Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Things Get Rodiculous w/ Rosanna Pansino and Olivia Lopes

Episode Date: May 12, 2026

BTS, BONUS CONTENT AND MORE! Only on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/TrashTuesdayPodcast     GET IT BEFORE ITS GONE - https://trashtuesday.myshopify.com/ Trash Tuesday is getting RODICULOUS! We are in awe of youtube royalty Rosanna Pansino and Olivia Lopes. We’re dishing on the millennial sayings Olivia refuses to co-sign, why group photos are peak millennial behavior, and Rosanna casually carrying a bottle in her purse like the icon she is. Pop divas, musicals, flashing boys, and every tangent your group chat would eat up. Rosanna opens up about her battle with PMDD and the kind of honest girl talk that makes you feel seen and heard. Are we invited to the next girls night?? LETS GET STARTED MORE RODICULOUS!https://www.youtube.com/@rodiculous MORE RO!https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjwmbv6NE4mOh8Z8VhPUx1Qhttps://www.instagram.com/rosannapansino/ https://rosannapansino.comMORE OLIVIA!https://www.instagram.com/olivialopes/ https://www.youtube.com/@olivialopesyoutube Thank you to our sponsors:Thank you to SKIMS -  Shop Everyday Cotton, and all of my favorite bras and underwear at http://www.skims.com/trashtuesday  #skimspartnerThank you to LOLA BLANKETS -  Get 40% off select Lola Blankets products at Lolablankets.com by using code TRASHTUESDAY at checkout. Experience the world’s #1 blanket with Lola Blankets https://lolablankets.com/ Thank you to HOME CHEF - For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% OFF and free shipping for your first box PLUS free dessert for life! Go to https://www.homechef.com/trashtuesday *Ebb Ocean Club is NOW IN SEPHORA* https://www.sephora.com/brand/ebb-ocean-club for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products!*Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday MORE ESTHER:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonster Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/ MORE KHALYLA:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/ Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A   PRODUCTION:Studio Ten42: https://www.instagram.com/studioten42/ Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/ Arielle Jade (Editor): https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/ Elisa Hernandez Kohler: https://www.instagram.com/ellie.lianna/ Megan Clements:  https://www.instagram.com/egggymeg/   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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After you place your order. be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show, Trash Tuesday, in the drop-down menu that follows. What are your guys' heights? I know, I need to know. I'm a shorty, so we're on the shorty side.

I'm glad we're together. But funny, you don't look short on camera at all. Really? Like, she looks like a small girl, like, in real life and on camera. I thought, I was like, I'm shocked that, like, you're actually, like, petite like Esther. We created the kitchen set to look smaller. Really?

Like it's actually constructed because we built it from scratch. So we made the entire kitchen set like a few inch, well, a lot of inches, like five inches shorter than like industry standard. So that I look like a normal people. Like the kid kitchens in the little. And we have like pull out on the bottom these like pull out boxes that we used to have on tracks. They're basically apple boxes. So even when I have a guest, I can go a little higher. I need to.

It really is. So smart. See, I am a short girl that refuses to wear heels. Really? Yeah, I see you. These. Wow. I see you have.

I see you have. I see what you got there. How tall are you? I'm almost 5'1. Okay. Oh, you're tall. You're like my mom. I'm 4.10.

She's teeny tiny. I'm a gymnast. I'm an ex-gymist. So I feel like that's why the heels feels so comfortable to me because I did ballet for seven years and then gymnastics. So it was just like always those sports were like a lot of pain. involved yeah and I have a really high tolerance to pain which kind of backfires as an adult it does yeah like having a high of pain threshold is so overrated because you're not listening to

your body like ever you're overriding your own sensors all the time I have a very low tolerance for discomfort that's going to keep you that's going that's going to keep you living longer it's true I'm kind of scared out you and I both because I was an athlete so it's like I wasn't to say out loud what hurt me or even if I did they'd be like suck it up anyways oh you know so no I always need a break I always need a chair do you have a chair can I have a five please both of you're going to live longer me and Rosanna are gonna you know yeah because even when I be bye bye I mean all my doctors yeah like my bestie Olivia is drinking a vanilla ice blended from the from the past From the, from the, from two thousand six.

Yeah, a coffee bean ice drink. This is crazy because anytime I pass by the coffee bean by my house, there's only really cool old Armenian men playing chess. No way, really? And that's their like hub. I love that. I feel like this is actually really cool of you. Thank you. Sadly, I get it via postmate, so I don't.

I haven't met the men. But, yeah, I do participate in self-indulgence like every day. For people who don't know, basically if you don't live in LA, I think you don't know coffee bean and tea leaf was when I first moved here in 2009, I was like, oh, this is LA's Starbucks. Like it's everywhere. It's on every corner. It rivals Starbucks. And then I feel like the TikTok generation left it behind. I'm like devastated about it.

But why? Because I do remember it being in just about every, like, if there was a Starbucks, there was a coffee bean. Exactly. I don't know. I didn't even realize it was just a California thing. Yeah, it really, people don't know about it, but when you explain how good the ice blendets are, people always want to try it. They're like, I have to come down to try your ice blended. But isn't it just a Frappuccino?

It's no. It's so different. Excuse me. So when I was growing up, my friend bought the coffee bean powder that they would put into the ice blendets. I don't know if they still sell it, but it has a very particular smell and taste that is just better than anything else in the world. And they put it into every single ice blended and you smell it when you smell it, you walk into coffee bean, you smell it when you have your little drink. And that's what Britney Spears was smelling in 2006.

That's what Ashley Tisdale was smelling in 2006. So I feel like I'm in good company. Oh, your skirt is right. You like it? It's right on style. Oh, thank you. This is Teddy Fresh. Oh, cute.

Cute. Sorry about the Andrew WK thing. Why? Because I have ugly hair. No, no. It's initially when I didn't see it was gray, but I thought you were doing white on white. Okay.

Look like I'm auditioning for the leftovers. No, no, no. Don't say that about yourself. Wait, is that a cult show? Yes. No, you're wearing two tones. That's white and that's like light gray. Yeah, I don't know.

I'm in my gray era. Cool. I'm not, I didn't dress well today. Just, stop. Don't you say that. Oh, my God. No, you're W.K is a star. Sheek and casual.

Yeah. Like, what's going on? Why are we speaking about ourselves this way? Hey, not allowed. Not allowed. Olivia helped me with this a lot Because I have self-deprecating humor I say don't talk about my friend like that

Yeah so when we hang out she'll say that to me It helps a lot I do feel like that is a very distinct Gen Z millennial like we hate on ourselves All the time It's like so it feels so natural and normal And like when we were getting to know each other I brought Olivia to this like

All Women's Fitness Retreat at this luxury resort We had so much fun to bond because like we knew each other but we didn't like know know each other so when we were first getting to know each other I thought that would be fun like a team bonding thing. It was amazing and it was so fun

and literally what I learned from her is like more positive self-talk aw. That's so sweet I do feel like the Gen Z's like you guys like yourself too much. Thank you I think that I definitely like walk around and I'm like I look gorgeous and I'm like

feeling hilarious and X, Y, Z, but if, like, something goes wrong, I will be like, oh, I'll, like, kill myself. Like, everything sucks. Yeah. And then I step in when it's serious and I'm like, no, you're a badass. I'm quick to panic, but, like, I'm easy to please, usually. That's my moment to shine. I feel like that's our zolennial love.

She's Jen Z and I'm millennial, and it says millennial love. Our generations really get along well. Sometimes. I've noticed a lot of the time. But there's a lot of friction, too. Yeah. Like, I have a list of millennial sayings that. like I need to get with or else like I'm going to die if I don't because I hear it I hear it would not just

from you from not just for me. Not just for me. Okay. I'm like so embarrassed. Everybody, no, everybody above the age of 30. I can read some if you want. Yes, please. Wait. So first, so let's introduce our guest. Oh my God. So sorry. No, it's not your fault. We have Olivia Lopes. Hey.

Thank you for having me. They are podcasters, YouTubers. Olivia, you work with, you used to work with H3. That's how I, I, you're. familiar to me. I was there for like four years, I think. Yeah. And you still work there. I still hang out there sometimes. Dip in, dip out.

Yeah. And Rosanna, you are a baking YouTube extraordinary. Author, businesswoman, all of the things. Two really cool girls. We're not worthy. No, you guys too. I am such a big fan of you guys. Just so we have it on the record, I love you guys.

Yeah. She's like, let the record show. I'm a huge fan. I'm a Trash Tuesdays girl. You really are. I love it. And like Olivia was showing me some of her favorite episode. So we were like watching. Yeah, your favorite. Gosh, so funny.

So funny. She's so good. She's blowing up. Oh, yeah. She's so happy for her. I know. The first time I ever was introduced to her was on your guys' podcast. And then I saw her in that new Keanu Reeves movie where she was playing his assistant. And I was like, she's next to my man. You were like, oh my God, that's a girl from trash Tuesday. days.

We are all of you. Breaking talent over here. We are. I think so. Caleb, Erin. We had him early. Oh my God. Early on.

Early. One of the greatest. Before the big pop. It's usually just my husband tells us who to book and they become super famous immediately after. Oh, my God. Me next. Me next. Yes.

Wait, so tell your millennial sayings. Oh, right. It's an ever-growing list. Millennial sayings I cannot deal with, but have to. So I did a thing. Oh, okay. That is overused. That is crazy.

That's like a crazy one. That makes me kind of. It's like, so I did a thing. It's like, okay. For the record, I've never said that. No, to be fair, I've never heard you say that. I'm so, like, grew up in a bunker. Yeah, you never do anything.

I never do anything. You grew up in a bunker? No. Like Kimmy Schmidt? That's what she can praise it to. Really? We joke like that because we were so poor and my dad worked on a ton of military contracts. So it's just like we didn't have a TV.

So when you're not exposed to like pop cultural phenomenons when you're growing up, like I just didn't relate to the kids in school. Yeah. I never knew what the inside jokes were like I was just so oblivious. Like I read the newspaper with my dad and understood about his job and that was like about it. Yeah, we joke that it's kind of like growing up in a bunker. But Olivia is teaching me on the podcast about pop culture, like events. things that are going on.

So it feels like for the first time and forever that like I understand things as they're happening. And it's exciting. That is great. I actually was hoping that you did grow up in a bunker because I, that would be my goal is to raise my family underground. Have you guys seen that in 1970s underground house that's like in Vegas that some really rich guy built a full perfect house? I can't believe you guys haven't seen this.

After like nuclear destruction, he can have a beautiful gorgeous. interior room. Because it's underground, and none of it has any damage. Oh, I did see this. It has all the lighting. Yeah, it has no environmental damage. So it's literally pristine. Wow. Like, this is where I want to raise my children. I'm having like anxiety already looking at this. Oh, because of the like pressure from above. I think it makes it worse that there's artificial lighting to make it seem like real life. Because when I go to Vegas and I go to, um, is it Caesars with an artificial? I start to not feel good because I'm like, this isn't real. I think it. And I'm like, this isn't real. I would rather it be dark and soily and like exact to what it is and be like as opposed to trying to mimic something that isn't there, which is sunlight. You're an authentic girl. I thrive in fake lighting. Yeah, so do I honestly. Like no seasonal depression is going on in the bunker. Really?

I don't think so. I like warm and moody. Yeah, it's freaking me the fuck out. I hate it. This is wild. No, I didn't grow up like this. I mean, I wish. Well, you really made me believe that for one second.

Yes. And it was a dream for those few seconds. Well, I feel like that's a good way to introduce myself because then you'll kind of know like kind of where I'm at. Not to expect that you'll know anything. Yeah, pretty much. And I love to explain if I'm being honest. I know stuff about like news, global politics, weapons trade,

because that's what dad did. Well, weapons trade. Honestly, that's kind of all you really need. That's kind of where I'm... I don't know anything about that stuff. That's very, yeah. So it's very like particular, but then I went to college and then my whole world opened and I was like,

Whoa. I feel like then you got bang for your book because a lot of people go to college and they're kind of like eh about it. The fact that you're... Life changes. Yeah. Change the life.

What's that one book about that girl who lived like off the grid and decided to go to college? It's called, I think it's called educated. I don't know it. Yeah, educated. Educated, right? Okay, I'm going to read that.

Okay, Megan, knowing books. Okay, Megan being educated. Oh, weirdo. Okay, I do have more. Let's go. I have when people make their Instagram note, city name, I am inside of you. I hate those people. Seattle, I'm in you.

Yeah, when they post like, Los Angeles, I am inside of you. And it's like, I don't think I know how to use a note. Oh, good. It's just a little bubble on top, right? Oh, that's what you're saying. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think any use of those is pretty damning.

It's pretty millennial, yeah. Unless it's like a call to action, like I want you all to give me attention. right now like if you're really up front about it i'm okay with that and i'll be like hey girl like love you yeah the one thing i am guilty of of we were talking about it earlier but we went out to dinner we do a lot of girls nights like we're going out tonight for a girl's night i'm at the hideaway and i'm like i make the girls do like i make them do group photos i see i see olivia told me and my other girlfriend told me is so millennial of me but i'm like it's so cute it's like a memory it's like when i'm old i want to remember like have these little

memories. I wish I did that. This is so millennial of you. And I'm like, no, just take the photo. Yeah, I think I'm going to push back on the whole that's so millennial because I do think that when I look back at group photos, even though I understand why they're crunch, because the whole Gen Z thing is to be like, let's just do, you know, filmy slash cool girl looking away, you know, casual aesthetic. When I look back, because my memory is going out, I'm like, it actually is like my archive. I see. And like this was whose birthday it was and this was who was there. Yeah. And it's really sweet.

I'm like, oh my God, we were all there together. I think that they're a little, the youngans are a little hard on us for group photos. And I think that you guys should be hard on us. I think everything that, everything about millennial culture is fucking lame. But I will argue about group photos that they are not millennial. They are timeless. What is the most famous group photo of all time? Oh, yeah, Jesus.

Oh. The shiny. The shiny. I think the last shopper? This is not a photo. Oh, yeah, the last supper. The photo glass of her. That is like group photos.

Like how will you ever haunt people from the past? That's a really good point. You can't be haunting without a group photo. I agree. You need your click so everybody knows who's there. Yes. You know? Like you can't just be me.

That's not scary when I'm dead. You need a picture with like 12 mysterious faces so that people can like put together puzzle pieces and solve mysteries about you. Can we pull up the Last Supper? I just need, I need everyone to know, like, historically, group shots are a thing. Yeah. And, like, they're never going to go out of style.

You're right. I've been around forever. Look at this. Look at everybody. This is a group photo. Okay, now bring up the one from The Shining, because it's way better. And, like, imagine if Jesus picked up his phone

and, like, took a selfie. That would have been so less impactful. There would be so different. Yeah. Look at this. Oh, whoa. Oh, wow. That is there any.

scarier image ever and what brave girl said hold on everybody let's take it for the photo me it was like everybody's squeezing yeah no i'm grateful i'm grateful to have the memory i just need to get used to it i guess it's just not for the grid posing like in the carousel but it's like at the end and then i posted at the beginning it's second it could be second just not first i posed it That's fine. I'm like, what else do you have? I have, uh, adulting. Oh, that one hurts really bad.

Yeah. I think it hurts us even. Okay. That's, that makes me feel a lot better. I don't say that. No. No. I have doing life.

I hear that a lot. You do? I do. I don't hear that as often. I do. Maybe it's because I watch a lot of true crime millennial YouTubers. They like, they like say that. And they also say the math isn't mathing.

Oh, yeah. That's a little bit rough for me. That one I'm like, heard that just so you don't get it what do you mean I have make it make sense I think that's not like that's not true millennial I feel like somehow that was a Gen Z thing that millennials co-opted no we can't take credit for that that's horrible I don't know sound off guys can we put in the millennial category I don't want it but sure we'll just put it in the middle okay okay hang out there I have two more okay I have done

Doggo and Girls Night over literally everything else. Okay, I say dogos all the time. What is dog? Doggo. Doggo is how, yeah. You used to call dogs. Everyone's a doggo. Yeah.

Doggo. Really? You missed that vote? Good. I, you know, I had to give up doggo too once I realized. I'm like, oh, God. Oh, you were homies. Early on, yeah, early on.

That's okay. I think I am honorary Gen Z, and I know every millennial says that. I feel like you are. Thank you so much. Yeah, absolutely. I identify. Yeah. For sure.

I've never said doggo and I pass the test. Yeah, I feel like you are Gen Z. Really? Yeah. Coming from you, that's like huge. Only because, but then here's the thing about you. I think that you're kind of a ghost. Yes.

And that you fit in all centuries. You're timeless. Like if we were to throw your ass back to the 1800s, fine. No one would notice. No one would notice. You would wake up, you'd have your tutor. You'd go to lunch. And then you would, yeah, go to the ball.

Yeah. I could see you at a ball. What are they doing the 1800s? Like garden? Like read. Play music. Talk to each other, probs. Sauce?

Yeah. It probably was so much better because you weren't scrolling. So you just like everything was so stimulating. Yeah. And their posture was probably really good. You think? Yeah. I was like, whoa, whoa.

My entire reels thing is like different exercises to move your shoulder blades back. And I was like, I don't even like them or interact with them. They just like know that like I'm struggling. Olivia, did you see that sports bra that Taylor Swift was wearing? Yeah, like supposed to help your posture? Does it vibrate? It's really wide and not like very nice looking though. Okay.

It's like a really thick back. She's actively working on her posture. Yeah. I feel like I've seen memes of people talking about her posture. I have a hot take on this. I think that if you have any kind of autoimmune disorder, like for me, I'm a potsy girlie, your posture is something you can never fix because it is physically exhausting for me to sit up right.

Like I'm thinking about it every single second. Like I can't even breathe. well. Yeah. Like it just feels like everything is not in the right, it's weighted the wrong way. When I slouch, I'm like, I'm happy here. Leave me here. It's also cuter kind of sometimes. Yeah. Like this is kind of ugly sometimes. Depends who's doing it. Oh my God. How about the Mary Kate Olson early Y2K slouch where they were like so thin and just decayed. Prune. I can't even recognize them when I saw pictures. Like recent? Unless they're together. Then I'm like twins. I could probably, I could say that's Michelle walking around. I can't. I can't recognize them

individually. Michelle, what's her last name? Tanner. Oh. Yeah. You know. Full house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, guys. I'm the, the Jen Zier. What's going on? Yeah, it was on Nick at night. I have a question. Olivia, if you, okay, so like in your purse, if you have a Mary Poppins bag, what generation is that? Is that Gen X? Is that even a boomer? Like, what is that? Mary Poppins, I feel like it's from the 20s, right? So like old old. But do you mean like that friend that has the big bag that has everything in it? That's like on maybe a little bit more on the, that's not Disney adult, right?

I also don't even feel like it's generational. I think it's just the type of friend you are if you've got the big bag or the little. I'm the friend with the little bag. Like I'll have my phone, my vape, and my credit card. You have the important things and then I have everything. Yeah. And that's just kind of our vibe. needs their friend to have the bag.

Is it? To have everything. Yeah, because I have everything in mine. I have ADHD. That's probably it. It's because if it doesn't have like a single pot to exist, I'll lose everything. That's what I have to do.

Even in these small bags, like if you went through this, it's like psycho. I just like, I can't like this is the EpiPen. I don't even need this. This is just in case a friend. You do need that. Oh my God. Same. You're in the right room.

Yeah, that's weird. And then like I have a taser for safety. pepper spray that looks like a lipstick for safety. Oh, she got me a taser. Wait, I do like this. Should we go through our stuff? Sewing kit. Sewing kit.

For the podcast? Mints. But these are just always in here. Hand sanitizer. Yes. Mints from my nail salon, they're great. They're like minty and creamy at the same time. Whoa.

So, yeah, I didn't know what generation this is. It sounds like you're someone that's been through some shit. I feel like this is very like mom. Right? Like you're prepared, you're ready. Oh my gosh, I'm ready. I can give you my keys and be like, can you put this in your bag? Yes, you're the snack mom.

Oh, which by the way, I just learned, I don't know what country it is, but apparently I don't know, I don't want to like slander Sweden by accident or Finland or any of these countries. It's one of these. But culturally, if like, say for instance, I have kids, you have kids, your kids come over and then it's dinner time. Apparently I kick your kids out and I'm like, no, my direct fact. families having dinner, you sit outside while we have dinner and I don't offer you food. Wait, what?

That probably is my culture. Can you look it up, please? Because I didn't make this up. You have to tell a kid to leave? Yeah. I'm Italian. That's the exact opposite. I'm Italian, so it's like more than merrier.

Same with Filipinos. In fact, eat, everybody eat. No, I get this. I like this. I'm into it. I mean, sometimes I don't like when people watch me with my parents. If I was hungry at dinner time. Because it's like.

sit outside i don't know your food allergies like i don't also i don't want you feeding my kid your food i don't know what you're doing but then that's a thing of like that's what the parents have to consider before the invitation oh okay sweets don't feed other people's children on that is so funny uh i was reading a comment that said they don't want to assume that like you're not fed they think it's like rude to assume that like your own family didn't feed you or something like that too yeah but it's like so rude for a kid because I know I've been to friends house and I'm like famished and I'm like you know it's a one place where I'm not eating whatever healthy shit my mom is constantly feeding me and they're having like pizza and I'm like wooee and if I were to be kicked out

in that moment oh cry yeah I'd cry I'd cry specific dinners that I had at friends houses I remember there was a specific girl named Sydney gubernick when I was in fifth grade and her mom would put butter in the rice. Oh yes. And it was so good. My mom never let me put butter in my rice. See, that's if I'm your mom, I'm like suing that other mom. Oh my God. Esther. Esther.

Yeah. What? This is crazy. You're with the Swedes here? Yes, of course I am. Yeah. This is, fuck. I'm Filipino.

This is like mind blowing to me that you're not constantly like saying, are you hungry, you want more, you want more, you want more. But see, that's stressful because then it's like rude when I turn your food down. No, it's not rude. It's not rude. It's just more like... Italian. Communal family taking care of each other.

I'm a little bit with you. I'm really making you something from scratch. That was my family. Like, whatever you want, they'll just make it. But what if I say no, then you guys hate me? Well, we just keep offering you something until you want something. See? That's too much pressure.

Yeah. It's a little aggressive. I need your eyes opinion on this. So I know that I'm like kind of scrogy and like, I get really like irritated, like really easily, right? So I'm taking fault out the gate with this pet peeve. I have a friend and I've learned to accept this behavior and I welcome it, but it does, it bothers me. I just want to know what you guys think.

Is it me? No, but it is. I know that feeling. Mia Jason. You'll instantly know who it is. Okay. They're on this podcast all the time. I have a close friend where every time she comes over, she brings like a big bag and like makes her own meal.

I'm like, what is, what, why is this bothering me? Like, I don't really know. Like, it's, she's not like eating my food, which would be fine. But if it was something I was saving for later, I'd maybe be a little scrogy about it. But she just bring, she always, like, sets up and eats over at my, my house. In my kitchen? With you? Is she, are you eating with her?

No. She eats on her own time. Yeah. On her own time. Okay. Do she clean up? Yeah. Well.

Yeah. Okay. Oh, like, what is that? Like, why does that bother me? Should it not bother me? I accept it. Wait, I thought for some reason you would probably like it because you're, you agreed with the Swedish thing.

She obviously has control issues with her diet. She is probably very anxious about allergies and things like that. You know, she doesn't want to burden you with being like, with you being, hey, let's, let me make you dinner and then it's something she can't have. That's true. And I see that. But I'm also like, I feel like this is weird. I do. I would feel like what are we doing here? Are we not friends? Are we not going to break bread together?

Well, why is it make you think not friends? To me it's like too close of friends. No, I'm with Kalila. It's like you don't want to share your food or the idea of your food even. Like you're not even telling me that you're going to make it. You're just doing it. Are you bringing some for me? Yeah, exactly. Or is it just rationed specifically for you? Are you offering me so? I don't know. I feel like I could have some if I wanted. Okay, maybe we should ask next time and see. You're the baker. You're the food maker. What do you think of this? Would you just show up at my house and start making something?

Yeah, like, even with my boyfriend, the first time we really hung out, he was like, oh, we're going to have like a little get-together. So I bought, like, I brought over, like, trays of food. Like, I made so much food, like, for 80 people. Like, oh, yeah, that's just me. I usually just bring a lot of food everywhere. and then sometimes to girlfriend's houses, I'll bring booze because I have a few girlfriends

who don't drink, so I know that they're not going to have, like, a fully stocked bar. Oh, it's for you. Yeah. I love that. I love that. Yeah, and I'll bring them, like,

a cute little, like, Betty Buzz or a cute little, like, non-alcoholic, whatever, and then I bring my own thing, because I know it's like, I don't want to pressure anybody be anybody. I don't want to be in the way, but I want to have fun and chill. I feel like, I mean,

Guy, Ariel, like the other weekend, what did you say? You're like, oh, what did you say about me and food? Always having it around. Your snack game is incredible. It's almost like you guys are like stoners, you know, like the level of snacks that are like always there, always on the band. After they all went to Coachella, like a big group of them. What did you guys come home to?

I was asleep, but what did I leave on the table at two in the morning? Oh, there was so much Mexican food. That is whole Mexican food, like a whole spread for them because I know that they would be tired, their feet would hurt. And they'd be hungry. But that's the same thing. And it's always for 80 people, right? Way too much food.

But see, you call me a ghost. And then here you are feeding people where you're disappeared. Yeah. That's the most ghost thing I've ever heard. I know, I know. You're eerie. It is super eerie. But I really like that.

Host ghosting. That's so sweet. You're a go host. But it's very nice. It's a very nice ghost host. Thank you. It's very thoughtful. I appreciate that.

I feel it's really nurturing. Coachella? It's a long story. She fake one. I fake one. Do you know what that means? You went to the desert but you didn't go to the festival? Right.

So I had my pass. I had an artist pass. That's amazing. But I also brought my baby with me. So then I told Esther, I'm only going to like Coachella from two to four. And I'm going to discover the new acts. I didn't even go to that. Okay.

I ended up giving my artist pass to our crew and they had a time and I just hung out at the house. My God, that's so nice. of you? I, big FOMO, though. I was like looking at them because they were all in like the live stream. I was like, these motherful. Who was it? Was it Sabrina that you missed? I missed everyone. All weekend. But like, who

were you upset about? David Byrne, the strokes, Givian. There were these acts that I just was like, okay, these are non-negotiables for me and I didn't end up going. We negotiated them. That's fine. There were live streams and you were with your baby.

I was with my baby. It felt, it felt It felt okay. It felt like an okay exchange, actually. I have a question for you, Olivia. Yeah. What are your thoughts, just as a healthy, young, normal person on Madonna? Oh, I mean, I know she's a legend. I know she's an icon. Her MTV Music Awards performance of Like a Virgin changed culture.

I love her. She is like a different type of entity that, like, I think, I've never seen. She's a pop star, but she's a little bit embarrassing. But, like, she's such a legend that it's fine, is how I feel. That was a really great neutral answer. I really impressed. Because I know that people love her and, like, I love her.

Like, the Glee Madonna episode was one of the best. It really was. What's the drama with Addison Ray taking the mic? I don't know. Okay, I know it. Wait, when was this? Is this at Coachella? This was at the Abbey?

No, this was at the Abbey on Monday. Colcella, yeah. She did a listening party at the Abbey, which is a little on the nose. The Abbey, West Hollywood, like the problematic place. So, yeah, I go pretty much every Monday because they do musical Mondays, Broadway karaoke. But did not know that. We have to go. It's so good.

Mondays, we can do Monday. There's an old lady named Disco Debbie who's always there. And she was just somehow, like, I guess she was just lingering outside of the Abbey because I don't think it was open to the public. But she was posting all day like, I'm going to try my best. I'm going to be there. And then she was. She was recording Madonna in the Abbey. Okay, so what happened with Addison Ray?

Oh, okay. So Madonna was at the booth and she was DJing and Addison was like invited because oh my God, that's so cool. That's Addison Ray. And so she was given the mic and she was like talking. But there's a clip that went viral of Madonna being like, wait, like I want the mic back. And everyone was like, oh my God, Addison wouldn't give her the mic back. But really it's just her like not socially not being aware that like Madonna wanted the mic back.

Just like, just not like, just not clocking issue. Yeah, like, and she said that she was drunk. Guess what Addison Ray said? Oh, did she respond to it already? Maybe she was like, I was just drunk and having fun, sorry. You know, Madonna? I was drunk, love you Madonna. Oh, this is not good.

What? This is like, I'm telling you, this is going to have a lasting negative impact on Addison. I just feel something is coming over me. Really? Madonna curses young women when she needs to. She tried for Lady Gaga. She will either bless you or she will curse you. And this is not, I'm getting the chills like something.

This is bad. Yeah. This is really bad. She's, I love her with all of my heart, but I know that she's actually like a force of evil. Yeah. A witch. She's a dark witch.

Yeah. That's this is dark witch. You can't just be young and stupid like next to Madonna on a stage. Like that will never leave. Yeah. I'm still kind of working up to my understanding of Addison Ray in general. I know that, you know, I really am trying, like, my best to, like, sorry, Megan. No, I think I can maybe, I can make an argument.

Okay, yeah, please. A lot. My thing about Addison Ray, is she incredibly talented at singing? No. But, like, is she incredibly talented at dancing? Yeah, she was a TikToker, which is so cringy for so long. She was in the Bryce Hall group. And then she started, like, seeming more authentic, like, kind of crazy.

Like, there was this viral photo. of her being like, I love sitting on the ground. It makes me happy. And everyone was like, that is so cringe. But it was the first little taste of authentic Addison. And then, like, she would do Q&As on her Instagram story. And they would be like, what are you obsessed with right now? And she'd be like, my life.

And everyone's like, that's kind of cool. And then she was like, I want to be a pop star really bad. But she didn't have any music written. So she went to her potential music label. And she brought them a binder full of colors and words. And she's like, this is what my album is going to be. So she's like a woman who is inspired. by like herself constantly.

And I think that that's so cool. And she's just like having fun and she's like gorgeous while she does it. And I don't think that she even like thinks she's that good. I think she's just like in the business of making something she is passionate about and like something she thinks is beautiful and like a nice way for her to express herself. Like you're a famous person in this space. You don't want to be doing something cringy. You want to be like making something that other people can enjoy. And also like she somehow found her way into like the prestige of music.

She was nominated for best artist, best new artist, which she just has a dream. I think that it's cute. I think that when people like execute, I can really respect that. I'm just not necessarily sold because I mean it's like between like the Madonna's and the Lady Gaga's and all these like huge pop stars when people say that oh, she's the next coming.

I don't believe it yet. No, I don't feel that way either. I think that she's like awesome and super cool. I don't think she's the next like coming. Yeah. The music does hit. It does. I'll give you that.

The dancing absolutely hits the music videos, the outfit. Like, it's all there, but something, there is a piece of the pie that is missing for me, and I can't quite figure it out. But it may just be, like, that I'm, like, a mom. And, like, things don't, like, I think me too. Like, grab my soul the way they did, like, when Brittany was Britney. Yeah. It's kind of bizarre, which is, like, a new element to pop star-ness, which, like, I like, I like, I like,

bizarre weird. What's your ranking of like the current like pop divas like who like the your generation like who's like number who's your brain knee who's number one through five like I think Olivia Rodriguez probably my favorite. Yeah. I just think like total like her lyrics and her music and her talent like love her. I think Sabrina is probably second for me. Love. What about the Charlie X X X X. I do really like Charlie XX.

I don't know if she's in my top five. Is she in top 10? Yeah. Okay, she can hang her. Charlie's so fun. I feel like she's in her own very specific. What about Billy Elish? She's not in my top five.

I do think she's amazing. Top 10? Top 15? She's just like not really always on my most listen to. I like the, what's the extent? That extended song that's really good where she's screaming. That one's like the best one. What are you saying right now?

She's screaming? There's a song that's really good where she's like really angry and it's an extended one. What the fuck? I know, right? The best ever, no. Happier than ever. Happier than ever. Oh, God, that's such a great one to belt with your whole chest.

At night when it's darking or driving. Yeah. You could scream that. Are you a Lana girl? I grew up loving Lana. She's not like in my regular rotation right now. But right now I'm actually like, I'm a musical theater girl. So like I'll be half listening to musical theater and then half listening to like top 100.

So right now I'm like really obsessed with Rachel Zegler. Do you guys know? Rachel Zekler. Of course. Those Evita Clips. Did you see they announced it today? It's coming to Broadway. No. When? When? They announced it today. We have to go. We are going. I saw her at the Hollywood Bowl last week doing the last five years. You saw that? It's one of my favorite musicals in the whole world.

Oh my God. Me too. I felt really terrible for her. Yeah, me too. For a hot second there. But I'm so glad that she is so supremely talented that it's going to be like a long forgotten thing. It was like she didn't even ever do. anything. I know she did she didn't literally she stood up for what she believes politically which I think is very brave and then like didn't talk about it just let the world like hate her for it and then everyone was so racist about her meanwhile she's like the most talented young person to ever walk the earth like I've been watching her since I was

in college and she was like posting YouTube covers to you really yes and then one day I don't you guys one day a few summers ago when we were on age three covering Colleen Balinger before she it was like before her Hunger Games movie before Snow White it was when I knew her from like theater theater and from uh west side story stevens billbergs she messaged me and said she followed me first you guys and she said obsessed with you queen and i was like you don't understand i've been watching your shrek the musical clips from high school on your blog channel like i love and then guess what after last friday when i saw her at the hollywood bowl i was posting all over my Instagram story and guess who became umphi as well Jason Robert Brown the composer of the last five

years I went to a masterclass that he taught when I was in eighth grade oh my god he saw my insta story and he said thank you yes I know yeah so two out of three Ben Flat next then I totally have like conquered that whole show oh that's so exciting it was the coolest thing I've ever experienced I needed to brow So I have one of these, Lola blankets, on my couch, and every single person that comes in tries to steal it. Walk out the door with this exact blanket. This is the softest, most warm and fuzzy thing that has ever touched my body. You guys need one.

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Just head to LolaBlankets.com and use Code Trash Tuesday. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. please, please support our show and let them know we sent you. Wrap yourself in luxury with Lola Blankets. I'm a new mom. I cannot mess around with dinner time anymore. I have to put something on the table. It cannot be a girl dinner.

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And for a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box plus free dessert for life. Go to homechef.com slash trash Tuesday. That's homechef.com slash trash Tuesday for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. Homechef.com slash trash Tuesday must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Okay, so you guys, I'm a new mom and honestly dressing myself up has I'll say it kind of been a struggle. My body has changed a ton. But the one thing I will say is when I put on a skims, whether it's underwear, a skim's T-shirt, whether it's a pajama set, I always end up feeling a little bit better about myself. And I'll tell you why. So I have eczema. My skin is very, very sensitive to certain kind of fabrics. I love the everyday cotton. And I'm wearing their brawlet right now. And I wear it every day because it is just so comfortable. I can wear it to sleep. I can wear it to work out. It is so versatile.

Today I'm wearing the braulette. I'm telling you guys it is so soft, so comfortable. Even though my body has changed so much, I kind of didn't have to size up or size down. It just kind of like adapted to my new size and it stayed equally as comfortable. Shop everyday cotton and all of our favorite bras and underwear at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show Trash Tuesday in the drop down menu that follows. Wait, so what do you guys do on these, like, girls days out? Like, I'm so, like, my girlfriends and I, like, they come over.

We stare at each other. We cook some rice, cook some greasy shit. And we just, like, have our thumbs up our asses. And they're like, all right, that was it. And then we leave. There's really nothing going on. So please, like, enlighten me. That's enjoyable.

It is. It is. on my end a lot of drinking. I'm a drinker. So that's how we start the night off. We'll go to a restaurant. We order a bunch of drinks, bunch of appetizers.

We get into a groove and we just catch up about life. And we make so many friends. Yeah, we do. Oh, my gosh. People have a little many friends. People want to be our friends when we get drunk in public. Is it wild? Is it not a dinner or does it go somewhere else after?

Sometimes it goes. It goes somewhere else afterwards. And thank goodness those pictures. aren't public some of those oh love them one time can I tell them what you did yeah one time when we were drunk weird we weren't driving no I think I was sober and I was driving you were drunk sober to the second place yes and then Roe decided that she wanted to stick her head out of the window and just like moon the world yeah I flash these guys behind us because they were tailgating us they were they were getting too close and all the girls were like these guys are assholes I was like

let me just flash them really quick and they'll leave us alone. So I did. I just went out the window and totally flashed them and then they stopped. They gave us little hunk honk and a wave and they're too cute for us. They got off. They got off of us. Imagine us. I think you guys would be really cute.

I just want to say one thing to you and to you and to all the women listening. Flash as much as you can before you have your children. Love. Before you start breastfeeding. Can I tell you if I were to flash right now you wouldn't see my nipple because it would be right right where the door. handle is. You wouldn't even see the fuck out of frame. It would be

out of frame completely. You'd see a long chest. But then you, the nipples would be, yeah. But that's not true, right? Because you're still breastfeeding, so they're still like milky, right? Yeah, but they're starting that kind of. I mean, it's been almost two years. So there's started, the weight is starting to take its toll on

on where the nipple is. I feel like it'd be fun because they're a lot, you know, bigger when you're breastfeeding and they're, you know, I'd feel like it'd be a fun time. You know what? She has a point. Now is the time for us to flash. Yeah, with milky titty. Absolutely. Not really at a good mental place. You're not at a mental place. Right. My ariola size. I weren't. I'm not used to it yet. Oh, that was the most shocking for me too. Really? Where I'm like, what? Your aeros change sizes?

Yes. They're like a mile long. You're so innocent. I, so okay. So when you're pregnant, when you're pregnant, they get really, really dark. And the reason they get really dark is because the baby needs that high contrast because they're, they're, they don't see very well. gate. So they need a bullseye to say, okay, there's mama's nipple and that's where I have. But then you get your color back. Okay. But then when you actually do start breastfeeding, they also need

the bullseye to be a mile long. And so you look down and it takes up three quarters of your boom. When they get wider as well? They're just, I don't know if yours is like this, but they're bigger. They're just big. I don't want them to get bigger. I know. I know. I didn't either.

But allegedly they shrink back, but I haven't. I, you know, I'm, I'm, you know, I'm still nursing, so I don't know. I will report back and let you know. Babies outweigh it, though. Yes. They do. Yes.

It is true. This is the word. I'm doing it again. The thing that I said I would not do when I had kids is like, this is what all parents do is they only like talk about what's bad about motherhood and then they don't talk about what's good. And it's like, it's just a weird thing that you do when you literally I'm on a drug of addiction to my babies and they make me so happy. Yeah. So it's like this doesn't even.

matter, but just, I just needed to get my message out, like, keep on flashing. Totally. Keep going. We definitely have too much fun. And then usually, like, after we go to, like, two places, then we'll usually go back to somebody's house. And we're still just, like, gossiping and catching up. And sometimes we do little, like, funny photo shoes, jump in the hot tub or play games.

Like, it's really silly. It just makes me feel super alive. And it's just cute and bonding. Are there other girls in this group? Is it just you two? No, there's more. Yeah, there's more of us. There's Maddie. There's Rachel. There's Simone, Candy. We're going out with Avery tonight, too. They have a friend named Candy. It's just literally like, oh my gosh, Candy Johnson. She's so sweet. She did makeup. She was like a makeup group. Oh, I know her? Yes. Oh, my God. I love her. She told me how to cover a pimple. She's so sweet. I was on Nicole

Richie's reality show with her, like, randomly. That is so cool. We're all pretending to be friends. She's just a ray of sunshine. Like, she's so much fun, so much She has like a lot of grown kids, doesn't she? Yeah, I think she's got like four babies. Wow. Oh, I'm so jealous. I want like nine. You do? I want a million kids.

Wait, I read that you had, you were struggling with PMDD. Is that? Yeah. Can you like tell us about that? Like, are you better? PMDD, I'm going to have it basically forever until menopause starts or until I decide to remove my uterus, which I just like have been really hesitant about. I don't, I don't know if I'm going to be able to do that.

but it affects three to eight percent of women. They don't even quite know because it's similar, but way more severe than PMS. So like PMS, 80 percent of women are affected by PMS, and that's where you get like discomfort, your ability. You know, when your period and hormone shift, that's very normal and natural. And that's what I thought it was for years. I just thought that I had like on the scale, you know, some women don't have any cramps. Yeah. And some women have very severe cramps.

So I just thought like, oh, I'm just on the severe end. Like I'm just- Pain or mood or- Pain mood, everything. I just assumed for years that I just had really bad PMS, like, oh, that just sucks, whatever. But then I realized like, oh, wait, no, like, I'm getting these symptoms a week before my period, which doesn't make sense.

And it's often misdiagnosed for bipolar disorder because you're like yourself and happy and balanced and chill for like three weeks out of the month. And then this one week, you just, feel depression, you feel anxiety, and your whole body physically feels like it's going into withdrawal. That's the best way I can explain it. It's basically we have a disordered reaction to the progesterone dropping. Like our bodies have this weird reaction where it's almost like an allergic reaction and it makes our bodies feel like you are in withdrawal from Xanax and alcohol. What? And so you get really shaky, kind of like getting the first.

flu every month. Yeah. Like you get shaky, you get nauseous. My sister gets the period flu. Yeah. So she has like an uptick and like almost like a mild fever when she is like, you know, even a whole week out from her period, she starts feeling just, she has some version of PMDD. Yeah.

It's a reaction to the progesterone dropping. So when the progesterone drops in the body to prepare for your egg being released in things, most women don't have a reaction. but there's a small percentage of us where we have this disordered reaction to the drop. And our hormone is actually converted. The progesterone converts into another hormone. I can't remember the name. It's really long.

And it binds to a G-A-B-A, I call it. And then that's what is the same thing that binds to Xanax and alcohol. So it makes you feel like you're in withdrawal. And it's just the weirdest feeling. It's like the best way I can describe it to other women is like you are really irritable. you feel horrible, you feel like you have the flu, and you just kind of like want to check out for a week and just rest. Do you schedule your life around that specific week? Yeah, I have to now.

When I was younger, not so much. I just thought it was PMS and I just like that athlete mentality. I just like blazed through. We filmed TV shows, my HBO show. We just filmed all the way through and I just toughed it out. But now the symptoms are getting really severe. So I also learned that I turned 40 last year. And after 40, apparently the symptoms get severe.

I see. And 30% of women with PMDD try to commit suicide. Yeah. Just because when you're in that state, it's so uncomfortable. It's so painful. And your mind, you just go into a deep depression. And it's so weird because as soon as your period starts, the hormones flip. Yeah.

And you feel great. Euphoric even. Yeah. Like most of them are like, oh, I don't want to get my period. period, I want to get my period. Oh, cramps. And I'm like praying for it. I'm like, yes.

Because I feel like amazing as soon as it starts. Once the estrogen starts to creep up even a little bit. Yeah. So I'm really like a lot of specialists. So like most commonly women who are diagnosed go on a low dose of the SSRI just to keep you a little bit more even keel. And then you can also work with hormone replacement and working with a specialist in Beverly Hills who we take progesterone.

we're doing a little science there to see if it helps or if it's actually making the symptoms worse, up being the testosterone and everything just to try to keep everything more balanced. See, this is what I, you know, we were talking about just hormone replacement. Men have always had that at their disposal for so long. So they've never actually had to kind of deal with like what I consider my mom and a lot of my aunties to be a part of, which is like the lost generation. Because a lot of these women were told if you take hormones that you up your chances, of breast cancer and a lot of these other, you know, type of like serious things. And so you have a

whole group of women, whether it was PMDD or perimenopause or menopause who just never got the hormones that they needed. Their lifespan was shortened. Their quality of life was severely affected. It makes me sad because it's like you associate testosterone with just men needing that. But it's like, we need that. You know what makes me sad. It helps with everything. Yeah. is that there's finally like a really strong male doctor who is getting behind this for women. And then he was in the Epstein file. I know. Dr. Peter Attea.

He was like championing on 60 minutes. He was like, we got a. And finally everyone was listening because a man was finally telling the world that, hey, like women need these hormones. And they're not going to cause breast cancer and stop fear mongering. and then two weeks later he got got. But to be fair, he wasn't at the island. He was just Epstein's doctor and he was just being a, you know, he was just like, he was just being a little creepy on email.

But he wasn't, regardless. He wasn't one of the doctors who like. No, no, no, no, no. Not the UCLA doctor. Yeah, but the message still stands, I hope. Yeah. Like, there needs to be better messaging about hormone replacement therapy for women. Yeah, you need your estrogen, you need progestone, and you need your testosterone.

Sounds like are you. you sort of like still figuring out your treatment that works for you or what do you, is there anything you're doing? Yeah. Another thing that can really help is sometimes doctors will prescribe going on a birth control like Yaz. Yaz is the only one that FDA approved for PMDD treatment. And that's more just so that you will know exactly the day when your ludial phase starts. I would say for ladies, you probably understand these phases. Like men aren't a hormonal everyday cycle. There's is a 24-hour cycle hormonally. But women are on a monthly cycle.

My partner learned so much about this, like talking to our doctors and specialists and now really understands that. But that's like what I really try to tell every dude out there is that's how it's different. And those three elements are so important for balance. Like if women don't have enough testosterone, because most women, I think you're supposed to have a minimum of 50. but mine would drop to be 0.01. So I would drop to be so low where I had no energy, it was really fatigued. My sex drive went away.

I just felt like I was 85. Like it just like, I was like, you know, you ever want to retire and just like raise some cute goats by the beach and we could get a little beach house? And my partner's like, who are you? And then next week, my levels would go up. And I'd be like, yeah, let's, I got three shows to pitch. Like, what we could also do this?

We could open a bakery. And then, and he's like, what is happening with you? And I'm like, and it's so crazy because it's just testosterone. It controls even brain fog. Yeah. If your testosterone is too low for women, especially as you get older. Right now, that's why I were brain fog, yes, sir. Brain fogs, words on the tip of your tongue, but it's just not like,

do, da, da, da, da, da. Yeah, my word recall processing. As you're getting older, just know that, like, that could be a dip in testosterone. That for sure is what I'm experiencing right now. I was like, okay, this is either early onset dementia, which I hope it's not, or just like severe dip in testosterone. Why dip? Because it's like my brain feels like sludge.

Today, as I was asking my partner on the way out, on the way here, if something was in my purse. And it was like, hey, is my wallet in my purse or something like that? I asked, is my purse and I repeated it five times? And then he was like, what are you saying? I was like, is my fucking bag in my purse? And I doubled down and said the wrong thing like 13 times. And I was like, oh, like some things going on here where like I need some, some hormone something.

What do you think that's like breastfeeding? Do you think that's? Yeah. It's long term breastfeeding. It's a fact that I haven't had eight hours of sleep in almost two years. Oh, whoa. Right? Because like, sorry.

I don't want to scare you. You can stop breastfeeding any time. No, I totally. I'm going all the way. I'm going to 18. I'm with you. Gorgeous. But no, we need to get sleep still.

Yeah. I mean, I'm getting like at most like a four hour stretch, but it's very fractured, right? Yeah. It's just you're not, you know, you just, it won't last forever. It's just babyhood, toddlerhood. Right. But I've never felt so insecure about my like lack of memory. Short term is like completely out the window.

And I just can't find the word. words like ever but see okay so I have the like I can't find the words thing which is really embarrassing as a podcaster but I have the brain fog but I feel better breastfeeding right now because I'm not on my cycle and my cycle makes me a little crazy girl sometimes right I'm on that like I and I'm still learning about it I don't know I don't think I have PMDD I think I would know but like it definitely your cycle still messes you out like I'd rather have this Really? When you breastfeed, you don't have your period?

Not for a while. It eventually comes back. Mine came back at six months. Okay. So, you know, it will level out eventually. It could come in like six weeks a year. Like, it's really... When you were pregnant, did you have no issues?

I didn't like pregnancy. It's really weird. I feel like breastfeeding hormonally I'm really good at. I feel like you were really good hormonally pregnant. Pregnant? I felt like my therapist said, whatever, we should take your hormone. We should check your hormones now because whatever concoction and levels you're at is giving you a perfect brain. I felt like happy, invincible, calm, like all the things I hadn't felt.

Like my anxiety was out the window. Like I went into give birth and I was like, you're glowing. I was pretty. I was gorgeous. Yeah. And she didn't feel that. I felt that very much. And then when postpartum hit, I was like, oh, these are the pits of hell.

Like I was crying every day just like this is scary. That's more consistent with PMDD. So the one time that PMDD disappears is when you're pregnant. As soon as you get pregnant, all your symptoms go away. And they said it's going to be like your most happy, stable eight months of your life. Interesting. And as soon as you get birth, you're almost guaranteed if you have PMDD to have really bad postpartum. Because that hormonal shift, which your body is so sensitive to and has a reaction, is going to have a major reaction.

That sounds about right for me. Yeah. And I think that maybe I've dismissed the idea of PMDD for most of my life because I'm not like a heavy bleeder and I don't have like severe cramping. But I. She has a pick me period. I have a very pick me period. But I feel horrible on the inside. I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like I'm the ugliest person I've ever seen. I'm disgusting. I will not leave the house. I call my friends if we if we make plans for instance and it just happens to fall under the wrong day on my ludial phase. I'm like I have a bad attitude. mental health day, you're not going to see me for a couple. Like, I feel that cruddy about myself, but it's, I take it out on myself. That sounds like PMD. I know, but it's like the athlete thing. You don't have to have all the symptoms. It's just like there's, I think there's six of them and there's so many symptoms.

But if you have six at the same time, that's usually it. I might be. Olivia, are you, do you have any like dips or are you just like? Um. She's like, you know, her face. Like, I'll know. that I'm probably getting my period or it'll make sense like four days after I have a breakdown. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I love that. I don't like mark it in my calendar when it's coming.

Oh, you have a young, you're playing a young girl's game. I'll be like upset about something and I'll be like, oh, like probably. Yeah. Or when you finally see it and you're like, oh, that makes sense. Yeah. That's why I was crying. I'm sorry girl. Like I guess you were right. Like, yeah. You're the most like glowing gorgeous woman ever that like breaks my I swear I should add that when I gave birth I got Bels palsy so I think that added to the mental decline of postpartum but thank you for saying that but you said something really interesting to me which is I cannot wait till I see the first drop of blood because I know I'm going to feel immediately better you taught me that yes I'm like wait you're going to get your period congratulation you got as soon as you start bleeding what do I say congrats you're like this is great you're going to feel better where I'm usually like day one of my period I'm like this is means for me that

That means like I'm having a really bad crampy day all day. Like need to be at home. But you would always be like, this is good. Oh, whoa. I identify with you about this. That's PMS. And then what we feel is more PMDD. Oh, scary.

Yeah. And there's different even levels of PMDD. Like some people have very light symptoms, medium symptoms to severe. And just as I've been getting older, it's been getting really severe. And it's starting to scare me a little bit. And so I think in the next couple of years, I'm going to have to make some decisions. Yeah. Like, because I don't know if I can make it until I'm 50 for when menopause starts.

I don't know if I can go a decade. Like, it gets pretty bad. Is the solution, like, a hysterectomy is what you're? Yeah. And I've froze my eggs. So I did, like, freezing my egg session. And I have 24 healthy eggs. Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh. So I feel kind of like, maybe I'll do one more round. and then I'll have like 50 of them and then I can yeah and then I like 50 baby but I'm just nervous it's such a huge decision I think that's also like kind of stopping me but to have quality of life above all right like because my sister's going through that right now she's kind of she has a couple of autoimmune stuff happening but she's committed to getting the hysterectomy she's like I can't live like this anymore yeah so she's gonna probably get it this year or next year do you feel like you want to do pregnancy like or try for it? it because what might feel nice for your brain i literally want like nine babies so i'm just like i want all the little babies so it just hasn't happened so i see it's just it's a bummer but so those are like things i have i have to figure out yeah that i before i was like oh i have so much time i froze my eggs i'm fine i'm fine and now i'm like oh wait my symptoms like got very severe and changed and i am working with uh dr katy underforth she is the director of woman

Health at UCLA and this is her specialty like that's what she is she specializes in as women with PMDD and postpartum and she just said that my case of it is is severe and it's one of the more severs that she's seen and she said that I definitely am going to have like really struggle with postpartum if I do carry so just keeping in mind that there's different options like surrogacy and and things like that, which I'm not opposed to. I just, that's just didn't how I envisioned it. Right, right. I thought I was getting at my little bowling ball and I was going to be my little,

my little round self rolling around. And I don't know. It's just, it's not how I envisioned it. But like, I think, yeah, I changed after 40. The symptoms got really severe. Thank you for sharing all of this, though. Because I feel as though, like a lot of women really do just like grin and bear through it all because it just gets chalked up as.

you're on your period and that's it and just deal with it right there's so many varying degrees of this PMDD that it can be mild but it can also be like catastrophic to um you know just your mental health so um i really appreciate you just kind of being open about that thank you i appreciate i feel like it's really important not just for women to hear about it but also for spouses because a lot of woman with PMDD, especially when they hit 40, the symptoms get severely worse until menopause. I had never heard that. I've heard about spouses and, you know, they have a lot of divorces during this time because the like partners are like, wait a minute, like, who are you? Where's my wife? Like, what happened? Um, because this is just like really not normal behavior. You know, the ups and downs are so

much and they don't understand and there's just so much more conflict. And it causes, a lot of breakups, a lot of divorces during this time. And I think like it's just good for women to know, but also their partners so that they can understand what's going on with them and that there are treatment options that can really help, like dull things, get more stable. I really feel like that's the least, boys, if you're listening, that's the least you can do.

Track her period. Like I tell my man, track my shit just so you're not, you know. Don't tell me about it. There's apps. Don't you dare. If they're like, well, this is. It's like shut off. Don't you dare.

I know. But track it so that I have, I don't have to explain why I'm ripping your head off today. Totally. Just like. And also another thing, I have a trainer, Marlon, who is the best because he tracks my period. Our workouts are according to what my body needs that day. And I'm not going to be doing the wrong thing. I'm not going to be doing hit training on day one of my flow.

Like shit like that where it's like there's so many. things and adjustments you can make if you just are a little bit smarter about your shit, guys. Yeah, guys, Luteal phase. Ludo on the calendar. However, that's when it changes for me. That's when I'm like, ugh. Have you seen the men on Instagram reels who are like weaponizing the Ludial face? What?

Yes, they're using it for good. They're like, when my girl's on her Ludial face and I know what that means. And it's like, what does it mean? Like, shut up. Stop talking about me. That's how it feels for me. Gross. But when we were on our like girls trip for the health retreat, I heard Roe telling women about her PMDD.

And there were like two or three women in a group of like 30 who were like, that has to be what I've been dealing with. One of the gals went and got diagnosed. Yeah. So there are so many women who are just struggling and don't talk about it. I'm definitely starting to hear it more from like privately with my girlfriends. And so when I saw that you had it. you're so well spoken about it like it's really helpful to hear i feel like i've learned so much wait what was the health retreat you guys went on calivie yeah i went to calivie was so nice and we're

actually going on another one come next time you guys come to a next girl one there's one in me i can't wait you're fucking losers you and me we're nothing we're zero we're zeros yeah we're zero's 10 it helps it helps so much with like everything and honestly I want to be a mama so bad, you guys. So, like, that's something you guys have going on that I'm just, like, positive, like, positive about it. But it's, like, oh, I want that so much. You will be.

And it's just, like, it's so frustrating. It just, like, hasn't happened, you know? Yeah, that's really hard. It's a bummer. It's really also so refreshing that you're speaking on that and sharing that because, you know, when I've been, like, I post a lot about, like, my pregnancy and motherhood and stuff. And like I always try to like throw in there like I know that this this content can be triggering for people who are trying or they're, you know, they're not where they want to be on that journey. Like that was me when I had this like really traumatizing miscarriage like five years ago.

And that was so hard on me that I decided I was going to not have kids after that. And I just I'm just always so grateful when women do speak out about it because when I did have my miscarriage, you know what the first thing I did was is I called. the like three acquaintances that I knew that had posted about their miscarriages. I was like, I barely know. I was like, I barely know them. I remember they posted this. And then I just like, they were there for me. And I just think it's so important.

I also just love any of the content around the trying to conceive. I don't know. There is something really sweet and inspiring about saying out loud like this is what I want. Because I think that sometimes the fear of thinking you may not have it makes you not say it all. And I like that you say it. And even and you accepting that, hey, if I hope it happens, it may not, these are the things happening in my life is so like, I feel like relatable to a lot of women. Yeah. And I feel like if I just can't get there and even like with all the frozen eggs, they're all really healthy eggs. But like if it just doesn't happen, I'm not even ruling out

adoption. I think I'm really open to that. And I would love that. So I'm, I'm trying more natural ways first and then adding a little nerdiness in science and then you know I'm like I'm open to everything so I'm just like trying to see how it's going to play out yeah nothing has made me more open to adoption and like understanding of adoption than having my own child because I realized through raising my daughter like the love is not because she's mine the love is because it's not because she came from me it's because she's like my baby that I take care of. Like that's what it is. It's the same like with my dog.

Like I didn't get birth to my dog, but like that's my dog. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Like it's your baby. You're raising it. Like that's your baby. I don't know.

It's really much more about that than I ever thought. Does that? I mean, you know me in adoption. You already knew that. Yeah. I have, um, my oldest sister is adopted, but I knew from the age of 10 that I was for sure going to adopt. And I'm still on that, you know, journey and that's still very much like a goal of mine. So I love adoption stories. I love foster stories. You see those women who just get the phone call

and they're like, hey, we have this like, Nick you baby. Can you be her foster mama? And they just come. They drop everything. Like, that's what I want to do. Yeah. I did not realize until I became a mom, like what that's about. Like that is, that's what it, that's where it's at. Yeah. The idea that there's just like a baby with no one is the most like earth-shattering thought to me and I'm like wait a second like I look at my son I'm like there's someone like you with no mama and papa like this can't be right I was so selfish before I was like the reason that I will like my child is because it will be me but many and it's not that she'll still be me but many yeah she's from yeah exactly exactly it's true I love that. I have really high estrogen. That's the one thing I do have going for me. It's like way too high. So I will like mother and aunt. Like I do have some problems with that. Like we, my partner had to like cut me off of adopting dogs. He's like we're at LA's legal limit. How many dogs do you have three bulldogs? That's at least legal limit. Yeah. You're only supposed to have three. But technically I told me that like the house. I was like the house we build in the back technically has its own address. So we. We're only supposed to have three. But technically has its own address. So we're. I was like the house we built in the back technically has its own address. So we. So we're. So we're.

We could have six. Yeah, no, I get that. I have a, well, I had four dogs for a while, but I'm fostering a dog right now. But I'm constantly fostering dogs. So there have been, we passed a legal limit many times. But, you know, they can shut up about that. Because Karen Bass, what the fuck are you doing about dogs in the shelters anyway? So, like, suck my dick.

Like, I'm doing something about it. It's just, like, so good. And then we had to take a break for our mental health because that's when my PMDD just like changed it was yeah literally my birthday 40 like clockwork like science it was that birthday was the hardest month of my life um other than losing my dad like that was just it really hit so hard and so fast and it really just knocked me off it wasn't just the regular symptoms it was just like severe depression severe anxiety and i really struggled like that was it just changed everything it was like, oh, and that's why I want so many people to know more about it because like if you get

treatment, it can save not only like women's mental health, but it can save relationships. Yeah. It could keep marriages together. It could keep families together because like when that happens, it's so out of your control. It's literally this huge hormonal reaction, which you have no control over. And some women say that they feel like they turn into a werewolf. because it's like some women feel like anger and airability. I'm more struggle with like sadness.

Like it's depression and anxiety. That's kind of like more where I live. That's what my body does. That's why I also, I don't mind being friends with bitches. I literally ladies, if there's any bitchy ladies out there, I love you. Over here, I'm in the Werewolf Club. Like if you're sad, mad, I don't care. I get it.

So I grew up in the Philippines and there's a term, We use the actual scientific term, which is like dysmenorrhea. In the Philippines, they say dysmenoria. But when you see a girl and she's having a bad day, you literally just have to say, oh, she has dismay. And then they'll excuse everything. You can go home. You can have a bad attitude. You can be a bitch to anyone.

And people just get it. They're like, oh, she has, you know, dismay. I like that. You stop stretching those fingers everywhere. Stop being jealous of my perfect Ailer Danlos. your piano fingers. They're hitting me. I'm so sad that we have to go because we have a time constraint today.

But you guys have to come back for part 75. Literally would die too. Like literally we're obsessed. This is like a match rate in heaven. I'm so glad that we found each other. And people need to listen to your podcast. We're having so much fun. We're being so sassy.

I love this matchup too. I love that you. You guys are different as hell. know nothing about pop culture and you have a direct like plug into what's happening today. So that's really cool. I feel like I need a little bit of you and a little bit of you in my life. A little less of me. A little less of Esther.

All of us. One big group. We love you guys. Go listen to their podcast, Ridiculous. Yes. Yes. And we'll as always see you next week with a brand new episode. Thank you.

Thank you. You know, BORNANI, BOR. BOR. You know, BOR, BOR,

BOR, BOR, BOR. Thank you.