Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - ROSEBUD BAKER & BLAIR SOCCI Spill The Gospel

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

BTS, BONUS CONTENT AND MORE! Only on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/TrashTuesdayPodcast  Halloween’s over, witches; and we’re trading broomsticks for Bible verses. We’re entering Christian Girl Autumn with Rosebud Baker and Blair Socci. Gather with us for holy reflections, mother-daughter friendships, reality TV, and a round of Trad Wife Trends WE ARE falling for.Light your Bath and Body Works candle, sip your PSL, and remember when God closes a door, He opens a TJ Maxx.  F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code TRASHTUESDAY15 at https://theperfectjean.nyc/TRASHTUESDAY15 #theperfectjeanpod  #sponsored *PRETTY LITTLE BABY TOUR* Esther is coming to a city near you! Grab your tickets now at www.prettylittlebabytour.com   *Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com *Visit Ebb Ocean Club & Holiday Shop* https://www.ebboceanclub.com/ for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products! FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday  MORE ESTHER:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonster Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/  MORE KHALYLA:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/ Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A    PRODUCTION:Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/ Arielle Jade (Editor): https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/ Elisa Hernandez Kohler: https://www.instagram.com/ellie.lianna/ Megan Clements:  https://www.instagram.com/egggymeg/ 

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J-O-I-N-B-L-D dot com. If you can't clone a soul and you meet your clone and let's say your clone is like, I don't know, a Disney adult or something. Yeah, I'm not cloning myself. Oh, what if your clone was like manipulative and was like trying to, trying to, like, steal people out of your life? What if your clone had like a relationship with your significant other that they tried to like. What if your clone stole Dave? You guys, why are you going down this road? I agree.

Hi, Slugs. I'm so excited. I've been having so much fun on tour. I love seeing you guys. This month, I've got Philadelphia, Boston, and New York City. Those are all going to be November 14th, 15th, and 16th. And you can get tickets at the link below or at pretty little babytour.com. Slugs, we just recorded.

a Patreon, all of us, Jules, Jenna and Coco and I. And if you want to check it out, you could go to the Patreon. We actually covered a lot of, like, dating, Jules has some dating stuff going on. If you want to find out Jules' secret crush, sign up for our Patreon. Help her in her dilemma with this boy. I had to face humiliation also, and I handled it. You can check out the Patreon and shout out to our Golden Slug Brandon. Welcome to Christian Girl Autumn.

Unfortunately, I'm the ugly friend that got invited as a prank. You're not the ugly friend. Oh, really? You're not the ugly friend. Is it Kalila? You're just the girl that didn't understand the theme. That's all you are. We have back in action, our favorite duo.

I was thinking today, if someone asked me like, do you think Rosebud Baker and Blair Socky would be friends? I'd be like, no, that makes no sense. their best friends. We've got Rosebud and Blair, the two hilarious comedians. And can I just say, I saw you on Saturday night at the improv. And I was like reborn again as a stand-up fan. Oh my God. Colila, I wish you had been there with me. I was crying, laughing so hard in the back. And like literally was like me in the audience, I was like, oh, I'm an audience member. I get why stand-up is actually when it's right. could be the most exciting, fun experience of all time because you're laughing so hard. I love when that happens.

So funny. Thank you. And shout out to Andy because all your stuff about your husband. It's so mean. It's so good. It is so mean. I do feel bad for him, but I also don't. It's just so funny because even though like Dave and Andy are not similar at all, it's like as people, they're just very different vibes.

but like it's a universal like husband when you're like mom and dad like yeah like just the little things that you have in your mind as a mom that the other person doesn't have yes like that is so universal yeah on the way here I was on the phone with my friend from Florida and she just got her 20 week anatomy scan yeah and she's married to a woman and I loki envy that's set up yes it's like the both the both instincts of a woman are present yes in the newborn trenches yeah like what a gift my second marriage is going to be to a woman yeah honestly this one doesn't go I'm for sure going reactionally lesbian I hear that a lot I hear that a lot I have this discussion with my manager the other day and she goes you know I have a friend she's like I prefer with men but I just rather be in a relationship with a woman so that's what I did that makes so much sense I know I'm like okay maybe evolution or something yeah I, let's do it. Let's all do it right now. How does that happen with four? We can figure that out.

The way you put both hands on your knees, like a softball coach? The bridewife knows. The one argument I'll say, though, against the lesbian couple that you're friends with is that if the mom... Okay, Trump. Contents to lesbian couple that you know in our friends. We interrupt this podcast. Hear me out. Is if the mom who's not carrying the baby is anything like me, I don't think that they're cut out.

She's nothing like you. I mean, this woman is like a go-getter. She's like a chief of police. Oh, my God. Or like something really high-ranked, like, really just like. Okay. Because I get what you're saying, if it's like, even me, I'm low energy. I needed the pregnancy to sort of like recalibrate my brain to be mommy.

Yeah, if somebody had just tossed me a kid, I really don't know what. I don't know how things would have turned out. Not good for me. No, it would have been my classic plan, which was leave the baby at my parents' doorstep and let them figure it out again. Yeah, yeah. You go good luck. Yeah. I won't be calling.

So our theme today, we should really point this out because I don't want to just be here. this without explanation i want you i'm bothered i'm bothered i'm not i'm loving every sec it's christian girl autumn but i i went trad wife with it uh churn butter make mozzarella from scratch if you started a ticot page like this i just made your own cereal i'm just saying i would i would watch every video same i do know how to cook you know i i feel like i could get there it's just that my essence is very brute you know it's just I'm very like I have a big back essence like a like a same get me in there like tractor yeah not necessarily turning butter yeah more pioneer woman than yeah yes yeah did aloha your partner see you in this dress oh this is probably his um dream

like I probably look like the epitome of everything he wants but he'll never have but did you see it what would he say he's gonna have it today oh this is coming off before I get home he will he cannot see this. He cannot see my potential because he can only see like boxers and like this really ratchet shit. He cannot see that I have hot mom potential. I don't, I can't live up to it. I actually like this, this idea

of keeping your potential away from your partner. Specifically from your partner. The rest of the world can see you as a hot girl except your partner I think. I think like Andy sometimes gets upset because he'll see like I get I look hot when I go out with my friends and he'll be like, why are you getting so dressed

up to go out with your friends? And I'm like, Like, if you even finish this sentence, I really, it's over for you. Just stop. Like, stop right now. It's going to be bad. That man I was dating, like, it was short-lived. But every time I'd be, like, getting ready to. He's like, who's going to be there?

I was like, oh, it's a gay party. It's a gay dude's party. And he's like, well, you're really, like, getting dressed up. I'm like, yeah, because I respect them. Yeah. these are men that dress well and go to the gym and you know I do understand this because there was a time when I was as Ivy woke as a reactionary lesbian and after I broke up with Bobby I went on a date or two with a girl

I'd never been more like terrified about every tiny detail like my nails had to be clean because it's like when girls look at things yeah guys don't care it's like a hole in a heartbeat like you're sat in front of them like they don't fucking care but the girls they'll look and they'll look at the tiny little detail so it was very I could never do it again just because of what this is Christian Girl Autumn you're talking way too much like a sailor these these gay relations yeah you're right you're right I'm subverting right That is not what the people are tuning in for today. We can try to be lesbians. I don't think so, right? No. No.

Let's talk Christian values. Okay. How about that? Let me clean up my act real quick. What are they? I don't know. I don't know. Tell me how I should behave.

Bake a apple pie. Oh, okay. I can do that. Apples. Yeah. Checklist. Wait, I think I'm the most Christian girl here. I'm so qualified.

I think so. I disagree. You are the nastiest little bitch of. ever met in my life. You're so unchristian. I made an apple crisp this week. You did? For my family.

That's a lot of points. That's crazy. Snarled at the end. For my family. I don't know what I'm saying. You have been cooking a lot. I've been noticing a lot of cooking content. Cooking is a new passion for me.

I know I'm so original and different and special. and talented. Actually, last night was our one-year wedding anniversary, and I surprised Dave with a cooking class. It was actually so fun. You went to go learn to cook a meal? Yeah, we made chicken. It wasn't that advanced.

It was, like, we each made the dinner. Like, they gave us the instructions, and we each made the same dinner. And I was like, I know somehow his, everything that he makes will taste better than mine and it did that i don't know that's just like my lot in life i don't do the best job you're like i do the best i can but it's not the best yeah cook it takes practice though what's you yeah it's just weird we're following the exact same instructions i don't know why his chicken was juicier his christine's were better like i just there's something about me where i like

rush or i i i don't know maybe you know i think you take things out too soon Wow, you knew exactly You knew right away Everything about Esther is taking things out too soon Before it's ready Okay, so you get excited about the result And then I go for it Do you guys ever cook?

Another thing, sorry, another note that I You're too neat You gotta learn to like eyeball And like cook with your heart When you follow instructions You are following it mathematically And I think that like good cooks know How to just like eyeball and like

Yeah, I don't have that like sexual touch Yeah, throw your pussy in it. Throw your pussy into it. Like, I'm not, like, feeling my body when I'm cooking. Yeah, yeah, that's missing. Maybe I should stick to baking. I think baking is very mathematical. Baking is very finite and you have to do everything perfectly.

That's why I hate it. Me too. That's why I suck at baking. I'm like you. I like to dance. Let's see what we got here. Yeah. In there.

Rose, but do you ever cook for your family? No. No. Andy cooks. Andy Cook. I don't know what I do, actually, when it goes for my family. I make money. Yeah, that's important.

No, I don't cook. I just like, and I thought that having a kid would make me, like, want to cook or learn to cook. But I think I just, I have to wait for Andy to die to learn how. Yeah. Because that's the only thing that's going to make me do it. I'll buy you a cookbook. I'm not going to use it. Oh.

I wish I was into cooking. It's such a creative thing to do. I hope that I get more hobbies over the next couple of years. That's a nice hope. Yeah. I hope are we close to picking up. Nothing yet. I just reminded her of when she was doing numb.

What? Silk acrobatics. Oh, shit. No, I did trapeze. Trapeze. I did trapeze for a while. She's like, I got out of a trapeze class. I'm like, all right, you freaking psycho.

Yeah, I really like that. That's not even a hobby. That's like that's full on. If you're feeling depressed, by the way, go to a trepeze class. Like, for real, it will, it will help. It's fucking so fun. If you're like an adrenaline junkie, it's really fun. I'm not an opposite of that.

Are you? Yeah. What else do you do for that? People are. I don't, yeah. It makes me watch horror movies to go to sleep. I do. I watch horror movies to go to sleep and stuff.

Do you like roller coasters? I love them. You're nasty. I love them. You're right. Every single sober person or attic, they love. Does Bobby like that? Oh my God, that's all he does is watch horror films to sleep and ride a roller coasters. Yeah.

Those are like the two prerequisites. Yeah. And vape and drink coffee and fucking nonstop just like br-dr-d-drub. You guys all move around. Like you and Bobby both move around really fast. You're like fidgety little guys. Yeah. Yeah.

I can't sit in a chair normally. I hope I go back to trapeze, but I'm not sure that I will. I'm taking dance classes with Minna. No. With Minna. Mm-hmm. We're doing a Mommy and Me dance class. How is it going? We haven't gone yet.

I did sign up, but we haven't been to one. That's pretty big. Yeah. There's like Alvin Ailey classes in New York. Alvin Ailey, that's so legit. What's Alvin Ailey? It's like a really famous dance company and also a dance studio. Oh.

You're in New York. You have all the best dance access. I know. I know. I really want to, I'm like, we have to go to dance classes together. Wait. Did you guys move? We did.

Where did you guys move? Midtown. East East. Even closer to all the best dance studios. That is true. That is true. Black Box theaters. You know, Minow was living in a closet for like, in my closet. Like Harry Potter. For like way too long. Yeah. And Andy and I were looking at her. We were like, we literally

don't want her to see pictures of this. So we need to move. So we got a two bedroom. And it was like the second that Trump got elected, I was like, oh my God, inflation's going to go insane. We have to just buy a place. now or we're never going to buy a place and so we bought a place which is exciting yeah yeah except now I'm really a New Yorker I'm like we're there and I can't wait until she has to come out here I'll be so nice I have to stay there for two years because it's a co-op which means like we had to like interview with the board and the board is no I know what that is from sex in the city when they don't want Samantha and they say she's a horror for hooking up with the guy in the

it is that same vibe it is like a vibe where you're like, oh, you don't want me here. You know, like, I hated them so much that I was like, I want to join the board. I have to infiltrate the board. Yeah, I was like, I need to get on the board. Yeah, to punish them. They weren't even, like, bad to us. I walked out, I was so combative.

And he was like, it went well. And I was like, they don't want us, my line. I was like, okay. Do you know one thing that's so crazy to me? Like, I was thinking about this on my way here. Like, and I don't know why, but there's this idea that women are gossips and men aren't right we all like know that like classic trope but i'm like thinking about it and all the men that i know are way bigger gossips than women are and i'm like where do this come from

like is it because like historically maybe it's true that men were not gossipy and like now today all the men we know are just like little bitches no they just didn't see themselves as what they're doing as gossip because they uh rebranded as just talking So in the Philippines, one of the reasons why we don't have any, I guess, known serial killers, there's a lot of corruption and death and a lot of, like, wild, wild west shit that goes on there. But we haven't had any, like, infamous serial killers. And they say that that's because Filipino, like, aunties, moms, like, gossip, gossip, and keep the neighborhood safe. So if they see something even remotely suspicious, like within three seconds, someone else knows. Like, they don't keep their mouth shut about anything.

So I do think gossip is necessary. Yeah. And it's like, imagine you like saying like, hey, watch out for that. You're a good friend of mine. And you're like, hey, like, I don't want to say too much, but like watch out for that person. I love that information. I love that intel. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, you need it. You need it. Yeah. Definitely. It's like Rosebud with every person I speak to. It's true. Wait, what do you mean?

Well, because she's autistic, so she doesn't know when people are lying. Like, she takes everything so literally. Yeah, that part's frustrating. But I can absolutely sense, like, bad energy. Like, we'll walk in and someone, she'll be friendly because, like, I literally can't be fake to anyone. Like, I can't hide if I don't like. I'm a little like you sometimes. And so she'll be like, hi!

And I'll just say, because I don't like them. Yeah, I can get along with. with everyone, but I do know when they're... I get along with everyone, but I can sense immediately that I have no interest in a friendship with this person. Yeah. Yeah. I just feel like I can fake it with whoever, even if they're like fucking evil.

Yeah. I can fake it. But it's like, I just clock it. You know what I mean? I'll just be like, oh, this person literally kill me. Yeah. But I'm like, I'm going to smile and hug them. And I'll feel there's...

Because we're on a line up together. I'll feel their sinister energy from 35 feet away. And then I'll just be like this. Yeah, but it's like sitting in the back like, no, no, I just, no, I just talk to someone else. I'm like, yeah, but I do give you heads up with people. I'll be like, this person is lying to you. You're like, that's not really a prince. Yeah, yeah, another country.

I know. Now I have a much better awareness with men just from copious life experience. But early on, she'd be like, no, that's a lie. That's a full lot. I'm like, what do you mean? Why would he say it then if it's a lot? No, she was like reading a certain celebrity's age off of Wikipedia the other day. And she was like, oh, she's this many years old.

And I was like, Blair, that's not true. Like it's- It's public record. It's Wikipedia. And it's an actress. Actress's birth is are not public. And height. Wait, you guys.

Yeah, it's wrong. My, no, my birthday is wrong online. I think that's really hard. to fudge. I think you can get it wrong. Wikipedia gets a lot of things wrong. They get a lot of things wrong. For example, on my Wikipedia, the picture is of Bobby.

To be fair, that is accurate. It's not even a picture of me. Yeah. And my wiki feet is like five out of ten and it should be two. It should be two. Wait, what is your wiki feet? It's not good? It's not good, but it should be worse than what it is.

I haven't looked in a couple years, but, But I know my score is high. I heard that weird feet is, they're like more sellable, though. Yeah, that's what Guy was telling us. The weirder, the better, yeah. Okay, in that case, I might actually capitalize off this. Are you Guy? Yes.

Do you have a feet thing? No, I'm just aware of the whole. Yeah, they like weird ones. Yeah. And I've got some weird ones. Mine are all gnarled. That's sad. RIP, my only fans.

They're exquisite, Esther. I mean, look, I'm not putting down anything else. They're just, they're exceptional. You should take a shoe off. No. Show the people. That's fine. For free.

No, she can't. Not in Christian Girl Autumn. Yeah. You know, one of the saddest stories. Oh, okay. Let's go there. Let's hear it. Since I'm in a long skirt today, it jogged the memory of a time when my cousin was

married to a pastor and he was a Pentecostal pastor. They were married for 12 years. And she went from being a punk rock girly, like, tattooed, just being so. hot, so cool to falling in love with this dude who was like, wear, you know, skirts down to your ankles, grow your hair down to your ankles, cover up your tattoos and be like a woman of God. And she did, right? And then she finds out 12 years later that he's literally fucked the entire congregation.

Yeah, it's like, so if a guy tells you to wear long skirts and find God, don't do it, girls. Well, controlling is always a bad sign. Yeah. I've been watching so much 48 hours like lately. The first 48? No, 48 hours. I'm so sick of meeting people who don't know what 48 hours did. I don't know what first 48 is.

I don't know what either of those things are. 48 hours is like a classic show. It's like an hour-long show where they tell a story about a murder. Yeah, I just, who hasn't heard of 48 hours? Did you not have a mother? Like. Me. But I've been watching it a lot because there's so.

So many episodes on YouTube, you can just, like, go to town and never run out. That's great. But literally, I'm just going to spoil every episode for you right now. No good, because I'm not going to watch. Every episode is a woman is murdered. And then they're like, it was a suicide or it was a stranger. And then they're like, case closed. But wait.

And then they reopen the case. And they're like, actually, it was her husband. And I know that's true, but it's just like, it's just so in my face. I was telling Dave last night, he's like, see, I told you. Because he's always trying to tell me, like, I shouldn't be afraid of strangers. I should only be afraid of him. Yeah. That's a way of the point.

Yeah. But my point with that is also why I thought of that is because I feel like those controlling is always like a first signal that he's going to kill you. I think so. But let me tell you about the first 48. The first 48, do you watch that show? Absolutely. Thank you.

See, people know that the first 48. It's basically like they present a crime. Am I the only, do you know about either of these shows? I've heard of both of them, but it's not what I watch. It's all crime related. First 48, they have 48 hours to get, to basically find like a true lead or a true answer to it or else they say if you don't find that in the first 48 hours, the case usually goes cold. Right.

And they have to let the person go who they have in custody after 48 hours. Right. After 48 hours. Oh, awesome. That's awesome. Do you think if you committed a crime and your family knew that you did it, would they turn you in? No, I'm a wasp. They'd be like, she hit a deer.

Absolutely not. Oh, my God. I would turn myself in. Yeah. I'm riddled with guilt. Yeah. I'm guilty before I even did it. How many hours do you think it would be before you did it?

One second later. One second later. Yeah, I'm on my way. Okay. Well, I know we're having to come. You'd have the body in the back and you'd drive to the police station. I'd call the coffee. You'd go, it was me.

Pop the trunk. I feel like they would never turn me in. Really? No, not a chance. We're like thick as thieves. We don't, yeah. We don't fuck around with murders. I mean, look.

We don't fuck around with murders. I have murderers in my family, right? The funny thing is that my uncle who's a murderer who killed my other uncle. Like, he was in, like, in prison for, I want to say, 17 years. And he would do it again, like for any of us. Like, any time I go back home to the Philippines and, like, you see, like, he's, he, he, he wears, like, a wife. We go to, like, a cock fight, say, for instance. What?

You know, like a cock, you know, like a coct fight. Isn't that illegal? Not in the Philippines. We literally created the sport. You would go to that? Yes, I go. And it's sad and it makes me cry, but it also is, like, cultural, right? Yeah.

So we go and he wears this, like, he has this rosary. and he wears his wife beat or whatever, but he really, really wants it to be known to everyone that it's like, if anyone fucks it, you tell me, I will gladly go back in the pen. Like, I will absolutely, like, kill someone in cold blood in broad daylight again. Like, no questions asked.

That's awesome. Wait, I shouldn't say that, but. He's my hero. Yeah, he's a scary person and he's, you know, horrible what he did. You're still in touch with them. I support his family. In exchange for murders. exchange for a couple murders in here.

It's so fucked up. I'm terrified of him. I am legitimately scared. I'm like, oh, this person's like really, like, unwell. Yeah. But he, like, loves me so deeply. So, you know, can you do? Mob rules.

Mob rules, yeah. Yeah. That's kind of like one of the goals. Like, I know that's not a romantic relationship. But don't you feel like there's like an, do you ever have that, like, fantasy when you're younger of like, you know, you fall. in love with like Bigfoot

and then Bigfoot protects you Like Beauty and the Beast? Kind of, yeah. Why Bigfoot? Well, I'm just thinking of someone. Yeah. Bigfoot? How'd you find Bigfoot?

Like a beast or like someone that like everyone else would be scared of. Right. But like you see the beauty in him. That's Beauty and the Beast. It's not Esther and Bigfoot. It's like Esther and Bigfoot. Esther and Bigfoot is another version.

that's what they that's what they pitched originally and they're like through all these different voices something about the names if you were with Bigfoot he could just like pick you up with his hand like you could take a ride like King Kong you could just take a ride

no that's King Kong well yeah I'd say I said like King Kong but Bigfoot is not King Kong obviously not nobody knows Bigfoot like Esther does yeah he's just a large beast and you're a little tiny gal imagine we go to your childhood bedroom

and it's just posters. You're like, you just close the door. You're like, let's go somewhere else. Wait, would your family turn you in? I don't think so. I don't think my dad would because I'm like literally all he has. Like he has no living relatives besides me. And I think that my mom and her side of the family are their like lifelong enablers of many different forms.

And so I think that my mom would go along with whatever I say. Yeah. I was thinking this morning, like, my mom is like my perfect friend. She, like, I know there's a lot that's not right between us. Like, you know, when I gained weight, she was not nice. And, you know, famously recently, she said my child would be better off in daycare than at home with me. Oh, my God. But, like, other than that, she always answers, like, we're really, like, she is the perfect friend.

Other than those really mean piercing things that I'll never, that will never. That you'll never forget. That will haunt me forever. Yeah. I do think that you're, like, programmed to think of your mom as your perfect friend, though, because she's your first one. She sort of designed the idea of friendship in your brain. Like, she formed it. My mom and I, like, all the same stuff.

That's because she programmed me. Yeah, like, she's such a great thing. She'll be up for, like, anything that I want to do. I'm like, you want to go get margaritas? You want to go get pizza? You want to go to a 10 a.m. movie. You know, she's just always down. I think that I don't agree with you.

I think that that's your interests and your mom loves you because you're her daughter and she's going to have fun doing anything with you. No, there's things I want to do that she'll say no, too. But we mostly like all the same. stuff. I don't know. My mom and I are so different in like a crazy way where like we've had like arguments where I was like there's not enough hours in the day for the amount of crying breaks that you have to take. You're like a man compared to your mom. When I took her to Italy and I was like I'm going to take my mom to Italy. It'll be like a bonding trip. I was pregnant. She stopped. She

read every single museum sign and I would like find different benches to sit on. And then And she would cry at every single painting. What? Every single, because my mom's like a really good painter. Yeah. But she would cry at every painting. And she would be like, it's just so beautiful. She'd be like, look at that brushwork.

I just can't. And I was like, I'm pregnant sitting there going like, how are you crying more than me? But I was like, you got to stop crying so much. And she loved that. And she started crying. Yeah. let's talk today about our sponsor the perfect gene what's up sluggies producer guy here i'm taking over the advertisement trying to report back as the resident dude that these jeans are legit i'm wearing

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Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Screw your khakis and get the perfect gene. This episode is brought to you by Boulevard. If you're running a self-care business, it's not just about treating clients. It's about keeping them coming back and giving them the experience they deserve. That's where Boulevard comes in. The all-in-one client experience platform that helps you build loyalty and grow revenue. Boulevard is the fastest girl client experience platform built specifically for appointment-based self-care businesses. It's not just software. It's a smarter, more personal, and more simple way to manage all of your businesses' locations in one place. From bookings and payments to appointment reminders and

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about treating clients. It's about keeping them coming back and giving them the experience they deserve. That's where Boulevard comes in. The all-in-one client experience platform that helps you build loyalty and grow revenue. Boulevard is the fastest growing client experience platform built specifically for appointment-based self-care businesses. It's not just software. It's a smarter, more personal, and more simple way to manage all of your businesses' locations in one place. From bookings and payments to appointment reminders and client profiles, Boulevard elevates every client interaction and works as beautifully as you do. Plus with AI powered scheduling and marketing tools, you'll see higher bookings and gratuity, more ROI on your marketing spend, and smoother

days for you and your team. See why 5,000 top beauty and wellness brands choose Boulevard to streamline and grow their businesses. Visit join BLVD.com to learn more about Boulevard and book a demo to see if it's right for your business. And for a limited time, Boulevard is offering new customers 20% off your first year subscription. That's J-O-I-N-B-L-V-D.com to learn more. J-O-I-N-B-L-V-D dot com. Wait, Kalila, I have to ask you something. So we were together this weekend.

Yeah. And you witnessed, I actually am like, but this, literally since I saw you last, I'm like, she must be judging me as a mom, which I was, like, laughing about. Like, I hope you are. But, like, you witnessed Ace. take like a crazy tumble.

Yeah, the corner of the table. Yeah. And it was like she, the way she fell, it was like, she almost like fell twice in one fall, but like somehow missed the corner of the table. Really close call. And like she ended up being completely fine. But like if you viewed the fall, you're like, it's so crazy. It's happening so fast. Are you like, are you horrified by that?

No, no, because you were in a new home, not your own. You can't, it's not baby-proofed anywhere. Like, these things just happened. And, you know, she, you know, she took a little spill. But we were fine. She was fine. Do you feel like if you were, if it was reverse, would you have freaked out? No, I really don't judge.

Like, now that I have, like, a toddler, like, they just get hurt. Yeah. Like, there's just, it's inevitable. Like, my whole place is baby-proofed. And no matter what, he's going to bang something and cry. and, you know, you have to forgive yourself. So when I look at other moms, like, it's just, the shit, it just happens.

Because I was like, are you worried? I was not actually weird. Like, I was laughing, but I was like, I can't believe Clyla witnessed that. It looked so bad. No, it didn't. It didn't look bad at all. Okay.

And by the way, I was there, too. So I obviously didn't have my eye on her. It never, like, graceful the way that they do it. It's like someone who just learned how to walk falling down. They look drunk. They look crazy. It's so cute. And is it one that was a,

one of those falls where it's like it happens like fast but slow at the same time. And you're like, I'm seeing it in stages. Yes. Yeah. And I don't think I've ever had that before. But we all saw it too. And like we all didn't do. We clearly no one caught her.

Right. We were like four people there. No one caught her. So you're like, you're watching it. And you're like, I can't laugh. But it is kind of funny. But we all try to just be like, ooh, that was fine. That was okay.

And we like did this in the corner. Yeah. Or like covering the corner like it changed anything. Oh yeah. This is a big. thing for me is like covering the corner of the table while she's falling because I'm like I'm not going to be able to stop the fall but I'll stop the whatever impact it might have you know what I mean the falls are crazy minnow has fallen so many times and she does this thing where and my sister

did it and I did it where you cry so hard that you faint and she has done it three times now the breath holding spells yes she's fallen and then she holds her breath like while she because she's trying to cry and she faints and so you're like oh my god like it's yeah you know what I mean it's so terrifying I hear that's actually a lot more common and anytime my baby cries because I know that does happen yeah I you have to blow in their face yeah you have to blow hard to like break the cry yeah but that's been my um biggest fear one of my bigger fears it's like please don't hold your breath please because sometimes they just stay with their mouth open and they just stay yeah they're like silent and they can't it's like

they can't like they can't like breathe in and so she's it's happened to her three times and it's what do you do scary like I'll just I'll literally like hold her I'll blow in her face like that nonstop and then I'll grab like an ice I'll grab ice and put like ice on her face she doesn't stay like unconscious for longer than like three seconds okay but when it happens it is it's a three second spell that feels like it's three minutes long you know what I mean you're like so scared. But I've gotten to the point now where it's like, if she isn't about to pass out, I'm like, she's going to be fine. Blair was on a trip and her mom fell. Actually, on a picnic table. Yeah, Catalina. It was so

traumatizing because she's already fell and hit her head, like, since my brother died one other time. And I was like so bent out of shape. And she told me, she was like, that's okay. I was like did she hit the front of her head? Yeah, it was like, yeah. And I was like, okay, then she's going to be fine. Yeah. Because it's like if you, this is built to take impact. It's like if you hit the back of your head, then it fucks with, then it's like more scary. I forgot about the nanners on your shell. I'm sorry that your mom fell. There was a time when my mom, and this is very un-Asian of her, but she choked on rice. Is she white? I know, Bobby would not let this go because we were still together we were at uh she came over to clean and she saw like day old

rice and you know of course she's gonna swipe she started choking on rice this lady on mother's day that's why i don't celebrate mother's day anymore because i'm still like scarred oh my god and i had to fucking heim licked the rice out of her you did i did hell yeah oh i was sprung into action so fast. But my oldest sister, who is a nurse, froze and literally did this. She turned her entire body and looked away as if like, this isn't happening. This isn't real. She like just froze and couldn't spring into action like this nurse because it's her like mom and loved one. It's so different when it's a loved one. I think it's hard to make a move. But yeah, it's scary when you have to rescue a If it's your job, I could see myself freezing like a motherfucker, you know, because you're used to just being like so...

Yeah, no, yeah, if I had to do stand-up. You'd fall. No, one of my... This is insane, but one of my fantasies is, like, working for the FBI. She talks about this all the time. For me, it's the CIA. We were watching something and she goes, oh, I could be that lady, that cop lady. I'm like, I'm twice your size and I couldn't take a six-two dude.

What are you talking about? You could. I could do it. I promise you I could do it. Wait, I do have to tell you something that I'm doing tonight. That's not, I'm, I just have to get it off my chest. I'm having dinner with one of your exes and his new girlfriend. Well, you're saying this on the podcast.

Is it an ex or someone I just briefly dated? You know who it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. Oh, okay. I know that you guys were never going to, it wasn't serious, but I also know that you have, like, love for him. I do. I have plenty of love for him.

I honestly, I genuinely think, dying to know who this is. It's not someone you know. But he is like super cool and super just talented and deserves the hottest woman. I was just in a place in my life where like I had just gotten out of a relationship and we went out on a couple dates. And I was like, oh, like he has like husband potential. Yeah. I do think he liked me. You know what I mean?

Why don't I like ship you guys low-key? Like it's so fucked up. So fucked up. I'm part of the problem. You know, I'm bringing it up purposefully to, like, ship you guys? Wait, but is that okay? Like, are you mad? That he's with someone new?

No, that we're having dinner with them? No. Okay, okay. I knew you wouldn't be, but I just wanted to, like... But I just wanted to see if you still kind of liked him so I could ship you guys a little bit more. We had some trad wife trends. Okay. Oh, okay.

And we thought you guys might want to weigh in. And we'll see who's the ultimate trad wife at the end of this. But do you cook for your family? I'm truly the definition of, like, cooks one time, new personality. Lemon pepper chicken. Yeah. Our first one of. I'm going to lose this so bad.

Do you vape? Getting a butter churner. What would he mean? Like, do we... Would you turn butter yourselves? Could I or would I? Would you be interested in this? Oh, yeah.

Okay. Split room here. I would because I feel like I've had to learn the hard way in life that doing like those kinds of tasks is good for your mental health. It's fulfilling. Yeah, like I used to think like, I don't want to have to do anything. And then you're like, no, then you're depressed all the time and you're just scrolling. But then have you actually seen butter getting churned and how butter is made is really simple. That's why it's like a yes for me. It's not a difficult task. It's just a task. I just don't have the counterspace. That is true. Yeah, I don't want things taking up

counter space that I'm probably going to do maybe once a year. All right. Next. Picking herbs in a dress. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah. I'm going, yeah, baby. Every woman wants to pick herbs and a dress. Yes. And a nice Italian linen. Yeah. Absolutely. Preferably pregnant for just one day. Just one day, please. And only in the second

trimester. I can fully see my outfit for this. Yeah. Baking foods from scratch. Is it? Yes. Actually, it's a no. I want to, but I don't. I actually feel like I have to go X because my grandma is the one that told me when I make pies that I should just get the pre-made Pillsbury pie crust because it's easier and it tastes as good. That's what Roger tells me, too.

Oh, really? Yeah. I think that semi-homeade is my energy. Agree with semi. Yeah. Let's make it achievable. We get shit to do. I mean, I don't have anything to do, but I know what you mean.

Dress like a Victorian milk made. Klyla? Not as like an everyday obligation But once in a while, sure Yeah, same I like to be a hot milkmaid Maybe for sex Yeah

Mine would be also outdoors I just I like to wear pants I was cinch these I feel like my tatties would look good Yeah Let them out to breathe I can't Getting married young

Oh big now Big no Oh I wish that I had You really? Yeah Why Yeah. But like I think just because I my mom had one baby at 21 and then the next at 29. And so like I feel like I have that in my brain as like what you do is like you have one set of kids and then like eight to 10 years later you have another because I waited so long that's not on the table for me. And I feel like I would have like to have done that. Like going two rounds. I also think because you never have. had an interest in drinking, partying, doing all that.

So I could see you being married young. Like you don't, you didn't really burn rubber in your 20s. Right. I was so selfish and focused on my career that I would. The truth is like I would have been impossible for me to be like a good wife. That's what I always think if I got married young. Like I would have been like, yeah. Get out of here.

But I do have that a lot in the back of my head that like, like, it's so cool to do motherhood in two rounds, and I wish that I could do that. Right, just a massive gap between. If eight to ten years pass by, you're a whole new person, it's like a whole new life. Yeah. Having five plus kids. Ooh. Wow.

You guys are sick. If you started at 21 or would you like adopt a bunch or keep going? I would love to adopt. I could see you adopting five kids. Really? Mm-hmm. Can you guys expand on that? I mean, the idea that there are children out there who could never have the experience of my son of having parents that love them, that say I love you, honestly keeps me up at night.

And it's, I felt this way since I told my mom at 12. I was like, I want to adopt when I'm older. It's something that I've always wanted to do. My entire TikTok algorithm is of mom, foster moms or moms coming in and like taking care of like Nikki babies. Yeah. And there's just something so. like top tier like good

and great about being adoptive parents I think what about you it's literally the same thing like I think about kids out there that don't have

like love in their life and I and I that does really like haunt me I think about your own kid

right like could if this kid there's a kid exactly like mine mine who's just out there with no one

with no one yeah and I also feel like I didn't know that I really genuinely did not know if I would be a good mom. And now that I'm like, now I'm looking at it. I'm like, oh, I am good at this and I really enjoy it. You know? If I'm good at it and I enjoy it. And my daughter is like, you know, an only child. I just think about it like that. I gave it no thought about being, I'm like before I had the baby like, what kind of mom? I just had no thoughts on it.

I thought about it all the time. I thought about it all the time. Because of my own childhood, I thought about it. Because I was like, I started getting like these flashbacks of like what my childhood was that I, things that I hadn't thought about in years and how like, if I didn't have an example of this, how would I, how would I be able to provide it for my kid? It's so funny. I thought I would like kind of, I thought I would understand my parents more. Like I would, it would be easier to forgive them.

And it actually became so much harder after. my kid was born to be like how would you do that you know and there have been like I've had arguments with my parents where I was like you know um I think I I said to my mom at one point like I can't believe like no one was there for this or no one was there for me for this or like I was just allowed to like go off and I fucking drank and was like should have been in rehab and all and nobody even contacted me and I was like just out in New York like doing whatever and she was like Well, Rosebud, you were always so independent. And, you know, my dad said the same thing.

He was like, you were always so independent. We just assumed you'd be fine. And I'm like, no child is independent. Like, the fact that you say that, you can have an independent spirit. But, like, to assume that your child is independent enough to just take care of themselves is crazy. Yeah. And I had to, like, point that out to them. You know what I mean?

It's crazy because I, my whole life, I was really proud of that. I was like, oh, I'm so independent. I'm so independent. I can handle myself. But what happened is I became like hyper-independent to the point where I can't state that I have needs. I can't state when I need something or when I need help. And that became a massive problem for me, you know. So yeah, that's, I don't know if I even answered your fucking question. I think I just sort of spiraled down a memory.

No, that's really interesting. I always like do this to Colila and I am going to do it now to you, which is like I always go on the defense of like, her abusive family in my mind when I hear your parents say that I'm like I believe that they thought you were okay I believe that too yeah there's such a generational divide between parenting in that generation and parenting now it's like looks nothing alike yeah and this isn't something that I'm like resentful of them about like I do I agree I think they genuinely thought that yeah I did feel the need to tell them like you were wrong about that you know right next up Submitting to your husband.

Wow. What? What does that mean? This is going to be a shocker, I feel like, either way. Okay. I don't know. I hate being told what to do, but then, like, I mean, I like being told what to... Depends.

Where's, like, dominate me, but respect my boundaries. Yeah. I'm like, I will, but I'm not going to admit it. Correct. I mean, that's... I'm not smart enough to do that. Damn. I can't be like fake it.

Oh, totally. Yeah. And also Dave does not want that. Like he wants an equal. He does not want. Whenever I'm like, whatever you think, he like gets so mad.

It's like disgusting to him. I think my check mark more comes. It's like a, it's fun once in a while because it is me cosplay out of my usual. 100%. I think it's more sexual. I've been thinking about it.

Like I guess in a, like Dave, Aloha would never want me to submit to him he would probably find that like wrong yeah I want them to drive like I want to sit in a passenger princess I'm like I'm exhausted from being

an independent fucking bitch you take care of some shit oh damn does that does passenger seat I think it's more in like the trad wife like barefoot in the kitchen sense of submitting to your husband oh okay guy no yeah then it's a no

for me I don't think I understand what real submission is outside of the bedroom. The bed, yeah. But also, I could never be with a guy who, like, doesn't speak up for himself at all. Well, no, like, insist that I, you know, the man is the domineering force and the really, that's so gross. Because honestly, that's bitch. If you're, like, if you're a man, you're, like, demanding. You're a weak.

That, like, someone's, like, that's really little bitch of you. I love this. There's this guy on Instagram. I think he's, like, he has a German accent, which makes it even better. He basically talks about, like, any guy who's afraid of a woman being powerful is truly is the guy who's going to insist that she submit. It's gross. Because he's afraid. He's in competition with some kind of.

Like, a true masculine man is proud of his successful or whatever his wife is doing and it's, like, nurturing in that way. This might sound fucked up, but, like, if we truly are less than, then, like, you should. should be chill with us doing whatever we want. Why are you talking about it every single day? Yeah. You're so obsessed. If we're so less than, like, just chill.

Leave us alone. I was with a guy who was, like, seriously abusive for, um, like physically and verbally and whiskey fist is about. And he was, I have never been with a man who wore more jewelry. I remember like looking back and being like, he was such a bitch. Like he had so many accessories and so many like bracelets and so many like

fedoras and shit. Like I was like he had like hats everywhere. You're walking down the street and a fadora. It's so deeply embarrassing. That's a dark past. It's a really dark past. I mean, I don't know what's worse. The fact that he hit me or the fact that he wore fedoras. I really it's a toss up. The rings too. The rings were so bad. Male jewelry is really tough. You need to be sparing with it. Only Eddie Pepitone is allowed to wear a fedora. I'm sorry about the fedora relationship.

Oh, it's fine. I thought you were going to say, I'm sorry, he hit you when you said. Oh, I'm sorry about the fedora relationship. I know the fedora is really just, really upsetting. It's upsetting. What was going on with you? Not good. I was not good.

Were you doing stand-up? No, I was still an actor, and I met him in an acting class. Brueel. Oh, God. He was just one of those. I've never been more shocked when I moved to LA and was in an acting class because I was just a jock growing up

and I was like, oh my God, these people are so fucking weird. They're the most self-serious people. It's really insane. I was like, there's no way they really like talk about themselves like this and like interact this way. They were like aliens. But they do.

Wait, I need to have putting on the spot. Go for it. Did you used to be on a reality show? I did a couple. I did that inside jokes on Amazon. Not that. And then I did one in my 20s. Yeah. Can we talk about that? Yeah. What is that? It was like my gay best friend who was gay, obviously. But like the idea behind the show was like women and their gay best friends because this was back when like that was like an acceptable theme for an entire show. And he was like not out. And or he was, but. like they wanted our storyline to be like, he wasn't out. And so I had to like push him to be out. You know what I mean? Oh my God.

Which is like so crazy. Where did it air? It was like Sundance, I think. It was one of those shows that like had one season and just like died out. But it was like a paycheck that I was desperately in need out. Did you like, like, was it? It was fun. Yeah.

I actually really liked it. I had a really good time doing it. I like reality TV a lot. I love reality TV. I would do another show. I would love to do another reality show. Yeah. I mean, that one was so unsurious because it wasn't like a, it didn't have like evil production the way that, which is why it failed.

You know what I mean? Like, you do need an evil puppet master behind the camera. Yeah. But this one wasn't that. It was kind of like like a little sweet story about like women and their gay best friends that didn't really have any teeth. I feel like it would have done really well in Japan. Yeah. I don't understand why America.

American reality TV has to be like the bad girls club all the time. Because it's like porn. It's like you need more and more more extreme, extreme to like keep our attention span. Yeah. The ones I watch in different countries are so tame

and they're so like nothing happens but you're equally as addicted to it. Yeah. No big confrontations. No one's slapping anyone and it's just I know it's like the British baking thing. It's just so pleasant. I need something that's dark I need a reality show

it's like if I did another reality show I would want it to be like dark What like what does that even mean Like they like you need to be in like yeah I like I like the valley You know what I mean I love the valley The valley is the darkest show

Why is that dark? It's so dark Is that the one? Jacks is on? Yeah Jacks he got kicked off For domestic abuse He'll probably be let back on though Of course he will I've never seen like a minute of Bravo I need to

Oh my God you're really really missing out. It's like wrestling for women. Even you like it. Yeah, of course. What do you watch? I watched all the early housewives, literally like all of them. I watched some of the valley.

But I know everyone from from Sir. Like that is my not even a guilty pleasure. It's a very, it's a real pleasure. There are some people on those shows that are truly like there are some of those people on there that have no soul in them left. Yeah, it gets dark, but I will say that vanderpump rules, start with vanderpump rules, because that is like the sopranos of all reality television shows. I don't think I should. No, I'm telling you. No, I don't know, guys.

Do you watch any Love Island? No, I'd like to, though. I love Love Island. It's like crack in the summer. Like, I had to get home from my programs. It starts at six. That's so fun. And no, every day is wild to have it every night.

I know. It's awesome. For like six weeks, you're like, oh, this is the only thing I care about. The whole internet is coming together. I got pissed if I have like an early show and I have to leave my program early. I'm definitely going to do that next summer. You should. You'll enjoy.

I need to be watching. I need to be watching the Valley every day. I wish they would do that. I wish they would have a fucking episode every day. Like watching a snuff film. Yes. I've never seen one of those. Just so we know.

Like Andy will come in and be like, wait, what's happening? And he doesn't give a fuck. And what's happening? Terrible things. people are getting divorced people are screaming about the house people are yelling they're arguing over their kids it's like they're all on cocaine it is it's the realist reality show i've ever seen the valley yeah where it's like oh they are not trying to clean this up in any way that one sounds better to me because it's like people with kids whereas vanderpump rules sounds like people

that i'm not in the same life stages but they're all from this they're all from vanderpump which i don't understand how she does this like i can't go back in time with the reality show really i agree like i'm not it's like so weird why Because you feel... Like, time has moved by. Yeah, it doesn't feel good. Yeah, no, it feels weird. You feel really lame.

Like I'm watching a home movie or something. It's like watching a period piece. I don't think it's worth it. And that's someone who started watching it from the beginning. You jumped on in the last two years. Well, you missed out on watching all of them together at the same time. And it's fucking unreal. I watched Breaking Bad in the pandemic, like, binged it.

And I was like, this is not something that's meant to be binge. That's why your brain is so fucking twisted. actually breaking bad is exactly meant to be binged no it's not it was like too dark I was like this is supposed to be every Sunday night you get one hour not hours and hours and hours of like the darkest show yeah okay so you're just supposed to microdose crack yeah but I know what you're saying because with task like I want to see it all right now but the fact that I'm waiting once a week there is something very beautiful about that yeah I agree it would change the experience all right we got a couple more here okay oh sure

shit. I forgot about the game. It's all right. Homchooling your kids. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm crunchy. Give me my kids to home school. No. The homeschool kids are so fucking weird. Sorry. Sorry, Kristen. My friend is

homeschooled. You're fucking weird. But this is only because I'm so freaked out about sending my kid to school. And I live in New York, so I shouldn't be. You don't want them to learn about critical race theory? Yeah. Guns. Oh, yeah, that's it. That would be the only reason.

And also just the fact that they've... The gun problem in this country is disgusting. And they've completely defunded anything that would teach critical race theory. So I'm a little freaked out about that, too. I don't know how it's... I don't think it's affected New York City schools. But if I didn't live in New York, I would be open to homeschooling my kids. So I'm putting a checkmark.

I think I'd like to homeschool up to a certain grade. Same. I think I'm super anxious about just sending my kid off to. school and then hoping nothing happens. To me, the idea of homework is absolute bullshit. And I never, you don't agree? What? What is this?

There are certain ways, like, I feel as though, are so antiquated. And one of it is homework. I think that when you get home, you should, your kid should either hang out with family or do anything outside of school. But school, not school related. Homework doesn't take five hours. Oh, my God. The homework I had would take.

forever. Maybe I went to school in the Philippines and maybe education there is a little bit more like rigorous, but I fucking hated it. It took my entire, it took away all my time to just be a kid and play and do whatever it is that kids do. Like I was just always working and I hated it. I hated it. I think I also agree, but I was also a horrible student my whole life. Were you a bad student? No, really good. You were really good. Really good. Yeah, I was the top of my class. Okay, so that I always thought that I just believed this because I was a bad student. No, it sucks. It sucks for the good kids.

It sucks for the bad kids. And especially we like homework over the weekend. That's dog shit. I know. That's fucking insane. I was not super strict, but I was definitely the person that like I did not like missing a day of school because that was so stressful. Oh, like going back, what did I miss? Like that gives me nightmares still.

But I feel like my thing was like I can do this without trying that. hard and get like B's and if I get a C I don't care like I wasn't like I need all A's which I feel like you probably were yeah yeah I think it's probably what it was it was so super stressful for me but like math like if I didn't have homework I wouldn't be able to learn math auditory that's a really good point I never would have learned math if I didn't have to do I barely know math I still yeah yeah you are right in that like you can't learn it in real time in the classroom yeah oftentimes but that's why I hate it so much I'd always be like reading a novel in the back of like it's so fucking boring yeah what i feel like i i like about

homework is that i feel like i had to be so specific with time management dance classes this time i have to do homework here and i i feel like if it was just a free for all i would have never given all that thought and like attention to scheduling but i that's like i think that i just like that you know what was crazy being a college athlete is the men's team had practice like three to five every day and like study hall like once a week and lifting once a week we had study hall three times a week we had practice seven to 11 every day we had like we had so much more stuff and like they were the ones that needed it like they were the ones that didn't engage in school at all they just knew that they can can't tell those guys like what to do or like how to study in

college i used to bully the college athletes at my school i went to a big 10 school and the athletes were treated like gods. Yeah. And I, one of them was in one of my classes. And I remember he had, like, we all had to, like, stand up and give these, like, little speeches. And he was like,

da, da, da, yeah. And I was like, can you speak louder? I would be so mean to them. Because I was like, you guys are, you know why? Because I, like, I wanted to be the star and I was jealous. Yeah. And like, you guys are so special. You can't even talk.

Like, I was so mean to me. Yeah, like, because I went to UCLA and the, the basketball team was basically all at NBA, they were treated like the NBA. Yeah. And like all, like, girls on my team would write their essays or like girls would do their homework. I was like, you will not get special treatment for me. I am the star of the show.

I never even knew a fucking athlete. I'm your first one. Yeah. Yeah. I literally went to arts schools my whole, like from high school on. Oh, that's so cool. I did half the day at like my regular public school and then I would go to like a special arts program. For what art?

for theater and like acting. She was a whole theater kid. You have such a weird backstory that does not add up at all. No, it's really insane. When I look at my own, like I just finished writing a book and I'm literally, I'm just leaving out so much shit because none of it makes sense together.

So I'm like, I just have to leave this out because it's too big of a detour. Like people are going to be like, what? It just feels like fucking Forrest Gump or something. I feel like that's all of us though. Like especially us, we started comedy so late. You know, like I've had nine lives I know, the fact that I stuck with this is so insane to me

Final one, you guys Yeah Owning farm animal Oh, fuck yeah, that's an easy yes Absolutely, I want donkeys Donkeys are my number one too I love donkeys I want pigs

Because they're so friendly and loving And cuddly and very emotional Yeah Really? Yes, they let you I need at least two donkeys And they play with toys Yeah, they're really sweet They're like little babies

I want a pig I want chickens chickens for eggs oh not to love on literally just practical yeah it's a farm

oh you're one of those okay you're gonna let your pig your donkey cuddle in bed with you no I cuddled my chicken Ku Kuk and on my yeah I had a

white leg horn I got four chicks but only Kukuk survived and Kukuk was like a dog he would he had free access to the home. My dad would watch TV petting Kukuk. And then on my sister's 11th birthday, my crazy aunt decided that the Kukuk was shitting too much in her little area of the house because we were like a multi-generational home. And she did the worst thing ever. And she cut off one of his legs. And it was one of my biggest heartbreaks ever. Like I feel like crying, thinking

about it. She was a wretched, wretched person. evil wicked shrew evil wicked wicked you have the craziest story does it with kukokiawa chicken no you have an uncle who murdered your other uncle honestly you being in snowed that's so casually being in theater school is crazier yeah i feel like that's weirder i don't think it's that weird if you look at me i'm a blonde wasp of course i went to fucking theater school you know you have an uncle who murdered your other uncle who you send money to And then another relative who cut off the leg of your beloved chicken for shitting,

which I don't even understand, like, was it just that she was mad or did she think that like... Shitting too much, Rosebud? Yeah, but was it like, was she trying to cut off his ability to get to her area of the house? So he could shit in one place. Yeah. That bitch. But what happened was his wound got infected and he died on my sister's birthday. and um i that is like a core wound i really don't mean to me she passed away she passed away

she passed away probably out of her own evil deeds yeah really that's some cartel shit it is she actually belonged in the cartel i feel like she would have thrived yeah cutting off her there was definitely a sociopathy to her yeah she didn't have a whole lot of like regret or remorse right my god there are just some people in your life like these are the fucking adults around a bunch of kids when I say parenting is so hard

it's because I really am trying to do it right and I think a lot of these are aunties or moms or whatever I think they were just winging it and kind of didn't really give a shit a lot of times

well that's how they were raised so they only have the imprint of how they're raised I stand firm as an op here to you I do obviously support and think that, like, trying to be the best parent you can be is, like, obviously good.

But I also think that no matter what we do, they're going to hate us anyway. It'll just be different. It's different. Like, that, you cannot anticipate what trauma we're going to inflict on our children. Right. But I think that my biggest thing is that at the very least, like, minimum. You will not cut off the chicken legs. I won't cut off chicken legs.

If they tell me they're hurting, I acknowledge that they're hurting. Yeah, we were talking about this yesterday, like apologizing. And saying sorry. Saying, like, for a parent, like, our parents' generation, like, didn't apologize when two children, because they're like, I'm the authority. You're the children. I do feel proud of myself when Minow will, something will happen and Minow will go, Mama, I'm scared. Yeah. Like, I'm like, the fact that she knows is so important to me when she's scared or when she'll go, Mom, I'm nervous.

Like, if she's... Because I don't think I could ever utter those words to my mom because I wasn't allowed to not be strong. It makes me so happy that she knows that she's nervous. That's so sweet. Because I didn't know. I still don't fucking know. I won't notice it until like two days later if I spend the time actually acknowledging or observing my actions and feelings, you know. I just back to farm animals real quick.

Chicken is a weird choice. I respect it, but not for the reasons you. Just for eggs. Well, can I just say that there's a fantasy that I have that I know can. never come true. But like I think about it a lot. And my absolute dream would be to have 40 clones of donut and like just come home to 40 little donuts all running up to you. Like how beautiful does that sound? Yeah, I think the problem with that is that I once listened to a episode of this American life where this couple had a prized bull. And the bull was such like a community figure. Everyone

love this bull the fair won all the awards and they were like when the bull passed they were like we have to clone this bull they cloned this bull the second coming of the bull was violent hurt people and was not the original bull so I would say you love the idea of 40 donuts but what if they're not 40 donuts I know you can't clone a soul that's what bars dry sand says yeah so I know But it's, it can't be, and obviously it would be priced out after the first, like, three clones. Three? The first three. I don't know how much.

You're doing well. I don't know how much they are. 80K in Korea. I've looked into it. Really? You've looked into it? Yeah, I think Korea, I think it's about 80K. Damn.

Per clone. Have you ever thought about cloning yourself and if you would like the clone? I would love my clone. What if you hated them? No. What do you mean, no? I mean, if it's an actual clone. You're saying what if it's an actual clone.

Kill them. You made them. If you can't clone a soul and you meet your clone and let's say your clone is like, I don't know, a Disney adult or something. Yeah, I'm not cloning myself. What would you do? I'd be pissed. I'd be pissed too. I'd be really mad.

If my clone showed up in like Christian Girl Autumn, even though I love Christian Girl Autumn girl girlies, I would be so angry. Yeah. I'd be really upset. And what if your clone was like manipulative and was like trying to. trying to, like, steal people out of your life? What if your clone had, like, a relationship with your significant other that they tried to like. What if your clone stole Dave? You guys, why are you going down this road?

He still love her? I agree. You guys need to go on your dark reality show. I'm with Esther. We're good over here with our clones. She keeps saying, what if? And I said, but my clone wouldn't. Yeah, we're good.

Okay. All right. You nasty bitches. On that note, the ultimate tried wife of today with six. points is Kalila. Wow. Milk made

Kalila. Six points and big big old tatties. Yeah. Push my tips up. You got some bazookas out. There you go.

Oh my gosh. Well, you guys, thank you for being here today. Our favorite people for having us. Our favorite best friends that make no sense.

Learned a lot. Are you guys on tour? What's going on? I have a podcast coming out called Spaced Out. Yeah. That's exciting. Congrats.

Thank you. Okay, I'll be in Tulsa, Oklahoma, November 7th, and 8th, and then Rosemont, Illinois, and then Wilmington, North Carolina, and Salt Lake City, and Philadelphia and Chicago, and there will be more dates that are on my website, Rosebudbaker.com. We love you guys. Thank you so much for tuning in, and as always, we'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Bye! Thank you.