treats the women in his life will be directly attributed to how he sees his
dad, treat women. And thankfully, like, it sometimes hurts me because Aloha doesn't know how to
shit talk. Sometimes I just want to have a good shit talking session where I'm just like going off
about people. And then I tell him, I tell him. And I'm like, okay, now your turn. He has nothing to say.
Wait, this used to happen to us. It used to piss me. Like, oh yeah, it pisses me the fuck off because
I'm like, Jenna, I need you to like, pile on, pile on. I feel like, can you at least just not hear what
I'm saying? I'm like, but I don't know the person. She'll defend them. And Dave will always turn against me.
But it sounds like you're in the wrong
I don't know what else to say
And Jenna's just like
I need to really think about that
I do
They're so annoying
Yeah
Aloha's similar in that
Well if I really need it
He's like no I hear you
Like that really sucks
I've never heard him
outwardly talk shit about
anyone in his life
Same with Dave
Is this all guys or is this
I think
Really?
No bullshit
I've met
The biggest shit
talkers have been men.
I'm sure.
Look at them all nodding their heads.
R will not say a word about anyone.
Anyone that's bad.
And I'm like, can you just tell me about like, maybe there's something you didn't like about
an ex-girl that you dated?
And he's like, there were definitely moments that didn't work out.
But I'm like, that's all you got.
He won't talk shit about anyone.
And if you talk shit about your exes?
Yeah.
To who, though?
To the guys.
I'm not scared.
No, he won't.
even talk shit to the guys about anyone. Dave will never say anything bad about his exes, but I'll
just be there, like, dissecting, being like, well, what about this about her? He's like, I don't
really, he's like, I liked her. Like, he's, isn't it painful? Yeah. I'm like, no, but she's the
witch. Because the alternative is a red flag, which is, if he talks shitty about his ex, I'm like,
okay, you're, you're the bad guy. But then also when they don't talk shit, and they're just like,
no, she was great. And she was gorgeous. And she was a good person. It just didn't work out. I'm
great and gorgeous what do you mean great and gorgeous that's the type of shit that wakes me up at night
i just i just i just hear like great and gorgeous great and gorgeous and then that honestly then
that word will be a trigger word for me where like anytime i hear great or gorgeous i'm like oh my god
you need EMDR you know what i say that's so underhanded in me and it's so fucking toxic it's
like this is what i've said one time and he didn't understand what i was saying i was just like
i just don't get how you could date someone like her but then be attracted to
me. And by that, I mean like, ew, like, how could you like that? Am I in the same, am I on the same
levels? I'm like, how could you have ever like that, but then also like someone like me?
And then what does he say? And then he's just like, she was great and she's going, no, it's great
it's going to work out. Why are you toe fingering her? Because that's how I do. Oh, man. But you know what
I mean. I know. I know. It's like, can you just, toggled my pussy is what Esther said.
That's what Jester said.
Jester, that's your name.
Jester, you toggled my post.
Oh, no, you toggled.
Do not start calling me Jester.
I used to call you Fester.
I know.
I hate that more.
I love Fester Adams.
Are you kidding?
My name is my favorite.
Pester.
We can't do this?
Well, your name sucks.
Can someone do...
What's the alternative?
Just calling you Esther?
That's all so bad.
No, Fester is good.
Fester Adams.
No, I don't really do Fester Adams.
No.
I've called her Fester Adams.
I'll frame it.
Please, I don't deserve this.
You don't because it's too good.
I hate my name too.
I hate my name.
Why do you hate your name?
Heime is so cool.
You know, my cousin's name is Hyman.
Don't be fucking common.
The boy loves my virginity too is Jaime.
Well, a lot of people call me Heinemann.
Oh, that's stupid.
I'm getting tired.
I'm not a vagina.
But you know what a hymen is?
I don't know what it is.
Isn't?
Yeah.
That's part of like, fucking.
inside of a pussy. It's not even
the cock block and honestly you can break while you're
doing anything,
riding a horse. Yeah, gymnastics.
I broke mine running
into a wall on a bicycle, I think.
But you don't know how many times I have to explain
to a woman? What my name
means? That's so stupid. Not in L.A.
It's so common. I thought
it was Jamie, I'll admit. That's why
I'll just go by Jamie now. Okay, but Jamie
is off. If you look at the name. Your mom did not give you that name.
Your parents said Jaime. Your dad's
said hi man your name is hymen yeah it's a beautiful name are you mexican yeah are you mexican
yeah what type well if you want to get into it i'm actually indigenous and i just found out
which tribe two weeks ago and it is my whole new personality but i haven't told y'all about it
otomi that is my new life that is the tribe that came up on my 23 and me and my dad was always like
yeah miha like we're indigenous we were the first ones there and i'm like okay okay like i believe
you, but everyone probably thinks they were the first one there. And he's like, no, if you have this
marking on your back that, like, apparently all of them have. That's so cool. He's like that's,
you have a marking on your back? Yeah, just my birth mark. That's like a specific shape. And like,
my brother has it. My dad has. Are you serious? Yeah. Again, I was like, I need proof. So I did 23
and me and it said that I was Native American. And then you look at it. It's like 38%. You look at it.
and it says exactly where my dad is from.
That's so cool.
How crazy is that?
And now, only as of two weeks ago, they've updated,
we know what tribe you were a part of Otomi.
So then I cross-referenced and I looked where was the Otomi tribe a part of?
And you can look on the map.
It's where my dad was from.
And they were the first people there.
So I'm Mexican.
I'm Otomi.
Do you know what you are?
Yeah.
What?
Mexican-American.
No, I don't know.
Where's your family from?
They're from Mexico
San Luis
San Luis
Potosi?
Yeah
Look at how well
they're hitting it off
They already have their own little
language
Language
San Luis
Botsi
San Luis
Is Spanish
Poucito
Oh okay
A pocto
Oh okay
Okay
Okay
Yeah
So I'm
Uh
I'm sorry
Umberagement
In Spanish
Okay
I'm ashamed
How do you say
Embarrassment
In Spanish
Yeah
Um
Embarceau
No
That's on it
That's pregnant
Avergonzada?
I've never said that in my life.
I want a little bit more elado.
Okay, bitch.
That's what I learned to say at Johnny Rockets.
Okay, you're fluent.
Yeah, basically that's all,
that's the only sentence you'll ever need to know.
Yeah, but I would never say,
the way that Google translate be saying thing,
it's like, I would never say that.
I would just say, like,
I think of berguenza to do,
or whatever.
Or me da verguyen.
Me da verguenza.
Do you have any other questions for Jenna?
Yeah, I think what attracts me to you is
That's not a question, but I'll take it.
Green light, I mean, green flag.
Listen, women watching, women watching, this is a green light, okay?
The way that he just came in, he said, hi, this is my name here, which is my camera, this?
These are my flowers for you.
He sat down, he was confident.
He's being chill, right?
Like, he's thirsty, you can tell, but he's chill.
But he's chill.
Hi, me, what else do you want to?
ask or let her know about you.
What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? Can you say? What attracts me to you?
What attracts me to you is, uh, you look like, uh, what's her name? Wonder Woman?
If you say Galgado. Because everyone says that and I don't see it. I see it. Literally everyone says I'm Galgadoo and I'm like. That's crazy you. Yeah, you look like her. I see it. I also think you look like the girl from the Shia LaBuff. That girl. Who? Everyone thinks.
that I look like her.
She's gorgeous.
Oh my God.
Even Stevens?
No.
It's a film.
Do you remember the billboard
where everyone thought it was me?
Her name is like Shane or something.
But I actually see what people see in that
because she's just like kind of messy.
That girl.
Sasha Lane.
Yeah, she's pretty.
She's so pretty.
She's great and gorgeous.
Everyone was like, was that you on the billboard?
You do have a tattoo in the back, right?
She looks so much like you.
I don't really see it anymore.
Anything you wanted to know about you?
Or ask her?
You asked me.
What did you ask me?
What do you?
Is she my type?
Yeah.
Yeah, she's my type if she was a 10 years younger, asking.
You have a type?
That's not good.
That's a red flag.
I'm just being dumb.
Okay.
No.
What else do you like about, what else do you like about Jenna?
She's pretty laid back.
I feel like Esther is enjoying this more than anyone.
You said she's pretty laid back?
Yeah.
You would be wrong.
Oh, yeah.
I feel like both of you, though, come off as laid back, but are not.
Are not.
But I get why.
It also depends the scenario.
I think what you're saying is we look sloppy, but we're actually, we know we're bras,
we've holes in our pants and look sloppy.
Because I would say that, like, I'm very laid back about a lot of things when it doesn't
have to do with me.
Like, well, that's easy.
And you owe me a Coke.
Yeah, it's like I'm laid back about if plans change, if I have to do something for someone.
Wait, why did you say you owe, she owes you a Coke?
Oh, because we said like at the same time.
Oh, jinks.
Oh, jinks.
Can't talk yet.
Cute. Wow.
Oh, you know what to highlight?
I'm gaining more confidence.
You're gay?
That's a green flag.
No, I'm not gay.
Okay.
The things I do are gay, but I'm not gay.
I still like girls.
But I'm gaining more confidence.
You really are, though.
I bet you like that I have confidence.
Huh?
I bet that's what you like about me is my confidence.
Yeah.
This has never felt more like a fourth grade.
Yeah.
I also don't.
think that guys necessarily
love confidence. They always go for
like the scared little mouse. Yeah, you sound
dumb as hell. I would say
that a con... I think you like what you like
about me is that I'm confident.
Right, right?
Yeah. A confident guy
likes a confident woman.
The men y'all are with don't like
you because you're mousy and shit. They like
you because you are confident. So eat
that shit bitch. That's true.
Little fuck boy.
Fuck dudes.
Little fuck-fucks, they like little mousy-ass women because they want you to be
so that they have some confidence.
Confident man likes a confident woman.
Some very smart man on TikTok was like, you know, the term fuckboy.
It's like, yeah, it kind of makes sense and it applies when a dude is like in his 20s.
But like after you're 30, you're no longer a fuck boy.
He's like, you're just a fucking loser.
It's like what a loser.
Like what loser-ass shit behavior is that when you're in your 30s?
still behaving.
Yeah, like literally a fuck nothing.
Just a little fuck.
We have bananas coming in.
We have bananas coming in.
You know what I do now?
Like, when I haven't been doing it.
When I meet new people, when they come to the green rooms or just anywhere where I'm in the couch, I always stand up now and shake their hand.
Wow.
That's very gentlemanly.
Yeah, in the green rooms especially because, you know.
You know, I really respect that.
I feel like what I like to do is whenever I'm around new people, and I don't always do it, but this is just when I'm thinking and when I'm present is like there's someone in the room I don't know, walk up to them. Hi, I'm Esther. Like it seems before you think of doing it, you're like, how would I ever interact and engage with a new person? And then once you just are like, I'm Esther and you say your name and it's like, you're cool. Now you're like welcoming and you're confident. And so I think that's amazing.
Yeah, and even if it's awkward, it doesn't matter.
That's a really great hack that I, because I'm really anxious everywhere, right?
But when I learn to introduce myself very early on, as opposed to like waiting around to see if someone will like talk to me, it's hard.
It kind of, it took away a lot of like my nerves where it's like, okay, I did what I did and the rest is the rest.
They don't have to like it or it's like whatever, but you just.
I don't want them to like.
it. Now you were
like a gentleman.
You did your part in this social
experiment that we call life.
If you're a green flag or red flag, will you
take my pieces and put them somewhere?
Green flag.
Oh, you don't have to put them, that's a red flag.
You can just put them on the table next to you.
When she's doing your laundry, when you guys are married,
she's going to be having to dig through your pockets for garbage.
We're hoping you guys could help.
like a little date simulation here
and coach Jaime through like a pickup
and a dinner. Oh, we're going to
coach you through a date. No, here.
You're not. Dude, you're going to get. You're not
doing any coaching. You're just
there. You're being pursued.
Where are we?
Hang on. Is he hitting on her for the first time or they're going on a date?
We could start with the pickup line first. Yeah, like so you've already
asked this person out on a date. No, no. What's your pickup line?
I'm hiring my Garcia. And be genuine. Be genuine.
I don't know. So I, when I,
When I do pick a blind
You're dancing at a club
He goes to clubs is why
Come on a floor
Yeah I'm not going to that
No
I don't know
Because I've been thinking about this
Like I don't really have pick up lines
Because I'm always trying to be funny
And it never works
That's funny
So you're on your way to pick Jenna up for your date
Right
What car are you picking her up in
My car
Okay
2016 for escape
Love it
Love it
Yeah it's great
I might need to get it detailed, but...
What about if you live on the west side?
She lives the opposite way, and the restaurant is also the opposite way.
Like on my side?
Let's say you live on the west side.
And it's like rush hour traffic.
Rush hour L.A. traffic.
Oh.
You picking her up?
Yeah.
Okay. Green flag.
What restaurant are you taking her to?
Well, restaurant would you like to go to me?
Thank you.
I was just going to say, ooh, you better ask, but you're still going to plan.
So maybe you have some options.
And then you now tell him your food restrictions.
I say, hey.
Yeah, stop saying I say.
Be in it.
Let's act.
Motherfuckers.
Like if the director just walked in.
Go, we're not here.
Okay.
Hey, so I have some dietary restrictions, though, that can be really super annoying.
But I also...
I also need a banana, my bad.
If it's a problem and that's, like, annoying, I understand why it would be annoying.
No, it's fine.
What's your diet?
it's not a diet i have allergies
what is your allergies it's actual allergies
like i have epipen it's real allergies
oh what do you have throw it on me i'm allergic to
apples carrots
peaches plums jackfruit
apples i can have when they're cooked but i can't have them when they're raw
carrots i can have them when they're cooked but not when they're raw
because they change molecular structure
okay yeah are you writing i know it's a lot do you want me to just send you a text
of all the allergies no no can you eat seafood i love seafood you like
steak? I can't eat steak.
Okay, what's another? Well, you said
seafood and then you said steak. There are two
different things. Surf and turf. Huh?
Surf and turf? I don't know what that is.
I don't know what that is.
I think it's like steak and shrimp.
Hold on. No, no, no, no. Don't call your eggs.
So then I would put that on mute and I would be like
Esther, Kalila. Like he's, he just said
surfing turf. No, we're not here. Stop it.
Oh, so no, you're not here.
Hey, what's up? I lost you there for a minute.
No, that was my mom.
Oh, okay.
How is she doing?
She's okay.
So, yeah, I don't know what surf and turf is, but I like seafood.
So maybe if we can do something with that, I can give you the options that I can eat and then you can find the place because I'm not.
Hey, listen, baby.
Oh.
Listen.
I don't like that you just called me baby.
I said, listen, maybe.
Oh.
I have a speech impediment.
Oh, you have a speech impediment.
That's so cute.
I love a speech impediment.
So listen, maybe we can
Maybe we can
Get some options going on and we can choose whatever
Which whatever you're into
Come up with some options
Bro, I just told you what I can eat and what I'm into
He's not from L.A., though. Help him out Connie and Ted's maybe
Oh yeah, I don't know any reference in that league
Ask her if she wants to go to Connie and Ted's
You're not here! Stay in it! He needs help! I needed help!
Stay in it!
You want sushi?
The one is Loretta, Loretto.
Oh, this is bullshit.
You want sushi?
I know
You like sushi?
Yeah, I like sushi
Sugarfish
Excuse me
Oh, it's okay
I love
Sugarfish
Sugarfish
I can make a reservation
For two
Sugarfish works for me
Because I already know
You just how about we do
Takeout in like
A global park or something
Oh we can
So listen
We can take it up
Are you doing something
I hear wrestling
Wrestling
You're trying to say wrestling
Not wrestling
Not wrestling
Isn't your speech impediments
I love it
Yeah we can get
Sugarfish
And then
Take it out
and go to the park or something?
No?
Okay, so how is that going to work?
Okay, fast forward.
We're at the restaurant.
Have you ever been to Sugarfish?
Oh, fuck.
This is bad.
It's just very plain rice.
It's negating.
It's like,
Hello, welcome to Sugarfish.
Hi.
My name is Lisa.
Hi.
I'm your backup server, Kalila.
She's, I'm training her, so she'll be following around.
Did you say Malaysia?
Malaysia, yes.
Malaysia?
I'm training her.
She's my training.
Okay, you're doing a great job.
Thank you so much.
Are you, um, is this a first date?
We're gonna be here for an hour.
Have you guys been?
Okay, rude.
Don't like that.
Have you guys been here before?
Are you first timers?
I'm a first timer.
I've been here before.
Oh.
A couple red flags there.
I'm gonna say the red flag of with who and the red flag of like not being super
kind to the readers.
I don't think that's a red flag.
That's so funny what you just did.
If some guys said, with who in that way, I would laugh so hard.
But if he was serious, then I'm like red flag.
Sorry, sorry.
Snap back.
I don't like how there'd be double stanzers.
Okay.
So, okay, you've been here before.
Any questions about the menu?
Would you, who will be,
will you be ordering for everyone or,
I'm already laughing, sorry.
You don't know how about he hates sushi.
He does?
That's a red flag.
No.
Okay, let's take, okay.
Okay, what can I hate to like sushi?
What can I get you?
You can't tell me what a fucking red flag is or not.
It's not a red flag.
What can I?
What can I get you?
What?
Hello?
Can I get two California?
Well, you want California rolls?
I'll order for myself.
Thank you.
Okay.
California rules.
Oh, no.
What'd you like?
They don't have California rolls.
They don't have California rolls.
Do you want like a crab roll?
Can you get, my friend?
I'll give you.
Here's yellow tail.
Albuquer.
You like yellow tail?
You know, it seems like the lady is ready to order first.
Would you like to order?
Yes, I'll just order first.
Then you have time to think about it.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm going to order the
whatever it's called.
You take me.
I take you.
The trust me.
That's our most popular order.
I would like the trust me.
I would like light or regular.
Are you skinny or fat?
Okay.
You're fat.
I'll take the double regular.
Okay.
Of the trust me.
Can you afford this?
Yeah.
Okay.
And instead of the crab, because I know that you can substitute with the crab, I'll substitute
Yellowtail.
We will allow that substitution at this time.
Yes.
No, not just this time.
I know.
Oh, wait, you're the waitress.
I wouldn't talk.
Oh, I get that all the time.
Yeah.
No, we got you.
Okay.
I'll have the same.
You'll have the same.
Yes.
And can we have just some extra ginger and extra lemon on the side please?
Of course.
Can you get a water with lemon?
Yes.
Yes.
And I'll have a water with no ice, please.
No lemon.
Anything else to drink?
Are we drinking tonight?
A kale salad?
We don't have kale salad.
Oh.
Yeah, no, thank you.
Any sake or...
I don't drink, thank you.
I don't drink.
He doesn't drink either.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
For a couple of old timers, you know.
Oh, you're a couple.
Not yet.
Hopefully, you know.
I'm wishing for.
it and praying for it.
Like, God, please.
See, I got her flowers.
That's funny.
You know, Trini, we've actually brought you some seasonal...
Wrong table, idiot!
I'm sorry, sorry.
Seasonal, and this one has apple and carrots and a couple nuts in it, and it complements
some from the chef.
We'd like you to try some.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
This is what I do now.
Now you're obviously going to eat it because I can't eat it.
I'm allergic.
Wrapping.
Well, remember what she said was in it?
I was not listening.
I was looking at my beautiful date.
Okay, here you go.
Compliments from the chef.
Apple, nuts.
Oh, I'll have it.
Soy.
Oh, okay.
I'll eat it for you.
Why?
Because she's allergic to apples.
He was listening, kind of.
I was distracted by your eyes, but I still listen.
Okay.
Well, it looks like you guys, you loved your food.
You ate it all.
I'm surprised.
Wow.
Yeah, it was pretty good.
And you didn't eat anything hardly.
Are you, are you, are you,
okay with what you got um i'm saving for later for midnight snacks okay when we're watching uh
netflix and chill i will um um okay i have this check here in my hand yes can we um
you come home with me yeah split it yeah no you don't come in home with me okay uh i'll take
the whole chat okay couple red flags here you say you don't say netflix and chill and realize
I don't know.
I don't.
He knows that.
I say HBO Max and chill.
Thank you.
HBO Max is $34 right now, so you better enjoy this movie.
No, that month.
Oh, my God.
So you better enjoy this movie.
Whatever movie I put on.
Okay.
They just put weapons on.
That's pretty cool.
Do you need parking validation?
I'll take care of it.
Oh, you don't need parking validation?
I don't know.
He's going to drive a...
You want to pay full price to show off?
Yeah, I can pay.
That's not attractive.
I like it.
There's not a parking ventilation?
One of the things that Bobby did, that's like literally the best thing ever, especially
in like L.A. bullshit parking, whatever, is that he bypasses all valet, all parking.
He gives the guy $100.
Park my car in the very, very front so I can walk in, walk out.
You don't have to do anything, which is park it in the closest spot.
Okay, well, that's different than being like, you have validation, but I don't want to take it.
Yeah.
But I think that it really is like, oh.
Oh, green flag.
Oh, sorry.
What are you drinking?
Hojicha.
Hachisha.
Is that for your cleanse?
I'm just curious.
I've just been curious about everything.
I love your curiosity.
Okay, we're in the car.
We just got outside Jenna's place.
Listen, I had a cool time.
Fun time with you.
You're a very cool hang.
Thanks.
Yeah, I had a great time, too.
I love sugarfish.
Maybe we can go again.
Yeah.
I don't think so.
I was kidding.
I'm just playing.
Yeah, we had good labs and I really like hope we can go on a second date somewhere else.
Not a movie theater today because, you know, we need to talk more about ourselves.
So picnic in a park or or on the beach or Venice Beach or something gay like that.
Okay, cut flash forward to I'm pregnant.
No, you guys are meeting the family.
Oh.
And Kalila and I are Jenna's mom and dad.
You're welcome.
Who's your mom?
You can be my dad.
I'm dad.
We already know I'm dad.
I'm Jenna's mom and Klaela is
Jenna's dad and she's introducing you to us.
Okay.
Okay, ready?
So this is for your mom?
Oh, she doesn't like flowers.
Well, this bitch is gonna like it.
Hello.
Hi, mom.
Hi, poppy.
Hi, me.
This is my mommy.
This is my puppy.
Oh, no, thank you.
This is Jaime.
Can we kill myself?
Oh, my dad will take it.
I'll take it.
Thank you.
Who's your dad?
Fabi, how you doing?
Hello, how'stas?
Beautiful dollo.
Dala?
Beautiful daughter.
You got a beautiful dog there.
Beautiful daughter.
That's my speech impediment.
So, Jaime, where are you from?
I'm from Texas, but I just moved out here to California.
What are your intentions with our daughter?
My mom would never ask that.
My dad would.
I'm a different mom.
Oh, okay.
I'm not playing your real mom.
I've had owned my own character.
I've been working on.
Okay, we got it.
I'm working on my character.
What are your intentions with my beautiful daughter, Jenna?
Daughter?
Yeah.
We've been seeing for each other for a couple months now and I really like spending time with her.
So, like, you know.
Have you guys had sex?
Have you had sex?
Have you had sex?
Hold on.
Look at the dad.
Um, no.
I mean, we're adults.
We're adults.
Yeah.
We have our time.
time. Yeah, we're not there yet. Oh. Do you see a future with her? Yeah, I can see a feature with her.
How do you feel about her being 10 years older than you? Age doesn't matter to me. I'm pretty sure
to know what I want now. What do you do for a living? I'm a podcaster and a comedian, stand-up comedian.
Does that get you benefits? Benefits? Like health insurance? I can get you backstage. Oh, health
insurance i can get health insurance if i want they're a doctor backstage can i i can get i can get i can get
benefits hi me do you want kids yeah i can see like a little little jana hyme like five or six of them
running around wow you know little james you know for you for you guys
grandkids you want grandkids i would love nothing more than five or six grandkids truly and that's like
my real answer.
She broke character.
I was like, that's all I want.
How do you guys think how I did?
I think I would give you like a C plus, a C plus.
Which is good because it's not bad.
There were a lot of good things working.
But there are like specific areas where you can maybe improve.
I would say overall, like your energy is very good.
And that's like my number one.
Like if the energy ain't right, there's nothing you could do to save your
yourself. I'm being Jenna now. There's nothing you could do. There's no money that could
buy me anything. There's no time that you could take us somewhere. There's no trip. There's no
words. If your energy isn't right. So you like his energy. Yeah. Your energy is good. Thank you.
Seems like you're comfortable. You're open to suggestions. You're open to being corrected.
A messed up. What? You're good, Hyman. No, the gum in my hoodie. Now it's everywhere.
Well, we told you. Why did you put the gum in your hoodie?
Because you guys
Like snarled at him
When he tried to put it on the table
I told him to put it on the table
So Brandon
Also I know his hands are stuck inside
Oh no
I never told you
I never told you to not eat it
I just wanted I thought it was dip
I never said don't eat it
So that you were assuming
That I was saying not to eat gum
Instead of getting clarification
And I didn't think you would put it bare naked in your pocket
I thought it was gonna be a bomb
But
Okay a it's material though
And that's gum
What's it really?
Use ice.
It gets it, like, so hard, and then you'll crack it off.
You know, my roommate's mad at me right now?
Who's mad at you?
My roommate.
Why?
Because I left.
Yeah, she was at her mom's, and I was taking off to L.A.
She told me to take out the trash because I take out the trash.
I was in a hurry.
I was in a hurry.
I was in a hurry.
And I left it.
So when she got back from, like, her weekend with her mom, it stunk.
Oh, no.
And I had, like, dinner, like, hot pockets.
And I burnt waffles.
Red flag.
I don't know I cook, but it was eggo waffles.
You and your fucking egos.
Oh, you want to hear a debate?
Yeah?
Tell me who's right or wrong.
Because I asked Bobby and the guys, and they're saying, oh, she's wrong.
Maybe don't tell us who's who.
Just tell us the different sides.
So we can give you a genuine answer.
So my roommate, she was out doing.
Okay, go ahead, go ahead.
Yeah.
It's too much to ask.
So it was Saturday.
She goes out with her mom for lunch and stuff.
So she's out all day.
I'm at home just watching TV.
I cook
frozen waffles
Right
Home style
Eggo waffles
Like you make them by hand
No
Oh so you just
So you're toast them
I toast frozen
Waffles
He said I cook
Oh I toasted
Frozen waffles
Right
Eggos right
And that's all I ate
In the morning
She comes home for dinner
She's like
What did you eat for breakfast
And I said
Oh I had
Frozen Waffles
And she's like
No you didn't
You just had waffles
Don't say
Frozen Waffles
just say waffles
but I was like
they're frozen
waffles right
or am I wrong
I mean
they weren't frozen
when you ate them
and also I guess
when I eat bread
and it's in the freezer
I don't say
I ate frozen bread
I just say I had bread
because it defrosted
yeah
so you're saying
she's right
no I'm saying
that I see both sides
now
I thought that he was right
at first
because I'm like
why would you say
anything
other than the truth
the pre-frozen
the pre-frozen
by toast them
but their ego
Everybody knows of frozen waffles, right?
Yeah, I think you're right.
When it comes to waffles, it is different because there's like frozen waffles and there's freshly prepared waffles.
Yeah, she's saying like if I woke up, made a batter and then made from scratch waffles.
But that's not true, right?
Yeah, so she's saying don't say frozen waffles.
Why?
Because it's not frozen.
Well, obviously they're not frozen when you eat them, but they're, like, there's a section at the grocery store called frozen foods.
You don't eat, when you eat them, they're not frozen, but they're frozen food.
I think she just has the ick for you.
Yeah, you're doomed, dude.
That's like such a bitchy thing I would say on like a bad, like, ludial day where I'm just like, why can't you say waffles?
I would say that.
So who's right?
Well, I'm very about accuracy.
Right?
I like things to be accurate.
And so I'm having trouble with this one because.
They are frozen foods, okay?
Oh my God.
And in the world, my God.
No, Jenna, stop.
Please.
Frozen foods.
However, the accuracy and the, I'm very literal.
When you eat them, they're not frozen.
So I'm understanding.
Tuffle her.
I don't know, the energies.
Finger her ass.
You guys have little confetti bottles next to you in champagne glasses.
I'm scared.
I'm scared. Okay.
What do I do?
Pop it.
No, yeah, this.
Ah!
this part I see now there's a ridge there are you sure is this side no it's this side I'm
hold it and then twist the top this is the top 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 happy new it is that side it came out the other
side so you have to twist it this way but hold it this way I broke mine
woo happy new year you want to share a kiss
I'm good, thank you.
Everybody kissed their crush.
Esther, are you going to kiss me?
I'll have to choose between you and Kalila.
Fluggies, thank you so much for another amazing year together.
I cannot believe we did it again.
Kalila, we've stuck it out.
We stuck it out.
Through thick and thin.
This was a thick and thin year and we stuck it out.
Particularly thick.
We never know what life is going to throw at us, which is in any which way.
But sluggies, we could not do.
Time it.
You said you don't know what life's going to throw at us.
We could not have done it without you.
We love you guys.
And we are wishing you a happy, healthy, hopeful new year.
Yes, to everyone.
Goodbye.
Have a lot of sex.
Look up.
