Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Rick Glassman & Esther Finally Have it out while Khalyla & Brent Morin Trauma Bond

Episode Date: March 18, 2025

Oh boy. Ricky Glassy is back for his 5th appearance on Trash & this time brings longtime/first time friend of Esther and Ricky, Brent Mornin. Oh boy. Believe it or not this episode may be more awkward then the last Rick eppy except this time, the comics (wait for it) get vulnerable. They talk relationships, punching down, murdered first loves, frozen semen, playing versus hurting feelings + much more. We love this little slice of vulnerability & encourage all our male slugs to follow the lead of Brent & Ricky — we hope it was as cathartic for you as it was for us.

Do you think that Alvin and Donut should be boyfriend and girlfriend? Yeah, I do. You do? Yeah. Alvin's been wanting a girlfriend. Maybe I'm projecting. Are we recording? Yes.

Always be recording. Hey. Who's that, Alvin or Donut? That was Donut being nasty. Oh, well. You know, you hang around Esther long enough. She's definitely a little bit... Don't take it personally, Alvin.

She does it to all of us. All right. Let's get this over with, huh? Hey, do you use those kind of things? Like, at the beginning of the episode, those type of jokes like what I just said, or should I say it again? You should say it again. Really?

I'm so glad you're wearing sunglasses. Why would you say it again, where we got it? Because sometimes you edit out the fun stuff at the beginning. Esther. What are you talking about? Look at this solidarity with the sunglasses. I'm so glad you're wearing sunglasses. I'm so glad you're wearing sunglasses.

I'm so glad you're wearing sunglasses. I'm so glad you're wearing sunglasses. I'm so glad you're wearing sunglasses. I'm so glad you're wearing sunglasses. I'm so glad you're wearing sunglasses. I'm so glad you're wearing sunglasses. Why would you say it again where we got it? Because sometimes you edit out the fun stuff at the beginning. What are you talking about? Look at the solidarity with the sunglasses. Wow. What is this? I'm doing dramas now, so I got to be a little bit low key. I'm going to be hard to break open.

Rick, what's with you and the sunglasses? Everyone's doing it. OK. I'm not. Well, you have been my influence of how to dress and be for a while, but I'm thinking I'm gonna lean more into Kaila style. Mine is out of medical necessity though. Most things I do are as well. Let's get this over with. Rick, I feel like you're in a bad mood. Not at all.

I don't think so. Look at the pants he's wearing. Festive. But sometimes you overcompensate when you're in a bad mood with your, like, office. So you must always be in a good mood. Ha ha ha ha. Brent doesn't get it, but. Yeah. Compensation.

Ha ha ha. Chicago, I am doing stand up this weekend, Friday, March 21st and 22nd. That's right, this weekend in Chicago at the Den Theater. You can get tickets at the link below. I can't wait to return to my favorite city in the world and do stand-up for you guys. Kalyla, we have a Patreon and we are sharing so much there. If you haven't joined yet, you can go to patreon.com slash trash Tuesday podcast. If you thought we were unhinged. Oh, here.

The tears. Oh, well, more than that. It gets extra unhinged on Patreon. There's like crying. Almost every week. And you get new bonus content every single week. We are taking our Patreon so seriously. And if you haven't joined yet, you can log on right now.

You'll get access to like seven new bonus episodes that you haven't seen yet of this podcast of us being crazy together and crying. And also we want to shout out to our golden sluggies. Thank you so much for your support. Brandon, Thomas and Chrisanta. We love you guys. Check out our Patreon right now,

patreon.com slash Trash Tuesday podcast. Okay, so welcome back to Trash Tuesday. Today, what? Can I see what I look like in sunglasses? Yeah, and can we minimize me? I would love to be able to see your guys' pretty eyes. I have a- You mean mine. Are you making fun of Kaila's Bell's palsy? No. Insensitive.

Oh, wait. Yeah, you do look bad, okay. What was that? Yeah, those are better. Oh, do you not have your regular person glasses? These are prescription. And I have prescription indoor glasses. Okay. I'm gonna wait until things kinda cool down a little bit.

Okay, you're feeling heated? Is it because of how pretty I look? You do look really good. You do look really nice today. I do. You crop topped it on purpose Hasn't she accidentally gotten hotter as a mom? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know how she had to do is have a baby And then she sucked out all the she he she she just sucked it all Yeah, right to where you always want. I'm fighting to get back wait so today. We have a first time guest

He's a hilarious comedian. He has hilarious specials reading this yeah, I'm reading it. It's in the lens You don't see the prompter no Speak from the heart. I need this today. He's been my friend for 15 years. We've done stand-up together. He's so funny He's also really handsome. And whenever I text him, he doesn't respond, and that's something that I'm very used to. Please give it up for Brent Moran. Give it up.

Prayer hands. Do we have a podcast? Like it's a live show? Yeah. And then there's Rick. Welcome back. Thanks, thanks for having me. Let's get this over with.

It's the eighth time you've said it. Is that your new half Jewish half regular? What? Is that your new half Jewish, is that your new opener? Oh, I don't know, man. Let's get this over with, you know? Yeah, what's wrong with you today? I don't think anything. Oh, really? I don't think anything. I know that you like to gaslight. Oh, no. How am I gaslighting? You know, I would think there's something wrong with you.

What the f*** is wrong with you? I'm just saying on Esther's side, you say let's get it over with that many times. If I didn't know you, I'd go, this guy is so cool. Remember I said that when we got in the car? Oh you did, you said, I'll get this over with. It's a little today's joke. Okay, then that's how you have to say it.

Come on, let's just get this over with. He's trying something though. Do you feel actually like you were gaslighting me? I don't know. I still don't know what gaslighting is. I don't think Rick does either. This is why my career has taken a dip, because I don't know any of these things.

You think if you knew what gaslighting was, your career would have been better? I think if I knew how to hashtag properly, maybe I can play a goddamn theater. That's done now. Wait, we're done with hashtag. It's all QR code now. Let's test you on the new pop psychology terms, okay?

Please. Gaslight, guess what it means. Like poking a bear. What does poking a bear mean? See, that's the world I live in. You know? It's like, you know, my brother would poke the bear. It's just like, come on, come on.

And then finally you blow up. Oh, okay. So is that close? No, not at all. Okay. What about holding space? Holding space? Isn't that like, give me some time to think about this?

No? It's funny, cause like that's a, that definitely is a good tool, giving someone time to think about it, but it's not holding space. What's holding space? Holding space is not making it about you at all. So when someone comes to you-

You're already lost though. I'm gone. No, when someone comes to you with their issues, their problems, it's all about them. You're holding space. You're holding their feelings. You're not. Oh, like I'm being patient to a patient. Sure.

Okay. What other words? Let me explain it in terms of Brent will understand. You want Sour Patch Kids. Okay. Now he got me. And we're in a venue where you're not allowed to eat. So we so I then say, hey, Brent and I are going to step outside for something.

We go outside and give you time to eat Sour Patch Kids. And that's you holding space. No holding space. That's that's you having me holding space for you. So you're holding space. He needs to get this out. He's laughing at me. So you're holding space. He needs to get this out. It's like venting. It's exactly like venting.

With Sour Patch Kids. Hey, you're feeling a certain way? You know what? Feel that way. I accept you. Exactly. Go ahead. Without Rick saying, I too want Sour Patch Kids. Or saying like, I don't think you should have those Sour Patch Kids.

You're making a bad choice. We should be in church right now. Right. Gaslighting. You're making a bad choice. We should be in church right now. Right. Gaslighting. No. No. Okay. Not quite.

Getting closer. Getting closer. Getting closer. Now what other pop psychology terms are there? Oh yeah, what about manifesting? Manifesting? Yeah. Like a vision board?

That's easy, yeah. That's good. Don't ask a question. You're right, you're right. And then finally get to write and then say it's easy. You're right, you're right. You're right, you're right. Brent, let's go get some Sour Patch Kids. I'm sorry. Okay, we're gonna go hold say it's easy. You're right, you're right. You're right, you're right.

Brent, let's go get some Sour Patch Kids. I'm sorry. Okay, we're gonna go hold some space. I wasn't holding space for you at all. And you gaslit me. It would actually be really cool if you were out at the comedy club and you're like, let's go hold space.

Let's go hold space. If I saw two men saying that to each other, I'd be like, okay, I wanna follow them. I wanna know what's going on. Whenever I talk to you about that kind of stuff, you're like, why are you such a fucking loser? Yeah, well, because you're like, my hormones are off, and I just have never heard a guy say that.

I love it. I know, I know. But it's surprising. He's an open box of love and enjoyment, mixed with bitter crumbliness of self-doubt. I love you. Topped with an obscumbliness of self doubt. I love you. Topped with an obscene amount of confidence. I love Brent.

That's why he's one of my favorite people. Legally, I don't wanna be in a room with you unless Brent is there moving forward. You asked if I wanted to do this podcast with Brent. I said yes. You said Brent didn't get back to me. Will you still do it? Yes.

I thought you were baiting switching me that you were trying to, oh Rick will do it if Brent does it, because I've been asking for Brent to do it for a while. And I was just like, maybe if you're here Rick, I just don't think the numbers will be good with just Brent. And I'm like.

That's true, I don't even know holding space. Wait, can I tell you something really funny that just happened right now? I asked production, I looked over, I was like, hey give me more pop psychology terms. Do you know what she just whispered to me? What? Riz. You wanna know why I know what Riz is?

The only reason is because I watched a clip with that kid, Kai Sanite, Sanette, yeah. And I guess he came up with it or something on a livestream. And that's the only reason I watched a Jimmy Fallon clip on 59. I really love your golf dad energy. Golf jacket. And your wisdom. Yep.

This is my aunt's second husband's jacket. Not a lie. Is it? He was a professional golfer. Did he die? No, she's divorced a lot. Oh, and she just keeps his stuff and gives it to you? I don't know.

I found it. My dad had it. A lot of Brent's clothes come from people in his family getting divorced. Oh, okay. Whose boots were those? No, just nice. These boots, Shia LaBeouf's.

That's a different name, but... Yeah, we were holding space. I still have a bra that was from Benji's brothers, like a girl that he hooked up with that left it at their house. I still wear that bra. The one in Malibu? No, the house in Sunset Plaza. Can you remember, I thought we went to that one in Malibu once? No, the house in Sunset Plaza.

Can you remember, I thought we went to that one in Malibu once. No, that was at Sunset Plaza. You've, I don't. You, me and Sandy years ago went to Benji's place and I thought there was a bra involved. It wasn't Malibu, it was Sunset Plaza. Wait, this is an interesting thing.

So you've. Oh, I forgot you were here, sorry. Go ahead. You scared me, Beth. Sorry. Oh, Richard. Richard. Go ahead. You scared me, Beth. Sorry. Oh, Richard. Richard. When I moved in with Bobby, there were clothes from his ex.

With Bobby, yes, Lee. With Robert Lee. There were clothes from his ex, and we just happened to be the same size and height. And I liked what I saw, a lot of vintage stuff. And I think I still have some of her stuff. Is that evil? No. No, she didn't ask for it back. I mean, it's the opposite of her stuff. Is that evil? No.

No, she didn't ask for it back. I mean, it's the opposite of fast fashion. I'm for it. Okay, good. I mean, we are friends. Yeah, now. You very much look like you're dressed in fast fashion today.

Those pants. I know. Okay. I know, I feel like he's about to have lunch Oh no. with Tyler the creator after this. But do you think, do you feel like what Brent said, how he described you was accurate? Crumbles of neuroses with a lot of confidence. Yeah. Oh, see. That's see but that's your neuroses because I also said open and

loving. Oh I wasn't feeling bad about what you said. Oh, we're in a fight. No, not at all. You gaslit me. I'm so sorry. Okay, wait, love bombing. Don't look at the screen. Love bombing? Yeah. He goes, when you come all over a woman's chest, right? I'm sorry, Esther, tits. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, but you have to go. Pshh, what are you doing? Yeah, you go. Love bombing is. It's right before you come and you go. Whistling. Oh, shit. Pshh.

Esther's so grossed out. All right, love bombing. I'm really gonna try. Love bombing. I just wanna cut to a, hold on a second, I just wanna cut to a montage of all the stuff you talk about, about oh, I want everybody to eat me out after I've been on a plane and all this bullshit,

and then you go coming on tits and you go oh, oh. Yes, I do have selective. Which by the way, was me love bombing on you. We've discovered this. I have like a selective thing with being grossed out by people and you're on the list. Okay, well glad I made the list. Well.

Oh fuck. Don't sneak up on me like that. Have I really gone downhill? Is my face a jump scare these days? No. I'm so sorry, that's not the joke I was trying to make. What's the joke? That's a joke I'm receiving.

The joke he was, I speak Ricky. What he's trying to make is that he forgot you were here. Yeah, just a joke of me. The joke was more, I speak Ricky, what he's trying to make is that he forgot you were here. Yeah, just a joke. The joke is more about me being easily startled than you being very forgettable. One more time, Kalyla. Do me? Yeah. Ew. No.

Those are the lines that I don't cross. Do you, you're a mother. Thank you. But I could love bomb you if you want. Okay, and what would that be? No, I figured we could hold some space, gaslight each other, and then I'll love bomb the if you want. Okay, and what would that be? I don't know, I figured we could hold some space, gaslight each other, and then I'll love bomb the shit out of you.

And then you, guess what? You'll leave with a little bit more riz. Not bad, see? Not bad. Okay, love bombing to me is just a girl that's fucking going nuts on me about how she's in love after a first date. Close?

Why can't it be a guy? Okay, a man is in love with me. Yes, that's exactly it actually. Really? I'll take it from here. A girl or a guy. It's a person, whether they're consciously doing it or not, manipulating another person into believing

that they feel strong affection for them by presenting themself as something that isn't who they really are, an unsustainable version of themself. So for example, if you're somebody who's always giving gifts all the time and you give a lot of gifts up top It might seem like love bombing, but that's maybe who you are, but traditionally You want the breaks? Yeah chill out a little bit Okay show up authentically from the beginning and if you show affection show show appreciation, so I knew you were there

So it'd be like I I meet a girl and I come off, like I wear tux all the time, but underneath that after a few months is a sweatsuit. It's more about like, you're buying her nice things and or you're inviting her places that are very exclusive or introducing her to your family very early or something that after. So moving too quick.

Yes, with. In an insincere way, because really what you're trying to do is like bait them very quickly. And usually this is a tactic of narcissists because you bait them in and then they discard you. Okay, so like manipulating the pussy. A lot of times, yeah. People use love bombing to get to the sex

and then eventually discard the person. Getting them to like you as opposed to you showing how much you like them. Oh, all right. I run into this problem with dating, especially in my 20s, where I don't do that treat them like dirt stick, feel like mud thing. I'm just me, I listen. I want to know about them.

I support what they want to do. But I'm very upfront. Like I'm not looking for a relationship just because I say I don't want more. The energy I give off pillow talk, you know, telling them they look pretty instead of hot, you know, actually getting to know their lives, you know, having heart to heart conversations. I just learned they maybe don't tell other people that. And so I always wondered why are they mad at me? Because I've told them I didn't want more and that this is over. Because your words are not aligning with your actions. That's where it gets a little confusing and that's where you fall into a situation. But that's just who I am as a person. I didn't want to have small talk. I want to get to know you.

I want to, oh you were depressed. I want to get to know you. I want to, oh, you were depressed. This happened with you in your childhood, this and this. That's just who I am. But I get it. That's tricky. When I listen to this podcast with this doctor, I realize, okay, that explains a lot. Because what would happen with these girls is they would get mad at me.

And then three months later, they apologize to me being like, you know what you said you didn't want more. You didn't want this. You didn't want that. I should have known that. But then I'm apologizing like, well, but I'm not trying to love bomb you. I think what you have to make personal. That was not at all. It's actually interesting to hear from that. I would be pretty be pretty livid with both you and myself in that situation. Yes, both. Because it's like, OK, you're telling me upfront,

but then you're showing me different. So I'm always going to believe there's like a morsel of hope there that maybe you're changing your mind. Maybe we're falling into a deeper space together. I don't know. But I would- Yeah, maybe you thought that in the beginning. But what you just did shows different. But I would say like moving forward if you have no

intention of really getting with a person got down the road don't show them that like level of like this what up not everybody's getting on in this situation perhaps the women that you're dating feels comfortable or knows how to set boundaries for themselves, and though that's not your responsibility, to recognize that in another person is like, hey, this is how I'm feeling, and it would be nice, for not for you in particular, but for people to recognize when other people haven't set boundaries,

to say, oh, maybe this isn't a safe space for us to grow even if it were to turn out to be something nice you want you also want to be with somebody who's able to set boundaries yeah and I got that you know has there ever been a situation where she's been like make sure you get the camera switches right in post you really upset you didn't see yourself before. I'm so happy I can't see this. Anyways, has there ever been a situation where the girl's been like, hey, like called you out on it.

It's like you say you don't want a relationship, but we're acting, you're acting like you want to be in this like. Only when I actually got in a real relationship because I said I wasn't looking for one, but I fell hard and I fell in love right away. I was a hopeless romantic who thought, I'm gonna meet the one and then I'll be ready. And I only learned this because when I was posting me and my girlfriend, a lot of these girls

started messaging her and being like saying, just so you know, I hooked up with him. And just so you know, back in the day, we did this and blah, blah, blah. Like trying to sabotage my relationship. And some girls actually tried to make friends with my girlfriend behind my back for no reason. And I'd go to the comedy store and they'd be like,

hey, Brent, do you know so-and-so? And I'm like, how did you meet her? She's like, oh, we just got to talk and we met on a hike. And then they would go and be friends. And he goes, I gotta tell you something, I used to hook up with Brent. So now I'm going to fucking fight about this girl. But that's how it put me in such a weird position.

And that's and then those were some of the girls who apologize after we fucking broke up. Like, sorry, I tried to ruin it for you. It's just I didn't know why her and not me. Oh, whoa. Yeah. Well, that's interesting. That's only ever happened to me once I I dated Bobby and there was this girl who was really adamant about like building this friendship With me and then we became friends. Yeah only to find out later on not through her though, but through Bobby's like, you know

We used to is that the girl whose clothes you're wearing No, that was his real ex who I'm actually friends with now, which is a little bit weird to say, but we're really like good friends. You guys want to start doing some jokes or something? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck is this? We're having a conversation. Please don't gaslight me. All right. I'm love bombing right now. Rick, where are you at with love?

He is fucking Rick. We both are. Let's just get it over with and get together. Honestly, and I. Oh, here it comes. If I were gay, instead of just bi, but too scared to act on it, I would not be attracted to you.

Why? Not physically. Oh, so physically. Attracted to you. And, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, we're just too different. We're just too different. That's what makes a good couple. I know.

No, no, no, I didn't say we're different. We used to, remember when we were neighbors? So we're two different. And I would go out and do shows, and you would tape This Is Us for us, or The Voice, and then we'd sit down until 3 a.m. and watch our programs. I do? Sometimes I'd sleep over on the couch, you know?

We'd take a walk, get some coffee. Could we put up the montage of all the times that you were sleeping? We'd argue, we had tears. Well, you know, there is this- I have hundreds of pictures of Brent sleeping on my couch, each one from a different day. I believe this, and because there is this running theory

that men don't actually, if it wasn't for pussy, you guys would be in relationship. Oh yeah, that's what my, Dave's, Dave says that all the time. It's like you guys actually just. Why? He doesn't say that. Why does he tell you? When he's with it, whenever him and his best friend

are together, they're just like, oh man, like I wish. Yeah, what you're talking about is intimacy, and intimacy doesn't have to be romantic, but it is a beauty. One sec, go ahead, Brent. This might be a different thing happening here. And they cuddle. Yeah, you just, right after coitus,

all of a sudden he's just going, oh man, Mark, right? You know, not for nothing, but if I was gay, I would totally beat him. Do you find yourself enjoying the company of Brent more than any of the girls you've been with? Mm-mm. Okay. I feel like I can't see your eyes,

and I feel like I'm missing more of your jokes when you have your stuff on. I haven't been making any. And also, I don't think you've ever not missed one of my jokes. Oh. I don't know, yours are real thinkers. You gotta really think about it.

There he is, there's that beautiful man. Oh my goodness. Wow. You should look awesome. Now this is Riz. Reminder, I'm still here. Didn't wanna scare you, but I am still here. Okay.

How's everyone's inner child feeling right now? Oh, great question, Esther. My inner child's front and center. I'm looking for the adults. I've been talking to, go ahead, Brent. No, I was pointing in agreement. I've been having so many conversations with him. Excuse me them. Oh multiple yes, there is Pre glasses Rick and glasses Rick. What are you saying to pre glasses? Let's start with pre glasses

Glass boy and glass man. Just put your socks on it doesn't matter how it feels let's go. Okay great nice difficult advice Mm-hmm because once you is that Esther and me in the bottom is that hot Esther and hot me at the bottom I haven't seen that movie a Nora 6 million to make the movie and 18 million apparently to promote it for a drugstore June didn, wasn't the post-production budget to fix you up more expensive than the whole movie? Yeah, they had to fix me. I had a lot of gas and they had to degas me.

Really? Yeah, have you ever had that? I don't know if this is a joke. I mean, that is the rudest thing anyone could ever say. That's rude. What he just said was rude. We is a joke. Or if you're just. That is the rudest thing anyone could ever say. That's rude. What he just said was rude. We have a dynamic. Not really.

It's off. What would have been rude is I go, okay, I see it. That would have been rude. Wait, back to your child. Really was like no. I was really interested in pre-glasses, Rick. Yeah, sometimes when I'm catching myself and my OCD's getting pretty bad,

I say, hey, you've been here for a long time and it's fine. So you could go through the root, you could go through the bullshit for four or five more minutes or just get anxious for a minute. Don't do it and move on. I've been doing that. He's helped me a whole bunch. Alvin, yes. Dogs will heal you.

It's a natural Xanax right there. And then when I talk to Kid Rick Postglasses when he's a little bit older, it's a more parenting thing where I, because Adult Rick and Kid Rick both don't want to do the thing, whatever the thing might be. What's an example for Adult Rick? The easiest one, where this became conscious that I was like using this as a tool is- Where's the jokes? You said you guys didn't want them. You said you did want them. but I was like using this as a tool is- Where's the jokes?

You said you guys didn't want them. You said you did want them. I did, but you guys like what your podcast has become. So I'm just, I'm trying not to control everything. That's me talking to Kid Rick again. This is, you know, classy classics. Oh fuck, cut. Do it again. Take it back.

Yeah, I took the sunglasses off. Go ahead, Brett. Are you a go ahead guy or an action guy? I need to know who I'm working with. Because we didn't cut. Oh, you didn't cut? No, keep it going. This is classic glasses, Rick.

No, this is, one more time. There we go, just do a few. What are you, whenever you're ready, you take it. We'll wait. No, Esther, adding words. Esther, here, right, right. Say, where are the jokes? I got you.

Yeah, okay, I'll lead you in. Lead me in, please. Where are the jokes? You had your palms up. Yep. Well, we'll use my cut from the way to the last time. But if we're using a two shot, it's just. I don't wanna give you a line reading

as another actor on set, but. I'll give it to her. Better, better. Can you give it the pizzazz? You actually extend it all the way. You extend it and you yelled it, and I need to react to that. Okay, then. You actually extend it all the way. You extend it and you yelled it and I need to react to that. Okay, then I need you to lead me in. Sure.

Okay, so you lead in. Now, we're two million over budget. Now, when I became conscious of this, when I first became conscious of this was when like I'm staying up late at night and it's time to go to bed. And how much time do you want me to do after? Oh my God, I fell asleep. I fell asleep. I'm so sorry.

It's okay. This is why you aren't acting anymore. Are you on a show right now? No, I'm not. Are you projecting onto me? No. I know projecting. What is it?

It's where you just fucking, you just project, I guess. Say it loud. Yeah. That's like a theater version of projecting. Projecting is like, being like, God, you're so insecure and you can never find love. And you know what, to be honest, you're gaining some weight. But in reality, I can't find love, right?

That's projecting? Yes. And we all kind of do it all the time, you'll notice. Oh yeah, it's my act. Well, it's great to check in with yourself when you're doing it. Do, are you good at catching yourself when you're projecting?

Yeah, are you good at catching yourself when projecting? I am trying and I think so. I'm better than I used to be, and that's the only person I can compare myself to. This is like two genius fourth graders at recess. Are you good at catching yourself projecting? Are you good at catching yourself projecting? Spell recess.

Really try. Really try? R-E-C-C-E-S-S. Is that right, is that one C or two? No, I'm not done. There's your jokes. R-E-C-C-E-S-S. Is that right? Is that one C or two? No, I'm not done. I know there's those. There's your jokes. Accent over the last S.

Oh my God, finally a cuddle buddy. Rick, let's get vulnerable. What's going on? Well, he was, he was doing inner child stuff. I actually found that pretty fascinating. Let's talk about present day. You're, and I mean this in a nice way. I don't think you get Botox, right?

No. Right. So I want to let you know that when you are feigning sincerity, excuse me, being sincere, what's the difference with this slut? Jerk! You see how her eyebrows are raising right now? That's because she's having a real emotion. A lot of times when she says, hey, why don't you do that? There's no thoughts, there's no raising of eyebrows,

there's no squinting, and I could tell that you're being disingenuous. So you weren't asking to hear about me, you were trying to set something up for fun, and I'm not upset about this, but I want you to know I don't read you like a book, because I don't know how to read, but I read you like a person that I've studied, and let me tell you something, she ain't pretty.

We'll be right back with a word from Heal It Sleep. Wait, this is so interesting. Projecting. I always thought you were someone that had trouble reading social cues. No, wait, this is so interesting. Projecting. I always thought you were someone that had trouble reading. Oh, I'm so good at it now. Social cues. I'm very good at it.

You just gave me the biggest compliment because I'm literally trying to do less facial expressions because my mom doesn't do them and that's why she looks good for her age, so thank you. But don't you think your mom is, and I'm sorry for saying this, cold? Yes. Is that what you want?

You wanna look good and be cold? When I'm talking to you, I want to look good and be cold. Interesting. I didn't realize you liked me that way. And we're back. You are exploding with Riz. Riz Glassman. Sorry for lumbobbing on your face there. Just clean those glasses off.

Oh gross. Gross. Oh, ya boy. Alright, okay okay relax there You know like he's like loving me right? Love bombing you on about three two one Rick do you let her Alvin lick the inside of your mouth? No, oh you don't face lips. I love when he licks my face, but I but it grosses me out at the same time So I let him do one or two and then I ask him to stop.

And he does. Okay, so gaslighting, I just looked it up on the screen and it's manipulating someone into doubting their own reality. Oh. I do feel- Hannibal Lecter. That that's what you do to me.

I know you do. Yeah. And while we're on the subject of projecting, and I've said this to you before, out of all my friends, you literally built your brand on gaslighting people. I don't even know if you know when you're doing it. I think it's insane.

So maybe- So now you're projecting clearly, right? No, if I- Is that what you're doing? Is that the bit we're doing? I think he's doing meta gaslighting to you. Because I'm just specific example. In the beginning of the episode, I was like,

what's wrong, I feel like you're in a bad mood and you told me like, no, you're not. I'm not. But you had said multiple times you wanted to get it over with. Yeah, I was just making a joke. I say that on my podcast when I start all the time. All right, let's get this over with.

Just a little joke. Well, that was my reality and then now it's cleared up. Good. Okay. That was cray cray. Is that something? Brent checking in, you feeling okay? Just a little joke. Well, that was my reality, and then now it's cleared up. Good. OK. That was cray cray. Is that something? Brent's checking in. You feeling OK?

Did you guys just trauma bond? Yeah, him and I are like the kids of parents fighting. We're just looking at like, mm, mm. What are you eating while we're fighting? Oh, breadcrumbing. Speaking of food, what do you think breadcrumbing is? That's, breadcrumbing is, you know, I'm with Rick and he says something insulting to Esther and then I go, not to mention the glasses.

Is that like, I'm just putting the crumbs on top of the insult? No it's, if love was bread, if love was carbohydrates, as an analogy, if love was carbohydrates, you're not giving somebody enough sustenance, but you're giving them enough to like, hey, follow me, follow me, like Hansel and Gretel. Kind of like dangling a carrot. Oh, I'm giving you a little bit, but then I don't give you more. And then that person is like chasing more breadcrumbs. And this is another issue of not being able to set your own boundaries of like, hey, shame

on them for taking up just the breadcrumbs But sometimes when you're when you're when you have love for somebody It's hard to see the forest for the trees, you know And you just try to get that little bit of taste that little fix It's hard to see the forest and the trees is what I'm stuck on now Isn't a forest trees sometimes Sometimes you're just so focused on this tree that you don't realize is a whole forest here and seeing it as one big thing I find it hard for me to be stuck on one tree of them in a forest

I mean, there's so many trees right kind of thing unless there's something on the tree like an owl seeing the bigger picture Like hey, listen, I am you're really focused on this one episode being boring Look at all of your boring episodes, but this is what the show is Okay, but if I'm looking at a tree with an owl in a forest, I want to look at that tree because of the owl. Let me check in with you. I want to hold space for Esther. How do you feel when he does that? Oh, your show is not funny anymore. It's boring all

the time. Where does that land with you? I don't know. It's mean. It's mean. And it doesn't make me feel good. But then I have trouble telling you that because I feel like you'll just say something meaner back. Yes, yes, yes. I feel like you can say that. But if I said that I would just get pounded and pummeled even further. Because I'm not as quick as you.

I was trying to stay quiet, but I can't. I think that's a problem. Oh my God. Here's where I have trouble in life a lot. And I hope you'll give me like maybe 30 seconds to finish this thought without saying, grab it up or let's get it over with. I think that I love you so deeply,

but you're so brilliant and you're so quick. It's sometimes hard to contend with that and tell you how I truly feel, because I feel like you're just gonna trample it because you're smarter than me, you're quicker than me, and your brain is connected to your mouth and therefore you're able to get your thoughts much quicker. Versus me, it takes time to process.

So I'll leave here feeling like, gosh, why did Rick say that so many times about our show and probably never say it to you because I have trouble contending with fast speakers. I have, does that make sense? And I'll also say. But then also on the same note, I truly, truly you, but also it is it is it is it is mean And I would also like to add like it's honestly really and I'm sorry like I wanted to wait and like say cut or whatever

but like I Feel like it was really hard just now when you when we were starting and you said that, I said I didn't want to have Brent on without you because it wouldn't do good numbers. I don't remember saying that. I might have, I say that sometimes. Oh no, you didn't, I'm sorry. She never said that.

I never thought he did. But that was so mean. And I felt like it was mean to Brent, but it was coming from me in that way that you packaged it. And then he said something bad about himself, like yeah, I get it. And I'm just sitting here thinking, oh my God, does Brent think that I said that?

And I'm an asshole and I'm thrown off by it. But then I know if I say something, then you'll be like, I was just joking. And then I'm like, okay, well, should I not have said anything? I don't know. I would like to- Get out of here. No, no, should I not have said anything? I don't know. I would like to. Get out of here.

No, I love this, this is powerful. I'm sweating. Don't sweat. The thing is, as intimate as I am with Ricky. Even telling you that makes me feel so shitty. Oh, I'm sorry. I just know, I gotta be honest, from my perspective, I just know Rick so well that all of them are jokes,

but I know that they can be interpreted as not jokes. So when he's saying it won't do those numbers, I know he's joking. Well, there's probably some truth in it, but I don't get affected by that at all, and I didn't even process that. You wouldn't want me on because of that. Well, I'm so glad I said something,

because that's so- I am too. Yeah. May I? Yes. First, I'm sorry that me doing those things made you feel that way and I'm sorry that the experience that you've had with me left you not feeling safe to tell me how you feel I Though I'm joking I don't ever think that's an excuse to do something because Though my intentions were one thing the way you receive them is equally valid

From my perspective. I didn't know that you felt this way and had I and now that I do genuinely I'm sorry for that I also feel that and tell me if you disagree with this off camera. I Don't make those kinds of jokes, not for better or worse. And I am coming into a place, on some podcasts I feel more than others, this being one of them, more specifically being with you, where I feel the dynamic is, you punch me and I punch back.

We might have a different understanding of who punched first, but this time, with so many podcasts that we've done with one another, it doesn't really matter. The dynamic is siblings fighting. So I come in being a very competitive person, even in my jokes, I don't know what your numbers are or how the podcast is doing.

I hope well, I'm just lovingly and playfully shitting on you because that's what the dynamic has been. I think I'll give you that. I think that you're very good. Who you are in this mode is very different from you got to pick a character when you're right. Right. Right. Right. On my podcast. I think that's always been like having podcasted with Bobby for like fucking over 10 years. That's always been our issue. It's like who he was I would on when the cameras were on I would interpret

personally I would take it personally and then at the end of it all he'd be like no like I'm I this is all play this is entertainment we are we I gotta switch it on and because that's not who he was when the cameras were off and I do give I will give you that you are genuinely one of the kindest sweetest best listeners off camera. I agree that I have a really great relationship with you off camera, and I think maybe that's why it is confusing. It's almost like, even though what you're saying is true, it's clear one is on camera, one is off, like my brain is like not comprehending that,

and it's like, I don't know, I don't know. But I definitely wanna give you that, that I do agree, like you're a very nice, great person when the cameras aren't there. I've heard this my whole life. This is an issue with basketball, like playing intense or being a certain way, and then off the court, it's like,

oh, I thought we were just playing. So I'm not so- And when you pulled that guy's hair. Wait, can I ask you, when you pulled those? Yeah, he was frustrated. Guy had beautiful long hair and he just- He tripped me, and when I was getting up,

he held me down so then. He pulled his hair. So he held me down and then he got up and when he was getting up, I wanted to hold him down and he was like this and I grabbed his hair and I pulled his hair down, yeah. Beautiful long hair and then he gets up, did you just pull my hair?

Starts chasing him around, he goes, okay, okay. What can I tell you? It's heat of the game. Is the feedback you get in basketball that you sometimes are too aggressive? Yeah. Okay, so I do think that that's interesting. So when I get competitive, I-

I'm guilty of that. What's that? I'm guilty of that in basketball. We can't play with certain people. I can, no. We get, I get, well remember we both twisted our ankle because people didn't know what they were doing and I was actually, I'm the Irish New Englander going, learn to play the fucking game if you're gonna fucking play. It's like a

five-on-five in some small gym with people who never play. It's their fault you twist in your ankle. Yeah because they're in the way, like learn how to move. There aren't some people that will push you for the back. Learn how to not twist your ankle. Well when you got some guy who just runs in front of you when he's not supposed to be near you and goes right into your ankle when you're supposed to be on the wing and I'm taking the ball up and you're supposed to set a screen to cut this way but you don't know what you're doing so why are you even here? It really pissed me off and then I just lost it. A little unrelated but my sister simultaneously twisted both of her ankles. Oh boy. When she was I think 20 years old we went to a house party and she went upstairs

to use the bathroom and my friend's mom was masturbating to porn. What? Wait, at the party? At the party. So she's up there but downstairs you hear doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot. Yeah, so my sister goes like the bathroom's

being used downstairs, she goes upstairs, walks into this Asian lady's bedroom boudoir and the lady's like furiously masturbating. Furiously? To the B? My sister freaks out, misses a step, and twists both her ankles and then slides down. It was really, really.

I have to say, I was like, where are you going with this? We're in the middle of something and now I'm all about this. Yeah, all I'm picturing is an older Asian woman furiously masturbating to some aggressive porn while some kind of raves going on downstairs and then your sister walks up just seeing. I assume that's aggressive masturbation.

It is, it was pretty aggressive. Yeah, so sorry, I didn't mean to. No, that's a, what kind of, how old? It was in Hancock Park. Oh, how old is she? Oh, she was 20. Hancock or Han Clit. Yeah.

Oh, that'd be a good name. Rick, let's continue this. How are you feeling? Because I don't want you to feel ganged up on or attacked, but I also do feel that. I love when people tell me how they feel. Yeah, he's used to it. You told me, have you told me this a while ago,

then we would have had this conversation a while ago. Not putting that on you, and I understand you didn't feel comfortable doing it, but I had no idea you guys felt that way. I think it's a little bit like, do we let him just go off and shine because you are so funny? I would never wanna stifle anything you do,

so it's like, ah, we'll figure it out in post. But I think also, I think it's maybe just certain subject matter or, it just, yeah, it is. I don't know what those subject matters are because we've had this, when we did Rick and Esther, like there are times where it's just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and then there's times where you're like, where your feelings would get hurt,

and I'm like, which is valid. I just like, oh, I don't know what the rules are, apparently. I think it's not that there are rules, it's just that when I'm sitting here and now twice, there's been a joke about how our show is not funny and is boring, I'm like, what is that, why? Okay, well I am feeling a little defensive right now. Okay.

Because you say things, and I can't think of a specific example like that. That's okay. But you say things like that to me all the time. You'll snore while I'm talking, you're saying I'm boring. When we're on my podcast and I'm doing some of my silly animations, you're like,

this is stupid, why would you do that? And you make fun of that stuff. And I believe both that you respect me and that you might not like those jokes or those things. And there's truth and there's silliness and like we're different we're different I am able to receive things in a certain way not for better or for worse differently than you and it's it's easy to get confused of like oh I could take this so she can

when that's not necessarily the case but I will say the rules are not something that I came into our relationship with, rather something that we calibrated together. And there are times where the same thing, the next time bothers you. Even you said, oh, well, Rick, I made this decision that sometimes people gross me out and you're on the list or however you said it.

And it's like, I remember we did an episode once where I was talking about something and then I'm like, and then this girl went blah, blah, blah. It was a very, maybe PG-13, if not PG joke, and you lost it. And I was like, oh, okay. What does lost it mean though? That's like sounds like ice.

I would love to cut to a clip. Ew, ew, ew, ew. See, it makes me not even wanna be doing this with you. But see, that's funny. Whether it's funny or not, it was you judging what I was doing, saying it was not good. And I would say in a comedic way.

Sure, in your comedic way. And what I'm saying is, right, those are the rules that we've established. So in my comedic way, when I'm like, I mean, we do this stuff all the time. We used to do this on Undateable when it was like, when something happens and we go, whistling, and the ratings are going down in that moment.

It's just, we're self-delplicating, we make jokes about each other, about other people. Now, there are some people you can't do that with. Do that live on TV. It is a little confusing with you because you do it all the time and. I do what all the time? Punch and make fun.

I don't know, I wouldn't say that I punch all the time. Okay, well, to me I receive it that way. Punching back. And I like it. Punching back. Look, I agree, I like it. I like when you punch at me, it's fun. So I don't know when, so what I've just learned is there's a sensitivity to maybe talking about the show as a whole, check.

To be honest, it feels like punching down, right? Cause you have, your podcast is more successful than ours, and it feels like you're coming on our podcast and saying you're and you and I know you said you don't know our numbers But the last time we had a phone call we were talking numbers Maybe you don't remember I don't expect you to remember everything we say to each other But I was telling you our numbers and compared to yours and they are much lower And so I think that's where it when it feels like you're got it down when you call me ugly I'll give a fuck because I personally don't think you're punching down. I think I'm prettier than you.

But I do feel that when you come on our podcast and you say your numbers are bad and it's boring, I go, ugh, you know, it's almost like if Scarlett Johansson walked in the room and was like, Esther, you're ugly and you're never gonna be acting in a movie. They'd be like, why the fuck are you saying that to me, bitch? Wouldn't I be making similar jokes to you guys

on Tiger Belly? And like, oh, this. What if I'm making similar jokes to you guys on Tiger Belly? And like, oh, this is this, and stuff more to Bobby than to you. Like, I would be punching Bobby to- Again, you might not be viewing it that way. That's the way I'm receiving it, is it feels like punching down. I'm not saying that you're on purpose punching down.

Well, I am sorry. I don't see you or a show, I'm genuinely, like, I didn't even you or a show, I'm genuinely, like I didn't even think as lesser than, I'm just, you guys are my friends and I make jokes at you and I guess since this is your podcast, by association your podcast, which is also your podcast and then you're feeling it too, I don't know, I was just like, I'm just throwing fucking darts.

And not meaning making excuses, really, I'm sorry, clocked. I will not make jokes about your podcast anymore. May it hit the triple? There are some other things that you have brought up to me that is not relevant outside of the fact that there's variables of certain things to not make jokes at that I've heard you and I haven't. There are certain things that like,

I know, hey, this is not something to play with. I didn't realize this was one of those. And had we had that conversation, I will say I didn't remember. And I think I get it now. Can I give an analogy? OK, you know, as it's thrown a lot of words at me and I'm walking into a relationship that feels a little bit at the end and I brought the cheap wine now I'm feeling bad about it but

the dinner's almost ready. Let me, as somebody who speaks Ricky, let me just, knowing him for Jesus, 20 years, I'll give a great analogy of Ricky. Ricky can't wrestle. Let me explain. So sometimes you know guys like I remember we'd be outside a show and we'd have like comedienne friends and he kind of mess around haha but once you engage in that game with Rick he's gonna choke it out. So and he did that to a few friends they go what are you doing man? I

thought we were wrestling and it's like no I was just playing around so what I'm saying is that when Rick commits to the game that's the game for him here that's his game. Sorry and not to like give you a better analogy. Oh please. Well you know what now we got a problem. You know first off you come in here gaslighting me all right you're probably gonna ghost me and God knows if your future faking me. And I swear to God boundaries have been crossed and codependency is something I need. We both have. Well I think what you're trying to say is in the game of jujitsu, you don't know how to spar.

He knows how to choke someone out and to finish but he doesn't know how to train and spar. He will go for the finish. It's just the play thing. Cause there's so many times we'd be somewhere and I go, Ricky doesn't play, Ricky doesn't play. By the way, that wasn't an insult. I think that's-

I understand. I also have really worked hard on that and recognizing when I'm wrestling, when the other people are sparring. And I believe I have not only been working on it, but I've gotten quite good at it. I'm not a magician, but when somebody says to me, hey, we're sparring, it's very easy for me.

Like you said, you were nervous and Rick, how are you? I value information like that so much. It doesn't make me feel lesser about myself, it makes me feel grateful that I can now calibrate and fit in better with certain people. So I might not recognize that you're sparring, and with you especially, it's very confusing, because your spar turns into wrestling, back into spar.

I don't know the rules with you. I do believe you. So when somebody says, hey Rick, that hurts my feelings, I wouldn't say, that hurts my feelings. I would be like, oh, what did I just miss? You gotta laugh. Yeah, he'll do that. A lot of ballbusting would happen on the set of Undateable

and man, they really threw me under the bus on that show. Scripps just got to the the point they'd be like, Justin, you look bad with no chin. I go, that's not even a joke. That's just how I look today. That'd be like in the script. The writers see me and do that. But I told you and I told Chris,

like, you know, I could take the jokes. I have fun. But I told Rick privately, I said, just don't make fun of my hair. You know, and I told Chris, and they both went, done. Didn't know that bothered you. And I was like, yeah, because I'm buying this now and doing all that shit.

I don't care, go get a doctor, go to Turkey. I didn't go yet, but I'm gonna go again. It's like tattoos, man. I wanna fuck it, Sonic the Hedgehog this one day. But they just went, oh, okay, that's off limits. And they never brought it up again, unless we're together talking about hair. There was an episode where after that, Bill.

Oh yeah. You know what I'm talking about right? I know exactly what you're talking about. The water? Yeah, when we were live. Yeah, and Bill said he wanted me to dump this bucket of water on Brent's head, and I go, I don't think we should do that.

Brent is a little insecure about his hair, and he goes, it's funny, it's fine. He'll think it's funny, if it's funny, it's fine, or something like that. And then I'm like. Like national television. So I did it, it's funny, it's fine. He'll think it's funny. If it's funny, it's fine or something like that. And then I'm like, so I did it. It's at the very end of the episode. So there's maybe 10 seconds after I poured the water on him and I put the, do you remember?

I put the bucket over his head and I left the bucket on his head. So you couldn't see his hair. I'm so sorry I had to do this, but don't take it off yet. So the show is over. So I did what I had to do, but I left so you couldn't see his hair. And I was in there like, thank you.

That's really sweet. And I wanna piggyback off of that and say, Rick, that genuinely the fact that we can even have this conversation and like, because it probably, I would imagine that when you get feedback like this, it makes you maybe feel under attack. I know I personally would like,

because it's just hard to take criticism or whatever. And I just really appreciate that you create a safe space and that you are comfortable and you're so, I mean, you are so intelligent that you're able to take it really well. And I don't know, I'm just really appreciative of the safety that you create for me to feel like I can say how I feel and not be like

made fun of or just honestly to be received is like it's really a huge deal and I don't know a lot of people that are capable of that. Myself included, like I don't know, I don't know. Thank you. When I joke the intention for me behind it is maybe 100% if not almost 100% a form of like connection and I'm wanting to connect and I think I'm connecting when I find out I'm not now we're floating and where's the connection it's just honesty and like telling me how you feel so like I'll grab onto that just as easily as

this this is just where I live and play. But like the moment where like, hey, I can't have this now, I want this other lifeline of that. So I'm wanting to connect all the time. This idea of not liking small talk, I get and I don't, I talk about it in my act a lot, but it's not that small talk it's bad, it's just that a lot of times

it cannibalizes true connection. And to me, more more than most and I understand It's annoying to people. I love bits so much I always want to do them and it's not just being silly it's being seen and being received and playing that back and forth and we fell in love because of it because I'm doing bits with Brent and when I'm not doing bits with Brent, I'm in the audience watching him do it And I don't mean at a comedy club I mean in conversation sometimes Brent's in the pocket and I think he's the funniest person in the world when he's in the audience watching him do it. And I don't mean at a comedy club. I mean in conversation, sometimes Brent's in the pocket

and I think he's the funniest person in the world when he's in the pocket. Yeah, in the pocket. But when not, it's genuine. I'm having trouble finding it right now. And I've also experienced this in my personal, like my intimate relationships. Like there are times where it's like,

oh, like this person that I'm competing with who makes a little joke at me and I'm like, I love this, they didn't hurt my feelings. It's like, oh, we're connecting. Let me do it back and fucking harder and to connect even more with you. And it's like, oh, I maybe hurt their feelings or they didn't feel seen. Like my girlfriend when I'm dating somebody isn't Brent.

And it's like, I'm being serious. It was a real thing I had like, it's like, it could be if I'm dating somebody who is like Brent, then it is. But if it's not, sometimes I forget because when I'm in play mode and I become Kid Rick again, it's wrestling and we're having fun. And I'm assuming, or rather than assuming,

I'm not even considering that this person opposite me doesn't think the way that I do. And it's sometimes easy for me to forget that, or at least not pick up on that unless they tell me. So I'm just, you know, anyway. Yeah, just tell them. No, I get it. That's what I tell people.

Just tell them. I honestly have had a similar thing in my relationship with Dave where he has, he literally has a podcast called The Great Debates where him and this other really smart guy, they debate like nonsense topics. And Dave, he is an arguer and a debater and he's brilliant at it.

And I was starting to feel these little conversations, that arguer would come out and I'd be like. Yeah, I'm like that too. Yeah, and so I understand that. You get off on it. Yeah, and I've just learned to be like, this isn't a great debate. Now it's-

And you say that, you mean? So he goes, oh, I'm doing that thing? Yeah, we just, I think that I am so, I just, we have our funny way of getting out of it, but it used to be a thing where I'd be like, what's happening? Wait, that really, really makes a lot of sense. I've done this so many times

where I've been the constant contrarian. Just because it's worked with other people and the contrarian relationship works really well for some. And then I speak to someone else who just doesn't like that kind of relationship at all. And I know that feeling. Or when someone is being just constantly a contrarian with me, it's fucking annoying.

Especially if you're in an intimate relationship with them. It's like well actually I just needed your support I didn't need you to be the devil's advocate play a devil's advocate Totally and I think that Rick like that's just such a relatable topic that you came just brought up I think that's why we're both like going off on it because When you when you in your intimate relationship, you're like one thing It's not translating that how you are with your friends. I'll make jokes that I make with Caroline, if I take those over to Dave, he's like, what?

It's like... Yeah, it's tough though, sometimes. Let's just get together. We're not going anywhere anymore. Um... I want a baby, Rick. Wait, hang on, do you? Wait, can we talk about this?

Sorry, I didn't mean the steamroller. I was trying to add some levity. Wait, do you really want a baby? Of course. I'd love a family. Where are we at with? Single. OK.

No prospects. Do we know if the sperms are swimming? Well, I get them mind checked every few months. Not to divulge too much information, but from the past, I have learned that they do. Can we look at them under a microscope, because I'm able to, actually. Why is that?

That's not his. Patreon, can I look at your sperm under a microscope and I can tell you whether or not they're a swimmin'? Sure. Don't love Bummer yet, don't love Bummer yet. I was gonna do it to her, I was gonna go in the hall. Maya, I tend to date people who I find to be funny. When they're playing with me and making me laugh, Maya, I tend to date people who I find to be funny.

When they're playing with me and making me laugh, I wanna play back. And I also wanna say that like, that's okay. If you're a playful boy and you're dating a playful girl, and you wanna do lots of bits, you know, just be kind. But I don't want to also I don't want to poo poo the bits. OK, yeah, I think what I'm seeing here or female. I don't think playful boy is going to play online. Esther is saying, hey, Rick, do you want to play with Barbies?

And then you get a hammer and you go bonk. And then Esther says, oh, hey, Rick, that's how you used to play with your turtles. That's not how I like to play with Barbies. And then I'll go, oh, thanks for telling me. And then I would say, you're 35, grow up and throw the Barbies out. We have to go to my parents' house for dinner. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Kalyla, when I had my own business, I absolutely relied on Squarespace.

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of view on everything from marriage and parenthood to dating advice and dropping dead. With his signature raw wit and sharp commentary, Bill fearlessly pushes boundaries as he navigates the nonsense and weighs in on mental health, social media, and societal norms. In his first Hulu stand-up special, No Topic is Off Limits with Bill's refreshingly candid take on the chaotic landscape of our world today. Burr's unique ability to blend deep critique with laugh-out-loud humor is exactly what makes this one of his most personal and funniest hours yet.

To the new Hoolaria stand-up special, frozen cum. I froze my cum a couple of times. It's got a penis thing. Can I ask why? I thought it was a hormone thing. Yeah. Oh, you didn't want me to share that. What's a penis thing? A penis works.

What a whole nut thing is. That's a testicle, not a penis. They're connected, minor friends. They're really getting close now, they got no action. You have varicocele? Varicocele in my left testicle. They're really getting close now, they got no action. You have a varicocele? Varicocele in my left testicle. Extra veins. Varicocele. Varicosity there.

They work out. Is that what Rainn Wilson had? No, he had one was bigger than the other. Oh, it was swelling. It was like hydroseal or something like that. Does it matter if my cum is cautious? How cautious? Well, I'm just saying the way it comes out. It doesn't spray, it kind of looks around and then goes down. Wait no no, as someone who has dated a weeper is what we call him.

Oh I don't like that, you're gaslighting me. You don't, you have no projectile, you kind of just boop dollop. It comes on out, could be the Zoloftoft. I've gotten pregnant by a weeper. Well, there you go. You're gonna have a weeping child one day. I don't think, yeah, I think you're fine. We're a cautious kid. Weeping cum is fine. I just feel like my cum is intelligent.

And so it wants to really look at the new surrounding before it trickles down to the old testes. Let me tell you something. You're not wasteful. If you're not just spraying it onto hard surfaces, you're going, I have one place to be and one place only, boop, there it goes. I've only shot once.

Really, I think I was 12 and it just went by my head in my parents' bed when they were gone. Oh my gosh. I mean my bed. What are those things that you, little things and you throw them on the ground? My penis. Oh, poppers.

Poppers, yeah, you're not a love bomber, you're a love popper. I don't think, I, poppers. Poppers, yeah, you're not a love bomber, you're a love popper. I don't think, I think poppers are a drug. Yeah, what are those called? Oh yeah, poppers get you going. Right. Dancing the shadows with poppers. Can really have a good time.

Doesn't it prep you for like anal? I've only danced with the Dark Dune Monster a couple times. Who's that? The anal. I got in there, looked around. come as cautious. We got right out And poppets make you make you have anal easier no poppers poppers Poppers is like that thing where you just go Much of a drug guy yeah, you missed out. I'm done, but I had my time

Rick back to your frozen come I'm a bunch of a drug guy. Yeah, you missed out. I'm done, but I had my time. Rick, back to your frozen cum. How much have you frozen? I mean, I honestly am already looking for my freezer's full. And I'm looking for a new. Do you have it at home? Oh, yeah. I'm just making a joke, Esther.

Oh. It's right next to the Halo top. I've frozen in two different places, in case one of them burns down. I have my cum in a couple of places. One of them burns down? Are they jewels? Okay, I have a real question about this. It's like having multiple hard drive backups.

Is it just backups? So in the event you find a partner and you're like, wow, she's great, we want to start a family. Are you going to use your younger cum or your present cum? I'm going to try, I'm going to use this cum. Okay. Oh, you're going to wow, she's great, we wanna start a family, are you gonna use your younger cum or your present cum? I'm gonna try, I'm gonna use this cum. Okay. Oh, you're gonna try that way first? I have it, I mean, you relate to this.

Yes, I was gonna say, yeah. I, just in case, like, so like the varicocele I had an operation on in high school, it went away. My fertility was good. A woman I was seeing got pregnant and she did not want to have that baby. We did not want to have that baby. We got rid of that baby.

In high school? In college. I think about it often. You sent the baby to college. Can I ask why you think about it often? What do you mean? Because I really, really like wanna start my, I wanna start a family

and I wanna have kids, I wanna find my partner and I think about like, oh, you know, you would have a, I mean, I was in college, so I'd have a four year old now and I think about it often. I think about my abortion often too and that is the misconception um with the whole um conception um just like a pro-life debate is that there's this idea that women who get abortions are just willy-nilly go in there get it done and never think about it again like it's some form of

contraception and I will say like it's been one of contraception. And I will say, like, it's been one of the more, like, painful times in my relationship, or in my life. And even now, I, at 40, I think about, yeah, I would have had a child, what, six years old, seven years old. I think about that all the time. Don't do this to me. It's really personal and emotional, for sure. It is, and it's hard, but-

With the two of you, and it's a whole- I don't regret my decision. It was the correct decision for me at that time, in my life. She still owes me 800 hard, but I don't regret my decision. It was the correct decision for me at that time in my life. She still owes me 800 bucks, but. I'm still old money as well. Maybe you guys could make it even with each other. I know that one would. You give me your frozen cum.

She keeps asking me for this. How do I know when she's joking? You know what, give me your younger cum because you're pretty tall. It's not that younger cum. I did it last year. I did it in two different places. One of the places I went in person

and it was a guy, it was just a guy there. And he gave me an alcohol wipe. And then went into the room and I came back out. I said, I'm a little confused. I'm assuming this is for my penis, but wouldn't that be like, do I want it to come through alcohol on the way out? Maybe like I'm supposed to is for my penis, but wouldn't that be, like, do I want it to come through alcohol on the way out? Maybe, like, I'm supposed to do something else.

He goes, yeah, you just wipe the tip of the penis. And as a joke, I'm like, all right, and then what do I do? And he started answering me. And he was teaching me how to masturbate. So I was either able to say, oh no, no, I'm just joking, which I would have done if there were other people around because I don't want other people to think

and maybe I'm making fun of him or something. But I was already in there. And then if I'm just joking, then he thinks I'm making fun since it's just between the two of us and whoever's all the people that are listening to this now publicly. So you're still taking that as an insult.

That's a call back to the confrontation that happened before. I speak Ricky. No. So he taught me how to masturbate and I go awesome and then I went into the... Was that the first place? Because I remember getting calls after these sessions. No I did I've been getting because of the varicocele I get my my sperm checked every couple of years just to see like because I don't want wanna have the surgery on it again now because one, it might come back and then I have to have it again.

And I don't know if that's gonna reverse or fix anything. So I'm just like, when I find my person when we're ready, I'll have that operation. Also more scar tissue, just I'll do it when I do it. So like, I'm just checking if it keeps getting worse or whatever, I just wanna have information. So when I'm getting, I also get blood work, like full panels, like every two or three months. or whatever, I just wanna have information. So when I'm getting, I also get blood work,

like full panels, like every other, every two or three months. I just like wanna go back and see where the, I just like data. What are you looking for? Do you have an aura ring? No, I thought about getting one. I love it for, I like data too.

I understand. It's an aura ring. I do have some hormones imbalance. I know, I remember this. Yeah, so that's why I started doing it. And as I was doing- I forget, wasn't your estrogen that was high? My testosterone and my estrogen were high.

My testosterone was still high. Thankfully, my estrogen has gone back down. But sometimes my prolactin is a bit high. My cortisol is high. Your prolactin is high. It's not as variable as my testosterone. Are you breastfeeding? No.

That's usually, I'm not joking. That's just what's high when you breastfeed. Yeah, I'm just a bit stressed. Okay. And I don't think I'm stressed and it's affecting my hormones I have learned how much like like when I'm in a certain mood I could be like I have a feeling if I get blood work right now I know where my cortisol levels are like I know where stuff is Yeah for sure and that cortisol is very easy to the aura ring tracks your stress, too. Yeah

I feel like that wouldn't be the, any type of metrics throws me into further spiral. I know and I need it. It's an addiction. Are you afraid that they might mislabel or somehow mix up your sperm? Let's suppose you're ready and you're like, you know what, I actually want to do like surrogacy.

I'd be able to tell by looking at it. How? The sperm or the baby? It's asking a lot of questions. Yeah, I was want to do like surrogacy. I'd be able to tell by looking at it. How? The sperm or the baby? It's asking a lot of questions. Yeah, that's why I was going to say something like that. I was going to say something like that. What are we doing now? Why are we here? You guys hear this story?

I just read it last week where a woman gives birth, a white woman gives birth to a black baby. And then the family of the baby then, was it sues the woman for custody to basically, hey, that's our baby. And it was the wrong embryo implanted into the wrong woman. And so this woman raised the baby for like six, horrible. She had the baby, it's her baby for six months

and then she has to give it up because it's not bylawed to pre-her. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. So it was an embryo put in. So it was her egg nor her spirit either. Yeah, right well as heart Wrenching as that is that is the right decision of course. It's not her baby, but imagine. Oh my gosh terrible terrible Fucking terrible. I'm serious. No terrible I mean

I just think about that like when you're fostering a dog and then you want to get it and then you're like, we can't, these people, it's like, but I've been loving this thing for three weeks. Imagine carrying it for 10 months. All right, this is a dumb question, but I think I'm kind of, that's me here. Now, did the woman whose baby it was,

was she carrying her baby and it was a swap? No, Brent doesn't, I don't think you know this one. Okay, I don't know how this works. So listen, a woman will have her eggs harvested, and then a man will come in a freezer, or room temperature. And they create an embryo. Then they put it together.

So the embryo is the sperm and the egg. So that exists outside of body because of technology. So let's say me and Rick made a baby, and then we put it in the freezer. That is what Dave would have a problem with too. Okay, and then you and I, Brent, Yeah, thank God. We made an embryo as well.

But they put our embryo in Kaleila. Yeah, they put their embryo into mine. And then you guys have a baby, you're like, why is this baby so Jewish? Basically, we both are driving the same car, okay? Well, the same kind of car. And I get your keys, you get my keys. We end up going in the car, we think we're okay,

and as we're driving, we realize from the inside, oh, this isn't my car. This is somebody else's. I appreciate that, but I got it when she said it. And also, you triggered memories from me being in special ed when you put your hand on me to explain it. I saw you look, you were like, this.

That was like Miss Ruchon again. Can we roll that back? The same car, okay. I use that was like that was like miss Ruchon again. It's like we roll that back That was crazy I saw that moment when you look down at your hand like I got it Were you in special ed? Oh, yeah, I was a desk in the hall kid Wait, that's not is that cuz you were misbehaving. Yeah, I just I just didn't get it I mean, it's a a deeper It's a deeper story that kind of sparked a lot of my shit I want to know about it. All right, I'll give the cliff notes to it. So I was like a peppy little pew You know kids believed in cooties. I was in elementary school. I didn't I look like a Swedish Chucky doll

I would steal my mom's jewelry give it to girls. I'd want girlfriends. I'd write poetry. I'd be like, hey I just was like I knew what I liked and then Love bomber, early love bomber. I just was like, I knew what I liked. But Pippi Lapew is a total love bomber. Did girls like you a lot? No, no, no. Not kidding. I'll send a photo. You can see what I look like.

But in my mind, I was the shit. I always say first grade was the best I ever was with women. Did the women get arrested? No. So what happened was, point being, I always say first grade was the best I ever was with women. Did the women get arrested? No. So what happened was, point being, girls never gave me any attention. And I'm like in third grade and this new girl comes on our bus and she sits next to me and she goes, hi.

And I'm like, hi. And we became really good friends. And I was like, wow, I'm friends with a girl. I like her. This is a little tragic. A month after that, she's not on the bus, I found out her and her whole family got murdered. A little tragic?

Okay, completely tragic. Wait, what? Wait, who? Did you know this? Yeah. I remember the story a little bit. So, my whole world is flipped. You're not thinking about mortality or death.

It was all over the news, I guess a cousin who was psychotically sick killed the whole family. And I noticed one day on the bus they're planting a tree for at the elementary school. And I just started thinking, what's the point of this? What is school? Why go to school? What is the point of this thing? What is life? I started questioning things about like, I don't even like what they're telling me to like. I don't like this, I don't like that. So then I had an existential crisis in third grade

with my bus driver and I just was saying, what is the point of me going in there? So you can learn. Why do I need to learn things that I don't wanna learn? And so I had this whole thing, the principal had to come out, they had to take me off the bus. That's what started my special ed journey.

So that's not special ed. I mean, it's like you clearly did not lack intelligence. I had a problem with just, yeah, I definitely, I'm dyslexic and all that, you know, and I had this size head as a baby too. My mom had me pretty late and they really thought I was special. I fell out of a high chair.

Wait, what's wrong with your head? Well, I grew into it, but I was like Stewie when I was special. I fell out of a high chair. What's wrong with your head? Well, I grew into it, but I was like Stewie when I was a baby. I was a big-headed kid. When you say your mom had you late, you mean her age or you were? Her age.

No, it was at 10 p.m. She was about 40. No, I thought maybe, how I interpreted it was I got 42 weeks versus 40 weeks. Yeah, I was chilling. Yeah, I just remembered then I had to start taking like three-hour IQ tests with blocks and stuff once a year until ninth grade.

They're supposed to be 30 minutes. You know, I don't know what was going on. And I just had a real understanding of, you know, and in fifth grade I knew I wanted to be an actor and a filmmaker and all that. I just knew what I wanted. So I just didn't see the point in me doing other things. I'd get by, I went to college, I graduated. All that. But I, so by senior year I was

just in the hall. My teachers are like, okay, why don't you just be in the hallway and then we'll let you teach the last five minutes of class. You know, and then I would just do bits. That was just kind of what it was. But it all sparked from that situation. Wow, the first girl that ever liked me was murdered. That is an unbelievable origin story. Like, it is funny but it's also obviously not. Like, it is... I uncovered it in therapy when I actually, Rick, went to therapy.

Not yours, but I went to another... Why'd you say me? Well, because you offered a therapist to me a while ago. But I went to therapy and was... Look at this handsome, ...therapized man who is... But you really attract it. Why wasn't I in a relationship

until I was 26? Why did I always surface play? Why was it always about like, oh, I don't want them to see the real me. I'll just be charming and fun and we'll have a good time and that will be the end of it. I was like, well, what am I scared of?

Why do I hate me? What is going on? What happened to that cocky kid? It's just such a mature thought Well, it's fun to on you know, reveal that stuff and when I brought it up kind of like I did now the therapist was like what? Yeah, I don't know that I think that's probably he goes like yeah, that's probably where you had some intimacy issues Starting out. I had those same thoughts that you had. Well, that's why my cum is cautious.

I want to make sure she's still around. Why am I learning this? I don't want to learn this. But that was in college. The fact that you had that in elementary school is like, I just, I know that you're saying there's learning, struggling or whatever there, but to me it sounds like you're a highly intelligent

and emotionally intelligent child. Come from an intelligent family. I was aware that I was- Ricky, you're making plenty of noises. Well, cause you know, there's so many things I'm dumb at. You know, like- Spell recess. All right.

Z, K, four, all right. Resa four. No, you know, I'm up there in intelligence, I think. But no, my older brother's smarter. My younger brother was smarter, you know? Parents are geniuses.

So I'm smart enough to know I'm not that smart, which I love. This is the best place to be, you know? You never wanna be the smartest person. Oh yeah, it's so stressful. Yeah, Rick, what's it like oh? I I don't oh he does a lot of dumb shit, too. We're a couple of they eat Take it again cut

Here we go. Oh he comes up. Okay palms up real quick Resetting the room quiet on set oh He does some dumb shit shit too. That's lunch. They're gonna cut me out of this. Is this a sponsor? Yeah of course I've always thought I'd find the one and then things would work out. I had the vision board. I even found got the girl that I wanted. You know, all the things on the vision board were coming true. Even as I wanted to look like Natalie Portman meets Keira Knightley. She did. Doesn't Natalie look like Keira Knightley? I know, but that was my type. So it was perfect. Gorgeous. I was like, I want to be funny and

ambitious and have the, oh, it's working. Oh, I can marry her. Oh, she's great with my grandma. Oh, this is fantastic. Like I just thought everything, I'm gonna get this, get this, get this, then I'll be ready to have a relationship because I'll believe in me enough that this person will, I'll be confident enough to be myself.

So it's a lot easier to play the field than it is to give yourself. So I thought if I got accomplished certain things that I'd have the confidence to go up to somebody like that and actually let her see the other side. You know and of course that didn't work. Why? But well she saw the other side. But now I'm like I said I'm not gonna that hurts so much That was the hardest thing I ever went through That I was like hurt so much, dude

It just hurts so much that it's like losing I didn't get a dog for years because I lost two when I was a kid And it hurts so much. So it's like I want to go through that fucking pain again Question so both of you guys know when it hurts so much, do you run away or do you wallow? I'm Irish. I'm like a dog who dies in the woods. I run away for a while, which was the wrong thing to do. They say Halt, hungry, angry, lonely and tired. That's an AA term, which I'm not in, but point being my dad is. So he would tell me that. Don't be hungry, angry, lonely and lonely and tired because that's what's gonna trigger a bunch of shit isolation is the devil's work give us your horny angry lonely and tired honestly Rick I'm about to cry you're gaslighting me I think but uh no my whole thing is okay Brent you've done

it and what's great is if you have enough sense to question yourself, have mirror moments as I call it, which is my dad used to tell me, have mirror moments with yourself. So you look in the mirror, take away your ego and defensiveness, come to terms with the fact that even if it wasn't your fault, it was in some way. You got to work on you. That's it. Because everything is your fault in some way. Gosh, it's such great advice. I know. It's a preacher. It's not your fault. It's your fault in some way. Gosh, it's such great advice. It's not your fault, it's your fault in some way. And that's absolutely true. It gives you responsibility and power. You're a part of it,

no matter what you're a part of it. Exactly. And I started questioning things in the relationship, little things like I want to be on a plane doing a gig, this is five years after the relationship, and I see a couple and I see she's sitting in the middle and he's got the window and I said you know first time we did that I took the window and she had the middle why wouldn't I offer her the window you know little things oh god this is really hitting hard for me just little shit that you kind of put together Bobby stayed in first class and I was all the way so I'm a lot of self eight years but a lot of self evaluating and this is where I think you know to piggyback with Rick we've talked about this how we both want a relationship now like it's not

about hooking up or anything I'm 38 now I'm like all right I think I'm finally ready emotionally kinda I had some things happen in the last year that made that a little tougher. I'm sorry about that. Yeah, but I'm like, all right, the next girl I meet is gonna be somebody I'm gonna date. So that's the only standard I have. Me? Right here? So that's, so I haven't been on a date in like almost a year. So because it's just like,

oh yeah, I could hook up or this and that, but I'm not gonna do it. That's not gonna work. You know? Well, that's really smart to- It's like, at least try it. Might not work. Which leads me to my next word, ghosting. That's happened a lot to me.

That one is the only one I knew when I'm looking at this board. I was like, fucking ghosting and me. They always disappear, don't they? Where are you at Rick? Oh he's the shit right now this is the best he's ever looked. It is the best you've ever looked. Thanks. I'm a bit of a sad boy. Yeah? Yeah. Do you want to talk about it or no? Um. Off camera? You know what I kind of do for some reason but also like I've set some boundaries

for myself of not like talking too much about my personal life on but also like I've set some boundaries for myself, I've not like talking too much about my personal life publicly, but like, getting out of, getting into a relationship is a big decision, as is getting out, and that transition both ways could be difficult, but getting out of a relationship with somebody when you're like, oh, okay, maybe this is my person. Maybe I'm theirs.

Maybe we could clean up the house a little bit before we're happy with where it is. And then it's like the house never gets clean enough. There's so many reasons why that analogy isn't great, but like, on its surface, it's just like, oh, you're working towards this thing, and then you're not anymore, and it's just like, I'm just like, it's so hard.

It's so hard, and then the idea of like, oh well, find it with somebody else, it's so hard and like then the idea of like oh well find it with somebody else. It's like I Mean I guess but I can't right now Let's just do it No, but you're still somebody else dude. You know what are you talking British me? What does that mean? I think you know what it means. Oh Yes, I really like your British you just that I narrowed it down to one thing This is all I'm looking for because this is what my dad did my parents are married 53 years

Find somebody who makes you the best version of you. That's all I'm looking for a better version of me You know that's it and trick her. I pray she never catches on and find somebody that that That you offer enough value to do the same for her. Exactly. No, I know that. You're missing my point. No, I wasn't. No, you know what?

Let's get out of here. When I feel valuable in a relationship, I feel valuable. So it feels really good to be able to offer things to your partner and for them to appreciate it and or want it, not because what I have to offer is so great unless it is for that person. So that's a big part of the grieving thing too, of like, I want somebody who makes me laugh,

who I think is kind, who I think is so fucking hot, all of these things. And then like also they have to be okay with what I am. Not only are they, they love that, they like that. I'm like, it's like, you know, and it's like, there we are. So then when you go like this, I'm like, wait a minute, am I not valuable to this person anymore or the other way around or both?

And sometimes it's hard to know like, do I feel disconnected from this person because they don't see the value in me or am I not appreciating the value in them? So they're, and not that it's one or the other, but it's so confusing. And I also feel like if it was there at some point, we were either mistaken or resentment lost it.

And it's like, I am somebody who for better and for worse, I just like, let's figure it out, and I have a hard time knowing when to walk away. I also have a hard time believing that when I do, it was the right decision. And where this idea of right or wrong, when you have this idea of right or wrong, I think it gets, there isn't that.

But that, logically I understand that, but emotionally I'm still like, I'm still so connected to the person and missing it and wanting to figure it out. And like the idea of getting into a relationship with somebody else, even just like dating somebody else during that, the idea is like, um, The idea is like, I am not gonna be able to see this person's value because unfair to them, I'm like, I'm not even seeing them. I'm still like, I think they're a distraction. It's watching a movie or something and I very much am in touch with that. I've gone on some dates. I've had this conversation early in those dates. You know, kind of like what you were saying, letting the person know where you're at, dates. I've had this conversation early in those dates. You know, kind of like what you were saying, letting the person know where you're at.

But I also know that that's going to confuse them. It's going to confuse me. And I might be shutting things down too soon, but like I can't. I can't do it. I don't know. I'm also feeling myself like I think that's enough. You've been going on dates I've gone on some dates. Yeah, I can't do thanks, man Date yeah, I at least for me I think the The kindest thing I ever did for myself after My biggest breakup was be alone. Mm-hmm. And at that time it felt horrible

It felt horrible to go on hikes alone. And at that time it felt horrible. It felt horrible to go on hikes alone. It felt horrible to eat out alone, to do anything alone. But it allowed me to just feel all of the horrible things in real time versus being distracted and then dealing with it down the road, possibly with someone new I've always waited that a long period of alone in between

Yeah, which is good, but this one in particular is a certain kind of alone this kind of alone doesn't just feel like hey Like I've stepped back. I've worked on myself. I will continue to I'm not I'm not I'm just saying like I've gone through those things To get to the point where I'm ready to offer myself in a way that I'm proud of I'm just saying like I've gone through those things to get to the point where I'm ready to offer myself in a way that I'm proud of. I'm there. That's why I was doing it before. I was feeling insecure in that relationship or I didn't realize this, that not that I know everything, but I'm like, I have a pretty good idea of who I am and what I want and what I have to offer.

This alone is more so because cause like, you know, when you know, you didn't do standup for a little bit, right? And then part of it was because you're, you don't want to prioritize it. Your, your body's changing, your family is changing, your life has changed. Then it gets to a point where it's like,

oh, but I've gone so long. I'm now I'm getting rusty. And how much of this is me not being ready because of where my priorities lie versus how much is this is me feeling not ready because of fear. And I check into myself of why and why not. And if it's fear, maybe I still won't do it,

but at least I know. This feels just like I'm still pregnant. It just feels like it's not fear. I just, I'm not, I can't right now. It's funny you say that because I, so I grew up dancing as you know, and me and the girls in my dance school would always. Great dancer, you might have no idea,

like legitimately good dancer. We would always say that if we missed one week, we would also miss the next week because we were so scared to go back after missing a week. So it would always, one week would turn to two weeks because we were so scared. And that's how I feel with stand up two, which is like, I haven't gone, I missed, I didn't do a set for two weeks. I don't ever want to do it again. I'm too scared. I'll be bad. But you're saying that's not, you're, you're actually in this situation. You're not ready.

I'm scared. But the, I don't know if fear is the right word, but the negative emotion I'm feeling is not about dating other people, it's about still the grief I'm feeling of losing somebody. So it's like, yeah, that's where my attention is. If your body is hurting, because of your morning sicknesses or your daytime and your nighttime sicknesses and all the shit that you went through,

I don't, stand up isn't even in my fucking, like that's, maybe I'm scared to do stand up, I don't know, but that's not my priority right now. Like my body hurts and I need to focus on that. And like, I mean, that's how it just, like I'm just, I mean, much. I just I'm really like Can I ask how long this period has been going on? Yeah, form four months, okay, that's that's reasonable to me

That's reasonable yeah, yeah, but hey. That's a short amount of time. Yeah. Why don't we jump into the dance together? Hey, it's for horses, friend. Touche. So we're single. Stand-up's been going great. I was telling Brent on the way over here, the past little bit. And for the first time, and I do, I don't think there's a correlation, but I am glad that, that I feel like good at something when I, part of the sadness was like feeling like I have a value that I'm not able to offer or feel seen through which is okay. Okay, so I have a little bit of old lady advice that I've learned from therapy.

You know that feeling that you describe where it's like that that and you feel just so deeply connected and you know everything is just firing and this person's funny they get you it's gonna be what dr. Drew told you it's all similar it's all in ourselves I spent a lifetime always chasing that and the best decision I ever made was to do away with my criteria of they have to be funny, they have to be this and I just chose someone great. And by whatever great is a definition that you yourself come up with but for me great was kind, reliable, loyal, supportive, and all of these things. And maybe they didn't have all the bells and whistles I had previously chased in my 20s

and 30s. And maybe they weren't as creative or all of these things. But they were so much, it turns out they are so much more than that. And they just make me feel like myself. Yeah, yeah, I agree. They make me feel so fully loved and they make me feel anchored. I agree. I don't agree with the idea of somebody not being funny. I'm not that I'm, if I'm not laughing I need... If you need that. That's what I'm saying. My whole family... I was just about to say. My whole family is there. That's how we show love in this people. Your mom's the best killer we know.

I think it's. Your mom's a killer. For me, it's not that they have to be funny. They just have to understand your humor. Yeah, absolutely. And I, like this ex, I'm even thinking of now, it was like, made me laugh a lot. And if I didn't have that,

I wouldn't have been as attracted to her. Did she make you cry a lot too though? Yeah, I don't wanna get into talking about that like any specific things other than what you're saying is top of the list, absolutely. It's non-negotiable. And then if somebody isn't that funny, but they're interesting or they could teach me things,

but at least we could still laugh at stuff together, I'm okay with it. But laughing with somebody is non-negotiable as well. That is a non-negotiable for me as well. Like they're laughing together, but they don't have to be a standup level funny. Standups are not even that funny. Some are. Yeah.

Off stage, yeah. Yeah, off stage, yeah. Yeah, but like I said, I connect with people through bits and I wanna be able to bit with her and I want her to wanna bit with me and I also want her to be able to say, hey, I don't like that bit and I wanna be able to be like,

read you loud and clear and just communicate and be direct and then learn from each other so eventually you don't have to tell each other. It is very bonding. And then- It is very bonding. And like what I have with him is, when I say when Brent comes on, the numbers are low,

whatever might be real or whatever might be fake, I believe and now I feel validated since you said, it was just not that it's good or bad. It's just like we have that shorthand to where he knows my intention. And like you build that with somebody who's funny, and then like you also like you fuck each other and you love each other and stuff.

It's like, psst psst dude. It's still on us. What's that? Still talking to us. No. Cause I cannot be a bottom with you. I've seen that root.

That root? Root. Oh, thanks man. He's a big boy. Thanks buddy. His ass? No, we both have no ass. What are you looking for?

A con woman. A con woman. Oh, I don't know, just a vagabond, just a real loose woman, just a rough, just you know, she chews tobacco and she calls me gay because I like zins. She's all missionary, no creativity in the bedroom. But she reads. But she reads real, like anarchist books. She's racist, but she says it's a joke. Just matted hair, but she's not ethnic.

I don't understand it. Pale, all summer. Just floppy tits. So you want to date Wednesday Adams? No, no, no, no. Mostly ugly. I want a real rough bitch. Oh, I don't know.

Yeah, somebody that's great. I have a similar thing. My mom's the funniest person in the family. My mom's funnier than your mom. I know. It's two different styles of comedy. My mom is a New England ball buster. That's the best version of my dad is stronger than your dad. My mom's stronger than your mom. I would like I would like funny but you know you don't have to be intentionally funny sometimes it's really funny to be

with somebody who's just accidentally funny. Thank God for that. I love that. I'll tell you my number one thing self-awareness. If she's self-aware, you know, like whether it's, she says something kinda arrogant or she's not, something didn't work and she's like, well, that was stupid, I shouldn't have said that. I love self-awareness. That's like number one.

Then I'd say trust. Then I'd say looks. No, I think, you know, self-awareness is a big thing, just dating a lot. You know, it's like you're not aware of how, you really don't get that it wasn't the waiter's fault. You know, just- It's a restaurant awareness. I have older parents. I'm on the phone with my mom and dad and I said, it's two days before his birthday, go, dad, you're looking forward to 80?

And my mom goes, a second, he's 80, I'm outta here. I told my, I said this when I was younger, I'm not gonna be married to a fuckin' 80-year-old. My dad's on the phone. And I go, where are you gonna go? It's all planned, don't worry. And then I call on the birthday, I go, you're not gone yet, mom?

She goes, well, I'm not gonna leave now. You leave at night, you get a hotel in advance So my dad's like huh see see what I'm dealing with you know that stuff is funny. I love shit like that Yeah, actually she would put the pizzazz on it. I'm just my mom will be the writer on the back What was the story and your mom would be on stage? Coming back yelling at my mom like that didn't hit hard enough. Yeah, no, you're telling that story and I'm just like, it's not my place, it's not my place, but just wrap it up. I have this theory that the funniest boys

come from funny moms and not funny dads. And I think the funny girls come from funny dads. I think that that rings true with everyone I know in comedy. My dad's unintentionally funny. That's how my mom is. My brothers are all funny. So everybody's one class clown except me, by the way. Okay, I know this is a part of the podcast

where it feels like we've gotten to some deep stuff. I mean, we can use a light subject, but I actually wanna go back to something really dark that we all talked about. Oh boy. And I'm really sorry. It's not the murder. I am really, I'm finding myself still thinking about this,

that you all started to nod your head and all in agreement, and it's that you all think about past pregnancies that have occurred and what that would be like if you had a kid that age. Because I have to tell you, when I'm in my darkest moments at night and my anxiety is running off, it's not so much that specific a situation but it's a miscarriage it's why didn't I try sooner I could have had a child this age and I that is such a

dark thought for me as of recently and I just feel such a sense of like freedom to hear other people in the room share that and I just like I don't know. I'm feeling very emotional I just want to like thank you guys for being vulnerable and sharing that because again, that's not something that I would have Wanted to say openly out loud because but I do I think about that I go well, I've been with my partner for X amount of years Why didn't we get started sooner and I I know I we sit down and we'd have a list of a bunch of reasons and they would all make sense, but my mind just goes to, well, why didn't you?

Why didn't you? You know? So. Also, there's a good chance, right? Like you don't know, you can't rewind and know for sure if you would have kept the pregnancy, if it was, if you felt ready for it at that time, however long ago. Yeah. And so, I don't know. It's just a really hard subject and I feel like in comedy we just talk about like abortions

or like... Yeah. Yeah, it's been like fodder for my entire decade of podcasting, you know? No, you find it's refreshing when you want to vault things and then when you don't, somebody hits you up going, I needed to hear that. You know, that's kind of the beauty of this art form. And don't take me not serious because I have this thing on me. You know what, I don't want a baby anymore.

I do. I'm kidding. I do. How do you? I'm so impressed with that. I didn't even know that I wanted, this is my whole thing. I didn't know I wanted kids, I didn't know I wanted a baby,

and the fact that, this is all hitting me now, where I never wanted one, and I'm like, why didn't I? I'm just so impressed that you guys know you want them. I wanted a baby for years, I wanted a dog for years. It took me years to get him.

I will say there's a bigger cost for that decision for women. So that's why we're like, oh, should we, should we not? Because I mean, our organs get pushed up to our throat. Well, same with every time you have sex with me. It's the same thing. It's got a root. That's been my favorite lore, by the way.

Well, my favorite lore about myself that I read is that you and I had a thing. Really? Cool. I don't know all the gossip that has happened on podcast stuff, I haven't watched them. I just know there was some stuff with different people, different times, and I found out about that stuff because people were messaging me because names weren't said.

Maybe they have been released now, I don't know, or it's been proven not real or whatever. But I would get tagged and stuff and message stuff that like it was like I've been doing that or we've been doing stuff. I still get messages and stuff about it. I don't know if it's my favorite lore because I do feel like it puts me in a position,

like I don't wanna respond to any of it and I don't, but it does put me in a position where it's like, well, if you don't say anything, then it proves anything and it's blown over, but I used to get so many messages about it. It's my favorite because it's so absurd to me. Not this. You know, I've been in relationships and there was no time.

It's always you or Theo. That's the yeah, I always hear Theo about you. And why is that? Because, pardon me if you open this door, but like, was it said that it was a comedian? I don't even know what was said or why. No, I have no idea. It's the internet. You'll never win.

You respond, you lose. Either way. Yeah, it's true. There is also a part of me that's always flattered when I'm part of a conversation of someone being desired. I'm not going to lie to you. That's a guy thing.

I had that with Jordana Brewster. I did a game show with her. It's super sweet. I met her fiance there. And we just were partners on this game show. And then my older brother just sends me, he goes, are you dating Jordana Brewster? I go, no, but that's cool.

I was like, no, I'm sitting here with cautious cum. You think she's gonna hang out with me? She's fast and furious. There's a girl who I went out with one time during the day to get coffee years ago, and paparazzi took pictures of it. Oh, I think I know who. Well, if you do, it's not worth pointing anything

up here right now. The only reason I know is because I love her. She's amazing. She's an Australian pop icon. All right, Rick. Let the record show I don't know who it is. So the picture, so we were walking after coffee together and then she, something like her body language changed

and to enough to where I'm like, what just happened? And I look around and I see, oh, there are people She, something like her body language changed and to enough to where I'm like, what just happened? And I look around and I see, oh, there are people like hiding in bushes taking pictures and stuff. So I stopped walking at her speed and just like let her walk ahead. And I kind of went like this. Like, and there's a few pictures, one of which is her like eight feet in front of me and me

Like this, but it looks like I'm looking down at her butt like this And and just you know the captions of blah blah blah blah in my in my Instagram bio It says hashtag Jewish heartthrob. I used to do a bit about how I'm not good looking enough to be a heartthrob but maybe I could be like a niche heartthrob and I used to do a bit about how I'm not good looking enough to be a heartthrob, but maybe I could be like a niche heartthrob and the those Daily Man all these things and one of them was This person with Jewish heartthrob and I was I was like I didn't like the picture because it looked like I was like Looking at her butt. I didn't like that. This isn't true. I'm uncomfortable. We went on one thing together

But there was a part of me that was like, it's cool that they didn't say self-proclaimed Jewish heartthrob. You know, like, oh, they think I'm this Jewish heartthrob that this pop star is into. It was so funny. So it was flattering. Because I'm a fan of hers, I actually. So how did you come across that?

You just Googled it. By accident. Because I, you know. Why didn't you ever ask me about it? And then I was like, but then we weren't friends yet. Oh, got it. We weren't friends yet. And I would ask me about it? And then I was like, but then I, we weren't friends yet. Oh, got it. We weren't friends yet and I would see you at the comedy store and I was like, is that so-and-so's Jewish heartthrob?

Cool. And I remember telling Bobby and I'm like, wait a second, like he used to date so-and-so. And I even showed him the picture. Wow, that's cool. And it's so crazy how it's just one moment, one coffee date. Yeah. One out one proportion. But admitting an ego thing, like the fact that like, not even that other,

the fact that just that whoever wrote the article, and I think I'm a catch, but whoever wrote the article thought like, wait a minute, just from this you're assuming that this girl is interested in it. I was just like, it's flattering. It's validating. So when people are like, oh you hear Glassman's

pumping Kalyla's guts full of lead from home alone. I'm like, I don't want that rumor spread out there. Like what, people think I'm this guy that fucking girls and stuff, people like me. So spread your rumors, spread your rumors. So spread away people. Spread it well, stop spreading. Yeah, you you know, spread your rumors, spread your rumors. So spread away people. Spread it well, stop spreading. Yeah, you know what, stop spreading people.

Stop the spreading. I don't know what to do. Ricky's on the Loose Tour, I am on the road. Most of my dates are coming to an end by May. I'm starting up again in August. Go to punchup.live slash Rick Glassman to find out when I'll be in your city. I'm also in April, May, June, and August

doing a live Take Your Shoes Off here in LA, up there. And April 5th at the Hollywood Improv, Rick Glassman and friends, I would like to cordially invite you, if you're in town, to be one of them. I'm going to be recording a podcast in the green room during this. And do a show. Oh, you're doing that.

I'm doing the thing I was telling you about, yeah. That's so exciting. And I wanna find some friends to do it with. And April 5th, if you would like to come on, so tickets at punchup.live slash ricklasman, you could let me know now or another time. I have to look and see when I'm back in town. Yeah, I'm shooting a Marvel movie.

Spread it. Oh, you can come. Just have you have the numbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a dip now. No, we'd love to have you too. Are you going on tour? Call back. Are you going on tour? Call back. Are you going on tour, Brent?

No, I'm not on tour. I'm stopping comedy, and I'm going to do music. Can I join you? On music? I'll be your backup dancer. Oh my god. Let's do it. OK, good.

I just got to figure out how to write a song. No, I'm doing gig sparing. Minnesota, Wisconsin, San Jose. Chicago. For me. March 21st and 22nd. And also, I'm doing a Belly Room show again this week gig sparing. Minnesota, Wisconsin, San Jose. Chicago. For me. March 21st and 22nd, and also I'm doing a Belly Room show again this week if you wanna do it.

Love to. Okay. Right here. Yeah, yeah. I'd love to have both of you. I got it. No, it's considered booked. Just asked him to prom but looked at me and said.

You can drive us. Yeah, you wanna go? It's because he did the last one. We're trying to get the money for the limo if you just wanna come with yourself. He did the last one, I was trying to get the money for the limo if you just wanna come with yourself. He did the last one, I was meaning to ask him. I'd love to have you involved for sure, 100%. It's all good.

It will be, have passed. When is it? March 13th, this Thursday. It will have passed before this comes out. Happiness is a water cup and a marathon. I'll get my drink soon enough. Cliley, your shows? I don't have any.

Lucky. Not with that attitude. No. We're gonna maybe change our name. Oh yeah, that's what we wanted to maybe. To Banana Break. Oh, is that why there's bananas? Kind of. Nice. We've always had bananas. I don't mind that name. Ooh, that's a compliment coming from Rick. Something. I'm gonna start a podcast. Rick keeps asking me to do it and I gotta do one. That's a great name, Rick keeps asking. I also think I got the dates wrong.

The Live Take Your Shoes Off in LA is April 5th. The Rick Glassman and Friends, the standup that I want you to go to is April 14th. So let's go to my site. What is the difference? I've been doing Live Take Your Shoes Off podcasts. What do you do? I have a couple of guests on and we're funny as shit. I'll be honest to you It's been like feeling really good. Do you do it only in LA?

I've been doing it dynasty typewriter only in LA so far. Yeah, and I'm so if you're not in LA streaming it Streaming it live and what? You I don't know go to the squad up or something just go to the Squat Up or something. Just go to the PunchUp.live.com and it'll have all the instructions. What do you use on your hair? I shampoo twice a week. I condition every time I shower. And then I put in two things.

One is hair story, one pump, and then two pumps of, what's it called, where it has the small degree symbol and then the number six, starts with an O? 06 degrees zero? Um, um, um, Olaplex? Yes, I think. Good? Are we happy? No, can I have you do an experiment for my hair care brand?

Yes. Specifically because it's all clean products, all clean ingredients, but it is incredible with curly hair. Next time I come on here, or next, if you guys come back on my podcast, I will use your product beforehand and we can talk about it. EbOceanClub guys, EbOceanClub.com. I will also give you some. No, I get it.

No. You know what? Ew. Slugs, we love you. Thank you for being here. Thank you to our amazing guests, Brent Moran and Alvin. And we'll see you next week. See, why after all that shit?

And you say stuff like that. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode.