Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Scamming Dads w/ Brent Morin & Ali Macofsky

Episode Date: August 5, 2025

JOIN THE WEIRDEST PATREON EVER: https://www.patreon.com/c/TrashTuesdayPodcast  2 of our favorites Brent Morin & Ali Macofsky return to the stu this week to talk scammin Dads, Little League Dreams, Adult Babies, Icks, world war 3, Papa John vs Dominoes & much more!! Thank You to Our Sponsor(s):   https://www.eatiqbar.com/ Text TRASH to 64000 to get twenty percent off all IQBAR products, plus FREE shipping. Message and data rates may apply. *PRETTY LITTLE BABY TOUR* Esther is coming to a city near you! Grab your tickets now at prettylittlebabytour.com  *Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com  *Visit Ebb Ocean Club & Holiday Shop* https://www.ebboceanclub.com/ for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products!  FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday  Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday  MORE ESTHER: TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonster  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/  MORE KHALYLA: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/  Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A  PRODUCTION: Production Team: Tiny Legends, LLC: https://www.instagram.com/tinylegends.prod/  Stella Young: https://www.instagram.com/estellayoung/  Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/  Edited By: Arielle Jade: https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/  

I want to bite your nipples. Om nom nom nom nom. Honestly, I know she's very nipple sensitive. This nipple talk cannot happen in her. You don't have any nipple sensitivity? No, not really. But one time I hooked up with a guy who I think had like a weird like baby type of kink thing because he was sucking on my nipples in a way where I'm like, you.

Like good latch? Yeah. I'm really interested in that. He was like, you... Like, good latch? Yeah. Wait, really? Yeah. I'm really interested in that. He was like one step away from saying goo goo gaga. Ooh. It was really strong. I'm a strong babble.

And now he has a baby and I'm like, I'm like, are you also feeding? I'm like, are you also feeding? I'm like, are you also feeding? Shout out to our golden slug, Brandon. Guys, we have a Patreon. And the truth is we just recorded a long and deep episode for our patrons only.

And it was the four of us and it was really intense. And if you wanna listen to that, that will be the bonus episode this week. Check it out. Check us out at patreon.com slash Trash Tuesday podcast or the link below. And we have new bonus episodes every week. It's a little extra juicy.

It's a little bit more of our unmasked version of ourselves. And I think it's our best work, so we'll check it out. I am on tour. I'm so excited that I will officially be going on tour this fall, starting in September. I'm going to be in Madison, Portland, Seattle, Denver, Philly, Boston, New York, Olympia, all these great cities. I can't wait to share all my new material with you guys. It's been so fun to work on it. Get tickets at prettylittlethletour.com

and you can get tickets now before they sell out, the link below. Thank you, I'm excited, I'll see you guys there. You guys, I have a haircare brand that I'm really proud of. It is hyper clean, reef safe. Incredible top. Incredible. That's why I can carry it with me.

I mean, like, you know when you create something and you're like, wow, I really nailed it? I really nailed it. The formulation, the packaging, everything about it is fucking beautiful. Go to ebocionclub.com. We've sold out of the shampoo and conditioner for now, but we are trying to bring that back ASAP,

but we still have a ton of detanglers. There's some massive stuff. They are equally amazing. Go get yours at ebocionclub.com. -♪ Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop and I'm not, I'm interested for a friend. I was once talking to this woman and she was older and she's like, I met a guy, he's my age and he, you guys want the story? Keep going, keep going. Okay, she's like, he's really great,

like I feel like we're finally connecting. Like he was the founder of like this huge company, he's like really rich old guy. And she's like, then he like fell off, and she didn't know what happened. Did he die or whatever? And then she reaches out to him, she sends him an email, and he writes back. He's like, so sorry, I fell out of touch.

I actually moved to Thailand, and I'm permanently a baby now. Oh my god. So. He's become a baby. Yeah. I feel like this is a real culture that doesn't get a lot of like attention. Well, there's those people that like wear diapers. Well.

Well. Those people. Once you try a diaper for your period, you won't want to switch back. I'm wearing period underwear right now. Okay. Which feels like a diaper. To be fair, when times were tough,

when we first immigrated from the Philippines, I would, Pampers would sell those, not sell, they would send you in the mail, like one free diaper to test out. And I would just cut the straps and wear it to high school. Whoa. Yeah, I was wearing diapers for my period in high school. Everyone was like, damn,

Clio's got a huge ass. Huge ass, yeah, huge ass. And a huge pussy. Huge pussy. Huge pussy bone. Yeah. Just one giant bone. We, I kind of, so what else did that guy that you hooked up

with, did you hook up with him more than once? Yeah, but like not many times because I got kind of uncomfortable. He also had like kind of loose skin. Oh, maybe's Ailer Danlos. Maybe yeah maybe because his skin was like so flappy that it did feel like holding a baby like it was so soft and just like squishy that I was like ugh and him being like like it was just really maybe he had lost a lot of weight is that what causes that? Yeah he could have. But it wasn't like flappy skin like it wasn't like weight it was just really, it wasn't. Maybe he had lost a lot of weight. Is that what causes that? Yeah, he could have. But it wasn't like flappy skin.

Like it wasn't like weight. It was just like he had really elastic skin. That's like a connective tissue thing. It is? Ailer dandruff, yeah. I have, but it's like when you get older, it gets- That too, but if he's a young guy, I'm guessing she's not fucking a 90 year old.

No. Although I'd try it. I would say if she was here, she said she wants to hook up with a 60 year old. Oh, I did mention that. Yeah, I would like to experience that. But the 60 year olds these days, they're all on HGH. They're looking good.

But yeah, I guess that would be, yeah. Yeah, that would be the kind of, like I don't want to hook up with like an old, like they would have to be somewhat together. Hi, welcome. Hi Brent. Hi Brent. The Brent. Hi Brent. The boy is here.

You don't have to be breathing so hard, we're fine. Oh God. Heartburn. Wait, you always have heartburn. Yeah, I don't eat well. What did you have this time? Chicken quesadilla. Oh yum.

From where? Cactus. Oh, today? I love cactus. Yeah, it was leftover. Before 11 a.m.? It was leftover. It's chicken, it's cheese, it's a little tortilla. Whatever.

What? Please. No, that's a, chicken quesadillas is a good breakfast. I think so, you got your protein. I've been doing a lot of Chipotle quesadillas. That's my new thing. That's so naughty. They're yummy.

They're so good. And then you get three sides, get a lot of guac. Last time I was there, she kind of like, she gave me a small scoop. She's like, guac is extra. I go, I know. And then she gave me a small scoop and I go, give me a little more.

I did tell her to turn back around. I said, let's go back to the guac station. Can I have a little more? You know what? They don't have stock in Chipotle. I'd be giving free things away constantly. No, I remember once when I was little, we were at Dairy Queen and my dad didn't like the size

of the cone that they gave him. There wasn't enough ice cream on it. And the guy was like, that's the size you got. And my dad was like, what are you, a company man? And it was so embarrassing. I was in middle school. I was like, I can't do this. My dad is so much.

My dad was such a scammer growing up. Like he would try and get anything extra. So like we'd be going to the movies. I was like 15. He's like, she's 12. Oh yeah. He, but my mom was a child. Me and my mom was children.

And we would then, once we got in the theater, it was like, you're gonna be there a long time. We're seeing two movies, at least maybe three. One time, also, did you guys ever, like the refillable popcorn tubs? One time my dad dropped me off at the movie theaters. He had the tub from like the night before. He goes, take this, don't come back to the car

until you have this refilled. And like made me go in like at 11 in the morning and like be like, oh, I just saw a movie. Can I have my, it was so embarrassing. Our dads would get along. But you're not even Jewish. I thought that was only- Yeah, my dad's Jewish. What? Yes.

Jewish dad reveal? Yeah, surprise. Mokowski? Yeah, it's Polish. Polish, yeah, Polish Jewish. It's not Mikkowski, it's Mokowski. I guess I was reading it as Mick. Yeah, I know.

I thought you were Mikkowski. I guess I was reading it as Mick. Yeah, I know. I thought you were Mukowski. I fully pegged you Irish. Yeah, well, my mom's side is Irish and then my dad's side is like Polish, Eastern European. Whoa. Yeah. You're Irish, right? Yeah, Irish, French, Italian. And did you have parents that scammed?

I mean, not really scam. My dad wouldn't scam. He was a man of the people. But my mom would definitely at a casino, I'm revealing too much. Okay. I think my mom would scam my dad at the casino. That's funny.

She would take money out because she lost and say, don't tell your dad. And then my dad is unaware. And it's like, so did you win, Lynn? She lost. And it's like, well, at least it was only a hundred bucks. I was like, mom took out like a grand. You know what I mean?

And my mom would just smack me like, let it, don't. I love like scams that involve more than one person. Like in the Philippines, a bunch of like 25, 30 year old men won like the little league championships, world champs in like base in, in not, what do you call it? The little league world series? Yeah, little league world series.

I watch it every year. Wait. I actually do. I feel like this is right up your alley. So basically little league is like what, like 12, 11, 12 years old. Yeah, it's like 10 to 12. You had some grown ass, just shorter looking, kind of young looking Filipino men come together and they're like, we're gonna beat a bunch of kids

and they won the whole thing. I wanna do that for a dance competition. I know you do. I think that we should try. Yeah, I wanna do that. But I guess I probably would lose regardless cause they'd be better than me, but I wanna try it. Yeah, there was a kid in the Little League World Series.

I'm not kidding. I watched it a lot, and to gamble. No, I, cause I- They're like fully shaving their mustaches and beards. They had the kid from the Bronx, I remember, and he like got famous, got on Letterman, and everybody's like, this kid is so good, he's gonna be a star.

I think he was like 19. Like he was like way up there, they were like, no, we don't really know his age, but he was throwing so fast. And you would think like this guy's gonna be a pro one day. Those poor little kids who are just getting an adult sized pitch. Yeah. I mean, I watched the little league world series

because I wanted to be in it so bad. And every year I'd be on the little league all star team. And we got down to, cause you represent your state. So we got to like the final game and lost. And I was crushed. Cause I was like, oh, we were going to go to Cooperstown. Ah, we should have gotten some 18 year olds.

How did you deal with loss? Like that kind of losing when you were young, were you like graceful or were you a big crier? I cried. And I was a huge, like I'm not a good sport. I'm not either. I wasn't. I'm better now because what's the point.

But like when I was a kid, I'd be like, you don't understand what they did. We don't, fuck you ref. And then it's just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, don't fire a fucking cheater on him. Like I would lose my shit. And then my mom would squeeze the rage out of me. That's what she would do. She would just mom would squeeze the rage out of me. That's what she would do.

She would, I'm gonna squeeze the rage out of you. And then that shit actually worked. But I was, yeah, I was kicked out of multiple games. I don't take losing well. I've gotten better. Sometimes I wish I was more competitive still because I was always hyper competitive and now I'm just like calmer.

I'm like, just let it go, Brent. But yeah, I was notorious for throwing my glove in the stands. Like that was a big thing when I was in high school. If they take me out from pitching, I'd be like, I'm not coming out. I'm not coming out. And it's like, you're coming out.

Boys have so much rage. And then I would just throw my glove into the stands and my mom would try to catch it. Some kids would run with it. Start squeezing the glove. She's like, we're gonna get the. Oh, I've definitely been the guy who's taken a bat to a water cooler.

I've done that before. Oh, that's very like John McEnroe view. What, have you done that? I'm just thinking about Kenny Powers. Oh, yeah. Oh my God. Wait, like we can't forget that we celebrated John McEnroe for being the most abusive to water bottles

and inanimate objects on the tennis court for years. We love drama as a society. We love a big crash out, I think. This is just making me, though, feel relieved that I was born a known loser, so I never had the expectations or the desires to win anything. You didn't have the delusion I had

that I thought I was gonna be a star. Yeah, I had what you had. I did a whole season of soccer, the one season I did a sport, the whole time I never scored one goal. My parents still make fun of me the way that I just stood there and stared out. Maybe what was your position?

You can't score a goal if you're a defender. I don't even know what my position was. But you're so tiny, you couldn't be a defender. I was just in this field like this the whole time. And everyone in soccer made fun of me because on our first day I raised my hand and was like, when do we get our costumes? Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. People were like, oh, well, the uniforms will come. I don't know. Do you have any childhood unrequited dreams or forgotten? Well, this goes back to my dad being kind of a scammer and like chief is that we never, me and my sisters never did,

well, at least I never did any sort of sports, but my dad would kind of sign me up for random classes just for the first one that was free. So I did like one day of taekwondo. I'm really liking your dad. Yeah, he rocks. Flarey. Yeah, he rocks. Larry. Yeah, so I never was like a sports person.

I would like go to friend sports games. Like my friend played softball, so I'd always go to games with her, but I just loved like the snack bar. Yeah. And like, I love just like, yeah, loitering around with the other kids. Oh, if a pretty girl showed up to a little,

I remember literally, when you're just feeling emotions for the first time, and then, oh, Becca Rocco showed up. She's just there, you know, it's a park. And I'm like, and I'm like, I'm gonna pitch so hard. And then I remember I just hit the, I threw it way over the catcher, somebody scored.

And then I'm looking and I'm like, you know, then at school the next day, somebody scored, and then I'm looking and I'm like, you know, then at school the next day, I'm like, cool game, right, Becca? And she's like, what? No, my brother plays on the other team, I was just there. Oh, yeah, yeah, I was stupid to say that. But you'll watch guys do that in sports. If they see like the girl they like, freaking funny.

What if they see the girl they don't like, then what? Well then that kid's cool, because if you're at the point already where you have like beef with a girl, then you've obviously been around. And you're just like, I don't mess with her anymore. I remember those guys, I'm like, anymore? Wow.

Another scam that you could also pull off outside of joining Little League, remember that adult little girl who got a whole family to adopt her? Oh yeah. People always bring this up around me. It's so rude. It's so fucked.

What? And then they were like, Weed, she seems, they were trying to tell the courts, I think there's something wrong with her. We're suspecting she's actually a 19 year old girl and not a four year old girl. They're like, just sign her up for Little League. She'll do great there. See how she pitches. I don't know my daughter's smoking cigarettes and making a lot of complaints.

It's like I don't think she's four. But do you have dreams of being a baby? Not really. I think that I have when I'm like... Before you got here we were talking about a grown man fully living as a baby in Thailand now. Sounds pretty good, right? I just- So does that mean, I'm sorry, but just since I'm new to this conversation, does that mean like you get to be like in a crib

and then you get to be strolled around? All the things you think is what it means. Bottle fed? Yeah, in a crib, yeah. And somebody else is doing this? Changing your diapers, yeah. That's amazing. I would want to do that, are you kidding?

I think you're delusional by thinking that that's not something that literally every person would be like, yes. I feel like a kink. But I would still want breaks. Like I would want to maybe be a baby on like the weekends or on weekdays, but I would need time to be like kind of a boss bitch again, just for a little bit. And then when I need a break, I'm like, can someone just hold me and like pet my hair

and feed me? That part I'm into. The being doted on is I'm a hundred percent in, but the whole like me, you know, drinking. Maybe I, you know, I don't want to have to get into character. Like I don't want to have to be like, I want to be able to like use my real voice and like form full settings. Yeah, is that the other thing? Can I, I'm a baby, I can't speak, right? It's well, it's probably in baby talk.

Like, can I get wah-wah? Yeah, yeah, ooh, I get to say wah-wah? If you're bored, you just start crying and then everyone around you has to guess why you're crying. Oh, I love that. That's true too. I love that part.

It's so fun. Who doesn't want that? That's true. I don't feel like, oh, I want to be a baby. What happens with me is like, I'll get dreams That's true too. I love that part. So fun. Who doesn't want that? That sounds kind of nice. That's true. What's wrong? I don't feel like, oh, I want to be a baby. What happens with me is like, I'll get dreams where I'm back in my childhood bedroom

and I'm like organizing and playing with my toys, like exactly as they were. And like, that particularly comes up when I'm like having a lot of anxiety or stress. And then I wake up and I'm like so upset that that's not real. So that's your like your safe place. Yes, playing with my toys in my bedroom is like.

Alone? Yes. I never have sweet dreams like that. Yeah, my dreams are always like so scary. When you're 80, what is the dream you'll come back to that will bring you joy and peace and think, okay, that was a life well lived. Playing catch with my dad.

Oh. Probably Little League. Yeah, that stuff's great. I think about that sometimes. And she's like, yeah, that was the best. Winning the game and then all the kids get dominoes. Now I get why you're watching these Little League games. I know it's nostalgic.

Yeah. And this team sports, I really miss being on a team and like traveling. The freaking dugout. I mean, that's where I started being funny. I miss just being in a locker room. It was fun. That's so sweet. I miss, that's what I miss about dance class too,

is like just you're working together and having like a community of people. I feel like stand up, you're just, yes, we do get like the opportunity to be around our community more than like other, especially the creative fields, but you're so on your own on that stage. Like I know that is part of why I was drawn to it,

but it's also like a bummer. I don't know, I was recently working with some girls, they're like really high level improvisers and they like tour with like their improv team. And it just feels like they're like partying, not like drugs, but like having so much laughs and fun all the time. I have a confession to make.

You're an improviser? I started taking improv. Nice. That's so cool. Don't tell anyone. Where, UCB? At Groundlings. Nice.

How is it? Because taking those classes as a standup can be hell on earth it's really it's like mixed emotions or part of it is so embarrassing it's so embarrassing because with stand-up it's like you have so much control you get to present yourself in a certain way and in improv you have to just like be fucking embarrassing and be not yourself which is why I wanted to take it just to like, you know, get out of that zone.

Get out of that shell. That's good. How are the other people though? I feel like that makes it hard because they're always like young and lame. Yeah, so that is true. That is true. But it did inspire me to like, OK, once I get out of this beginner class, then I'll go to intermediate, then I'll go to advanced. So it like you have to kind of suffer

through that beginning phase. I don't know, it still is fun, because you're just like, these people are so just happy and like unaware, and I'm like, I gotta be like cool and mysterious. And it's like, they just are like, I'm a fucking weirdo. And I'm like, that's really nice. Yeah, and they have like a fun, it's like theater camp.

Yeah, they're having fun. Meanwhile, I'm like in the's really nice. Yeah, and they have like a fun, it's like theater camp. Meanwhile, I'm like in the corner, like. Well, you've been jaded already. Yeah. You know, they're new, that new excitement, getting together, I mean, God, don't you miss dreams? I mean, dreams are great because they're dreams. So you can be sad and still go, well, one day.

Like I remember being in film school, me and my buddies would watch movies all day and night and just go like, we're gonna do that. You're gonna do that. Do like Coen brother movie and just be like, man, wouldn't it be great to do that? And then you're able to live in the fantasy. And then stuff starts happening that's realistic and real.

And this happiness you thought you were gonna get doesn't show up. And then all of a sudden it's like in standup, I remember like, man, I have a kill to go on the road. Man, to get a paid gig, to be a feature, you know? And then- But maybe that is the hack to, because my mom is, you know, in her own way,

there's a language barrier there. But she always used to say like, she's afraid of having so much that she stops dreaming. Yeah. She's like, I never wanna have having so much that she stops dreaming. Yeah. She's like, I never want to have so much money that I don't have dreams. I never want to be so like content that I stopped dreaming. To what you're saying, I'm like, that is so fun.

When you had like nothing, you were like, oh, that Cohen brother movie, I'm going to be him. Beautiful. The delusion is so fun. Yeah, delusional confidence, just beautiful, hopeless romantic about something you just thought about as a kid. And oh my God, you did too?

And now you get to be with these people and have that fun. Like one of my favorite things to do when I'm on the road, because all of a sudden, then you get the headline and then what happens is you go like, what were his numbers? What was his guarantee? Now all of a sudden I'm like getting cynical and I'm getting about finances.

And I'm thinking like, how much you sow and sow pull last week, you know? And it's like, oh man, I remember the first time I went on the road, I go, this is cool. I get a free meal. For all of you, what's one of your biggest dreams that has actually come to fruition?

And how did you feel when you got there? I did like, I was like, I'm to write down my goals and like a vision board type of thing manifest. And so this is like a couple of years ago, maybe like 2021 or something. And I was like, I want to go on the road, but I want to do it like a musician. Like I want to I want to get like a rental car, like an RV. And I want to go from like city to city and do these kind of like rock star shows. Cause with comedy, it's like,

you're just gone for a weekend in one city and then you're back and then you're gone another weekend. And I was like, I wanna do it in a chunk, like how musicians tour. And then later that year, I got a call to go on the road opening for a musician. So I like literally got to tour like a musician. That's so cool. I was in like a tour bus, I like literally got to tour like a musician. That's so cool.

I was in like a tour bus. I was on the road, like rock star lifestyle. I felt like Justin Bieber. And so that was like one where I was like, well, it like literally came true and even better than. Were you able to appreciate it? At the time, like in real time, you were like, it's happening.

Yeah, it was crazy. I was like, oh, this is so much better than what I wanted to do. Oh, I love this. I was like, oh, this is so much better than what I wanted to do. Oh, I love this. That's so rare. That whole experience was amazing. That is rare. Yeah, that's great.

Because for me, I have to remember the original dream, constantly be reminded of the original dream for me to realize, oh, I'm living it. And it's so easy to just, like you said, what are there? There's always some upward comparison. Do I have to do this press thing? And it's, yeah, you get to a place of like, just shut up, Brent, you get to do this.

Yeah. Yeah, you gotta remind yourself. What about you, Esther? I feel like I clearly dropped out of college in a very non-healthy state of mind and was like, I'm gonna move to LA and pursue my dreams in comedy. And I was just on this trajectory of like,

I just need to achieve my goals and then all my problems will go away. And so I was like filled with all of these mental health issues that I was just shoving down and not caring about because I was just on this path. And then it's like the tale is old this time, like you achieve all your goals and your dreams, right? Like I really wanted to stand out special, I did one.

I really wanted to have my own TV show, I did it. I wanted to star in a sitcom with like cool famous girls. I did it. And it's like, after that, it was the lowest point of my life because I was like, wait a second. I just did all these things and I'm not fixed. I'm not better, I'm not different, I'm still me. And it's like, oh, that's when life

actually really was able to begin for me because I had to do the work and realize how fucking messed up I was, you know? Yeah. Yeah, and I feel like that happens to a lot of creative people. I don't know, you think your dreams are gonna solve you, and they don't.

They don't. And I guess it's just like a good reminder of like those initial dreams, like before you start something where it's like, you know, enjoying the moment that you're in and remembering that because it's like, now I look back at the open mic days. When I was doing open mics, I was like,

I just wanna be out of the open mics and like doing shows. But I'm like, there was something so special about the community, like the little league vibe of the open mics, where it's like, which one are you gonna go? Like, let's all hang out after. And then you bomb. And there's no stakes at all. There's like no stakes, no pressure.

So you laugh at the diner after, you're like, dude, you ate it up there. What are you thinking? I don't know, I just got away from it. I mean, I'm just having all those experiences. Is the more successful you get, the more competitive you get with one another? It depends where your mental health is at.

I mean, I think there are people, you know, who've like done the work, who are content with whatever achievements come their way. And then you have like people who are like careerist mentality, or it's like, it's never enough. And the bar always is gets higher and higher and you just never quite reach it.

When you're up there, everything before being up there is great, or no, horrible. And then once you're up there, you're like, oh, this is why I like this. But yeah, I had the same goals as you. I was like, I'm gonna move to LA. I'm gonna be on NBC.

I was like, I wanna be on a sitcom star. I love these like broad kind of like, I'm gonna be on a sitcom star. I love these like broad kind of like, I'm going to be on NBC. Like my broad dream was I want to live a life where I don't have to wake up at five in the morning for work. Cause I like my lazy mornings. And that was like my broad thing where it's like,

whatever the fuck I'm doing, like early shift is not for me. So I have to like move my life in accordance to that. My dad used to say, a job you fall asleep to a career you wake up for. Wait, say it one more time. It's not clicking. Hold on, say it again.

A job you fall asleep to a career you wake up for. I still, it's really not, everyone had a really big reaction and I'm still not. One more time. A job you fall asleep to. Like you're thinking about it at night maybe. A job is just like, oh you worked, it sucks.

Oh wait, yeah I thought, I don't. I was thinking like you're falling asleep on the job, like it's so boring, like a job you fall asleep to. No, no, a job you fall asleep to, a career you wake up for. And my dad, what he meant was, you do a job, like working at a restaurant or construct, like all the jobs I did, you just want to go to bed. But you don't want to wake up for it.

A career is like that no alarm clock, oh, I get to do it again. I take it home with me. It feels great. And he told me that as a kid. And he was like, look, all you ask of your kids is they go for what they love and they work as hard as they possibly can to get it.

And there's no more proud you should be. So go for what you want. Wow, what a sweet dad. He's amazing. God, my dad's so lame. No, he isn't. I want to hang out with your dad. Yeah, that's the problem.

It's like my dad's the type of dad that you want to hang out with but not be raised by. You're like, oh, he's fun. Too fun. Too fun. Well, my dad is a walking monologue of stories. He was almost a priest, so he's always got, and then a teacher for 40 years.

So he's the real like, sit down, let's have a conversation. You know, that kind of guy. See, my mom always wanted to be a nun, and I'm like, oh, that's who raised me. A nun. A woman who wanted to be a nun. Oh, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, it's like, doesn't fit me. It's not right. You know, the convent seems like a pretty chill place to be a nun. Oh, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, it's like, doesn't fit me. It's not right.

You know, the convent seems like a pretty chill place to be. I wonder if I could do like a year, like a little like- I think you absolutely could. Program, that would be fun. You could scam your way in. I could, yeah. Cause you could just be like, I really want this. Can I stay?

And then you can go, it's not for me. I haven't found God. And then you can leave and you did it. Go to Italy for a year. I know, that backdrop. And after watching, what's the movie with all the priests? I thought you were gonna say the nun. The scary one.

The Conclave. The Conclave, everyone's vaping. I'm like, I can do that. Yeah, lots of sins going on there. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack and hydration sponsor. We're so excited to announce they've teamed up with Thomas Keller, Michelin star chef of the French Laundry on two special edition products, a salted caramel chip protein

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and you're gonna be like what was it text trash 64,000, that's trash to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply, see terms for details. Wait, Brent, what was your experience with wanting dreams to fix your problems and they didn't? What happened? Oh, I had a real breakdown after that. I never wanted to be a standup. So I just, my professor in film school just told me,

you're not good looking enough to be a headshot on a desk and you're not a good enough writer to have a script on a desk. But when you pitch, people listen. I think if you try standup, you get all the things you want. Wow. And so the next day after crying, I went to the Laugh Factory and did my first open mic.

My first open mic was Laugh Factory. It was the only thing I knew to go to. Yeah, me too. And Tony Hinchcliffe was in line with me. That's when I met him. And it was the two of us for three hours waiting for three minutes and I bumped. But I was like, I can't go out like that.

I gotta do it again. And then it got to the place where I did JFL. And then all of a sudden I'm with Bill Lawrence. And then he asked me to star in an NBC sitcom. Because growing up, Mussey TV Thursday was what we did as a family. It was Friends and Seinfeld, Frasier. And then I was like, wow, I'm actually doing this.

And then I remember Jamie Masada told me that I should quit standup. Like my first year he goes, but it's not for you, you're not good. What? Yeah, he said, this is not for you. That's the owner of the Laugh Factory. Cut to seven years later, I have undateable billboards and my name on the marquee at the

Laugh Factory. And I'll never forget it because I'm going to walk from the factory to the Comedy Store because I had a spot there too. And he goes, but do you like the next Richard Pryor? You're like George Carlin. And I was like, you told me never to do this. And I told him that. Brent is the first person to get me into the comedy store. That's right. Yeah, underage. Yeah. Whoop, whoop.

Wasn't trying to smash or anything nefarious. No, no. He just helped me out. Yeah, your sister was an intern, I think. Yeah, at Conan. At Conan. And she asked me, I said, yeah, sure. She wants to be a comic.

I said, don't buy a drink, but here, sit. And then now you surpassed me. So that's great. What did it feel like when you finally did see those billboards? Well, that was the thing. I'll never forget the walk because it was, it was just a really ridiculous time. I was walking from the laugh factory and I see my name and then I'm walking down and I see an undateable billboard.

I keep walking down. I see another undateable billboard. I keep walking down, I see another undateable billboard with my face on it. Then I see the comedy store has my name on it and then security goes, did you see? And I go, yeah, that's crazy. They go, no, did you see? Down there, they put up your Netflix billboard.

And so then I walked down my Netflix billboard, it says, I'm Brent Moran. And it was a crazy time and I went to take a picture of it and I didn't get that feeling of, that I thought I'd get. I just kind of felt like, I felt like an imposter. I felt like this is maybe, oh fuck, I'm still sad. Like for a second and then these club girls bumped into me when I was taking a photo

of Brett Moore and Billboard, and they go, watch it. And I went, sorry. And they go, fucking weirdo, right? And I just started laughing, because I was like, okay, you're still you. Just be you, all right? This is a good thing. But then you start thinking like,

man, I haven't called my friend in three years because I've just been doing 50 shows a month and working at this. Like you realize, man, I haven't called my friend in three years because I've just been doing 50 shows a month and working at this. Like you realize, fuck, I really, I don't have a relationship. I'm not talking to my cousin. I haven't called my parents. I'm like, I really just, I figured,

oh, if I get all these things and that I can build confidence off my career, it will validate me. And then that validation will give me the confidence I never had. And then I realized in that moment, no, you just selfishly went for something and you never took time to look at you.

So I kinda, after that, like more recently, I really, cause after that, I ended up doing a sitcom with Dennis Quaid. And so now I'm working with a movie star and they're giving me free reign and I'm staying at his house and I'm like walking around and talking, seeing all the movies I saw of my dad and then I'm just sitting talking to him and I'm going like, do you hear me fucking sad? Like this is like, you know, and at that time I had a drug problem because of course, why not?

Be a cliche. So I was just, I was miserable with a smile. And then I realized, and I got the love of my life. Like right after that, I wanted to, my dream girl was a Keira Knightley meets Natalie Portman. And she did look just like that. So me. So I was getting all these things and not appreciating it. It's back to like the appreciation thing.

I need to figure out what's gonna make me happy. And I realized like, oh, happiness shifts and changes every five years, one year, two years, three years. Like it depends on where you are on your journey in life. And you gotta let yourself enjoy shit, but you also have to let yourself forgive yourself. Like with stuff you've done. Okay. I had one foot in the past and one foot in the future. You got to live in the present. Be fucking present.

I'm wondering if like either of you guys, any of you relate to like, for me, I think a lot of it comes down to, I didn't feel worthy of love unless I had like these external validations. So it was like, I couldn't even like face friends or family, like until I felt like I was deserving of it. And that meant like a, you know, certain level of success in my career. So it's like the thing you said of like,

not talking to people, for me, that was a part of, it was like all from this insecurity. It's like, oh, why would you, why would they even wanna talk to me if I'm not like on a show or like, yeah. And that's something that I still struggle with. Like it's just, it's what, yeah, like self-love or-

I thought I was like, I can never be in a real relationship until I'm a TV star. Yeah. Like I really felt like, cause I used to say, I deserve to die alone. Like, I'm not kidding. I had, I found out later that I had just, you know,

it's a family business, clinical depression. You know, I didn't know my dad was in suicide rehab when my mom was pregnant with me. My little brother took his life. Like, I mean, there's just, it's also a genetic coding. Definitely genetic. And your dad has had like a good amount of time under his belt, right?

Yeah, and I learned it from him. Like he always taught from mistakes, not rewards. And he says, you really gotta come to terms with you. It's all your fault. Everything is your fault. Like just know that even if it's not your fault, why'd you put yourself in that situation? Why'd you do this?

You can only grow if you do that. Like take responsibility. Yeah. And it's so easy to go, well, I'm like this because of this. And it's like, okay, you know you're like that because of that. So now it's your turn to fix that.

But you know, an ex used this against me once and I really believed it. And I feel like this is what he used to say. The sentence he used to say was, no one did nothing to no one. Anytime I would feel really devastated or hurt by something he did, he ended up cheating. And he ended up like punching me

like square in the face a couple of times. But his thing was always, no one did nothing to no one. Like take responsibility for like your side of things. I'm like, bro, you just beat the shit out of me. Like where's my responsibility there? And literally like, I do believe that, but there are just some evil forces out there. Yeah, true.

But then I guess to that extent, it's like, okay, now like my responsibility is getting out of this. And I did, yeah, that's my responsibility is getting out of this. And I did, yeah. That's my responsibility, but yeah. That really pisses me off. But yeah, like I've had friends who aren't with us anymore that I would try to help, you know, whether it was booze or drugs or something.

And they had the same theme. They were always the victim and it was never their fault. Like, and if you do that, you can't, you know, clean yourself up. But I, you know, victim mentality I recently learned from the wonderful Dr. Romany is a kind of narcissism. Yes, it is. Yeah. Trauma narcissism.

Right. So to always make it about them and to blame the external world for all of their, it's probably for me the worst kind of narcissism. Yeah, and it's exhausting. Cause I have a friend who I recently, you know, I'm not a doctor, but he just, he doesn't have any like huge things, but he's always in some,

and he'll call me and go, why is the world against me? And I was like, the world isn't against you, dude. You got messed up, went to this party and you missed your kid's soccer game. Okay? Like it's not your kid's fault. It's your fault. And then he's like, God, even you're mean to me. Why is everybody mean to me? And then I'll hang up. And then I looked it up. He had a horrible childhood and I looked it up and I found trauma narcissism. and I was like, oh, aw. That sucks. But I'm over that shit.

I am so over being an over-understander of people's traumas. Like, we're 40. Like, get your shit together. Like, I'm not going to sit here and be like, well, this happened to this person. And it's like, no, that's okay. Like, I'd rather not take that on. But get your shit together.

Exactly. And that's where I've gotten recently because not to bring my dad up again, but he said, I think it was right after my brother passed. He was talking to me, he says, can you do me a favor? And I said, yeah. And he goes, be selfish. Oh.

And he goes, I want you to be selfish. Can we get your dad on the pod? Yeah. Can he mentor me? He was on the camera, but he was like, cause I'd been helping people out with money, been helping people out here, trying to get my other friend who's no longer with us

in rehab and then this and doing that and doing this. And I fucking look up and I'm like, oh man, I stopped doing things for me. Part of that is my dad's fault because I looked at his life, his whole life was about others. And I'm thinking only about me. I literally have a billboard that says, I'm Brent Moran.

I think I'm doing this shit wrong. I kind of over-corrected, because the next thing you know, I'm paying somebody's rent or I'm doing this and this, or trying to canceling a date so I could go help my friend get off the bathroom floor. And it's like, no, my dad was just like, after my brother, a lot with him that I was dealing with.

And I- It tends to be like a pretty common pattern too, especially when you're having your own like internal turmoil to go outside of yourself and help as many people because it takes you out of like your own misery. And that's the pattern that I found with myself. Like why is it like, why did I just foster like 19 dogs

in the last 10 months? Yeah. And three ravens. And my therapist was like, oh, and ravens. Yeah, cause I didn't wanna deal with my stuff. Do you live in a castle? I do live in a castle. That's great. But she was like, you don't wanna deal with it.

It's like too hard for you to deal with. So all of this like external, like things you're doing that are so like kind and wonderful really have nothing to do with. So all of this like external like things you're doing that are so like kind and wonderful really have nothing to do with a raven. There's everything to do with you not wanting to like, it's like covering up some kind of shit I don't wanna deal with about my own misery. Your friends are taking advantage of you

in the sense that your emotional time, they're hijacking your emotional time to learn about you. You gotta fucking work on this shit. Like I can't deal with you calling me every day, talking about your problems as if I'm a licensed therapist. Go to a therapist, okay? And leave me alone, I got my own shit. See, that's where I can claim full responsibility

from where I have fucked up in my life. It's like literally like loving the role of the phone rings and then all their problems are dumped on me. Like I literally was sat, I was ready. Like I just lived for that. I don't know why. I think it was escaping my own life. And then that would just lead to the entanglements from there.

No one can sit out, can stand out here and be like, I'm the victim always. Exactly. Not gonna mention his name or anything. He's a great friend of mine. This is a friend I was talking about who's with the trauma narcissism. The last two girlfriends he's had,

he's been in court and getting restraining orders. So, and I told him, I said, bud, love a TRO. When are you gonna blame yourself? You know, I just got so fed up with him. I was like, buddy, you've been in court. They know your name at court. Like they know you. They're like, hey, you're back. What's crazy is you're absolutely wasting your breath. You have no chance. Like someone

who is so deep in their narcissism is not ever willing to, they're not even hearing what you're saying. They're gonna take what you say and always, while God, Brent really wasn't for, you know. He says, you're mean to me. Exactly. That's what he says to me. It's another reason for that. That's one of my best friends, I love him.

But I mean, I will say that it is, it's great entertainment for my parents because what I do after my brother passed is my job is levity. So I call them every day. And between this friend and then I got another friend who's dating a girl 22 years younger. He's having a midlife crisis and it's shocker, not working.

And it's just like my mom's favorite reality show. So glass half full, I get to go, my mom is like, so what is going on with them? Okay, you ready? Here's an episode. So this is what- Oh my God, moms love gossip. So this is what- Oh my God, mom's love gossip. Mom's love gossip.

Mom's best tea. Oh my gosh. Yes, then the follow-up emails, like she's in some fan fiction blog. She's going, I thought about that. Ooh, what if he does this? Wouldn't that be interesting? I go, my God, it's like a TV show.

It's like watching the OC. But are you like someone who follows up and actually gives her the details that we want? Because I can't stand someone who gives me like, oh yeah, you know, so and so are getting divorced. I'm like, okay, and why? And tell me more. And it's like, no, I don't know.

I didn't ask. Like, why the fuck didn't you ask? I need A to Z. I need the TRO report. I need to know what the judge said. Does anyone else's mom like love when bad things happen? Like my mom like is obsessed with anyone who's died in the neighborhood.

That's all she reports to me. She loves when someone's died. Did you know? Yeah. Did you know that this baby, you know, it's always bad. It's always so grim with Maritess. My mom's whole TikTok feed is just sick and dying babies. Oh my God.

I'm like, how did you get here? Yeah. The whole algorithm. What is this? The whole algorithm. What is this? It's twisted. So scary. Just second, yeah, my mom, she's going to get flagged.

She just goes, I have a feeling the government's going to come and get me because I just looked at what I Google and it was dark. Oh my god. She's watching all these British spy shows and she's watching all these serial killer documentaries. So her whole Google is, how do you make a bomb? Like all this crazy shit, cause she's just trying to get information.

I go, mom, you're talking about bombs, terrorism, espionage and serial killers. And that's all you're looking up. And then underneath that will be like Kim Kardashian. Throw them off the scent. Yeah, throw them off the scent. I go, mom, you are, ice is gonna get you. Which is hysterical cause because my mom's a Republican

and she was born in Panama City. And so she's all- They could mistaken her for a Panamanian. And that's what I'm kinda- Is that what they're called, Panamanian? I'm kinda hoping for it. I think I would hate it and I'd go to the end of the earth to fight to get her back.

Me and my older brother like, it would be so funny because the way she's been supporting Trump and this ice shit. And then I'm like, it would be so funny, because the way she's been supporting Trump in this ice shit, and then I'm like, if mom got taken, I go, wow, I didn't know you were a drug dealer criminal or all the other things you said. I would, it's dark, but that would be really funny. There should be a program.

You know how some parents send their kids to wilderness if they're being naughty? There should be a program to send like a Republican parent to like alligator Alcatraz for a week. Yeah. But unbeknownst to them, like they genuinely, like everyone's acting like, no, you are illegal. You're bad.

No, my friends. Just to get a little taste. What really sucks about that is my, the same buddy who's in court a lot. I gotta meet this guy. He's got a beautiful, beautiful kid. I love his kid. I go to all the soccer games, right?

Is this the guy with the TRO? Whatever training order? It is. And his baby mama is El Salvadorian. She's awesome, but if she's mad at me, I'm always like, ugh. Where are you, Brent? You're supposed to be at the game, because I'm Uncle Brent.

And I go to the game, love the game. Kit can't play soccer, because three of the kids were taken, and the families were taken. And it's like, and I go, and he goes, yeah, my friend is gone, and we don't know where he is. And I'm like, so shit like that pisses me off. Where I'm like, Kit can't even play soccer in the summer, because they can't field a team,

and now they have the games and all the games are getting canceled because players aren't showing up with their parents because they're scared ice will grab them. Just in case it's not abundantly clear, this podcast wants to say, fuck ice. It's horrible. They're ruining our community and our country.

And it's like, they're not getting rid of criminals. They're just like randomly picking at random. And it's like, they're not getting rid of criminals. They're just like randomly picking at people. And it's fully giving Holocaust. I just learned that these ICE agents were police academy dropouts. So they're extra thirsty for action. And so these guys like that come in masks, these fucking losers who are coming with unmarked vehicles,

they're fucking losers. They were dropouts that never even fucking made the academy. That are looking- Some of them are like bounty hunters. Dude, fuck these fucking monsters. I hate them. If I were to ever see one, because I'm from Pasadena, Altadena,

and that's like a largely brown community, and they've been cracking down. If I were to fucking see one, I'm putting my body on the line. I hate those pussies. Yeah, you've been punched before. That's where we stand on trash. And you're ruining a kid's soccer game.

Yeah, they're ruining families. It was a lot of fun to go, actually. I enjoyed it. It was cathartic. It's like, you know, I wake up on Saturday, I've been doing shows all night. My buddy is hitting me up. He goes, hey, you going to the game?

And I'm like, God, it's not on my kid. But then at the same time, I'm like, Saturday, I've been doing shows all night. My buddy is hitting me up. He goes, hey, you going to the game? And I'm like, God, I, you know, it's not my kid. But then at the same time, I'm like, yeah, just go. And then I go and I get there and I know the grandpas and I know the, I'm trying to learn Spanish and I'm playing with the kids afterward and they're all cool kids. Like some of these kids are funny as hell and they're gone. And now the team's done.

I'm sure those little kids were criminals. It's like what the fuck? Yeah, of course they were. And also all the parents are criminals. And imagine loving your kids so bad that you've risked your life crossing a border to a country where you probably don't speak the language. God, you must be such a criminal.

Oh, yeah. And he can't have sleepovers with his friends because another friend got taken. We went to Gaikaku and I go, where's your buddy Simon? I'm sorry to stop you there. Gaikaku, bad choice. Oh, I know,? I'm sorry to stop you there, Gaikaku bad choice. Oh, I know, but it's fun. He likes to play with the flames.

So, and it's cheap, it's cheap meat. So. No, that's the thing, it's expensive. It's expensive. Well, it gets away from you. Definitely gets away from you. Cause you go more. And the next thing you know, you go,

how did I just spend $180 at Gaikaku? We didn't even get alcohol. We just like Gaikaku. The OG, you know how you go, how did I just spend $180 at Gayukaku? We didn't even get alcohol. I just like saying Gayukaku. The OG, you know how there's a Korean barbecue, but it's like Japanese barbecue, similar concept. But I always thought it to be like extremely overpriced for meat that was like subpar when you could go to like K-Town or all these other better like, you know,

barbecue experience. But you get to cook your own meat. So it's exciting. I want someone to cook my meat. I want my meat cooked. Don't put me to work. Yeah. And you know, you know who I miss? I miss high Esther sometimes.

Why? Because the last time we went to a Korean barbecue. Oh yeah. You were so high. You were staring at a piece of beef for like 30 minutes. You don't get high anymore? No, after I had my baby, I don't do anything. Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah. Because it's not about you anymore. Yeah. And I just was like, I never wanted to be taking care of my kid and thinking like, I can't wait till I'm high. Yeah, that's good. And I also was like, oh, I'm responsible for like a human's life.

And if something goes wrong, like I have to be at my best self at the drop of any hat. Yeah. It's my dad always said, it's not about me anymore. Once you kids came, it's about you. I had of any hat. Yeah, it's my dad always said, it's not about me anymore. Once you kids came, it's about you. I had a good run.

So he quit everything and he's just like, no, it's about you guys now. But it had some benefits that it helped me like relax and like learn how to have a little bit of fun. I mean, it was fun. I got stoned last night and went and saw Superman. It's one of my favorite things to do. Just take an edible over order and then just fucking watch.

I mean, it's a silly movie, but man, I was just flying. And that dog was flying, I'm like, whoa. Like, I was just, and then I'm thinking, man, I really want another hot dog, but I'll have a heart attack, I think. I'm getting that age. God, I love movie theater hot dogs. They're my favorite.

It's just once I walk in and you smell the popcorn and everything, you go, I guess I'm getting it all. Yes. That's me and Rick Glassman's favorite thing. I do have a confession. The last two days in a row, a little treat to myself since I've been having a difficult year. I went to Ikea just to have me this,

not the eight, not the 12, but the 16 meatball. Wait, are you serious? Honestly, underrated. Two days in a row. Underrated. Why are we in Ikea? Just to eat. Wow.

Just for the meatballs. Were they good? I think I'm trying to figure out if they are objectively good or if I just liked the nostalgia of being in a cafeteria and being served slop and being served the peas with the gravy. And I don't know what it is, but boy, what a treat.

I love a machine meal. I figured it out. I never work on Sunday. It's the Lord's day. I'm not religious, but I call it the Lord's day. It's day rest. So I get excited. I'm like, oh, we got the games going on.

You know what I really want? I want a corporate pizza. My buddies are like, ah, dude, come on, we'll get Joe's, we'll get this, we'll get that. I go, no, no, I know they're better, but a corporate pie. Like Domino's? Yeah. I love Domino's.

I mean, it's just nostalgic. I love Domino's. Oh, that's nostalgia. Papa John's. But that's like a full visceral. Papa John's ain't bad. What's your that's like a full visceral. Papa John's? What? Papa John's ain't bad. What's your fucking deal over there?

Because the butter sauce? I haven't, I, well. Whoa. What? He's like. I mean, I'm just. But that was such a reaction. I don't think I've had Papa John's, so I can't even say.

But I just like, I love Domino's. But the face you made was like, you knew it. And like, it was lesser. It just sounds like Papa John's. I think Papa you made was like you knew it and like it was lesser. It just sounds like Papa John. I think Papa John was like just generally canceled. Why? Yeah, you had a push bag. What?

He just said fuck ice and you're like Papa John. Well, I don't know. I don't, okay, he's a big. He was like a big trumper. Unfortunately, I will put my money in the hands of people that I don't respect or. Me too, Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A.

I'm like sorry. Yeah. Chick-fil-A cop salad'm like, sorry, I can only- Chick-fil-A cop salad for life. It's so good. Get the apple cider vinegar dressing. Oh yeah. Little Caesar's upgraded their menu. I love a Little Caesar's as well.

I just remember getting that $5 pizza that's been there all day. That saved me in college, is Little Caesar's. Exactly. When I had no money, living in Van Nuys, and there's a Little Caesar's there, we would just, boom, let's go to Little Caesar's, we'll grab a pie.

There is a concession food though that none of you guys have brought up yet. And I'm like really just confused because it would be my number one choice. Obviously popcorn would be number one. But like when you get to like the food portion, the fucking tray of nachos and cheese dip. Yes, I love a nacho cheese dip.

I'm just drinking that cheese dip. Take, I love a nacho cheese dip. I'm just drinking that cheese dip. Take away those tortilla chips. I'm dipping my finger in that dip. I love when there's leftover cheese at the end of the chips and I can just kind of suck it down. You know, you take the edges. I wanna open, there's a little, there's like a little tobacco shop by where I live

and it's just like a small little building and I want it to go out of business so bad because I wanna open a snack, I wanna open a snack shop. Like a snack shack. A snack shack. I wanna open a snack shack. That's not a bad concept. Where you just have some boiling,

like those little crock pot type of things. Yeah. I wanna sell nachos, I wanna sell hot dogs, I wanna sell slushies and that's it. Like just get teens to work there, very simple. You could just pull over, grab a little snack for the road. That's kind of brilliant. Yeah, because that's Little Leek.

That's my dream. Let's call back to Little Leek. The snack shacks. Yeah, I want the snack part. You got the kids working the snack shack, and then you're like, dad, dad, dad, can I get Sour Patch Kids? Yeah.

You get home run, you get Sour Patch Kids. There's no store like that, where you can just buy like a little roadside nacho. Walk up to a window. Yes, a little slice of a tombstone pizza. Wait, what about 7-Eleven? Yeah, I was like, what? But 7-Eleven is different, they have so many things.

It's so many things happening in there now. This is like a drive up, walk up. It's just a snack shop. Plus I'll end up just buying five zins and then, you know, and a hot dog, then just shit my pants. But you're not wrong. I will say like, 7-Elevens are obviously not built equal.

Yeah. Like they are so different depending on where you go. And I gotta say California ones are one of my least favorite ones. Some of them don't have Slurpees. I realize why I get all the treats if I go to a movie and I tell myself, just get a big water and watch the damn movie.

But it's like, I can't do that. I gotta get the popcorn. I get the sour patch. And I realized, I don't know if it's the same for you guys, but we never had the money to be getting things. Like McDonald's was a celebration. You know, it'd be like, we get to go to McDonald's. You know, and like on Domino's, if I had a sleepover,

you could get it. And that was it. So now it's like, I can do it myself. It's childhood trauma for me still to be in the silent movie theater and then just hear my dad go, the can that he brought from home, opening and everyone, it's like so humiliating. We always snuck in our own.

It was so bad. Oh yeah. But I feel like that never goes away. Like the sneaking things in now is fun for me. Oh, I snuck in our own. It was so bad. Oh yeah. But I feel like that never goes away. Like the sneaking things in now is fun for me. Oh, I snuck in candy yesterday. Last time I went with Gene Hong to watch a movie at Universal and we snuck in Froyo. Oh, right.

Right across from Menchie's across. And it's like, who sneaks in Froyo? We did. And it was great. You know, it's kind of a game changer sneaking in Chipotle to a movie. Having like a full damn meal at the movie. Like a whole roasted chicken.

Rick Laspin once, we got stoned and we go to the Galleria and we went to go see a movie and he went and he was like, I really want Fuddruckers and I wanna bring it into the movie. So he went to Fuddruckers, got Fuddruckers and then he went to the, there was a furniture store there, Urban Home, and he asked for a box.

He just walked in with this box. He's like, I bought a lamp, and they just let him in because it's part of the mall. And then he set up his whole thing, opened the box. He had the fries, he had multiple dips, he had the whole thing. And I was like, bravo, my man. That was a good mood.

Wait, this is a really weird question. Has anyone here ever had a McDonald's snack wrap? I was hoping we were gonna go back to the McDonald's conversation because I wanted to discuss how good the breakfast is. The pancakes from McDonald's and the butter and the syrup are so good. Some of my favorite pancakes in the world.

And the hash browns. They're so good. And the sausage patty. It really is. The snack wrap, I've never had a snack wrap. It's brand new, right? But my sisters love the snack wrap. I don't think it is new.

I feel like it's been around. No, it's been around. Really? Yeah, it was kind of seasonal. Yeah, I don't know. Or they just stopped doing it. To me, it feels like this menu item where no one I know has had it.

Yeah. And I'm like, what's the deal? What is it? No, my sisters have been discussing the return of the snack wrap. They love the snack wrap. It's like a tortilla with a fried chicken piece, like a tender.

Some lettuce. Lettuce and cheese. I think it sounds good. Yeah, I know, but I'm like, what is it? I'm like, it's like giving Taco Bell. It's giving me a taco. No, no, no, no, a wrap is. It's a wrap.

Yeah, it's a wrap. It's a wrap, it's a chicken wrap. It's lettuce, cheese, and a tortilla. You guys are looking at me like I'm crazy when you say Taco Bell. I mean, I guess a chicken soft taco. Yeah, similar. It looks like a Caesar wrap or any sort of wrap.

Yeah, okay. I love this. You never had it. Most angry I've seen Esther. No, have you had it? I haven't had it, but I just had a Popeyes snack wrap the other night.

Let you down? It was a little bit too much of the like mayo-y sauce. Like it was a little bit too wet. Which normally I like, but because it wasn't packed with the other ingredients, it felt like the mayo-y sauce was too much of the main ingredient. When ratios are off,

it's ratios and how it's packed. And the layering of it all, because I think the reason that I get, my favorite breakfast burrito is Lucky Boy and Pasadena. And while there's nothing fancy about it, it's hash brown, egg, bacon, just the very basics, but it's how they wrap it. It is not messy, it is a huge burrito and not a

thing. You can walk away with clean hands. It's easy to hold, easy to dip. It doesn't fall apart and it makes the whole experience just perfect for me. Los Feliz Cafe has a great breakfast burrito. What is up with that? What? Okay. I love this. What is up with that? She's been very passionate love this. What is up with that? What? She's been very passionate on food. There's two places in LA that I've like always looked at as like so mid, it's Los Feliz Cafe and Dialogue Cafe. Okay, dialogue I agree.

Dialogue is so mid. Dialogue I agree. Yes, it is mid. And then all of a sudden TikTok has blown both of those spots up. I don't understand. Where all the young people are like, this is the best, and there's a line.

I'm like, is it really that good? I've been going to Los. I think they're bots. I think someone is like trying to figure out the algorithm for dialogue. I can track it. I can track it. You know what happened?

I don't know about dialogue, but yeah, like dialogue, I used to go there and I was like, this food sucks. And then suddenly I would hear people be like, it's amazing. And I'm like, this is crazy. There's a bunch of white kids saying, it's the bomb. Yeah. But Los Feliz Cafe, when I was babysitting this family,

they would like get Los Feliz Cafe and they would give me a burrito. And I was like, this is the most amazing breakfast burrito I've ever had. The rest of the food there is fine. Whatever. I love the breakfast burrito from Los. It's just it's packed. It's dense. It's heavy. It's so good and tastes delicious. It's greasy. It's yummy. It's perfect. But I will say Jake Shane recently did a video talking about it and I think that's why people

are now going there and talking about it. But it's had like TikTok buzz for a few years. Oh, okay. Yeah. Now do you think those places, somebody who obviously is not good at social media, like Bobby Fisher of social media just disappeared. Do you think that they're getting paid to do that?

Maybe, I think for some things, yeah, people will get paid. Cause it's kind of a good move if you're like, you know, one of those cafes and you're like, let's just throw them like five grand to promote this shit. Yeah, I think so. But I will say the burrito like stand, it holds up. Whether they were paid or not to mention it, like I've, oh, I'm gonna get it on the way home.

It's so good. We haven't had the lucky boy one in Pasadena. Now I wanna go there. Yeah, now you kind of- Guys, I've been going to this place since- Sound great. Like the second day I landed in America, it has not changed.

It is just as good. And I'll tell you how to do it. There's a specific way to eat it. So you have to get the ranch, you have to way to eat it. So you have to get the ranch, you have to get the red sauce, and you have to get ketchup. And you have each bite, you have to alternate. Love it.

The sauces, okay? And it gives you the whole experience. Let me know what you think. Please, everyone go there. It's my most favorite spot. Go to the one on Arroyo, not the second one. Arroyo is the OG, legitimate like place. When did you come here?

1998. Wow, and come here? 1998. Wow, and they're still open, so they gotta be good. That's credibility right there. The only thing that concerns me is your palette from just moving here and being like amazed by America and maybe that place having like a tie. Okay, so try it and let me know if it's my nostalgia or if it is legitimately like good.

I would like to throw my hat in the ring for the breakfast burrito race. Yeah. Okay. There's a place that I discovered when I was pregnant. It's on Postmates. I think it's a ghost kitchen. I know that's a red flag, but trust me, it's not. It's called Wake and Late.

Oh yeah. What? What? What? What? Let me just go through- You two aren't friends anymore. I'm trying to- Between Papa John's and Burrito's? Let me just go through. You two aren't friends anymore. I'm trying to, let me go through my.

Between Papa John's and Burrito's. Let me go through my Uber history because I think I got it once and I'm trying, I need to remember if I actually feel a certain way about this. It's perfect, they offer every kind of customization you could ask for. It's, you know, for me I'm getting bacon, egg.

Waking late is a, I went in person. Oh, I didn't. So it's not a ghost kitchen. No, they're outdoor. Let me just make sure I'm getting this right. But like it's wrapped perfectly in foil and then put in a little box. It's almost like the sugar fish of breakfast burritos.

Cause you know how sugar fish like transports so well. It's so hot and fresh. Like interesting. So many customization options. That's a good plus. Not huge, which I think is- Two other places for breakfast burritos. Since we're going down this rabbit hole.

Surprisingly, Kofax- Oh yeah, of course. Is pretty good. I do know. Just this bar cake, you know what? No. For being small. The energy has shifted now to you.

You have strong opinions. Let me give you my second one. Kofax is obviously good. I think it's called the one in Burbank, is it called like cottage or something like that? If only we could learn how to make our own breakfast burrito perfectly at home. That's my goal in 2027.

I've been cooking recently. Okay. What are you cooking? Starting with the basics, but I've been trying to find a hobby, something to just distract my anxiety. And I find cooking to be, maybe it's because I've watched the bear in its entirety,

but I just recently watched it because I'm petty and I was up for the cousin role and I thought I was gonna get that thing and then it takes me time. I mean, if you're better than I would be in it, then I'm good and he is. So I was like, all right, that dude is perfect casting. I loved him even for how shitty,

how awful his character was on girls. Oh yeah, that's right, he did Girls. Yeah, Cousin is one of my favorite character on the show. Oh man, broke my heart, loved him, loved his arc. Yeah. But I binged that thing, and next thing you know, I go to Trader Joe's and I'm getting ingredients and I'm just, I'm gonna try to make my own pasta

from scratch. How do I do that? Go to YouTube. And then I started doing it. And then I realized I don't have a pasta maker. I just have a piece of bread here. We'll make a pizza. And then I made a pizza and I went just horrible. It was so rich. I got crazy. You know what? I made a like a trashy pizza. We get, you know, like marinara sauce, a little English muffin, but get some little pepperonis, little cheese,

put it in the toaster oven and then you got a little mini personal pizza. God, I love my similar to that. I have this poor man's dip and it's really just like the shittiest chili you'll ever. So it's you get like sort of a plate that has some depth to it. And you take a whole tub of cream cheese and then you get a whole can of Hormel chili, put it on top and then shredded cheese,

stick it in the microwave, get the cheapest nachos you find. And oh my God, this is all, this was my thing. This was my trashy pizza. I love that. That'sy pizza. I love that. That's nap time, I love that. Mixing sour cream with salsa. Yes.

Did you not get a sunburn in Hawaii? No, because I was so, I was so conscientious. Nice, Priya. Yes, I had to do it very slow. And conscience, concha, cosh. Yeah, I was to do it very slow and conscience, conscious, cauch. Yeah, I was all the serious. Yeah, and I knew I was like, I know that left to my own devices,

I'm going to ruin this trip for myself if I don't lather up. And so I really, yeah, I was very careful. I got a nice tan. I got some color. I wasn't red. But during COVID at the the beginning of lockdown, I was at my mom's house and treating it like COVID Coachella. I was just listening to music in the backyard, laying out, and I was not wearing any sunscreen,

and my skin truly turned purple. It was beyond red. I felt like a chicken in the oven cooking. My skin, I was like, oh, I should have put on a marinade because I felt like a chicken, like in the oven, like cooking, like my skin, I was like, oh, I should have like put on a marinade because I felt like I was truly like starting to cook, like sizzle. And I was like, I'm gonna get cancer.

I will get cancer. Yeah, in ninth grade, when we went back to Mesquamah kid, it was like our last trip. I was like, all right. Me and my cousin were like, all right, we failed. We failed for three years. We never found summer love. We're not bleaching our hair this time.

All right, no shaved heads, no puka shells, we're done. Like I went through the whole list the night before. I go, we'll do some pushups. I said, and you need to make sure I put sunblock on and I'm not dealing with your homophobia, you are putting it on my back because I have dealt with way too many people laughing at me because my back is just red. So anyway, does it, still I get bright red.

Some college girls were walking by and this one, I was fearless, I just went, hey, what's your name? And she looked at me and went, Jesus, did you just hold your breath for like five minutes? And walked away and I was like, God, that's such a good burn. And when I went, it's not working. Okay, we cannot be at the beach. There is an extra ick to all of this.

And it's even worse than the sunburn. It's the guy who asks me to put sunscreen on his back. Someone has done that to you? Well, it's like, even if you're part of my friend group but we're not that close, like, I'm not the girl to ask. Like, no, thank you, sir. Please take your top or T-shirt away from me, huh? Is it the hairy back?

I feel disgusted by it. Well, you know what else is in reverse of that, but similar, is when someone's putting lotion on your back and just kind of doing loose fingers. And they don't know how to put under the suit. Under the suit, the lines under the suit is the most important part. When they're getting just very soft hands.

Gross. Yeah, rub it in. I would have killed from sixth grade to ninth grade to have any girl ask me to put some screen on their back. This is so hot though, when I've asked a guy, I'd be like, hey, can you like hook me up? And they know exactly what to do and they get your bikini straps

and they go there underneath the straps first and they cover all of the real estate. I'm like, God, you're, be my husband. You know, see all this conversation. But then they start getting towards the tips. They're like, you don't wanna get burnt nipples. This whole conversation is just reminding me why I stay home. There we go.

But see, this is why I love you. I love you because you know yourself. It's this is why sunburns are an ick. You don't like the sun. You know your pale, beautiful skin and you just don't deal with it. And I don't want you putting it on my back. I don't want you asking me to put it on your back.

It's like, I don't want any part of this. I don't care. Yeah, you have no freckles. Yeah, you know what's interesting about you, Esther? Besides your love for that racist Papa John. But I mean, we know who you are now and that's okay. You live in your white world. I live in my red world.

You know, you, I don't, I guess she's Jewish. She's both of us. And no, but your skin baffles me. Why? Because as a white, I fucking wrinkle. You don't have one wrinkle. Up close I do. That's so nice of you, thank you.

No, I- She doesn't though. You don't. Yeah, you've got a lot of collagen. Yeah. Thank you guys. Up close, it's not, I don't know. And that's because you avoid the sun? Cause- I definitely avoid the sun, but I will say, living in LA is what will be my downfall,

because as much as you try, you're not avoiding it. Like my mom's skin is really good for her age for sure, better than I feel like many, and that's because she does her sunscreen, but she's also not, that California sun, you can't escape it. I have a question. How are your vitamin D levels?

Are you taking supplements? They're always low. I know I'm always supplementing, yeah. Okay. Yeah, cause it's like you and Winona Ryder, just like don't crack, you know? Thank you. I trust me.

It's, I look like a teenager with wrinkles up close. Oh, well, this is the great thing about comedians too. It's impossible for us to take compliments. I'll take any. I love your glasses and your hair. You know what I like about you? You have some poku eyes. What's that?

Wait, no, she doesn't. Yes, she does. She does. Let me see. No, she doesn't. Yes, she does. Her eyeballs float in the middle of the whites. No, that's scary. I don't want her she doesn't. She does. Her eyeballs float in the middle of her, let me see. No, that's scary.

I don't want her to have that. She does. I love it. They are nice eyes. I'll give you that. No, Allie is perfect. She's tall. I have an eye also right now.

And Billie Eilish has some pucca eyes. Yeah. She's tall. She's funny. One time I got- She has big boobs. You do have big boobs. What a sleeper body you have.

I know. I know. It's kind of a secret. It's a fun little secret. And a tiny pussy. It's so small. Don't wake her up. I have no ass, but it's hairless. Do you have a hairless ass?

I have a hairless ass in back. My butt is so hairy. When I went to Hawaii, I actually, I sent a photo to my boyfriend and I was like, do I need to shave the cheek skin on my butt or something? But is it just fuzz or is it like real adult hair? It's like, it's fuzz, but it's dark. It's not white fuzz, it's dark fuzz on my full cheek.

My full body is hairy. You have stubble ass. Yeah. I want to show you. I have any fuzz. It's dark. I'm like, do I need to wax my ass cheeks? The full cheeks?

No. No. I don't even think they offer that. They would. You just gotta wear tighter pants and walk 20,000 steps a day for a month and you'll be hairless. Cause you know when they say cheek

at a Brazilian bikini, it's misleading. It says cheek, but what they really mean is. Hole. Yeah. I love getting my hole waxed. Feels nice. Yeah, that's like the one place I never fear. Yeah, no, I love...

Because that asshole, it's like I feel nothing back there. It's like the cherry on top. I can't wait. I'm just... Let me ask you, this is actually because I got waxed on television, on live television. When I was doing on... Your chest? Yeah, Ed Sheeran waxed me on live television

right on my chest. Okay, I brag. Yeah, after all, God, I miss him. That shit hurts. Yeah. So you guys gotta do that all the time. I have to like mentally prepare for a wax. But I started, I was looking at your legs.

Do you, are you just naturally soft? No, look, I have hair on top. I don't shave up top. Oh. Stop, I don't even listen to her. But then when I do, like, I have hair on top. I don't shave up top. Oh. Stop, yeah. Don't even listen to her. Oh my god. I know, she's relaxing.

See how it has a double hair? Yeah, but your skin is so nice and tan that it blends. Mine's so white that you can see it grow as it's growing. You can see the pore being like, oh. Here's the thing about a Brazilian bikini wax. It is hell on earth. You have to work up weeks worth of courage to even just make the appointment because you know it's gonna be so, so, so bad. It's hell on earth. You have to work up weeks worth of courage to even just make the appointment

because you know it's gonna be so, so, so bad. It's gonna be so, so bad. Like, so bad. But then you get a high afterwards. I think it's like what you get after giving if you give birth without pain meds. Like, you just, you get this, it's like. You're just struttin' around town like,

yeah, I just got my fuckin' pussy destroyed. Right, like instead of a baby, you have like a baby's pussy. And you're like, I got that high. There's a joke, there's a bet. Write it down. I just had my first joke. I mean, well, I'm not putting that into my dirty talk

next time I'm with a girl. I normally like, I'll psych myself up for the waxing appointment. I'll be like, this is gonna be the worst fucking pain of your fucking life. Like, this is gonna be horrible. And then every once in a while, I'll forget to do that. And I'll be like, this is gonna be the worst fucking pain of your fucking life. Like, this is gonna be horrible. And then every once in a while, I'll forget to do that. And I'll be like, okay, wax time.

And then it's even worse. Like when you go in with too much confidence, then you're just shocked into. See, I chose my waxing lady very strategically. And she is in West Hollywood. So the demographic of her clientele is mostly hairy gay men. So I know that what I'm dealing with is nothing for her.

So every time I'm like, hey, Felicia, you know, can I come in? She just never bats, and she's just like, oh yeah, you're the quickest job ever, because all day she's doing like man, what do you call it, manzillions? Manzillions. Yeah, she is waxing big, hairy, coarse-haired men.

So my thing is like, she can do it with her eyes closed like backwards. I think that's what I get as a menzillion. Cause I'm like, of course. Me too, me too. And they're always trying to push the serums on me. I'm like, I'm not doing the serum. Also, I think I scare my waxers because I'm always like,

what a fun job. You just get to stare at like vaginas all day and they're like, what? And I'm like, okay, nevermind. I think that'd be so fun. Congrats to you. You get to watch my pussy for 15 minutes. I feel like that'd be so fun to be a waxer

and see everyone's weird, nasty pussies. And then I come in and they're like, it's so beautiful. Oh, that's great. Yeah. I actually- No one's ever said that. In college, I neared my chest. Nair.

Yeah, that nair shit. Throwback. Wow. Yeah, it was stupid. Cause it's like, I realized, you know, I'm 18, 19. I thought I had too much arm hair. So I neared my arms and I neared my chest. And I looked horrible.

First off, I realized I don't do a lot of chest exercises because I realized, you know what, the hair was your friend. Your hair was helping a little bit of this come in. Now it's just too, you know, goofball. Do you have a sunken chest? Somebody said that to me before, a friend. I'm sorry, it's not a bad thing. I know it's just I will be honest.

I'm not gay, but I appreciate, you know, like I will sit around with Rick Glassman and we we talk way too much about male bodies and we'll just be like, look how hot that guy's chest is. Like that is a good chest. Hot chest is a real thing. But I've never been able to get that thing like that. I just realized like I'm like Chuck Liddell. It's just gonna be flat.

Another throwback. How you doing, Chuckie? We love you. Well, the point is I nared everything and that's the end of the story. Clip that. The smell of Nair is very nostalgic for me. That like really toxic depilatory creams.

Love them. My friend put Nair in one of my buddy's shampoos. Oh no. That's a crime. That should be a crime. That's a felony, right? That's so fast. I mean, we were in high school doing dumb shit

left and right. Also great scam. The greatest scam artist I've ever met in my life. He is so good and he loves the lie. He says, he goes commit to the bit. He would get in the movie theaters. We were in high school or no college. We come back.

We're gonna go to a movie during Christmas time and it's packed. And he goes, we're not waiting in this line to get tickets. He goes, what movie do you wanna see? So they had the movies and where they were. And I said, I guess that one. And he goes, all right, just follow my lead. And he went over and grabbed napkins

and walked up to the person and just went, napkins. And they went, okay, and let them in. I didn't follow him. And I went, how did you just do that? Then he comes back out. He goes, what the hell? Where are you? I go, what was that? He goes, we're just getting napkins for our food. And we're going in. I feel like this is in your dad's playbook for sure. The greatest con he ever did though, and I'll end with this, is he's at a bachelor party in Vegas, and I guess Manny Pacquiao just had a fight, and they were at a nightclub for this bachelor party where Manny was having the after party of the fight,

and he says, I wanna get up there. So he went over and lied to three security guards that he was a writer for the New York Times to do a piece on Manny. And it worked. And he got into the party, then interviewed the team and Manny. Oh my God. Which of course he never published

because he's not a fucking writer. And Manny Pacquiao sent him a jacket. Whoa. Said thanks for the interview, can't wait. Can't wait to read it. And his fiance at the time goes, what did you do? I don't know, committed to the bit. Sounds like an icon.

I need to build my confidence to be able to do that. Well, he doesn't have a stage, so he does it in life. Because we like shared a crib together. We were like best friend, like longest friend ever. And we were supposed to do standup at the same time. He was gonna do it in Boston, I was gonna do it in LA. And he didn't do it, he chickened out and went, took the business route.

And then I did it. But that's his life now, it's bits. So anytime he's around, oh, he's so good at it too. I've lost my will for in-person bits since I started standup. Like I don't have that energy anymore for in-person stands. I don't wanna be on. Well, there's not a need we get like so much attention.

Yeah. I can't stand to do it for me. We have to. I don't wanna be on. Well, there's not a need we get like so much attention. Yeah. I can't stand to do it for me. We have to go because our studio is, we're about to get kicked out. Okay, sorry. But we love you guys. Thank you for being here. Yay.

Are you guys on tour or anything to promote? I have some shows coming up. You can go to allymikovsky.com slash shows. See me. See her there. And Brent. I'm not on tour because I'm working on a one man play about,

or one man show about me and my brother. Oh my gosh. I'm writing the music to it, and the hope is that I can bring it to Broadway at some point, working with these producers. And I think we're going to do a run in Connecticut once it's done. And then ideally these producers,

we're going to bring it to Broadway. I can't wait to see that. Yeah. It's going to be called Be Mighty, cause we used to call Matt Mighty Matt. And so that's, I'm spending all my time working on that right now. That's awesome.

I'm on tour this fall. You can get tickets at prettylittlebabytour.com and Klyla has a haircare brand called Ev Ocean Club. I do, thank you. EvOceanClub.com We love you guys. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Bye.

Bye. Bye.