Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Lara Beitz is Stoppable

Episode Date: July 29, 2025

The hilarious, Lara Beitz is in the stu this week for a more toned down episode centered around a medical theme - requested (ofc) by our one and only little Esther. The gals dissect holes in ear drums, bloody sheets, banana flavor reigning supreme and if Esther, K or Lara were any type of disease what would they be? Yup, it’s a weird one but still feels right as rain.    JOIN THE WEIRDEST PATREON EVER: https://www.patreon.com/c/TrashTuesdayPodcast   Thank You to Our Sponsor(s):    HERS - Whether you want to lose weight, grow thicker, fuller hair, or find relief for anxiety, Hers has you covered. Visit https://www.forhers.com/trashtuesday to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you   CASHAPP -  #CashAppPartner - For a limited time only, new Cash App customers can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real. Just download Cash App, use our exclusive referral code [TUESDAY] in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you’ll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That’s Money. That’s Cash App.    RECLIP - Check out Reclip at https://www.reclip.app/     *Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com*Visit Ebb Ocean Club & Holiday Shop* https://www.ebboceanclub.com/ for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products! FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday   MORE ESTHER:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonsterInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/ MORE KHALYLA:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/ Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A  PRODUCTION:Production Team: Tiny Legends, LLC:  https://www.instagram.com/tinylegends.prod/ Stella Young: https://www.instagram.com/estellayoung/ Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/ Elisa Hernandez Kohler: https://www.instagram.com/ellie.lianna/ Edited By:Arielle Jade: https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/  

Welcome back to Trash Tuesday. Well, not welcome back. Welcome. Welcome back to the viewers, to our best friends, our only friends. I like this. What? I've never seen you in this color combo in my life.

Wait, why am I getting the most compliments when I wear a white sweatshirt? Even Rick. I wore this last week and Rick was like, you look good. I'm like, you've never said that. Maybe it's your color match. I think he said that it makes me seem like I'm clean. It makes you seem like you might be in my scrubs.

Oh. It's like a scrubs color. Like I'm medical. Yeah. But see, now I think the whole reason that Rick thinks I'm gross is not that I'm ugly. It's that I'm unclean. I think he was attracted to me in the sweatshirt.

I'll say it. I think he was attracted to me in the sweatshirt. I'll say it. Shout out to our Golden Slug, Brandon. Guys, we have a Patreon. And the truth is we just recorded a long and deep episode for our patrons only. And it was the four of us and it was really intense. And if you wanna listen to that,

that will be the bonus episode this week. Check it out. Check us out at patreon.com slash Trash Tuesday podcast or the link below. And we have new bonus episodes every week. It's a little extra juicy. It's a little bit more of our unmasked version of ourselves. And I think it's our best work.

So go check it out. I am on tour. I'm so excited that I will officially be going on tour this fall starting in September I'm gonna be in Madison, Portland, Seattle, Denver, Philly, Boston, New York, Olympia, all these great cities I can't wait to share all my new material with you guys It's been so fun to work on it get tickets at prettylittlebabytour.com And you can get tickets now before they sell out the link below. Thank you. I'm excited. I'll see you guys there

You guys I have a hair care brand that I'm really proud of it is hyper clean reef safe incredible top Incredible that's why I can carry it with me I mean like you know when you create something and you're like, wow, I really nailed it I really nailed it the formulation the packaging everything about it is fucking beautiful I really nailed it. The formulation, the packaging, everything about it is fucking beautiful. Go to ebocionclub.com. We've sold out of the shampoo and conditioner for now,

but we are trying to bring that back ASAP, but we still have a ton of detanglers. There's some massive stuff. It will come back though. They are equally amazing. Go get yours at ebocionclub.com. So today we have Laura Bytes. She's a hilarious comedian. Thank you.

She, you have a special coming out. Yes. It's called stoppable. It's going to be out in July. It's called stoppable. Thank you so much for laughing at that. I'm so jealous. I've been saying it to people and they've been not laughing and I'm like, it's funny. I'm leaving it.

They know that's hilarious. Also because I feel like that's very much my vibe these days, very stoppable. I'm so stoppable. Just one little roadblock, okay, I'll go home. I'll go home, lie down. That's just it. Horizontal for the rest of the day.

I can be stopped. And I did Rogan's podcast like years ago and he was like, you should call your first special unstoppable. You're kidding. Yeah, and so I was like stoppable should call your first special unstoppable. You're kidding. Yeah. And so I was like, stoppable. I think it's more fitting.

You punched it up. You punched it down, actually. You punched it down. Welcome to the show. So I think today is like, there are stethoscopes on the table. This is a, we're doing medical theme. Is that why the color? No, this is just, I'm just cute now.

Sorry. I mean, even the shoes, you never match. This is an accident. I'm not meant to match. Cause this was just, I was cold and it was on the floor. Are you one of those that like knows your colors? Yeah, a little bit. I kinda, yeah, like oranges, it's not real great.

Yellow, not terrific. There aren't colors where I'm like, I will not wear that. Although I don't have anything orange. But like lavender is good, light blue is good. What does that fall under? Like, you know how you have like warm autumn or cold winter. I don't know.

I don't know either. But my Instagram is full of like people who are like crazy about that. And they'll like put up a different colored sheet and they're like, don't you see how our eyes, it's different under eyes and I never see it. Well I see it when they have if someone has like rosacea or obvious eczema like me and if I put a color up and it sort of fades the redness and then I get it.

But that means it's good right? That's good but the heartache of it all is the colors that look amazing on me are colors I don't like looking at. Really? Well colors? Red. You don't like on me are colors I don't like looking at. Really? What colors? Red. You don't like looking at red? I don't like looking at red. I don't like looking at orange.

And orange looks spectacular on me. I've never heard of someone not liking to look at colors. That's like, you're too sensitive. No, maybe, but you know when something evokes calm and peace, when you go into your bedroom, what color are your sheets? My sheets have to be soft pastel pinks, soft greens. It cannot be a harsh red. You don't feel that way? Well, about bed sheets, of course.

But I actually learned years ago, bed sheets, you have to just go white. Like you're an Airbnb. Yeah, if you have no personality. Yeah. Well, if you don't, you want to feel like you're in a hotel. For someone who doesn't bathe regularly, I'm shocked by the white sheets. Also, they're covered in blood, and it's not all my blood. What? It's not all my blood.

My husband bleeds regularly. Why are you saying that like we care? Why are you saying it's not all my blood, as if that is the point of what makes what you just said gross? Who cares whose blood is? I mean, I guess it matters to an extent, but I'm not like, oh, your blood? I'm just like, it's gross,

and your shit is covered in blood, dude. Oh, it's the same as if you're just like, yeah, there's like shit streaks. It's not all my shit. Like, what are you talking about? I think because I'm like, you look at the sheets, they're covered in blood. You go, obviously it's the woman's blood.

What are you saying? This is man blood, okay? You just said you have to have white sheets and you have white sheets covered in blood. I'm picturing it and I'm picturing white sheets covered in blood. Isn't that better than if they were baby pink covered in blood, like Kalyla's house?

I don't have blood anywhere. What? I mean, yeah, I have my period panties that are constantly stained, but those have a place in my home and those are tucked in the abyss of my closet. Do I- And they're not all white. I wear, I have like a thousand pair of Steve Jobs,

like black underwear. Why exactly? Steve Jobs. Because he had like a million like black turtlenecks. Turtlenecks. I'm that with underwear. Underwear. Yeah.

What brand? Amazon basics, dude. I have so many pairs of just like. So your underwear collection is all for Jeff Bezos and Steve Jobs. Pretty much. But you also don't see blood stains all over my shit. And it's not cause all my underwear is white.

What is- So crazy. What color are your sheets? I have gray ones and peach ones. I could never, I did once though, I have to admit, I had Navy sheets for a while and then it became like a meme that like broke guys have Navy sheets and I had to throw those away. But you are essentially, like that is your vibe, broke guy.

Oh, Ethan, that's my taste, okay? Do I want a Batman poster on the wall? Sure. Do I want Navy curtains? Maybe. Like of a headboard? Sure. Yeah, like it's my aesthetic as broke guy. I don't know. I would love it if I, like knowing you, but not knowing what you just said,

if I went into your place and it was just like a mattress on the floor with a blood covered sheet and a Batman poster on the wall. I'd be like, you're a mother now. This is not what I would expect. Oh boy. Shocked Esther. Well, you know, wait, speaking of like colors

looking on you, one time this porn star told me that like it's good to wear baby colors like Light pink and light blue because it makes men think you're younger Okay, so you've said this before and this is what I find disturbing is that she said this to you maybe 15 years ago 15 years ago and I just find it so Creepy that you would want to dress for a man to think of you in like a pure way. It's subconscious, it's subliminal.

Yeah, I don't take advice from sluts. So. Oh. You should leave. Then you shouldn't hear anything we say. But that is gross. I know it is. Dress like a baby blanket.

It's gross. I never want a man to look like a baby blanket. It's gross. I never want a man to look at me and think, hmm, purity. Yeah. But it's subliminal. It's like, it's not like- What is the subliminal message that I am what? I am youthful. Cause look, I'm a 37 year old woman.

Like it's not like, I guess I'm a bad example. That's like that one boyfriend telling you to wear white underwear. I know. Because he wanted to infantilize you even more, which is even, it's just so creepy to me. I know, let's- Stick to Black Amazon basics. Let's separate that.

Let's keep everything separate. Let's move back, let's go back to my bloodstained sheets for just a sec. Actually, let us go back to that. You guys are telling me that your period is so managed that you don't have bloodstained sheets? I mean, I've been getting it for long enough that I like wear a tampon to bed if I'm having my period.

Do you wear biker shorts? No. To bed? To sleep? To bed, I don't wear anything to bed. You want your pussy bound? If I was having a sleepover. How many yeast infections do you get? I could never. How many do you have?

I can't even have anything without a cotton gusset, gusset, goodbye. Like my pussy. The little extra strip of fabric that has to sit on top of the pussy pad. And it has to be a hundred percent cotton or else I get a, you know, beastie-beastie, right?

Do you get those from your Amazon underwear? No, they have cotton gussets. I checked, I have Amazon basics as well. But I don't know. I think I'm just confused. Like I'm, I don't sleep in biker shorts, but if I were to want to not leak out during my special time of the month,

I would have to be wearing a tight pair of underwear covered by a baggy pair of underwear covered by a tight pair of. Bro, do you use like a tampon? Yeah, use pads. Use pads, oh yeah. You guys don't use pads? No. No, no.

Cause it gets all over your bed. Yeah. Yeah, they don't work. That is a losing game. I mean, I've tried. You're all tampon? You're oops all tampon? Tampon or cup, right? Cup?

Yeah, Diva Cup. I won't do it. I mean, look, listen, I tried the Diva Cup years ago and I literally had to birth it on like, like on a cold hard floor, like it was a baby. Because people are like, well, you just pop it out. You do it this way. It's so hard.

Yeah, yeah, I couldn't do it. So yeah, I'm a tampon and maybe yes, toxins are in my bloodstream, but you know, I'd rather that than look like Dexter. Yeah. I'll go Dexter. You go Dexter. That's just me.

Okay, so today we're like medical themed per my white sweatshirt, which will be covered in blood soon enough. We're gonna do a check-in. Does anyone have any current medical trauma or ailments? Can we first talk about the fact that Katherine isn't here because she had to go to urgent care on medical day? Will you explain what happened? She cut her foot on a glass. She was rushing to get here and she dropped her glass and stepped on it, which is like, if you know her, is the most Catherine Blanford thing

that could possibly have happened, yeah. So Catherine Blanford is a hilarious comedian. She was supposed to be joining us today and she's not here because Stella cursed her with the medical theme. I hope she's okay. I'm sure she's fine, but she has to go to urgent care. Yeah.

But that sucks. Get a tetanus shot for sure. Yeah. Those ones hurt. Do Get a tetanus shot for sure. Those ones hurt. Do you administer tetanus shots? No, but I have a plug. I have a hookup. You need one?

Sure, I'll take, is it just like- I think you need one. For fun? Oh no, no, no, I think you need one. Why are you saying that? Because the way- If you can't remember it, you probably need one. No, because just because of the way you live.

What do you mean by that? There's just exposure to hazardous waste, it seems. Okay, that's true. I'll admit, I'm not great about sticking to the diaper pail. Bro. If there's a poopy diaper, it could be in any trash in my house. This I agree with.

I actually agree with. When you stick a ton of diapers in one place, I think that's a toxic area that just emanates shit all day. Yeah, spread it everywhere. Yeah, spread it everywhere. But that's one toxic area that you know is toxic. But usually, where is it? In the baby room. And I think that it shouldn't be in the baby room.

And is baby poop even toxic? Is poop toxic? Am I crazy? Yeah, Esther. Unfortunately, yeah. Yeah. It's waste. And I think that it shouldn't be in the baby room. And is baby poop even, is poop toxic? Am I crazy? Yeah, Esther. Oh, it is? Yeah. It's waste. Oh.

It's literally like riddled with bacteria. Because they will come home from work and open the kitchen garbage, and be like, what? It's like, why did you throw a poopy diaper in here? Because I didn't want to go to a different level. I don't want to use the stairs. I get that.

Yeah. Okay, medical check-in. Anybody? Ailments? Let me think. I mean, I'm in physical therapy for like some stuff. For what? My hip and my back and my neck.

What's going on? My pussy and my crack. Suck, yeah. Yeah, they've just, my back has hurt since I was 19. I think a lot of it is like poor stress management, which I'm working on. I've started like meditating twice a day and doing a lot of stuff is like poor stress management, which I'm working on. I've started like meditating twice a day and doing a lot of stuff to manage my stress better.

Are you unknowingly like tensing all day? All the time, yeah. That would fuck you up. I hear that's probably the cause of TMJ2 is like from the back to the neck, to the jaw. I very much relate. It's the cause of so many things. Like my doctor was concerned about my liver

after like my last blood work. Why? the cause of so many things. Like my doctor was concerned about my liver after like my last blood work. Why? And that's like stress related. Was it like your ALT, T, enzyme thing? I don't know, dude. He just told me to stop eating chicken sausage. I told him to go fuck himself.

Chicken sausage? Yeah, I didn't tell him to go fuck himself, but yeah. What's the problem with- It's processed meat. I guess that's bad. What is chicken? It's not even- Don't even get me started.

What chicken sauce, is it Applegate or Eidell? Yeah. Oh no, I eat that every day. Well, I mean... Is my liver dying? Maybe you're fine. No, I think it's stress, and that's what made me mad, is he made no mention of stress,

and then I went home and did a bunch of research, and stress is worse for that than what I eat, you know? Like I eat, I thought I ate like an immaculate diet. I like weigh and measure everything I eat. I eat 10 ounces of vegetables with every meal. Like I don't eat any flour or sugar. I eat no junk food ever, ever, ever. But I walk around like a clenched fist 100% of the time.

So yeah. Do you make yourself meals? Like what's for dinner tonight? Turkey and brown rice pasta, vegetables and an apple. You're an adult. I have a question about the brown rice pasta. Is it the one from Trader Joe's? I don't like that because it sticks together.

There's a really good one at Ralph's. It's just like simply organic. It's 2.99 and it's the best brown rice pasta. Is it the one from Trader Joe's? I don't like that because it sticks together. There's a really good one at Ralph's. It's just like simply organic. It's $2.99 and it's the best brown rice pasta that I've ever eaten. The brown rice pasta from Trader Joe's, I've never been more gassy in my life. It lit me up. It was coming out of my nose. Yeah, I know someone else that it happened to. Your nose farts? My nose was farting from Trader Joe's brown rice pasta. And you say I'm nasty? Listen, I didn't plan for it.

After one session, I was like, you know what? Not gonna do that again. Whoa, I never really do brown rice pasta. I feel like I read one article like four years ago that was like white rice is actually better. And now I'm so committed to my white rice. Same lifestyle. Really?

I get so hungry if I just eat white rice. But isn't? With other things, it's not as my whole meal. I know, but like, I feel like it doesn't sustain me. Like it doesn't do anything. Even if you had that with like meat and a veggie? I would only have it with meat and vegetables. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Well, I have a really huge medical check-in. Oh, I know this one. I already called you seven times about it, and I haven't talked about this on the podcast, which you know when I have a medical ailment, I'm gonna be milking it across all platforms multiple times. So let's go from the beginning. So I fall asleep listening to podcasts,

and like two or so years ago, I noticed that when I was laying on one side, I could hear it perfectly, and the other side, I literally could not hear it at all. But I was like, whatever, that's nothing. Yeah, whatever. And then in the last few months, Dave would be talking to me and I'd be like,

can you say it in my good ear? And I'm like, something's wrong. So I went to my doctor, I got a hearing test. She's like, okay, yes, you have unilateral hearing loss. She's like, typically that's a brain tumor. I'm like, what a dumb bitch. No. That is so not typically a brain tumor. I'm like, what a dumb bitch. That is so not typically a brain tumor.

How do you jump to that? I don't know. It's irresponsible of her to say. She's literal physical manifestation of WebMD. Yeah. Go brain tumor, tumor, cancer, cancer. Just like, that's the first thing. I think I saw her Googling it actually,

unilateral hearing loss, and then maybe that's how she got it Are you kidding me? So so I go to the audiologist for my hearing test. She goes. Yeah, you know lateral hearing loss I go so like is there any chance it's not a brain tumor. She's like It's what she's like able to be very strange if that was a brain tumor like oh Thank God Okay, and she basically was like I think you have a hole in your eardrum,

but you need to see the doctor. So I waited two weeks, finally I saw the doctor, confirmed hole in the eardrum. I know. And I had one when I was little and it got sewed up. So it might be like the same thing. I know. This is like when you-

Sounds so painful. So I'm in this predicament where it's like, a hole in your eardrum is like, could be kind of chill. You could do nothing, but then you have to wear little shower caps for your ears so that you get no water in there. Oh yeah, I saw you post about a tiny ear shower cap and I didn't have context.

Yeah. I didn't understand what was happening. I apologize for that. Now you're in the know. And so either like you basically do that your whole life, you can never get water in your ear, which is like low key fine, because I don't like swimming and I'm scared of the water,

or I can get the surgery that fixes it, but then I can't do any heavy lifting for a month. I just feel like, do you get this like kind of big surgery or do you just wear the shower cap for your ear? Sound off in the comments. What do you guys think? I mean, is the surgery gonna fix the hearing? The surgery will give you some improvement

but not a perfect score. What's some improvement? Is it 50, if it's anything over 50% I would do the surgery. I wanna hear again. My hearing loss, I will say that they did say it's minor. I love how it went from brain tumor to minor hearing loss. Hearing loss.

Maybe they wanted to create an emotional rollercoaster for me and they just wanted me to have content. That's why they told me maybe you're dying from a brain tumor. I would get the surgery. I would have a really hard time not getting my ear wet for the rest of my life. Uh-huh, exactly. That's what I'm into.

You're into water stuff? I mean, look at this picture. That's so silly. And I am into water stuff. I like swimming. I just wouldn't like being like, I can never swim again. I know.

Because you can't wear that. The ocean will fucking rip that off your head so fast, dude. Like, what is that good for? It's good for the shower. But surgery is- But it's silly. 400, 429 for how many of those? 100. 100.

Okay, I suppose that's a lot. Four cents per- I'm like, at what point does the surgery pay for itself? With money that you save from not having to buy those silly little ear condoms. You're so right. I don't know, Kalyla, would you get the surgery? I was a swimmer for most of my life.

I still am a diver. So I have swimmers here. I've had swimmers here my whole life. I had an ENT doctor, Dr. Chan, from the time I was six years old, all the way into my teens before I left the Philippines. Chronic ear infections. I have some hearing loss.

Absolutely, I would. If there's a way to fix something, why not? You have health insurance, why wouldn't you? Well, what about no heavy lifting for a mom? Oh my God, what is heavy lifting? I feel like you would love that. I feel like that would be why you would get it. Well, my child.

Dave, can you get the baby? And he owes me. It's a vacation. Yeah, maybe he does owe me because he's been gone for a month. And because you had the baby. Yeah, that's true. You carried it already.

Yeah, yeah, I did my time. Yeah. I don't know. Kaila, any medical ailment check-in? Everything. Everything. Yeah, I'm still Bell's palsy, baby. Oh.

Did you forget? I did. I have healing Bell's palsy. Oh, okay. And my mind is going to shit. So that's my medical. Yeah. Name a body part and I'll tell you what's wrong with me.

Okay, feet. Constantly sweating, honestly cramping a lot these days. I'm maybe not drinking enough. Such a funny visual. The moment you told us to go different directions. Yeah, I totally know. I totally got it from that. I totally got it from that.

Do you know the Saluma for the face, the infrared? I put it on my feet yesterday to try to like, you know, maybe feel a little bit better, constantly cold and clammy. Do you have Raynaud's syndrome? I don't, my sister does. Okay. Yeah. Do you know what that is? Okay, it's kind of like a hot girl disease,

but my dad has it too. It's like when you get cold, your hands and feet turn purple. It's poor circulation basically, yeah. I feel like it's a flex. It's so painful. Yeah, it's like a skinny thing. Yeah. Like, poor circulation basically, yeah. I feel like it's a flex. It's so painful. It's like a skinny thing. Yeah.

Like, oh, I'm blue. Oops. I'm so fragile. So if you could be any disease disorder, what would you be? Similar to if you could be any drink, what would you be? If any drink you could be, that's like a normal topic of conversation

people are supposed to know. I think so, I think. I sat on Vanity Fair with the Barbie cast. They were like, if I was a cocktail, what cocktail would I be? Oh, I don't know cocktails, but I think I'm Sprite. I was gonna say like a seven. That's not the question.

Yeah. That's not the question. The question is what? Well, I'm just getting warmed up with a drink. Oh, okay. I don't wanna. I feel like you would be Sprite too. Really? I think you Well, I'm just getting warmed up with a drink. Oh, okay. I don't wanna. I feel like you would be Sprite too. Really?

I think you nailed it. Yeah, totally. Thank you so much. I disagree. I think maybe like a 7-Eleven Slurpee. Oh. That works. You think I'm nasty, huh?

A nasty little thing. I think I'm a little late night, sexy little ice queen. What drink would you guys be? I don't know, man. Kaila, your matcha. That's cause I'm racist. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

Esther. I don't even drink matcha. I know. And Japan is not the Philippines. Fuck. Jesus. I would say coconut water. Maybe closer. No, banana smoothie.

Banana, no, that banana milk in a carton that you get at H Mart. You know what? The Asian community is gonna come get you one day. Banana milk? It sounds awesome. Thank you. You know how there's chocolate milk, which is, by the way, not real chocolate

because it's probably just flavored shit. If you drink that, why wouldn't you drink strawberry milk? Mango, banana. Strawberry milk's gross, but banana shakes are awesome. You guys acting like artificial banana flavored candy isn't universally discussed as like- It's not gross.

It's good. Not gross. We have a rare sampling in here today of three freaks who like, you know, Runts? Nobody wanted the banana Runts. I absolutely- I like the banana Runts. They're my favorite ones. All like them banana Runtz. They're my favorite ones. All of you?

100%. Delicious. No, no, no. The comments need to come out in support. Show your support right now. You're gonna get crushed, dude. You're gonna get annihilated in the comments. Thank you, thank you.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Banana Laffy Taffy. Yeah. Anything banana is not as bad. All of it. If they're banana popsicles. One of the best pies. If there's a banana cream pie.

If there's a banana option, it's the best. Banana cream pie kind of isn't a fair thing to throw in. You're calling it fair. It's literally banana foster. It's not artificially flavored. But things with that have actual bananas, respect, whatever. Unprovoked, you sent another racist text to me. What?

Unprovoked. you were like, Cherimoya sucks. It is so gross. You just texted her that? As if I am somehow supposed to, and I did have a big reaction, cause I'm like, how dare you? It's literally, you're like, oh, it tastes like vomit.

It's literally the mildest tasting thing, so much so that it's called sugar apple. That's crazy. And also I wasn't, there was context in my text because I was saying we should try it on the show. And I didn't even know that you would know what it was. Have you had it? No.

They call it nature's ice cream at the farmer's market. It tasted like puke. I did not approve. Laura, I promise you it doesn't. Don't trust her. You don't like banana stuff. Yeah. And your sheets are covered in blood.

What drink would you be? I don't know. I really don't. Well, you're so strict with your eating in a good way that I admire. I feel like you're a Perrier. That's what I was thinking, but then I was like, am I hot enough to be Perrier?

Yeah. I mean, I didn't say Pelle hot enough to be peri-aid? Yeah. You know? I mean, I didn't say pellet green though. I'll take it. I have something. I'm just kidding. It's so funny. Wait, I know what disease you are. What?

It's gonna be so mean. Is it gonna be some like Kawasaki disease or something autoimmune from Japan or Asia? You're COVID. No. You're a teratoma. I love teratomas. I know. What?

I love them. I think they're so funny. I mean, imagine something growing in your body, like a random tumor that has teeth and hair. You know, bitch, you're a fucking teratoma. I kind of agree. Actually, I take it back. I want to be a teratoma.

Here's why, a teratoma, it's like in theory, like it could be cute and they're harmless, right? I knew when you said in theory, I was like, I cannot wait to hear what she's about to say. And then you saying it could be cute is like the most on-brand thing you possibly could have said. Don't you think that the cool, it would be a cool adult swim cartoon,

like the teratoma family, like they should be a cartoon. Oh wait, nevermind. Nevermind. Blur it. Yeah, it's adorable. Don't show it. Looks like you found it in a drain. That's exactly what it looks like.

When you clean out your drain and there's clumps of hair. I'm gagging. Mixed with like soapy suds. Oh yeah, like toothpaste that didn't quite go away. And snot. I guess. You're the Teratoma. You know what? Ipaste and snot. I guess. Yeah, you're the teratoma. You know what?

I'll take teratoma. I feel like if suits you. Cause you're into them. You like want one as a pet. Yeah, I get attached to like skin tags. So that makes sense. For real? I got a couple removed, but there's this new one here

where I'm like, you know what? Like maybe that's a part of me. It's meant to be there, so. Also, I know what disease I would be. What? I would want to be rheumatoid arthritis because I know what disease I would be. What? I would wanna be rheumatoid arthritis because my husband and my mommy have it, so I could be close to them.

Okay, it's not what disease would you want to be, like if you could be any disease, unless I'm misunderstanding. No, you're correct. Yeah. No, wait, why? It's like, what disease do you think is like the parallel to you? Oh.

Honestly, rheumatoid arthritis. Like just the chronic nature and the chronic ache of it all. And it just, just when you think it's going to go away, it persists. I feel like that's sort of you actually. Thank you so much. By the way, debilitating. It will fuck people's lives up.

But if you can, if you handle it the right way. How? My mom does self injections and Dave does infusions every eight weeks. Self injections of what? Heroin? Like medication. My mom had rheumatoid arthritis in her hips

and told me that she almost killed herself like before she got him replaced. She said it was brutal. Ari is a bitch. My mother-in-law has it. It's autoimmune. Yeah, it's really debilitating. No, I know.

That's what you are. Thank you, I'm debilitating. That's what you are. And shout out to Clero, that singer. She has it and she was talking about it. So Clero, come on. Let's get you on here and talk about your disease. Love you, girl.

Your pretty girls need to be talking more about their health issues. Wait, did you have like a life or a career before comedy? No. No. I worked with people with special needs and it was really hard and I was not cut out for it. Were you funny at it?

There was a time I like recorded like problem behaviors. There was a time where a six, I can't talk about it, that's what sucks. Someone, a teenager spit in my face 110 times in one day. So like that's the kind of thing. And waking up at six to do that and then going from there to do stand up till late and then waking up at six times in one day. So like, that's the kind of thing. And waking up at six to do that, and then going from there to do stand up till late,

and then waking up at six, I just was like, I got to go full time doing stand up just in time. Like, just in time. I was like, I don't know how I'm gonna keep doing this. Wow. Esther, I'm kind of mad about the teratoma thing, but we'll fight about it. Well, did that, I sent you a TikTok,

did you see there was a girl who thought she had an ovarian cyst and then was like, it was actually a teratoma? Well, that's what my best friend had. It was an ovarian cyst, it was a growth. She had her whole ovary removed and then when they did the biopsy, it was a teratoma. So yeah, they tend to happen a lot in ovaries.

Did they tuck the DNA? Were you the father? I was indeed the father. Of the teratoma. Hard courses are ringing. So there's this TikTok trend, tell me the most unhinged thing, whatever. And we found one that's like,

tell me the most unhinged thing your mom said to you, which I know your mom passed away. Is this? No. Were you cool? Where are you guys getting your information? She didn't? No, my mom passed away. Is this? No. Were you cool? Where are you guys getting your information? She didn't? No, my mom's alive.

Oh my God, Esther. Because you just said my mom had rheumatoid arthritis in her hip. I thought you were resolved. She had new hips. I can see the hips. I could die from RA. She's got new hips, no she's chilling.

I can't believe I just killed off your mom. I'm so sorry. No, it's okay. Oh my God, please tell your mom I'm okay. Are your eyes filling with tears? No, but I- It's not a big deal. It's totally fine, you didn't know. I'm just like, she's not dead.

I mean, I needed to tell you. What am I gonna, I can't yes and no. She should have gone with it. I'm such a people pleaser, I would have just gone with it. Oh, I love it. I'm like, yeah, okay, she thinks my mom's dead. I think she'd be upset if she saw, you know, that I just was like, yeah, she's dead.

She's like, you're telling people I'm dead now? I don't think she would like that. Do you have a mom that like said mean things to you and was hard on you and mean like us? I think that that's how moms are. And I listened to like a really interesting podcast about it recently, where it was like, basically saying like the reason that your mom

will say terrible things to you, which my mom has come a long way with that, major progress, but the reason your mom will say terrible things to you is you're their alter ego, so what you feel, they feel, and they love you more than anything, so they don't wanna see the world deny you anything. So if they see something that they think

might make the world deny you something, they're like, hey, like put on a longer skirt, your hair sucks, lose weight. You know what I mean? Because they don't want you to like lose out on something. Is it just for the girls or also sons? I think way more for girls. Way more for girls, which I hear things like this

way more from women, like comments from their moms. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like moms are not hard on sons. Like, dads are hard on sons. Yeah, I see that. Which I feel like I really have that. I have like a father-son relationship with my dad because he's like hard on me, but...

I think that moms should be hard on sons. You do? I do, and I think dads should be more tender with their sons. Oh, I like that. I think that the opposite should be happening because historically it hasn't been that way. And moms generally tend to do everything And I think dads should be more tender with their sons. I like that. I think that the opposite should be happening because historically it hasn't been that way. And moms generally tend to do everything for their boys.

And by the time that boy is off to, you know, have a partner himself, like, that girl has now inherited another son because he can't do shit for himself. That's so real. And I always see this too, like, this dynamic of when, like, I've dated a younger brother who's had a sister and how the mom treats him compared to the sister is like night and day and it really irked me and I dated a mom was a boy and it was like so disgusting.

Yeah. He couldn't do shit for himself and he was, he was the least successful one because the girl was never coddled. The mom was very hard on her and she's like this huge success. That's so real. I feel like in Latin families too, that's like a big, like, stereotype that happens, is like, they're so hard on the daughter, and then the son is like, just like prized.

I can see that, yeah. Especially in like machismo culture, like in the Philippines too, for us, that happens. You know how there's also this thing on like TikTok, a lot of the big conversation is like people with their toxic mother-in-laws. I realize that the Lord has blessed the women on this planet by not giving my mom a son, because if someone out there had to be my mom's daughter-in-law, they would kill themselves.

My mom would be the worst mother-in-law to a girl. What? Because she can't keep her mouth shut and she's so harsh. The things my mom says to me, I'm like, and I know you would say this to a daughter-in-law. I told you my mom was like, ace would be better off in daycare than at home with you.

She's so mean. And she can't hold back, she can't control herself. Like I just think some moms should not have a son and it's good that my mom didn't have one. I was at the comedy store doing a set like a couple weeks ago and Bobby out of nowhere in the parking lot, he just turned to me and he goes, I love you so much. Do you think it was real or fake or? I don't know what it was. I want to hear it I want to hear

it. Well I have it I have it recorded. I love you so much. Yeah right. I do. What a beautiful you see me. You've been really mean to me. No I haven't. I haven't you b******. So it did turn it did take a turn. That's his love though. So Reclip is this app that I downloaded and it just records everything in the background. Then the whole thing is just automatically captured. Now I have this moment saved forever and I will 100% be using it as blackmail when the time is right. If Fabi ever tries to act like he doesn't love me,

I will be showing everyone this. I need this. Anytime I ever want to be like, I swear to god this happened and I don't have receipts. You could have been like, exactly, reclip bitch, reclip has receipts. Feeling better in your body shouldn't be a full-time job and that's why hers makes it easier to get started and stick with it backed by expert-guided online care that puts your weight loss goals first. And if prescribed, you get medication as part of a doctor developed weight loss program complete with ongoing care, check-ins, dosage, and medication adjustments and access to 24-7 online support at no additional cost.

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For real, just download Cash App, use our exclusive referral code Tuesday in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account, Jenna. Terms apply, that's money, that's Cash App. So these unhinged things that mom said, this one's amazing. This girl commented,

I was bringing my first boyfriend to meet my parents. My mom asked, aren't you worried that he might fall in love with your sister since she's so much slimmer and prettier than you? I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't know if the mom said that. I don't know if she said that or if that's what the memory was.

And I believe it's an honest memory, but I wonder if those were the exact words. But no matter how she said it, I'm sure it sucked. I mean, I'm sure it was something shitty. Since she's so much slimmer and prettier than you, there's no fucking way. I'm sorry. I believe it. No, I believe it.

The mom probably wanted the daughter to lose weight and this was like a little nudge at that. And I mean, some people are also just like pathological. You know? Yeah. This one I like. This one is amazing. This one I, telling my mom that I miscarried

at 14 weeks in pregnancy and she said, I just gave everyone cake in the office announcing I'm going to be a grandma. How awful, I'm not gonna be a grandma. What am I going to tell them? That one is great. This girl, her mom said fat people. Melody Mays.

What did she say? Oh, read it. It's so bad. My puppy got hit by a car in front of me when I was 14 and I was self-harming in those years. And my mom said, you better not cut yourself over this as we stood next to his flattened corpse. For me, it's the as we stood next to his flattened corpse.

Like it's flattened. It's the adjective flattened. That's like a, what are you gonna do, cry now? So crazy. Oh my God. And yet I understand that the mom didn't want her to cut herself. I don't know why I'm so defensive of moms today,

but it's like, yeah, she didn't want her to cut up her arms. She was like being practical. Probably could have taken it with a little bit more grace. Right. My mom said something pretty interesting the other day, which I thought was an attempt at a dig, but it actually made me feel very relieved, which is she looked at my baby, she looked at my son,

she turns to me and she goes, I love him so much more than I ever loved you and your sister. And initially I was like, oh my God, but then also I was like, this is incredible. This is incredible. Like I'm okay with this. I'm okay with her loving my son more. I am too, but I just am wondering why, how?

I think she was meant to be a boy mom and she got two big back bitches. She also isn't 100% responsible for your son. So she doesn't have all of the stuff. I've never been a mom, so I don't know, but I think it would be very understandable if mothers built up some resentment towards their kids. Because it's scary. I've never been a mom, so I don't know, but I think it would be very understandable if mothers built up some resentment towards their kids.

Because it's scary. Like I look back on like the way I acted as a kid and like my mom worked all day, came home, tired, I can't imagine. And then having, you know, cooked us all dinner, took care of us, always made sure that I was fed and safe, you know, relatively, then I would be like, I don't wanna eat this.

And like I did, I ate it, but it's still just like, to do everything for someone and then have them complain and kick and scream and tantrum and not wanna do it and never say thank you, you know what I mean? But she doesn't have to go through that as a grandparent. Like as a grandparent. That makes a lot of sense because I think as a mom, you're sort of just like surviving each moment as it comes and just white knuckling this experience.

You're on suicide watch basically when they're so little and you're like, get that out of your mouth, do this, don't fall, that you don't really create a lot of space for like soft affection maybe. And that I totally understand. And initially when I heard it, I was like, it doesn't mean that she loves me less. It just means that she now has space to love presently.

Cause you know, she's off the hook. Cause she's rested. Yeah, she's rested. That makes a lot of sense. And maybe like her life was like so chaotic and when she was young and had you guys that like now she can actually breathe and enjoy the baby. I think so.

And I see her laugh with him, and I see her just love being a grandma, and I'm like, oh, this is really sweet to watch. So I didn't take it. Well, and see if you latch onto this. Maybe there's something here, but I imagine she loves him so much because she loves you so much.

And it's like, it's her baby's baby. Like, he's not just some baby off the street, you know? And I realized how much she loved me, because my mom is a hospice nurse. So she literally watches people transition. She's seen very grotesque ways people go. She's seen agonal breathing, like all of the stuff that's very traumatizing for the regular folk.

When she was in the delivery room with me, she passed out seeing me in pain. She couldn't watch me even be in slight discomfort. She got lightheaded and then she made it about herself. We had to put her feet up. And it was just, it was this whole thing. And she, when she came to, she like was emotional and she's like, I have, I'm having trouble

like watching you like struggle. And I was like, oh, like she, that's how deep her love is. It's like so physical in her. Okay, I have a question. So I have this pet peeve, which is, I think like one of the rudest things someone can do is like, if you are invited over to their house, it could be Thanksgiving or Easter, it's a holiday,

whatever, they're having a bunch of people over, and you get there and one of the person who's hosting, one of them is in the shower when you get there, and I feel like this happens more often than not, right? Oh, you get there and the mom is like, come on in, you know, my husband's in the shower. It's like. It's just like a porn setup.

What? No, it's not. It's like the beginning of some weird. That's where you go? Yeah. Did you go there? Come on in, my husband's in the shower. No, I'm kind of waiting to hear where you take it.

Cause I get annoyed if I like get to someone's place and then they're like, I'm gonna hop in the shower real quick. I'm like, well, I'm gonna travel back in time and stay at my fucking house another 15 minutes. So this is like a thing and it happens and I feel like it's so rude and I don't want to be a hater, but like I have so many memories like growing up,

like where you get to someone's house and like the one of the hosts is like in the shower. And I'm like, we didn't get here early, you know? Are you getting there right on time though? Don't, let's not make this about that. I mean, if it's a party that starts at seven and you're there at seven, that's weird. Why?

If you're invited to some place and the party starts at seven, are you there at seven? Sometimes. That's really dorky, Esther, you can't do that. Even I know that. I get so annoyed if I have like a gathering and people are not there with the start time. Then you need to adjust that about yourself because it's socially weird to show up

the minute a party starts. I know like Dave will be like, we're invited to a birthday party and it started at eight and then it's like 8.30 and I'm like, oh my God, we're so late. He's like, you're a loser. Yeah, because I feel like when it comes to like parties, unless it's like a wedding and the wedding starts

at this time and the bride's walking down the aisle, it's sort of like a loose suggestion, especially if it's someone's home. Like it is a casual hang. We're not, it's not a punctual hang. You know, hey, come over for this and that. It's not a get here at eight and let's just all be punctual is weird Esther.

But then everyone's arriving at different times and then you like don't know like the awkwardness of like one combo versus another. I don't know. I culturally is how we have parties. Yeah. I am standing firm. I'm no, when I next time I throw a party

I'm gonna tell everyone it's a wedding and that they have to be there for the ceremony. If it's something where it's like dinner will be served right? Okay, whatever Right now that's a great way to do it. Okay, which starts at six, but dinner will be served promptly at 730 drinks And whatever at six dinner will be served at 730. Okay. Well anyways, my question is Is it better? Let's say you're the kind of person where, you know, some days someone asks when was your last shower and it takes you a while to think about it.

And let's say you're having company over and they're gonna be there in 15 minutes. Basically, do you take the risk of being in the shower when they get there? Is that more rude or is it more rude to not bathe? I would absolutely shower. Same. If I couldn't, I'm sorry, the question is,

if I couldn't remember the last time I had showered and someone was gonna be at my house in 15 minutes and I was having a party, would I get in the shower or be unbated since I could remember for my entire party? I'd hop in the shower. Okay, well you're running a risk. Does anybody have a different answer than that? You're running a risk of being rude to who?

You're running that risk either way. Kalyla? Esther, you know the answer. But then I'm gonna come over and you're gonna be in the shower and I'm gonna be sitting there twiddling my thumbs waiting for you. That's on you, babe. Why? That's on you because you're showing up right on time like a fucking psychopath. And you can look at your phone you'll be fine twiddling your thumbs. Are we this close? Is it you and me? If I go over to

your house I walk in a door, Esther's in the shower, I'm like okay big deal who cares. I'll chill a donut. No, that's rude of shower. I'm like, okay, big deal, who cares? I'll chill a donut. No, that's rude of me. That's not rude. There are other things you do that are rude, but that's not one of them. That wouldn't be one of the showering for a guest because you want to be clean for me is not rude, I promise.

I'm learning how to offer people water, okay? It's a work in progress. I'm trying to just put the water out before the guests get there because I get too overwhelmed when they come that I forget to offer it, but I'm working to just put the water out before the guests get there because I get too overwhelmed when they come that I forget to offer it. But I'm working on it. So next time you come over and I offer you water, I expect a lot of positive reinforcement. I'll expect cheers and kisses and smiles.

Can we talk about jeans on a plane? Yeah, I've seen that prompt and I need to pop off. Absolutely not, out of the question. Thank you. Why do people do it? I don't get it. Why? Okay, so I like... If you tell me you wear jeans on the plane, I will fucking leave.

Because you have worn sweatpants almost every time I have ever seen you in my life. I am gonna lose my shit if you wear jeans on a plane. Okay, so I went through a very brief phase where I was feeling really cool and I saw one cool girl wearing jeans on a plane. I go, huh, maybe that could be me. And so I did it once and it worked out. Like, you know, they were a good fit, whatever.

But then I did it another time and I was so uncomfortable in the airport that I had to go buy sweatpants at the gift shop. There are times when this could work, but there are times when this is an, like the plane needs to land early, this is an emergency. It's really painful.

There've been many attempts on my end to, I've had aspirations to look a certain way on flights where I look at other people, I'm like, wow, they really do look pretty chic. And when it's game time and I look into my closet, I cannot help it. I put on, it's soft socks, crocs, the ugliest sweatpants, the biggest sweatshirt.

Like I physically cannot get myself into anything pretty. Worse yet, like jeans. Hell no. I do admire people where they look very put together. There's often like beige or cream colored. Yeah. But they look comfortable. Like stuff is like flowy.

That I think is on point. Do you mean like a nude colored sweatsuit or something different? I'm not talking about a sweatsuit, but I did get cream colored sweatpants for planes because I think that's such a good look. I think that's classy. I think it's impractical though and stupid,

but I think that people look really cool when they wear that to fly and it's comfortable. I have the same issue that you just described, but like every day where it's like the night before the podcast, I'm like, I'm gonna look so cute. Like I'm gonna wear these jeans, I'm gonna wear this tight shirt.

And then morning comes and I look at my closet, I'm like, I physically gonna look so cute. Like I'm gonna wear these jeans. I'm gonna wear this tight shirt. And then morning comes and I look at my closet and I'm like, I physically cannot put those clothes on. Yeah, that's just depression though. That's like, yeah, because I think depression is having like aspirations, but then feeling paralyzed to execute. Like that's how my depression always looks. It's like, I'm stuck in my own fantasies

and I'm in bed in the dark. I'm like, I wanna do this, but can't. Not in my follicular phase though. Are you follicular right now? Yeah, shit. God bless. I know, thank you. I was in such a, I was happy yesterday.

I woke up happy for the first time in four years. Isn't it wild to be like, wow, I'm really feeling pretty, feeling peppy? Like it's such a weird thing that every month we just like cycle through the highs of highs and the lows of lows. Dude, I'm so luteal right now. No, thank you for being here.

This morning just like, I was present to my thoughts and it was just like shitty thought, shitty thought, shitty thought, just everything. I'm like, that's dumb, that's annoying, I'm gonna tell them. I mean, in my head, just having negative fantasies of just fighting with people who aren't in the room. And then I pull myself out of it,

and then there's another one to take its place. And I'm just like, yeah, this is hormonal. Because it happens once a month where I'm just like, it's just nastiness in my head. And fortunately, it's like, it is funny to me now, but it's still like, it's just nastiness in my head. And fortunately it's like, it is funny to me now, but it's still like, it sucks. What's wild for me is like, I cannot tell if I'm having actual like dysmorphia

about the way I look or if I really am that ugly in my luteal phase. Like sometimes I'm like, oh dear God, like I cannot, I look so ugly when I see myself, or is it something that, is it just this morphia from the luteal phase? It absolutely is and I have a role where I am not allowed to have an opinion about my body at that time.

So if I catch myself looking in the mirror being like, holy shit, I'm just like, I'm not allowed, I'm not allowed that. That's a good rule. It's a privilege and I don't get that privilege today. I have looked so shitty in my face for so long, since I feel like postpartum, that I don't have an opinion on my face anymore either.

I'm like, should you accidentally stumble upon looking good? You could enjoy it. But nothing else, nothing else. I don't look in the mirror and go, oh my God, those lines, oh my God, those spots. I don't anymore in the mirror and go, oh my God, those lines, oh my God, those spots, like I don't anymore, I'm like, I barely look. I just, I'm avoidant with my face. It's easier than you think, guys.

It's easier than- That's so helpful to hear, because you're both so beautiful that I'm like, okay, it is just like a normal thing. Like it's just how we see ourselves. Yeah. Which I guess is more depressing now that I say it out loud.

I think for me, it's gone to the point where it's debilitating, where I don't want to show up to work. I don't even want to be seen. Like, my partner is very social, and he has... He likes going to shows. He likes going to... He just likes being out. And I am so curmudgeonly during my luteo phase that it's like,

no, I don't care if you go and if you cheat on me with 20 women, just do not ask me to leave this house. Like, please, for the love of God, that's how horrible I feel about myself. Please just leave me alone in my ugliness, and don't talk to me, basically. You know what was a breakthrough for me was recently looking back like some footage of myself

From like eight years ago, whatever and being like, oh my god I was so cute and knowing exactly how I felt about myself at that time like oh, I'm the ugly girl Yeah this show I'm the ugly one and me looking back and going like I'm so cute that I'm like Oh, I'm never to be trusted. Yeah, never again. Mm-hmm. I'm so cute, that I'm like, oh, I'm never to be trusted again. Never again. Yeah, 100%. I was so cute. Something that helped me was seeing just like, people drew a picture of someone

based on their description of themselves without seeing them. And then they drew a picture of the person based on their friend's description of them, so without seeing the person. And the friend's description, the person was like so much more beautiful. And when they described themselves, they were ugly.

So it helps me to just know that it's like, no matter what I think, I don't see what other people see. I don't know if they also had a control where they like had someone they hate describe them. I mean, even people I do hate, like if they're hot, they're hot. Yeah. And it sucks.

And sometimes you put people you hate on a pedestal. They're almost hotter, right? Yeah. Yeah. Like they're fucking cute nose. I also, like just when I'm ovulating, I like get so emotional and I cry a bunch. Wait, really?

Yeah. Yeah. And it doesn't happen in everybody, but it is is a thing and I can't tell you how many times I've been really emotional and I've been like am I and I've checked it and it's been like you're ovulating today I'm like, okay, this isn't a real problem. Then probably yeah, I like that though I feel like maybe when my sister gets a little emotional a little bit like teary-eyed when she's ovulating But I think it's her just kind of coming back to her soft self because that is when you are, you know, releasing an egg, right? Yeah.

That makes sense to me. I have a lot of friends with PMDD lately. I'm like, don't we all just kind of have PMDD? To some degree, yeah. I think so. But yeah, I do know of people where it's like, they want to kill themselves one week a month. Like it's really extreme.

I see. Gotcha. They become completely different people and almost unbearable to be around. Wow. Like they hate their families, their kids, their husbands. I can do this really quick. It's, I tried to do like a little tricky trivia. Are you for real right now?

I'm so sorry. I'm literally, it's actually relevant. Your technician is going home early. What? So I have to cancel. Okay, my- Those are my favorite words. It's actually relevant. Your technician is going home early. What? So I have to cancel. Okay, my- Those are my favorite words.

No, my- Technician and cancel? My splenic ultrasound just got canceled. I can eat. Your what? Ultrasound? You know when I got my pre-nuvo scan and they found a leas-

What is in that bag? I've never seen a bag like that in my life. Why am I treated like such a second class citizen amongst this group? Everything you've done in the last 30 seconds has been weird. I just want to say that. And you've said crazy things. You know, I had a full body MRI last year.

We know. Crenobo.com slash Esther. I'll get there, I'm getting there. They found an indeterminate lesion on my spleen and like I was supposed to follow up in a year and then I was supposed to have that scan today. But of course they just called the technician to go home early like, okay. But I had to fast for it and I've been not eating all morning. But if this, if that's canceled,, I'm gonna eat my chocolate muffins. If you'll excuse me, I feel embarrassed.

I'm, no, I just, I know that I acted. You have a lesion on your spleen. Well, I know that I acted inappropriately the second that I found out I wasn't having the scan when I reached for the muffins and I'm sorry. No, I get it. I'd be hungry as hell if I hadn't eaten all day. Okay, what's the game?

I have blood work that I have not had done because I don't want to fast until the place opens. And sometimes when they're like, oh yeah, come at 2 p.m. it's like, no, go fuck yourself. Yeah, what are you talking about? I will be there at eight if at all. Exactly, crazy shit.

Or when they have like schedule a colonoscopy for like midday, I'm like, no thank you. Absolutely not, absolutely out of the question. My chocolate muffins turned out good. I just had my first colonoscopy. It wasn't bad. How was the prep? Gave me fentanyl.

Oh, they gave you fentanyl, not propofol? No, they didn't. My insurance wouldn't cover that. So they gave me fentanyl. I was like, fine, dude. Can I just say propofol though? There's a reason why Michael Jackson loved it so much. It's quite nice and it's very short acting. So you're not fucked up for the rest of the day. Can I just say a propofol though? There's a reason why Michael Jackson loved it so much.

It's quite nice and it's very short acting so that you're not fucked up for the rest of the day. Fentanyl sort of gets you for the whole day, right? I like it. Yeah, well, I'm 11 years clean and sober so I don't get to be fucked up a lot but I love it more than anybody. And I don't know, I can't.

So like near the end of it, it occurred to me, like I don't know what possessed me, but it's so funny to me now that I like fucked with them by being like, what are you doing to me? What's happening right now? And I had been fine like the whole time. What prompted the colonoscopy? I have something that the colonoscopy found out.

It's called collagenous colitis. It means it can be stress induced and it means that my immune system is attacking my colon. It usually only happens in women over 60. But yeah, I basically was like, sorry Esther, having like horrible, like shitting rivers 15 times a day. Oh, this will never bother me. Having like horrible, like shitting rivers 15 times a day.

Oh, this would never bother me. For like months. Keep going, I don't care. I can eat my chocolate. I'm not a baby. You can eat even faster. But I also don't want you to feel left out with the old lady stuff,

because I had shingles when I was in my 20s. Oh my God, that's wild. Yeah, and I too have had a colonoscopy. She's had a colonoscopy. Mine was for shitting blood, and I have a different kind of colitis Which is like a colitis and like the lower part, which is like proctitis But it is hot girl stuff Shitting blood GI symptoms stress. It's just a it's a hot girl thing. Yeah, anyone else's bowel movements have problem

Okay, let's see. What is this game? Okay, so basically I tried to trick everybody into There's weird like medical terms. So you have to guess which for example, this is a real medical term and You have to guess whether it's goosebumps or having the same nightmare over and over again If you're gonna go with a my I'm gonna take a stab. Okay, sorry, and the word is hor, do you wanna say it, cause I probably won't hear it. Horopilation. The word, the P-I-L in Latin is supposed to be like hair. So I'm gonna say it's goosebumps

because it's chicken skin and hair raising. You're right, god damn it. I knew you'd be good at this. I had the same thought. Does someone else wanna read them? Leesalgia, hangover or another word for female discharge? I mean, I have my answer, but maybe Esther, or Laura, you can go.

Esther, you do this one. Rude, because it's female discharge. Oh, I don't care. Discharge all you want. I'll eat my muffin, Nothing's gonna stop me. I think it's discharge. I think it's hangover because if this is a word that describes female discharge and I don't know it,

I'd be shocked. I'm thinking hangover because of the V-E-I. I feel like that. Why? Because it reminds me of like vein. And I think hangovers have something to do with like the blood vessels in your brain being like big. Hangover. Hangover.

Boar, boar, knee. I know this one, sorry. Oh, okay. So it's either the rumbling and gurgling in the stomach or an ingrown toenail. It sounds like rumbling and gurgling in the stomach. Which means that's probably... So I want it to be that. Yes.

No, but that's probably why Stella made that one up. Not, yeah. You can go with your gut. Ingrown toenail. No can go with your gut. And grown toenail. What's your gut? Well, I guess because of your reaction to that, it would be the rumbling in the gurgling stomach. Wow.

That one I knew. Oh, this one I know too, sorry. I knew, this is very chlyric-coated. Yeah, I mean, it's just- Surumin, is it allergic to salt water, ocean water, or earwax? You don't- Well, I have both, no matter what it is.

It's earwax. Oh, sorry. Was I supposed to answer? I thought that was my turn. There's no point in guessing. No, it's a reminiscence. Kalyla knows it all. How do you know?

How do I know? Just because you're not the nurse. Oh, I thought it was like an entomology thing. Oh, no, no, no. I went to nursing school. Oh my God, when they cleaned out my earwax at the ENT. Did you see it? Oh, it felt so good. It was chunky and brown.

It was amazing. It's making me hungry for more muffins. I have to go. Um, I have to go. You don't like getting your earwax cleaned out? No, I like it. Well, I guess that's to our time. I just want more muffins. I feel like now you're crashing from the food.

That happened so fast. Yeah. Laura, thank you so much for being here. Yeah, thank you so much for having me. Thank you for being here. This is really fun. Where can people see more of you? Instagram is the best place to find me,

at LauraBites, L-A-R-A-B-E-I-T-Z. Well, thank you for being here. And thank you, slugs. And as always, we'll see you next week of the Brand New episode and please comment if you don't like banana candy. And if you do like banana candy, just keep your mouth shut today.

I had enough. You're gonna get destroyed. Oh, bye. Thank you. Thank you. Cheers. Thank you.